


All That Remains

by rarmaster



Series: FtPverse [5]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Families of Choice, Found Families, Gen, everything's low-key gay, just one long story about recovery tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-12-19 16:33:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 120
Words: 349,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11901714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarmaster/pseuds/rarmaster
Summary: The road to recovery is a long one, with many bumps and turns. What do you do, when the choices you made leave a lasting, irreversible mark on your life? How do you live?Riku learns to move on. Sora deals with the consequences of a choice he made about his Shadow. Namine struggles to keep moving, after what she faced. Kairi tries to help, but isn't entirely sure how. And... Xehanort's supposed to be coming back. Will any of them really be ready for that?





	1. In which Namine has a nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> first, the violence tag is here for a Specific Chapter of Part 1, and then after that it's my usual rule of "there are a few battles and I don't THINK they're graphic but, they are battles,"
> 
> ATR doesn't have as much content as Dead Inside does, [but you can find what content there IS for it here!](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/164586437005/quick-where-can-i-find-content-for-atr-post) One of these days I'll organize ATR things more efficiently, hopefully,
> 
> Finally I'm, probably talking too much but! I've tagged ATR as a genfic despite there being a romance or two in here (romance and half, really,) because it's! important to me!!! I've been fleshing out a lot of dynamics in ATR and there's a million good friendships / family things going on that mean a lot to me. Do you want to see the FtP main four interacting more? More of Riku and Aerith, as well as secret best sibling-ship Riku and Yuffie?? THERE'S THAT IN HERE, AND A LOT MORE!!!

* * *

**Part 1**

_**Revenge** _

* * *

 

It was less a set of images, and more a set of feelings and barely grasped sounds that plagued Namine’s nightmares. That didn’t mean she didn’t recognize what was going on. She’d had this nightmare before.

_The sense of darkness filling the room, grating against her skin…_

_The feeling of something being very, very wrong…_

_Horror._

_A sense of throwing herself forward—was that a blast of darkness she was stopping? A bolt of lightning? She couldn’t tell._

_Riku’s face was always the clearest. Grinning widely, but the grin wasn’t his. His lips never curled like that. His eyes never glinted with that sort of malice._

_Larxene was always there, too. Laughing? Screaming? Namine could never tell._

_“Don’t struggle. It’ll only make things worse.”_

_Larxene’s words. Riku’s voice._

Namine woke up screaming.

It wasn’t a surprise to find herself on the floor in Kairi’s room, but it wasn’t exactly a comfort either. They’d fallen asleep here last night—all four of them. Her, Riku, Sora and Kairi. She and Riku had come to tell Sora and Kairi that they intended to move to Hollow Bastion. Somewhere during the conversation they got wrapped up in telling each other what they’d all been doing for the past six or so months. The conversation took so long that the obvious answer was just to spend the night. She and Riku didn’t normally need nearly as much sleep as Sora and Kairi did, being Replicas, but they were just as exhausted that night, so sleep came easy.

Riku was the first to be woken by Namine’s scream—that didn’t come as a surprise either. Namine found herself jolting away from him when he reached to comfort her. The image of darkness pouring from his fingertips still burned in her mind. The sound of someone shrieking. The sound of his laughter. She could almost still see the horrible smile on his face, despite the fact his features were all pinched with concern.

“N… Namine?” Sora asked, sitting up groggily. “Everything okay?”

“Just- just a nightmare,” Namine assure him. Assured all of them. Kairi was pushing herself up, too, blinking at the sunlight streaming through cracks of the window curtains. Riku still studied her, looking worried, but he didn’t press the matter at least.

“Oh.” Sora yawned, rubbing his mouth. “Should we get up, Kai? The sun looks like it’s high enough…”

“Wouldn’t hurt to get up now,” Kairi replied. She rubbed the crust of sleep from her eyes. She studied Namine, too, her mouth turned down in a frown.

“Y’sure you’re okay?” Riku asked. He didn’t try and comfort her this time. Namine felt relief flood through her, though she felt terrible about it once it had. Riku wasn’t _dangerous._ Well… not to her, anyway. She shouldn’t be so… terrified…

“I’m fine,” she lied.

How was she supposed to tell him—tell any of them—the visions she saw in her sleep? She couldn’t think of a way, so she just wouldn’t.

Kairi kept sending Namine worried and distrustful looks. Namine shifted uncomfortably, and was _very_ grateful when Kairi didn’t open her mouth to say anything. Kairi’s attention turned to Sora instead. After an initial look of confusion, understanding passed through Sora’s face. Namine still wasn’t quite sure how they did that. How they communicated with their eyes alone. It must’ve come from knowing each other for so long.

“Hey Riku!” Sora said, jumping to his feet. “I think Kairi’s dad is making pancakes—maybe we should go help.”

Riku sent a nervous glance at Namine. She said nothing.

“Well, uh,” Riku stammered.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Sora said. He grabbed Riku by the arm and dragged him to his feet. “The girls’ve gotta get dressed, anyway.”

Riku stammered a few more feeble protests, but Sora still succeeded in dragging him out of the room and down the stairs.

“Alright, cut the act and tell me what’s up,” Kairi said, looking directly at Namine. Namine sunk down where she was sitting, her heart pounding in her chest.

“J- just a nightmare,” she mumbled.

“Then tell me what’s so horrible about it that’s making you look at Riku like that.”

Namine’s throat seized. Had she really been looking at Riku funny? How funny? Had he noticed? Had she upset him? Scared him? She’d obviously worried him…

“Here.” Kairi sat down over on Namine’s bed. Namine wasn’t exactly surprised by that, considering the bed was closer to where Kairi’d initially been sitting, plus was lower to the ground. It’d initially been just a mattress, dragged up here for when Sora spent the night. When Namine’d moved in, Kairi’s father had insisted on getting a bedframe for it.

Namine went over to sit down next to Kairi. She rubbed the palm of her hand with her thumb, looking around the room. It was hardly a comfort to be back here, though she definitely preferred this room much more to the one she’d stayed in at Castle Oblivion. (Anything would be better than Castle Oblivion, actually.)

The room was small, really only meant for one person. Kairi’s bed was against the opposite wall, and there was a dresser crammed next to it. The dresser only barely fit, but there was nowhere else to put it. The wall to the left was near completely occupied with the window, and the wall on the right had the door. As it was, you couldn’t stand at the dresser without risking having the door hit you from behind when it opened.

There was a dresser at the end of Namine’s bed, too, though it was much smaller than Kairi’s dresser. Not that Namine minded—Kairi had a lot more clothes than she did. (That was largely Namine’d only been living here six or so months, opposed to Kairi, who’d accumulated clothes over the past 14 years.) A single glance told her that her stash of sketchbooks was still safe, wedged between her bed and her dresser.

“C’mon, Namine,” Kairi said, snaring Namine’s attention again. “Sora’s only gonna be able to distract Riku for so long. You gotta tell me what’s up.”

Namine shifted uncomfortably.

Kairi looked at her expectantly.

“Well?”

“I- I’ve been having nightmares,” Namine mumbled.

“No duh.”

Namine’s shoulders hunched, and she stared down at her lap. “Well- they- they’ve been… been about Riku…”

“So that’s why you don’t want to tell him?” Kairi’s voice softened as she said it, and she shifted closer to Namine. She didn’t reach out to comfort Namine, and their skin hardly touched, but there was still something _comforting_ about sitting next to Kairi. The solidarity. The familiarity.

“Less… I don’t wanna tell him… and more… I don’t know how to,” Namine said.

Understanding crossed Kairi’s features.

“Is he dead in them?” she whispered. “Hurt? Or… you’re… _Rewritten_ and—”

“NO!” Namine interrupted, horrified. She shuddered at the thought. She’d never even considered having nightmares about being Rewritten—though that had only happened days ago. She’d been trying not to think about it too much. And even then, these other nightmares… they’d been plaguing her for so long that the images played in her eyes almost every time she closed them.

“…then what?” Kairi asked, gently.

Namine swallowed. Her eyes darted to the doorway. She lowered her voice to the quietest whisper.

“He’s- he’s _terrifying_ in them,” she explained. “And I see them all the time I’ve… I’ve had this nightmare so many times. The same thing every time. He’s…” She shook her head. This was hard to pull together—no. Hard to admit. “He’s… He’s bathed in darkness he’s grinning like a maniac and- and he’s attacking someone. Always. It- It looks like- like Larxene.”

Namine struggled to say the words, despite knowing that the words meant nothing to Kairi. She didn’t know Larxene. Didn’t know all the things that Larxene had done to Riku. And saying that Riku was _only_ attacking Larxene in her nightmares? That was putting it lightly. The details just made Namine’s stomach too queasy to formulate into real words.

She didn’t want to tell Kairi how much Riku wanted to make Larxene hurt.

How much this revenge meant to him.

 _“Do you think scaring Larxene is a bad idea?”_ he’d asked, _ages_ ago. _“I’ve got all this extra power. This extra darkness. I bet I could figure out a way to scare her with it.”_

He’d said scare.

He’d meant so much more.

But how was she supposed to tell that to Kairi? She didn’t _want_ to tell all that to Kairi, didn’t want to find the words to explain the situation in its depth. That made it all seem too real. She wasn’t ready for that yet. Wasn’t ready to consider it happening. Just telling Kairi about the nightmares was hard enough.

“Well… they’re just nightmares…” Kairi said slowly. The words made Namine’s heart clench in her chest. _If only._ “I… I know they’re terrifying, but—”

“I wish. _I wish,_ ” Namine interrupted. “And- and maybe- maybe they are. But I’ve got… this feeling… like a dark cloud hanging over my head. Like a storm- a storm just about to break, I—” She sighed. “I don’t know…”

Kairi studied her, as if trying to puzzle out the pieces of her thoughts, as if they were etched on her face. “…you don’t think he actually…. would…?” she asked, haltingly.

Namine just shrugged, wearily. “I wouldn’t put it… past him…”

Kairi looked at her firmly.

“Do you want to keep him from doing it?”

“Y-yes!”

The word caught in Namine’s throat.

“Then you should talk to him.”

“He’s gonna write it off as nightmares!”

“Or maybe not.” Kairi’s gaze only got firmer. “Who knows? You should tell him.”

Namine shifted where she was sitting.

“And tell him… what? That… I don’t want him doing it?”

It sounded so simple. Few things had ever scared Namine more.

“ _Yes!_ ” Kairi shouted.

Namine jumped.

“Kairi! Not so loud!” she scolded, quickly. Her eyes darted to the door again. If Riku heard….

“No one’s gonna hear us,” Kairi laughed.

 “You’d be surprised how good Riku’s hearing is.”

Maybe being able to hear them from all the way downstairs was a _bit_ of a stretch, but... better safe than sorry. Especially about this. Though maybe it’d be easier if Riku _did_ overhear… Then he’d know without her having to tell him.

Kairi grimaced, but when she spoke it was much softer.

“Okay but you _have_ to talk to him about this!”

Namine clutched her hands together, and stared at the floor in front of her. Talking to Riku about this was the last thing she wanted to. She’d tried to once, and he’d blown her off. Dismissed her worries as nothing.

“You don’t understand how much this means to him…” she told Kairi. “How much revenge means to him… what she _did_ to him…”

“No, I don’t,” Kairi admitted. Her tone didn’t waver. “But I know revenge _isn’t the answer—_ it can’t be.”

Namine said nothing.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

She looked up at Kairi, surprised.

“No!” she protested. “N- No. He’ll… he’ll get all upset about the fact that I told you before I told him and that it’s not me talking to him and—”

Kairi gaped at her. “ _So_? That’s not- that’s… not even…” She shook her head, hard enough to whip her hair around a little. “Why would you even _consider_ that? Why would you even…? Namine. It doesn’t work like that. Who cares about his feeling so long as we get him to stop?”

 _I do,_ Namine said, silently. Out loud she said: “He may not take it as well from you.”

“ _So?_ ” Kairi repeated.

“I just…”

“Who _will_ he take it from?”

Namine shrugged.

“Namine, _please,_ you need to talk to him.”

“Maybe it is just nightmares…”

“ _Namine!_ ”

Namine clenched her hands into fists. Tried to look Kairi in the eyes.

“I mean- it’s not like… I may be overreacting.” She stumbled over her words, unfortunately, which made her argument so much less convincing. She swallowed the _I don’t know_ that formed on her lips after that. That would only put her in a worse position.

“You should still talk to him,” Kairi said. She didn’t even blink at Namine’s protest.

“Even if it won’t happen?”

“Better safe than sorry.”

Namine chewed her tongue. She was probably overreacting. It wasn’t going to happen—it _couldn’t_ happen. And even if it _was_ going to… what would they do, really? They couldn’t deter Riku. They couldn’t.

Kairi got to her feet.

“I’ll go talk to him.”

“No, wait!” Namine jumped to her feet, too. “No!”

Kairi paused at the doorway. She sent a look back at Namine, hands on her hips, mouth tight. “Then _what?_ ”

Namine rubbed her fingers together. “I… I’ll do it,” she said. “I will. I just. I’ve gotta figure out how to… how to tell him. This isn’t- this isn’t exactly _easy_ to… to put into words.”

Maybe if she drew it, it’d make him believe it more. But the thought of putting this on paper made her want to puke. And even if she _did,_ and even if he _believed_ it would happen, would it dissuade him? Or would it only encourage him?

Kairi huffed. “Fine.” She didn’t look happy to say it, and she marched over to her dresser and opened a drawer furiously. “ _Fine!_ But come to me if you need any help. And if you- if you haven’t told him in a week, and the nightmares haven’t stopped, I’ll… I’ll tell him then!”

Namine swallowed.

“Okay.”

She moved to her dresser to rummage out clothes to change into, too.

 

**xxx**

 

“What was that about?” Riku asked, the moment Namine’s foot hit the bottom step. Her heart seized again. It felt like his gaze would bore right through her and dig the truth out.

“It’s… nothing,” she told him, trying not to stutter. “Just nightmares.” She directed the last bit at Kairi’s father—a kind man named Ren—who’d sent her a worried look. His face softened instantly. Riku’s didn’t.

Breakfast went well, for the most part. Riku kept sending her worried looks, and Namine kept ignoring them. Kairi gave her a dirty look once, but once Namine had mouthed _‘now’s not the time’_ at her she’d let the matter drop.

“We’re all going shopping for clothes after this, aren’t we?” Sora asked around a mouthful of pancakes. “I know we all need new ones.”

“Riku’s paying,” Namine said, hardly hesitating. Maybe it’d distract him…

“ _Hey!_ ” he protested. The dirty look he sent her was mostly teasing.

“It’s not like you don’t have the munny,” she replied.

Riku grumbled, but didn’t protest further.

“He doesn’t _have_ to pay,” Kairi’s father began.

“It’s alright,” Riku said, waving the matter away with his hand. “I’ve got more than enough to cover it.”

“How much do you have?” Sora asked.

“Somewhere over a hundred and fifty thousand,” Riku replied. Sora let out a low whistle.

Kairi got to her feet. “Well, let’s go!”


	2. In which Riku and Namine move into a new home

“At least you remembered to use the door this time,” Namine laughed, sending a glance up at Riku.

He hunched his shoulders, and shifted the bag that was slung over his back. The bag really only contained their new clothes—the ones they weren’t wearing, of course—along with a smaller sack that contained Riku’s munny. He still had somewhere close to a hundred thousand, even after buying over a week’s worth of clothes for all four of them. Namine had a smaller bag Kairi’d given her, which held all of her sketchbooks and pencils.

Sora and Kairi hadn’t been too upset about them deciding not to stay on Destiny Islands in favor of moving to Hollow Bastion. Well, Kairi’d been upset—and rightly so. Namine had been on the fence about the move, too, but it just felt _right_ to be going with Riku. Kairi’s father had been a lot easier to convince than Kairi, at least. In fact, he’d been the one to finally get Kairi to warm up to the idea.

“People you love have to move on sometimes,” he’d said, with a good natured chuckle. “There’s nothing you can do but let them go. Besides, from the sounds of it, it’s not like you won’t be seeing her again.”

Namine smiled fondly at the memory. Kairi’s father really was a good man.

Riku sighed on the step to Aerith’s door, his free hand raised to knock. He hesitated for a long moment.

“Hmm?” Namine sent quizzical look at him.

“Nervous,” he mumbled. There was an uneasy smile on his face. “What if she says no?”

“She won’t.”

“Maybe it’s too much to ask…”

“Riku.”

He lowered his hand. Namine sighed and knocked instead. Riku about jumped out of his skin, but he didn’t say anything. The door was thrown open, and before either of them could say anything, Aerith had pulled Riku into a hug.

“Thank goodness you’re okay!” she exclaimed.

Riku went pale. “Oh,” was all he said.

Namine laughed nervously, once she’d thought about it. Riku’d been in Hollow Bastion when she’d been kidnapped by Organization 13 about three days ago. Obviously he’d departed from there, and probably worried everyone in the process. He hadn’t returned since then.

Aerith let go of Riku, then immediately hugged Namine, too.

“S-sorry I didn’t stop by,” Riku stammered. He coughed nervously. “I- I forgot. Sorry.”

“Oh don’t fret over it,” Aerith told him. “The important bit is that you’re okay now and everyone can stop worrying! Come on in, come on in—” She stepped aside and waved them inside, pausing only after she’d shut the door. “Ah… what’s with the bags?”

“Is tha’ Riku ‘n Namine?” Cid called. He was in the kitchen, from the sounds of it.

“Did they bring Sora? Or Kairi?” Cloud asked, stepping out into the living room.

“Do I need’ta make more sandwiches?” Cid called.

Aerith grimaced about being interrupted before her question could be answered, but she said nothing.

“Sora and Kairi stayed home—on Destiny Islands,” Namine explained. “They’re both okay.”

“Do you want to talk to them?” Riku said. He shifted uncomfortably. The color still hadn’t returned to his cheeks.

“Eventually, it might be nice, but you don’t have to go get them right now or anything,” Tifa said. She pushed past Cloud and plopped down on one of the couches. “How are you two doing, huh? Get everything sorted out?”

Riku nodded. “It, uh-”

“Yeah,” Namine said.

Riku sent her a look.

“We did get everything sorted, and we’re doing okay,” Namine said, to further clarify. “It’s… y’know… What happened is a long story and I’d… I’d rather not…”

… _talk about being Rewritten._

Riku’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her, but finally he looked away. He didn’t say anything more on the matter. Namine studied him a moment, trying to discern his thoughts. She came up with nothing. Oh well.

 _There’s also the nightmares to consider…_ Namine thought, with a small sigh. She sent a sideways look at Aerith. She’d promised Aerith a while ago that if the nightmares became more of a problem, she’d tell. But… no. They weren’t a problem. They were just nightmares.

_I hope._

“The bags?” Aerith repeated.

“Ah… well…” Riku shifted from foot to foot. “We- we were-” He coughed. “Can we… move in?”

Aerith blanched. “Uh—” she began, but didn’t finish.

Namine could almost feel the dread wash over Riku. His shoulders sagged and he let out a frustrated little breath—it was almost too quiet to hear, and she might not have heard it if she hadn’t known what it sounded like.

“No no! It’s fine!” Aerith said, quickly. “It’s fine. I don’t mind if you do—of course I don’t!—I just. It. There’s…”

“It’s not like we don’t have the room,” Cid called. “People can share! This house is _huge,_ Aerith. Practically what it was made for!”

“I was just trying to figure out _who_ would share,” Aerith finished, sounding a little upset that she’d been interrupted, _again._ Namine didn’t blame her.

“Me and Cloud can share,” Tifa said.

“It’s not like we’re staying much longer anyway,” Cloud added. “Probably.”

“Me and Riku can share,” Namine said. Riku looked over at her, startled, but after a second more his features fell to consideration, then agreement. He nodded.

Aerith hummed to herself as she considered it, and before long, she was nodding as well. “Yes it… That’ll work. That will work. Someone will have to drag a cot up to the other spare room, though—”

“Not me!” Cid yelled. Not that he exactly needed to, given how close the kitchen was to the living room. “I shouldn’ be liftin’ things, ‘n I _definitely_ shouldn’ be draggin’ cots up the stairs.”

“I wasn’t asking you to, Cid,” Aerith assured him. “I’ll ask Leon when he and Yuffie get back from rounds…”

“Am I not here?” Cloud asked, a touch of humor to his tone.

“Wh- oh! Right.” Aerith laughed, nervously. “Would you mind, Cloud?”

“Not at all.” Cloud moved to open one of the doors by the stairs. Storage.

Aerith nodded. “Riku, you’ll probably have to help—”

“I can do it.” Tifa got to her feet. “The two of us got the other cot up the stairs just fine the other day—I’m sure we can manage this one.”

“Right,” Aerith said. “I suppose that’s for the better, in hindsight, Riku. Your shoulder…”

Namine watched as Cloud and Tifa wrestled a cot out of the storage room, maneuvering it to the stairs with little argument. Tifa’s strength easily matched Cloud’s, and they were nearly the same height, so they made maneuvering the cot look easy. That, or the cot was just _meant_ to be moved around. Namine’s attention was drawn back to the current conversation when Riku asked:

“So… why _is_ your house so big, Aerith?”

Aerith considered the question a moment, grimacing.

“Jus’ give ‘em the short version!” Cid told her, poking his head out into the living room.

Aerith nodded. “My mother ran a sort of healing business,” she explained. “Not that… _business_ is probably the right word, considering she very rarely accepted pay. And there _used_ to be a hospital here, when the city was bigger, but—”

“The short version!” Cid interrupted.

“Right, right!” Aerith waved her hand dismissively in his direction, and sighed a little. “She needed more room to hold all the patients, so she bought this house.”

“But if the city had a hospital…” Riku began.

“See, Cid, they _were_ curious,” Aerith said. Her tone carried no more than mild exasperation. “Not everyone could afford hospital bills, Riku, and most people didn’t see the point in troubling doctors with minor cuts or headaches. Plus, in emergencies, sometimes we were closer.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Riku said.

Namine nodded, assuring them all that it made sense to her, too.

“So if you two are movin’ in, does that mean tha’ rebellion o’ yours is over?” Cid asked.

“Yeah,” Riku said.

Namine waited for him to go into further explanation, only to realize that he didn’t intend to. Though… there wasn’t much further to _say_ on the matter—not of the Rebellion anyway. The Organization was dead. The whole thing ended on that.

 _And I don’t think he’s too keen on mentioning me being Rewritten…_ Namine thought. She was grateful for that. She wasn’t keen on mentioning it either.

“You really don’t mind if we’re staying?” Riku pressed. “I mean, it is long term and—”

Aerith didn’t let him finish. “It’s fine,” she assured him. “I promise you, you’re always welcome here. Oh! That’s right, you’ll need sheets for that cot. Excuse me.” She headed up the stairs. Cloud and Tifa had clearly managed to get the cot up there without an issue, considering they were nowhere in sight and Namine didn’t hear Aerith say anything to them when she reached the top of the stairs.

“I have’teh ask, though,” Cid said, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “Why is it yeh don’t wanna stay on Destiny Islands?”

“It’s boring,” Riku answered.

“Ah.”

Cid didn’t even press the matter further.

“Yeh want sandwiches?” he asked.

“No thank you,” Namine said. “We had a big breakfast—well. I don’t want one. Riku…?”

He shook his head. “Nah.”

She elbowed him.

“Thanks, though,” he added, sparing a second to send an annoyed look at her.

“Uh-huh.” Cid ducked back into the kitchen.

“See, I said it’d be okay,” Namine said, quietly. She nudged Riku again, gentler this time, and beamed up at him. He smiled back, though he honestly looked like he couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

“Alright!” Aerith came down the stairs again. “The room’s all set up! It’s the one you’re usually in, Riku. Do you need help carrying anything? Have any other bags?”

Riku and Namine both shook their heads. Riku hefted the bag over his shoulder.

“This is all we got.”

The room ended up being set up much like Kairi’s room, back on Destiny Islands. Or, the beds were in the same places, anyway. The big bed, or, the _real_ bed, was on the right, and the cot on the left. The dresser was up against the remaining wall, under a small window. It was the only dresser. Namine was glad that neither she nor Riku had a lot of clothes.

“Which half of the dresser do you want?” she asked, starting to unpack their clothes. Riku could’ve done it, she supposed, but she figured she’d save him the embarrassment of having to handle her underwear.

“I- I don’t-”

“Oh, you should have the top half, since you’re so tall. Duh!”

“Namine I don’t care.”

“Neither do I. You’re getting the top half.”

“Oh. Okay.”

There was a pause.

“Where do you want your sketchbooks?”

“They can sit on the dresser—I’ll take care of it when I’m done here.”

“Right.”

Another pause.

“Which bed do you want?”

Namine took a second to consider.

“Never mind,” Riku said, before she could answer. “I’ll take the cot.”

“You don’t have to—”

“It’s fine.”

There wasn’t any talking him out of it, Namine knew, so she decided not to bother. Not that the decision immediately quashed her annoyance. Even if it was a little thing, about the beds, he did this with other things too. Go out of his way to ensure her comfort, or safety, while at the expense of his own. The thought of the other things frustrated her much more than the beds did.

She sighed.

“You excited?” she asked Riku. She looked up from folding one of his shirts to look at him.

He nodded. “Yeah! Yeah.” He nodded again. He was sitting on the cot—his bed—leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head. There was a grin on his face. “I mean… I knew it was gonna happen something like this. I did. I just… still funny to have it happen.”

Namine nodded and grinned back at him. She loved watching him talk about this. How he lit up. There was something about Hollow Bastion that was just so _good_ for him. Something about this house…

“You don’t mind, right?” he asked her. “I know you wanted to stay with Kairi—”

 “I want to stay with you just as much,” she assured him.

He grinned even wider.


	3. In which Sora and Kairi discuss a certain Shadow

It’d been the night right after they’d come home. They’d finished swimming and were waiting for their clothes to _kind_ of dry—not that they’d swam in _all_ of their clothes, just _most_ of them. Anyway. Kairi’d been sitting wearing Sora’s jacket (so she wouldn’t be without a shirt) and Sora’d been shirtless and furiously wondering why it was so cold _this_ late in the year.

That was the night Sora told Kairi about his Shadow.

Kairi’d been right. Their parents _could_ wait another few hours before finding out that their children had returned. This conversation could technically wait, too, but there was no telling when they’d be able to really get this kind of privacy again.

(As much as his parents trusted him, he doubted sneaking out at night to go hang out with Kairi would go over well, regardless of the fact all he wanted to do was _talk_ with her. He wasn’t even interested in Kairi enough to, well, do the things his parents probably would _think_ he’d been doing under circumstances like that.)

“Hey Kairi, you tired or anything?” he’d asked.

And that’s how it started.

 

**xxx**

 

“Hey, Kairi, you tired or anything? Wanna get heading home?” Sora asked.

Kairi shrugged. “I mean I was hoping to wait until our clothes had dried at least a little more, but there’s no guarantee of that happening in the middle of the night.” She prodded her soaked shirt, grimacing.

“Do you mind staying out here a little longer?”

“No. Why?”

“I wanted to talk—oh. Your voice feeling better?”

“It sounds better, doesn’t it Sora?” Kairi asked, rolling her eyes. “And yeah my throat feels _fine._ I didn’t expect my voice to be gone long.”

Sora flushed. If he’d been paying more attention, he would’ve realized that yeah, Kairi’s voice had sounded a lot better lately. “Okay,” he said.

“This about your Shadow…?” Kairi sent him a worried look, all annoyance leaving her tone.

Sora chewed his lip, but nodded.

Kairi tensed. She said nothing.

Sora swallowed. Swallowed again. Dug his fingers into the sand, gripping some of it in his fists. Where was he supposed to start? Well, he supposed there was no place better than:

“He loved me.”

Kairi was silent long enough that Sora feared she hadn’t heard. Not exactly surprising, considering how quietly he’d said—

“He _what?_ ” Kairi asked. Her voice squeaked, and she turned to stare at him, shaking, eyes wide with horror.

“He said he loved me,” Sora repeated. “He—well, he didn’t _say_ it. But- but I could _feel_ it, Kairi. I could _feel_ his feelings pounding in my chest I could _feel them._ ” He beat against his own chest for emphasis. “Right here. I could feel it.”

“…how?” Kairi asked. “How could you _feel_ that?”

“There was a connection between me ‘n my Shadow. I’d always been able to feel his emotions. See his thoughts.” Sora’s hand clenched into a fist, closing around his necklace so he was clutching something—he couldn’t clasp at his shirt, seeing as he currently wasn’t wearing one.

“He… _loved_ you?” Kairi shook her head in disbelief. “Are you- are you _sure?_ ”

Sora nodded. “Positive, Kairi. I can feel it even now. Pounding at me. Threatening to crush me with its weight…” It was like there was a set of iron claws wrapped around his heart, and another set wrapped around his stomach. Anytime he thought about what his Shadow said, they’d both _squeeze_ and…

“But he was…” Kairi began, but trailed off. She shook her head, ran a finger through the sand. “Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised…” she mumbled. “All that time… he was talking about you…. wasn’t he?”

“Hmm?”

Sora couldn’t answer her, seeing as he had no idea what she was asking. Or maybe… he did…

“Shortly after I started looking for you… he kept coming to see me,” she explained. “Well… he’d been seeing me before that…”

“Really?” Sora asked. He couldn’t quite say he was surprised, though. The memories rolled around in his head—not that he had a very clear sense of them, just a _feeling._ A feeling like _he’d_ been there, visiting Kairi, instead of his Shadow. All of his Shadow’s memories were like that. And he had all of them in his head.

“Yeah.” Kairi nodded. “He stopped by a lot, actually. Maybe I’m not surprised, now that I’ve learned who he was. If he was you—or like you—well… maybe it was comforting to be around me.”

Sora let out a long breath. “I’d believe that.”

“Anyway, when I was searching for you… He’d said he was searching for someone, too, not that he’d give me a name. He just said it was a friend.”

“Bet it _killed_ him to say that,” Sora said. The words were bitter on his tongue. Then he chuckled—sharply. Because maybe it _hadn’t_ (figuratively) killed his Shadow to say those words. After all, if he’d loved—

Kairi looked up at him now, her eyes narrowed with concern. Her mouth was set with determination. “He was _worried_ about you, Sora. He was _really_ worried about you.”

“And what’s that supposed to do? Make me feel better?” Sora laughed—a bark of laughter, short and sharp and _oh_ so bitter. “You don’t understand what he was _like,_ Kairi. He was… He- He was _horrible_ he…”

Sora couldn’t make himself finish.

Sure, before Maleficent, his Shadow had been horrible. Except… _after_ Maleficent—after Sora’d gotten away from her, and after he and his Shadow had finally gotten in touch again… His Shadow hadn’t been _too_ horrible. Well, making him kill Maleficent aside, of course—No! Not putting that aside. You couldn’t just shove something like that to the side. The things his Shadow had done were _unforgiveable!_

But… Sora just felt empty, thinking like that. Like he _wanted_ to believe it, but he couldn’t quite get his heart around it.

Everyone made mistakes, after all…

“ _NO!_ ” Sora screamed, anger flaring through him. He took a fistful of sand and threw it in the direction of the water.

He didn’t want to forgive his Shadow.

He didn’t want to hate his Shadow.

“It- It _horrified_ me, Kairi!!” he shouted. “It _scared_ me—hearing him say he loved me. _Feeling_ him and how he- how he…” He swallowed the words, unable to finish that sentence. “It- it _disgusted_ me because… because how could a creature so dark and so- so _evil—_ who’d been nothing but horrible and cruel to me and- and _hurt_ me…”

He reached up, raking his hand across his face, tracing his scar—the mark of his Shadow’s anger. A mark he’d never lose. His hand stopped at his neck, where the scar broke before continuing to his shoulder, fingers curling around his own skin.

“How could a creature like that _love_ me? How could- how could _he_ love me?”

Kairi shook her head, sadly. “I don’t know, Sora. I have _no_ idea and wish I did so I would know what to tell you but I…” She trailed off. Sighed.

“He did…” Sora whispered. The words came out in chokes. “He did love me. I felt it. I can _still_ feel it. Like it’s gonna eat me. Swallow me whole. _He loved me._ ”

Kairi said nothing. Sora rubbed at his neck. His heart turned over and over in his chest. He’d thought talking to Kairi would make him feel better. So far, it was only making him feel worse.

Just _thinking_ about all this made him feel worse.

Kairi shifted to her knees, rubbing her hands together nervously. She shifted again, so she was about leaning over Sora. Slowly, she reached out, her fingers hovering near his forehead. There was sadness in her eyes.

“Can I?” she whispered.

“Yeah.”

Sora closed his eyes. Kairi’s fingers brushed his skin—his scar—trailing it all the way from his left eyebrow, across his face, and then down to his right shoulder, where it eventually ended. The skin was sensitive, but Kairi was gentle, and her touch didn’t hurt. Sora took a deep breath. He could hear Kairi’s breath catch in her throat—a stifled gasp, or perhaps a muffled sob.

“Did- did he… _really…?_ ”

Sora nodded.

Kairi’s hand lingered on his shoulder.

“It was an accident,” Sora said. The words came tumbling from his lips. “Or- or maybe it wasn’t quite one. He was just frustrated—more at the situation than anything else and I wasn’t helping and- and he lashed out. I don’t- I don’t think he meant to hurt me maybe. I dunno.” Sora realized very quickly that he hardly knew what he was saying. “I dunno,” he repeated.

Tears started rolling down his cheeks.

He reached up to wipe his eyes, a little confused.

“Wh- why am I crying?” He had to wipe his eyes again, and then his cheeks. “Why am I crying? Wh- why am I…?”

He hadn’t even felt the urge to cry until now. These had come out of nowhere, though they hardly felt like his. Or maybe they did. What did genuine tears even _feel_ like? Where had _these_ tears come from? He felt sick to his stomach.

“It’s stress, probably,” Kairi said. She shrugged. “It’s okay…. Crying’s probably perfectly normal right now….” She moved her hand to rub his back, and shifted her weight so she was sitting again.

Sora buried his face in his hands. The tears wouldn’t stop falling. “Wh- what am I supposed to do?” he sobbed. “Wh- wh… how… How am I supposed to- to _live_ knowing that he _loved_ me? Kn- knowing that he—”

“I don’t know.” Kairi shook her head. Her shoulders seemed to shake a little. “I- I don’t know, Sora. I just don’t know.” Her fingers clenched into a fist against his back. She hung her head. “I- I wanna say that we’re not getting the whole picture or- or something wise and dumb like that but- but it makes me _sick_ to think of defending him!!” Her voice rose to a shout.

Sora flinched only a little—she was right next to his ear, so the shouting startled him, but he was fairly used to this after nearly fifteen years with Kairi. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi just kept ranting. That didn’t surprise him either.

“After what he did!?”  Kairi demanded. “He- he _betrayed_ me. I… I thought he was my friend, and yet… he… …to me and… and _to you._ ” She shifted to face him again, reached out to touch his cheek—his scar. “If he- if he _loved_ you, then- then _why_ did he hurt you?”

“It was an accident,” was all Sora could say.

He didn’t even know how he knew that, or if he believed it.

“Was it?” Kairi asked.

Sora shrugged.

There was so much in his head now, now that he had his Shadow’s memories, boiling inside him. So many moments like that one, moments he remembered with conflicting emotions. Disgust, but enjoyment. Shock, but disgust. Horror, and agony. Trying to process it all just made him sick.

“I don’t want to defend him either, Kairi,” he said. “I don’t. _Trust me._ After all those battles. All those months running from him. Fighting him. Staying away from home because I was afraid he’d hurt you. Staying away from _anywhere_ because I was afraid of him hurting _anyone_ I cared about. And- and yet…” He wiped his nose, now—wiping his eyes was useless. “People- people can change, I guess, I just—”

_I just… what?_

People could change, but could Shadows? They weren’t human.

It’d been so much easier when he could just say he hated his Shadow and move on with his life…

…but had he ever really _hated_ his Shadow?

Now thinking about his Shadow just made Sora upset. He wasn’t disgusted, really—he was confused. Conflicted. What was he even _supposed_ to feel about this?

Kairi’s hand fell away from his face.

“How- _how_ could he love me?” Sora choked. As if that was all it came down to. He raised his face to the stars and shouted in frustration—“ _How could he love me!?_ ”—as if he could blame his Shadow for it.

You couldn’t blame someone for falling in love.

“I’m sorry.” Kairi gripped his shoulder, to steady him. “I’m sorry—I wish I had an answer for you but _I don’t._ ”

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. They hurt so much from all this crying.

“He- he _begged_ me to kill him, Kairi,” he said. “He literally _got on his knees_ and b- _begged_ me. He- he said he couldn’t do this anymore and…”

Sora took a shuddering breath. It took all his strength to resist the urge to scream at the sky again.

“And… And I think I understand… especially now,” he whispered. “Living- living with this weight is _horrible._ It’s only been a few hours, but- but I don’t know how I’d survive any longer. I don’t know- don’t know how _he_ survived as long as he did.”

_Because he couldn’t die by any hand but my own…_

The thought made Sora cry even harder.

 _He said he’d tried to kill himself, but it hadn’t worked. It hadn’t worked so- so he made_ me—

“But it’s only been a few hours!” Kairi argued. “Maybe- maybe the feeling will fade over time.”

“It didn’t for him…”

The firmness—the _desperation—_ in Kairi’s voice when she replied made Sora’s heart clench.

“It _has to_ for you. Dying is _not_ an option.”

That was just it.

“IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN FOR _HIM!_ ” Sora screamed. “I shouldn’t have had to kill him! I didn’t _want_ to!!”

Dying shouldn’t have had to be an option. There had to have been _some_ reason for his Shadow to keep living. Forget all Sora’s mixed feelings about him! Dying _shouldn’t_ have been an option for him.

“Sora, I’m _sorry,_ ” Kairi repeated. This had to have been the billionth time she’d said it. “That must’ve _stunk_ but I—”

“I didn’t want to!! _I DIDN’T WANT TO!_ ”

Sora pounded at his chest, screamed at the sky again. As if the heavens would find some way to repay him if he screamed at them long enough. As if his Shadow could still hear him.

It was so unfair. The memories just kept washing over him. His Shadow on his hands and knees, tears streaming down his face. Tears streaming down his _own_ face, as his voice fought to leave his lips.

It was so unfair.

The battle his Shadow wouldn’t fight—that _he_ didn’t want to fight. Finally raising his blade. How heavy his arms had felt. How all he wanted to do was cry, and not shove his blade through his Shadow’s chest.

How his Shadow had thanked him, smiled, like he’d never been happier. Like he’d finally gotten his release.

Sora hoped wherever his Shadow was now—dissipated entirely, or in some sort of afterlife… Sora hoped he’d found his peace. It was the worst way to _get_ peace, but… if at least _one_ of them was happy…

“I- I didn’t- I didn’t _want_ to…” Sora sobbed.

Kairi wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She smelled like saltwater and sweat. Her hands pressed grains of sand into his skin, but Sora was grateful. So _terribly_ grateful. That she was here. That he didn’t have to face all the feelings roaring in his chest all by himself.

“I’m sorry,” Kairi whispered, and her voice cracked. “ _I’m so sorry._ ”

Sora clutched at her for an anchor, curling in on himself. He couldn’t do anything more than cry anymore. He didn’t think he’d be able to do anything _but_ cry for a long while.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora rolled over in his bed and squeezed his eyes shut even harder, as if it would make the room any darker, as if it’d block out his roiling thoughts.

_I just want to sleep. I don’t want to have to mull over this every night before I go to bed. I just want to sleep…_

It was hard to do.

It’d been a few days, but the conversation still jostled around in Sora’s head. He didn’t feel much better about the whole ordeal now, either. He was _still_ trying to process it. Make peace with killing his Shadow. Make himself _somehow_ accept the fact his Shadow loved him.

It still weight heavy on his chest.

He wanted the weight to go away.

_He loved me…_

_He hates me…_

_He loved me._

Sora pulled the pillow over his head and tried very, _very_ hard to block it all out. When he finally fell asleep, it was a long time later, and the thoughts and memories kept spinning around in his head even in his dreams.


	4. In which Sora gets some unsatisfying answers from Cloud

Riku eyed Sora warily from across the table. He kept yawning, covering it with his hand, and even the looks he sent Kairi were weary. Sora and Kairi had come to visit Hollow Bastion, and of course everyone wanted to know what’d happened to them too. They were all sitting at the table as Sora and Kairi filled everyone in on what Riku and Namine hadn’t mentioned over the past week. Neither of them brought up Namine being Rewritten, though, and it wasn’t until Sora was asked about his Shadow that he said anything on the matter.

“Oh? He’s… he’s gone…” Sora let out a long breath, drumming his fingers against the edge of the table. “He’s… finished. I… y’know…”

He trailed off there, sending a brief look at Kairi.

“You don’t sound very happy about it,” Yuffie said. Her elbow knocked against Riku’s as she leaned forward on the table.

Sora’s drumming became a little more aggressive. He sent another look to Kairi, on his left, then sent a hesitant look to his right, where Cloud was sitting. Actually, if Riku trusted his eyes, it looked like Sora looked _past_ Cloud and at Tifa.

“Maybe I didn’t want to kill him…” Sora mumbled. He stopped drumming, leaned back in his chair. He looked exhausted.

“It’s for the better,” Cloud said, looking sternly at him.

Sora only shrugged. Riku thought he saw him mutter something that looked like ‘sure’.

Leon leaned back in his chair, though Riku figured that had more to do with trying to see past Yuffie than anything else. “Why didn’t you want to kill him…?” he asked, slowly.

Sora shook his head. “I don’t think… I ever wanted to kill him. I just… I figured I had to.” He wouldn’t look anyone in the eye—not anyone who wasn’t Kairi anyway. He shrugged again. “I guess… guess it didn’t… it didn’t feel right, that’s all. When it came down to it.”

Tifa tried to press the matter, but Cloud put a hand before her, signaling her to drop it. The conversation continued—not that there was much left to discuss. Sora rarely looked up again. Kairi kept sending looks at Namine, but every time Riku turned to Namine, she acted like nothing was wrong.

“Something up?” he asked her.

She looked up at him, hesitating a long, _long_ moment before saying no, nothing was wrong.

He knew she was lying.

“Namine—”

“Not now. Please.”

Riku wanted to ask further, but Sora caught his attention across the table, mouthing the words ‘can I talk to you?’. Riku sighed, sending one last look at Namine, before nodding. What’d he done, though, to upset Namine like this? Surely he’d said something, but…

The conversation eventually dwindled, and everyone left to do their own things. Namine and Kairi headed upstairs to talk. Sora waited until everyone had left the table, then meet Riku’s eye. Riku shifted a little in his seat.

“Yeah?”

“Have you… have you ever killed anyone?”

Riku raised his eyebrows. Of all questions…

“Sora…” he began.

Realization washed over Sora’s face. “Oh. Right. That was a dumb question.”

Riku shrugged. He couldn’t exactly deny that.

“Never mind,” Sora said, pushing his chair away from the table and getting to his feet.

“Wait, hang on, why’d you wanna know?” Riku nearly got to his feet too, only to remember how _tall_ he felt standing next to Sora. He didn’t like how it felt like he was towering over everyone all the time. Even with him sitting and Sora standing, Sora hardly had inches on him. Standing, Riku was at least two inches taller than Leon. At least.

“Just wanted to know if you feel as gross about it as I do, but you wouldn’t. You were built to be a killer.”

Riku let out a long breath, unsure of what to say. He licked his lips. Sora’s words had a certain sting to them—his choice of the word _built_ rather than _born,_ paired with the solemn look in his eyes and the certainty in his tone. He didn’t even look angry. He only looked resigned.

“Sorry…” Riku said, slowly.

Sora waved the apology away.

“That’s alright. Nothing you can do about it.”

Riku shrugged. “I can try to talk…?”

“No, you can’t, because you don’t understand, either—unless you’ve been up all night puking over it? Didn’t think so.”

Riku swallowed.

“Is this… is this about your Shadow?”

Sora rolled his eyes. There was a sharpness in his voice, now, as he spoke. “It’s about everyone. All of them!” Then he grimaced; reconsidered. “Maybe not Ansem. And I can’t say I’m too sorry to see Maleficent go, just wish it hadn’t happened the way it did.”

Riku wet his lips. He knew this was dangerous territory, and that Sora’d basically already answered, but he couldn’t help himself. “And… your Shadow?” he asked.

Sora slammed his palm against the table, eyes blazing with a fury. Riku jumped a little. He hated admitting that he was _scared_ by little things like this, but he definitely had been surprised.

“I already answered that, Riku,” Sora hissed. “ _Why_ does everyone want to know about him?”

“I was just—”

“You don’t _understand,_ and you _never will_.” Sora pulled away from the table, straightening slowly, regarding Riku with that angry gaze for as long as possible before he finally turned away and started off. “There’s no point talking to you about it,” he muttered, heading for the stairs.

Riku eyed the stairs for a moment. He didn’t want to look like he’d been following Sora—he really had no intention to—but Namine was up there, and…

_Not that she wants to talk to you._

Riku shook his head, squishing that thought from his mind. She and Kairi _were_ friends, after all. He could allow them some privacy. Even if…

“Riku?” Aerith called, from the living room. “Can you come look at something for me?”

“Yeah!”

He got up and headed out there to meet her.

Aerith smiled at him when she saw him. “I was thinking of starting a garden outside again,” she explained. “And wanted your opinion on where it should go.”

“Why mine?” he asked, surprised.

“Because you’re the only person who lives here that isn’t busy right now. I mean, I’m going to ask everyone eventually, but I guess you’re first!”

Despite himself, Riku couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora knocked on Cloud’s door, even though it was open. It just felt rude not to knock, especially since he and Tifa looked like they were discussing something.

“Cloud? Can I ask you something?”

Cloud looked up at him, then sent a glance at Tifa.

“’Bout your Shadow?” he asked, eyes darting back to Sora.

“Kinda.”

Cloud nodded. He sent another longer look at Tifa. After a moment of glaring at him, she rolled her eyes. “I’m going,” she sighed, getting to her feet and pushing past Sora. He could hear her clomp down the stairs after a few seconds.

Cloud gestured for Sora to sit on the cot, where Tifa’d been sitting. Cloud was sitting on the edge of actual bed. Each was up against opposite walls, so by sitting on the cot, Sora was facing Cloud.

Sora cleared his throat, working up the nerve to ask his question. It wasn’t an easy question to ask. Honestly, he figured the only reason he’d been able to ask Riku so easily earlier was likely because he already knew Riku’s answer.

“You… you ever killed anyone, Cloud?”

Cloud’s eyes widened with surprise. Then he shook his head. “No one besides Sephiroth,” he said. His face darkened with concern. “Are you… are you saying _you_ have? Besides your Shadow?”

Sora only nodded.

_There was Ansem, of course. I think. And Maleficent, and those two members from Organization 13—Xaldin and Luxord, weren’t they?_

Cloud considered him with wide eyes for another moment, then shook his head. “Well, I can’t help you there. I’m sorry.” And, he really did look sorry. “You’re better off asking Leon or Aerith or… Well, Rinoa’s not around but, still. They’re more likely to have the answers you’re looking for.”

“R-Really?” Sora asked, a little stunned.

Cloud nodded. “Yeah. They ended up getting involved in some fight with an evil sorceress on another world. I don’t know all the details, but I know it ended in her death. Zack talked about it a lot.” He shrugged. “Anyway, don’t press either of them—Leon or Aerith—too hard about it. They may not want to talk.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sora said, without hesitation. He filed the information away for later, hoping he wouldn’t forget it. He sort of doubted he’d get the chance to ask today.

“Was that it?” Cloud asked. “Or did you actually have something to ask about your Shadow?”

“I do.” Sora shifted his weight in the cot, pulling his legs up and folding them under him. This wasn’t exactly an easy question, either. “Why do you say it’s better he’s… that he’s dead?”

Cloud’s earlier surprise wasn’t a match for his surprise now.

“Because… it is…” he answered, eyeing Sora suspiciously. “I mean I know it can’t have been easy to take his life, but there wasn’t another option…”

That was the answer Sora couldn’t bear.

_“Sora, I am a being created to drag you into darkness! There is no other win for you besides my death!”_

_“Are you_ sure!? _Because you giving up on that sounds like winning to me!”_

He hadn’t been able to bear the answer then. How was he supposed to bear it now?

“What if there was?” he asked Cloud. “What if there was another option?”

“There can’t have been,” Cloud replied. “He can’t have lived. Sooner or later he would’ve tried dragging you into darkness. You can’t have—”

“We could’ve worked something out!!” Sora shouted. He turned away, hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks.

_“What’s got you so twisted up in knots, huh? Can it be fixed? Can I…?”_

_“Sora there’s no way to fix this!! Please just- just kill me!”_

They could’ve worked something out. If only his Shadow hadn’t been so hasty. If only Sora’d said something different. Gotten his Shadow’s attention. Managed to get them to talk through it, figure out how to fix it, figure out how to—

 _But he wanted to die because he loved you,_ he reminded himself.

_It’s not disgusting to love me. We would’ve worked it out._

_But could_ you _live with that knowledge?_

 _I have to anyway, whether he’s alive or not. Maybe it’d be easier if he_ were _still here…_

Sora shook himself out of his internal argument. Cloud was regarding him sternly. He didn’t know Cloud well enough to know if the way his lips pursed together meant he was angry or not. He could almost _sense_ Cloud’s impatience, though.

“What would you have done?” Cloud asked. “Befriend him? You can’t _befriend_ a Shadow. A _Sheto..?_ ” He laughed weakly, and shook his head.

The sound of the word _Sheto_ stirred something in Sora. A sense of familiarity. A flash of images conveying what it meant. Someone drowning in darkness. Gold eyes watching on, glinting with pleasure. Fighting. Struggling.

_“I’m a being made to drag you into darkness, Sora.”_

“It’s impossible,” Cloud continued, his voice dragging Sora out of the images. “Sooner or later, he would’ve snapped back to what he needed to do—kill you or smother you in darkness—and neither of you would’ve been able to stop it. Him being close to you, being ‘friends’ with you, would’ve only made it worse. He could’ve done it in your sleep.”

Something roiled in Sora’s chest.

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Sora protested. “He- He _wouldn’t_ have!”

He wasn’t sure exactly why he was protesting.

_He wouldn’t hurt me. The thought made him sick. He loved me. He wouldn’t have—_

“Shadow’s aren’t creatures you should trust,” Cloud told him, plainly.

“Mine was different!”

Cloud raised his eyebrows. The amusement in the expression made Sora’s hands clench into fists and unfold his legs from under him. The urge to punch Cloud square in the jaw and wipe that not-quite-a-smirk off his face flooded him, then the urge was gone. Sora didn’t even have time to question it.

“Look, even if he was,” Cloud said. “Even if his head was in a good enough place to restrain himself, he would’ve done it anyway. _Shetos_ are very purpose driven creatures. He would’ve fallen back into the same pattern, without realizing what he was doing, and eventually he’d have you by the neck, pulling you into the darkness with him.”

The image sent shivers down Sora’s spine.

Echoes of _he wouldn’t have_ continued in his head.

Anger filled him as quickly and as strongly as the urge to punch Cloud had, but this time it didn’t vanish. He leaned forward where he sat, palms pressed to the cot, prepared to launch himself forward. As if attacking Cloud was even a _smart_ idea. As if he _really_ wanted to.

“How do you know?” he demanded. “Last I checked, you and Sephiroth weren’t—”

“Weren’t nearly as connected as you were to _your_ Shadow, no,” Cloud finished. There was a sharpness in his tone. He watched Sora as if he really expected him to attack. “But my Shadow had enough time to go around, make a name for himself, and a reputation. He wanted to get away from it, wanted to be the stuff of other people’s nightmares, not just mine. Except he always came crawling back to me. He couldn’t stay away.”

The words tugged at Sora’s heart, and the fire of anger flickered to nothing.

“I think it drove him mad…” Cloud grimaced as he spoke, clearly not thinking highly of the thought. “Eventually he grew more and more focused on fighting me. Trying to killing me. As if it were an obsession he couldn’t shake.”

Sora let out a long breath. He trembled a little with the raw emotion surging through him. He didn’t know what his feelings were doing, but they certainly weren’t staying in one place for long, and he was sure he’d soon be overwhelmed by it all.

 _Maybe that’s why my Shadow died,_ he thought. _So he wouldn’t have to fall that far, wouldn’t be forced by madness to kill me, when he so desperately couldn’t stand harming me…_

_…not that it makes his death any easier to bear._

Sora swallowed. His knees knocked together. He gripped the edge of the cot, elbows locked with the strain of it. He cast his eyes to the ground.

“I understand,” he whispered.

“Why he couldn’t have lived?”

Sora nodded.

“Good.”

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t easy to bear—none of this was—but he understood. Just like he understood why his Shadow _wanted_ to die. Not just to avoid madness, but because he found himself despicable.

“Is that it?” Cloud asked, and his voice was kind now. Still a little rough, but this was Cloud. Everything he did was a little rough.

“No…” Sora said, slowly.

There _was_ something else. It was just, the thought of telling Cloud gripped at his stomach, but he needed to. He needed Cloud to understand.

“I just… I didn’t want to kill him because… He asked to die.” The words fought and struggled out of his mouth, like someone was in his throat and trying to drag them back before they left his lips. His eyes were shut, so he couldn’t see Cloud’s expression, but he figured it was surprise of some sort.

He continued: “And it’s… it’s been really unsettling me. Maybe if- maybe if he hadn’t told me… but…” Then he chuckled, a little bitterly. “Who am I kidding? Even if he hadn’t told me, I would’ve known.” He clutched at his chest.

“You would’ve?”

The shock in Cloud’s voice was enough to make Sora look up at him. Cloud was frowning. Suspicious.

Sora sent him an equally confused look. Did he not have Sephiroth’s memories, like Sora had his Shadow’s? He supposed he wasn’t surprised. Many other things had differed between their Shadows.

“I… I’ve got all his memories, now,” Sora explained. He tapped his knuckles against his chest, right over his heart. “Am I… am I not supposed to?”

“I don’t have Sephiroth’s…”

Right. Sora had been right in assuming that.

Sora took a second to fumble for words to explain it, explain what had happened. Explaining to Kairi hadn’t been hard, but now he was nervous, as if Cloud would correct him. “He- my Shadow… when he died.” Sora swallowed. “There was something left of him. He said it was a heart—my heart, that he’d harbored in him, and that I should take it back. I did.”

Cloud went very pale. Sora’s frown deepened.

“Was I… not supposed to?”

“I- I don’t think you _needed_ to,” Cloud replied. “I mean, I didn’t have to with Sephiroth… but our Shadows _were_ very different, weren’t they?”

“Do you think it was a bad idea?”

“Not _necessarily…_ ”

Cloud didn’t sound to certain, though.

“Cloud, if I made a horrible mistake, I’d like to know!”

Cloud shrugged and shook his head. “I couldn’t tell you if you had. You’re the only other person I’ve met who’s had a Shadow. There’s no telling how different they should and shouldn’t be. I think…”

He hesitated.

“Yeah?” Sora pressed.

“I think it smells a little fishy,” Cloud said. “ _But,_ I might just be paranoid. I’ve been paranoid for five years.” The last bit was said as if it were a joke, but Sora didn’t find it at all funny.

 _Oh,_ please _tell me I haven’t made a horrible mistake._

Sora let out a long breath. “Still… why did it have to go that way? I- I didn’t want to…”

He didn’t want the fight with his Shadow to go how it had. Didn’t want his Shadow’s death to come the way it had.

“You can’t change the past, so there’s no use fussing over it,” Cloud said.

“But- But I… I didn’t want to kill him…” Sora’s voice caught on his lips. “I- I didn’t want it to end like that—”

“Do you think I wanted to sit and watch Xehanort _murder_ Zack? While I was too weak to do anything about it?” Cloud’s voice was sharp like a whip, but as fragile as glass. “Do you think I wouldn’t give anything to be able to go back and change that night, if at least, to make it so he was still here and Aerith would smile again? Because I would. But I can’t. And you can’t change how your Shadow died, either.”

Sora just nodded. His shoulders hunched as if the words were blows. He understood. He did. He just… He didn’t like it. He didn’t like any of it.

“And since you can’t change the past, your only option left is to learn to accept what happened,” Cloud said. The confidence in his tone was gone. His hands curled to fists against the bed. “It’s not easy. Of course it’s not easy. But what other option do we have?”

“None,” Sora whispered.

Cloud nodded.

“Exactly.”

He got to his feet.

“Now come on. You should probably be heading home soon, shouldn’t you?”

Sora nodded fervently, and got to his feet, too. Cloud was right. He and Kairi could only stay here so long, before they needed to head home again. If they were gone too long, their parents would get worried. Or, his parents would, anyway. Unfortunately.

Cloud headed out and down the stairs, gesturing over his shoulder for Sora to follow. Sora did.


	5. In which Kairi and Namine talk about that thing Namine's avoiding

“This is your room?” Kairi asked. She paused in the middle of Namine and Riku’s room, turning in a full circle once to get a good look at it.

Namine nodded. “Uhhuh.”

There was a thick tension in the air, despite Kairi’s attempts to ease it. Namine tried to breathe evenly, tried not to dread where this conversation was going, where it had to go. Even though Kairi was currently avoiding the question, Namine knew she would ask eventually, and she dreaded the moment.

“Heh, all it needs is another dresser and it’d look like ours—I mean. Mine. Back on Destiny Islands.”

Namine swallowed, wishing she couldn’t see how Kairi’s face fell at the words. She knew Kairi wasn’t too excited about her having moved out, and the wound was still raw. It’d been a week since she’d moved out of Kairi’s—since she’d seen Kairi last. Clearly Kairi was still upset.

“The window’s… bigger too,” Namine said, after a moment, to fill the silence. “Not that… not that it has nearly as pretty a view.”

Nearly every house on Destiny Islands had a view of the ocean, at least in the distance, behind everything else. Here, in Hollow Bastion, all you got was a view of the city, and it didn’t glow orange at sunset like Destiny Islands did. It hardly glowed at all.

Kairi’d moved over to the window, looking out of it, but she said nothing.

Namine cleared her throat.

“I… I guess I could always spend the night back with you, sometime…”

Kairi turned to Namine. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back against the dresser, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. Her hair was getting long, just as she was getting tall, and it kept falling into her eyes. She looked incredibly annoyed about it, though when she opened her mouth, it wasn’t to complain about her hair.

“Well, before we even think about a potential sleepover—have you told him?”

There it was. The question Namine’d been dreading.

Had she told Riku about her nightmares? About her visions of what could’ve been the future—not that she really believed it could be the future. She didn’t want to believe it could be the future.

The answer hadn’t changed.

No, she hadn’t told him.

She swallowed nervously.

“I- I don’t think he’s gonna do it,” she told Kairi.

It was a lie, and a lie she wanted herself to believe more than she wanted Kairi to believe it. She wanted to hide in denial. Use it as a shield against what she otherwise knew to be horrible truth. Riku would, if he got the chance. He would go through with it.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, and Namine sighed. That was Kairi’s _I-don’t-believe-the-crud-you’re-telling-me_ face.

“Namine,” Kairi began.

“I- I really don’t,” Namine stammered. She believed it less than Kairi did.

If Riku had the chance, he’d do _everything_ she’d seen him do in her nightmares.

“Why won’t you tell him?” Kairi asked, _demanded._ There was an air of authority about her, an air that had always clung to her, especially when she was angry, or when she wanted to know something. And every time, she got what she wanted. Every time, Namine buckled under the weight of that look.

Namine ran her hands over her skirt, as if to smooth it, and looked at the ground. She wasn’t brave enough to look Kairi in the eye. Especially not now.

“I… I don’t want to hurt his feelings…” she mumbled.

“What!?” Kairi jolted upright. “Namine, what the _hell?_ That is like the worst reason not to tell him about this.”

“I’m…? Not so sure if _I’d_ call it the worst reason…”

“Really?”

“I don’t like it when he’s upset…”

It was more than that she just didn’t like it. Kairi didn’t know what it was like, when Riku was upset. She didn’t know that it felt like all the color drained from the world, didn’t know how his feelings pressed in the back of Namine’s head. Upsetting him was like purposefully upsetting herself. With that connection of theirs—telepathic or whatever it was—she felt what he was feeling. Even if it was muted, she still felt it. It was horrible, when he was upset, though the connection did have its upsides.

_Whatever that memory thing that happened was when we kissed, for one…_

“Well… I guess that’s understandable,” Kairi said, slowly. “But you can’t keep him happy all the time. And you can’t spare his feelings when he’s about to do something incredibly dangerous and you can stop him.”

“I just…” Namine began. She didn’t know how to finish.

“You have to tell him.”

Namine shook her head. “It’s probably nothing.” She smoothed her skirt again, then hugged her arms across her chest. She moved towards the bed, considering sitting down.

“Is it?” Kairi asked. She pushed away from the dresser, taking a step towards Namine.

Namine swallowed. She didn’t like lying, but…

“The- the nightmares have died down.”

Kairi grabbed her by the arm, pulling until Namine was forced to face her.

“Namine, don’t lie to me, I can see the bags under your eyes. They’ve only died down because you haven’t slept.”

“It’s hard to sleep.”

That wasn’t a lie.

“Because of the nightmares?”

Namine sighed. “If I’m not having them, Riku is,” she said. Kairi’s grip on her lessened, and she looked Kairi in the eye now. “I don’t think either of us have gotten sleep. At all.”

The first night here she’d woken up screaming, tormented by the same plague of nightmares she’d been having for these past few weeks. Riku was screaming the next night, loud enough he nearly woke the whole house. He woke Aerith, at any rate, and Yuffie, surprisingly. They didn’t sleep the next night. Or the night after that. They were Replicas. They didn’t need as much sleep.

“You should tell him,” Kairi said, after a long moment. She stopped gripping Namine’s arm, though she ended up gripping Namine’s hand instead. “Maybe it’ll make ‘em stop.”

Namine swallowed. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? But… “I don’t think—”

“Namine.”

Kairi saw through her lie before she could even start it. She was going to say she didn’t think Riku was going to do it, again.

“I’ll tell him, if you’d rather,” Kairi said. There was a haughty look in her eyes, _daring_ Namine to tell her no.

“He won’t take it from you,” Namine mumbled, then bit her lip. She hadn’t realized how saying the words would turn her stomach in knots. Hadn’t realized just how complicated her relationship with Riku was. She felt like she should say more—because Kairi didn’t know—but she couldn’t find the words to explain to Kairi how Riku didn’t listen to anyone. That the only person he’d ever seemed to listen to was her. And maybe Aerith.

Not that she’d dare trouble Aerith with this. Even if she had promised, long ago, to tell Aerith if these nightmares started popping up again… she couldn’t bear the thought of telling Aerith the horrid things Riku wanted to do to Larxene. Aerith didn’t need to know.

Fortunately, Namine didn’t need to figure out how to put any of her thoughts into words. Kairi kept talking.

“I don’t think you believe he’ll take it from you, either, and if you’re not gonna do it—”

“Kairi, please,” Namine tried to interrupt.

“Someone has to, Namine,” was all Kairi answered. “We have to stop him.”

Namine felt like she was going to be sick.

“They’re just dreams…”

She didn’t want to tell Riku. She hadn’t realized until now that it really had to be her that told him, because he wouldn’t listen to anyone else. That thought was worse than the thought of telling him. It was a lot of weight to bear.

“You don’t believe they’re just dreams, though,” Kairi argued.

“Why is this so important to you?!” Namine demanded. “It’s not like it’s going to make up for what happened to Sora!”

The words fell from her lips like bombs. Kairi’s eyes went wide, and she even took a step away from Namine. Not that Namine blamed her. She clapped her hands to her mouth, instantly regretting whatever anger or adrenaline—or protocols—it’d been to make her say it.

_It’s something Larxene would say._

That thought made her go rigid.

_7 told me he removed all the Larxene data!_

Except he’d also told her that there was a lot of it, and it’d take more than one look through her data to make sure it was gone. When the Organization Rewrote her—or, more specifically, when 37 Rewrote her, he’d made sure it wouldn’t be easy to set her straight again.

Namine made a mental note to go see 7 as soon as she had a chance.

She opened her mouth to apologize to Kairi, but Kairi beat her to it.

“You’re right. It won’t, and I’m not stupid enough to think it will.” Kairi’s eyes darkened dangerously. Namine almost wanted to be the one stepping back, now. “I’m not stupid enough to think stopping Riku or saving him from whatever it is you think he’s gonna do is gonna make up for not saving Sora. I’m not an idiot, Namine. And that’s exactly why I’m not gonna sit by and let you make the same mistakes I did.”

“Kairi, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it.”

“That doesn’t matter! What matters is if you really think Riku’s gonna do something that he shouldn’t—or something that’s gonna hurt him—you _have_ to tell him.” She jabbed Namine in the chest, eyes burning. “Otherwise, you’re gonna find yourself sitting around here for five months not sure if he’s ever gonna come back to you.”

Namine could only stare.

She was horrified she even said it to begin with.

She hadn’t meant it.

And Kairi’s words stung. It wasn’t easy to process them. Process the hurt in them. What they meant in relationship to Namine and Riku. Not to mention there was the roiling monster—Larxene—that Namine could feel in her stomach. She’d said something like this to Kairi before, back when she’d been Rewritten and Kairi’d been forced to fight her. She’d run her mouth like this, too.

_“It never occurred to you to get off your butt and go looking for him, did it?”_

_“I was scared! I was scared I wouldn’t be able to find him, or that when I did, he wouldn’t be him.”_

“I’m sorry,” Namine repeated.

She wasn’t sure if she was apologizing for what she said this time, or for what she’d said last time.

Kairi didn’t even acknowledge it.

“Are you gonna tell him?” she asked. “Or am I gonna have to?”

“I…”

A knock on the door interrupted them, then Sora poked his head in.

“Hey, Kai, I hate to interrupt, but we maybe need to get going?” He nodded behind him. “I mean we’ve been here a few hours now and my parents…” That’s when the situation he’d interrupted dawned on him, and his eyes went wide. “Sorry. Was this important? You need another fifteen minutes?”

“No, you’re right, we should go.” Kairi sighed, then sent a stern look at Namine. “One more week, though. One more, and then I’ll tell him if you haven’t.”

Namine nodded, following Sora and Kairi out of the room then down the stairs. Sora asked what they’d been talking about, but Kairi brushed him off. Probably for the better, Namine figured. Sora didn’t need to know either.


	6. In which Sora and Kairi head back home

“So I see you two made up,” Tifa called.

Kairi nearly missed the next step. She clutched at the railing, stopping completely, almost causing Namine behind her to stumble. She turned her attention to Tifa, not even wondering where everyone else was right now—she only saw Tifa and Cloud sitting on the same couch, Tifa with a smug little smile on her face. Kairi couldn’t tell if she was just teasing, and even if she was, it didn’t change how much the words bugged Kairi.

“Like we wouldn’t?” Kairi demanded.

Sora sent a glance at her, continuing down the stairs. His eyes told her _get off the staircase, first, then keep talking._ She chewed her lip angrily, but listened, hating that she had move her eyes away from Tifa so she could be sure of her footing on the stairs.

“Look, I get it,” Sora was saying. She could hear the roll of his eyes in his voice. “I was an idiot for thinking we wouldn’t. I already knew that. I don’t see why we have to pound it in again.”

“Darkness messes with your head,” Cloud replied, with a slightly disinterested shrug. He was leaning forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees, and slouched over. Tifa was practically draped across the couch, looking quite comfortable. Cloud didn’t even seem to notice that her shoe was touching his leg.

Sora deflated a little, scratching the back of his head. The sound of feet on the stairs behind her told Kairi that Namine had headed back up, likely to give them some privacy with this conversation.

“I thought you were mad at him,” Tifa said, looking directly at Kairi.

Kairi rubbed her thumb over her knuckles, grimacing. “Maybe a little frustrated,” she admitted. “But just because I was mad doesn’t mean I’m going to hate him forever. Why would you think that? We’re best friends. It’s gonna take a lot more than a few screw-us to get me to hate him.” She sent a reassuring smile over at Sora, who smiled back.

Tifa and Cloud exchanged knowing looks.

Sora’s smile fell to suspicion, and he and Kairi exchanged a knowing look of their own.

“You didn’t… _really_ think she was mad at me, did you?” Sora asked, turning back to Cloud and Tifa.

Cloud shook his head. Tifa’s smile got wider.

“Nope,” she said. “Just checking to make sure you knew where you stood with each other.”

Kairi started to say that there were nicer ways to go about that, but Cloud was speaking before she could get anything more than a few sounds out.

“Darkness meddles with the important things, like your relationships with the people you love,” Cloud said. “And though it looks like the worst is over, the road ahead is still pretty rough.”

Sora nodded, like he understood. “So you were just looking out for us.” He didn’t sound annoyed at all, not that Kairi understood why. Well, she did understand—Sora was generally more laid back about these things—but that didn’t make _her_ any less annoyed.

“It’s just going to be hard on the both of you,” Tifa explained. “Best start off knowing where you stand with each other than let the road—or the darkness—make you think you hate each other again.”

“I never thought I hated him,” Kairi protested.

“Well…” Tifa began.

“But _I_ thought you hated me,” Sora said, before she could finish. He shrugged, apologetically, sending an uneasy smile at Kairi, like he feared she’d get mad at him for saying it. Honestly, she wasn’t angry, just happy to see that apologetic smile on his face again.

“That was the darkness’s fault,” Kairi assured him. His smile immediately became less apologetic and more genuine.

“Could it happen again?” Sora asked, turning to Cloud and Tifa.

“It could,” Cloud said, simply.

“But if you’re sure about where you stand with each other, it shouldn’t,” Tifa added.

Cloud nodded.

“Well, was that everything, then? We need to get going.” Sora shifted uncomfortably. Kairi instantly remembered why. His parents…

“Yeah, that was all we had to say,” Tifa said.

Kairi hardly waited for her to answer before running halfway up the stairs. “Namine? We’re leaving!” she called, knowing Namine would want to say goodbye. Riku probably would, too, wherever he was.

“Oh, are you?” Aerith asked. Kairi turned, finding her walking in the front door, Riku tailing her. Kairi moved down to the bottom of the stairs again.

“What were you two doing?” Tifa asked.

“Gardening,” Aerith replied, dusting off her hands. “Riku, you mind going and getting everyone so they can say goodbye?”

“Uh-huh,” Riku said, without hesitation. He moved to the stairs, actually flashing a smile at Kairi as he passed. She stared after him, a little surprised. He was taking the stairs three at a time—thanks to his ridiculously long legs—not complaining in the slightest. It was nice to see him smile like that. Be happy like this.

“Gardening, huh?” Cloud asked, learning back in the couch. He hardly sounded surprised.

“Well, not quite,” Aerith said, amending her pervious statement. “Trying to figure out where to put a garden. Once I’ve got that figured out, I’ve still got to get flowers to—”

“Uhm, can we try and keep goodbyes quick?” Sora interrupted. He shifted from one foot to the other. “I hate to be rude, but we’ve really stayed longer than we should’ve, and I’d—”

“Oh, nonsense.” Aerith waved his worries aside with her hand. “You haven’t stayed too long. I don’t mind the company.”

Sora shook his head, a little aggressively. If he wasn’t out of Kairi’s reach, she’d grab him by the arm or hand to comfort him. “It’s not that I’m worried about. If we’re gone too long, my parents are gonna be furious with me.”

Kairi sighed and rubbed her cheek. He hadn’t _needed_ to tell them that, specifically. A simple ‘they’ll be worried’ would’ve sufficed. He’d always spoken and acted before thinking, though…

Everyone stared at him for a long moment. Aerith looked almost horrified. Cloud’s face was a mix of surprise and concern. Tifa just looked confused.

“Why are they going to be mad?” Cloud asked.

Kairi quickly tried to answer, hoping to save Sora from talking himself into a hole. “They just worry easily and—”

“I may have told them I was at Kairi’s,” Sora mumbled, rubbing his arm.

“Sora!” Aerith gasped. She definitely sounded horrified now.

Kairi suppressed a groan. _I’m trying to help you, Sora, would it kill you to be quiet!_

Tifa looked like she was going to say something, and if she didn’t, Cloud certainly would. Neither of them got the chance.

“Why’d you do that?” Leon asked, making his way down the stairs. He paused at the foot of them, seeing as Sora wasn’t standing more three feet from them. It would cause a traffic jam sooner rather than later, Kairi realized, but she wasn’t sure if she could do anything about it.

“They just haven’t taken the news about where I’ve been for the past six months well, that’s all,” Sora said.

Kairi raised her eyebrows. So now he _wasn’t_ going to be honest?

“They haven’t taken the news at all,” she corrected. There was no reason to start lying now, and more importantly, she couldn’t pass up the chance to remind him to actually _tell_ his parents. They only reason they were in a hurry to get home was so that he could keep up his ruse that he’d been at Kairi’s. If anything, his parents were more upset he hadn’t told them than anything else.

“That’s your dad’s fault!” Sora huffed, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Kairi. “I was _gonna_ tell ‘em but then he goes and tells me,” he paused, cleared his throat, and continued in a crude imitation of Kairi’s father: “‘Careful Sora, they might not take the news well’—what kind of advice is that? Scared me right out of it!”

“My dad doesn’t sound like that!”

“He totally does.”

“You should still tell them, though,” Aerith said. “Sooner rather than later.”

“Tonight,” Kairi said.

“Eh, I don’t blame him, for not wanting to,” Tifa said. “It’s not like my dad took the news well, when I told him I was leaving.”

“Tifa, you shouldn’t assume _everyone’s_ like your father,” Cloud scolded. “Not that I disagree with Kairi’s father. There is a chance they might not take it well. They don’t know about other worlds, do they?”

“That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t tell them,” Aerith countered.

“I never said he shouldn’t tell them—”

“Alright, fine!” Sora said, over everyone. “I’ll tell ‘em. I will. Eventually.”

“Tell who what?” Yuffie asked. “Uh, Leon.”

“I’m moving.”

“Nothing,” Sora told Yuffie. “It’s nothing.”

“Cid wants to know if he really has to come down,” Riku said.

“Well I _guess_ not,” Aerith sighed.

“Can we get this moving along or not?” Sora demanded, raising his voice over everyone’s again. “I really don’t want to be rude, and I’d really love to stay, but I don’t need to add ‘being out obnoxiously late’ to the list of things my parents are gonna be mad at me about.”

“Why are his parents gonna be mad?” Namine asked.

Everyone—minus Cid—was down the stairs now, and most of them were crowded kind of awkwardly at the bottom of the staircase. Kairi moved to stand by one of the couches to allow room, though Sora didn’t move.

“He hasn’t told them where he’s been,” Kairi explained.

“Ah.”

“Well?” Sora raised his voice again. “Can me and Kairi get going or not? It’s getting kinda late!”

Aerith laughed. “We’re not trying to keep you, Sora, just trying to be polite and give everyone a chance to say goodbye.”

“It’s not like I’m never going to see any of you again,” Sora grumbled, but didn’t argue further.

Goodbyes were short and sweet, for the most part. Kairi took a little extra time saying goodbye to Namine. They discussed plans for a potential sleepover again, but couldn’t discuss much else, with Riku standing there. Kairi settled for giving Namine a very stern look, nodding at Riku, and hoping Namine got the point. From the way her face paled, she likely did.

Sora wound up getting caught in another conversation with Cloud, but he was wrapping it up by the time Kairi’d finished with Namine.

“Well, if I need anything, I know where to find you,” Sora said.

“Ah…”

Tifa nudged Cloud in the gut before he could continue with whatever he was going to say. “Aerith’s got your number if Sora ends up needing it, so don’t worry.”

“Right. Best get going then, right, Sora?”

Sora nodded, then looked to find Kairi. She smiled at him, and after a few more goodbyes, they were out the door and on the street before Aerith’s house. Sora let out a sigh of relief, but it was more theatrics than anything else. Kairi understood his feelings completely. Big families were always the hardest to get away from, especially when you were in a hurry, it seemed.

“Come on,” Kairi said, holding out her hand for Sora to take. “Let’s go already.”

He took her hand, activated his star shard.

Star shard travel was as it always was, jolting and almost like you were being torn in twenty different directions at once, before finally being pushed in just one. Kairi shook herself as they landed on Destiny Islands, thinking that Tifa’s corridors of light were much more preferable. If only she could do them herself…

“Oh no.” Sora’s voice sounded very tight. “Why is it dark out already?”

Kairi felt the blood drain from her face. “Crud, time runs differently between worlds.”

“It does!?”

“Yeah, and I knew that, and I’m sorry I forgot.”

“Thanks a lot, Kairi!”

He didn’t sound very grateful, and he shoved at her with enough force she would’ve stumbled if she hadn’t expected it.

“Well, on the bright side, now you’ll have to tell your parents,” Kairi said. She did her best not to laugh, but couldn’t help the smile that was forming on her lips.

“Thanks _a lot_ Kairi!”

There was a sting to Sora’s voice now, and he shoved her forward, causing her to stumble this time. She recovered her footing quickly, sent a look back at him long enough to stick her tongue out, and started running in the direction of her house. Sora was quick to follow.


	7. In which Namine TRIES to tell Riku about the thing

Riku was in the kitchen, helping Aerith put the clean dishes away. Aerith had tried to tell him she was fine, she could do it herself, but he ignored her protests and helped anyway. Maybe it was for the better, Namine noted, as she watched from the living room. After all, Riku could reach the high shelves easier.

The three of them were the only ones downstairs. Leon, Yuffie, and Cid were all upstairs, doing whatever it was they did. Leon was probably reading, or writing something, as she’d noticed him doing as of late. Cid was likely working on some gadget prototype or other, or drawing up new plans for an improved canon, not that there had been much Heartless lately. Namine had no clue what Yuffie might be doing. Maybe she’d already gone to sleep. It wasn’t like it was too early to, and Yuffie did like her sleep.

As for Cloud and Tifa, they’d left not long after Sora and Kairi did. Namine hadn’t caught where they were heading, but no one seemed surprised at them leaving, though Aerith had been quite happy to hear they were going _together._

Namine was drawing, besides watching Riku and Aerith work in the kitchen. She and Aerith made idle talk, with occasional input from Riku. They discussed Sora, briefly. Aerith mentioned how she felt he was… _off,_ but couldn’t put her finger on what was off about him. Riku’d said he’d seemed more tired lately, but that was all any of them could think of. Namine hadn’t even noticed there was anything up with Sora, with how otherwise preoccupied she was.

She kept considering putting her nightmares onto paper, into her sketchbook, because then it really would be easier to tell Riku about them. She couldn’t make her hands move to form the shapes, though. She sighed. She should probably tell Riku soon, before she could chicken out of it again, but she couldn’t bring it up with Aerith here.

_It might be easier… But, no, I can’t tell her about this! She doesn’t need to know._

“You two should sleep tonight,” Aerith said, suddenly.

Namine looked up, surprised. Riku paused with a mug halfway into the cabinet, shoulders tensed. After a second, she saw him force himself to relax.

“We don’t need as much sleep as you do,” he told Aerith, laughing lightly. The laugh was meant to ease her. To push her worries aside. He’d used the laugh on Namine before.

Aerith didn’t pause, didn’t falter. “But you do need it more than once a week, don’t you?” she asked.

“Well…” Riku began, but he couldn’t finish.

Namine didn’t know what to say, unsure which direction Riku wanted to go with this. Were they trying to talk themselves out of sleeping? Was he going to tell her about his nightmares? She couldn’t tell. She could never tell when it came to Aerith, and how he’d respond to her.

Tentatively, Namine reached out with her mind, trying to forge the bridge that connected hers and Riku’s heads. It wouldn’t come. She frowned with distaste.

 _Shouldn’t I have noticed that sooner…?_ she wondered, but she really couldn’t come up with a reason why she would’ve noticed sooner. She hadn’t tried to form the connection after she’d been Rewritten. But hadn’t it _always_ been open, at least a little?

With a start, she realized she hadn’t heard his thoughts _at all_ this past week. Nothing, not even the slightest trickle of thought, or emotion. She couldn’t say if she was relieved or not. The connection had been a burden as much as it had been a blessing.

 _But if it’s gone… is it gone?_ She wasn’t sure it was, didn’t want to say she was sure it was, not yet. _To think of all the things that would’ve gone with it…_

“My point still stands, you should probably get some sleep,” Aerith said, drawing Namine out of her thoughts.

“We’ll try,” Riku told her.

Aerith nodded. She took one brief look around the kitchen to make sure everything was in order, then nodded again, satisfied it was. She pulled Riku into a short hug.

“Good night.”

“Uh, good night.”

Aerith smiled at him, then headed out the kitchen and up the stairs.

“Good night, Namine,” she said as she passed.

“Good night.”

Then Aerith was up the stairs.

Riku slowly closed the cabinet by him. He didn’t turn to look at Namine, specifically, but she could still sense how his attention shifted to her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered

Namine looked up, surprised. “For what?”

“For not saving you in time.” He played with the handle of the cabinet door, pulling it open a little, pushing it shut. “That’s… that’s what you’re upset about, isn’t it?”

Namine slowly pushed her pencils into a better position, so she wouldn’t upset them if she stood up suddenly. “What are you _talking_ about?”

“Well I’ve been running it over in my head all day, and I can’t come up with another reason for why you’re upset.”

“And it didn’t occur to you to just _ask_ me about it?” Namine asked. Annoyance flared through her, though she tried to shove it down and out of mind. She didn’t like being annoyed with Riku. Yet that’s all she’d seemed to be lately. Annoyed with him.

“Would you answer if I asked?” Riku replied.

Her response—and her anger—died in her mouth.

“Well…”

“Exactly.”

Riku shut the cabinet with a slam, then pushed away from it, moving so he had one hand braced on the wall between the kitchen and the living room, looking down at where she sat on the couch. Namine tried not to look at him.

“That wasn’t your fault,” she told him, simply. She could bear this subject. She could bear any subject that wasn’t what she saw in her nightmares.

“Of course it was. I wasn’t fast enough to save you.”

Namine grit her teeth. This argument again. “ _I_ was the one who thought it was a good idea to just let Xigbar _walk away_ with me and not put up a struggle. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”

Riku shook his head, as firm as he always was about this. “But you walked away with him because you trusted me to be fast enough.”

Namine glared, then let out a frustrated breath.

“Do you want to know why I’m really upset?”

Riku’s face softened a little, from anger to confusion. He hesitated a moment, and then:

“Yeah.”

Namine faltered immediately. She hadn’t actually expected him to say yes. For some reason. Plus, how was she supposed to tell him why she was upset? That she was upset because he had that look on his face again—the determined face where his bottom lip stuck out in a slight pout and his eyes narrowed with a quiet anger. The face that told her his opinion was a stone that could not be moved, that he refused to believe it was anyone’s fault but his own.

How was she supposed to tell him that?

And the nightmares…

She looked away from him.

“It wasn’t your fault, so stop acting like it was,” she told him.

Riku pushed away from the wall, stepping towards her. “No, come on, why are you mad at me?”

_Why are you mad at me?_

It was like a physical blow, and had Namine been standing, she would’ve staggered. As it was, she leaned back in the couch, hunching her shoulders. She tried to mask the shock on her face. Looked down at the ground.

“I’m- I’m not… not at… you…” She swallowed, mumbling. “I just. I’ve… Nightmares…”

“Oh.” His voice was softer now, and he didn’t sound a bit surprised. He moved to kneel on the ground before her, taking her hands in his. Even kneeling, he was almost eyelevel with her. Namine blamed it on how low this couch was.

“They are difficult, aren’t they?” Riku whispered. He shifted and straightened to press a kiss to her forehead, lingering there a moment. “The nightmares…” He sighed deeply, his breath ruffling her hair, and then pulled away.

“It’s… it’s more than just nightmares…” Namine stared at her lap. At their hands clasped together in her lap. She wouldn’t let Riku’s softness ruin this. She had an opportunity. She had to tell him. If, for the very least, because Kairi would be furious if she didn’t. Not to mention what he’d do if…

“Yeah?”

“It’s… Larxene…”

“What?” Riku laughed, lightly. “Why are you worried about her? She can’t hurt you.”

Namine shook her head. “No, I’m- I’m worried about you and—”

“She can’t hurt me either.”

“But- but she’s _alive_ and you—”

Riku’s smile fell immediately. “Shit…” he breathed. “She is alive.” Horror crossed his face, quickly replaced by anger.

Namine felt her stomach clench.

“Riku, please—”

“I doubt she can get me here, though…” Riku mumbled, not seeming to pay Namine any attention. His grip on her hands grew tighter.

“That’s- that’s not what I’m worried…”

She trailed off, as Riku looked up at her. He smiled broadly.

“We’re safe, Namine,” he said, firmly. “I’m safe. More importantly, you’re safe.”

Anger bubbled in Namine, but she quickly shoved it down, before it showed on her face. She didn’t want to upset Riku. But couldn’t he just _listen_ to her?

“Riku,” she began, but he was already getting to his feet.

“Aerith’s right,” he said. “We should probably get some sleep. I’m actually kinda tired, now that I think about it. Need me to carry anything?” He gestured at her pencils, spread out on the couch.

Namine sighed, and shook her head. “I got ‘em…” she muttered, shoving them into her pencil case. Why was it her he was worried about? Why couldn’t he, for once, be a little more worried about his own safety? If they were discussing Larxene, it was him who was in the most danger.

She kept her mouth shut, though. Maybe she could tell him about the nightmares later—surely, when she woke up from one this morning, she’d have a chance. Have a chance to say she wanted to talk about it, wanted to tell him. And if not then in the morning, then surely, _sometime_ later tomorrow.

That hope in mind, and grateful for an excuse to put it off, Namine followed Riku up the stairs.

 

**xxx**

 

Namine sighed deeply, shifting against her pillow. She couldn’t sleep, not that that was a surprise. Sleep had been hard coming all week, even without the nightmares.

She’d been lying awake for probably an hour now, based on her internal sense of time. There wasn’t a clock in this room—Riku had said he _definitely_ wouldn’t sleep with it ticking at him all night—so she couldn’t cross check her internal time sense… but it’d never been wrong before. Probably had to do with being a Replica.

She sat up, sending a look over at Riku. It was amazing how peaceful he could look in his sleep. How a face that she had seen make so many cruel and pained expressions could be completely serene once its owner lost consciousness. She licked her lips nervously. She didn’t want to wake him, but…

“Riku…?”

He sat up immediately, turning to look at her. She had no trouble seeing him, even in the near pitch darkness that filled the room. Impeccable night vision was something that also probably came from being a Replica.

“Yeah? Namine? Something wrong?” Riku asked.

His words were slurred a little by sleep daze, but not as much as they could’ve been. He’d always been like that.

“I… can’t sleep…”

“Right. Well. We don’t have to.” He shifted into a more comfortable position, visibly calming now that he was certain she wasn’t in danger. “I know I told Aerith we would, but we can always get some sleep _later_ tonight. Or tomorrow. I think we can make it one more night.”

Namine flopped back onto her pillow, rolling on her side so she was facing Riku. She ran her fingers over the edge of the bed, inches from her chest.

“I want to sleep,” she said. She was a little surprised by the whine in her tone as she said it, but didn’t have the energy to care. She felt _exhausted._ Nearly a week with no sleep was finally catching up to her. She just wanted to be able to sleep.

“Okay.” Riku nodded at her. She got the feeling that, even if he was functional, he wasn’t entirely awake yet. “Uhm… we can talk until you nod off? I could just talk at you. Read you something? I don’t know what normally helps you go to sleep.”

Namine shrugged, uselessly. “I’ve never had much trouble sleeping before.”

“’Fraid to sleep ‘cause of the nightmares?” Riku asked, quietly.

She only nodded.

_Now’s your chance. Tell him why they frighten you. Go on!_

“I… I wish I could help…”

_Please, Riku, suggest talking about the nightmares. Don’t people say talking about them eases them? I doubt it’ll ease mine, but at least then you’d know…_

Riku sent a long worried look at her, his bright eyes looking even brighter in the darkness. “Got any suggestions…?” he asked.

Namine sighed. She really didn’t want to talk about her nightmares tonight. It would be smart but… but then she’d never get any sleep. Her desire for sleep was much, _much_ more potent than the need to tell Riku about her nightmares.

“Can… can I sleep with you?” she said, very, very slowly. She wasn’t sure how Riku’d respond to such a suggestion.

“Huh?”

“In your bed…?”

Riku studied her. “You think us sleeping in the same bed together might help you sleep?” He asked the question in the same halting tone she’d phrased her suggestion in.

Namine swallowed.

“It might… might ward off the nightmares.”

“Y’think?”

“Being near you seemed to help ward off the meltdowns.”

He chuckled a little. “Not as much as, ah… kissing you did.”

She could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke. She hoped the darkness at least hid her blush. Riku _normally_ didn’t tease, but he could never seem to let this subject drop. Maybe it was just because he liked thinking about it, and she couldn’t exactly blame him for that.

“Been a while since the last meltdown, hasn’t it?” Riku said, suddenly.

“Hmm? Oh… not that long…”

_Two weeks, I think. A little over two weeks. Guess that is a while, but certainly no cause for celebration. Just cause to be worried one’s coming soon._

“Maybe they’ve stopped.” The way he said it suggested he didn’t believe it.

Namine laughed, feeling that same disbelief. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful.”

“Right.” Riku cleared his throat. “So… about sleeping in the same bed…”

“Is that weird?” Namine asked, before he could get much further. She didn’t move at all, other than to draw her arm away from the edge of the bed and against her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut, too, not wanting to watch Riku’s slow and precise movements as he worked out his answer.

“Do you… think it’s weird?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I think it’s… something… that maybe might be… considered weird…?”

She could hear Riku click his tongue, a sharp sound out of the darkness. She wasn’t sure if she should take it as him being annoyed, or just some unconscious movement he made as he thought. Without their connection—she really was suspecting it was gone completely, because even now as she reached out for it she couldn’t find it—she could only guess.

“Namine, if you don’t _want_ to...” Riku began, speaking slowly.

“I do.”

“But you think it’s weird…”

“I dunno…”

“Isn’t it normal for people who are dating to share a bed, though?” Riku said. “Or, y’know, no one’s gonna think too much about it…”

Namine laughed a little. “Riku, I wouldn’t call whatever it is we’re doing dating.”

_And even if it was, how am I supposed to know if sharing a bed is normal for people who are dating?_

“Well, if you wanna go on a date sometime—”

“Right now I want to sleep.”

“Do you want to share a bed or not, Namine?”

She hunched in on herself. She couldn’t help it. “Do you think it’s weird?”

Riku sighed deeply, and then she heard the slight creek of his mattress—not that it creaked much—followed by the sound of his feet on the floor. Before she could open her eyes to see where he was, or open her mouth to ask what he was doing, he had lain down in the bed next to her, between her and the wall.

“There,” he whispered, shifting to make himself fit into the tiny space that the bed allowed. It wasn’t a very large bed, and it definitely hadn’t been made to fit two people. The fact that Riku was as tall as he was probably wasn’t helping.

Finally, he’d gotten himself settled, with one arm wrapped around her, and his chin resting on the top of her head. Namine figured that as long as they both stayed on their sides, and neither of them moved too much in their sleep, this could be comfortable. Staying still required her being correct, though, in saying this would help their nightmares. She wasn’t sure if _she_ thrashed much when she was having a nightmare, but she knew Riku did.

 _Just don’t think about it,_ she told herself. _It’ll be fine…_

“Better?” Riku asked, gently.

“Uh-huh…”

Namine could feel her eyelids drooping already.

“Alright. Just wake me up and let me know if you need me to move, though.”

“Yeah.”

Namine didn’t even remember falling asleep, but she did in the end. She didn’t have a single nightmare that night, either.


	8. In which Sora talks to his parents

Sora opened and stepped through his front door—it was unlocked, of course. Few people bothered locking doors on Destiny Islands. Unsurprisingly, the lamp in the corner of the front room was still on, and both his parents were sitting on the one couch in the room, up against the side wall. The look on his mother’s face said he definitely wasn’t forgiven for being out so late.

_Definitely not when I said when I was hanging out with Kairi… oh man this is bad…_

“Sorry,” he said, closing the door behind him. He cleared his throat nervously. The words _I got caught up on the play island_ formed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. No more lying. Just the truth, now.

“It’s an hour after sundown, Sora.” His dad’s voice was weary, and his dark eyes tired. He raked his hand through his dark hair, just as dark as Sora’s. Had it been any longer, it likely would’ve stood up just as much as Sora’s, too.

“Sorry,” Sora said again.

“I assume you have an explanation,” his mother said. The raise of her eyebrows suggesting she fully expected an explanation, and likely one of the long winded “explanations” he’d given when he was younger, which weren’t really explanations at all, but elaborate lies.

Sora looked between the two of them, still trying to piece together what he was going to say. His father looked exhausted, the grey in his hairline more pronounced than usual. His mother’s skin seemed to be stretched tighter across her face, though whether that was from the current anger or her waning age, he wasn’t sure. She certainly looked a little thinner than she had six months ago.

His parents were both well past their prime, unlike Kairi’s dad, who was still in the middle of his. Sora always forgot the exact age difference between his parents and Kairi’s dad, but he knew it was somewhere over ten years. Wasn’t it closer to twenty? Anyway…

Sora took a deep breath, and then sat down on the floor in front of his parents, folding his legs under him.

“I need to tell you something,” he said. “About… where I’ve been. For the past six months.”

That got their attention. His dad seemed to relax a little. His mother did the opposite, moving to sit on the edge of her seat.

“I- I want you to hear me out. Before you say anything,” Sora said, quickly. “It’ll be a lot to take in, and a lot to believe, I know that. But hear me out. Please.” He lowered his head, silently asking for forgiveness. He shouldn’t have lied to them, shouldn’t have kept this a secret for so long, even if it had only been a week. He should’ve told them the day he came home, or the day after, anyway, once the tearful reunion, shower, and a good night’s sleep were out of the way.

“Go ahead,” his mother said.

“We will,” his father said.

Sora swallowed once, then went into it, knowing it was better not to hesitate, better to just get this done.

“I’ve been in another world.”

His mother made a noise of indignation, and he winced. He’d expected it, but it made it no less painful. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground before him.

“Another world?” his mother demanded. “Sora, that’s—”

“Akemi… We said we’d hear him out.” His father’s voice was soft, soothing, like it always was. It was always his father that would ground his mother, that would calm her before her anger could take her. Sora didn’t need to look up to see his mother’s tight-lipped grimace, nor the concern that darkened his father’s face.

“I know it’s a lot to believe, and I know I’m asking a lot, asking you to believe it.” Sora rest his hands on his knees. He cleared his throat. “Do you… do you remember when the darkness came and swallowed this island? I don’t know… where it took you, if it took you anywhere, but it took me to a different world, and I’ve been there all this time. I- I would’ve come home sooner, but I didn’t have the means until… until very recently.”

That wasn’t the whole truth, or anywhere near _all_ of the truth, but he knew he had to start small. Everything that happened was much, too much to say in one sitting. He’d worry about telling them everything once he was sure that they’d believe him.

“What was it like?” his father asked.

Sora smiled a little. He could always count on his father to support him, even when his mother doubted. It was one of the things he loved most about his father. If he had his father convinced, then eventually, _eventually,_ they’d be able to turn his mother around.

“Haru! Don’t encourage him!”

Sora tensed, looking up now. His mother looked furious. His father’s face showed little expression. The only problem it came down to, was how would he convince his father without a chance to talk to him alone?

“I’m not lying, Mom, I promise you,” Sora said, grinding out the words with effort that surprised him. His tone was sharper than he intended, a frustration bubbling in him. He pushed it down, worried. These were his parents. He couldn’t yell at them. He was horrified at how strongly the urge to shout pulsed through him, how strongly he wanted to scream at them.

_Is it the darkness…? I hope it isn’t…_

“Sora…” his mother began, but a look from his father silenced her. She sighed, deeply.

Sora sighed, too, a heaviness weighing on him.

_They’ll hear me out, but I get the feeling they don’t actually believe me. I just… If I can convince Dad…_

“If I wasn’t in another world, where else would I have been?” he asked. “This island’s too small to hide me for six months.”

“You could’ve stowed away on a ship, I suppose,” his dad mumbled.

Sora’s fingers curled into fists on his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, biting back tears. “I- I didn’t…” His voice cracked.

His father said nothing more, did nothing more.

“You must have,” his mother said. “And if you did, that’s fine, I don’t mind. I just want the truth.”

“I’m telling the truth!! Kairi can back me up!”

Admittedly, saying that Kairi could back him up did little to help him, and he knew it. When they were little, they used to do a lot of pranks and tell a lot of lies. Sora’d thought them harmless, for the most part—and in reality, most of them were—claiming that they’d been attacked by a sea monster when he was really only playing pretend. Kairi backed him up all the time, too, regardless of how silly his stories were or how elaborate.

Honestly, he wasn’t exactly surprised at his mother’s reluctance to believe him, especially with the knowledge there was a spell on this island. Or, Kairi’s dad thought there was a spell anyway. A spell that made everyone forget foreigners after they left, and maybe did more than that. It was to keep the balance, to keep the worlds separate.

Sora’s mother laughed, sharply, knowing just as well as he did that Kairi’s word meant little. The laugh made something burn in Sora. He wanted to shout, scream, so much more. She was being _thickheaded,_ and _ignorant,_ and—

_And she’s my mother! I can’t think of her like that!_

He bit his tongue, trying to quash his ill feelings. He really hoped that, if they were caused by the darkness, that darkness wouldn’t be hard to tame. It was going after his parents. His parents!

Sora took a deep breath. He couldn’t do anything about that right now. It’d have to wait. Slowly he lowered his head again, curling his chin to his chest. He didn’t _want_ to argue. He just wanted them to believe.

“I am telling you the truth,” he said, very, _very_ slowly. “I mean it. I’ve always been honest to you about the big things, so why would I lie to you now? And- and if I was lying—” He couldn’t help the catch in his voice, the hysterics this was pushing him into. Why did it have to be so hard to convince them? “If I was lying, I’d have come up with something better than this. Like- like a crazy witch kidnapped me or—”

“Sora,” his dad interrupted.

Sora grit his teeth. He shouldn’t let this frustrate him so much, but it was hard, it was so hard. Why wouldn’t they believe him?

“I’m telling—”

“That’s enough, Sora! I don’t want to hear it!”

It was his mother who cut him off this time, and Sora cringed at the sound of it. His throat hitched. His patience snapped like a cut wire. He slapped his hands down against the ground, his head snapped up to look at them. Anger flooded him.

“WHY WON’T YOU _LISTEN_ TO ME!?” he screamed. “WHY WON’T YOU _BELIEVE_ ME?”

He could feel the way his face twisted up in fury, could feel his lips curl with disgust. Nothing. They knew _nothing._ They were a pair of ignorant fools and—

His father looked surprised, scared. He was pushing himself back against the back of the couch, as if to distance himself from Sora, from his son. His mother looked horrified, too much so to even be angry anymore.

That’s when reality snapped back into place around him. The heat of anger fled him, leaving only the cold of shock. His parents. He’d just yelled at his parents, and maybe threatened them. He wasn’t sure how they’d interpreted the snarl on his face, wasn’t sure if he wanted to consider it a threat.

“I- I’m sorry.” The words couldn’t leave his lips fast enough. His voice didn’t sound sincere enough. “I- I didn’t- I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks. He gasped for air.

“Sora…” his father began.

“I’m sorry.”

Sora fled to his room.


	9. In which Kairi and Namine have another talk about the thing

Kairi’s dad seemed only mildly surprised to open his front door and see her. “Hi, Namine!” he said, grinning widely. The smile always reminded her of Sora; very open, very casual.

“Is Kairi here?” Namine asked. She was starting to worry she might have missed her. She hadn’t left Hollow Bastion _that_ late in the morning, but time obviously ran differently between worlds, seeing as it looked like it was quite later here. Late enough that Kairi might already have gone to the play island, if she still went every day, and certainly late enough for Sora to be over, or for her to have gone over to his house…

“Yeah, she’s upstairs,” Kairi’s dad said. Namine let out a sigh of relief. “I can call her down if you want, but I think you can find your way just as well. You did live here.” The last bit seemed almost an afterthought.

Namine agreed, saying that she _could_ find her way on her own, laughing a little. Forcing a laugh, anyway. She had other things on her mind than Kairi’s dad’s spotty memory. Not soon enough, she was poking her head into Kairi’s room. Kairi was sprawled across her bed, reading. The second bed—the one that used to be Namine’s—was still made, which surprised Namine a little.

“Hey!” Kairi said, picking her nose up out of a book and waving. She noticed the look Namine was giving the second bed, then added: “My dad figured we might as well leave the sheets on it, for when Sora spends the night. Or for when you spend the night. Or whatever.” She frowned then, closing the book. “You look upset about something else, though. What’s up?”

“I… I tried to talk to Riku last night.”

Kairi tossed the book on the floor and sat straight up.

“How’d it go?”

Namine shook her head.

Kairi winced with sympathy. “That bad, huh?”

“More like I hardly got three words out before he managed to change the subject,” Namine mumbled. She flopped down on the bed next to Kairi, falling back onto her back. Being here seemed to make the tenseness flow out of her, though it did nothing to alleviate her weariness.

She wasn’t _physically_ weary, of course, not in the traditional sense. She’d slept _very_ well last night. She was just… _mentally_ weary. She hadn’t been able to bring up her nightmares to Riku this morning. The moment she started talking his eyes scrunched up and his mouth curled with distaste. She’d abandoned her attempts after that.

_He’s being sour about it, and I haven’t even properly told him…_

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Kairi asked, a repetition. Namine was sure she’d offer every time this came up, at least until Namine told Riku, or until it was too late…

Namine shook her head, partially to clear her thoughts, partially to answer Kairi.

“I want him to stop being… I don’t know…”

She wasn’t quite sure how to put everything that’d been frustrating her about this—about him—into words, let alone a single one that would finish that sentence. _Unreasonable,_ maybe, could be what she was looking for, but that almost felt like putting it blandly.

“Butthurt?” Kairi suggested.

Namine laughed in spite of herself. “I wouldn’t call it that.”

“Then what would you call it?” Kairi shifted to lie down next to Namine, putting her hands behind her head much like Sora would.

Namine shrugged. “I don’t know… but it’s more than just the nightmares…” She let out a long breath, reaching up to rub her face. “I’ve been _really_ frustrated with him lately, and I’m not even sure why…”

“Not the nightmares, huh…?” Kairi said, slowly. Namine could just picture how she chewed her lip as she thought, even though she couldn’t see it from this angle. “Is he doing something to tick you off?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well, think about what’s usually happening when you get upset.” Kairi turned her head towards Namine. She looked nothing besides patient and understanding.

Namine let out another long breath.

“It’s just… he… it’s like he completely ignores the fact—”

“They didn’t believe me, Kairi, can you believe that!?” It was Sora’s voice that interrupted her, accompanied by the heavy sound of his feet on the floor. Both Kairi and Namine sat bolt upright. Namine did a double take at the sight of him, at the scar across his face, and she immediately felt bad for doing so. It was just going to be a while before she got used to seeing it.

Sora had his arms folded across his chest, drumming his fingers against his skin, and he was still ranting. “The _moment_ that I mentioned other worlds, they just… you… have Namine over.” His annoyance fell immediately once he realized that, and he dropped his arms from across his chest. “Sorry. Never mind.” He moved for the door.

Kairi jumped up to intercept him.

“No, hang on, what? What happened?”

Sora just shook his head. “It’s okay, talk to Namine. I need to talk to your dad, anyway, really.” He pushed past Kairi, heading back down the stairs.

“What’s going on?” Namine asked.

Kairi shrugged, slowly, staring out the door even though Sora was long out of sight. After a long moment she turned to Namine, worry etched on her brow. “I think… I think he was talking about his parents…”

Namine’s eyebrows raised with shock. His parents. He’d tried to talk to his parents about where he’d been, like everyone in Hollow Bastion had told him to last night, and they hadn’t believed him. She hissed in sympathy.

“Do you need to go talk to him?”

She understood completely. This seemed much more important than Riku.

Kairi chewed her lip, clearly worried, but shook her head. “No… he’s right. It’s my dad he needs to talk to, really—I doubt my word would do anything to convince his parents, if his word didn’t, but my _dad’s_ word, on the other hand…” She trailed off, eyes meeting Namine’s, her expression asking if Namine understood. Namine nodded, saying she did.

“Well…” Kairi flopped down in the bed again, though Namine remained sitting. “Where’d we leave off? You being upset with Riku, I think.”

“Yeah.” Namine grimaced. “I don’t remember what I was saying, though.”

“Take your time.”

It was hard to gear her thoughts away from Sora and his parents, and back to Riku, but eventually she managed. She mulled over their conversation last night, trying to remember what had frustrated her about it, besides the fact that he wouldn’t listen to her…

Actually, maybe that was it.

“Well, he wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell him about my nightmares,” she said. “He kept changing the subject, and it was _really_ frustrating.”

“Understandably so. Not much you can do about that but call him out on it, though.”

Namine nodded.

There was something else, she remembered now.

“And then… when he’s upset…” She began, then paused. Is that how she wanted to explain it? She tried again. “He does this thing when he’s upset…”

“Yeah?” Kairi pressed.

“He gets… he…”

Namine wasn’t quite sure how to describe the way Riku’s bottom lip quivered in a pout that made him look angry and hurt at the same time. Nor was she sure how to describe how his negativity pressed at the back of her mind…

_Then again, if our telepathic link really is gone… then so is that..._

She’d tried reaching for the connection between their minds again this morning, but like last night, she hadn’t been able to grab it. She wasn’t sure if she’d say it had vanished, or if it was just… too far away to touch. She still wasn’t sure if she’d miss it if it were gone, either. On one hand, it really would be nice not to have her mood affected by his feelings pressing in the back of her mind in the future. On the other hand, it had been nice to be able to talk silently with him, along with being able to hear his negative thoughts and catch him before he could drown himself in them.

“ _Yeah?_ ” Kairi repeated, looking sternly at her. “He does what?”

Namine mulled it over a moment more, then settled on: “He looks like a kicked puppy.”

Kairi snorted, and Namine couldn’t help the slight smile that came to her face, too, at the comparison.

“A kicked puppy?” Kairi asked.

Namine nodded. “Yeah! Like- like when you accidently step on a dog’s tail and they get that big sad look in their eyes.”

“Ohhh, oh yeah! Like it’s their fault, and—” She stopped, the grin falling into horror. She propped herself up on an elbow, looking urgently at Namine. “ _Exactly_ like that?”

Namine’s stomach twisted as the realization settled on her, too. Exactly like that. Hurt and upset and wanting to apologize, like it was his fault, even though it was an accident, or it was her fault.

_Like him saying it’s his fault I was Rewritten, even after all this time. There’s that I’m upset about too. That, and every other time he’s done it… which is…_

She couldn’t specifically count any other time, but she got the feeling there were plenty of them. A couple with Larxene flickered through her mind. Those would’ve been with the other Namine, though. Or just Larxene. Clearly, she could still see plenty of his memories, connection or no. She shuddered at the thought of Larxene, and did her best to put the shrill voice and ringing words out of her mind.

_“If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s yours, kiddo.”_

“Kind of like that, yeah,” Namine told Kairi.

Kairi let out a long breath, letting herself fall back against the bed. Namine rubbed her fingers together.

“And… and there’s this other thing he does,” she said, quietly. “When _I’m_ upset. He’ll- he’ll drop everything just to try and make me happy again, and frankly, it’s a little annoying. Makes it hard to have a serious conversation with him.”

“I can imagine.” Kairi’s reply was distracted, and her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. She chewed her bottom lip furiously, deep in thought. “How long’s he been doing this?” she asked, though that was just as distracted.

Namine shrugged. It was another thing that was hard to peg out specific occurrences of, but it felt like it’d been happening forever. Perhaps, even, before she was created. Back in the other universe…

“Forever?” she answered Kairi, with another shrug.

“Right.”

Kairi said nothing more, just went back to chewing her lip. The thought of joking a little, asking Kairi if she really thought she could glare the answers out of the ceiling, crossed Namine’s mind. She pushed it away, though. She’d never been good with jokes like that, plus she didn’t want to derail Kairi’s train of thought.

It was an agonizing minute of silence before Kairi finally spoke. “So… let me get this straight… You don’t want to talk to him about your nightmares partially because he won’t listen, but also because it upsets him and you don’t want to deal with that. Plus talking about them will make you upset, which makes him do the thing.”

Namine thought about that a second, then nodded. “In a nutshell, I guess, yeah.”

“Right. Nightmares, or no nightmares, Namine…” Kairi sat up, looking at her very firmly. “You can’t be responsible for Riku’s happiness. He should be able to do that on his own.”

Namine sighed. “I know…”

“You can’t go on like this. It sounds exhausting.”

 _It is…_ Namine admitted, silently. She sighed again.

“What do I do?” she asked.

“Talk to him,” Kairi replied, like it was obvious.

Namine made a face. That was easier said than done. She had to tell him about her nightmares first, anyway. And what would she say to him? She’d have to think about it…

“Can you believe it’s _May_ already?” Kairi asked, changing the subject. “It feels really weird.”

“I guess, yeah…” Namine said, distractedly. The problem, in a lot of ways, was bringing it up to Riku while they were alone. They had their own room, of course, but there were still a lot of people in Aerith’s house. Even with Tifa and Cloud gone…

“My birthday’s tomorrow,” Kairi said.

That got Namine’s attention.

She turned to look at Kairi, eyes focusing on her this time.

“Is it?”

Kairi nodded. “Yeah. Don’t worry about getting me presents or anything, though. It’ll be enough if you and Riku just come over. There will probably be cake.”

“Were we… _supposed_ to get presents?” Namine asked.

Kairi stared at her for a long moment. “Uh. Oh. That’s right. You haven’t celebrated a birthday before, either.” She shook her head a little. “Sora’s was back in March, but none of us were around for that…”

“Ah,” Namine said, slowly. Now it made a little more sense. Kairi’d had to explain Christmas to her, too, and that had been just as confusing at the time, if not more so.

“Probably best if you don’t tell Aerith or anyone, either,” Kairi added. “That’s part of the reason I didn’t bring it up the other night, the other being I forgot. I don’t really need them throwing gifts my direction, and you know how Aerith is…”

Namine smiled at that thought. “I won’t tell her until after tomorrow, then. She’ll probably feel bad for missing it, but she won’t make everyone buy you gifts, at least.”

“Right.” Kairi stood up, stretching. “I should probably go see what Sora wants, now. You’re welcome to stay, but you don’t have to.”

“I… I think I’ll go back to Hollow Bastion.” Namine stood up, too, and straightened her skirt. “Lemme know how things go with Sora.”

“Try not to put off talking to Riku too long.”

“I won’t.”

 _At least not about the nightmares, anyway, can’t put those off much longer,_ Namine thought. _Maybe I’ll try when I get back. I’m sure he’ll want to go on a round of the town… not that I’m too keen on going… fighting hasn’t exactly been enjoyable, ever since being Rewritten._

_A walk around town would do, though, I suppose…_

“You gonna use one of those dark corridor things, or you gonna use the front door?” Kairi asked.

“The front door, I guess. It might be a little mean to your dad to just vanish on him.”

They headed down the stairs.


	10. In which Riku says something unsettling

Kairi’s birthday party went well. It was the four of them (Kairi, Sora, Namine, Riku), plus Selphie. It was good to see Selphie again, Namine thought, forgiving Selphie for the spotty memory. Selphie and Sora brought presents, and Namine sketched a quick picture for Kairi—another to go on the walls in Kairi’s room. Riku, not wanting to be the only one without a present, gave Kairi some munny. She seemed thankful.

The party was a sleepover, so they all stayed the night at Kairi’s, before going home later in the day.

Namine didn’t have the time, didn’t take the chance, to tell Riku about her nightmares. She hadn’t wanted to on Kairi’s birthday, and couldn’t find the courage to talk to him the day after, even long after they’d returned to Hollow Bastion.

Surely a day more wouldn’t hurt. She’d tell him first thing in the morning.

Riku didn’t even ask if they would be sharing the bed again tonight, he just flopped into Namine’s bed. This was basically the fourth night they’d be doing it, though, so Namine wasn’t horribly bothered. Not that she would’ve been bothered much anyway. She hadn’t had a single nightmare since they’d started doing it, and Riku seemed to be sleeping better as well.

At least, he’d been sleeping better until now.

Namine was jolted awake with a start. Riku wasn’t thrashing—yet—but his grip on her had tightened drastically, and his breaths were coming in short gasps, and he was mumbling quite a bit

“I- I didn’t do anything… Please, please, _please,_ I didn’t…”

She tensed.

_Larxene._

“Riku…” she said, slowly. “Riku, it’s just a dream…”

She grabbed a hold of his arm, partially to be reassuring, partially just to pull it away from her before he could constrict her breathing entirely. She wanted to sit up so she could reach him better, soothe him better, but it was all she could do to keep him from accidentally suffocating her. His muscles were tight and didn’t want to move, and she didn’t have near enough space to shift at all, let alone _sit up._

“ _Please!_ I didn’t—”

The words cut off completely, not into a groan, not into a scream, just into silence. Namine swallowed, worried, but was rather thankful he wasn’t screaming. They wouldn’t wake the whole house, that way.

“It’s alright,” she whispered, hoping to calm him further, to lull him completely into sleep again. “It’s just a dream…”

For a long moment, she was sure it worked. He was still very tense, but his breaths had slowed, and he stopped mumbling. His grip on her didn’t lessen, though.

And then he spoke:

“I’ll kill her.”

The words sent chills down Namine’s spine.

“I’ll do it,” he hissed, malice dripping from his voice. “I will. I’ll kill her.”

Namine tried not to shudder, though she really couldn’t help it. She shifted as best as she could to look at Riku over her shoulder, though she could move very little, and couldn’t see him as a result.

 _Just a nightmare,_ she told herself.

_Just a nightmare?! Wake him up, you idiot! Wake him up and tell him everything. If he really means that—_

But after a moment or two, his breathing had slowed completely, and his grip on her had lessened entirely. She could shift to see him, now, and he looked so peaceful, so serene, that it broke her heart to consider waking him.

_The morning. It won’t hurt to wait until morning._

Even so, it was a long time before Namine went back to sleep.

 

**xxx**

 

_“Do you want to play a game?”_

_A shiver went down Sora’s spine at the sight of Luxord, smiling over his cards. Sora didn’t like that smile. He didn’t know much about cards, and even less about gambling, but he’d played enough other games to know that was a smile of a man who anticipated winning. And this game wasn’t a game Sora could afford to lose._

_“I’ve had enough of your stupid game!” Sora shouted._

_Shouting was all he could do, though. His limbs were limp, though they still moved, just not of his own accord. Closer examination proved why. Strings were attached to him, like he was a marionette. He followed the strings with his eyes, and found them dangling from the hands of his Shadow._

_That sight sent another set of chills down his spine, especially the sad look in his Shadow’s eyes._

_He turned his attention back to Luxord, only to find it was Maleficent there instead. In his dream, he didn’t even question where Luxord had gone, he hardly even realized anyone but Maleficent had ever stood there._

_“Fool boy, you’d be better off serving me!” Maleficent called, with a sweep of her staff, preparing for battle._

_Sora’s own limbs moved into a battle stance, though the stance was not his own. Normally he held his Keyblade in both hands, not just one, and he never held it at his side like this._

_“I’ll never let that happen!” Sora shouted. The words rumbled from deeper within him, and he wasn’t exactly sure they were his words._

_The battle raged in ways that should’ve been impossible, but ways that felt completely right within a dream. Sora hardly kept track of the battle, anyway, so he couldn’t quite pick out was wrong with it if you’d asked. It was just…_ wrong.

_“I’m doing this because I love you.”_

_The words reverberated in his skull. The words made the battle stagger, they made time slow to a halt. Sora turned to face his Shadow, and it was like moving through molasses. The strings on his limbs had vanished. His Shadow stood before him, golden eyes wide with terror, with sorrow._

_“If you love me, then why are you_ hurting _me!?” Sora shouted._

_Even his words seemed to leave his mouth at a snail’s pace._

_“I’m doing this because I love you.”_

_Everything snapped, and he fell. It was a short fall, only to his knees, but everything around him had shifted with it. His Shadow was gone. The nether space he’d been fighting Maleficent in had been replaced, filled with familiar images. The front room of his house. The wooden floor beneath him, scuffed by years and years of sand scraping across it on the bottom of careless shoes on careless feet._

_He was before his parents, on his knees, crying, begging._

_“Please, just listen to me. Please, I wouldn’t lie to you.”_

I’m doing this because I love you.

_His Shadows words still pounded in his mind, so hard he thought they might burst from his head._

_“Sora, there’s no such thing as other worlds!” his mother shouted._

_“WHY WON’T YOU_ LISTEN _TO ME?!”_

I’m doing this because I love you.

 _It all clutched at his heart, tugging with an unbearable pain. He thought he would explode. What did his Shadow_ mean? _Why wouldn’t his parents_ listen? _Why—_

‘You cannot hide from me.’

_That was a different voice, a voice that was more felt than heard. It felt like something was pressing on his mind, like footsteps of a small animal across his skin. Every sight, every sound, every feeling around him and within him dissolved at the arrival of that voice._

_Suddenly there was only mist around him, a grey mist, and he couldn’t tell if he was standing, or if he was floating, or if he was even_ really _there. The mist was thin and thick around him at the same time. He could see his hand just fine when he waved it in front of his face, but when he held it at an arm’s length in front of him, it vanished. Even so, he could see something in the distance, a dark form, a familiar silhouette._

_It almost looked like… a wolf._

_And the shape of it, the_ feel _of it was so familiar—_ familiar? _—he thought he might weep._

‘If you thought you could hide from me, _Mahtas_ , you were a fool.’

 _The wolf vanished, then the mist,_ and then Sora was awake.

He sat for a long moment, at first not recognizing the sight of his own room around him, nor the feel of his own bed beneath him. Reality drifted back to him so slowly, he feared for a second he might still be asleep.

_That wolf… was it… was that real?_

It seemed absurd, but the mist had felt like waking between sleeping, those few moments when you were awake but didn’t dare open your eyes, didn’t dare get out of bed. Did he know the wolf? Something familiar about it tugged at him, but for the life of him, he couldn’t _remember_ seeing it before. The fact it was in his dreams—along with what it had _said—_ scared him more than any other of his nightmares had.

Sora untangled himself from his sheets and staggered to the bathroom. He had to hold onto the walls to keep himself upright.

“ _You cannot hide from me.”_

The wolf’s words.

 _Had it been talking to_ me? _And, and what had it called me? That word…_

He couldn’t summon the word to his mind again, nor a concrete meaning for it. He _thought_ he knew what it meant, _maybe,_ but when he couldn’t remember what he word even _was_ …

The feel of hot water on his hands brought him back to his senses. He couldn’t even remember turning on the water in the sink, and with a hiss of pain he quickly turned on some cold water to balance the hot out. Normally the hot water wasn’t warm enough to scald, unless it’d been left running for some time. Obviously, he had been running it for a while…

Sora shook his head and splashed the water on his face, which is what he’d come in here to do anyway.

_It was just a dream… It had to be!_

He turned the water off, slowly, then looked up into the mirror. It was hard not to cringe at his own features, at a face marred. He hadn’t had much access to mirrors for a while after receiving the scar, and was sure it’d be a while from now before he really got used to seeing it.

He rubbed at his cheek with wet fingers. The new skin—much lighter than any of the rest of his skin—stung a little when pulled, but it didn’t hurt much otherwise. He let out a long breath, lowering his hand from his face.

_“I’m doing this because I love you.”_

Sora gripped the edge of the sink and cried.


	11. It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so begins... some cross-universe shenanigans! You don't have to read magik's side of this to understand what's going on! (Though this does contain a minor spoiler for [Remnants](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10439899/1/Remnants), sorry about that,) If you've forgotten or skipped the ASAS chapters then the short: magik's universe is FtPverse's equivalent of KH canon, and. actually that's all.
> 
> uhh I'd link you to magik's equivalent chapters but I don't remember which ones they are! sorry!

Riku wasn’t in the bed next to Namine when she woke up that morning. He wasn’t in his bed, either, not that she’d expected him to be. This wasn’t _exactly_ strange, of course. It wasn’t like he’d _never_ gotten up before her before, but…

_“I’ll kill her.”_

The words he’d said last night. Hissed in her ear as he clutched her like a lifeline. The thought made her blood run cold all over again. She tried to reassure herself. He’d been half asleep, of course, when he’d said it. He was probably just downstairs.

She clutched to that optimism like it was a balloon that would get away the moment she loosened her hold on its string. Slowly, she got up, got dressed, and headed downstairs, heart pounding with anticipation of what she might—or might not—find when she got down there.

The sight she was greeted with when she reached the bottom of the stairs nearly confirmed her worries. Aerith, Leon, Yuffie and Cid were all at the table, eating breakfast. Riku was nowhere to be seen. Namine swallowed. She opened her mouth to ask where Riku was—because maybe he was just on a walk, or doing rounds of the town, or…—but Leon beat her to the question.

“Where’s Riku?” he asked.

The blood drained from Namine’s face. The optimism didn’t just slip from her fingers, it shattered around her.

“What- what do you- do you _mean_ he’s not here?” she demanded. Her heart pounded in her throat.

_“I will. I’ll kill her.”_

The words rang in her ears. The images swam in her mind. She had to clutch the stair railing to steady herself.

“So he’s _not_ asleep?” Yuffie asked.

“Namine… is something wrong?” Aerith asked, over Yuffie.

“Oh no. Oh no _oh no._ ” Namine’s grip tightened on the railing. It was hard to get air into her lungs. “I thought I’d have- I thought I’d have more time I thought… I thought he wouldn’t…”

And she’d been a fool to do so. She knew him too well. She knew him _way_ too well. He wanted revenge—of course he did—and he had the power to take it. The darkness flooding through his veins… A monster in the back of his mind, biding its time, waiting for the right moment. She’d seen it before, and she knew what fed it.

_“She deserves it! After everything she’s done to me, to us—!”_

A hatred for Larxene, harbored in his chest for months.

The power to go after her.

“Namine.” Leon’s voice was calm. Stern. “Where’s Riku?”

The images—so familiar now, after seeing them so many times—repeated in her head.

_Darkness stained walls._

_Riku, bathed in darkness—_ she hated to see that smile on his face.

 _A figure, cowering in the corner—_ she thought she knew who it was, but she didn’t want to admit it just yet. Didn’t want to believe it.

“I- I have to go,” she said, and opened a dark corridor around herself.

Why had she waited so long to do something?

 

**xxx**

 

Finding her hadn’t been too hard, not that he’d expected it to be. She ended up being in the World that Never Was, or, what looked like it _used_ to be the World that Never Was. The place was in ruins, and darkness stained the walls.

He took a deep breath in, savoring the taste of darkness that filled the air. It was almost as if he could pull from it, too, and not just from the darkness that filled in his own veins.

Larxene was in the remains of the Grey Area, sitting on one of the few couches left, looking a little distressed. The sight brought a smile to Riku’s face. She was haggard looking, hairs out of place, her cloak torn. She jumped to her feet when she spotted him. The glare of her golden-green eyes—when had they gained the golden tint?—and the sneer of her lips were harsher than usual, _sharper,_ and they should’ve made Riku cringe. All he did was grin wider.

There was something… _off_ about her. Like she didn’t quite have it all together.

Darkness sang in his veins, and he nearly laughed from the thrill of it all. She was _slipping._ He’d come prepared to face her at her top form, but he wouldn’t have to. Oh, it was his _lucky_ day.

“What do you want with me?” she spat.

The way her body tensed was subtle. She was preparing to fight, she just didn’t want him to know that. It was a pity he knew her so well.

“Hmm?” her voice flared with annoyance. “Look, it’s not _my_ fault Xehanort got to Marluxia, so I don’t know why you felt the need to hunt me down. And _alone?_ Really?” She snorted. “I thought your whole little group worked differently than that.”

Riku held up a hand, grinning. “Okay. Hold up.” He wasn’t sure why this was so _amusing._ It just _was._ “I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about, and I don’t care, either.” He was just happy to be here, preparing to fight her. Mainly for his revenge, but it’d been a while since he’d had a good battle, too. He’d been thirsting for one.

Larxene’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? You were _there._ ”

Riku considered her a second, then burst out laughing. “Oh! I see! You’ve mistaken me for Re… for… someone else.”

The words _Real Thing_ buzzed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. He’d let her guess. It’d be _fun_ to make her guess. Make her _remember_ who he was.

“You’re _not_ Riku?”

She didn’t sound like she believed it.

Riku couldn’t keep the grin off his face.

“Well, I am, in a way. But, I suppose, from _your_ perspective… no. I’m not.”

She studied him long and hard, eyes narrowing into a deeper glare with each passing second. Laughter bubbled at Riku’s lips. He didn’t say anything more, just watched as the gears turned in her head.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, finally. She scoffed, and it was _angry._ Her face contorted with disgust, like he was a piece of gum she wasn’t particularly happy to see on her shoe. “That _Replica_ Vexen built. Hmph.”

Riku’s grin just widened further. Any wider and it’d split his face in two.

Larxene summoned her knives, but she summoned them lazily. “Listen, I don’t have _time_ for you right now. So if you want to save yourself the trouble, and the _pain_ while you’re at it, just scoot on out of here. I’ve got more important things to—”

“IT’S NOT GOING TO END LIKE THAT!” Riku roared. His grin fell. His voice shook. His body trembled. Blood pounded in his ears, and the darkness quickened in his veins, surging through him, feeding on his fury.

“I can _take you,_ ” he hissed, his voice dropping to a normal level. “I can fight you, and I can _win,_ and I can _make you pay._ ”

Larxene laughed, her normal harsh laugh. Riku shivered at the sound of it.

“I’d like to see you try,” she called. She threw the lightning bolt before he could blink—had this been any other time, that would’ve been all took. One lightning bolt, then he’d be down.

But not this time.

He threw up a wall of darkness to catch the lightning bolt, stopping it long before it could hit him. Once the lightning was neutralized, he tossed the wall aside, and then threw a new blast of darkness at Larxene. It knocked her backwards. She cried out in shock… and anger.

Riku summoned more darkness to his fingertips, donned Dark Mode. Dark Mode wasn’t a necessity, of course, but he couldn’t resist the familiarity of it in this situation. Nor could he resist the way his skin _tingled,_ as if just wearing it made him even _stronger._ The strength was intoxicating. He could win the battle with it. He could do so much _more_ than just win.

He threw another blast of darkness at her, and then another, and another. She was quick, but she didn’t avoid all of them. She couldn’t get a single attack in edgewise, he made _sure_ of that. He felt pretty confident he could take at least one lightning bolt, but he wasn’t stupid. He knocked her back with darkness every time she neared him.

Soon she was yelling and swearing with frustration. Riku savored the sound of it—this was going so much better than he could’ve anticipated. Any moment she’d be on the ground. On her knees. _Begging_ him to quit.

He jumped back, well out of her reach. He crouched down, using his whole body as a conduit, gathering darkness between his hands. He could _feel_ how it warped the air around him, as it grew and spiraled. He waited until it seemed to distort the lighting of the room, and then released it—

The force of it sent him skidding backwards.

The strength of it threw Larxene against the opposite wall.

Riku giggled with excitement. He had her. This was _perfect._

She moved to get up, but another blast of darkness kept her down. Riku made his way towards her, slowly, drawing the whole process out. Larxene kept struggling to get up, and she was swearing something awful. He just threw darkness every time she moved, keeping her down with the repeating blasts.

He couldn’t relent now. She never had with him.

“C’mon,” he whispered, leaning over her, grinning widely. He pulled more darkness into his hands. Relished in the moment as a brief bit of fear flashed through her eyes.

“Let’s see what it takes to make you scream.”

 

**xxx**

 

“KAIRI!! _Kairi!!_ ”

Kairi looked up from the game of cards she and Sora were playing. It had been one of their favorites when they were kids, and they hadn’t played it in, well, a long time. Long enough that both of them had all but forgotten the rules, anyway.

“Is that Namine?” Sora asked, with a squinty frown up at Kairi.

“Sounds like it.” Kairi got to her feet and hurried to the door to let Namine in before she alerted the whole neighborhood. She couldn’t help but chew her lip—what was wrong? And, more importantly, if something was so terribly wrong, why had Namine bothered with the front door?

Kairi hardly even got the door open before Namine started talking, very quickly.

“HE’S GONE HE’S DONE IT HE’S DONE IT.”

Kairi grabbed Namine by the shoulders. “Okay. Okay, _slow_ down, Namine,” she said. “Calmly, now, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Riku went after Larxene.”

Namine’s eyes were wide with panic, with terror, and she trembled as Kairi held her.

Kairi blinked. She had no idea what that meant.

“Uh.”

“THE NIGHTMARES I WAS HAVING.”

That got Kairi to understand. Her brow furrowed immediately with concern, and a little bit of anger.

“You didn’t tell him about those?”

“I WAS GOING TO THIS MORNING!” There were tears in Namine’s eyes. “I- I should’ve known better, I- I should’ve told him sooner I should’ve told him I just. I don’t know. I thought waiting a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. I thought—”

“Well, what’s done is done,” Sora said. He sounded a little frustrated, though, which earned him a startled look from Kairi. Now wasn’t the time to deal with it, though, Kairi told herself. Riku was the bigger problem, here.

“We- we need to stop him,” Namine gasped. “We- we need to- OH NEVER MIND.” She wrenched away from Kairi. “I’ll go by myself!” Darkness sparked at Namine’s fingertips, preparing to from a dark corridor, Kairi assumed. “It’ll be—”

“Oh no you don’t!” Kairi grabbed her by the arm. She wasn’t sure if it canceled the dark corridor out, but she hoped it would shock Namine enough to delay her forming it. “Sora! Star shard!”

“Uh-huh!” He tossed it to her, and she caught it with expertise.

Just because Namine had insisted that Kairi not talk to Riku about the matter didn’t mean Kairi hadn’t prepared. Riku was her friend, too. She’d respected Namine’s wish to try and stop him herself—partially because she hardly even knew what was going on—but she wasn’t going to let him do something stupid and dangerous, and given Namine’s previous failure to stop him…

“I’ll hold down the fort,” Sora called. “Let your dad know where you are ‘n stuff.”

Namine glared, trying to wrench herself away from Kairi again. Kairi was _quite_ glad she’d learned a few things from Tifa about hand to hand combat, because otherwise Namine’d have probably pulled out of her grasp by now.

“Kairi, that’s- that’s not necessary,” Namine said. “I can—”

“Too bad.” Kairi activated the star shard.

She wasn’t quite sure _where_ it dropped them off, but wherever it was was a mess. There was plenty of smoke in the air, and it looked like a few things were—or had been—on fire. She did spot, within moments, a group of very familiar people. A little too familiar. A smile tugged on her lips. Seeing the other universe’s Kairi was a little bit of a surprise, but definitely a pleasure, despite the circumstances.

“Well great!” Namine shrieked. “We have no idea where we are! And we’re- we’re nowhere _near_ Riku, _or_ Larxene! You should’ve just let me form a dark corridor—”

Kairi grabbed her very tightly by the wrist to prevent her from trying to form a dark corridor again. “Tifa told me once that star shards take you where you _need_ to be, not where you _want,_ ” she explained, slipping the star shard into her pocket for safe keeping. That done, she gestured at the Other Kairi, to prove her point. They were at least in the right universe. “Besides, I don’t like those dark corridors anyway.”

Namine looked like she wanted to say something, but she never did. She also looked like she was going to be sick. Thankfully, for the moment at least, she didn’t do that either.

“What’s going on with Riku and Larxene?” the Other Kairi asked, having reached them.

Namine sent a glance at her. She seemed to calm a little, at least past anger, but she was trembling again.

“He’s- he’s gone and gotten it into his head that he needs to- to kill Larxene,” Namine explained, tripping a little over the words. Her voice was tight with emotion. “ _Your_ Larxene. The one who- who…” She spluttered, then grunted—or growled _,_ though Kairi had a hard time believing Namine _growling_ —with annoyance. She’d gone a shade paler.

“Has he found her? Do you know?” Namine—well, not Namine. The Other Namine—asked. There was genuine worry, and urgency, in her tone. Her eyes shone with understanding.

Namine—the actual Namine. _Kairi’s_ Namine?—shook her head. “No. He just went tearing off and by the time I’d told Kairi…”

The Other Namine didn’t let her finish. “Then we need to get moving,” she said. She looked like she might be sick, too, and whipped her head around as if looking for someone.

“We?” Namine about squeaked with surprise. Then she groaned—no, that was _definitely_ a growl. “Oh, this would’ve been so much faster if I’d gone by myself!”

“They can _help,_ ” Kairi said, annoyed. The Other Namine knew Riku, too, didn’t she? It wouldn’t hurt having her. It wouldn’t hurt having _any_ of them. Extra hands would be nice. Kairi was pretty sure she and Namine alone could hold Riku, but what about this Larxene he was going after? She was dangerous, wasn’t she? Too dangerous to trust that they could handle her and Riku without help, certainly.

 _I wish Sora would’ve come… oh, but he has his reasons. His parents, for starters. If he’s having difficulty explaining other worlds to them, certainly another_ universe _would be too much. …does_ Sora _even know there’s another universe? Well, he must know, but has he met anyone from it?_

 _Come to think of it, has_ Namine _met anyone from—no, now is not the time!_

“What’s going on now?”

Kairi’s heart skipped a little at the voice. Sora. No. No, _not_ Sora. This universe’s Sora. And was that _Riku_ with him? His _hair_ was atrocious!

_Not that our Riku’s is any—stop with the bunny trails already, Kairi! Stay focused!_

“No time to explain!” she said, before she could distract herself further, or before she could say anything to embarrass herself. She was normally better than that, but being near this universe’s Sora was putting her on edge. “They already know what’s up.” She nodded at the Other Namine and Kairi.

“We need to go save Riku from himself, it would seem,” the Other Namine said, so quietly Kairi barely heard her.

“Well, we’re somewhat caught up with Marlynort…” Sora—the _Other_ Sora—began.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, not sure what in the Worlds a _Marlynort_ was, but… oh, there wasn’t time to ask! She tightened her grip on Namine’s wrist. Namine was struggling enough that Kairi was worried she might try and slip off again.

“Not all of us need to go,” the Other Kairi said. “Namine and I can go. And Riku.”

Kairi wasn’t sure when—or why—the Other Riku had been added into the mix, but alright. It couldn’t hurt. Could it? There wasn’t time to protest, either. They needed to go!

_If at least, before Namine manages to break from my grasp and goes tearing off on her own!_

The Other Sora and Kairi finished discussing a bit more plans. Kairi bit her lip to keep herself from yelling to hurry it up. Finally the Other Kairi turned to look at her and Namine.

“Well, let’s go,” she said.

She looked determined. Both Namines looked a little queasy, and a little angry. The Other Riku looked like he might be a little confused, but he said nothing about it. Kairi pulled out the star shard again, and nodded.

“Let’s go,” she agreed.


	12. In which there is a rescue (of sorts)

Something squeezed Namine’s stomach the moment she laid her eyes on the scene before her. They’d found Riku, and that was good. Nothing else was. The scene was so familiar she almost relaxed—if only it had been less horrifying.

The darkness stained walls… This was the World that Never Was, though, and not Castle Oblivion, like she’d initially predicted. An easy mistake to make, admittedly…

Riku was advancing on Larxene, grinning, laughing. The darkness was so strong around him that it was _visible,_ all the energy in the area directed at him and _through_ him.

Larxene was up against the wall, cowering— _was_ she cowering? Namine couldn’t care about that detail. Seeing Riku was enough. She didn’t care who he was going after. She wrenched herself away from Kairi and threw herself in front of Riku.

“Riku, no!” she cried.

This was too much. This was too far. She knew what Larxene had done to him—of course she did. She knew it as well as he did—but this wasn’t _justified._ No amount of pain could justify this. No amount of hurt.

The thought just brought tears to her eyes. This was the reason she’d been so hesitant to tell him about her nightmares. Telling him not to do this was one thing, but having to explain why she didn’t want him to? Telling him that all his pain—all that pain—didn’t justify this? He’d assume she meant his pain didn’t mean anything at all, which _wasn’t_ true, but he was stubborn enough as it was…

 _And with the darkness, too…_ Namine thought, with a constricted chest. _I’d nearly forgotten about it, forgot what it could do to him. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him use it anywhere but in my nightmares…_

Riku paused, the gleam falling out of his eyes. His face scrunched up with confusion. His lips turned down in anger, and his whole stance suggested he might just attack anyway, despite her standing there.

“Namine…” he began.

“Are you trying to protect me?” Larxene asked, from behind. Namine shivered. Larxene’s voice—the slight laugh in her tone—was awful to hear, even when she was in this position.

“N-n-no,” Namine stammered. She braced her hands out in front of her, prepared to throw Riku back if she had to. She was protecting Larxene, in a way, she supposed, but it wasn’t fully in her intention to. Her intentions all surrounded Riku. Protecting Larxene was an unfortunate, but necessary, repercussion.

“Then what _are_ you doing?” Riku demanded. His eyes narrowed.

Namine had to swallow to keep her heart out of her throat.

“I’m- I’m protecting—” She had to stop and re-gather her words. Speaking to Riku made her heart thud too loud. She turned her words around, tried again. “I’m protecting him from the monster you made in him, Larxene.”

Why was addressing Larxene so much easier than addressing Riku? Why was she so worried about him being angry at her? If she should be worried about anyone’s temper, she should be worried about Larxene’s. But. Then again…

Larxene only burst out laughing. Anger flared across Riku’s features. His hand raised to strike, though he still hesitated. For now. There was a dangerous gleam in his eyes that nearly made Namine choke.

“I think Vexen’s to blame for that, not me!” Larxene called.

Namine swallowed, wanting to laugh. That’s when Riku shoved her aside and started at Larxene, a growl tearing from his mouth. Kairi was there to stop him, using a blast of light to knock him back.

Once he was on the ground, Kairi sent out another—larger—blast of light. It tingled against Namine’s skin as it passed her, filled the whole room. Larxene cried out in what sounded like pain, but she stifled it quickly.

The light faded. Kairi staggered. The Other Kairi rushed to catch her so she wouldn’t fall.

“Careful there,” she warned.

“Drat,” Kairi mumbled. “I was hoping it’d make the air a little more bearable to breathe.”

“I… don’t think it works like that,” the Other Kairi told her, laughing slightly and pulling her out of the immediate line of fire. “Mm… maybe I could try and give you some tips on—”

The area exploded with ice.

 

**xxx**

 

With all the ice, and how _cold_ the room had gotten, Riku almost feared Vexen had shown up. He found, when he looked up, that Larxene was restrained by the ice, and more importantly, discovered it wasn’t Vexen. It was just a very large Blizzaga thrown by Namine. Or. No. Namine was on the ground. It was thrown by the… Other… Namine…

Oh…

Having Namine here was bad enough. Having Namine—the _Other_ Namine—was even worse. _Plus_ Kairi (two Kairis??) and Real Thing? Riku about screamed in frustration. They were _ruining—_

“Hey.”

Namine’s voice. Namine’s hands, grabbing him by the face. But something didn’t feel right… She held him as if he were fragile and her hands had more callouses than they should’ve. This wasn’t Namine—wasn’t _his_ Namine. Her face was narrower, her hair longer, her eyes darker.

The air caught in his lungs. Why was she doing this? She’d never done it before. She’d never—

“One,” she said.

Riku stared.

“What?”

“Come on, Riku. One.”

She still stumbled over his name like the sounds didn’t belong in her mouth. But at least he knew what she was trying to get him to do now. His heart ached from the horrible familiarity of it.

“I don’t need to count,” he protested.

“Your head needs clearing. One.”

“It does _not—_ ”

“One.”

He grunted. “Namine, please.” There were more important things to be worried about. That Blizzard spell wouldn’t last forever—he should go after Larxene _now,_ while she was incapacitated, forget everyone else. Darkness wouldn’t negate the Blizzard. He could finish up and… “Just let me—”

“ _One._ ”

The firmness of her voice was too much to resist. He let out a huffy breath from his nostrils, but repeated after her.

“Fine. One.”

“Two…”

They kept repeating like that. A trick to clear his head—to clear both of their heads. It’d been months, or maybe a year now, since they’d last done this. Normally it was the other way around, too. He’d hold her…

He couldn’t get past six.

“Namine, please, I’m fine!” he protested. He appreciated the gesture, really, but his head didn’t need clearing. He knew what he was doing.

“Six,” she repeated, not listening to him.

“Namine!”

“That spell’s not going to last forever.”

“Which is _why_ I need to go get her now!! Why are you letting this chance slip by?”

She hated Larxene as much as he did. She had to. Why was she making him count? Why did she think he needed to clear his head? He didn’t need to. He just needed to go up and go after Larxene again. Make her pay for what she did. To the _both_ of them. Why didn’t she _understand_ that? She, of all people, should.

“One.”

“Ugh no okay. Six. _Six._ ”

They kept counting.

No one interrupted them, which came as a little of a surprise. Not even Larxene tried—though maybe her mouth was frozen, too.

“Riku, your head’s not clearing!”

“Ten,” he said, ignoring her. The sooner they were done with this, the sooner he could get back to Larxene.

“ _Riku,_ don’t think I didn’t notice. Focus on the numbers, not anything else. Forget about Larxene. Like we used to do. _Please._ ”

It was instinct to listen to her. To pause. Take a breath. Clear his mind.

But he didn’t… _have_ to listen to her. She may have been the girl he swore to protect, the first girl he ever loved, but she held no sway over him. Not anymore. The numbers were hardly a distraction. His mind kept churning.

The girl he swore to protect… why wouldn’t she let him avenge her?

Larxene _deserved_ it. She _deserved_ this pain she _needed_ to feel how she’d made them feel. It was only fair. Why did Namine’s grip just tighten on him? Why’d she continue counting with a fierce determination, like it really would solve their troubles this time? There weren’t any troubles to solve. Everything was fine.

The sound of ice shattering caught his ears. He wrenched himself away from her, rougher about it than he ever would’ve been before. He had to move now. Get Larxene before she got the upper hand. He couldn’t give her any openings.

But he was reckless, and he made his biggest mistake.

He got too close to her.

It didn’t matter that the darkness cloaked him, flowed through him and out of him in streams. It didn’t matter how much fury and pain he fueled into the attack. The moment he took a step too close was the moment he let Larxene take her upper-hand.

Instead of throwing the darkness at her from a safe distance, he ran at her and lunged, preparing to wrap his hands around her neck. The second he was in her space, she’d caught him by the throat, and held him there. One—or both—of the Namines yelled from behind him. One of the Kairis swore.

Larxene just grinned. Her eyes glinted with laughter. Her fingers tightened around his neck. He felt the jolt of lightning before it hit him, and the moment he did, he knew he’d lost his chance.

The lightning went up her arm, through her fingers, into his throat and then through the rest of his body. He was sure he screamed, and then she threw him back. Namine—his Namine—watched from a distance. She looked horrified. It made his gut clench. All thoughts of what he planned to do to Larxene nearly fled his mind. Nearly.

Riku pushed himself up, growling. He had to get up before Larxene got any closer—but the moment he was off the ground, someone restrained him by the wrists. Real Thing. Riku growled a little louder, channeling darkness through himself, preparing to force himself free.

Larxene laughed at him. Laughed! At him!

Well, honestly, he wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t _annoyed._ The desire to wrap his hands around her neck grew a whole lot stronger.

“That’s cute and all kiddo, but do you even have any idea what the darkness is going to do to you?” Larxene took a few steps towards him, drummed her fingers against her chin, _pretending_ like she was trying to remember some piece of information. “Because _I_ seem to recall something about you missing… a certain few… Darkness Protection Protocols.”

She sent him a knowing look. His blood ran cold.

“H-how did… you know?” he demanded.

“I don’t think that’s a question you need to be asking…” Namine said, slowly. The… _Other_ Namine. The one from this universe. It felt weird calling her the _Other_ Namine, because he knew her so well, and she didn’t seem very other to him. But…

He considered what she said for a moment… maybe she was right. Larxene had been _there_ in Castle Oblivion, when he was created. Just because she didn’t have a hand in his creation or anything didn’t mean she’d never had a chance to look at his data. Or Vexen could’ve told her…

“What’s this about Darkness Protection Protocols?” Real Thing asked. He seemed a little worried.

“They keep darkness from eating a Replica from the inside out, from what I gathered. Vexen was too stupid to install them.” Larxene said. She smiled unpleasantly.

“He didn’t have time,” Riku snapped. Defending Vexen was a weird feeling, but there was no taking it back now. Unfortunately. “Besides, I’m quite grateful for it. If he’d installed them, I wouldn’t have anywhere near the amount of power I have now.”

He poured more darkness out of his body, as some sort of display. Real Thing’s grip on him only tightened. He’d have to throw darkness _at_ Real Thing to get him to let go, at this point.

“Didn’t Vexen say that the darkness could kill you?” Kairi asked.

Gee, what a _great_ time to bring that up. Not.

(The way Real Thing tensed behind him only proved it. Now was the _worst_ time to mention that.)

“He said I had a few months!” Riku protested. His eyes settled on Larxene again. Though he couldn’t see it, the glint in his eyes matched the glint in hers perfectly, and her smile echoed on his face. “Why else do you think I’m here now?” he asked. “I’m getting this taken care of while I can, so I can have no regrets later. There’s nothing I’d regret more than not taking my change to get revenge.”

“And revenge is going _so_ well for you,” Larxene said.

His smile fell to a snarl.

“OH SHUT UP!” he screamed.

With a blast of darkness he wrenched himself away from Real Thing’s grasp and threw himself at her. Someone grabbed him from behind, halfway into his lunge. A pair of small arms. Namine. _His_ Namine.

“LET ME GO!” He struggled against her, not caring if the darkness he threw hurt her. “LET ME GO LET ME GO! I WANT TO HEAR HER SCREAM I WANT TO HEAR HER BEG FOR MERCY I WANT TO—”

“Tough _luck,_ ” Larxene spat.

She hurled a blast of darkness at them, sending him out of Namine’s arms and to the floor again.

“Did you actually think you were _doing_ anything?” Larxene laughed. “You can’t _seriously_ be that stupi… Oh. Wait. Yeah you can.”

He pushed himself up as best as he could, glaring, trying to process what had just happened, what she was saying. That was _darkness_ she’d thrown at him, so it didn’t hurt him too much, but… If she’d thrown darkness…

_Did you actually think you were doing anything?_

All adrenaline, all excitement, all feeling of hope that Riku’d had left him entirely. He hadn’t actually hurt her with all that darkness.

“What do you mean?” Kairi—the Other Kairi—demanded.

Larxene grinned widely. It was off, somehow, but not in a good way. Riku wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. She’d been _off_ this whole time… this was different. The grin was genuine, and just as cruel, it just wasn’t _her_ grin. Her lips never quite curled like that, her eyes were never that wild.

“ _This_ is what happens when darkness consumes a _person,_ ” Larxene explained. The darkness seemed to build around her. “I have it to my advantage now. And as for _you,_ you silly little toy…” she giggled “…well, I’ve already said that it’s only going to _eat, you, up._ ”

If the darkness had consumed her, then he hadn’t been hurting her. Darkness didn’t hurt darkness, after all. Riku snarled, frustrated at his own stupidity. Frustrated at these circumstances. At her. At everything. Darkness had been his ally. Why had it let him down?

“FINE!” he yelled, jumping to his feet again. His blade appeared in his hand—he’d hardly taken the time to summon it. “There are other ways I can make you scream—”

“Riku, no!”

Namine’s hands, clutching at him again.

“Just let me do this!” he roared, pushing her off. “I _need_ to do this!!”

“ _No!_ ” It was Kairi’s hands, grabbing him now, pulling the blade out of his grasp. “You _don’t_ need to do this.”

“ _She deserves it!!_ ”

“Maybe she does, but you don’t deserve what this is doing to you.”

The gentleness of Kairi’s voice nearly brought tears to his eyes. The tears made him angry. There was nothing wrong with him. There was nothing too horrible about what he was doing. It was justified. His heart was fine. His data may be at risk but that had nothing to do with this.

“We need to go,” this universe’s Namine called. “He’s too stubborn—”

Riku’s teeth clenched. She was right. She was wrong. He tried to pull himself away from Kairi, but too many people seemed to be holding him where he was. Maybe it was only Kairi and his Namine. Maybe it was more than that. He couldn’t tell. He didn’t care.

“ _Let me at he—_ AHGH!”

The yell of anger quickly became a cry of pain. Something that burned like lightning but felt like darkness hit him, and again he was thrown near halfway across the room. He thought he heard his Namine scream. Kairi might’ve screamed too. It was hard to tell. Something was—

He screamed again, kept screaming.

Something felt like it was ripping in his chest.

Footsteps. Someone standing in front of him, protecting him. The click of Larxene’s heels pausing. Namine was standing before him, he could just _feel_ her presence, despite the fact he couldn’t make his body do anything but stare up at the ceiling as he writhed in pain. The familiarity about choked him. It had to be Namine—the Other Namine. Not his Namine.

The tone of Larxene’s voice only proved it. She wouldn’t speak like this if she were addressing anyone else.

“You better move,” she warned.

She was laughing, but she was annoyed. The laughter was angry, sharp. The sound of it made Riku’s blood boil. He knew what was coming.

 _Move!_ he wanted to scream. _Move, I’m not worth it! I’m not worth it MOVE!_

His lips wouldn’t work. His body refused to move except to shudder with pain. _Something_ was clawing its way through him. He felt like it would kill him. Everything inside of him was on fire, and it wasn’t from the lightning. Lightning didn’t hurt like this. Lightning didn’t last this long. It felt like something was _destroying_ every inch of him from the inside out.

It was a wonder he could even focus on anything but the pain.

“No!” this universe’s Namine said, firmly.

“Oh, please.” Larxene scoffed. “He means nothing to you. Are you really going to take a blow for him? I won’t hold back.”

“I’m not backing down.”

The pain in Riku’s chest finally subsided to something bearable. He grit his teeth together, preparing himself for her inevitable scream, but it didn’t come. His Namine screamed instead, and that was followed by the sound of her body hitting the floor. Had she thrown herself in front of the blow? _Why?_

He didn’t have much time to wonder, or to ask. One of Kairi’s hands clasped around his arm. The world jolted from under him. When everything stopped jostling, he was on his side in the sand. Everyone but Larxene was there, too, all looking disgruntled and most of them on the ground.

Waves pounded in the distance. His eyes searched for Namine. He found her on her back, clutching at her chest and writhing.


	13. In which we deal with the aftermath

Namine clutched her hands in front of her chest and bit her lip. She was still in quite a bit of _pain,_ but it also appeared to be fading. For the most part. It took her a second to register the shouts of _Curaga!_ followed by the healing energy seeping through her bones. It took her a second longer to realize _that_ was why the pain had faded.

Before she even had time to sit up or take in her surroundings—past the sand that stuck to her skin—someone was shouting.

“How could you be so _stupid!?_ ”

The Other Namine.

Shouting at _her._

Namine sat up straight, hands clutching into fists. “ _You_ were going to take it!” she shouted back. “What’s it matter that I pushed you out of the way?”

“I had it under control!”

“Did you really?” the Other Riku asked. His voice was filled with a bitter laughter—an all too familiar sound.

The Other Namine grimaced as if there were something foul in her mouth.

“It’s _fine,_ ” Namine said. “ _I’m_ fine.”

“That should’ve been _me—_ and what’s it matter to you who took it as long as Riku didn’t?” She jerked her head over in Riku’s—not “Real Thing”’s—direction, just to clarify who she was talking about. Not that she had to.

Namine let out a short bark of anger. “I didn’t do it to save _him!_ I did it to save you!”

The air around them froze.

Namine went pale, realizing the words that had just left her mouth. It was true, of course—she’d never doubted it was true. She’d _known_ from the moment she took the blow _why_ she was doing it. But she hadn’t intended to _admit_ it.

“ _What?_ ” the Other Namine demanded.

“I- I dunno,” Namine stammered, her confidence—and anger—quickly lost. She shook her head in exasperation. “I just… I couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt.” The words felt funny in her mouth. The silence that settled after them was thick on her skin, so she laughed to fill it. “Chalk it up to being built from his data,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. She nodded her head over at Riku.

The Other Namine stared, blinking rapidly. She said nothing. No one else did either. Namine tried to hold the other Namine’s gaze for a moment, but it was a hard look to bear. Especially with the knowledge of what she’d done—taking the blow to protect _her_ , and not Riku…

Namine tore her gaze away. Searched to find her Riku.

He was on his side, looking like he was probably in a lot of pain too. He kept trying to push himself up, but his arms didn’t have the strength to support his weight yet. His eyes were wide, whether with shock or worry, Namine wasn’t sure.

“Are you _alright?_ ” Kairi asked, breaking Namine’s attention.

“Fine,” Namine said, not sure if she meant it. She swallowed, running her fingers over her collar bone, where it hurt the most. From the looks of it, her skin was darker in that spot, marred by the darkness of the blow. Her shirt had been torn a little, too.

“Are you _sure_?” Kairi pressed.

Namine met her eyes, and nodded, firmly. She was sure now. “Yeah. I’m fine. It- it still stings a little but… I’m fine.”

The Other Kairi studied her. “Well, from the looks of it, it didn’t break skin or anything, so there’s only… darkness to worry about…” Her mouth crinkled with distaste.

“I can try to—” Kairi began.

“It’s _fine,_ look.” Namine moved her hand and tilted her neck a little so Kairi could see better. “It’s mostly faded already. I don’t think I’m in _serious_ danger or anything.”

Her eyes found the Other Namine again. Her mouth ached to say _it was nothing,_ that she wasn’t even really _hurt._ The mark on her skin proved otherwise. Even if she was “fine”, it hadn’t been _nothing_ to throw herself in front of the blow like that.

The Other Riku cleared his throat. “Destiny Islands, huh?” he asked. He was on his feet, staring out at the sea. “Wasn’t exactly expecting here, Kairi.”

“First place that came to mind,” the Other Kairi answered.

The Other Riku just nodded, scanning the horizon a moment more. Then he turned back to the group. “More importantly…” he said, slowly. “What are the chances of Larxene following us?”

“High,” Riku croaked.

The Other Namine shook her head. “She won’t- She won’t track us here, not right away,” she said. “It’ll take her a while to track us down at all.”

“It’s me she’ll come after…” Riku moaned. He rolled over onto his back, burying his face in his hands. He didn’t sound nearly as confident in himself as he had mere minutes ago. Namine couldn’t blame him—at least, not for the lack of confidence. For other things… well…

“Can she find you if you’re in the other universe?” the Other Kairi asked.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

“I… wouldn’t put it past her to _try…_ ” the Other Namine said. “But… does she even know that there _is_ another universe?”

“I wouldn’t count on her not knowing,” the Other Riku said. “It’s not like she can’t find out. I’m sure one of the Vexen Replicas over here will squeal if she, uh… _persuades_ them.”

Namine was caught between laughing and shivering at the suggestion. Larxene’s methods of persuasion were, well…

“Might buy us some time, though… won’t it?” Kairi looked around.

The Other Namine nodded. “At least until we can do something about her over here, yes.”

“Then we should head back as soon as possible.” Namine didn’t hesitate before saying it. There were a lot, _a lot,_ of things she wanted to talk to Riku about, but they could wait until they were home. Until he was safe.

The Other Riku shook his head. “I think we have a few things to discuss, first.”

Everyone’s eyes trailed over to Riku. Namine’s heart caught in her throat. Of course. Everyone wanted to talk to him, just as much as she wanted to. She’d been silly not to realize that.

Riku slowly sat up, realizing that everyone’s attention was on him. He said nothing, even though he looked like he was burning to do so. He just eyed each of them, _daring_ them to call him out.

Namine took a deep breath, trying to piece any words she wanted to say together. What did she want to say? _“This was too far”—_ of course, but it was surprisingly hard to make herself look him in the eye as she thought it, let alone get her mouth to form the words. She knew why he did it. How much it meant to him. The thought of telling him his feelings were wrong—though it was his actions that were wrong, not his feelings, but he wouldn’t see it like that—near paralyzed her with fear.

“Well,” the Other Namine began. Namine sighed with relief. She didn’t have to speak first. She could let her words churn in her mind a little more, as she tried to figure out what to tell Riku. …if only she didn’t have to do it _here_.

“I can understand _why_ you did it,” the Other Namine continued. “What I think you don’t realize is that you’re now running the risk of…” she trailed off. Her mouth worked for words for a second, before stopping. It was nice to know she was just as tongue-tied, speaking to him, Namine supposed. Or was it terrifying?

The Other Riku spoke up. “The main point of this is that you have _way_ too much darkness coursing through your veins.” He shook his head, grimacing. “I felt it myself…”

Namine watched Riku—her Riku—as his face scrunched up with fury. Having the Other Namine be angry at him seemed to upset him enough as it was, but it was like he couldn’t take the same sort of disapproval from the real Riku. That, or he cared less when it came to screaming at Real Thing.

“Are you all just going to sit here and berate me?” Riku demanded.

“That’s not what we’re _trying_ to do,” the Other Namine assured him, quickly. Too quickly. It made Namine’s stomach churn. “We just want you to understand the consequences of your actions—”

“The consequences of my actions are that Larxene _dies!_ ” Riku about screamed when he spoke. “What’s the problem with that, huh? I thought you would’ve _wanted_ that.”

 _I do,_ Namine thought, though he hadn’t spoken to her. Not directly, anyway. _But… this…?_

This moment. This feeling in her stomach. Watching him like he was a bomb about to go off—the worst part, he was. One wrong word, and he’d explode on all of them. _This,_ she didn’t want.

“That’s not the point,” the Other Kairi said. “We all want her gone, too. And trust me, we will make sure she goes. But toying with her and wanting to make her beg for mercy… isn’t that exactly what she did to you?”

Riku’s face darkened. His fists sparked, just slightly, with darkness. _One wrong word._

“It would’ve been _fine_ if she hadn’t been immune to darkness…” he grumbled.

Except it wouldn’t have been fine.

“You’re not immune to darkness yourself,” Real Thing countered.

Riku growled. “Vexen said I had a few months!”

“I think we should go back to Castle Oblivion and have that checked out,” Kairi said.

Namine shot a look at her, confused. Hadn’t Riku mentioned something about Vexen—or anyone—not being able to do something about his darkness for a while? She hadn’t _been_ there for the initial discussion about it, of course (being… well, _Rewritten_ and all…), but 7 had mentioned it, and she and Riku had talked about it. A little.

Riku growled some more and swore under his breath. Namine sighed. If anything, they needed to get back to Castle Oblivion so she could ask _someone—_ preferably Vexen—what state Riku’s darkness was _really_ in. He hadn’t been very forthcoming past the “yes it’s dangerous” and “no it can’t be fixed right now”. Though, if Larxene was to trust, it was definitely more than just “dangerous”.

Why hadn’t he told her how deadly it actually was? Did he think she wouldn’t care? Or did he just not want to worry her? Knowing him…

 _Then again, it’s not like_ you _were very forthcoming with him, either,_ she scolded herself. She tried to ignored the pang in her chest at the thought, shaking her head to clear it.

“…important thing is that you _don’t_ turn into the monster Larxene is,” the Other Namine was saying. Of course, words like those caught Namine’s attention. That was exactly what she’d been wanting to tell Riku. If the Other Namine told him, then… maybe she wouldn’t have to—but would the words mean as much to him coming from the Other Namine?

The Other Namine pressed on: “If you want to help us take care of her, I’m sure we can work something out. But revenge is not the answer.”

Riku threw his hands over his ears and dug his fingers into his head. “Why is that all anyone _tells me?!_ ” he screamed. Namine flinched back from him, even though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, knew she wasn’t even close enough for it to be a problem even if he would. The darkness swelled around Riku as he kept screaming, mocking: “Revenge isn’t the answer! _Revenge isn’t the answer! Revenge isn’t—_ ”

“Because we care about you,” Namine interrupted. Words to calm him. To tame the beast in him. She hated the fact that she had to even do this…

 _If you hate it so much, then just don’t do it!,_ she told herself, furious.

But that wasn’t an option.

“Yes,” Riku said. His tone was bitter. Sharp. “Yes _you_ do—though I haven’t heard a word about this come out of your mouth until now—but them?” He gestured in the Other Namine’s and Other Riku’s direction. Had the Other Kairi not been on his left, he might’ve gestured at her too. “What do _they_ care?”

“Because it involves our Larxene, and our universe,” the Other Kairi answered.

“Because it’s dangerous,” the Other Riku said. “You’re on the verge of _accidently killing yourself,_ from the sounds of it, and I know _I_ can’t just sit by and let you do that.”

“Because if you think I don’t care about you, you’re stupid.” The Other Namine met his eyes. Her voice didn’t waver at all.

There was a long silence. Namine forgot to breathe, waiting for how Riku’d respond. _Fearing_ how Riku’d respond.

“I’m _stupid?_ ” he asked. There was a pause, and then he laughed—that bitter laugh of his, even though it was softer and quieter than usual. The pain in his eyes was near unbearable. “Really? It’s not like you’ve ever given me a reason to think you cared about me before. All those times you could’ve thrown yourself in front of me?—and yet you didn’t before now.”

“That was then and this is _now!_ ” the Other Namine didn’t shout, but she sounded like she wanted to. “I’ve changed since then. _You’ve_ changed since then.”

“So… what? You’ve changed and suddenly decided to start caring about me?” Riku asked. He didn’t shout, either, but there was a hostility in his tone.

The Other Namine shook her head. “Honestly, I’m just glad you’re _alive._ I moved on. You moved on…” Her voice darkened. “But _unlike you,_ I got over my fear of Larxene and stood up to her—not to say that I wasn’t completely terrified—and standing up to you was _nearly_ as bad. But I didn’t try to make her re-live all the pain she put _us_ through. Because, admit it, that’s just too cruel for either of us.”

There they were. All the words Namine wanted to say, laid out in the air before her. She didn’t even have to say them. All she had to do was confirm them. Nod. Say she believed the same.

“Hmph.” Riku grimaced, folding his arms across his chest. Clearly _he_ didn’t think much of what the Other Namine’d said.

“She’s right…” Namine muttered. She looked at the sand in front of her instead of at him.

“What?”

There was surprise in his voice. Hurt?

“Never mind.”

She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Not here. Not _ever_ if she was honest. She just…

“Namine!” Kairi scolded.

Namine tensed. “I said never mind.”

“Oh come _on,_ Namine,” Kairi said. “You can’t keep doing this! You can’t keep—”

“Kairi… please…”

She didn’t want to have this argument now. She didn’t want to be here now. Five pairs of eyes watching her. The air bristling between them. Not even the sound of the waves in the distance was a comfort. Nothing here was a comfort.

“Look, I’d tell him for you, but this is something you need to say—” If only Kairi’d stop talking…

“What?” Riku asked. “What does she need to say?”

“Nothing.” Namine gripped the edges of her skirt. She hunched her shoulders, and still didn’t look up at Riku.

“Namine, come on, I know you couldn’t tell him about the nightmares, but—”

“Nightmares?” Riku interrupted. Namine was a little relieved. She could handle discussion about those. Probably. “Is that what you’ve been having nightmares about? _This?_ ”

He sounded surprised. Hurt. Angry…

“Well—”

“Why didn’t you _tell me_?!”

_Hurt._

“I _tried_ to, Riku, but you wouldn’t listen and…”

“ _And?_ ”

“I WAS SCARED!” she screamed. She was tired of holding it in. Tired of all of this.

“… _what?_ ”

The anger fled Riku’s voice. The hurt remained etched on his face. Namine swallowed, fumbling for the words. She couldn’t back out again. She couldn’t turn back now, and it about killed her. This was the last thing she wanted to be doing.

“I was scared- I-” she stammered. “You were… you were scaring me.”

Riku turned away, his face scrunching up in pain. He raked a hand through his hair. He looked on the verge of tears—on the verge of collapsing entirely.

“I’m- I’m sorry.”

The words should’ve comforted her. Appeased her. All they did was tick her off. She was tired of him stopping everything he was doing—feeling—just to apologize to her. The words were rarely _sincere,_ anyway, just said to please her. She was so _tired_ of it. So tired of _this._

“For what?” she demanded.

“For scaring you.”

He didn’t miss a heartbeat.

“And for Larxene?”

Neither did she.

“What’s that matter?” Riku asked, squinting at her in confusion.

She swallowed, preparing her words. “Riku—”

He didn’t give her the chance. “Why do you all care so much about her? Huh? I didn’t actually _hurt_ her—”

“But you _wanted_ to!” Namine countered. “And you were _going_ to, and had she not been immune to the darkness- the- the things you would’ve _done_ to her…”

She couldn’t repeat them. Couldn’t give life to the images she’d seen in her dreams, the voices she’d heard for weeks. They were too horrible to dwell on, let alone _recount._

“She _deserved_ it!” Riku yelled. “Didn’t she? Didn’t she _deserve_ to feel the pain she put me through—put _us_ through?” He sent a look over at the Other Namine.

She shook her head. “ _No one_ deserves that. Not even Larxene.”

“And only- only _monsters_ do that to other people,” Namine added. Her stomach squeezed itself as she said it. She thought she might be sick. “Only- only _monsters_ force that kind of pain on someone—only monsters like Larxene. And- And Riku… Riku you are so much _better_ than her. I- I want to _believe_ you’re so much better than her…”

She swallowed the bile in her throat. _He’s not a monster—_ that’s what she wanted to think. But there were times… There were times that Riku was _so much_ of a monster. There were times when he was so much like Larxene. So many times when he’d gone out of his way to anger someone else just to see them rage—and _enjoy_ it. So many times…

“……you think I’m a _monster_?” Riku asked. His voice cracked. Any other emotion he’d worn before had shattered. Now it was just pain. Like she’d broken his heart in two.

_And in so many ways… Maybe I have…_

The thought was too much too bear, and she couldn’t answer his question. She wanted to tell him no. She _wanted_ to tell him no, but…

Him standing above Larxene like that, laughing as she cowered…

Other times, she’d seen him, and she’d never been sure if it was just the darkness or if it was him. There were so many bad habits he’d learned from Larxene—why should she assume cruelty _wasn’t_ one of them?

Why should she assume that it was only the darkness, and not at least partially him?

“Namine…”

She had to look away from him, bit her lip to keep the words _“no of course I don’t”_ from spilling from her mouth.

“The- the darkness—” he began.

“Is not entirely responsible for your actions,” the Other Riku broke in. “Did it contribute? Oh, I’m sure. But some of this was you.”

“I- I just… I just… N- _Namine…_ ”

She shook her head. Pulled at the edges of her skirt, not that there were any loose threads to occupy her fingers. The skirt was brand new, after all.

“I- I don’t really- don’t really wanna talk about it right now.” She didn’t have the energy to raise her voice above a mumble. “I don’t want to be having this conversation right now. I- we… we need to go home.”

“Are you sure…?” Kairi asked.

“I- I need to have 7… have him look at this,” Namine said, rubbing the wound on her chest.

“Oh, right, I nearly forgot.” The Other Kairi handed her a potion. “Take this. It should help.”

There was no point refusing, so Namine just took it and nodded her thanks. She let Kairi help her to her feet, and then grabbed Kairi by the shoulder, so Kairi could use her other hand to grab Riku.

“Namine,” he said again, not budging. “ _Please…_ ”

“Come on or I’m leaving you here,” Kairi said. She held a hand out to him.

After a moment, he took it. Goodbyes were said—all brief. Namine kept her eyes on the ground the whole time. She could feel Riku’s gaze burn into her, even when Kairi activated the star shard and they were whisked back to their universe.


	14. In which Kairi and Namine discuss some more things

When the sand crunched beneath her feet, Namine almost feared the star shard hadn’t worked. It was only with the realization that the three of them were the _only_ ones in sight that she thought better of the fear. Of course it’d worked. Kairi’d just taken them to _their_ Destiny Islands.

“Why here…?” Namine asked, looking up at Kairi. She avoided Riku’s gaze entirely—avoided looking at him at all.

“I could guarantee getting us to the right universe if I aimed here,” Kairi replied. “It is home, after all.”

Namine nodded, letting go of Kairi. She took a step back and nearly tripped over her own feet.

“Namine…” Riku began again.

Namine flinched. Looked down at the sand. Not at him. Her mind spun for ways she could avoid this conversation. She supposed she could just from a dark corridor around herself, but it just… It didn’t feel right. Except… what else was she going to do?

“Riku… I just…”

“Riku, I think Namine wants to talk to me,” Kairi interrupted. “So shoo shoo and give us some privacy.”

“But—” Riku protested.

“ _Shoo shoo._ ”

“This will only take a second—”

“And this will only take a minute. Go on. Shoo shoo.”

Riku eventually sighed in defeat. He trudged off—not that Namine was sure where he’d eventually go. Kairi watched him, making sure he’d move out of earshot. He surprised both the girls by forming a dark corridor around himself ten paces from them.

“Well, that takes care of that,” Kairi said. She turned to Namine. “Well?” she asked. “I know you don’t necessarily _want_ to talk to me, but since we have the privacy to do so…”

“Thanks,” Namine mumbled. She couldn’t bear to look at Kairi in the eye, either.

“…you don’t have to talk to me,” Kairi said, after a moment. “It just didn’t look like you wanted to talk to Riku…”

Namine sighed. “I don’t,” she said. “I should… I just…”

Now she’d worried him. More than worried him. She should really talk to him, to make sure he knew everything was okay… except… everything _wasn’t_ okay. No, she didn’t _really_ think he was a monster, and the least she should do is go clarify _that_ with him. But, as for everything else…

She was tired of this routine.

“It’s… it’s _exhausting,_ ” she mumbled, more to herself than Kairi.

“What is?” Kairi asked.

“This… Me and Riku… It’s…” Namine shifted from foot to foot. Tugged at the edges of her skirt. “It’s exhausting,” she repeated, unsure of what else to say.

It was a relief to say it, though. Like a weight had been lifted from her chest. After a deep breath, she kept going.

“I feel- I feel like I’m being _crushed_ by his need for me to be happy. His need to stay in my good graces. I… mmhg…” She smoothed her skirt down—not that it needed smoothing, it was just the action of running her hands down it that soothed her. “I’m so _tired_ of it, and- and I know that I basically just told him that I think he’s a monster… and…” Her confidence fled. “And maybe I’m… overreacting….”

“Look,” Kairi clapped a hand against her shoulder, squeezing it a little. “The way I see it… you _did_ just basically call him a monster and he’s got every right to be upset about that. But… you said this has been happening forever. Or basically forever. Him being upset about you being upset, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Namine agreed, not that she’d needed Kairi to specify. She sighed. “I think it’d be a little easier to stomach if I didn’t always feel like he was more upset about me _being_ upset than _why_ I was upset…”

Kairi squeezed her shoulder a little tighter. Namine grimaced.

“Because, I mean, I don’t know how many times someone told him that what he was doing to Larxene—or trying to do—was wrong,” she continued. “But he didn’t seem to care until _I_ was the one who said it. And then- and then it _felt_ like he was only apologizing to make me happy. He wasn’t _really_ sorry about Larxene—I know he wasn’t!”

Honestly, she didn’t expect him to _ever_ be sorry about what he’d tried to do to Larxene.

“Well…” Kairi drummed her fingers against Namine’s shoulder. “If you’re upset about this. Tired of this. Then you need to fix it.”

Namine looked at Kairi, remembering that she had to look _up._ Kairi’d grown taller by quite a bit since the last time she’d seen her, before the World that Never Was. It was going to take her a while to get used to, just like seeing Sora with that scar was. Namine swallowed, trying to drag her attention back to the actual matter at hand.

“…how do I do that?” she asked.

Kairi shrugged. “You just gotta tell him what’s wrong. There’s really nothing else you can do.”

“And…. when he gets upset?”

“I… I don’t have any advice for that.”

Namine let out a long breath, and hung her head.

“Not even an offer to do it for me…?” she asked, weakly, more joking than anything else.

“Namine, I’d _love_ to,” Kairi said. “But it was one thing when I was just telling him not to do something incredibly dangerous and stupid—I can’t tell him that there’s something wrong with your relationship. He’s gotta hear that from you.”

“Figures…”

Kairi shifted so she was standing in front of Namine. “Hey, chin up. Look at me.” She reached out, tilting Namine’s head up with her fingers. Once she’d done that, and was satisfied Namine wasn’t going to look back down, she grabbed Namine by both shoulders, squeezing them tightly. “You’re _strong,_ Namine. You are so, so, _so_ strong. You can do this, alright? Deep breath… good!”

Namine waited a second, regulating her breaths until Kairi let go of her.

“I…. don’t think I want to do it now, though,” she said.

Kairi studied her a second, cocking he head to the side as she considered that. “Mm… I guess you don’t have to do it now… _but,_ the longer you put it off, the harder it’s gonna be.”

Namine nodded. “Maybe tomorrow,” she said. “Once I’ve sorted out what I want to say to him.”

“If you want me for moral support or anything just lemme know.”

“I will…. Well… I should get going. I still need to have 7 look at this.” Namine’s fingers trailed over the wound absentmindedly. It still stung, just slightly, especially when her fingers brushed it.

Kairi reached out, her fingers meeting Namine’s on the wound. She traced the wound with care, as if fearing hurting Namine any more. Namine bit her tongue to avoid grimacing too much with discomfort.

“I could always…?” Kairi began, but trailed off uncertainly.

Namine shook her head. “You’re not that good at healing and you know it.”

Kairi grimaced, but didn’t deny it. After a second, she pulled her hand away. Namine smiled at her. “I’ll, uh, I’ll let you know,” she said. She took a step back, away from Kairi, preparing to form a dark corridor.

“Ah, wait real quick,” Kairi said. Namine paused. “Are you two… like… _dating?_ ”

Namine frowned in surprise at the question—she hadn’t expected anything like it—but her shock and confusion didn’t stop the color from rising in her cheeks. “Well. Uh. I- I mean.” She cleared her throat. How to put it? She and Riku weren’t dating in the _traditional_ sense, but… “Well we… haven’t done any, y’know, _dating._ Anything. But, uh…” She cleared her throat again. Her cheeks felt very hot. “I love him. And he loves me. And… I guess… I guess what that comes down to.”

“Well I didn’t figure you’d done any ‘dating things’,” Kairi said. She was giving Namine a wry look that made her turn even redder. “I just wanted to be clear on you loving him.”

“I- I don’t see why that- why that matters.”

Kairi’s wry look vanished completely. “The more you love him, the more this has gotta change, that’s all—and the more you love him, unfortunately, the harder it’s gonna be. Trust me. I know.”

Namine swallowed. She didn’t have to ask to know what Kairi was talking about.

Kairi smiled reassuringly, then. “Chin up, though! You can do it.”

Namine nodded. She formed a dark corridor.

 

**xxx**

 

“Namine…”

She cringed at the sound of Riku’s voice, though she regretted it the moment she did. He’d been waiting for her in Castle Oblivion. How he’d managed to predict where she’d head and make sure to be waiting not ten feet from her arrival spot was a mystery. But there he was, pushing off from the wall, heading over to her. His face was still scrunched up in that expression between pain and sorrow—an expression that, unfortunately, did look very much like a kicked puppy. (Curse Kairi for painting that mental image so clearly for her!)

“I- I don’t want to talk right now,” she stammered, taking a step away from him, directing her gaze over his shoulder. If she had her sketchbook, she’d hug it to her chest. She hugged her arms to her chest instead. “I- I still need to… need to figure out what I want to say. I need some- some more time to process this. I need…”

“Can you answer one thing?”

His voice was even when he cut her off. His hands were trembling at his sides.

She studied him a long moment, though not quite directly. She couldn’t stand looking at him directly for long. Finally, _slowly,_ she said:

“Depends on the question.”

He swallowed.

“…do you really think I’m a monster?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. _No, I don’t, not really, but… But…_

“Riku... I’m- I’m _sorry,_ that’s not… that’s not an easy question to answer…”

“So you do think I’m one!” His voice only raised slightly at the accusation—largely, he just sounded relieved to have an answer.

“I didn’t say that,” Namine argued. She tried to be patient as she spoke, but her voice still got louder as the words left her lips, still shook with frustration. Him jumping to conclusions like this, not giving her a chance to explain herself—especially when it was threatening his feelings—that was another to add to the list of things she was getting really tired of.

Riku’s eyes narrowed. “Namine, this shouldn’t be a question you have to _think_ about. And if you _do_ have to think about it, then that means, yes, you do think I’m a monster. You’re just trying to find the kindest words to break it to me in.”

“Riku—”

“Don’t bother.” He interrupted her with a slight shake of his head, with a raise of his hand to signal her to stop. “I don’t _need_ kind words. In fact, I’d _rather_ you just yell at me. Go on. Say it. I’m a mons—”

“ _Stop that!_ ” Namine shouted. She dropped her arms from her chest. She wished he’d stop looking at her like that. She wished he wasn’t having this conversation. Wished she was anywhere but in this black hole of a moment.

At least her yelling disarmed him enough to give her a moment to gather her thoughts.

“I- I don’t think you’re a monster,” she said, as firmly as she could manage. “Or… I don’t _want_ to believe you are. I don’t, Riku! But- but sometimes…”

She took a deep breath. Took another. Had the air in this place _always_ been so hard to breathe? Had the white of its walls always bugged her eyes so much? Her gaze kept trailing back to Riku, the dark clothes he was wearing a stark relief to the burning white of the rest of the Castle. Except looking at Riku just made her stomach churn…

“Sometimes?” Riku prompted. The snarl of his lips was angry. Impatient.

“It’s… it’s like…” she tried, but couldn’t find the words.

She tore her eyes away from him, squinting so that the white walls behind him didn’t hurts as much. She hugged her arms to her chest again. Her palm pressed against the wound, and she near jumped from the shock—and pain—of it.

That’s when the right words hit her. She gagged at the thought of them, and the memories that came with them, but they were words he’d understand.

She wet her lips. Swallowed. “Y-y’know how… when… when I was Rewritten?” she asked. “You said- you said it was like Larxene in my body. Her voice coming out of my mouth. That’s- that’s what it’s like with you, sometimes.”

It wasn’t easy to get out. The memories pounded in her head. The things she’d done when Rewritten. The things she’s said to him. The snarl that formed on Riku’s face when he realized what had happened, why she was acting how she was. Feeling like Larxene had been sickening enough. Having Riku nearly kill her for it was just as bad.

She swallowed again. Pressed on, though each word was like agony in her throat.

“Sometimes- sometimes you… sometimes all that comes out of you is _her._ Her- her cruelty. Her words.” Namine didn’t clarify that by _her_ she meant _Larxene._ She didn’t need to. “Sometimes the line between you and her is blurred. Sometimes I can’t- I can’t see if there even _is_ a line separating you from a monster…”

Her heart jumped to throat as she finished speaking. She hunched her shoulders, clutching herself tighter, trying not to double over. She really _was_ going to vomit—or it sure felt like she would. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. The silence that surrounded the two of them was much worse than her words. Waiting for Riku to say something.

“I…” he began, but he didn’t finish.

“I need to talk to 7.”

It killed her to leave it at that. To leave without letting him respond. But she couldn’t bear his face anymore. Couldn’t bear how his lips quivered. How it looked like she’d just shattered everything his world was about.

She couldn’t bear meaning that much to him anymore.

_“The more you love him, the harder it’s gonna be…”_

She turned her back on him.

“Namine! Wait!”

“ _Please…_ ” She didn’t turn around. “I need more time to sort this out. I need- I need more time to get my thoughts together, Riku, and- and I can’t…”

_…can’t do that with you looking at me like this._

She started walking. The walking soon became a run as he called after her again, and again, and again.


	15. uh oh

Namine was surprised—though quite relieved—to see Vexen sitting at the other computer in 7’s room. He explained that 7 made good company, though he didn’t say what he needed the company for, or even what he was busy typing up on the computer.

Namine didn’t find it in her to care what he was doing, though. “Vexen, can I ask you something?”

“Mm? Oh, yes.” He looked up at her, squinting a little, looking quite distracted. His eyes narrowed after a second of studying her longer. “Wait a minute. Are you hurt?”

Namine cursed under her breath and moved her hand to cover the wound. It was no use. 7 was there in seconds, tugging her hand away.

“Namine… let me see… if you’re hurt—”

“It was a blast of darkness,” Namine mumbled. There was no point in resisting 7.

Vexen’s eyes narrowed even further. “From what?”

Namine shook her head. “That’s a long story, and I have a slightly more important question for you.”

“You need to get repaired first,” 7 insisted.

“I’m a little more worried about the darkness having any… negative side effects on my data or whatever.”

“Mm… it shouldn’t—but I’ll run a scan on you while you talk to Vexen. Sit.”

Namine sat on the cot closest to 7. It was exhausting to argue with him—which was probably why he was so good at his job as a Medic.

“About… Riku’s darkness?” Namine began.

Vexen let out a long breath.

“How much did he tell you?”

“Just that it was dangerous but you couldn’t do anything to fix it,” Namine said. “Kairi also mentioned it could kill him—which he _didn’t_ mention.”

She considered mentioning what Larxene had said, too, but decided against it. She hardly knew what to say to _Riku_ about the matter. Dragging Vexen into the mess would only complicate things.

“Well… it _can’t_ kill him, exactly,” Vexen began.

“Yes it can!” 7 argued.

“It can’t any time _soon,_ ” Vexen corrected, sending a glare at 7. “We do have a few months before it’s going to reach _deadly_ levels, which should be enough time for me to translate his Code into something the computers of _this_ universe will recognize. Then we can fix it.”

“Can’t you just… take him to the other universe and install the protocols there?” Namine asked. Once she’d said it she realized the flaw in that plan. _The other universe._ Like getting Riku over there would be easy.

“I’d rather not make him go to the other universe,” Vexen replied, confirming her thoughts. “It has too many bad memories—and besides, there’s a chance we may not have the option to hop over there to fix his data whenever we please in the future. I’d like to be prepared for such occasion.”

“You could just install the protocols and _then_ worry about translating his Code,” 7 said. From the sounds of it, he and Vexen had been having this argument for a while.

Vexen shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Well… yes… _technically,_ I could…” He cleared his throat. “But I would _still_ rather avoid having to take him to the other universe if possible—and even if I didn’t want to avoid that, he won’t listen to _me_ on the matter until it’s life or death. So unless _you’d_ like to talk to him about it, Namine.”

She grimaced. She could hardly talk to him about anything, lately. She doubted she’d be able to convince him to go to the other universe. Or, go to the universe for something that didn’t involve revenge on Larxene. Hopefully he was over revenge, now. Had leaving him alone been a good idea…?

“You never did answer how you got hurt, Namine,” 7 said, interrupting her thoughts.

Namine stared for a long moment—definitely a second or two too long.

“It was a Heartless,” she lied.

Neither of the Vexens looked like they believed her, but neither pressed the matter. Vexen pushed himself to his feet.

“I’m assuming Riku’s been using darkness excessively, recently, yes?” he asked. “Considering you’re worried about it.”

Namine nodded.

“I’ll go talk to him, then,” Vexen said. “I need to, at the very least, talk him into letting me scan his data again. While he isn’t in any immediate danger—or he _shouldn’t_ be—excessive use of darkness will only hasten matters…”

He left, grumbling as he went.

7 cleared his throat. “Should we do another round of Larxene data checking?” he asked. “You’re clear, by the way. No damage from the blast, outside of the expected ones. Just as it should be, with the Darkness Protection Protocols installed.”

That sounded like a dig at Vexen, not that Namine knew what good it did, seeing as Vexen was no longer in the room.

“Good, and yes,” Namine said. “I’d like that.”

She didn’t expect to get any more thinking about what she was going to tell Riku done while 7 looked at her data, but she was more than eager to put off the inevitable conversation with Riku for a little longer. Vexen was going to go talk to Riku, so the matter of him being alone wasn’t a problem anymore. She could wait.

“You know the drill,” 7 said, flashing a smile at her. “Go on and lie down.”

 

**xxx**

 

“There you are.”

Riku looked up, and then had to suppress a groan at the sight of Vexen.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked. “I thought you, of all people, would’ve left this stupid Castle by now.”

Vexen’s mouth twitched. Riku couldn’t tell if he was smiling or grimacing.

“I’m working on translating your Code, remember?” Vexen said. “Speaking of, Namine said you’d been using a lot of excess darkness, lately?”

Riku grunted. Quick to get to the point, as always. He thought about lying—saying no—but darkness still sparked at his fingertips, defying him. Plus, Vexen was more likely to believe Namine than him… unfortunately…

“What of it?” he asked.

“‘What of it’?” Vexen scoffed. “Riku! You know fully well that too much use of it will only put you more at risk—”

“Look, don’t worry about it! I don’t intend to use it much more, anyway. I’ve got nothing to use it on…”

“Oh?”

Riku turned away from Vexen’s raised eyebrows and curious tone. He didn’t want to tell Vexen about Larxene—Well, maybe if he’d actually managed to _kill_ Larxene. He would’ve told Vexen then. When he had something to show for it. But now? He didn’t want to displease Vexen like he’d displeased Namine—and honestly, he wasn’t sure if Vexen would be more displeased by what he’d tried to do, or the fact that he’d _failed…_

The sound of a dark corridor opening saved him from having to answer.

Riku looked up at it, a little confused, and then every muscle in his body stopped working. That was _Larxene!_ How did she get here so fast? He tried to pull a little darkness to him—at least, for _defense—_ but it all seemed to flee from him.

“How many Larxene Replicas are still alive?” Vexen asked, sounding completely unworried.

It was a miracle Riku could get his mouth working. “Th-th-that’s not one of them,” he stammered. “I-It’s _her!_ ”

Since the darkness had failed him—again—Riku thought about throwing himself behind Vexen, using Vexen as a shield. It was cowardly, sure, but Riku didn’t care. In fact, the only reason he didn’t do it was because his limbs wouldn’t _respond_ to him.

“That’s…?” Vexen began, but he didn’t finish. “Why is _she_ here?” he asked, instead. He sounded quite worried, now, and threw a hasty look at Riku before returning his attention to Larxene. “What did you _do?_ ”

“I- I may have tried to kill her…?”

“And you didn’t go _through_ with it!?”

“Well—”

“NEVER MIND. There isn’t time.” Vexen moved to stand in front of Riku, shoving Riku behind him. “Go! Get out of here!”

As much as Riku wanted to do, all he could do was stare. His mind was reeling. Panic was choking him. Larxene, here! Vexen, _helping?_ But he’d never—

“I said get out of here!” Vexen repeated, when he saw that Riku hadn’t moved.

“Wh- why are? Why—”

“Do you expect me to just stand here and let her find you?” Vexen looked furious, but he still kept half an eye on Larxene. “Trust me, I’ve had far enough of doing that. Now _go_ before I shove you through a dark corridor myself!”

Panic overruled the confusion. Riku formed a dark corridor around himself.


	16. In which Aerith has an unwelcome guest

Riku tripped over his own feet as he stumbled out of the dark corridor, and fell onto the ground. Tears of relief welled up in his eyes at the sight of Aerith’s living room—Aerith, pacing, Cid, reading, Yuffie… well, he couldn’t tell what she’d _been_ doing, but she was currently leaning over the back of the couch to look at him. Riku’s muscles gave way, then, and he fell onto his back, but he didn’t even notice. He was safe!

Then the relief turned back to panic, washing through him like ice water. He was safe—yes—but only for the moment. Larxene could find him any minute, and when she did… oh he was in for a world of pain. _If_ he lived.

 _If I live… ha!_ A nervous giggle bubbled out of his mouth. He could die. He _would_ die, if Larxene found him, unless some miracle happened. And Larxene was, _eventually,_ going to find him…

Vexen could only buy so much time.

Riku’s panicked laughter fell to a grimace at the thought of Vexen. Vexen, protecting him. _Vexen!_ Why did Vexen even care? He’d never cared before…

_“Do you expect me to just stand by and let her find you? Trust me, I’ve had far enough of doing that!”_

He’d never—

“Riku…?”

Aerith’s voice.

He turned his head to look at her. It looked like she’d just stopped pacing, and now she was regarding him with a worried expression.

“The _hell_ you been?” Cid demanded.

Right. _Right._ He’d left here early this morning to go after Larxene—it felt like an eternity ago. But he’d left before anyone’d been up… so no one should’ve been _this_ worried…

Unless Namine’d vanished, too. Waking up and finding _both_ of them gone would’ve probably worried everyone, though he can’t have said he’d expected anyone to be worried _this_ much.

“Yeah, and where’s Namine?” Yuffie asked. “I mean, after she ran off this morning…”

Oh, that would explain it, also. Namine’d panicked upon finding him gone—that wasn’t a surprise, at least—and she’d worried everyone else…

…and _oh,_ he was in so much trouble when Larxene found him. He could almost feel the electricity dancing through his body. Could almost feel the pain that was coming.

“N-Namine’s okay,” he said, trying to distract his mind from Larxene. Namine _should_ be okay. Yes, she was in Castle Oblivion, where Larxene (currently) was, but Larxene was after him. She wouldn’t stay there long. Hopefully. And 7 was definitely with Namine right now, and he could (almost) count on Vexen protect her.

 _Ugh,_ and there was Vexen to think about, too!

Riku’s mind wouldn’t stop spinning. He reached up and buried his face in his hands.

“What’s got you all in a panic, then?” Leon asked. He was standing somewhere by Aerith, judging by the direction his voice came from. “I think that’s a little more important.”

It was. Riku took a few shuddering breaths. The sounds didn’t want to leave his lips.

“L- L- Larxene’s after- after m-me,” he managed, finally.

“…who’s that?” Yuffie asked.

 _Who’s that?_ It was such an innocent question, and it almost sent Riku into a laughing fit. _Who’s that?_ How was he supposed to sum up all of Larxene in an answer to that question? How was he supposed to sum up not just her cruelty, her attitude, her position in the Organization he used to—unwillingly—work for, _along_ with the countless hours she called punishment? Countless hours of lightning coursing through his veins, of screaming at the top of his lungs, of her laughter ringing in his ears.

He didn’t need to find the words, though—he didn’t get a chance. Aerith dropped to her knees beside him, pulling him into her arms and wrapping him into a hug.

“You’re okay,” she whispered. “I promise. I promise she isn’t going to get you here. You’re safe here. You’re safe.”

He shivered, caught between surprise and sobbing with relief. _Safe._ He was _safe._ He didn’t realize his heart had been pounding until it was slowing.

“Who’s this Larxene character, huh?” Cid asked. “An’ wha’sit about her that’s got you so worked up?”

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t afraid of anything,” Yuffie added.

He laughed a little, with relief. Everything felt so normal. So wonderful. Safe.

“L-L-Larxene is a whole- d-different k-kind of… k-k-kind of—”

The words caught on his tongue. He wanted to say _monster,_ but Namine’s words rang in his ears.

 _“It’s not that I think you’re a monster—I don’t want to! But sometimes the line between you and_ her _is blurred and…”_

And saying Larxene was a monster was like admitting he, himself, was one.

“What’s more important is why she’s _here,_ ” Leon said.

Riku coughed. “I- I may have- I- I uh. M-might have tr-tried to k-kill her,” he stammered. Telling Vexen had been easy. Telling everyone _here,_ however? That was a thousand times more nerve-wracking. If Namine’d acted so negatively towards it, how would they…?

Aerith grunted in discomfort. “Mm… revenge isn’t…”

“…isn’t the answer,” he finished. “I- I know.”

That’s what everyone else had told him. He was still a little bitter about it—answer or not, it was a damn good idea—but he couldn’t complain to Aerith about it.

“How long before she gets ‘ere?” Cid asked.

Riku shifted in Aerith’s arms, shifted so he was sitting up. She shifted with him—one arm still wrapped around him, the other falling into his lap.

Riku met Cid’s eyes. “I- I dunno. I- I mean…” He licked his lips. “She- she f-found me in- in Castle Oblivion r-really quickly, bu-but she doesn’t even know about… about here…”

_Plus Vexen’s distracting her. Standing up for me. Protecting me…_

The thought made his stomach churn. It was too much to think about. He pushed it aside.

“It’ll be safer to count on her showing up,” Leon said.

Yuffie nodded. “Yeah, and maybe you should wait upstairs, huh, Riku? So that she won’t know you’re here when she shows up. If she shows up.” She shrugged. It was a little bit of a surprise—to Riku, at least—to hear that from her, but no one argued against her.

“Y-you guys are…? You’ll…?”

 _Protect me?,_ Riku _wanted_ to finish, but saying the words out loud was too much.

First Vexen, and now them.

Actually… First Namine—the other Namine, _and_ his Namine. And Kairi. And _then_ Vexen and then…

It really was too much to take in. He swallowed. Tried not to shiver.

He’d never hoped to expect anyone to divert Larxene’s wrath from him. But here he was...

“O’course!” Cid broke into a grin, chuckling a little. “Shouldn’ be tha’ hard, right? All we gotteh do is… keep her out?” He looked at Leon, expectantly, who nodded.

“We can take her!” Yuffie declared. “It’ll be four against one!”

Aerith smiled at him “You hear that, Riku? We’ll protect you. She’s not gonna hurt you.”

“Th-thank you…” Riku muttered.

“Don’t worry about it,” Leon said. “It’s the least we can do.”

Aerith nodded, and pushed him to his feet. “Go wait upstairs. We’ll let you know when it’s safe.”

 

**xxx**

“Nnngh…” Namine brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the surprisingly bright light that bounced off the walls of Castle Oblivion. She turned to look at 7. “You finished already…?”

“Not- not exactly, but Vexen wouldn’t let—”

7 didn’t even get the chance to finish.

“Larxene showed up,” Vexen said. “She went after Riku. I mean, she doesn’t have him right now—at least not as far as I am aware—but she’s hot on his tail.”

Namine sat up straight. That was all she needed to know.

“Be careful,” 7 warned. “You shouldn’t have any problems, since I hadn’t started _initiating_ any changes to your data, but you might be a little unstable. Once you have a chance, you should come back.”

Namine nodded, only half listening.

“Do you know where Riku is?” she asked Vexen.

“If I did, I wouldn’t have come to get you,” he replied. “I told him to get somewhere safe. That’s all I know.”

“He’s in Hollow Bastion.”

“Really?” Vexen squinted at her. “How do you know?”

Namine pushed herself off the cot, forming a dark corridor.

“Because it’s home.”

 

**xxx**

 

They were all settled on the couches, exchanging nervous glances. Cid tapped his feet impatiently. Yuffie kept shifting around in her seat. Leon didn’t move, but just the air about him made Aerith sure that he was nervous. She had to keep from chewing any of her nails off, herself.

The plan was to wait and _hope_ Larxene never showed up. If she did, then the plan from there was to convince her Riku wasn’t here. Hopefully they could succeed. Like Riku said, she had no _clue_ about them, or their relation to him.

Thankfully—or not so thankfully—they didn’t have to wait long. It’d hardly been minutes when the front door was kicked in. Everyone jumped—Cid even swore with surprise. Aerith quickly got to her feet to greet their, uh, “guest”.

“Where _is_ he!?” Larxene screamed, turning on her. Even in anger, her nose was turned up, and she looked down on all of them like they weren’t worth her time.

Aerith tried not to tremble as she moved a few steps closer to Larxene. It wasn’t hard to see why Riku feared Larxene so much, now that they were standing in the same room. Larxene carried herself confidently, unafraid, knowing the force she possessed and what she could do with it. She was also radiating a surprising amount of darkness…

Aerith’s eyes narrowed in concern. Horrible person or no, it was hard to see even Larxene be so consumed by darkness.

“ _Well?_ ” Larxene demanded. Aerith remembered with a start that she’d been asked a question.

“You’re… going to have to be a _little_ more specific,” she said, straining to keep her voice calm and polite. Her heart pounded in her chest.

“That _stupid_ Replica!” Larxene screeched. Electricity—and darkness—sparked at her fingertips, and she took a step forward, hand raised, as if prepared to strike. Aerith stood her ground.

Larxene’s lips curled, just slightly, with disgust. She lowered her hand, only barely, and continued ranting. “He just _thinks_ he can get away with that little show he put on? Hmph! Like I wouldn’t—oh, he is _so_ in for it when I find him.”

Aerith’s heart thudded. It was all she could do to keep herself calm, though not for fear this time. For anger.

“I’m afraid I still don’t know who you’re talking about,” Aerith lied.

Larxene’s eyes narrowed. “He’d go by ‘Riku’ around here,” she said, slowly. There was a chuckle behind her voice, but Aerith didn’t question it. No need to further anger the beast.

“Riku?” Aerith asked.

“We haven’ seen him ‘ere for weeks!” Cid called.

“Yeah, and even if we had, do you think we’d tell you?” Yuffie added.

Aerith refrained from shooting a warning glance at Yuffie. That’d give them away more than her outburst would.

“Don’t lie to me!” Larxene spat.

Aerith tried not to flinch, but before she knew it, Larxene had her by the collar of her dress. She gasped, reaching for Larxene’s wrist, only to pull her hand back in pain. There was lightning.

“Hey!” Yuffie shouted.

“Put her _down,_ ” Leon said. Aerith could see him jump to his feet out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t dare look away from Larxene.

Larxene didn’t listen, pulling Aerith closer. Aerith turned away, seeing as she couldn’t exactly break free. Her mind wasn’t clear enough to cast any spells, and, of course, the only one she could even think of right now was Thunder. That wouldn’t do her _any_ good.

“I _know_ he’s here,” Larxene hissed. Aerith bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. Her heart wouldn’t stop pounding. She could feel Larxene’s breath on her face. “I wouldn’t _be_ here if _he_ wasn’t!”

“I- I don’t know who—” Aerith gasped.

“We said put ‘er down!” Cid shouted.

Larxene laughed, but distanced herself from Aerith. She didn’t let go. “And what are you going to do if I _don’t?_ ” she asked, turning her attention to everyone else. Aerith shuddered. Larxene’s voice was too sweet. Too confident in her own abilities. Almost thrilled at the promise of battle.

“It’s four agains’ one!” Cid replied, grinning. His spear was already in his hands, and Leon was ready with his gunblade. Yuffie had even fetched her shuriken.

“I wouldn’t test your odds,” Leon said, slowly.

Larxene was silent for a long moment, considering it. Finally, she let Aerith go. Aerith would’ve been relieved, had it not been for the grin on Larxene’s face.

“I won’t have to,” she said.

“An’ why is tha’?”

Larxene only grinned wider. “Because I’ve got Namine!” she called, raising her voice.

Aerith looked at Leon, panicked. Leon quickly nudged Yuffie before she could protest. Thankfully, Cid had the sense not to shout out, either. They couldn’t tell Riku she was lying. They could only hope that he didn’t believe her.

There was silence for what felt like eternity, but was only a few agonizing seconds in reality.

It was broken by the sound of feet pounding down the stairs.

Aerith sighed.

“Works every time,” Larxene muttered, with a pleased smile.

“Let her go!!” Riku roared, launching himself over the railing of the stairs and hitting the ground with surprising grace. Then he paused, eyes going wide as he realized Namine was nowhere in the room. He growled, surprise falling to a glare in Larxene’s direction. “You _bi—_ ack!”

Larxene hadn’t hesitated. The moment she’d seen him, she’d thrown a lightning bolt at him. Riku went sprawling.

“See? That wasn’t too hard, now, was it?”

The pleasure in Larxene’s voice sent shivers down Aerith’s spine.

“Nngh…”

Riku slowly pushed himself up.

“Come on! Fight back!” Larxene summoned a set of knives to her, and lightning danced around her body in waves. She was grinning, but there was a hardness in her eyes. A sense of disgust that was stronger than any she’d radiated before.

“I…” Riku pressed himself up against the side of the staircase.

“It’s not like it’s going to change how this goes,” Larxene continued, stepping towards him. “Not now. There’s no need to—” Her face fell. There was no amusement in her tone when she spoke, now. “Do you _have_ to?”

Aerith had moved so she was between Larxene and Riku. She reached behind her back, casting a Wall on Riku. There. That’d keep Larxene from doing any damage to him, at least for the moment.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Aerith forced herself to say, _politely,_ even though she felt like being everything _but_ polite right now.

Larxene jutted her chin in Riku’s direction. “Hand him over, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Aerith wanted to laugh. Like she’d just _hand_ Riku over to _Larxene!_ This was the woman who’d tortured him, abused him, ground into his head that he _deserved_ pain, along with all sorts of other filthy lies. Why in the Worlds would she just _hand him_ over?

“I believe she told you to _leave._ ” Leon stepped forward, brandishing his gunblade.

Cid’s grip tightened on his spear.

“Yeah!” Yuffie called, raising her shuriken to throw. “Go on, before you make us have to fight you!”

Larxene sighed, dramatically. Then she grinned. “Well… then I’ll have to make this—”

The grin fell from her face and the words stopped on her tongue. Aerith had chosen that moment to aim a blast of Holy right at her stomach.


	17. In which Aerith feels a tiny bit proud of herself

Larxene went flying backwards, and a second blast of Holy sent her through the window. Aerith winced at the sound of shattering glass, but was very grateful the force of two Holys had _only_ broken the window, and not done any more damage. It’d been reckless to even cast one in the house, let alone… oh well…

“Little overkill there, huh, Aerith?” Leon asked, laughing a little. Cid and Yuffie were gaping at her. Riku moaned from behind.

Aerith licked her lips. “I guess…” she said. “It felt good.”

“Well, we gonna fight her or what?” Yuffie regained her composure quickly, launching herself over the back of the couch.

“Obviously!” Cid was quick to follow her outside.

Aerith started after them, but stopped after a few steps. The effects of having thrown not one, but _two_ Holys was settling in on her. “Leon?” she asked. “Can you grab me an ether? Or three…”

He nodded, going to do so.

Riku grunted behind her, and Aerith turned to him. He was pushing himself to his feet. “I should… fight too…” he said, grimacing. He trembled, though, as he stood.

Aerith shook her head. “You stay here. We’ve got this.”

She feared, for a moment, that he’d argue, but he didn’t. He smiled uneasily at her, and then sat back down on the ground.

Aerith paused only to grab her staff on her way outside to join the battle.

The battle didn’t last long, though. In fact, it lasted only long enough for Leon to hand Aerith some ethers. A dark corridor opened not ten feet from Larxene, and out stepped Namine and… Vexen. That was his name. Larxene took one look at them, and then vanished through a dark corridor of her own.

Riku screamed from inside the house.

Aerith froze, heart squeezing in her chest. She couldn’t even move to save him—she knew it was too late. The air left her lungs in a sob, and she fell to her knees. Stupid. Leaving him inside—alone—had been so _stupid._

“Why wasn’t one of you _with_ him!?” Vexen demanded.

“I- I wasn’t thinking,” Aerith stammered. “I wasn’t thinking- I- I wasn’t—”

“None of us were thinkin’!” Cid said. “It’s not yer fault!”

“Where’d she go with him?” Leon asked, grounding everyone. If there was one thing she could rely on him to do, it was that. It was always that.

Vexen let out a long breath. “Well… she’s not stupid enough to go to _our_ Castle Oblivion… she probably took him to the other universe.”

“Is he gonna be okay?” Yuffie asked.

No one answered.

Aerith buried her face in her hands. Stupid. Stupid, _stupid._ She should’ve known better. She should’ve known so much better. Why hadn’t at least _one_ of them been smart enough to suggest staying with Riku? Why hadn’t…

“Aerith?”

Namine’s hand was on her shoulder.

“I promised him he’d be safe…” Aerith murmured.

And now he was the exact opposite of that.

“Hey, listen.” Namine pulled her to her feet, gripping her by the arms. “We’ll find him. Okay? We’ll find him.”

Aerith nodded, slowly.

Namine tightened her grip. “It’ll be okay. Larxene isn’t gonna- isn’t gonna make quick work of… of…” She swallowed, obviously not wanting to say it. Aerith didn’t blame her. Admitting that Riku’d be dead within the hour if they didn’t find him wasn’t an easy thing to admit.

“We’ll find him,” Namine repeated.

Aerith nodded again. “I’m coming, too.”

Namine looked surprised for a moment, but it faded quickly into understanding. “Alright. Vexen?”

“Coming.”

Namine formed a dark corridor around the three of them.

 

**xxx**

 

“You didn’t _really_ think you could get away with it, did you?”

The words were returned by a groan of agony, then finally a response.

“I didn’t intend… to… to leave you… _alive…_ ”

“You should’ve known better!” A laugh, to accompany her mocking tone. “You’ve never been strong enough to take me.”

His protests were lost to cries of pain.

 

**xxx**

 

Namine’s dark corridor let them out on Destiny Islands. Much to Namine’s relief, Kairi was within sight.

“Kairi!” she called. “Star shard! Now!”

“Why!?” Vexen demanded.

Namine hardly spared a glance at him—her eyes were fixed on Kairi as she ran over. “Because I can guarantee getting to Riku, but I can’t guarantee getting to backup,” Namine explained.

“Why do we need backup?”

“Oh, let me think…” Namine turned to Vexen, then, not a drop of amusement in her tone. “I can’t fight. _You’re_ a coward. And no offense to Aerith, but I doubt she can pull _both_ our weight.”

“None taken.”

“Ah… I- I am…! I… That’s…” Vexen stopped fumbling for a protest and glared. “Well if we needed backup, why didn’t we grab someone else from Hollow Bastion? That Squall kid seemed pretty reliable.”

“Leon,” Aerith corrected.

“What?”

“He goes by Leon.”

“Oh. When did he change his name?”

“I didn’t even know he _had_ another name!” Kairi added, having reached them.

Namine’s eyebrows were raised. She hadn’t known about the other name, either, but now wasn’t really the time to fuss about it. She sent a look at Kairi. Kairi nodded.

“I got you covered,” she said, tossing a star shard—probably Sora’s again, or still—to Namine. “Need me to come with?”

Namine shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think you’ll be much help. I mean, if there’s anywhere near the amount of darkness there was last time…”

“Mm… good point…”

“What about Sora?” Vexen asked, looking directly at Kairi.

Kairi went very pale. “Oh… w-well… he… He hasn’t been feeling very well today.”

Namine frowned. Not feeling well? He’d seemed fine this morning. Kairi wouldn’t meet her eyes, either. Something was definitely wrong. _But,_ now wasn’t the time to be worrying about it.

“Is he sick?” Vexen asked.

Namine started to yell at him to stay focused, but Aerith beat her to it.

“I don’t think now’s the time,” she said. “If we need to go, let’s go!”

“Right. Sorry.”

Namine grabbed Vexen by the arm. Aerith was already holding onto her.

One star shard trip later, and they were… well… Namine didn’t know or much care _where_ they were, the important part was that it was the right place. It had to be the right place, considering she was greeted by the sight of the other Namine, and the other Riku and the other Kairi, along with this universe’s Sora and Axel and Roxas and Xion. Plus two other people she didn’t know. Or… one other _person_ she didn’t know. The other… _thing_ was a blue… koala? But koalas didn’t have four arms. Or ears that big. Never mind. Now wasn’t the time to worry about it.

“Uh,” the girl she didn’t know began.

The blue not-koala said something excitedly in another language, then waved enthusiastically. “Hiiiiii!”

Namine was just trying to figure out how to respond, or rather, direct the situation back to the matter at hand, when Real Thing—uh, the other Riku spoke.

“She found him, didn’t she?” he asked.

Namine just nodded.

“We sort of need all the help we can get,” Vexen said, uncertainly. Namine was a little surprised he was mentioning it at all, after his earlier protests. Maybe his worry for Riku had overcome his pride. Wouldn’t that be something.

“But we need the right type of help,” Aerith added.

“I’ll go,” Axel said. Namine felt Vexen shudder beside her. She sent a look up at him, but he’d masked whatever discomfort he’d been feeling well. He was eyeing Axel distrustfully, though.

“We’ll go, too,” Roxas said. Namine was confused who he meant by _we,_ but then she noticed him exchanging glances with Xion. After a second he looked at the other Namine. “Unless…” he began.

The other Namine shook her head. “Perhaps it would be best if I sat this one out myself. It might not be my place.”

Namine didn’t have the energy to argue or question further. It wasn’t like she desperately _wanted_ the other Namine to be there, anyway. “I’m not going to say one way or another,” Namine said. “But we need to go now.”

“Roxas, Xion, and I can take care of it,” Axel said, as if to assure everyone.

They all linked arms or hands, and once Namine was sure everyone was attached, she activated the star shard.


	18. In which, um, crap?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the chapter the violence tag is here for,

It was funny, how powerful old instincts were. Funny to think they were powerful enough that Riku acted on them without thinking, without even bothering to consider the fact that they wouldn’t help him in this situation. Scream more. Fight less. Those were the old rules. Not that it would’ve mattered much, even under these new rules. The only thing he could save was his dignity. His life wasn’t on the line, it was already down the deep end. All it was now was a matter of time, until she got tired of toying with him and struck the final blow.

It was even funnier to consider how they fell back to the old patterns, even after all this time. Larxene didn’t _have_ to pin him to the wall with knives—he’d long given up on fighting back—but she did so anyway. Riku found himself in that position at least once, electricity coursing through his veins.

Dark mode? He couldn’t remember donning it, but it was there. It pulsed near constantly, fighting to keep up with the damage being inflicted on it, inflicted on his body. It could only do so much, though. Riku tasted blood in his mouth, and vision through his left eye was cloudy. Had Larxene punched him there? A knife, maybe? He couldn’t remember. All the moments blurred together with the pain of the lightning and the sound of her laugh.

He was exhausted, too, and there was a pain boiling in his chest. Every little movement he made was a struggle. Every blast of darkness that hit was like agony.

Scream more. Fight less.

The sooner she got what she wanted out of him, the sooner she’d quit.

_Except once she’s done toying with me, that’s it, I’m dead!_

Nervous laughter bubbled at his lips.

_I’m dead! I’m dead I’m dead!_

“Cut that out!” Larxene screamed.

The following bolt of lightning silenced him, but he hardly screamed, mind still spinning with manic. He had to bite his lip—hard enough it bled—to keep himself from bursting out with laughter again.

_Dead! Dead! I’m dead!_

He wasn’t sure how much time passed from that point until the moment Larxene wrenched him off the ground, suddenly, holding him by the collar. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed _at all_ since Hollow Bastion. Had it been hours? Minutes?

“One step closer and I’ll kill him!” Larxene declared.

 _What a funny thing to say…_ he thought. He thought better of the laugh in his throat, and swallowed it. It felt like there was something tugging at his feet.

 _Safe, you idiot! You’re safe!_ The thought resounded in his head, but it was drowned by the continued scream of _Dead! Dead! I’m dead!!_

That’s when Larxene dropped him.

Except he didn’t crumple to the ground. He fell much farther than he should’ve, and then landed in someone’s arms. Axel’s arms. He didn’t even blink at the sight of Axel, hardly stumbled when Axel set him on the ground. His mind was still reeling. The stream of _I’m dead_ stopped, backpedaled, became a waterfall of _I’m alive! Alive! Alive alive alive alive alive alive alive alive—_

Riku wasn’t quite sure how long that lasted. Wasn’t sure how long he stared at his trembling hands, unable to process anything but that one thought. _Alive. Alive. Alive._ He _thought_ he heard Axel yelling behind him, and was _sure_ he heard Larxene, but other than that…

According to Aerith, who explained it all to him later, what had happened was this:

She, Namine, and Vexen, along with Axel, Roxas, and Xion from this universe—the other universe—had arrived. Larxene had immediately threatened to kill him should they try to save him, but between some quick thinking on Axel’s and Aerith’s part, they’d still been able to save him. Axel had formed a dark corridor under him, and Aerith had made Larxene lose her grip on him with a blast of Thunder. Thunder had been the most unexpected thing Aerith could throw, which was why it had worked.

That, of course, led to him dropping into Axel’s arms.

Riku finally looked up from his hands, and took the time to articulate his thoughts into words. “I’m alive…” Laughter burst from his mouth, then, continuous giddy laughter that wouldn’t stop. “I’m alive! You came for me!” He looked between Namine and Aerith, not sure who to thank—the thought of thanking Axel didn’t even cross his mind.

“No duh,” Namine told him. She sounded a little miffed. He didn’t like seeing the frown on her face.

He swallowed, then closed his eyes for a moment, letting the steady flow of _alive alive alive alive_ wash that thought away. He opened his eyes to send a nervous glance over at Larxene, who was too busy attacking Roxas and Xion to pay him much attention. Yet.

“Pity I can’t just make a run for it…” he mumbled. “If I bolt, she’ll just follow…”

Like she had in Castle Oblivion. Like she had in Hollow Bastion. It was him she was after. Staying here was the only way to guarantee beating her.

_And hopefully, it’ll keep her from grabbing me and running again._

He let out a long breath. Darkness sparked at his fingertips, in anticipation, in response to a thought he’d barely thought. _Alive alive alive_ turned into _fight fight fight—_ but couldn’t he do it. Should he…?

“You should stay back,” Aerith said, reaching out a hand to hold him where he was. She met his eyes, regarding him earnestly. “But I _promise_ it won’t be like last time. One of us will stay with you.”

Namine shrugged. “I might as well. I’m not a great fighter yet.”

“I thought… you were mad at me…” Riku squinted at Namine. He’d forgotten, briefly, in the shock and terror of it all, but she’d _definitely_ been mad at him earlier. His stomach churned. The stream of _alive fight alive fight alive_ became _bad bad bad bad bad_ and he did his best to push the matter out of his mind.

Except Namine’s lips curled inwards, forming that frown again. Her eyes narrowed at him, too. She really _was_ upset!

“Well, yeah!” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let Larxene get you!”

_Well yeah well yeah well yeah._

She was mad at him, and she’d admitted it.

Riku felt like he was going to be sick.

There must’ve been some face he’d made or something, because Namine practically _flared_ with anger. She didn’t get a chance to say anything, though she desperately looked like she wanted to. Aerith shoved them both aside, catching a blast of Dark Thundaga—or something stronger—against her staff and diverting it to the ground. A hiss of pain escaped between her teeth, not a surprise with how the leftover darkness was nipping at her fingers.

_Darkness bad good alive alive Namine mad bad bad why._

Namine tossed up a hesitant Cure for Aerith. Aerith laughed, shortly, which confused Riku. He was much less confused when she banged her staff against the ground, and Healing magic flooded his body. His woozy mind instantly felt much clearer, and he didn’t feel like he was going to trip over his own feet if he tried to move anymore.

“Can’t believe I forgot to do that,” Aerith muttered. She brandished her staff and took a step forward, as if to steady herself, but moved no further, just surveyed the battle. Riku found himself doing so, too, without thinking much about it.

Axel’d just thrown his chakrams at Larxene, both flaming. She’d warped to avoid them—a trick Castle Oblivion granted her—and was met by Roxas’s Keyblade. He got in maybe one strike before she warped yet again and threw knives in retaliation.

“Mm, maybe it’d be best if I stay put,” Aerith mused. “Oh, and—”

Another wave of her staff, and energy swirled around Riku. He squinted, trying to discern what it was, but could only tell it was some form of barrier. To further prevent Larxene harming him, he realized.

“What about you, Vexen?” Aerith asked, turning to him. “Are you going to fight?”

“Hmm?” Vexen looked genuinely surprised, and much like he’d been startled out of some deep thought. “Right. Yes. Fighting.” He cleared his throat nervously, and summoned his shield to him. “Fighting.”

He didn’t move any more than that, though. Riku snorted.

“Too much of a coward to do anything?”

Vexen shot a glare at him, and threw a blast of ice at Larxene. That was avoided, and returned with a continuous stream of some darkness-lightning hybrid. It was a good thing Vexen had his shield out.

“I still don’t get what you’re even doing here, you dumb Replica,” Larxene sneered, pouring more energy into the attack. It took Riku a moment to realize she was talking to _Vexen._

“She doesn’t—”

“Shh!”

Larxene didn’t know who Vexen was. She thought he was just a Replica. What about anyone else here? Surely Axel knew. Surely. But Roxas? And Xion? Riku couldn’t speak for either of them.

“What do you care about him, anyways?” Larxene continued, voice rising. Her attack hadn’t stopped. Vexen had skidded a few feet backwards from the force of it, but his shield kept him unharmed. “What do any of you—ack!”

While Larxene was focused on Vexen, Xion hit her with a tossed Keyblade. Larxene turned immediately, threw a large blast of darkness at Xion. Without her Keyblade to block—it was still spinning back to her—Xion was defenseless. The blow sent her into the opposite wall.

“Xion!” Roxas shouted. He started to rush to her, but was stopped by Axel.

Xion was already pushing herself to her feet. A Cure from Aerith helped.

“Are you going to fight?” Namine asked, nudging Riku to get his attention.

“Oh, you’re going to let me this time, huh?”

The bitterness tumbled from his mouth without his consent. He bit his lip, but it was too late to take the words back. Namine glared at him. His chest felt sore.

“Riku, now is _not_ the time for this.”

“You wouldn’t let me fight her last time!”

“That’s because you weren’t fighting her!—also, throwing darkness around isn’t going to do you any good this time.”

She hadn’t needed to say that. He wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. If he did fight, he would _properly_ fight. But first…

“Why are you mad at me?”

Just asking her seemed to make her even more angry. Riku almost regretted asking, but he needed to _know._ If he knew what was upsetting her, he could stop it. He couldn’t do anything about it if he had no clue what it was he had to do.

“Riku, now is _really_ not the time!”

Why was that she’d all she’d say? _I need some time to think. Not now. I don’t want to talk right now. Now’s not the time._

When was the time?

“You can’t give me an easy answer?” he demanded.

“Not everything is solved with an easy answer, Riku, trust me. It’s- it’s more complicated than just- than Larxene. It’s more complicated than- than just- just one thing you’ve said.”

Why did she always get so antsy, too? Like she was afraid of speaking. What did she have to be afraid of? _Him?_

_“I don’t want to think you’re a monster, but sometimes…”_

But sometimes.

Riku swallowed. There was something foul in his mouth. Something roiling in his chest.

He set his mouth to speak, only to pause. What was he going to say? Demanding to know whether or not she thought he was a monster seemed like too much. Asking if she was _scared_ of him was an impossible task, an unclimbable mountain.

“If- If it’s not… not something I’ve said, then what? What is it?” he asked, slowly.

Namine didn’t answer. She shoved him aside, placed herself in front of him, and then threw a spell up in front of her. Reflect. It stopped a bolt of lightning in its tracks.

_Now is not the time._

Riku’s blood ran cold.

“That wasn’t necessary,” he mumbled, not sure if he felt embarrassed or just… “Aerith cast some sort of barrier spell on me, and it’s still there.”

He could see it shimmering in the air before him.

Namine sent a glare over her shoulder. “You could’ve told me!!”

“I thought you’d have noticed,” Aerith said, shrugging sheepishly.

If it were possible, Riku’s blood ran even colder. It felt like something had squeezed his lungs. Even Namine looked mortified. _Aerith was listening. Aerith was listening. Aerith was—_

“How much did you hear?” Namine asked.

“Enough to know you’ve been arguing, but no more. I don’t like eavesdropping.” She sent them a reassuring smile. “Besides, it’s hard to eavesdrop when there’s a battle going on.”

Riku sent a glance over at Vexen. Thankfully, he’d (sort of) joined the battle, so the chances of him hearing anything were slim.

“If you’re really going to keep arguing, though, best keep it quiet,” Aerith added. “I’m sure neither of you want Larxene to hear.”

“Exactly why this needs to _not_ happen right now,” Namine said, giving Riku a dirty look.

Riku bit his lip, but didn’t argue this time. Aerith was right. If Larxene knew he and Namine were arguing, that’d be bad. That’d be very, _very_ bad. She’d use it to her advantage, somehow, and it was best not to _hand_ her things to bait them with.

From the looks of things, though, Larxene was much too occupied with the battle to have noticed anything. She was too busy warping and throwing things and avoiding things that had been thrown at her. Good.

“Axel!!” Vexen shouted. He didn’t sound very happy.

Unfortunately, Riku hadn’t been watching to see what had happened, or why he was yelling.

“Stop throwing your ice where I’m throwing my fire, and we won’t have this problem!” Axel called.

Riku burst out laughing at the thought. He didn’t have to see what had happened to find it funny. He could imagine. Even Namine smiled a little, which was good to see. Larxene was laughing, too, which wasn’t even a surprise. She’d always enjoyed Vexen’s discomfort.

Riku frowned, after a second. Why was Larxene looking directly at him…?

The air stopped shimmering around him.

Riku’s heart stopped.

Larxene’s laugh became a sharp grin, wide enough to split her face in two. She vanished.

Riku felt her hand on the back of his neck before she even got it there. His body went numb. Time seemed to slow. She yanked him off the ground and the world warped around him.

Warping was, of course, limited only to the battlefield, so she couldn’t go far with him. Riku didn’t count it as a relief, though. He was too focused on the knife that had been pressed to his neck.

“Well, now that we’re back on schedule,” Larxene laughed.


	19. In which okay that's fine

“Well, now that we’re back on schedule,” Larxene laughed. She pressed her knives closer to Riku’s neck. They were sparking with some sort of energy, though Vexen couldn’t tell whether it was lightning, or darkness. Or both.

“Let him _go!_ ” Vexen screamed. He was a little surprised at his own outburst, initially, but then he hardened his face. It was no good demanding anything from her if he didn’t look serious while doing it.

“Is this some sort of Replica solidarity that I just never picked up on before?” Larxene demanded. Vexen noted with uneasiness that her eyes lingered on him longer than anyone else. But at least she still didn’t know who he was. Not that keeping it secret was doing much good for him, or for Riku.

“I’ll show _you_ Replica solidarity!” No. i—er, Xion, that was—shouted, charging at Larxene. Vexen grimaced at himself. If he’d gotten used to calling Riku, Riku, then he’d have to get used to calling Xion by her name, too.

Unfortunately for Xion, Larxene was prepared. She threw a blast of darkness (or that darkness-lightning hybrid) at Xion before Xion could even reach her. Xion took the blast in full, and it threw her to the wall behind her. That was the second time she’d been thrown like that. Shouldn’t she know better? Surely he’d programmed her better than to—

No. Now was definitely not the time to be thinking like that. Besides, Xion was probably fine, based on the looks of the Cure Aerith had thrown up for her.

Larxene made a big show of faking a yawn. “Go figure. Replica solidarity _is_ a thing.” She hardly sounded amused, though.

Vexen’s eyes darted to Riku. He was just dangling under her grasp, eyes glazed, unmoving. The thought that Larxene could make him shut down like that, shut in on himself, infuriated Vexen. It also baffled him how she managed to dangle him off the ground like that, seeing as he was _at least_ her height. If the boy had any sense, he’d use his height against her—at the very least, he should be able to break from her grasp.

_And this whole time, he hasn’t even bothered to summon his blade…_

Vexen grit his teeth. He needed to get Riku away from her, but how? His mind spun with ideas, but most of the ones he came up with required more guts than he had. Why wasn’t anyone else here doing something? Namine was brash enough, wasn’t she? Then again, she didn’t stand a chance against Larxene, so maybe it was for the best.

It was a good thing Larxene liked making a show out of things. She carried on speaking. “I really _am_ curious as to why you all care about him so much!” There was a note of irritability in her tone, and Vexen could see it in the curl of her lips, too. A slight snarl, a narrowing of the eyes.

“ _You_ ,” Larxene continued, gaze locking on Namine. “Namine… Replica… _thing._ I can figure why _you’re_ here. You were probably _created_ to love him, since the _real_ Namine wouldn’t bother.”

A strangled grasp of protest escaped Vexen’s mouth, before he caught it and reeled it back in. Too far. That was too far. He sent a look at Namine, and was surprised when she didn’t do anything more than glare. Aerith looked horrified. Vexen squeezed his mouth shut. Turned back to Larxene.

Riku swung an arm at her, as if to punch, but it was sloppy and half-hearted. Fear overruling his anger, another thing to take Vexen surprise. It was usually the other way around. Larxene was quick to still him by jabbing him in the ribs with her knives.

She kept speaking, as if Riku hadn’t even moved. “And, I don’t know much about _you,_ miss pretty-in-pink…” Her eyes found Aerith. “But I gather you just like helping people. So whatever.”

“He’s my friend,” Aerith argued.

Yet another thing to surprise Vexen—actually, no. He wasn’t surprised by this. it was hard to be surprised, considering Riku’s choice to go to Hollow Bastion above anywhere else for safety. Hadn’t he and Namine mentioned _moving_ to Hollow Bastion, too? Why do that, instead of return to Destiny Islands? And of course, why else would’ve Aerith wanted to come with them to save him? Liking to help people or no, that didn’t account for her panic upon realizing that Larxene had still gotten to Riku, in the end.

Friends.

A smile tugged at Vexen’s lips, despite the circumstances.

Larxene, however, was less amused. “Oh, so you’ve gone and made _friends,_ huh?” she demanded, her attention turning to Riku. He didn’t answer quick enough for her, and she shook him like a rag doll. “Answer me, toy!!”

Vexen’s blood boiled. He took an unconscious step forward. _Put him down!_ He wanted to scream it. _Put him down!_ Why wouldn’t his lips move to form the words? _Put him DOWN!_ His blood was racing, pounding. He wasn’t that far from them, and if he attacked—

 _No, stop yourself there._ He planted his feet firmly in the floor, taking a deep breath. _There’s no sense rushing in when you’re not thinking straight. Think this through before attacking…_

“The two that I just _don’t_ understand, are you imbeciles!” Larxene was saying. Her voice still made Vexen’s blood boil, but he held it in. Larxene was looking directly at Axel as she spoke. Who was the other imbecile?

“I mean, I know you’ve always been on your own side, whatever that is,” Larxene said. Her eyes were burning. “It’s never been convenient for me, that’s all I know. Why even bother with this stupid, _failed_ experiment?”

She shook Riku again for emphasis. It took all Vexen’s will to keep himself from charging in.

_Think this through, first! What’s the best course of action? Charging certainly isn’t, you’ve never been suited for that kind of battle. Ice is probably the best option. But how do I keep from hurting Riku on accident?_

“…is _you_ being here.” Larxene rounded on him then, pulling Vexen out of his thoughts. He shivered a little. The look she was giving him… “Replica solidarity crap or no, you Vexen Replicas all follow a specific set of protocols!” She was shouting, her tone somewhere between angry and mocking. “You don’t _care_ about this _thing—_ ” And again, she shook Riku. “—all you care about is the science of it all. He’s not a _person_ to you.”

That was too far. More than too far.

Vexen shifted his stance, the ice coming to his fingertips with hardly a thought. The rest of Larxene’s words blurred to his ears. The ice took form of something like knives. Vexen waited only long enough for them to become solid, then he threw them at Larxene.

“I said earlier, let him _go!_ ”

Only one ice-knife hit its mark. Larxene hardly flinched at it. Her grip on Riku remained as tight as ever. Shouldn’t his height or his weight have overcome her by now?

“What do you care about him?” Larxene asked. She was laughing, clearly very pleased to see him angry.

“What’s it matter to you that I care?” Vexen replied. He steadied himself, so his voice couldn’t tremble—either with fear, or anger. A clear head. He needed a clear head.

“What does it matter to you that I kill the toy?”

Why did her words have the unnatural and infuriating propensity to get under his skin?

“He is _not_ a toy!”

‘Toy’ was an oversimplification and an insult. Not only was it demeaning to call Riku a toy, but the technology that built him was certainly more sophisticated than any that would make mere _toys_. Then again—the point of ‘toy’ was to _be_ an insult. Vexen grunted. He couldn’t say anything like that, either. It’d give him away, and it’d probably only make her laugh at him.

“He is a _real_ person,” Vexen said instead. It was a struggle to keep his voice even.

“Ha! Real person?” There was more edge than amusement in her laugh this time. “You Replicas should know better than to have such delusions of grandeur! You’re _not real,_ so—”

“That doesn’t make him a toy, and it certainly doesn’t make him _your_ toy!”

 _Stop yelling, already,_ a voice in the back of his head hissed. _Stop yelling, stop wasting time, and snatch him from her already!_

“Why do you _care?_ ” Larxene repeated.

“What’s it matter to you?”

_Throwing ice at her didn’t work, but you can do more than that, can’t you? Freeze her solid, then grab Riku._

“You shouldn’t care about him!” She shook Riku again. “So why are you even here!?”

“It’s none of your business why I’m here!”

“You made it my business by showing up!”

Vexen grunted again.

_Freeze her solid already, you coward. Ahh, but how long has it been since I last tried freezing someone like that? It’s been ages—no! Don’t think like that! You don’t have time! Each second you leave him in her grasp is a second closer to his death!_

“Oh, _my,_ how _could_ I have not seen it before?” Larxene asked, breaking his attention. She dramatically smacked her forehead with her free hand. “You’re not a stupid Replica! Silly me!”

Vexen blanched, pausing where he was. How could she have known? Then again, he hadn’t been actively _trying_ to keep his identity secret. He’d just sort of hoped she wouldn’t figure it out…

“You’re Vexen himself!”

There was no amusement in Larxene’s voice, now, only malice. Enough to make Vexen hide behind his shield on reflex. Based on the look she was giving him, she was preparing to come gut him once she’d finished with Riku.

But now that she knew who he was—well, it was laughable to think that she’d be _scared,_ but the least Vexen could do was own up to it.

“Yes. Now let Riku _go!_ ”

He took a step forward, and a burst of ice spurted up out of the ground from where his foot touched it. The ice sped towards Larxene, but she was too quick for it and moved aside. He should’ve just solidified the air around her—but how long had it been since he’d done anything like that?

“Now!” Roxas shouted.

Vexen looked up in surprise. Roxas was rushing for Larxene. Hadn’t Xion been with him? Where was she now? But it was good, at least, that they had a plan. Very good.

Roxas’s swing missed. Vexen was sure it was supposed to, given that someone—Xion—hit Larxene from behind. She crumpled to her knees, and dropped Riku. Vexen blinked a few times in surprise. Larxene on her knees was a sight he’d never dared to hope to see. She was quick to collect herself, though. The only upside was Xion had gotten Riku out of there. Good.

_Now! Before she has a chance to recover further._

Vexen was throwing ice shards before he knew what he was doing, rushing at Larxene. Some of the ice hit, some didn’t. She was on her feet. Vexen blocked a darkness-lightning blast with his shield. Ducked to avoid a set of knives to the face.

_I forgot how unsuited I was to close-ranged combat… The shield’s good for defending, but what about attacking? Ice, of course, but—_

“Even if you are the real Vexen, since when did you care about him?” Larxene asked. “I thought he was just an experiment to you! Everything was!”

Fury pounded through Vexen, but he hastily calmed it, and then did his best to block Larxene out. He didn’t fight well when he was angry. He’d just have to ignore her, as best as possible.

 _I also need to get away from her. I’m much better at attacking from a distance. Oh, but my attacks hardly did anything from a distance, and she’d have more than enough time to get out of the way!_ Vexen about screamed with frustration. _What do I do?_

He kept blocking punches and blasts of darkness-lightning with his shield. He couldn’t keep this up for long, but he had to end it here. End _her_ here. Larxene had done more than enough damage, and she wouldn’t be stopped until she was dead.

_An icicle to the heart. That’s all it would take._

Vexen wasn’t quite sure how he managed it, in the end. Honestly, he hadn’t expected to. But then Larxene stumbled back. She looked between the icicle through her chest and at Vexen with hatred. The darkness seemed to build around her, and Vexen almost feared it hadn’t worked. He hid behind his shield, anticipating the coming blow.

None came.

The darkness that was building around her consumed her, and she was gone.


	20. In which Riku is immensely relieved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that wraps up the cross-universe shenanigans, folks!

_Larxene’s dead._

_Vexen killed her._

Riku wasn’t sure if he was going to burst with joy or faint with shock—not that he’d _faint,_ of course. He wouldn’t dare _faint._ A laugh bubbled in his mouth.

_Larxene’s dead._

“She’s dead!” Riku exclaimed, and he laughed again. Larxene was dead.

“Is she really dead?” Xion asked. She sounded skeptical, but Riku couldn’t imagine why.

“Well of course she is,” Axel said, laughing. He’d banished his chakrams, and had resumed his usual laid-back posture. “Didn’t you see the malice in Vexen’s eyes?”

Vexen banished his shield. “Well- well I-” he stammered.

Vexen. That’s right.

_Vexen killed her._

And not only had Vexen killed her, Vexen’d killed her to protect Riku. Vexen’d defended him, too.

_“That doesn’t make him a toy, and it certainly doesn’t make him your toy!”_

Riku’d been stunned at the time—not that he wasn’t stunned now. He was just a little giddy from the shock of it all. _Larxene’s dead._ And he’d laugh a little with relief of the thought. _Vexen killed her._ The laugh would freeze on his face, his brain still spinning to process that.

_“Why do you care about him?”_

_“What’s it matter to you that I care!?”_

Not only had Vexen protected him, but Vexen… Vexen _cared_ about him? Of course, he probably shouldn’t be surprised, after all this time. Maybe. Were memories always this hard to process in hindsight?

 _Heh, maybe Sora and Kairi were right,_ he thought. _Not that I’d call Vexen my_ father, _of course, but I suppose he does have a… habit of worrying about me. Was I just not paying attention, or ignoring it out of spite?_ It really was hard to remember.

“Are you hurt?”

Aerith’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

Riku looked up. She’d rushed to Vexen. From the looks of things, Vexen had staggered—or he’d summoned a pillar of ice (that came up to about his waist) to lean against, anyway. He was breathing heavily, but shook his head as Aerith approached.

“No, no, just a little… I’m just…” he shrugged, hopelessly. “I’m all right.”

Aerith tossed up a Cure for him anyway, though it definitely looked like a lower level of the spell. She whispered something to him—something meant for his ears only, though Riku couldn’t help but hear it.

“It needed to be done.”

There was a slight tremble to her shoulders, Riku could see, but she steeled herself quickly. Before he knew it, she was turning to Axel and Roxas and Xion, smiling pleasantly.

“Thank you,” she said. “For helping.”

Axel waved her off. “Are you kidding? Vexen did all the work.”

Roxas turned to send Axel a look of disbelief. “Uhm, actually Axel, it was us who got Riku away from Larxene.”

“Yeah, and you saved him that first time,” Xion added, sending him a near identical look. “You aren’t going to let Vexen take credit for that, are you?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” Axel straightened himself haughtily, looking straight at Vexen. “You should be thanking me!” he said.

Vexen hardly hesitated. “Thank you.”

Shock flashed through Axel’s features, and he even leaned back a little with surprise. Apparently he hadn’t been expecting a thank you—not that Riku could blame him, there. _He_ hadn’t expected Vexen to thank anyone, at least not that easily.

“You mean it?” Axel asked.

“Don’t make me say it again, Axel.”

Axel grinned.

“There’s the Vexen I remember!”

“Riku.”

Riku turned to Aerith, who’d addressed him. She was giving him a look she often gave Yuffie when Yuffie needed to check her manners.

“You should thank them, too. They did save your life,” Aerith said.

Riku nodded. There was no point in arguing. He turned to Axel and Roxas and Xion.

“Thanks,” he said.

Roxas and Xion nodded in acknowledgement, and Axel said: “Don’t mention it, kiddo.”

“Anyway, we should probably be going,” Roxas said, sending another pointed look at Axel. “I doubt everyone else is in too much trouble, but if Marlynort showed up again…” He trailed off.

Riku had no idea what he meant by Marlynort, but Xion and Axel both nodded like they understood. Axel pulled a star shard out of his pocket, and after a few short goodbyes, they were gone.

“I think there’s one more person you should thank,” Aerith said, her attention on Riku again.

Riku stared at her for a second, trying to figure out who she meant. Did she mean _her?_ But it wasn’t like her to indirectly ask for a thank you like that… Then Riku remembered Vexen.

_Vexen killed Larxene._

_Vexen protected me._

“Mm… thank you… Vexen,” Riku said. It felt weird to be saying it. He found he couldn’t meet Vexen’s eye. “For… y’know…”

“You’re welcome.”

“I guess we should go back, then, right?” Aerith said, looking between them.

“Yeah…” Riku began.

“Actually… since we’re here…” Vexen straightened, banishing his ice pillar. He shifted a little, looking nervous.

“Hmm?” Aerith asked.

Vexen cleared his throat. His eyes found Riku’s. He mumbled something that sounded like “Darkness Protection Protocols”, and then sighed and shook his head, as if second-guessing himself. “Mm, but… no,” he said, louder now. “I think we’ve faced enough bad memories for one day.” His eyes darted to where Larxene had been.

Riku understood. Going near the computers here was one of the _last_ things he wanted to do, and clearly it was one of the last things Vexen wanted to do, too. Too many bad memories.

_The thought of going near one of those computers does make me a little queasy, but… I suppose I’d rather not die. And since we’re here…_

“No, you’re right,” he said. “We are here. I guess we might as well.”

Vexen regarded him with a stern look of worry—there was no denying what it was now.

“Are you sure? If you don’t want to—”

“Namine? Are you alright?”

Vexen paused as Aerith spoke. Riku immediately turned to Namine. She was hugging herself, staring at the ground uncertainly. She was hardly two feet away from him, but when he moved towards her, she scrambled five more steps away from him. Riku couldn’t say if the look in her eyes was worry, or fear.

Something squeezed at his heart.

“Are you… still mad at me?” he asked, uncertainly.

“What?” She stared at him with confusion, for a moment, but then her face darkened. Though she still hugged herself, her shoulders seemed to hunch a little less, and her voice was much shaper when she spoke. Much sharper than it’d been all day. “Riku, I’m a little more worried about something else right now!”

“Worried about… what?” Vexen said.

Namine reached up, fingers brushing her temple. “My head…” she murmured. Her eyes darted back to the floor.

“Meltdown?” Riku demanded.

She shook her head no. “Pounding…”

“7 explained that to me,” Vexen said. “Horrible concept really. Resorting to such measures to keep Replicas ‘in line’. Hmph…”

7 hadn’t told Riku how it worked, and Riku hadn’t been able to track down Roxas to explain either. Namine didn’t want to talk about it, of course. But, eventually he’d been able to worm the basics out of Kairi, after quite a few questions.

The general concept was that when a Rewritten Replica—such as Roxas or Namine—went against their orders, a pounding would start in their head. The pounding grew until it drowned out all thought and they gave in to the urges they were resisting. The idea made Riku feel a little sick to his stomach, and watching Namine as she made a fist made him feel even more so. There was a glint in her eyes that made his heart seize.

“Namine—”

Vexen was suddenly there, using that warping trick Castle Oblivion granted him. He pushed Namine back, standing firmly between her and Riku.

“Riku, you _know better,_ ” Vexen said. “If she is—”

“I’m sorry,” Namine whispered.

Riku stared. “They fixed you…”

“I _did_ interrupt 7 while he was working on _something_ with her data,” Vexen explained, sheepishly. “I just didn’t expect it to have such serious consequences. Then again… Alpha said 37 made his fail-safes near impossible to break…”

“What is going _on?_ ” Aerith demanded. She’d moved so she was standing beside Riku. Her eyes shifted between the three of them, uncertainly.

Riku just shook his head.

“The Organization—” Vexen began, but Namine interrupted.

“They Rewrote me to kill Riku.”

“ _What!?_ I- I don’t understand—”

“They _fixed_ you!” Riku repeated.

“It’s probably just a minor slip,” Vexen assured him. He sent a nervous glance over his shoulder. “Like I said, I interrupted 7 while he was working on her. I’m sure we can get everything back in order—we just have to go back to our universe.”

“The sooner the better,” Namine said. Her voice was tight. She wouldn’t look at Riku.

Riku didn’t mention his lacking Darkness Protection Protocols. Honestly, he wasn’t even thinking about them anymore.

_Namine…_

_Why are you mad at me?_

**xxx**

They were waiting outside 7’s room. Vexen was inside, talking to 7. Namine was also inside, though whether she was awake or not, Riku wasn’t sure. He figured she wasn’t, though. 7 must’ve started looking over her data already, if not already started editing it. They’d been here long enough.

Riku was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, eyes fixed on the wall opposite him. Aerith stood beside him, alternating between wringing her hands together and looking around uncertainly. Riku was sure the way her bracelets clinked together when she wrung her hands would drive him nuts, but he didn’t have it in him to tell her to stop. He was also sure she’d said something to him, at least, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember what, and didn’t care enough to ask or try to continue the conversation.

 _Namine…_ he thought, wearily. _They fixed you…_

_Was everything today… you being mad… was that just because of this? Or is it wrong to assume that—to hope that…?_

_What did I do? I know going after Larxene wasn’t smart, but do you really want me to apologize for it? My only regret is that my plan didn’t work…_

Of course, if she wanted him to apologize, he wouldn’t hesitate to. He’d do it a hundred times—a million—if she asked. But, thinking back on it, it didn’t seem like an apology was what she wanted. So what _did_ she want?

 _She said… she said it was more than just Larxene, more than one thing I’ve said. But_ what? _What is it I’ve done?_

_I haven’t done anything wrong… have I?_

_I can’t remember doing anything wrong._

_So why are you upset…?_

The door opened beside him, and Riku pushed away from the wall. It was Vexen who stepped out. Riku was a little disappointed, but not exactly surprised. There was no way it would’ve been Namine.

“7 agrees with me,” Vexen said. “It looks like a slip in her data, probably caused by the fact I’d interrupted her earlier editing.” He grimaced at that, but didn’t pause. “He’ll have her fixed up soon.”

“You don’t sound very sure about what it was,” Riku grumbled. He couldn’t tell if he actually cared, or if he was just being sharp for the sake of being sharp. Being sharp with Vexen felt natural, at least, unlike fighting with Namine. But he didn’t have much reason to be sharp with Vexen, did he…?

Mm, those were thoughts for another day.

“We’re as sure as we possibly can be, Riku,” Vexen said. He sighed a little.

Aerith let out a long breath. She wrung her hands together again, as she looked between Vexen and Riku. “Okay. I still don’t quite understand what’s going on. I don’t know a lot about Replicas.” She addressed Vexen, as she spoke, her back all but turned to Riku. “But, I suppose I’ll start back at… Rewrite? They… they _Rewrote_ Namine…?”

Vexen nodded. “To put it very simply, Replicas are extremely sophisticated computers. Well. They’re more than that but- but _simply,_ and at their _basics,_ they are much like a computer. And, like a computer, they can be Reprogrammed, or Rewritten, to do whatever a programmer wishes.”

It seemed to pain him not to go into more specifics. Riku was quite proud of him, though, for managing as well has he did. Aerith nodded, very slowly, brow furrowed deeply.

“Okay. I… I thought that’s what you meant.” She nodded again, looking quite uncomfortable. She started wringing her hands together again. “That doesn’t… doesn’t make the idea any more pleasant to stomach, though.”

“The Program’s in safe hands now, at least,” Vexen said.

Riku doubted Aerith had any idea what Vexen meant by that, but she didn’t seem bothered by not knowing. She left it at that, and turned to Riku, a stern—no, _concerned_ look on her face.

She swallowed once. Twice. “Did she… did she really…? Try to…” It seemed to pain her to say the words.

Riku nodded, so she didn’t have to finish.

Aerith let out a long breath, clasping her hands in front of her mouth for a second. Then, abruptly, she grabbed Riku’s arms and held them tightly. Tears swam in her eyes.

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

“Didn’t want to talk about it,” he said.

 _Didn’t want to worry you,_ he thought.

He cleared his throat. He didn’t want to think about that anymore.

“Thank you, by the way,” he muttered. “For saving me.”

Aerith smiled at him, though it was an uneasy smile. “Don’t worry about it, it was the least I could do,” she told him. “I made you a promise, remember? And even if I hadn’t… I would’ve come anyway. That’s what family does.”

Riku smiled back, though it was just as uneasy, just as broken.

Family.

 

**xxx**

Namine was done a little while later. 7 and Vexen both swore she was fine, and she _was_ acting normal again. Minus being frustrated with Riku, of course, but he got the feeling it was just him. It was to be expected, after all, since she was… unhappy with him.

He wanted to ask her why, again. Wanted to ask what it was he’d done to upset her. But after the initial “I’m fine now” she didn’t seem to want to talk to him. Plus Aerith wanted to get home soon.

 _Probably for the better,_ Riku thought, with a sigh. _I don’t think I wanted to have this conversation where Aerith could hear, anyway. Or Vexen. Especially not Vexen._

Just because he wasn’t quite as upset with Vexen as he used to be didn’t mean he wanted the man meddling too much in his life. The less the better. He was already nosy enough as it was.

“Home, now?” Aerith asked.

Namine nodded, pulling out Kairi’s—or, Sora’s—star shard. “Home, for now.”

Riku frowned at that phrasing, and even Aerith raised her eyebrows, but neither of them questioned. Aerith put her hand on Namine’s shoulder, and Riku put his on Aerith’s. It didn’t look like Namine wanted him touching her right now. It didn’t look like she wanted him anywhere near her.

That made his stomach turn in awful knots, but what was he going to do about it? He couldn’t do anything right now. He’d have to do it later. Maybe once he’d figured out how to ask her what was wrong without angering her again.

“Ready?” Namine asked.

Aerith said yes. Riku nodded. Namine activated the star shard, and they headed home.


	21. In which we lay the groundwork for, future things,

Namine was a little surprised to see the front window broken when they returned, but Yuffie assured them Leon and Cid had gone to get new glass. She’d been left behind to prevent anyone from sneaking into the house and stealing, not that there were really enough people in the town to be _seriously_ worried about that sort of thing. Yuffie was _quite_ happy to see them all back safe and sound, too, even hugging Aerith. (She looked like she might have hugged Riku, too, if she hadn’t thought it to be a bad idea.)

Namine headed upstairs before anyone could stop her. It wasn’t long before she had her bag packed with her sketchbooks and clothes. She had just finished when she realized Riku was standing in the doorway, and had been standing there for a while.

“I’m… I’m gonna go spend the night at Kairi’s,” she explained. “And, y’know, I- I gotta return the—”

“You have a week’s worth of clothes in there, Namine, and your bag will hardly shut. That’s an awful lot of clothes for one night.”

She swallowed, though he was right. The bag wasn’t that large, and the truth was she really had only three, maybe four days of clothes in here. Still…

“It’ll just be… for a bit…” she said, very slowly. “I’m just gonna move back in with her for a bit. I need… I need some time…”

Riku didn’t move. He stayed in the doorway, shoulder propped against the frame. The posture was supposed to look casual, but she knew him better. He was tense, frightened, putting up a mask of uncaring to protect himself—a mask that he would shatter himself if prompted enough.

“Are you _really_ that mad at me?” he asked, voice tight.

Namine looked away from him. It was horrible to watch that mask break. “I… I just… I think it’d- it’d be better, and…” She busied herself with doing the buckles on her bag, though she knew the changes of actually getting them fastened were very slim.

“Can you at least tell me _why_ you’re mad?” Riku demanded. He’d moved away from the wall, now, all sharpness and bitterness. He clutched his arms over his chest, like they were a shield that could protect him.

“Riku… please…” She sighed.

“I’m sorry about Larx—”

“Stop!”

It was anger that left her mouth, anger that she wished she couldn’t feel. Anger that made her feel too raw, too powerful. Anger that mad her blood pulse in ways she hated, though she knew she was safe, knew she wouldn’t hurt him—not against her will. They’d fixed that. But it still made her feel sick, just like being in any sort of battle did.

Riku considered her for a long moment, looking lost, heartbroken. She swallowed, not holding his gaze for long. He really did look like a kicked puppy, and it was rather unsettling. A bit amusing, how accurate the description was, but quite a bit more unsettling.

“This… this is why I’m upset…”

The words fell out of her mouth before she registered saying them.

“…what?”

Now Riku looked scared.

Namine chewed her lip long and hard, almost not daring to continue.

_I’ve made it this far, though…._

“You… you doing this.”

“What am I doing?” Riku pulled his arms away from his chest. “Namine, I don’t understand—”

“Going… going out of your way to please me—” It was a struggle to say it, but she forced herself to. “Especially- especially when I’m upset…”

She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t do this.

“Namine… I’m just… I’m just trying to fix things…”

 _And they need to be fixed another way!_ – But she couldn’t say it. All she managed was a mumbled: “It’s exhausting…” And then she was pushing past Riku, rushing down the stairs. She was very thankful he didn’t move to follow.

 

**xxx**

 

Riku stood there for a long while, turning the conversation over and over in his head, trying to pick out where it went wrong. Him asking why she was mad was where it had all started downhill, but it seemed pretty _wrong_ long before that.

_What did I do?_

_Going out of my way to please her…._

It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make _any_ sense. And on top of everything else that had happened today… He thought his head might explode.

He waited some time before heading downstairs—hopefully long enough to give Namine time to leave. He didn’t want her to go, of course, but it was too late to do anything about that now. Going after her would probably only upset her more.

“What was that about?” Aerith asked in a quiet voice, pulling him into the dining room and away from everyone else—or, Yuffie. Leon and Cid hadn’t gotten back yet.

“She’s just… gonna go stay with Kairi for a bit,” Riku said, slowly. Part of him wanted to tell Aerith the whole thing—maybe she’d be able to make more sense of it than he had—but he decided against it. Maybe Namine wouldn’t need much time, and this would be over tomorrow. Why worry Aerith further than necessary?

“She explained that to me, Riku,” Aerith flashed him annoyed look. “Do you… Never mind. It’s not my place to pry. If you want to talk about it, though…”

He shook his head. Not now. It’d blow over tomorrow. It had to.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora sat on the floor in his room, running his fingers through papers he’d been saving for ten years. Crude drawings of knights and dragons and other monsters. Stories he’d written that ranged anywhere between half a page and written in crayon to twenty-three pages written in his neatest handwriting and bound together by string.

He was trying to distract his mind. It wasn’t working.

_Grounded… What did I even do to get myself grounded?_

Based on what he remembered from the earlier conversation with his mother—what _little_ he remembered of it—he wasn’t sure. He’d come home, quite some time after Kairi and Namine left to help Riku, and his mother had asked…

_She’d asked if I was done hanging out with Kairi already, and I…_

It was hard to pull the memories together. He closed his eyes, and focused, trying to piece the memories into something complete.

_“I thought you were hanging out with Kairi today,” his mother had said, when he’d come inside._

She’d sounded a little bitter about it, though she tried very hard to sound casual. His father had still been down at the docks—and still was now—like he was every day, hauling fish.

_“Nah,” Sora’d replied. “She had something come up.”_

He’d wanted to get the conversation done and over with as soon as possible. He was avoiding talking to his mother as much as he could, at least when his father wasn’t there too. Conversations with his mother alone went downhill very fast.

_“Really? What came up?”_

His mother had just been trying to make conversation, but something about it had ticked Sora off. That was where the memory started getting fuzzy.

_“Gee, I’d love to tell you, but it’s not like you’d believe me, anyway.”_

_“Sora! What did I say about that attitude!?”_

Sora let out a long breath. His head hurt from trying to remember so much detail. He set his stack of papers back in their box, and lay back on the floor.

_We descended back into the same argument. “You aren’t telling the truth.” “I am but you’re not listening.”_

_Or… or something like that, and…_

He remembered yelling, though he couldn’t remember any of the words he’d said. He remembered that his mother had looked horrified, and furious, and _hurt_ to hear them.

_And then I felt horrible, but… what did I say after that? What did I say at all?_

He rubbed at his head. He was a little worried about the spotty memory, but he was quite a bit more worried about what he’d said to his mother. She’d sent him to his room at the end of it, and now he was grounded. He knew that much. But _what_ had he _said?_

_I think I said something about Riku, which is a surprise, since I know she can hardly remember him. Ahh… I hope Riku’s okay…_

He felt bad about not going with Kairi and Namine to help. He did. He just wasn’t sure if he should go, not when his memory was like this, not when he couldn’t seem to control himself. He had already mucked things up with his parents as it was, he didn’t need to risk Riku’s life by throwing his own darkness into the mix.

_It’s gotta be the darkness. What else can it be?_

_Mm, I should probably go apologize to Mom. I should. I didn’t mean it. I don’t know how I’ll explain myself, but I really do owe her an apology. At least._

Explaining that he didn’t remember what he said wouldn’t be fun, either, but he owed her an apology. He did. It took him more effort than he would’ve liked to admit to make himself get up and actually head to apologize, though. It was like something was holding him back. Like a part of him didn’t want to go. Like a part of him didn’t think she deserved the apology.

 _She does, though!_ Sora batted the other part of him down with annoyance. The other part... The darkness…

_I’ll have to ask someone about that, about why it’s acting up again. Apologies first, though. I have to apologize—_

He didn’t get any further than the top of the stairs. A wave of memory—was it a memory?—surged through him, a flood of emotions. He clung to the wall to keep himself upright, gasped air into his lungs.

_“If I’m lying, then where did I get this, huh?” And he raked his hand across his face, across the scar left by his Shadow’s rage, his Shadow’s mistake. “A scar like this could only be made by darkness! A scar this awful could only be wrought by darkness’s foul and disgusting hands!”_

His vision swam. His knees gave way. It was all anger. It was all pain.

“Sora? Are you alright?” his mother called, from below.

He didn’t realize he was clutching his face, tearing at the scar as if he could remove it from his skin. He didn’t realize he was on the ground. All he felt was fury, and the words pounding in his head.

_“IT WASN’T SOME KIND OF STUPID ACCIDENT!!”_

Everything went dark.

 

**xxx**

 

Roxas went through the motion of buying sea salt ice cream, not even looking at the nice old lady who sold it when she smiled at him, said it was good to see him again, etc. He hardly heard her, honestly, just like he hardly tasted the ice cream when he put it in his mouth.

 _I’ve been through each world at least twice now…_ he thought, starting off at an idle walk. _Done as much asking around as I’ve dared. There’s been no word of him._

Riku’d said Axel’d be back, eventually. He hadn’t been very forthcoming on the _when_ or _where,_ though. He said he didn’t know, and Roxas guessed he believed him, it was just still rather frustrating.

Of course, Roxas knew wandering worlds aimlessly in hopes of stumbling on Axel wasn’t the best course of action. It wasn’t _all_ he was doing, though. He’d sent his Samurais—those Nobodies he could control—out scouting and… Well, honestly, fighting Heartless kept him sane.

_I suppose I could go drop by C.O., see if someone can look at my data or whatever. At least to get rid of this itch I get when I haven’t killed Heartless in three hours. It’s getting kind of annoying…_

_Not having a set limit of magic casts would be nice, too, I suppose…_

He wasn’t even sure how that set limit of casts was working, since he rarely stopped by the World that Never Was anymore. He wasn’t questioning it, at least as long as the casts kept restocking. They definitely restocked by the end of the day.

_Maybe that’ll be my next stop. Maybe someone in C.O. will know about Axel._

He took the ice cream stick away from his mouth, frowning at it. It was empty. He hadn’t even realized he’d finished it until he’d bit into it and found no ice cream. With a sigh, he tossed the stick in the nearest trashcan.

_Axel… where are you?_


	22. In which Kairi and Riku enjoy some time together

* * *

  **Part 2**

_**Ramifications** _

* * *

 

The Heartless situation in Hollow Bastion was under control—or, it wasn’t as bad as it had been, anyway. No one could say if that was because there were less Heartless, or if it was because Riku was around to kill all of them before any could cause trouble.

A round of the town a day—which Riku always took, along with someone else, except on Saturdays when Aerith insisted he rest—was enough to manage the Heartless. Riku ended up making at least another round each day, though, if not two or more. Sitting still was too much. It made him too antsy. So he walked around the town, and he fought what Heartless he stumbled on.

He and Namine had started a habit of walking around the town together—when they thought there would be less Heartless—but they hadn’t had a chance to do it more than twice. Twice, and then she’d left. She’d left to stay with Kairi, for a “couple days”.

It’d been two weeks.

She still wasn’t back.

Kairi’d come to visit, though—the first Riku’d seen of anyone that wasn’t his family in these two weeks. Besides Joseph. He and 29 had moved in a few days ago.

 _“How is Joseph?”_ Kairi’d asked, when Riku’d mentioned it to her. She’d sounded pretty invested, which had caught Riku by surprise. _“I think he’s okay,”_ he’d replied. _“He seemed okay, but we didn’t talk long—he wouldn’t stop asking about Namine and 29 had to drag him out of the house.”_ Riku hadn’t seen Joseph since. Not that he minded too much. The boy asked _way_ too many questions.

Anyway, Kairi was visiting, and currently, she and Riku were doing that round of the town. Kairi’d been extremely eager to go, actually. She said she was too out of practice. She said nothing about Namine.

“Hey, Riku, keep up!” Kairi called from up ahead, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“Coming,” Riku said, taking longer strides to catch up to her. He really didn’t have to run, though he might have, had Kairi been running. He flexed his shoulder, grimacing a little. It throbbed, faintly, and had been ever since he’d dislocated it again.

That’d happened the day after Namine left. He was just out fighting Heartless, and it had come out of place. Aerith said it felt looser than normal, but had chalked it up to the fact this was the second time he’d dislocated it. No one mentioned the possibility of Larxene having pulled it out of place, or something, though Riku was sure they all thought it. He couldn’t say he _remembered_ her yanking on it, at any time, during the—well. He couldn’t remember. He wouldn’t say he was surprised, though, if that was the case. Especially if she had known it was injured.

“Is Namine still mad at me?” Riku asked, couldn’t help but ask (again), as he fell into step next to Kairi. Just like last time he’d asked (and the time before), she ignored the question entirely.

“Look, there! I think I see some Heartless!”

Riku suppressed a groan—not because of the Heartless. Because of Kairi. Heartless were expected outside of the immediate vicinity of the town, and they were currently standing in the bowl of the Great Maw.

Kairi was already running at the Heartless, light spilling from her fingertips. How she managed without a weapon at all, Riku still didn’t quite understand, but if her fists weren’t enough, her light certainly was. Riku hardly had a chance to attack before Kairi’d gotten rid of all of the Heartless.

Since talking about Namine wasn’t an option, Riku went back to telling Kairi about how things were in Hollow Bastion. Sometimes she asked about things, and the rest of the time he just… he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to share the victories they were achieving with someone outside his family.

People were returning to the town, more than ever before. Riku didn’t entirely understand _why_ that was a big deal, but Leon and Aerith seemed _ecstatic,_ and even Cid seemed relieved. It was a victory, even if one he didn’t understand. And they were nearly finished with the infirmary, too.

“Infirmary?” Kairi asked.

Riku nodded. Neither of them stopped walking—It was the end of their rounds, and the sooner they got back into the town, the better. Honestly, the sooner they got out of this _area,_ the better. Riku didn’t mind the winding paths on the side off the cliffs too much, but this was where he’d nearly fallen off and dislocated his shoulder to begin with. His shoulder ached just thinking about it, and he quickened his pace, praying not to find any Heartless here.

“Well, people are going to get hurt, and they’re going to get sick, so we need an infirmary,” Riku answered. He resisted the urge to pull Kairi away from the edge of the path, and continued as casually as possible: “It was Aerith’s idea. She used to run a healing business with her mom—I mean, you can’t really call it a _business,_ since it was free, but it was—”

“Yeah, yeah, I got you!” Kairi interrupted.

Riku raised his eyebrows at her, but said nothing. He slowed his pace a bit so she would walk ahead of him. The path narrowed so that there was only _just_ enough room for theme to walk side by side, and he wasn’t risking it.

“She wanted an infirmary, because her house isn’t big enough anymore,” Riku continued. “I mean, that’s because more people living in it now, and so there’s no room for any sick people or injured, or—”

“So you have an infirmary,” Kairi interrupted, again.

Riku scowled this time. “Almost,” he said, slowly. “It’s not quite done yet, but once it is, Aerith’s going to work there full time.”

They had finally gotten out of the ravine trail, and made their way through the rubble of what Riku had been told was _once_ a castle gate. Probably for the big bastion that loomed in the distance—the place where a man called Ansem the Wise once lived. If there were any Heartless in this area, they were taking their sweet time about revealing themselves.

“Where is it?” Kairi asked, turning on her heel for a second, so she could look at Riku. She turned back around near immediately. “The infirmary. Where’s it gonna be?”

“Oh, it’s right by her house! Or, not far, anyway. She didn’t want it to be too far.” Riku moved to fall in step beside Kairi again. “I’ll show you when we’re done!” It was hard to keep the grin off his face. He was really proud to have helped, and really excited—largely for Aerith, and for everyone else—that it was nearly done. He only wished Namine could’ve been here to see it, too.

Kairi nudged him in the ribs. “Why didn’t you show me before?”

“Because you caught me right as I was leaving for rounds and I was more focused on that,” Riku grumbled, rubbing where Kairi’s elbow had hit. Kairi sent a look at him, one he couldn’t quite make out, but it _definitely_ wasn’t anything that would’ve indicated she was about to apologize for elbowing him so hard. There was _something_ burning in her eyes, though.

“What are the plans after the infirmary?” she asked. She suddenly seemed interested about it.

“Then it’s back to fixing up the housing district,” Riku replied. “We’ve got a lot of houses done, but the more people that move in, the more we need. Aerith says she wants to plant flowers all over town, too—she says it’ll brighten the place up.”

Kairi smiled. “I saw the garden outside her house.”

Riku beamed. “I helped plant that!”

“Well, it looks _wonderful_.”

Riku studied her a second, eyes narrowing a little as he did so. “Is that smile because of the garden, or because something else?” he asked. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he could ever remember her acting like this before.

Kairi let out a short laugh, then rolled her eyes. If anything, her smile grew wider. “This is just… The most I’ve heard you talk, in, like, _ever._ It’s kinda nice.”

That had certainly not been the answer Riku’d been expecting. He fumbled to open his mouth, embarrassed to feel a blush rising to his cheeks. Before he could say anything—not that he knew what to say—Kairi was talking again.

“It’s also nice to see you so excited about this,” she said, her voice quieter than before. “I certainly haven’t seen you this excited about _anything_ before.”

Riku felt his cheeks get hotter, and he swallowed hard. A _thank you_ was probably in order, seeing as that had been something of a compliment, but instead he protested: “I’ve been excited about other things!”

Kairi just shook her head. “Mm, no, I don’t think so.”

“What about- What- what _about…_ ” Except Riku couldn’t come up with anything. Kairi sent him a knowing look, and he elbowed her, scowling. Even so, the scowl was ruined by a small smile that didn’t want to go away.

“I was wrong. You moving here _was_ a good thing.”

The words _what about Namine?_ danced on his tongue. “Kairi, y’know, there _are_ stairs,” was he found himself saying, instead.

Kairi’d started climbing up the rubble that led to the Bailey. Despite there being a set of functioning stairs—well, admittedly, those were a little out of the way, but, _still…_

“What? Don’t like climbing?” Kairi called down at him.

“I just don’t…” Riku began, but didn’t see the point in it.

Kairi hesitated, hands on the ledge above her, about to pull herself up. “Namine’s good, by the way…” She said, sending a glance down at Riku. “She also wanted me to tell you that she hasn’t had one of those memory meltdown things, and for the most part, we think they’ve stopped.”

Riku’d been about to ask _oh, so we’re talking about her now,_ but then the news hit him. Her meltdowns had stopped. Or, that would make three or more weeks since the last. “You _serious?_ ” he asked.

“Yup.” Kairi pulled herself onto the next ledge. “She even saw 7 about it—and Vexen, since he was there. That Alpha guy says we’ll have to wait to be _sure_ they’ve stopped, though, seeing as it could entirely be the fact she hasn’t been, y’know, around you for the past two weeks.”

“He’s _still_ on that?” Riku groaned. He stepped onto the bottom ledge and started climbing up after Kairi.

Kairi shrugged. “I guess. Wouldn’t know. But, anyway, regardless of what he says—Vexen seems pretty convinced that’ll be the last of them. That they were initially an error in her data that Rewriting her inadvertently cured. 7 jokingly suggested that 37—I think—figured out _how_ to cure them and did so along with Rewriting her, but none of them really sounded like they believed that, and 7 went on some tangent about how if he couldn’t, no one could, or something.” She shook her head. “Vexens have a thing with pride, I swear.”

“Tell me about it,” Riku agreed, with a long sigh.

He waited a moment, until Kairi’d finished pulling herself up onto the final ledge, until he’d climbed another one.

“Is… is she really that mad at me?” he asked. That was probably the fifth time.

Kairi groaned and glared down at him, but to his surprise, she said: “Riku, _look,_ I promised Namine I wouldn’t talk about that.” She actually acknowledged his question, instead of avoiding it!

“She is mad, then, huh?” he asked. His fingers curled around a loose rock on the ledge above him.

“Well, _duh._ ”

“About what?”

“I _definitely_ cannot tell you that.”

Riku sighed. That was probably as much as he’d get out of her. Her persistence in _ignoring_ his questions up to this point had been astounding. He was just about to pull himself up onto the next ledge when Kairi spoke again.

“If you want my opinion, though—and don’t tell her I told you this—I think she’s scared of confrontation and wants to put it off for as long as possible.”

Riku looked up at her, a little surprised. Still… He shook his head. “No, she’s scared of _me,_ ” he corrected.

“Uh, no, more like _any_ confrontation,” Kairi argued. She laughed, but it wasn’t a good one, it was more of an exhausted one. “Sora jokingly refused to give her back her sketchbook a few days ago and rather than argue with him about it, she backed down immediately.” Kairi waited a second, then continued rapidly, as if a new thought had occurred to her. “And, I mean, I’m not saying she should’ve fought Sora over it, but she didn’t… I dunno. She didn’t treat it like one of those if-I-don’t-care-you’ll-drop-it things, she legitimately seemed _scared_ to argue with him about it. And that’s…”

She stopped there. Riku rolled his eyes. One time with Sora didn’t prove anything. Namine was most likely scared of him. Everyone seemed to be, when he got in a foul enough mood. The way she couldn’t look him in the eyes when she left burned in his mind. And she’d all but called him a monster…

“Hope she doesn’t put it off any longer,” he grumbled, hand curling into a fist. “Don’t know if I could survive another two weeks.”

Kairi growled, very loudly, and then she’d jumped down to join him on the ledge he was on. He took a hasty step back, but the ledge was only so big, and any further back he’d topple right off. This meant Kairi had plenty of room to get up in his face.

“Riku, tell me you don’t _seriously_ mean that,” she demanded.

Riku laughed nervously, trying not to eye the drop behind him.

“What? Kairi, can you please—”

She jabbed him in the chest, and he flinched. For being five inches shorter than him, she was taking up way too much of his space.

“Look, Riku, maybe I’m overreacting, but knowing you, even casual words like that get me worried.” Her eyes burned. “You’ve always been reckless, you’ve always seemed to have little regard for your own life—I mean, the whole reason you’re _in_ this universe is thanks to a _suicide attempt!_ ”

Riku rolled his eyes. Scoffed. “That _wasn’t_ a sui—”

“You didn’t expect to win, did you?” Kairi interrupted. “You went into that battle knowing one of you wasn’t going to live. That _you_ weren’t gonna—”

“In hindsight, yes!” Riku shouted. But she was shouting. And about to shove him off this ledge. “But- but at the time I was too angry to—what does this have to do with _anything!?_ ”

Except she wasn’t listening, she was shouting over him. “And, I mean, if what Namine’s told me wasn’t worrying enough, most of those Vexens or whoevers in Castle Oblivion have a lot of surprising stories about how _reckless_ you are, if your latest stint with Larxene wasn’t enough!”

“That wasn’t exactly my—” Riku began, but stopped. Grimaced. _Technically,_ it was his fault. “I had that first time under control—or I thought I did,” he argued. “And it’s not my fault she hunted me down.” Except it was. “Well, I mean, it wasn’t because I was reck— This has _nothing_ to do with what we’re talking about!!”

“Listen, alright, if Namine _does_ leave you, you’re not gonna like… kill yourself or something? Tell me you won’t.”

Kairi’s voice shook, but Riku hardly noticed. Despair broke across his face.

“Oh, she’s leaving me, isn’t she?”

“ _Riku!_ ”

“Is she?”

“Answer my question, first.”

“I thought you weren’t allowed to talk about this.”

“Riku, for the _love of—_ mm.” Kairi looked about ready to punch him. It also sounded like her words were an effort to grind out. “It is _one thing,_ when your relationship is in jeopardy. It is another _entirely_ when it’s your _life._ ”

Riku grimaced and looked away. She had a point. Now if only she’d move so they weren’t both sharing this tiny ledge…

“You won’t?” Kairi pressed. “Because it’s dumb. It’s absolutely _idiotic._ I know you love her, but that doesn’t mean life is worth nothing if it’s not with her— _really._ You would have so much else to live for, and- and I _know_ it’s a lot to ask—asking you to move on twice, from the same girl, I get it, and I get it’s hard, but Riku—”

“I wouldn’t,” he interrupted. “You’re right. It’d be kinda dumb.” Relief instantly washed over Kairi, which Riku guessed he was grateful for, but seeing as she wasn’t moving, he went ahead and finished climbing the rest of the way up to the Bailey. He wasn’t going to stand there any longer if he didn’t have to, and that seemed like the end of the argument.

Kairi grumbled something he couldn’t make out, but followed after him.

“Uh… how… _did_ you know about the other Namine, though?” Riku asked, as he bent down and offered an arm to Kairi to help pull her up. He was glad, not for the first time, that it’d been his left shoulder that had been dislocated, and not his right. “Did Namine—did our Namine tell you?”

Kairi sent an _are you kidding_ look up at him. “What? _No!_ C’mon, Riku. If you’re first month here wasn’t enough…” She trailed off. Whether that was to make her point, or because of the exertion to get her on the final ledge, Riku wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the latter, seeing as she continued talking once she was up there and dusting herself off. “I _saw_ how you looked at her. And that… that counting thing? That doesn’t just _happen_ between two people who don’t care about each other. I don’t claim to know her feelings for you, but you can’t tell me you didn’t love her at some point.”

Riku opened his mouth to protest, out of habit more than anything else. But there was no point. Slowly, a little reluctantly, he nodded.

“I did,” he admitted.

Kairi’s eyes crinkled with sadness, a look which tore at his heart and his stomach at the same time. He knew why it was there. He just didn’t like being pitied. She sighed.

“And, I know it wouldn’t be easy moving on from her again, but…”

He shook his head, hard, cutting her off. “Actually, it… maybe…. Maybe it wouldn’t be…” Tears burned behind his eyes, which was funny, because he wasn’t sad about this. “I mean, the first time wasn’t… _so_ bad. Moving on.”

Kairi stared at him.

“What… do you mean?”

Riku shrugged, smiled nervously. “I just, I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened, about what she said… and she’s right. The other Namine.” He forgot he had to clarify, for a moment. “She’s right. I’ve changed. She’s changed. We’re not… we’re not who we used to be… I dunno…”

He shook his head, at a loss for how to put how he felt, exactly. His smile widened, though. Tears still burned behind his eyes, they just didn’t fall.

“I dunno how to explain it,” he said. “But something about those words just _clicked_ with me. Maybe I still love her, maybe I always will, but… We’re different now. And I don’t need her. I don’t need anything from the other universe. Everything I need is right here, in this one.”

Kairi punched him in the shoulder. “What are you grinning like an idiot for?” she teased.

“Maybe it’s dumb. It’s just. Thinking about it makes me happy.” That was for certain, at least. Happiness bubbled and burst within him, though he’d come to this conclusion a while ago. “It’s… I guess… I just never thought I’d be able to let her go. And here I am.”

It was more than that, too. _It’s nice to know that we got a happy ending, even if it wasn’t with each other,_ he’d thought, and thought again. _It’s nice to think about the fact she’s happy, and loved, and found someplace to call home. And it’s nice to think about the fact that I’ve found the same._ But he wouldn’t tell Kairi that. He doubted he’d tell anyone. Except, maybe, _her_ , if he ever had the chance to speak with her again.

Kairi grinned at him. Why, he wasn’t sure, because she hardly knew what he was feeling. “It’s not dumb,” she assured him, regardless.

“Thanks,” Riku said. He couldn’t stop smiling. “And, I mean, I don’t want that to happen with Namine, with _our_ Namine, but… to answer your question, I- I wouldn’t… y’know. I wouldn’t.”

“Good! Because just like I told Sora— _dying, isn’t, an option._ ”

Riku nodded in agreement. Then her words registered.

“Wait. _What?_ Sora was considering—”

“IIIII WASN’T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!”

“He _seriously_ was!”

“No, not _seriously!_ ” Kairi corrected. Her cheeks were a brilliant red. “But we were talking about Things and he was upset and he said something along the lines and I didn’t believe him, exactly, but, _you know,_ I had to… Yeah. I had to tell him it wasn’t an option.”

“What things?” Riku asked.

“Can’t say! I promised I wouldn’t say!”

“You make a lot of promises not to tell people things…”

“ _I know._ ”

Riku considered Kairi a moment. She looked pretty distraught. Figuring it was something she’d do to him, he nudged her in the arm, and joked:

“Aren’t we all friends? Isn’t keeping secrets from each other, like, the last thing we’re supposed to do?”

It was only after he said it that he realized how little it actually sounded like a joke.

“It is,” Kairi agreed, with a shrug. “But I can’t fix your relationship with Namine for you, and Sora’s is something that isn’t my information to share. You’d have to ask him, and there’s no guarantee he’ll tell you.”

Riku licked his lips, lowering his hand back to his side. “That bad…?”

Kairi only nodded.

Riku swallowed, then tried again to cheer her up. “Hey, you know, you’re right. About Sora. He wouldn’t—”

“I know.” Kairi nodded, but she didn’t look at him. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and she slowly rubbed her arms. “I know,” she repeated. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried about him. He hasn’t exactly… been himself, lately.”

Riku’s eyes narrowed. The last time Sora ‘hadn’t been himself’ it had led to the destruction of Destiny Islands, followed by a fall into darkness. “How so?” Riku asked.

“It’s…” Kairi began, but stopped. She looked up at Riku, chewing her lip hard. “It’s just, sometimes, out of nowhere, we’re talking, and suddenly it’s like I’m talking to someone else. And, I’m not _too_ worried, because it feels almost exactly like what happened when we were staying with Maleficent—but I’m still worried.”

“The darkness?” Riku offered. That’s what it’d been last time.

“Probably. Like I said, it feels the same, and it hasn’t been that long… maybe it’s just not gone completely…” She shrugged.

“I, uh, don’t mean to be a hypocrite here, but have you tried talking to him?”

“That’s not hypocritical. Namine’s the one avoiding you—and yeah, I’ve tried.” Kairi sighed. “He doesn’t remember it happening, though. So…” After a second, she added: “I mean, I’ve told him what I know is happening, and he agrees it’s probably the darkness, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s still happening.”

“I can’t help,” Riku said.

“I know. But you should still know. Like you said, we’re all friends.” Kairi smiled at him. It looked a little forced. “Anyway, let’s finish these rounds! I’m getting hungry.”


	23. In which, wait, that wasn't supposed to,

Riku and Kairi ended up being done with rounds sooner than expected—Riku’d dislocated his shoulder again. Not that he could say he was surprised. His fighting style didn’t put _much_ strain on his left shoulder, but it still put _enough_ strain on it.

They were on their way to get Aerith when Riku heard a voice he’d actually been dreading to hear. It was Joseph. Not that he didn’t like the boy, it was just, until he figured out what was going on with Namine, Joseph was one of the last people he wanted to see. Like he’d told Kairi, the boy asked too many questions.

“Hey Riku! Hey Kairi! Nice to see you!” Joseph sounded even more excited to see Kairi, if possible. Riku wasn’t sure how Joseph could be _more_ excited than he usually was.

“Hey, nice to see you too,” Kairi said, as he ran to meet them. “But we’re kind of in a hurry and—”

“Why are you here?” Riku asked. Kairi shot him a dirty look and mumbled something about getting tired of being interrupted all the time.

Joseph beamed. “My _excitement senses_ were tingling,” he answered, wiggling his fingers. “I thought I’d come check it out.”

Riku glared. He swore Joseph was getting taller. The boy was about at his shoulder now. “Well, nothing exciting happened. We just finished rounds.” Kairi glared at him, likely for not mentioning his shoulder, but that was fine. They were heading towards Aerith. Joseph could find out when they got there.

“Oh _drat!_ ” Joseph snapped his fingers, frowning a moment. “I wanted to help.”

“Joseph, you can’t fight,” Riku said.

“Well, no, I don’t have a weapon yet, I got that,” Joseph replied. He looked pretty offended, but maybe that was just because of his age. _And what would you know about that?_ Riku asked himself, but pushed the thought out of his mind. “But Cid told me that there might be a weapon specialist in Disney Town we can ask to build my design, we just haven’t gotten around to—”

“I was there, Joseph,” Riku interrupted. Maybe the pain was making him snippier than usual. His shoulder didn’t hurt _that_ bad though. He’d certainly put up with worse.

Joseph rolled his eyes. “I _know!_ I was telling Kairi. _Geeze._ ”

Kairi eyed Riku a moment, then her attention was on Joseph. “What design?” she asked.

“Oh!!” Joseph lit up. “It’s for a boomerang-shield hybrid thing and it looks _really cool._ Cid said it will probably work too but I need a real weapons specialist to build it for me, because he only knows how to build canons. _And then_ he went on about—well, he mentioned a girl, I think.”

“He did not,” Riku said.

“He did too! He didn’t go on about her or anything—I didn’t mean to say that—but when he told me about a weapon specialist in Disney Town he was also like ‘I wonder if she’s still around…’” Joseph’s imitation of Cid brought a short laugh to Kairi’s lips, but Riku only scowled harder. “He also may have mentioned a name but I _forgot it_ which really stinks I’m usually better at—”

Riku shook his head. “Joseph, I did not hear him say _anything_ about anyone but that weapon specialist.”

“He said it really quietly,” Joseph argued. “Maybe you missed it.”

“I doubt it.”

“Look, Riku, this chitchat is nice, but aren’t you in pain?” Kairi interrupted.

Joseph shot a worried look at him immediately. Riku groaned. “I’m fine,” he said. They weren’t far from Aerith’s house. It didn’t hurt that bad.

“Hey, wait, what’s wrong!?” Joseph demanded, coming to a full-stop to look Riku up and down. Riku didn’t stop moving, and neither did Kairi.

“I dislocated my shoulder, no big deal,” Riku grumbled. It was an effort not to reach over and push at it, to make it hurt worse—pain was a good way to ground frustration, and boy was he getting frustrated—but he managed.  He kept his fists tightly clenched at his sides. Aerith would be proud.

“Oh!! Do you need me to go get Aerith? I can run ahead!” Joseph was already running before either of them could answer, and Riku groaned again. Kairi shrugged at him, but she didn’t seem bothered. In fact, she seemed a little smug. (He’d told her earlier that he could walk to Aerith just fine, it wasn’t his legs that were broken, and he got the feeling she was mad at him for not letting her go get help while he stayed put.)

They really weren’t far from Aerith’s house, though. They were there in only moments, though they’d somehow still taken long enough for Joseph to already be running out of the house. “She’s at the infirmary!” he called, running off again.

Riku sighed, not that he was surprised. Aerith had been at the infirmary when they left for rounds, and that was less than an hour ago.

“Well, this way, I get to show you the infirmary,” Riku said, eyeing Kairi.

“You were going to anyway.” Kairi didn’t sound amused. “And I think I’d much rather have come _without_ you being injured.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Joseph was dragging Aerith out of the infirmary—a large blocky building that was made of two smaller houses connected together. The roof was still two different colors, and the portion in the middle of the roof had yet to be finished. From the sounds of it, Joseph was explaining very rapidly (and likely with more detail than necessary) what the problem was.

Aerith spotted Riku and Kairi approach, then, and her face lit up a moment before it darkened with concern and her eyes fixed on Riku.

“Riku! _Again?_ ” Aerith sighed as much as she groaned, coming over to him.

“He was being reckless,” Kairi said.

“Was not,” Riku argued.

“I wouldn’t know, I wasn’t there!” Joseph added.

Aerith rolled her eyes and pointed at the ground. “Here, sit, you’re too tall for me to reach otherwise. You know that.”

Riku did as told, and it was just seconds before his shoulder was in place again. Aerith got to her feet, muttering something Riku couldn’t make out—and then she looked at Kairi, and smiled.

“Nice to see you, Kairi, I heard you were over,” she said. “Riku’s already told you about the infirmary, hasn’t he? Do you want to come see it? It’s not finished, but it’s… It’s quite an accomplishment.” She pointed over her shoulder at it.

Kairi nodded. “Yes, please, I’d love to see it! C’mon, Riku.”

“One second,” Riku told her. And then he burped. As far as burps went, it was probably the nastiest he’d ever tasted. He didn’t think much of it, though—or, not until he felt something trickling down his chin. He reached up to wipe it away with his thumb, frowning when he got a good look at it.

 _Goop_ wasn’t quite the right word. It felt nothing like goop. It hardly felt like liquid. It was black, shimmering with dark shades of purples and blues as it shifted. It… _was_ shifting. Of its own accord. And it stung like darkness—

Darkness.

Darkness mixed with saliva, from the feel of it.

Riku grimaced and tried to shake it off his hand—

And then he burped again. Except it wasn’t a burp. This came much quicker, and much more violently. It spurted up from his throat, poured out of his mouth. It hit his hands before he had the sense to move those out of the way, to move and double over to retch properly. The substance that hit the ground was fowl, that same darkness-saliva mix, and it writhed and bubbled like a live thing. He squeezed his eyes shut so he didn’t have to look at it, and desperately hoped his hair wouldn’t fall over his shoulders and get into the mess, too.

Just as he thought it, Kairi was pulling his hair back and out of the way. It had to be Kairi. Aerith’s hands weren’t that rough, weren’t that calloused. And it couldn’t have been Joseph, because he was shouting from somewhere off to the left.

“Ugh, _disgusting!_ ” Kairi moaned. “Is that even—alright, whatever. You okay, Riku? That can’t have felt good.”

“Uh—” he began.

But then he coughed and retched again. Kairi groaned, but she said nothing else, and she didn’t move. One he was done, he felt her start tying his hair back with a hair-tie. One of hers, probably. Then she moved out of the way.

Riku coughed again, and flecks of darkness—or perhaps he should just call it puke—left his mouth and hit the ground, but the worst of it seemed to be over. He gasped and panted for air, as he straightened. He’d never felt so disgusting in his life.

“Did you _seriously_ just puke _darkness?_ ” Kairi asked. She was kneeling on the other side of the mess, now, fingers outstretched to touch it.

“It sure looks like he did!” Joseph said. He was considering the scene from what looked like a safe distance.

“I wouldn’t touch it, if I were you,” Aerith warned, and Kairi pulled her fingers back. Aerith squatted down next to Riku, on his left. She reached out and rubbed his back for a moment, humming briefly. “You alright, Riku?”

“Uh, I… I guess. But I’m…” He shrugged, not sure where he’d been going with that.

“You’ll be alright soon enough,” Aerith assured him. She patted his back, then pulled her hand away. “The other question: _how_ did this happen?” She looked between Riku and the mess—which still bubbled and writhed, disgustingly enough. She looked completely lost when it came to her answer. “I’ve heard of darkness tricking the body into puking, but actually _puking_ darkness?” She shook her head.

“Mr. I-Forgot-To-Install-Darkness-Protection-Protocols might have an answer,” Riku suggested.

“Vexen?” Kairi raised her eyebrows.

“Well, he seems the most likely to know,” Joseph said. “Do you want me to go get him?” He almost sounded eager to be out of here, which was strange—but him being eager to help wasn’t, necessarily. He hardly waited for someone to tell him yes before forming a dark corridor and leaving.

Aerith let out a long breath. “Right, if he’s doing that… Kairi, do you think you could run back to my house and bring a glass of water? And tell Leon there’s a nasty mess of darkness we’ll need to clean up—not that I have any idea how to get this out of the ground…”

Kairi was already on her feet and running. “I’ll let him know!” she called back.

Riku groaned and wiped his mouth again.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora tapped his knuckles against the glass of Kairi’s window, a little surprised to find it closed, especially at _this_ time of year. He shifted, hoping the branch he was on would support his weight—it had never had any trouble in the past, and he didn’t _think_ he’d gotten any bigger, but it certainly _felt_ less steady. Namine was getting up to open the window for him, though, and soon enough he was inside.

“Can’t bother with the front door?” Namine asked, with a laugh.

Sora dusted himself off. “Kairi’s dad’s not home. What’s it matter? Besides, he wouldn’t have cared even if he was—I’ve been doing this forever. You know that, Namine.” He ran his hands over his jacket absentmindedly, glancing around the room, noting the distinct lack of Kairi. “And… I guess Kairi’s not home, is she?”

“Nope,” Namine answered, going back to sit on her bed, where her sketchbook lay and pencils were—well, they actually weren’t scattered. They weren’t necessarily in a perfect order or anything, but they were all next to each other. “Kairi went to Hollow Bastion.”

Sora raised his eyebrows in surprise. “She didn’t take my star shard.”

“I formed a corridor.”

“Ah. How’s she getting back?”

“Riku will form a corridor—that or you go pick her up.”

“How will I know when she’s done?”

“Pick her up by dinner if she’s not home yet.” After Namine said it, Sora realized how obvious that was. Oh well. Better to clarify, he supposed.

He plopped down on the bed next to Namine, falling onto his back and lacing his hands behind his head. He noted that Namine carefully pulled her pencils closer to her and away from him. “We need, like, portable phones, or something,” he said. “I guess I’ll ask Cloud or Tifa when I see them next. They have phones.”

“Yeah,” Namine agreed.

“Hey, why didn’t you go to Hollow Bastion, if Kairi went?” Sora asked.

Namine hesitated.

“W- _well…_ ”

Sora rolled his eyes.  “You _still_ fighting with Riku?”

“I- I guess…”

Sora eyed her, not that she was facing him, not that he could really see her face from this position. “You should really talk to him,” he began.

“I know, I _know_!” She cut him off, quickly, sharply. “The longer I wait, the harder it’s gonna be. I got that. I just…” She shook her head— _that_ he could see—“I don’t know what to say to him.”

“You wanna practice on me?” Sora offered.

Namine laughed at that, though she sounded more exasperated than anything else. Sora didn’t mind much though, about the laughter or the exasperation, even if he had been completely serious in that offer.

“That’s _stupid,_ ” Namine told him.

“Alright, well, why are you mad at him?”

Namine took a long moment to respond. She almost appeared to curl in on herself, her shoulders hunching inwards. Sora slowly sat up, considering her with worry. She didn’t look at him. “Is- is it weird to be mad because I’m tired of meaning so much to him?” she asked, her voice quiet, trembling.

Sora frowned hard. “Uh… Explain?”

“I’m- I’m tired of his world revolving around me—I’m not that important.”

“Oh, c’mon, you should be flattered Riku thinks you are!” Sora couldn’t help but laugh a little. Wasn’t being important to someone a good thing? It had to be better than the alternative.

Then again… he couldn’t say he would mind if he had meant a little less to his Shadow.

“When it gets to the point he can’t be happy if I’m unhappy?” Namine asked.

Sora shrugged. “I dunno. Seems pretty normal to me to be upset when someone you care about is upset.”

Namine looked him dead on. “But when he’s just falling on his face to please me?”

“Well…” Sora chewed the inside of his cheek, slowly lying back down as he thought it over.

Namine continued, angrily: “He doesn’t need to _please_ me. He doesn’t need my high opinion of him to function and it makes me feel sick to think that he relies on it so much.”

“That… _hmm…_ ” Sora stopped chewing his cheek, abruptly, realizing that if he chewed any harder he’d draw blood. Normally he didn’t chew that hard. It was while he was running his tongue over the throbbing spot inside of his mouth to check it that something occurred to him. He sat up. “Wait, you mean he actually _needs_ constant reassurance that he’s amazing? Because I thought he was pretty full of himself.”

“Obviously you haven’t been paying attention.” Her words were bitter, as was her laugh, but Sora tried not to notice.

“Guess we haven’t interacted much, lately…” he agreed. Not that that was a surprise. Six months apart, less than a day being reunited, and then Riku’d moved to Hollow Bastion. Sora wished he’d visited more than that one time he did in the past three weeks, but he’d been grounded… Among other things. “But, still, he _really_ doesn’t think he’s the best thing in all the worlds?”

“He acts like he does, but, trust me…” Namine gripped her sketchbook tightly. “He thinks very _lowly_ of himself.”

“I thought fake-it-til-you-make-it was supposed to work…”

“It hasn’t with Riku.”

 _Guess I shouldn’t be too surprised…_ Sora thought, rolling his Shadow’s memories over in his head. He’d always thought the same of his Shadow—cocky, conceited, acting like he owned the place… But in the end… He was certainly much more broken than just that…

Sora pushed the memories aside. Even if they weren’t his own, they still hurt to think about.

“So… lemme guess, you haven’t talked to Riku because, what? It scares you?” he asked Namine.

“I- I don’t know how to tell him without it making matters worse,” she replied.

“Well… How do you know it’s going to make matters worse?”

“You know how Riku is.”

Sora paused. He supposed he had a good idea, but that wasn’t going to help this conversation, and it wasn’t going to help Namine. “Actually… no I don’t,” he said, slowly. “Like I said, we haven’t interacted much in _ages._ You know him much better than I do.” He sent her a reassuring smile. “How’s it gonna go wrong, huh?”

Namine shrugged, slowly, leaving her shoulders hunched. “I’m… I’m going to tell him that I’m upset because I think he cares too much about me but how’s he going to fix that, how is he supposed to care less? I can’t _ask him_ to care less about me!” Tears glistened in her eyes.

“Guess… guess you can’t,” Sora agreed. “As much as it may annoy you…” he added, in a grumble, his mind flashing briefly over his Shadow. “So you- you have to… learn to live with how much he cares about you, because there’s nothing else you can do, even though it hurts.”

“I… I never said it hurt…?”

Sora flushed red. “W- well, I mean, y-y’know, seeing him? Seeing him, uh… _Uh…_ ”

“Fall on his face to please me…?” Namine finished. She was eyeing him suspiciously. Sora did his best not to make eye-contact.

“That, yeah. I guess,” he said.

Namine nodded, very slowly, finally turning away from his as she considered it. “Well… ”

“Tell him, uh,” Sora cleared his throat. “Tell him that he doesn’t need to worry so much about pleasing you, maybe? That’s what I would do. I’d tell him that it doesn’t matter how much he loves me, he doesn’t need to trip over himself about it. That’s what I would say, if I could….”

Namine turned back to him, looking even more suspicious than before. Sora grimaced with embarrassment, realizing that was the _second_ time he’d done that. In a span of two minutes.

“I- I mean! If it were me and Riku but it’s obviously not me and Riku and it’s _definitely_ not me and someone else.”

Except that made it worse.

“You’re blushing, Sora,” Namine said, completely deadpan.

He smacked his hands to his face, as if to hide it. “No I’m not! _No I’m not._ ” He could feel the heat in his cheeks, though. There was no use denying that _something_ was up. “Look, it’s- it’s not about me and Kairi or anything, so don’t be worried about that.”

Namine continued eyeing him. “Okay… But… who…?”

Sora shook his head, unable to say anything else, and certainly incapable of telling her the truth. Telling Kairi had been one thing. He’d known her since they’d been in diapers. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Namine, he just… This was no secret he was eager to share.

“Sora…”

“Namine, please, not today—maybe another time.” _Maybe never._

She sighed, but didn’t press. “Alright. Well… I guess you’re right about Riku…” She turned to face the opposite wall, staring hard at it. As she continued, she picked up speed, as if becoming more certain of herself. “I should- I should tell him that I love him, and I know he loves me, but that doesn’t mean… That doesn’t mean he has to make me happy all the time. That doesn’t mean I’m going to _be_ happy all the time. I’m going to be angry with him and he’s going to be angry with me but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less.”

Sora sent a surprised look at her, though grateful to be off the subject of him. “You’ve been… thinking a lot about this.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this,” Namine agreed, nodding.

He smiled and nudged her in the shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I think that’s the perfect thing to say to him.”

“Thank you.”

“Glad I could help.”

“Oh, hey.” Namine straightened and brightened considerably. “What did you come over for, anyway? You need anything?”

“To be honest, I just kinda wanted out of my house,” Sora said, chuckling nervously. “Though I was maybe planning on bouncing ideas off Kairi again—about my parents. How to convince them I’m not lying about being in other worlds.” He scratched the back of his neck, trying not to groan, trying not to stew too hard on his mother’s angry words and his father’s cautious glances, and _especially_ not their lack of belief in general. “I’ve tried everything I can think of but it’s not like I have proof, and frankly, I’m just about ready to—”

“ _Sora,_ ” Namine interrupted him, in a tone that made him check the room for danger before realizing how stupid that was.

“What…?” he asked, brows knitting in his confusion.

She was gaping at him. “What do you mean you don’t have _proof?_ ”

“Well… it’s not like I brought back any souvenirs,” Sora said. He continued studying Namine, not exactly sure what she meant, or why she was still gaping like he was missing something obvious. Was he? “I guess I could go get some or something but how do I prove they’re actually from another world, and—”

“Sora, you have a _giant magic key sword_ that you can summon at will,” Namine interrupted again, her voice even firmer this time. “How is that not proof?”

“… _oh._ ”

“Did that _really_ not even occur to you?”

Sora rubbed at his head, embarrassed to admit that, no, it hadn’t. “Maybe that spell that Kairi’s dad keeps talking about is stronger than we thought…” he murmured. Kairi’s dad swore there was some sort of spell on the island, one that kept everyone from noticing other worlds, one that made everyone on the island forget Riku, forget Namine, briefly forget about him. Most of the problems with his parents Sora chalked up to the spell, honestly. And forgetting he had a Keyblade, and how hard it would be to deny him doing _magic_ in front of his parents…

Well, in short, if he’d had any doubts about the spell, he had none now.

Namine rubbed at her face, shaking her head, clearly at a loss for words. Because of the spell? Because Sora’d forgotten about his Keyblade? He wasn’t sure. He was too embarrassed to ask. After a long moment, Namine asked him:

“So are you going to _show them_ your Keyblade?”

Sora nodded. “Yeah. Uh. Well, my mom is on errands now, and dad’s working on the docks like he always is, and I’d rather get them both at the same time, so, tonight.” He tried to sound confident. Maybe he should catch his dad on the docks, though. He wouldn’t be happy about having work interrupted, but Sora was positive that his dad would be easier to convince, and that it would be easier to convince his dad if they were alone.

“Don’t forget,” Namine said.

Sora nodded again, assuring her he would. He tried not to think about how the spell might affect his memory. About how many reasons he was coming up with to put it off. And _definitely_ not about the fact that he knew he should go talk to his dad now, while he was alone, while he could be sure he wouldn’t forget, but didn’t want to—not that he had no reason for it—so he wouldn’t, and he changed the subject.

“Well, hey, you want to do something?” he asked Namine. “Since, y’know, it’s just us? Been a while since just the two of us have done anything together.”

“Uh… sure. Can we…” Namine paused, chewing her lip for a second. He wasn’t sure if she was just hesitant to voice her suggestion, or if she was having trouble thinking of one. It was the former, he realized, when she spoke. “Would you mind if we did some training, actually? I’d like to practice my magic.”

Sora nodded enthusiastically. That was well within his capabilities. “Yeah, sure!! Let’s go down to the play island, though, just in case of misfires.”

Namine shot him a _no duh_ look. He shrugged innocently.


	24. In which a certain someone returns

Kairi ended up returning first, funnily enough, seeing as Joseph _should’ve_ had Vexen back within seconds after leaving. Whatever. Riku’d relocated to sit a little further away from the mess, though he found he didn’t quite have the energy to move much more than three feet. He sipped on the water as Aerith told him to, and Kairi plopped down on the ground next to him. All three of them sat there, waiting for Joseph to return with Vexen, or for Leon to come with a… bucket, or whatever it was he was looking for. Riku hadn’t been paying attention.

“Do you think if I just blast light at it, it will do anything?” Kairi asked.

“I… No, I don’t think so…” Aerith said, with a rueful look at the mess. “No telling how much scrubbing it out of the ground will do, either, but we’ll have to do something.”

A dark corridor opened, then, and out stepped a frantic looking Vexen, followed by a much calmer—though still worried—Joseph. Vexen stopped short, wide eyes fixed on the mess, looking much like he wasn’t sure what to think.

“I told you,” Joseph said.

Vexen spared the boy a distracted look. “Yes. I… well…”

“When I told him what happened, he said he didn’t believe it,” Joseph explained.

“I’m not sure I blame him,” Aerith said, rising to her feet. “I was a little surprised, too. _Anyone_ puking darkness, Replica or no, seems a little… far-fetched.”

“Well, it happened, so let’s stop arguing about that,” Kairi said. Riku closed his mouth and swallowed his words—he’d been about to say the same thing. Or something along the lines. Aerith sent her a surprised look, and Vexen just shook his head. He did not take his eyes of the mess.

“I… forgive me,” he said, very slowly. “I didn’t do much studying on how darkness affected Replicas, only enough to know it wasn’t good, and so I wrote the Darkness Protection Protocols. Past that…”

“So you have no idea why this happened?” Riku asked.

Vexen shook his head again. “No.”

“Any idea how to keep it from happening again?” Kairi asked.

Vexen hesitated, but his answer was the same. “No.” After a second, he cleared his throat, and amended: “Well, short of installing the Darkness Protection Protocols, anyway.”

“Which you’ll never install, at this rate,” Riku grumbled.

“I’m _working_ on it, Riku! Translating your Code is not such an easy task!”

Riku groaned. Kairi patted him on the shoulder. Vexen scowled at him a moment more, then slowly looked around.

“Uh, by the way, where is Namine?” Vexen asked.

The air went still. Aerith and Kairi exchanged looks—perhaps, in fact, Aerith looked a little accusing. Before either of them could finish that silent exchange of words, Riku spoke. Might as well get it over with.

“On Destiny Islands,” he said. “It doesn’t matter why.”

Based on how Vexen’s face darkened, he might have known why. Riku wasn’t surprised by that, though. He’d _had_ to have noticed something was up when they were all dealing with Larxene. Neither Riku nor Namine had tried very hard to hide it.

The thought stung, and Riku chewed his tongue viciously. Aerith met his eyes after a second, and silently mouthed one word.

“Remember…”

_Remember what I told you._

Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He did remember. He did remember how it had been more than sleeplessness that had plagued him one night, how he’d been overcome with a sudden inability to breathe. Once Aerith had found him, and calmed him down, he’d told her everything he could, everything he knew, about what had happened between him and Namine. The thought of not knowing any longer had almost been enough to close up his lungs again.

 _“Namine just needs some breathing room,”_ Aerith had told him, once he was calm enough. _“And I know it’s hard to hear that she needs it from you, but forever does not mean every moment by each other’s side. You need time alone, time with other people, just to breathe. I’m sure that’s all she needs.”_

He’d thought it silly at the time, and maybe still a little silly now (two weeks was an awful long time to catch your breath), but the words had been comforting, and the idea of them on top of what he already knew even more so. She was afraid to confront him. She just needed to breathe.

 _She wouldn’t have to confront me if someone would tell me what’s wrong,_ he thought, a little bitterly, but now wasn’t the time to work more answers out of Kairi.

Vexen slowly bent down next to the mess, starting to examine it. Before he could do anything else, someone cleared their throat loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. It was a Vexen Replica. Or…

Riku squinted. This newcomer wasn’t wearing an Organization cloak, and while he easily could’ve still been a Vexen Replica, there was something about the way he carried himself… Riku couldn’t place it. If this was a Vexen Replica, it was one he’d never met.

The Vexen cleared his throat again, only continuing once he was certain he had everyone’s attention. “Ah, forgive me for the intrusion, I just…” It looked very much like he was trying to contain a smile. “Well, I heard myself screaming, and I sensed a lot of darkness, so I thought I’d come see what the fuss was about.” He sent a very pointed look at Vexen, who fumed.

“I was _not_ screaming,” Vexen protested, straightening to his full height.

The Replica sent him a look of disbelief, then held his hands up in surrender. He glanced at the mess. Scowled a moment. Returned his attention to Vexen. “Which Replica are you?” he asked.

Vexen blinked. “Uh. I’m. I’m not. I’m Vexen.”

The Replica raised his eyebrows further. “Right… 6? Are you—?”

“Oh! No! I’m—I’m from a parallel universe,” Vexen explained, quickly. He stared at the new Vexen with wide eyes, and Riku had a feeling he knew why. Before either of them could voice their thoughts—or Kairi could demand to know what was going on, because she looked about ready to—Joseph butt in.

“Oh! Oh!” He moved so he was visible to the new Vexen, jumping up and down excitedly and waving. “Master Vexen!! Hi!!! Nice to see you again!! Glad to know you did come back I heard rumors from uhhh I think Vexen here that you would but I never took the time to ask anyone for a straight answer but _hey_ that’s okay you’re here! Nice to see you!”

The new Vexen—Riku saw no point in calling him _Master_ Vexen—waited until Joseph was finished before saying anything, carefully nodding in the right places. Riku’d only seen 29 have that much patience with the boy, and that wasn’t on every occasion. The new Vexen grinned, though, and bent down a little so he was more on level with Joseph.

“Nice to see you too, Joseph!” he said, very politely. “But I do believe I’m going to start introducing myself as _Even_ now. I think I have the right to that name again, seeing as I have the heart…” He placed a hand over his chest a moment, looking a little distracted. “Ah, but Joseph, no need for any ‘ _Master_ Even’s, either. Just Even is fine.”

Joseph nodded and saluted. “Roger that!”

Even smiled at him, then cleared his throat, pulling together a more professional attitude. Riku rolled his eyes at that. “Anyway, I know we haven’t quite finished with introductions,” Even said. “But I really need to ask about… this…” He waved a hand over the mess on the ground.

“I puked darkness,” Riku said. The sooner this was over, the better. He found Vexen insufferable enough, and he didn’t doubt Even would be just as bad, if not worse.

“Oh _really?_ ” Even asked, eyes lighting up. “That’s absolutely _fascinating._ ” Worse, Riku realized, as Even knelt down next to the mess and started prodding it with his bare fingers. Even would be much worse than Vexen.

“Leon’s bringing something to clean that up soon, or he should be,” Aerith said.

“You might need more than a bucket and a rag,” Even said, with a little laugh, as he wiped his hand off on his shirt. “Darkness mixed with saliva… Literally, absolutely, _fascinating._ Can I have a sample?” He looked between Riku and Aerith, as if he needed to ask permission.

“I’m starting to see why you don’t like Vexen,” Kairi muttered, nudging Riku. “I mean, if he’s as bad as this.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve only talked at length with that one Replica. 7. He’s nice. Nothing like this.”

“Do you even have anything to _put_ a sample in?” Vexen demanded. He was standing well away from Even, along with the mess. “And is there _really_ any time for that? I think there are much more important things at hand right now.”

“Tell me, Vexen, when was the last time you can recall someone _puking darkness_?” Even asked. “Never, right? I want a sample. Surely _you_ can understand that. You’re a scientist, aren’t you?”

“Well, yes.”

“You can’t tell me you’re not the slightest bit curious.”

“I’m worried, and frankly, a little disgusted.”

Even shook his head in disbelief.

Vexen squinted at him. “You didn’t even blanch at the parallel universe thing.”

“What? Oh. Well, if that Riku boy hopped over here, I don’t see why someone else couldn’t have. I’ll want to ask you why of course, but, that can wait a little bit.” Even looked around. “Do any of you have something I can put a sample in? I didn’t bring anything with me.”

Joseph’s hand shot into the air. “Oh! Oh! I do I do! Well okay not on me but I can go get something one sec!” And again, he was gone, before anyone could tell him to do otherwise.

Even let out a long breath and pushed himself to his feet, dusting himself off. “Alright, well, we’ll let him do that, and I guess it’s back to introductions. You…” He pointed at Vexen. “You did say you were _Vexen_ , right?”

Vexen nodded.

“Any reason why that, and not Even? Unless Even isn’t your name.”

“No, it- it was. I just… I never got to reintroduce myself, and now everyone knows me as Vexen…” Vexen sighed. “Besides, it might be a little late now.”

“Ah, yes, it would be strange to have two Evens walking around—but are you sure you don’t mind? I know the, uh, negative connotations that the name _Vexen_ carries.”

“I’ve gotten used to it.”

“But there’s still the option of—”

“Are we going to do any other introductions, or are you going to sit there and keep blabbing at each other?” Kairi demanded. She did not move from where she was sitting next to Riku, and he cringed as she raised her voice. It was just because she was so close that she seemed so loud, he knew, but it still hurt his ears a little.

“Sorry,” Even said. “I’ve already introduced myself, which leaves, well, you three. You’re… ah, wait, you’re Riku, aren’t you?”

Riku nodded. He wished he could look at Even without also having to look at the darkness mess. Where _was_ Leon with that bucket or… whatever he was getting.

Even sent a glance at Vexen. “ _Your_ Riku?”

Riku rolled his eyes. “What’s it matter who built me,” he grumbled.

“Right?” Kairi agreed, softly. “Seems like a rude question to ask, if you ask me.”

“…but, I wouldn’t exactly—” Vexen was saying.

Even cut him off before he could finish. “Of course, of course! But you _are—_ ”

“From the same universe, yes.”

“I’d figured, but—”

“Geeze louise,” Kairi mumbled, shifting so she was leaning back on her arms. “Me and the other Kairi weren’t this bad.”

Riku nodded. “I know—Well, then again, me and Real Thing weren’t _ever_ like this, but… Yeah.” He jutted his chin at Even and Vexen, who were still babbling over top of each other about parallel universes. “This is something new entirely.”

“Have you even interacted that much with anyone from the other universe?” Kairi asked. “I mean, like, I know you have, but like… at length when there’s more duplicates than just you and—wait a minute, did you just call him _Real Thing?_ ” She started at him, incredulously.

He returned the look in kind. “I’ve… _always_ called him Real Thing?”

Kairi opened her mouth to say something, but Riku motioned to quiet her, as Even said something that caught his attention.

“And you, you’re Aerith, aren’t you?”

Perhaps this wasn’t the most exciting thing ever, but Riku was still curious. In part to know how Even knew her, and to see how Aerith responded. She was still standing in the same spot, most likely having been waiting politely and patiently while everyone else spoke. It would be like her.

She nodded in response to Even’s question, and told him that, yes, she was Aerith.

“I thought so,” Even said, with a thoughtful nod of his own. Then immediately he looked apologetic, and he explained himself. “I know we never talked much, if at all, but I heard a lot about your mother’s… _work,_ for lack of a better word. And since you aren’t Squall, you must be Aerith.”

Aerith laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not…” Her smile drooped slightly and she licked her lips. “He goes by Leon, now, by the way. Not Squall. And… I’m sure everyone in the town knew about what my mom did—even people who are returning now light up once they hear the name Gainsborough. It’s a strange feeling.” She smiled again, briefly, but it was gone as Even asked his next question.

“How is your mother, by the way?”

“She- she passed away,” Aerith said. There was a reluctance in her voice, but only a slight one.

Even’s own attitude drooped immediately as well. “Oh. I am sorry to hear that…”

“It’s okay,” Aerith assured him. She hesitated a moment, as she studied Even. “You were… one of Ansem the Wise’s apprentices, weren’t you?”

“Ah, yes, I was,” Even replied. His voice seemed a bit emptier than normal. “Any… any news of him?”

Aerith shook her head.

“Unfortunate, that,” Even said, but he did not sound surprised.

“What about any of the other apprentices?” Vexen asked. “If you’ve returned, shouldn’t they have, as well? Have you seen any of them?”

“It was only me in the Castle, and I searched every room,” Even replied. “There looked to be recent signs of life, but no telling who from.”

“Could’ve been one of them.”

Even dismissed Vexen’s argument with a wave of his hand. “Could’ve been one of the Restoration Committee. Or Xehanort. _Anyway,_ I believe I have yet to ask this young lady her name.” He gestured at Kairi.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s Kairi. Thanks for _finally_ taking the time to ask.” Sarcasm was thick in her tone.

“Forgive me, I kept getting interrupted, and it would be a lie to say I’ve ever been good at—uh…” Even stopped short, all of a sudden, considering Kairi with wide eyes. He took a few steps in their direction. Riku could almost see the gears turning in his mind as he thought.

“Got something on my face?” Kairi asked.

“Oh, no, I… Your mother. What-  what’s her name?”

Kairi shrugged. “Heck if I know, Dad says she moved out when I was two, and doesn’t say anything else about her.” Then she appeared to realize what Even had just said, and she jumped to her feet. “Wait, are you saying you _know_ her?”

“I… I think so…” Even blinked. “The memories are not as clear as I’d like them to be, and I only saw her a few times.”

“Can you give me a name?”

“Mira.”

“Mira,” Kairi repeated. She said the name slowly, as if tasting it on her tongue. She sent a look in Riku’s direction, mouthing the name again. She looked surprised. She looked happy. She took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“I got it!” A dark corridor opened, and Joseph stepped out, holding a small glass vile, which he promptly handed over to Even. “Sorry it took so long. Couldn’t find my chemistry set right away.”

Even thanked Joseph and told him it was alright, as he bent down and scooped some of the mess into the vial— _when_ was Leon going to get here with those cleaning supplies? Riku was getting _really_ tired of looking at this mess. He was the only one sitting on the ground, too, now, and that wasn’t helping his mood. Just the thought of standing made his head swim, though.

“ _Did_ I ever ask how this happened?” Even asked, looking straight at Riku. He suppressed a groan. “I understand that you puked darkness, but, _how?_ Why?”

“I was hoping one of you could tell me,” Riku replied. He sent a pointed glance at Vexen, who was fuming where he stood.

“I’m assuming it had something to do with the fact I forgot to install the Darkness Protection Protocols,” Vexen began, speaking as if he expected an interruption. “But besides that—”

Even rounded on him. “You forgot to do _what?!_ ” he demanded. He sounded and looked about as angry and as horrified as 7 had when he’d learned the same news. “I don’t know how things worked in your universe, but I doubt you had Darkness Protection Protocols for _nothing._ ”

“Yes, yes, I get that it was a mistake, but I have to translate his Code to your Code before I can do anything about it!”

Even rubbed at his temples with one hand, slowly leaning back on the ground so he was completely sitting, opposed to squatting like he had been. Riku tried not to chuckle, but Vexen often made him feel the same way.

No one said anything for a moment. Vexen looked like he was trying to find words to say, though, and Aerith was squinting in the direction of her house. It was Joseph who broke the silence with a rough clearing of his throat.

“Master- Master Even, sir?” he said.

“Just Even is fine.”

“Right. Sorry. I just…” He wouldn’t look Even in the eye. “I was wondering why there are Darkness Protection Protocols and not protection protocols for anything else….”

Even lowered his hand from his head, studying Joseph carefully. “I’m… I’m afraid I don’t understand…”

“I just mean… I…” Joseph appeared to swallow hard. He still would not look at Even, which was unusual for him. This behavior even had Riku worried. “Why did you make us…? Or, why did you make us so _young?_ Why- why did…” He sniffed, loudly. “Why did you think it was such a good idea to give an eight-year-old boy so much power and no idea how to _use it!?_ ”

Even stared, blankly.

“He means Toby,” Kairi said. Her voice shook as well, but not as much as Joseph’s did.

“Toby?” Even sent her the same blank look, then recognition crossed his face. “Oh yes. I forgot for a moment.”

“You _forgot!?_ ” Joseph shouted.

“I- Joseph, you have to understand, all of my memories are a little fuzzy right now,” Even stammered, hastily. “And Toby? Toby was an experiment I did not have time to pursue—I’d only just finished him when Riku arrived in this universe, and Xemnas wanted me to study him, and I was curious, and- and I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Whatever- whatever happened to him, I can fix it, alright? I can fix it.”

Joseph shook his head aggressively. “No you can’t. He’s gone. He’s _dead._ His data was fried because you didn’t think everything through, because you didn’t have _time!_ ”

“Joseph, I swear, if I have his file, I can just—”

“That’s gone too!” Joseph trembled, breathing heavily. “I know- I know it’s not your fault Riku killed you, and it’s not his fault because he didn’t know, but that doesn’t change the fact that you were gone, and that so many bad things happened, and that no one was there to _stop_ them. _You_ weren’t there to stop them. And I just… I…” He shook his head and scrubbed at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He formed a dark corridor around himself, and he was gone. Even stared at where he had stood, appearing stunned. Riku didn’t blame him, entirely, though he knew what Joseph had been through. He sent a look over at Aerith, trying to judge how she’d reacted to all of that—she knew very little about Replicas, and there was no telling how much had made sense, or how much he would have to explain. Aerith did look confused, but when she caught him looking at her, she sent him a look and a shake of her head. _Not right now._

Riku eyed the mess three feet from him, and nodded. Not right now. He could explain later, if she needed him to. He cleared his throat, turning his attention to Even.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry about killing you, by the way,” he said. It felt weird to say, but he figured Even deserved that apology. _There’s little I regret more,_ he added, silently. It might not have prevented everything that had happened with the Rebellion, but it certainly would’ve prevented some.

“Oh? Well, I didn’t stay dead, so no hard feelings, I suppose.” Even smiled uneasily at him. “The… The Program, though… What happened to it?”

Riku let out a long breath, not at all looking forward to having to discuss that. But he owed that to Even as well, for all the trouble he’d caused.

Vexen spoke before he had the chance. “Perhaps you should see for yourself,” he told Even. “And ask one of the Replicas. They will be able to explain better than us.”

Riku doubted he would’ve done _that_ badly at explaining everything, but he was certainly grateful that he didn’t have to.

“That is a good idea,” Even agreed. He pushed himself to his feet again, pocketing his vial. “Do we have transportation? I can’t form dark corridors anymore.”

“I can,” Vexen said. “Riku, if you wouldn’t mind coming, too… Perhaps a scan of your data and a check of your darkness levels would better clue us in as to why this happened.”

Riku took a second to nod his reply. It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected the request, or that he hadn’t assumed this would be the next step. It was that Vexen had asked so politely, rather than demanded it of him.

“Here.” Kairi reached down to pull him to his feet. “I’ll go too, of course.”

“And I’ll stay here and see where Leon is,” Aerith said. “This mess has to be cleaned up one way or another. Take care. Nice meeting you, Even.” She waved at them, then started for her house.

Vexen formed a dark corridor. “Let’s go, then, shall we?”


	25. In which Sora is a very good friend

“What do you want to start with?” Sora asked, rubbing his hands together. Namine shrugged, staring at him. The waves pounded in the distance. The sand crunched beneath her bare feet. Sora’d ditched his jacket, and it lay off to the side—summer had already started, and the afternoons were beginning to get hot.

“I dunno,” Namine said. “I’m really only good at Reflect.” It was the only one she’d been practicing. The only one she could practice while sitting in Kairi’s bedroom. The only one she could practice without having her heart seize in her chest. Just the attempt of casting offensive spells made her feel queasy. She’d asked Kairi to help her to get used to it again, but Kairi’s tough-love attitude didn’t help. That’s why she asked Sora.

She figured she should _probably_ tell him the real reason she wanted to practice, but her tongue was tied, and he was talking before she could even sort her words enough to start.

“Reflect?” Sora looked at her with wide, curious eyes. “I don’t know that one.”

Rather than explain it to him, Namine just reached out and cast it. The barrier came much quicker, and lasted a little longer—that’s what she’d been practicing to do with it, along with make it reach a wider area. For now it still only surrounded her, but she was certain its reach was increasing, if only by inches.

“Whoa! _Neat!_ ” Sora rubbed his hands together again, eyes glinting with an eagerness to try. Before he asked her for any instruction, he reached out his hands, and commanded: “ _Reflect!_ ” To Namine’s surprise, the spell took—it didn’t go completely around him, but it did reach over his head. For a first try, that was pretty outstanding.

“Amazing…” she whispered, trying not to gape, and trying not to feel jealous. She’d managed to learn it well enough to completely surround herself with it in a day, but it had definitely taken her more than a few tries. “Good- good job!” she told Sora, forcing a smile.

He was grinning, looking very pleased with himself. “Thanks! My magic’s gotten a lot better lately. But, c’mon, that can’t have been perfect. Tell me what I got wrong. Lemme try again.”

They spent probably fifteen minutes going over it, though it consisted more of Sora casting it multiple times in a row than it did of Namine doing anything. He was trying to train himself to focus on the idea of the spell, to memorize the feel of it, something which could only be done through repetition. Rather than waste her energy by practicing it as well, Namine just watched, and gave him pointers, usually only when he demanded them. He had the spell mastered within those fifteen minutes.

“Alright,” Sora said, after he’d downed an ether. “What now? You wanna work on something? What spells do you know?”

“That, Cure, and Fire…” Namine said, very slowly. Now was her chance. She just had to tell him.

“Then I guess Blizzard is where we start!” Sora moved to stand next to her, holding a hand out. “It’s a lot like casting Fire, but instead of focusing on heat, you focus on cold, or picture ice… or a chunk of ice… Blizzard is actually pretty fun because it comes in different forms, if you want it to. Watch.” He cast it twice in rapid succession—the first was a blast of ice from his hand, the second a chunk that dropped from the sky, then he turned to her with a grin. “It just depends on how you picture it in your head when you cast it! You try!”

Namine reached out her hand, too afraid for a moment to speak, too afraid to do anything but go along, even though it was not quite what she wanted to do. She could hardly raise her hand, though. Her chest seemed to constrict.

“Something wrong…?” Sora asked, studying her.

“I…” She licked her lips, and pulled her hand back to her chest. “I’m not sure if I’m… If I can…” That wasn’t right. None of those words were right. “I just want… I want to be able to cast offensive magic without freezing up…”

Sora considered her a long moment, obviously not understanding at first. It clicked before he had to ask, at least, and patience washed over his face. “Ah, I see! Right, then Aero is what I need to be teaching you—it’s offensive, but it doesn’t do much more than push an enemy back and away from you. Maybe it does damage? I wouldn’t count on it doing a lot though…” He shook his head, then with a sweep of his hand commanded: “ _Wind!_ ”

A blast of air carved its way through the sand. Namine could feel it pull at her a little. She licked her lips. Sora sent a reassuring smile at her. “Think you can do that?” he asked.

“I… Let me try…”

It couldn’t do any damage. She had to keep telling herself that in order to make herself even raise her hand from her side. She could not hurt anyone with it. She could not hurt anyone.

Namine took a deep breath, then mirrored Sora’s actions exactly, down to the verbal command and sweep of her arm. A gust of wind fled her, though it was much more feeble than Sora’s had been. At least it was something.

“Good job!” Sora clapped her on the back. She tried not to tense at his touch. “See? You’ve got this. Try again, alright? Let’s see how far we can get with this.”

They practiced for a while more, and Namine’s blasts became slowly more powerful—only by a little at a time, but she was no magical prodigy, and she knew well enough it could be months before she really had a hang of it.

Sora eventually coaxed her into trying it against him, reminding her that it was just a gust of wind, and it could not hurt him. “The worst that could happen is I get sand in my mouth!” he told her, laughing. He still had to assure her it wouldn’t hurt him at least twenty times, and she had to remind herself a thousand more before she was able to even _prepare_ to cast the spell against him.

She managed to do it, though, with only the slightest catch of her stomach. The air did nothing more but whip at Sora’s clothes, and he grinned at her, once he’d pulled his arm away from shielding his face. “There you go!” he said. “Try it again. I’ll Reflect this time.”

Namine took a few deep breaths, but cast it again for him. He cast Reflect before it hit, and when his spell went down, he grinned even wider. “Didn’t feel a thing!” he told her. Namine sighed in relief. That was good to hear.

“Wanna try with a different spell?” Sora asked. “How about Blizzard again? That one’s relatively harmless—or, it can’t do any serious damage. Maybe a couple bruises.”

Her stomach churned at the thought of having to cast _another_ spell against Sora. She should tell him that that was enough practicing for today. That maybe she should just practice Aero for now—thank you for teaching it to me. There were so many excuses, but she could open her mouth to form none of them.

Sora took her through the steps of casting Blizzard again, and had her cast it at the empty air in front of them for a while. She could make herself cast it, now. She could make herself cast it. Perhaps it was because she knew it could not hurt anyone so long as she aimed at the sand. Perhaps she was just getting in the groove again.

In fact, Namine felt fairly confident before long. She _could_ cast the magic without freezing up. That’s all she wanted. Her confidence and good mood fled her, though, when Sora proposed the idea of her tossing Blizzard at him while he Reflected.

“It won’t hurt me,” he told her, for the hundredth time. “I have good reflexes, I’ll get the Reflect up in time, and I’ll be fine! And even if I don’t, somehow, it’s just Blizzard. Like I said, the worst I can get is a nasty bruise. Nothing a Cure couldn’t fix. C’mon, Namine!”

She wanted to tell him no. That was enough for today. She was too nervous. But it was hard to refuse, hard to deny the eager glint in Sora’s eyes. The thought of casting the spell against him scared her to death. The thought of backing out and explaining herself and having to argue against Sora’s persistence scared her just as much.

So as Sora took his stance, Namine took deep breaths and prepared herself to do it. She raised her hand to cast the spell—

All she could see was Riku, lying in his own blood.

Her laugh, his screams, ringing in her ears.

_Get up, you worthless piece of—_

Her stomach heaved. The air fled her lungs. Bile rose to her mouth. A faint thumping started in the back of her head.

“No!” she cried, falling to her knees. She shook her head vigorously, clutching at her hair. She couldn’t do it.

“Namine?” Sora was at her side before her name had finished leaving his lips. “C’mon, you okay?”

“N-no, _no_ stay back! I’m going to hurt you!”

“I already told you, a Blizzard—”

“ _Sora,_ seriously!”

The thumping in her head was too familiar. The itch of her blood.

“You aren’t going to hurt anyone, Namine…” Sora said, after a moment.

She shook her head again. He wasn’t listening. How could he not be listening? It was him who restrained her, in the end, when it had come down to it. He knew how much damage she could do as well as anyone else. Didn’t he remember?

“I’m going to hurt you!” she cried again. She would have pushed him away from her, but even that could turn into a further form of violence. Even if he did not remember, she did.

Sora did not budge an inch. Was he _insane?_ “Namine, _come on,_ that’s not true!” he said. “I’m your _friend._ You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“ _Please,_ Sora, just _stay back!_ ”

Instead he pulled her into a hug. Tears welled up in her eyes, in part from the comfort of it, in part from terror. He was too close to avoid getting hurt, if something did happen, if she did—

“It’s okay,” he whispered, holding her tight and doing nothing more. “You won’t hurt me. You aren’t going to hurt anyone. You’re safe now.”

She shook her head and did not stop. The pounding in her head persisted. “They’re gonna make me hurt you, they did, they put it in my head that I have to—”

“No, shh, that was fixed, wasn’t it? That was fixed. You aren’t going to attack anyone.”

“I’m scared. _I’m scared._ ” Tears poured from her eyes, and her stammers became sobs. “I don’t want to hurt anyone again. I- I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“You’re not gonna hurt anyone,” Sora repeated. “I promise, Namine, you aren’t going to. Not if you don’t want to.”

“But on accident?”

He shrugged, slightly, and Namine felt it as he did. “Accidents happen,” Sora said. “But you won’t hurt anyone on purpose. There’s no way.”

It was too much to take, too much to believe, and she was terrified. “But- but even if I don’t want to, I- even if I don’t want to, I- I’m going to. I- I never wanted to kill Riku, I never wanted to but I nearly did. _I nearly did._ ”

“They fixed that,” Sora clutched her tightly, grounding how her body shook. “You won’t do it again. You gotta believe you’re okay, because you _are_ okay.”

“O-okay…”

“ _Shh,_ you’re okay.”

“Okay.”

He held her for a long while, until she could breathe properly again. He kept reminding her that she was okay, every now and then, just as the silence seemed too much and tears broke in her eyes again. How his timing was so perfect, Namine did not know, but she was very grateful for him to be here, very grateful to have Sora as a friend.

When he finally let her go, they sat in the sand, saying nothing for a moment. Sora looked like he wanted to. Namine looked down at her hands. After studying them for a bit, and once sure Sora would not say anything, she spoke, quietly, her voice hardly above a whisper.

“It’s just… I nearly _killed Riku,_ ” she said. It was something of an apology. An explanation. “That doesn’t just… _go away._ ”

“I- I know,” Sora said. “I know.”

He shifted a little, so he wasn’t sitting casually anymore, but hunched over his folded knees. He took a long breath.

“And I- I know this probably doesn’t compare to what you had to go through, but… I was forced to fight a lot of people I didn’t want to, and in the end, I was forced to kill all of them—” His voice caught, and he shuddered a little. “I- I _killed_ them. I _killed_ people. And, I- I know that Organization 13 was a group of bad people who would do bad things, and I know that _he_ apparently had to die, but I still… It… Y’know.” He sent her a bitter smile. “It doesn’t go away.”

“Right…”

And Sora was right about it not comparing more than anything else. He did not have to face and fight someone he loved. Worse, he did not _want_ to do it.

It was the memory of _wanting_ to kill Riku, wanting to slice him open, that burned her worse than anything else. The glee she’d felt as she watched him writhe. That was _real,_ even if it was elicited by programming, by something that was not her. She remembered it very clearly, and it stained her mind.

She could not bring herself to correct Sora, though.

She could not belittle his feelings—he was just trying to comfort her, to be sympathetic, and she understood that. She could not tell him that it did not work, could not bear telling him that it made her feel no better.

So she kept her thoughts to herself.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Sora said, after a moment. “I… I shouldn’t have pushed you to try that, even if it was harmless… We should’ve just gone and fought Heartless. I would’ve been able to practice Reflect, and you’d have been able to practice casting spells. Heartless are all you’re probably gonna be fighting from here on, anyway. I can’t think of any other big-bad-guy threats like Organization 13.”

Namine shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“You mean that?” Sora leaned in close to her, twisting his head so he could look at her from the position he put himself in.

“You were trying to help,” Namine said, with another shrug. “And you didn’t realize right away that it wasn’t going to… That’s not your fault…”

“Well, still, next time lemme know if you’re getting uncomfortable. You’ve gotta let your friends know about that stuff!”

She nodded, having no voice to say anything else. Trying not to think about how hard that was, even if it was what she needed to do.

Sora slowly poked her knee. “You wanna go fight Heartless now?” he asked.

“No. I want to go to Castle Oblivion. I- I want to make sure I’m safe.”

“You _are_ , Namine.”

“I want to talk to 7.”

Sora looked at her as if he could stare an answer out of her, then he sighed. “Alright,” he agreed. He jumped to his feet and pulled her to hers, then dug his star shard out of his pocket. A few seconds later, they were both whisked away.


	26. In which we all end up in C.O.

Riku chewed at his tongue angrily. He and Kairi were sitting in the Main Room of C.O. A place he’d hoped to never visit again. Vexen had done a scan of his data to check on his darkness, and besides a few incomprehensible noises, he hadn’t said whether it was in a good state or a bad one. He and Even were currently back in one of the rooms with a computer—which room, he wasn’t sure, perhaps it’d been 7’s room—still arguing over it. Riku and Kairi had left them to that a while ago, and now they were sitting here.

“You, uh, sure we can’t just leave and have them come bug us if they find something?” Kairi asked.

Riku shrugged.

“That’s no help.”

“Sorry. What do you want me to say?”

Kairi sat herself on the ground again—why she couldn’t just sit on the couch Riku didn’t understand, but he figured that she was occupying herself by moving around. And shooting her hair-ties at him.

“Something to get us out of here, or at least give us something to do,” Kairi replied. “I mean, how long have we _been here?_ ”

“Twenty minutes.”

“It feels like forever.”

Riku only shrugged again. She wasn’t exactly wrong, though. They’d only been sitting _out here_ for twenty minutes. They’d probably been here, total, closer to an hour. Long enough for Even to be filled in on what happened in his absence and then come back to argue with Vexen, anyway.

Kairi scowled at him, but said nothing, not for a long moment. Then she smiled and shot another hair-tie at him. He wasn’t quite quick enough to catch it, but he was able to deflect it, and prevent it from hitting him in the eye.

“Could always teach you how to use one of these,” Kairi laughed.

With irritation, Riku realized he was tugging at his hair again—it felt a little strange to have it tied up like this, and he just couldn’t get used to it. He pulled his hand away and sent Kairi’s hair-tie back at her.

“Come _on,_ ” Kairi said, still laughing. She wasn’t quick enough to catch the hair-tie either. “If you’re gonna keep your hair that long, you might wanna know how to keep it out of your face.”

“I’m fine.”

“C’mon, Riku.”

“I said I’m fine.”

“I could always get you a headband.”

“ _Kairi._ ”

“The least I can do is fix your ponytail,” Kairi said, pushing herself to her feet. She slid the hair-tie they’d been shooting at each other around her wrist so deftly he almost missed it.

Riku groaned. There was no stopping her at this point. “Just get it out of my hair,” he grumbled. “I don’t need it.”

“Alright, fi—”

Sora and Namine suddenly arrived by star shard, cutting her off. Riku stared in surprise. Kairi was only tripped up a moment by their arrival, and was soon enough tugging her hair-tie out of Riku’s hair. He tried not to flinch too much.

“What are you two doing here?” Kairi asked. She asked like she already knew the answer.

Sora shifted uncomfortably. “Well, uh, Namine wanted to practice magic, and she taught me this neat new spell called Reflect, and I wanted to practice it, so I asked her to cast some magic at me.”

Kairi finished yanking her hair-tie out of Riku’s hair with a surprising ferocity, then marched over to Sora and elbowed him hard in the gut. “What were you _thinking?_ ” she asked, then she was going to Namine, sliding her hair-tie around her wrist, and looking on the verge of reaching out and hugging Namine. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Namine said. It didn’t look like she was meeting Kairi’s eyes, and she sounded nervous about something. “I’m alright. I just… Y’know? Wanted to check.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“I got it…”

She glanced once at Riku, and then she was walking away, in the direction of 7’s office. Riku stared after her, only a little surprised. He didn’t entirely follow what had just happened, but he knew well enough that she did not seem to want to talk to him, and he was in no mood to press.

And… something Kairi had said earlier came to mind, watching her. _“No, more like scared of any confrontation.”_ He did not fully piece together what Sora and Kairi were talking about, but the way Namine’d held herself, all small and hunched over, drawn in on herself… She’d gotten like that the last time they’d spoken. He’d assumed it was because she was scared of him, but she’d been like that now, and that was before she’d even noticed he was here.

Perhaps it wasn’t just him…

_“I don’t want to believe you’re a monster, Riku, but sometimes…”_

Those were not easy words to forget, though.

“Where’s your dumb jacket, Sora?” Kairi asked, smacking him playfully.

Sora pushed her off, looking somewhere between amused and annoyed. “Hey, first, I left it on the beach, _whoops,_ I’ll get it later, but second and _more importantly,_ it’s not dumb!!”

“Yes it is!” Kairi laughed.

“Is _not!_ ”

“Sora, it has an _X_ across the front of it, how is that _cool?_ ”

“IT’S- _well,_ that’s…” Sora frowned hard, fumbling for an answer. A smile drew on Riku’s lips. “Okay, well, that’s not super cool or anything, but the _rest_ of it is cool, and my style, and, uh…. the only thing that matched the pants….”

Kairi sighed and rolled her head back in exasperation.

“Hey, uh, what are you two doing here, anyway?” Sora asked, looking first at Kairi, then at Riku.

“He puked darkness,” Kairi answered, before Riku could open his mouth.

Sora gaped. “You _what?!_ ”

“Puked darkness,” Riku repeated, nodding a little. He slowly reached behind his neck and pushed his hair away from it. Having it down suddenly felt as weird as having it up did. “It wasn’t very pleasant…” Before Sora could say anymore, he gestured in the direction Namine had went. “What’s up with her, huh? I didn’t really follow.”

“Oh, well, uh…” Sora and Kairi exchanged identical glances, as Kairi shrugged, and Sora slowly scratched the back of his neck. “They’re, like, panic attacks, we guess.” He held out his hands and shrugged.

“I’ve been doing a lot of reading on my dad’s computer and that’s what they _sound_ like,” Kairi added. “She sorta just, kinda… She shuts down on herself if you push her too hard, or she’ll start freaking out about how she’s gonna hurt someone, which, I get, but…”

Riku’s eyes narrowed.

“Okay… but, it’s been a full month now. Have they seriously not entirely fixed this Rewritten thing?”

Sora shrugged again, obviously clueless. Kairi glowered at him.

“Look, I have no idea, I just know Namine’s still itchy about it,” she said crossing her arms firmly over her chest. “So I guess they haven’t.”

Riku swallowed. That was certainly the least comforting thing he’d heard all day. Knowing that there was a chance—even the slightest—that, perhaps, he could suddenly find Namine’s hands around his throat, or worse, sent shivers down his spine. And imagine how Namine must’ve felt. How was he supposed to assure her she was safe if she wasn’t?

“Uh, Riku…?”

Riku looked up. Vexen. His expression immediately turned sour.

“Even wants another look at your darkness levels,” Vexen said. “Do you think you could…?”

Riku sighed, but got to his feet. “Yeah.”

“Can we come?” Kairi asked.

Vexen looked first at her, then at Sora. His eyes narrowed slightly, for a moment, and then he just sighed. “Well, I see no point in stopping you,” he said. “And if Even minds, he can complain.”

“Who’s Even?” Sora asked.

Riku sighed again. This was certainly not how he’d wanted to spend his day.

 

**xxx**

 

Namine took a deep breath as her consciousness returned to her. She felt only mildly better, and a quick check of her internal clock told her not much time had passed. Apparently 7 hadn’t done any editing of her data to remove… whatever it was that made her act like this. Was there no bad data left? No, there had to be. How else could she explain what had happened this morning?

She pushed herself upright, slowly, eyes narrowed.

“You’re clear,” 7 told her.

“I’m safe?”

“Yes.” He sounded a little exasperated. Exhausted. “You’re fine. I looked, and there doesn’t seem to be anything.” There wasn’t anything left. How was that possible?

“So, I… I won’t hurt anyone?” she asked.

“You shouldn’t. There’s… There’s no reason you would.”

There were no protocols left telling her to harm anyone. It should’ve been a relief, but all it brought was confusion. If there weren’t any protocols, then what happened this morning? If there weren’t any protocols… She opened her mouth to press, to ask 7 to double-check, to be _sure,_ but then he said:

“Riku’s in the next room over. Vexen thought you’d want to know.” 7 made a show out of checking his computer so he wouldn’t have to look at her.

Namine swallowed her question. Riku. Right. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. To steel herself. She’d put this off long enough, and she should really put it off no longer.

“Alright,” she said. She rose to her feet. “Alright. I’ll- I’ll go.”

7 did not care about this, or he can’t have cared much, but saying the words aloud further cemented her resolve. Further committed her to doing it. She couldn’t put this off any longer. And she knew what she was going to say to him, and Sora’d said it was a good idea, and she’d run it over and over and _over_ in her mind.

She knew what she wanted to say. She loved him. She knew he loved her. He didn’t have to go out of his way to please her. She wasn’t always going to be happy. It was so simple. It made her heart beat so hard.

Despite that, Namine still forced herself out into the hallway. She couldn’t back out. She _wouldn’t_ back out. She started to where Riku was, only sparing a second glance and a polite “excuse me” at the Vexen she bumped into on the way. The second glance was only because he wasn’t wearing an Organization cloak. But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t let herself get distracted, or she’d never keep her resolve, she’d never speak to Riku.

The door was open, so she stepped in, stopping in the doorway. “Uhm…” she began, and then stopped. Where to start? Riku was sitting on the single cot in this room, Vexen was over by the single computer, and Kairi and Sora were leaning against the wall by the door—or they had been. Kairi looked at Namine only a second before nodding like she understood, and a look was all she sent at Sora before he was nodding as well.

“Ah, Namine, good to see you!” Vexen said, smiling at her. He looked genuinely pleased. Riku said nothing, just picked at his fingers, as if they were more interesting. He looked so tired.

Namine hesitantly opened her mouth to answer Vexen, but then Sora called at him and waved him over, and before Namine really understood, Sora was on his toes so he could hiss something in Vexen’s ear. Something Namine couldn’t hear. Vexen first looked surprised, then disgruntled, then about to argue, but a look from Sora stopped that.

“Oh, yes, that’s right!” Vexen said, with an obvious forced enthusiasm. “I was going to talk to 7. If you’d excuse me…”

Sora followed out the door after him, then Kairi—she paused only a second to squeeze Namine’s shoulder. Then all three of them were gone, and the door was closed, and it was just Riku and Namine left in the room. Riku looked up at her, moving as if it were a chore, his face drawn in thin patience. She had never seen him look so tired.

He said nothing, though. He just kept messing with his fingers, staring at her. Waiting for her to make the first move. Namine took a deep breath. Where to start? She knew what she wanted to say, she had rehearsed, but she had not prepared anything to start with. _Riku we need to talk_ seemed too blunt. _I have something to say_ seemed too forward. _If you want to fix our relationship then listen_ seemed like just a way to guilt him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

She wished Riku would stop staring at her. This had seemed so easy when she was in the hall, but now that they were in the same room, now that they were _alone…_ It was so much more overwhelming than she wanted it to be, than she’d expected it to be. It was like something was wrapped tightly around her chest and squeezing hard, squeezing so hard that her heart beat furiously against it and air only barely got into her lungs.

She couldn’t do this.

She was terrified.

Namine was just turning her feet towards the door, just turning to bail, when Riku spoke.

“Look, Namine, I… I messed up.”

She froze where she stood, feet unbalanced, half-turned away from him. The air seemed to tighten around her. She didn’t turn to look at him, kept her gaze where it was, at a point halfway between the wall and the floor.

“Wh-what?”

“I messed up, Namine, alright? I messed up.” Riku paused, only a moment. She could hear him swallow—it was funny how sound acted in this castle. Most moments the walls seemed to suck up even the tiniest noise, but in moments like these they were all amplified tenfold.

“I… I don’t know what I did,” Riku continued. “But, obviously, I must’ve done something wrong. I… I get that. But if you won’t _tell me_ what I did wrong, then I can’t _fix it._ So- so _please,_ Namine… don’t go…”

Namine gasped for air, biting her lip and trying hard not to sob, but tears were already running down her cheeks. Her heart tugged at the sound of his wavering voice—of how desperate the boy she loved sounded. She could hardly bear it anymore.

She turned to him, hugging herself tightly, tears falling freely.

“I… I messed up, too…” she said, haltingly. “And I… I’m sorry. I was just… I was scared…”

It was an effort to get her feet moving, but once she started, she could not stop. She stumbled over to him and sat on her knees in front of him—he was still at least a foot taller than her, at least, and it was not just granted to him just because he was sitting on the cot. He was so big, and she was so small, and that was the way it had always been.

“Scared of what…?” Riku asked. He reached out, running his fingers over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, unable to help herself. She’d missed him.

“I… I didn’t know what to say…” Namine said, shaking her head. It was too much to admit she’d been scared of _him,_ scared of what her negativity would do to him. Even now, she couldn’t do it, couldn’t tell him that. She should, probably, but she couldn’t. “And I was scared…” She swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright…”

His voice was sweet. His calloused hands were rough. She swallowed again, then pulled his hand away from her face. There was no running, now—no running from this, no running from the fact her words might hurt him, whether she wanted them to or not. She had to say them. She had to fix this.

“Namine?”

She covered her mouth with one hand, clutching Riku’s fingers in the other, trying again to hold back a sob. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. It seemed to work. She just hoped it would last long enough for her to get the words out.

“I- I owe you an explanation,” she said, grinding the words between her teeth and spitting them from her mouth. It seemed like a good place to start. “For… for why I w—for why I’m upset.” _For why I was_ wouldn’t work. She was still upset. “I- I just… I get tired of this, Riku. I- I get tired of this… this routine…”

His brow furrowed with confusion. “What routine?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. Wished she wasn’t crying, but there was no helping that now. No going back now. Her stomach heaved. She had to get this done.

“Me… me trying to keep you… happy.”

“I don’t understand.”

She shook her head. Didn’t open her eyes.

“I- I shouldn’t have to keep you… happy, Riku.”

“I never said you had to?”

“I know.” She knew—she’d always known that he’d never been doing this on purpose, that he didn’t know any better. She hadn’t known better, either, not for a long while. “But when you- when you fall all over yourself to keep me happy, when- when the moment I’m upset you get upset, too… It- it _feels_ like I have to stay happy to keep you happy, and I- I can’t do that.” She hoped her tears weren’t slurring her words too much. “I- I can’t be happy _forever_ , Riku. And you- you shouldn’t rely on my happiness to be happy.”

“I… I’m still not sure I understand.” Riku’s voice caught. Namine shivered. “Isn’t it…? Aren’t I supposed to be worried about you, when you’re upset?”

Namine just shook her head, hard. She squeezed Riku’s hand between hers, for a second, and he shifted so he was clutching her hand back. “I- I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know what we’re _supposed_ to do, I just… I- I know that… I _think_ that you’re taking it too far.”

“Too far?” Riku asked.

She nodded. “We’re- we’re too dependent on each other, Riku. You’re too—” He was too dependent on her, and yet she couldn’t say that. “I’m not always going to be happy with you, Riku. There are times when I’m gonna be mad at you, I’m gonna be _really_ mad at you. But you can’t- you can’t let it _destroy_ you. You can’t destroy yourself because I’m not happy. You- You can’t destroy yourself because I don’t think you’re perfect, because I _don’t_ think you’re perfect, and I never will!”

“I…”

“And I _know._ I- I kn-know it’s a lot to ask, after- after everything you’ve been through.” She scrubbed at her cheeks. This hurt the most. “After- after Larxene. After the other Namine, after… after all that. But I- I can’t _do this_ Riku. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t—”

He threw his arms around her. He gripped her so tight she thought she’d puke, but she didn’t tell him to let go, she wrapped her arms around him too. Buried her face in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said, he sobbed. The sound of his voice cracking was torture. “I still don’t think I understand, but I’ll try. I’ll try to understand. I’ll try to fix it. I’ll try.”

“Thank you…”

“Yeah.”

After a long moment Riku pulled away, taking her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. Her eyes still hurt, but that wasn’t because of his touch, only because of the tears. She laughed, a broken thing, but the smile on her face was real. He smiled back, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes—those were clouded with worry.

“And… about Larxene…”

Namine shook her head. “Don’t, alright? What’s done is done.”

“I’m sorry, though,” Riku said. “Not for what I tried to do, not for what I wanted to do. But I’m sorry I scared you. And… and maybe it wasn’t worth all the trouble it caused. That won’t change how I feel about her, but she’s not worth losing you.”

Namine wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to sob, so she did both. “She’s- she’s also dead,” she said. “And she can’t hurt you. Maybe I- Maybe I didn’t want it to happen the way it did—but her being dead is something to celebrate, at least, isn’t it?”

He laughed with her, a bubbly thing. “Yeah!” his voice still cracked, but his smile was beautiful. “I guess it is.”


	27. In which we all head out of C.O.

Namine and Riku sat there for a little longer, out of words but enjoying each other’s presence. Namine wasn’t sure how long she wanted to stay there, or if she wanted to say anything else… Then they were interrupted by the sound of someone falling over, a distinct _ow,_ and a sharp _shh!_

The _ow_ had been from Sora, and Kairi’d been doing the hushing.

Riku sent a wry look at Namine, then leaned around her. “Boy, I sure hope someone’s not _eavesdropping_ on us!” he called.

There was a pause.

“Uh, nothing here but us mice!” Sora called. His voice was slightly muffled by the door, but they could still hear him clear enough.

“Sora, you _idiot,_ that gave us away!!”

“They already knew we were here, Kairi!”

Namine found a furious blush rising to her cheeks. “Were you two eavesdropping the _whole time?_ ” she asked.

There was a pause, then Kairi opened the door. Sora was flat on his face on the ground, which would explain the falling noises. “Look,” Kairi said, “I just wanted to be on hand in case I needed to punch Riku in the— _I mean_ be here for moral support.”

Sora burst out laughing. Namine blushed harder. Riku only rolled his eyes, which was a relief to Namine. At least he wasn’t going to get offended.

“Woooow Kairi,” Sora said.

“Oh, get up off the floor!”

“I can’t believe you two were eavesdropping,” Riku said.

“Really?” Sora asked, as he pushed himself to his feet. “Because, that’s like, right up our alley— _Hey!_ ” He pushed Kairi away from him before she could smack him, sending her a dirty look.

“Anyway, if we’re all done here, can we go?” Kairi said. “I mean, if, you two still want a bit, that’s fine, me and Sora can scoot out of here, but…”

Namine looked at Riku, who shrugged. Namine got to her feet, rubbing her arm. “Well… I wanted to…”  She paused. She’d wanted to, perhaps, ask 7 again if he was sure about her data, but he’d sounded pretty sure. She wasn’t sure what had happened this morning, what she’d felt—or, not _why_ she’d felt it—but if 7 said it wasn’t something in her data, then it wasn’t. And either way, she wasn’t likely to get any different answers out of him. “Never mind,” she said. “I… I think leaving is a good idea.”

“Alright, then, where to?” Sora asked. “Hollow Bastion? Or Destiny Islands?”

Riku cleared his throat. “Well, that depends, I guess, on, uh, whether or not Namine’s- whether or not you’re, uh…”

“Are you moving back to Hollow Bastion, Namine?” Kairi finished, for him.

“Oh!” Namine blinked in surprise. “Oh, uh, yeah, I guess. I wasn’t even thinking about that…!” She laughed nervously, rubbing at her arm again. “I’ll, uh, have to get my stuff from Kairi’s though…”

“Well, the boys can go wait in Hollow Bastion while we go get your things,” Kairi suggested. “We shouldn’t take too long.”

“Hang on,” Namine said. “We should probably tell someone we’re leaving.”

Riku grumbled something about Vexen not needing to know. Sora rolled his eyes and pulled out his star shard. “Well, you do that, and me and Riku will just head to Hollow Bastion, alright?” Sora put a hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn. “Oh, and Kairi, can you pick up my jacket before the tide makes off with it?”

“Uh-huh,” Kairi said, heading for the door. She slowed to wait for Namine. “Come on, let’s go let 7 know we’re leaving.”

“Yeah.”

They left Sora and Riku in the room, and presumably the boys left from there. 7 was only a room over, and the door was open, so Namine just poked her head in. Vexen was not here, as she’d thought he’d be—hadn’t he said he wanted to speak with 7? Maybe he was done by now. Oh well, Vexen wasn’t that important. The one Vexen Replica she’d run into the hall though—the one who wasn’t wearing the Organization cloak—he was here.

“Namine wanted to let you know we were leaving,” Kairi told 7. She sent a look at the other Vexen and grimaced a little.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” 7 said.

Kairi shrugged. She sent a smug look at Namine though. Namine didn’t get a chance to say anything.

“Namine! I wanted to speak with you,” the other Vexen said. “I’m Even, by the way. I, uh, I created the Replica Program here.” Namine stared at him. That also meant he’d created _her._ The revelation was like a whack to the gut, and Namine vaguely wondered if Riku felt this way all the time around Vexen. It wasn’t quite an unpleasant feeling, but she thought it might explain part of the reason why Riku was so sharp with Vexen all the time.

“Uh… nice to meet you?” Namine said. What else was she supposed to say?

Even studied her just a second, then nodded to himself. “I… I see you’re eager to leave,” he said, “so I won’t make this long. I just… I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for what happened to you. I never built this Program for such a purpose, and I am _truly_ sorry.”

“I… it wasn’t exactly your fault…” Namine told him, as she shrugged. It wasn’t like he’d been the one who’d Rewritten her.

“Still…” He sighed, then smiled at her. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer. I hope you have a good day.”

“Uh… You too.”

Kairi squeezed her on the shoulder as they left the room, smiling widely at her. “You okay? You seemed a little…”

Namine nodded rapidly. “Yeah, I’m alright. He just mentioned who he was and that he built the Program, which, y’know, includes… me… and that was a little weird.”

“I… would have no idea,” Kairi said. She shrugged, then she laughed, sparing a glance over her shoulder. “He was much more reasonable than he was earlier though… Maybe because it was just him and not Vexen, too…”

Namine shrugged, then slowly laughed, too. “I… would have no idea,” she said, repeating Kairi’s words. Kairi looked at her, then laughed along.

“Let’s go get your stuff.”

“Yeah.”

 

**xxx**

 

Sora decided to plop down on one of the couches and take a nap, which was fine by Riku. He slipped into the kitchen to help Aerith clean up after lunch, telling her that he and Namine seemed to have made up. Aerith was excited to hear that, and to hear that Namine was moving back in. She suggested that, perhaps, they take separate rooms this time, since Tifa and Cloud were gone, and Riku shrugged in response. That was something Namine would need to be here to decide.

Riku leaned back a second to peer around the partial wall separating the kitchen from the front room. Sora was curled up on the couch by the bookshelves, hopefully asleep by now. Riku wasn’t sure why he was checking, though. Sora’d already heard everything he and Namine had talked about, seeing as he and Kairi had eavesdropped on the conversation. Still, he checked, and then he told Aerith in quiet words what Namine’d said, everything he remembered.

He wanted to better make sense of it. He thought he understood it alright, for the most part, but he wanted to tell Aerith. He wanted her thoughts.

Once he was finished, Aerith was silent, running her hands over the plate she was holding to make sure it was clean. She passed it to Riku after a moment, then she laughed a little, and shrugged.

“Riku, I think right now you’re just going to have to listen to Namine—this is between you and her, and while I’m flattered you’re asking me for help…” She shook her head and started draining the sink. “I don’t think I can provide any extra insight. I think it’s wonderful you made up, though.”

Riku sighed, drying off the plate and putting it away. He supposed he should’ve been expecting an answer like that. It was alright, though, he figured. He understood well enough what Namine had said, it was all just a lot to digest. He sighed again—more in annoyance, now—and pushed his hair out of his face. The hair-tie Kairi’d pulled his hair back with earlier had hurt his head, but it had been nice to have his hair off his neck and out of his way.

Aerith sent him a glance. “Look, Riku, like I said… you just have to listen to her. And you told her that you’d try and make things better, right?”

“Mmhmm,” Riku answered, with a nod.

“Then you need to do that, and you’ll need to talk to her, and you’ll need to communicate. Both of you do.”

“Right…”

“Oh, stop worrying so much, Riku!” Aerith laughed. “I think you’ll be alright.” She dried her hands off on the towel hanging on the cabinets under the sink, then studied him sternly. “Now, how’d it go? Did Vexen have anything else to say about you… well, puking darkness?”

“Oh yeah…” Riku said, setting his towel down on the counter. “No, it wasn’t really anything different than what we established here. The Darkness Protection Protocols should fix it, when we eventually install them, my darkness levels are troubling, but could be worse, there’s nothing they can do for me now, etc.” He waved his hand, dismissing the issue. “It sucks, but, I mean…”

“Chances of you puking darkness again…?”

“Neither of them had any clue.”

“Neither of—Oh, that’s right, Even was also there.” Aerith nodded. “Well, anyway, I should probably go let everyone know Namine’s going to be back. Thanks for your help with the dishes.” She slid out of the kitchen and headed upstairs.

Riku went out to the front room, picking up his book from where he’d left it on the coffee table and plopping down on the couch opposite Sora. Namine and Kairi should be here soon, or relatively soon, but he wasn’t going to think himself silly while he waited for them.

He’d read about two pages when Sora sat bolt upright. Sora looked around franticly, as if not realizing where he was, then he broke into a long groan. “Not _again…_ ” he moaned. “Why does this keep _happening?_ ”

Riku considered him a moment, sliding his hand into his book so that he would not lose his place. “You okay?” he asked.

Sora jolted. “What? Yes. Fine.” He appeared to be breathing heavily now, and Riku couldn’t describe the look Sora sent him as anything other than annoyance, if not disgust.

“Whyyyyy are you pinching yourself so hard you look ready to pop a blood vessel?”

Sora hastily stopped doing so. “What? No I’m not. No I wasn’t.”

Riku stared a moment, then let out a sharp chuckle. Alright. Fine. He wouldn’t press. It was a little bit of a surprise to see Sora doing something like that, but Riku understood well enough why he might have wanted to, and why he wouldn’t want to talk about. He filed it away to tell Kairi, maybe, but otherwise, he dropped it.

Sora started mumbling something which Riku couldn’t entirely make sense of. He did catch a couple frantic _not agains_ along with a very angry sounding _why am I even—!_ before that broke off into more grumbling.

“Are… are you sure you’re okay?” Riku asked.

“ _Fine!_ ” Sora shouted, shouted so loud Riku jumped. Then Sora seemed to realize himself, grit his teeth, and said in a slightly ( _slightly_ ) calmer tone: “I just can’t fall asleep anymore and it’s _infuriating._ ”

“Well… it’s only been ten minutes?” Riku offered, with a shrug. “Maybe you should, uh, try again?” He wasn’t really sure if he understood that about sleep. He never slept regularly enough to be sure, but he thought it usually took him more than ten minutes to fall asleep.

Sora shot him the dirtiest look he’d ever seen. “Yeah, whatever, fine.” He flopped back down onto the couch and rolled over so that his back was to Riku. “I’ll try again,” he grumbled. “Think myself sick. That’s fine. I’m not complaining.”

Riku raised his eyebrows. Oh well. He turned his attention back to his book and started reading again.

It was another fifteen or twenty minutes later when Namine and Kairi showed up. Kairi tossed Sora his jacket, which he flinched at, but he did not move otherwise. “Hey, Riku, wake him up, will you?” Kairi asked, as she and Namine started up the stairs. “We gotta head back home if he doesn’t want to worry his parents, it’s starting to get late.”

“Got it.” Riku closed his book. “Hey, Sora!” he called. He knew Sora wasn’t asleep—he hadn’t gone back to sleep since he’d lain back down. “You hear that? Kairi says you gotta go home.”

Sora shifted, but said nothing.

“ _Sora!_ ”

Sora covered his ears and started grumbling again.

Riku rolled his eyes and got to his feet, tossing his book down on the coffee table. “C’mon, Sora,” he said, moving over to Sora and shaking his shoulder. “I know you’re not asleep, so—”

Sora very suddenly and very violently grabbed Riku by the wrist. His grip was like iron. He shifted to look up at Riku, eyes burning, mouth drawn in a crueler snarl than Riku ever anticipated seeing on Sora’s face.

“Sora, what the _hell_ let _go_ of me! _Sora!_ ”

Sora’s eyes slowly widened, and he very quickly let go of Riku’s wrist. “I. Uh. I’m, uh- sorry?” he stammered. “I… uh…”

Riku pulled his hand away, moving to pick up his book, just to make a show out of doing something. “Sleep well?” he asked, bitingly, sarcastically. His wrist burned, and Sora’s fingerprints were still indented in his skin.

“I… alright, yeah, I guess,” Sora said, yawning. “Doesn’t really feel like I did, and I’m still exhausted, but…” He shrugged and started pulling on his jacket. “Dunno. Sleeping’s been like that lately.”

Riku wondered if Sora’d ever accidentally grabbed anyone else like that when they’d come to wake him up. If he had, it was no wonder why his parents were so angry with him all the time.

“Right. Well. Namine and Kairi are here.”

Riku thumped his book against his palm, then started upstairs to put it away, just so he could get away from Sora for a moment, just so he could be doing something.

**xxx**

A voice called out of the darkness.

“ _I’m surprised you’re still here, boy._ ”

It was all he could do to keep himself from laughing back, though if he did laugh, the laugh would be empty.

 _It’s not like I can go anywhere,_ he called back. _You made sure of that._

 _“Oh, but I wasn’t referring to that!”_ the voice said. _“I’m just surprised that your heart hasn’t yet been smothered by mine. That should have happened ages ago.”_

The words sent chills up and down his spine. He bit his lip, trying not to think about the presence that surrounded him so thickly it could drown him, trying not to think about how weak his heart felt. How long had it been since he’d felt strong?

 _My friends…_ he called back, wearily. _I still… have something to fight for. I still—_

The darkness around him was filled with laughter, a cruel, _pleased_ laughter. Despair filled his gut. It was hard to be confident when that voice sounded so sure of itself, when _he_ sounded like he’d won.

_“Of course you do! Just remember—you need me.”_

Darkness consumed him.


	28. In which we meet some familiar faces

“Sora, you really can’t keep avoiding it forever!”

Sora swallowed the bitter laugh in his throat, easy since he was tossing his Keyblade at a Heartless behind Kairi and it was a grunt that left his mouth more than the laugh. They were in Hollow Bastion, helping out with rounds. The other option had been helping restore houses, but this had seemed the most useful.

“Well, I can try,” Sora said. He did not need to look to see that the blast of light Kairi sent past him hit a Heartless that had probably been sneaking up on him. He’d asked, a while ago, when she’d begun to enjoy fighting—considering she had thought it “silly” when they were younger and now seemed to enjoy it more than anyone he’d ever seen—and she’d replied with a _“Well it was silly when we were practicing to fight imaginary monsters. The monsters aren’t imaginary now, are they?”_

“Sora, come on, that’s the entire _island_ you have to avoid,” Kairi scolded. “Does it _really_ bug you that much?” She sent him a worried look, and Sora rolled his shoulders before tossing a Fira at the nearby Heartless. He didn’t look her in the eye as he answered.

“I’m just tired of everyone _asking._ You would’ve thought, by now, that everyone would’ve gotten the memo, _I don’t want to talk about it._ ” He sliced angrily through the nearest Heartless. “I’m just _so tired_ of having to blow them off, because that’s all I can do short of lying, and maybe that would be better, but, I just! I don’t know!”

“Sora—”

“It’s not like I can tell _anyone_ that ‘oh yeah I had a dark copy of myself who thought it’d be fun to torture me’!” It was the constant questions about the scar across his face that bothered him much more than the questions about where he’d been, for some reason. Those questions were annoying too, of course, but they didn’t _infuriate_ them like questions about the scar did. (He didn’t even think he minded that much, about having it, was the thing. And yet…)

“Just tell them you got in a fight,” Kairi said. A blast of light from her finished off what was left of the Heartless. “Isn’t that what you told Tidus and Selphie? It shut them up eventually, and maybe it’ll shut everyone else up too.”

Sora sighed and banished his Keyblade. She wasn’t wrong.

“It’s still _embarrassing,_ ” he grumbled.

Kairi eyed him sideways. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m _fine!_ ”

She studied him a while longer, in a way that made his stomach boil, which was crazy, because it was only Kairi. He aggressively avoided her gaze and folded his arms over his chest, biting his tongue to keep himself from snapping at her and telling her to say whatever it was she wanted to already and stop _staring at him like that._ There wasn’t anything wrong with him! _Really._

“What about… the gaps in your memory?” she asked, very quietly.

Sora grunted. She was making him wish he hadn’t mentioned those to her a couple nights ago. They scared him, though, they terrified him. He hadn’t thought the darkness had been this bad, all that time ago, and worse, he wasn’t sure how to stop it this time.

“Still there, if that’s what you want me to say!” The words were much sharper than they needed to be, and he knew that, he just couldn’t seem to stop it. He blamed the darkness. It had to be the darkness. “My mom acts like I was up all night last night even though I’m pretty sure I was sleeping. And I don’t remember if I ate breakfast.”

Kairi let out a noise that was simultaneously a long groan and a suffering sigh. “Sora, come on, I’m just trying to help you out. Also, you did eat breakfast. I forced a muffin down your throat.”

Oh yeah. He remembered that now. When he’d told her he wanted to come to Hollow Bastion, she’d sat him down and wouldn’t let him go until he’d eaten something. He didn’t see how it was a big deal that he wasn’t eating, but Kairi sure acted like it was. He’d survived on less food when staying with Maleficent, though.

“Anyway, enough blabbing about my problems,” Sora grumbled. “What about you? You ask your dad about—”

“No,” Kairi answered, before he finished. Now it was her turn to look shifty.

“You learned her name a week ago.”

“Well, yeah! I know!” Kairi rubbed at her arms, and shrugged. “I’m just not sure how well ‘oh by the way Dad I met a stranger he said he knew Mom was her name Mira also can you tell me about her’ will go over!”

Sora shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Probably fine,” he told her. “Your dad’s pretty chill.” _Especially compared to my parents,_ he added, silently, but there was no use being bitter about it aloud. Kairi already knew that. They’d established the differences between their parents the moment they were old enough to notice them.

“Yeah, I know he is.” Kairi looked at him with eyes like stone, arms still folded very tightly over her chest. “It’s just… I mean, I haven’t cared about her at all before in my life. What if it sounds out of nowhere?”

“It’s not out of _nowhere,_ Kairi—”

“It _feels_ out of nowhere!”

The way Kairi’s voice shook made Sora swallow his witty comment, and study her carefully. Her arms weren’t crossed over her chest out of stubbornness, he realized—it looked more like she was hugging herself. Like she was nervous. Why, he didn’t know. She’d never talked to him about her mom before now. Then again, her mom hadn’t been a subject _to_ talk about before now.

“I- I miss not caring about her,” Kairi said. “I miss not caring about where she is, or why she left, or _who she is,_ but that’s all I can think about now. And I’m so…”

Sora put a smile on his face, and bumped her in the shoulder. “Aw, Kairi, it’s not—”

An explosion of light—or, _something—_ off to the left made him break off mid-sentence and shield his eyes. Kairi did the same. When it faded, it left some sort of after-magic in the air that felt like something had just been singed. Sora and Kairi exchanged identically nervous, but excited, glances.

“What was that?” Kairi asked, breathing the question in awe.

Sora shrugged, grinning. “I don’t know! _Let’s go check it out._ ”

“Yeah!”

It was only a quick sprint from one street to another two blocks over, cutting between the rubble of houses that the Restoration Committee had not yet gotten to. Amongst houses in worse shape than the rest they found the source of the explosion-slash-strong-magic.

 The source was a young woman who might have only been a few years older than them. Aerith’s age, maybe younger. A young woman with blue hair, who was lowering her Keyblade. She was the source of the magic, Sora knew, though it was hard to peg how, exactly, he did know.

“Are the houses still alright?” she asked. “I hit one, didn’t I?”

“I don’t think you could make them much worse, Aqua!” the second person laughed—a boy, Sora’s age, who at first glance Sora thought was Roxas. Then he rethought that, due to the way the boy seemed to pull at his chest. He knew who the boy was, he did, he was just more caught up on the girl right now. On Aqua.

“If you’re sure…” she said.

Sora quickly dug into his pants pocket, then the other, realizing with a sinking gut that they were both empty of anything but his star shard. “Uhh….”

“What is it?” Kairi asked, turning to him.

“It’s not in my pants! Wait, duh, I’ve changed clothes.” He shook his head. Where had he _left it?_ “Oh, I hope it’s on my desk. Or in my other pants…” But his other pants had been through the wash. He grit his teeth hard.

“What are you _talking_ about?”

“There’s this, uh, charm, thing, that I need to give to her. It, uh, it’s a long story. But I might just—”

“Uh… Hey there?” It was the boy—Sora knew his name, he did, it just wasn’t coming to him right now—who called, though he and Aqua had both noticed them now. Sora swallowed the rest of his words. The charm could wait. Just a few minutes.

Kairi sent one last pressing look at Sora, then groaned and forced a smile. “Uh, yes, hi. Uh… Roxas?”

The boy blinked at her, then laughed and shook his head. “Oh! Oh, no, my name’s Ven. Ventus, actually, but everyone calls me Ven.” He grinned widely. “I’ve met Roxas though, and, yanno… see why you made the mistake. Replicas are weird…”

“I thought Roxas was a Replica of _you,_ ” Kairi said, turning to Sora.

Sora shrugged.

“Who are you two?” Aqua asked, slowly, though she was considering them with something much like surprise to see them, as if she knew them. Did she know them? Something was tugging at Sora’s mind, a familiarity about her, but it was probably just residue magic from that charm.

“I’m Kairi, and that’s Sora.” Kairi sent another pressing glance at him. “We, uh, we saw that… uh… spell of yours…”

“Mega Flare,” Aqua said, with a shrug. “It was probably too much for the amount of Heartless we were dealing with, but I… I was getting very tired of fighting them.” She smiled apologetically, then Ven nudged her.

“Hey, no need to apologize to them! No one got hurt, Aqua, and what’s the point of knowing all that magic if you never use it?”

“I never hope to _have_ to use it, Ven,”

Aqua sent him a disapproving glare, so quickly Sora almost missed it. Sora’s heart turned over a little in his chest. Even without having the charm on him, he could almost feel its effects. He fidgeted a little. Maybe he should just go get it now. They’d all understand.

“Sora, _seriously,_ what is wrong?” Kairi asked.

“I just!” He rubbed his hands together, and tried not to stare so eagerly at Aqua. His heart was thumping hard in his chest. “I probably shouldn’t make him wait. He wanted to—”

“He _who?_ ”

“I- oh.” Sora looked nervously at Kairi, then at Ven, then at Aqua, breaking away from her gaze much quicker. He should probably stop babbling and explain himself. Introductions were out of the way, at least. He cleared his throat. “He, uh, it—A merchant in Agrabah forced this charm on me a while back and it, uh? I think it might be sentient? All I know is that it wants to talk to Aqua and I left it somewhere in my room and I feel bad.”

Kairi was looking at him as if he’d grown a second head, which was funny, because this can’t have been the strangest story he’d come back with after the past six months. Ven and Aqua exchanged looks, but Sora didn’t know either of them well enough to know what exactly the looks meant. They both looked a little surprised, and maybe a little confused.

“It wants to talk to… _me?_ ” Aqua asked. Bewildered. She looked bewildered.

Sora nodded. “Yeah. It spoke to me. Said your name. And, I mean, I guess there could be more than one Aqua about the worlds but I also saw some… memories from it, or something, and it certainly looked like _you._ Plus, I think I saw you in Agrabah once—another time—just a glimpse of you in the crowd, and it _tugged_ at me…”

Recognition lit in Aqua’s eyes. “Wait, were you in Neverland, uh…” She paused, then looked at Ven. “How long ago was it? We were in Neverland and I thought I felt Terra… And then you stayed in Traverse Town for a bit…”

Ven shrugged. “Uh, a month or so ago?”

“I’m not sure about timing, but I think I was there,” Sora said. “Did you feel a, a _tugging,_ in your chest? Telling you that you needed to head somewhere. A tugging so strong it seemed to block out everything else—”

Aqua was nodding before he could finish. “Yes! Yes, I did.”

Sora burst out with a laugh of triumph. “It was looking for you! He did want to talk to you! Here, if you hang on, I’ll go—”

“Hold off on that, Sora,” Kairi said. “We’ve got Heartless.”

“We can take ‘em!” Ven called, summoning his Keyblade and settling into a stance unlike any Sora had ever seen. Ven sent a giddy look at Aqua, and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine…” Aqua let out a deep breath and summoned her Keyblade. “Stand back, everyone. You too, Ven.”

Ven grinned like a little kid on Christmas, and did as told, banishing his Keyblade as he did so. Sora and Kairi both moved back with him. Sora thought about summoning his Keyblade, but since Ven had banished his…

“No, don’t do Mega Flare again!” Ven called. “Do something different! Like Fission Firaga! Is there too little for Ghost Drive?”

“Any idea what any of that means?” Kairi asked, in a hushed voice.

Sora shook his head.

Aqua let out an annoyed breath, and sent a glare over her shoulder. “Ven, I’m not going to _show off._ ” She turned her attention back to the Heartless, then raised her Keyblade. Power swelled around her, the Heartless moved forward, and then the power she was gathering very violently released, and the area was filled with light.

When the light finally faded and Sora had blinked most of the spots out of his eyes, all the Heartless were gone, and the nearby houses did look a little worse than they had before. Ven was running to clap Aqua on the back, bouncing with excitement.

“ _Wow,_ ” Kairi whispered. She slowly moved up to Aqua, eyes wide. Sora hadn’t seen her this awestruck since they were kids. “Can you teach me how to do that?”

Aqua pushed Ven away from her, then banished her Keyblade. She blinked a few times at Kairi. “I… can you wield a Keyblade?”

Kairi shook her head. “No! But that was just magic, wasn’t it? I can learn that.”

“W-Well…”

Sora cleared his throat. “Uh, hey! I’m gonna go get the charm now, okay? Maybe we should meet back at Aerith’s house! You can show ‘em back, right Kairi?”

“Sure thing, Sora.”

“Actually, Sora,” Ven trotted up to him. “Can I come with? I mean, I don’t have to, but, I dunno…” He smiled and shrugged. Sora slowly shrugged as well.

“Yeah, alright,” he said. “Don’t see what it’ll hurt. Here.” He held out his star shard to Ven. Ven looked at it curiously, as if not sure what to do, entirely. “It’s a star shard,” Sora explained. “Just grab on.”

“Oh, a star shard?” Ven brightened instantly. “Mickey had one of those!”

“You know Mickey!?”

Ven nodded. “Yeah, of course! Master Eraqus and his Master are—were really good friends, so we saw him pretty often. He, uh, also got me out of trouble a couple of times…” Ven laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

“That’s, uh, that’s Mickey for you,” Sora agreed. He didn’t know what to say about anything else Ven had said. “C’mon.” He grabbed Ven by the wrist, then activated the star shard. The sooner he got that charm to Aqua, the better.

The star shard dropped them off in his room, just like he’d told it to. Immediately he flushed at the sight of it, realizing it was extremely messy, and in no fit state to have visitors. Oh well. Too late now. He let go of Ven and stepped over dirty clothes to his desk, apologizing about the mess as he went.

“Oh, that’s alright. My room’s usually this messy, too!” Ven chuckled. “Or, it used to be. No telling how it looks now. Haven’t seen it in seven years.”

Sora looked up from his desk—the charm was not there—and stared at Ven for a moment. “… _What?_ ”

“Ah, long story,” Ven said. “Short version is that home got sucked up by darkness, or that’s what Aqua said happened, and we can’t reach it now. As for the seven years—hang on, Sora, you should _know!_ I spent all that time with _you!_ ”

It took a second for Ven’s words to register, but once they did, the tug in his chest one he’d seen Ven made sense. He only vaguely remembered the night of starry skies and a voice that echoed only in his mind, that Kairi had called him crazy for because she couldn’t hear, but he _did_ remember it. Ven had come, in the form of fragmented light, asking for a place to rest, and Sora had offered his heart.

“Thanks for that, by the way,” Ven said, very quietly.

Sora nodded, and started towards his dresser. “Yeah, sure. No big.” The fact that his heart hadn’t been a safe resting place in the end hung in the air around him. No telling what that spill with the darkness had done for Ven. He hoped it hadn’t been too bad… He just couldn’t bring himself to mention it.

“Anyway, what are we looking for? I might as well help, if I’m here.”

“It’s uh, star-shaped,” Sora explained. “Orange. About this big?” He put his fingers together in the rough circumference of the charm, and held his hands up to Ven so he could see.

“Sounds like Terra’s wayfinder….”

“Hmm?”

“Does it look like this?” Ven rummaged in his pocket and then produced a star-shaped charm that was absolutely identical to the one Sora’d been carrying, except this was green, and not orange. Sora gaped a moment, then nodded.

“Aqua made us all one,” Ven explained, pocketing his charm. His… wayfinder. “Wonder how a merchant in Agrabah ended up with Terra’s…”

Sora shrugged. He had no clue, except maybe that it had something to do with the spell that was attached to the charm. He sent one last rueful look at his dresser. “Well, it looks like it ended up in one of these piles of dirty clothes.” _Hopefully._ “I’ll, uh, just look on my own.”

Ven nodded. “That’s fair.”

Sora bent down and started rummaging through the piles for his old pants. “Who’s Terra?” he asked, as he searched. Why wasn’t the charm _calling_ to him? It was very unlike it, given all its other behavior…

“A friend,” Ven answered.

Sora wondered if Terra was the one who’d spoken through the charm. It probably was. But what did that mean for Ven’s friend? Why did he want so badly to talk to Aqua, specifically? Sora let out a long breath and moved to another pile.

“Hey, Sora. Try there.”

Ven pointed.

“Why there?”

Ven shrugged.

“Just a feeling.”

If Sora knew the charm at all, he knew not to ignore a feeling like that. He moved to where Ven was pointing, and sure enough, pulled his old pair of pants out from under more recent dirty laundry. In the pockets along with the charm were a handful of potions just past their expiration date… _How_ had he forgotten to have his mom wash these pants?

“Here it is!” he declared, getting his feet, and moving to Ven. He held the charm—the _wayfinder,_ had Ven called it?—out to Ven, seeing as he probably had more of a right to hold it than Sora.

Ven hardly glanced at it. His eyes were very firmly fixed on Sora’s face.

“Ven…?”

“… _Vanitas._ ”

Ven hesitantly reached out and placed his hand to Sora’s chest. The touch—along with the name—sent a jolt through Sora. Something yanked in his chest, _hard,_ and it wasn’t the charm’s magic.

“N- _No!_ ” Sora found himself shouting, before he realized it.

Anger flared across Ven’s features. “I think I’d know where the other half of my heart is!” he shouted back.

The words seemed to reverberate through the room, and through Sora’s chest. A half-formed denial still burned on his lips. Something bubbled in the back of his mind.

Then the anger fled from Ven’s face, and was rapidly replaced with dread. “I… I’m so sorry,” he stammered. He was shaking. “I- I didn’t mean that. I… Can I sit down?” He staggered backwards before Sora answered, falling into Sora’s bed. He looked about ready to be sick. Sora couldn’t say he didn’t feel the same.

“I… I’m sorry…” Ven said, very slowly, with his eyes closed. “There was just something… something tugging at me since the moment you showed up, and I couldn’t place what it was until just now… _Vanitas…_ ” The name was a whisper on his lips. “After all this time, I thought—”

Sora swallowed hard, heart pounding. Ven’s whispered _Vanitas_ rang through his ears, warring with a frantic protest of _no, no no no!_ Tears welled up in his eyes, and he couldn’t say from where, and he was _scared._

“Wh- what— _Who’s Vanitas?_ ”

Ven looked up startled, and stared horrified for a moment. “Oh, no, Sora, please don’t cry! I’m _sorry._ I- I didn’t mean it, really, I was just… It’s just been…” His mouth worked for words he clearly did not want to say. Sora scrubbed at his cheeks. _Why_ was he crying? _What_ was churning in the back of his mind?

“Just- just tell me who Vanitas is,” he choked. “ _Please._ ”

Ven stared at him a moment longer, then nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry.” He wrung his hands together. Laughed weakly. “Vanitas… Vanitas was the darkness split from me by Xehanort. I- I had to fight him, and… I thought I killed him, but…” There was a hope burning in his eyes, and for some reason, it was that hope that scared Sora more than anything else. “That _felt_ like him. Whatever just happened, between the two of us… Only _he’s_ pulled at my chest like that.”

Sora swallowed again. His mouth felt very dry, all of a sudden. He didn’t dare voice his thoughts—didn’t dare tell Ven that he recognized the yank as well, and the only person to have ever pulled at his chest like that was…

…his Shadow.

“You think… you think V-Vanitas is in _here?_ ” Sora asked, thumping his chest.

Ven shrugged. “I was in there. He could have been… In fact…” Ven hesitated a long moment. “In fact, I… I think I met him. Maybe. The details are all fuzzy. But I think I met someone who _looked_ like him… who _felt_ like him… He just kept saying that he _wasn’t…_ I dunno…”

Memories swirled through Sora’s head, memories like that of his Shadow’s, though these were more like a half-recalled dream. Vivid only for a second or two, then the rest a blur. He thought he saw Ven’s face in them.

“What- what did he look like?”

“Spitting image of Vanitas,” Ven replied. “Your face. Darker hair. Gold eyes.”

The breath caught in Sora’s lungs.

“I think it was just because your heart and mine were connected,” Ven said, rapidly. “That’s why he looked like you. I can’t think of any other reason.”

“Oh, no, I… my Shadow…”

“Your what?”

“He looked just like that….”

Ven’s eyes narrowed curiously at him. “What’s a… Shadow?”

“A… A _Sheto._ ” The word still brought images to his mind. Someone laughing. Someone drowning in darkness. He wet his lips. “He… He told me he was a creature created to drag me into darkness, but heck if I know how much of that was true…”

“You say he looked just like Vanitas…?”

Sora nodded.

“Do you- do you think he… _was?_ ”

Sora shrugged. Shook his head. He was still crying. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Something within him was screaming. _They weren’t the same._ But how was he supposed to know that for sure? “I never met Vanitas, though,” he said. “No way of… knowing…”

“Guess not…” Ven agreed, with a slow nod of his head. Then he forced a smile on his lips. “Well, forget about that for now. We gotta get Terra’s wayfinder to Aqua! You said he had a message, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah!” Sora nodded as enthusiastically as he could manage. The charm seemed warmer in his hand. “It’s probably really important.” He tried to put the thoughts of his Shadow and of Vanitas out of his mind. It wasn’t something he could worry about now. “Let’s go?” He offered a hand out to Ven.

“Of course!”

Sora pulled Ven to his feet and activated the star shard.


	29. In which Aqua (finally) receives a message

The walk was pestered with constant questions and pleas from Kairi, asking where Aqua had learned all this, asking if she could be taught. Aqua took it all with tongue-in-cheek, not quite sure how to say she wasn’t sure if she even knew how to _teach_ magic. Magic had always just been second nature to her. Besides, while Kairi showed some potential for it, she seemed to lack… control.

They only ran into two separate groups of Heartless on the way, and Aqua had let Kairi take care of them both. In part because she didn’t want to fight, and in part to get a better judge of Kairi’s grasp on magic. It was that of a beginner’s, and while the strength of it was impressive, Aqua was surprised Kairi didn’t burn herself half the time when she cast Fire. Kairi’s light attacks were even stronger, but had even less control, and if she kept going like that, she was going to burn herself out.

“So, that’s a no to teaching me how to do cool magic, isn’t it?” Kairi asked, as she studied Aqua.

Aqua shrugged, not wanting to sound mean, but having to turn her down. “I think… I think you need more practice on what you know already, first,” she told Kairi. _Not to mention I don’t have the luxury of free time…_

“Guess I can’t blame you for that,” Kairi mumbled, then took a trotting run up to the house that loomed before them. “C’mon, we’re here!” She waited for Aqua to join her, then threw the door open and headed inside.

Introductions were done and through with in short order. Riku was the boy on the couch reading, Namine was the girl sitting on the same couch as (but not next to) Riku, drawing. Yuffie had been called down from upstairs, and Aerith was the one who did most of the introducing. She mentioned a Leon and a Cid, but Aqua hadn’t been paying attention when Aerith mentioned where they were, and was too embarrassed about zoning out to ask for clarification.

“Forgive me if this sounds strange, Aqua,” Aerith said, when she’d finished introducing everyone. “Do I know you…? I feel like I met someone in the past with your face and name, but then again, that had to have been at least seven years ago, and my memories could just be hazy.”

The words _seven years_ made Aqua’s heart stop in her chest. She had to take two deep breaths before she felt she was calm enough to speak without her voice hitching.

“That… was probably me…” she said, very carefully. She only just remembered bumping into Aerith—a younger Aerith—by chance in Radiant Garden all those years ago. The memory really only stood out because she’d spent the better part of an afternoon discussing various different healing methods with the girl’s mother. “I’ve, uh… been gone, for seven years.”

The words had only just left her lips when Kairi jolted next to her. “Hey, hang on! Seven years ago, you were on the Islands, weren’t you.” It hardly sounded like a question, with the way she spoke. “You gave Sora the Keyblade. I _knew_ I recognized you!”

Aqua sighed, and nodded. She remembered that meeting much better than the meeting with Aerith—but passing a boy who probably hadn’t been ready for it a Keyblade was not an easy memory to forget. Sora seemed alright now that she’d met him, but Mickey had mentioned some… unsettling things about the boy, and the darkness… Oh well. Nothing she could do to change that now. It wasn’t like she could go back in time and _not_ give him the Keyblade.

“I, uh, don’t want to be rude but you’ve—aged well,” Kairi said, licking her lips and avoiding Aqua’s eyes. Aqua sighed again. That, at least, was a question she’d been expecting. Aerith had looked about ready to say something of the same.

“I’m not so sure I _did_ age,” Aqua explained, wishing she did not have to, or at the very least, that Ven was here. He was like a rock to steady her—or, perhaps a voice of encouragement would better describe him. Terra had been her rock. “I… I was in the Realm of Darkness, and time passes… _differently,_ there.”

“Realm of Darkness? Where’s that?” Yuffie asked. She’d moved to lean against the rail of the staircase.

Aerith shot her a warning glance. “ _Yuffie,_ ” she scolded, quietly.

“Yeah, geeze Yuffie,” Riku butt in. Behind his book was a lopsided smirk. “If you’re going to ask border-line rude questions, ask good ones. What were you _doing_ in the Realm of Darkness, Aqua?”

Aerith shot _him_ a warning look, while Kairi chuckled and plopped herself down on the couch between him and Namine. Aqua blinked in surprise, not sure how to respond to _any_ of what had just been exchanged. Her lungs felt constricted, though, and she wished more now than ever that Ven was here to help her out.

After a shuddering breath to compose herself, Aqua managed to say the words: “I don’t really want to talk about it…”

It was easier to think about than it had been… months ago, she thought, though she’d been having trouble judging time since leaving the Dark Realm. Anyway. It was easier now than it had been to think about Terra, and the state she’d last seen him in. It was easier to think about that final battle with Xehanort, _but,_ it was still not pleasant to think about, and it was certainly not something she wanted to divulge to people she’d only just met.

They didn’t have any need to know that Xehanort had simply gotten fed up with fighting her and had sent her to the Realm of Darkness to get rid of her. They didn’t need to know that his actions not only turned her attempts to save Terra and Ven both on ends, but also condemned her to what had felt like an eternity wandering the Dark Realm and endlessly fighting Heartless, among other terrible things.

No, that was something they certainly did not need to know.

To Aqua’s immense relief, no one pressed her into answering, though. She was glad.

“Well, would you like something to drink, Aqua?” Aerith asked. “You could probably use a glass of water…” She was already moving towards the kitchen.

“Uhm, yes, that would… be nice,” Aqua said.

“Can you get me some, too?” Kairi asked.

“Mmhmm!”

“Please and thank you!”

Aqua stood there for a moment, trying to relax her shoulders, and feeling very awkward. Perhaps she should sit down? The other couch was completely empty, so it wasn’t like there was nowhere to sit… Yes, she should probably sit down.

“So, what brings you here, Aqua?” Aerith asked.

Aqua cleared her throat, making herself comfortable on the couch. “Well… me and Ven have just been… traveling the worlds and fighting what Heartless we find,” she said. Riku looked like he wanted to get back to his book, and Namine was still idly sketching, but Kairi’s attention was on Aqua. Aqua tried to look at her as she spoke, though she did glance into the kitchen a few times, seeing as Aerith and Kairi were the ones most interested in what she was saying. “I… We’ve heard something about some group called ‘Organization 13’—”

“They’re dead.” Riku looked up from his book for just a second, scowling faintly. “Or… they are now. I should know. I killed two thirds of them. Dunno who got the other third, but it was probably Sora.”

That didn’t quite come as a surprise. Mickey had mentioned something about them, briefly—Aqua’d meant to ask him for more details, but he’d been too eager to tell her about Xehanort, and subsequently, Terra, and that news had made her forget to ask about this Organization.

Kairi grinned, looking very pleased with herself. “Yeah, they’re plans are _toast!_ ”

Riku elbowed her. “You hardly helped.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

Aqua laughed faintly at the sight of it.

Aerith spoke from the kitchen: “Well, Aqua, if you and Ven would like a place to stay—this town has been seeing a lot of new residents, lately, and I think there’s room for you if you’d like. Certainly there’s a house around in at least _decent_ condition…”

It took Aqua a second to realize that Aerith seemed to be implying _permanently,_ and when she did realize that, she laughed. “Oh! Thank you, but, no, we’re still…” She licked her lips. “We don’t really intend to, ah, _settle down_ any time soon. We’re still looking for Terra… and for Xehanort…”

She knew that those were much one in the same thing, unless anything about Terra’s situation had changed. She was hoping, _hoping_ that Terra might have found a way to escape Xehanort, and was just too weak or too injured to come find her. Or that they were just missing each other as they went through the worlds. But she knew chances of that _really_ being the case were slim to none. Terra had had seven years to escape Xehanort, and if he hadn’t figured it out by now…

Yuffie let out a sharp laugh. “Xehanort’s been gone for, like, four years now,” she said, sauntering up to partial wall that divided the kitchen from the front room and leaning up against it, arms folded tightly over her chest. “And _good riddance_ to him.”

“Actually, uh…” Aqua stopped before she got any further, not sure if she should finish. On one hand, it wasn’t like she _had_ to correct Yuffie, and tell her that Xehanort was coming back. On the other, considering the way she spoke of him, perhaps she would rather know. Aqua took a deep breath, and finished. “Xehanort’s coming back.”

Aerith dropped both glasses she was bringing out. She managed to fumble and catch one, but not the other, and the first still spilled water all down the front of her. Aerith winced. “Sorry! Sorry…” She hugged the glass tightly to her chest.

Aqua started to her feet to help, except Riku was already picking up the glass Aerith dropped. It would be better if she let him help, most likely, seeing as he lived here. From the grimace he gave the glass, it was broken. He took it and the other glass from Aerith’s hands, then said something to her that Aqua couldn’t here.

“Is he _really?_ ” Yuffie demanded. Aqua did her best to shift her attention to her.

“Yes… that’s what Mickey told me,” Aqua answered.

“I can second that,” Namine said, eyes averted. “If the other universe is anything to go by, anyway… Me and Riku have known about this for a while…”

“Why didn’t _you_ mention?” Yuffie demanded, rounding on her.

She winced. “Forgot?”

“There were a lot of other things going on when we found out!” Riku added, from where he was in the kitchen. Aqua frowned, certainly curious. Especially about… another _universe?_ She didn’t have time to really think on it, though, or to ask, not that she was sure she wanted to.

“Whoooo is Xehanort?” Kairi asked, drawing her words out.

“A very, _very_ bad man,” Aerith said. One hand was over her heart, and the other to her lips, and she appeared to be clutching herself very tightly, not to mention leaning against the wall for support. Yuffie inched closer to her. Namine got up and skirted around them, heading to a door in the wall behind Aqua, though that was all Aqua saw before she stopped watching.

“He was _evil,_ ” Yuffie added, very firmly, her expression even more sour than it had been seconds ago. “Like, _legitimately_ evil, and I’m pretty sure he’s why this world fell into darkness in the first place. I _know_ Leon says we don’t have any proof but we also all know that it’s just something he would do.”

Aqua closed her eyes and sighed deeply. There was no point in saying anything, nothing to add, really, because none of that was wrong. It was still saddening to think of how much Xehanort—how much Terra—had hurt everyone, though.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered.

“Hey, what? Don’t be!” Yuffie laughed. “It’s not like it’s _your_ fault.”

 _Well, I could’ve tried harder to stop him…_ Aqua thought, but did not say. _If I just hadn’t been so afraid of hurting Terra… Or if I’d tried harder to save Terra before then…_

Kairi got to her feet, then, to help Namine. Namine’d brought towels to help clean up the water. Aerith shifted out of the way, and dried herself off with a quick blast of Aero. Aqua laughed at that, though she couldn’t say she hadn’t done it once or twice before, and Ven did it… constantly. Though, him and wind was another thing entirely.

Speaking of Ven—he’d just arrived. It was hard to miss his presence, when his heart was bursting with light as it was. Kairi and the other Princesses of Heart were the only people she’d ever met to rival it, but her sensitivity to Ven came more from having lived with him for so long. She could peg Terra’s presence in a heartbeat, too, along with Master Eraqus’s. Or, she _could have_ pegged Master Eraqus’s, back when he was still…

Her hand moved to her pocket, where the Keychain for his Keyblade was. It’d been there ever since she’d found it abandoned in the Land of Departure.

“Here! I got it!” Sora pushed the door open hard enough it slammed against the wall. His grin split his entire face, and he held what suspiciously looked like Terra’s wayfinder in his hands. There was a certain… tug, about it, too. Not just in the way that it tugged on her mind— _she really should probably go take it_ —but a pull on her heart, as well. A pull that felt like…

“Whoa, hey!”

She did not realize where she was standing until Sora was deftly moving the charm out of her reach and sliding out of her way. Aqua blinked a few times, and took a step backwards and away from Sora.

“Sorry,” she said.

“It’s alright.” His eyes were burning. He held Terra’s wayfinder behind his back. “I get it. He’s eager. But the message—it’s private, I think. And you don’t want to miss it. And I don’t know if he’ll just burst out with it the moment you’re holding this thing. Do you want to go outside, or…?”

“We could always leave the room,” Aerith was offering, before Aqua could respond.

“What’s this about a message?” Riku asked.

“Something Sora was going on about, I don’t really know,” Kairi answered.

“I… Going outside will probably be better…” Aqua said, very slowly. The tug on her mind was still strong, but it was nothing compared to what she felt beating in her chest. Terra. She felt Terra. It was almost as if he was standing in the room, except it wasn’t strong enough to describe it like that. The presence was faint, just a whisper of him, just an echo. And it was coming from his wayfinder.

“Ven?” Sora said, handing the wayfinder for him to take.

“It’s not going to go off if I touch it, will it?”

“No! No, it’s for Aqua.”

“Of course…” Ven took the wayfinder, a pout on his face—the one he always got when they were teasing him about being young (not that he was really, that young, or much younger than them). “C’mon, Aqua. Let’s see what Terra’s dying to tell you.”

There was a bite to his voice, but Aqua hardly heard it, just as she did not hear what anyone said as she and Ven slipped outside. The tug in her mind was persistent, and she wanted to grab Terra’s wayfinder out of Ven’s hands, except that was childish, and she knew there was no point in it. She’d hold it and hear the message soon enough. They found a semi-secluded spot off to the side, in the shadow of one of the mostly completed houses, and settled themselves on the ground.

“Ready?” Ven asked. He held the wayfinder out for Aqua to grab.

Aqua hesitated just a second, then nodded. “Yeah.”

The moment her fingers touched it, it sparked to life, and energy surged through her. A voice spoke. Terra’s voice.

_“I’m ready.”_

_“Good, because I already started!”_

Aqua and Ven exchanged glances. _That_ sounded like the voice of an old woman.

 _“What?”_ Terra again. “ _Aw, man, alright. I, uh…_ ”

_“Don’t waste your time, boy!”_

_“Stop distracting me! Look, I… Aqua… Aqua. I’m sorry. That’s what I wanted to say. That’s why I’m doing this. I wanted you to know I’m sorry, and I’m not so sure I’ll have the chance to tell you next time we speak.”_

They certainly hadn’t, if said “next time” was the one she thought he was referring to. Maybe if she hadn’t been so hasty to ask about Eraqus. If she’d heard him out…

 _“I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you for help. I just thought I could handle the darkness on my own. I thought I knew what I was doing. Thought I could trust Xehanort!”_ He laughed, sharply, bitterly. Aqua thought she heard the old woman scoff, as well, but Terra was talking again before she was certain. “ _He’s been leading me along this whole time. I don’t know what for, but I can_ feel _the grip he has on my heart._ ”

Ven gasped. Aqua closed her eyes. She knew all this, now, but it was nice to hear Terra say it, nice to hear him say he didn’t want this. She hadn’t, _exactly,_ thought he had, but seven years in the Realm of Darkness gave you a very long time to think about things, and more than enough time to start to question.

“ _And, don’t tell Ven this, but, Aqua, I’m_ terrified. _I’ve got one of those feelings—you know how I used to get? When we were younger? I can’t make heads or tails of it, like always, but… Something horrible is going to happen. I can feel it. I’m sure of it. But if I don’t go, he’ll kill you, and if I do go…_ ”

He paused, just a second.

“ _If I do go… I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what will happen, really, to me or to you or to Ven. I don’t know. I just know it doesn’t feel good. And I don’t know how to stop it. And I’m sorry. Tell Ven I’m sorry, too._

_“And if I can’t stop what Xehanort’s planning, then- Then do whatever it takes to stop him. And I mean whatever it takes. Even if it means—me. Getting rid of me. Better that than the future I feel coming. Anything would be better. I’m so sorry.”_

There was a long pause. Aqua shifted, expecting that to be the end of it. There was certainly a finality in Terra’s tone. But then the old woman spoke.

_“Done?”_

_“Yeah. Done. You sure it’ll get to her?”_

_“Positive! I know what I’m doing. My magic will ensure it reaches her—eventually.”_

_“Eventually!?”_

_“Better than never, isn’t it? Now come on! Where’s my munny?”_

It cut off abruptly there, before the woman’s voice had quite finished the final word. Aqua took a very deep breath. Relief flooded her, abruptly and so strongly she was not sure it was her own. Relief from what? _That the message was delivered,_ her mind supplied, immediately.

Sure enough, the lack of a tug towards the wayfinder was a relief, and Aqua could feel the magic that bound the message to it fading, but there was more to the relief than that. (Spells couldn’t _feel,_ anyway.) And even though the magic was fading, the presence she knew as Terra’s did not.

“What did he mean, Aqua?” Ven asked, nudging her and distracting her from her thoughts. “About that feeling? I never knew he got… _feelings_ about things.”

“He hasn’t since we were both kids,” Aqua answered, distractedly, her mind not really in the answer. “He used to get feelings about people, and places, and they always turned out right. Master Eraqus was really interested in them, but… something happened, and Terra stopped getting them almost entirely.”

“Right.” That was all Ven said. For having just heard about this, he was taking it pretty solidly. Normally he was a well of questions, but he didn’t ask any more about Terra’s powers of not-really-at-all foresight. “Who do you think that woman was?” Ven asked, instead.

Aqua shook her head. Besides the fact that the woman was a skilled magician, she had no clue. She was trying to get a feel of the spell that had been cast on Terra’s wayfinder—but it was much too advanced for Aqua to make sense of. She’d studied magic, studied all sorts of magic, but never something like this. The fact that it had almost faded certainly made it harder to get a sense of.

Ven seemed to mistake her silence for distress. “Hey. We’ll find him. You know that.” Ven smiled at her. “We made it out okay. He will too, bad feeling or no.”

“Yeah, I know.” Aqua nodded. She knew that very well. It had been her decision to look for Terra, a promise to herself to bring him back, to make up for not saving him to begin with. She got to her feet.

“Let’s head back, yeah?” Ven said, joining her. “I think I want to tell Sora about the message—well, not like, everything Terra said, but… Something. He seemed to really care about it.”

Aqua nodded again, to say she understood, to say she was okay with that. Ven ran ahead of her. Aqua walked more slowly, then stopped entirely, looking down at Terra’s wayfinder in her hands, something occurring to her. Why _did_ she feel his presence coming from it, anyway? She’d been too distracted by the tug and the spell and the message to really ponder it, but now the message had been heard and her mind was clear. It can’t have been the spell, could it, muddling her senses? Tricking her into thinking she felt Terra, when all she felt was something that had been recorded? Or maybe it was just because he’d carried the wayfinder for so long….

It had to be just that. Anything else was impossible.

“Aqua?” Ven stopped at the door to Aerith’s house. “You coming?”

“What? Yes. I’m coming.”


	30. In which Ven is disgruntled

With Aqua and Ven outside, and the mess cleaned up, Riku headed back for the couch and his book. He saw Sora send a slightly wistful glance at the door, then Sora went to Kairi and asked her if they could talk, and then they headed upstairs. Whatever. Yuffie was still grumbling about Xehanort, and while Aerith was distressed, she seemed certainly in no mood to talk about it, so Riku left her alone.

Namine joined him on the couch after a minute—at the other end of it, of course—picking up her sketchbook again. Things between them were better, but still… shaky. If Riku had better sense, he’d say it was because neither of them was sure what to do. He did know for certain that they were avoiding the old patterns, and that he did not like these new ones, and Namine did not seem to either. But what was he supposed to do about that? He’d probably have to talk to Aerith again, except now wasn’t the time, and if they ended up talking about anything tonight, he had a feeling it might be about Xehanort.

Speaking of…

Riku rubbed at the corners of his book, then nodded to himself. He checked to see that neither Yuffie nor Aerith were quite in earshot. They weren’t, or, Riku doubted Yuffie would hear them over her pacing and mumbling, and even though Aerith was pretty close in the kitchen, she wouldn’t hear if he was quiet. He scooted closer to Namine.

“Any idea what that message thing was? Sora and Kairi didn’t explain.”

She glanced up at him, just as if to register he was there, and then avoiding his gaze as soon as she could. Riku tried not to be too bothered—she did do it with everyone. Not just him. It was unfortunate, but it wasn’t something he could fix, so he shouldn’t worry too much about it. That’s what he told himself.

“No...” Namine answered, with a shrug. She fingered one of her pencils, but didn’t move to make a mark on her page.

“Could you… draw a picture?” Riku didn’t look at her as he asked. He knew he shouldn’t be this nosy, and knew it was even worse to use Namine’s abilities like this. But all this distaste about Xehanort had him on edge, and an urgent message… No, there was no use trying to hide it. He was just nosy.

Namine glared at him. “No. That’s rude. Besides, it wouldn’t work… It’s not about you, and… Honestly, I haven’t been able to draw pictures like that since I was… Rewritten.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

Riku slowly shifted away from her and opened his book back up. He shouldn’t be nosy. He couldn’t talk to Aerith now. He had no idea what to do with Namine. Letting out a long breath, he started reading again.

 

**xxx**

 

Ven trotted up the stairs two at a time, after being told Sora was up here talking with Kairi. (In his excitement, he did not stop to consider the implications of that.) He didn’t understand Terra’s message as well as Aqua had seemed to, but he understood apologies well enough, and understood that he didn’t really think Terra had anything to apologize for. It was Xehanort’s fault, not Terra’s. Xehanort had tricked and manipulated all of them. Ven had been put in a similar position, himself.

Thankfully, forging then destroying Chi-blade had been an option, and a success. It had only cost him Vanitas.

Then again, maybe it hadn’t. _Sora—_

“I’m just, _pissed,_ Kairi, if anything!”

—was shouting about something. Ven stopped about three feet from the room he knew Sora to be in. (If Sora’s yelling was not enough to tell him, the slight tug on his chest was.) He frowned at the door, knowing he probably shouldn’t interrupt, _but…_

“I know why he thinks what he thinks,” Sora continued. He sounded angrier than Ven had heard him all day. And was Sora talking about _him?_ “But, I just, I don’t think it’s _right._ It can’t be!”

“Sora, come on.” Kairi only sounded impatient. “You need to cut this out. Fight the darkness or whatever it is that’s making you so…” She made some vague noise that Ven thought she meant to finish conveying her point with. _He_ didn’t understand it, but then again, he was eavesdropping.

“I know! _I’m trying._ Don’t think I’m not trying.”

Ven stood there a second, debating whether or not he should… He should probably go back downstairs, and just talk to Sora later, but this seemed to be a lull in the conversation, and the tug in his chest drew him to Sora, whether he wanted it to or not. He moved towards the room, raising his hand to push the partially-shut door open.

He felt the chill pass through him before he heard Sora speak.

“Ohh, no, not now. Not _now._ ”

“What?” Kairi asked.

“Go _away,_ Ventus, I know you’re there.”

Ven’s breath caught in his lungs, but he forced himself to keep breathing, forced himself not to think about the way Sora said _Ventus,_ when no one ever said his full name. He tried not to think about how familiar the sound of Sora’s voice shaping around his name was, either.

“I just, uh…” Ven coughed and cleared his throat. He should really listen, and leave, but the pull of his heart and Sora’s made it hard. “I thought you might want to hear about the message…?”

“Now’s probably not a good time, Ven, no offense,” Kairi said, poking her head out around the door.

“That’s- That’s fi—”

“Wait, the message? Oh! _Oh yeah!_ ” Sora was suddenly there, opening the door and putting himself next to Kairi, smiling widely. If Ven was honest, he’d say Sora sounded like a completely different person. “Was it good news? …It wasn’t good news, was it?”

Sora’s face fell as he considered Ven, though Ven wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making, and highly doubted it had anything to do with Terra’s message. He put his best smile back on his lips.

“It, uh, was hardly news. Really just an apology.” As he said it, Ven realized that he wasn’t quite sure _what_ he’d intended to tell Sora about the message. None of what Terra said was anything Sora would understand or, really, exactly, care about. He just thought Sora should know. He just wanted to…

Ven hastily put that thought out of his mind.

Sora nodded, somehow looking understanding. Kairi stood there with her arms folded over her chest, considering Ven with an obviously thin patience, and Sora with a look Ven was confused to read as distrust. Perhaps it had something to do with the yelling, but, no, that wasn’t his business.

“It was from your friend, right? Terra?” Sora asked. “How is he? Don’t give me that look, Kairi, I carried that charm in my pocket for like a month and I’m _pretty sure_ he talked to me! I’m curious.”

Kairi rolled her eyes and held up her hands.

Ven nodded at Sora, affirming it was Terra. “He’s… Well…” Ven almost said _alright_ before he caught himself—a liar he was not, not if he didn’t have to be. “He’s with Xehanort,” he said. That was truth, and would explain most of it. “We think, still. Xehanort was… kinda using his body.”

“Xehanort,” Sora said. Kairi’s mouth turned downward. “Who’s that? You’re like the, uh… fifth person to have mentioned him.” The way he paused made it sound like he’d actually taken the time to count.

 “Wow. Not even a blink at the mention of Xehanort using his body?”

Sora shrugged and smiled uneasily. Kairi’s face hardened like a rock. They both exchanged sidelong glances, and Sora shrugged, and Kairi’s face softened. A little. She didn’t look any happier, though.

“I guess you could say I know enough about Xehanort to not be surprised by that,” Sora said. “But I still only have the vaguest idea who he is, and I’d kinda really like to know more!”

“All I got when I asked earlier was ‘very evil, plunged a world into darkness’,” Kairi added. Despite how angry she looked, she did look curious.

Ven laughed a little. That wasn’t exactly an _in_ accurate description of Xehanort. “Well, he was a Keyblade Master, and well-respected one, I think. He was also, like, crazy old.” That seemed like a good place to start. Both Sora and Kairi were listening attentively. Ven rubbed at his chin, thinking of what else to say. “I think he was power hungry, or something, and I don’t think he cared who he hurt to reach his goals. He was a cruel master, too.”

If he and Terra and Aqua weren’t enough to prove that, then Vanitas was. Ven tried not to dwell long on the memories of Vanitas’s that sat in his head (they made him sick if he thought about them too hard) but he was familiar enough with them to know Xehanort had been the exact opposite of kind when training Vanitas. That in mind, he watched Sora closely as he finished. He wouldn’t press, but he couldn’t help but be curious if the mention of Xehanort being a cruel master sparked anything in Sora. It didn’t seem to….

“He’s also coming back,” Kairi added, after a second. “Aqua mentioned that earlier, and it seems pretty important.” Her eyes glinted, and she nudged Sora. “So much for that break from being a hero, huh?”

Sora laughed as he pushed her away. “Nah, that’s alright! I got a month off, didn’t I? Besides, it’s not like I did much world-saving last time around, guess I gotta make up for it this time!”

“Sure, but no leaving me behind!”

“I didn’t mean to the first time!”

Ven rubbed his hands together, smiling uneasily. He wasn’t sure what to say, and very suddenly felt like he was intruding. He coughed. “I, uh, I think I’m gonna go back down—”

“Yeah, sure!” Kairi said. “Me and Sora probably need to head back home soon, anyway, or our parents aren’t gonna be happy, so…”

Ven nodded, understanding. He didn’t have parents of his own—he and Terra were both orphans—but he understood that Master Eraqus would’ve been displeased if he was late for anything. It was probably the same. Aqua sure acted like it was, anyway, and since she was the only one of them who still had parents…

Anyway. It didn’t matter that much.

He waved and said a partial goodbye and headed downstairs, though he got the feeling that Sora and Kairi wouldn’t be far behind.

“Hey Ven!” Aqua called. “Do you mind if we stay here for the night?”

Ven hesitated a second. “Uh, no, of course not,” he said. “Is there room?”

“It’s fine,” Aerith assured him. “So long as you don’t mind sharing a room with Aqua.”

Ven made sure to smile at her. “Oh, yeah, I’m okay with that!” He and Aqua had been sleeping next to each other on the ground for the past couple months as they’d been traveling, after all, or sharing a room when they stopped someplace with an inn or hotel. Of course it was no big deal.

He was just glad Sora didn’t live here. How he would’ve survived the night with Vanitas calling to him from Sora’s heart, he wasn’t sure.


	31. In which Ven is further disgruntled, and Kairi makes... a discovery?

Kairi was beginning to think it was not just the darkness affecting Sora. Probably. The darkness would explain the angry outbursts and the way Sora kept avoiding her at times. It would even explain the way he got absolutely furious at the slightest mention of his parents. But there was… something else. Something she couldn’t _quite_ put her finger on, but something she knew could not simply be residual darkness.

But what? She could do all the research she wanted on her dad’s computer, but only half the resources accounted for magic and monsters and darkness, and none of them seemed to line up with whatever was going on with Sora. The only “experts” she really knew were Tifa and Cloud, and they did not see Sora every day, did not see the shifts in his eyes and in his behavior, so they couldn’t tell her anything of use. Kairi supposed she could take Sora to see them, but that would require staying with them long enough for Sora to… start acting strange around them, and that could take weeks. Her dad might be okay with her being gone for weeks again, but Sora’s parents definitely wouldn’t be.

She was on her way to Sora’s house now, though not exactly for any specific reason. Maybe she’d try talking to him again about what was going on, maybe she wouldn’t. Really, she just wanted to hang out. She was thinking they should go down to the play island today. Go swimming.

Kairi knocked on Sora’s front door, though she knew it was unlocked and she could probably just barge in. Sora’s parents didn’t like her doing that, though, and even if they weren’t home, old habits died hard. After a moment, she glared, and knocked again.

“Sora?” she called, for extra measure. After another moment, she sighed. “You better not be doing something embarrassing for your sake! I’m—”

“I’m coming!” Sora called. A pit formed in Kairi’s stomach, and it only got worse when Sora opened the door—only just enough to see her, and he didn’t look very happy to. “Yeah? What do you want?” He sounded eager to be rid of her.

“I was hoping we could go swimming,” Kairi said, evenly. She would deal with him when he was like this, because she had to, because if she did not she’d never figure out what was wrong. There had to be something she was missing.

“Uhh… Nope. I’m busy.” Sora drummed his fingers against the doorframe. “My, uh, mom gave me a lot of… chores to do.”

Kairi did her best to keep the glare off her face. Getting angry only made Sora more unreasonable when he was like this—was it Sora? No, no, that was silly. It couldn’t be anyone else.

“Well, I could always help,” she suggested. “It’d be more fun that way.” If only he would move, so she could step inside the house. Then he wouldn’t be able to get rid of her.

Sora took a deep breath, glaring death at her before he masked it with something… less hateful. _Seriously,_ what was wrong with him? “I don’t think my, uh, mom would be very happy about that.”

“She doesn’t have to know.”

“She could be home any minute.”

Kairi frowned. “Sora… It’s Thursday. She’s teaching her sewing class from now until just before dinner.” Had he forgotten? She admitted she had trouble keeping track of the days sometimes, but even as she reminded him, it sparked no recognition in his eyes.

“Oh,” was all he said.

“Are you going to let me in or not, Sora?” Her patience was wearing thin. Not that that was hard, when he treated her like this. “This is ridiculous.”

He wouldn’t quite look at her. His fingers tapped a furious rhythm against the wall. “Uh, no, I really think I should, uh, I need to do… laundry. You can’t really help with that.”

“And I can’t just sit and watch?”

“Maybe you should go check on, uh… Namine. She probably has… something… going on. Right? Yeah. You do that.” He stepped backwards out of the doorway. Kairi tried to reach out and stop the door before it shut, but she wasn’t quite fast enough.

“ _Sora!_ ” she shouted, banging against it.

The only response was the sound of the lock being thrown.

Kairi stood there a full minute or two in shock and indignation. Not only had he shoved her off, but he’d locked her out, too. She stormed over to his bedroom window on the side of his house, then glared furiously up at it. It was closed, and probably locked as well. Finding the nearest rock, she chucked it good and hard right at the window. She missed, but that was probably for the better—Sora’s parents wouldn’t be happy if she broke it, even if she did have more than enough munny to replace it.

 “What is _wrong_ with him?” she grumbled to herself, heading down to the docks. Even if Sora wasn’t coming, she needed a good long swim to clear her head.

 

**xxx**

Ven stared up at the stars, slowly counting them. He knew it was futile, but that was the point. Eventually it should put him to sleep. And it kept his mind off… other things. For the most part.

They’d left Hollow Bastion a few days ago, and were currently camped in the fields far from the castle and forest of the Dwarf Woodlands. Aqua was asleep beside him. Probably. She had as much trouble as he did sleeping most nights, and tonight had not been the first when she’d checked the perimeter five times for Heartless, nor the first when she’d complained she had no idea how to cast wards against them. Master Eraqus had known how to, but he hadn’t taught it to her before he…

Ven let out a long breath and started counting the stars again. He’d gotten up to fifty-four last time, before being distracted. He tried to focus on the task harder this time. Tried to let the numbers and the twinkle of the stars drown out the ache in his chest.

He’d expected to never see Vanitas again, and that was alright. Vanitas was not the kindest person, and the Worlds were probably better off without him. But his heart still longed for its other half, and feeling it beat inside Sora had been… uncomfortable, to describe it kindly. Ven was still trying to piece out what to do about it, though. Talk to Sora, definitely, but then what? Getting that piece of Vanitas back in his own chest would be ideal—bringing Vanitas back in full would be too dangerous—but how? The Keyblade could supposedly do that sort of thing, but Ven could not imagine doing it himself. Master Eraqus was dead, so he could not, though perhaps that was for the best. Ven wouldn’t dare imagine Master Eraqus being _willing_ to do that sort of thing. Aqua might know how to do it, but she held a lot of Master Eraqus’s beliefs when it came to darkness, and telling her about this whole mess was the _last_ thing he wanted to do.

Ven blinked a few times, then grimaced. Where had he been? Forty… something, but no telling which star he’d last counted. He sighed and started over.

“Ven…? You’re not asleep.”

He forced a smile on his lips, so that it would carry to his voice easier. “Stars are pretty tonight,” he told Aqua. That was all. That was all he dared.

Aqua saw right through it, though. “Trouble sleeping?” she asked. He could feel her shift next to him—see it out of the corner of his eyes—so that she was a little more upright. Probably so she could look at him.

He shrugged. “Got a lot on my mind.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really…”

He heard Aqua shift in a way that meant she was pulling Terra’s wayfinder out of her pocket. Again. Not an hour had gone past in the last few days where she hadn’t at least checked to make sure it was there, if not get lost in thought completely while staring at it. Ven chuckled a little.

“You aren’t going to be able to stare any answers out of it,” he teased. “ _Especially_ not if you aren’t going to ask those questions out loud!”

“Oh shut up!”

Ven laughed, and swung himself upright. “But, seriously, Aqua. Why do you stare at it so much?”

Aqua took a deep breath, sparing only a glance at him before her eyes were fixed on Terra’s wayfinder again. “I’m just… I’m hoping it’ll lead us to him…”

“I thought that was only supposed to work if we were all _carrying_ the charms,” Ven argued.

“Well, that’s how the legend goes,” Aqua agreed, with a sigh. “It’s just… Can’t you feel him, Ven? It’s like he’s right there. I can _sense_ him. I can sense him through his wayfinder, and I’m just hoping… I’m hoping that I can follow the feeling and it will.... _at least_ give me a clue to where he is. But I’m not sure it works like that…”

Ven shrugged. He had no idea. Aqua’s ability to sense hearts like this was something that only she could do, last he’d been told. Or, that only she could do without long years of training and refining your senses.

“We aren’t going to find him if we’re too tired to walk, though,” Ven said, flopping back down into the grass. “Try and go back to sleep.”

“Mm. You too.”

Aqua lay back down. Ven started counting the stars again.

 

**xxx**

 

Kairi was glad Sora’d started leaving the star shard with her, in part so she could make this trip, but mainly just so he couldn’t _go_ anywhere when he was in one of his… moods. She raked a hand through her still slightly-wet hair and shoved the star shard in her pocket, moving up to Aerith’s front door. Knocking brought a call of _come in,_ so she did.

The house was completely empty, with Namine and Aerith the only two in sight. Namine was sitting on one of the couches, sketching (unsurprisingly), while Aerith was in the kitchen. Making lunch…? A glance at the clock on the wall showed Kairi it was 1 o’clock, and while that was a little late for lunch, it wasn’t unreasonable, though it did make Kairi feel a little strange. It’d been at least 3, if not edging on 4, when she’d left Destiny Islands.

“Uh, hi,” she said. Namine and Aerith both chorused _hellos_ , and Kairi cleared her throat, figuring she should just get to the point. “Aerith, do you have either Cloud or Tifa’s phone number? I don’t think me and Sora ever actually got that from you.” _Not that I’d be able to ask Sora, seeing as he locked me out of his house,_ she added, silently.

“Hang on, I’ll write it down for you,” Aerith said. Seeing as Aerith wasn’t moving out of the kitchen, Kairi headed towards it. She stopped short when she got closer, eyes widening.

“You cut your hair,” she said.

Aerith glanced up at her, then smiled. She reached up to touch her now-short curls that fell to her shoulders, smiling again as she returned her attention to the notepad on the counter. “Yeah,” she said, as she nodded. “I just sort of… felt like it. You want both their numbers?”

“Yes please. It looks nice, by the way. Your hair.” It was a little strange seeing Aerith without her braid, but this new look wasn’t bad at all. She still had her bow, of course, it was just now on top of her head, probably tied to a headband. “Has… it always been curly?” Kairi found herself asking, after a moment.

Aerith nodded again. “Mmhmm. You could just never tell when it was braided, though. Here.” She tore the paper off the notepad and handed it to Kairi.

“Riku got his cut, too,” Namine said, before Kairi could look at the numbers. “You’ll have to see him.”

Kairi rounded on her, jaw dropping open. Riku! With short hair! She’d been only teasing the other day about it being too long. “Did he? Where is he?”

“He and Yuffie are on Heartless control while Leon and some of the new Restoration Committee members work on houses,” Aerith explained. “They should be back soon for lunch, though. Do you want a sandwich, Kairi?”

Kairi started to say no, seeing as once she headed back home it’d probably be dinner time, except she was hungry now, and dinner was unpredictably late most nights. “Uh, half a one, please? Just turkey and cheese is fine.”

“Here, Kairi, come here,” Namine said. Kairi plopped down on the couch next to her without question. “Riku looks a little like this, now.”

Namine showed her a rough sketch in her sketchbook of Riku sporting his new haircut. From the looks of the drawing, she’d probably drawn it _while_ he was getting it cut. Kairi’s eyes flickered over the rest of the page, and she giggled a little.

“How many sketches of him do you _have_ in here?” she asked. There were two more on this page alone.

Namine blushed furiously, pulling the sketchbook away from Kairi. “He makes for good pose study, alright? The fact he doesn’t stay in the same position for more than ten minutes helps. And makes it harder to catch the pose before he’s moved.” The explanation was reasonable enough, but Kairi couldn’t help from sending Namine a teasing look. Namine’s deeper blush was worth it.

“Did you want any particular kind of cheese, Kairi?” Aerith asked.

“No, whatever’s fine.”

“Then here you go.”

Aerith handed her a plate. Kairi took it, thanked her, and started eating, nudging Namine and asking her if she could see some of the other sketches. Namine agreed after a second, but only if Kairi promised not to tease her again. It was a fair deal.

Kairi stayed only long enough for Riku to get back, so she could tease him about his haircut. She didn’t stay much longer than that, though, because some of those “new” Restoration Committee members had also come for lunch, and it was getting crowded. Not to mention the time difference between worlds…

“I hope you’ll have some answers for me,” she told the piece of paper with Cloud and Tifa’s numbers on it, as she pulled down the phone from the wall of her house. She still doubted they’d be able to help her without speaking to Sora at length, but, it wouldn’t hurt to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want a Totally Canon scene featuring The Bit Where Riku Got His Hair Cut [then check out ASASch34!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11164197/chapters/26934102) it just... wasn't important enough to actually put in ATR primer lol


	32. In which Kairi DEFINITELY makes a discovery

Kairi took a deep breath before heading up the path to Sora’s house. His dad was at the docks. His dad was always at the docks. His mom was buying groceries—there was a reason she was coming now, after all, _especially_ to have this conversation. Cloud and Tifa hadn’t been able to provide her any ideas, as she’d expected, but she’d come across something while reading…

Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to consider, but the symptoms all seemed to line up, and without an expert to prove otherwise, it was all she had. And she was certain if she could just _talk to him_ while he was in one of his “moods”, she’d know for sure. Split personalities were supposedly easy to notice. And if it _wasn’t Sora,_ she’d see it, right?

She didn’t make the mistake of knocking on his door this time, she just let herself in. Sora was in the kitchen, halfway in the fridge, moving things around and… singing? No, just humming. Kairi didn’t recognize the tune, though, which was strange, considering they’d always shared music.

“Yo, Sora,” she said, leaning against the island in his kitchen.

He jumped and pulled himself out of the fridge, then looked at her with wide eyes. “Uh… hi. Kairi.” He let the fridge close behind him, and his eyes slowly narrowed.

“Something wrong?” Kairi asked.

Sora nodded. “I… I don’t remember waking up,” he said. He smiled in a way that showed he was irritated by the notion. “I don’t remember coming downstairs, I don’t remember getting dressed, and I have no idea what I was doing in the fridge.”

“Getting breakfast?” Kairi suggested.

“Probably.” Sora sent a look back at the fridge, then grimaced, and leaned on his elbows across from her.

“You should eat.” Talking to him could wait until he had breakfast. Besides, this was definitely Sora she was talking to, so she wasn’t in a rush. Unfortunately, the fruit bowl that sat only inches from them was empty, and she couldn’t just take an apple out of it and force it into his hands.

“Eh, later.” Sora followed her eyes to the empty fruit bowl and grimaced twice as hard. “What are you here for, anyway?” He flicked her in the arm.

Kairi hesitated before answering his question. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to push it to this point, yet, but then again, there couldn’t be anything wrong with telling Sora what she suspected before she was sure. It was just Sora. “I, uh… I actually thought I might know what’s with the gaps in your memories.”

“Really?” Sora asked.

“Yeah, I was doing some reading on my dad’s computer again and—”

Irritation flared through his eyes. “Oh! Great!” He moved to the cabinets that hung above the counter so violently she second guessed her decision to tell him—or, at least, the assumption that it wouldn’t hurt anything. Then again, maybe this was better, if the sudden irritation meant what she thought it meant. “Here we go again, then! How many times do I have to say it?” He glared at the cabinet’s contents, slammed the door shut, then moved to another one and reached for a plate. “It’s not PTSD or another one of those dumb disorders, and I’m _not_ doing therapy!”

Kairi studied him very carefully. She’d didn’t remember mentioning PTSD in the past, and she’d certainly _never_ mentioned therapy. Maybe his parents had? But Sora’d never mentioned that to _her…_

“I wasn’t going to say PTSD,” she said, trying to sound casual, all while watching him like a hawk. “But I was thinking it might be—”

Sora rounded on her and slammed the plate against the island counter. “ _He’s not sick!_ ” he roared.

He seemed to realize himself just as his words registered to Kairi. _He’s._ She started to open her mouth, but then his deer-in-the-headlights look became anger even worse than it had been before, and he slammed a fist against the counter. “ _Dammit!_ ” he shouted. “Dammit.” He kneaded his forehead, trembling hard.

Kairi licked her lips, trying to gather her words.

Sora—or whoever this was—spoke between ragged breaths. “If… If I say ‘ _I’m_ not sick’, now, will you believe me and we pretend this never happened?”

Kairi couldn’t help her snort. “No.”

“Worth a shot…”

“Not really! I mean, come on, you know I know you’re not—”

“Go away!” Probably-Not-Sora shouted very suddenly. Kairi frowned at him, but when she followed his horrified gaze she understood. Standing there right in front of the couch was a wolf. One that was familiar, one that Kairi recognized, because there was no mistaking it. No mistaking its black fur, no mistaking the way its tail and the fur that rolled down behind its head were made from sort of shifting red _fire._ Its eyes were not gold, though, like they were last time Kairi’d seen it. They were a blank yellow. Like a Heartless.

“Go _away_!” Not-Sora repeated. “Don’t make me—”

The wolf leapt right at him, clearing the counter with ease. It should’ve knocked him into the opposite counter, but instead they both vanished.

Kairi hastily reached for the star shard in her pocket.

 

**xxx**

 

_A sense of a large black beast shrinking under his hand—except that couldn’t be his hand. The skin was too pale, and his gloves weren’t that color, but the shape was the same…_

_A sense of first aggression, then affection, at his back in the sand and a heavy weight on his chest._

_‘I’ll miss you…’_

_“Me too, you sack of bricks.”_

**xxx**

 

Very suddenly finding himself on his back with a wolf on his chest—with no recollection of how he got here, or where Kairi was, or what he’d last said to her, of course—was not how Sora wanted to “wake up”. He tried to figure out _where_ here was, but all he could register that it was very dark, and there was cold sand beneath him, and there were waves in the distance. That was it.

‘What are you _doing_ in there?!’

Sora blinked at the wolf. It hadn’t moved its mouth, but he understood it just fine. Somehow. Wait, he recognized this wolf! It was the wolf that had chased him (and Cloud) through so many worlds, trying to…! Well, honestly, he had never figured out _what_ it had wanted with him to begin with. Memories and notions and maybe an explanation bubbled in the back of his mind, but the wolf gave him no chance to examine them.

‘Well? What do you have to say for yourself?’

“Uh, frankly,” Sora said, not understand what was going on in the slightest. “I’d just like to know—”

‘Not _you!_ ’ The wolf growled threateningly, and Sora grimaced and turned his head away from its face. Its breath was _atrocious._ ‘My _master!_ ’ Its eyes flashed pure yellow—the whites and all—before returning to normal golden wolf eyes. Somehow, Sora understood this to mean it was angry. It waited a moment, breathing heavily against his face, before it snorted. ‘Not going to answer, are you? _Fine!_ I’ll rip you out myself if I have to.’

Panic flooded Sora. “ _What_?!”

The wolf plunged its teeth into his chest.

It was agony in his chest and fire in his body—for a few seconds. The pain in his chest didn’t diminish, but he was… alive. The wolf hadn’t torn at his flesh or anything _physical_ about him. Instead it had wrapped his jaws around his heart. Not that _that_ was a good thing, really, it was just better than the alternative. Sora’s mind churned as he tried to find a way out of this situation—but then his body was moving and a screech was tearing itself out of his mouth.

“ _NO!_ ” His hands grasped at the wolf in ways that felt effective, except _he_ wasn’t moving his hands, and if he had been, he wouldn’t have known to grab at those spots specifically. “Put it back! Put it back, you sack of bricks! _DO YOU WANT TO KILL US BOTH PUT IT BACK!!_ ”

It was like Sora was in the backseat as his body moved without him telling it to. The tug in his chest and the words that were leaving his mouth only took a second to snap into place around him. He suddenly felt very cold.

_My Shadow…_

“SORA SHUT UP AND JUST LET ME MOVE YOUR BODY ALRIGHT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?” His hands moved to the wolf’s mouth, fingers trying to pry its teeth open. “I said _let go of me!_ ”

‘You _told_ me you were going to—’

“ _I know!_ I know what I told you, I know what I told the both of you, alright? I didn’t think this would happen—and I’m not too happy it did, either!” There were tears in his eyes, and a fierce pit of despair in his gut. That belonged to his Shadow, but there might as well have been no distinction between the emotions and Sora’s for how strongly Sora felt them. “Just let _go of me,_ you aren’t doing me any favors by ripping me out, it’s not like I have a body anymore!”

There was a slight hesitation, then the wolf’s jaws slackened by an inch. ‘You can have mine,’ it said in its mental rumble.

The offer seemed to upset Sora’s Shadow even further. “Don’t you _dare!_ Now _let me go._ ”

The wolf obliged.

The world around Sora seemed to tremble, then it _snapped_ back into place, as his heart and his Shadow’s combined again and slid back into his chest. Sora fell onto his back, breathing heavily, fingers curling into the sand beneath him. The sky above was pure black, no stars, no light except that that which seemed to come from the ground and the rocks themselves. He recognized this place. The Realm of Darkness… But why _here_ …?

His unasked question was answered by the thought-voice of his Shadow.

‘ _I used to come here a lot.’_

It was out of the way. The waves were comforting—Those things were conveyed without words, just in feelings and notions. Sora’s surprise and confusion about the situation was probably conveyed to his Shadow in the same.

The wolf made itself comfortable on the beach a little ways away from Sora. It seemed contented, but Sora also got the feeling it was watching his every move. Sora absentmindedly reached out to it, running his fingers through the fur on its head. He tried to piece together what he was feeling right now, about his Shadow. Irritation, maybe. Relief, definitely, for too many reasons.

Sora swallowed. “So… you’re…?” he began. He couldn’t bring himself to finish, but he didn’t really need to.

‘ _Not dead. Yeah,’_ his Shadow replied, still silently. Probably for the better.

“You said that wasn’t your heart…”

‘ _I didn’t know!’_ There was a frantic note in his Shadow’s voice. ‘ _I swear, Sora, I had no idea. If I HAD known…’_

He trailed off there, and his hesitation bubbled in Sora’s mind. The thoughts that drifted by after that made Sora’s stomach flip.

“…you really don’t want to be… here?” Sora asked, with a slight hesitation. _Alive_ was the first word to come to mind. _You really don’t want to be alive?_ But asking that, considering that, was too much to bear, a thousand times too much.

His mouth contorted into a grimace. For the life of him, he couldn’t say whether it was him or his Shadow that was grimacing.

‘ _I dunno. Maybe it’ll be easier now that you know about me… But, the fact still stands…’_

Sora closed his eyes. His Shadow didn’t need to say it. Now that he was aware of his Shadow, things like that were passed between them without words, without either of them really consenting to it.

 _You love me—_ Sora hardly thought it, but immediately he could feel his Shadow recoil.

A wave of sorrow and frustration surged through him, through the both of them, and Sora did his best to distance himself from it. Those were his Shadow’s emotions, not his. This didn’t sadden him. It didn’t even make him mad anymore. He’d had months to think about it, or, a month and a half or so.

“Look, I…” Sora took care to put his thoughts into words, just the feelings would not be enough. “I know it makes you angry. I know it makes you upset. I- I know you hate yourself for it. But it’s… it’s no big deal. Not to me.”

‘ _Well, that’s fantastic!’_ His Shadow’s voice was so bitter and so sarcastic it made him ache. _‘Yeah, it makes me feel so much better_. _I mean it! Now can we stop talking about it?’_

“No.” Sora wasn’t going to back down that easily. This was important. If he was going to have to live with his Shadow in his heart, then he was going to get this out. There was no way he was going to wait to discuss what had driven his Shadow to death to begin with. Besides, you didn’t mess around with things like love. You didn’t not talk about it. Love was something you needed to be clear on.

‘ _Alright. Fine. I’m listening.’_

“I wanted to say I’m sorry I acted so negatively when I first found out,” Sora said. “It’s just—”

‘ _I hurt you,’_ his Shadow interrupted. _‘I was absolutely awful to you. I get it. Of course you were mad when you figured it out! I go from making your life hell to striving so hard to keep you safe, to be with you, that I lose myself? That’s not—’_

“I forgive you.”

“You _forgive_ me?!”

The words came out through Sora’s mouth instead of being silent, and then he was sitting up, kicking up the dark sand with the sharp movements. The actions and words were his Shadow’s, of course. Sora did not try to take control of his body back—he wasn’t quite sure how to, actually—but more importantly, that wasn’t what mattered right now. The wolf growled softly, but that wasn’t what mattered either.

 _Yes,_ Sora said, silently. Seeing as his Shadow was in control of his body right now, he couldn’t use his mouth, or he didn’t want to try using it. _I do._

“For what? For _everything?_ ” his Shadow demanded. His anger made Sora tremble. “For every injury, for every cruel thing I said, every cruel thing I made _you_ say? For Maleficent? For- for _this?_ ” He reached up and pulled at Sora’s face—the scar did not hurt now to touch, but Sora knew where it was even if it felt no different than the rest of his skin.

_That was an accident._

“It was—”

 _An accident,_ Sora repeated, firmly. _And I forgive you. For all of it._

“But I—”

_You regret it. And that’s what matters._

Tears welled up in Sora’s eyes, and his hand moved to cover them. The sobs were choked back in his throat. Clearly, his Shadow did not want to cry, but Sora wasn’t in a position to do anything about it, really. It felt a little strange to have his body do all this without _him_ telling it to, but that wasn’t something he could do anything about either.

 _It’s okay,_ he said.

“I _hurt you,_ ” his Shadow protested.

_And you’re sorry._

There was a hesitation. A shaky intake of breath.

“And- and I… I…”

He did not seem keen to say the words _I love you,_ but Sora did not blame him for that. The love was still roiling in his chest, though, so it did not need to be said. Sora only wished so much shame didn’t accompany it.

 _It’s not a big deal,_ Sora repeated. _I know it feels like it is, but… It’s not. I don’t mind. You love me, that’s how it is, there’s no point making a big deal out of it. Not really._ The exasperated laugh that went with that thought didn’t leave his mouth, but it reverberated mentally. _I mean, can’t say I’ll ever return the feelings, but, then again, it’s not like I really know you._

Sure, he knew a lot of things about his Shadow, but having someone’s memories and emotions inside of you was not the same as talking with them, conversing with them. Knowing things about his Shadow was not the same as having a relationship.

“This isn’t a _joke,_ Sora!” His Shadow snapped.

_I was being completely serious._

His Shadow didn’t reply, but his disbelief rattled inside of him—them? Whatever. Sora felt it. And he wasn’t really surprised.

 _I mean it,_ Sora said. _I think we could be really good friends if we tried._

“That’s not quite ‘returning the feelings’.”

 _Well, no, but that would be weird if we were sharing a body, anyway. Maybe we should wait to worry about_ that _when you’ve got your own body again._

His Shadow laughed, but his emotions were shut off from Sora now, so Sora couldn’t tell why. He’d have to ask, later, how to shut off his emotions from his Shadow. The more privacy they could get, the better.

“You want control of your body back, huh?” Sora’s Shadow asked.

 _Yeah,_ Sora answered.

_‘Alright.’_

It really didn’t feel any different, but when Sora shifted, his body responded this time. He wondered if they’d have to keep passing control of his body between them like this. That wouldn’t be fun, but it wasn’t quite a question for now. There were too many questions to ask them all right now. Sora considered the wolf, which was still lying on its stomach, watching him. “What?” he asked it. “You got nothing to say now?”

‘I just wanted to prove my Master was back,’ it answered. There was a glint in its eyes. ‘Besides, I wouldn’t dare get between my _Mahtas_ and his _amaste_.’

Sora didn’t know what that word meant, but he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. Clearly, even when not in explicit control, his body would still respond to some of what his Shadow was feeling.

“What’s that mean?” he asked. Unlike _Sheto_ and _Mahtas,_ no images came to mind with this word. He figured it had to do with his Shadow putting a block on how much passed between them.

‘ _It just means “loved one”,’_ his Shadow replied. If the heat in Sora’s cheeks wasn’t enough, he also _sounded_ pretty embarrassed. ‘ _Typically it implies, that uh, we_ both… _y’know….’_

‘It does not have to,’ the wolf interrupted. How it had heard Sora’s Shadow, Sora was not sure, but then again, it seemed to communicate mentally as well.

“Ah,” Sora said, not sure what else to say. At least it didn’t mean what he’d initially anticipated it meaning… The glint in the wolf’s eyes had implied too much for comfort.

After a pause, Sora’s Shadow asked: ‘ _Uh… you don’t…_ mind _me being here, do you?’_

“What? Nah! I mean, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours.” Sora shrugged. “Besides, I’m… I’m glad you’re not dead. And it would explain a lot.”

‘ _Sorry about your parents…’_ Sora’s Shadow said, very reluctantly.

Sora shook his head, pushing that worry aside. “They were being unreasonable even without you aggravating them. Maybe they’ll listen now.”

His Shadow laughed. ‘ _Sure, if they don’t think you’re insane for having voices in your head!’_

Sora scowled down at his chest—the closest he could get to glaring at his Shadow. “Well, then you just need to be quiet when I’m talking to them from now on,” he said.

‘ _Easier said than done…’_ There was a pause. ‘ _You never showed them your Keyblade as proof, by the way.’_

“I… yeah…” Sora scratched the back of his head. “Forgot about that. But more importantly! Do you have a name?”

The pause this time gave Sora the sense of a double take. ‘ _Why?’_ his Shadow asked.

“Because if I have to call you ‘my Shadow’ one more time I think I’ll lose my mind,” Sora explained. Something occurred to him, then, and he cautiously added: “It’s… It’s not _Vanitas,_ is it?”

‘ _No!’_ The reply was so quick and so powerful it seemed to make Sora’s heart quiver. ‘ _I don’t care what Ventus says, I’m_ not _Vanitas! I know I’m not! I’m—I’m your Shadow. That’s who I am.’_

“Not really any more, though,” Sora argued. “So no on the name?”

‘ _No.’_

“Well, then we need to think of one.” Sora crossed his arms over his chest and frowned hard, hoping to glare an idea out of the sand. “How about _Shad?_ ”

‘ _No way!_ _Where’d you even get_ that _from?’_

“Short for _Shadow…_?”

‘ _No!’_

Sora pouted. “I thought it was clever,” he grumbled, then sighed. “Well, I don’t have any other ideas right now. I guess we’ll keep thinking on it. Your wolf doesn’t have a name either, does it?”

‘I do not.’

“Clearly you’re just as bad with names as I am.”

‘ _A name didn’t exactly seem_ important _at the time, Sora.’_

Sora shrugged again. “We’ll think on it,” he resolved, then pushed himself to his feet. “Maybe Kairi will have some ideas.”

His Shadow’s mental groan made him stagger for a second. Once he’d recovered, he glared down at his chest again.

“Hey, we’ve gotta tell her. You aren’t getting out of it.” Sora held his hand out to the wolf, knowing this was how his Shadow traveled. “Can you take me back home, then?”

The wolf carefully took his fingers between its teeth and pulled him forward. The world shifted around them.


	33. In which Sora and Kairi have an argument I MEAN a discussion

Unfortunately for Sora, when the wolf brought him back into his house—right in the middle of his living room—his mom was back with the groceries. He stared with wide blinking eyes, not sure what to do. His mom hadn’t seen how he’d arrived, at least (though perhaps seeing it would’ve convinced her about this whole thing).

His mom glanced up for a second as she moved to grab another something to put away. “Oh, Sora, great! When did you sneak in?”

“Uh…”

His mom turned her back to him to put what she’d grabbed in the fridge, and Sora’s Shadow shouted: ‘ _Kairi’s not here! Try Hollow Bastion! Go go go!’_ The wolf grabbed his fingers much harder and dragged him away.

Sora grimaced as the worlds shifted, sparing a second to regret leaving his mom there. Perhaps the spell would work in his favor, though, and make her forget she’d seen him for two unexplainable seconds. Then again, that probably shouldn’t be what he wanted… What he wanted was for her to believe him. Oh well. That could wait. At least now he could add _magical wolf_ next to _Keyblade_ on his list of things that were undeniable proof of what had happened.

‘Oh. I suppose this is not better, is it?’

‘ _Thanks a lot, you sack of bricks. You could’ve at least taken us outside!’_

It took Sora a moment to realize what the wolf and his Shadow meant, but then he finished taking in his surroundings. The wolf had brought them right into the middle of Aerith’s living room. Surprisingly, Leon was the only one besides Kairi around—but Kairi was pacing angrily with a phone in her hands, talking in a rapid, panicked, squeaking voice.

“But we don’t know _where_ to look! And like I said, the star shard won’t just take me to—” Kairi cut off, noticing them. She gaped for a moment, more at the wolf than Sora, he figured, then swallowed. “Never mind,” she told whoever was on the phone. “He’s just showed up. And uh…”

“I… have a lot of explaining to do, I get that,” Sora said. “Can we… do that outside, though, y’think?” He sent a hesitant glance at Leon, though he supposed Leon was not the _worst_ person to have around right now.

Kairi slowly nodded. She kept eyeing the wolf distrustfully. “Well, I think everything’s okay,” she told whoever she was on the phone with. “No, you don’t need to come. Thanks. I’ll call you back.” She closed the phone, then tossed it to Leon. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“No problem. It _was_ something of an emergency,” Leon assured her. He was eyeing the wolf too, but with something Sora thought was more like _awe._

“You better have a good explanation for me Sora,” Kairi said. She was glaring daggers at him.

Sora shifted uncomfortably. “I. I do. Outside?” He pointed over his shoulder at the door. Kairi glared a moment more at him, then sighed, and nodded. “Sorry, Leon,” Sora said. “This will take, uh… not long?”

Leon waved at them to go ahead, and they headed out. Kairi said nothing as they made their way to the Bailey, but she didn’t look happy. The Bailey seemed like the best sort of “secluded” spot to head to, especially after learning from Kairi that most everyone else was at the infirmary right now. The Bailey and the infirmary were in two separate directions.

“Who… were you on the phone with?” Sora asked, trying to ease the tension a little.

“Tifa.”

“Oh.”

Sora cleared his throat, then glanced down at the wolf. _Can I tell it to go away?_ he asked his Shadow.

‘ _Yeah, sure.’_

 _Oh good._ “Uh… shoo?” Sora motioned for the wolf to make itself scarce. It stared at him, and his Shadow snickered.

‘ _Don’t bother him, alright?’_ his Shadow commanded.

The wolf lowered its head in something like a bow, backed up, and then was gone.

 _Was that necessary?_ Sora asked.

‘ _Considering I’m pretty sure he’s only being nice to you because of me, well, yeah.’_

 _Because I’m your_ amaste _?_ Sora said, largely teasing.

‘ _Don’t.’_

“So where’s that explanation?” Kairi asked. She was leaning against the rampart of the Bailey, arms crossed tightly over her chest, watching him with hawk-like eyes. Hopefully that silent conversation hadn’t looked too strange… Oh well, she’d know why it had happened in just a second.

Sora opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi was talking again before he could. “And, uh, did that wolf _seriously_ just bring you back like no big deal?”

“There’s…. more to it than that…” Sora answered, slowly.

Kairi eyed him, then chewed at her tongue a second, eyes crinkling with distaste. “Well, alright, but I guess before that I should tell you that right before it dragged you off I was talking to—”

“I know,” Sora interrupted. “Well, okay. I didn’t know until right now, thanks for that.” He sent a small glare down at his chest—still the closest he could get to glaring at his Shadow. His Shadow had talked to Kairi before the wolf had found them. That was good to know. Oh, and Kairi was giving him a funny look. “Not you, Kairi!” he said, quickly. “It’s, uh. It’s my Shadow. He’s not dead. He’s uh…” Sora thumped at his chest. Easier to just get it out now than later.

“Oh! Well I guess that’s a little more comforting than what I was assuming,” Kairi said. “And it makes sense, I guess? But… still…” She frowned at him. “He’s… Are you… okay?”

Sora nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I actually don’t mind too much.”

“…What?”

Sora shrugged. “Reeeeally just glad that he’s not dead…”

“ _What._ ”

“Kairi don’t give me that look.”

She was staring at him like he’d lost his mind. It made him feel a little queasy, honestly. Sure, this was big news, and he’d known she wouldn’t take it entirely positively, but _that_ look seemed a little unnecessary.

“I’ll give you this look if I want to, Sora!” she snapped. “Are you _sure_ you’re okay?”

“Well, I didn’t really want to kill him to begin with… and he’s not _so_ bad…” It was hard to say it and sound confident, though, when Kairi’s face was caught between horror and distrust. Like, what, there was actually something wrong with him? Sure, his recent behavior and memory gaps had been a little worrying, but having it turn out to be his Shadow was certainly a better option than the others.

“Sora, have you _forgotten_ who you’re talking about?!”

“No, I haven’t—”

“But he—”

“Listen, Kairi! I _know_ he did a lot of bad things, and a lot of bad things to me, but he’s _sorry,_ ” Sora said. “He’s been in my chest for the past month, I can _feel that,_ and I can feel it _now._ He regrets it. And I forgive him.” It was that simple. Why did everyone seem to have such a hard time understanding that?

Kairi shook her head. “How do I know that’s you and not him talking?” she asked.

Sora licked his lips. That wasn’t exactly a question he’d expected, and certainly not one he’d wanted to hear. “Trust me, Kairi... He’s not buying the whole forgiveness thing, either, and he needs to _get over himself._ ” That was accompanied with another glare down at his chest. His Shadow had cut off his emotions from him again, though, and he wasn’t saying anything, either.

“How! Do I know! That it’s you, and not him!!” Kairi repeated, more frustrated this time. She pushed off from the rampart and stepped towards him, jabbing at his chest. Her eyes were watering. Her voice was cracking.

“You have to trust me, Kairi.”

“I don’t trust _him._ ”

“Kairi, please…”

“How do I know this isn’t a trick?” she demanded. She jabbed him in the chest again. “How do _you_ know this isn’t a trick? That he isn’t just biding his time until he’s got a grip enough around your heart to just drag you into darkness, or something! Isn’t that what he was supposed to do? How can—”

“BECAUSE I CAN _FEEL IT!_ ” Sora interrupted. He cringed a little after shouting, but he was shaking all over with frustration. “I can’t really _explain_ that to you, Kairi, I can’t make you feel what he’s feeling and what I’m feeling, but it’s! It’s all in here.” He thumped at his chest, pushing away her jabbing finger in the process. “I can _feel_ it, Kairi. I can feel it!”

There was a pit in his stomach, because he’d never anticipated this, and he should’ve. He should’ve known she wouldn’t trust his Shadow, but he’d never considered it, never considered her doing anything but support and trust _him,_ her best friend. Wasn’t his word enough? His Shadow was different now, but how was he supposed to make her see that? How was he supposed to change her mind? How could his Shadow change _anyone’s_ mind if _he_ did not even seem to want forgiveness?

‘ _Don’t bother, Sora. She’s not going to trust me.’_

“Why won’t she trust you?” Sora was responding to his Shadow’s comment aloud before he realized himself. There was no point taking it back, though, so he turned to Kairi. “Why won’t you trust him?” he asked her.

Her eyes burned as she answered. “I _did_ trust him!” she said. She was trembling just as much as he was, but Sora knew she was trembling with anger—the red of her face gave her away. “Did he not tell you? Did you miss it, despite apparently having all of his memories? He came to me, on the Islands, and visited me regularly. He was my _only company_ while you and Namine and Riku were all gone. He was my _friend._ And then he threw it away because he was too embarrassed to tell me and you both that he loved you?” Kairi scoffed. “If he was _really_ my friend, it wouldn’t have _mattered,_ because friends trust each other with _everything!_ ”

“Kairi…” Sora began, sadly. He’d known that she and his Shadow had talked—she’d mentioned it before—but the memories had never been ones to stick out to him. Perhaps he’d never looked, or perhaps his Shadow had tried to hide them. He didn’t have a chance to say anything else, though.

“And- and that doesn’t even _touch_ the fact that he lied to me all those months!” Kairi continued, waving her arms angrily. “He wouldn’t tell me who he was, or that he knew you, he wouldn’t be honest with me because he wanted my _company,_ he wanted me to be _nice_ to him, he wanted us to stay friends for his own _selfish_ desires!”

The rage boiled in Sora before he could contain it. His Shadow was grabbing control of his body before he could stop him. “That doesn’t exactly excuse _you,_ Kairi!” He was stepping forward, shoving her hands aside, pointing an accusing finger at _her_ chest. “Clinging on to a relationship with a boy you _couldn’t see_ because you were so damn lonely, because you were so _desperate_ for a friend you would take the first _invisible stranger_ that came to you, without questioning _what_ he was, or _where_ he came from!”

“He shouldn’t have led me on!!”

“I! I was just! I was just…” His Shadow faltered, and lowered his hand. Sora sure hoped Kairi knew which one of them was talking right now. “I don’t know what to tell you, Kairi. I don’t know why I did it, I don’t… I…” He hung his head, turning to the side. “I didn’t want to tell you I loved Sora. I didn’t want to tell _Sora_ I loved Sora!! It was _embarrassing,_ it was _horrible,_ and I was—”

He raised his hand, and Sora seized control of his body back, stopping him there, stopping him before he could grab enough darkness to throw in frustration. He held himself there, firmly, not moving an inch, not _daring_ to.

“ _Stop that!_ ” he shouted. “It’s not! A big! Deal!”

“It _IS_ a big deal!!”

The words were tearing from his mouth before he could quite finish his own, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. Sora forced himself to. Forced himself to take deep breaths and calm his racing heart. These emotions were _not_ his.

“Loving me isn’t so bad…” Sora said, very slowly, half-anticipating to be interrupted again. “I mean, I’m a pretty nice guy, aren’t I—”

“IT’S NOT YOU! IT’S _ME!_ ” The tightening of his chest was back, and his Shadow was still using his mouth. “It goes against everything I _am._ I’m not supposed to love, and I’m _especially_ not supposed to love _you!!_ ”

“Sora, make him stop,” Kairi said.

Sora did not—could not—turn to her. If he moved, he was sure his actions would turn into his Shadow’s. “Kairi, _please_ , this is kind of important…”

“Sora, he’s _freaking me out!_ ”

“Kairi! If he’s going to live in my heart, I need him to not hate himself so much that he wants to die!!”

“Then get him out of there.”

The severity of her tone made Sora turn, against his better judgement. Her face was hard as stone. Sora felt his jaw go slack, and his eyes go wide. She couldn’t really be…?

It hurt, that his best friend wasn’t supporting him in what he cared so much about. It hurt, because he _did_ care about this, he wanted his Shadow to be alive, and here he was, but none of this was what he wanted to deal with. His Shadow, a moment away from a second suicide if he could manage to pull it off without taking Sora with him. Kairi, not trusting him, not trusting either of them.

Thankfully, _thankfully,_ there was an easy way out of Kairi’s demand.

“I don’t think there’s a way to get him out,” Sora said. “The wolf tried. It nearly killed both of us. Even if it tried again and was more _careful…_ it’d probably still kill both of us. Right?” He directed this last bit at his Shadow.

“It would definitely kill me,” his Shadow answered, through his mouth. Sora started to question why, but already the thought was being answered—his Shadow was doing it so Kairi could stay on the same page. Based on the darkening of her face, she knew which one of them was talking this time.

“And since that’s what you want, then why don’t we just do that?” Kairi asked, bitterly, angrily—Sora hadn’t seen her this angry in a long time, and it made his chest ache. Worse, his Shadow seemed to be considering it, rolling it over in his head to make sure it could work.

“NO!” Sora screamed at the top of his lungs “ _No!!_ ” He glared at Kairi, tears stinging in his eyes. “What happened to _dying isn’t an option?_ Since when is it not an option for me, but it’s an option for _him?_ That’s- _that’s not okay,_ Kairi! How- how could you even _suggest_ a thing!”

Kairi fumbled, the anger draining from her immediately.

“I _never_ wanted to kill him,” Sora continued, crying now. “I never wanted to kill him. I’m not doing it _now._ You can’t make me! There’s a reason for everyone to live. You said that, Kairi. You said there’s always another reason to live.”

Kairi dropped her gaze. “I- I’m sorry…” she mumbled. “I don’t like this, but you’re right. We can’t just kill him.”

“Thank you.”

‘ _She may be right, though,’_ Sora’s Shadow said. ‘ _I’m still your Shadow. Sure, I haven’t tried to drag you into darkness or anything. Yet. But…’_ He seemed hesitant to put the thought into words, and Sora couldn’t bear dwelling on it to figure it out for himself. ‘ _It’s what I was born to do, Sora.’_ The words seemed as much to be for explaining what he meant as they were for reassuring Sora. ‘ _Maybe I can avoid it as long as I’m in your heart, but…’_

He didn’t need to say anymore. Sora nodded.

“We’ll ask around,” Sora said. Out loud again. He needed to get better at that. Kairi narrowed her eyes at him, and he sighed. “We’ll have to ask a lot of questions about Shadows,” he said. To get her on the same page. To clarify to his Shadow. “Someone’s gotta have an answer…”

‘ _Cloud’s not going to be able to tell us anything, you know that,’_ Sora’s Shadow said in response to Sora’s half-thought consideration of him.

 _He might have something,_ Sora replied. _And he’s a good place to start._

“What was with that wolf, anyway?” Kairi asked. She wouldn’t look directly at him, now, but she certainly seemed a lot less frustrated, at least.

“Oh! It’s, uh, my Shadow’s… pet…” Sora explained.

Sora’s Shadow laughed. ‘ _Don’t let him hear you say that!’_

“Well, maybe _pet_ isn’t the best description,” Sora corrected. “But, y’know, it does what he tells it to do.”

Kairi nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back on the rampart again. “So it’s… it’s not gonna hurt you, then?”

Sora started giggling, not that he could really say why. It was probably a result of his body trying to process both his Shadow’s nervous laughter and his own genuine amusement at his Shadow’s embarrassment. The words _no, of course it wouldn’t!_ were never _said,_ but they were certainly thought, in passing. Sora was sure if his Shadow had a body, his face would be bright red.

“N-no,” Sora told Kairi through the giggles, swallowing hard to subdue them. “No, it won’t.”

Kairi only raised her eyebrows. “If your _Shadow_ told it to?” she pressed.

“He’s not going to hurt me, Kairi.”

Kairi let out an annoyed breath, but did nothing else, and said nothing. Sora moved to lean against the rampart with her, bumping against her shoulder.

“By the way, got any name ideas for him? My Shadow?” he asked. “I’m getting _really_ tired of just calling him ‘my Shadow’.”

Kairi laughed a little, sending him a sideways look. “What about Gary?” she asked.

Sora didn’t get it, but his Shadow did, immediately flooding with embarrassment and anger both, hot and churning through Sora’s body.

“Don’t you _dare_!” he snapped.

It was then that Sora saw the memories, of his Shadow talking to Kairi, of Kairi trying to pry a name out of him, and suggesting that when he wouldn’t provide one…

Kairi laughed a little more, a satisfied grin stretching across her face.

“Don’t worry, it’s dumb name anyway,” she said. Then she shook her head. “Can’t believe this. I guess I’ll try and help you think of something good.”

“Thanks,” Sora told her. “I appreciate it.”

His Shadow just grumbled inside of him.

Kairi sighed.

“You… You gonna tell anyone else about him?” Kairi asked.

Sora shrugged. “Eventually, yeah. I’ll probably have to.” Sensing his Shadow’s discomfort, though, he added: “Just, not today, maybe. Give us some time to… adjust…?”

“What about your parents?”

“They won’t believe me.”

Kairi rolled her eyes. “Not about him, I meant about _everything,_ again, since you’re still putting that off.”

“Yeah, well—!” Sora bit his lip as the heat rose to his cheeks. “You- _you_ need to be making your dad get a magician out there to look at the spell, or go find one yourself! That would make things a lot easier.”

Kairi glared at him. She didn’t argue, though. “Where to now?” she asked. “Back to your house? Or to Aerith’s?”

“Aerith’s…” Sora said, slowly. “We left Leon sitting there, and while we don’t have to tell him anything, I think he’d appreciate it if he knew we didn’t just… vanish.” He pushed away from the wall, turning over ideas in his head about how to approach his parents again as they made their way back to Aerith’s. He should get his dad first. Show him the Keyblade. Together they could convince his mom. But he wanted more time to piece out the words he wanted to say, the exact words, so he could not fumble and mess up if he got frustrated again.

‘ _You should just move out, at this rate,’_ his Shadow said.

_They’re my parents!_

_‘They’re a pain in the ass.’_

Sora wished even harder they had a name figured out for his Shadow, so he could yell it at him now. He settled for glaring down at his chest again.

 _I’m not moving out when I’ve hardly even_ tried _to talk to them! If it weren’t for the dumb spell—_

 _‘Then talk to Leon, and go home right now while you’re thinking about it, and just get it over with,’_ his Shadow interrupted. ‘ _I’ll try not to… mess things up this time.’_

Sora scowled. He knew he should… Yeah, after he talked to Leon, he would. They’d tell Leon everything was okay, sorry for raising a panic, and then he’d go talk to his dad. He’d do it. He would.


	34. In which, uh, that STILL wasn't supposed t

Kairi forced herself to stop eyeing Sora as they made their way back to Aerith’s. He appeared to be occupied with his thoughts—or, talking to his Shadow?—so he probably hadn’t noticed, but he would if she kept it up. And then he’d be annoyed. One of them would be annoyed.

She took a deep breath. It made sense. It could’ve been worse. But it didn’t make her comfortable. _Especially_ since Sora was so chill about it! It didn’t feel like that long ago that he was _furious_ at his Shadow. …had he been furious? Kairi only remembered a lot of yelling. And everything Sora told her that his Shadow did to him. And everything she and his Shadow had discussed… back before she knew who he was.

She still wasn’t sure which she was angrier about. The fact he’d never told her? Or the fact she’d trusted him…

 _It was only because he reminded me so much of Sora,_ she told herself. Now if only she could make herself believe it.

“Are you _sure_ it doesn’t bug you?” she asked Sora. They were approaching Aerith’s house now.

He shook his head. “No. I mean, it’s gonna take some getting used to, but, I don’t think I mind. It’s better than the alternative.”

Kairi didn’t quite see how, considering the alternative was his Shadow being dead and out of their hair, but she said nothing as she opened the door to Aerith’s house. They’d tell Leon everything was fine, then head home. Not that they _needed_ to, she supposed. It was still only morning here, fairly early morning at that, so it can’t have been any later than lunch time on the Islands.

The sight before her, though, made her forget entirely about going home any time soon.

Riku was sprawled on his back on the floor, unconscious, and looking much worse for wear. Yuffie was squatting next to him, eyes wide with worry even as she looked up at Kairi and Sora. “Leon went to get Aerith,” Yuffie said, before Kairi or Sora could say anything. “And I know I probably should’ve just taken Riku to the infirmary to begin with but it was habit to bring him here…”

“I thought Riku was already at the infirmary, working with Aerith?” Kairi asked, as Sora moved to further examine Riku.

“Did Leon tell you that?” Yuffie asked in reply. “I mean, Riku was, but then we had Heartless rounds to do. I _told_ Leon that’s what I was doing when I left.” She sighed, hugging her arms to her chest. “Oh well… Do… Do you think Riku’s gonna be okay?”

Sora said nothing, and all Kairi could do was shrug. Riku looked pretty pale, and there was a small amount of darkness surging around him—just enough to make her skin itch. She had no idea what his darkness problems _really_ amounted to, only that in the long run they could kill him if they weren’t fixed. But she wasn’t going to tell Yuffie that, especially not considering how distressed Yuffie already was.

“Geeze, this got bad, didn’t it?” Sora mumbled, fingers trailing over the surging darkness across Riku’s skin. He let out a short laugh—one quiet and quickly stifled, at least, though Yuffie still gave him a look. “And what’s this?” His fingers paused at a spot on Riku’s gut, where there was a patch of purple.

“That’s where Namine—” Kairi began, but had to stop and swallow the bile in her throat. Had to stop and suppress the image of Namine with a blade through Riku and a satisfied smirk on her lips. “That’s where his, uh, dark suit whatever tried to patch him up. Remember?”

“Looks like it’s doing it in other places, too…” Sora said. And he was right. There were a couple of obvious spots on Riku’s arms, and given the way the darkness was pulsing at Riku’s chest, he’d probably end up with purple spots there as well. Kairi felt pretty sorry for him. Sora started laughing again. “It’s not supposed to do that!” he managed to say, between ill-stifled giggles. “It’s not supposed to—” He broke into another fit of giggles, and quickly pushed himself to his feet and hurried outside, still laughing to himself.

Kairi couldn’t even be surprised that Sora’s Shadow found this situation _funny._

“Is… is _Sora_ okay?” Yuffie asked, as she watched him go.

“I hope so,” was all Kairi could say.

 

**xxx**

 

“How did it _get_ that bad?” Sora’s Shadow said, through Sora’s mouth, still cackling madly, _through Sora’s mouth._ Sora couldn’t figure out how to make him stop. “How did it? It’s _not_ supposed to _do that!_ ”

 _So you’ve said, at least, a million times now,_ Sora said, silently, as he was forced to do. Of course, it hadn’t been a million times, but between the internal and external repetitions, it certainly _felt_ like a lot.

“I’m sorry,” Sora’s Shadow replied, though he didn’t sound a bit sorry, and Sora could still feel his mouth pulled into a grin. “I’m just _amazed_ that this even—” He broke off into another bout of giggles, but these caught in his throat rather abruptly as he turned around. “Oh, _shit,_ ” he said, and suddenly Sora found himself in control of his body again.

Leon and Aerith and Namine were approaching, and they were certainly close enough to have heard most of that, not to mention they were all giving him looks. To save himself some embarrassment and not make them forget about Riku who was _definitely_ in worse shape, Sora merely slipped back inside the house. Yuffie gave him a strange look, too, but Kairi only glared a little and rolled her eyes, at least.

As (sort of) planned, everyone saw Riku first when they entered, so it (temporarily) distracted them from Sora. Namine and Aerith both were at Riku’s side in seconds, Namine watching closely over Aerith’s shoulder as Aerith put her fingers to Riku’s chest and pumped both healing magic and light into him. It looked nowhere near as strong as what Mickey had done all that time ago, but then again, Riku wasn’t on the verge of death this time.

After a second round of light, Aerith shook her head and pulled her hand away. “I didn’t think so,” she murmured. She sighed. “There’s nothing I can do. What happened?” She looked at Yuffie, who was still sitting on her heels, arms hugged to her chest.

Yuffie shrugged, eyes not on Aerith, but on Riku. “We were fighting Heartless and his darkness started acting up again, y’know, like it has been… He kept going in and out of his Dark Mode thing, but not on purpose, and then he got all sweaty and stammery and he passed out before I even got him here…”

“You’ll have to take him to Castle Oblivion,” Leon said.

Aerith sighed again. “I know…” She looked between Kairi and Sora. “I’m assuming one of you has transportation?”

Kairi nodded, producing the star shard.

“Can’t you just use a dark corridor?” Sora asked—or rather, his Shadow asked through him before he could stop it. Sora ground his teeth once the question was out.

“Without the Darkness Protection Protocols, Vexen figured it was for the best if Riku didn’t use them,” Namine answered. “Plus, depending on who all is going, dark corridors are really only safe for Replicas…”

‘ _A trip or two wouldn’t hurt… more than that probably wouldn’t hurt,’_ Sora’s Shadow thought, but Sora bit his lip hard so those words would not leave his mouth either.

_Stop using my mouth!_

_‘Sorry.’_

He didn’t sound sorry.

“We should make trips,” Kairi said. “I’ll take Riku and Aerith—unless you’d rather me take Namine?”

Aerith shook her head. “I’ll be fine, I’ve been there a few times. I know I just need to ask for Vexen and leave it at that.”

Kairi nodded. “Alright. Then I’ll be right back to pick up whoever else wants to come along.” The star shard went off, and then she and Aerith and Riku were gone.

“It’s just me and you that’s going, right Sora?” Namine asked. She looked between Leon and Yuffie. “Neither of you want to come, huh?” From the look on her face, she already knew the answer.

“Got restoration work to do,” Leon answered.

Yuffie got to her feet, arms still folded across her chest. “I hate waiting around. Besides, _someone’s_ gotta cover Heartless patrol while Leon works.”

‘ _If it’s just you and Namine, I could probably—’_

 _No!_ Sora interrupted, before his Shadow could finish the thought. _Your wolf’s way of travel makes me sick to my stomach, and I know for a fact you can’t do that flashing-from-world-to-world thing you used to be able to do. Not with you in here._

_‘Fine, we’ll wait for Kairi, but this just gives Leon time to ask questions…’_

Sora tried not to eye Leon anxiously, but Leon was definitely eyeing him. They all were. He cleared his throat. This is not how he’d wanted it to happen. This was not how either of them had wanted it to happen.

“Are… are _you_ okay, Sora?” Namine asked, before Leon could ask anything.

Sora crossed his arms, drumming his fingers near his shoulder. “I’m, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Then what was all the… nervous giggling about?”

“That was, uh.” He coughed. Wet his lips. Easier to get it out quickly, as he kept thinking. He opened his mouth to speak, except, sound would not come out. To say it was as if his Shadow had his hands wrapped tight around Sora’s vocal chords might not, exactly, be incorrect.

‘ _Sora, please,’_ he begged. ‘ _Don’t tell them.’_

 _It’ll be easier if we get it out now,_ Sora argued, scowling a little.

‘ _They’re gonna be mad!’_

_Better mad than thinking I’ve gone crazy, though…_

_‘But you’re not the one they’re gonna be mad at!!’_

It was the desperation in his tone that made Sora reconsider. The way it seemed to waver within him, shaking everything inside him. It was a quick—and perhaps unintentional—conveyance of images and moments and a lot of yelling voices that made Sora understand. Everyone’s eyes were still on him when he sat on the ground, breathing hard.

It wasn’t like he was surprised, exactly. He’d been there for most of these instances. He’d just… Forgotten.

 _That’s right,_ he thought, dread filling him thickly. Now that he remembered, he remembered how angry Cloud had been. How angry _Leon_ had been. The way Aerith had shut down on herself after only three words. It was suddenly very hard to swallow. _You were kind of awful to them, huh?_

 _‘It’s in my nature,’_ his Shadow replied, moaning a little. An apology bubbled around those words, but it was never said. Given the fact it felt pretty insincere, or at least half-hearted, Sora understood why it wasn’t.

There was something else, too.

Something else amongst the dread and thoughts of those here at Hollow Bastion.

It was a quick and sharp feeling—a thought that his Shadow tried to hide. But he wasn’t fast enough, and Sora saw it. A hot feeling bubbled inside him.

_And- and Kairi—!?_

_‘I’m sorry about what I did to Kairi.’_ Sora wasn’t sure he’d heard his Shadow answer so quickly in his life. _‘I’m so sorry.’_ His mental voice trembled.

Sora took very deep breaths, trying to separate his feelings from his Shadow’s. The effort made his stomach clench, but better that than the angry tears he felt coming. His Shadow was sorry he did it. He _really_ was. But he hated he was sorry, because he shouldn’t be, and—

Sora refused to think on that, refused to think on what his Shadow _had_ done. His Shadow had made Kairi think he was gone forever? And it’d _worked_ , for a while there? No, no, he wouldn’t think about it. A clean slate. They were going to start on a clean slate.

‘ _I don’t deserve that, Sora.’_

_Shut up._

“Sora?” Leon was looking very worriedly at him. He and Namine and Yuffie were, though it looked like Yuffie was pretending not to. Based on Leon’s tone of voice, and the crease of Namine’s brow, they may have been trying to get his attention for a while now.

“ _Are_ you okay?” Namine repeated.

Sora swallowed. “It’s… it’s a lot to explain,” he said, made himself say. “And now… is not the time.” The words were easier to get out after that. “Later. I’ll explain later.”

‘ _Do we have to?’_

_Yes. Eventually. But we’ll wait until we have better proof you aren’t here to trick me, or something._

Leon looked at Sora like he wanted to press further. Namine was grimacing like she wanted to as well—though Sora knew she wouldn’t, she hated to press things—but then Kairi showed back up. Sora was not sure who the sigh of relief belonged to.

Kairi sent him a look which quickly became accusatory once she saw what position he was in. She said nothing, though, but he was sure she was thinking a lot of things, and if he knew her at all, none of them were kind. “Who’s coming with?” Kairi asked.

“Just me and Sora,” Namine answered. Sora was not so sure the looks everyone was giving him were _really_ worth avoiding the anger. But, for now, there was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could do.

“Then let’s go!” Kairi held her hands out, and it was one star shard trip later that they were standing in one of the hallways of Castle Oblivion. Sora sure hoped they were in the right one, but Namine would’ve said if they weren’t, surely.

Kairi stuffed the star shard back into her pocket. “You tell them?” she asked, eyeing Sora.

“No. Not yet.”

“Mm,” was all Kairi said, then she stalked off.

Namine looked between Kairi’s retreating form and Sora. “Tell us what…?” she asked.

“Not now,” Sora said, again. “Aren’t you worried about Riku?”

“Well, yeah, but you’re my friend too…”

Sora found a blush rising to his cheeks, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. Embarrassed to be reminded, probably. Or maybe his Shadow was blushing about something. He doubted he could even tell the difference if that was the case.

“Let’s check on Riku first,” Sora told Namine. “Then I’ll tell you.”

She nodded. “Alright. This way, then.”

Sora was quite glad she lead the way for him, because he definitely would not have found his way to Riku if left to his own devices.


	35. In which SOMEONE embarrasses himself

Sora’s Shadow rubbed at his nose, or, did the metaphysical equivalent of it. Of course, here in Sora’s heart station, he _could_ form himself a body, but then it was a little harder to watch things through Sora’s eyes, because it made him a little further detached from it. Not that he _had_ to pay any attention to this conversation or anything, but he wanted to. There was something about the way Riku’s darkness had tugged at him when he’d examined it earlier. Something that made him giddy to just think about again. _Why,_ though? That was the question. Maybe someone would say something that would help him figure it out.

Except, right now, all they were discussing were the Darkness Protection Protocol whatevers, and so on, and so on. Sora’s eyes darted around the room, long enough for his Shadow to get a better sense of where everyone was, not that it mattered. Riku was on one of the two cots in this room, out cold still, Aerith was sitting by him, Namine standing close to her, Kairi to Sora’s left leaning against the wall. She looked tired—no, exasperated, annoyed, at the end of her line. No surprise. And then Vexen and the other Vexen… no, Even, that was right. They were each standing at a computer.

“In short, no, we can’t do anything until the Darkness Protection Protocols are installed,” Even said, in response to something that someone said. Or asked. Or… whatever.

“How _is_ that coming along, anyway?” Aerith asked, and this caught his attention. Not because of her question, but because of her attitude. Her tone was polite enough, but anyone with eyes could see just how thin her patience really was. There was no denying the tight lipped way she addressed Even and Vexen both as she asked, no denying the uneasy glances she sent the walls around them.

“Even suggested we stop trying to translate it manually and write a program to do it for us,” Vexen said.

“If it’s not faster, it at least would be more accurate,” Even said, and that was all Sora’s Shadow cared enough to hear. It was just more Replica stuff he wasn’t interested in. Nothing concerning the darkness, nothing to explain the familiarity he’d felt in the darkness pulsing through Riku’s skin.

Then, finally, Vexen said something that caught his attention. “…is how his darkness even _got_ like this,” he was saying. A brief dig through Sora’s top layer memories told Sora’s Shadow that the sentence had started with _what I don’t understand_ —“I programmed darkness into him, but not this amount, and while I suppose it _could_ have mutated…” He shook his head.

“It must have, unless he’s somehow been in contact with a large amount of darkness in these past months…”

That’s when Aerith and Namine, then Kairi exchanged looks. Sora’s Shadow was glad Sora was standing where he could see everyone. There was probably more in their glances than he could read, but, certainly, _something…_ Something tickled at the back of his mind, too. What _was_ it…?

“Actually…” Aerith began, very slowly. “I’m not sure _how,_ but there was a time when he came over to visit, and he…” She sent a look in his—no, Sora’s—direction, clearly hesitant to say something. Sora’s Shadow wished his senses weren’t so dampened by being in Sora’s body, because he should’ve been able to tell _why._ “Well, he got hurt pretty badly, and when we finally found him… there was a lot of darkness.”

“A Heartless?” Even asked.

“N-no…”

That’s when he remembered. That’s when he remembered finding Riku in a pool of his own blood and some darkness, and had decided to, well, make the situation… more _interesting,_ by adding even more darkness into the mix. He was breaking into another fit of nervous giggles soon enough, and Sora’s irritation flooded through him.

“ _Ohh,_ that was _me_ ,” he—accidentally—said, before Sora clapped a hand to his mouth. That was the unfortunate thing about laughing through Sora’s mouth—he _was_ still laughing—the words came out of it, too.

Aerith looked at him—them—Sora—and sighed. “Well, _yes,_ we know you were the one who… attacked… Riku, but…” She shook her head. “The darkness? I know you struggled with it, Sora, but I just don’t—”

“It was me—my Shadow,” Sora seized most of the control back of his mouth, though some of the giggles still seemed to break through, somehow. “My… I…” He bit his lip hard, and Sora’s Shadow did his hardest to stop feeling so giddy, because now was a bad time, now was a _horrible_ time.

“Oh just _tell them,_ Sora!” Kairi snapped.

Sora flinched. The resolve that settled in his mind was like a bucket of cold water—the laughter and giddiness Sora’s Shadow felt died abruptly. He made himself small as Sora opened his mouth.

“The sooner I get it out the better, I guess,” Sora said, whether to himself or the room, his Shadow was not entirely sure. “My Shadow’s not dead. He’s in here.” That, accompanied with the thump of his chest, as always. “It’s kind of my fault, and also his fault, and also an accident, seeing as neither of us knew that that heart… was _his_ heart and it being in me would mean he… lived…” Sora’s words got less clear at the end. He was doing a horrible job of explaining it, but his Shadow didn’t care—he just wished he could be anywhere else right now.

“Thank you,” Kairi muttered. Sora knew she was smug without even looking at her, so his Shadow knew as well, and it made him feel no better. He’d wonder again why she hated him so much, but that was pointless, because he knew why. The cruel words he’d spat at her just to get rid of her still burned on his tongue, and the image of Sora’s horror and anger still swam in his mind.

“A Shadow? A… _Sheto?_ ” it was Even who asked, eyeing Sora warily. Sora’s eyes glazed over Aerith’s similarly distrustful look, but his Shadow did not miss it. It was hard to miss _any_ foul look directed at him. Even’s look shifted from wary to studying to something else, then he nodded. “Mm, I don’t know much about them, but… More importantly, can we ask him about Riku?”

“Yes, what _exactly_ did he do to Riku?” Vexen demanded, anger causing his voice to shake. Sora’s Shadow wished he did not have to suffer under his cold glare, and he almost removed himself from the situation entirely, had Sora not stopped him, caught him, like a hand on his arm.

“It’d be easier if you asked him,” Sora said. “Hang on.”

 _I don’t want to!_ his Shadow protested, before Sora could ask the question—not that he really needed to ask, what he was planning to do had already been passed along to Sora’s Shadow.

‘ _C’mon, please, I’m gonna mess it up,’_ Sora said.

_I don’t care!_

_‘No one here is gonna hate you,’_ Sora assured him. ‘ _I mean, Kairi already does, but Aerith and Namine are pretty chill. You know that. And I’m not sure about Vexen and Even but their opinions don’t really matter. Please. It’ll be so much faster.’_

It was the please that made him do it. That, and the fact control of Sora’s body was being thrust into his hands before he could even really say his answer. Then he was standing there in front of all of them, all of them staring, waiting, _judging._ Had Sora given them enough warning for what they were doing?

‘ _Just tell them it’s you, no big deal,’_ Sora told him.

 _This wasn’t a good idea,_ he thought back, but he wet his lips to speak anyway. He forced a smile onto his lips, the cockiest he could muster. “Alright. Well. Hi,” he said. “Sora’s Shadow here, to answer your probably incredibly probing questions—damn, I guess Sora was right about the name. It _is_ pretty annoying to introduce myself as that.” It was only after he said it that he realized what he’d done. Spoken when he’d meant to keep that thought to himself.

‘ _Smooth!’_ Sora laughed at him.

“Shut up,” he said back, and then grit his teeth. He’d meant for that to be silent, too.

Sora laughed harder, and _he_ managed to keep the laughter internal. Sora’s Shadow grit his teeth harder, and geared his thoughts back towards Riku, toward what he’d done, carefully looking at no one in the room. Their eyes all burned on his skin, but at least they hadn’t said anything yet.

“Anyway, about Riku,” he said. Sora’s ‘the sooner out the better’ policy seemed to have some merits, it seemed. Especially right now. He itched to move a little closer to Riku, to run his hands over the still sparking darkness at his chest, to get a good _feel_ of all the damage it was doing to him. That would certainly put him in a better mood—but no, no, Sora wouldn’t approve. He swallowed, cleared his throat. A part of him wished Sora would finally feel how terrified he was and put an end to this, the rest of him hoped Sora never found out, so he could never think him any weaker.

“About Riku,” he repeated. “I uh, ha.” He laughed, made himself laugh. How _could_ Sora not notice what he really felt? “Pff, okay, my bad. I don’t even have an excuse. I just. I pumped him full of darkness. I don’t even remember why he was there, or why I— _don’t look at me like that!_ ” It was too much, a few seconds too long under five—five!—sets of accusing eyes. “Did you really expect anything else from me? _I’m sorry!_ I mean, no, I’m not that sorry, really. I’m only sorry because Sora’s upse—I MEAN because. I’m. I’m sorry that I wasted my time doing it and was so distracted that I let Maleficent drag Sora off right from under my nose.”

He was certain his heart had never beat so hard in his life, even including when he’d faced Sora that time he’d hoped would be the last, praying hard and in vain that Sora would not piece together the secret he wished he could deny. Kairi was still considering him with a look that was hatred and disgust at the same time. Vexen looked about ready to attack him, honestly. Even wasn’t doing anything but considering him, studying him, and though his face was the kindest, it still made him uneasy. Namine looked a little angry, a little scared, and Aerith—

Even with his senses dampened because he was in Sora, dampened because it was hard to pick out what other people were feeling when you had to wade through a stream of someone else’s emotions to even _reach_ them… Even with his senses dampened, Aerith’s pain was too much for him to miss. She’d lost Zack in a pool of his own blood and too much darkness for her to heal. She’d almost lost Riku the same way.

“STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!” he shouted, before they could speak, before they could call him out. “Okay? I didn’t know it could potentially _kill_ him! If I had known—” But he broke off, because he knew he wouldn’t have done anything different. He didn’t _actually_ care about Riku. “Well, whatever! What does it matter? You can fix it, can’t you?”

He looked at Vexen and Even, because they had the answers. Then he looked only at Even, unable to handle Vexen’s gaze. Even’s really was the only kind gaze in the room—everyone else was looking at him like… He angrily pushed down the memory of being pinned to the ground and Maleficent’s sneer. This was his legacy. A disgrace to the darkness. Not good enough for the light.

Even answered levelly, not a hint of anger or distrust in his voice. “Once we install the Darkness Protection Protocols, they should undo the damage your darkness has done to Riku, or, at the very least, prevent it from doing any more harm.” After a pause, he added: “Thank you, by the way. Now we know what we’re dealing with.” It wasn’t bitter at all.

Kairi’s next comment, however, was. “Can’t _you_ do something about it?” she asked him. Her eyes burned. “I mean, it’s your fault, the least you could do is try and fix it.”

The scowl came easily. “Well, if I still had a body, maybe I’d be able to do something,” Sora’s Shadow replied. “But, I don’t have my own body, and can’t exactly extract any darkness through Sora’s.” Actually, he probably could, but not without potentially damaging Sora’s heart.

Sora latched onto that thought almost immediately, coming from wherever he’d been ignoring the conversation, or whatever he’d been doing. Sleeping, maybe, as he tended to do any time he wasn’t in control of his body. Anyway. Sora latched onto the thought of extracting the darkness from Riku, and before he’d asked—if he’d asked, Sora’s Shadow could’ve deflected the questions—he knew how high the chances were it actually _could_ be done.

“Would it help?” Sora was asking, snatching control of his body back before his Shadow could fully convey how dangerous this idea was. “Would extracting darkness from Riku help?” After a pause he added. “This is Sora again, by the way.”

“It would solve most of our problems,” Vexen answered, almost immediately. From the glare Even gave him, Sora’s Shadow suspected the only reason Vexen hadn’t been smacked was because there was a bed and an unconscious Riku between them.

“It _would not,_ ” Even argued. “Would it buy Riku a little extra time? Yes. But that’s about all it would do.”

“That’s good enough for me!” Sora said, cracking his knuckles.

 _Sora!_ his Shadow warned, but Sora ignored him. Ignored him!

“Whoa, hang on,” Kairi at least, sensed the urgency. She pushed off from the wall she was leaning against, arms falling from her chest. “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

Sora hesitated, but only a moment, then he was shrugging Kairi’s worry off. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

 _No you don’t!_ his Shadow screamed at him. _Sora you have no idea what you’re about to do! Listen to me!!_

“Are you _sure?_ ” Aerith was the one who asked this time— _Sora, please, listen to Aerith!_ —eyes narrowed warily at him. “I know you’ve… _dealt_ with darkness in the past, but this could be dangerous…”

“What’s it matter if it helps Riku?” Sora replied, without a pause this time. “You said he had, what was it? A month, tops, before the darkness reaches fatal levels?” He looked at Even as he asked. “I know you’re working on it, and making a lot of progress, but that’s still not a long time! If I can do anything to help…”

 _Sora, please, don’t!_ his Shadow shouted, wishing he could grab Sora by the shoulders and shake him. _It’s not worth it!!_

Sora replied this time. ‘ _This is Riku’s life we’re talking about. Of course it is.’_

No one argued now, just stood aside and let Sora move to Riku. He poised with his hand over Riku’s chest, running over in his mind what he was supposed to do from there. That’s as far as Sora’s Shadow let him get. He seized control of Sora’s body, yanking him backwards.

“Don’t you _dare!_ ” he screamed—the words weren’t silent, seeing as he controlled Sora’s body, and that included Sora’s mouth. “You have literally _no idea_ what you’re doing!!”

“I know it will help Riku,” Sora replied. Correction: they were caught with each of them partially in control of the body. Unsurprising, seeing as Sora was struggling.

“IT WON’T HELP _YOU!_ ”

“C’mon, please—”

“NO! _LISTEN TO ME._ It’s not going to _help._ I mean, sure, it’ll get the darkness out of Riku, and that’s what we’re going for, but what did you expect to do with the darkness then? Just throw it to the side? It doesn’t _work_ like that!!” He focused on nothing but getting the words out. He ignored how tight his chest felt. Ignored everyone else in the room. “You can’t _do_ anything with the darkness but channel it from one thing to another. All it would do is come out of Riku and settle in _you!!_ And that’s not!! _NO!_ ”

‘ _Then let’s find another place to put the darkness,’_ Sora suggested. He said it silently this time, but his Shadow hardly noticed. ‘ _Your wolf? Wouldn’t that—’_

“SORA! _PLEASE!_ Do you even know what being a _conduit_ for the darkness would do to you? Don’t _do this!_ You can’t do this! _You’re going to hurt yourself!_ ”

‘ _If it saves Riku—’_ Sora began.

“Stop that! _Stop that!!_ He’s not _worth it!_ He’s not _worth_ what this is going to do to you! You can’t _handle_ this much darkness! You can’t hold it. You _can’t!_ Sora, _please,_ you can’t. I won’t let you. I won’t let you do this to yourself!!”

Sora went silent, and stayed that way for a long moment. Then his churning thoughts caught up to his Shadow, and his Shadow went rigid. Now he realized the tears streaming down his cheeks. How loud he’d been shouting. _What_ he’d been shouting, and more importantly _who_ in front of. It was bad enough they knew he was here, but now they probably knew—

A wave of nausea passed through him. He couldn’t bear to look at anyone in the room, so he stared straight ahead, at nothing. At nothing.

“ _Dammit!_ I _hate_ you, Sora!” he screamed, and he did not care that the words left Sora’s mouth. “I said I hate you and I _mean it!_ I hate you! _I hate what you do to me!_ ”

And then he released what control he held of Sora’s body, and he fled. He fled to the deepest reaches of Sora’s heart, as deep as he dared. Except you couldn’t really run from something that surrounded you completely.


	36. In which Sora makes a promise, and Aerith is a little bitter

Sora took a heaving gasp of air, reaching for something to support him. Kairi was there in a second, and he grabbed her arm, more than grateful that she hadn’t left him staggering. He felt… raw. Like he’d been split open and laid bare, like all his insides were now on the outside. Maybe _vulnerable_ was the right word.

Perhaps that was how his Shadow felt. The link between them had been snatched from his hands, but Sora could imagine well enough. Shouting _all that_ in front of everyone? Even now Sora couldn’t bear the weight of all their eyes on him.

He took another shuddering gasp for air, and then he was running. He pulled himself away from Kairi and he ran, easily losing himself in the repeating white walls, running until his stomach caught up to him. He ducked into the nearest room—it was empty, at least—and bent over double, nearly retching in response to the self-hate that was suddenly clawing through him. It was not his, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it like an ocean about to drown him.

Separating himself from the emotions was not easy, even with the link between him and his Shadow momentarily stifled. Stifled as well as it could be, anyway, he knew now. This link was apparently not something you could truly stifle, and the furious pile of emotions warring in his belly made that more than clear.

 _It is not mine!_ he thought angrily, fingers curling as he tried to hold onto his stomach. At least there was nothing in there to get rid of. _It is not mine! It is not mine!!_ Three times, for good measure. He did not hate himself. But he was drowning.

“Sora?”

His first instinct was to push Kairi off, except, she was only sitting down next to him. After a shuddering breath he straightened and scooted closer to her, sitting so their knees were touching. Her presence helped cleared his head. Hold onto himself.

“You okay…?” Kairi asked, cautiously, studying him with a face that was mostly worried. He didn’t miss the distrust behind her eyes, though.

“Yeah…” he said, with a nod. “For the most part.”

“Is he…?”

Sora checked before answering. He reached out to contact his Shadow—that was all he could do, without a name; _hey you!_ was not enough—but came up with nothing. Either his Shadow wasn’t there, or was ignoring him. Sora couldn’t say he minded either way. Not right now.

He shook his head. “No,” he told Kairi. “He’s not around—or as not around as he can be, anyway.”

Kairi nodded. She pushed her hair over her shoulder and leaned back on her arms, laughing to herself. “You’re lucky I followed right after you,” she said. “I don’t think I would’ve kept up, otherwise. Almost lost you as it was. This Castle’s…” She stopped there, shuddering, but there was something of a smile on her lips. She was trying to lighten the mood, and he loved her for it.

“Sorry for running, I guess,” Sora said. He scratched his neck. “I was just a little… embarrassed.” That was the first word to come to mind, but maybe not the right one. “Or maybe he was. I dunno… It was all…”

Kairi waited for him to gather his thoughts, not pressing, not yet. Sora let out a long breath and moved to rub his arms. There was no telling whether it was actually cold here or if it was just his nerves. He swallowed hard, then having found a good place to start, spoke:

“It’s just, I know what he feels for me. I do. I know he loves me, and I know he hates himself for it, but- but _knowing_ is different than _feeling_ it, and it just hit me again like a blow to a gut.” More than the embarrassment of what had happened, it was the reminder that shook them both up so much. The reminder of how much his Shadow cared about him. “This… _this_ is why he was able to look me in the eye and tell me to kill him,” Sora said. “He was feeling like _this._ ”

Kairi eyed him warily. “Like what?”

“Like—” Sora stopped to fumble for words, for the right words to explain it. “About ready to puke, because he’s so disgusted with himself. Because he can’t forgive himself for hurting me, but he can’t forgive himself for loving me, either. Because that’s everything he’s not supposed to be. Because he’s my Shadow, and he’s supposed to drag me into darkness, but instead it scares him silly when I could potentially damage my heart? He thinks he should be happy about those things, but he’s not, and—”

“And so he’s so disgusted with himself he’d rather die,” Kairi finished. “I get the picture.” She wouldn’t look at him, but that wasn’t enough to completely hide what she was thinking from Sora. They’d known each other far too long. She was upset, she was frustrated, and he wasn’t entirely sure what about, but chances were it was just about his Shadow in general.

Sora hugged himself tighter, trying not to think too hard about it lest he lose control of his stomach again. It was hard to forget those moments of screaming and tears and blades bared against each other—hard to forget the pleas of _just kill me!_ and _tell me why first!_ Most nights Sora’d wished he’d never asked. Now, he wasn’t sure. With his Shadow still alive, it was probably best that the secret was out.

“What are you gonna do about him?” Kairi asked, breaking his thoughts.

“I don’t know,” Sora admitted, reluctantly. “But… but don’t you dare try and tell me again that I’m better off without him. That I’m _safer_ without him! That’s what everyone says. That’s what he’s terrified of. But I think…” He hesitated, a second, not wanting to say it, not entirely sure. “I think… he’s changing, Kairi. I think he already has…”

“Hmm…” Kairi said. She shifted to lean forward, hands in her lap. “Maybe… Maybe the only thing to do with him is… to get him out of here,” she tapped Sora’s chest, “and then… send him on his way. Then he won’t have to constantly face this whole he-loves-you-but-he-hates-you-for-it, and if… if there _are_ any chances left that he’d hurt you, he’d be far enough away that you’d see it coming.”

Sora scowled. He wished she’d stop saying that. “He won’t hurt me…”

Kairi only shrugged. “ _Still…_ ”

He couldn’t exactly argue with anything else she’d said. She had a point. It just pained him. He reached up to put a hand to his heart, sighing deeply.

“Is- is it weird to say I don’t want him to go?” he was asking before he really realized it. Kairi had that effect on him. He sent her a quick look, cheeks flushing with embarrassment, trying to gauge her response.

She burst out laughing. “Yeah, it’s a little weird!” she told him. “Why, though?” Despite the laughter, she was taking it fairly seriously. Or, not angrily or bitterly, anyway, so that was a plus. “Do you have a reason for me?”

“I… I dunno…” Sora swallowed hard. It felt like there was a lump in his throat. “I just… I want to give him the chance. The- The chance to…? I dunno! Change? _Live?_ To… be a good person? But, not that, that sounds lame.” He grimaced. How to put it? “To be… someone who isn’t judged because he’s my Shadow, because he’s _a_ Shadow, because he’s apparently some abomination who the worlds are better without, and- and _clearly_ I’m the only one who’s going to give him that chance!” His voice cracked, and he winced, reaching up to scrub the tears from his eyes.

“That’s…” Kairi began.

“It’s _true,_ Kairi!” he shouted, cutting her off. “Cloud said it was better if he was dead. Mickey saw him and only saw darkness to be destroyed. _You_ said it would be better if he was dead!!” He wiped his eyes again. And again.

“And I’m _sorry_ I said that!” Kairi protested. “But that wasn’t what I was going to say now. I was going to say that even though that’s very kind of you, it doesn’t change the fact that he needs to get over himself, or get over loving you, or _something!_ You can’t ask him to stick around if—”

“Right. I know,” Sora said. He didn’t need her to finish.

“I… I really _am_ sorry I said he’d be better off dead,” Kairi said slowly. Her eyes were fixed on her hands in her lap, and she was rubbing her thumbs together. “I don’t trust him, no, I’m not really happy he’s around, and I’m not really convinced this isn’t some elaborate act or plan of some sort, but… I really shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Sora hesitated, then flashed her a smile and patted her on the knee. There was no point arguing again about it not being an act. He understood why she didn’t believe it. Yet. He’d convince her eventually, just, not now. Not today.

“Um, excuse me.”

They both looked up. Even was standing there in the doorway, looking apologetic. He cleared his throat and straightened his shirt.

“Ah, is now a bad time?” he asked.

Sora and Kairi exchanged glances. It was as good of a time as any. They’d talked about just about everything there was to talk about, Sora thought. Kairi thought the same, he could tell, by the look in her eyes and her nod.

“No, we were done,” Kairi said. She got to her feet, then helped pull Sora up. “Good thing you’re here, too—short of a star shard trip we’d have never found our way back.”

Even chuckled a little. “The Castle is like that, isn’t it?” he said. “Actually, though, I came to tell you something. I’m not sure how worried you are about your Shadow being where he is, Sora, but I imagine you’d like any and all information possible concerning, probably, how to get him out?”

Sora and Kairi exchanged startled glances. How convenient.

“Uh, yeah,” Sora agreed, after only a second of surprised hesitation. “Among other things.”

Even nodded, as if anticipating that answer. “Well, like I said earlier, I don’t know much about Shadows myself, but I think I might know where you can get information. Xehanort spent plenty of time researching darkness when he was an apprentice to Ansem the Wise, he among the other apprentices. If what you’re looking for isn’t somewhere in the library at Radiant Garden—or, Hollow Bastion, as it goes by now, unfortunately—then what you’re looking for might be in one of their research notes.” Like Vexen (and many Vexen Replicas) he spoke rapidly, and left little room for interruption. Sora was just grateful Even didn’t talk so fast he couldn’t keep up. Some of the Vexens did.

“Seriously?” Kairi asked. She sounded like she didn’t believe it.

“Wow, thanks!” Sora said. He believed it—he’d seen the library—and while digging through _Xehanort’s_ research piles didn’t sound like a lot of fun, _any_ lead was better than Cloud-who-really-had-no-idea.

Even nodded again.

Kairi sighed. “Are we going now, or are we gonna tell Aerith and Namine we’re leaving?” Kairi asked. “Or, I don’t know, anyone else who might want to know.”

“I… I suppose I _should_ tell someone where I’m heading so I don’t just vanish on everyone again,” Even said. He grimaced faintly, but what about, Sora had no clue, and he didn’t care to find out right now.

“Well, then let’s go do that,” Sora said, shooing Even into the hallway, checking to make sure Kairi was following him. The sooner they started looking, the better. _Maybe we’ll get lucky, and find a way to get you your own body already,_ he told his Shadow. His Shadow didn’t reply.

 

**xxx**

Namine took deep breaths as she eyed Riku, still unconscious, still looking paler than she’d ever seen him—and he’d always been a little pale. Even had gone to get Sora and Kairi, or tell them something, she hadn’t entirely been listening. Vexen vanished as well, apparently to find Alpha or 7 or someone to give him a second opinion, though Namine was beginning to think Vexen had just gotten good at sensing when she wanted privacy. Aerith was still here, of course, sitting in the only chair, not far from Riku’s cot, and not far from where Namine herself was sitting on the floor.

She didn’t stop herself this time, as her fingers moved to Riku’s abdomen, moved to push aside his shirt just enough that she could see the scar of purple. It was the same color as the darker parts of his dark suit—which he should be thankful for, at least it wasn’t the bright lavender—and it certainly felt to be made of the same… material, if you could call it material. The air in her lungs caught, and tears stung in her eyes. The mark was a reminder, a very painful reminder, of something that should not matter anymore, except that something still haunted her dreams at night, and plenty moments waking, as well.

It was not her fault his darkness malfunctioned like this, of course. But it was her fault he even had the wound to begin with. The memory came back in flashes of images. Riku, in her arms. A slight shift away from him, just enough to get the tip of her blade to his skin. It was at an angle that she stabbed, but it’d been good enough to almost kill him. And if that memory wasn’t bad enough, then there was also the memory of his blood on her hands, his blood down the front of her dress—

“Namine?”

She jumped at Aerith’s hand on her shoulder, and had to clutch her chest to breathe again. Aerith smiled sadly down at her.

“Are… are you okay, Namine?” Aerith asked.

Namine nodded quickly out of habit. In truth, she wasn’t really, but she couldn’t take the nod back. Besides, she was as okay as she was expected to be. She pulled her hand away from Riku, swallowing hard. It wouldn’t hurt to tell Aerith, though, what was on her mind. Riku put a lot of trust in her.

“It’s just, that’s where I…” Namine swallowed again. “Where I hurt him…” She shoved the memory out of her mind, this time, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. If she did, she’d remember the satisfaction she’d first felt, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She felt inches away from breaking into panic as it was.

“It’s… not your fault,” Aerith said, hesitantly. Namine knew she was only saying it because it was what she’d been told to say, not for any other reason. She didn’t fully understand what had happened, and she had no idea what it was like to be Rewritten. Then again, no one did. No one expect Roxas, anyway, but even if she _could_ find him, Namine wouldn’t go to him. He’d treated the whole thing like a joke the last time they’d talked, and even if it _was_ his way of coping, it just made her feel sick.

Still, there was no reason to make Aerith feel bad for trying to help. “I know that,” Namine said. “But it still…” She stopped there, shaking her head. There was nothing else to say. No reason to worry Aerith further.

“I’m sorry,” Aerith said, so quiet Namine almost missed it. Namine turned to her, confused.

“It’s… not _your_ fault either?”

Aerith nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. That was a habit she’d developed ever since cutting it. She sniffed a little. It almost looked like she was holding back tears. “I know. I just wish I could go back in time, and… fix everything.” She tucked hair behind her ear again. “I know I can’t, but you and Riku both have gone through so much more pain than anyone should have to.”

Namine blinked a few times, touched, but not sure what to say. She ended up smiling weakly, and that’s all she could do, because then Riku was sitting up. He winced and clutched at his head immediately, in a way that made her wonder if it was from pain or to shield his eyes. Maybe both. He suppressed a groan as he backed himself up so he could lean against the wall.

“Ahg, what happened?” he muttered.

“Yuffie said that you were having trouble with the darkness when you were fighting Heartless,” Aerith explained, with a hesitant glance at Namine. Namine frowned a little, wondering what the glance was for. “You passed out before she could get you to me.”

Riku nodded. “And you brought me here to have the dynamic duo tell me they can’t do anything, right,” he said, and he groaned. The groan, Namine realized, was for the sight of his arms, which both had purple spots in a couple different places.

“I couldn’t do anything about that, either,” Aerith said. “I’m sorry.”

Riku shook his head. “Nah, not your fault.” He rubbed at his arm, though. Namine wondered how strange those spots must have felt. “What’s the verdict?” he asked. “They said they couldn’t do anything, huh?”

“Yeah, they did,” Namine answered. “Even thinks he has a quicker way to translate your data, though, so it shouldn’t be too long now.” She wondered if she should tell him about the time limit they’d put on it. Or perhaps what Sora’s Shadow had done to his darkness…?

“They…” Aerith cleared her throat before she could continue. “They said you only have a month before… before the darkness reaches fatal levels.” Riku hardly blinked.

“Yeah. I knew.”

“You _knew?_ ”

Riku nodded. “They told me last time I was here.”

“And you didn’t _say_ anything?” Aerith’s voice trembled, and her hands curled in her lap. Something about the air around her made Namine’s chest clench.

“Didn’t want to worry you,” Riku said.

“Didn’t want to worry me,” Aerith repeated. She nodded, and then she laughed, once, sharply. “Well, you should stop that. Both of you.” She sent a stern look at Namine as well as Riku, and Namine found herself cringing. “What’s the point of having a family if you don’t worry them? That’s what you’re supposed to do. And I worry anyway! There’s no point in- in not telling me things…!”

“Sorry,” Namine mumbled, and Riku echoed her.

Aerith nodded to herself. Namine looked to Riku, and he sent her a shrug and a sheepish look—unconsciously, she mirrored it. Then Riku looked up, to the doorway. Even’d returned, with Sora and Kairi at his heels.

Even looked around, and then grimaced. “Right, Vexen’s not here. Oh well. Would one of you mind telling him—or, anyone, really—that I’m going to show Sora and Kairi the library in Ansem the Wise’s castle? I think there might be research notes that could help them there.”

“The library?” Aerith asked. It was hard to miss the tone of excitement in her voice. “That’s right! We’ve been meaning to look through there for some of Ansem’s old notes. Would it be a problem if I came along?”

“I suppose not,” Even said. He looked between Namine and Riku, and sighed. “And I suppose you two will want to come along as well?”

Namine nodded, as there was no reason for just her and Riku to stay here, and Riku said they might as well at this point, and Even sighed again. “I’ll just write a note,” he said, moving to the nearest desk. “Someone will find it—normally I wouldn’t bother, but I fear leaving this place again without notice would cause too many problems. Two seconds, and then we’ll go. I hope one of you has transportation.”


	37. In which we go... TO THE LIBRARY!

Sora’d been to Hollow Bastion’s library before, so there wasn’t a moment of surprise or anything. He did remember there being _other_ places around here that were scattered with books, though, and he wondered when they’d have to start looking through those… He’d just finished with the thoughts when Even seemed to answer them.

“Just grab whatever stands out to you, don’t worry about trying to grab everything potentially relevant. I’ll send some Replicas over here later to comb through everything at length. Most of them certainly have more than enough time on their hands and nothing to do with it—it’ll be good for them!” He chuckled to himself, moving for one of the doors. “Anyway, I’m going to see if I can rummage up anyone’s old research notes.” And then he was gone.

Everyone else exchanged glances, and then each of them started to a different section of the library to look. Books on darkness were generally what they were looking for, because information on Shadows could be _anywhere._

“Oh, by the way,” Aerith called, as she started up the steps to the second floor of the library. “If anyone finds any books on plants or herbs, pull them out for me. Okay? I’m trying to do some research…”

Riku was the first to respond with a “sure thing!”, but everyone else responded in kind. Sora headed up the stairs as well, seeing as Kairi and Riku and Namine probably had the bottom floor covered.

“Hey Riku?” Namine said.

“Yeah?”

“There’s a book on the very top of this shelf and I want it.”

Riku groaned. “If I have to spend this whole time running around to reach the books on high shelves for everyone I’m just going to leave.” He still went to get Namine’s book, though.

“Call me next time, Namine,” Kairi said, with a laugh. “I could’ve probably reached it. I’m almost as tall as him.”

“You’re at least half a foot shorter.”

“I still could’ve reached it!”

Sora laughed and shook his head, moving to the nearest bookshelf and running his eyes over the titles on the spines. Anything with darkness in the title… or hearts, maybe? Unfortunately, most of the titles were in a language he didn’t recognize. Latin, he thought, as he squinted at one of the thick volumes he pulled off the shelf. _What language is_ Sheto, _anyway_? _Not Latin, I’m assuming,_ he asked his Shadow, but his Shadow was still ignoring him. Sora sighed and put the book back on the shelf.

“What did you want those books on plants for, anyway?” he asked, turning to glance at Aerith, who was flipping through a book she held in her arms.

“Oh,” she said. “I’m planning another garden, to go outside the infirmary. My mom has plenty of notes written about herbs, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to see if there were any plants she missed.” She shrugged and frowned down at the book in her hands, then snapped it shut and put it back on the shelf.

Sora nodded, to say he understood. It seemed like a pretty reasonable thing to do. He started pulling books down at random (provided they were in a language he could read), flipping through their table of contents, and setting the few that sounded useful on the ground in a stack. Aerith’s stack went in her arms, though she only had two books so far. Sora eyed her sideways, debating the question he wanted to ask her.

She noticed his glances after a moment, and watched him expectantly. Sora cleared his throat.

“Well… What do _you_ think of my Shadow still being around?” That was his question. Namine and Riku didn’t know enough about his Shadow—or about Shadows in general—to fully form an opinion on him. Aerith did.

Aerith slowly put a book back on the shelf, determining it was not what she wanted. She didn’t move to look at any other books, though. She seemed to be thinking about his question. “I… I can’t say for certain, Sora,” she told him, with a shake of her head. “I’ve… met your Shadow. You remember, don’t you? You were there, at least one of the times.”

“Yeah…” Sora sighed and ran his fingers over the spines of the books in front of him, not wanting to look at Aerith. “He taunted you… Cloud attacked him…” So much for hoping that Aerith would think kindly of his Shadow. But things had been so _different,_ then…

His Shadow had acted almost like a different person. So casual with his cruel words, and all his talk about anger and darkness…

 _“Oh, you’re protecting me now, are you?”_ he’d laughed, when Sora’d put himself between him and Cloud’s blade.

 _“Never,”_ Sora had replied. He’d only done it to keep a fight from starting in Aerith’s dining room. Funny how the tides had turned. And so much for that _never._

“He’s changed, though…” he told Aerith, swallowing. “Or… I think he has.” It was hard to think he hadn’t, when Sora hadn’t heard his Shadow once taunt anyone lately. He’d been sarcastic, and he’d been cruel, but he hadn’t done either and enjoyed it—he’d done them out of anger.

“Has he?” Aerith asked, looking at him. The question sounded genuine—it was not distrustful or suspicious, and that made something warm bubble inside Sora. He did not dare think the feeling belonged to his Shadow. Besides, the link between them was mostly stifled, at the moment.

Sora nodded. “Yeah, he—” He just caught himself before he spoke without thinking. His Shadow had made him promise not to tell anyone about his love, and Sora’d only broken that promise to tell Kairi. Sora reconsidered his words before he spoke, deciding what he could say that wouldn’t reveal too much.

“Maleficent… kidnapped me,” he said instead, watching for Aerith’s reaction. Most people jumped at that. “I... I think you knew? Cloud told you, didn’t he?”

Aerith nodded, at least. Sora sighed a little in relief and rest his hand on one of the shelves. That was one less thing to explain. Aerith looked like she wanted to ask something further, but she didn’t, even after Sora waited long enough to give her the chance.

“Well, somehow, Maleficent stifled the connection between me and my Shadow when she did, and it… it did something to him,” Sora continued. “I- I don’t know what.” That was a lie, but he’d promised not to say, and besides, it wasn’t like he knew _how_ it had happened. “But he hasn’t really been the same since then, since we got back in contact with each other.”

“He did seem different, this time, compared to the other times,” Aerith agreed. She started to turn her attention to the bookshelf, but paused with a hand on one of the books to turn to him again. “And… he seemed really worried about you,” she added.

Sora felt the blush rise to his cheeks, and turned away. He wanted to blame his Shadow, but his Shadow wasn’t listening—he would’ve said something long before now if he had been—so the blush couldn’t be _his._ The worst part? Aerith’s eyes glinted like she knew.

“That- that’s part of it,” Sora said, and it was all he could say, would say. There was nothing he could do about Aerith piecing it all together, though, and he wouldn’t deny it if she asked. There was only so much lying he was willing to do.

Aerith didn’t press, thankfully. Instead she sighed. “I have to say, though, Sora… The one thing I know about Shadows—”

“Is that they have to die, huh?” Sora finished, on a guess. There wasn’t another likely way she’d end that.

Aerith hummed a little in affirmation, and she pulled down the book she had her hand on, flipping idly through its pages. 

“Well, I’m not taking that for an answer,” Sora told her. “Not now. There’s gotta be another way, and… I’ll find it. I will.”

“I hope you do,” Aerith said. “And, honestly, I think everyone in this room—if not everyone back at my house as well, though you’ll have to tell them—will be willing to help you look for it.”

Sora’s eyes widened a little. “Really? You think so?”

“Maybe not all of us are certain about him, but we’re certain about you, Sora,” Aerith said. She smiled at him, putting the book back on the shelf. “Friends help their friends.”

Sora smiled as well at the thought, it was a nice thought, but he couldn’t keep the smile for long. “I’m… not really looking forward to telling everyone about him, though,” he said. By _everyone,_ he really only meant _everyone in Aerith’s house,_ in this case. Aerith seemed to understand what he meant, though.

“They’ll understand,” she assured him. “Or, at the very least, they’ll take your word. If you think your Shadow has changed, can change, then I trust you and your judgement on him. That should be enough for everyone else, as well.”

 _It wasn’t enough for Kairi,_ Sora thought, but that wasn’t something he could tell Aerith—and it was something he understood. His Shadow was not kind to those in Hollow Bastion, but there was a difference between a few unkind words and a deception that lasted for two months.

To change the subject, and to get his mind off that, Sora hefted one of the books he had. “Hey, chances this’ll have any answers for Riku?” he asked.

Aerith laughed a little. “Unlikely,” she answered.

Sora laughed as well, shrugging and putting the book back. “Worth a shot.” He hesitated, then swallowed. “You worried about him?”

“He’s family, of course I am!” Aerith replied. “I’m worried, and a little scared for him, to be honest… But, there’s nothing I can do except leave it in Even and Vexen’s hands. At least they seem to know how to fix it before it’s too late.” She piled two more books into her arms, then sent a glance at Sora. “What about you?” she asked. “Are you worried about him?”

“He’s a good friend,” Sora answered, with a shrug. “I really hope they can figure it out in time…” He licked his lips. “I’m… I’m sorry, by the way. For what my Shadow did to Riku.”

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing, Sora.”

“Still…”

He cleared his throat, and turned his attention back to the bookshelves. He and Aerith didn’t talk much after that, and besides shouts across the library about what they were looking for again, _would this be useful?,_ and so on, everyone was in near silence until Even returned. He gave Sora a handful of papers and one notebook, and Aerith another stack of papers, pocketing a completely separate notebook bulging with loose papers for himself.

They all decided to be done, after that, seeing as Even was going to send Vexen Replicas along later to further scan the shelves. After some deliberation, they all took their own stacks of books to read through—except the two plant books, which went to Aerith. Sora could have looked through all the books everyone had found (eleven, total), but it would take him ages, so they decided to split the work.

“It’s not like I don’t have the spare time,” Riku said, and Namine and Kairi were fairly quick to agree.

Books in hand, they all went their separate ways. Or, Riku and Namine and Aerith figured they’d just walk back to Aerith’s house from here, since they were on the same world and it wasn’t too far. Sora and Kairi had to give Even a lift back to Castle Oblivion before they could head home themselves.

Once home, Sora plopped the books and papers on his bed, then sighed at his clock on the wall. It was late afternoon, but… If he didn’t do it now, he’d forget again. And as much as he wanted to get researching, he left the books where they were, and headed down to the docks to talk to his dad.


	38. In which Riku has a bad dream

* * *

  **Part 3**

_**Respect** _

* * *

 

Braig cracked his neck before plopping down on one of the couches in the Grey Area. The World that Never Was was in pristine condition, so long as you ignored the dust, and the Replicas still wandering about. There weren’t a lot of them, and Braig didn’t care enough to scare them off—if the Vexen from the other universe hadn’t already told everyone that he and Xehanort were coming back, then Even certainly would. Besides, the Replicas all left _him_ alone, so why should he bother _them_?

“You sure we shouldn’t just try and get the Replica Program again?” he asked, as a dark corridor opened in front of him. He knew that Xehanort would step out. One of the “perks” to having a piece of Xehanort in his own chest.

“Are you still caught up on that, Braig?” Xehanort laughed. The dark corridor closed, and Xehanort sat down in the couch across from Braig, looking quite comfortable. He was still flaunting Terra’s body, but, there was no reason he shouldn’t be. Braig tried not to envy him as he draped his own arm over the back of the couch, the mere action making his old bones creak. What he wouldn’t give for a young new body himself. Too bad that wasn’t part of the deal.

Braig shrugged, lazily. “Creating a Replica and shoving your heart into them before they’re fully conscious seems a lot easier than any other methods of getting a vessel, is all I’m saying.”

“You just want another Replica of yourself, don’t you?” Xehanort asked, kicking his feet onto the coffee table between them.

Braig put his hands up in defeat, seeing as he couldn’t really defend himself there. “It was nice having two of me,” he admitted. “Plus, I mean, we could have anyone we wanted, with that technology.”

“Except neither of us know how to use it, and Even’s changed the passwords,” Xehanort said. His eyes glinted, and there was a slight smile on his lips. “Though, I suppose that would bring us up to three, wouldn’t it?”

“Exactly!” Braig said, grinning.

“ _But,_ ” Xehanort argued. “We’d have to take the Program by force, since Even cannot be convinced nor threatened into handing it over.” For the most part, he sounded casual, but there was a sting in his voice. The grin slipped from Braig’s face, just for a moment.

“Don’t you think we’re enough to take it by ourselves?” Braig asked, scratching absentmindedly at the scar on his cheek—an old habit more than anything else. “Riku’s long gone from there, and he was really the only thing _close_ to a threat defending that Program.”

“We _could_ take it by ourselves,” Xehanort said. “Except, there’s no point if we don’t have someone to work it for us, is there?”

“I guess not,” Braig agreed, with only a second of hesitation. “Maybe I should start harassing the Replicas still wandering around here… What do you think, boss?”

Xehanort nodded. “That sounds like a fine idea.”

Braig racked his mind to recall all the Replicas he’d seen. He’d need a Vexen, for sure. It was a good thing there’d been a handful of them around—he just had to hope they were _still_ around, and that one of them knew how to work the Program. Not all of them did.

“Anyway,” Braig said. “How many vessels did you say we needed, again?”

“Thirteen.”

Braig laughed. “Thirteen! Right. Why did I ask? I knew that. And Sora’s first on the list, isn’t he?” He didn’t need to ask that, either, because he knew Sora was their first target. “You sure about him, though?”

“I almost had him once,” Xehanort replied. “I don’t think he’ll be so hard to claim again.”

“If you say so, boss.” Braig did a quick count in his head. “That’d bring us up to four, if we got another Replica of me. We’ll still need nine.”

At this, Xehanort smiled. If Braig had not had a piece of Xehanort inside him, if he had not gotten used to this smile over the years, it would’ve sent chills down his spine.

“Don’t worry about that, Braig. I have someone else in mind.”

**xxx**

Riku sat up, stifling his gasp so that he would not wake Namine—he sent a glance across the room at her, in her bed, to check, and let out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t woken her. That was good. She could use all the sleep she could get, lately. Even if her nightmares about him and Larxene had stopped, she still seemed to get nightmares, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to help her. She hadn’t suggested sleeping in the same bed again, and he didn’t dare bring it up.

Riku wiped the sweat from his brow, then raked his fingers through his hair. He was still a little surprised when his fingers came out of it much sooner than they normally did, since it was short now. What had it been about that dream that’d unsettled him so much? There wasn’t much to remember, but…

He reached over to scratch at his arm, to pick at the patches of skin where his dark suit had tried to… heal him? No one was sure why it’d started attempting to repair him like it would repair itself, but Riku knew it was annoying. The spots drove him nuts.

But, anyway… the dream.

It’d been dark, and he’d been standing on something he couldn’t see. Or, had he been floating? He couldn’t remember. There’d been… someone else there, though. Someone Riku thought reminded him of Xemnas, except, he’d been much too young.

And that was all Riku could remember, outside of words that still rang in his ears.

“ _Funny how one little mistake could cause so much pain. Look at all the damage you’ve done—but, then again, should you really expect anything else from yourself?_ ”

Riku shuddered, taking deep breaths.

Those words were followed by more. Xion’s slurred voice and the feel of her fist in his eye. “ _You’re not a hero. You’re the cause of all of this._ ” Alpha’s tone that fell just short of accusing. “ _The least you could do is help us to make up for it._ ” One mistake had caused an entire rebellion. _His_ mistake had caused over a hundred people a lot of pain, if not cost them their lives.

Riku took even deeper breaths, picking at his skin until it hurt. He’d break the skin around the patches of dark suit before he broke _it_ —he knew that well enough by now—but he couldn’t make himself stop. Heart throbbing in his ears, he got to his feet and formed an unsteady dark corridor, despite knowing he shouldn’t, despite how the slight amount of darkness it took to form a corridor simultaneously filled him with adrenaline and made him so dizzy he could hardly stand.

It was not, exactly, a surprise when the corridor opened to Destiny Islands.

Or, he did not register any surprise, anyway.

He only stumbled barefoot into the sand, not noticing how cold it was between his toes, either. It was later morning than it had been back in Hollow Bastion, based on his internal clock and the faint glimmer of light on the horizon signaling the sun would be up soon, but the sand was still cold from the hours of darkness.

“ _Funny how one little mistake…_ ”

Riku trudged into the ocean, attempting to block out the words as best as he could.

“ _…could cause so much pain._ ”

He grit his teeth and closed his eyes. Focused on how the waves sounded beating against the shore, not on a list of people he’d harmed, even indirectly, through one hasty action. Focused on how the waves felt pounding against his skin. It was calming. It was grounding.

 And it was so easy to let the waves drown out all other thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want some more fun Braig and Xehanort content, check out [this chapter of ASAS](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11164197/chapters/27471210), which details them waking up in HB.


	39. In which, wait, where'd he go

Namine paused at the bottom of the stairs. The sight of Aerith sitting on the couch facing the staircase, reading, was a familiar sight—she was the only other person ever up this early in the morning—but it lacked one Riku. And, he hadn’t been in their room when Namine’d woken up...

“Uh, is Riku…?” Namine began, but wasn’t sure how to finish.

“I… haven’t seen him,” Aerith answered.

“Oh…”

Aerith sighed deeply, then placed a piece of paper in her book and shut it, tossing it on the coffee table—which was now stacked with quite a few books taken from the castle’s library. Aerith looked at Namine, looking like she much didn’t want to say whatever it was she was about to. Namine tried not to cringe with anticipation, but she was rooted to the spot with it.

“He doesn’t have another revenge plot planned, does he?” Aerith said. Namine wasn’t sure if she was joking. She didn’t look like she was, and she only barely sounded like she might be, plus this wasn’t something Aerith was likely to joke about. Not to mention, knowing Riku…

Namine swallowed. Shook her head. “Uh, I don’t think so?” He hadn’t mentioned anything to her. Though, they weren’t really talking at length right now. And, he hadn’t mentioned Larxene either… She’d just known. Still—“I mean, Vexen is the only person I think he’d even _potentially_ go after,” she said. “And I thought they got along last I checked, so…” She laughed a little, out of nervousness more than anything else.

Aerith appeared startled, Namine thought, but the expression was gone before she was sure.

“I suppose he could just be out in town,” Aerith said.

“He’s not suppose’ta go out on his own, though,” Cid said. Namine hastily moved out of the way of the staircase, flushing red as she did so. It was a surprise to see _Cid_ up this early, though, given the bags under his eyes and the mug of what had probably been coffee in his hand, he could’ve just still been _up._

“Well, no, but short of hunting him down—if he’s even on this World—there’s nothing we can do about that, is there?” Aerith replied, with another heavy sigh. The whole point of Riku not going out on his own was only to avoid him running into some Heartless he couldn’t handle, namely, any that could cast Thunder magic. That said, Aerith glared at Cid. “You haven’t been up all night, have you?”

“How d’you know I didn’t jus’ get up early?” Cid argued, moving towards the kitchen.

“Because I know you, Cid,” Aerith replied. If she’d been standing, her hands would’ve been on her hips. “You better be heading to put that mug in the sink and then head up to bed, not to get another cup of coffee.”

Cid groaned, and despite what Aerith said, started filling his mug again. “Listen, I’m almos’ done with these blueprints that Leon wanted tomorrow—uh, today. I’ll go to bed right after that.”

“And then it’ll be time to get up,” Namine said. She didn’t say it very loudly, because teasing made her nervous, but it was too quiet in the house right now for her to not be heard. Aerith laughed a little, and after a second, Cid did too.

“Yeah, I wish I were like you ‘n Riku! Not needing sleep at all most nights? That’d be nice.” Cid took a sip of his coffee, then grimaced slightly. “Speakin’ of, what was that about Riku being missin’ again?”

“Neither of us has seen him,” Aerith answered. “And neither of us knows where he is. And if he’s out in town—”

“Oh, give him an hour or so, he’ll probably come back without us searchin’ for him!” Cid told her, waving aside her worries and taking a longer sip of his coffee. “I’m sure he’s _fine_!”

“But if he runs into any Heartless—”

“He can take ‘em!”

“If they’re…”

“Aerith, really! He’s a big boy, ain’t he?”

“Maybe Vexen needed him…?” Namine suggested. She couldn’t really think of any _other_ reason he’d vanish.

“Or he could’ve headed to the library to get a new book to browse through,” Cid added.

Aerith looked between the two of them, then sighed. “Alright, fine, I’ll give him another hour,” she said. “Cid…”

“I gotta finish these blueprints, Aerith.”

“But after that?”

“I’ll go to bed, sure,” Cid said. He made for the stairs again. “And I’m positive Riku’s alright, so stop worrying ‘bout him!” He plodded back up the stairs before Aerith could respond.

Aerith let out another long sigh, then got up and headed to the kitchen to do something about the coffee maker. Instead of putting it away, like Namine first expected, she started it up with a fresh batch.

“Well, Namine, do you want to wait for Riku, or do you want to go on our walk without him?” Aerith asked. Namine moved a few steps to the side so they could see each other better. Then she coughed and cleared her throat.

“Uh, actually… I was thinking about heading to Castle Oblivion, to see if he’s there,” Namine said.

“Oh.” Aerith studied her a moment, then shrugged and nodded. “Okay. Come back and let me know, alright?”

“Yeah.”

Namine formed a dark corridor around herself.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora pushed waffles around his plate, paying more attention to the open notebook on the table next to them than the waffles themselves. They didn’t really taste good—but, hardly any food had tasted good to him in months.The notebook was one of Ienzo’s old journals, not that Sora really knew who Ienzo was, or, who he _had_ been. The journal didn’t have any info on Shadows, unfortunately—at least not yet—but it had plenty of info on darkness and hearts and such.

‘ _And absolutely none of it has been useful so far,’_ Kano said, with a groan.

Kano was the name they’d chosen for Sora’s Shadow, after a few days and quite a few insincere suggestions from Kairi. ( _Kanuha_ had been Sora’s favorite.) Things between the two of them were… _better,_ though that was all Sora could really say about it.

 _Well, we’ve got to look somewhere, don’t we?_ Sora replied, carefully taking a bite of his now-more-than-soggy waffles, so that he would not spill syrup on the notebook. _And since you aren’t eager to_ ask _anyone…_

 _‘No one we know is going to have an answer, Sora, how many times do I have to—’_ He broke off, though Sora knew how the end of that sentence finished well enough with their link. The link also told him _why_ Kano’d broken off, but Sora had trouble making sense of that until Kano was explaining it. ‘ _Someone’s upstairs, they used a dark corridor.’_

Sora was getting up before he’d finished, moving to take his plate to the kitchen.

‘ _Hurry up!’_ Kano urged. ‘ _Before they come down and cause problems!’_ He could not nod or otherwise gesture, but Sora felt his mind firmly fix on the fact Sora’s mother was sitting in the chair in the corner of the front room, sewing. That was as good as any gesture could’ve been.

 _I have to put my plate in the sink!_ Sora replied. _Any idea who it is?_

 _‘Just because I can sense a dark corridor from twenty feet away doesn’t mean I can tell_ who _came through it. It’s a miracle I can even sense the dark corridor, with my senses all muddled from being in here.’_ Sora got the idea that Kano was pouting, and he tried not to smile. After a hesitation, Kano added: ‘ _It’s probably not Riku.’_

Sora did not need to ask why he thought that. Their link let him just know. Kano thought he’d be able to sense Riku’s darkness, and since he _couldn’t_ …

 _I’m going,_ Sora told him, pausing only long enough to grab the notebook off the table. He was extremely grateful his mom did not ask why he had not finished breakfast, nor ask where he was going.

Who he found in his room was definitely not Riku. It was Namine, looking a little confused and quite a bit worried. She stood very rigid, and waved awkwardly at him. Sora smiled broadly at her, a smile he’d been told could ease the tiredest man’s worries, and walked past her like it was no big deal she was here, moving to put the notebook on his bed. He would’ve just tossed it from the doorway—it definitely would’ve made it—but the book was in such pristine condition that he wanted to be extra careful with it.

“What’s up?” Sora asked, as he moved.

“Uh, have you… seen Riku?” Namine asked. She relaxed visibly, but she did not move to stand any less awkwardly in the middle of the room. Sora tried not to look at the piles of clothes on his floor and reminded himself that Namine had seen his room this bad on a regular basis.

‘ _For someone who hates to clean, I’m surprised you care so much when people see the mess,’_ Kano laughed.

Sora ignored him, focusing instead on Namine’s question. “Uhhh, no?” he answered, unsure why she would think he would have seen Riku. “Is he missing?”

‘ _Didn’t last time he go missing he go on a revenge plot of some sort?’_ Kano said.

Sora scowled, then immediately masked it so as not to confuse Namine.

 _I don’t know, I wasn’t there—how would_ you _know?_

“Well, he wasn’t in Hollow Bastion this morning, and I just checked Castle Oblivion, but he wasn’t there either,” Namine answered. Then she shrugged. “Maybe he’s gone back to Hollow Bastion by now…”

“Do… you wanna look for him?” Sora asked, studying her carefully. Kano was right. A missing Riku did not exactly seem like a good thing.

“Mm… no, that’s okay,” Namine said. “He hasn’t been gone _that_ long, and I really don’t think he’s _up_ to anything, I just thought I’d check the two most likely places for him to have gone… just in case, y’know?”

Sora raised his eyebrows. “Castle Oblivion and _here_?”

Namine shrugged, raising her shoulders up to her ears. “Maybe he wanted to talk to you? I don’t know… Seems unlikely he’d come here without telling you or Kairi, though.” Slowly, she smiled. “I already asked Kairi if she’d seen him, and her answer was ‘no, go away, it’s too early to be awake’.” Her smile got a little wider as she finished speaking, and then she laughed.

Sora laughed with her. “That’s Kairi alright! Still, Riku could be anywhere on this island, so, if you want to—”

“It’s fine,” Namine interrupted. “I really don’t think he’d have come and not talked to either of you two…”

Sora wasn’t so sure about that, but the last thing he wanted to do was press her. He’d done that one too many times already. ‘ _It was only once,’_ Kano pointed out, but Sora just told him that once was definitely one time too many.

“Uhm… by the way…” Namine cleared her throat. “How are things between you and your…?” She trailed off, though Sora could not say he blamed her for not being eager to finish that sentence.

“They’re, y’know… going,” Sora answered, with a shrug of his own. Kano grumbled something indistinct that Sora didn’t want to bother deciphering. It was probably just discomfort at being the current topic of choice, anyway. “We, uh, figured out what to call him, by the way. Kano.”

“Kano, huh?”

“Yeah. Only thing he could agree on.”

“Well, I guess if it’s _his_ name…”

“True.” Sora smiled a little, scratching at his nose. He gestured for her to take a seat in his desk chair, seeing as it was getting awkward for them to stand here as they talked. He plopped down onto his bed himself, moving the notebook and stack of papers that Even had given him out of his way.

“So, how are things between you and, uh, Kano?” Namine asked. She carefully sat down in the chair—Sora was glad his desk wasn’t too surrounded by dirty clothes—Kano laughed a little at him, again, for caring so much.

Sora shrugged again. “Like I said, they’re… going.” He pulled up his feet under him. “I, uh, guess I never told you, but I’m actually kind of glad he’s here? Or, that he’s not dead, anyway… We’re… adjusting.” Probably more to sharing a body than anything else, really.

‘ _Why does she even_ care _?’_ Kano moaned.

 _She’s my friend just as much as Kairi is,_ Sora replied.

“That’s… that’s good, then,” Namine said. She nodded.

Sora smiled at her, absentmindedly picking at his bedsheets. “Yeah…” he agreed. He and Kano could get along, for the most part, though Kano hated talking at length. At the very least, he’d caught Kano thinking less about wanting to die again, though that still hung in the air. _But,_ it’d only been a few days. Sora had to keep reminding himself of that. Things never got better overnight.

“Oh! I talked to my parents, by the way,” he said. This was something Namine would definitely be interested in. “And showed ‘em my Keyblade for proof, like you said to.”

Namine raised her eyebrows, though the look she gave him appeared as if she expected the rest of what he had to say. “Really? Did it work?”

“Well, I think I maybe have my dad convinced, but my mom…” He sighed. Shook his head. He wished he had better news for her.

“You’d think a giant magic key would be enough proof for anyone,” Namine said, with a little laugh. She laughed much like she wasn’t sure of the joke she was making.

“Who knows, with that spell on this Island!” Sora replied. “Maybe they’ll come around eventually. It hasn’t been that long, yet.” He felt disgust and a little anger flare through Kano, but no ill-comments were said about his parents, and then Kano cut off contact with him. Whether it was because he didn’t want to talk about Sora’s parents, or he’d had enough of Namine’s company, Sora couldn’t say, but he wouldn’t be surprised by either. Small steps, Sora told himself, and kept telling himself. Small steps.

He waited a bit for Namine to say something, and when she did not, he asked: “So, how are things going with you?”

“Uhm, besides a missing Riku, good, I guess,” Namine said. She shrugged slowly, picking at the edges of her skirt.

“Are… are you _sure_ you don’t want to look for him?” Sora asked, studying her carefully.

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. If he hasn’t returned by, I don’t know, _lunchtime,_ maybe then I’ll be worried, but…” She shrugged. “He’s allowed to have a few hours to himself, isn’t he? I guess it’s kinda worrying he told no one he was leaving, but…” She shrugged, again, sighing.

“If you’re sure,” Sora said, and though she did not sound sure, they left it at that. Sora didn’t want to press her, if he did not have to, even though pressing here wouldn’t end as disastrously as it had last time.

‘ _You sure Riku’s safe to leave on his own, though?’_ Kano asked.

Sora spared an internal glare for him. _Since when were you listening? I thought you were tired of this conversation._

_‘Just saying…’_

Sora rolled his eyes and shook his head, then flushed at Namine’s questioning look. “Sorry. Kano,” he said by way of explanation.

“Ah…”

Sora shifted how he was sitting, mostly out of discomfort. To change the subject, he said: “Hey, how are things between you and Riku, anyway?”

Namine shifted as well. “They’re… going,” she answered. She wouldn’t look directly at him.

“That bad?” Sora grimaced, feeling bad for her, though he was quite surprised, too. They’d had plenty of time by now to patch things up. Well, okay, it hadn’t quite been a month yet, if Sora had his time right—he might not, keeping track of time had become much harder, somehow, even with a calendar to reference every day. Still.

Namine just shrugged. She started picking at her fingers instead of her skirt. “I mean, they’re… better, I guess, it’s just felt… It’s been awkward.” She licked her lips. “It feels like, I don’t know. It’s not the same as it used to be, which I guess is good? But I don’t really like it…”

Sora thought for a moment, taking time to rack his brain.

“Hmm… You could try going on a date?” he suggested.

“What, _really?_ ”

Sora supposed he should not be as surprised as he was at Namine’s surprise.

“Dates are, like, what you’re _supposed_ to do when you’re dating,” he said. “And I guess you two haven’t even been on one…”

“Well, we aren’t really _dating,_ ” Namine argued. “I don’t know what to call mine and Riku’s relationship, but it’s not…”

Sora nodded quickly, to show he understood. “Okay, that’s fair,” he said. “But, I mean, still… A date might not be a bad idea. I guess? The whole concept of a date is getting to know each other better and, even if you and Riku don’t necessarily need _that,_ spending some time alone together ad away from everyone else might, I dunno, make you talk about things you wouldn’t otherwise.” Sora shrugged. That was the _idea,_ anyway, as far as he knew. He’d never _been_ on a date, though…

‘ _Hey, wait,’_ Kano said, rather abruptly. ‘ _You aren’t suggesting—’_

“What!?” It took Sora a second to realize what Kano meant, and once he did, he flushed. “No, I didn’t mean _you,_ ” he protested. Okay, maybe he’d _thought_ about taking Kano on a date for a second there, considering that whole ‘getting to know each other better’ thing might help _them,_ but that didn’t mean he honestly _meant_ it!

“Uh, Sora?” Namine asked, eyebrows raised at him.

Sora flushed harder. His cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“Not you, Namine!” he said. “I meant, Kano. Sorry.”

‘ _You WERE_ _seriously considering it, Sora, don’t deny it!’_ Kano argued, ignoring that now wasn’t a good time.

Sora scowled hard, perhaps twice as hard as he needed to, because the persistent heat in his cheeks was annoying on top of Kano being… _Kano_.

“I was not! Besides, it wouldn’t even work when we’re—” Sora broke off, scowling even harder, blushing even harder, trying not to look at Namine. It was embarrassing how often this kept happening to him. _When we’re in the same body,_ he finished, silently.

It wouldn’t be easy to put words to the string of emotions he got in response from Kano, but if Sora had to, he’d definitely say surprise, maybe disgust, and—no, it was better if he didn’t think about it. _That_ was a problem they could not solve until they were in separate bodies again.

“So… you really think a date might help?” Namine asked.

Sora was incredibly grateful she left it at that, and didn’t comment on how much of a fool he’d made of himself. He nodded.

“Yeah. It’s worth a shot, anyway.”

“Okay.” She nodded as well, slowly, considering it. After a second she straightened, eyes lighting up in a way that told Sora she’d remembered something. “That’s right. I should probably tell you that we’ve all been looking through those books for you. I… I don’t think anyone’s found anything, though. Or, I haven’t, anyway…”

“Well, that’s alright!” Sora told her. He smiled. “I mean, the fact you guys are even _looking_ for me…” It was awfully kind of them, and he wasn’t quite sure how he could really ever express how thankful he was. Oh, he’d have to go back to the library sometime, to see if those Replicas that Even had sent had found anything… Maybe later today.

“I don’t have much else to do with my days,” Namine answered. “Sometimes I help Aerith in the infirmary, but otherwise… Drawing is only fun for so long.”

“Thank you for looking,” Sora said, keeping the smile on his face, to show her how grateful he was. He sent a glance around his room. “Do you, uh? Wanna do something?” He squinted at his clock. “It’s… we could probably go bug Kairi now, and she wouldn’t kill us.”

“Oh, actually, I should probably head back to Hollow Bastion,” Namine said. She got to her feet. “I only told Aerith I was going to Castle Oblivion, so… I should head back before I worry her…”

Sora nodded. “Yeah, that’d probably be a good idea.” He got to his feet to see her off, though all they ended up doing was waving semi-awkwardly at each other before she formed another dark corridor.

‘ _Is she always like that…?’_ Kano asked, a few moments after she’d gone. Oddly, his tone seemed to be genuinely curious—the bit of snide mixed in almost felt just for show.

 _I guess so, yeah,_ Sora said. She’d always been a little out of place in conversations, like she was never quite sure how to interact. He thought it was worse now than it had ever been, but it was hard to remember what had happened nearly a year ago now, when she’d first come here. So it was hard to compare.

‘ _Right…’_ Now Kano sounded—felt—like he didn’t care anymore.

“Back to research, then,” Sora muttered, flopping back onto his bed and reaching for the notebook again.


	40. In which Sora has a less-than-desirable conversation with his father

“Look, okay, why don’t we look again?” Sora asked, rubbing at his face. His eyes were wide with a near panic, Kairi watched him with a sigh. She was worried about Riku too, of course she was, but…

“We’ve swept the Island three times now. If he was here, we would’ve found him.” Kairi stopped just a second to cast a glance at the horizon. “And, it’s getting late…” Well, they still had probably an hour before sunset, but that was late enough. She had to head home in time to call Aerith and let her know the news, anyway—though, since Hollow Bastion was three hours behind them, maybe _that_ wasn’t something she had to worry too much about.

Sora frowned at her, then slowed his pace as his eyes darted to the side for a moment and he scrunched up his face, like she noticed he did while he was talking to his Shadow—er, Kano. Kairi tried not to scowl. Especially when it appeared to be what Kano said that reassured Sora more than what she had.

“I guess you’re right…” he sighed. “I’m just worried. We couldn’t find Riku in Hollow Bastion, and they say he’s not in Castle Oblivion, and we haven’t seen him here…”

“If he was on this Island, Sora, we would’ve found him by now,” Kairi argued.

He nodded. “Yeah…” He didn’t sound happy about that, though. Not that Kairi blamed him.

“Listen, Sora, I get you’re worried about him!” She was pretty worried about Riku, too. Even with his promises not to do anything drastic, he was still incredibly reckless, and with his darkness the way it was now... She hoped he turned up soon as much as anyone else did. “I just think at this point, we should probably call it a night, and worry about it tomorrow if he still hasn’t returned.”

Sora groaned a little. He scratched at his neck and got that distant look again. “What about your wolf?” he asked. Kairi glared now. He _really_ needed to get better at not addressing Kano out loud. If he kept it up—she’d overheard his parents talking about him doing that, worried, and if he didn’t stop soon, it was going to be even harder for him to make up with them.

After only a second, and much before Kairi could really gather her words to ask, Sora laughed, a little bitterly. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Then he realized Kairi’s glare, and he laughed again, nervously this time. “S-Sorry… Kano’s wolf couldn’t do anything though—or he doesn’t think it could, since it took a good month to track me down…”

“Right,” Kairi said. “So we won’t ask it, and we’ll just look for Riku tomorrow, alright?”

Sora nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. Alright.”

Kairi still couldn’t blame him for the reluctance, but it was getting too late for them to really do anything about it. They’d worry about it tomorrow. That’s all they could do. She just hoped something terrible didn’t happen to Riku during that time.

She stopped worrying quite as much as they neared the docks, though, and immediately started scanning them for—there! “Hey, Sora, looks like your dad’s still working,” she said, nudging Sora then pointing to where his dad was. “Maybe you should go talk to him.”

Sora squinted at his father a moment, then squinted at her. “What for?”

“Just, I don’t know, _because_?” Kairi answered. Because she thought Sora could probably use something else to occupy his mind than to fret constantly about Riku, but, she wasn’t going to tell _Sora_ that. She shoved Sora in the direction of his dad. “If you do it now, that spell can’t talk out of doing it later.”

Sora glared at her, pushing her arms away from him. “But there’s nothing to talk about!!”

“Is that the spell talking, or is there really nothing to talk about?”

Sora opened his mouth to argue, then his brow furrowed as he considered it. After a moment he sighed. “Alright, yeah, I’ll go talk to him. You’re gonna call Aerith and tell her we didn’t find Riku, right?”

Kairi nodded. “Duh!”

“Okay.” Sora nodded back. There was only a slight hesitation as he headed down for the docks, at least. Kairi decided to blame that on Kano.

 _That takes care of that…_ she thought to herself, then started away from the docks and into town. Time to go home and call Aerith. She just had to figure out how to break the news to her first… Riku being missing wasn’t easy on anyone’s nerves, but Aerith was definitely taking it the hardest. Maybe she’d call Leon instead, and tell him. That’d certainly be a lot easier…

Well, whatever she was going to do, she needed to do it sooner rather than later.

 

**xxx**

 

Sora tried not to scowl as he made his way down to the docks and towards his father, or rather, tried not to let Kano’s scowl show on his face. Kano was _not_ happy with the idea of talking to Sora’s dad right now. Though, he was _never_ happy when it came to Sora’s parents.

‘ _I don’t care what Kairi says, this isn’t a good idea!’_

_It’s just my dad, Kano._

_‘Both of your parents are—’_

_My dad’s a lot more reasonable than my mom, alright, now shut up. The last thing I need is them thinking I’ve gone insane because I’m talking to voices in my head._

_‘Not my fault when you’re the one who keeps addressing me out loud.’_

Sora sent a death glare off to the side—internally, it was directed at Kano—then dropped it and straightened, drawing all his composure to him. He’d reached where his father was working, checking his net for holes after a long day of fishing. Sora cleared his throat to catch his dad’s attention.

His dad looked up, smiling a little at the sight of his son. “Sora! Not often you’re down here. You need something?”

“Uh, no,” Sora said. He started to shuffle his feet before catching himself. Even though he wasn’t asked to, he sat down on one of crates stacked off to the side. “I just wanted to talk.”

“Ah.” His dad immediately returned his attention to the net in his lap. “About where you’ve been?”

Sora licked his lips, and tried not to sound surprised when he spoke. “Uhhh… yeah.” He squinted a little at his father, ignoring to the best of his ability Kano’s general foul mood and contempt that bounced around inside of him. “Do you… believe me?”

“Maybe…” His father replied slowly, with a shrug. He didn’t look up. “Another _world_ seems a little farfetched, but you certainly can’t have been hiding on this island. It’s too small. Someone woulda seen you.”

Sora nodded at that—the search for Riku that’d taken up the past few hours certainly proved that. You could cover every inch of the Islands in such a short time, and everyone in town knew each other…

“Plus, you know,” his dad continued. “There _are_ other lands out there past the ocean. Our trade ships go _somewhere,_ and the tourists come from _somewhere,_ so there’s no reason you didn’t just end up elsewhere. Maybe not another _world,_ but, elsewhere.” He looked up at Sora. “I believe that.”

There was a long pause after that though, so any relief Sora had at those words didn’t last very long. His dad seemed very keen on inspecting a part of his net—a part Sora was sure he’d already gone over. There was an unsaid _but_ that hung in the air in a way which almost made it deafening.

“ _But…?_ ” Sora prompted.

His dad shrugged, reluctant to look at him. “I’m not really sure I’m buying the whole ‘evil sorceresses kidnapped you’ thing, or that talk about what’s his name. Xeha-whatever.” Now he sent a glance up at Sora. “That talk about him coming back and being this ‘big threat’ to the whole universe.” He waved his hands as he said _big threat,_ and said it in a way that made it clear he thought it something of a joke.

“He’s real, dad,” Sora said.

“And so is the sorceress, I presume.”

“This isn’t a _joke!_ ”

Sora knew that most of his anger was coming from Kano, because Kano hated thinking about Maleficent more than he hated having to deal with Sora’s parents. But separating their emotions was hard at times, if not impossible, especially when he was annoyed as much as Kano was furious, and when their emotions were this similar they fed off each other. It was like how being around Kairi when she was in a bad mood could dampen Sora’s own mood, except, worse, by a thousand times.

There was a tired patience in the roll of his father’s eyes. “Come on, Sora, I was just—”

“She _kidnapped me!_ ” Sora shouted, jumping off the crates and to his feet. “She held me against my will in a castle that only had half a roof and it didn’t just leak when it rained you were just _rained on,_ and I don’t even know what she intended on using me for but it wasn’t good, it _can’t_ have been good, not to mention she hardly fed me and I probably would’ve _starved_ if Pete hadn’t taken pity on me it’s not!! a _joke!!_ ”

The waves seemed to pound twice as loud in Sora’s ears. He trembled as he stood there, staring down at his father, waiting for the response to the explosion and not feeling the slightest bit sorry—though if he thought too much about the other fishermen that had to be around and within earshot, well, that was another story.

“It’s not a joke…” Sora’s father agreed slowly. He was very intent on his net, and honestly, Sora wasn’t surprised. His father’d never been the one to yell—that had always been his mother.

“But do you believe me?” Sora asked.

His father hesitated a long moment. Instead of answering, when he looked up at Sora, he traced a finger over his cheek, in a mirror of Sora’s scar. “Did she, uh, give you that?”

Sora jolted, though he shouldn’t have been surprised at the question. “N-no! That wasn’t her, that was—” He broke off. He couldn’t say it had been Kano. He hadn’t even attempted explaining to his parents about having a Shadow and everything, because he was certain that would sound the least sane. If they didn’t believe in Maleficent or Xehanort, how could he possibly get through an explanation about his Shadow without becoming a laughingstock?

“It wasn’t her,” Sora said. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sorry, son, it’s just… not easy having you come back and seeing—”

“I know. It’s not easy waking up and looking in the mirror every morning and seeing it.” Sora grit his teeth and tried not to feel Kano’s despair. This was his _other_ least favorite subject. “But, until I’m positive you aren’t going to treat it like a joke…”

“ _That_ isn’t a joke,” his father answered, without hesitation.

Sora raised his eyebrows. “Would it have been if I’d said the sorceress _did_ give it to me?”

His father didn’t respond.

“ _Would_ it have—”

“Sorceresses aren’t real,” his dad said. He wouldn’t look him in the eye again.

Sora licked his lips. “Would you have said that if I told you this scar was from her?”

“You said it wasn’t, so—”

“She was real!” Sora shouted. His dad flinched. “And I’m- I’m so tired of you acting like everything that happened to me isn’t serious! I know I’ve made up some crazy stories in the past but I’m _fifteen-years-old,_ I know the difference between fantasy and reality, and if I was going to lie to you about where I’d been don’t you think I’d tell you I was somewhere _happy_ this whole time?”

“Sora… _please…_ ”

Sora couldn’t make himself stop, though, whether due to Kano’s anger or his own. He raked his hands through his hair. “And- and you don’t even make any _sense!_ How is it you think me summoning a giant magic key that is also a weapon at will is completely _reasonable,_ but as soon as I mention an evil sorceress it gets too ridiculous for you? Where do you draw the line!? If- If I had told you someone _other_ than an evil sorceress had kidnapped me, would you have believed me?”

“Sora…”

“ _Would you?_ ”

His dad let out a long sigh, raking a hand through his own hair. The net sat uselessly in his lap.

“Sora, life is not a fairytale.”

“I _know_ it’s not,” Sora said, trembling now. Something bubbled in his throat that he wasn’t sure whether it was a sob or a laugh. “If it was, I wouldn’t have _this_.” He traced the scar across his face with his fingers. “If it was, when I came home, everything would be happily ever after, but it’s _not_!”

Instead, his parents thought he was making up stories about where he’d been. Instead, he had the remainder of his darkness and his mistakes nestled in his chest, and while he could never say he was unhappy about Kano being around, Kano was certainly no result of a fairytale. If life were a fairytale, he wouldn’t wake up sweating almost every night, remembering the battles he’d had to fight, the people he’d had to kill. Heroes in fairytales didn’t feel guilt, didn’t make mistakes, didn’t briefly side with evil. Life was _certainly_ no fairytale.

“But magic and monsters and darkness and evil _are_ real _,_ ” he continued. His voice shook, and Kano shifted inside him, burning with a rage much stronger than Sora was letting himself feel. “I just wish I could make you see that, make you _believe_ that, make you believe _me!!_ ”

“And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop yelling at me…” his father replied, quietly, but in a tone that made Sora pause.

Sora stared for a second, fingers curling into fists as he considered his father, considered what to say. Despair broke through him, and let out an unsteady breath. Of course it would come to this. He couldn’t expect a “yeah I believe you” after all that but… This was still exhausting, still so disheartening. He sniffed, then turned on his heel.

“Why do I even bother…” he grumbled to himself, heading back up the beach. His father didn’t call after him or attempt to stop him, but, Sora hadn’t really expected him to. His father didn’t like arguments.

And, Sora supposed, he shouldn’t be _so_ upset with his father. He only had the stupid spell on the island to blame for this. But it was still maddening to have to have this argument, it still stung to hear his father treat everything so lightly when none of what had happened to him was anywhere near a _light_ topic. It _hurt,_ and he knew it wasn’t exactly his father’s fault, but—

_“Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off without them?”_

Sora stopped in his tracks, then scowled hard and trudged forward through the sand again, glaring down at his chest.

_Kano, what did I say about—_

_‘That wasn’t me.’_

Sora stopped again, eyes wide with terror as he looked up.

“What do you _mean_ that wasn’t you?” he muttered.

‘ _Uh, the obvious sense of the phrase. I didn’t say that.’_

“Well, if it wasn’t you, then who was it?”

‘ _Sora, you’re doing the out loud thing again, if your dad sees—’_

Sora didn’t pay any attention, more focused on scanning the beach. He tried not to look around too frantically, but it was hard when there wasn’t anything in the immediate vicinity for the culprit to have hid behind. There were the bushes a little farther up the beach, a fence, a few trees—but they were all way too far away! The voice had sounded like it was right in his ear, like it was… in his head…?

“Did- did you _feel_ anything? Anyone?” Sora demanded, directing his attention back to Kano, or, down at his chest.

Aggravation immediately flared through Kano, making Sora’s face scrunch up. ‘ _How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t feel_ anything _through your body, Sora? It muffles my senses.’_

“You can sense a dark corridor from twenty feet away!” Sora argued. Even though he knew it was pointless, he continued scanning the area, slowly turning in circles. They had to be hiding somewhere. Except there was nowhere to hide and there was a chance there wasn’t even someone hiding.

‘ _Dark corridors are not people,’_ Kano replied, _‘and also, it’s probably only ten feet.’_

“Do you sense anyone nearby or _not,_ Kano!?”

‘ _No! I don’t know!’_ There was a pause, and the scowl on Sora’s face deepened, and his toes wriggled in his shoes. He was holding too much control of his body for Kano’s desire to squirm to translate into anything more than that. ‘ _Why don’t you stop asking so damn much of me!! I can’t do anything_ _while I’m stuck in here, how long is it gonna take for that to get through your head?’_

Sora only swallowed, trembling.

“D-do you think it was—”

“Sora, are you okay?”

The sound of his father’s voice made him go rigid. That was right. He was still within eyesight—and probably earshot—of the docks, and at any rate, his father was behind him now. Hand on his shoulder, turning him around so that they’d face each other. Sora swallowed harder. He wished his breathing wasn’t so erratic.

“I’m fine,” he said, pushing his father’s hand away. He dare not force a smile on his lips, having no confidence to make it convincing, and knowing that his father would not be convinced at any rate. “It’s fine, I just thought—” He cut off before he could finish, because telling his dad that he’d heard voices was certainly not a good idea. “It’s fine,” he repeated, instead.

“If you say so,” his dad said. He did not believe Sora, though. Sora was positive of that. His fingers twitched toward his pocket, to where his star shard was. He and Kairi had separate ones now, which was a relief, because otherwise she’d have the only star shard between them. Not that he was planning on an escape route, of course. No, he wouldn’t be doing that.

Before he could think of a good way to deflect the conversation to something else, his dad was asking questions.

“What were you, uh, looking for, son?”

“I…” Sora wet his lips. Kano groaned inside him. “I… thought I saw someone, but then I looked and they were gone and, I guess, I panicked?” He couldn’t deny he had panicked, because his dad and everyone else on the docks had seen it. ‘ _If you do just vanish now,’_ Kano argued, ‘ _that spell will probably make him forget he saw and or heard anything!’_

Sora’s hand inched closer to his pocket, but he stopped it, balling it to a fist.

“And, uh, who were you talking to?” his father asked.

Sora blinked rapidly, eyes fixed in fear on his father’s face, trying to come up with a suitable answer. His mouth was very dry. It felt like a pair of fists had just closed around his lungs.

“Uh…. myself?” he answered.

“Riiiight.”

Sora flinched. His father simply raised his eyebrows. ‘ _Star shard, Sora!’_ Kano screamed. _‘Get out of there, now, maybe it’s not too late!’_

“Who’s Kano?” Sora’s father asked.

It felt like all the air had been knocked out of Sora’s lungs. Kano went silent inside of him, but it was a shocked silence, and the terror bubbling just underneath the surface of everything Kano felt was going to make Sora sick. He forced himself to breathe, and more importantly, mask his surprise with something more… relaxed.

“He’s no one,” Sora replied, before he realized how suspicious that would sound. “Uh! I mean, it’s no one. No one. I wasn’t… talking to anyone.” Except, that didn’t sound any better. He backed away from his dad. “Uhhh, listen, Dad, I’m fine, okay? I promise you, I’m okay, and this is definitely the thing you need to worry about the _least—_ ”

“I think we should head home, Sora.”

Sora stared up at his dad. “H- home?”

“Yes, home, and then maybe—”

“I’m going to Kairi’s!” Sora blurted, taking another step away from his father. “I, uh, just remembered she wanted me to help her with some homework. With a, uh, reading thing. You know. She wanted me to read… something, for…”

His father did not glare, not exactly, but his eyes did narrow considerably, and Sora could sense that his patience was nearly spent. “Neither of you have school right now, Sora,” he said. “And even if you did, I think you arguing with thin air is a little more—”

“I’m- I’m going to Kairi’s!” Sora shouted. He pulled his star shard out of his pocket and activated it. He only just saw the horror and anger flood his father’s face before the star shard pulled him away.


	41. In which oh thank goodness he's fine

Aerith nodded at her phone. “Alright, thank you,” she told Kairi, who’d just informed her that they couldn’t find Riku on Destiny Islands. “I’m sure he’ll turn up… Alright… Bye.” She sighed and closed her eyes, clutching the phone to her chest a moment before returning it to her pocket. Rubbing at her head, she went back to making herself a cup of tea.

They’d just finished dinner, and she should probably get started on the dishes sometime soon, but she was too worried about Riku. She hadn’t seen him since last night. She couldn’t stop running over everything she’d said and done the previous day, wondering if she’d somehow… offended him? Made him feel unwelcome? But nothing came to mind, and it was unlike him, to say the least. Aerith knew he didn’t tell _her_ everything, but for him to not even tell Namine? Then again, he and Namine hadn’t been talking as much lately…

Aerith sighed again, taking a cautious sip of her tea with trembling hands. There was nothing she had done, and nothing she could do now. Where _was_ he?

“Hey…”  Yuffie said, coming up and nudging Aerith with her shoulder. Aerith staggered slightly, but only from her nerves—Yuffie did this a lot, as her own way to display affection. “I know you’re worried about him, but, he was taking care of himself long before he came here. A day probably won’t kill him.”

Aerith laughed a little, caught between exasperation and being touched by Yuffie’s concern. She placed her cup back on the counter and smiled at Yuffie.

“You’re probably right,” she agreed. “Still…”

“Leon says we’ll start looking through other worlds tomorrow, if he hasn’t shown up by then…” Yuffie continued. She smiled uneasily at Aerith. “And I think we should probably call Tifa or Cloud, so they can help us look.”

Aerith smiled back, hoping it looked as genuine as she was trying to make it. “That’s not a bad id—” she began, but then the front door opened.

“Ey, there he is!” Cid said. “See, Aerith, I told yeh not to worry too much!”

Aerith was a little too far into the kitchen to see the front door at a good angle, but she could hear Riku’s “sorry…” and the click of the door being shut again. By then she’d moved so that she could see, and there Riku stood, in the doorway—or rather, there he stood, getting hugged by Namine.

“Please don’t do that again,” she was saying.

“Sorry…!” Riku repeated, with a laugh this time. Before he could entirely compose himself after Namine’s hug, Aerith grabbed him for a hug of her own. She squeezed him hard, very grateful he was back. She hadn’t exactly thought he’d _never_ return, but your mind wandered when you were worried about someone, and when that someone was Riku, it just left a larger variety of horrible situations to consider.

“Where _were_ you?” Aerith asked, as she let him go. “We were worried sick!”

“ _Sorry!_ ” Riku said again. He smiled a little uneasily, for a moment, and then… The smile widened a little, to a natural one, and his eyes were gleaming. He was happy about… _something._ “I was… on Destiny Islands,” he said.

Aerith squinted at him. “What do you mean you were on Destiny Islands!? Kairi said she and Sora looked everywhere for you—”

“I don’t know, I guess I was in the one spot they forgot to look, or something?” Riku answered, with a shrug. “I’d tell you where but, actually, if I’ve found a spot where no one can find me that easily, that’d be really nice…”

Aerith squinted even harder, then looked at Namine, because she looked like she understood that. How, and the implications of what Riku’d meant, Aerith didn’t even want to begin to imagine.

“What makes yeh say _that?_ ” Cid asked. His tone suggested he was just as confused as Aerith was, though quite a bit more curious. The unfortunate thing was, Aerith almost thought she _did_ know why Riku’d say that, she just really didn’t want to think about it.

Riku sent a hasty glance at Cid. “Oh. Just… because.” His smile fell a fraction of an inch, and the gleam in his eyes all but died. “It’s… fine. I’m- I’m sorry I worried everyone.”

“You were gone _all day!_ ” Yuffie said. She’d come out of the kitchen, too, and was standing just feet away from where Riku and Aerith and Namine were. Cid was still on his couch, watching them over a mug of his own tea.

“I… yeah…” Riku nodded slowly. “I was just… doing a lot of thinking. Plus I lost track of time, a little. I- I would’ve been back sooner but the sunset was really pretty and I didn’t want to…” He shrugged, and his smile grew again. “I’m alright, really!” His eyes directed this last bit at Namine and at Aerith more than at Yuffie.

Aerith started to protest, but the smile on his face made her pause. She hadn’t seen a smile that wide on him since the day she’d first told him he was family. Whatever he was happy about, it was something good.

“If you say so…” Aerith said instead, smiling back at him.

“How did you lose track of time for a _full day?_ ” Namine asked, tugging on his arm.

He pulled his arm away from her. “I was doing a lot of thinking,” he repeated.

“About _what?_ ” Yuffie demanded.

“Look, it’s no big deal,” Riku said. To Aerith’s dismay, he was beginning to sound frustrated. So much for that smile. “I promise I won’t vanish like that again, alright? I didn’t mean to stay so long. Sorry I worried everyone!”

He sent an apologetic, though exasperated, look at all of them, then headed for the stairs. Namine headed after him, looking much like she was going to attempt to ask him more about it. Yuffie opened her mouth to say something to Riku, but Aerith put out a hand to stop her. Yuffie glared, then spoke anyway.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she called to Riku.

He paused halfway up the stairs, turning around and ducking down a little so he could see her. He stared a moment before smiling again. “Yeah,” he said, then he continued up the stairs again.

“Yuffie, why don’t you go tell Leon that Riku’s back, since I doubt Riku will stop and tell him on his way to his room,” Aerith asked. Yuffie nodded, though she waited until Riku and Namine were both completely out of sight and the sound of their feet on the stairs stopped before heading up to Leon.

Aerith pulled out her phone again and dialed Kairi’s number in. “I’m going to tell Kairi that Riku’s back,” she told Cid, who just nodded at her, his attention on his book again.  Before Aerith could press the dial button, though, there was a knock on the door. Instinctively, she checked the clock, though she knew it wasn’t that late… Without thinking much about it, she closed her phone and headed to answer the door. Kairi could wait.

To her surprise, none other than King Mickey stood in the doorway. She bowed her head a little to him.

“Hello, Your Majesty,” she said.

“Hi!” he replied, smiling at her. “Uh, is this a bad time?”

“Not at all.”

“Alright, then, is Riku here? I need him for something.”

Aerith raised her eyebrows a little at the request, though she was very grateful that she could answer: “Yes he is! Would you like me to get him for you?”

“Yes please.”

Aerith turned to look at Cid. “Cid, could you?” she nodded at the stairs. It was a shame that she’d have to make him come back down when he’d just returned home, but there was no sense refusing the King—and, it was too late now, regardless.

Cid grumbled as he got to his feet, though it didn’t sound like anything more than his standing-up-isn’t-as-easy-as-it-used-to-be grumbling. Unfortunately, he only went halfway up the stairs before yelling at Riku to come down. Aerith tried not to cringe as she stepped aside to let Mickey in. (It would be rude to make him wait _outside_ for Riku.)

“Also, do you know where Sora lives?” Mickey asked, once he was inside. “Or should I ask Riku, when he gets down here?”

“Riku will know better than I do,” Aerith admitted, thinking to herself that she’d never even _been_ to Destiny Islands. And, sure, she knew Sora lived _on_ Destiny Islands, but Mickey probably wanted more concrete details than that. “What do you need them for, anyway? If I’m allowed to know.”

“Yen Sid wants to talk to them,” Mickey replied. His eyes flickered over to Cid as Cid made his way back to the couch, then he frowned. He looked a lot like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t entirely sure how to. He spoke anyway, after a moment. “It’s because, well… Xehanort’s comin’ back.”

Aerith’s smile fell, and she suddenly understood why he’d been so hesitant to speak. “I know,” she told Mickey. “Aqua was here about a week or so ago… She mentioned it.” Aerith assumed Mickey knew who Aqua was, anyway, seeing as Aqua had mentioned him a few times during her stay. She appeared to have assumed right, as well.

“Oh, was she?” Mickey asked, smiling a lot wider now. “Was she doin’ okay?”

“Yeah!”

“And Ven?”

“Good, as far as I could tell,” Aerith answered. “They got a message from—”

“Oh, that’s right!” Mickey interrupted. “I did know they’d been by here. Aqua told me about the message. I forgot…”

“That’s alright,” Aerith assured him.

Mickey’s attention darted to the stairs, and a second later, Aerith knew why. She could hear Riku coming downstairs now. Him and… Namine, she saw, after another moment. Both of them looked a little annoyed, though Namine was addressing her annoyance at Riku more than anyone else.

“Yeah, what’d you want me for?” Riku asked, brushing some hair out of his face. (Even short, it was unruly sometimes.) “If this is about me—” He stopped abruptly, noticing Mickey. “Uhh….” His eyes narrowed.

Knowing well enough that Riku wasn’t going to speak after that, or, that chances of him saying something not-rude from here were slim, Aerith spoke to fill the silence and explain the situation. “The King would like to borrow you for something,” she said.

Recognition showed on Riku’s face, then he leaned down to say something to Namine. It was too quiet for Aerith to really hear, but she caught the words “Mickey” and “Real Thing”. Namine nodded aggressively as Riku straightened again. She was picking at her fingers rather than look at anyone, which made Aerith purse her lips.

“A friend of mine has some information to share with you about Xehanort,” Mickey explained.

“Why me?” Riku asked. Aerith tried not to cringe at his tone. She’d gotten used to his general lack of manners, but it was still jarring sometimes, especially in situations where good manners were important. Like now. At least Mickey didn’t appear too upset.

“Well, he only asked for Sora,” Mickey admitted to Riku. “But I thought since you helped take down most of the Organization, you might wanna know, too.”

Riku made a face and shrugged. He started to make some sort of noncommittal sound, but Aerith cut him off.

“You should go,” she said, in a tone that she used often with both him and Yuffie. The You’re-being-rude-and-need-to-stop tone. Riku looked ready to protest—he did, sometimes—but after a moment, he sighed. Aerith quickly thanked her lucky stars that he hadn’t decided to be more difficult than that.

“Alright, yeah, I’ll go—Namine?” Riku sent a glance down at her.

She looked up at him. It was hard to read what she was thinking, but after a moment, she said: “Uhm… I’ll come too… If… if that’s okay.” She looked hesitantly at Mickey.

Mickey grinned widely at her. “I don’t see why not! Uh, do either of you know where I can find Sora? I’ve got a good idea, but I’d like something a little more specific than just the world he lives on!”

“Yeah, I know,” Namine said. Riku frowned and grumbled about how he knew too. Aerith sighed.

“Then I guess we’ll get goin’!” Mickey said, nodding. He moved for the door, waving at Aerith, then at Cid. “Goodbye!! I’ll have ‘em back before long.”

“We can get home on our own,” Riku mumbled.

“Except you can’t use dark corridors, or you _shouldn’t,_ ” Namine argued. He scowled.

Mickey either didn’t hear them, or simply chose not to comment. Aerith saw the three of them to the door, then waited on the doorstep for them to depart. It was polite, after all.

Mickey pulled out his star shard, offering it to Riku and Namine. “You do the honors!” he said. Riku moved to take it, but Namine batted his hand away, and took it instead.

“Hang on, I better do it,” she said. “I know Kairi’s place better than you do.”

“I thought we were heading to Sora’s,” Riku said.

“Kairi’s is safer, trust me.” Namine turned the star shard over in her hands, then held it out. “Your Majesty…?”

“Whatever works,” Mickey said.

They all put their hands on the star shard, and in a familiar burst of light, were gone.

Aerith did not realize that she had sighed until Cid spoke.

“He’ll be back this time! The King’ll make sure he gets ‘em both home, you know tha’.”

Aerith laughed a little as she closed the door, rolling her eyes in Cid’s direction. “Yes, I know that,” she said. Still, there was a lot to worry about, especially knowing that Xehanort would return, or had returned. She put that thought out of her mind for a moment, though.

“Did Riku just leave again?” Yuffie asked, rushing down the stairs.

“King Mickey needed him,” Aerith answered.

Yuffie scrunched up her face.

“Do I need to go tell Leon?”

“I’ll tell him,” Aerith said. “Why don’t you go start the dishes? I’ll be back down to help you in a second.”

“Okay!”


	42. In which Sora and Kairi have another, er, "discussion"

Kairi let out a long frustrated breath between her teeth.

Having Sora star shard directly into her living room wasn’t fun, and neither was dealing with how panicked he was upon arriving. If hearing a voice on the beach wasn’t bad enough, then there was also the fact he’d yelled at Kano in front of his father. And _that_ on top of the fact he’d explained everything with _her_ father still in the room, and then they had to explain Kano to him (though at least he took the magic explanation). Not to mention the missing Riku problem—another thing to go on a list of what was turning out to be a really bad day.

Kairi rapped her knuckles against the table to get Sora’s attention. He jumped from where he was sitting, probably startled out of a conversation with Kano. Kairi uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair. “Okay, tell me _again_ what the voice said.”

“It asked me if I didn’t really think I’d be better off without my parents,” Sora answered. He wrung his hands together, visibly distressed, (not to mention searching the room with his eyes with every spare second, as if he expected to find someone _here_.) At least the hand wringing was better than the frustrated drumming.

“And are you _sure_ Kano didn’t say it?”

Sora glared. Automatically, his tone went from slightly panicked to dark and angry.

“He said he didn’t, Kairi, how many times do I have to tell you that?”

It wasn’t what Kairi wanted to hear, but she was glad that _Sora_ had answered, rather than Kano. On another unrelated note, she was glad that her father wasn’t trying to be a part of the conversation, despite being in the next room and well within earshot.

“Until I’m convinced we can trust him,” Kairi replied.

Sora rolled his eyes. “Kairi, c’mon, we’ve been over this!”

Kairi let out a bitter bark of laughter. “Oh, excuse me, I completely forgot that he absolutely _loves_ your parents and would _never_ say anything bad about them, of course he wouldn’t!”

Sora glared, clearly not appreciating her sarcasm. She glared back.

“The voice didn’t sound _anything like him,_ ” Sora argued.

Kairi, on a roll and feeling rather hot with confidence, didn’t stop there. “Never mind the time he told them, in his own words, ‘to mind their own damn business’, and that _other_ time when he got you grounded. Which, need I remind you, _he refuses to tell you_ what he even said to your mother to _get_ you grounded.”

“It’s for the better!”

“Is it really?”

Kairi raised her eyebrows, knowing Sora well enough to know that he _did_ want to know what his Shadow had said to his mother. He was just too nice of a person to ask, especially now that they’d made this whole ‘second chance’ agreement. Second chances didn’t mean ignoring problems, though. They meant talking through them. Had Sora forgotten that?

“Kairi, _seriously,_ ” Sora said. He reached forward and started drumming his fingers against the tabletop. Kairi tensed. She _hated_ that new habit. “I know he doesn’t like my parents, but that _wasn’t_ him! He’s not trying to trick me. So just, drop it, okay? He’s not gonna hurt me!”

Kairi stared a moment, knowing she really shouldn’t, but, it was too late to stop herself. She reached up and dragged her fingers across her face in a mirror of Sora’s scar. Sora stiffened. His fingers stopped tapping.

“You say… when you have _this…!_ ” Her voice trembled as she spoke. How could he forget who gave it to him? “You say, when you _cried yourself to sleep!_ Each night for a _week!_ Thinking about how he died, and how he forced you to kill him!!”

Sora jumped to his feet with a clatter of the chair, slamming his palms down on the table. “He deserves!! A clean slate!!”

“Does he _really!?_ ”

Sora stared at her, face scrunching up in a way that Kairi knew meant he was close to tears, and it made her chest ache, but what was she supposed to do? She wasn’t trying to be mean—okay, maybe she was—but she was just… she didn’t trust Kano. She didn’t like how Sora wouldn’t take this seriously, preferring to give Kano the benefit of the doubt. And she _definitely_ didn’t like how her skin itched every time she was around Sora, like there was darkness near, because there was darkness near, it was in his chest and its name was Kano.

“ _Please,_ Kairi…” Sora said very slowly, looking at her with pleading eyes. “I _know_ he’s done a lot of bad things, to me, to you, to everyone. But I forgive him, at least for what he did to me—I’m sorry you can’t forgive him, and I’m not asking you to, but could you _please_ just give him a _chance?_ ”

Kairi turned up her nose, then let out a haughty breath and leaned back in her chair, arms folding over her chest. “Whatever,” she grumbled. “But _next time_ this happens, I swear I will do something about him myself, Sora.”

Sora sat down, probably out of relief. Kairi didn’t look at him, clutching herself tightly. She should stop there, since she’d won the argument—not that it was an argument, was it?—in a way, but there was one more thing. One more thing that she was dying to know.

And she could’ve phrased it nicely, she could’ve just said _Sora look I’m worried about—_ but when she opened her mouth, it came out just as bitter as everything else she’d said during this conversation.

“He’s probably poisoning you, anyway… Making it so you can’t see what’s wrong with him.” She definitely should have stopped at Sora’s startled look, but that only made her say: “Oh, did you _forget_ that he has that power? That he used it on _me_ to make me think you weren’t worth saving anymore? Why not ask him, if you’re so—”

“I WOULDN’T!” Kano shouted, slamming a hand against the table.

It hadn’t been long, but Kairi knew when it was Kano and when it was Sora. If the sudden flare of darkness grating against her skin wasn’t enough indication, then the way Kano used Sora’s vocal chords definitely was. It was still Sora’s voice, but it was… wrong. Not Sora.

Kairi scowled at him, not trusting him. (He sounded serious, though. Like he meant it. And no one looked like that when they were lying.) But before she could come up with some sort of comeback for him, the doorbell rang.

“Better stop the shouting at each other, not that I don’t think this is an absolutely _fantastic_ way to work out your problems or anything,” Kairi’s dad said, as he moved past them and to the door to answer it. Kairi sent her scowl at _him_ instead, knowing that had been sarcastic. She dreaded the lecture that was probably coming after he sent away whoever was calling at _this_ time of night.

Her back was to the door, so she couldn’t see who it was when her dad answered. She tried to ask Sora if he could see, but given how he had to lean to the side to, probably, see around her dad, he had no answers for her yet. But, her dad didn’t speak to send whoever it was away, like Kairi’d anticipated. Instead, there was an awkward pause, a surprised “oh!” and then:

“Hello, Namine. Hello, uh… Riku. And, uhm…?”

“Mickey!!” Sora said. His face lit up drastically, and he jumped out of his chair and ran to join her dad at the door. Kairi admitted her own sour mood lightened quite similarly, though she did not like to admit it. She finished turning around—she’d started when she’d heard _Namine_ —and, sure enough, Namine and Riku and Mickey were standing at the door. If that wasn’t enough to brighten her mood, it was definitely enough to make her stop being mad at Kano and Sora, at least, for the moment. Wait! When had Riku gotten—!?

“Uh, you a friend of Sora’s?” Kairi’s dad asked.

 “Yeah, he is!” Sora answered, before Mickey could. “Can they come in?”

In response, Kairi’s dad stepped aside to let them all in.

“When did you show up again!?” Kairi demanded, marching up to Riku as soon as he was out of the doorway. He sent her something between a nervous smile and a grimace, along with a shrug. Sora turned to them like he’d just now realized that Riku was standing here and what that meant—he probably just had. Kairi tried not to notice the way his eyes darted to the side as if he were talking to Kano.

“Twenty minutes ago, maybe?” Riku answered. He reached to pull at his hair— _man_ , it still looked weird this short. “Since when were you two looking for me?”

“Since always,” Sora said, moving closer to them. Closer meant a _lot_ closer, considering there wasn’t much space between the table and the door to begin with, and with six people trying to occupy it. It was no wonder that Mickey and Kairi’s dad had moved towards the kitchen a couple paces.

“Aerith mentioned it,” Namine muttered at Riku, from the spot she’d taken next to the wall. Riku sent a glare at her, then sighed and returned his attention to Kairi, then Sora.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I was doing a lot of thinking and lost track of time.”

Kairi jabbed him in the chest. He flinched. “For a _full day?_ ” she demanded.

“It was only twelve—fourteen hours, maybe fifteen,” Riku said. He wouldn’t look directly at her. “It was actually a very nice day. Quiet. Relaxing… B-But now’s not the time to be talking about it!”

Kairi raised her eyebrows at the thought of Riku _relaxing,_ especially since he was so tense right now. Tense and offended. Still, she followed his eyes to Mickey, who had just gotten done properly introducing himself to her father, and vice versa, from the looks of it. Riku was right. There were more important things to worry about right now.

“Anyway,” Mickey said, since he had everyone’s attention again. “I’d like to borrow Sora, and Kairi as well, but… now seems like a bad time…”

“It’s… not a _great_ one,” Kairi’s dad agreed. He sent meaningful looks at Kairi and Sora both, and Kairi was reminded that she and Sora had been arguing quite violently before the doorbell rang. She wasn’t eager to get back to an argument, of course, but considering that, and the _time…_

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not _that_ bad of a time,” Sora argued. “Especially if it’s important!!” He almost seemed eager, with the glint in his eyes and the bounce on his heels. Kairi had to bite her lip to stifle a groan.

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow,” Mickey said.

“I’m half tempted to tell you to wait until tomorrow,” Kairi’s dad said.

Mickey nodded. “And I understand that completely.” He took a cautious step towards the door. “I’m sorry for bothering you—”

“Can’t we at least know what you wanted us for?” Sora asked. What _was_ he so eager about, anyway? Then Kairi realized that he was probably just eager to get off the Islands, and put as much distance between him and his parents as possible. They _really_ needed to figure out what to do about that.

Why was it, again, they hadn’t talked—or tricked—his parents into going to another world? Certainly, a talk with everyone at Hollow Bastion—or, heck, one with Mickey would probably clear things up! Now wasn’t the time to suggest that, though, so Kairi filed it away in her mind, and prayed that she would not forget it before she had a chance to bring it up. If only her dad hadn’t _finally_ decided to clean the table off last night, because otherwise there’d be pen and paper to jot down a quick note.

“Hmm…” Mickey frowned a little, crossing his arms over his chest. Before he could finish thinking, Riku answered the question for Sora:

“Some friend of his wants to tell us about Xehanort, I think,” he said.

Kairi’s eyebrows shot into her hairline. Forget Sora’s eagerness, and his parents! She turned to Mickey, startled. “And you said that sorta news could wait until _tomorrow!?_ ” She did not think about how rude that might have sounded. She just thought about how little they knew of Xehanort, and how big of a threat he supposedly was, according to Ven and Aqua and everyone in Hollow Bastion. Considering that, any news about him didn’t seem like news that could _wait._

“Well, it’s not, _groundbreaking_ news,” Mickey said. “Just some general info on him, since none of you are in the loop—though, I guess, someone’s told you by now that he’s comin’ back, huh?” He studied them all carefully, with a look much like regret.

“Aqua mentioned it,” Namine said.

Mickey sighed, though he nodded as if he’d expected to hear that. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Sora, or… any of you. I didn’t wanna worry you right after you’d dealt with Organization 13, and… everything else…”

Thinking about having to fight Namine… and everything Sora had to go through with his Shadow, at the time… Kairi could not say she blamed Mickey for wanting to wait.

“It’s been almost two months, though,” Sora said.

“Sorry,” Mickey repeated. He wouldn’t look right at Sora. “I was busy.”

“Well, it sounds like it’s important,” Kairi’s dad broke in, with a decisive nod of his head. “I don’t know much about this Xehanort guy, but Kairi and Sora have both mentioned him a couple times, and if he’s some big threat to the worlds that only these kids can take care of, then alright, I guess I can’t stop them. Kairi can go.”

Sora deflated instantly. Kairi stared, trying to discern what her dad was thinking. Mickey seemed a little surprised, too, and Riku and Namine exchanged glances that surely spoke volumes between the two of them.

Kairi’s dad just shrugged and folded his arms over his chest. “Not so sure I can speak for Sora, though. He’s not my son.”

“I was spending the night, anyway…” Sora whispered.

Kairi bit her lip, not sure why her father was doing this. Normally he would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. The raise of her father’s eyebrows and the look he gave Sora explained everything, though. Sora did not have his parents’ permission to stay the night. And this wasn’t something as simple as letting the two of them go see a movie.

 _Please, Dad, don’t send him home…_ Kairi thought, desperately. _Please, Dad…_ She doubted Mickey would take them anywhere, without Sora—but that wasn’t nearly as important. She wasn’t happy that Sora got in an argument with his father, and she wasn’t happy at Kano for causing it, but she would not dare tell Sora to go back to his house tonight. _At the very least, tell him he can’t go, but let him stay here…_

Her father let out a long sigh, then lowered his arms.

“Alright, Sora, you can go too,” he said. He fixed his attention on Mickey. “I’d like to have them back before midnight.”

“Time doesn’t run the same between worlds, though, dad!” Kairi said, quickly. “There’s no way we’d be able to—”

Mickey interrupted before she could finish. “I’ll have them back as soon as I can,” he said. “But that’s all I can promise ya.”

“Well, that’s enough,” Kairi’s dad agreed.

Mickey nodded, smiling gratefully. “C’mon, let’s get going then!” He waved them all out the door.

Kairi grabbed Sora by the arm before he could follow, letting Riku and Namine go first.

“Does Mickey need to know about Kano?” she hissed, hopefully quiet enough so only Sora would here. As it was, Riku still sent a glance at them. Him and his super-sensitive hearing…

Sora stood still a long moment, breathing hard. “If… If it comes up…” he said, slowly. “I’ve got to!” Annoyance flashed across his face. He pulled his arm away from Kairi. “He can’t not know forever…” he grumbled, stepping outside.

Kairi sighed, getting the sinking feeling that most of that had been directed at Kano, not her.

“Call me if you think you’re going to be out all night,” her dad said.

She nodded at him, not that she was sure where she’d get her hands on a phone. “I will,” she told him, and she stepped outside as well.


	43. In which Yen Sid is more disgruntled than usual

Mickey waved them all into the room at the top of three—three!—large flights of stairs. Sora went first, then Kairi, then Riku, with Namine gratefully trailing behind them all, and clutching Riku’s fingers for support. She did not like the fact she could hardly do something new anymore without her heart getting lodged in her throat and her stomach churning one thousand different ways, but there was no arguing that that’s what kept happening to her. She did not think it had always been like this, but it was hard to remember.

Was this all just learning to cope after being Rewritten? Did it have something to do with her and Riku’s brief fight, and the fact things were still rocky between them? Would a date help, like Sora’d suggested? He’d only suggested this morning, but now that Riku was back, Namine wasn’t sure how to ask him—never mind this being the wrong time. The thought of bringing it up made her sick with anxiety, and she was certain it wouldn’t have before…

If she thought about it too long, the moments would all play in her mind again. Against the wall, begging L not to Rewrite her. Her blade through Riku’s gut. Everything in between, but she shut them out of thought, and focused on the scene in front of her instead, like she should be doing.

The room was rather small, though no surprise. She’d seen the outside of the tower. The walls were all lined with oddly shaped bookcases holding regularly shaped books, and various other probably magical odds and ends she couldn’t possibly name. In the dead center there was a desk, a chair behind it, and in the chair a man with a very long grey beard and very long grey hair to match, clothed in blue robes that definitely singled him out as a wizard of some kind.

“Master Yen Sid,” Mickey said, as they all lined up in front of the table. Namine stayed close to Riku and a little behind him, squeezing his fingers tight. He sent a reassuring smile down at her. “I, uh, I know ya only asked for Sora, but I brought some other people who I thought might need to hear about Xehanort.”

Yen Sid considered them all with his wide eyes. Namine felt sure his gaze could pierce right through her, and it did nothing to help her nerves.

“And would these ‘other people’ care to introduce themselves?” Yen Sid asked, after a long moment. His voice had a deep rumble to it that commanded attention to him, if the way he held himself was not already enough.

Sora scratched the back of his head. “Well, you know I’m Sora…”

“I’m Kairi.” She’d folded her arms over her chest, and though Namine couldn’t see it, she was sure Kairi was giving Yen Sid her best no-nonsense glare.

“Riku.” He simply offered his name up, sounding incredibly disinterested as he did so. They no longer had a telepathic connection between their minds, but Namine knew he’d much rather be back home, at Hollow Bastion.

It was her turn, now. Namine swallowed hard. “N-Namine,” she said, silently cursing herself for stuttering. What was wrong with her lately?

Yen Sid squinted considerably, though it was still a little hard to tell he was squinting at all since he had unnaturally wide eyes to begin with. “ _Who_ …?”

Namine jumped. “M-Me?”

“No, _you._ ” He fixed his attention firmly on Riku. The squint in his eyes may have been distrust. “Riku, did you say your name was?”

Riku nodded.

Yen Sid stared. Namine wasn’t sure if she should say he was surprised or worried based on his expression—maybe he was angry? She didn’t understand why, though. No one seemed to. Well, Mickey did, and he looked about as worried as Yen Sid, if not more so.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve ever met before,” Riku said. “Were you… _supposed_ to know who I am?”

“That’s not the point, Riku,” Mickey explained. “Y’see, Master Yen Sid can… uh, well…”

“The stars tell me many things,” Yen Sid finished for him. “Such as what is going on in the worlds, to begin with.”

Kairi sent a look at Sora, one Namine could see since Sora and Riku were standing between her and Kairi, so by looking at Sora she also had to face Namine. Kairi’s eyebrows were up in her hairline. She turned back to Yen Sid. “Wait, are you telling me you like… knew who we were _before_ we even stepped in this room?” she asked.

Yen Sid nodded.

“But… not me?” Riku asked. The tone of his voice and the way his fingers slackened in her grip made it seem to Namine that he’d realized something—what, though?

“No…” Yen Sid answered. He was clearly uncomfortable, bony hands clenched into tight fists while resting on the arms of his chair.

“Why not?” Sora asked, and it was a good question. If this powerful sorcerer knew about everything that was going on in the worlds, why had he not yet learned about Riku? The way Mickey talked made it out like Yen Sid had some power of foresight, so how had he not foreseen anything concerning Riku?

Yen Sid considered the question for a long moment, lowering his head in thought. “Honestly? I do not know,” he replied in his rumbling voice. He sounded troubled, but his voice got no quieter as he spoke. “Tell me, Riku.” He looked up, and though his sharp gaze fixed on Riku, it still partially included Namine, and that made her shiver. “Do you think there is anything about yourself that could be shielding you from my perception?”

Riku shrugged. He shifted his feet a little uncomfortably. Clearly, he had something in mind, but didn’t want to say it.

“Is… is it because he’s a Replica?” Namine asked, for him. That was the only answer she could think of immediately, and she could understand if he did not want to say it.

Yen Sid’s eyes flickered over to her, and Namine instantly regretted speaking. She doubted he was really upset with her—or with anything—but his still-piercing gaze and the way his eyebrows seemed drawn in a permanent scowl were still uncomfortable, especially when his attention was on her.

“It is possible,” he allowed. “But unlikely.”

“Is it possible I just slipped under it?” Riku asked.

Sora and Kairi sent glances at each other, communicating without words in that way they’d always had, in that way that needed no sort of telepathy. Sora kept turning his head off to the side, though, as if trying to recall something. Namine wondered what that was about.

“Hmm…” Yen Sid did not sound convinced, nor did he look it. And neither did Mickey.

After a quick glance between Yen Sid and Riku, Mickey spoke. “I know it won’t fix the problem, Master Yen Sid,” he said. “But I _did_ tell ya about Riku, a while back. He helped take down Organization 13. That’s why I brought him here to learn about Xehanort.”

“Aha! So you _do_ know about me!” Riku said.

Yen Sid glared at him. “That does not change the fact the stars can tell me nothing about you,” he argued. His voice had never seemed to rumble more than it did now. Namine flinched a little. “Forgive me if I am distressed, but for you to be part of something so large and yet for me to only hear of you by word of mouth is… troubling, at best.”

Riku’s hand moved to better loop his fingers through Namine’s. She looked up at him, watching worriedly as he stood there. The good mood he’d had upon returning from Destiny Islands—that’s where he’d said he’d been, anyway—was long since gone, but it was even worse to watch him now, as his eyes fixed on the ground and he coughed anxiously. It wasn’t nice to see him this uncertain with himself.

“…is it because I’m from a parallel universe?” he whispered.

Namine’s eyes widened. _Oh._

Kairi and Sora exchanged looks similar to her own. Mickey looked startled, though only a little. He must’ve already known about the parallel universe thing. And in any case, his surprise was only a pale rival to Yen Sid’s.

Yen Sid had leaned forward in his chair, looking about ready to jump to his feet. His hands had moved from the arms of his chair to lay flat on his desk as he held himself forward. “A… _what?_ ” he demanded.

Riku shrugged hard. “I- I dunno! A parallel universe. I’m not sure how to explain it any better than that.” He glared a little at Yen Sid, or rather, pouted. Namine squeezed his hand. “I guess I can go get Vexen, if you really want me to, I’m sure he can explain this whole multiverse thing better than I could.”

“No, no, that is fine,” Yen Sid assured him. “I am well aware of the theory, I just never anticipated the _reality_.”

“Well, it’s real,” Riku said. “I don’t need to get concrete proof, do I? Because I can really only bring you Vexen, and he’s not exactly the most reliable—”

Mickey held up a hand to interrupt Riku. “We believe you, Riku,” he said, then turned his attention to Yen Sid. “I already talked to Vexen about this, and he’s reliable in my opinion. It’s not like someone would lie about bein’ from a parallel universe.”

Yen Sid stroked his beard thoughtfully. “It would certainly explain why the stars know nothing about you, Riku…” He let out a long disgruntled sigh. “And perhaps you are why I haven’t been able to get a definitive reading from the stars in so long.”

Namine sent a glance at Riku, wondering how he was taking this news. His eyes were forward—not exactly looking at Yen Sid—and his face set in what most people would read as grim determination, but she knew to read as veiled unease. Mickey was watching and surely listening to Yen Sid intently, while Sora’s brow was furrowed as if he were mulling something over hard. Namine could almost hear the gears turning in his head. Kairi stood in a way that might suggest disinterest, but if she wasn’t listening as well as the rest of them, Namine would be shocked.

“I thought I knew what would happen,” Yen Sid continued. “That I knew what needed to be done. But then everything suddenly and very violently changed, and ever since…” He grumbled with discomfort. “I hate to say it, but, I am blind. The stars will still tell me what is currently going on, but I see no future written in them now.”

“What happened to the future?” Sora asked.

“Too many things happened that the stars could not account for,” Yen Sid replied, with a very definitive look at Riku. Riku looked away. “And so the future initially written in them became incorrect.”

“Okay,” Kairi butt in, in a tone that made Namine preemptively role her eyes. “So like, you’re saying that the stars tell you what’s going on, but they won’t tell you about what Riku’s up to.”

Yen Sid nodded—though in a very slow way which Namine did not think was hesitance.

“I can see the ripples of his actions, nothing more,” he answered Kairi.

Kairi nodded. Sora eyed her. “Right,” Kairi said. “But, like, can you see everyone else’s actions? Or, how specifically can you see them? I guess what I’m trying to say is: do you know when I’m going to the bathroom?”

“Kairi…” Mickey warned, in a tone of voice that said he wasn’t really mad, but that she probably needed to stop.

“No, what it is, he can’t see anything about me and so he can’t get a reliable prediction of the future because I’ve messed up the natural flow of the universe or whatever,” Riku said, though that was not quite what they were talking about anymore. Before Kairi could steer the conversation back in the direction she apparently wanted it to go, or Yen Sid could interrupt, Riku continued: “I’m assuming you wanted us—well, Sora—here because you… saw something about Xehanort, right?”

“I told you that I cannot see the future,” Yen Sid replied slowly. “Something you just pointed out.”

“Yeah, but, you also said you can see the present in nonspecific but presumably large detail,” Kairi argued.

Yen Sid glared a little at her. “I have seen nothing about Xehanort,” he said, answering Riku’s question. “I do not see everything. I only called you here because I supposed I should inform you… all… what to expect from him.”

Namine raised her eyebrows at his hesitance about saying the word _all._

Kairi snapped her fingers.

“Aha! So you _don’t_ know when I’m— _ow!_ ”

Sora elbowed her to make her stop. Kairi swore under her breath.

“Sora!” she shouted, glaring death at him and clutching her chest. “Watch where you’re elbowing!!”

Sora clapped one hand to his mouth and reached out to her with the other one. “Oh my gosh sorry that was your boob—”

“A- _HEM_.”

Yen Sid cleared his throat loudly. Sora and Kairi quickly straightened and dropped their hands to their sides, giving him what was supposed to at least _look_ like undivided attention, though Kairi was still grimacing and Sora biting his lip hard. Namine rolled her eyes a little. Riku sighed, as did Yen Sid, while Mickey shook his head.

“Aqua already told them that Xehanort was comin’ back,” Mickey said. “So you don’t hafta explain that bit to ‘em.”

Yen Sid nodded again, in that slow way of his that really just seemed to be a lowering of his head. “I see…” He raised his head again. “And what else do the four of you know about Xehanort?”

“We got ‘really evil’ and ‘wanted to conquer the worlds’ outta Ven,” Kairi said.

Sora nodded, looking at her as if for confirmation. “There was something about Terra, too…”

Namine thought she should offer something up—not that she had much to offer—but her heart was in her throat, and the thought of speaking at all was too much. She cursed her nerves and gripped Riku’s fingers tighter, but that was all she could do.

“That he’s Ansem and Xemnas, but like, a full person?” Riku said, with a note of uncertainty in his words. “They were his Heartless and Nobody and now that they’re dead he can come back.”

“Oh yeah!” Sora nodded aggressively. “I knew that too!! So, like, we know he’s not a great person, especially since he’s like, both of those guys mashed into one guy.” He squeezed his hands together, to emphasize his point.

“That’s not _quite…_ ” Yen Sid began.

“D’you think he’s back already?” Kairi asked. “Xehanort, I mean. It’s been a while since we took down the Organization.”

Yen Sid hesitated a moment, but Namine thought it looked more out of annoyance for being interrupted than anything else. “It would be unwise to assume otherwise,” he said. “It would _also_ be unwise to assume he’s simply Ansem and Xemnas mashed together.” He sent a look at Sora. “Xehanort is terribly cunning, a formidable Keyblade Master, and though I do not yet know what he is planning, it would be best if you all remained on guard. We cannot know when he will strike.”

Namine shivered, not liking to hear this, not liking the looming feeling of another battle. She did not have to take part in it, of course, not if she did not want to, but that thought didn’t ease her stomach at all. The Organization had done horrible things to her, to all of them, and if Xehanort was worse than Xemnas... She started to grip Riku’s fingers tighter, except, he was pulling them out of her grasp.

“Why don’t we circumvent that?” Riku asked, arms folded on his chest, looking at Yen Sid with determination glinting in his eyes. “I mean, if we all go after him now, _combined…_ I’m sure that’d be more than enough to take him. Between the element of surprise and the fact he’d be outnumbered…”

He sounded almost like Alpha, plotting a phase of the Rebellion. The thought of how unhappy he’d be to know that made Namine smile, just a little. Not that it lasted long.

“Yeah!” Kairi agreed. “And if we get Roxas to help, whatever he’s up to these days, I’m sure that’d be more than enough, ridiculously cunning Keyblade Master or no!”

“We could add Aqua and Ven to the mix, too,” Sora said. “That’s like, seven of us, plus Cloud and Tifa and maybe the whole gang at Hollow Bastion if we—”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT,” Yen Sid broke in, his voice loud, much louder than was natural, probably amplified with magic. It seemed to shake the whole room. He looked furious. “First of all, Riku, you are not to go anywhere _near_ Xehanort with your darkness the way it is—and before you ask,” he sent a glare at Kairi, “just because the stars cannot see Riku does not mean my own senses are faulty.”

Namine clasped her hands together. She had played no part in this short concoction of a plan, and Yen Sid’s anger was not directed at her, but she still felt guilty. Guilty, and queasy, to have been so easily included in their counts of who would face Xehanort when she did not want to be anywhere near a battle ever again.

“Second of all,” Yen Sid continued. “There will be no hasty killing of Xehanort.” His voice was no longer unnaturally loud, but he wasn’t any less angry. “It would be disrespectful to my old friend’s memory to leave one of his pupil’s in Xehanort’s clutches, and to disregard his successor’s wish of saving her friend.”

“And cruel to, uh, kill Terra along with Xehanort,” Mickey added, in a quiet voice.

Yen Sid nodded—still in that slow way which involved not much more than a lowering of his head—in agreement. “Until I have determined a way to save Terra,” he said, “we are not confronting Xehanort.”

“Then why did you call us here?” Riku asked. Namine cringed at the sting in his voice. He was clearly tired of this conversation.

“I only asked for Sora,” Yen Sid replied sharply. Mickey deflated a little where he stood, eyes falling to his toes as he shuffled his feet uneasily. “Because I wanted to discuss the prospect of training with him.”


	44. In which we finally talk about training (and, clarify some other things)

“Training!?” Sora asked, and all of his thoughts about Xehanort and Terra and how Mickey was right, they couldn’t go killing Xehanort if he was using Terra’s body like Ven said he was—all those thoughts flew out of his mind. He felt a comment along the lines of _since when did you care about Terra_ bubbling from Kano, but both of their attention was so quickly snapped to the subject of training that it was never said.

Yen Sid nodded. “Yes, I said training. Considering Xehanort is coming back, and that you have only six months of self-taught experience with the Keyblade, it could not hurt for you to… _refine_ your skills.”

‘ _Refine?’_ Kano laughed. ‘ _Hear that, Sora? He says you’re bad with the Keyblade.’_

 _Well, I certainly ain’t no master,_ Sora replied, not really bothered by Kano’s comment. He exchanged excited glances with Kairi. His heart felt like it was in his throat. He didn’t know much about Keyblade Masters, and was sure training to be one would take _years,_ but it was still exciting to be starting. Also a little nauseating.

“The last thing we’d want is for you to be in over your head should’ya hafta face Xehanort alone…” Mickey added.

 _And… HE has a point,_ Sora said to Kano, swallowing hard. He did his best to ignore Kano’s discomfort, which pressed at him as Mickey spoke. It was getting easier to ignore, at least, probably because he’d been forced to ignore it since Mickey showed up on Kairi’s doorstep earlier—and was that…? No, the feeling was gone again, too quickly for him to be sure of.

‘ _If Xehanort’s like they’re making him out to be, some training’s not gonna help you, though,’_ Kano warned.

Sora swallowed again. He’d been trying not to think about that. Or how casually Yen Sid and Mickey considered him dead meat _without_ the training. _Oh, don’t be so pessimistic!_ he told Kano, though there was no conviction in it. _I’m sure—oh crud._ He could feel the blood draining from his face, and he bit his tongue. _That voice, earlier… do you think?_

It was a moment before Kano replied.

‘ _…no,’_ he said. ‘ _Can’t have been.’_

Sora’s heart raced, though. He could _feel_ how little certainty there was in that answer. He thought maybe he should mention the voice to Mickey and Yen Sid, but, then again, if he didn’t ask about it, it felt less—

“Sora!” Kairi nudged him hard, and he gratefully pushed his thoughts to the side.

“What?” he asked, looking first at her, and then, as he realized he must’ve missed something he’d been asked, turned to Mickey and Yen Sid. “W… what?” he asked again, feeling very silly, and hoping they didn’t read too much into it, lest he have to tell them about Kano.

“I asked if you actually agreed to training or not,” Yen Sid said, his voice rumbly and irritated, probably due to Sora not paying any attention for the past few minutes.

Sora made sure to make a quick recovery, though. “OH!! Yeah!” He nodded aggressively. “Yeah, training’s a great idea.”

“Good,” Yen Sid said. His gaze slowly swept across everyone else in the room, the features of his face closing in what Sora first read as reluctance, then as distaste with a thread of superiority in it. “I’d offer to train the rest of you,” he continued, “but, seeing as none of you can wield a Keyblade…”

Sora sent a glance at Kairi, unhappy to watch her eyes widen with anger and her jaw work with disappointment. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, though—and neither should she—because Yen Sid had asked _him_ about training, and had said nothing about the rest of them in the first place. It would be nice if Yen Sid could help Kairi with magic or whatever, and maybe they’d ask, since Sora knew Kairi was dying to learn so much more, more than Sora could really teach her. If Yen Sid said no, maybe he’d point her to Aerith or Leon, seeing as they’d taught _him_ magic just fine…

Sora’s eyes then flickered to his right, on the other side of him, narrowing slightly as he watched Namine breathe a sigh of relief. What was that all about? Oh, but, he had something else to ask Yen Sid. Ignoring Kano’s snide comment about how Riku was acting—what did Kano care if Riku thought he was too good for training? He probably was—Sora turned his attention back to Yen Sid, and to Mickey.

“So….” he asked slowly, looking between the two of them, not entirely sure which to address. Yen Sid, probably, though, so he fixed his attention on the sorcerer. “Am I training with _you?”_ The _you_ could be all inclusive, of course, and Sora darted his eyes at Mickey as he said it. Then he realized how rude that could’ve sounded, and quickly added: “I mean, it’s not like, a problem, I’m just, curious.”

“Some,” Yen Sid answered. “But, largely, you will be training with Aqua.”

Sora could not help the grin that spread across his lips. Kano groaned _hard_ inside him, and Sora’s mouth twitched downward a second. He hated how Kano could kill his mood so quickly, so easily, and tried to focus on how excited he was to train with Aqua instead. He didn’t know a lot about her, of course, but he saw her clear an area of Heartless with a single spell that one time, and he’d sure as heck like to learn how to do _that._ Also, between Ven sitting in his heart for so long and carrying that charm of Terra’s, all he could do was think fondly of her.

Kano was another story. But, there wasn’t much Sora could do about Kano.

“Lucky…” Kairi grumbled, arms folded over her chest and slouching, Sora was sure, just by her tone. A quick glance to his left confirmed. He made a mental note to ask Aqua how she felt about teaching Kairi a few things. Except, hadn’t Aqua told her no? Sora thought Kairi’d mentioned it. Oh well, there was always Ven…

The thought of Ven made Kano groan so hard that Sora was surprised it did not leave his own lips. It was like a bubbling hatred and a general dread to be anywhere near Ven, and it was much stronger than what Kano felt about Mickey. Strong enough to make Sora ask, even though he knew the last thing Kano liked was being asked about things.

_What’s your beef with Ven?_

As expected, irritation flared through Kano, and Sora could almost picture him scrunching up his face. ‘ _If it’s not obvious to you,’_ he said, ‘ _then I see no point in trying to explain it.’_

Sora grimaced for a second, then masked the grimace. He was going to get good at masking expressions with all this practice, and he couldn’t say he liked the idea. He thought about digging through Kano’s memories (because, really, what _was_ his beef with Ven?) but reminded himself it was an invasion of privacy, and they both needed all the privacy they could get. Also, now was not a good time.

“When d’ya wanna start training?” Mickey asked.

Sora blinked at the question, then looked at Kairi for answers. She gave him a look which he knew to read as _well, you have to do something about your parents first, don’t you?_

‘ _And what the hell does she want us to do about them?’_ Kano retorted, with a sharp laugh. Sora succeeded in not scowling, but it wasn’t easy. ‘ _And it’s not like you NEED their permission to train.’_

Sora silently agreed. Not to mention he wasn’t doing much these days, anyway, so as long as he was home before dinner they probably wouldn’t even notice.

“Well, probably not tomorrow,” he said, to answer Mickey, scratching his cheek as he thought. “But… a few days from now should be fine. And from there, whenever, so long as I’m not training _all_ day long. I gotta go home _eventually…_ ”

Kairi raised her eyebrows at him, then sighed. He knew she meant _you could’ve explained that so much better,_ and he smiled uneasily at her. Her eyes trailed away from his face after a moment, narrowing a little, and he turned to follow her gaze. Riku and Namine had stepped a few paces to the side (no surprise, since the conversation had stopped being about them) and were talking in low voices which Sora could not make out. He _did_ notice how Namine kept wringing her hands, though, and how she seemed to be paying more attention to the floor than to Riku. There was a general air of unease about her, just like there had been a few minutes ago, just like Kano’d noticed this morning, and Sora was kicking himself for only noticing it now.

_Remind me to talk to her later?_

‘ _Sora, I’m not—!’_

_Please, Kano…_

Kano grumbled, but he did not get the chance to argue.

“Does… does this have somethin’ to do with your parents?” Mickey asked, watching Sora very carefully.

Sora felt the blood drain from his face.

Kano’s discomfort beat twice as strong within him—resonating with his own discomfort, and as he’d noticed before, when their emotions were the same, they were stronger. And because they were stronger, he was positive about what he felt this time: a spike of fear as he made himself look at Mickey, and he was certain it was not his own. Unconsciously, he reached up to rub a phantom pain in his chest.

“Uh, h-how did you…” Sora began, only to have Kano stop his mouth.

‘ _Idiot! you just told him.’_

Sora’s mouth was already halfway open, but it still moved to form a silent _O._ Then he thought about it a bit more, and he frowned.

 _No, hang on,_ he said. _Mickey had to have known before now, or he wouldn’t have asked._

Kano growled a little, knowing Sora was right and hating that he was.

 _‘Still!’_ he barked. ‘ _Can we not—’_

“Do you want me to tell them, Sora, or are you gonna?” Kairi said, interrupting what Kano was saying (Sora knew how it would end, though). Kairi’s face was the perfect picture of I Am Right, So There smugness, and it pissed Kano off. Sora was certain that Kano’s opinion flashed across his face, because Kairi’s eyes darkened, her smile fell a fraction of an inch.

Sora took care to smooth his features, before turning to address Mickey.

‘ _Sora, please!’_ Kano said. ‘ _Do we have to?’_

 _Maybe he can help,_ Sora argued. _And if I don’t do it now, I’ll forget._

Kano moaned.

Sora bit his tongue, turned his head a little away from Mickey, and from Yen Sid—he hadn’t said anything in a while, Sora hoped it didn’t mean something bad—so that they could not see his face as he argued with Kano.

 _C’mon,_ he said, _I thought you cared about me._

_‘Low blow!’_

_No, seriously, I’m not trying to be—I mean, I know you’re no good with this, but, normally, if your friend is worried about something, then you’re worried, too! For them._

There was a pause before Kano answered. Sora could feel his emotions shifting, and his thoughts turning.

‘ _…since when were we friends?’_

Sora swallowed.

 _I’d like to be,_ he answered.

Kano didn’t reply.

Sora thought he felt surprised.

“Sora, I get that Xehanort’s important,” Mickey said, tapping his foot impatiently, eyes narrowed at Sora, in either frustration or worry or both. “But if your parents don’t want you doin’ this…”

“No, no, it’s not that!” Sora assured him, quickly. “They just really aren’t convinced about this whole other worlds thing. Or that Xehanort exists.” Sora paused for a moment, and it took him a second to realize it was because he was waiting for Kano to say something. Kano remained silent, though. Sora shook his head a little and pressed on. “Everything I’ve tried to do so far to prove it to them hasn’t made much of a difference…”

Mickey folded his arms across his chest, considering that. “Have ya tried takin’ them to another world…?” he asked.

Sora opened his mouth.

Closed it.

“No.”

“In his defense!” Kairi cut in. “We—me ‘n Sora and my dad, that is—are pretty sure there’s some sort of spell on the Islands. One that makes it hard for, like, other worlds to interfere with things, or something? I don’t know, I just know that everyone there has forgotten Riku and Namine even existed, and didn’t notice at all when Sora went missing for over six months. Everyone, _including_ our parents.”

Sora sent a look at her, silently saying _thank you_ , and she nodded in acknowledgement.

“Oh, is that why your dad took forever to realize who I was?” Riku asked. Sora was surprised he’d even been listening enough to comment. “I thought it was the haircut.”

“Definitely why, especially since you don’t visit much,” Kairi said.

“He double takes every time he sees me, too,” Namine told Riku. “Even though I lived there for so long…”

Mickey and Yen Sid exchanged long glances.

“Sounds like a little more than the world barriers to me,” Mickey said.

Yen Sid lowered his head in agreement. He was scowling significantly. “It certainly does…”

“Oh, hey!” Kairi’s eyes lit up, and she pointed slightly at Yen Sid. “You’re a—I, I mean… Could you, maybe, take a look at it? The spell on the Islands, that is, if there is one. We don’t wanna take it down or anything, just, maybe figure out if there’s a way to exclude our parents from it…”

“Perhaps I could look at it…” Yen Sid agreed, but with a considerable reluctance.

Sora did not miss the glace Kairi flashed at him, raised eyebrows and nose crinkling for just a second. He could almost hear her say _wanna bet he won’t actually do it? he seems wishy-washy to me._ Sora wouldn’t call Yen Sid wishy-washy, though… He sent a partial glare at Kairi, hopefully conveying that he thought that, and that he thought she shouldn’t be so disrespectful.

“Well, anyway, Sora,” Mickey said. “D’you wanna bring your parents here? See if us talking to ‘em helps any? Not today, of course! But, sometime soon…”

Sora shrugged, figuring that wasn’t a bad idea. Not to mention, a talking mouse was definitely some solid proof. Kairi brightened beside him, radiating the fact she thought this was a good idea as well. Sora opened his mouth, to start discussing the _when,_ except Riku interrupted.

“Actually, Hollow Bastion might be a better idea,” Riku said. Sora sent a startled glance at him—help from _Riku_ on something like this was the last thing he expected to get. “Everyone’s nice there, and, it’d be a bit less of a shock than a mouse and a wizard, no offense.”

“None taken,” Mickey replied automatically. Yen Sid grunted.

Sora nodded and looked at Kairi for her opinion. She shrugged, considering it—though not for long, like she’d been considering this _before_ now—and then she nodded. Riku had a point.

“Well… when?” Sora asked, directing the question at Riku now, instead of Mickey.

“Tomorrow’s probably too short of notice…” Riku answered, with a sideways glance at them, before he returned his attention back to a spot on the wall, a spot Sora realized he’d been looking at for a while. Though… maybe it wasn’t the wall, Sora thought, as he followed Riku’s gaze a little more closely. He seemed to be looking out one of Yen Sid’s windows—the larger star-shaped one—at… the stars themselves? “I’ll have to ask Aerith,” Riku continued. “But, I’ll let you know.”

“Don’t make it too long from now, though,” Kairi said, flashing Riku a firm glare.

Riku rolled his eyes at her, and sent a similar glare back. “I won’t.”

“Your training will start on Monday, Sora,” Yen Sid said. He did not need to raise his voice to get everyone’s attention again. “Will that be a problem?”

Sora shook his head. “Nope! Monday sounds good.”

“When’s Monday?” Riku asked, in a lowered voice.

“Four days from now,” Kairi whispered back.

“Right,” Riku said. His cheeks were red with embarrassment. Sora wanted to tell him that it was okay, he wouldn’t have known when Monday was in relation to today either, not until he got home and checked a calendar. Now probably wasn’t the time to bring it up, though.

Kairi cleared her throat and fixed her attention on Yen Sid. “Uhm, out of curiosity,” she said, “Why wasn’t Aqua here? She seems like, she could’ve been important if you planned on making this about Sora’s training. Especially since _she’ll_ be doing the training…?”

Sora tried not to smile, knowing well enough that Kairi was probably only asking because she wanted to speak to Aqua.

“That’s, uh, my fault,” Mickey replied, with a cough. “I was… putting this off… and there wasn’t any time to contact her at such short notice…”

“Oh,” Kairi said. She shifted her weight, sending a grimace at Sora.

Sora bounced a little on his toes. “Uh… is that all?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck. There wasn’t exactly an easy way to ask that question. Still, Kairi looked ready to be done with this, and Riku and Namine had both looked done twenty minutes ago. And Kano—that was right, Kano’d blocked off contact after Sora had said…

“Yes, that is all,” Yen Sid said, with a deep sigh. “Well, almost all. Riku, about your darkness—”

“It’s because I’m a Replica,” Riku replied quickly. His eyes were still fixed on the stars out Yen Sid’s window. “It’s a programming error. They’re working on fixing it—don’t rag on _me_ because they’re taking forever.”

Yen Sid looked a little startled at such a response, though Sora couldn’t say _he_ was, for what Riku said or Yen Sid’s reaction. Kairi grumbled beside him. That’s all she did though. Grumble.

“Then, I guess we should go! I’m your ride home, aren’t I?” Mickey flashed a wide smile at all of them, as he pulled out his star shard. “You guys ready?”

“Uh-huh!” Sora said. Kairi and Riku agreed from either side of him. He did not hear Namine, but maybe she nodded. He turned to look, but only saw that she was dropping her arms to her sides, clenching and unclenching her fingers a few times. She met his eyes for just a second, then turned away, mumbling something that sounded like _ready_.

And then they all left.


	45. In which there's smoothies, and Riku is reassured by his friends

“Hey!! There you are!!” Kairi’s dad, Ren, called from the kitchen as Kairi let them all into the house—not that he needed to yell, seeing as the kitchen was only three steps from the door. The house wasn’t big. None of the houses on Destiny Island were. “I made smoothies.”

Sora grinned and step forward to take a glass, and also to get out of the way. Behind him, he heard Kairi worriedly ask.

“Uh, _dad…_ ”

“Stress-cooking!” Ren replied, meeting her eye. “Look what you’ve got me doing! Stress- _smoothie_ -making!! I’ll use up all the fruit on the island if you keep this up.”

Sora laughed, and then coughed and spluttered, seeing as he’d been in the middle of taking a drink.

“Serves you right,” Kairi told him, moving to pass smoothies to Riku and Namine. Sora wiped at his mouth, and then rather than ask for a paper towel, just wiped it on his pants. Then he remembered that Mickey was still in the room, and, well… Oh well. He flashed an uneasy smile at Mickey and slid over to the table, Riku and Namine following him.

“So! Tell me how it went!” Ren said, meeting Sora’s eyes this time. Kairi was still moving towards the table, so he couldn’t exactly look at her for an answer. Sora opened his mouth to speak, but Ren cut him off. “Actually, uh… Mickey? Do you mind telling me what’s up, while the kids work on their smoothies? That way they can’t leave anything out.”

Mickey laughed and nodded. “Sure thing! That is, if I don’t need to get you two home already?” He looked at Riku and Namine.

Namine shrugged and shook her head, but Riku scrunched up his face.

“Call Aerith if you think it’s gonna be a problem,” Kairi said, sitting down.

“And, hey!” Ren said. “Why don’t you all scoot so the adults can have the table?”

Kairi scowled and stuck her tongue out at him. She was the last one to get back up, probably out of spite, so it was a good thing Sora knew where her phone was. It was hanging on the wall that separated the kitchen from the little area by the stairs. Right next to it was a corkboard, with flyers about the latest town events and a list of phone numbers pinned to it, among other things, including a picture Kairi’d drawn when she was five that her dad refused to take down. Sora tapped the smaller piece of paper that had Aerith’s and Leon’s and Cloud’s and Tifa’s numbers on it, in case Riku didn’t know Aerith’s off the top of his head—he might not.

As Riku handed his smoothie to Namine so he could hold the phone, Sora settled into the corner by Ren’s work desk (just a few steps from the phone, half of it under the stairs.) Kairi joined them, asking to check and make sure Riku knew Aerith’s number. Sora nodded and took another drink of his smoothie.

He wondered briefly if he should try and contact Kano again, to make sure if he was okay, or whatever. It had been somewhere around fifteen minutes since Kano’d last said something, certainly not the longest time, but long enough to make Sora wonder. He decided against it, though. The two of them could both use as much “alone” time as they could get, not to mention it’d be nice to actually devote _all_ of his attention to Riku and Namine while they were still here. Both of them knew about Kano, of course—he’d had to tell Riku if he wanted Riku to help him research—but holding two conversations at once wasn’t easy…

“Hey,” Kairi nudged him. “Bet I can down this faster than you can.” She raised her cup with the smoothie in it. She still had a lot more in there than he had in his.

Sora rolled his eyes. “Please. I doubt it.”

Kairi moved the cup closer to her mouth. “Three… two… one—”

“Go!” Sora shouted, slamming his cup to his lips and throwing his head back.

Technically, Kairi didn’t win, but Sora was sure she’d downed at least as much as he had by the time he’d finished, so he didn’t make a big deal about it. Besides, Riku was off the phone by then.

“Should we, uh, go upstairs?” Namine asked. She cast a hesitant look to the table—which she could still see from where she was standing at the edge of the wall. Sora could hear Mickey and Ren talking, though he wasn’t paying enough attention to catch what they were saying.

“Technically…” Kairi said, slowly, as she wiped her mouth. “Dad only said we had to scoot from the table.” She raised her eyebrows, and though she didn’t say it, it was pretty clear she wanted them to stick around and listen in.

Riku rolled his eyes. “As much as I’d love to eavesdrop,” he said. “I actually have something I wanted to… ask?” He dropped his gaze a little, taking his smoothie back from Namine.

Kairi nodded without hesitation. “Upstairs it is.”

They all shuffled up there and into Kairi’s room, seeing as it would be silly to stand and talk in the hallway. Kairi flopped down on her bed right away, setting her not-quite-empty smoothie glass on the floor off to the side. Sora stayed standing, leaning against the dresser Namine’d used when she was here, seeing as neither Riku nor Namine looked like they were gonna sit, and he didn’t want to make them any more uncomfortable. Riku hardly took more than a step out of the doorway, and Namine stood against the wall next to her bed, looking at her smoothie instead of at them. Sora remembered that he wanted to talk to her, but, whatever Riku had to say came first.

“Uh, okay…” Riku cleared his throat. “Do you, like… are you mad at me?”

Sora looked at him, then sent a glance at Kairi, to see if she understood the question better than him. She didn’t seem to, or probably not. It was hard to tell when she was lying down and he couldn’t see her face.

“What for?” Sora asked.

Riku rubbed a hand over his arm, sending nervous glances largely at Sora. “For, like, messing up the natural flow of the universe or whatever,” he mumbled.

Sora raised his eyebrows. Of all things. Kairi chuckled.

“Oh, please, is that it? Definitely not a big deal,” she said, and she propped herself up on an elbow. After blowing away hair that had fallen into her face from the motion of moving, she continued: “It’s not like you had any clue it was gonna happen, and even if you did, what were you supposed to do about it? You said you came here because some guy said you could have a second chance at life or whatever?”

Riku nodded.

“Okay, so, if anything, it’s his fault for not telling you the potential consequences, even though this totally feels like some big cosmic thing we’ve got no control over and might be bullcrap,” Kairi said.

“Hey, actually, if I can have a magic key sword, I don’t think we should knock something like destiny so quickly,” Sora argued. “I know life’s not a fairytale, but you gotta admit we’re pretty deep in the monsters and magic stuff.”

Kairi grunted at him. “Okay. _Fine_. But, it’s not like Riku could do anything about not coming here, short of, like, dying. Not really his fault.”

“Yen Sid was making it out to be this really important thing, though…” Riku muttered. He rubbed a little harder at his arm.

“C’mon, Riku, no point fussing over a future we’ll never see,” Sora told him. “And how great could it really be, anyway? Can’t’ve been worth _dying_ over.” Riku’d never told them the circumstances, exactly, of how he’d come to this universe, but Kairi’d worked it out of Namine, and of course Kairi told him. Riku’d been found in a near death state by whoever’d brought him over to this universe. If he’d decided not to accept the offer for this second chance…

“It was probably one where you didn’t fall into darkness…” Riku said.

Sora considered that a moment. It was a little more reasonable to be worried about. Still, though… “So what?” he asked, straightening and fixing his fiercest gaze at Riku, daring Riku to challenge this. “So what! I wouldn’t fall to darkness, alright, but I’d never have you for a friend. Doesn’t seem like a great trade off to me.”

“Yen Sid was making it out to be this fantastic thing—”

“Pretty sure he wasn’t,” Kairi said. She sent a glance to Sora for confirmation, and he nodded.

“Yeah! Pretty sure outside of,” he cleared his throat and in his best Yen Sid voice said: “‘I can’t see anything in the stars now!’ he didn’t say anything about what the future was _supposed_ to be.”

“But he—”

“Yen Sid is a crusty old man who is having trouble adjusting to the idea that life is not dictated by some predetermined script written by some deity or the stars or whatever,” Kairi interjected. “And, if you _really_ cared about his opinion, wouldn’t you be asking him, and not us?”

“Yeah!” Sora echoed.

Riku looked down at his toes.

Sora continued.

“I mean, sure, maybe we all _did_ have some sort of destiny lined out for us. Like I said, we are pretty deep in this monsters and magic stuff.” The Keyblade seemed to itch in the back of his mind as he said it, and the weight of Kano still pressed in his chest, even if their link was stifled right now. “I dunno anything legitimate about telling the future, Riku, but I always thought it involved more probablys than it did definitelys. And maybe my ‘destiny’ was just to defeat Xehanort. Well, I’m still getting there, aren’t I? Pretty sure nothing’s been botched beyond repair.”

Riku laughed a little, but it sounded like a happy laugh. He looked up, a smile on his lips, meeting both Sora’s and Kairi’s gaze for just a second each. “Thank you…” he said.

“No problem,” Kairi said.

“Mmhmm,” Sora agreed, with a nod. “It’s not like you were _directly_ responsible for me falling into darkness anyway.” Maybe jealousy for Riku _had_ been among the things that’d pushed him to do it, but _Riku_ wasn’t responsible for his emotions, _he_ was.

“Yeah, and I don’t care how shiny of a future was written in those stars before you showed up,” Kairi added. “I bet it wasn’t half as good as the one that’s coming to us now, if only because you wouldn’t be here—also because Namine wouldn’t be here either…” Her eyes widened, but then she nodded definitively. “So, yeah, it’d be _less_ than half as good.”

“What do you think, Namine?” Sora asked. She hadn’t said anything this whole conversation, though they hadn’t tried much to include her. And, if Sora remembered right, she always had trouble interacting if they didn’t engage her directly.

“Huh?” She looked up from her smoothie, and, from the expression on her face, her thoughts. “I… I mean, yeah…” She cast a hesitant glance at Riku. “I certainly… don’t blame you, Riku…” She pressed her glass to her lips, mumbling something like ‘ _existing is better than not existing’._

Sora watched her a moment, trying to gauge what was wrong, also waiting to see if Kairi and Riku had anything more to say… Well, they’d waited too long if they did. “Hey, Namine… is everything—”

“ALRIGHT KIDS, WE’RE DONE,” came the sound of Ren shouting from downstairs. “Time for Riku and Namine to get heading home, I guess!”

Sora and Namine stared at each other for a long moment, Sora wrestling with whether or not he should continue. Then she coughed and looked away, holding out her glass to him.

“Do… you want my smoothie, Sora…?” she asked. “I’m not gonna finish it…”

He stared a second more, then took it from her. “Y… yeah. Thanks.”

Riku and Kairi were already out the door, and Namine was quick on their heels.

“…could always spend the night, I suppose,” Ren was saying as Sora climbed far enough down the stairs to hear. “But they’ll have to clear it with their, uh…?” He stopped short, clearly wanting to finish that with _parents,_ but knowing he couldn’t.

“They’ll have to ask Aerith,” Kairi supplied for him. Sora was at the bottom of the stairs now, just in time to see Riku shake his head.

“Nah, I’ve been missing all day,” he said. “Probably shouldn’t. Namine could, if she wanted…?”

Namine shook her head as well. “N-no, we should both…”

Riku nodded. “Well, alright then, uh, Mickey. Let’s go.”

The three of them left.

Sora waited until Ren moved back into the kitchen, to deal with clean-up of the smoothie mess—he’d taken Kairi’s and Sora’s empty glasses, along with Riku’s mostly full one, intending to drink that himself. Sora still held Namine’s. Anyway, he waited until Ren was in the kitchen, and then he spoke.

“Something’s wrong with Namine,” he said.

“What?” Kairi sent a glance at him, and then continued writing on the calendar on the cork board. After a second, Sora realized she was noting down, on Monday, _Sora’s first day of training._

“I dunno, it’s just… she seems…” But Sora wasn’t sure where to begin. It felt like more than how distracted she’d been all evening, the way she’d kept wringing her hands, and listing those things to Kairi seemed silly anyway. “Something’s wrong, Kairi,” he repeated, instead. “Haven’t you noticed?”

She’d always believed him on these sorts of things before, so he wasn’t too worried, but still, all she could do was shrug in response to his question. “There was… a lot going on tonight,” she told him, putting the pen on top of the corkboard, and turning to him in full.

“Well, what about before now?” Sora asked. “I mean, she stayed with you for two weeks just a bit ago!”

“So! You didn’t notice anything then either!”

“Kairi, come on, this isn’t a competition.”

She stared at him a moment, then sighed. “Well… there was…” she began. Her face was scrunched up hard in thought. She didn’t continue.

Impatient as always, Sora pressed her. “What? There was what?”

“There was a lot going on then, too, between her and Riku, for starters!” Kairi said. She crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her lip into her mouth to chew it.

Sora watched her, a knot of anticipation in his stomach, a knot of worry. Something was beating in his chest, something he’d noticed about Namine, but it hadn’t gotten through from his heart to his head yet, so all he could do was wait for Kairi. The reminder that he hadn’t noticed sooner stung, too, because two months was a long time to take to realize something was wrong, and he was sure now that something had been wrong for a while.

“She’s a lot quieter,” Kairi said, quickly. She dropped her eyes from him. There was a tension in her voice. “She’s quieter, and it’s harder to make her laugh, and she jumps at every other little thing. _But…_ ” She held her head to the side for a moment. “But… we all went through a lot. She’s probably just figuring out how to… settle, again, y’know? Like we all are. I mean! It’s harder to make you laugh half the time, too! Riku’s the only one of us who seems to be doing a fine, which is surprising.”

Sora nodded. Less at her comment about Riku, and more about Namine.

“Yeah, I guess that’s all it is,” he said. He knew coping was hard. It hadn’t been easy for him, and it’d never been easy for Riku, and if he ever thought Namine wasn’t having trouble, then all he needed to do was remember how she’d broken down with panic at the thought of having to cast offensive magic.

“Do you think… we should try ‘n help?” Sora asked.

“Outside of actually keeping better contact with her and Riku instead of letting weeks pass without seeing either of them,” Kairi said. “I can’t think of anything else we can do right now.”

Sora sighed, but he nodded in agreement.

He couldn’t think of anything either.

He took a cautious sip of the smoothie he held, because it was there, because he’d forgotten about it, because he’d said he would drink it.

“What time do you think they’ll want you there on Monday?” Kairi asked, looking at the calendar again.

Sora shrugged. He hadn’t thought much about that. “Well… I’ll just go over after breakfast, and see if that’s a bad time or what. Hard to schedule when time doesn’t pass the same between worlds, and when I have to juggle with my parents not knowing…”

“That’ll hopefully be fixed this weekend, though,” Kairi argued. “You staying the night?”

Sora nodded. Then he grimaced.

“Uh, well… if I’m allowed to?” he said, raising his voice a little, so that Ren could hear him, since that’s who he needed permission from at this point. The walls weren’t that thick, though, and Sora knew that, so he didn’t raise his voice by much.

“You’re fine,” Ren called back. Then he was around the corner, drying one of the smoothie glasses as he looked between the two of them. Ren had always been a laid-back man, Sora thought, much more than his parents at any rate, and even now he had a lazy smile on his lips, one that Kairi’d inherited. She’d also inherited the fierceness that entered his eyes as the subject became more serious. “For the night, anyway. I want you to try and sort things out, though. Can’t hide you here forever.”

“Yes sir,” Sora said, with a mock salute. He meant it, of course, and Ren knew that. Ren gestured to the glass he was holding, and Sora happily handed it over.

“Mickey mentioned you were gonna try and take your parents to another world,” Ren said, reaching around the wall to put the smoothie glasses on the kitchen counter. “Sounds like a good idea. Any chance I can come?”

Sora and Kairi looked at each other. Kairi’s features were definitely written with a _why not?_ “That sounds fine to me, Dad!” she said.

“We’re still working out the details, though…” Sora said.

“Riku’s just gotta let us know when a good time is,” Kairi explained. “Hopefully he’ll tell us tomorrow. If not, then I’ll call Aerith or Leon.”

“Maybe we’ll shoot for Saturday,” Ren suggested. “I’m off then.”

“Mm, but my dad’s not,” Sora said, with a sigh. “He’s only got Sundays… So, it’ll have to be Sunday. The morning, but, not too early since Hollow Bastion’s, uh…” He couldn’t remember what the time difference between here and Hollow Bastion was, so looked at Kairi for his answer.

“I dunno, just that they’re behind us,” was all Kairi could tell him, though. “Whatever. We’ll just figure it out tomorrow when I call.”

“Or, we could… talk to them in person?” Sora suggested. That would count as ‘seeing Namine and Riku more often’, and with so many people to coordinate, it seemed easier to not try and do it on the phone.

“If you do, can I come?” Ren asked. He seemed very insistent on this. “Unless, oh…” He looked at Sora, mouth scrunched up as he thought. “Do you think it’ll make your parents feel better if it’s a first for me, too, on Sunday?”

“Hmm, probably,” Sora said.

Ren nodded. He scratched at the stubble on his chin as he leaned a shoulder against the wall. “Speaking of, Sora, your dad showed up while you were gone,” he said. “Timing was impeccable. Showed up _right_ after you left, but not soon enough to catch you leaving.

“Of course,” Kairi laughed in exasperation. Ren nodded at her, features twisted like his daughter’s in a way that made it clear he was thinking _I know, right?_

“What’d he want?” Sora asked.

“Wanted to talk to you, obviously. I told him you were already asleep. He may have believed me.” Ren shrugged. “Then he asked me if I’d noticed anything, uh, _off_ about you.”

Sora swallowed thickly, breathing hard around the sudden clench in his chest.

Ren smiled sympathetically at him, and continued: “I told him no, I didn’t think so, but I hadn’t exactly been looking. Figured I’d leave the magic explanations to you.”

“Thanks…” Sora mumbled, glad that Ren had not said anything to his dad. He probed cautiously for Kano, wondering if the fear sitting in his chest was actually his or not. Kano wasn’t responding, though. Not a big deal. Sora didn’t want to argue with him about his parents anyway.

“You… are alright, aren’t you?” Ren asked.

Sora nodded. “As good as I’ll ever be right now.”

“And Kano…?”

“A magic thing, I swear.”

Ren nodded, satisfied with that answer. He pushed away from the wall and glanced at the clock. “Alright, well, I won’t tell you two that you _have_ to go to bed, but, it is late…” He trailed off with a raise of his eyebrows that said he definitely _thought_ they should go to bed.

“You should go to bed too, dad,” Kairi argued. “You still have work tomorrow.”

Ren waved her worries to the side. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine.”

Kairi sent a knowing look at Sora and rolled her eyes. He laughed a little and rolled his eyes with her. Chances were, Ren would be up half the night anyway. It was a good thing his work never suffered.

Goodnights were said, and Sora and Kairi headed back up the stairs. Sora’d sleep in the extra bed—Namine’s bed, he still wanted to call it, even though she did not live here anymore. Kairi had a pair of his pajamas stashed in a drawer for exactly this occasion, along with a change of clothes, so that wasn’t a problem either, at least.

There was a tension in the air as they got settled, moonlight streaming into the dark room through the curtains. Sora lay staring at the ceiling, waiting for Kairi to say whatever it was she wanted to say. If she didn’t soon, he resolved just to ask her. Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

“About… Kano…” she said, very slowly. She was not looking at him, Sora saw, when he rolled over on his side to face her. He studied her a moment, on her back with her hands folded over her stomach. A heaviness weighed on him with the question, and it seemed to weigh on her, too.

“Can we not tonight, Kai?” he asked, flopping back onto his back. He reached up to rub his head, scowling at the ceiling. The last thing he wanted to do tonight is argue with Kairi again. To say they’d never argued before would be a lie—they’d argued plenty since they first met at age 2!—but an argument had never lasted this long, had never been about something this serious. No matter what he said, he could not seem to change her mind about Kano, and the fact she wanted to pick a fight over it every other time they spoke wasn’t helping.

Maybe it’d be good to try and talk about it while Kano wasn’t here to interrupt, but then again, talking about him was probably the best way to get his attention. It wouldn’t last for long. The literal lack of privacy was Sora’s biggest complaint about Kano being here, or at least, where he was. He hoped that problem would be fixed when they had separate bodies again….

“Alright,” Kairi agreed, voice quiet. “Goodnight, Sora.”

“’Night Kairi.”

He closed his eyes and prepared to sleep.


	46. In which Riku, Namine, and Aerith go for a walk

Namine jumped at the knock on the bedroom door.

“Namine…?” Aerith called.

“Yeah!” Namine said, then cleared her throat, trying not to think about how strained her voice may or may not have sounded.

She clenched and unclenched her hand a few times, her fingers all stiff from holding her pencil much tighter than she probably should’ve been. The open page of her sketchbook was nearly completely black with pencil, the picture some dark blob with a lone figure drawn with an eraser in the middle. A good way to vent stress. Kind of. Even if the picture would’ve been completely incomprehensible to anyone but herself, she quickly shut her sketchbook so that Aerith would not be able to see it as she opened the door.

“Hi,” Aerith said, smiling at her, as she poked her head in. She opened the door a little further and leaned around it, so she could see Riku’s bed. There was no Riku in it. Aerith sighed. “Gone again, huh…?”

Namine nodded, though Aerith didn’t turn back to her in time to see it. “He was gone when I woke up,” she said. “He’ll probably be back soon, though. He was yesterday.”

“Yeah, he was…” Aerith agreed, distractedly.

“I, uh, sorry I didn’t come down sooner,” Namine said. “I… I just… Uh…” She swallowed, hands falling beside her, fingers running over folds of the bedsheet. She didn’t exactly want to explain how it felt like she’d had a certain… security, here, on her bed, with the morning sunlight streaming through the curtain, and with Riku gone. It would sound silly. And that was if she could even put it in words. A shorter—or even different—explanation wasn’t coming to mind, though.

At least Aerith did not ask for one. She just smiled again, in a patient way that showed she understood Namine’s lack of words, and that it was alright. Namine loved that smile. It never made her feel guilty for not having the courage to say something.

“Well, we couldn’t have gone on our walk without Riku, anyway, so no big deal,” she said. “Though… I guess we _could_ go without him.”

Namine shrugged. “I don’t think he’d be happy….” Riku was the one who’d suggested these early-morning walks to begin with, since the three of them were the only ones up at this time of morning, and he hated sitting still for extended periods of time. “But… It’d serve him right for vanishing every morning.”

“Exactly,” Aerith said. Then she grimaced. “Maybe next time he does it….” She hummed a second as she considered that, then nodded towards the stairs. “I think I’m going to go take care of the garden while we wait. Would you like to help?”

“Uh… maybe,” Namine replied. “I should, uh, get dressed, first.”

Aerith nodded. “Of course!” she said, and then she left, closing the door behind her.

Namine was dressed and outside just in time to see Riku stumble out of a dark corridor in front of the garden. He rubbed at his head as if it hurt while the dark corridor closed behind him, and staggered as he straightened. When he saw her standing the doorway, and Aerith kneeling by the garden, both staring at him, he paled a shade or two, but he smiled and dusted himself off casually.

“Oh, hi!” he said. “Sorry, I got…” He cleared his throat. “Sidetracked.”

“You shouldn’t be using dark corridors,” Aerith said, in a very stern voice.

“Well, how else am I supposed to get around?”

Aerith sighed as she got up. “Remind me to get you that extra star shard we have,” she replied, dusting off her hands and then smoothing her skirt.

“Where were you?” Namine asked. She was still standing in the doorway. Just staring at Riku. At least she’d remembered to close the door…

Riku tugged at his shirt, not wanting to look directly at her. “Uh…. Destiny Islands….”

“Again?”

“What’s so special about there?” Aerith asked.

“Well, this morning, I was awake and decided I’d catch the sunrise there,” Riku answered. “Beautiful sunrises over the water… Maybe we should all go watch one one time. Oh, but that would require getting up at 3 AM. Hmm…” He scratched at his cheek. “Anyway, after that I just lost track of time. Sorry.”

“How can you lose track of time when you have an internal clock?” Namine asked. This question had been bugging her for a while. Her own ticked away inside her head, telling her exactly what time it was. Why couldn’t Riku pay attention to his?

“It defaults to whatever world I’m on,” Riku argued. “So the moment I’m on Destiny Islands, I’m thinking in Destiny Islands time, and it’s not easy managing two separate times at once.”

“You could buy a watch,” Aerith suggested.

He turned to her, a wry look on his face. “Would you believe me if I told you that’s where I was most of the morning? Going from store to store, world to world, trying to find a watch that didn’t make my skin itch the moment I put it on? Because, that’s seriously where most my time went.”

“You could’ve… kept the watch in your pocket…?” Namine said.

“…. _oh._ ”

“Or we could just get you a phone,” Aerith said. “That’d probably be better. Anyway…” She gestured towards the street. “Walk?”

Riku nodded. Aerith looked to Namine, who nodded as well, moving quickly to join them in the street. They started off in the direction of the Bailey, like they always did, though they’d turn long before they reached it, left down one of the streets, further into the town. It was a different route every day, though sometimes they swung by the market for groceries, and usually Aerith would check the infirmary, _just in case,_ even though there was a sign on the door directing everyone to her house while she wasn’t there to man it.

“Sora’s parents are coming over today, right?” Riku asked. “Should we cover Heartless rounds while we’re out, since they’re gonna show up after breakfast, and that’s usually when rounds get done…?”

Namine felt a clutch in her chest, and she missed a step. Riku looked over to her as she stumbled, for sure, and maybe Aerith did, but Namine had recovered by then. She tried hard to make it look like it had never happened, and took deep breaths to control the panic in her chest as well as she could.

“Hmm, no…” Aerith said. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. For starters, I don’t have my staff—”

Riku turned and pointed back over his shoulder. “We haven’t gotten far, though! The house is just back there, I could run and get it.”

Aerith shook her head. She sent a slight glance to her right at Namine, which made Namine’s heart catch again, but then Aerith’s attention was back on Riku, to her left. “Heartless rounds take a while, Riku, and I really don’t want to miss breakfast. We’re starting our walk late enough as it is.”

Riku sighed. Namine felt like she could breathe again.

“Well, I guess I can always go while they’re here,” Riku said. “It’s not like they’re coming to meet _me._ ”

“You can’t go alone, though, Riku, you know that,” Aerith said.

“Yeah, I do! Well, maybe Namine could go… with me…?”

He lost all confidence as he finished the question, because Namine was already shaking her head. She hated Heartless rounds. She hated them, she hated fighting, and she was glad Leon had long ago taken her out of rotation for rounds without her having to ask. It was a little embarrassing, just as having Aerith indirectly tell Riku no for her sake now—there was no doubting that’s what it had been—but she was still grateful.

“Maybe Yuffie can help,” Riku said instead. “It’s not like Sora’s parents are coming to talk to her, either. Not really.”

“No, not really,” Aerith agreed. They kept walking.

Of course, just because they didn’t intend to do Heartless rounds, didn’t mean they weren’t going to run into any Heartless. It didn’t happen daily or even often—there were less and less Heartless as time went on, it seemed—but it still happened, and today was one of the unlucky days.

Four Heartless materialized. Each was small, two of them of the same type. Namine didn’t know which was what, she had never learned Heartless names. She just knew that that red flying one was weak to Blizzard. Riku took two of them down with one slice. A well placed blast of Fira from Aerith took down the third, leaving the red flying one. Namine knew it would be easy to cast Blizzard at it, not to mention be a big help, but she couldn’t make herself. Riku jump-slashed it a second later, so it was no big deal, but Namine’s heart was still in her throat.

“You could’ve got that,” Riku said, in a tone that was supposed to sound casual. He banished his blade, and the darkness used in the act hung around his fingers for much longer than it should have. Namine didn’t notice how he swayed where he stood, for just a moment, but Aerith did.

“I- I just,” Namine stammered. She opened and closed her hands at her side. She was almost back against the wall of a nearby house. “I…”

“It’s alright, Riku. We got it,” Aerith said, holding out a hand toward him. “Are _you_ —”

“I don’t want to fight,” Namine said, explained, words falling out of her mouth. Desperately, her eyes fixed on Riku. He had to understand this. How had he not realized it sooner? It’d been months and she’d never once wanted to be near a battle since… _since…_ “I- I don’t want to fight,” she said. “I don’t want to. I don’t like it.” She was seconds away from explaining how it made her feel sick, but just the thought of saying that made her stomach flop. She hated it. “I- I don’t want to…”

Aerith turned to her now. “You don’t have to,” she assured Namine, quickly. There was a twinge of impatience in her eyes, but her face was kind, and her tone twice as much. “It’s okay, Namine. No one’s asking you to. You don’t have to fight.”

Namine nodded. It was good to hear that. Good to be told that outright. She took a shaky breath, reaching up to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. She hated this. She hated being such a mess. But Aerith was still considering her kindly, considering her with that look that made her feel perfectly alright for being like this. Aerith was not expecting her to act any different, and even if Riku was scowling at her from behind Aerith, it looked more like confusion than anything else.

“But…” Riku began.

“She doesn’t have to,” Aerith repeated, turning back to him. “No one has to fight if they don’t want to. Now…” She straightened and held herself as high as she could. “Are _you—_ ”

“Fine,” Riku said. “I’m fine.”

Aerith sighed in a way that meant she didn’t believe it, but wasn’t going to press.

“I- I want to learn how to heal.”

Riku sent that confused scowl at Namine again, and, again, Aerith turned back around to face her. Namine put a hand to her mouth. Her stomach felt tight. She had not intended to say that. She’d been thinking about it for a long time now, a very long time, and she’d rehearsed how she’d ask in her mind, over and over again. She’d meant to ask while she and Aerith were closing up the infirmary, some day, so that it wouldn’t feel out of nowhere, but it wouldn’t interrupt anything more important. This—

But there was no sense stopping now.

“I… I want to help people,” Namine continued. “I don’t want to fight anyone. I- I want to help…”

“Okay,” Aerith said, and she nodded. After a second, she nodded again, like she’d considered it and was certain this time. “Okay, I can do that,” she told Namine. “We can do that. You're already helping out some at the infirmary, and you can start helping some more… Yes. I can teach you how to heal, no problem.”

Relief swelled up in Namine, even though she’d expected a result much like this one. “Thank you…” she whispered. “Thank you.”

Aerith nodded again, pressing a knuckle to her lips as she thought. Riku scowled like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t open his mouth to start anything. Namine stood very still, watching Aerith, waiting for what she’d say next. She slowly folded her hands together.

“I think, though…” Aerith said, pulling her hand away from her mouth. “I think it might be a good idea if you learn some more support magic… You’ve got a pretty good grasp on Reflect, but knowing Barrier better, and M-Barrier, along with spells like Aura—that way you can help out when things like this happen.” She gestured to the area around them. “No fighting, but you’re there to help if we need more than just Cures or Esunas. You could maybe learn spells like Stop and Confuse, too. Nothing to hurt the enemy, just spells to make the battles easier for those who are fighting.”

Namine swallowed. She felt herself trembling, and squeezed her hands hard. It did not help, but it made her feel a little better.

“If you want to,” Aerith continued, quickly. She put a hand on Namine’s shoulder, bending a little so they were eye-level. (Aerith was only a few inches taller than her.) “It’s just a thought.”

Namine nodded. “I- it’s a good thought,” she agreed.

“Is that a yes?”

Namine nodded again.

Aerith beamed at her, and squeezed her shoulder. “Alright! I’ll teach you what I can in my spare time. Or, we could probably ask Leon. He knows a lot of those. Honestly, if I could get a hold of—oh, wait, that’s right. Rinoa’s still busy.” She hummed to herself as she mulled it over, pulling her hand away from Namine, pressing knuckles to her lips again.

“Rinoa?” Riku asked, leaning to see Aerith’s face. “Isn’t that the girl who… I mean, didn’t Leon write to her, like, ages ago?”

Namine remembered that too, vaguely. It _had_ been ages ago.

“A few months ago, yes,” Aerith admitted. “She’s busy with the sorceress training it took her five years to get serious about, so I’m not surprised she hasn’t responded…” She sighed a little as she said it, disappointment heavy in her voice.

“Couldn’t you send another letter?” Riku mumbled.

Aerith sent a partial glare at him. “Trust me, Riku, Leon and I both have sent a few already, to different addresses, but there’s no telling where she really is or when our letters will reach her.” There was no anger in her tone, just that continued twinge of disappointment. “We’ll get a hold of her eventually.”

“Wh- what’s she like?” Namine asked. It sounded like Rinoa wouldn’t be teaching her any magic, and that was fine. But she was curious. Anyone who Aerith was disappointed about not hearing much from seemed like a person she’d want to know. The glint in Riku’s eyes said he thought much the same.

“Rinoa? She’s a good friend of mine,” Aerith replied. “We traveled together for a while, and…”

They ended up spending most of their walk talking about Rinoa.


	47. In which Namine and Riku have a... discussion

“Hey, Aerith, why don’t you go on ahead?” Riku said.

Namine sent a look at him, wondering what he was up to. Aerith sent him a look, too. They were standing outside of the infirmary—Aerith had just checked to make sure no one had been waiting there for her. No one had, so now they were going to head back to her house.

“I just wanted to… ask Namine something,” Riku said.

“Oh!” Surprise, then realization passed through Aerith’s face. She looked between the two of them, looked longer at Namine. It took Namine a moment, but finally she caught on to the fact that Aerith was looking to her for confirmation on whether or not this was okay with _her_.

“I-It’s alright, go on,” Namine told her.

Her stomach was a knot, and she dreaded to hear what Riku wanted to say. But how was she supposed to say she wasn’t okay with it? Besides, it was just Riku. It couldn’t be that bad.

“Okay,” Aerith said, taking a few steps in the direction of her house, still watching Namine carefully. “Well, someone’s probably made breakfast by now, given how late we were out, so, that’ll be there. And I _think_ that Sora and Kairi and their parents are supposed to show up within the next hour, so, try not to take… too long.”

“We won’t,” Riku assured her. Namine nodded in agreement, not that she really had any idea.

Riku waited until Aerith was out of earshot, then he turned to Namine.

“Hey… I’ve noticed you haven’t been quite… y’know… lately,” he said.

She frowned at him, not _exactly_ sure what he meant by that. She had a pretty good idea, but… “Y- _yeah_ …?” she said.

“And, I mean,” he shuffled his feet, looking away from her. “I was Rewritten too…”

“Oh… _Right_.”

She turned away from him, crossed her arms over her chest. Bitterness was thick on her tongue.

“So… y’know, I know what it’s like.” He was trying to sound casual. She refused to look at him. “It’s not that easy but—”

“No, you don’t,” she interrupted. Anger roiled in her veins. Her throat was tight. She did not register the half-glare she sent over her shoulder at him, just his partial jump backwards.

“W _-What_?”

“No, you _don’t_ know what it’s like!” Namine clarified. The words felt like rocks in her mouth. Her fingers curled tightly around her upper arms, fingernails digging into her skin. She hated the monster that reared up inside her so easily, the monster that was currently rumbling in her gut. All she’d done was raise her voice.

“C’mon, Namine!” There was a frustration in his tone, and that made her look at him again. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. He was pouting. “I get I hardly remember it and it was sort of different circumstances, but in the twenty or so times I had my data or my memories messed with in the other universe, don’t _think_ I haven’t been terrified once of being shoved into that dumb pod again.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Bitterness was still deep-rooted in her words and her tone, but she refused to raise her voice again. She dropped her gaze for good measure. Tried not to feel the pounding in her head. It was hard. It was so hard.

“Then what did you mean!?”

“I _mean—_ I MEAN YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE YOU LOVED!”

Namine stood there for a split-second, eyes wide and mouth open, horrified. It was hard to bottle this up, hard to keep doing this when Riku didn’t get it—when no one _got it._ She kept screaming. She couldn’t stop herself.

“YOU DIDN’T HAVE SOMEONE’S ELSE VOICE AND THOUGHTS PUT INTO YOUR HEAD! YOU DIDN’T HAVE _HATRED_ FOR THE PEOPLE YOU _LOVED_ CRAMMED INSIDE YOUR SKULL!!” Her hands fell from her chest, searching the air in front of her for something to steady herself, but there was nothing there. So she curled them into tight fists instead and pressed them hard to her heart, so hard it hurt. “ _YOU!!_ You didn’t!! You weren’t….” The words caught in sobs. Her eyes were hot with tears.

Riku was silent for a long time.

His expression was dark.

She could feel how heavy his words were before they left his mouth.

“I had to fight _you_.”

Namine staggered back as if struck. The air was knocked completely out of her lungs.

She reached behind her for something to steady herself, this time, and in doing so her knuckles scraped the wall of the infirmary. She’d forgotten they were standing so close to it. She pressed her palm against the brick. Took a heaving breath.

He was right.

And she’d _forgotten_.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Riku said, quickly. All severity had left his tone, replaced now with worry. Just worry. His hands reached towards her.

“No, no, you’re fine,” Namine told him. She put her whole weight against the wall, tears pouring from her eyes. She squeezed them shut. Hooked her left arm around her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick. How could she forget this, _how could she forget this affected more than just her?_ “You’re right. I’m sorry. I- I forgot _you…_ I- I just try not to think about it. Any of it. But… you and Kairi were there too…” Her voice broke. She felt horrible.

Riku’s hand was on her shoulder, now, but she weakly pushed him off, then clutched her stomach again.

“Y… yeah…” Riku agreed. “We were…”

“And- and even if you didn’t _want_ to fight, not nearly as much as I wanted to kill you, you—OH!! _OHHH!_ ” She made the most horrible sound as she remembered. “I made you promise to _kill me_ if they Rewrote me!!” she screeched. She had to stick a knuckle into her mouth and bite it to keep herself from screeching anymore, though a terrible whine still tore from her throat. She felt like the most awful person alive.

Riku didn’t say anything, and she wasn’t looking at him to see if he responded physically. She couldn’t look at him! Never mind the fact that she was crying way too hard to see anything anyway.

“I’m so s- _s-sorry!_ ” she choked. She curled in on herself, bending double, one hand still on the wall, but her head hung low, her hair falling down around her. She was the worst person in all the worlds, the absolute worst.

“Good… good thing Kairi was there, huh…?” Riku whispered, after a long moment. His voice was too quiet for her to hear it crack. “One of us might be dead.”

Namine nodded, registering that he’d probably meant it as a joke, but it was a joke that made her feel no better. She dropped to her knees.

“Wh-what are we su-s-supposed to _do_?” she sobbed. The world seemed grey around her, and there was a pit of hopelessness in her gut, because _how was she supposed to deal with this, how was she ever going to feel normal again?_ It didn’t feel like she ever would. “How- how do we…?”

The words were burning on her tongue, but they were smothered by tears.

_How do we put it behind us? Move on? Stop feeling so horrible?_

“I…” Riku began, and then she heard him sigh.

Then he was kneeling down on the ground with her, and holding her by the shoulders. She had no strength to push him away. And it was… comforting. Namine slowly looked up at him, finding his face through her tears. She was still sniveling. She felt atrocious.

“Maybe… maybe it’s not quite the answer you want,” Riku said. “But… look at where we are. Where we’re living.” He turned and gestured in the direction of Aerith’s house. You could see the back of it from here. “I have never been this happy in my entire life. I don’t have to wake up every day, terrified of what might happen to me, I’m…” He licked his lips, sighing a little, but then he looked at her again. It was an expression she hadn’t seen in so long. It was happy, it was loving, and though there was a slight narrow of his eyes, a slight worry for her, he sounded so genuine. Not at all like he was saying this just because she was upset. It felt _so_ nice.

“It’ll get better,” he said. “Alright? Things get better. We’ll work through it.”

Namine nodded.

She was still crying, but she felt better. She felt better. Not the greatest. Not like every bad feeling in her gut was gone—because that definitely wasn’t true—but better, for now. Better. Riku’d been in such a bad spot just months ago, but now he was here, so things definitely _could_ get better.

Just… when would they for her?

“Do… you wanna wait a bit before heading back?” Riku asked her.

Namine nodded.

Riku nodded back at her. He waited until she’d straightened herself out, pushed her hair out of her face and wiped her eyes, then he got up and tugged at her. He did not pull her to her feet after the initial tug. He waited until she was getting up on her own before he did any more tugging to help her up.

“Why don’t we walk around this block here, just real quick,” he suggested, pointing to his right, away from Aerith’s house. “So we aren’t just sitting here and doing nothing.”

“G… good idea….” she agreed.

And so they went.


	48. In which Kairi brings her dad to Hollow Bastion

Kairi let out the breath of air she’d been holding, relieved that they landed in the right spot. Seeing as Aerith had a garden now, there was no more star-sharding right onto right onto her doorstep anymore, lest you miss and land on the garden. They had to aim for right outside the garden, a spot Kairi was less familiar with, hence why she was relieved they made it there okay.

“Shouldn’t we have all just come together, instead of meeting Sora and his parents here?” her dad asked, pulling at his ears. They were probably ringing. Kairi hardly noticed that hers did anymore.

“It would’ve been real hard getting us anywhere on the same star shard,” Kairi answered. She reached up to readjust the ponytail in her hair. Wearing it up meant it couldn’t get in her face during star shard travel, but star shard travel made even her ponytails a mess.

“Well, sure,” her dad agreed. “But we could’ve all left at the same time, even if using two of these star shard things. And then we would’ve been there to help convince Sora’s parents this was a good idea.”

Kairi scowled, seeing the logic in that. Well, whatever. “It’s too late now,” she said.

“Is not! We aren’t at the door yet.”

“At this rate, Sora’s already in the middle of convincing his parents,” Kairi argued, trotting up to the door just so she could knock on it if her dad argued again. “We’d just interrupt. Now come on. This is Hollow Bastion—” she gestured around them “—and this is Aerith’s place,” she gestured towards the door and the house.

“Chance I can get a tour later? Of the town?” His attention had gone from arguing to looking around him, admiring the change of scenery. That was good.

“Totally,” Kairi assured him. Riku’d probably be antsy if he stuck around during the whole conversation, anyway, so she could talk him into it. Or they all could go. Or… her and Sora and their parents. Whatever. The point was that it was within the realm of possibility for sure.

“Alright, well,” her dad gestured towards the door, making his way over the garden path to join her. Kairi smiled and knocked.

It was Leon who answered. Not that surprising.

“Hello!” Kairi chimed, waving at him. Leon raised his hand in a partial wave back.

“Uh, hello, I’m Ren, Kairi’s dad.”

“Nice to meet you,” Leon said, with a nod. He stepped away from the door. “Why don’t you come inside? We’ll do proper introductions once everyone’s in the same room.” He let Kairi’s dad through first, then looked at Kairi. “Sora?” he asked.

“Should be here any minute,” Kairi told him. “Unless it takes him forever to talk his parents into this.”

Leon raised his eyebrows at her, shutting the door behind her. “Couldn’t you have all just come together…?”

“That’s what I said!” Ren laughed. Kairi sent a scowl at him. He put up his hands and smiled, while Leon sighed. He slipped past them, waving for them to follow him to the dining room.

Leon slid over to his spot, next to Aerith on her left side, also on the left side of the table. He reached out his hand to Kairi’s dad before he sat down. “Anyway… Leon Gainsborough.”

Ren nodded and shook his hand. Aerith was on her feet and offering her hand as well before he could re-introduce himself.

“Aerith Gainsborough,” she said.

Kairi’s eyebrows shot up. “Whoa, hold on,” she interrupted, before Cid, from his seat at the end of the table, could stand up to shake hands, too. “Since when were you two related?” She sent a look at Riku, who was sitting on the right side of the table next to Yuffie, wondering why the heck _he_ hadn’t told her about this. He just shrugged. Either he hadn’t known, or he hadn’t thought it important either.

“Oh… did we never mention it?” Aerith said, as she sat back down and straightened her skirt. She sent a look at Leon, for his input. He shrugged, folding his arms over his chest.

“We never really needed to…” he mused.

“True,” Aerith agreed, with a nod. “We’re all family here, and I guess it just never came up that you and I have _always_ been…”

Leon sighed. He sat forward in his chair. “Well, to make a long explanation short, since we’ll probably have to do this again when Sora gets here—”

“We were both adopted by the same woman,” Aerith finished. “So we aren’t blood related or anything, but—”

“But what’s it matter when we were raised together since birth?”

Kairi slowly nodded, since it was her they were doing the explaining to. Thinking back over the past few months of knowing Aerith and Leon, with this knowledge in mind, she supposed it did make sense. She’d just never thought about it because, like Aerith had said, everyone in this house had already been sort of a family, so she didn’t think twice about Aerith and Leon maybe being closer. And, if anything, Leon and Aerith had reminded Kairi of her and Sora—then again, what were she and Sora besides two kids who had known each other since they were in diapers? How was that much different?

“Anyway!” Cid said, raising his voice to get everyone’s attention on him. “Weren’t we doin’ introductions?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Kairi said, swallowing the next question she’d wanted to ask Aerith and Leon. It could wait.

“Alrigh’, well, I’m Cid. Highwind, since I guess we’re doing that last name thing.” He looked at Ren from across the table, chewing his tongue for a moment. “Uh, d’you wanna shake my hand, or should we just skip that bit since we’re on opposite ends of the table?”

Kairi’s dad laughed. “We can skip it.”

“You know who I am,” Riku said, since he was next in the circle.

Yuffie was the only one left. She was slumped back in her chair, arms over her chest, _pouting._ “Yuffie,” she said. She didn’t look up. “Just Yuffie.”

Aerith sent her a stern—no, _concerned_ look, a touch of confusion in it. Yuffie didn’t see it, seeing as she still wasn’t looking, so whatever Aerith was trying to convey was lost. Kairi’s dad either didn’t see it, or wanted to change the subject, so he cleared his throat.

“Well, I’m Ren,” he said. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “Just… Ren is fine. Uh… is Namine supposed to be here?” he asked, squinting around the table.

“She’s upstairs,” Riku answered, nodding in the direction of the stairway.

“She said she’d skip out on this conversation,” Cid added. “Not a problem, we figured.”

“Guess not,” Kairi agreed. The point of this was, more than anything, have Sora’s parents come to a different world and talk to some other _adults_ about this darkness and monsters and magic business. Namine sitting out would hardly make a difference.

“You can skip out on it too, Yuffie, if you’d like,” Leon said. “Seeing as you don’t look happy to be here.”

Yuffie let out a long breath, slumping down even _more_ in her chair, somehow. “Well, I’m just out here for right now,” she grumbled. “Me ‘n Riku are gonna do Heartless rounds soon, but, maybe afterwards I’ll just… go find something else to do… Not like I’d be of any use if I stuck around anyway…”

“Oh Yuffie, please, I’m sure you’d help out somehow, if you did stay,” Aerith told her. “But if you don’t want to—”

“Yeah right, I’d only be in the way, ‘cause I’m just another stupid kid,” Yuffie scoffed. She turned her head away, sinking down even _further_ into her chair. At this rate, her eyes would be level with the table pretty soon.

Kairi raised her eyebrows. Her dad leaned into her, bending a little so that when he whispered she’d be the only one who could hear it.

“This normal?” he asked. “Also are we… in the way?”

Kairi shrugged marginally. “Yuffie’s like this sometimes I guess,” she answered as quietly as possibly. Hopefully no one noticed. Drawing attention to how they were here and not a part of this household would probably just make things worse. “Complainy and a little grumpy anyway…. I think we’re fine though.”

“If you’re sure…” Her dad straightened again.

“Yuffie, you’re almost 18,” Leon said. “You’re not really a kid anymore.” He didn’t sound angry, but it was hard to tell with Leon sometimes, Kairi’d always thought. He’d always felt like the kind of guy who didn’t let on to the fact he was mad, just to be polite. Kind of like Aerith… _oh._

“Sure, but it’s _me_ you’re sending out on Heartless rounds with Riku,” Yuffie argued.

“Well, if you don’t want to go, Cid can go instead,” Aerith said.

“Hey!” Cid sat up so fast in his chair he nearly displaced it. “I went yesterday!!”

“Why not send Namine?” Yuffie asked, with a nod over her shoulder towards the stairs. “She’s already not gonna be down here, and it’s not like she ever does ‘em anyway.”

“She doesn’t like doing them,” Leon argued.

“The rest of us don’t exactly enjoy it either,” Yuffie countered. “I mean, except Riku, but, he’s _Riku._ ”

“But the rest of us don’t _mind_ fighting, even we don’t enjoy it,” Leon said. “Namine doesn’t like fighting at all, and if she doesn’t want to fight, she doesn’t have to.”

Something about those words made Kairi grimace, hard. Sora’s words from a few nights ago echoed in her ears. _There’s something wrong with Namine._ But what did not wanting to fight have anything to do with that?

Regardless, she remembered now: _Short of trying to talk to her more, I don’t know how to help._ She’d told Sora that. Or… had Sora told her? She couldn’t remember who said it, just that it had been said, and that they’d agreed it was a good idea. And here Kairi was standing here, in the same house as Namine, and she hadn’t even taken the time to see her.

“Where’d you say Namine was?” Kairi asked. She wasn’t too worried about interrupting Leon and Yuffie. The argument sounded like it was nearly over anyway. “Her room?” She pointed at the stairs.

Everyone at the table nodded, well, minus Yuffie. Concern flashed across Aerith’s face. Leon looked like he wanted to say something, though it might have been at Yuffie still. Yuffie was still glaring up a storm.

“Uh… she’s not real interested in talking right now, though…” Riku warned. “You might not want to—”

“Aw, c’mon, just two seconds,” Kairi said. “All I want to do is say hi! It’d be pretty mean of me if I _didn’t,_ wouldn’t it?” She also felt like she needed to ask Namine something, to talk to her about something, but what specifically she needed to ask was a mystery. Should she just leave it at an ‘ _are you okay? Is something wrong?_ ’ or would that just scare Namine out of talking?

Riku stared hard at her. “I’m not so sure she’d…” he began, but trailed off. There was a slight altering of his features, as he started seriously considering… something. A raise of his eyebrows, a partial nod, as if the idea seemed like a good one. “Well… Yeah, she’d probably be pretty happy to see you. You should definitely say hello.”

There was something else burning in his eyes, though. Something Kairi couldn’t decipher, which was unfortunate. But it couldn’t be helped. There was no time to try and puzzle it out. If she did want to do anything more than say hello to Namine before Sora got here—he should be here literally any second—she was going to have to go now.

After raising her hand in a partial wave to everyone at the table and nudging her dad in a silent sort of _be back in a sec_ gesture, Kairi headed for the stairs, taking two at a time.

Namine was, in fact, in her room, sitting on her bed, drawing. Or, she had been, before Kairi let herself in. She looked startled. In hindsight, Kairi realized, seeing as the door had been closed, she probably should’ve knocked…

“Oh..!” Namine said. “You’re here.” She hastily closed her sketchbook. “Aren’t you, uh… Isn’t- Isn’t Sora…?”

“He and his parents haven’t shown up yet,” Kairi explained, guessing that’s what Namine was trying to ask. “I figured I should come up here and, yanno, tell you hi and stuff. Be mean if I didn’t.” The words _I wanted to check on you_ bounced in her mind, but she refused to say them. Namine didn’t need to know that.

“R-right,” Namine said. She nodded. “Hi.”

“Good to see you.”

“Yeah…”

She seemed really stressed about something. Her eyes refused to settle on Kairi. Kairi chewed her tongue, and wished Sora were here, regardless of that he was supposed to be here about five minutes ago. He would know what to say, right now. He’d probably know what was wrong without even asking.

“Well… how’ve you been?” Kairi asked, trying to make her voice as smooth as possible, like this was really just a casual question and curiosity, another piece of small talk.

“Good…” Namine answered. She fiddled with the spiral binding of her sketchbook. “I’ve been okay…” She looked up at Kairi now. “How about you?”

“Good!” Kairi replied. She could not bring herself to say anything different, or to press Namine on what was probably a lie. She would’ve brought up another subject to talk about, but her mind had gone decidedly blank.

“Uh… I’m not… I mean, won’t Sora be here soon?” Namine asked. “Shouldn’t you…?”

Kairi slowly nodded. It was pretty important to the plan that she be there when Sora’s parents arrived, so that they had a familiar face to latch onto. And Riku’d been right: Namine really didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. Maybe she’d try again later.

“Yeah, I probably should,” Kairi agreed. “I’ll try and catch you when we’re done. Okay? Oh! Right, my dad wanted a tour of the town later. You wanna come when we go?”

“Uh…” Namine blinked at her a few times. “I- I guess… yeah,” she said.

Kairi beamed. That made her feel a little better. “Okay! Then! I’ll come get you for that,” she said. She reached for the doorknob. She was still kind of standing in the doorway. “See ya in a bit!” she called, then stepped out and closed the door behind her.

She stood there a second, turning the conversation over in her head, wondering if there’d been a clue that she’d missed, a clue as to why Namine seemed so… uneasy. She couldn’t seem to find one, though. Sighing, she headed back down the stairs.

“That was fast,” Riku said, looking up at her in surprise.

No one had moved much from where she’d left them, though Yuffie looked a lot less upset and her dad had taken the empty seat to Yuffie’s left, at the corner of the table.

“I said I only wanted to say hi, didn’t I?” Kairi replied.

Riku scowled at her.

Whatever he’d been trying to tell her before seemed to hang between them. Had he assumed she’d understood? She hoped not.

“How… is she?” Riku asked.

“Not feeling well, like you said.”

“She sick?” Kairi’s dad asked, sending a worried look at Kairi.

Kairi shrugged and shook her head. “I don’t think so…?” She looked to Riku.

He grimaced, much like he really wanted to say something. Not for the first time, Kairi wished she knew him as well as she knew Sora, so that she could understand what he was thinking just by how his mouth twitched. All she got from this was the impression he knew the answer but didn’t want to say it. He was lucky they were surrounded by other people and that Sora was still supposed to arrive any second, or she would’ve tried squeezing it out of him. She’d have to do it later.

“Anyway, shouldn’t Sora be here by now?” Leon asked. There was a note of worry in his tone. “He wasn’t supposed to take that long, was he?”

“Well, unfortunately, convincing his parents could take… a while….” Kairi said, with an aggressive shrug. Her dad nodded to back her up. “I guess I’ll give him ten more minutes, then go get all of them if I have to.”

Leon nodded. Aerith got to her feet. “Do you know if they like tea?” she asked, moving for the kitchen.

“They both’ll _drink_ tea,” Kairi assured her, as she sat down in the chair next to Riku, for now.

“Then I suppose now’s a good time to start making a batch of it,” Aerith said. “Having some might make the discussion go a little smoother…”

Kairi nodded absentmindedly, though Aerith could not see her at this point, and she hadn’t really needed to.

Ten minutes, she’d give Sora. Ten minutes.

 

**xxx**

Sora stood in the front room, his back to the stairs, star shard clutched in both hands, hanging at his waist. He was not trying to hide it, but he was not trying to make a show of it either. He eyed where his mother sat in her corner, sewing, and where his dad was in the kitchen, contemplating lunch from the looks of it, though there was at least an hour to go until lunch time. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d started a serious conversation with his parents, couldn’t remember the last time he’d asked for their attention because he had big news. It’d been at least six months. Maybe it’d been nine. Maybe it’d been longer? This past year felt like an eternity, anything that happened before Riku’d arrived like it’d happened forever ago. Regardless. Lately he’d said something unimportant first, like _how was your day,_ and then they’d started asking questions, and…

Sora swallowed hard.

 _What do I say?_ he asked Kano, even though, Kano wouldn’t have any sort of a better idea than him.

‘ _Didn’t you spend all night rehearsing?’_ was Kano’s lazy reply. There was a hint of laughter in his voice, but only a hint—he felt Sora’s nervousness just as strongly as Sora did.

 _I don’t remember anything I thought about saying,_ Sora said.

Kano sighed.

‘ _You were gonna phrase it something like “hey I have proof” or whatever? Something about bringing up how this was real proof they couldn’t, like, deny, or….’_

 _Oh yeah!_ Sora nodded, a little, just a little. He was getting better at hiding his physical responses to what Kano said. _Thanks! I don’t know what I’d do without you._ He was a little surprised that Kano remembered when he did not, but, extremely grateful regardless. He cleared his throat.

“Hey, uh…” he said, looking between his parents. He was standing in a spot where they both could see him well enough. His dad turned to him, letting the fridge close. His mom only glanced up a second, to show she was listening, before returning her attention to her sewing. Sora cleared his throat again. There was a knot in his stomach.

Kano started to say something inside him, quite a few things, but none of them became words. The intention was clear enough, though—he was trying to figure out how to tell Sora to not worry or that it’d be okay, but in a way that would sound casual, or at least not come off in an I-Legitimately-Want-Sora-To-Feel-Okay-Because-I-Really-Care-About-Him way. It was a warmth in Sora’s chest, and it made him smile. He took a careful breath.

“Alright, well, you know how I spent six months on another world?” he said, to his parents, watching his mom more than his dad. “I thought I’d take you to one, to prove, that, they exist.” He held out the star shard, now. “This is a star shard. You’ve seen me use it before, probably? It can take me wherever I want it to.”

His mom looked up to see it, squinting over her reading glasses. Sora didn’t blame her for squinting. Star shards seemed to catch light and reflect it in ways that made them hard to look at for long. His dad, meanwhile, leaned against the island counter, towards Sora, a humoring smile on his lips.

“I thought I already told you I believed you about them,” he said, with a casual laugh that should’ve made Sora smile. All it did was make Sora’s chest tighten. It’d been like this since the incident on the docks. A few days now. “Or, other lands, or… whatever.” He sent a firm gaze past Sora to his mother. “Our ships go _somewhere,_ Akemi,” he said, before she can argue.

Sora’s mother sighed, a long sigh. She pulled her reading glasses away from her face and rubbed her head. “Sora, please,” she said. She sounded tired. “We already believe you weren’t on this island. Can we not spend our day—”

“There are some _really_ cool places to see!” Sora protested.

‘ _You aren’t taking them to any of those, though,’_ Kano reminded him, back to his usual snark.

_Oh, shut up._

“Besides,” Sora continued, with only the slightest pause for Kano. “You still don’t believe me about the magic and darkness stuff.” His father eyed him in a way that Sora knew meant he was eyeing the scar, and not him. Had there not been a star shard in his hands, he would’ve reached up to scratch it. His mother frowned at him.

“Are you saying you’re going to show us some of _that?”_ she asked, incredulous.

Sora suppressed a groan and managed to only half-roll his eyes. (That had nothing to do with Kano, and everything with his mother thinking it was rude.) “No!” he said. “I was gonna have you meet with some friends of mine who might be able to explain it better than me, because they’ve been dealing with it for longer.”

“Isn’t, uh, dealing with darkness bad….?” his dad asked. Sora really groaned this time. At least his dad was trying.

“I mean, like!! Fighting it and stuff.”

‘ _You could probably find some Heartless in Hollow Bastion,’_ Kano said. ‘ _A small amount that you could handle alone and then—‘_

 _No, Kano, I’m not putting them in danger!_ Sora interrupted, firmly. This was not the first time he’d had to tell Kano this. Of course, Kano had a point, but…

‘ _If it’s just five Heartless…’_

_Kano!_

_‘How can they deny it when they see Heartless and you fighting them?’_ Kano argued.

Sora licked his lips, wishing he wasn’t considering it as seriously as he was. It would be easy, just a walk around town would make them run into a few. Maybe if he landed even further away from Aerith’s house, on “accident” so they had to walk… He ground his teeth together. Sent an internal scowl at Kano.

 _……if all else fails,_ Sora agreed.

He pretended that his dad wasn’t scowling at him after that slightly-long pause. Pretended that he didn’t see the way his father studied him like he was the last question on the Sunday morning crossword puzzle.

“So, uh, are we…” Sora cleared his throat. “Are we going?”

“I wish you’d given us a little more warning….” His mother told him, finishing a stitch in her sewing, and then sticking the needle in the fabric to set aside. “But, I supposed you planned this, didn’t you?”

“Uh… yes?” Sora answered, not sure if she was talking about the meeting, or the not-telling-her-about-it-until-the-last-minute part. Not telling her and his dad until the last minute was more so that they couldn’t shoot the idea down a day before the plan was in motion than anything else. That and so the spell wouldn’t make them forget or change their minds overnight or something. He hadn’t done it… _maliciously,_ which is almost what his mother’s tone implied.

His mother sighed again, setting her glasses aside now. “Well, if we have a scheduled meeting,” she said, with a wave of her hand. “Then we don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Sora stared.

“You… agreed to that really quickly?” he said.

His mother pushed herself out of her chair. “No reason to be rude.”

“I’d just go with it, son,” his dad said, in a not-so-quiet voice.

Sora nodded absently.

‘ _I’m worried…’_ Kano mumbled.

_Me too?_

“Well, alright, so- uh,” Sora cleared his throat. Waved his father over. “We should all probably link arms, so on the off chance the transportation gets messed up we’ll at least end up on the same world together.” After a second of consideration, he added: “And, try and think about me, I guess. I think that might help prevent you getting separated from me if the transportation gets _really_ botched…”

His parents exchanged glances.

“What are the chances of that happening?” his mom asked.

“Oh! Slim!” Sora assured them. “The worst that’s most likely to happen is it takes us to the wrong world. Star shards are finicky sometimes. We shouldn’t actually get separated—these are just precautions.” He linked arms with his mom, then his dad, and then figuring it wouldn’t hurt them to know, continued: “Plus, I mean, we all have to be touching for it to work to begin with.”

He smiled at them, glad to see they only looked a little nervous. (A satisfaction of Kano’s that they were nervous at all beat in the back of him, but he ignored that.) He held his star shard out in the middle of them, largely just for show.

“Ready?” he asked.

He activated it.

Or…

He thought he did.

Sora looked down at the star shard, as if staring at it could tell him what went wrong. “Uh… huh,” he mused. Then he clucked his tongue.

‘ _Didn’t work,’_ Kano said.

_Nooo duh._

_‘Was it that spell?’_

_Kano, please, let me think!_

His parents waited, not saying anything, maybe not sure that something had gone wrong yet. Sora took a deep breath and tried again, imagining Aerith’s living room as vividly as possible this time, wondering if it hadn’t worked because he did not have a very clear image of what the front of her house looked like now that it had a garden. He thought firmly of Aerith and Leon, of Yuffie and Cid, of Riku and Namine. He thought of all that and wished, _hard._

But still…

Nothing.

He stared at it in disbelief.

“It… broke?” he said.

“You didn’t say anything, or, like, do anything with it, though,” his dad said.

“I shouldn’t have to!” Sora snapped. “All I need to do is think of a place and wish to be there, and then it does the rest.” He let out a frustrated breath, irritated it wasn’t working, irritated he’d spoken so sharply. “Hang on, let me try and…” He envisioned the play island this time, to see if the problem was Hollow Bastion.

And yet, still… nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Okay!” Sora pulled away from his parents, tossed his hands up in the air. “That’s great!” His voice was tight. “Let me just! Call Kairi!” He shoved the apparently broken star shard into his back pocket and moved to the kitchen, where his phone was. Kairi’s number was dialed in two seconds. Unfortunately, the line did nothing but ring, and ring… _Hey, this is Ren, Mayor of—_ Sora hung up before the full voice mail message could play out. Kairi must’ve left already.

His parents watched him worriedly, their arms still linked. Sora tried to take slower breaths, so that they would not see how panicked he was. “I’ll call Aerith,” he said. Then he remembered he didn’t have her number. He bit his lip hard so that he couldn’t scream in frustration, though a strangled _hmmmmgg_ still left his mouth.

‘ _Just go to Kairi’s house and get the phone number from there,’_ Kano suggested, surprisingly calm. There was a note of discomfort that rang within him, though. ‘ _Or, I mean, I could always have my wolf—’_

_Kano please not your wolf!_

_‘If you’re desperate,’_ Kano argued.

 _I’ll run to Kairi’s before I have it come here and take my parents to another world!_ Sora tried not to think to firmly about how that could backfire, considering Kano could easily tell the wolf to take them who knows where, or the wolf could decide to itself. Kano’d catch that thought, of course—he probably already had—and it was, rude, to think like that, so Sora pushed it out of his mind. _Besides, your wolf can only take one person at a time!_

_‘It could take us to Hollow Bastion to get a star shard or help from someone over there, though.’_

Sora frowned. _...fair,_ he admitted, though. _But I’m going to Kairi’s first._

He was already moving to the door—he’d started moving for it the moment Kano suggested going to Kairi’s. His hand was on the doorknob by the time his conversation with Kano was done and he was explaining what he was doing to his parents. “I’m gonna run to Kairi’s real quick!” He tried to sound as chipper as possible, like this wasn’t a huge problem. “She has Aerith’s phone number, and I really need to call someone and—”

“Hang on, Sora, just a second,” his dad said, interrupting him.

Sora paused, and turned, making it look as casual as possible, though his hand did not leave the doorknob. His parents had unlinked their arms, and now shared a similar expression of stern worry. The look they gave him right before a lecture. Sora gripped the doorknob tightly. His stomach clenched.

“Can we… talk about the other day…?” Sora’s dad asked, slowly.

Sora took a slow breath, dreading—but knowing—where this was going. “Whaaat about the other day?”

“I mean, about…” His dad did not want to look at him. “About… Kano?”

Sora swallowed hard.

He tried not to act like the air had just caught in his lungs.

“Wh-who?” he asked. He felt his pulse quicken, but he managed to keep a straight face—a feat that surprised him, impressed him. This was Kairi’s strength. Not his. And it certainly wasn’t Kano’s.

‘ _Sora, you don’t have to,’_ Kano began. Sora could just picture his wide eyes.

Internally, he sighed.

Out of resignation. As a sort of way to reassure Kano this was alright, this was his choice. That he even had to do this.

 _Easier this way,_ he said to Kano.

Of course, eventually, he’d have to tell his parents about Kano. But until they could believe him about Maleficent, or about Xehanort, he wasn’t even going to try. There was no point. And the chances of getting this meeting done today seemed to be slipping out of his fingers. He hated it, but he hardened himself. It couldn’t be helped.

“Someone you were talking to the other day,” his dad continued.

“What other day?” Sora said. “I don’t know anyone named Kano.”

“Sora, please, don’t lie to us,” his mother warned.

“You were yelling at thin air on the docks the other day, and you were yelling at someone named Kano!” His dad’s voice got a little louder, and Sora tried not to flinch. He hated when his dad raised his voice, because he did it so little, and when he did it was like a knife to the heart.

It hurt to do this.

Sora felt like he couldn’t breathe at all.

But he continued.

“I have literally no idea what you’re talking about.”

‘ _Sora, seriously! You don’t have to do this!’_

Kano sounded touched, but guilt burned hard in him. Sora tried to assure him that it wasn’t his fault, it really wasn’t, but his energy was spent. He could hardly formulate answers to the inevitable questions his parents would ask, and it was such an effort to not outwardly display the heaviness that weighed on him now. He managed. He managed, but his muscles felt like they were burning.

“Sora…” his dad said. His voice was thick with disappointment. It was all Sora could do not to cry.

“I don’t remember that happening,” Sora said very firmly, channeling Kairi with all his might. The trick was to act it more than say it. All he succeeded in was making himself frustrated, and it doubtlessly carried into his tone. At least he wasn’t crying. “Alright? Now, anyway, I think I’ll just, cancel that meeting. We’ll try again next Sunday. How does that sound? Now I’ve warned you about it.”

He opened the door.

‘ _Sora, c’mon!’_ Kano pleaded. _‘We needed to do this today so you don’t have to lie about training tomorrow!’_

The bitterness and tears he couldn’t show all channeled into his internal voice.

 _Who cares,_ he said.

‘ _YOU do!’_

Sora didn’t answer Kano, though the pit in his gut knew Kano was right.

“Sora, where are you going?” his mother demanded. She was right to. He was already out the door.

“For a swim!”

He slammed the door behind him.


	49. In which Kairi makes a mistake

Kairi sighed for probably the fiftieth time in the past ten minutes, glaring at the clock. She uncrossed and re-crossed her legs. Tried to pay attention to the conversation her dad and Cid were having, but seeing as the conversation itself had been dwindling for the last twenty minutes, that was hard too. She sighed again—that would make fifty-one—and then pushed herself away from the table and got to her feet.

“Alright, it’s been an hour,” she said. An hour in which Yuffie and Riku had gone on and returned from rounds, and in which she’d actually talked to Namine for a decent amount of time. “Sora’s not here, so something must be up.” Something was probably up thirty minutes ago, but, well, her fault for getting up sooner. “I’m gonna check on him. Dad?” She touched him on the shoulder. “You mind staying here?”

“Nah!” he replied easily, flashing a comfortable smile up at her. “I mean, if that’s okay.” He looked to the kitchen for Aerith, though he found Leon first—the two of them were working on dishes. Leon nodded, and Aerith called out that it was fine with her.

“Cool,” Kairi said, digging her star shard out of her pocket. She hardly took the time to step away from the table, and her father, before activating it.

She started to get mad at the sight of the play island as it dropped her, but then she saw Sora out in the ocean. He was swimming—or rather, letting himself get pushed around by the waves close to the shore, something Kairi knew to be one of the easiest ways to get your mind off, well, anything. Between the feel of water crashing around you and having to focus on keeping yourself upright even when your feet could touch the ground didn’t exactly leave room to think about much else.

Instead of cursing, Kairi muttered a quick thank you to her star shard, then shoved it in her pocket so her hands were free.

“SORA!!” she called, cupping her hands around her mouth.

He didn’t appear to hear her.

Kairi squinted out at him, _really_ not wanting to dive into the ocean to drag him back to shore herself. Even if something had gone wrong with Sora’s parents (something had to have, or he would not be here), she still had to go back to Hollow Bastion, even if just to get her dad. Sighing, she cupped her hands around her mouth again.

“ _SORA!”_ she called, louder this time.

This time he heard.

Kairi dropped her hands to her side, and then after a second, crossed them over her chest and scowled hard. “Okay, what the hell happened?” she demanded, as Sora trudged out of the water and onto the sand. Having been stood up for an hour hadn’t done the best thing to mood, and the anger radiating off Sora in waves wasn’t helping.

“Star shard broke,” Sora answered. He slicked his bangs back out of his face—his shirt clung tightly to his skin, and his shorts sagged with the weight of the water they’d absorbed. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, but Kairi hardly cared where that had gone. Her scowl softened a little bit, though.

“Oh, okay,” she said. That explained a lot. But it didn’t make her feel much better.

Sora still seemed angry, and she wasn’t sure if the vagueness of his eyes was because he just got out of the ocean, or if it was… something else. She didn’t like the feeling in her gut though, nor the itchiness of her skin.

“Do you wanna use mine?” she asked. “It’s not exactly too late.” No one at Hollow Bastion had started making other plans, anyway.

“It’s fine,” Sora said.

Kairi scrunched up her face. “Sora, c’mon, we planned this for a reason, and you start training tomorrow. You gonna lie to your parents about—”

“I’m not in the mood right now, Kairi!” Sora snapped.

Kairi jumped a little, startled, but that quickly became anger.

“Not in the _mood!?_ Sora, this is kind of important!”

“Just leave me alone, alright! I don’t want to listen to either of you right now!”

“Either of us!?” Kairi squinted hard at him, face scrunched up in confusion. Then she realized what he was going on about, and rolled her eyes, _hard._ “What’s Kano doing to bug you?”

Sora let out a frustrated breath. “Nothing, Kairi. Forget it.”

“Sora.”

“I said _forget it._ ”

Kairi growled.

“Oh, is he telling you how glad he is he doesn’t have to deal with your parents right now?” She guessed, voice rising. Anger burned in her veins. “Rubbing it in your face that this backfired? Laughing at your—”

“Actually, Kairi, he’s been telling me to get my head outta the ocean before I accidentally drown myself—like that could happen—and I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear you!” He gestured angrily back at the ocean. “I just! want to swim!”

Kairi stared at him a long moment, as he lowered his hands, fists clenched tightly. His eyes burned just short of tears. Kairi wondered if she should try and press the issue, wondering if it was worth it. She couldn’t say for sure, and before she had it figured out, he’d already moved back to the ocean. He was close enough for her to grab and pull back, but…

She decided to let him go.

After a long sigh and a quick rub of her temples, Kairi pulled her star shard back out of her pocket and activated it. Time to go back to Hollow Bastion and tell everyone the news.

Kairi star-sharded right back into Aerith’s living room this time, not wanting to mess with the door and landing outside the garden and everything. Riku’d come back downstairs, and Yuffie was helping Aerith hand drinks to everyone. Her dad had also, somehow, gotten a sandwich in the two minutes she’d been gone?

“Oh, hey, what’s the news!” Ren asked, as he saw her.

“His star shard broke,” Kairi explained, as she moved into the dining room. Everyone slowly started taking seats—the same ones they’d all been in when she first got here. “And he’s not in the mood to deal with this anymore, I guess?” She shrugged and shook her head, exasperated. “Do I have permission to drag his parents over here, potentially against their will?”

Her father glared at. “ _No.”_

“C’mon, we didn’t plan this for nothing!” Kairi said. If anything, she was just making a fuss so she could hear someone agree with her. Being on ends with Sora _really_ wasn’t good for her.

“We planned this to help Sora,” Leon told her. “And if he doesn’t want to do it anymore, then he doesn’t want to.”

Kairi raised her eyebrows, considering each of their faces. “So, what? Are you telling me that _none_ of you think talking to parents without him around—and more importantly, without _Kano_ around—is a good idea?”

Silence. Odd, considering that’d been a pretty decent joke, and decent point. Even if they didn’t think it was funny, or they didn’t agree, shouldn’t that have been greeted with more than—

“Who th’ hell is Kano?” Cid asked.

The blood drained from Kairi’s face.

_Oh yeah._

Kairi braced herself against the table, though that was all she did. Any more, and she wouldn’t be able to blow this off as nothing. How had she been so dumb to forget, even if for a moment, that they didn’t know about Kano? And she’d promised to keep this a secret, too! She gritted her teeth, and ran over a million separate curses in her head.

What was she supposed to say now?

“He’s Sora’s Shadow,” Riku said. Kairi’s head whipped around to him. What was he doing! “Not dead, still alive,” Riku continued. “Sitting in Sora’s heart, or, something like that? I wasn’t listening to all of the details.” He waved his hand dismissively, lounging back in his chair, like this was no big deal.

It was definitely a big deal.

“Riku! What the hell! Sora didn’t want us telling anyone!” Kairi put both hands on the table, leaning towards Riku. Her dad just pushed his chair backwards and away from the table to give her her space. Riku flinched a little at the raise of her voice—that made Kairi bite her tongue, and she resolved to, at least, not shout whatever the next thing she said was.

“So?” Riku asked. Despite his half-second flinch, his _what’s-it-matter_ attitude remained plastered on his face. “More than half of us in this room already know! What’s Leon or Cid or Yuffie gonna do about it?”

All three of them looked about ready to say something—actually, Aerith did too—but Kairi didn’t quite give them the chance.

“Well! Sora wanted to explain it so that he could also explain how Kano’s, not, y’now… _bad,_ anymore, or whatever.” All confidence in her voice was lost as she remembered her own griefs with Kano. Did she really think he was going to hurt Sora? No, probably not, or he would’ve by now (he’d never seemed the patient type to her), but that didn’t change what he’d done in the _past…_

“Is he really?” Cid asked, with a look of raised eyebrows and disbelief. He swirled his mug of... coffee. Kairi could smell it from here. “‘Not bad anymore, or whatever’?” he quoted.

Kairi did not have to look at her father to see the way his face darkened in Cid’s direction. She raised her hand partway from the table to, well, keep him from saying anything. Cid meant well enough, and this was as much her fault for not explaining so well.

“I- I mean,” Kairi began.

“Sora says his Shadow’s changed,” Aerith offered. “And, I trust Sora.”

“Yeah, but, _Shadows…”_ Leon said, though he trailed off. Whatever he’d meant to end that sentence with seemed clear to Aerith and Cid and Yuffie, because they all nodded slightly, or made a face.

“Well, Kano’s… _he’s—_ ” Kairi tried. She racked her brain for anything good to say, or anything Sora would say. All that came to mind were adamant insistences that Kano had changed, that he was _different_ , but, neither of those things would sound quite the same coming from her mouth.

“Maybe you should go get Sora, so he can explain,” Aerith said. “I know he doesn’t want to bother getting his parents, at this point, but he doesn’t need to…”

“Yeah,” Kairi agreed, reaching for her star shard again.

Her dad caught her by the arm. “Hang on, princess. I hate to embarrass you in front of your friends—” his tone said that he did not, really, “—but you _hate_ Kano. Why are you trying to defend him?”

“Sora would want me to—”

“ _Kairi.”_

Kairi’s eyes darted around the room. Aerith looked sorry for her. Leon, skeptical, and Cid much the same. Riku didn’t seem interested. Yuffie was scowling, hard. Kairi figured it wasn’t at her, but, at her own thoughts. Hopefully.

“I don’t hate Kano,” she told her dad, though she did not look him in the eye. Her palms felt clammy.

“You certainly don’t seem fond of him.”

“Well, no, but that’s not important! Can we _please_ not do this now?”

“Not important?” Ren laughed in disbelief. Kairi didn’t like the look in his eyes—that was the look he got before he told her something she didn’t want to hear. She hated it any other time, but now, she was scared. If he had something to say about _this_ that she didn’t want to hear… She tried not to squirm. “Yeah, right! Because if I’m worried about _anything_ when it comes to there being a voice in Sora’s head, it’s that my daughter seems to hate it.”

“I don’t hate him,” Kairi protested again, though she was sure her dad saw right through it. Hate wasn’t the right word, of course, she didn’t _hate_ him, but she certainly didn’t— “Dad, _really,_ can we not do this right now?”

“I’m just worried about Sora,” he said. He squeezed her arm a little—it was supposed to be comforting. “If all it is is ‘just magic’, then, fine. But I’m not comfortable with the fact that no one in this room is excited to hear about Kano, or any of this talk about Shadows.”

“They aren’t exactly trustworthy creatures…” Leon admitted.

“He was _mean,_ ” Yuffie added.

Kairi glared at the both of them. It was hard when they were on opposite sides of the table, but she managed.

“And what was that other bit?” Ren asked. “Something you said the other night about, oh yeah, Kano apparently has the ability to manipulate Sora’s thoughts?” He looked to the rest of the table, for his answers. “Can he?”

“It… _is_ something Shadows are known for,” Aerith admitted, slowly.

“Try _defining trait,”_ Cid said.

Kairi grit her teeth hard. There was a pit in her gut. “That’s! I- I mean—” It was no use, though. “He said he wouldn’t…” she mumbled.

Her dad looked very firmly at her.

“Do you believe him?”

“I…”

Kairi chewed her lip. What was she supposed to say? She wanted a reason to be mad at Kano, and this was it, even though there were no lies on his face when he protested. Even though she knew how horrible it would be if she _was_ right, and Kano _was_ manipulating Sora. It would be horrible if that was true. And, she still wanted it. She wanted a reason to hate him.

But, she couldn’t sabotage Sora’s trust, either.

A part of her wished Riku knew more about all this, so he could help her out—but then again, seeing how free he’d been with the information of Kano’s existence, maybe not.

“It didn’t… sound like he was lying,” Kairi answered her dad.

He just studied her, and, she didn’t blame him for it. Her stomach was roiling. She regretted every word that’d come out of her mouth in the past ten minutes.

“Look! Fine!” Kairi shouted, heart racing. “You wanna know why I’m mad at Kano?”

Anything to change the subject, honestly. She wasn’t fond of this one. Everyone glared at her—or kind of glared at her—but she kept going.

“It’s because he let me think we were friends,” she said. “And, I’m not even sure if he really wanted to be friends for, some odd reason, or- or of he was just doing it to get closer to Sora. And, I admit! I was an idiot for never asking who or what he really was!!” She did not mention the fact she couldn’t even see him, to begin with, not wanting to make a _complete_ fool of herself. “I just! He let me think we were friends, and he was pretty convincing, but it was probably just an act, and that _hurts._ Never mind that, if we were really friends, he would’ve just _told me_ he was going to throw the battle with Sora, he would have _told_ me, except he didn’t, because he thought I’d _care_ about the fact he lov—”

She stopped short.

Horror flooded her face.

Her stomach bottomed out.

(That was nearly two secrets she’d promised to keep, spilled.)

“N-nothing,” Kairi said, quickly. She felt like she was going to be sick. “It’s nothing.” But, looking at their faces, the damage was already done. It took a lot of self-control not to wipe at the tears bubbling in her eyes, or press a hand to her mouth, or anything at all, because that would just give her away.

“That he what?” Riku asked. There was an awful, _knowing_ grin on his face, and had there not been two people between them, Kairi would’ve punched him square in the jaw. 

“ _Nothing,”_ Kairi repeated. Since she couldn’t punch him, she glared daggers at him instead. It was his fault she was in this mess, to begin with, and he wasn’t making it any better now! She was definitely glad he hadn’t known in advance about… _this._

“That didn’t _sound_ like nothing,” her father said.

Kairi sent only a glance at him. “Well, whatever! It’s a secret I’m taking to my grave if Sora insists,” she told him. The tears in her eyes burned harder. She couldn’t even _believe_ herself right now.

Leon started to say something, but Aerith put a hand on his arm to stop him. He sent her a look, gently pushed her hand off, and slowly, she nodded. He cleared his throat.

“Backing up…” Leon said. His eyes were narrowed, and he looked… uncomfortable about something? “Did you just say… he lost his last battle with Sora _on purpose_?”

Kairi blinked. There was still a knot in her belly, but she answered in the smoothest voice possible: “Uh, yeah, something like that happened.”

“Sora never mentioned…” Leon said. His face scrunched up a little more.

“Sora probably didn’t want me to tell you,” Kairi said.

That was another point in the score towards being the Worst Friend Ever.

“Well, I think it changes how we feel abou’ him, for sure,” Cid said. “Or, at leas’ a lil bit. Maybe.”

“He was really mean to all of us, though!” Yuffie protested. She looked pleadingly at Aerith, leaning a little across the table towards her. “You can’t _really_ tell me you don’t remember, Aerith! Leon…?”

“Sora says he’s changed,” Aerith repeated. “And I trust him. Besides, I…” She folded her hands together and rested them on the table before her. “I had the slight chance to interact with him, and he did seem… _different._ More…” She considered her words. “More _scared,_ than malicious.”

“I thought Shadows couldn’t _get_ scared,” Cid argued.

Aerith shrugged. “I just know what I saw.”

“Why’d he want to lose the battle with Sora?” Leon asked, rubbing his finger along the bridge of his nose as he thought. He did not _specifically_ direct the question at Kairi, but, it was obvious he was asking her. “Or… is that the part you can’t tell us?”

Kairi hugged herself tightly. Technically, no, Sora wouldn’t be happy her if she said this—or, Kano wouldn’t, and Sora’d be mad because Kano was— _but._ At least it would throw them off the _love_ trail.

“Well, okay, Sora’s probably gonna hate me for saying this, but I guess it’s better he does for this than for ruining how this conversation was supposed to go,” she said. That was something else to get them off the _love_ trail. “Kano- Kano said he didn’t want to be a Shadow anymore. He was tired of doing it.”

There was a second of stunned silence.

And then Cid laughed.

“Bullshit!” he called.

Aerith glared death at him. “ _Cid!”_ she scolded.

He slammed one hand against the table, and gestured with his other while he spoke. “No no, look, I don’t care, that’s _bullshit._ How can a creature like him _possibly_ get tired of the only thing they exist to do? Sephiroth wouldn’t’ve!”

“He’s not Sephiroth, though,” Leon said, calmly.

“So? He’s a Shadow, ain’t he? They’re all the same!”

“Not… necessarily…” Aerith tried.

“Do you really think so?”

Aerith shrugged. She seemed at a loss. “All I know is what I saw, and he didn’t seem—”

“He coulda tricked yeh!” Cid argued, wagging his finger at her. “Coulda tricked Sora, too, righ’ Kairi?”

Kairi swallowed around the lump in her throat. She’d never felt so tense on the spot before. “I- I don’t know!” she said. It was almost habit to say _yes,_ but, she couldn’t do that to Sora! “Look, I’m—this is wrong! This is all wrong!! Sora was supposed be here!”

“Then why don’t you go get him?” her dad suggested.

“He’s gonna be so mad at me…” Kairi moaned, though she pulled out her star shard anyway.

“I’ll go,” Riku offered, before Kairi could even activate the star shard. Everyone looked at him, and he shrugged. “I mean, this is kind of my fault to begin with,” he explained.  And then, before anyone could say anything to him, or protest, or anything, he stood up and formed a dark corridor around himself.

Aerith jumped to her feet once she realized what he was doing. “Riku, don’t!!” left her lips, but it was too late. He was gone. She groaned. “Ohh, he’s just going to make it worse!”

“They’re going to have it fixed soon, Aerith,” Leon told her.

“At the rate he’s acting, it won’t matter if Even has a way to fix it tomorrow!”

“F-fix _what?”_ Ren asked. Kairi felt a little bad for him, for not understanding—because she hadn’t dared tell him about _this_ —but it was hard to compete with the sudden pit in her stomach. Riku… He was…

 _No._ Kairi shook that thought out of her head and activated her star shard. She was glad to be getting out of there, away from _that_ and away from Cid’s probably continuing arguments about Kano, even if now she had to explain things to Sora.


	50. In which Riku tries to fix Kairi's mistake and makes it worse instead

Riku stepped out of his dark corridor and staggered, his weight shifting the sand beneath and sending him even closer to toppling over. He managed to catch himself, grateful for once for Real Thing’s muscle memory when it came to beaches and sand that did not always firmly support your feet. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited until his head stopped spinning. Then he opened his eyes experimentally. There were still dots in his vision, and the harsh sunlight—it was almost midday—didn’t help. He made himself straighten, though. He had to.

How long did Even say? It was another three weeks, and then he’d probably be—

 _Using dark corridors isn’t doing you any favors,_ he reminded himself, sharply. Then, irritated at himself in general, he added: _But I don’t have another way to get around, and Aerith forgot to get me that star shard! It won’t…_

‘Kill me,’ he nearly finished, but that was…

Riku shook his head. He was here for Sora. To talk to Sora, to tell him what had happened at Hollow Bastion, to drag him over there to explain things about his Shadow—or, Kano. Whatever. He looked around him, wondering where Sora was, anyway. He’d corridored roughly _to Sora,_ and not a specific—oh! There.

Sora was wading out of the ocean, squinting at Riku. He raised his hand in a half wave when he saw Riku looking at him. They were on the play island. A few seconds later, and Sora was standing next to Riku, dripping wet, looking… tired. Riku didn’t think it was because he’d been swimming.

“Uh, fancy seeing you here,” Sora said. His tone was pleasant enough, but he studied Riku in a way that made Riku shift a little uncomfortably. Suspicion was deep in Sora’s eyes. “You aren’t here to talk me into dragging my parents over to Hollow Bastion, are you?”

Riku shook his head. “Nope, not for that,” he assured Sora. “I’m here for, uh—”

There was an explosion of light to the left of them—Riku’s left, anyway, with the ocean on his right—and then Kairi dropped out of the sky. She took only a second to shake herself out from the landing.

“Sora I’m so sorry!” she belted.

Riku raised his eyebrows at her.

“Uh, Kairi, it was totally my fault.”

Sora looked between the two of them, confusion and worry growing on his face.

Kairi turned to Riku.

“But I said his name in the first place!”

Riku shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“And I decided to be a jerk and explain it further to everyone, and, you’re right, Sora didn’t want us doing that.”

Kairi gaped. She seemed completely stunned. “Uhhh, who are you and what have you done with Riku?”

“Geeze, Kairi!” Riku laughed. Sora still watched the two of them, worry growing stronger with each second. “You can’t recognize one of your best friends?”

“You’re _preemptively_ apologizing!!”

“UH, HELLO, I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE STILL?” Sora broke in. “What _happened_!?”

Kairi and Riku both looked at him, then at each other. Riku grimaced. Kairi seemed to be wanting to ask him if she should tell Sora, or if he wanted to at this point. Riku shrugged a little. He didn’t think it mattered.

Kairi sighed, then turned to Sora again. “We told everyone in Hollow Bastion about Kano,” she said.

“Still mainly my fault,” Riku sang.

“Yeah, but I still should’ve gotten Sora sooner!” Kairi argued. “I let it drag on long enough without him, I just…” She turned her head to the side. Her hands clenched into tight fists. Sora’s eyes had gone real wide, and his jaw completely slack. “I didn’t want to mess it up and have them get all… upset and worried and stuff, so I tried to explain it as best as I could but I think I just made it worse…”

Sora opened his mouth, then closed it. His fingers clenched, and then he made himself unclench them. He stood there a moment, in silence, face swapping rapidly between an expression that looked like he wanted to strangle Kairi, and then a much more patient—though still frustrated—expression. Riku tried not to stare too much, but it was certainly a sight.

“You don’t have to get you parents or anything,” Riku told him, since that seemed like something important that needed to be said. “Just, y’know, come sort things out.”

Sora let out a long breath, and then he spoke.

“How bad is it?”

“Aerith tried to help me defend Kano,” Kairi said. Sora let out a sharp laugh at that, which made Riku raise his eyebrows. What was that about? Was it about Aerith? “Leon’s still a little skeptical, Cid’s definitely not buying it and… honestly I have no idea about Yuffie.”

Sora nodded. “Alright. Well…”

“One more thing?” Kairi said. She wouldn’t look right at Sora, and there was almost a note of fear in her voice. Riku watched her, worriedly.

“Yeah…?” Sora asked, his face darkening with skepticism.

Kairi sent an uncomfortable look at Riku.

“What?” he asked.

She glared murder at him, and then either decided it didn’t matter he was standing right here, or that it wasn’t worth it to try and drag Sora to the side (Riku would’ve still been able to hear them, of course) and so she slumped a little, defeated.

“I…. maaaaay have nearly revealed the Thing?” she told Sora.

He frowned hard. “What thing?”

“ _The_ Thing,” Kairi said. “About Kano. I- I caught myself, but—”

“YOU DID _WHAT!?_ ”

That slightly murderous expression flashed through Sora’s face again, and then was replaced with one more akin to someone about to be sick. Riku watched carefully, trying to focus on anything but the slight ringing in his ears. Did one of those expressions belong to Sora, and the other to Kano? He hadn’t interacted with the two of them at length, really, so he wasn’t used to this.

“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” Kairi stammered. Looked like Sora’s shout made her jump out of her skin, too. That made Riku feel better. “I caught myself in time and lead them off the trail by telling them that he didn’t want anyone to know about the, y’know, not-wanting-to-do-his-job-as-a-Shadow-anymore thing.”

“I DIDN’T!” Sora—or, Kano?—shouted back. Riku flinched, and cursed himself for it. Sora—or, Kano—wasn’t yelling at _him._ He should be better than this.

“WELL, BETTER THEM KNOWING THAT THAN—” Kairi gestured widely, first in Sora’s direction, then in Riku’s. Her face worked hard.

Sora grimaced, glared, then sighed. Kairi dropped her arms. Riku pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest, looking between the two of them, debating on… Should he say it? They were his best friends, so it was in his job description to pry, wasn’t it? But if he was right about what it was, Riku was sure Sora wouldn’t want anyone prying. Or, Kano wouldn’t. It was taking some time to get used to thinking of them separately, or thinking of Kano as existing… _at all._ Having only interacted with Sora’s Shadow through Sora before all this certainly wasn’t helping.

Still…

Riku chewed his tongue a moment, then nodded to himself.

“…you were going to say ‘because he loved Sora,’ weren’t you, Kairi?” he asked. He decided not to look or sound too smug as he said it. The weight of the question meant this was not, exactly, a victory.

“What! No! I- _No!_ ” Kairi protested.

The red of her cheeks and Sora’s face again warring between murderous and on the verge of puking didn’t help her case, though. Riku swallowed. Then he allowed himself a laugh. A short one.

“Please! I’m not stupid,” he said. Oh, shoot, that sounded smug, didn’t it? Well, he _felt_ pretty smug, anyway. “You said half the word and then changed the subject quick enough. Maybe Cid and Yuffie missed it, and your dad and Leon were too worried about other things to catch it, but, me? _C’mon_ …”

Kairi sighed. Sora started pacing in small circles, kicking up sand, looking like he was having a fierce argument with himself. Must’ve been with Kano.

“You think Aerith knows?” Kairi asked.

Riku shrugged, though he should’ve nodded. “She’s not stupid either.”

“WELL THIS IS JUST!! GREAT!!” Sora screamed, starting to pace in a tight line in the sand, three steps one way, three steps the other. “NOW EVERYONE KNOWS!” There was a slight pause, a twist of his neck, and then a quieter shout of: “Kano, _please!_ ”

Riku had not spent every one of his waking moments contemplating Sora’s current situation, sharing a body with Kano and all, but there’d been a night or two where it was 3 AM and he wasn’t sleeping and it had crossed his mind. He hadn’t imagined, uh, _this_ , however. Watching Sora’s body bounce from Sora’s control to Kano’s was… odd. He wouldn’t even call it interesting, or intriguing (then he’d just feel like Vexen), it was just… odd.

“Look! I’m sorry!” Kairi told him, marching forward a few steps so that she closer to him, though not directly in front of him, because he was already turning so that his pacing meant he did not have to face her. “It was an _accident_!”

“Aerith won’t say anything about it, anyway,” Riku added, trying to help. “She knows how to keep things private. And if you’re mad at me finding out, well…” He stuttered a second, not sure who to direct this at, not sure which of them was the most upset. Probably Kano, from the sounds of it, he thought, but… “I was gonna find out eventually,” he finished dejectedly. That seemed the safest to say.

“YOU JUST!! HAD TO TELL KAIRI!! DIDN’T YOU!!” Sora shouted—no, Kano, probably, maybe? Riku did not really understand what was going on, but that would make the most sense, he thought. Kairi’d said she could tell the difference just by how they spoke, but, Riku wasn’t hearing it. On another note: he was glad that, since he was expecting the shout, he didn’t jump this time.

Sora did a complete 180 on himself, face twisting into a different shape, hands flying through the air. “I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE!” he argued. “Did you expect me to carry that _alone!?_ If I’d known you were still around, I might not have—”

His words were cut off by another 180 and a half-stifled screech of anguish.

“I’M NOT SUPPOSED!! TO BE!! STILL AROUND! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!”

He kicked angrily at the sand, throwing some of it up in the air, though not as much as if he’d been wearing shoes, at least? This was definitely Kano, though. It had to be.

“Is, uh, this _normal_ …?” Riku asked Kairi.

She swiveled her shocked gaze towards him. “ _No!!_ ”

“Oh.”

Riku swallowed. It felt like there was a rock in his stomach. Sora and Kano kept screaming at each other, which was really distracting, even if it was hard to process all of their words at that volume. Something about Kano getting a body again and that… that was it. That was all Riku could make out.

“Should… I not have said anything?” Riku whispered.

“Um! Probably!!” Kairi answered.

Riku cringed.

He started to mumble an apology, but then Sora was rounding on Kairi.

“HOW _COULD_ YOU!?” he demanded. His expression was horrible, and even though it was not directed at Riku, Riku felt the shame of it weigh heavy on him. He was not sure whether it was Sora or Kano who’d asked, just that Kairi started shaking.

“I’M! _SORRY!”_ she screamed back. “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I GOT ALL FRUSTRATED AND IT SLIPPED OUT AND I TRIED MY HARDEST TO FIX IT! _OKAY!!_ SORA, ISN’T THAT ENOUGH!?”

Sora’s expression softened. He turned his head to the side.

“She tried, Kano,” he whispered.

His neck rolled to the other side.

“She _betrayed_ us.”

“It was an accident.”

There was a pause. His fists tightened at his sides, and he was rigid, shaking. When the words left his mouth, they were sharp and spitting, laced with venom.

“What’s it matter when it caused this _big damn mess?!_ ”

Riku snarled, then grabbed Sora by the shirt. He was tired of being yelled at, he was tired of this argument, he was tired of watching Kano shred at Kairi like this—not to mention it couldn’t be good for Sora’s body. He may not have been the strongest person in this universe, nor at his strongest right now, but there was enough strength in him to drag Sora—and more importantly, Kano through Sora—off the ground by a few inches.

“HEY!!” Riku snapped. “CUT IT OUT! I’m _sooo_ sorry that I decided to bring this up!” The words were more sarcastic than anything else, even if he _was_ sincerely sorry. “But don’t! take it out on Kairi! As far as things went, she did a _damn_ good job at covering it up!!”

Sora’s face contorted in a way that made Riku’s stomach churn.

“YOU ADMITTED IT YOURSELF!” Kano roared, and Riku tensed at how loud it was. “IT PROBABLY WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH!! EVERYONE STILL KNOWS!!”

“Only _I_ know for sure!!” Riku argued. He was shaking, and he hated it. “Aerith _might_ know, but she won’t tell a soul—she won’t even ask you for clarification!! Me? I won’t blab.” Fury burned in his gut, and his voice shook as much as his arm did. Sora dropped an inch or so. Darkness sang in his veins.  “You have my word, and I take my promises _very seriously._ ”

Kano glared hard at him, and Riku bit his tongue in frustration, realizing something else—but he had to make sure his promise was clear.

“I have to tell Namine, though. If she asks. I won’t lie to her for you.”

“ _Riku,_ ” Kairi warned, and not for what he’d said.

Riku knew that. He recognized the prickling on his skin well enough, he did not have to see the wisps of darkness out of the corner of his eyes. But was he supposed to do to stop it? Besides—maybe this intimidated Kano a little. He could hope for that.

All Kano seemed to be was angry, though.

“I DON’T WANT NAMINE KNOWING! I DON’T WANT ANYONE KNOWING!”

“ _I’m not keeping secrets from her again,”_ Riku hissed. “If she asks me flat out, I’ll tell her. I have to. We’re just _finally_ working things out, I’m not sabotaging our relationship for _YOUR_ sorry little sake!!”

The darkness at his fingertips was growing stronger, so he dropped Sora before he could hurt him, and then took a leaf from Sora’s book and paced once in a tight circle. Kairi watched him warily, rubbing her arms, and he tried to pull the darkness back into him, but that was… pointless. It always was. He managed to make it calm a little, but it still burned on his arms. Despite that, there was no fear in Sora’s—Kano’s—eyes. Just that anger. It made Riku laugh. Harshly.

“Why do you even _care_ about people knowing?” he asked, with a slight grin of satisfaction, because he knew that question would make Kano squirm. “What’s so _awful_ about it? So! You love Sora! Big deal!”

“Riku, for the love of—” Kairi started.

Murder flared across Kano’s face, and he jumped to his (Sora’s) feet, arms flying back as he leaned forward into Riku, _screaming at the top of his lungs._

“IT’S!! FUCKING!! EMBARRASSING!!”

Riku’s heart pulled a little with guilt, but otherwise he was real glad for this reaction. The darkness on him, in him, roared with delight. Kano still did not look scared, but his eyes were wide with a wild fury, and Riku almost wondered how far he could push before Kano attacked him. That’d be bad, though. He’d have to hurt Sora. And Kairi wouldn’t be happy.

Still, he kept taunting.

“Yeah?” he sang. “ _Why_?”

“ _BECAUSE!!_ IT’S JUST—”

“HEY!!”

Kairi put herself between them, pushing the two of them back. Kano fell on his (Sora’s) butt. Riku staggered a step, but regathered himself quickly enough. Kairi pulled her hand back, hissing, after she touched him, but that’s all she did before she kept speaking. She looked very serious, and her tone was sarcastically sweet.

“I hate to ruin your party,” she said, “but we probably need to get back to Hollow Bastion and clear things up sooner rather than later. It’s only Aerith on your side, Kano, and Cid’s already made her look pretty silly for defending you. The longer we stand here and argue, the worse it’s gonna be when we get back, so! Stop screaming at each other!!”

“You’re one to talk!” Kano snapped.

Kairi turned on him completely.

“ _Shut up!_ And give Sora control of his body back, before I punch you!”

Satisfied that that took care of it, Kairi took a step away from them. Riku expected Kano to say something about the fact her punching him was basically pointless, since Sora would be the only one getting hurt. He didn’t, though. Huh.

“Alright,” Kairi said, rubbing her hands together. “Everyone take 30 seconds to calm down. Sora, you get Kano to stop feeling so murderous if you can, he’s gotta be at least a little nice for everyone if he wants to make a good impression.” Sora nodded. Riku assumed it was Sora this time. He looked less angry. “And Riku… you should…” Kairi looked at him, and after a second, just gestured vaguely to his whole body. “Try and stop… _that_ …”

Riku nodded and bit his tongue, then counted to twenty in his head. That calmed the pulsing of his heart, at least, and the darkness stopped singing so loudly inside him. That was all he could do for now. Some of the darkness still danced on his fingertips. He just had to wait for it to stop.

Sora pushed himself back to his feet, after a moment, a look of resignation on his face. Riku wasn’t sure if he should peg that to Sora or to Kano, still, though Sora was very calm when he spoke, at least.

“Let’s get this over with,” he said, holding his hand out to Kairi.

Kairi took it, and then, tentatively, held her hand out to Riku. She only pulled her hand back once, and for all the darkness still prickling between his fingers, Riku didn’t blame her. He did his best to pull it all away from the hand he offered her, so that he wouldn’t hurt her. He wondered if the fear in her eyes had less to do with the apparent threat of the darkness, and more to do with what it meant.

She’d been there, when Even had announced it. She knew. Three weeks wasn’t a very long time.

But there were more important things to worry about now, and he’d delayed them long enough.

With a well-forced smile, Riku asked her what the holdup was, and after a blink of surprise, Kairi nodded and activated the star shard.


	51. In which Sora is completely adamant on his stance

The first thought that entered Sora’s mind as Kairi’s star shard dropped them and Riku into Aerith’s house—in that space between the kitchen and the stairs, so they wouldn’t cause a disruption in the dining room—was how cold the wooden floor was against his bare toes. “Ugh, Kairi, you let me forget my shoes,” he was saying, before he really thought about it.

She looked at him, _glared_ at him. “Honestly, Sora, _that’s_ what you choose to think about right now?”

“Just mentioning,” Sora mumbled, turning his gaze away from her. Thinking about it meant he didn’t have to think about the impending conversation, or the fact Kano was still a boiling ball of anger in the back of his mind. Sora grimaced at the pile of sand that was forming around his feet—he and Kairi always tracked sand through here when they visited, it was unavoidable, but this looked twice as bad. _Especially_ since his legs were coated in sand up to his knees, after all the swimming and kicking sand around. He resolved to offer to sweep it up later, so Aerith wouldn’t have to. Just… later.

‘ _Can’t we do it now?’_ Kano asked. ‘ _Rather that than having to… talk to people.’_

 _I don’t think Aerith would let us,_ Sora replied. And, he didn’t say it, but because he was thinking it, Kano must’ve also known that they couldn’t really afford to put this off. If they were all as upset as Kairi’d made them out to be, then, there was no time to wait.

There was no time to wait, but, it was still hard to move his feet in the direction of the dining room. Kairi had to drag him there, in the end, to join everyone else. Everyone but Namine. Sora frowned as he noticed that, but he didn’t have time to ask.

“What took you so long?” Ren asked.

“We ran into some trouble,” Kairi answered.

“Kano wasn’t happy you’d all learned about him, that’s all,” Sora said. He looked over his shoulder for Riku, and found him at the bottom of the staircase, looking up it as if he was deciding whether or not he’d go up. Maybe he wanted to get Namine…? Sora tore his eyes away. “He, uh… Kano was enjoying being a secret.”

Yuffie laughed. “Yeah, I bet.”

Kano shot a death-glare at her before Sora could control his face. He made his muscles drop the expression, but… Kairi nudged him in a sort of reassuring way. Another look for Riku (because, it’d be nice to have him for support, too, maybe,) told Sora that Riku’d decided to head upstairs after all.

‘ _Let’s hope he doesn’t come back,’_ Kano mumbled. Sora grit his teeth. There wasn’t time to remind Kano that Riku was also his friend and he should be nice, though.

And, maybe it was for the best if Riku didn’t come back down. Sora loved Riku, he did, but if Kano was going to be unreasonable just because he was in the room, well, that wouldn’t be good. Besides, Sora was just as mad as Kano was at Riku, for prying, there was just nothing he could do about it now.

 _If Riku does come back down, you can’t be rude, alright?_ Sora said.

‘ _So long as he doesn’t start anything, sure, I’ll try,’_ Kano replied, with a sharp edge to his tone. Sora shifted his weight. He looked for a place to sit, maybe, but at the end of the table was the best place to be, so he could address everyone at once, and there was only one chair close enough to pull over. That’d leave Kairi standing, unless she took the other seat at the end of the table, on Leon’s left, but Sora’d much prefer she stay with him. They’d both stand, then.

Sora took another second to judge how everyone was feeling about the news, about Kano. Cid’s eyes were narrowed skeptically, he definitely hadn’t taken it well. Aerith was playing with her fingers, looking nervous, but she smiled supportively at him when she saw he was looking. Leon was rubbing at his head in classic Leon style—no way to tell anything from that. Yuffie was tipping back in her chair, arms crossed tightly over her chest. Either she was frustrated, or she was bored. Ren, meanwhile, looked tired. Concerned. He probably hardly understood what was going on.

Sora took a deep breath. Alright, now, where to start?

Cid didn’t even give him the chance to figure it out. “So, Sora, Kairi said that—”

“Cid, let him speak!” Leon interrupted.

“No! He’s been standin’ there for two minutes now, and he hasn’t said a damn thing yet! I’ll ask my question if I want to!” Cid turned back to Sora, and the manic look in his eyes felt a lot more threatening than normal. “Kairi says yeh think your Shadow has changed or something, is tha’ right?”

‘ _Are you SERIOUS?’_ Kano seethed.

Sora made himself take a deep breath, so that Kano’s anger would not show too drastically on his face. “Yeah, that’s right,” Sora said. “He has.”

“But are yeh _sure?_ ” Cid asked. He put one arm on the table and leaned forward. He looked extremely serious, and like he expected to win an argument—except, this wasn’t really an argument.

Sora bit his lip to suppress a groan.

“I’m _pretty_ sure,” he said, fighting to keep his voice even. Aerith had told him, what felt like forever ago, that everyone here would be supportive of Kano, if they had Sora’s word. Well, clearly, that wasn’t the case with Cid.

“Sora, d’yeh even know what a Shadow _is?_ ” Cid demanded, raising his voice. “Or didja _forget?_ And- and what’s all this talk about him not wantin’ t’do his job anymore? Because, frankly, that’s bullshit.”

Sora raised his eyebrows.

“Cid, _honestly,_ ” Aerith said, with a tired sigh. She’d never looked this thin on patience in the entire time Sora had known her. ‘ _Surprising, if she has to deal with this all the time,’_ Kano laughed. Sora tried to ignore him.

“Sorry I didn’t warn you he’d be this bad.” Kairi grabbed Sora by the shoulder and leaned over to whisper that to him. “But, uh, he was like this before I left to get you.”

“That’s okay,” Sora told her. Cid had already rounded on Aerith, and was still shouting.

“Kairi brought Sora here so he could give us some answers, and I want some answers!” He slammed and open palm against the table—which made Yuffie jump and her chair drop back onto all four legs, and made Ren turn to Cid, tensing like he wanted to argue. Cid’s attention was only for Sora, though, and he kept shouting, so no one could say anything else. “Do yeh _really_ think your Shadow doesn’t want t’do his job anymore, Sora?”

Kano grumbled about the fact that Cid knew this, but Sora kept ignoring him, and nodded.

“I’m absolutely positive of that,” he answered.

Cid’s nostrils flared. “He’s gotta be lyin’ t’yeh!”

Sora laughed, shortly. Was it his laugh? Kano’s? Who cared. “No, he’s not,” Sora said, very clearly, very plainly, insides roiling because he was so tired of explaining this, and even more tired of the way Kano seized up inside him every time he did. “Look, I can feel it, because he’s in here,” Sora tapped at his chest. “I can feel everything he feels, and hear at least ninety percent of his thoughts, so he really can’t hide anything from me. That means he can’t lie, either.”

Cid glared hard, and took a swig of his drink, slamming his mug back down on the table with more force than necessary. He knew he was losing. That realization filled Sora with a sharp satisfaction, even though, this still wasn’t exactly an argument, and he was fairly certain that was Kano’s satisfaction and not his own.

‘ _It’s just good to see him lose that smug glint in his eyes, that’s all,’_ Kano said, confirming it. ‘ _Maybe he’ll stop grilling us so hard.’_

Sora knew the look of someone who didn’t want to give up well, though. It was a look Kairi wore often. _I wouldn’t count on it,_ he said.

Cid shook his head. “No, see, he’s _gotta_ be trickin’ yeh somehow, Sora! He’s a Shadow. It’s what they _do—_ ”

“Cid, come on, I think Sora’s made his point,” Leon said, in a quiet but firm tone.

“Nah, that’s alright,” Sora said. His muscles had gone all tense. He hated this question, and Kano did twice as much, and there was no way they’d back down from it. “There’s a lot of good reasons why he’s not tricking me, the main one being that, oh yeah, he’s given up on dragging me into darkness.” Kairi gripped his arm, and he took it as a reminder to take a deep breath, not that he paused for long. “And, how do I know that? Because, like I said, Kano’s in here—” again, he tapped at his chest “—and if he was tricking me, I would know. I would _know._ You literally cannot hide things from someone when you’re sharing a heart space with them. Believe me on that.”

Cid let out a long breath, but he didn’t argue.

‘ _Finally,’_ Kano sighed.

“Can’t he, like, manipulate your thoughts, though?” Yuffie asked. “Any chance he’s just, making you not _realize_ he’s tricking you or whatever?”

Kano’s relief immediately became anger. He snarled hard at Yuffie. ‘ _Oh, for the love of—I’m so TIRED of this!’_ He snatched control of Sora’s body away from Sora, and started his own protests.

“I can’t do that while I’m inside Sora! We’re too muddled together,” Kano explained, voice shaking with a rage that beat hard in Sora’s mind. He crossed his arms over his chest (well, Sora’s arms over Sora’s chest) and turned his attention away from the group, finding a spot on the wall close to the ceiling to look at instead. “And- And even if I _could_ do it, I wouldn’t, I _wouldn’t._ Please, you- you have to believe that.”

Sora’s heart seized. Kano’s voice was not just shaking because he was mad. It was shaking because he was scared. Terrified, that’d they’d see through these words, see what he really felt. Sora did his best not to remind Kano of Aerith, and instead tried to reassure Kano:

_There’s nothing in what you said that could possibly—_

_‘Worried more about HOW I said it, Sora.’_

Sora licked his lips—a physical action, because he still held some control of his body— _Just, take a deep breath. Try not to think about it too much. We’re okay._ After a second of consideration, he added: _We also should maybe consider practicing a denial speech so that we’re prepared if we’re ever asked flat out again._

Kano laughed sharply—also a physical action—though surprise flared through their link. Surprise, and something that Sora was beginning to recognize as love—a rush of affection and warmth, among other feelings, all bundled up together. He was glad his skin was dark enough that his blushes didn’t show easily.

‘ _Yeah, and at least Riku didn’t actually come down,’_ Kano said, as if to mask the emotions running through him. _‘Who knows how well he can keep a secret!’_

Sora wasn’t sure, but he knew how well Riku could keep a promise. He still thought it was probably for the better that Riku wasn’t down here, though.

“Hey,” Kairi said, quietly, with a nudge. Her expression told Sora that they’d probably gone long enough without speaking, and, it held a suggestion Kano say a little more to tide everyone over. Sora was glad she hadn’t decided to speak for them in their silence, while Kano bristled at the idea of saying anything more. All warmth was gone from Kano’s heart.

Sora started to talk Kano into it, but then Kano opened his mouth.

“I mean, there’s just… no point in this life,” he grumbled. He tried to make eye-contact with either Aerith or Leon (Aerith, patient and concerned and encouraging all the same; Leon, considering more than skeptical; both the kindest faces in the room,) but couldn’t manage. He dropped his gaze to the table instead. “There’s no point in just existing to drag Sora into darkness. What happens when that’s done? What happens if he dies? What happens to me?” He shook his head. Fear made his words tremble. “I don’t like it.”

 _You’re doing good,_ Sora told him, pushing encouragement across their link. It was met with another rush of love, quickly suppressed, and then a pile of nervousness in his stomach.

‘ _Do they REALLY have to like me?’_ There was a frantic note in Kano’s silent voice. _‘Can I please, just, quit now?’_

_Kano… c’mon, they’re my friends._

Kano grimaced, but didn’t argue. Sora considered everyone at the table. They seemed to be taking this well, now…? Leon was mulling all the information over, from the looks of it. Cid still looked angry, but Sora was beginning to suspect it was because he was losing confidence. The gleam of _I won’t give up_ had all but vanished from his eyes. Yuffie’s face was scrunched up hard. Ren still had his concerned dad look on, but that was mixed with an _I-have-no-idea-what’s-going-on-but-don’t-want-to-ask_ kind of expression. He’d, probably, have to be talked with separately, when this was all over…

‘ _Do we have to?’_ Kano groaned.

_He’s Kairi’s dad._

Kano sighed. ‘ _And we have to do it for Kairi, yeah yeah.’_

 _That, and he might as well be my second father,_ Sora added. _I owe him an explanation just as much as my own parents. We just have to tell him a little sooner than them, looks like… Hey, he was going to find out today anyway, if things had gone as planned._

_‘That doesn’t make me feel better.’_

Leon cleared his throat to draw Sora’s and Kano’s attention to him.

“How… how can we believe you?” he asked. It took Sora a second to realize Leon was asking Kano, not him. The good news, was Leon’s voice was empty of nearly everything—no contempt, no judging, just a little skepticism. That was to be expected. Despite his hopes, Sora knew well enough he could not make anyone like and completely trust Kano overnight, and he certainly couldn’t do it in ten minutes. So long as this ended with them believing Kano didn’t mean him any harm, that would be enough.

Sora’s hands clenched into fists again—Kano’s doing, just as it was Kano’s sigh that left his lungs. Sora hadn’t been given full control of his body back yet, and there’d been no reason to snatch it back, either. He let Kano speak.

“Look, I mean, didn’t…” He cleared his throat nervously. “Didn’t Cloud say something about Sephiroth, to Sora? About how he got tired of just being Cloud’s Shadow, how he wanted _more_ than that. Why- why is it so hard to expect something like that from me?”

Sora tried to hide his surprise that Kano was bothering to explain this much, knowing that Kano’d just react badly if he felt it. Unfortunately, as he’d explained so avidly, it wasn’t exactly possible to do that. Kano felt it, and immediately threw his hands in the air.

“But! I mean! WHATEVER! Think what you want. I’m tired of doing this.”

 Kano passed control of Sora’s body back to Sora, then slipped back into a slightly-more distant recess of Sora’s heart.

Sora bit his tongue to stifle a groan, and put a hand against the table so he would not collapse. His knees shook with an exhaustion that was not, exactly his own. But, he couldn’t stop _now._

“Sorry… about him…” he said. “He’s just, y’know…” Sora cleared his throat. “Still. He’s got a point. If Sephiroth could want something else out of life, why is it weird Kano does?”

Kairi dragged over that that nearby chair for him. Sora fell into it gratefully, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, because it was hard to make convincing arguments when it looked like you wanted to pass out. He gave himself just a second—all he could spare—to try and separate Kano’s exhaustion from his own. Kairi squeezed one of his shoulders, and he was glad for that. He was glad she hadn’t interrupted, glad she hadn’t taken one of multiple opportunities to dig at Kano, glad she was here supporting him. She was one of the things he could always count on.

“It’s… it’s less that—” Leon began, but stopped. He looked very much like he didn’t want to continue what he was going to say. He looked at Aerith, and after meeting his eyes, she nodded to urge him along. He took a deep breath.

“It’s less that we think it’s weird, and more that we’re worried it won’t last,” Leon said.

Aerith nodded, with a solemn _I-want-to-believe-I’m-wrong-and-you’re-right-but-I’m-just-not-sure_ look. She’d gotten this look when she and Sora last talked about this. “Sephiroth _did_ want to be more than just Cloud’s Shadow,” she continued, where Leon left off. “But, despite that, he couldn’t, exactly…” She stopped, grimacing, unsure of how to continue.

“Shadows are very purpose driven creatures,” Leon said, for her.

Cid nodded, looking at his coffee like he wanted to drown his bitterness at losing this pseudo-argument against Sora with it. “Without a purpose, they get all confused and whiney and, uh…”

“Irrational?” Aerith supplied, with a small shrug. She was fiddling with her hands in her lap. “It would explain why he felt what he felt when… when he couldn’t find you. When Maleficent—”

Sora nodded, cutting her off there.

He got the idea, and so did Kano.

Kano was bristling in the back of him, all of his emotions geared towards _yup, that’s exactly it_ mixed with a fierce disgust of himself. He was on the verge of saying, _They’re right, they’re exactly right, and that’s why I can’t—_

But Sora wouldn’t have it. Sora refused to listen to that.

“He- he doesn’t want to drag me into darkness, though,” he argued, as much to everyone at the table as to Kano inside him. Kairi’s grip tightened on his shoulder, and he thought maybe this time it was not to reassure him. Sora chewed his tongue. “If, if he doesn’t want to, isn’t that—”

‘ _Not really,’_ Kano answered before Leon could even say his bit.

“But once he doesn’t have that purpose—the one he was born to fulfill, by the way—then what does he have?” Leon asked. He pressed folded hands to his mouth, and studied Sora with sharp eyes. Between that look, and Kano’s bubbling despair, it was all Sora could do to not be sick.

“M-Me?” he offered. Then, to make sure that didn’t suggest too much, he added: “His, uh, friends?”

Kano burst out laughing inside of him. (Thankfully, it stayed _inside_ of him). Everyone at the table looked at least a little bemused by the idea. Cid even snorted into his coffee.

Sora scowled. It’d been worth a shot.

“I know…” he whispered dejectedly. He slumped back in his chair and looked down at the ground. The weight of this hurt as much as Kano’s smug _I was right,_ which was really just one part smug and two parts desperate self-loathing. “Cloud- Cloud mentioned,” Sora said, and then swallowed. He wanted to cry. “Cloud mentioned that, even if he stuck around, even if he changed, that there’d be a good chance he’d, uh,” Sora paused, eyes drifting up to where Ren was sitting. Ren had probably heard the worst by now, but Sora still rephrased what he was going to say, choosing a few less violent words. “That he’d kill me in my sleep, and neither of us would see it coming.”

Cid was the only one who mumbled an agreement, but Leon and Aerith both looked like they wanted to. Yuffie didn’t, at least, and surprisingly, neither did Kairi. Still. No one was protesting, telling him _no, that’s not right._ They all really did think Kano’d slit his throat in his sleep and there was nothing he could do to stop it, nothing either of them could do. And worst of all, Kano offered no support. He just brimmed with a desperate laughter—a laughter that nearly burst from Sora’s lips, because _he believed it as much as they did._

Sora shook his head, shook his head hard, at them, at Kano, at Cloud. They were wrong. They were all _wrong._

“So, what? Are- are you saying this is some sort of _inherent trait?_ ” he asked, voice shaking between Kano’s laughter and his own desperation. He could not bear to look at any of them, so he looked at the ceiling. “That he can’t, like? That he honestly _can’t change_ just because of _what_ he is? Because, that’s just, _ridiculous!_ It’s ridiculous! Nothing about _anybody_ is permanent!”

No one answered him.

No one, except, Kano.

‘ _C’mon, Sora, you haven’t forgotten what I am, have you?’_

 _Don’t you dare!_ he thought back, shaking his head. _Don’t you DARE go there, Kano!_

_‘They’re right, Sora.’_

_No! They’re not!!_ Sora lowered his head, buried his face in his hands. He wanted to tear at his hair. Also, he was crying now, so that was great. _You WOULDN’T!_

 _‘I wouldn’t want to,’_ Kano agreed. ‘ _But it just takes one moment of weakness. One second where I forget how to control myself.’_

Images burned in Sora’s mind, but he pushed them away. He didn’t want proof. He refused to believe anything but that they were all wrong. That all of them, _especially_ Kano, were wrong.

 _You can’t seriously make me believe that, Kano!_ he argued. _You can’t make me believe that you’d hurt me again. You love me._ Maybe he was being stubborn, not to mention insensitive for bringing it up, and there was no denying he’d warred with this in the past, _but..._ But he hadn’t felt everything Kano felt this clearly, in the past. Now, he did, and now, he was sure. Kano loved him. Kano regretted hurting him. Kano’d go out of his way to avoid hurting him again.

Kano didn’t answer for a moment. In that moment, in Kano’s pause, Sora registered someone at the table start to say something, only for Kairi to stop them, to tell them to give Sora a moment. He was grateful. Very grateful.

‘ _Then…’_ Kano felt hesitant to speak. ‘ _Maybe I can make you believe that, because I… y’know.’_ He still did not want to say ‘love’ _,_ and Sora still could not blame him. ‘ _Because of that, I… If I have to warn you now to make sure I don’t hurt you later, then, fine! That’s what I’ll do!’_

Sora laughed, and at it, Kano recoiled. Good. Maybe he’d realize how much having to argue about this _hurt_.

 _Warn me now, huh?_ Sora asked, still laughing. He dropped his hands from his face. _And what do you want me to do, now that I’m warned? Kill you again? Get rid of you, so you can’t possibly hurt me?_ Anger boiled hard in him. _You can’t ask me to do that!! You CAN’T._

And then…

To make sure everyone was absolutely clear.

Sora repeated that out loud.

“Even if he _might_ hurt me later, you can’t ask me to kill him again.” His voice shook. He dug his fingers into his knees. “Because I won’t do it. I _won’t kill you a second time,_ do you hear that, Kano?” Of course Kano did. Of course Kano did, and something inside of him churned. Shame. Guilt. Were they Kano’s, for nearly asking this of Sora? Or were they Sora’s, for pushing everyone to this point? Who knew. Sora certainly didn’t.

“You won’t have to,” Aerith said, firmly.

“No, you won’t,” Kairi agreed. “Because, we’re looking for an answer! That’s why we’re doing all this research! It’s not just to figure out how to get Kano his own body. It’s to figure out all there is to know about Shadows. To- to figure out if there’s something we missed, because maybe what we know about them is wrong.” She pounded a fist against the table, all her weight forward, _daring_ one of them to argue with her. “And if Sora says Kano can change, has changed, then I believe him, because he’s never been wrong about this sort of thing before.”

Then, she turned to Sora.

“We’re just… worried about you,” she said, lowering her voice quite a bit. “ _I’m_ just worried about you. Kano’s done some pretty nasty things in the past, and I don’t want him hurting you again.” Sora knew it was a little more than that, but, he understood if that’s all she wanted to admit to right now. “But… I wouldn’t ask you to kill him, Sora. There’s definitely gotta be some other way to deal with him, if it comes down to it.”

Sora nodded. “Thanks, Kairi,” he said. And then, because it seemed right, he added, for everyone else’s benefit: “He’s sorry, by the way. Kano is. For what he did to me.” He wanted to assure them that Kano was sorry for everything he’d done to _them,_ too, but, that wasn’t true. “He regrets it more than anything else.”

“I bet he does,” Kairi said, as if it were just the two of them, and there was a great comfort in that, more than in the softness of her voice. And, there was an even greater comfort in everything she’d just said—all of it just to support him, and none of it to drag Kano down.

Sora swore he’d never loved her more than he did right then.

“And… you’re sure he doesn’t want to hurt you, right?” Kairi continued, asking one more time so no one else had to.

Sora nodded. “Positive.” For good measure, he tapped at his chest. “I can feel it.” This show was for everyone else in the room, but he kept his eyes on Kairi.

She nodded back at him. “Of course. Why would he?”

And, though she did not say it, the words _he loves you_ burned in her eyes. She could keep a secret. She really could, so long as she didn’t lose her temper.

“Well, we’ll help you look,” Leon said. He nodded to himself. “For an answer.”

“Mmhmm,” Aerith added, just a heartbeat later. “You can count on us.”

Cid scowled hard, grumbling. “Figures you two would… blasted…” He kept on grumbling, but the only other word Sora could make out sounded, oddly, like the word _sorceresses_? Strange… He stopped grumbling after a second, though, and said: “I can’t say I like this any more than I did five minutes ago, Sora, but the least I can do is help yeh look for some answers, I guess. When I got time, anyway. Yeh thought about askin’ King Mickey?”

Sora nodded. Kano died a little inside him.

“Yeah. Him and Yen Sid are both on the list.”

Kairi groaned a little at the mention of Yen Sid. And, honestly, Kano didn’t seem too thrilled about talking to him, either.

 _You wanna figure this out, don’t you?_ Sora asked him—he couldn’t bug Kairi now, or he would’ve. _We have to ask them._

Kano decided not to respond.

Yuffie cleared her throat. She looked a little uncomfortable to have everyone’s attention on her. “You should ask Cloud, too, maybe,” she said. “Maybe he knows more than what he’s told us. And- and, uh…” She scrunched her face up hard, but after a second, she nodded. “Maybe what he told us is wrong. He only knows all he does because he had to deal with Sephiroth, but, this doesn’t—this isn’t at _all_ like what happened with Sephiroth.”

“I’ve… been thinking that, too,” Aerith agreed.

Yuffie nodded aggressively, like she was glad to have Aerith agreeing with her.

“What do you mean by that?” Sora asked, squinting between the two of them. Granted, he was glad to hear this, he just wanted some more details.

“Not much more than just the fact this isn’t what happened with Sephiroth at all,” Aerith answered. She leaned forward in her chair, then back in it, running her fingers together. “But, especially… Especially Kano, well, _surviving_ , and living in your heart. That bit especially.”

“For all we knew, it wasn’t even possible,” Leon added.

Aerith looked at him, nodded, looked back to Sora. “Exactly.”

Sora slowly nodded, too. He’d sort of expected that, but, still. This was good to hear. Even Kano seemed a little relieved, though it was getting hard to tell—from the feel of it, Kano was starting to slip back off to where Sora couldn’t reach him.

“So… you guys all _will_ give Kano a chance, right?” Sora asked. He looked at Kairi, first, and she nodded, though she scowled. Sora got the feeling the scowl was more for him pressing this with her, but, he had good reason to. Her nod was more of a relief than Aerith’s that quickly followed.

“Of course, Sora,” Aerith said, even though she’d already told him this.

“Yeah,” Leon said.

Cid definitely didn’t look happy about agreeing, but he still said: “I can try. Not like I got much choice.”

Yuffie nodded as well.

Sora’s eyes fell on Ren, and for a moment, he stopped breathing. He’d, slightly, forgotten that Ren had been sitting here, listening to all of this. It’d been easier to just not think about, while he was dealing with everything else.

Ren sat with his elbows on the table, hands pressed together in front of his face. Now that he had Sora’s attention, he lowered them a little. “I hate to say this, Sora, but you’re going to have to explain everything again, this time to someone who has no idea what any of this magic stuff is,” he said. “I definitely trust your judgement—like Kairi said, you’ve never been wrong before—but all I really understood of that is that Kano might have at one point wanted to kill you in your sleep, and none of you are surprised by the notion, and, I just…” He paused, mouth working for words. He tapped his hands twice against his chin, then sighed. It didn’t seem like he was going to find the words, but his point had been made well enough.

Sora’s first response was a strained, low whine. It only lasted a few seconds before he realized what he was doing, or rather, what Kano was doing through him, and made it stop. The large knot in his stomach wasn’t so easy to get rid of, though.

_We were going to have to do this, anyway, Kano. Besides, it’s practice for my parents, since we’ll eventually have to tell them, too._

_‘That isn’t comforting!!’_

“Here, we’ll take care of this,” Kairi said. For a second Sora’s—Kano’s—hopes skyrocketed, but then he realized she was not talking to him, but everyone else at the table, so they plummeted again. “You guys can, go do whatever. We got it.”

She took the chair that Aerith vacated—only after Aerith had asked twice whether she was sure, and so on—and then she looked to Sora, clearly expecting him to start. It was all he could do not to groan.


	52. In which Riku trusts Kairi with a heavy burden

Riku ended up going upstairs for a couple reasons. First was to ask Namine if she wanted to maybe be around for Sora’s explanation, even if he doubted she did. Second was to just, plain, check on her. And, because he wasn’t sure if he himself wanted to stick around for Sora’s explanation. He got most of the important details. And, knowing his big mouth and the way he’d acted back on the Islands, he was a little worried he’d mess something up for Sora. That would be bad.

So, Riku went to check on Namine.

He knocked first—he was getting into the habit of that, with her—even though it was his room, too. Leon had mentioned that they technically had _two_ spare rooms, and he and Namine didn’t _have_ to share, and as much as Riku loved Namine, he was seriously considering it. She needed her space, lately, and maybe he could afford to have his, too. He just, hadn’t gotten around to actually moving rooms, yet.

Anyway, he knocked on the door, and after it had been ten seconds without a response, he poked his head in. Namine was not drawing, like he’d sort of expected her to be. Instead, she was lying on her bed, back to the door. He would’ve assumed she was sleeping, except she sat up just enough to glance over her shoulder at him, before flopping back down. Maybe she’d _been_ sleeping…? Somehow, he doubted it.

“Uh, hey,” Riku cleared his throat, and stepped the rest of the way into the room. It was not how he’d meant to start this conversation, but he still ended up saying: “Are you okay?”

“Tired,” she answered him. She sounded wide awake.

“Right, well…” Riku cleared his throat again, idly cracking his knuckles. A new habit he’d picked up. Better than others. Namine flinched a little at each crack, but, he couldn’t just stop halfway through. “Sora showed up. If, uh, if you want to—”

“I heard, and, no. I don’t wanna.”

“Right.” Riku nodded. “Right.”

Of course she’d heard. They’d all been yelling, and even if her hearing was not as good as his, it was still above average. These walls weren’t that thick, anyway. No amount of shouting could be contained by a closed door.

Riku opened his mouth, wanting to say more, to talk to her more, about anything, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Anything good to say, anyway. Darkness seemed to fizzle under his skin—it would be at least another ten minutes before it would calm down completely after what had happened on the Islands—and it reminded him of his mortality. The words _three weeks_ hammered in his head. He wanted to talk to Namine about that, more than anything else, but…

No. He couldn’t.

“I’ll just, uh, get a few things,” he said, “and then I’ll…” He swallowed before he could finish. Saying _get out of your way_ felt like it would just put a wedge between them, and that was the last thing he wanted. So, he just didn’t say anything. Instead, he moved to the beaten up bookshelf behind him, at the foot of his bed.

The bookshelf was small, coming up to his waist. Each shelf was only big enough to hold ten books, _maybe_ fifteen if they were thin, and the thing was missing a shelf and half its backing. It was a recent addition, salvaged from the ruins of someone else’s house. It held the next couple of books Riku planned on reading, along with all the books he and Namine had grabbed to look through for Sora, and the notebook Riku was taking notes in. Outside of the stack of sketchbooks and pencil case on top of the dresser on the other side of the room, it was the only character this room seemed to have.

Riku considered the shelf a second, then grabbed the notebook and the book he was currently looking through for Sora, and after some quick deliberation, the novel he was in the middle of, as well.

“I guess I’ll let you know when they’re gone?” Riku said, turning back to Namine. She hadn’t moved. “And then, um, maybe we could… do… something?” He wasn’t sure what, exactly, but, something.

“Maybe. Thanks.”

Riku swallowed, feeling very odd to leave it at that. He couldn’t think of anything else to say, though. He tucked the books under his arm and headed back downstairs.

Everyone was too focused on Cid and Sora yelling at each other to notice him as he slipped away from the dining room and into the living room. Riku settled—quietly—on one of the couches, then sighed. Rather than open the research book, he opened the notebook instead, and started adding to the list of things he knew about Sora’s Shadow—or, Kano. The list was the only thing in the notebook, because research had otherwise been a dud so far.

There wasn’t much to add to the list when it came to their conversation on the Islands (it wasn’t like Riku was going to write down _Kano loves Sora_ ), but there was plenty to add, if he just listened now. He could hear every word spoken in the dining room from here, and so without disrupting them, he could just take notes on what was being said, no problem. It was a good use of time, Riku thought. It wasn’t like he’d have been able to focus on either of his books with all the noise, anyway.

He’d filled just over a page by the time they were done talking. Leon left to go deal with a Restoration thing, Cid trundled up to his room, and Yuffie plopped down on the other couch and started playing one of her video games. Sora and Kairi stayed in the dining room with Kairi’s dad, carefully explaining to him just _what_ a Shadow was. Riku read over his notes again, deciding whether or not he should write anything Sora and Kairi were currently saying down, but then Aerith was clearing her throat to get his attention.

“Here,” she said, holding out a star shard to him. She did not force it into his hands. “Now you won’t have to use dark corridors to get everywhere.”

“Oh. Thanks,” Riku said. He took it from her.

Aerith smiled and looked cautiously at him. “You know how to use it, right?”

“I got the general idea.”

Riku set the star shard on the couch next to him. Aerith studied him a moment longer, and then she was nodding, and she kept smiling like nothing was wrong. Like nothing was wrong.

“That’s good then,” Aerith said. She sent him one last encouraging smile—he tried not to grimace at the sight of it—and then she headed off.

Riku swallowed hard. There’d been a tightness in her eyes. Something between worry and fear, and it was there almost every time she looked at him, lately. The words _three weeks_ pounded in his head again. He tried to shake them out.

“Hey, Riku,” Kairi said, tapping him on the shoulder. He jolted a little, glared at himself for a second, then looked up at Kairi. He made himself stop glaring murder, but he still sent a pretty annoyed look at her. “Sorry,” she said. “My dad wanted a tour of the town. Wanna help me out? I have no idea where to go.”

Riku stared at her for a moment, though he understood well enough that she was asking, _hey, please come with me,_ without actually saying it. “Uh, sure,” he said.

Kairi beamed. “Cool!” She turned and, in a voice thankfully suitable for indoors, called: “Sora, you coming?”

“I should really sweep up this sand for Aerith,” Sora called back. “And also get my shoes probably.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, and reached into her pocket. “I’ll go—” she began, but Riku caught her by the hand. He let go the moment he had her attention.

“Actually, can I… talk to you?” he asked. “Alone, I guess.” His heart beat in his throat. He felt a little queasy, but those words kept pounding in his head, and… “Please?”

Kairi studied him, then shrugged.

“Here, Sora, take my star shard,” she said, heading to give it to him. “Dad, stay here a sec. Me and Riku shouldn’t be long. If we do take too long, though, Sora, can you tell Namine? She said earlier she’d go with me on the tour, but…”

Riku closed his notebook and sighed. He understood Kairi’s hesitance when it came to Namine. Maybe he should also talk to Kairi about—no, it could wait. Just a little. “Don’t get your hopes up,” he said, though.

“Yeah,” Kairi agreed, with a heavy sigh of her own. She opened her mouth, then closed it, and shook her head a little. Clearly she’d decided against saying whatever it was. Instead, she said: “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Riku piled his books on the coffee table and started moving for the door.

“C’mon.”

He led her to a spot around the back of Aerith’s house, though well away from the back door. Close enough to be found in an emergency, but not close enough they’d be overheard.

Kairi studied him with narrowed eyes once they arrived. She almost looked like she expected the worst. Maybe she was right to.

“Alright, spill it,” Kairi said.

Riku swallowed. His heart felt like it was in his throat more now than ever. He made himself cough, to clear his throat, to make it easier to breathe. It kind of helped.

“Look, I, I’d talk to someone else about it,” he said. “But, I just… I don’t want to bug Namine, and I can’t even _try_ to talk to Aerith about it because she won’t listen.” Maybe this wasn’t the best way to begin, but, he’d already started. “And, as much as Yuffie and Cid are family, they aren’t, they’re kind of lacking in the emotional support department…”

That left Leon, but… Well, it wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ Leon. Leon was alright. But approaching Leon about anything wasn’t as easy as approaching Aerith or Namine, and, since Kairi was here now, that seemed a lot easier.

“Okay, got it,” Kairi said. She put her hands on her hips. “Are you gonna spill, or what?”

“Well…” Riku sighed. He just wished he knew she wouldn’t take it too hard. “Listen, I know… I know that Even’s working on it and stuff, but, that doesn’t really change the fact that, I mean—I’ve only got three weeks. If this doesn’t work out, I’ve- I’ve only got three weeks.”

“You aren’t going to die, Riku!” Kairi said, almost before he’d finished.

Riku chewed his tongue. Caught himself picking at one of the patches of dark suit embedded in his arm, stopped, squeezed it instead. He was glad she hadn’t burst into tears or anything, or changed the subject, but this was almost as bad!

“Kairi, _please!_ ” he shouted. “I _know_ that they’ve got time to figure it out, and I _know_ that Even knows what he’s doing and that chances of me _actually_ dying are slim, or, whatever. _I know._ ” He glared at her, hard. Her expression softened a little. “I just want someone to actually _acknowledge_ it might happen. I just want someone to talk to me about what happens if I _do._ Three weeks isn’t that long, and you know it!”

Kairi licked her lips.

Slowly, she nodded.

A dread seemed to settle in the air around her, but that didn’t change the fact that she had nodded. She was willing to listen. To give him straight answers. To just _talk_ about it, and Riku was almost overjoyed.

“Are you talking, like, in a metaphysical ‘is there an afterlife’ sense?” Kairi asked, hugging herself. There was an unsteady laugh in her voice. “Because, I’m definitely not the person to ask about that sort of thing.”

Riku forced himself to laugh with her, so that she would know he understood that as a joke. He did not think it was very funny, though. He did not think she did, either.

“No,” Riku assured her. He had to pull his hand away from his arm to keep himself from picking. Clenching his fist in front of his chest wasn’t really the same, though. “I just mean, like… afterwards. If I do. What… what will you guys do?” That’s what he wanted to know more than anything else. “I just- I just wanna make sure everyone will be okay.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. Kairi watched him, worry crinkling her face. Riku bit his lip to keep it from trembling, and then, once he was sure it would not tremble any more, he continued speaking:

“I… I know _you’re_ not, really, thrilled about the thought of me dying.” Or, Kairi hadn’t been too thrilled the last time the subject had come up, but, then they’d been talking about suicide, so, perhaps it was different. She raised her eyebrows and nodded slightly, though. Riku kept going. “And… I’m sure Namine’d never forgive herself.”  It was not her fault, but that didn’t mean anything. “And- and _Aerith_ —”

There was a catch in his throat. His heart stopped for a second. He grabbed at some of the skin on his arm and pulled, trying to distract himself from how hard it was to breathe. He had to keep going.

“She- she’s finally able to live with herself after what happened to Zack. Wh- what if I? What if _I_ die? What happens to her then?”

Kairi stared at him for a moment, eyes watering. Then she turned away, pressing a hand to her face.

Riku watched her, waiting. Waiting. He made himself let go of his arm. Shoved his hands in his pockets. He felt stupid doing it, felt stupid standing here holding a serious conversation with his hands _in his pockets,_ but it was the only way he could think of to keep his fingers from his arms. Those spots really itched, and his skin still burned from where he’d pulled. He was going to really hurt himself if he wasn’t careful, and the last thing he wanted was to explain bruises or broken skin to Aerith.

Finally, Kairi turned back to him. She balled her fists at her side. Her shoulders shook.

“I… I don’t know, Riku,” she said, like each word was an effort to form her tongue around. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what…” She just shook her head, and kept shaking it.

“It’s okay,” Riku told her, maybe too quickly. He always did that. He just hated seeing his friends upset, especially because of him. He swallowed. “I’m… It’s okay. Sorry I…” But maybe he shouldn’t apologize for wanting to talk about this. “I mean, I just—I just wanted someone to acknowledge the fact that- that I _can_ die, that this _might not_ work out, instead- instead of pretending like everything’s gonna be just fine.”

“No one wants to think about that possibility, Riku,” Kairi told him. Her voice was grim.

“I know.” Riku nodded. His hands worked inside his pockets. “I know. I don’t want to think about it either, really. But I…”

He _had_ to think about. There was no avoiding it. He trusted Even, of course—at least, more than he trusted Vexen—but with even a _chance_ he could die…

He had to think about it. He had to.

Kairi nodded. She understood, thankfully.

“Yeah…”

She licked her lips. Hugged herself again.

“If- if it doesn’t… if you do…” Kairi worked for the words, but they wouldn’t come out right. Rather than trying, rather than saying it, she just shook her head, and continued. “We’ll all… miss you. A lot. A- and…”

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

“I just want to make sure everyone will be okay…” Riku said.

Kairi nodded again. Shrugged.

“I just, I can’t really, speak, for anyone?” she said. “I mean, if- if you do, it…” She shrugged again, harder this time. “I don’t really think that, any of us, would, _forever…_ y’know…”

She couldn’t seem to finish. Riku nodded at her, to show he understood what she was getting at.

If he did die, she didn’t think they’d grieve him forever.

That was good to hear. He didn’t want anyone’s lives to come to a halt because he’d…

He cleared his throat.

“If, uh… if, I _do…_ ” He coughed. Grimaced. Looked at the ground instead of Kairi. It wasn’t just her. He was having trouble saying it, too. “Can- can you look after Aerith, maybe? And- And Namine, for sure.” Riku grimaced harder, but for different reasons now. He looked up at Kairi. “She’s… been going through a lot, lately. Even without me, y’know, about to—she’s having trouble. Namine is. After being Rewritten.”

Surprisingly, Kairi nodded. “Right. Yeah. That… that makes sense.”

Riku raised his eyebrows. Kairi waved the matter away with her hand. Her expression told him he wasn’t going to get any more out of her if he asked.

So, instead of asking about that, Riku said:

“Though, I guess… I should ask—when it comes to Namine—if you could… look after her. Despite me… y’know.”

Kairi nodded.

“Got it.”

It felt like he should leave it at that—Kairi was definitely starting to look uncomfortable—but there was just one more thing he wanted to say. Just one more thing.

His voice trembled as he made his mouth form the words.

“Kairi, I’ve- I’ve never been this scared of dying before…!”

Tears burned hot in his eyes. He’d wipe them away, but he kept his fists clenched firmly in his pockets, instead, and let the tears fall. He figured Kairi’d get this, more than anyone, since she was the one who’d confronted him about suicide—not that he would’ve, of course! But she’d get this fear, inside him. She’d get it.

“I’ve… I’ve never—” Riku licked his lips. Tried again from a different angle. “Before I, I didn’t really care much about it because it never really felt like I had, well, much to live for?” It felt weird to say, but he didn’t stop. “But- but now. There’s soooo much. There’s _so_ much, and I- I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna die.” He could feel himself shaking. “ _I don’t wanna die!_ ”

“I don’t want you to die, either!” Kairi told him. She was crying, too, and her voice was sharp enough to make Riku jump. She took a second, a sob of laughter, and then: “But… But Even says he’s gonna fix it. Alright? He’s got time. You’re- You’re not… There’s time to fix you.”

Riku let out a shuddering half-sob through a clenched jaw. Then he said the one thing that scared him more than anything else.

“Three weeks isn’t that long.”

Kairi nodded. She didn’t even argue.

“Let’s just hope it’s enough.”

Riku nodded back at her. He blew out the air from his lungs. Counted to ten. Then he reached up and wiped his eyes. Kairi started talking again.

“I- I think if another week goes by, though, and Even hasn’t, like, figured anything out yet?” she said. He nodded, to show he was following. “I think you should talk to someone besides me. About this. Namine may be going through a lot, but I think she’d want to know. And, I don’t know about Aerith, but, I mean…”

She did not, but Riku was sure she wanted to say _Aerith would want to know too._

“Yeah,” he said. “I gotcha.”

“Good!” Kairi smiled at him. She reached over and pushed his shoulder, playfully. “Hey, feelin’ any better?”

Riku nodded again. He finished wiping his eyes, shoved his hand back into his pocket. “Yeah. Loads. Thanks.”

“Sure. And, hey.” Kairi looked at him very seriously. “You’re _not_ gonna die. Because, if you do, I’ll kill Even. I will!” She punched her fist into her other hand a few times to emphasize her point.

Riku laughed a little.

He was touched, even if that was impractical, and, knew she probably wouldn’t _actually_ do it.

“Thanks, Kairi.”

She grinned at him.

“Don’t mention it!”

They headed back for Aerith’s house.

“Hey, by the way,” Kairi said, after only a few seconds. “Is, uh? Is Namine not wanting to fight at all connected to her, well, being Rewritten?”

Riku thought for a second, then nodded. Yeah. That would make the most sense. He hadn’t really thought about it before now, but now that Kairi was asking, and he was considering what Namine had said this morning… “Yeah, pretty sure,” he said.

Kairi nodded with him, then she stopped walking entirely. “Oh, _wait,_ what the hell!” There was a fierce frustration in her voice. “I _knew_ that!” She smacked her forehead, then scoffed with disgust at herself. “I mean, _honestly,_ how different is ‘I don’t want to fight Heartless’ from ‘I hate conflict at all’? Geeze Louise!”

Riku stopped walking as well, since Kairi apparently wasn’t going to start again.

“I can’t believe myself!” she said. “I literally _cannot_. I shoulda known all this!” She threw her hands in the air, starting to pace as she raved. “Sora says he notices something’s wrong with Namine, and I _knew_ it’s because she’d been Rewritten, but I just go and _forget_ about it this morning? What is wrong with me!”

“Uh, Kairi,” Riku began. He didn’t know quite what to tell her, but, he should probably try to say something.

Kairi just shook her head. “No no, don’t worry about it,” she said. She sighed. “Not your fault, and not much I can do to fix it.” She nodded forward. They both started walking again. “Guess I just forgot with everything that was going on with Sora.” She rubbed her hands together, then looked at Riku expectantly. “How _is_ Namine doing…?”

“Well…” Riku shrugged. “She definitely hasn’t taken being Rewritten well, that’s for sure. I mean, obviously. She’s.” Riku bit his lip. “She’s jumpy all the time, and…” Except, he didn’t know how to put it into words. Just the sense he got around her, that she wasn’t okay, though it was in much more than just how she moved (slower than normal) and how she spoke (less than normal). Instead, he went with: “And… she’s mad at me because I don’t really know, exactly, what she’s going through so she thinks I can’t help.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Well, it’s not like I _do_ know how to help, though.”

Kairi considered that, then considered Riku. Slowly, she nodded. They’d reached Aerith’s front door by now, but they stayed outside, finishing their conversation.

“Good point,” Kairi sighed. Sounded like she didn’t have any bright ideas either. “Just… be there for her? Don’t let her completely curl in on herself. I dunno. That’s all I got.”

“Alright.” It was a start. “Should we make her come with us around town?” Riku asked. “I mean, if you think so, then alright, but we kind of had a fight this morning—” it wasn’t, exactly, a fight. But, still. “—and I think she just wants her space?”

“Well, we’ll see if Sora’s gotten her to agree to come,” Kairi answered. “If not, we’ll leave her alone. I’ll drop by tomorrow. When, uh, there’s time. Sora’s got training, and since there’s only one star shard between us…”

“I can come get you, maybe?” Riku offered. “Since, I’ve got a star shard now…” He’d left it on the couch, though. Oops.

“Sounds good,” Kairi agreed. Seeing that was the end of it, Riku opened the door.

Surprisingly, Namine was standing next to Sora and Kairi’s dad at the dining room table. She wasn’t looking at anyone, and her hands were clutched tightly in front of her, but, she was there. She cracked a small smile at the sight of Riku and Kairi. Riku smiled back.

“Oh, we ready to go?” Sora asked, once he saw them as well. He moved to join Riku and Kairi, Namine and Kairi’s dad not far from behind him. Sora squinted as he got closer. “Whoa, hey, you two okay?”

Riku looked at Kairi for her lead. She just put on her widest smile. “What, yeah! We’re fine!” she said. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at Sora. He stuck out his tongue back. Riku smiled, and Kairi’s dad laughed, too. Namine didn’t say anything, but, Riku thought he saw her smile…?

“You showin’ us around town?” Kairi’s dad asked, looking at Riku.

Riku nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “One sec.” He went and picked his star shard up off the couch, shoved it in his pocket. “Alright. I guess we’re good to go?”

“Never pictured _you_ as a tour-guide!” Yuffie called, from the couch.

“Aw, shut up,” Riku told her.

She grinned toothily at him. He grinned back.

“Let’s go! Let’s go!” Kairi was already back out the door. “We don’t got all day!”

Riku waved at Yuffie, told her they wouldn’t be long—she could pass that on to Aerith—and then nodded for Sora and Namine and Kairi’s dad to follow him outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to read a transcript of the notes Riku took about Kano, you can find them [here!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11164197/chapters/27511530)


	53. In which we watch the sunrise, and see someone we haven't for a while

Namine awoke the next morning to Riku shaking her gently. Except… it wasn’t morning. Her internal clock told her it was almost 3 AM. It was a little hard to see Riku in this darkness, but her eyesight was better than a human’s, so she could see the smile on his face, if not the brightness in his eyes.

“Hey,” he whispered, once he saw he had her attention. “You up to going somewhere? I wanna show you something.”

Namine blinked a few times at him. A part of her wanted to tell him no, that she’d rather sleep—not that she _needed_ the sleep—but he sounded so _eager._ She sighed and sat up, nodding. “Alright. Sure. Do I need to get dressed?”

“Nah, I’m not. Not like we’re going somewhere where there’s people.”

“Okay.” She swung her feet out of bed. Riku grinned at her. “We gonna be gone all morning?” Namine asked. “I don’t wanna worry Aerith.”

Riku shook his head. “Should take an hour, tops, and I left her a note, just in case.” He grabbed her by the hand, then grabbed the star shard Aerith had given him off his bookcase. “Ready?” He waited for her nod of approval, then activated it.

In hindsight, she should not have been surprised to see Destiny Islands.

“C’mon.” Riku pulled her a little closer to the shoreline, then sat down. He stuck his feet out, so the waves lapped at his toes. Namine sat down as well, though she did not stick her feet in the water.

It was much brighter, here, than it had been in Hollow Bastion. It was later in the morning, though, and there was a glimmer of sunlight on the horizon. Just a glimmer. He’d brought her to see the sunrise. The thought made something warm swell in Namine’s chest.

They sat there, waiting, neither of them saying a thing. That was something she and Riku were good at. Quietly enjoying each other’s presence. After a couple minutes, Riku reached over and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. She let him. Then, she did something she had not done in a long while. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything, just pressed his cheek to her hair for a moment, before straightening again.

“Any minute now,” he whispered.

It was much longer than that by the time the sun was high enough to really see, but it was well worth it. The way the light sent pinks and streaks of gold across the water was absolutely breathtaking.

“Oh… it’s _beautiful_!” Namine gasped.

“Isn’t it?”

“I guess I understand why you started coming here every morning.”

“Not every morning!” Riku protested. She could almost hear him grimace a second later. “Okay, well. It’s… It’s a great way to start the day…”

“I bet.”

Namine shifted her weight against Riku, but didn’t move. She kept her face turned out towards the ocean, eyes drinking in the sight before her, trying to take in every detail. She wanted to capture this moment, this feeling in her chest. She wanted to hold onto it forever.

“Thank you…”

 

**xxx**

Even leaned back in his chair, eye closed, breathing deeply and waiting. Thankfully, the program he’d written to translate Riku’s Code—so they wouldn’t have to keep doing it manually—looked like it was finished. Or, it would be soon. 7 was looking over it now, and Vexen still needed to recheck it, since Even had made changes since he’d last checked. But, they were coming along. Soon. It would be soon.

And, after Riku’s Code was translated, then they just had to install the Darkness Protection Protocols. That might not fix _all_ of his problems, but it would be a start. 7 was working on the rest, anyway, and if anyone could figure it out, 7 could, for sure.  Even would leave him to it.

“Ah, Alpha, there you are!” 7 said. Even did not move, but he did raise his eyebrows. Alpha, _here,_ of all places? “I was wondering if you could look over—Alpha?”

Even opened his eyes now, swiveling his chair towards the doorway. He turned just in time to see a glimpse of Alpha as he left. He let out a long breath. _That_ was not surprising.

“Alpha, hey!” 7 called after him. “I just have a quick question! Surely you can’t have something more important to—”

“I’ll go deal with him,” Even said, pushing himself to his feet. He had a feeling he knew what this was about, at any rate. It was always the same. He just wished Alpha would stop acting so _childish._ No, he may not have _really_ been that much older than a child, when it came down to it, but Zexion—and Ienzo—had always been so mature, so it was a little exasperating to see one of his Replicas act this way.

“Alpha!” he called, once in the hallway.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Alpha called back, turning the corner ahead.

Even sighed to himself, though he hadn’t expected much different. He picked up his pace to follow. “Alpha, _please,_ ” Even said. And then, to make it sound like he had less personal reasons for chasing after Alpha, he added: “Listen, I’ve managed to be told from various people _what_ all happened while I was gone, but each and every one of them suggested I should talk to you as well.” He had to raise his voice for it to carry to Alpha, which he regretted terribly. “At the very least, I would like to—”

“I said, I don’t want to talk to you!!”

Even grimaced, then closed the distance between him and Alpha at a brisk pace—he would not run—so that he no longer had to yell. This was to save Alpha some embarrassment as much as anything else.

“Alpha, you are a grown man,” he said, in a tone just short of scolding.

Alpha stopped walking entirely. He stood rigid for a moment, shoulders shaking, and then he rounded on Even. “And _you_ are not my _brother!_ ” he hissed.

Even blinked a few times, rather taken aback. He understood, though. This was not the first time they’d had this argument, this was just the first that Alpha had been so to the point with it. He started to speak, but then paused, reconsidering.

Alpha took his silence as an opening.

“Don’t _think_ I don’t know what you tried to do,” Alpha threatened. He took a step towards Even, pointing an accusing finger—his distress was clear in his wide eyes, if not in his carefully guarded tone. “Ienzo became Zexion, and Zexion left you in the dust for Xehanort, so you Replicated him in order to get your favorite brother back.”

“That’s _not_ true,” Even said. He tried not to scowl or to sound too defensive. He didn’t think he succeeded. Still, he had _not_ made the Zexion Replicas to replace the real Zexion. Only a fool would try to do that.

“That’s how you treated us!” Alpha argued. He was _shouting,_ now. _Shouting._ What had happened to him? He’d always had a good control of his emotions before this whole Rebellion thing. And, there was an almost paranoid glint in his eyes that would not seem to go away. Even had not noticed sooner, but then, he had not had the chance to talk to Alpha before now.

“You treated _each of us_ like we were Ienzo!” Alpha continued. His voice shook. “But we are _not_ Ienzo! I am _not_ your _precious baby brother._ ”

“I… I know that, Alpha,” Even said. It was an effort to keep his voice calm.

Alpha’s eyes flared wider. “Stop _treating_ me like it, then.”

“I’m not trying to.”

Alpha considered him for a moment, then nodded. He sighed, straightened. “Alright,” he said. He watched Even as if he expected that wasn’t the end of it, though. “Then, if you’ll excuse me, _sir,_ I have other things to do.”

“Of course,” Even told him. He did his best not to cringe at the contempt that _sir_ had carried. He cleared his throat. “May… May I ask you one question, though?” He’d pieced together enough of what had happened in his absence to not _really_ need to ask Alpha for any details, except regarding one question.

Alpha looked very much like he wanted to say no—and Even wouldn’t blame him if he did—but he thankfully relented after a moment.

“Yes, sir?”

Even cleared his throat again. Just because he wanted to know the answer did not mean he was eager to ask the question. “I was… told what happened to all the other Zexions,” he said. “That they were Deactivated. No one seems to know the hows or whys, though, except that you are the person to ask. Could you tell me… Alpha!?”

Alpha had seized as if struck. The cautious mask of emotions on Alpha’s face shattered again, revealing despair.  Alpha swallowed a few times to get his mouth working, and then he spoke. Even could not have possibly been prepared for what he said.

“I… I executed Emergency Protocol… uh, 3…”

Even staggered. He’d expected no good news, especially considering how shifty Amaryllis had been on the subject, but he had not expected this. He could not have expected this. Emergency Protocol 3? And _only_ on the Zexions? Had… Had he even _given_ the Emergency Protocol passwords to Alpha?

“You- _You_ Deactivated them?” Even asked, when he had the air in his lungs to do so. Suddenly, Alpha’s paranoid glances and overall lack of composure made sense.

Alpha only nodded. He appeared to be on the verge of tears, and put an arm against the wall next to him for support.

“Only… the Zexions?” Even did his best to keep his voice steady, to treat this as professionally as he could manage, though he much wanted to ask Alpha if he was alright, comfort him, do _something._ But he had told Alpha he wouldn’t.

“I- I had to hack into the Program I had no passwords and I had to do them each one at a time,” Alpha explained in a rush. “I in-intended to get around to everyone else, as well, maybe, but, but I—” He took a few breaths, but spoke no further.

Even’s stomach bottomed out. One at a time.

One at a time.

Alpha’s behavior _definitely_ made sense now.

“You didn’t _have_ to…” Even began.

“I couldn’t let Saix have them!” Alpha shouted, cutting him off. “I couldn’t _bear_ the thought of working for him, of letting him be in charge, and to think some of my brothers were _okay_ with it!?” He was trembling, his face a contorted mess of emotions. “I know it wasn’t my choice to make, and I know I shouldn’t have, and I _know_ that if I did it I should have at _least_ had the _decency_ to Deactivate myself with them!”

“Alpha! Don’t you _dare_ speak like that!”

Even could not say he approved of the actions or the decision, but there were plenty of things that had happened while he was gone he could not say he approved of. And, just because he did not approve did not mean he should take it out on Alpha, or let Alpha carry on like that! It wasn’t _his_ fault. It was none of their faults. Even was the one at fault, for not ensuring that there was a rigid enough structure in place to sustain the Program in the event of his death. Over one hundred lives, and he had managed to fail them all…

“But I _should have!_ ” Alpha argued, and he was still screaming. “I should have! It wasn’t my choice to make. I had no _right_ to Deactivate the rest of them. I don’t _deserve_ to—I… I shouldn’t have done it. But I was _angry._ I- I was _scared._ ”

“Alpha…”

“Don’t touch me!”

Even pulled his hand back before it reached Alpha, swallowing hard. Alpha had asked him not to, but he wanted to. He wanted to. He’d do anything to comfort Alpha—and perhaps Alpha was right, in a way. He had not made the Zexion Replicas to replace Ienzo, but he could not help to see him in them. He did not _mean_ to treat them the same way he’d treat Ienzo, it was just second nature sometimes, and it was _hard_ to see that face so distressed and not do anything about it.

“Couldn’t we always… Reactivate them?” Even suggested, in an attempt to cheer Alpha up, a little. It didn’t work.

“Yeah, if we could find their bodies,” Alpha retorted. “I only know for certain where Delta’s is, and—” He cut off, glaring hard. Strange, when he and Delta had been such good friends. Maybe something had happened…? It would be no surprise, amongst everything else.

Even swallowed. His next words were familiar ones. “You… You should be less hard on yourself, Alpha.”

“Less hard on myself?” Alpha repeated, then he laughed, bitterly. Tears glistened in his eyes, and they made Even’s chest ache. “Less _hard_ on myself? I _killed_ them…”

It was all Even could do not to grab Alpha and comfort him. It was all he could do.

“From what I understand, what happened when I was gone was nothing short of a war,” he said, cautiously. Alpha may not want him to say it, but he’d be damned if he didn’t do _something,_ even if it was only as little as this. “Deaths are unavoidable, in a war.”

Alpha just shook his head. “I didn’t have the right…” he said, again. He sounded exhausted now.

“What’s done is done,” Even told him. You couldn’t take your actions back so easily. You couldn’t change the past. Surely, Alpha understood that.

Alpha only shrugged and headed off, rubbing at his head. Even let him go, though it was not easy. That was all he could have done, though, all he could have said. He just hoped it was enough.


	54. In which Sora has his first day of training

“Hey, you gonna stick around?” Sora asked, as he and Kairi made their way up the stairs to Yen Sid’s study. Last time they were here, there’d been three sets of stairs, but this one looked completely different from any of those. Sora desperately hoped this was a shortcut. “Because, I mean, if Yen Sid fixes my star shard, then it’s not like you _have_ to.”

Kairi turned to him with a dropped jaw and a faked offended expression. Sora laughed a little. “What, you don’t want me sticking around for your first day of _training_!?” she demanded. She was mostly— _mostly_ —just teasing.

“I don’t care!!” Sora insisted, punching her lightly in the shoulder. “You can stick around if you want to—I just don’t want you getting bored!”

“If it gets boring, then I’ll just leave, duh!” Kairi said. She punched him back, much harder, but that was to be expected. “Otherwise, I’m sticking around, and no one can stop me!!”

Sora turned to grin at her. “Not even Yen Sid?”

“ _Especially_ not Yen Sid…” Kairi replied. Her excitement trailed off at the end of the sentence, though, replaced with something that sounded like confusion. “Alright, Sora, why the _heck_ do you keep staring at the ceiling?” she demanded.

Sora jumped, surprised, and quickly stopped, dropping his gaze back to the stairs in front of him. He grimaced. He hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it until Kairi’d mentioned. Weird.

“Must’ve been Kano,” he told Kairi.

“And why was _he_ looking at the ceiling!?”

Sora shrugged, sent her a sheepish smile. “Dunno,” he said. Then he figured he could always _ask_ Kano. He looked over a little to his right, away from Kairi, though he carefully didn’t look over the very-small banister. He doubted falling here would actually lead to harm, since this place was magic and all, but he still didn’t want to think about the drop. _Hey, Kano, why were you looking at the ceiling?_ he asked.

‘ _No reason,’_ was the tense reply.

Sora scowled. He knew better than that.

Rather than ask Kano again—because he wasn’t going to get an answer if he did—Sora just took a few moments to dig through Kano’s thoughts. Forget it being an invasion of privacy, this was important. It didn’t take him long to find the explanation, and when he did have it, his jaw dropped. He stopped walking.

“Are- are you _serious_?” he asked, aloud, a little too surprised to speak silently. He pointed at the ceiling, at the spot Kano had kept staring at. “Right _there?_ ”

Kano growled. ‘ _No, Sora, I was just staring there because I liked the color of the ceiling—of COURSE right there! Obviously.’_

Sora deemed not to say anything about Kano’s bitterness, or his sarcasm. He was too busy laughing in disbelief, anyway.

“What?” Kairi asked, starting to sound frustrated. She always did when Sora and Kano left her out of a conversation, so, frequently. Sora wondered why she wasn’t used to it by now, and Kano wondered the same, though with much more annoyance than Sora did. “ _What’s_ right there!?” Kairi demanded, squinting between Sora and where he was pointing.

“Ven,” Sora answered. “Ven’s _right there!_ ” He laughed again. This was ridiculous! And, uh, maybe a little creepy if he thought about it too much—but otherwise, it was kind of cool? “I’m pointing _right_ at him. I mean, obviously, he’s a couple floors up, but—”

Kairi gaped at him. “Are you _kidding_ me!?”

“No!”

“ _How_?”

Sora kept laughing. Kano bubbled with irritation.

“Kano can feel him,” Sora explained, lowering his hand. He kept his eyes fixed on the spot, though. “And, I mean, I can too, now that I’m _trying._ Guess it has something to do with him being in my heart for seven years? Oh, but, then again…” He frowned a little, as he considered this. He still didn’t really understand it. “There’s something else going on between Ven and Kano, I think?”

‘ _Me being able to feel where he is has absolutely NOTHING to do with that!’_ Kano protested, fruitlessly, because Sora didn’t pay him any attention.

“Something about, uh, Vanitas,” Sora said, as he started walking again. A dread beat inside him as he continued, which he now knew not only belonged to Kano, but was also directly related to them getting closer to Ven. Yeah, there was _definitely_ something going on between them.

‘ _I’m NOT Vanitas!’_ Kano said, so suddenly and so fiercely that Sora jolted nearly out of his skin. If Kano’s adamancy was not enough to startle him, then the rage suddenly beating in his chest was. He pressed a hand to his chest and carefully took deep breaths.

“Sora?” Kairi asked.

“It’s fine,” he told her, hurriedly. He pulled his hand away from his chest to keep her from worrying any more. _Who- who said you WERE!?_ he asked Kano.

‘ _VEN did!’_

That didn’t help!!

 _When- when did Ven say anything about_ —

‘ _We met in your heart a while back,’_ Kano explained. He was bristling. ‘ _And he kept calling me Vanitas and I’m NOT.’_

Sora turned that over in his mind a few times. If he dug enough, he thought he could see some of Kano’s memories of that meeting—but they were harder to see than most of Kano’s memories, and there seemed to be some fuzzy and angry feeling attached to them. Kano’s distaste for the meeting, probably? Sora wasn’t sure, and, there were other things to worry about.

 _Why… why would Ven think you were?_ he asked.

‘ _Hell if I know!’_ Kano said. Sora could just see him pout, and picturing that didn’t help Kano’s mood at all. ‘ _Something about us looking the same? Whatever! I’m not—’_

_I got it._

Sora knew Kano well enough to know that there was more to the explanation than that, he just wasn’t eager to give it.

“Are you two done having your conversation?” Kairi asked, keeping Sora from trying to press Kano into telling him anything more. “What’s going on with this Vanitas guy, and why does the mention of him make your face look like that?” To tease, though it was clear she was still angry, she pointed at Sora’s face.

He tried not to scowl in reply, since it’d only prove her point. “Kano,” he said, which, technically, was a good explanation for both things. Still, he relayed the rest of what was going on to her. “But, uh, Ven said Vanitas and Kano look the same and Ven may apparently think they’re the same person. That’s what I’m getting from Kano, anyway.”

It was getting harder to make his feet move forward, he realized. Kano _really_ didn’t want to have to be around Ven right now, or, ever, from the feel of it. Sora caught himself glaring at the ceiling, too, which now was more like glaring at the wall in front of him, since they were coming level with the floor Ven was on. They really _were_ getting close.

“ _So_?” Kairi said. “I mean, I don’t know anything about whoever Vanitas is or a lot about Shadows but, Kano looks like _you,_ doesn’t he?”

Sora nodded. “Basically.”

“Well, if Kano also looks like Vanitas, then I guess that means Vanitas looks like you?” Kairi continued. She didn’t sound too confident in herself, but Sora followed well enough. “That only proves they’re connected to _you,_ not each other, right? And, besides! I think Riku’d fight you on the whole ‘same person because they’re identical’ thing.”

She laughed at that, eyes gleaming. Sora laughed back. Riku’d definitely fight someone over that—and, had, probably, at one point. Kano didn’t laugh along with them, but Sora didn’t think he got it. And, they were getting _really_ close to Ven.

“Also, oh my gosh? What about _Roxas_?” Kairi said, laughing even harder. “Ven can’t say Kano and Vanitas are the same just because they look alike! He’s _met_ Roxas. He _knows—”_

“It was more than just that they looked the same,” Sora interrupted. Though, he agreed. “I don’t know _all_ of Ven’s reasoning, but…” He did know one thing, one thing that was really hard to forget. _I think I know where the other half of my heart is,_ Ven had said. That sobered Sora’s laughter easily. “He, uh, he seemed pretty sure he could _feel_ Vanitas, like, inside me?” he said. “I dunno, and, hey, we’re here.”

There were still ten steps between them and the door, but that was close enough for Sora. Kano’s distaste for this conversation was making it hard for him to want to continue it. Maybe they’d try later, when they were well away from— _no._ He wasn’t going to let himself think like that. Kano could hate Ven and dislike being around him all he wanted. Sora refused to let it rub off on him. Ven was a nice guy.

Kano glared through the wall to where Ven was standing for a moment. ‘ _Look, if you need me, yell really loudly or something,’_ he said. ‘ _Maybe I’ll answer. Maybe. But, as long as you’re around Ven, don’t count on it.’_ That said, he cut off connection with Sora. Probably for the best.

 _I’ll let you know when we’ve left,_ Sora told him, even if he couldn’t hear now. He eyed the large door in front of him. “Do we knock?” he asked Kairi.

“Who cares!” she replied. She pushed it open with probably more force than necessary.

Yen Sid was, per usual, sitting at his desk. It looked like he and Aqua (who was standing in front of his desk) had been discussing something, but they stopped the moment Kairi opened the door. Ven stood over to the side of the room, on the right. He offered Sora a half-wave and an uneasy smile. Sora returned them. Kano, predictably, stayed silent.

Just as Kairi’d pushed the door open with more enthusiasm than necessary, she greeted everyone with more enthusiasm than necessary, as well. “Hi!” she said, waving at everyone. Why did she look so smug? Did she count her being here as some kind of victory? It sounded just Kairi enough to be right.

“Uh, hi,” Sora echoed, less enthusiastically. “Sorry if I’m late. We didn’t really set a time, and time passes differently between worlds anyway, so I just came over as soon as I was done with breakfast.” He wasn’t sure if Yen Sid’s eyes were narrowed because he disapproved, or because he just… always looked like that. At least Aqua didn’t look too upset. Sora scratched his neck. “And, uh, before we do anything else, I think my star shard broke?” He pulled it out of his pocket, and moved to offer it to Yen Sid. “I was hoping you could look at it…”

“ _Can_ those things break?” Ven asked, inching closer to Yen Sid’s desk himself. He started to squeeze himself in between Sora and Aqua, but Aqua pushed him back for getting in her line of sight, so he settled on the other side of her, instead. Sora tried not to be relieved. It was Kano who should feel that way, not him, and he couldn’t feel anything Kano was feeling now, _so_ he shouldn’t be relieved. 

“Well, Sora’s won’t take him anywhere anymore,” Kairi said, pulling Sora out of his roundabout thoughts. “That sounds pretty broken to me.”

“How odd,” Yen Sid said, slowly. He took the star shard from Sora, his eyebrows more deeply narrowed than ever. “Ventus is right. They should not break.”

“Is he just using it wrong?” Aqua asked, leaning closer to watch Yen Sid as he began fiddling with the star shard. She looked like she was trying to drink in every detail about how Yen Sid examined it, so that she might repeat the actions at a later point.

Sora tried not to glare at her for her question, seeing as she was supposed to be his teacher and all. “I was using it how I always use it,” he said. “It just wouldn’t activate no matter what I did!”

Kairi joined the rest of them as they crowded around Yen Sid’s desk, all watching avidly as he studied Sora’s star shard. Yen Sid turned the star shard over in his hands a few times, then held it up to his eyes, squinting hard at it. After a bit of mumbling, he placed it on his desk, and let out a long sigh. He looked at Sora very seriously.

“It is not broken,” he announced.

Sora refrained from asking how Yen Sid could tell that just by _looking_ at it, because, maybe Yen Sid _could_ tell just by looking. It wasn’t like Sora _perfectly_ understood how magic worked. Honestly, he hardly understood magic at all. “What do you mean it’s not broken?” he asked, though. He frowned.

“It is not broken,” Yen Sid repeated. He handed the star shard back to Sora.

“If you’d like to try it out to be sure, I wouldn’t mind,” Aqua said. “Your training can wait another minute or so.”

Sora blinked at her in surprise, then nodded. “Oh! Yeah, thanks. Just one sec.” Trying it out would be a good idea. Maybe it had just malfunctioned yesterday. He backed away from everyone and waved at Kairi, who waved back. Sora looked down at the star shard, then thought of the play island, and—

It worked. The familiar tug pulled him out of Yen Sid’s study, dragged him through the sky, then dropped him onto the shores of the play island. Sora stared around himself, almost not believing it. That was good, though! And weird. Why _hadn’t_ his star shard worked yesterday?

He shook the thought out of his head, because there was no point dwelling when he wasn’t going to find an answer. To be safe, and determine that this wasn’t a problem like he just couldn’t star-shard to Hollow Bastion, he pictured the outside of Aerith’s house and activated his star shard—

Again, it worked. He landed just outside her garden without effort.

“SWEET!” he shouted, doing a little dance. Then he remembered where he was. Hopefully no one inside Aerith’s had heard him. He hastily activated his star shard again and headed back to Yen Sid’s, aiming for a spot to the side of the room that hopefully no one else was occupying. He landed rather unceremoniously, and thankfully, _not_ on anyone’s head.

“It works fine!” he announced, as he straightened himself out and pocketed the star shard. He walked back towards Yen Sid’s desk. “Weird… I wonder what happened yesterday…”

Kairi was the first to respond, with a shrug and a bitter smile. “Do you think it was the spell?” she asked. “Maybe it went ‘oh! Sora’s gonna do something with his parents! Better make it so he _can’t!_ ’” She laughed, a sound just as bitter as her smile. Sora laughed with her, in a similarly bitter tone. This whole situation sucked, but it was kind of funny when she put it that way.

“What spell?” Aqua asked, frowning between Sora and Kairi.

“We think there’s a spell on our island,” Kairi answered automatically. Sora let her. She was better at explaining it, anyway. “I mean, we aren’t _completely_ sure there’s one, but, like… It’s almost impossible to convince anyone that other worlds are a thing, and people start forgetting you exist if you’re away long enough? It’s weird. And annoying.”

“I know there are World barriers and all, but, that’s not normal, is it?” Ven asked.

“No, it is not normal,” Yen Sid agreed, with a long sigh.

“Hey, didn’t you say you’d look at it?” Kairi asked, leaning a little towards Yen Sid. She fixed him with the stare she used to break her father down into letting her have her way. Sora tried not groan.

Aqua cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Well, is now really the time…?” she asked. “I mean, Sora and I do have to start training _eventually_.”

“Yeah, but, me ‘n him—” Kairi jerked a thumb at Yen Sid. Sora cringed. “—could always go check it out while you and Sora stay here and train.”

“I suppose we could do that,” Yen Sid agreed, very slowly.

Sora raised his eyebrows, surprised. He was actually saying yes? Sora may not have known Yen Sid for long, but this seemed unlike him. Even Kairi was startled, though wide eyes quickly became a smug smile. Sora hastily grabbed for Ven and pulled him aside a few paces.

“Hey, Sora, what’s—”

“Can you _please_ go with Kairi and make sure she’s not too rude to Yen Sid?” Sora said, as quietly as he could while still being heard. Aqua sent a worried glance over her shoulder at them regardless. Sora bit his tongue. He wouldn’t ask if he didn’t have to, but he _really_ didn’t trust Kairi alone with Yen Sid. Ven fixed him with a look that was either confusion or discomfort. “ _Please,”_ Sora begged.

Ven sighed a little, but nodded.

“Yeah, alright,” he agreed. He tugged at his ear. “I’ll do my best.”

Sora smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

Kairi sent him a look like she knew what he was up to, but she didn’t say anything. She and Ven and Yen Sid all left shortly after that—Yen Sid used his magic to teleport them, leaving Aqua and Sora behind. Sora considered, for a moment, pulling Kano out of wherever he was, but decided against it. Ven might have been gone for now, but he’d be back eventually, and Sora didn’t think Kano was that fond of Aqua either.

“So… we gonna get started?” Sora asked, looking over to Aqua. She hadn’t said anything yet. She just stood there, looking _kind of_ at him, but more to his left, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. “Aqua?”

She turned to him abruptly, as if startled out of her thoughts. “Um! I… I’m sorry,” she said.

Sora blinked.

“Is… is something wrong?”

Aqua hesitated a moment, then firmly shook her head. She put on a smile. Sora tried not to look too skeptical, but, he knew a forced smile when he saw one. “No, I’m fine,” Aqua assured him.

Sora studied her for a second more. Then his smile drooped. He had a feeling he knew what this was about.

“You don’t want to train me, do you?” he asked.

Aqua looked shocked he’d suggest such a thing. That was reassuring. “What?” she said, then realization seemed to it her. She closed her eyes for a second, and sighed. “Oh, _no_ Sora, that’s not it at all. I don’t mind training you! I just…” Her face scrunched up and her voice got a little quieter. “I don’t think I’ll be very good at it.”

 _Oh!_ That was another matter entirely.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, it’s not like I’ve ever had any other training,” Sora said. “So, I won’t be able tell. I don’t have anyone to compare you to!” He put on his most winning grin, and Aqua laughed slightly. Sora continued, a little more seriously: “And… I’m really excited about this, by the way. I… I think it’d be really cool to be a Keyblade Master someday.”

“Well... in that case…” Aqua smiled at him, and kept smiling. It was good to see. “I’d be honored to train you,” she said, giving him a partial bow. Her smile and the tone of her voice made Sora pretty sure she was just teasing, but, he bowed back, playing along. Aqua stifled a giggle.

Sora straightened, bouncing in his excitement. “Ok!” he said. “Where do we start?”

 

**xxx**

 

“ _We’ll start with a spar, so I can figure out how much you know,”_ she’d told Sora. He’d seemed perhaps a little _too_ enthusiastic about the idea, but in reality, it’d just reminded her of Ven, so she didn’t mind so much.

Aqua lead the way out of the tower, seeing as they couldn’t spar _inside_ it. Well, Master Yen Sid _probably_ had a place somewhere suitable for sparring and training, but since he wasn’t here, she couldn’t ask, and she didn’t dare try looking herself. She had no idea how the magic of his tower worked. Outside was fine, anyway. There was enough room, and she quite enjoyed the perpetual view of the stars. Maybe not as much as _Ven_ did, but…

She positioned herself at roughly the center of the area they had, summoning her Keyblade. “Alright,” she told Sora, as he summoned his own Keyblade and dropped into his stance. A solid stance, from the looks of it. That was good. She nodded at him. “Go ahead.”

Sora stared a second, as if surprised, but then nodded. He rushed at her, swinging. Aqua sidestepped, brought her Keyblade up to block as he twisted to follow her as she moved. He jumped back.

Aqua nodded to herself. There was a good strength in his blow, but he was definitely putting too much focus in his arms, and not enough in the rest of his body.

“Don’t stop!” she called, as he hesitated before attacking again. He nodded back, gritting his teeth with determination. He ran at her.

His choice of attack this time was a combo—downward strike, horizontal, diagonal, horizontal again, this time with a spin. Well executed, Aqua noted, but his footwork was pretty shoddy. She supposed she shouldn’t expect anything more, since he’d had no formal training.

She stayed on the defensive for a while, letting him strike her. He was doing really good for someone who’d taught himself, but there was room for improvement in a lot of areas. He was able to get his Keyblade to the right places at the right time with no problem, but he didn’t give much thought to his feet. If this had been real training, and not an assessment, Aqua would’ve pushed him down a good four times now, just to prove how bad his footwork was.

His magic was good, though. Not as powerful as it could’ve been, but he seemed to have a good control of it. That was all she could hope for. More than anything, she anticipated being bad at teaching magic. It was hard to teach something that you didn’t even have to think about before doing. Not having to lecture him in magic control was a blessing.

“Good!” Aqua said, shifting her weight, preparing to launch at Sora. “Let’s see how you block!”

She switched to the offensive, running at him with a quick string of blows. He blocked them all fine—she just had to back off before he tripped over his own feet. Proving a point wasn’t her focus, right now.

She went at him again, this time striking once, backing off, striking again from a different angle, from a different side, quite a few times. He blocked these ones as well—but, it was his footwork that was the problem, and he didn’t have to do much moving to block an attack like this. He even went as far to sneak in attack at the end, which would have hit, but Aqua threw up her barrier, sending the both of them skidding away from each other.

Aqua blinked a few times, grimacing to herself. She probably should’ve let him hit. She’d only thrown up the barrier because her reflexes had kicked in. She thought about apologizing, except Sora didn’t even seem to realize there was a problem. Aqua cartwheeled backwards instead, and then sent a quick round of magic at him.

He blocked the Blizzard. Rolled out of the way of the Fira. Out of habit, Aqua followed up with a Thundaga, which should’ve hit while he was mid-roll. He managed to toss up a Reflect before it did, though.

“Good,” Aqua said, a little stunned. Had he gotten lucky, or were his reflexes good enough to pull that off regularly? Either way, she wouldn’t complain. “Good!” she repeated. “I think… I think I’ve seen all I need to.”

Sora raised his eyebrows, like he was surprised, but he relaxed anyway. “Really?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Aqua nodded. “Your magic is good, and overall you’re doing okay, but you put too much weight in your arms, and your footwork…” She paused a second, making a face, then continued in a tone that would certainly convey she was largely just teasing: “Well, it’s atrocious.”

Sora grimaced. “Is it?”

Aqua nodded again, then raised her Keyblade. “Here. Come at me again.”

Sora shrugged, but ran at her, as told. He started with the same attack he did last time, which Aqua easily sidestepped again. This time instead of blocking, she attacked. He stumbled in his attempt to get away from her. She reached out with her free hand and pushed him in the chest, sending him toppling to the ground—just like Master Eraqus would’ve done to her.

“If you’d had a wider stance when you first attacked me, you wouldn’t have been so unsteady,” Aqua explained, as she looked down at him. “And you hardly seem to know what to do with your feet when you’re dodging at close-quarters. It might work on Heartless, but…”

“Not on someone who actually knows what they’re doing,” Sora finished. “Got it.” He pushed himself to his feet.

“Good,” Aqua said, even though it didn’t feel like the right thing to say. “Um, I guess we’ll start working on forms now.”

Sora nodded with something close to enthusiasm, and Aqua tried not to laugh. Forms were important, of course, but she doubted Sora would be so thrilled with them in about an hour. They set to work.


	55. In which Kairi is not as kind as she should be

Magical teleportation was actually a pretty nice way to travel, Kairi decided. It was like you didn’t move at all—you stood still, and the world moved instead. The colors of Yen Sid’s study all melted, swirled around, then reformed in the shape of Destiny Islands. The play island, Kairi realized, after just a second or so. She wondered Yen Sid knew to come _here_ , versus anywhere else on the Islands. _She_ definitely hadn’t told him, and Sora’d been too busy getting Ven to promise to look after her. Ha! Like he’d needed to.

She sent a sideways glance at Ven, who quickly looked away from her, tugging at his ear. The motion of turning away from her brought his attention to the ocean, though, and Kairi watched with a smug little smile as he stopped dead, hand falling from his ear. She couldn’t see his face, but she could imagine the slack jaw and wide eyes.

“Never seen the ocean before?” Kairi asked, sauntering over to him. She folded her arms over her chest, and nudged his shoulder with hers—he was about her height. He staggered a step, and looked at her, a little surprised. Then he shook his head.

“Oh, no, I mean- yeah. I have. Neverland just looks a lot different, though… the beach isn’t quite like this.” Ven scratched the back of his neck. “It’s nice here,” he said.

“Nice living here,” Kairi said.

Ven laughed, flashed her a quick grin. “I bet!” His grin looked a lot different than Sora’s, but the way he did it still reminded her of him. Kairi sighed, then looked over her shoulder at Yen Sid.

He was frowning in the direction of the main island, humming deeply to himself. He seemed to do that a lot when he was thinking. Kairi headed over to him with a little less swagger, Ven quick on her heels. Kairi rolled her eyes.

“What’s the verdict?” she asked Yen Sid. She thought about being rude just to spite Sora—payback for getting Ven to ‘keep an eye on her’, rather than just asking her to be nice—but figured that would cause too many problems and probably wasn’t worth it.

“I am not sure…” Yen Sid said, slowly. His attention did not move from wherever he was staring. “There is another spell here that is quite distracting. Perhaps we should look at it, first.”

Kairi shrugged. “Sure,” she said. Like she had any clue which would be better. Yen Sid was the expert here, at least on magic.

“Sounds good!” Ven echoed. “How we getting there?”

“I will teleport us over there—it is much too far to walk, and I do not see a boat to cross the channel, either…”

Kairi shook her head, confirming that there wasn’t a boat. There might still be an emergency boat on the play island somewhere, maybe, but she couldn’t remember where, and why bother when they could just teleport?

Yen Sid waved his hand through the air, and the teleportation spell took just like it did the first time. The melting and swirling of colors was less dramatic, since it was all the colors of the same world, but the sight they were greeted with when everything settled made Kairi’s jaw drop.

“Uh, this is Sora’s house?” she said, voice squeaking a little.

She almost wished she was mistaken, and this wasn’t Sora’s house—except, she wasn’t mistaken. She couldn’t be. Sora’s house always looked like this. Small and square and two stories, like every other house on Destiny Islands. The white paint was old and dull, chipped in various places; most noticeably, around Sora’s window, which were actually marks from rocks Kairi’d thrown, and not natural chips. Sora’s window was on the front of the house, right above the door, and was currently wide open, so Kairi could see inside. The grass around the beaten dirt path up to the door was neat, if getting a little long, and the bush pressed against the front wall by the door looked like it always did this time of year: like it was dying. A few months from now, it’d get a second wind.

Kairi stared at the house for a second longer, then rounded on Yen Sid, demanding: “Why are we _here?_ Is that spell- that spell you said you felt—it’s _here_?”

Yen Sid nodded in that slow way of his. “Indeed. We are standing right in the middle of it.”

Kairi swallowed. Okay, fine, she’d get answers on the spell in a moment. More importantly—she mentally ran through Sora’s parents’ schedules. Sora’s dad was working, because he only ever had Sundays off. Sora’s mom was… probably just sitting inside the house. Mondays were usually completely free for her.

“Um, I think Sora’s mom his home, by the way,” Kairi informed Yen Sid and Ven. “Do I need to go distract her while you check this spell out? I can, but you’ll have to make it quick.”

Yen Sid seemed completely unperturbed. “That will be unnecessary,” he said. “I have already cast a perception spell on us—so long as we don’t cause a ruckus, no one will even notice we are here.”

“Oh.” Kairi blinked a few times. That was good, of course, but she still glared. “Coulda told me that,” she grumbled, then louder, added: “Well, don’t cause any trouble, then. Being noticed by her is the _last_ thing we need.”

“I thought you _wanted_ to convince Sora’s parents about magic and stuff,” Ven argued, as Yen Sid started moving his hands through the air as if feeling for something. Kairi kept one eye on him, and one eye on Ven.

“Yeah, we do,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But, with our luck,” _and our reputation,_ she added, silently, “Sora’s mom’s just gonna think it’s some elaborate prank. I _really_ don’t want to have to deal with that!”

Ven held up his hands in surrender. “Ok, fair. I didn’t know!”

Yen Sid suddenly started walking. Kairi sent him a hasty look, then looked to Ven, who shrugged. Kairi decided she’d rather not let a wizard—respectable or no—just wander her islands to his heart’s content, so she trotted after him. Ven followed, but that was to be expected.

Yen Sid ended up only walking in a large circle around Sora’s house. He muttered to himself the whole time, and kept moving a hand through the air like feeling for something. When they reached the spot they’d started at, Yen Sid nodded to himself.

“Okay,” Kairi said. She raised her eyebrows at Yen Sid. “You got anything?”

Ven shot her a warning look. Kairi rolled her eyes and bit her lip to stifle a bark of laughter. Yen Sid didn’t comment, which Kairi counted as a victory.

Yen Sid thought it over, then at length, said: “I believe I have just discovered what was wrong with Sora’s star shard. Or, rather, what was _not_ wrong with it… The spell here, around—you said this was Sora’s house, didn’t you?” Yen Sid looked to Kairi. Kairi nodded. Yen Sid lowered his head, running a hand through his beard. “Troubling. Very troubling.”

“What’s the spell?” Ven asked. “And, why is it troubling?” Kairi considered giving _him_ grief, except, that was perfectly not-rude question. She decided to glare over the fact he’d asked it before she could, instead.

“I cannot be completely sure without further study,” Yen Sid said. “But it seems this spell is… _blocking_ star shard travel, I suppose we shall say.” Yen Sid cast a dubious glare around the area. “Kairi, you have a star shard, do you not? Perhaps you should test it. Stand there.”

Kairi shrugged and did as told, though she tried to make it look like she wasn’t in a _hurry_ about it, or anything. Activating her star shard provided… Nothing.

It didn’t work, at all.

Yen Sid nodded, looking entirely unsurprised by this outcome.

“I thought so.”

“Well, you gonna do something about it?” Kairi asked, pocketing her star shard. “We can’t just _leave_ it here.”

Ven shot her a glare like death, and for once, Yen Sid actually looked a little ruffled by her attitude. He didn’t answer right away, though. Instead, Yen Sid turned and frowned at the air, running a hand through his beard, then through the air, again like he was feeling for something. Was he feeling for the _spell?_ Kairi’d never seen magic done like this before. (Admittedly, she’d never seen any non-combat magic done, but that was beside the point.)

“It is a very complex spell,” Yen Sid said, finally. He seemed to sigh. “I could probably have it taken down by sundown, _however_ …” He turned back to Kairi, his perpetual scowl a little deeper than normal. “Considering its strength, and its nature, I believe it is safe to assume whoever put this spell up will notice when it is no longer active. They might even decide to put up a stronger one. Sora will just have to star shard from another location,” he declared, as if that settled it.

Kairi wasn’t completely convinced it did, but, how could she argue? “Okay,” she said. She scrunched up her face as she thought about it a little more. “Who’d put a spell like this here, though?”

Ven cleared his throat. “Do… do you think Xehanort did…?” he asked, cautiously.

“I think it would be unwise to assume he did not,” Yen Sid admitted.

Kairi’s face wet slack. Worry crept down her spine. Xehanort was a name that came up often enough, but he was distant, there in the _sure he exists and we’ll have to fight him_ way but, not close. Not really real.

But now he was putting a star-shard blocking spell around Sora’s house.

Kairi swallowed hard. She felt like she’d been violated—like her _home_ had been violated. This was not her house, not her first home, but it was easily her second. And these islands were hers. And Sora was hers. She wished she knew enough magic to tear it down herself. Maybe Yen Sid was right, but it made her skin crawl to just _leave_ it here!

Then she noticed Ven watching her carefully—he sent her a reassuring smile when he saw she was looking. She bit her lip and glared. Then she took a deep breath. She would not look worried. Not in front of him.

“Well, we’ll have to warn Sora,” she said, faking a confidence that kept her voice from shaking. She was always good at that, no matter how scared she was or how deep the pit in her stomach. It was handy, especially now.

“Certainly,” Yen Sid agreed, with no hesitation. “And, now that I have seen this, I believe it is best if we go back to where we started. I will try and decipher the other spell that rests on this world from there. Come.” He waved his hands, and the world shifted until it took shape of the play island.

Yen Sid stepped away a few paces, and started running his hands through the air again, just like he had before. This must be how he did magic. Kairi left him to the mumbling and hand waving. There was no point in watching, and pestering him with questions would probably just slow him down. Kairi started considering the best way to shove Ven into the ocean, instead, because that was the best way to really make new friends, in her opinion. Plus, it would totally get him back for agreeing to spy on her for Sora.

So, should she try the classic shove from behind? Go for something a little more… risky? A tackle might work, but this far away from the water, her options were pretty limited…

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Riku’s arrival via star shard. What was _he_ doing here? And, why did he look so surprised…?

“Oh,” he said, vaguely.

Yen Sid looked over his shoulder, but once he saw it was Riku, simply went back to his work. Ven sent Riku a questioning look. Kairi raised her eyebrows at him.

“Um.” Riku cleared his throat. “I came to, y’know, pick you up. Like we’d planned? But, if now’s not a good time…” He sent a glance over at Yen Sid. Kairi sighed.

She’d forgotten entirely about the plans she and Riku had made, yesterday. He was supposed to come get her and bring her to Hollow Bastion, so she could spend time with Namine. She’d been so wrapped up in the idea of Sora’s training, and then busy with getting Yen Sid here—she’d completely forgotten. She felt awful.

“No, it’s not, sorry,” Kairi said, grimacing hard. She hated to have to say this, but… “I’m not really comfortable with leaving—” she nodded at Yen Sid “—alone here. So, unless you wanna go get Namine and drag her here…”

She trailed off, though. It didn’t seem like the best idea to her, but, if Riku thought it was okay, then…

“You could always go, and I could—” Ven began, but stopped at just a glance from Kairi. He held up his hands and backed way, to give her and Riku space for the conversation.

Riku shook his head at Kairi, ignoring Ven. “Nah, I don’t think that’d, well, be good,” he said, sighing.

“I’m really sorry,” Kairi said, and she meant it. She felt horrible right now. Namine could use the company, the distraction. “If this wasn’t so important… How about tomorrow?”

Riku shook his head again, raking a hand through his hair.

“I’ll be at C.O. for most of tomorrow,” he said. He didn’t look _or_ sound happy about that idea. “Even’s gotta check my data, give a progress report, etcetera.” Kairi tried not to think about the bags under his eyes.

“Oh.” Kairi frowned. That put a damper on things. She chewed at her lip for a few seconds. “What about Namine?” she asked. “Will she go with you?”

Riku shrugged. “Umm, probably not.”

“Then I could just go visit her,” Kairi suggested. “Sora’s star shard isn’t actually broken, so, I’m free to. Me ‘n Namine can hang out, um, without you.” That’d kind of been her plan all along, actually. Had Riku known that? If not, then, uh… oops.

“Well, that’s up to you,” Riku told her, with a slow shrug. He turned his star shard over in his hands. “I should probably get going, though.”

Kairi nodded at him. “Yeah, of course!” She hesitated a moment, then added: “Here’s to good news tomorrow!”

Riku nodded back. “Yeah, definitely.”

“And, y’know… let me know. The news. Any news.”

She’d hope for good news, of course, but there was no sense in not hearing bad news, either. The way Riku grinned was a thousand times worth the comment, anyway. He seemed really glad she was invested in this—but, of course she was invested. He was one of her best friends.

“I will!” Riku assured her.

He left.

Ven approached Kairi almost immediately after he was gone. “Is he okay?” he asked.

“Who, Riku?” When Ven nodded, Kairi forced a laugh. “Yeah, he’s alright.”

“He looked tired…” Ven said. His brow was furrowed with worry, which, was funny, because why would he care? He’d met Riku, what, once? Maybe he was like Sora, and cared about everyone, but…

Still, Kairi laughed again. Ven didn’t need to know. “He probably just forgot to sleep last night—he’s a Replica, so it won’t kill him, but,” she shrugged and smiled. “ _You know._ ”

“Uh, sure?”

Ven didn’t look convinced, though. He really was like Sora. Kairi let out a short, frustrated breath of air. Then, before Ven could press, she flashed him her most mischievous smile. “Hey, Ven, you ever gone swimming before?” she asked.

He fixed her with a skeptical look, rather than a worried one. Good.

“Yeah?” he answered, like he was surprised she was asking. “Duh.”

Kairi grinned wider.

“Have you ever gone swimming in the _ocean,_ though?”

“I mean, in Neverland, kinda…” He trailed off, squinting in a way that made him seem uncertain. He cast a nervous glance at the ocean, then at Kairi. Then his eyes went wide. He shook his head. “No _way!_ ” he said.

“Too bad!”

Kairi lunged at him, but he was quicker than her. Much quicker, surprisingly quicker, actually. He stepped out of her way with ease, which put her between him in the ocean. Drat. She glared at him, and he held up his hands.

“C’mon, Kairi! I don’t wanna swim.”

Kairi rolled her eyes. Like he had a say! She was getting him into the ocean, whether he liked it or not. And if she couldn’t shove him in, then she could drag him. She lunged again.

This time a gust of wind caught her in the side, tossing her into the sand. Ven had only stepped another pace backwards. He was completely unruffled.

“You don’t want to start this,” he warned her.

His tone was kind enough, but there was a glint in his eyes. Kairi took it as a challenge.

She jumped to her feet, and rushed again.

Eventually, she did get him in the ocean. It took the better part of an hour, because it was hard to compete with a guy who could _control wind._ She’d probably have bruises all along her side from being tossed to the ground so many times, but ultimately, it’d been fun. She and Ven were both laughing by the end of it. And, besides, she got him into the ocean. That was all that _really_ mattered.


	56. In which Ven asks a question, and Sora tries to be patient

Practice consisted largely of going through the same exact movements, over and over and over again. He had to perfect his stance, learn to place his weight in the right ways when he swung his Keyblade. That was all fine and dandy, Sora thought, but _boy_ his arms hurt from repeating the same exact swing for about an hour.

They also hurt because another hour had gone to repeating the same block—complete with Aqua striking at him—over and over again to make sure he learned how to place his feet right.

It… It could’ve been worse, though.

They’d finished up about ten, fifteen minutes ago, and Sora was currently lying on his back in the grass, staring up at the perpetual stars above him. He couldn’t recognize any of the constellations, and that stunk. He thought about asking if Aqua knew any of them (she was sitting in the grass not far from him), but then there was a slight tug on his chest.

Ven.

Sora sat up, peering towards the doorway of the tower. He expected Aqua to question, but she was already looking that way, too. Ven came through the door first, but Kairi was on his heels. Thank goodness.

Sora raised his hand in a wave. Kairi grinned at him and started running over. She looked like she wanted to tackle him to the ground, but Sora managed to wave his arms at her soon enough to keep her from actually doing so. She flopped down in the grass beside him instead.

“How’d it go?” she asked, greeting him with a wide smile.

“Good,” he told her, trying not to sound too exhausted. “You _definitely_ would’ve got bored, though.”

Kairi nodded. “Yeah, Ven said I might.”

Sora sent a glance over to Ven. He was bugging Aqua. If Sora listened, could hear what they were talking about—Ven was just telling Aqua he knew she’d do fine in the teaching business—but there was no point in really listening to them. He was already talking to Kairi, anyway.

“How’d it go with you?” Sora asked. He’d tell her more about how training went, but that could wait a bit. Whatever info she had about the spell on the Islands couldn’t.

“Umm, it went alright,” Kairi said. Her face was scrunched up like there was a bad taste in her mouth. “I dragged Ven into the ocean and _that_ was fun, but uh, as for what we went there for…”

Sora’s eyes went wide. “There is no spell?” he pressed, assuming the worst.

Kairi laughed a little and shook her head in surprise. “No! There is one!” she told him. “But, more importantly, there’s also a spell around your house.”

Sora stared.

“There is?”

Kairi nodded.

“Yeah. It makes it so you can’t use star shards anywhere around it. Thaaat’s why your star shard didn’t work yesterday.”

Sora raised his eyebrows. Okay. _Okay._ That was a little disconcerting. Why would there be…? “Um, Yen Sid took it down, right?” he asked. It was probably safe to assume he did, but—

Oh, no. Kairi was shaking her head.

“Nope!” she said, smiling a smile that didn’t match the irritation burning in her eyes. “He said it was better to leave it be, because whoever put it up to begin with would probably just put it back if he took it down. You’ll have to star-shard from other places.”

Sora considered this a moment, scratching at his cheek.

“Well, okay, but… I think Yen Sid’s probably got a point,” he said, even though he knew Kairi didn’t think that way.

“Sure, but it still _sucks,_ ” Kairi argued.

Sora shrugged. Nodded. “Well, _yeah,_ ” he agreed. Not being able to star-shard out of his own house could cause problems worse than the ones it’d caused yesterday. “But if it’s pointless to take it down, what’s it matter?” Something else occurring to him, Sora followed up with: “Hey, did he say _who_ put it up?”

“Xehanort, probably,” Kairi said. “We aren’t sure, but Yen Sid says it’s safest to assume it was.”

Sora’s partial smile fell. He hadn’t even considered…

He should’ve. It made the most sense. He _knew_ Xehanort was out there, and a threat, and that he needed to be wary. But it was easy to forget, in the down time. Easy to not think about it. He took an unsteady breath into his lungs, trying to keep himself breathing.

Kairi put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. She understood, probably, but he still wished he could tell her how he felt—a little scared, a little queasy. Only, Aqua and Ven were hardly ten paces from where Sora and Kairi sat. Sora didn’t want _them_ to hear. Not Aqua, because she shouldn’t have to, not Ven, because that would just be awkward.

He’d bug Kano about it, but… That was an even worse idea. Never mind that Kano would either laugh it off or get annoyingly cranky about it, just plain bugging him while Ven was still around wasn’t a good plan. Nor was it something Sora was willing to do.

There was no reason to bug Kano unless he absolutely had to.

Sora coughed. Better to change the subject now, he thought.

“What about, y’know, the spell on the Island?” he said. “What’s the news on that? You never said.”

Kairi laughed. “Probably because there _isn’t_ any news! Yen Sid couldn’t make heads or tails of it, as far as I could tell.” Sora wondered how far he should believe that. “He says he’ll think about it, study it some more, whatever,” Kairi continued, “but _I_ wouldn’t count on him getting anywhere anytime soon. We’ll have to deal.”

Sora sighed, but nodded. “Guess so,” he said. There wasn’t really a point in trying to do anything but agree with her.

“Hey, never mind that!” Kairi punched him in the arm. “How’d training go?”

Sora winced as he rubbed his arm, but grinned. “I already told you! It was wayyy boring.”

“I still want all the details!!”

Sora pretended to grimace and made a show out of not wanting to tell her.

“ _Weeeelll—_ ”

That’s as far as he got, though. Ven approached, then, stopping and standing before them. Kairi raised her eyebrows up at him. Sora tried to smile, though it came half as easy as his smile to Kairi did. Ven smiled uneasily back, tugging at his ear.

“Uh, do you think I could talk to Sora?” he asked, addressing Kairi. “Um. Alone, preferably?”

Kairi’s eyebrows inched higher into her hairline. She turned to Sora, face written in a _can-you-believe-this?_ look. He shrugged back at her. He didn’t find this _too_ out of the ordinary, though Ven’s nervousness was making him equally nervous. _Whatever,_ he mouthed at Kairi.

Kairi gave a partial-shrug and a sigh.

“Sure, go for it,” she told Ven, in relatively good humor. She reached out a hand to him, and after a bit of finger wiggling, he gave in and helped her up. “Maybe I’ll go and try to talk Aqua into teaching me a couple spells,” Kairi said, acting totally nonchalant. She brushed off her clothes, flashed Sora an unconvinced smile that didn’t match her chipper tone. “Have fun!”

She headed over to Aqua.

Sora patted the ground next to him, inviting Ven to sit. Ven hesitated, but he did. Unlike Kairi, he kept a good foot or so of space between the two of them, and sat so he was partially facing Sora. Whatever, Sora thought. This whole thing was just whatever—he only hoped he could keep Kano out of it.

Sora watched Kairi and Aqua a moment, listening as Kairi explained what was going on. Aqua didn’t look surprised. Ven must’ve said something to her, too. When they started on their way back to the tower, Sora looked to Ven, but he shook his head. He wanted to wait.

Finally, the girls were inside, and Ven opened his mouth. He didn’t say anything, though, just sat there. After a few seconds, he closed his mouth, brows drawn as he seemed to consider something quite seriously.

“So?” Sora pressed. He hated to interrupt Ven’s train of thought, but he also wanted this to be over with already. “What’d you want?”

Ven jumped, as if startled. What had he been thinking about, if he was shocked out of his thoughts so dramatically?

“Um… well…” Ven began, then swallowed, hard. His hand moved to his ear again.

Sora raised his eyebrows.

Ven coughed.

“Well, I was wondering… you know about, um, Vanitas, right?” he asked. He waited for Sora to nod, then continued. “And, um, you know about how I was in your heart for seven years, or, however long it was?”

Sora nodded again. “Yup,” he said, curtly, dreading where this was probably heading.

“Ok, well, um. I’m.” Ven moved his hand from his ear to his mouth, pressing a fist to his lips as he coughed again. He only barely lowered his hand when he spoke, so it was hard to make out what he said, exactly. “I’m beginning to think that- that… that Vanitas is still in there.”

Sora blinked.

“Uh, _really_?” he asked, trying to make it sound like this was actually the first time he was hearing about this. “What makes you think that?”

Part of the question was an act. Part of it wasn’t. Kano’s answers about this subject had been vague at best, and, Kano couldn’t answer for what Ven really thought, anyway. Better to hear it from Ven himself. Better to hear it from both sides, before coming to any sort of conclusion.

Ven rubbed his hands together, and at length, answered: “Well… I’m still not sure what, exactly, happened to him, after…” He grimaced. Swallowed. “After, um, everything. But, since I ended up with you, I thought maybe, he might’ve, too?” There was an eager note inching into his voice. “Plus, while I was there, I met someone. In your heart. He reminded me of Vantias, and—”

“That was my Shadow,” Sora broke in. Then he realized how forcefully he’d said it, and scowled at himself. He shook his head slightly. Put on a kinder tone. “He’s still around, my Shadow is. In here.” The tap of fingers against his chest was habit, just another part of the explanation. “Kano, we’re calling him, now. He, uh. He mentioned running into you.”

“Oh.”

Ven’s face was colored with confusion, and his tone with disappointment.

“What’d he say about me?”

“Uh…” Sora began, trying to decide if he should attempt to phrase it lightly, or if he should just… lie.

Kano stirred inside him.

‘ _Did I hear my name…?’_ he asked. He sounded groggy, kind of distant.

Sora bit his lip to hold in a sigh. It would keep Ven from hearing it, if not keep Kano from catching on. Though… for all Sora was exasperated at having to deal with Kano now, he was glad to hear Kano’s voice. It’d been quiet, empty, without him all day.

 _Don’t worry about it, Kano,_ Sora said. _Go back to, uh, whatever it is you were doing._ Sora wanted to say ‘sleeping’, but, did Kano even sleep? Well, whatever. _It’s alright,_ he continued. _I’ll take care of it._

It wasn’t fair to Kano to make him sit in on a conversation that would just upset him. There was no need to upset Kano, no reason to, no way Sora would. He could handle this himself.

Kano stirred a little more forcefully.

‘ _Wait, is he talking about me!? IF HE’S TALKING ABOUT ME, SORA, I’LL—’_

 _I’ll HANDLE it, Kano,_ Sora repeated. He did the mental equivalent of a nudge at Kano, trying to get him to leave this alone.

‘ _But I’m! Not! I’m—!!’_

Sora slowly pushed reassurance across their link. _I know,_ he said. _I know. I’ll take care of it, okay? Just trust me._

Kano hesitated a long moment. Then he sighed.

‘ _Fine.’_

He cut off connection again, then slipped back to, well, wherever he went. Sora wasn’t sure what to call it. It was hard to describe a metaphysical place like the heart to begin with, let alone try and describe separate _portions_ of it. He was glad Kano’d left it at that, though. Glad that Kano trusted him enough to at all.

It was a nice feeling.

That just left Ven.

“I guess I’ll assume your silence means he didn’t say anything good about me, huh?” Ven said, scrunching up his face.

Sora blinked in surprise, then remembered that Ven had last asked what Kano’d said about him. Well. Ven wasn’t wrong. Sora nodded, shortly, because there was no reason to lie at this point. Ven didn’t look surprised, or bothered, at least?

“Well, never mind about that,” Ven said, with a shake of his head and a wave of his hand. “Would you mind, um, telling me what a Shadow is, again? I know you told me a while ago, but…” He scratched his head sheepishly. “I don’t remember.”

Sora shrugged back. He didn’t exactly feel sheepish, but exasperated, for sure, because: “Honestly, I don’t even know anymore,” he answered. “I’ve gotten a different answer from each person who’s told me.”

Kano’d first said he was some sort of embodiment of Sora’s darkness. Cloud and Leon and everyone in Hollow Bastion called him a “physical manifestation”—same meaning, different words, Sora supposed. But then Mickey had said Shadows were actually some kind of creature that latched onto people?

“Is there any chance he’s like some sort of dark part split from you?” Ven asked.

Sora turned to stare at him, caught between confusion and surprise.

“I mean, that’s what Vanitas was for me,” Ven continued. “Xehanort split the darkness from me, and that became Vantias. So, maybe that’s what, um, Kano is for you?”

“Maybe…” Sora said, bracing one hand in the grass to hold his weight as he leaned back, looking up at the stars. How was he supposed to know, anymore? But then again, wouldn’t Mickey—who knew a lot about this stuff—or Cloud—who’d had a Shadow—know best? He bit his lip and let out a low _hmmmm_ as he mulled it over. You’d think if they were both experts on this, their answers wouldn’t be conflicting.

Movement out of the corner of his eye made Sora look to Ven. Ven held his hands clasped together, leaning towards Sora. “I know it’s a longshot,” he said. “But do you think, maybe, that your Shadow and Vanitas were—?”

“ _No,_ ” Sora interrupted. Perhaps he’d done it a little too forcefully, again, but this time it was harder to care. The bright eagerness on Ven’s face made his stomach churn. “I don’t think they’re the same person, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I said it was a longshot,” Ven protested. His eagerness quickly became a pouty sort of scowl.

Sora took a deep breath, keeping himself from scowling in return or snapping something else. You think it’d be _easier_ for him to avoid this when Kano was around! “Look,” he said, eyeing Ven. “ _I’m_ just saying that Kano swears he isn’t, and, you think Kano’d know, right?”

He laughed a little with it, hoping to lighten the mood. Ven laughed in return, but it was a forced kind of laugh. Sora swallowed.

“Yeah, I guess so…” Ven mumbled.

Sora sighed and sat up straight again, drumming fingers against his knees.

“Why do you think they might be the same, anyway?” he asked. No sense beating around the bush any longer, or continuing to sit here and hope Ven would tell him. Oh, and: “You weren’t thinking they’re the same just because they _look_ the same, right? Because, that’s kinda silly. I mean, considering—”

Ven cut him off with an aggressive shake of his head. “Oh, no no! It had nothing to do with that!” he insisted. “I’m not- I wouldn’t…” He shook his head again. His hands slowly reached up to cup around his heart. “It’s more… It’s how they _feel._ When I met Kano, he… he felt like Vanitas. That confused me _way_ more than just how he looked.”

“He felt like Vantias?” Sora repeated.

Ven nodded. He closed his hands against his chest, his shirt bunching up between his fingers.

“I can’t really describe it, just… the pull of my heart in response to him…”

Sora licked his lips. “Ah,” he said, because he understood. Well enough, anyway. It was hard to misinterpret the wistful note in Ven’s voice, or the way he clutched at his chest as if holding something precious. That’s what made Sora uneasy.

Ven suddenly lit up, like he’d just realized something. The smile on his face seemed to make the world around him glow, but, his eagerness had returned, burning sharply in his eyes. Sora’s stomach bottomed out.

“Oh, hey, but—if, if a Shadow _is_ like a dark part split from someone,” Ven said. “Do you think that, well…” He paused to clear his throat, smile faltering. His eagerness remained, though. “I’m sorry, Sora. I have to know. Do… Do you think that, _maybe,_ that whatever was left of Vanitas in your heart was split from you, that and some of your darkness, and- and together, those things made Kano? Because, if they did, that would mean—”

Sora shook his head, more aggressively this time. It was an effort not to glare. Why was Ven being so _persistent_?

But, then again… Sora took a deep breath. He tried to put himself in Ven’s shoes. Wouldn’t _he_ act this way, if he thought Kano was in Ven’s chest? Desperate, clinging to the only shred of hope he could find? Thinking about it that way made his chest ache.

He wished he could help Ven. He really did.

“I… I don’t know,” he said, though, because he had to. He had no idea how any of this stuff worked. If he did, he’d probably be a step closer to figuring out how to get Kano out of his chest. “I mean, _maybe?_ I definitely still don’t think they’re the same person, though. You can’t make me budge on that.”

He sent what was supposed to be a teasing smile at Ven. Ven just ducked his head down.

Sora sighed, and continued: “Maybe Vanitas is here, in my heart. I won’t deny that! But, even if he is, or if he’s in Kano’s heart, that doesn’t mean Kano’s him, y’know? I mean…” He reached out and put a hand on Ven’s knee, to get him to look up again. Then he smiled slowly, carefully, to show he wasn’t mad. “You were in _my_ heart for seven years, remember? That doesn’t make me you.”

Ven blinked a few times.

“Oh…… No, I guess it doesn’t,” he admitted.

Sora smiled a little wider and leaned back, pulling his hand away. Hopefully that settled it.

Ven reached up to tug on his ear a few times, then he took a deep breath. He pushed himself to his feet. “Well, sorry for bugging you,” he said, sending Sora an apologetic look. “Thanks for letting me talk.”

Sora nodded. “Yeah! No problem.”

Ven smiled partially at the reassurance. Sora got to his feet, so he wasn’t on the ground by himself. That’d be awkward.

“Um, if you see Vanitas,” Ven said, “Or, talk to him, like you do Kano, I guess. Just…” He stopped to mull it over a few moments, like choosing the right words. “Just be nice to him, okay? If you can. And let me know.”

Sora nodded again. “Will do!”

Ven raised his hand in a wave, then headed back for the tower, leaving Sora alone out under the endless expanse of sky.

Sora let out a long sigh, between relief and exhaustion. He really hoped that settled it. He understood what Ven was feeling—or, could wrap his head around it well enough—but the thought of having to discuss this again was too much.

He supposed he should head for the tower now, himself, but instead he stood there for another few moments. He was trying to decide if what he wanted to do was worth it, and, in a lot of ways: just plain putting it off as long as he could.

Finally, he took a deep breath, then reached inside himself—towards Kano.

 _Hey, sorry to bug you,_ he said. _Ven’s gone._

There was a pause, then Kano stirred against the mental nudge Sora was giving him.

‘ _Ok.’_ He sounded groggy again. Maybe he _did_ sleep. _‘'s that all?’_

Sora licked his lips, amusement quickly gone.

_Um… no._

He reached up to tap his chest.

_Do you think Vanitas is in here, somewhere?_

Ven could be right. He could, really, be feeling Vanitas, in Sora’s chest. There was no reason to deny that possibility. But, as much as he wanted to take Ven’s word, he also figured he should check with someone who’d have the best chance of knowing for certain. That would be Kano.

Kano laughed a little. ‘ _Uh, I think I’d know if he was?’_

Sora thought he sensed some bitterness in that, but for the most part, Kano felt completely sincere. He really didn’t believe Vanitas was anywhere in Sora’s heart. Sora wasn’t sure if he should be relieved, for himself, or sorry, for Ven.

 _Is… is there a chance? Any chance?_ he pressed.

Irritation flared through Kano. ‘ _Don’t get your hopes up,’_ he warned. ‘ _I meant what I said—I’d KNOW, Sora, alright? I’d know.’_

 _Okay, okay, geeze,_ Sora said. He held up his hands in a placating gesture, even though he was having this conversation silently. _I’ll take your word._

 _‘Wow. Thanks.’_ Kano’s tone absolutely bled with sarcasm. Sora could just imagine the deadpan look Kano would no doubt be giving him, if he could.

Sora cleared his throat. _Well, I gotta go find Kairi. And, y’know, I might run into Ven, soo…_ He trailed off, since the rest of that was conveyed to Kano without words.

Sora got the sense of Kano nodding, or that he wanted to.

‘ _Gotcha,’_ he said. He cut off their link again.

Sora moved for the tower.


	57. In which Namine and Kairi hang out

“Oh, hey Yuffie,” Kairi said, as Yuffie opened the door for her. Yuffie was definitely lower on the list of people she expected to open the door. A look around the house proved it to be completely empty, at least downstairs. “You the only one here?”

“Basically,” Yuffie replied, moving to flop down on one of the couches. “Aerith and Leon went with Riku to Castle Oblivion, and Cid’s covering some Restoration stuff for Leon.”

 “And, Namine?”  Kairi asked.

“In her room, like _always,”_ Yuffie replied, an edge of exasperation in her voice. Kairi didn’t say anything about it, figuring she’d be similarly exasperated with Namine if she were in Yuffie’s position. It sounded like a sort of fond exasperation, anyway.

“Can I see her?”

Yuffie laughed. “Sure! I ain’t stopping you.”

“Thanks!”

Kairi headed up the stairs. She didn’t quite remember which room was Namine’s, but she took a wild guess. It was probably the one with the closed door, especially considering it was the only one with its door closed.

Kairi strode up to it and almost pushed the closed door open, but then second guessed herself. With everything Namine was going through lately, maybe it would be best to let her maintain some of her privacy. Kairi knocked twice on the door, instead, and called: “Namine?”

There was a pause.

“Kairi…?”

Namine sounded surprised. Really surprised. Kairi grimaced, now, and reached to push the door open.

“Riku _did_ tell you I was coming, didn’t he?” she asked, as she stepped into Namine’s room. Namine stared at her blankly over the open sketchbook in her lap. The page was empty, and Namine wasn’t even holding a pencil.

“Um. Right.” Namine blinked a few times. “I- I thought maybe, that… well…” She chewed on her next words, then decided against them. “Nothing. Never mind.”

Kairi raised her eyebrows, but didn’t press.

“Well, if you’re sure,” she said. “Go ahead and grab your things. We’re gonna go to my place.”

Namine jolted. “Um. Riku definitely didn’t mention that.”

“No duh, I decided on it this morning,” Kairi laughed. Then she sighed. “Look, if you really don’t want to, fine, we’ll stay here. But, I think you could use a change of scenery. Please, Namine?”

Namine stared at her a few seconds more, and then sighed as well. “Alright,” she said. She closed her sketchbook, and started shoving pencils in her pencil bag.

Kairi swallowed a sigh of relief. She was positive a change of pace would at least _help_ Namine with this funk, but she was glad she didn’t have to pressure Namine into it, either. They headed downstairs to tell Yuffie that they were going (Yuffie seemed really excited to have the house _entirely_ to herself), and then they were off to Kairi’s house.

Kairi’s dad was at work—of course he was, it was a Tuesday—meaning Kairi and Namine had free reign of the house. Kairi used this freedom to do something she probably would’ve done even if her dad _had_ been home. She dragged her CD player downstairs and turned on her favorite CD, letting it play in the background while she and Namine got settled. Namine didn’t mind, or, if she did, she didn’t mention it.

Namine sat on the floor with her back against the couch, sketchbook rested on folded knees. She was already sketching something—flowers, probably, of some sort, since that’d been Kairi’s suggestion. That was routine. If Namine ever got stuck on not knowing what to draw, Kairi’d toss out an idea, and Namine normally took it.

Kairi lay on her back, holding a seashell and string at arms-length above her. It was hard, threading like this, and her arms were going to get tired soon, but the rest of her was comfy, so for now she was staying put.

“Seashells, huh?” Namine asked. She still seemed quieter, a little more hesitant than Kairi was used to, but she was definitely more relaxed than she had been back in Hollow Bastion. Hopefully the change of scenery _was_ doing some good for her…

“Yeah,” Kairi answered. “Thalassas, technically. I’m making charms. For all of us.”

“Oh!” There was surprise, and a little bit of excitement in Namine’s voice. Kairi had to crane her neck to see Namine, but she did anyway, and grinned at the sight of the smile on Namine’s lips and the color in her cheeks. “ _All,_ all of us?” Namine asked.

“Duh! Well, you and Sora and Riku ‘n me, anyway. I meant to start these months ago, but…” Kairi trailed off, glaring up at the seashell she held. It’d taken forever to find enough seashells, for starters, but, general procrastination along with the-world-falling-into-darkness and being-gone-for-two-months-looking-for-Sora had definitely played a hand in it taking this long.

“You got a color preference?” Kairi asked, rolling over onto her stomach and propping herself up on her elbows. This made it easier to look at Namine, and to work.

“Um… not really,” Namine said. After a pause, she cleared her throat. “Actually, uh, those pink shells are… really pretty…”

Kairi laughed. “You got it!” She dropped the blue shell she hadn’t even threaded yet and reached for a pink shell instead. Might as well start here. “Hey, by the way—you done any research for Sora?”

Namine froze. She didn’t move for another few seconds, before finally sending a cautious glance up at Kairi. “N… no….” she said, at length. She slowly started sketching again.

“Oh, no big!” Kairi assured her, laughing it off. “Just askin’ to see if you found anything yet. Honestly…” She dropped her voice to a dramatic whisper, which wasn’t much quieter, because she still had to be heard over her music. “ _I haven’t done any research either_. You know I hate reading!”

Namine laughed a little. Maybe not as freely as she normally would, but, maybe Kairi was just nitpicking, too. “That you do,” she agreed.

“And the books are just so _dense,_ ” Kairi continued. “It’s so hard to get through them, and me and Sora can’t do that thing where we read it back to each other—” _in mocking voices,_ Kairi did not say, but Namine surely knew, “—because Kano thinks it’s stupid and he either complains before we start, or he distracts Sora too much in the middle so we can’t get anywhere! It _sucks._ Y’think he’d be a little more grateful, since we’re doing this _for him,_ but...!”

She blew her hair out of her face and glared at the shells in her hands. She wasn’t mad at them, just, mad at Kano. She was rarely _not_ mad at him, lately. She was trying for Sora, she was, but it was easier said than done, especially when Kano was so _infuriating_ half the time.

“Do you want to, um, read with me?” Namine offered.

Kairi shook her head. “No, no, it’s not the same with you—no offense.”

“None taken.”

Kairi sent a grateful smile in Namine’s direction.

“Thanks for offering, though.”

“Uh, sure.”

Smile still on her face, Kairi looked back down to the shells, and took extra care to thread them together properly. It was harder than it looked. She hummed along to the current song as she worked, relishing in the sound of it.

She knew every beat of this CD, every lyric, every rise and fall. She’d listened to it a million times now, maybe more. She and Sora had spent months on it, lovingly crafting this mix, this perfect blend of feel-good vibes. It had all their favorite happy songs, and was great for getting you through long days, and more importantly, had all the best songs to dance too.

Of course, there was no dancing right now, but it was still doing its job of keeping Kairi’s mind off of more troublesome things. Or, it had been, until she’d thought that.

Remembering why she’d technically set aside this time for Namine to begin with, Kairi looked up to her friend. At a glance, Namine looked fine—she was chewing on her lip as she sketched something out, like normal, but… There was a tiredness, in her shoulders, in her eyes. One Kairi’d gotten all too used to seeing, in all of her friends.

“Hey, Namine, how’ve you been, anyway?” Kairi asked. She made it sound like a casual question. Namine probably wouldn’t admit anything was wrong without prompting, of course, but, Kairi could hope.

Namine let out a confused laugh, and sent a bewildered look in Kairi’s direction. “Um, good?” she answered. “Not much different from when I saw you literally two days ago, Kairi. Nothing interesting’s happened.”

“Well, I still gotta ask,” Kairi argued. She stuck out her tongue, for good measure. “I mean, it’s like, an obligatory friend question.”

“How’ve you been, then?” Namine said, before Kairi could even think about trying to probe her any more.

Kairi laughed once. She supposed she had that coming. “Good!” she said. “I’ve been good. A, uh, a lot’s been going on.”

“Yeah?”

Namine sounded genuinely interested to hear about it. Kairi ran her tongue over her lips, debating whether or not she should try and just gloss over everything, or… Nah, Namine wouldn’t mind. And, sure, it’d be nice to figure out what was going on with her, but the main point of this was to just help Namine get her mind off of the worries she undoubtedly had, _not_ to probe.

“Yeah!” Kairi said. “Sora’s started training. Yen Sid confirmed yesterday that there _is_ a spell on the Islands, but he has no idea how it works or how to get rid of it. Um. I’m a little worried about this Xehanort business, but haven’t had the time to go, like, barge into Yen Sid’s office and demand he tell me more about what’s going on or what we _really_ plan on doing about it.”

Namine giggled a little, which, was good. That was the only reason Kairi’d even brought Xehanort up—to make Namine laugh at the idea of her yelling at Yen Sid. Kairi grinned a kind of proud grin at her.

“That’s all that’s going on though,” Kairi finished, with a shrug.

“Well… cool!” Namine said.

Kairi waited, to see if Namine was going to say anything more. She didn’t. Kairi shrugged to herself and reached for a third pink shell. They sat there in the relative silence for a while, Kairi working, Namine sketching, the music playing in the background. It wasn’t long before Kairi was singing along under her breath, moving a little to beat.

This was a _great_ way to spend the day, honestly.

She had just finished tying three shells together when there was a loud snapping sound. Kairi looked up. Her eyes settled on Namine, who was pressed back against the couch, shaking and staring at the single half of a broken pencil she still had in her hand.

Kairi jolted a little. “Namine?” she asked, setting down the charm and moving to get up. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Namine shook her head back and forth, so slightly that Kairi would’ve missed it had she not kept repeating the motion. Kairi’s heart skipped a beat. She scrambled over to Namine’s side, her knees slamming into the wooden floor as she settled.

“Are you hurt?” Kairi asked. She took the pencil piece and set it on the couch, then turned Namine’s hand over in hers. It didn’t look like Namine’d accidentally stabbed herself or anything… That was good.

“I, I…” Namine stammered. She was trembling hard.

“Hey, hey, you’re fine, you’re okay,” Kairi said. She pulled Namine’s sketchbook out of her lap—the sketch of flowers marred by a dark line that ran through the picture and off the edge of the page—and set it on the couch.

“I- I just…”

“You’re okay, Namine,” Kairi repeated. “You’re okay.” She found the other half of Namine’s pencil, and set that on the couch, too. That looked like everything. Except, Namine was crying, now.

“I- I just… I was just…” Namine stared at her hands, which she tightly clasped together. Actually, it looked more like she was trying to pull the fingers off her hand. Kairi hastily pulled her hands apart.

“Namine…?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. “Namine, please, is…? Is something wrong?”

“I…” Namine sat there a moment, mouth working for words, then she squeezed her eyes shut. “I- I was…. I was talking to Riku the other day about- about- about having to- to fight him, to fight you, to fight the both of you and I was- I, I was mad because he doesn’t know what it’s like to want to hurt someone you love. To- to have to fight someone you love except he does know because he had to fight me and _you_ had to fight me and—”

“Caaaalm down,” Kairi said. She leaned back and sat on her heels, giving Namine some space. “And _slow_ down. Try again. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You were there too,” was all Namine said. “You were there too you had to fight me too. You know what it’s like but you don’t know what it’s like because you don’t— _you don’t…_ ” She trailed off, opening her eyes again. She looked down at her hands, fixated with them as she curled and uncurled her fingers.

Kairi swallowed, hard.

She _did_ follow what Namine was saying, for the most part, she just didn’t understand where this had come from, _or…_ No. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter where it’d come from. She took a carefully deep breath, so Namine would not hear her distress.

“I don’t… I don’t _what?_ ” she pressed, before she addressed anything else. “Namine?”

Namine didn’t answer, and, it didn’t look like she was going to.

Kairi sighed.

She turned around and sat down next to Namine, not facing her, just, next to her. She really wanted to wrap an arm around Namine, or hug her, or something, but she got the feeling that might be a bad idea. So, she didn’t.

“Well, yeah, I was there too,” Kairi said.

Her music still played in the background, and it was a little distracting, but, she’d just sat down. She wasn’t getting up and going to the table just to turn it off. Sure, it was only five steps. _She still wasn’t moving._

“I was there too,” Kairi repeated, nodding to herself. She didn’t even send a sideways glance in Namine’s direction. “I had to fight you, and, it sucked. It really sucked, and I won’t pretend it didn’t because it _did,_ but… That wasn’t, entirely, you.”

She paused a second, letting those words sink in.

“It was you, but it wasn’t you, Namine. Does that make sense? It was your face and your voice but it wasn’t _you,_ because _you’re_ not that mean, you’re not that cruel. You’re kind and you’re gentle, and, _that wasn’t you._ ”

Namine took a few shuddering breaths, but, she didn’t say anything. Kairi waited, just in case. Her fingers moved to rub a scar on the underside of her arm, one she wasn’t sure why it hadn’t healed, one she knew was from Namine. Then she realized what she was doing, and she stopped. She didn’t want Namine to notice, or, to know.

“Riku- Riku just… he…” Namine began. She fumbled over the words, though. Kairi reached over and put her hand on Namine’s knee, squeezing it reassuringly. Namine took a deep breath and continued: “Riku _said_ he knew b- because- because he had to fight me like I had to fight him, b- but I don’t think he really, I don’t think _you_ really, I- I don’t—”

She pressed her arms to her chest and dragged her knees in, curling up on herself entirely. Kairi pulled her hand away so she could move. It hurt to see Namine like this.

“Look,” Kairi said, carefully. “I know what Riku was getting at, I guess, but, _neither of us had our heads messed with._ ”

Had that been what Namine was even trying to say, to begin with? No way of knowing.

“We- we didn’t _want_ to fight you, Namine!” Kairi continued, laughing a little at the absurdity of the idea—Well, okay, maybe Riku had wanted to in there for a bit, but, Riku was… _Riku._ “We didn’t _want_ to hurt you. You? You had your brain all messed with so you thought you _did_ want to hurt us, and, that’s not the same.”

“Ex… exactly…” Namine mumbled.

She was silent for a few moments, but then she uncurled herself. Kairi sent a smile at her, though, Namine didn’t look to see it. She clasped her hands together again, fingers interlocked. Her attention rested somewhere in her lap.

Kairi opened her mouth to ask Namine how she was feeling now—or, reiterate that she was okay, she hadn’t decided yet—but didn’t get the chance to do either. Namine spoke.

“Do… do you hate me…?” she asked, voice quiet. Kairi had never seen her look this small before.

“ _What_?” Kairi’s voice cracked around the word. “No! Of course not.”

“But- but everything I did, and, and everything I said—” Namine’s face twisted up in horror. “I- I said some _really awful_ things, Kairi, and I—”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kairi interrupted.

Namine turned to her. She still looked scared.

“I don’t hate you, Namine,” Kairi said, for good measure. “You’re my best friend. I _love_ you.”

Namine blinked a few times. She stared at Kairi, hands clasped together in front of her chest. She looked at a complete loss for words.

Kairi didn’t blame her, though.

She gave Namine a moment, to let those words sink in. But, she nodded to herself, deciding on her next move made.

When she felt it’d been long enough, Kairi patted her knees twice, then pushed herself to her feet.

“Well, hey, enough of this… sad talk!” she declared. She took the time to gather her seashells up off the floor—that was, kind of, important—then went over to the CD player. Kairi tossed the seashells down on the table next to it, to get them out of the way, and then she skipped forward a few songs in the mix.

The opening notes of the song she wanted filled the room, and Kairi broke into a grin. She spun around to face Namine, who looked a little suspicious, _but,_ there seemed to be a faint trace of a smile on her lips.

“May I have this dance?” Kairi asked, taking a few steps towards Namine to close the distance between them, and offering her hand.

Namine looked away, laughing quietly in exasperation.

“ _Kairi_ …” she began.

“Come on,” Kairi pressed. “Just like we used to, remember?”

Dancing was one of the best ways to cure a bad mood—the only better one being a good swim in the ocean. And, in those months when Sora and Riku were gone and neither of them had any clue when they’d be back, well… Dancing was the easiest way to forget about those worries.

The feeling of sand between her toes, hands in Namine’s, this song playing as they danced—this was a memory pressed firmly into Kairi’s mind. She didn’t think she’d ever forget it.

She didn’t, really, fully understand what was going on in Namine’s head, and, maybe she never would. But, right now, that didn’t matter. What did matter was Namine needed her spirits lifted, and, _this…_

This was the best way Kairi knew how.

Namine laughed that exasperated laugh again, but Kairi stood firm, where she was, hand held out towards Namine.

Finally, Namine looked at her. There was a gleam in her eyes.

“Alright,” she agreed.

She took Kairi’s hand.

 

**xxx**

 

Her hands in Kairi’s, bare toes sticking to the wooden floor, Kairi’s favorite songs filling the room, worries somehow absent from her chest, laughing and smiling like she felt like she hadn’t for a long time…

This was a moment Namine would never forget.


	58. In which Leon gets a phonecall

Sitting here in the silence with the endless white of Castle Oblivion’s walls surrounding him while they waited was always the worst part, Riku thought. Castle Oblivion never changed, and he hated the sight of it now more than ever. The Main Room was as vast as always, so much so that he could hardly see either wall on each end of the room, every set of couches scattered at least twenty if not thirty paces apart.

It was mostly empty, too. Besides him and Aerith and Leon sitting on this couch—the same couch, always the same couch—there were only two Vexens, in distant corner far from this spot. The emptiness was the worst _worst_ part of this moment, for sure. To say it had been lively when the Rebellion was in full swing would be a drastic understatement, because Castle Oblivion could never be _lively,_ but… It had been more crowded, at least, and the faint murmur of voices even when muffled by the walls and magic of this place had provided _some_ background noise. Now there was…

Nothing.

It was nearly silent, and it was infuriating.

They were waiting for Even to finish analyzing this latest scan, and to finish ironing out a few kinks in some code or program or something. It was dull and boring waiting out here, but there wasn’t quite room to wait in with Even. Riku wished he’d brought a book, except neither Aerith nor Leon had anything to do, and that’d be rude, probably. It also might be rude to complain, and he couldn’t start any other kind of conversation because _how did you even start a conversation when there was nothing to talk about,_ and—

“Riku!”

Aerith’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. It was stern enough to make him flinch.

He sat there, frozen a few moments, heart pounding, trying to figure out what he’d done and why she’d be giving him that look—then he realized what he was doing, currently. He moved his hand away from his arm, pulled picking fingers away from an itching patch of darkness.

“Sorry,” he said. He clenched his hands together and put them in his lap, squeezing them between his legs.

Aerith sent him a kind smile. “I know this is a little nerve-wracking, but I’m sure—”

She didn’t get the chance to say any more. Leon’s phone went off.

Leon jolted out of what he’d previously been doing (resting his elbow on the arm of the couch and his chin in his hand, staring out into the room and thinking Leon thoughts) and fumbled to dig his phone out of his jacket pocket. He frowned at the number.

“Don’t recognize it,” he said.

“It might be one of the Restoration Committee,” Aerith reminded him. “You _did_ give them all your number.”

Leon scowled a little at it. “True.”

“Answer it or I will, Leon!”

“Okay, okay, fine!”

Leon flipped his phone open and pressed it to his ear.

“Hello? Leon speaking.”

The sound on Leon’s phone was not _loud,_ but Riku could hear the speaker on the other end just fine. Of course he could. It sounded like a woman…

“Oh thank goodness, I thought you were _never_ going to pick it up, it rang nearly eight times and I thought maybe I had the wrong number, or—”

“R- _Rinoa_?” Leon stammered.

“ _Rinoa?_ ” Aerith repeated, quieter, for confirmation. Leon nodded at her. She looked about as surprised as he did, but, quite a bit happier. Leon almost seemed too stunned to be happy.

“Yes, it’s me!” came the voice from the other end of the line. Rinoa. “Was that Aerith I heard?”

Leon nodded. “Yeah, hang on…” He moved the phone away from his mouth and looked to Riku. “Is it safe to put the call on speaker? Or, is everyone in this room going to hear it if I do?”

“Um, it’s probably fine,” Riku answered, with a shrug. He doubted it’d carry to the two Vexens all the way across the room, anyway.

“Okay, great,” Leon said, and then, to Rinoa: “I’ll put you on speaker.” He hit a button on his phone, then held it in his lap. “Alright, there. Say hi to Aerith.”

“Hiiii Aerith,” came Rinoa’s voice, much louder than before.

Aerith laughed a little. “Hi Rinoa,” she answered. She sent a look at Riku, then nodded in the direction of the phone. “Hey, Riku, say hi to Rinoa.”

“Uh, hi…?” Riku said.

“Hi! Nice to meet you, even if, uh, this isn’t exactly meeting?” Rinoa laughed to herself, and, before Riku could say anything more: “This is the Riku you mentioned in your letter, right, Leon? Not that you said much about him, but…”

“Yeah, it is,” Leon said.

“He’s family now!” Aerith added, and, she sounded so happy to say that? Riku was happy to be a part of this family, of course, he just wasn’t really used to the feeling. Or the idea that Aerith could be _this_ excited about it, too…? It was strange.

But, it was nice, too.

A warmth and his chest, and in his cheeks, Riku looked down at his hands, still clenched between his legs. He heard Leon laugh a little, then Rinoa say “I got the feeling,” laughing a little herself.

“Hey, it’s great to hear from you, by the way,” Leon said.

“We’ve missed you,” Aerith said.

“I’ve missed you guys, too!” There was a longing in Rinoa’s voice, and, something apologetic, as well. “Sorry I never replied to your letters—I was busy, and it’s hard to send letters when you’re traveling so much, and I _finally_ had some time to write one but I was also by a phone, and I figured I’d just call! It’s not like I have a phone of my own, so…”

“That’s alright,” Aerith assured her.

Leon nodded. “Like we said, it’s good to hear from you at all.”

“Awww, that’s sweet of you, Leon,” Rinoa said, sounding only slightly sincere. Playfully, she continued: “Hey, Aerith, did you know your brother was such a sap?”

“Rinoa!” Leon protested.

Aerith chuckled, and, grinning from ear to ear, said: “Yeah, of course I knew. I’ve lived with him my whole life.”

Leon turned his offended look her direction. “ _Aerith!_ ”

She only grinned at him. On the other end of the phone, Rinoa was in a fit of giggles.

Riku smiled a little, despite himself, even though he felt a bit like he was… intruding. He hated to think that—and, to feel that way, it wasn’t a nice feeling—but he _definitely_ wasn’t a real part of this conversation. He thought about moving to give them some space, except, there wasn’t exactly anything _else_ to do. He’d prefer feeling slightly guilty for listening in on a conversation he wasn’t a part of over driving himself mad with boredom any day. Besides, he doubted Aerith and Leon minded. Honestly, they might be more upset if he _left._

“Hey, I’m in Esthar, by the way,” Rinoa said. “You want me to say hi to Laguna for you guys?”

Leon’s annoyance seemed to increase by double. “I don’t care,” he said.

Aerith’s smile fell from her lips. Riku thought he saw her roll her eyes.

“Leon…” she began.

“I mean, I don’t _have_ to,” Rinoa continued. “I just thought I’d offer!” Her tone—and, Leon’s reaction—made Riku think she was just doing this to tease him again. He wondered who Laguna was.

“You can say hi to him from me, Rinoa,” Aerith said. She followed this with a stern glance at Leon.

Leon just sunk into the couch, groaning.

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” Rinoa called, then, laughing. She sounded a little proud of herself. “I don’t actually think I’ll run into Laguna. He’s very busy, you know, being president of Esthar and all.”

“We know,” Leon sighed.

Aerith shook her head. Riku thought that might be her disappointed look, but couldn’t find out for sure, because then she was asking: “How’s sorceress training going?”

“Oh! It’s going good!” Rinoa replied. “Edea says I could probably be done by the end of this year, if not sooner, maybe! Seems like I could’ve finished it up a while ago, if I’d, you know, _actually_ devoted my time to it instead of getting distracted for three years.” For some reason, she laughed about that.

Riku considered asking why, or what sorceress training even was, but then he spotted Joseph, across the room, and Joseph spotted him. Joseph broke into a grin and started running over at an unnecessarily high speed. He even went as far to leap over one of the tables, for, no real reason? Then again, this was Joseph.

“Hi Riku!” Joseph said, once he got closer. Riku tried to signal him to not, but it was too late.

“Who’s that?” Rinoa asked.

“Friend of Riku’s,” Leon said, as Aerith said: “Hi Joseph.”

Joseph at least had the decency to look embarrassed now. “Oh! I didn’t realize you were on the phone. My bad! Sorry Aerith, sorry Leon, sorry mysterious phone person.”

Riku rolled his eyes. Aerith and Leon assured him it was alright, and Rinoa followed up with:

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, mysterious friend of Riku!”

Joseph beamed and giggled a little, then nodded his head to a set of couches on Riku’s right, away from Aerith and Leon. “C’mon,” he said. He was moving before Riku had a chance to voice his opinion.

Riku sighed a little and followed after. He didn’t mind talking to Joseph—it was probably better than sitting and listening to a phonecall he wasn’t a part of, and, he liked Joseph, _really_ —but he wished Joseph had actually asked about it, maybe? Oh well. He’d deal.

“Alright, before we talk about _anything_ else…” Joseph stopped in front of the couches, and reached for his belt. From it he pulled something which, with a flick of his wrist, expanded into the shape of a boomerang. “Check it out!!!” he said, grinning widely.

“Oh, cool,” Riku said, trying to sound as interested as possible. He _was_ interested, for the most part, but enthusiastic was another story. “You designed that yourself, right?” he asked, sitting down.

Joseph nodded about twenty times. “Uh-huh! Me ‘n 29 had some weapons expert build the design for us—for me! She said my design was very clever, and she was happy to make me a prototype for free. I gotta pay when she makes the final version of the weapon, though. Duh.” He laughed and rolled his eyes, then bounded closer to Riku. “Look, it also does this!”

He closed the boomerang and then flipped a latch to unhook from one tip of the boomerang and hook into another. When he flicked the boomerang open this time, it expanded into a shield, sort of like a paper fan might. The shield was the shape of a rounded triangle, and just bigger than the circumference of an outspread hand. Riku reached out to flick it. It seemed a little thin, in his opinion. Probably enough to deflect glancing blows, but not enough to prevent a blade from stabbing clean through it with enough force.

“I know it’s a little flimsy,” Joseph said, before Riku could even bring it up. “But it if the metal was any thicker then the boomerang wouldn’t fly. Besides, it protects me from magic! That’s good enough!”

“I guess so,” Riku agreed. As long as Joseph was happy with it, he didn’t see the point of arguing. “You get any actual fighting practice in with this thing?”

Joseph undid the latch and flicked the boomerang shut. “Of course!” he declared proudly. “Me ‘n 29 go and fight Heartless every now and then. I’m getting pretty good at it, and at using magic, kinda! 29’s only taught me Blizzard, though…”

He made a face, and Riku chuckled. That was more magic than Riku knew.

“Hey, maybe you should talk to Leon,” he suggested. “He could put you and 29 in rotation for Heartless rounds.” And, probably teach Joseph more magic, but Riku didn’t bring that up. Leon had enough on his plate with the Restoration Committee.

“Oh!” Joseph’s eyes lit up. “I didn’t even think of that! YEAH!! I mean I guess I gotta ask 29 first but that definitely seems like a good idea, so, I will. I will.” He nodded determinedly, then plopped himself on the couch next to Riku. “Hey, who’s Leon on the phone with, anyhoo? Or, him and Aerith? OH, were the three of you on the phone??” He suddenly looked horrified. “I didn’t pull _you_ away from a phonecall, did I?”

Riku shook his head. “No,” he said. “It was mainly just for them.”

“Phew!” Joseph let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good to know. Anyway—who was it on the phone? You didn’t answer that bit.”

“Uh, Rinoa,” Riku answered. “She’s a friend of theirs. Pretty close friend, actually. They haven’t seen her in a few years.”

“Aw, I bet they miss her tons!”

Riku nodded, because, he knew they did. That was about all he knew about Rinoa though, except some things he wasn't sure he should share with Joseph. They weren’t, exactly, his to share. He changed the subject, instead.

“Hey, where’s 29?” he asked.

“Home!” Joseph answered, chipper, but then he sent Riku a kind of annoyed look. “I mean, geeze, it’s not like he has to go _everywhere_ with me. I can go places by myself! It’s not like we’re in the middle of the Rebellion anymore—that’s all over!”

“True…” Riku admitted. “Why’d you want to come _here,_ though?”

Joseph’s annoyed look got a little stronger, but he answered without hesitation. “I needed to talk to Even. Apologize, actually.” He squirmed a little in his seat. “Uh, don’t worry about why. It’s not important.”

Now that Joseph had brought it up, Riku was curious. He didn’t get a chance to ask, though. Joseph quickly changed the subject before he could.

“Anyway, why are you guys here?” he asked.

Riku sighed. He turned his attention down to his arm, but caught himself before he started picking. He played with his fingers instead. It was as much to keep them busy as to provide himself with a distraction.

“Darkness problems,” Riku muttered.

To his surprise, Joseph started nodding. “Ohhh, _those_. Riiiight.” Riku wondered how he knew, but then remembered he’d puked darkness in front of Joseph. Joseph scratched at his ear. “How are those coming…?” he asked. He sounded earnest, but asked carefully, too, catching on to Riku’s mood.

“Um, coming,” Riku answered. “Even and Vexen are still translating my data, and that’s still, not done, and, yeah. Yeah. That’s kind of it.”

That’s all he could tell Joseph, anyway. There was no need to mention the finer, more unsettling details, and no need to mention how close he might be to dying, either. He didn’t need to burden Joseph with another death, even if just a potential one.

“You doin’ alright?” Joseph pressed, leaning in attempt to look Riku in the face. Riku sighed again.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t _look_ so hot, though.”

Riku bit his lip to keep himself from grimacing or groaning, and wished not for the first time that Joseph wasn’t so damn perceptive.

“Honestly, it’s fine,” he lied. “I’m fine.”

Joseph rolled his eyes and shook his head. “ _C’moooon_ , Riku.”

“I’m fine, Joseph!”

“And I know you’re lying!!”

Joseph crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Riku with an extremely determined look.

“I’m _fine,_ ” Riku repeated. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You don’t gotta protect me! I can take it!!”

Riku considered Joseph out of the corner of his eyes, and then sighed to himself. Maybe it’d be best if Joseph knew it was coming, anyway. He turned his eyes down to his hands in his lap, very carefully linking them together.

“Alright, fine.” He did not bother to keep the slight sting out of his voice. “I’m exhausted all the time, there are moments where I can’t stop my darkness from just randomly flowing out of me, and, I have three weeks to live if Even doesn’t figure something out. There. That’s what’s going on.”

“O- _ohh,_ ” Joseph said.

“I told you you shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Man, that _suuuucks,_ Riku,” Joseph said. Riku turned to him. There was sadness brimming in Joseph’s eyes, but he smiled at Riku when he saw Riku looking at him. Slowly, he nodded past Riku to where Leon and Aerith were. “They know about that, right? The whole, uh, three weeks thing.”

Riku nodded. “Yeah. They do.”

Joseph nodded as well. “That’s… that’s good,” he said. He flopped back against the couch, head settling on the low back of it. “You completed your bucket list?”

“My, my what?” Riku asked.

“Your, uh,” Joseph made a face. His attention was fixed towards the ceiling, and not Riku. “I think I heard Vexen use it first. Maybe it wasn’t him. I don’t remember. Anyway, 29 explained it to me and it’s, like, a list of things you wanna do before you die, yanno?” Now he turned his head in Riku’s direction. “You don’t got, like, anything you’re gonna regret not doing, do you?”

Riku thought about it for a moment, but, shook his head. He had nothing big he still wanted to do besides, continue living, anyway. He’d never been good at making long-term plans.

“I… I think I’m good,” he told Joseph.

“Well, that’s good.”

Riku coughed, frowning in Joseph’s direction. “You, uh—aren’t you… _upset_?” he asked. He thought Joseph would be taking this a lot harder than he seemed to be.

Joseph shook his head, though. “Nah! I mean, I’ll definitely miss you if you _do_ die, Riku, and I’ll probably cry for at least two weeks, but—” He sat up straight, turning Riku his full attention. “I’m _pretty_ sure Even can fix this. And, if he can’t, I’ll get mad about it then. No point wasting the energy now!”

He laughed at that, and, despite himself, Riku laughed a little too.

“Hey.” Joseph reached over to nudge Riku, being slow enough about it that Riku saw it coming well in advance, which he appreciated. “Chin up, Riku,” Joseph said. He smiled kindly. “You’re real great. Don’t forget that.”

Riku blinked a few times, wondering where _that_ had come from. He was touched, though. He did his best to smile back. And, he should probably say something. Like—

“Oh!” Joseph jumped to his feet, making Riku start. “Looks like that’s Even.” He clapped Riku on the shoulder. “You better go find out what he’s got to say. I bet it’s good news!”

“Sure,” Riku said, not sure yet if he believed it was.

He got up regardless and, with Joseph tailing him, headed back to where Aerith and Leon were. They’d already hung up with Rinoa, and Leon was settling back down in the couch like he’d been getting up—probably to get Riku. Even was there, standing in front of the couch, of course. He watched Riku expectantly, looking pleasant enough. Vexen was there too.

Riku waved half-heartedly at Even, ignored Vexen, and sat down on the couch next to Aerith. If standing for too long didn’t make him woozy, he wouldn’t have bothered.

Even cleared his throat, and once sure he had everyone’s attention, skipped any pleasantries and went straight to business. Riku liked that about him.

“Well, I was hoping to stand here and deliver the best news I possibly could,” Even said. “But unfortunately, we ran into a problem. It’s nothing to worry about, of course,” he assured them all. “I had only hoped I could tell you we’d finished with the program that would translate your data and could fix this problem today, but we ran into a snag."

Okay, maybe Even wasn’t _always_ straight to business.

“A snag?” Aerith pressed.

“Expected, when writing any sort of program,” Vexen answered. “It’s a miracle we haven’t run into any before this. But—”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Even repeated, cutting him off. Vexen sent a glare at him, but Even either did not notice or pretended not to. “Outside of this snag, the program is basically finished. We should have everything cleared up in a few days, and then we’ll be able to fix you, Riku.”

Riku blinked once, then raised his eyebrows.

“ _Really?_ ” he asked.

He was relieved—of course he was, he didn’t want to die!—but he was surprised more than anything else. Everything being this close to being fixed didn’t really seem like a reality.

“Yes, _really,_ Riku,” Vexen said. There was a thread of irritation in his voice, and a burning in his eyes that made Riku flinch on reflex. He prayed no one noticed, but Vexen must have, because he stopped to take a deep breath and continued speaking in a kind voice which had clearly taken him an effort to produce. “I told you I’d fix it, didn’t I?”

Riku couldn’t decide whether he was thankful or angry.

“Just took you so long I thought it might never happen,” he said, with a careful smirk to hide how uncomfortable he was. He was glad Vexen had not yelled, but hated he was glad as much as he hated the fact Vexen had made a conscious decision not to yell in order to protect him.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’ve got it figured out,” Leon said. He laughed a little in relief.

Aerith nodded with him, looking like she was bursting to say something but completely unable to put her thoughts into words. She also had a hand pressed to her mouth, and her eyes were pinched in a way that suggested she was about to cry.

Riku considered the both of them, both of their relieved faces. The way Leon grinned over at him, the way Aerith moved to grip his knee and Leon’s jacket at the same time. The tears that rolled down her cheeks, the relief that washed over her face.

Riku considered all these things, and his heart swelled with love and warmth and a relief he felt silly feeling because it wasn’t like everything was fixed _yet_. He felt like he might cry, too, but that was embarrassing, so he bit his lip and held it in.

“See, I told you, Riku!” Joseph laughed, reaching over and punching him in the shoulder (which he did not flinch at, this time). “I told you, everything’s gonna be just fine!”

A dark corridor opened, somewhere behind them.

Hearing it, Riku turned around to see who it was.

It was Roxas, both Keyblades drawn, a look of murder on his face.

“ _YOU_!!” he roared.

He hefted one of his Keyblades and pointed it straight at Riku.


	59. Roxas is here.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!” Roxas shouted. He stood ten paces from where Riku was, one of his Keyblades pointed straight at him. “ _YOU!_ YOU WERE LITERALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!”

Riku jolted back. “Um, _what_?” He stood up out of the couch, turning to face Roxas. He had to grip the arm of the couch to support himself, but better that than sitting, with his _back_ to Roxas. Joseph moved over a step so he had room to stand. “Wh- _when_?” he asked.

“Before I was even born!! Built?” Roxas took a second to consider that, then shook his head. “WHATEVER!!”

Riku squinted at him. He couldn’t remember, exactly, everything that had happened before Axel had rebuilt Roxas, but he didn’t recall them plotting to _kill_ Roxas. Or, _had_ sabotaging the Rebuilding process come up…?

“Where did you hear this?” Riku demanded.

“What’s it matter, he was right, wasn’t he?” Roxas countered. He swung his Keyblade downward, took a step towards Riku.

Aerith and Leon both got to their feet, both skeptical, both sliding into defensive positions. Neither of them had their weapons—because, why would they? There wasn’t usually any trouble in these visits, and they didn’t have the luxury of summoning their weapons at will. Riku only spared a glance at them, then his attention was back on Roxas. There was something… _off_ about him.

A slight… twitch in his neck, kind of like the one Sora got when Kano was bugging him.

“Listen,” Riku began, fumblingly. Except, he wasn’t so sure Roxas wasn’t right. _Had_ they tried to kill him, then? He remembered Alpha being really mad about Roxas being Rebuilt. He remembered fighting Axel, trying to get to Roxas—no, no, that had just been prove to Vexen he could take Axel and Xemnas on his own (ha), but he guessed it must’ve _looked_ like he was going to… “Roxas, I wasn’t—”

“You didn’t _want_ me to be Rebuilt!” Roxas shouted. “You didn’t _like_ the idea of it, you didn’t _like_ the idea of the Organization having Keyblade wielder, and you thought bringing me back from the dead was _wrong_ so you were going to make it so I _stayed dead._ ”

“What? _No!_ That wasn’t—”

“Alpha and Amaryllis—” Vexen started, from behind him.

Roxas kept going, as if he hadn’t heard either of them. “And, good on me!” he said, laughed, desperately. “For assuming you’d help me Rebuild Xion!” He looked up to the ceiling for a moment, shoulders back, face contorted. For that moment, Riku felt sorry for him. “Because, _you won’t._ You didn’t want to Rebuild me, so why would you want to Rebuild her?” His attention snapped back down to Riku, Keyblade raising again. “ _You think it’s better she stays dead, too._ ”

“This- this has nothing to do with me!” Riku protested. What did he care about Xion? “I- I don’t— I- I _didn’t_ —”

“What’s the matter?” Roxas asked. His attitude shifted completely. The murderous look was gone from his face, replaced by a glint in his eyes and a sly sort of smile. He lowered his Keyblades, and for once, held them relaxed at his sides.

He took another step towards Riku, leaning forward, leaning in.

“Why so squeamish all of a sudden?” he pressed. “Can’t own up to wanting to kill me? _It’s not like I’d be the first._ ”

Riku took a step back. His legs hit against the coffee table behind him, and he staggered a little. That… _That was…_

Roxas just kept grinning, took another step forward—this put him nearly at the couch. He moved no further, probably only for want of not being closer to Aerith or Leon. “How many people have you killed, again? Twenty, right? Oh wait. That’s just the _Larxenes._ ”

Riku felt like he was going to be sick. Roxas was right. He was right, of course he was right, but—

Riku wanted to back up further, but he couldn’t. He wanted to run, but he couldn’t, not so easily. He kept his eyes on Roxas, though he hated it. He couldn’t look at Aerith or Leon.

They- They weren’t supposed to know.

They weren’t supposed to find out like this.

Roxas rolled his neck, drinking in the sight of Riku squirming like he enjoyed it. He grinned a grin that wasn’t his own.

“How _thick_ is the blood on your hands, Riku?”

_“It’s funny how one little mistake…”_

_“Do you ever think about what you’ve done?”_

_“How thick is the blood on your hands, Riku?”_

Riku slammed his hands over his ears. The same voice—the same memory. It was still hard to remember most anything from those dreams, but that voice never went away. Always the same words, every single time.

_“How thick is the blood on your hands?”_

Roxas’s voice brought the memory back, the words back. They were like a million tiny little things crawling under his skin, squirming inside his skull. They wouldn’t stop echoing. Riku squeezed his eyes shut. They wouldn’t—

“Stop it stop it _stop it!_ ” he shrieked.

It didn’t stop.

Maybe he deserved it.

Roxas and the voice were both right. It wasn’t just the Larxenes, it was countless other Replicas sent by the Organization, sent by Saix. It was most of the Organization. So many people, dead by his hand and, worst of all…

_Worst of all…_

Aerith and Leon weren’t supposed to know. They weren’t supposed to find out like this, if at all. If they were to ever know, it would be because he told them. Except, how did you tell people who loved you _this?_ How did you tell them that you were a _monster?_

Laugher. He could hear laughter. Roxas’s? It sounded like Roxas’s. But it also sounded like…

“Riku?” Aerith’s voice. _Aerith._ “Riku, is this… is he…?”

“We were in a _war_.” Vexen. Vexen, defending him! “He didn’t really have a choice—”

“Oh, didn’t he?” Roxas’s voice, for sure, but something was off, something was definitely off. “Because, I thought he wanted—”

“I wanted to kill them.”

The words tumbled out of Riku’s mouth. He didn’t know why. They just did, and there was nothing he could do about it. His heart pounded in his chest, in his throat. There was a searing pain inside his skull.

“The Larxenes…” Roxas began.

“I wanted to kill them, I wanted to kill the Larxenes, _I wanted to see them suffer._ ”

It was like something was reaching inside him, down his throat, and dragging the words back out, ripping them from his mouth.

“Yes, and not only that. He—”

“I enjoyed it. I- _I enjoyed it._ ” He laughed and sobbed at the same time. That wasn’t wrong. He had. ( _Monster, monster, monster, they were all right—)_ “I enjoyed it and I’m _disgusting_ I’m a monster I’m a—”

“ _Dispel!”_

_“Stop!”_

Leon and Aerith’s voices, in quick succession. The pain left Riku’s skull, along with the sensation of something crawling under his skin. He could still move, meaning, the Stop had been for Roxas.

Riku didn’t open his eyes, though. Keeping them shut wouldn’t do anything, he knew that, but the longer he can pretend _that didn’t all just happen_ the better. How- how had Roxas…? _Had_ that been Roxas? There was something about the push against Riku’s mind that he thought he recognized, but—

“Riku, please,” Aerith said. He didn’t know where she was, but he felt _someone_ standing near him. Maybe it was her. Whoever it was didn’t try to touch him, at least, which he was grateful for. “Please, whatever he- all those things he made you say, I’m- I’m _sure—”_

“Roxas, what’s gotten into you!?” Joseph was shouting. “I know you’ve been kinda different ever since Axel brought you back but this _really_ isn’t like you at all!!”

“What in the _worlds_ just…?” Even. That was Even.

“It’s not your fault,” Vexen’s voice, cutting through it all. “I’m at as much fault as you are, I’m the one who built you. This… there’s more to this than just—”

Riku staggered to the side, away from Aerith, away from everyone. He couldn’t… He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do—Aerith, Leon. They weren’t supposed to know. And _Joseph_ —they weren’t supposed to know how had Roxas _known?_

He fell more than he stumbled through the dark corridor he formed.

 

**xxx**

“ _Dispel!”_

_“Stop!”_

The first time Roxas had spoken and Riku responded as if prompted was a surprise. The second, worrying. By the third, they’d had enough. It had only taken a look between them to communicate their plan of action.

Leon cast Dispel—maybe it wouldn’t do anything, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Aerith cast the Stop, because her Stop spells were much stronger than Leon’s. Hopefully, that’d keep Roxas from doing anything more.

Whether from the Dispel or from Stopping Roxas, Riku slumped a little. He kept clutching his head, and he still breathed heavily, but he didn’t look like he was being held up on strings anymore. Aerith rushed over to him. Leon let out a slight sigh of relief.

He didn’t know what had been going on, but, he was glad it was over. Or, at least, mostly over. He swallowed and tried to push the things Riku said out of his mind. There’d be time to worry about those later. For now, Leon turned to Roxas.

They had 20 seconds minimum, before the Stop wore off. There was no telling how much Aerith had put into it without asking her, but, 20 to 30 seconds was standard. They had a minute, tops, if she really poured her energy into it.

Leon wondered what Roxas would do when the Stop broke. Would he attack? Would he go after Riku again? Leon wished he had his gunblade with him.

“Roxas, what’s gotten into you!?” Joseph shouted, moving towards Roxas. “I know you’ve been kinda different ever since Axel brought you back, but this _really_ isn’t like you at all!”

“Stay back,” Leon warned.

Joseph sent a skeptical glance at him, but stopped where he stood. Roxas was maybe three paces from where Leon was, the couch between them. Joseph was to Leon’s left, on the other side of the couch, and only a few paces away from Roxas himself.

“I don’t understand,” Joseph said. “Roxas isn’t like this. I mean, like I said, he’s been different ever since he came back, but, not _this_ different. _This_ is… hmm…” Joseph paused, humming slightly to himself. He stroked his chin as he thought. “It’s a little like Xigbar. Well, when Xigbar’s being _mean_ , anyway.”

Leon frowned—he didn’t know who Xigbar was, outside of the name. He started to ask Joseph, but then he heard a dark corridor open. Then he heard Aerith.

“Riku, wait—!”

Leon turned as quickly as he could.

Riku was gone.

“What happened?” Leon asked, stepping towards Aerith. She stood not inches from where Riku had been, hands outstretched. “Where’d he go?”

Aerith shook her head. She sent only a look in Leon’s direction, but that was enough for him to see the way her eyes pinched with distress. “I… I don’t know,” she said. “Home, maybe, or… Destiny Islands? He’s been going there a lot lately.”

“We’ll have to check both,” Leon said. _And fast,_ his thoughts added. He reached for his pocket, then groaned. “Oh _no,_ we can’t.”

Aerith turned to him. “Why not?”

“Riku had the star shard.”

They’d used his to come here, instead of using the other one they had in the house. It’d made more sense, so that if Yuffie or Cid needed to go anywhere…

Aerith’s eyes widened, and then she let out strained breath, pressing her hands to her mouth. She only ever did that if she was thinking hard, or upset. Leon rubbed at his head himself. Riku being on his own after what had just happened wouldn’t—couldn’t—be good. They could call Yuffie to come get them, but…

“Hey, don’t worry!” Joseph chimed. “I don’t have a star shard, but I can get you to Riku right away, regardless of _where_ he went.”

Leon looked up at him. He smiled a reassuring smile at Leon, and then at Aerith when she looked at him too.

“Trust me,” Joseph said. “I’ve done it a bunch before.”

“Shouldn’t we do something about Roxas, though?” Even asked. The raise of his eyebrows suggested he was more amused with the situation than worried.

Joseph waved the idea away. “Oh, come on, you guys can handle that on your own!” he said. “You won’t need Aerith or Leon for that.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” Vexen shook his head, looking entirely unconvinced. “I mean, Even and I on our own would fare well enough, if he’s calmed down, but I’m afraid if he hasn’t and we call down Amaryllis or someone, that might only provoke him further—”

“ _Hey!_ ”

Roxas.

Leon hadn’t been counting the seconds, but he wasn’t surprised the Stop had run out. It felt like it had been long enough.

“Why was I Stopped?” Roxas demanded.

As Leon directed his attention to Roxas, he saw that Roxas was a lot less… _whatever_ he’d been earlier. The way he held his Keyblades still made Leon tense, but _,_ that unsettling grin was gone without a trace.

“And where’d Riku go?” Roxas continued, looking between all of them. He squinted. “Wait, when did you all _move_? Even if I was Stopped, I still should’ve been able to—” He cut off there, features first going slack, then scrunching up in what _almost_ appeared to be a casual sort of horror. “I don’t remember anything from the past three, three and a half minutes,” he said finally.

Leon frowned. He could think of a lot of reasons why someone might suddenly have a gap in their memory, and none of them were comforting in the context of everything that had just happened. He felt Aerith’s eyes on him, and looked her way. From her expression, she was having similar thoughts.

Unsaid but understood between them was the fact that they still needed to head after Riku _soon._

“If you’re wondering what happened, _well_ ,” Joseph started.

“No, no, uh, Joseph, that’s. There’s no need for…” Vexen hastily closed the distance between him and the boy, grabbing him by the arm to pull him away from Roxas. “Roxas was just, uh. He was…”

“Leaving?” Even finished.

Roxas laughed. “Nice try, but I didn’t forget _that_ much. Though…”

He considered the spot Riku had previously been for a few moments, and then the Keyblades disappeared from his hands. “I think I got all the answers I needed, and since Riku’s not here to push around anymore, I guess I _am_ done.”

He glared, first at Vexen, then Even. “But don’t think you’re off the hook,” he warned, with a wag of his finger.

A dark corridor opened around him. He was gone.

“Pity he didn’t stay any longer… Or, didn’t come under such circumstances, I suppose I should say,” Even sighed. “I would’ve liked the chance to talk to him. What? Don’t give me that look!” That comment appeared to be directed at Vexen. Vexen was not making any faces when Leon looked, though. “He was one of few Replicas to be made while I was not around. It would have been nice.”

“Would’ve been nice if he hadn’t pointed Keyblades at us half the time, too,” Joseph added. He shook his head, though, as if not actually bothered by it. “But, anyway—we going to get Riku? Like I said, I can take you straight to him.”

Aerith nodded.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Leon said.

“Thank you,” Aerith said.

“Sure!” Joseph beamed at them, then looked up at Vexen. Vexen _had_ let go of Joseph’s arm, but he hadn’t moved. “You, uh, coming too, Vexen? Ooorrr…” He dragged the word out, as he waited for an answer.

“Oh!” Vexen blinked a few times. “I, um…” He started to say more, then didn’t. He closed his mouth, shook his head slightly, took a step back from Joseph. If Leon was any good at reading people (and, actually, he _was_ pretty good), he’d say Vexen wanted to go, but didn’t think it a good idea. Leon couldn’t say if he agreed or not. But, considering Riku’s general attitude towards Vexen, maybe it was better if he didn’t come. He might just make things worse.

“Alright then!” Joseph said, entirely unperturbed. He took a deep breath, wiggled his fingers in the air beside him a moment, then nodded. A dark corridor opened. “Sorry we gotta use a dark corridor,” he apologized. “This would’ve worked with a star shard, but like I said, I don’t got one on me right now, and I figure we gotta move fast.”

“We should,” Leon admitted. They’d left Riku on his own long enough.

Aerith moved towards the dark corridor, shoulders set in a steady determination that Leon recognized and knew he could not deter even if he wanted to. “One trip won’t kill us,” she said, and stepped through.

“It won’t,” Joseph assured Leon. He waved for Leon to go through next.

Leon laughed slightly in spite of himself, only for the fact Joseph thought he needed to be reassured. It was a grim laughter, though. His thoughts were on Riku. They weren’t on the potential dangers of dark corridors.

He stepped through, darkness like liquid against his skin as he did. Leon just hoped Joseph knew what he was doing, and where he was taking them. He hoped Riku was on the other side.


	60. In which Riku wrestles with a moral dilemma

Riku did not stop to take in the scenery when the dark corridor spat him out. If he had, he would’ve felt the grass beneath his feet, seen the endless sea of stars above him, the faint twilight glimmering on the horizon. As it was, he only sent a disinterested glance at the tower that stretched impossibly high into the sky above him.

Sora. He was here for Sora.

 _Sora knows._ The words echoed in his head. _Sora knows, Sora knows what it’s like—_

( _“Have you ever… killed anyone, Riku?”_ )

He wasn’t sure where to start looking for Sora, but, it turned out he didn’t have to look far.

Sora and Aqua were both outside the tower, a little ways to Riku’s right, going through basic Keyblade forms. Not that Riku really registered what they were doing. He just registered they were there. That Sora was there.

_Sora knows. Sora knows._

(“ _How thick is the blood on your hands, Riku?_ ”)

“Whoa, hey, Riku, you okay?” Sora’s voice. Sora…

Riku squeezed his eyes shut a moment. He’d lowered one hand to his side already, but the other still hung clutched in the back of his hair. He moved it enough so he could tap his fingers against his neck. One. Two. Three. Four times. The slight sting of pain, the sound, the numbers—they grounded him. Well, as best as he could be grounded right now.

He opened his eyes. He could see Sora a little more clearly—his sight wasn’t quite as blurry at the edges. Aqua’s shape fully registered to his brain.

“I, uh,” Riku said. He blinked a few times, trying to get his vision to stop swimming. The words from his nightmare continued to reverberate in his skull, along with everything Roxas had made him say. ( _“I wanted to kill them, I enjoyed it, I’m a monster—”_ ) He took a shuddering breath, trying to hold in tears. He wouldn’t cry, not here, not now, not over this. He _wouldn’t._

“Riku?” Sora pressed, taking a few steps in his direction.

“I, I need to talk to you, Sora, I- I need to—”

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Sora said. He held up his hands to Riku. They were empty. Riku didn’t remember him banishing his Keyblade. “Sorry Aqua.”

“No, that’s fine,” she said. “This seems important. I’ll give you space.”

She and Sora exchanged quick partial bows, and then Aqua moved towards the tower, and Sora grabbed Riku by the hand. Sora dragged him over to the edge of the world, where the grass and ground just _stopped_ and let out into an endless sky. Riku didn’t really notice the drop, didn’t notice how Sora kept them plenty ways away from the edge. All he really noticed was the pounding of his own heart and his head.

“H- H- How do you deal with it?” he asked Sora. He felt like he was going to choke.

Sora’s eyes were narrowed with concern, with confusion. “Deal with what?” he asked.

Riku swallowed. Opened and closed his hands a few times.

“Killing people.”

Sora staggered. Horror flashed across his face, and he took two—two, Riku counted—heaving gasps of air. Then he was silent, head moving to the side, like he was running something over in his mind. Riku didn’t pay much attention, then. His mind was still spinning, still echoing, and without Sora providing an immediate distraction…

Riku focused on trying to breathe around the tightness of his throat, on not picking—he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t, he’d disappoint Aerith, _he wouldn’t_ —and just, trying to breathe. Trying not to hear the words still going on loop in his head. (“ _Can’t own up to wanting to kill me? It’s not like I’d be the FIRST!”_ ) The world seemed to be swaying around him.

“Um, I, I thought it didn’t…” Sora began, then shook his head sharply. He pounded a fist furiously into his hand. “No, that’s dumb, it’s obviously bugging you now. Look—”

He reached out and grabbed Riku by the hands, lightly enough for Riku to pull away if he wanted to. Riku didn’t, though, instead he held on and squeezed. He was grateful for something to anchor himself. With Sora’s hands in his, everything seemed to sway a little less.

“Take a deep breath,” Sora instructed, blue eyes swimming with concern. Riku did as told. “I don’t, I dunno if I can help you, but, first of all, you gotta calm down.”

Riku nodded. Squeezed Sora’s hands tighter.

Sora took a deep breath himself. Something in his eyes made Riku mimic the action.

“Listen, you’ve gotta have some kind of system in place for when this happens to you, man,” Sora said. “When you’re freaking out. What do you do?”

Riku swallowed. “C- count,” he stammered.

Sora raised his eyebrows. “You count?”

Riku nodded.

“Okay,” Sora said. He nodded back. “Okay. We’ll count. Ready? One… two… three…”

Riku repeated after him, though Sora did it wrong, didn’t go fast enough. Once he’d found his voice, Riku fixed the rhythm, and Sora settled into it with him. Riku did his best to block out everything else. Did his best to focus only on the numbers and Sora’s voice and the feel of Sora’s hands in his. It helped, kind of.

For a bit.

But then the numbers became faces, became memories.

Seven (a Larxene pinned to the wall, his blade in her gut).

Eight (a Lexaeus Replica, slaughtered in a moment of darkness-high).

Nine (Demyx, dead just because he was in the way).

The list kept going in Riku’s head, with each number, until he was tripping over them as he counted. He thought he might be sick. Numbers were the steadiest thing he knew—even if not the most distracting thing, at times. When he couldn’t rely on them…

“Look, hang on, this isn’t working—yeah, _shut up!_ ” Sora quickly shook his head. “Sorry. Not you, Riku. Here… try something with me.”

He pulled one of his hands away from Riku, then reached down and started patting a simple rhythm against his thigh.

“Two times two is?”

“Four,” Riku answered, automatically.

“Two times three is?”

“Six.”

“Two times four is?”

“Eight.”

They kept going like that, Sora speaking with the same cadence as the rhythm he was tapping. Riku answered each without hesitation—he didn’t have to think too hard about this, seeing as it was basic times tables, but he had to think enough that it was distracting. It was repetitive, too. And calming.

Honestly, Riku didn’t know why he’d never thought of it before.

“You good, now?” Sora asked, as they finished the threes.

Riku nodded, slowly. The world wasn’t spinning, anymore, and he felt like he could breathe again. The words from his nightmares still echoed in his head, but they didn’t feel like they’d pound through his skull. And, there was still something writhing in his stomach, but…

He definitely felt better.

“Yeah…” he said. “I mean—”

Sora nodded. “I know. And, I- I really wish I knew how to answer your question, Riku…” He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, casting his eyes down to the grass. “But, I haven’t really, figured that out, myself. Obviously, try not to think about it all the time, but, for times like _this…_ ”

Riku reached up and rubbed at his arm with his free hand. The other was still gripping Sora’s. “That’s okay,” he told Sora. “I just, I figured, if- if anyone was gonna know.”

“Yeah.” Sora nodded again. “Yeah, and, I wish I did. What, uh… What brought this on?”

Riku licked his lips and opened his mouth, but didn’t get a chance to start explaining.

A dark corridor opened a few feet away from where he and Sora stood. From it stepped Aerith, shaking herself, then Leon, scowling, and finally, Joseph. Joseph was grinning.

“See, I told you!” he said. “I knew what I was doing.”

“We never—” Aerith began, in a kind voice, but Joseph didn’t give her the chance to say any more. He was running over to Riku and Sora.

“Hi Sora!!” Joseph waved enthusiastically, beaming up at Sora. He didn’t have to look up that far, though—Sora was only about half a foot taller than him.

Sora smiled back at him, less enthusiastically. “Hi,” he said, though.

“Are you okay?” Aerith asked, moving towards Riku. “Are you…?”

Leon hovered behind her, the same concern in his eyes. Riku’s heart tugged a little in his chest. His stomach flip-flopped.

“I…” He swallowed. Tried his hardest to meet Aerith’s eyes. He squeezed Sora’s hand. Sora squeezed back. “I’m… okay,” he answered.

Things were still a little shaky. But, his head was a lot clearer, and things were steadier with Sora here, somehow. And, now that Aerith and Leon were here— _oh_. Oh no. He still had to explain. He still had to tell them. He still had to…

“Hey, Aerith? Leon?” Joseph said, turning towards them. “You can get, uh, home from here, right? If you don’t need me, I should probably get back home myself. It’s…” he dragged the word out, grimaced, “been a while. 29’s probably getting worried.”

“We’ll be alright,” Leon answered. “Riku has a star shard.”

“So do I,” Sora added.

Joseph nodded. “Oh, riiiiight.” He backed away from the group, gave a quick salute to them all. “Well, see ya!” Something burned in his eyes, as he opened a dark corridor. Riku got the feeling he wasn’t going just because 29 would be worried.

Either way, he was glad. Having this conversation while Joseph stuck around would’ve been awful.

“Okay, now that he’s gone, what, uh…” Sora stopped to swallow, to lick his lips. In a quieter tone, he continued: “What _happened_?”

“Roxas showed up in Castle Oblivion,” Leon began.

The explanation took long enough that they all sat down on the grass, still just feet from the edge of the world. Bushes spread along the edge on either side of them. Riku and Sora sat next to each other, Riku still gripping Sora’s hand—it was serving as a nice anchor, and Sora hadn’t complained yet. Aerith and Leon sat across from them. They both looked troubled. Riku tried not to think too hard about why.

The two of them did most of the explaining. Riku spoke up only when he needed to, like to clarify why Roxas had been upset. Aerith and Leon hadn’t been there when Roxas had been Rebuilt, so they couldn’t provide that context. As for the things Roxas had made him say? Those could wait. Just a bit. They could wait.

“And… that’s when you came here?” Sora said, looking to Riku.

Riku nodded at him. He stared at the grass, the dandelions in front him.

“What happened to Roxas?” Sora asked.

“He left once he realized Riku had,” Leon answered.

“Which seems strange, because, I got the impression it was more than just Riku he should have been mad at,” Aerith said. She ran her fingers over the grass next to her—Riku could see that without looking up. “So, why only focus on Riku?”

Riku shrugged. “Who knows,” he mumbled. He was just glad it was over.

A silence weighed heavy in the air. Reflexively, Riku hunched in on himself. He saw Aerith shift, hands pulling into her lap, leaning forward. He could feel the breath in her lungs as if it was his own.

“As for…” There seemed to be an eternity between those words and her next. “What… What he made you say.” She faltered there, but her question was clear enough.

Riku took a shuddering breath. He didn’t want to tell them but he had to tell them because they already knew. They knew, now. And, they deserved to know it from him.

“It was… It was true…” Riku said, grinding out the words between his clenched teeth. He kept his head down, scared of seeing the horror on Aerith’s face, the distrust that would surely show on Leon’s. “What I said. I guess- I guess Roxas made me say it, I don’t really understand, but it wasn’t like… Wasn’t like those things _weren’t_ what I—”

Tears burned hot on his cheeks, and he hated how they felt, hated how much his head hurt, how hard it was to breathe. He hadn’t felt this disgustingly _weak_ in a long time, and it made him sick to his stomach. (Not just because of the feeling, but also because he knew _this wasn’t weakness,_ he just couldn’t get his mind to accept that no matter how hard he tried.)

“I wanted to kill them,” he choked. “I wanted to kill the Larxenes, wanted to see her dead, I’ve always wanted to see her _dead._ So I killed what imitations of her I could find.” He pulled his hand out of Sora’s. Clenched his hands into fists in front of him. “I- I wanted her to _suffer_ , like she’d made _me_ suffer. Did- did you—?” He looked up at them, now, pleading, confused. “Did you _forget_ that I went all the way to the other universe just to _slaughter_ her? Did you think that was only _then_ that I wanted to!?”

“Riku—”

It was not Aerith or Leon who spoke, it was Sora. He reached for Riku’s arm. Riku pulled away. Ducked his head back down.

( _“Only… Only monsters do that to other people, Riku.” “…you think I’m a monster?” – that, and the deafening silence after._ )

“I’m- I’m a _monster.”_ The words were like bile in his throat. He couldn’t find it in him to deny them. “I’m _disgusting,_ I wanted to—”

It was Leon, who interrupted this time.

“Riku, please, don’t—”

“You don’t know what I wanted to _do to her_!”

None of them replied for a long moment. Riku reached up, digging fingers into his hair. They didn’t know this, either. Did they deserve to know? Did they deserve to know how awful he really was? It’d been a long time since he’d felt this sick.

“No… we don’t,” Aerith said. She spoke with a careful slowness. “But I think I can imagine.”

A sob heaved in Riku’s chest.

“I… I would’ve… If- Namine hadn’t stopped me. If- if _they_ hadn’t stopped me…” He scrubbed at his tears with the heels of his hands. He couldn’t remember feeling so awful about it after it had first happened, but _now…_ “I’m- I’m _just as bad as she is_.”

“Don’t say that,” Aerith pleaded. “You’re nothing like her, Riku. I know what she’s like, and, I- I _know_ that sometimes, you act a little like her…”

Riku flinched.

“But not _all_ the time,” Aerith pressed on, firmly. “And that’s important. Habits are hard to break, but you _are_ breaking them. You are someone else. You are so much better than her.”

“But I—”

“You’re not her, Riku,” Leon said. “You won’t ever be like her, if you don’t want to be. Listen, the mere fact you’re scared of becoming like her?”

“Proves you won’t,” Sora finished. “Proves you’re better.”

Riku took a deep breath. Let his hands fall from his face.

He looked up, slowly, first to Sora, because that was easy. He knew what he’d find on Sora’s face—because Sora was simple, Sora was familiar. There was a genuineness in his eyes that matched his tone, a small encouraging smile on his lips.

Riku dared to glance at Aerith and Leon. Aerith’s face was tight, painted with the same expression she’d worn the night he told her the hurt that weighed on his heart, the night she’d offered him a place in her home. Leon wore a similar expression, though less intense. And, something else burned in his eyes.

There was no horror, though. No judgement, on either of their faces. None of the things Riku feared.

It was strange.

Riku clutched his hands together, taking a shaky breath.

“I… I just want…”

“Listen, Riku,” Aerith said. “I won’t say it’s right. I won’t say it’s okay, because…” She stopped. Her face darkened.

“Well, it’s not, really,” Leon finished. Aerith sent him a look. He shrugged. He seemed hesitant to look at either her or Riku. “It’s not, _exactly,_ right. That you wanted to kill people, that you, uh, _did._ But, what we’re trying to say is Larxene… She’s a separate story. And I don’t think anyone would go this far without being pushed to that point, first.”

“I…” Riku began, but he wasn’t sure what to say.

“We understand,” Aerith said. She held her hands together in her lap. “It’s a heavy weight to carry. _We understand._ But—”

“There’s nothing in these worlds that can’t be forgiven,” Sora said.

Aerith turned to him, surprised. He wasn’t looking at her, or anyone. He was staring past her, past Leon, face set in firm determination. His hands were pressed in the grass behind him for support as he leaned back a little.

Sora didn’t say anything more. Aerith nodded to herself.

“Exactly,” she said.

“Exactly,” Leon echoed.

There was something budding in Riku’s chest, but he didn’t dare say anything, didn’t dare argue. He just sat there, and he waited, and he listened. (A part of him argued he didn’t deserve this, whatever this was—the rest of him wanted this too bad to let that part win.)

“We don’t think you’re a monster, Riku,” Aerith said, and it was like he could breathe again.

“You’re just a kid who’s had too many bad things happen to him,” Leon said.

“And, you’re _family._ ”

“That doesn’t mean you’ll get a pass if this sort of thing happens again—”

“But we love you, Riku. The fact you’re sorry for what you did is enough. It has to be enough, because, there’s nothing more you can do.”

“ _Please_ don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Aerith fixed him with a kind smile, and Leon, a patient one. Riku heaved a sigh of relief, grateful, so grateful, to hear all those words. The world wasn’t so shaky, any more. The echoes in his head were quieter.

“I…” he began. He wasn’t sure how to put what he felt into words, but, he was sure he had to try.

“It’s okay,” Aerith said, though. “It’s okay.”

Riku closed his mouth. He sat there and just… _breathed._ It was okay. Everything was fine.

They didn’t hate him. They didn’t think he was a monster. There was still a heaviness in his chest, but it felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was a good feeling. With it swelling in his chest, he could take the voices still echoing in his mind, and tune them out entirely.

Everything really was fine.


	61. In which Sora asks a question, and Leon does his best to answer

Sora leaned over and nudged Riku, peering at him.

“Hey, how you feeling buddy?” he asked. He was pretty sure Riku was doing okay, now, after all that, but he thought it might be best to check.

Riku took a careful breath, and then he nodded. And he smiled. Sora’s heart swelled in his chest. (He half expected Kano to comment, but Kano was still nothing but a distant buzz in the back of his mind—their link wasn’t stifled, Kano was just choosing to stay silent.)

“Much better,” Riku said. It was quiet, but it was confident, too.

Sora beamed at him and patted him on the back. He hadn’t really said much in this conversation, but it was good to see that Riku was feeling better anyway. Riku took a deep breath. Sora squeezed his shoulder.

“I guess we should get headed home, then,” Aerith said. She got to her feet and adjusted her skirt. Leon got his feet right after her, nodding his agreements.

“Well,” Sora said, as he pushed from Riku’s shoulder to get himself to his feet, then offered a hand to help Riku up. “If you guys don’t mind waiting a couple minutes, I’ll follow you home. I just gotta talk to Aqua first, ‘n let her know.” He laughed a little, and pulled his hand away from Riku to rub the back of his neck. “What a wonderful way to spend my second day of training, huh?”

“You don’t _have_ to see us home,” Aerith assured him.

Sora waved her off, and laughed with a little more confidence. “Nah, seriously, I’m done for today,” he said. Complaining about the lack of training had been a joke. “After all that, I’m not really… in the mood to keep training. So, might as well hang out with you for a bit, Riku, ‘less you don’t want me to.” Sora leaned towards Riku, grinning.

A quick—grateful?—smile spread across Riku’s lips, then he twisted his mouth into a more neutral position. “Why would I care?” he said, in a carefully disinterested manner.

Sora rolled his eyes and laughed. Riku wasn’t fooling _him._

“Well, I better go talk to Aqua, so I don’t keep you guys waitin’ too long,” Sora said. He sent one last grin at Riku, then turned and started for the tower. He’d gotten only maybe two steps when Kano stopped him.

‘ _Sora, wait, don’t you need to ask Leon about something? I mean, about… you know.’_

Sora stopped mid-step, all poised to take another. It took him a second to remember _what_ thing Kano was talking about, but a little nonverbal conveyance of images and memories cleared that up. A while ago, Sora asked Cloud the same question Riku’d asked him. _How do you cope with killing people?_ Cloud hadn’t had an answer, but he said Leon might be someone to ask.

“That’s right…” Sora said, under his breath. He put his foot down and started to turn back around. Then he paused. _Wait, is now a good time?_

He got the sense of Kano rolling his eyes.

‘ _I mean, he’s right there,’_ Kano said.

 _Yeah, but, like, after everything else we just talked about—should I really bug him with…_ Sora stopped before he finished asking, already sensing Kano’s coming laughter.

‘ _Please, like I’M the one you should be asking about that.’_

Sora glared shortly at him. But, he supposed Kano had a point.

‘ _Listen,’_ Kano said. ‘ _I’d say ask him now, so you won’t forget again. I_ _can’t keep remembering things for you forever, Sora.’_

 _Yeah, that’s true,_ Sora agreed. _Thanks for reminding me, anyway._

_‘Uh-huh.’_

Sora turned around for real now, looking to Leon. Leon’s eyebrows were raised in question, and even Riku and Aerith looked a little confused. Sora decided not to think about how long he’d been standing there, discussing that over with Kano. Instead, he cut straight to the chase.

“Actually, hey, Leon, can I ask you something?” Sora said. Then he looked over at Riku, figured it’d be best not to weigh this on _him,_ and rethought. “Um, privately, if possible.” He swallowed. Hoped he didn’t sound too nervous.

Leon looked at him with those raised eyebrows a moment more, then shrugged.

“Alright, sure,” he said.

“Cool.” Sora smiled in his relief. “It shouldn’t take long.” That was as much to reassure Leon as to reassure Aerith and Riku.

They headed closer to the tower, since at this point, it was about the only place they could go for some privacy. Standing near—but not on—the doorstep is where they paused.

“Alright,” Leon said. “What did you want to ask me about?”

“Um,” Sora began, only to get distracted. Kano’d stifled their link, for some reason. Why’d he do that?

Sora poked a little, and felt a thin shred of disinterest coming from Kano. That was strange. If he wasn’t interested in this—and, now that Sora thought about it, he wasn’t sure why Kano _would_ be interested—why had he reminded Sora to ask? Maybe he’d honestly just been trying to be helpful. The thought made Sora feel warm inside.

“Sora?” Leon asked. When Sora returned his attention to Leon, Leon was watching him steadily, politely. “What was it you wanted to ask me?” he repeated.

“Sorry,” Sora said, out of habit. He started playing with his fingers as he spoke. “Y’see, I was talking to Cloud a while back, and he mentioned that you fought and, um, killed a sorceress.” Sora remembered, now, that Cloud had also mentioned Aerith, but… too late for that.

Leon raised his eyebrows, but nodded. “Yeah. Two, technically.”

Sora nodded back at him, not sure how else to respond. He kept plodding ahead.

“Well, I… Riku seems to have gotten everything figured out, but I. I mean.” Sora sighed. Tugged at his fingers. It was hard to look right at Leon. “I just wanted to know how you cope. With, y’know, the idea that you killed somebody.”

Leon’s eyebrows raised a little higher.

“You…?” he began.

Sora nodded quickly. “Yeah. I mean, there was Ansem, and Maleficent, and most of the Organization—”

“That’s right,” Leon said. He instantly looked apologetic. “I knew that. I just hadn’t thought…” He broke off, grimacing hard.

“It’s okay,” Sora assured him.

Leon didn’t respond. He reached up to rub at his temple, sighing deeply.

After a long moment, he said:

“Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m the best person to answer that. The sorceresses I fought, they were…” Leon stopped. Groaned a little. He lowered his hand, after another moment, then crossed his arms over his chest. “I know they were people, and sometimes I wonder why it had to be _us,_ why _we_ had to do it, but… Ultimecia was a very real threat to another world, and she had to be stopped.” There was an absolute certainty in his tone. “Killing her wasn’t fun, but we didn’t really have another choice. Adel? Similar dilemma, just pile on the fact she personally attacked us.”

“R-right…” Sora said. He supposed he understood that.

Leon must’ve read something into Sora’s tone. He put on a kinder face, though his arms remained crossed over his chest.

“Listen, what about you?” he said. “The people you fought? I mean, I’m not going to say killing is necessarily _right,_ and, boy do I wish a decision like that had never fallen to your shoulders, but… None of them were good people, were they?”

Sora mulled that over.

“Well…” he began, but he was hesitant to call them all _evil_.  “No,” he admitted, though. He couldn’t find a way to put his thoughts into words right. It wasn’t that he was defending them, it was just…

Evil felt like a really strong word.

“Then there you have it,” Leon said. “Maybe you don’t want to call people like you and me heroes, but the people we fought were evil, and they had to be stopped, one way or another.”

Sora swallowed. “Yeah, that’s… that’s fair,” he said, with all the confidence he could muster.

Leon started to say something more, but then Aerith came up behind him, laying a hand on her shoulder to get his attention. He turned to her. Sora tried to smile politely.

“Listen, I’d like to do something,” Aerith said. “And, I’d like to go ahead and get it done now. I was thinking I take the star shard, and then Sora can give you and Riku a ride home?” She looked to Sora. “Sora, is that okay with you?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sora answered, with only a slight pause. “I can do that.”

“Okay!” Aerith smiled gratefully at him. “Leon?”

“Go for it,” he told her.

Aerith bobbed her head in a quick nod, and started to pull away from them. “Alright then. It shouldn’t take me long.” She smiled at Leon. “I’ll meet you at home.” That said, she returned to Riku, likely to get the star shard from him.

“Just, uh, give me ten minutes,” Sora said, pointing a thumb toward the tower. “I gotta let know Aqua I’m leaving, but once I’ve done that, I can take you and Riku home.”

Leon raised his eyebrows at Sora.

“Wait, was that it?” he asked.

Sora nodded. It was about all Leon could help him with, he felt like. And, he didn’t want to make Riku wait too long by himself. That seemed like it might be a bad idea.

“Oh, alright then,” Leon said. He let his arms fall from his chest, and sighed a little. “Well, I’m glad I could help. And, I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sora told him, with a smile. “You helped plenty.”

He tapped his toes against the ground as he said it. It wasn’t, exactly, true. But it was enough.

Leon nodded. He reached out and patted Sora on the shoulder.

“Listen, don’t beat yourself up over it,” he said. “I know it’s a heavy burden to carry, but it was the right thing. You did the right thing.” He smiled reassuringly at Sora, then nodded towards the tower. “Now go do what you need to do.”

Sora nodded back at him and headed inside.

He was confronted with a flight of stairs once he entered. Squinting up at them, he started to wonder if—magic or no—it would always take at least a single flight of stairs to get where he was going. “Please get me to Aqua,” Sora whispered, patting the banister. He hoped the tower would listen. He, actually, wasn’t sure how to get to Aqua otherwise, outside of a star shard.

As he got climbing, Sora churned everything Leon had said over in his head. Leon was right. They _had_ been bad people. But Sora was still… troubled.

‘ _What’cha chewing on?’_ Kano asked.

Sora found himself smiling in spite of himself. The thing was: Kano didn’t have to ask. He didn’t have to pretend to care about this if he didn’t want to. But, the fact he wanted to try and help was nice.

“Thinking about what Leon said,” Sora answered. Out loud, because it was always easier that way, in these moments when they were alone. “I know what he means, I just… I dunno…”

He wasn’t worried about Ansem or Xemnas, really. Calling _Ansem_ evil wasn’t something he found hard to do, and, he trusted Mickey’s judgement on Xemnas—and, on Xehanort, he supposed. Maleficent… Well, there was a lot more in her death he was worried about than whether or not it should’ve happened.

‘ _Sorry about that…’_ Kano said slowly, guilt welling up within him.

Sora shook his head firmly. He was tempted to stop where he was on the stairs, except it wasn’t like he’d be stopping so he could look at Kano properly. He couldn’t look at Kano at all.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sora told him. “How many times do I have to tell you? _I forgive you._ ”

Kano shifted uncomfortably.

‘ _But…’_ he began.

Sora shook his head. “Like I told Riku—there’s nothing in these worlds that can’t be forgiven.”

Kano paused. Realization passed through him, slowly at first, then all at once.

‘ _You were thinking about me when you said that_ ,’ he said.

“Yeah,” Sora answered, plainly. There was no point hiding that. “Because… Listen, man, I understand you did a lot of pretty bad things. Making me kill Maleficent included. I can’t let you off the hook if it happens again, but...”

Sora took a deep breath. He was confident in the fact his mind couldn’t be changed on this one.

“I know you want to change, and that’s more than enough for me,” he said. “You’ll never change if I don’t give you the chance to.”

Kano didn’t say anything. His emotions, though, were clear. Sora felt surprise… warmth… Maybe something else. An uneasiness, for sure, but only of the _I’m-not-really-sure-what-to-say_ kind.

Sora allowed himself a smile. But, only a small one. There were still other things on his mind.

“Anyway, then there’s the rest of the Organization…” he said, quietly. He felt a little bad for bringing the subject back to this, but he still had thoughts to mull over. Kano didn’t seem to mind, at least. In fact, he still seemed perfectly willing to help.

‘ _What about them?’_ Kano asked.

Sora shrugged. He ran his fingers along the wall beside him—actually, this was the only staircase he’d been on in this tower that _had_ a wall on one side, now that he thought about it. But, never mind that.

“I know, like, as a group, Organization 13 was doing bad things,” Sora said. “But, what about the individuals? I just can’t make myself consider _all_ of them evil.”

Kano laughed. He didn’t sound surprised, just exasperated, and—oh. He thought Sora was stupid for thinking that way.

‘ _Sora, come on, they were working with that Xemnas guy, weren’t they? Or, Xehanort?’_ Kano said. There was a haughtiness beating strong in him. ‘ _I may not know EVERYTHING about this, but you can’t tell me you don’t think anyone working with Xehanort is just as bad as he is!’_

 “Well, I mean,” Sora began, scowling. He wasn’t entirely sure how to argue with that. “What about _you_?” he asked, instead.

‘ _What do_ I _have to do with Xehanort?’_

“No, I meant—” Sora growled and shook his head. He stopped on the steps now, kicking the step below him with his toes. “Like, I thought you were evil, but then, you _weren’t_ , so…”

‘ _So you think_ Xehanort’s _not actually evil!?’_

“No!” Sora shouted, throwing his hands into the air. Kano was _in his chest,_ he should know what he meant! “I mean the Organization members! Some of them, anyway. How do I know if _they’re_ evil?”

‘ _I’m pretty sure that had nothing to do with me ‘never being evil’, and everything with me turning over a new leaf, or, however the hell you want to put it,’_ Kano argued. Annoyance beat hard in him. Whether because Kano was annoyed or because Sora himself was annoyed, Sora scowled and folded his arms over his chest. He kept kicking at the ground.

“What about the Organization?” he said.

‘ _Do you really think they would’ve tried to kill you if they’d turned over a new leaf?’_

“Maybe they had to,” Sora argued. “Like Roxas. He was forced to work for them, and he’s not evil.”

Kano could not roll his eyes like this, of course, but Sora got the strong sense he would’ve if he could’ve.

‘ _Wasn’t he brainwashed, though?’_ Kano said.

“Maybe they all were!”

‘ _Sora, you can’t give every damn person the benefit of the doubt!’_

“I just don’t feel comfortable calling them all evil!”

Kano stewed on that for a while. Sora stopped kicking at the stairs, because his toes were starting to hurt. He thought about continuing climbing from there—because, who knew how far he still needed to go—but then Kano groaned.

‘ _Listen,’_ he said. ‘ _All the Organization members you fought. All the ones you killed? The guy with the eyepatch, the other one who tried to kidnap Kairi, and then… ugh.’_ Disgust filled him strongly. ‘ _Luxord.’_

Sora wasn’t so sure why Kano’d singled Luxord out. But, knowing what Kano was trying to do, Sora went along.

“Xigbar’s definitely working with Xehanort,” he said. Sora was plenty sure on that, at least. “So, I guess I shouldn’t worry about him, if I’m not going to worry about Xehanort.”

‘ _Thank you,’_ Kano grumbled.

Sora pouted, but kept going.

“Xaldin… I… I dunno about him,” Sora admitted.

‘ _Then you can’t worry about him either,’_ Kano said.

Sora let out a sigh, and scowled, but Kano was right. Without totally knowing Xaldin’s motives, and how much they did and did not differ from Xehanort’s, he couldn’t make a call. He just wished he hadn’t been so hasty to fight Xaldin, in the end…

“That just leaves Luxord.”

‘ _What about him?’_ Kano demanded, before Sora had finished saying Luxord’s name. There was something decidedly foul boiling in Kano. For now, Sora ignored it. Kano’d tell him what it was in just a second, anyway.

“He just didn’t feel like he was really thrilled with being in the Organization,” Sora said.

‘ _Uh, since the hell when?’_ Kano countered. He really did feel pretty nasty, right now. ‘ _You knew him for like ten minutes, and spent all of those fighting him.’_

“Just a feeling,” Sora replied, with a shrug.

‘ _A feeling?!’_ Kano laughed bitterly. ‘ _A feeling! Yeah, like, that REALLY means anything—’_

“Kano,” Sora started.

‘ _Did you FORGET how that battle with him went down? He forced you into that stupid game—some sick sort of game if you ask me!—’_ There was a harsh contempt in Kano’s voice, knotted up in the back of Sora’s mind. ‘ _He gambled his own life away, Sora. He forced you into that position. It’s HIS fault, not yours, that he’s dead.’_

“Okay, okay,” Sora said, putting his hands up in front of him. The action was more habit than anything else, since it wouldn’t actually do anything in terms of calming Kano down. “I guess you have a point,” he admitted.

‘ _You GUESS?’_

“I mean, you _do_ have a point, I just—”

‘ _Sora, come ON, you can turn this all around and around in your head all you want but it won’t make a difference—’_

“I know, I _know_!” Sora cut him off. He slammed his still outstretched hands through the air. Frustration bubbled in his gut, but he made himself take a deep breath, and he repeated: “I know.”

Leon was right, in that they were doing bad things, and they had to be stopped one way or another. Kano was right, in that they all probably deserved it, too. Sora understood that. He did. He just wasn’t satisfied.

But right now, there was nothing more he could do. So he set it aside. He could worry about it later. He still needed to tell Aqua he was leaving, anyway.


	62. In which Aerith pays someone a visit

The star shard, to put it lightly, set her in a hallway of Castle Oblivion. Aerith didn’t mind, seeing as Castle Oblivion was where she’d been intending to go—she just hoped it was the right place _in_ Castle Oblivion. It probably was, given how star shards worked, but…

On a hunch, Aerith moved for the closest room on her right, and knocked on the open door. Inside was nothing more than two desks on either end of the room, each with a computer. Sitting in the far desk, clicking away at the computer, was a man she hoped was Vexen. There was no way to tell, right away, given all the Replicas that roamed about this place.

The man in the chair swiveled around to look at her. “Oh! Aerith,” he said, smiling a bit. Aerith let out a small sigh of relief. This _was_ Vexen, then.

He was one of three people here who would greet her by name. Even didn’t wear that black cloak everyone else—including Vexen—did. 7’s glasses were a different size and shape. That meant this was Vexen.

“To what do I, uh,” Vexen began, but then stopped. The smile vanished from his face like he’d realized something. Worry was quick to follow after that. “What, uh. Did… Did you find Riku?” he asked. “Is… Is he alright?”

“Riku’s fine,” Aerith assured Vexen. It was no surprise he was worried, given the state they’d all left in. “We talked with him, and we calmed him down. He ended up going to find Sora, so Sora helped a lot.”

There was a lot more to it than that, of course, but Aerith did not see why she should tell Vexen any of those things.

“Oh!” Vexen seemed surprised, but he nodded. “That makes sense, I suppose. I’m, um…” He paused long enough to let out a large sigh of relief. “I’m glad Riku’s alright. I was worried about him.”

Aerith did not say anything, but she raised her eyebrows the slightest bit. That only further proved her suspicions.

“I’m not sure why Roxas came here, or why he did any of the things he did,” Vexen continued, shaking his head. “But… Well, like I said. I am glad that Riku’s alright. I- I considered coming to check on him myself, but decided against it. I got the feeling Riku wouldn’t have appreciated it, and… and Leon did not seem like he would have, either.”

Aerith started to open her mouth, to say that wasn’t true, but couldn’t. It was true. And, knowing her brother, not the slightest bit surprising, either. _Especially_ if he’d seen the same things in Vexen that she had. That was almost entirely the reason she was here.

Not for Leon’s sake, exactly. And not really for Riku’s, either. It was more complicated than that.

“You’ll have to forgive Leon,” Aerith said instead, because all she could do was apologize in his place. “I think you remind him a little of someone he doesn’t happen to like.” She wished Leon were on a little better terms with Laguna, seeing as it had been seven years and all, but she supposed Leon reserved the right to not want to talk about or to Laguna, as well.

But that wasn’t important right now.

“I… I see,” Vexen said, though his brow only furrowed in confusion. “Regardless, I’m glad to hear that Riku is alright. As I said. But…” He slowly raised his eyebrows, looking at Aerith almost warily. His voice was a thin mask of pleasantries that he was obviously having trouble holding to, when he spoke again. “I assume you didn’t come all this way just to tell me that. So… to what do I owe this pleasure?”

Aerith smiled reassuringly at him, though not entirely sure why he was tense. She had not technically been invited in, or offered a seat—she’d been standing in the doorway this whole time—but figuring it was far enough into the conversation that neither of those things were going to happen, Aerith stepped into the room anyway. Vexen continued to watch her with that wary look, as she pulled the other chair in this room away from its desk and, after turning it to face Vexen and straighten her skirt out, sat down.

“Well, I had something I wanted to ask you,” Aerith said.

All the blood slowly drained from Vexen’s face. He swallowed once, twice.

“This, uh, this… wouldn’t have to do with any of- any of what Roxas said? Would it?”

The end of Vexen’s question pitched upwards, as if in fear, and then Aerith understood. She quickly shook her head.

“Oh, no!” she assured him. “It’s not about that at all.”

Vexen let out a huge sigh of relief. Aerith wouldn’t have brought those questions to him anyway, unless she’d absolutely had to, but she supposed she understood why he’d been worried. From his perspective, it must have seemed the most likely thing to come up.

Aerith just wished what she was actually here for was any easier to talk about.

“I actually, well…” She paused to clear her throat. It wasn’t that this was something _difficult,_ in the sense neither of them would actually want to discuss it, but it was… _awkward._ Yes, it was definitely an awkward question to have to ask, but it was also something she was not ready to leave without knowing.

The wariness returned to Vexen’s eyes. Aerith wished again that there was a way to do this and avoid making either of them feel so tense.

“It’s… I know it’s a little awkward, and out of nowhere,” Aerith pressed on. Prefacing it like that made it a little easier to say, because at least then Vexen would anticipate it being, well, an awkward question. “But you… You do _care_ for Riku, don’t you?”

Vexen’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Realizing how accusing that must have sounded, Aerith quickly amended:

“I mean, I’m not trying to…” She fumbled a second to find the right words. Not being able to, she hastily went for an explanation, instead: “I just… I don’t really know anything about your relationship to Riku, outside of what he’s told me, and, well, he’s certainly never told me… this.”

Vexen chuckled. “Well, that’s not a surprise,” he said. “I can’t imagine Riku having anything kind to say about me.”

Aerith opened her mouth for a second, but then closed it. There was nothing she could say that was kind, unless it was a lie. Sure, Riku did not constantly rant and rave about how awful Vexen was, but he still talked about Vexen with a strong dislike, or distrust, and when it was neither of those things, it was extreme confusion. She could say that _she_ didn’t think as lowly of Vexen as Riku seemed to, except now didn’t feel like the place and time.

Vexen didn’t appear to expect her to say anything, though. He sighed, and reached up to pull his glasses away from his face. As he spoke, he concentrated on them and folding them shut. “I… I do care about him, though. To answer your question. Perhaps… more than I’d like to admit.” He laughed again, but quieter this time, less bitter and more helpless. “But I’m afraid I… I wasn’t…”

He hesitated, there. He didn’t say anything more, for the moment, as he reached up to drop his glasses into the front pocket of his cloak. They seemed to vanish once they were in there. Aerith wasn’t sure how that worked, or how they were safe in there. But, she supposed, the answer was something as simple as _magic._ Those cloaks had to be magic, of some sort, for everyone to be wearing them.

“I wasn’t very kind to him, at the beginning,” Vexen continued. “And I’m fairly certain he resents me for that. Of course he does! He has every right—for the way I treated him, for the way I betrayed his trust. I’m trying to make up for the things I did in the past, but… I’m not sure I _can_ make up for…”

He sighed and shook his head, leaving it at that.

Aerith wet her lips, turning over her next question in her mind. It seemed like a silly question to ask, an unnecessary one, but… she had to be sure.

“Have you tried apologizing to him?” she asked, kindly, but in a tone that should make it clear she was largely ( _largely_ ) teasing.

Vexen scoffed. “What! Of course I’ve—”

And then he stopped.

He sat in silence for a few more moments, mouth hanging open, scowlingharder and harder with each passing second.

Finally, he looked to Aerith, and he said: “I… I can’t _remember_ ever…?” He shook his head vehemently. “No, _no,_ that can’t be right! I had to have apologized to him at _some_ point.”

“Well, maybe you should again…?” Aerith suggested, trying to continue sounding kind. She really did mean it in the kindest way possible. “Just in case. And, you know how Riku is, besides.” She laughed a little at that, figuring Vexen, if anyone, understood. “It takes him a while to get things through his head.”

Vexen considered that, and then, though perhaps a bit reluctantly, he nodded.

“I suppose that’s true,” he agreed.

They passed into silence, and Aerith ran over the next question she wanted to ask in her mind. She knew what it was, she just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. It was the more complicated part, of this meeting. Perhaps, not the question itself, but figuring out how to lead into it.

She didn’t get a chance to come up with anything, because Vexen interrupted her thoughts with a question of his own.

“Forgive me if I’m being blunt, Aerith,” he said. There was something burning in his eyes that she could not identify. “But I feel that if you get to ask this of me, then I have every right to ask this of you.”

Aerith felt her eyebrows raise, just slightly, in confusion, wondering what in the Worlds he could mean by that.

“ _You_ care for Riku, don’t you?” Vexen asked.

Oh. That’s what he meant.

“Of course I do,” Aerith told him.

“Why?”

That pressing question could be interpreted as rude, and there _was_ a rudeness gleaming in Vexen’s eyes, but Aerith didn’t let it bug her.

“Because he’s family,” she said, without hesitation.

“Family,” Vexen repeated, and then… he _laughed,_ and he shook his head. At that, Aerith might have been offended, except Vexen looked more bewildered than everything else.

“Forgive me,” he said. “I just… I don’t think I ever imagined myself putting the words _Riku_ and _family_ in the same context. I always figured that he and Namine would stay together, but I didn’t ever consider… _Family._ ”

This time, he spoke the word with some kind of reverence, some kind of amazement. (Aerith would even dare to say… with the same sort of tone Riku often spoke the word with.)

“It’s not like there wasn’t room,” Aerith said. “And… I think it was something my mother would have done.”

Her mother adopted her and Leon both, after all, even if those circumstances had been a little different. It also just felt… natural, after accepting Cid and Yuffie into the family when Radiant Garden fell. Riku had needed a place to belong as much as the four of them had then. That was something a little harder to explain to Vexen, though.

“Really?” Vexen asked, still with that note of surprise in his voice.

Aerith nodded.

“I did the only thing I could do,” she began, in an attempt to explain. “I offered him a place in my home, because I felt like he needed it. I couldn’t turn a blind eye to that.” She hardly got that far through it before her voice started to catch in her throat. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t turn a blind eye to a boy who never felt like he belonged, who never felt like he’d been loved. I wanted to make a difference… so I did.”

Her chest was tight, and her heart still broke, thinking of the circumstances under which she’d adopted Riku. He was doing better now, so much better now, and that made tears well up in her eyes more than anything else.

“It’s no burden,” Aerith continued, to make that absolutely clear, even if though she probably did not need to. “He’s no burden. He’s just a kid who needed a home.”

Vexen nodded, slowly, almost distractedly at her. He seemed… _troubled?_

“And he… he likes it? There, with you?” Vexen asked, a little hesitantly.

Aerith nodded adamantly, a grin stretching across her lips.

“Yes. Yes he does,” she said, and she could not say it fast enough. “I think he’s happy to have a family. And… I think he’s gotten a lot better, too,” she added, in case Vexen had not noticed, because she felt he deserved to know. “He seems so much more… comfortable, since he moved in.”

“Well, that’s good to hear…” Vexen smiled gratefully at her, a sort of wistful look in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me.”

“I’d beg to differ, but, I suppose I can understand the sentiment.”

Aerith laughed a little, and Vexen smiled a bit wider at her. That had been a successful conversation, as far as Aerith was concerned. Though… she had still not brought up the _real_ reason she was here. She’d gotten distracted, not that she minded, because maybe here was the best place to say it, after all.

She cleared her throat.

“Vexen…”

He sat up straighter and raised his eyebrows, showing he was listening.

Aerith swallowed. This was still a bit difficult to say, but she made herself say it anyway. This was the only thing she had left to say, and she couldn’t leave here without saying it. It was too important to her.

“Have you… have you _told_ Riku?” she asked. “That you care about him?”

Vexen leaned a little away from her, features on his face all scrunching in confusion.

“Well, not explicitly,” he answered, like he wasn’t sure why this mattered. Maybe he wasn’t. “But, if my actions have not—”

“You know how hard it is for Riku to get things through his head,” Aerith said, before he could get any further.

Vexen considered that. He nodded, at first, but those nods quickly became shakes of the head.

“No, wait a minute! Why bother?” Vexen protested. He regarded Aerith very seriously, brow furrowed and eyes burning. “It’s not like it’s going to change how Riku feels about me. I don’t think I can do _anything_ that would make him change his mind about me!”

Aerith resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“This isn’t for you,” she said, with a little exasperated laugh. She supposed she couldn’t fault him for thinking that, but that was not what she had meant. “This is for Riku.”

Vexen squinted at her, as if he could simply study the answers out of her face.

“He deserves to know,” Aerith pressed.

Vexen didn’t appear to understand even after that, though he _did_ start scowling less.

“Is that why you’re here?” he asked, as if were some kind of revelation.

Aerith nodded, a bit reluctantly.

That _was_ why she was here. Sort of.

“You came _all_ this way just to tell me that I need to tell Riku that I care about him?” Vexen continued. He sounded completely bewildered now.

Aerith let out a small sigh. She’d hoped to leave here without having to fully explain things. The reasons she was here for were messy, complicated, not necessarily any of Vexen’s business. Nor was it, exactly, her secret to give out. And yet, if he didn’t understand how important this was, then…

“Let me tell you something, Vexen,” Aerith said. She wrung her hands together. “I know a man. A man who left his son abandoned for eighteen years. It was not his fault, exactly…” It was _definitely_ not Laguna’s fault that he’d missed all of her mother’s letters, though it was something of his fault for not reading the entirety of the first one. “But his son still spent eighteen years thinking his father did not love him.”

Vexen blinked at her.

Aerith took a deep breath, squeezed her hands together.

“You can’t… even begin to imagine, that kind of pain.” She had to look at the computer behind Vexen, because she could not look him in the eye. “Even I can only barely wrap my mind around it.”

She understood the pain because it had been Leon’s, and he was her brother, and it had hurt because he was hurting. But, it was not her father who abandoned her.

“I don’t know, for certain, if Riku is feeling anything like that kind of pain,” Aerith persisted, with a shake of her head. “But I wouldn’t want him to. And… I would do everything I could to make sure he wouldn’t feel like that, any longer.”

She pressed her clenched hands into her lap, trying to hide how hard she was trembling. The pain was long over and done with, but it still wrung her dry. She did not like thinking about those eighteen years of worrying over and confusion about the man who did not appear to love her little brother.

Vexen studied her for a long moment, and then, in a way that made her understand one of the reasons Riku complained so much about him, asked:

“What was this man’s name?”

Aerith shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Hmm.”

Vexen didn’t look convinced.

“His son?” Vexen pressed.

Aerith shook her head again, a little harder this time.

“It doesn’t matter,” she repeated. Then, she thought, maybe it did matter a little. She would not give his name, but: “Someone very close to me.”

Vexen looked like he was going to pry further, so Aerith kept talking, to keep the subject on what it was really about.

“It- It wasn’t until the man told us it had been an accident, that he didn’t _mean_ to abandon his son, that… that his son could make any peace with it,” Aerith said. _That I could make any peace with it,_ she added, silently, but this was not about her. “It wasn’t until he knew that his father _didn’t_ hate him that he could… you know. Start to let go of that pain.”

She thought, maybe, it was the certainty of it that helped more than anything else. Knowing, without a doubt, what had happened, and why Laguna hadn’t returned in eighteen years—it wasn’t the greatest, but it was better than assuming the worst.

 And she thought that, most likely, if Riku knew that Vexen _did_ care, it’d help him a little, too. It would at least mean he could stop warring with confusion over the matter.

She did not think it would make Riku change his mind about Vexen. Knowing the truth about Laguna had not made Leon any kinder to him, or want to be around him any more frequently. She didn’t see why it would be different with Riku. She wasn’t here to change his mind, anyway. He had every right to want to stay distant from Vexen.

“Aerith…” Vexen began, but Aerith shook her head.

“Talk to Riku, Vexen,” she said, as she got to her feet. “ _Please._ ” She’d said all she’d needed to say, and did not see the conversation continuing any further than this. Her voice was starting to shake, anyway, and the _last_ thing she wanted to do was start crying here, now. “I’d… I’d tell him myself, but I think it would mean more, if it came from you.”

“I…” Vexen swallowed. Studied her a second more. Then he nodded. “Alright,” he agreed. “I will, the next chance I get.”

“Thank you,” Aerith said. “It was nice talking with you.”

“It was nice talking to you, as well,” Vexen replied.

Aerith headed for the door, but not before smiling and inclining her head slightly in Vexen’s direction. She might have been leaving in a rush, but that was no excuse to forgo pleasantries. This was as good as a wave goodbye.

Once out in the hallway, Aerith gathered herself, and the star shard.

Then she headed, well… not home. Not just yet. She’d like a few minutes, to catch her breath, to compose herself. She was still not sure how she would explain this to Leon—not sure he’d understand why she’d taken the time. And, there was no way she’d avoid giving him an explanation if she was still wound up like this when she returned home.

So, Aerith pictured in her mind the old garden on the outskirts of Hollow Bastion, instead. It was rather decrepit, and more weeds than flowers grew there anymore, but… it was still a nice place to visit, a nice place to walk through and clear her mind.

That was all she needed, right now.


	63. In which something's fishy

Roxas made his way to the mansion in Twilight Town, choosing to walk there from the forest rather than just dark-corridor straight to it. This was to give himself some time to think.

It was at the mansion that he first met the man in the black cloak.

 _“They won’t Rebuild Xion, you know,”_ the man had told him. He’d kept his hood up the whole time, but seeing as Organization cloaks were standard issue for Replicas, Roxas hadn’t thought too much of it. Nor had he thought too much of who the man was. It seemed fair that someone passing along _that_ kind of intel wouldn’t want their identity broadcasted.

“ _They won’t?”_ Roxas had been a little surprised to hear it. But, only a little. He didn’t really have any _ill_ feelings towards the people who’d taken part in the rebellion, but that didn’t mean he had any _fond_ opinions of them either.

 _“Why would they?”_ the man had replied. _“They didn’t want you to be Rebuilt.”_

_“What!?”_

_“They tried to kill you, you know…”_

Roxas shook the memory out of his head. It didn’t matter now. He’d already gone to Castle Oblivion, he’d gotten his answer, he knew the man in the cloak wasn’t lying. But there were a few… _other_ questions Roxas needed answered, and he wasn’t going to get them answered at Castle Oblivion.

He pushed open the doors to the mansion, and let them swing shut behind him, rusty hinges groaning all the way.

The man in the cloak was right where Roxas’d left him. He stood in the middle of the destroyed room, looking over one of the few things still intact—the display case that showed a model of the town.

“Did you get the answers you wanted?” the man asked, not looking up from the display. He was bent over it a little, a hand to his chin, the other behind his back.

Roxas frowned a little. Less at the man’s lack of interest in him, more at what had happened.

“Uh, yeah,” he answered. “You were right. They definitely didn’t seem too fond of Rebuilding me, so I doubt they’d want to Rebuild Xion. Though… I lost three minutes of my time, somehow?” He still wasn’t sure about that. It can’t have been the Stop, but, maybe it _had_ been…? Except, he couldn’t remember _getting_ Stopped. If it was the Stop, shouldn’t he remember everything _up to_ being Stopped?

It was really weird.

“Well, my offer still stands,” the man said. Now he looked up at Roxas.

“And how are _you_ gonna Rebuild Xion?” Roxas asked, remembering the offer well enough. He laughed. “What? You gotta Replica Program hiding up your sleeve?”

The man in the cloak got a good chuckle out of that. “No,” he admitted, with a smile in his voice. “But with your help, I’m sure getting our hands on one wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Hmm…” Roxas mulled it over.

Did he believe that? Maybe the man was more powerful than he looked... Wait, who was he kidding! Roxas smiled to himself, knowing well enough that he alone could probably take the Replica Program just fine. He wouldn’t be able to do anything with it once he _had_ it, but…

Roxas moved a little further into the room, taking care to take wide steps over broken vases and pieces of caved-in ceiling. Moving helped him think.

Did he _want_ to, was the question. Everyone in Castle Oblivion had seemed pretty hostile, but did he really want to fight them? It wasn’t he thought he couldn’t—oh, he definitely could, and he’d win easily—but did he _want_ to?

He supposed there was another important to question to ask, first.

Stopping on the other side of the display case, a few feet away from the man, Roxas turned to him.

“Well? What’s in it for you?”

The man laughed.

“What do you think?” he said. “The Replica Program, of course.”

“And what do you plan to do with it once you got it?” Roxas pressed.

“Does it really matter to you if I use it to build a few other Replicas?” the man countered. He pressed a hand to his chest, as if pleading, but Roxas swore if he could see the man’s face he’d see a smile. Something about his body language was… familiar.

Roxas thought about it a minute more. It’d be weird to walk around the entire room, so he stood and tapped his foot instead, folding his arms over his chest.

This guy seemed okay enough, but there were plenty of things he could do with a Replica Program _besides_ building Replicas. So there was that for Roxas to consider.

And, there was that three minute gap in his memory, too.

What happened then? What did he do? What did he say? Had he actually asked about Xion, like he’d meant? Did they say they wouldn’t mind? There was no way of knowing, and that was the most suspicious thing of all.

Roxas let out a deep breath, then shook his head the slightest bit.

“Mm, nah. No deal,” he said, rolling his shoulders. “Something about this seems fishy to me.”

The man in the cloak laughed to himself. He almost sounded… _pleased_?

“Like you had a choice.”

“Wh—”

A wave of darkness lashed out from the cloaked man, hitting Roxas square in the chest. He staggered back, but didn’t fall. His vision blurred, though. His vision shouldn’t have been blurring _already!_

Roxas summoned his Keyblades—both of them. “Tch.” Sure, this guy could pack a punch, but Roxas doubted he’d be too much of a challenge. No one was.

He reached inside himself and tapped into the power stored there, unleashing it as solid bars of light that cut through the air. They exploded from him, rained from the sky in dazzling patterns that no one could avoid.

The man in the cloak dodged all of them expertly.

Roxas scowled. He refused to be deterred, though. He tossed one Keyblade at the man, rushed to meet him as he dodged. He summoned the second blade back to him, and unleashed a massive combo—

Wait. Where’d the guy go?

Something sharp and burning cut into Roxas’s back. Roxas cried out, stumbling. He caught himself before he fell, spun around. He did not see a blade in the man’s hands.

“What the HELL,” Roxas shouted. What was this guy _planning?_ Roxas wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

He ran at the man, Keyblades ready at his sides. He pulled at the energy within himself, letting it fill him, letting lines of light rain down from the sky in aggressive patterns. His Keyblades shone and gleamed with light as he twirled them through the air, moving towards the man, penning him in with his pillars of light, ready to unleash more power than he ever had before, because what else was he supposed to do? He knew how to win fights. Not how to lose them.

The man leapt into the air. Roxas slowed his run and looked up to gauge his throw, Keyblade already leaving his hand, guiding it with his heart into the proper angle as it flew. It spun through the air and under the man’s feet.

Now the man was coming back down, barreling directly towards Roxas. Roxas took a hasty step back. He threw his other Keyblade, guiding it like the first. This one went over the man’s head as he plummeted.

Roxas took another step back. The cloaked man caught him by the face, slammed him into the ground.

Roxas could feel it in his bones as the floor beneath them shattered.

Together they plunged into the basement.

His head hit the ground first. The impact sent a jarring feeling down his spine. There was a moment of agony where Roxas couldn’t even _breathe,_ and then the man in the cloak jumped off him. Roxas took a second to catch his breath—he didn’t want to, but he had to he had to he had to.

Alarm bells rang in his head. The world spun around him as he pushed himself up. He’d lost his Keyblades on the way down. He tried to call one of them, either of them, to him. But it was impossible to think straight enough, let alone form his fingers into the shape they needed to be to hold the thing.

Finally one came, and Roxas grit his teeth, staggering where he stood. He just had to- he just had to…

The man in the cloak lunged at him, chopping his hands into Roxas’s gut. The blow sent Roxas into the wall. He hit it, and the air went out of his lungs again. It seemed like he was suspended in the air, seemed like time itself was suspended, but then he fell.

Everything in his vision spun around him.

It blurred around him.

It turned black.

 

**xxx**

“Yo!”

37 jumped, heart leaping into his throat, as Xigbar—no, it was Braig now—threw the door open. The doorknob hit the wall with a resounding _CRACK!_ 37 tried his best to compose himself before Braig got a good look at him.

“Bossman needs you,” Braig said, nodding his chin towards the door, signaling 37 to get up and get moving. “Or, well.” He chuckled. “Bossman’s _gonna_ need you, in about two minutes.”

37 raised his eyebrows at that, but had long ago given up questioning the fact Braig seemed to be so in sync with Xemnas—no. It wasn’t Xemnas anymore.

37 swallowed and did his best not to look or feel scared. Somehow these past few weeks locked in this room had turned him into a sniveling _coward,_ and he _hated_ it. What would _L_ think of him, if she were still…? He quickly shook that thought out of his head.

“I- I already told you,” he said to Xigbar, scowling and trying to keep himself from stammering. “If you want me to build a Replica, we’re either going to need to get the full Program, or we need to—”

“Nah, don’t worry about that!” Xigbar interrupted, before he could finish. “We don’t need you to build anything—just Rewrite someone.”

37’s words died in his mouth. “I…. _oh.”_

Now that… That was another matter entirely.


	64. In which there are literally no choices to be had here

Roxas woke up strapped to a table.

It felt like the Repair Program had been used on him. The light above him was harsh and bright—he had to squint through it. He thought he was in the World That Never Was, though. It sure looked like one of the editing rooms. That couldn’t be good.

Well, to be fair, being strapped to a table _alone_ wasn’t good.

He knew there was something fishy about that man’s offer! He _knew_ there was something fishy about what the man wanted, and his dodgy answers.

An old memory dredged itself up out of the back of his mind. Xigbar’s voice.

_“We’d drag you back kicking and screaming if we had to—Rewriting is an option, after all.”_

Roxas swallowed, thickly, his mouth dry. His heart pounded in his chest. He wasn’t _scared,_ exactly—of course he wasn’t scared!—but that didn’t mean he was _thrilled_ about this. He banged his wrists around in the restraints to get a good feel of them.

No amount of muscle would break them, that was for sure. Maybe a strong blast of light, though. Or, if he could summon his Keyblade…?

A face came into view above him. It was Xemnas, but not Xemnas. Younger than Xemnas, wearing a smile much wider and much crueler than any smile Xemnas had ever smiled.

“Did you really think I let Axel Rebuild you for no reason?” he asked, and Roxas’s blood ran cold. He recognized the voice. It was the voice of the man in the cloak he’d been meeting with.

“Don’t get me wrong, having you building Kingdom Hearts for us _was_ nice, but we could’ve easily tricked Sora into killing Heartless and collecting hearts for it,” Xemnas-not-Xemnas continued. “We could’ve tricked Aqua or Ventus into collecting hearts to build it, even! You see, Roxas…” He leaned in, the smile on his face growing wide and unpleasant. “ _This_ is what you were built for. _This_ is why I let Axel Rebuild you.”

“Wh- What are you talking about?” Roxas demanded. He felt like he was going to be sick. “What are you gonna do with me?”

“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll find out soon enough.”

Not-Xemnas turned and nodded in the direction of the computer.

“ _NO!_ ” Roxas screamed, throwing light out of himself in waves. Maybe he could break the restraints. Maybe he could hit whoever was manning the computer, or better yet, damage the computer itself. Maybe he could—

Everything went black.

**xxx**

_There was a sharp, terrible pain in his chest. Then there was something shifting, writhing inside him. A darkness, a foreign presence moving through his veins. It hurt, it hurt, it HURT and then…_

_And then everything snapped into place._

_It felt a little strange, but, it felt… right, too._

_Was he Roxas, anymore? Was he…? The lines between them seemed to blur, but that was alright. It didn’t really matter, anyway._

_This was exactly what was supposed to happen._

**xxx**

 

37 watched Xehanort step away from Roxas, took in the satisfied smile on Xehanort’s lips, then ducked his head back down to the computer. He’d already gone over everything, but going over the protocols again gave him something to do. Besides, if any of the protocols in Roxas’s Code were not as Xehanort had requested them to be, well…

37 had certainly been less wary around Xemnas, but Xehanort was another story. (Though the Repair Program had fixed everything, phantom pain still burned on 37’s skin. He’d rather not go through _that_ again.)

There was _pop_ of displaced air, and when 37 looked up, Braig stood in the empty space of the room, a few feet from Roxas, and a few feet from Xehanort, creating a triangle between the three points.

“How’d it go?” Braig asked. His attention was on Xehanort, and there was a glint in his eye.

“Exactly as expected,” Xehanort replied, smiling widely, leaning towards Braig.

Braig grinned, a perfect mirror of the smirk on Xehanort’s lips. The two of them shared a knowing look. 37 shuddered. He did not want to think about what he’d just helped do.

“How long ‘til he wakes up, huh?” Braig asked, turning his attention to 37 now. The grin on his face didn’t falter an inch.

“Um,” 37 swallowed. Told himself that he did _not_ feel nauseous. “About ten minutes,” he answered. “His data still needs to process.”

Braig somehow managed to grin wider. He turned back to Xehanort. “Man, are you excited or _what,_ boss? It might be a little weird, having three of us again, but I’d say it was—”

“It was about time,” Xehanort finished, grinning equally as wide. They shared another one of those looks, then Xehanort stepped towards Braig. “How’d things go on your end?”

Braig’s grin fell now, and he shrugged, scratching at his neck. “Well, I didn’t learn anything we didn’t know an hour ago, that’s for sure,” he answered, laughing a little. 37 couldn’t tell if he was exasperated by the prospect or not. “They’re still working on translating Riku’s Code, plan on being done in a few days, etc.” He pulled his hand away from his neck and waved it through the air.

“How did you…?” 37 began to ask, wondering now where Braig had been these past twenty minutes. Had he been _snooping_ in—? Then the rest of what Braig said registered to him. “W- wait a minute! What does Riku have to do with any of this?”

“Oh!” Braig laughed. “Have you not told him yet?”

“Didn’t get a chance, no,” Xehanort said. “Do you want to, or should I?”

Braig laughed again. He stepped towards Roxas, then reached out, pointing down at him. “Riku’s next on the list,” he said.

37 balked.

“ _What_!?”

“Listen, we know you don’t like him…” Xehanort began, moving towards 37—moving much closer than 37 would have liked. His tone was kind enough, but, 37 didn’t trust him. And, for good reason: Xehanort’s sympathetic look quickly flashed to a sharp smile. “But… It’s not like you had a choice in the matter, is it?”

37 ducked his head down. “N- no,” he agreed, quietly. His heart pounded. His mind raced. He tried to control his emotions. Tried not to think about L, how she would have scolded him for backing down so easily, how much he missed her. Tried not to think about Riku, about the boy’s foul smirk, about the biting ‘ _Who’s going to protect you now, huh? 37’s not here.’_

“All we need you to do,” Xehanort continued, “Is to take those protocols you installed in Roxas, and port them over to Riku. Easy, right?”

37 shook his head. “I- I can’t do that, though.” More like he didn’t _want_ to, and was grasping at straws. The thought of working with Riku was unbearable. “Riku’s not compatible with this Program, so—”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Braig cut in. Now he sounded annoyed, though that smile did not drop from his face. “They’re working on translating Riku’s Code so it matches this Program. Once they do that, all you gotta do is slip those protocols into his data, and then…”

“And then he’s all mine,” Xehanort said.

37 did _not_ like the leer on his face, nor the certain… _hunger_ in his voice.

To make things worse, Xehanort took _another_ step towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder, breathing down his neck.

“You _can_ do that for us, can’t you?”

37 swallowed. Died a little bit, inside. He knew he couldn’t say no.

“Y- yes. Of course.”


	65. In which,, Vexen, (and other good things!)

Riku and Namine sat across from each other at the dining room table, books splayed out in front of them. They were both looking through the books they’d pulled out from Hollow Bastion’s library ages ago, trying to find information on Shadows. Riku had a notebook beside him, where he wrote down page numbers and passages that seemed potentially useful, whenever he found them (which, wasn’t often). Namine had a notebook of her own, but all she was scribbling down was page numbers.

It was late morning, and it was only the two of them and Yuffie in the house. Aerith was at the infirmary, like she was every day. Leon and Cid were working with some of the other Restoration Committee members.

Riku looked up from skimming the pages of the book before him. He studied Namine a moment. Her shoulders were hunched and she sighed deeply as she tapped her pencil against her notebook. She wasn’t even reading. She looked exhausted. Riku couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her full of energy, like warm memories in the back of his mind told him she’d used to be.

“Namine…”

“Huh?” She looked up at him. Her voice was pleasant, chipper enough. There were bags under her eyes.

“I…” Riku began, but didn’t know what to say. The air around her was like unsteady ground, and it had been for a while now. He wasn’t sure where to step. So he cleared his throat, and he changed the subject. “You excited for tomorrow?”

They were going to spend the night on Destiny Islands, with Sora and Kairi. There was no real reason—it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen Sora and Kairi _recently;_ in fact, Riku’d seen Sora and Namine’d seen Kairi yesterday. It was just something Riku wanted to do. Joseph’s comment about a bucket list had been firm in his mind when he’d decided on it (even if he was pretty sure he _wasn’t_ going to die, at this point), and, well… It wasn’t like it’d _hurt_.

“Um…!” Namine seemed to roll it over in her mind. “Yeah. I am.”

She didn’t say it with much conviction, but she hadn’t given a completely disinterested answer either. That was nice.

Daring to try and keep the conversation going, Riku quickly tried to come up with something else to talk about. Then he remembered.

“Hey, you know that, um, telepathy thing we had going?” he asked.

He’d been wondering about this for a while, but had had a lot of trouble finding time to bring it up. There’d been a lot going on lately.

(It was hard, too, because she seemed so disinterested all the time. Not just in him, but in everything.)

“Yeah,” Namine answered, shortly.

Was she already tired of the conversation? They’d only just started talking! Trying not to feel too discouraged, Riku plowed ahead:

“It well, I dunno if it’s just me,” he said, shrugging. “I mean, seeing as don’t know how it works, nor have I ever seen any of the stuff in _your_ head, but—”

“It’s stopped,” Namine interrupted. She’d dropped her gaze back to her notebook, pencil moving along the margin. Riku couldn’t tell if she was drawing or just moving the pencil back and forth over the page aimlessly.

“Has it?” Riku asked, eyebrows raised.

Namine nodded. Once, just once.

“Ah,” Riku said.

Namine fidgeted in her seat. “I mean, it… it hasn’t been there ever since, well… Ever since I was…”

She didn’t finish, but she didn’t have to. Riku understood.

“Right,” he told her, so she would know he followed. He didn’t want to have to make her say _those_ words. “That’s fine,” he followed up with, laughing a little. “Not really disappointed or anything.” He leaned a bit towards her, smiling, hoping to see a smile mirror on her face. He lowered his voice dramatically for good measure. “It was kind of weird, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Namine agreed.

Just that, nothing more. She wouldn’t look directly at Riku.

Riku leaned back in his chair again, sighing, smile faltering. Something uneasy sat in his chest. His fingers went to a patch of darkness on his wrist, a nail digging into his skin to pick, for a moment. Then he remembered. He closed his hand into a fist and pressed his knuckles into the wood of the table instead.

Riku turned away, eyes drifting out the back window, humming shortly to himself as he thought of something else to say. There was… something else that was gone, besides their weird connection.

“The meltdowns have stopped, too,” he remarked. He turned back to Namine, watching hopefully to see joy light up on her face at the prospect.

She still did not look up at him. “Yeah…!” she said. It sounded about as tired as everything else she’d said all morning, though her voice did pitch a little bit upwards at the end, in a grateful note.

“Wonder why,” Riku continued, to keep the conversation moving (not that he _wasn’t_ curious, of course).

“Me too,” was all Namine said. There was still that grateful note in her voice, at least.

Riku laughed shortly, a little nervously. “I mean, I guess without knowing why they were happening to begin with, we can’t know why they stopped, either. Huh?”

“Could be because we’re not in Castle Oblivion anymore,” Namine suggested, looking up. Riku let out a small sigh of relief. There was still an underlying exhaustion in her tone, but this was the most she’d said all afternoon, and she at least sounded _interested._

Riku shrugged and nodded a little, supposing that could be it.

“Could be that our weird telepathy thing stopped,” he said, throwing that on the table. A part of him thought it might be that—He didn’t know for sure, but it would make sense if that thing had been _causing_ the meltdowns in the first place.

Namine scowled now.

“Riku, I don’t think it was—” she began.

“I know, I know,” Riku interrupted, holding his hands out in surrender. “You don’t think it was me. But it could’ve been the _connection_. That was going on regardless of us being near each other, and if you had near-constant access to my head and my memories…” He trailed off for a moment, trying not to think too hard about that. Not only was it weird, but it would… explain a lot, in his opinion. “It could’ve been leaking across that.”

“Or 37 did something when he Rewrote me,” Namine said, a sharp edge in her voice.

The semi-teasing tone Riku’d been putting on faltered, and the smile fell from his face. She had a point there, too. And… maybe they should stop talking about this.

“Well, what’s it matter?” he said, laughing a little. “They’ve stopped. That’s the important thing.”

“Yeah,” Namine agreed. She ducked her head back down. “I’m… glad.” She sounded like she meant it.

“Me too.”

And, he was glad. Namine was probably more so than he was, seeing as it’d been _her_ they’d caused all the pain, but still… They’d been a nuisance, and frustrating to deal with. Riku was glad they appeared to be over. Maybe they were over for real.

Silence stretched between them, and Riku turned his attention back down to the open book in front of him, eyes moving along the page. He probably wasn’t taking in as much information as he should be, but…

“Riku…?” Namine spoke, her voice quiet.

Riku looked up, to show he was listening.

“Yeah?”

“Are you…” she began, but hesitated. Her fingers ran around the spiral binding of the notebook in front of her. “Are you… scared?”

Like that was specific.

“About what?” Riku pressed, for clarification.

“About…” Namine did not look up to him at all, her attention fixed either on the table or that notebook, still fingering the spiral rings, her hair falling to hide her face. Her voice was terribly quiet as she spoke. “About… dying….”

Riku considered this a moment.

He was, of course, scared of dying. There were too many things he couldn’t stand to lose, now. But…

He knew the context of the question, and as far as this problem he was having with his darkness was going…

“Nah,” he said. “Why would I be?” He smiled at her, not that she saw it. He just didn’t want her to worry. “They’re gonna have it fixed in just a few days, so I’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Namine shot just a glance up at him, unease in her eyes.

“I… I meant…”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ve got it!” Yuffie yelled from the living room, before either Riku or Namine could think about moving.

Namine ducked her head down further. Riku thought about maybe asking her what she’d _meant_ to say, but then he heard the voice of the man at the door. An unfortunately familiar voice.

It was no surprise (though it still made him groan) when Yuffie called: “Riku! There’s some guy here at the door for you!”

“Coming,” Riku called back, pulling himself out of his seat.

When he got to the door, Yuffie was standing with it most of the way closed, positioned between Riku and the opening. She considered Riku with what he might, actually, call a serious expression.

“Do you want me to get rid of him?” she asked. Either she’d heard him groan about this, or… something else. There was something burning in her eyes that he couldn’t quite recognize.

Riku sighed. Oh, he’d love that, but: “No, it’s fine,” he told Yuffie, pushing past her and opening the door again. “What do you want, Vexen?”

Because, it _was_ Vexen. Riku’d recognize his voice anywhere, even with all the Replicas.

“Um,” Vexen, surprisingly, looked _nervous_? That wasn’t comforting at all. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said.

“This about, like, my data? My darkness?” Riku asked. Frankly, that was all he really cared about.

“Oh, no,” Vexen answered, with a quick shake of his head. “Nothing has really changed on that end of things. We might even be done tomorrow, or the day after! But… That’s not what I’m here to talk to you about.”

“Then…” Riku took a deep breath, wishing there was a way out of this. But on the other hand, Vexen would just keep pestering him with whatever it was until he finally got it said, so maybe it would just be better to get it over now. “What did you want to talk about?”

Vexen eyed Yuffie, and then after clearing his throat: “Would you… mind if we talked outside?”

Riku shrugged, throwing his hands up a little with the motion. It wasn’t like he really had a choice.

“Sure,” he said, trying not to sound too tense.

Vexen lead him outside, and they started walking. Riku supposed he understood wanting to get a respectable distance away, though he definitely wanted to know what Vexen’s definition of _respectable_ was. They definitely went further than Riku would have thought they needed too. And—

Riku stopped, head turning as he spotted movement. Had that been…?

But, of course it had been, he knew, as he stared at the stack of crates. There was no mistaking those green clothes, that dark hair. Yuffie’d… followed them? But why?

“Is something wrong?” Vexen asked.

“I… thought I saw a Heartless,” Riku lied. Because, honestly? It didn’t matter if Yuffie’d followed. He couldn’t imagine Vexen wanting to discuss anything she _couldn’t_ hear. And, besides, he could use her an excuse out of here if he got tired of dealing with Vexen.

Turning to Vexen, Riku sighed. “So, what did you want?” he asked.

Vexen opened his mouth. Closed it. Amazingly, he seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Well, I’m just...” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m worried about you.”

Riku raised his eyebrows. “Worried about me?”

“I- I mean, considering… everything that’s going on…” Vexen slowly trailed off, grimacing.

“Unless you plan on messing something up when you translate my code, everything’s gonna be fine, right?” Riku said, not understanding at all what Vexen was getting at.

“Well, yes,” Vexen agreed. He sighed. “I’m sorry, that’s not… That’s not even what I wanted to say. I just…”

Riku squinted at him.

“What _did_ you want to say?”

“W- well…”

Riku raised his eyebrows a little further.

Vexen cleared his throat again. Geeze, if he was having this much trouble saying whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. Holding back a groan, Riku folded his arms over his chest. There wasn’t really anything he could do but wait. (And boy, he could not wait to get this over with.)

Finally, Vexen looked him… not in the eye, but almost in the eye, and he said:

“You… you aren’t worthless, to me, Riku.”

Riku’s eyes slowly grew very wide.

He tightened his hands around his arms, hugging himself. He wasn’t sure what to say. What to think? Something foreign bubbled in his chest.

“W… what?” his lips formed quietly around the word. Maybe he hadn’t heard Vexen right.

But, based on how Vexen continued, he definitely had.

“I know… I know I might have said you were, probably said you were, at one point,” Vexen said. He didn’t look any more comfortable about this than Riku felt, and, Riku wasn’t sure that was a good thing. “I know I said and did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have—in this universe and the other—and I’m… I’m sorry.”

“I…… oh.”

Riku stared. Uneasiness roiled in his gut, along with that unfamiliar feeling—he wasn’t sure how to take this, how to process it. Vexen had never said anything like this to him before, or at least, not in such clear words. It was a lot to take in.

Vexen kept speaking, though:

“And, I’m…” he hesitated, but it was not long before he seemed to gather his nerve. “I’m proud of you. And how far you’ve come. And- And of where you are, now.”

“O- _oh_?” Riku stammered. He was trembling, for some reason, so he gripped himself tighter.

This was probably the last way he’d expected this conversation to go.

Vexen nodded, as if to himself. Riku stood there, staring dumbfounded, trying to grapple with the feelings that settled in his gut and the thoughts whirling in his head. _I’m proud of you. You aren’t worthless to me.—_ Words he’d never _dreamed_ to hear Vexen say, and yet here they were, and…

And…

_What was he supposed to do?_

It was a relief, of sorts, to hear those words. It was something like a weight lifted off his chest ( _Well, he doesn’t think I’m a failure, so at least there’s that_ ). But it was a confusion that settled in him in place of the absent weight. Because:

What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to feel? Outside of the relief that he wasn’t even sure was relief, Riku could not peg any concrete sense to the emotions bubbling inside of him. It was just a jumble of foreign things.

Did Vexen expect something of him? Was that what this was for?

“I…” Riku tried, but he was still having trouble wrestling sense out of the things that spun inside him. Words were almost impossible.

Vexen didn’t say anymore, apparently done. He clasped his hands in front of him, and he seemed to… wait. At least he, too, looked nervous. Uncomfortable. That was a relief, now, Riku found, because at least he wasn’t alone in feeling _how awkward this was._

“Um,” Riku managed, finally. “This is- This is kind of out of nowhere?”

That was all he could think of, all he could process at the moment.

Vexen made a face. “Well, I’ve… been thinking about it,” he said.

“I- I see.”

Riku couldn’t think of anything else, and apparently, neither could Vexen. Riku ground his teeth and dug his fingers into his arms. Maybe he _was_ supposed to say something, but he had no idea what, and—

Vexen cleared his throat.

Riku let out a sigh of relief.

“Anyway,” Vexen said, his voice almost a little strained. “That was it.”

Riku blinked in surprise. Dropping his arms from his chest, he stepped forward, stepped towards Vexen.

“That was _it_!?” he demanded, appalled.

“Y…” Vexen seemed to consider it a moment, as he drew the sound out. Eventually, though, nodding, he finished: “Yes.”

Riku stared, trying to make sense of, well… _this._ This entire scenario. His feelings were still a confusing mess to try and comprehend, and then there was Vexen. Just, Vexen, as a whole.

But, he was grateful the conversation was over, either way.

“Well,” he said, awkwardly. “I guess you should get going, then?”

Vexen considered him almost with surprise a moment, like he hadn’t expected that, but then he nodded in agreement. “Yes. Yes, I should,” he said. “Even didn’t want me taking too long of a break, anyway.” He _smiled,_ and waved a little bit at Riku. “Goodbye.”

And with that, Vexen formed a dark corridor, and was gone.

Riku waited a moment.

And then he clasped his hands together and pressed them against his face, letting out a long, strained sound from his throat.

That had gone better than he supposed it could have, but he was still...?

Vexen’s words still echoed in his head. _You aren’t worthless to me. I’m proud of you._ It didn’t make any sense, and yet…

And yet Riku remembered. Of course he remembered.

(He remembered Vexen, protecting him from Larxene. Vexen, trying to talk sense into him after he’d embarrassed himself in battle. Vexen, apologizing for dragging him to the other universe that one time, admitting it had been stupid, _agreeing to ask before he did anything like it again._ Vexen, always there, always infuriating, but… trying. Trying to be kind.)

It was…

Riku hastily pulled his hands away from his face, remembering something else.

_Yuffie._

Yuffie was still here. Yuffie’d heard all of that. And now he had to… say something to her? What, though? He hadn’t even been able to find words to say to _Vexen._

Maybe he could just… walk away. Head back home. She probably wouldn’t mind, wouldn’t bring it up. He wasn’t _supposed_ to know she’d followed, anyway.

But…

Sighing, Riku turned towards the crates.

“Yuffie,” he called. “I know you’re there.”

She staggered out from behind the crates, arms flailing like a pinwheel for a moment as she tried to keep her balance.

“Yikes…!” she gasped, as she steadied herself. She held her hands up as if expecting a fight for a moment, all tense though her expression was comically surprised. After a moment she let her hands drop, and dropped her head down as well.

“Uh… please don’t be mad?” she said, sending a quick glance up at Riku.

“I, uh,” Riku swallowed. “I’m not mad.” Embarrassed, was what he was. Embarrassed, times about infinity.

Yuffie let out a sigh of relief. “Okay good!” She looked up at Riku now, an uneasy expression painted on her face. “I know I probably, uh, shouldn’t have followed you,” she said. Something burned in her eyes. “But it looked like he was making you uncomfortable, and…!”

She hesitated a moment, reaching up to tug at where her headband rest above her ear. She tended to do that when she was nervous, or when she was thinking.

“Well, I’m not really good at the emotional support stuff, all I’m really good at is sneaking around…” She sighed at that, looking a little defeated. She kept tugging at her headband. “I thought maybe the least I could do was pull you away if things started looking too uncomfortable for you.”

Riku stared at her, a warm, familiar feeling bubbling up in his chest. Compared to all the things Vexen left him feeling, this was a feeling he knew and understood well. A smile pulled at his lips, despite everything.

“Oh, wow, I appreciate it,” Riku said. And, he meant it.

It was still taking him some getting used to all this stuff as far as family went, but it definitely made more sense to him than Vexen did. Yuffie was family. Vexen was… Vexen.

“Oh!” Yuffie brightened instantly. “I’m glad!” She looked around Riku to where Vexen had been, a thoughtful look taking over her face. “Looks like it went okay though, I guess.”

“Yeah…” Riku agreed, as his own face scrunched up in confusion again. Then he flushed, remembering again everything Vexen had said, and that Yuffie had heard all of it. “Uhhhh, please don’t make fun of me?” he said, casting a nervous glance her direction.

Yuffie laughed and shook her head. From the looks of it, she thought about clapping him on the shoulder, then thought against it.

“Nah, don’t worry about it, Riku,” she told him, grinning widely. “I won’t mention it to anyone.”

“Good. Thanks.”

“Come on.” Yuffie nodded her head back towards the house, starting to bound off in that direction, still smiling broadly. “Let’s head back home.”

Grinning slowly, Riku followed her.


	66. In which the main four have a beach date

Sora did not exactly struggle under the weight of the (large) basket he was carrying, because he was much stronger than he used to be, though the basket was still _awkward,_ to say the least. He’d told his mother he was going to have a beach sleepover with Kairi (which, wasn’t a _lie_ ) and she’d happily provided various snacks and food. Now he just had to get it to the play island.

(He could have used his star shard, but, _eh_.)

 _So, what are you gonna do with yourself for the next, like, eight hours?_ Sora asked of Kano, as he walked. They’d made an agreement for this, that Kano would try and stay out of the way. Sora’d been reluctant, because it seemed unfair, but Kano had insisted. And, besides, it would be nice to hang out with his friends and _not_ have to worry about Kano for a little bit…

‘ _I dunno,’_ Kano answered, and Sora got the sense of a shrug from him. ‘ _Pretend to read a book? Dig through your memories? Wallow in my guilt?’_

Sora recoiled so hard at the thought he nearly dropped his basket.

“Oh, _geeze_ , Kano!” he gasped aloud, forgetting himself for a moment. _You can’t just—_

 _‘I’m joking, I’m joking,’_ Kano assured him. He laughed a little, either at himself or his joke, and Sora sighed.

 _Listen,_ he began. _If you want—_

 _‘No, it’s fine,’_ Kano interrupted, before Sora could even finish the thought. ‘ _You deserve to hang out with your friends and not me have butt in.’_

There was a twinge of self-depreciation in his tone, not to mention painted over the way he _felt_. It made Sora’s stomach churn, a little bit.

 _Kano…_ Sora tried.

_‘It’s fine, Sora. Really.’_

Sora sighed. He didn’t totally believe it, but what could he do?

 _Man,_ he said, grimacing. _This situation really DOES stink, huh?_

He didn’t mind having Kano around, but this sharing-a-body business definitely didn’t seem fair for either of them. You weren’t _meant_ to spend this much time with someone else, really. But ignoring Kano was rude, and forcing him to sit out all the time wasn’t fair.

‘ _Really?’_ Kano laughed, sarcasm and contempt burning hot in him. _‘You JUST noticed?’_

_Well, I—_

_‘Don’t worry about it.’_

Sora started to protest, but… Kano really felt like he didn’t want to deal with it. It made it hard for Sora to want to press. He supposed now wasn’t the best time, anyway. Especially since he’d reached the docks, and now all he had to do was row over to the play island.

 _Listen,_ he said, though. _I’ll get you out of there, alright? Soon._

 _‘Yeah yeah,’_ Kano responded. He didn’t quite sound like he believed it. But he _was_ starting to feel a little less grumpy. ‘ _Maybe I’ll go take a nap…’_ he said, thoughtfully.

Sora smiled softly. It was nice to hear that, and nice to feel that Kano was actually considering it. Kano could _definitely_ use the sleep, that was for sure.

 _Sleep well…_ he thought, as gently as he could.

 

**xxx**

Riku and Namine arrived not long after Sora arrived (with food, courtesy of his mother, Kairi saw). The entire afternoon was spent laughing and swimming and generally having a good time. Which was the entire point. Well, and Kairi knew that maybe this had a little bit to do with spending time together before anything terrible could happen to Riku. She’d read his tone well enough when he’d scheduled this thing.

But, if he wasn’t going to say anything about it, then neither was she.

It was about sunset by the time Sora started cooking dinner. Freshly caught fish—they’d all pitched in to catch them—roasted over a bonfire, and it smelled delicious. Sora was clearly channeling some of the cooking magic his mother had taught him, adding spices from the basket she’d sent.

“By the way,” Riku said, casually, shifting how he sat in the sand for probably the fifth time now. Kairi hardly noticed, since that was just how he was. They all sat in a circle around the fire, Sora and Riku across from each other. “Even contacted me, this morning. He said they were about done and, well.” A small smile crossed his lips. “Guess I’m gonna get this darkness thing fixed tomorrow.”

“Shut _up,_ ” Kairi exclaimed, eyes gleaming and a smile pulling her mouth partially open.

Riku smiled back at her, wide and confident, head held high. “Like I’d joke!”

“That’s _great_!” Sora shouted, and the only thing that kept him from launching to tackle Riku with a hug was surely the fire that sat between them.

Namine, sitting across from Kairi, didn’t look nearly excited about the news. But, hey, she’d probably already heard it. Maybe it didn’t have quite the same charm the second time around. Or third, or fourth time, for all Kairi knew. (Or maybe it was something else, but Kairi didn’t want to think about that right now.)

“Do you want us to come with you?” Kairi asked Riku. “Like, for emotional support, or whatever.” She wasn’t sure if he’d need it, or really how this worked, but the least she could do was offer.

Riku shook his head, looking relatively unbothered. “Nah,” he said. “I’ll be fine. It’s really not a big deal, and unless Vexen messed something up, I’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Ok, good,” Sora said. “I mean, I would’ve gone if you needed me to, but this would have been the second day off from training I’d have had to take, and…” He grimaced as he turned the fish, trailing off in a way that made it clear he didn’t think it was a good idea.

“Yeah, I had plans too,” Kairi said. “Seeing as I can’t convince Aqua to teach me any magic—which, _ugh,_ is driving me nuts—I thought I’d ask Ven about it. Maybe he’d be more willing.”

Sora turned to give her a pouty kind of glare.

“Aw, come on, I thought the system we had going was pretty good,” he said.

“What system?” Namine asked, poking her head into the conversation, finally.

“Aqua’d teach me a spell, and then I’d relay it to Kairi,” Sora answered.

“Yeah, except, she hasn’t _taught_ you any new spells yet,” Kairi argued.

Sora stuck his tongue out at her.

“Besides,” Kairi continued. “I have light powers, and Ven has light powers, and _you_ don’t have light powers.” Kairi brandished a finger at him, and Sora stuck out his tongue harder. “How are you supposed to teach me any cool light attacks when you can’t even _do_ them?”

“I mean, fair, but you don’t gotta be so rude about it,” Sora grumbled, pouting harder.

“I was just being honest!”

“Hmm.” Sora studied the fish he was cooking thoughtfully. “Yanno… it sure would be a shame if I _accidentally_ dropped one of these into the—”

“SORA DON’T YOU DARE,” Kairi screeched, lunging at him.

Laughing, Sora let her tackle him into the sand.

(The fish ended up a little burned, in the end, but that was alright. Riku’s hearty laughter and Namine’s giggles and Sora’s squeals made it worth it.)

 

**xxx**

 

The four of them lay with their heads next to each other, blankets spread out beneath them to ward off the worst of the sand. They were gazing up at the stars, Sora and Kairi pointing out familiar constellations. Riku kept making up his own. Namine sat there, and she watched, and she listened, trying to cradle this moment to her chest, imprint it in her memory.

There was still… a weight, in her heart, and a weariness in her bones.

But some of that was just exhaustion from spending hours earlier today swimming. Some of that was just usual end-of-the-day weariness. And it was nice, knowing that not all the exhaustion she held in her was unnatural.

She still felt… shaky. She could not remember what it felt like to not feel this way. To hold out her hands in front of her and not stop and think for a minute _are these even mine, anymore?_

It was a strange, though terribly familiar feeling.

It was better, though, here and now. Better when she had her friends surrounding her. Better because with them she could forget about it, for a little bit. She could laugh, she could smile, let the sound of their voices roll over her.

She could stare up at the stars. Could ask Sora to elaborate on his favorite constellation stories. She could lay here, one hand in Kairi’s, one hand in Riku’s, their fingers intertwined.

And for once, she could feel at peace.

**xxx**

 

Everyone ended up dozing off not long after midnight, which Riku didn’t mind much. Sora definitely needed the sleep, if he had training tomorrow. And Kairi and Namine could probably use the sleep, too. He could have slept, himself (he would have woken up before sunrise, with no problem), but he was too…

Nervous wasn’t the word. Excited wasn’t, either.

He couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Or, later today. Not wanting to wake his friends with his restlessness, he got up and moved a little closer to the shore. Sitting in the pale moonlight, knees to his chest, he faced towards the waves.

He kept looking at the purple spots, on his arms, running his fingers over their texture. He wondered what it’d be like to see them gone. He’d gotten so used to them.

It would be nice, of course, to stop producing darkness when he did not mean to. To stop being unable to control it when it did flow out of him. It would be nice to not die.

But Even told him the consequences, too. He didn’t have a choice—he couldn’t _not_ have this fixed—but there was… a catch. He needed the Darkness Protection Protocols installed, but there was a chance those alone wouldn’t be enough.

They’d have to remove the excess darkness from him, too.

And there was no telling how much they’d be able to leave in him, if they were able to leave any at all.

Riku supposed it wasn’t a bad thing.

But he did wonder what it’d be like to fight, and not be able to rely on darkness to carry him through a battle. He knew how to do a lot of things without it, but would it be enough? (It would have to be. This had to get fixed.)

A little troubled, not wanting to think about it anymore, Riku moved on to other things. He turned and looked over his shoulder, to where his friends were sleeping. Sora was snoring loudly, like always, his limbs splayed out around him. Kairi and Namine were still holding hands.

Seeing them, remembering the things they’d done today, the ways they’d all been there for him these past few days, for the past year—these things brought a warmth to his chest. Riku found himself smiling fondly.

If you’d told him, a year or more ago, that he would be sitting here… If you’d told him he’d have friends, _real_ friends, who loved him and supported him? He wouldn’t have believed it.

But here he was.

And it was amazing.

To think about not just his friends, but also his family, back in Hollow Bastion. A _family._ Thinking about them filled him with warmth, too. The way Aerith hummed to herself, up to her elbows in dirt as she tended to her flowers. The way Leon smiled softly, always trying to hide it, though he could never hide the gleam in his eyes. The way Yuffie tried to help, even if she wasn’t sure how to, exactly. The way Cid downed three cups of coffee before doing anything else with his day, barely sleeping otherwise, but always ready with a bad joke to crack.

And they were so kind to him, too. Riku wasn’t sure he deserved it, but that was why it was so wonderful.

(If you’d told him, a year or more ago, that he’d have a _family,_ he would have laughed in your face.)

He ended up thinking about Vexen, too. He’d have to see Vexen tomorrow. Would he have to say anything? He hadn’t said much yesterday, so maybe he was supposed to make up for it now.

Vexen had apologized, after all. Wasn’t he supposed to say it was okay? Or that he forgave Vexen?

But did he really?

Riku wasn’t sure.

It was nice to know Vexen was sorry, definitely. Riku didn’t think it really changed the way he felt about Vexen, though. Maybe he was a little less skeptical. A little less uneasy. At least he knew what Vexen _really_ thought of him, now, instead of needing to assume.

Still…

Ultimately no more certain about it, Riku pushed the thought of Vexen out of his mind. The sun was peeking up over the horizon, anyway. He turned to wake his friends.

Namine was easy to wake up. Kairi… not so much. It was only when Riku reminded her that she’d _promised,_ promised she’d watch the sunrise with him, did she finally sit up. She was still bleary-eyed, though, and looked like she hated every decision that had led her here. Sora woke up without any prodding—probably woken by Kairi’s loud groans.

The sun started to cast its light over the sky and the waves, painting everything in pinks and pale blues. Riku let out a happy sigh, a smile tugging across his lips. It was still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

Riku settled himself down next to Kairi, and Sora sat on Namine’s other side. Together, not saying a word, they watched the sunrise.

In a couple hours, Riku knew, he’d be something of a different person. But that was alright. He was ready for this change. Ready, even if it meant losing his darkness completely. He couldn’t choose darkness over a single moment like this, let alone the prospect of a million more.

He was ready to face the future.

They all were.


	67. In which, uh,

The three of them—Leon, Aerith, and Namine—escorted Riku to Castle Oblivion. Leon wasn’t totally sure they’d needed to (especially considering how at ease Riku seemed), but family didn’t let family down.

Even greeted them in the Main Room. He seemed a little surprised to see them, or rather, Leon thought, their weapons. Aerith was holding her staff, and he had his gunblade strapped to his belt. Actually, it was mostly held there by magnets, an idea Zack had given him, long ago…

“Are those necessary?” Even asked. Leon wouldn’t say he looked _worried,_ but there was a definite raise to his eyebrows.

“We… don’t really want a repeat of what happened last time,” Aerith said, a fraction of a second before Leon could open his mouth to say the exact same thing.

Even nodded. “That’s fair,” he said, with something of a laugh. “Unlikely that Roxas will show up again, but it’s not like I’m going to make you put them away. You two don’t have the luxury of being able to summon your weapons at will like the rest of us.” He turned around and started for the hallway, nodding with his head in a gesture for everyone else to follow. “Come on.”

As they walked, Leon sent a sideways look at Aerith.

“Hey, have you ever looked into a spell for that? Summoning our weapons at will?” he asked, knowing full well that she hadn’t.

She shook her head, a smile on her lips. “No,” she answered, knowing he knew. “But maybe I should.”

Leon smiled back, then looked ahead to Riku and Namine, who walked between them and Even. Riku still seemed at ease, holding himself straighter than he normally did. Namine, however, appeared significantly less at ease. She’d been all smiles on the way here, but now there was a certain… tenseness in her shoulders.

Leon wondered if it was directly related to Riku. Or maybe it had something to do with Castle Oblivion?

Or… perhaps it was part of the trend he’d been seeing in her lately. The way she always seemed to be on edge, at least when she wasn’t filled with exhaustion. It was a familiar trend, unfortunately. One Leon had seen in both Rinoa and Aerith, at different points in their lives. He’d wondered lately, if he should approach her about it. He just hadn’t figured out how, yet. (Maybe he should ask Aerith’s opinion…)

They arrived at their destination before Leon could think about it any further.

“Well, the editing room is going to be crowded, as Aerith and Namine might remember,” Even said, still with that pleasant smile. “It may have held seven of us last time, but it wasn’t exactly a comfortable fit, and since this is going to take a couple hours…” He trailed off there, his point made.

Leon subconsciously thumped the books he was carrying (his and Aerith’s), against his thigh. They’d come prepared for that, too. Namine had her bag slung over her shoulder.

“So,” Even gestured into the room they were standing outside of, which was empty save a couch and a few desk chairs, “the three of you can wait in here, and Riku and I—as well as Vexen and 7—will be down the hall. Alright?”

No one had any objections, though Aerith stopped Riku before he left.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay, on your own?” she asked him. “I’m sure there’d be enough room for one of us to come sit in there with you, if…”

Riku shook his head, smiling. He looked confident, relaxed. “Nah, I’ll be fine. No worries!” He flashed a winning smile at her that Sora might be jealous of. “And I really, _really_ mean that.”

Aerith nodded. “Alright. If you’re sure.”

She let Riku go.

The couch in the room wasn’t a very _big_ couch, so Leon let Aerith and Namine have it, taking a chair for himself. It was easier on his gunblade, anyway. He passed Aerith her book, then cracked open his own.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, reading and making idle conversation. He just knew it can’t have been more than an hour later when Aerith stood up.

Her face was very pale. She was gripping her staff. Her book lay discarded on the floor.

“Something’s wrong,” she said.

There was a distant look in her eyes. Leon knew it well.

He placed his book on the floor, too—there was really nowhere else—getting to his feet. His hand moved to his gunblade, though he did not draw it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Is it Riku?” Namine asked.

Aerith didn’t answer either of them, didn’t have the chance to.

There was a shout, and a loud crash down the hallway.

They all ran.

 

**xxx**

Even moved away from Riku and back to his computer, nodding to himself. There were three computers in this room, one on either side of the table on which Riku lay, then up against the wall, in line with the foot of the table. Even had the one on the left, 7 had the one on the right, and Vexen was at the one by the wall.

Things were going well. They’d translated his code fine, and installed the Darkness Protection Protocols. All that was left was to do was look at his darkness and edit out any excess. And… perhaps run the Repair Program on him, or something. Even wasn’t _quite_ sure what to do about the purple patches on Riku’s skin yet.

Well, if he couldn’t come up with something, 7 would for sure.

Confident in that, Even leaned into his computer screen, focusing his mind on the task at hand.

That’s when a dark corridor opened behind him.

“It’s been a long time, old friend,” came a voice.

Even swore his stomach tried to rip itself out of his body. He had to put both hands on the desk before him to brace himself, choking down the bile that had jumped into his throat. Was that fear or disgust burning in his chest? He wasn’t sure.

Even turned around.

Standing there was Xehanort.

_Xehanort._

He held himself casually, a smile that some might describe as _pleasant_ on his face. Even wasn’t fooled.

Heart in his throat, Even threw himself forward. He knew how fast Xehanort could be, when he wanted to be, and there was no time to lose. He got in between Xehanort and Riku, and thankfully, between Xehanort and 7 as well.

“7!” he shouted. “Emergency protocols! _Now!_ ”

“B-b-b-but _sir!_ ” was 7’s frantic response. “That’s—”

“ _GO,_ 7!”

There was a moment of hesitation, and then Even heard a dark corridor open. He glanced over his shoulder just long enough to make sure it _was_ 7 leaving—it was. He let out something of a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about.

(Of course, the Emergency Protocols would affect Riku now, too. They’d affect everyone. But—it was for the best. A deactivated Replica could be reactivated. If he survived this to reactivate them. Would he survive this? He should have entrusted the protocols to someone else, someone who wasn’t a Replica, but there’d never been anyone else and—It didn’t matter. It was better than anything Xehanort could dream of doing to them. He was still certain of that.)

Even’s eyes darted over to Vexen. He had backpedaled away from his computer. Now he stood with one hand against the wall, supporting himself, his other hand clutching his chest. Pure terror was written across his face.

Even did not—could not—blame him. He may not have had to worry about 7, or any of his Replicas, now. But his heart was hammering, and he trembled where he stood.

Xehanort just smiled a little wider.

“I’m not here for your Program, Even,” he said, like he was addressing an old friend. There was almost a _kindness_ in his eyes. “I’m just here for Riku.”

“Well it’s- it’s a good thing you aren’t getting either!” Even snapped back, summoning his shield to him. He wanted to attack, but he wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t hit Xehanort, and moving to attack would just leave himself open, as well as leave Riku unguarded.

( _Could_ Xehanort do anything to Riku, if he was deactivated? It didn’t matter. Even would not take his chances. And besides, there was no telling how long 7 would hesitate, anyway.)

“Wh- what do you _want_ him for?” Vexen stammered, breathless, pale as a sheet. He looked like he might actually faint.

“Like you need to know!” came another voice. Braig’s voice.

Suddenly Braig was there, in the corner to Even’s left. He had not arrived through a dark corridor. He hung upside down in the air, guns ready.

Even calculated his odds. They had plummeted significantly with Braig’s arrival.

Even took a deep breath, and summoned his energy to him. If he could freeze the room, or coat it with ice, then—

Braig fired a round of bullets at him. Even had to move, just a few inches, to shift his shield into a better position to deflect them.

That was all Xehanort needed.

He stepped to the side, then forward. Darkness burned in his hand. He raked it up Even’s back.

Even cried out in agony. Darkness burned his skin as the force of the blow threw him forward. He had the presence of mind for just long enough to consider casting a cure. He didn’t get the chance to. The moment he hit the ground, he blacked out.


	68. um

Leon skidded to a halt. He stared into the room before him, heart leaping into his throat. _Xehanort_ stood dead-center of the room (he recognized that face—Xehanort _had_ been one of Ansem’s apprentices, way back when). Even lay crumpled on the floor. Vexen cowered against the wall. Braig—another of Ansem’s old apprentices—stood in the corner of the room, shooting bullets occasionally at Vexen to keep him in place.

Riku was still asleep, laid out on a table. He appeared to be okay. But…

Beside him, Aerith gasped. Namine, from a little behind him, let out a strained sound like a whimper.

“I’m sorry,” she choked. “I’m _sorry_.”

And before Leon had even fully turned around, she’d vanished through a dark corridor.

“Namine?” Aerith’s voice. Worried.

“It’s- she’s probably-” Leon struggled to say. Except he wasn’t sure. Except there wasn’t time to deal with it. Xehanort was _right there_ and Riku wasn’t even awake and— (And Xehanort had killed Zack. And Xehanort had tried to do something to Cloud, before that. They didn’t know what they just knew he’d tried and _why was Xehanort HERE?_ )

“Right,” Aerith said. She must have followed one of his trains of thought.

Braig had noticed them, pointed them out to Xehanort. Xehanort was turning, exasperation on his face. Aerith stepped forward, staff gripped tightly in her hands.

“Holy,” she whispered, and the spell burst forth from her, light spilling towards Xehanort.

But there was a rush of movement.

A gleam of metal.

When the light cleared, a figure stood between Aerith and Xehanort.

Roxas.

There was a crooked grin stretched grossly across his face, and a glint in his now-golden eyes. His hair was white. He held his Keyblades in an X before him, blocking the brunt of the blow. The blades had been black and white, the last time Leon had seen Roxas. But the white one was gone, now, replaced with a silver one that was all sharp edges and angles, a diamond making its teeth.

“Hey,” Roxas said, pleasantly, though there was nothing pleasant in that smile. He stepped into the doorway, twirling his blades as he brought them to his sides. “Good to see you again.”

Leon reached for his gunblade, mind spinning. There was a lot of things to think, a lot to be worried about. But most importantly:

Xehanort was turning back towards Riku. Roxas stood in the way.

Leon turned to Aerith.

Their eyes locked. And in that split second, a plan was formed. It was easy to do that, when you’d known someone your entire life. It was easier to do that, when you’d fought side by side with them for more than a third of it.

Leon abandoned his gunblade for a moment. He bent down, hands cupped together before him. Aerith stepped into them. With a little strength and a little magic, he boosted her into the air.

She leapt easily over Roxas.

Roxas watched her go, but didn’t seem to care. He can’t have, with the way he turned back to Leon near-immediately, still grinning, eyes burning for a fight.

(That left Aerith alone with Xehanort—but, she’d be fine. She had to be fine.)

Leon leapt away from Roxas to give himself some more space. He pulled out his gunblade and readied it. He breathed.

He shot off a blast of Fire. Roxas blocked it with spiraling Keyblades, running forward. He threw a Keyblade at Leon. Leon jumped back, but Roxas was there, Roxas was already there, smashing his other blade into him.

Leon cried out and reached out a hand to catch himself before he smashed his head into the wall. Roxas moved backwards, _laughing._

“Ohhhh, I forgot how good it felt to fight a _real person_ ,” Roxas sang. “Heartless are fun, but not this much fun.”

His eyes were slanted with how wide he was grinning, and there was some kind of _joy_ on his face. It made Leon uneasy.

“You ready to dance?” Roxas called.

Leon took a step back (this was bad, they were in a hallway, there was not a lot of room and Roxas kept _pushing him back_ —) thoughts racing. He thought about Roxas, and thought about the last time they’d met. This expression was familiar, but Roxas’s eyes were not gold, then. Roxas’s hair was still blonde, then.

But the expression was the same. So was the slur in his voice. The _enjoyment_ and _satisfaction_ that burned in his eyes—that was the same, too. This was exactly the same way he’d looked, body leaning forward like a snake, head cocked, watching Riku as those terrible, _terrible_ words left his mouth.

“Roxas,” Leon said. He’d dealt with something like this before. It had been a very long time, since Rinoa and Adel… He did not know Roxas that well, either. But…

Roxas just laughed.

“What, you think something’s wrong, pretty boy?” he asked. Leon did not know how it was possible for him to grin any wider, but he did.

Roxas threw both of his Keyblades. Leon jumped to the side of one, ducked under the other. But they ricocheted off the walls.

“Roxas, this isn’t,” Leon tried, as he stepped and swerved to avoid the blades. It was hard. They were moving so fast, and this hallway was so small. One of them clipped his ankle.

“What, isn’t me?” Roxas laughed heartily. “How would _you_ know? You only met me three days ago! And, news flash.” He leaned a little forward, summoning one of his blades back to him. “This _is_ who I am, now. This is who I was always meant to be.”

“Roxas—”

“C’mere, pretty boy,” Roxas sang. “I’ll give you another scar to match that one.” He quickly traced a finger across the bride of his nose—an opposite mirror of the way Leon’s scar went. Then he summoned his other blade.

Leon growled. (If Roxas hit where he wanted to, that’d make an X across his face, and _no thanks_.) He held his gunblade up, flicked the revolver to load. He leveled the weapon at Roxas. Fired.

 

**xxx**

 

Aerith’s feet touched the ground on the other side of Roxas. This left Leon on his own, but. He’d be fine. Leon would be fine. And she—there wasn’t time to worry about it.

Aerith straightened. Before Xehanort could turn, she fired another Holy at him.

He still felt it coming.

Bringing up a wall of darkness with his hand, he caught the Holy and tossed it aside. But he was distracted for just long enough. Aerith ran, sliding in between Riku and Xehanort. And then…

Well, it was an easy decision, really.

She reached behind her and cast Wall on Riku. Then a regular Barrier, to reinforce it. Then an M-Barrier, to reinforce it more. She stacked more and more protect spells on him, as many as she felt she could afford.

Xehanort was approaching her, now.

Aerith closed her hands around her staff. She knew she didn’t have a lot of options—there wasn’t enough in her for _another_ Holy, and he’d probably deflect it again even if she could cast it. But, options or no, she wasn’t going to budge.

She wasn’t going to let him get Riku.

Xehanort stopped, feet spread slightly apart. He held himself casually, but also in a way Aerith knew meant he was ready for battle at any second. He looked down on her. Impatience burned in his eyes.

“Get out of the way,” he said. His tone was almost kind.

“No.”

Aerith swung her staff to crack against his side. He caught it before it hit him. Twisted it away as he stepped back. He moved with the fluidity of someone who’d done this a million times before.

“Well,” he sighed. “I asked nicely.”

Aerith poured Fire down the length of her staff. Xehanort dropped it before it could burn him. He took another step back.

Looking only disinterested, really, not even angry, he made a motion with his hand.

Something ripped in the air next to Aerith.

 _Literally,_ she saw as she turned. A hole had been ripped in the fabric of space beside her. And from that hole shot the purple hand of some beast she couldn’t see.

(Knowing of Summons and other terrible creatures, Aerith wasn’t sure she wanted to see the rest.)

She made to block it, but it was too fast. It caught her by the torso, the hand big enough to wrap around her easily. It slammed her into the wall.

Aerith squirmed. It was too strong, its grip too tight. Slowly, it squeezed.

Aerith coughed through constricted lungs. Ran through her options.

A Cure wouldn’t help.

It was too late for a Barrier.

Her vision was darkening.

There was nothing she could do.

She lost consciousness.


	69. UHHHHHHHHH

Xehanort cast his eyes down to the Gainsborough girl (he remembered the Gainsboroughs, vaguely,) at his feet, eyebrows raised. He pressed his toe into her side—She wasn’t dead. Just unconscious. That was probably for the best. Rewriting would do a lot, as far as keeping Riku under control, but Xehanort would rather not test his odds. Killing Riku’s family might do more harm than good, in the end.

(There was a reason he avoided talking about Xion with Roxas.)

He banished the hand he’d summoned, grateful it had come. After all, its pact was with Terra, not with him. But creatures of darkness tended to recognize power. They jumped when told to. That was something he’d always appreciated.

Xehanort turned to look at Vexen—Vexen, from another universe!—to make sure of where he was. He was still cowering behind his shield.

“Don’t worry boss,” Braig laughed, sensing Xehanort’s thoughts. “I’ve got him pinned here. No problem-o!”

Xehanort chuckled under his breath. Braig definitely _did_ have it under control, that was for certain. A nonstop stream of bullets was keeping Vexen where he was. Or, for now, anyway. Xehanort would not assume Braig could keep him there forever, though.

The only threat left was the Gainsborough boy, but he was out in the hall with Roxas. And, from the feel of things inside his chest—the resonation with the bit of his heart that sat inside Roxas—things were going well for Roxas, too. So Xehanort didn’t have to worry about the Gainsborough boy.

All obstacles now out of the way, Xehanort strode over to the other side of the table Riku was laid out on. There was no one sprawled on the floor, on this side.

He reached out and tapped at the air around Riku. A Barrier was still up. A strong one, too, from the feel of it. But…

Xehanort summoned his Keyblade to him. This was a cruder use for the blade, but nonetheless still in its nature.

Gathering his own energy to punctuate the blow, Xehanort brought his Keyblade down hard against the Barrier. It buckled. Shattered.

Finally.

He took a moment to study Riku, study the boy that was about to be his next vessel. He’d lusted after Riku’s power for a very, _very_ long time. It was nice, to finally have it within his grasp. And better yet was the thought that soon enough not just Riku’s heart, but also Riku’s _mind_ would be something he could reshape with his hands, into any image he wanted.

That really was the perk to Replicas.

There really was no such thing as an unwilling vessel, when it came to them.

Xehanort flipped the Keyblade around in his hand, pointing it at his own chest. It still took a fair amount of concentration: to carve out only a piece of his own heart while still leaving enough behind in his body. But he’d gone through the motions twice, now, and it was getting easier.

A speck of light, a piece of his heart, flowed freely out of his chest.

Xehanort banished his Keyblade and cradled the shard of his life in an open palm.

“S- Stay away from him!” came a panicked shout from Vexen.

Xehanort turned his gaze over to him, careful not to lose focus on what he held in his hand as he did so. Heart magic was a very, _very_ delicate thing.

Vexen had straightened a little, and maybe moved a step closer.

“Braig,” Xehanort said.

“I’ve _got_ it,” was Braig’s response, exasperated. He fired off another round of bullets, pushing Vexen back into the wall. “Don’t you trust me?”

If Xehanort was not so focused, he might have laughed.

Of course he trusted Braig.

After all, it was no different than trusting himself.

Satisfied Braig would keep things under control, Xehanort returned to the task at hand. He took a careful breath. Pushed the piece of his heart slowly, _gently_ , into Riku’s chest.

There was a little more magic to do here, but most of it was just willpower, finding a place to fit in a foreign space. But 37 had installed the protocols as he’d been told. So there should already be a hole slotted out for Xehanort.

Except…

Something was wrong.

Xehanort found he couldn’t quite get a foothold. What had been easy with Roxas now was not. There was no hole carved out for him. And when he tried to carve one with his own hands, his own magic, he found he couldn’t.

It was like there was a _lock_ around Riku’s heart.

Well, anything that was locked could be _un_ locked.

Xehanort pulled his heart back out of Riku, seeing as it wasn’t going to stay there, anyway. He shifted it over to his left hand, careful not to lose hold of it. Hearts like to wander. He had to keep concentrating, lest it slip off.

He summoned his Keyblade back to his right hand. Plunged it into Riku’s heart. It would not hurt him, of course, not when used this way. Keyblades were a weapon, yes, but they were also a tool. Very good at unlocking hearts, at creating new pathways within them, at doing things that heart magic alone could not.

It was a little difficult, splitting his concentration two ways like this, but Xehanort did not allow himself to falter.

Using the Keyblade, he probed around in Riku’s heart, trying to get a feel for what was going on.

If there was a lock, it was not magic in nature. Xehanort certainly could not _sense_ a lock, at any rate. Still, he went through the motions of unlocking, for good measure. A rush of magic. A twist of the Keyblade, before pulling it back out.

He doubted it had made a difference, but Xehanort guided his heart back into Riku’s chest anyway. It would not hurt to try again.

Still, though, it was like trying to find footing on ice. Or trying to scale a sheer wall. There were no cracks for him to slip into, and attempts to make any still proved impossible. There was some kind of force, too, that he could feel now. It kept pushing him back. Out. Away.

Xehanort knew a lost cause when he saw one.

He pulled the fragment of his heart out of Riku and returned it to his own chest, shaking his head. It was very strange. 37… _had_ installed the protocols, hadn’t he? Because if he hadn’t…

Xehanort pushed that thought out of his mind, for the moment.

“Braig,” he said. “Time to leave.”

“Uh-oh.” There was a warping of the space in the room, then Braig was standing at the foot of the table, his single eye creased with worry as he considered Xehanort. “I ain’t fond of that look.”

“Things just didn’t go like they were supposed to,” Xehanort said, with a sigh and a shrug. He was disappointed, for sure, but there was no need to get upset about it. He could always try again, some other time.

Braig clucked his tongue and groaned, though, much more distressed by the matter. (Xehanort could feel that, as well as see it.) “Aw, _man,_ guess that means we aren’t up to four after all.”

“It was probably too much to ask to get two in the span of a week,” Xehanort said, folding his arms over his chest, smiling.

Braig nodded at that. “Yeah, probably,” he agreed. “Anyway, you wanna get the loose cannon,” he jabbed his thumb in Roxas’s direction, “or should I?”

“I’ll get him.” Roxas was more likely to listen to him, anyway.

‘Loose cannon’ was not an inaccurate term to describe Roxas with, not in the slightest. There was a hunger burning in him. A hunger for battle, for a challenge—a hunger Xehanort saw no need to stifle. It made him relentless. That was good.

Most of the time.

Stepping into the hall, Xehanort found the Gainsborough boy on the ground, looking badly beaten. Roxas towered above him, Keyblades raised to kill. There was no doubting that, with how his intentions resonated within Xehanort’s own heart.

“Roxas!” Xehanort called.

Roxas turned his head over his shoulder, but didn’t move otherwise. He was still poised to strike.

“We’re leaving,” Xehanort continued.

“ _What_?” Roxas let his blades fall back to his sides, stepping away from the Gainsborough boy. “But, we _totally_ won.”

“Not a true victory,” Xehanort said. “I wasn’t able to take over Riku’s heart.”

Roxas’s face scrunched up. “Oh. Lame.” His eyes darted back to the Gainsborough boy, fingers twitching on his blade. “Should I kill ‘im?” he asked. Good, that he asked permission.

Xehanort shook his head. “That won’t be necessary.”

Roxas balked.

“Oh, come on!” he protested. They were still working on that. “You know he’s gonna be a nuisance later, boss. They’re all gonna be! I say we get rid of ‘em now.”

Xehanort laughed to himself. Like Roxas knew what was best.

“And I say, if we’re to get Riku on our side, we won’t do it by killing his family.”

Perhaps, with other people, that would work. But Riku was very loyal, and not quick to forgiveness. He would not forget someone who had hurt one of his loved ones. Xehanort doubted he’d be willing to work with them, either. No amount of rearranging his heart or editing his data could change that.

“But—” Roxas began.

“Come. We’re leaving.”

Roxas hesitated a moment, a rage burning in him, hands tightening on his blades. Xehanort wondered if he’d dare to disobey. It would be unfortunate but… It would also be very interesting. Xehanort watched carefully.

Roxas let out a huff, but banished his Keyblades.

“Aye _sir_ ,” he spat, slinking over. It was biting, it was sarcastic. But he’d listened.

“Should we take him with us?” Braig asked, when they stepped back into the room. He had one gun trained on Vexen, and his eye on Riku.

Xehanort shook his head. “No.”

He doubted removing Riku from here would make any difference. Keeping him locked up would just be bothersome, anyway.

“And the other one?” Braig pressed.

Xehanort didn’t need him to elaborate. He felt Braig’s mind shift to Vexen, even if Braig did not move. He also knew what Braig was thinking of—their old plans to make this Vexen build a new Replica Program for them. It still had merit, and Xehanort admitted this Vexen was most likely to, if they could make anyone do it.

But at the moment… They didn’t need him.

So Xehanort shook his head again.

Braig shrugged.

“Alright.” He lowered his gun. “Let’s get going, then.”

Xehanort opened the dark corridor.


	70. In which, welp, this is,

The first thing Riku did was take a breath.

He felt… Well, honestly, no different than he had like an hour ago. That was disappointing. He hadn’t expected anything radical, but he’d definitely expected to feel _something_.

Sighing, he lifted a hand to shield his eyes as he opened them. He still had purple spots, even. That was weird. Had they really not been able to figure out how to…?

“Are we done?” Riku asked, sitting up.

“N… no…” Vexen answered, from the computer on Riku’s left. He must’ve been the one who woke him up. “Something… came up.”

Riku scowled curiously at _that_ remark, then scanned the room for Even, or 7, because maybe they’d be easier to talk to. Except… That was Even, on the floor by the wall across from him, wasn’t it? And to his right, immediately below him, was—

“Aerith!”

But he didn’t even get as far as swinging his legs off the table when Vexen grabbed him by the arm. If Vexen’s grip had been gentle, meant to slow him, that would have been one thing. But Vexen’s grip was like iron, and he held on like _he didn’t intend to let Riku move._

“V- _Vexen_!” Riku shouted, angry, voice squeaking with panic. His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his mouth.

“Look at me,” Vexen said. He wasn’t yelling, but he was stern.

“What?”

“Just look me in the eyes, Riku, it’s very important.”

Riku tried to squirm away, blinking rapidly around his blurring vision. Why was Vexen doing this? Vexen knew—he _had_ to know—what this did to him, how it made him—

“What could- could _possibly_ be more important than—” Riku stammered, but didn’t get to finish.

Vexen grabbed him by the face and _forced_ him to meet Vexen’s eye. Riku went rigid with fear, panting for air, muscles tense, anticipating—( _Vexen never had before. Vexen never would. Vexen never would,_ but—) the blow that was bound to come. Why was Vexen doing this? What had he done wrong? Why…?

And then Vexen let go of him.

Vexen let go of him, and he drooped with, what? _Relief?_ How could he possibly be _relieved_?

Riku sat there for a moment, trying to breathe, trying to get his nerves to _calm back down,_ staring wide-eyed at Vexen, watching as a stream of ‘thank you’s fell off his lips. Riku’s brain was still running in rapid-fire mode, but finally, cold panic gave way to a hot anger.

“What the _HELL_?” Riku screamed. His voice still sounded tight, in his ears, and there was something besides anger rolling around inside him. He’d thought he could _trust_ Vexen. “I thought that- I thought you’d—” ( _Did that mean, everything Vexen had said yesterday? Was that all just a—)_ “You- you _KNOW_ how much I hate, h- hate…”

But it was hard to articulate this, articulate this thing that Vexen _already knew._ The anger that roiled in him. The _fear,_ sharp and cold and thick down his throat and in his lungs. The jittery feeling in his joints and muscles, the urge to run. ( _Except running would do him no good.)_ (Except this wasn’t the past, anymore, this was _now,_ and now he had nothing to fear—)

“I’m sorry,” Vexen said, his voice grounding Riku very firmly in the present. At least there was that, if nothing else.

Riku wanted to spit something sharp and biting, because if Vexen was sorry then he wouldn’t have done it to begin with. But he held back.

“I just,” Vexen continued, and now that Riku was listening he could hear the hitch in Vexen’s chest. “I had to be sure. I thought- I thought that he’d—”

He cut off there, hands gripping the edge of the table, head lowered and shoulders hunched.

“That… _who’d_??” Riku asked. Vexen just shook his head, though. Riku waited about two seconds longer before deciding he didn’t care anymore. There were other things to worry about. “Oh, forget it!” he grumbled. He slid away from Vexen and off the table, dropping onto the floor next to Aerith.

She was out cold, slumped against the wall, her breathing uneven. She must have been hurt, bad. Seeing her like this easily ripped the anger and resentment out of his stomach—it ripped _all_ feeling out of his stomach. It ripped the floor out from under him, too. It felt like he was falling, as he stared at her.

“Aerith…?” he said, his throat cracking around her name. He reached out a hand to her, not that he was sure what he’d do. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders. Shake her awake. But what if that just made things worse?

Riku stared uselessly at his hands. For the first time in his life, he wished that he knew how to cast Cure.

“I called 7. He should be here soon.” Vexen’s voice, tinny and far away. It took Riku a few moments to register it at all, let alone register what the words meant. 7 was a medic. He was a healer. Aerith would be okay. Aerith would _have_ to be…

Riku took a few heavy breaths, and then he rounded on Vexen.

“What _happened_?” he demanded, something raw clawing at his throat. “Who did this?”

“X- Xehanort,” Vexen said, his mouth stumbling around the shape of the word. “He- _he—_ ”

“ _Xehanort_ did this!?”

Vexen nodded.

Riku swallowed hard, his hands curled into fists, pressed into the floor he was sitting on. He felt a little dizzy. Xehanort was nothing more than name, a phantom in his mind, _but_ : _“He’s like Ansem and Xemnas, mashed together,”_ Sora had said. And Riku knew the shape of Ansem’s foul smirk. He remembered the way Xemnas had looked down on him, right after plucking him out of the air and throwing him across the room like he was _nothing._

Xehanort was like a phantom, but he’d been here. He’d been here, and Riku hadn’t even been awake to do anything about it. That was the most frustrating thing! And now Aerith was hurt, and—

Somewhere in Riku’s dizziness, 7 appeared, reassurances coming off his tongue as he knelt down to tend to Aerith.

Riku watched worriedly, throat dry and knuckles white. He wanted to ask what had happened. Wanted to ask if she was going to be okay. But his mouth wouldn’t form the words.

He felt sick, useless.

“Can- Can I help?” he asked 7, leaning in.

7 shook his head and gently pushed Riku away.

“No, Riku, there isn’t,” he said. “But there’s no need to worry. From the feel of things, she isn’t too bad off.”

Riku wanted to believe him, but it was hard. It was really, _really_ hard.

Except, then Aerith was shifting, blinking her eyes open. There was a pained moan on her lips as she moved, like it hurt to do so. The sound tore at Riku’s heart. It was hard, seeing her in pain, knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

Grimacing, before she even fully opened her eyes. Aerith pressed a hand to her side. She took a deep, uneven breath, healing magic flowing from her fingertips and into her own skin. After a moment, the magic stopped, and she opened her eyes completely. There was a pain in them, but then she saw Riku. Her entire face lit up.

“Riku!” she gasped, and she too sounded _relieved._ She reached out her hands to him, and he took them, as 7 gave them some space. “Oh thank _goodness._ ” She scanned his face like she expected to see him hurt. “Are you okay?”

“I? Yes?” Riku answered, his brow furrowed hard in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be...?”

Aerith swallowed. “Xehanort, he was… he was going after you,” she explained. Riku couldn’t tell if the uneven way she spoke was because she was in pain or because she was having trouble with the things she was saying. “I tried to stop him, but he knocked me out, and—”

The words died in her throat, eyes going wide and jaw going slack as she noticed something behind Riku and to his left. She dropped Riku’s hands and launched to her feet before Riku’d even turned around.

“ _Leon!”_ she cried.

Leon? Riku turned too, heart in his throat. Amaryllis was lowering Leon onto the ground at Aerith’s behest, while 7 thanked him for bringing Leon here. Where had Leon been? And, more importantly, what had _happened_?

Riku scrambled over there himself, heart pounding. Leon looked significantly worse than Aerith had, all bloody and beat up, clothes torn. If it felt like Riku had been falling, before, then he was drowning now. His chest was tight, and had trouble doing anything more but forcing air into his lungs in quick gasps.

He’d never expected to see either Aerith or Leon hurt, but here they were, and it was so much worse than he could have imagined.

Leon’s pale, almost lifeless face. The harried look in Aerith’s eyes. The agitated way her hands moved, the way she checked over Leon with an urgency unlike one Riku’d ever seen. He’d never expected to see them like this. It was _terrifying._

“Did Xehanort—?” Riku began.

Aerith shook her head, tutting to herself. That was the worst part. She didn’t even look _certain_ about Leon.

“It was Roxas,” she answered, but her voice was distracted, sharp.

“What!?” Riku squeaked. _Roxas_? That didn’t make any sense! Why would Roxas have been here? He had _nothing_ to do with Xehanort! “How could it have been—”

“Riku, please…”

He was distracting her.

Feeling terrible—because this was _important,_ and he was being _distracting_ —Riku moved backwards, sitting on his heels and trying to take careful breaths to control the tempest raging inside of him. He ran his fingers over the smooth, cold floor. Tried not to think about the darkness he could see pouring off his skin.

( _He guessed they really hadn’t fixed it at all, then. That was frustrating, but compared to everything else, he supposed it didn’t matter._ )

To keep himself distracted, as Aerith worked on Leon (it would be okay, it had to be okay), Riku took stock of the room again. Amaryllis had left, apparently only here to bring Leon in and not interested enough to stay. 7 was tending to Even. Vexen still stood at the table, his hands gripping the edge and his head bowed.

And…

There was someone missing, Riku realized.

Namine’d been here, before. Where was she now?

Riku started to ask, because maybe Vexen or 7 knew, but then Leon woke up.

Aerith let out an audible sigh of relief, and threw her arms around him the moment he sat up. “Oh thank _goodness,_ ” she cried, as she squeezed him tight.

Leon laughed a little—surprise and relief mixed all together in one—and hugged her back. She squeaked in pain.

“Oh, sorry!” Leon said, as he let go.

“No, it’s fine,” Aerith told him, pulling away. She ran her hand over her side a moment. “Just a bruised rib… I should have warned you.” She grabbed Leon by the arms, looking him fondly in the face. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, too,” Leon replied, clutching her arms the same way she clutched his. “That was- I was no match for him,” he said, and his voice trembled. He shook his head. “Maybe it was just because we were in such a small space, but it was like taking on Adel, alone, and—”

“Why was Roxas attacking you?” Riku asked, scooting closer to the two of them. He wasn’t surprised by Roxas’s strength—he’d felt that himself, before. But he still didn’t know what was going on. Why they’d gotten hurt… He kept tracing his fingers over the cold floor to distract himself from the things that were boiling in his chest.

“He was with Xehanort,” Aerith said. A troubled expression creased her brow. “I don’t know why.”

She reached over and grabbed one of Riku’s hands. Not the one Riku was using to trace patterns over the floor, so he didn’t mind too much. She held his hand, and she held on tight. Like she was afraid of losing him. Why were they all so afraid of losing him?

“It was like… Xehanort… _did_ something, to Roxas,” Leon said, a similar furrow in his brow. “I’m not sure what, exactly, but…” He looked to Aerith. “It felt a little like- Rinoa. When Adel—”

Aerith nodded.

“I guess it would make sense,” she agreed. “Did you see his _eyes_?”

There was a touch of fear in her voice. She ran her thumb over Riku’s knuckles, and then she turned to him, very deliberately peering at _his_ eyes—

“What did Xehanort try to do to me?” Riku asked. His voice was steady, if devoid of everything that wasn’t a shrill fear. Uneasiness writhed under his skin.

( _Vexen, too, had been fixated on his eyes._ )

Aerith shrugged and shook her head.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I just know he was very intent on you.”

“He- he…” Vexen began, but when they turned to him, he was frozen with a sick expression on his face. It didn’t look like he intended on continuing.

“Vexen…” Riku said.

“7!” Even shouted, having just woken up. Riku sent a glare that direction. Talk about bad timing. “I thought I told you to—”

“I know,” 7 answered, and there was something tight in his voice. “I just wanted to wait, ten minutes, to be sure—”

That was all Riku cared to hear.

He turned his gaze back to Vexen. He pushed himself to his feet, and pulled away from Aerith. He knew he shouldn’t, but if _Vexen_ got to scare _him,_ then he was allowed to return the favor. So he took a menacing step forward, pulling at his darkness to make himself look more intimidating.

And Vexen _did_ flinch back.

“Vexen,” Riku repeated. “ _What_ did Xehanort do to me?”

“He- he tried to…” Vexen stammered, eyes darting around the room. He wrung his hands together. “He… took a piece of his heart and he- he tried to… put it in you.” Vexen looked like he was going to be sick. “He- he tried to make you into- into a vessel.”

Riku staggered a step back. If his darkness had been in any way normal, it would have fled him completely.

“I don’t know what stopped him,” Vexen continued, now in something of a rush. “But I suppose we should be- we should be grateful that he- he didn’t…”

Riku sat back down.

Aerith moved a little closer to him, though she did not grab him. Probably because he was still covered in darkness.

“Maybe… we should go over your data, Riku,” Even suggested. His voice was gentle, though there was an uneasy expression in his eyes, as well. “And make sure he really didn’t do anything to you, at all. I’m sure there are… _other_ things he could have…”

Riku nodded. It barely felt like he was in his body.

( _Xehanort almost turned you into a vessel—vessel what’s a vessel a vessel for Xehanort’s heart—you remember when Ansem possessed Sora?—That could have been you, for Xehanort. That could have been you._ )

Dazed, he let Aerith lead him back to the table, and hauled himself onto it. They didn’t have to knock him back out or anything ( _though maybe that would have been a relief. Then he could just worry about this all later_ ), it was just easier if he was on the table. Vexen moved away from the table when Riku got there, slinking away to the nearest computer.

Riku sat and played with his fingers, trying not to pay too much attention to the thoughts churning in his head. At least his darkness had died down. Aerith stayed right by him, rubbing his back. Leon hovered nearby.

“Where’s… Namine?” Riku asked, to distract himself, largely.

Aerith and Leon exchanged looks.

“We… don’t know,” Aerith admitted.

It was hard to even summon the energy to be upset from around the pit in his stomach.

“She ran through a dark corridor the moment she saw Xehanort,” Leon explained. “Which… might have been for the best.”

“She probably just went home, or to Kairi’s,” Aerith continued, leaning in to send a reassuring smile at Riku.

Riku nodded.

“Yeah…” he agreed. Aerith was probably right. ( _There were, technically, a lot of OTHER things that could have happened, but—Riku pushed those out of his mind._ )

“Alright…” Even said, finally. He looked away from his computer just long enough to send them a gentle sort of look. “There’s no trace of Xehanort, at least. But there is… something else.”

He shook his head, appearing troubled.

“ _I_ definitely didn’t install it,” he said. “And it doesn’t look like 7’s…”

“It’s not mine,” 7 said, from his computer on their right.

“It’s not mine, either,” Vexen said. He was glaring at his computer.

“What… is it?” Riku asked, stomach churning.

“It looks like… a modified version of the Darkness Protection Protocols?” 7 answered. He leaned close enough to his monitor that his nose had to be touching the screen—as if proximity would help him make sense of what he was looking at. “But… They’ve been tailored to protect against a specific brand of darkness? It doesn’t make a lot of sense…”

“Tailored against Xehanort’s darkness, if I had to wager,” Even said, with barely any hesitation.

“That’s _impossible,_ ” Vexen insisted.

Even turned to him, shrugging. “You’ve got it up over there, don’t you? You can read it for yourself!”

Riku turned to watch Vexen, who was shaking his head like he absolutely could not believe what he was seeing.

Riku swallowed.

“Who…” he began. This didn’t make any sense! Any of the people he’d expect to install something like that were all sitting in this room. And if it wasn’t them, then it would have to be someone who had known about Xehanort’s plans. But… “Why would anyone…?”

Even just shook his head, clearly at a loss. After a moment, 7 pulled his face away from his computer and sent Riku a similar apologetic look. Vexen didn’t turn around, but it was clear from the way he trembled he had no idea either.

“We just… have to be grateful,” Aerith said. She moved her hand from Riku’s back and to his shoulder, squeezing it tight. “If they hadn’t, whoever they are…”

She didn’t finish, but she didn’t need to. The terrible fact loomed above them all.

If the mystery person hadn’t installed these protocols…

Riku’d be part-Xehanort.

Riku clenched his hands tightly into fists. Just the thought of being part-Xehanort made him want to be sick. He’d only just gotten comfortable being himself. He’d only just found a home, and a family. If he lost that…

“It’s alright,” Aerith said, smiling down at him. There was a sadness in the corners of her eyes. “We all made it out okay.”

Riku swallowed.

There was that, too. Not just what had nearly happened to _him,_ but what had nearly happened to—

“He… he almost _killed_ you…” Riku whispered, dropping his head down. The words were like ash in his mouth.

“Mm…” Aerith turned away. “I- I suppose… there’s no denying that,” she admitted. Riku couldn’t find the energy to look up at her again, but he could hear the suppressed pain in her voice just fine.

“We got lucky,” Leon said. “And that’s- that’s not a bad thing. Battles are as much luck as they are skill, anyway. But that doesn’t make it… any easier. Knowing that, if Xehanort had _wanted_ to…” He cut off there, something sharp and strained in his tone.

Aerith took a shuddering breath. Her free hand shot out and grabbed Leon’s, and that too she held tight.

Riku swallowed. His throat was very dry.

( _If Xehanort had wanted to kill them, then—)_

It was too much, too terrible to think about. So he pushed the thought aside.

Even cleared his throat.

“If… you would prefer to wait a bit, that’s alright,” he said. “But we still need to see what we can do about your excessive darkness, and…” A smile played across his expression. “Well, I’m sure you’d appreciate not having those purple spots, anymore.”

Riku ducked his head once in a nod.

“Yeah.”

Now was as good of a time as any.

( _He wouldn’t have to think about anything, if he was out cold._ )

Leon squeezed Aerith’s hand, then pulled away from her.

“I think I’ll go look for Namine,” he said. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course,” Aerith told him.

Riku nodded again, not having the energy for anything else.

Leon star-sharded away.

“Alright, Riku,” 7 said.

Taking the cue, Riku laid back down. Aerith had to let go of his shoulder, so she gripped his hand instead. Riku didn’t really need her to (it wasn’t like he was going to feel it) but… if it made her happy…

Everything went dark.


	71. In which, hmm, Things are happening

Namine lay on the floor of her room—of Kairi’s room (it’d used to be both of theirs, anyway). Kairi wasn’t home. Namine hadn’t had the energy to try and find her, nor had she entirely _wanted_ to. She’d just wanted to go somewhere… safe.

Despair beat fierce in her just as she thought about the whole mess. Namine pressed her hands against her face, trying to hold back the whine in her throat and the tears that burned behind her eyes. She took a deep breath. Focused on the music playing. She’d thrown in Kairi’s CD the first thing she could, taking comfort in the familiarity of all the notes as they rolled over her.

It wasn’t perfect, though.

There was no way to fight the dread in her chest, knowing what she’d abandoned.

She’d just been so _terrified…_

 _…_ and she’d left them all there to fight on their own. And she had no way of knowing if they were okay. They could all be dead, for all she knew. They could be dead, and she was here, she was a _coward_ —

Wanting to cry, Namine held her face in her hands forced herself to breathe. She focused on the beat, on the lyrics Kairi loved so much. She’d go, and she’d check on them. Just as soon as her heart stopped pounding. Just as soon as she could breathe without choking.

Namine wasn’t sure how long she lay there. Probably… thirty minutes or so, she’d wager, based on how many songs had played. She couldn’t find the energy to get up no matter how hard she tried. (She owed it to them, to go back, but she _just couldn’t make herself_.)

Another song passed. Then another.

And then a star shard brought someone into the room.

Namine hastily sat up, and once she saw it wasn’t Kairi, fumbled to turn off the music.

It was Leon.

Relief welled up in Namine, but then so did something that twisted and churned at her stomach and made her feel sick. Now she’d have to explain herself. Explain why she’d run, explain why she hadn’t come back, explain why—

“Oh good, there you are,” Leon said, and he smiled gently. “We were worried about you.”

Namine blinked.

“W- worried?”

She supposed she must have worried them running off like that… But it was a bit of a surprise they’d had _time_ to worry about her when they’d had to deal with… She could barely make herself think his name.

“Well, not _too_ worried,” Leon admitted. Belatedly Namine realized this was meant to be reassuring. “We figured you’d either headed here, or home. Everyone’s alright, by the way. It’s good to see you are too.”

They were all okay. Xehanort hadn’t…

It was a relief, but it didn’t change the roiling feeling inside her chest.

Tears welling up in her eyes, she made herself say: “I’m- I’m sorry I ran.”

“What?” Leon stared at her, in surprise. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I- I should’ve stayed with you! I should’ve…”

Leon came over and sat down in front of her, hunching a little forward so he was on her eye level. There was an immense kindness in his eyes.

“Namine, it’s alright,” he said. “What matters is that you’re safe.”

“But I should have _helped_ ,” Namine argued, desperation clawing at her throat. She clutched her hands in front of her chest. She knew that she couldn’t have helped, if she’d stayed, and that was the worst part. But she should’ve stayed anyway. She should have…

Leon sighed and lowered his head, rubbing at his temples with one hand.

“Maybe it won’t make you any happier to hear, but… It wouldn’t have made a difference,” he said. “We were… no match for Xehanort. I don’t think anything short of all of us would be enough to face him.”

Namine stared at him. The panic faded from her lungs, though a tight pit settled in her stomach, in its place. How… _had_ they made it out, then? Namine wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“Oh…” she said.

Leon sighed again and looked back up at her. There was a tiredness in his eyes, but he still smiled. “But… we’re all okay. That’s what matters.”

Namine nodded.

“Even’s still fixing Riku’s darkness, and Aerith stayed with him,” Leon said, then. “Do you want to head back there, or do you want to head home?”

Namine opened her mouth, but wasn’t sure what to respond. She definitely didn’t want to go back to Castle Oblivion. But she wasn’t sure she wanted to head home, either. She still felt shaky, and a little raw, and as much as she loved Yuffie and Cid…

“Or we can stay here for a bit, if you’d like,” Leon said.

Namine stared, relief and fondness brimming in her chest. How had he known?

She nodded, unable to find the voice to speak.

Leon nodded too, digging his phone out of his pocket. “I need to text Aerith, and let her know you’re okay,” he said. “And, uh… remind her to grab our books, I guess, since I forgot them…” He grimaced a bit, but then looked up at Namine for a second, a small smile on his face. “You can turn the music back on, if you want.”

Smiling, blushing a little in embarrassment, but otherwise grateful, Namine reached over and hit play on the stereo.

 

**xxx**

 

37 sat on the edge of his bed, hands clasped together in his lap, feet tapping impatiently. How long, until Xehanort got back? And would he get away with…?

He tried to breathe evenly. If he appeared too frazzled, then Xehanort would never…

The door opened.

Surprising, that Xehanort would use the door, but then again: the room had been corridor-proofed, and only Xigbar—no, it was Braig now, he kept forgetting—had the ability to warp space itself. Well… Or, 37 _thought_ only Braig did anyway. If Xehanort also had the ability, 37 wouldn’t be surprised.

Not that it mattered.

Xehanort had stepped into the room.

Now he had to deal with…

“Honestly, 37, I can’t say I’m surprised,” Xehanort said. Based on just his tone, he might as well have been initiating a casual conversation. Actually, his body language was relaxed, too, as he shut the door behind him. But 37 knew better.

“I’m… afraid I don’t know what you mean,” 37 answered, carefully. He got to his feet as he did so, though he supposed in hindsight he would have appeared more casual, himself, if he had remained sitting. Too late now, though.

Xehanort laughed.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he asked. “Did you really think, when I stepped into Riku’s heart and found no foothold, I would think it _his_ doing, somehow?”

Xehanort summoned his Keyblade before 37 could even begin one of the explanations he had prepared.

“Do you know how hard it is, by the way,” Xehanort continued smoothly, leveling his Keyblade at 37. “To extract someone’s heart from their chest? Never mind splitting it in two—” a light shot out from the Keyblade, and a pain filled 37’s chest “—making sure one piece stays safely where it belongs, while you take away the other.”

37 watched, in horror, as a spark of light flowed out of his chest. Xehanort reached forward and grabbed it in his free hand, and in his palm it floated. 37 swallowed. He felt very dizzy, all of a sudden. And that was to say nothing of the pain, nor of the fact that every time Xehanort tightened his fingers just on the air around that light 37 could _feel_ a pressure in his chest…

“Do you have anything to say for yourself, 37?” Xehanort asked. Despite the fact he held a shard of 37’s heart in his hand, he still spoke like he was just having a friendly chat with a colleague.

“I- I—” 37 stammered, terrified. But he could not get his throat to form any more words.

“Honestly, I’m impressed,” Xehanort continued, when 37 could not. “Simply not installing the Protocols, as I’d asked, probably would have been enough. And yet you did more.”

“It- it was easy,” 37 said. He had not intended to explain. He had intended to play the innocent party, pretending to be unaware of anything. But Xehanort knew. But Xehanort held a piece of his heart in his palm. “I just had to- to take the Darkness Protection Protocols and modify them so that they protected against something else. Something which you’d al- already given me the data string for— _your_ heart signature.”

He allowed himself a proud—if frenzied—smile at that. Xehanort’s eyes gleamed. Whether it was just nerves, or something Xehanort was doing, 37 felt like there was something constricting around his neck. He wished that there was not a bed behind him, but a wall, so he could at least lean on it for support.

( _You really are a sniveling coward,_ his thoughts taunted, in a distorted echo of the voice of the woman he loved. He set his jaw. _Even L would be terrified,_ he thought back, defiantly. _Even L would…_ )

“If- If I’d thought I could have gotten anything malicious past Master Even, I would have killed Riku outright,” 37 continued, his voice catching on every word. Golden eyes bored into him. “But I’d- I’d rather him alive and out of my face than letting _you_ have him.”

Xehanort raised his eyebrows. A smile tugged at his lips.

“Oh really?” he asked.

37 trembled, with fear and fury both.

( _The last thing he’d seen on L’s face was anger, and a little panic. He’d wanted to go out and guard the door, but there was no arguing with her. He hadn’t argued, and—)_

“Did you _REALLY_ think I’d _work_ with Riku!? He took EVERYTHING away from me! I absolutely could NOT stand the thought of seeing his face every day. Of having to be _nice_ to him! I could not, and I _will not_.”

Xehanort tsked.

“What a shame,” he said. “Because I still need Riku.”

37 shook his head. He knew he was in no place to argue, with his life literally in Xehanort’s hands, but on this he would not be budged. Maybe L would be proud. Or maybe she’d call him stubborn. ( _He’d never know, and that burned him_.) He would not work with Riku, as much as he would _love_ to see Riku lose everything he had to Xehanort.

37 opened his mouth, to say something, but then he saw the look Xehanort was giving him. Looking him up and down, as if measuring him.

“Though I suppose… You’d make a decent vessel, all things considered,” Xehanort said.

37’s stomach bottomed out.

“N- no—”

“A willing vessel would be preferable, of course,” Xehanort continued, like he’d barely heard 37. “But an unwilling one works just as well in the end. And, I’ve already done half the work…”

37’s mouth moved, but no sound came out.

Xehanort took another step towards 37, leaning in close, eyes still weighing him. “However… a _treacherous_ vessel? Could I stand to have a traitor in our number?”

37’s eyes darted down to Xehanort’s Keyblade, which he still had drawn. Honestly, he wasn’t sure which option he’d prefer.

He didn’t want to die.

But he didn’t want to lose the only things he had left, either.

It wasn’t like he could fight, though. Never mind that he had no chance of winning, he felt so weak it was a miracle he was still standing. He supposed with only half—was it half, or was it less?—of his heart left actually in his body, it was no surprise he felt about ready to faint.

“I- I…” 37 stammered, but Xehanort’s eyes glistened like he’d already made up his mind.

His fingers tightened around 37’s heart.

“You- you can’t!” 37 shouted, desperately. “The- The Program. You need me to—”

“There are other people I can find to help me with that,” Xehanort said. He seemed completely unnerved. He even smiled.

“B- But—”

“It was nice knowing you, 37.”

Xehanort’s hand closed around his heart.

37 knew no more.

 

**xxx**

 

That night Xehanort dreamt of old memories. Memories which should have been suppressed, along with the boy they belonged to. But he supposed it was his own fault, for throwing salt on the wound, so to speak.

_There was a pain in his chest, sharp, and a little familiar. (This wasn’t the first time he’d done the spell, but it was and would always be a complicated process, so he’d needed the concentration—) He felt empty, raw, like he could hardly breathe. His knees buckled, and if he could actually move, he would have collapsed. (It had taken effort, to keep Terra upright with magic, but it had certainly made everything else easier in the end.)_

_“What- what did you DO!?”_

_“What I needed to.”_

_(A heart, once fractured, would not resist that which might make it whole, after all.)_

_His vision lingered on the shard of light that hung in the air, that fragmented piece of his (someone else’s) heart. It shined dully, warped by memory and dream both. He felt satisfaction. He felt sick._

_“Now… What to do? A heart should not be left without a vessel. But… where to put it?”_

_The memory was dark, the smell of dust strong. His hands did not ache with the weight of his blade, but with the weight of something else. It was hard to say what, though, in a dream. Either way, they both knew where this was going, and a dread—(a THRILL)—thrummed hard in his chest._

_“Terra. Empty your pockets.”_

_“NO!”_


	72. In which things are okay. Relatively speaking.

When Riku woke up this time, he _did_ feel different. It was strange. He hadn’t realized he _could_ feel his darkness until it was no longer there to feel. It was… kind of empty, without it. But it was nice, too. There was no longer the sensation of boiling under his skin, a burning he’d grown dangerously used to.

“There you go,” came Even’s voice, a little distant, a lot proud. “We’re all done.”

Riku pushed himself upright. Aerith was no longer holding his hand, but she did linger close. Even still stood at his computer, at the wall directly in front of Riku. Vexen was still at his, on Riku’s left. 7 hovered near the foot of the table, peering Riku over.

“How do you feel?” Aerith asked, a touch of anxiousness in her voice.

Riku took a moment to fold his legs so he was sitting cross-legged on the table before he spoke. “Um… Better, I guess,” he said, his hesitation largely just because he had been looking for a word, and no other reason. He thought it might take some time to get used to this emptiness. “It’s… strange,” he said. But he looked up, and he smiled. “But I guess it’s for the best, huh?”

It was a rhetorical question, for the most part, and thankfully everyone read it as such.

7 cleared his throat, and Riku met his gaze, knowing 7 wanted his attention.

“We… did have to get rid of all your darkness, unfortunately,” he said, and there was a hesitance in his voice. Riku sighed deeply, not that he’d expected different. He could feel it missing, anyway, so he wasn’t surprised. “There was no way to separate that which you were built with from the darkness that had otherwise mutated inside of you.”

Riku shrugged.

“Well, I’ll try not to be too beat up about it,” he said, but he said it with a smile, with a note of levity in his tone.

7’s leaned backwards, just the tiniest bit, his eye going wide. Clearly he had not expected this reaction.

Riku put on his most sincere face. “It’s alright. I mean it. You guys told me that it might have to go when I signed up for this, so it wasn’t like I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I just… suppose I’d anticipated you being more upset,” 7 answered, slowly.

“Well, I’d rather be alive, so really…” Riku trailed off there, but his point had been made. Aerith reached over and squeezed his shoulder, and though a part of him still tensed on reflex, he relaxed quickly, sending a smile her way.

“We couldn’t find a way to let you keep the ability to use dark corridors, either,” Even said, from the computer. He turned around, now. “But we did figure out something to let you keep your blade. We, uh…” He hesitated a moment, then nodded in Riku’s direction. “Well, just go ahead and summon it, you’ll see what I mean.”

Riku did so, and watched, a little mystified, as it came to him in sparks of something that wasn’t darkness at all. It was a burst of data, numbers and colors swirling through the air a moment. The blade looked exactly the same as it had before, and it had the same weight, as well.

He ran his fingers over it, feeling its grooves, and then he banished it. It disappeared in that same burst of colors in numbers it had come in.

“That’s amazing,” he said, and he meant it, though he was a little distracted now.

Because, looking down at his blade had brought his attention to something else.

He ran his fingers over his forearm, a smile creeping onto his lips as his eyes roamed over unbroken skin. It felt so strange, to run his hand over the length of his arm and not feel any bumps and patches of something that was decidedly _not_ skin. It was so strange, to look and see no purple where he’d grown so used to it being.

A warmth bubbled rapidly inside his chest.

He shot a hand under his shirt, feeling for a spot on his abdomen—he thought he found it, after a moment, but it was hard to tell, and that was the greatest thing of all. He literally _couldn’t tell,_ because there was no raised purple scar running across it anymore. It was just clean, unbroken skin.

He realized, belatedly, that if his darkness was gone, then so was the armor of his dark suit.

He felt a little vulnerable, sitting here stripped of all the things he’d used to rely on.

But it was okay, he told himself, and he believed it. Aerith’s hand was tight, warm, comforting on his shoulder. Leon’s face was still fresh in his mind, and it wasn’t much effort to call up the faces of the rest of his family, and his friends.

He had other things—better things—to rely on now.

Aerith’s hand moved down his back, a gentle motion, to get his attention. “Riku?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” he told her. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

He took a deep breath, and then he looked up. He met 7’s eyes, because 7 was closest, and frankly, the easiest.

“I guess I should thank you guys, huh?” Riku said, cracking a smile, trying to appear laid-back. It was kind of weird, to be doing this, and there was an anxiousness boiling in his belly. But Aerith hummed, short and happy, beside him, so he figured it was the right thing to do. “For uh… for putting in all this work for me.” He rubbed at his nose. “It, uh. Means a lot.”

Even beamed brightly from where he was, before 7 could even reply. “You are _very_ welcome!” he said.

7 nodded, a gentleness in his eyes. “You didn’t really need to thank me, seeing as this _is_ my job, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” There was a humor in his tone, as well, and Riku chuckled to show he’d heard it.

“It wasn’t like I could let you die,” Vexen mumbled. Smile faltering a few inches, Riku sent a brief look in his direction. (He was trying, Riku reminded himself, with a deep breath. Vexen was trying.)

“What are you guys going to do now?” Riku asked. “Must have a lot of free time without me to worry about.”

“Well… There’s still a lot of clean up to be done, as far as the Program is concerned. So I could be here a while…” Even answered, thoughtfully. Neither Vexen nor 7 really looked like they had answers.

Aerith cleared her throat.

“If any of you, or the other Replicas, would like to come live in Hollow Bastion, you’re more than welcome to,” she said. “And, I wouldn’t want to impose, but help with the restoration _would_ be nice…”

Riku looked up to see the playful glint in her eye, and smiled at the sight of it.

Even mulled it over a little more, while Vexen looked pointedly away. 7, however, looked certain in his answer.

“Right now,” 7 said, “I think my place is here, with the Program. And maybe this is my place forever, unless Master Even moves the Program to a more convenient location. _Someone_ has to stick around to run the Repair Program, after all.”

Even laughed good naturedly at that, and with a smile on his lips provided his own answer: “Like I said, there’s still some cleanup to do here, after all the mess Saix caused. But I’ll pass the offer along to every Replica who is uncertain of where they wish to go. I’ve already started sending some out into the worlds—they don’t want to stay here, and provided no more than three of a kind goes to any one world, I don’t anticipate them having trouble blending in. I’m sure some of them would love to head to Hollow Bastion. And who knows? Maybe I’ll return there someday, myself. Make it my new base of operations. There should still be the room for it, unless you have other plans for the Castle…”

Aerith shook her head.

“Not currently, no,” she said. “We don’t really anticipate Hollow Bastion becoming anywhere quite as magnificent as it used to be. At least… not any time soon.” There was a note of wistful longing in her voice. Just a touch of it.

Even nodded, like he understood.

“I’d love to see it regain its old glory,” he said. “And I’d love to help, too. But I really, _really_ must deal with things here, first. I owe that to all the Replicas.”

“I understand,” Aerith told him. “Obligations are obligations.”

A silence passed, then, which surprised Riku a little bit. Vexen still hadn’t said anything, and apparently Aerith wasn’t going to ask him to. That was odd. Figuring _someone_ should—and wanting to know, himself—Riku turned to Vexen.

“Vexen?” he asked. “What about you? You got any plans?”

Vexen considered him with an uneasiness of some sort, before taking a deep breath.

“No,” he said, shortly. “With the Rebellion over, and your data all translated and fixed, I guess there’s nothing- no more obligations, tying me here.”

Riku couldn’t help but gape. Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing?

“So, what? You’ll go back to the other universe?”

Vexen opened his mouth, hesitated. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know,” he answered, agitated. “I’ve been away so long, I think it might be strange to go back. And yet… I’m not really sure I should stay over here either, now that… Now that all this is done.”

He considered Riku, for just a moment, with an expression Riku couldn’t really read. And then he turned away.

“If it makes you feel any better, Vexen,” Even said. “I quite enjoy your company. I certainly wouldn’t mind if you stuck around.”

“Thank you, Even,” Vexen replied. He didn’t really sound like he meant it. He just sounded tired.

Well, it _had_ been a long day. Riku could agree on that.

It seemed like they’d discussed all they could possibly discuss, so Riku swung his feet off the table and got up.

“Guess we should get going, huh?” he asked.

Aerith nodded, gathering her staff and her and Leon’s books. “Leon texted, said he found Namine just fine.”

“Great!” That was good news. “Then we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“Mm.”

They walked out of the room before using the star shard, saying goodbyes to Even and Vexen and 7. It was more polite than just leaving straightaway. Or, that was what Aerith always said.

“I’ll have to call Sora, when we get home,” she mused. “I’m not sure we can do Sunday.”

“His parents? Oh.” Riku stopped walking, getting a sense of what this might be about. He tapped at his chest. “I’m okay,” he said. “I can handle it, if that’s what you’re worried about. Sure, today was a little scary, but Xehanort didn’t actually _do_ anything to me, in the end. So I’m alright.”

Aerith smiled, a tired smile, and shook her head. “Well, that’s good to hear,” she said. “But I still think we could all use some time to recover.”

“Alright,” Riku said. There was no reason to argue. And, besides, if she thought she and Leon could use the rest… “We’ll, uh… have to tell Sora what happened, too. And everyone else.” His stomach twisted a little bit, at that thought.

Aerith just nodded.

“I know,” she said. “I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but… We’ll manage.” She nodded again, a quiet determination burning around the exhaustion in her eyes. “We’ll manage.”

Riku nodded back, and pulled the star shard out of his pocket. He put a hand on the arm Aerith offered to him, since her hands were full. (He supposed he could have offered to take the books, but, too late now.) He activated the star shard, and took them home.

 

**xxx**

 

To Kairi’s immense surprise, the phone was ringing when she got home. She’d spent most of her morning at Yen Sid’s, learning magic from Ven while Sora and Aqua trained. Okay, actually, she and Ven had spent most of their time goofing off, but still. Turned out Ven was a pretty great guy.

Anyway, the phone was probably just a call for her dad, but Kairi went to check the caller ID anyway. She doubted it was Sora, seeing as they’d literally parted ways two minutes ago, but—

Oh.

It was Aerith.

Kairi picked up the phone.

“Hey Aerith,” she said.

“Hi Kairi,” Aerith answered. She sounded… tired. Very tired.

“What’s up?” Kairi asked, a bit of worry starting to beat within her chest.

“Listen, we aren’t going to be able to have Sora’s parents over this weekend.”

Kairi blinked. Not what she’d been expecting.

“Uh, okay,” she said. “Why not?”

Aerith hesitated.

“Something… came up.”

Kairi stood a little straighter, gripped the phone a little tighter. She knew what it sounded like, when someone was hiding something. She knew what it sounded like, when that something was bad news. Worry like a kickdrum in her chest, Kairi pressed:

“Aerith? Is everything okay?”

Was it Riku? Namine? Something worse?

“It…”

Aerith hesitated here, too, which didn’t help Kairi’s nerves at all.

“It would probably be better explained in person,” Aerith said, finally, sighing deeply. “If you and Sora could come over…”

“Yeah, sure thing. Lemme go grab him.” In person? Then it couldn’t be good news at all. “Be there in twenty.”

Kairi hung up before Aerith could respond.


	73. In which Namine isn't doing too hot

* * *

**Part 4**

_**Recovery** _

* * *

 

Namine lay in her bed, curled up under her covers, hands clutched together and pressed into her chest. It was exactly 2:22 AM, according to her internal body clock. She was trying to count every breath she took, hoping that would eventually lull her to sleep—but it wasn’t working. It hadn’t been working for the past hour.

She was wide awake, and her mind seemed to hate her for it. It didn’t matter that she was a Replica, and didn’t even need to sleep every night to function properly. She was awake, and unless she could fall asleep, she’d have to listen to her terrible brain go on for the next four hours about how much everything _sucked._

She couldn’t do anything to contribute to the restoration around town, so she felt pretty useless there. She was no help with building, and couldn’t fight Heartless. She couldn’t fight Xehanort, either—that thought still burned. It had been more than a few days, plenty of time to start putting it behind them (Riku certainly had!) but it still ate at her.

She was no help against him, and would be no help against him, ever. Because she couldn’t fight. She would never be able to fight, because it would make her chest seize with something that wasn’t her, and she couldn’t deal with that. She couldn’t deal with the phantom of someone else under her skin.

But that meant she was forced to live the rest of her life _constantly letting her friends down._

Namine rolled over, angrily. Containing the scream that burned in her throat resulted in her breathing harshly through gritted teeth.

She was never going to be able to fight, and that was bad enough. But then there were the feelings that sat in her chest, even when she _wasn’t_ fighting. The uneasiness, the sense she was just a stranger in her own skin.

She hadn’t felt like herself in months.

It had been so long, in fact, that she didn’t even remember _how_ to be herself anymore. The memories of who she used to be felt like foreign ground. The girl in them didn’t feel like her. Namine knew it was, but there was such a terrible chasm between her and that girl. It made her sick to her stomach.

Frustrated, tears hot behind her eyes, Namine pushed herself upright.

She wasn’t going to be able to do this for another four hours. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but it had to be something. Maybe she’d read a book.

Namine placed her weight carefully on the floorboards, not wanting to wake Riku, and opened their door with a similar care.

She bumped into Leon in the hallway.

“Oh, hey Namine,” he said, stifling a yawn. He was just coming out of the bathroom, and his hand hovered near the light switch, probably deciding whether he should leave it on or not. He ended up leaving it on. “Is everything okay…?”

“Um… yeah!” Namine lied. “I was just having trouble sleeping. Thought I’d go read.” She thought her voice was pretty steady, and her smile felt as genuine as possible, but…

Leon studied her, eyes squinting in the light. He was looking less and less asleep by the second. Maybe the roiling Namine felt in her chest wasn’t as hidden as she’d thought, because worry was starting to crease across Leon’s brow.

“Any reason you can’t sleep?” Leon pressed.

“Just not tired,” Namine said, significantly sharper than she’d intended. All she wanted was to be left alone. “It’s not like I need the sleep.”

Leon frowned a little. After a second of consideration, he took a step forward, reaching out to her.

“Here, I’ll come sit with you, keep you company for a—”

Namine moved before he could touch her, moved without really meaning to. Her hand shot out like lightning, deflecting his arm away from her. Her other hand came up, Fire sparking in her palm. She didn’t hit him, but she stood ready to.

Her breathing was even, her mind calm, a little blank.

But then she realized what she’d just done.

Leon staggered back, hands raised up in a defensive position. He didn’t seem scared, but surprised, definitely. Namine’s heart plummeted into her stomach.

She banished the Fire and clutched at her gut with both hands, curling in on herself as she sunk to the ground. She wanted to scream, but she bit her tongue. She wasn’t going to wake the house. She _wasn’t_. A low and pained whine left her throat instead.

“Here, come on,” Leon was gentle, and he put hands on her shoulders to help her up. This time, she let him. “Let’s go downstairs. I’ll make some tea—no. Hot chocolate. Riku’s the one who likes tea.”

Namine was too busy being torn up on the inside to really answer, so she let herself be lead downstairs and onto one of the couches. And there she sat, feeling terrible and sick, until Leon was holding a mug out to her, and she had to pull her hands away from her stomach to take it from him.

It wasn’t exactly a cool summer’s night—though it was cooler than it would be on Destiny Islands—but Namine relished in the heat on her palms anyway. It smelled good, too. She relished in that, even though she wasn’t even sure she would drink it at all.

Leon sat down next to her, a cup of tea in his hands. He didn’t say anything, just sipped slowly at it. Namine wondered if he _did_ intend on saying anything. She couldn’t decide if she wanted it one way or another.

On one hand, she really didn’t want to think about what had just happened, or any of her problems, really.

But on the other…

“You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to,” Leon said, beside her. His voice was quiet, his eyes on his tea. “But if you _do_ want to, I’m listening. Alright?”

Namine nodded. Her hands were trembling. She leaned forward and set her hot chocolate down on the coffee table, afraid she might drop it—or worse—if she held onto it any longer.

She didn’t have to talk.

But maybe she’d been bottling this up for long enough.

“I just…” The words were like nails in her mouth, hard to speak, hard to stomach. Tears already burned in her eyes. “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

Leon sat up a little straighter. He moved his tea towards his mouth, but did not take a drink.

Namine opened and closed her hands.

“I haven’t… for a very long time, now.”

Leon took a deep breath.

“Feels like… your hands aren’t your own?” he asked, and Namine jolted. He continued: “Like you still have someone else inside your head? Like you’re a stranger in your own skin?”

Namine stared at him, bewildered.

“How… did you _know_?”

She’d never spoken those things aloud, to anyone, and he’d hit them too precisely for comfort. A feeling of relief started bubbling in her chest, because, if someone _understood_ —

Leon reached forward, setting down his tea on the coffee table, as well. He turned to Namine, a half-smile pulling at his lips, for just a moment. A sadness burned in his eyes.

“I have… a friend,” he answered. “Rinoa. She went through… something very similar. Not exactly the same, of course, but in the end I don’t think being Rewritten is too much different than getting possessed…”

Namine blinked in surprise, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. Aerith had mentioned Rinoa before, but Namine hadn’t thought—

“She stayed with us, for a few months, while she wrestled with similar feelings,” Leon continued. There was a weight in his voice. “I forget, exactly, how she figured out how to deal with it, but… I’m sure she’ll have some answers for you. We can contact her, if you’d like.”

It was so much.

Someone else out there, in the worlds, knew what it was like to feel this way? And, better than that, Leon knew her personally? Namine could never have asked for this, because she didn’t think it possible.

But she wasn’t alone, then, in the feelings that raged inside her chest.

That made her want to cry tears of joy.

“C- can we?” she asked, voice shaking.

Leon nodded, pushing himself to his feet. “Yeah. Let me go get my phone—oh wait.” He sat back down, bringing his hand up to his temples. “That’s right, she doesn’t have a phone... I mean, I guess I could call the last place she—”

He stopped, there, looking up as if he’d heard something.

Namine looked up, too, and was surprised to see, floating down from above, a small white feather. Leon stared at it a moment, starting to smile.

“I still don’t know how she does that,” he said, and he plucked the feather out of the air.

The moment his fingers closed on it, a voice burst from it, loud and worried.

“Leon? Leon is everything okay?”

Leon raised his eyebrows. Namine watched in bewilderment. This was like nothing she’d ever seen before.

“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine,” Leon answered.

There was a pause.

And then:

“Oh are you _serious_!?” the woman speaking through the feather groaned. (This must be Rinoa, Namine thought, though she wasn’t quite sure.) “Don’t tell me this was another wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-feeling-nervous-for-no-good-reason things, because Edea _told_ me—”

“Oh, no no, I definitely wanted to talk to you,” Leon said, hastily. “It’s just not an emergency. It… _is_ important, though.”

“Oh, _phew_ ,” Rinoa sighed. (It _had_ to be Rinoa.) “That makes me feel a lot better. Well, alright. What’s up?”

Leon sent a look over at Namine. Namine opened her mouth, not sure if he expected her to speak—she supposed she _could._ She’d have to at some point. But after considering her for a few seconds, Leon addressed Rinoa again.

“Well… I have a friend here,” he said. “She… Well.” He grimaced hard, then sighed. “Okay, remember when you got possessed by Adel?”

“UM LEON I THINK YOUR FRIEND BEING POSSESSED COUNTS AS—”

“She’s not currently possessed!”

“OH.” Rinoa sounded a little confused, but after a few seconds: “ _Oh…_ ” she said, again, and this had a weight in it. Like she understood everything, without Leon having to explain anything at all.

There was the sound of Rinoa exhaling hard, and then:

“Okay, this is going to be so much easier to do in person,” she said. “If that’s okay?”

Leon looked to Namine, and now she was certain he wanted an answer from her.

“Um,” she began. She was eager to learn how to cope with this feeling sitting in her chest, but she was nervous, too. And… “I… I don’t want to be a burden…”

“What? Nonsense! It’s no burden at all,” Rinoa said, rapidly. “I’d love to help you out. Honestly!”

“It’s the middle of the night…” Namine murmured, looking to Leon. She didn’t mind it that much—it wasn’t like she needed the sleep, nor was she going to be able to manage it—but Leon was going to need sleep eventually. And so was Rinoa.

“It’s alright,” Leon said. “This is more important.”

Namine took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Great!” Rinoa said. “I’ll send a teleportation spell over to you. You know the drill.”

“I’ll have to write a note for Aerith,” Leon said.

“Yeah yeah, of course!” Rinoa laughed, like that was obvious. “See you soon.”

“See you.”

The feather Leon was holding vanished in a puff of sparks, and then with a _pop_ another one appeared in the air in front of them. Leon caught it in a cupped hand, then carefully set it down on the coffee table.

“Just two seconds,” he told Namine, heading for the kitchen for paper and pen. He took his cup of tea with him, though he left Namine’s hot chocolate. He probably hadn’t wanted to take it until he was sure she was done.

Namine supposed she didn’t mind that. She picked it up and took a cautious sip while she waited. It’d gotten kind of cold, but oh well.

She wondered what kind of person Rinoa was. She wondered if Rinoa really would have some answers for her. She wondered what it might be like to feel normal again. The possibility seemed daunting, even if inviting. But maybe she shouldn’t place all of her hopes on one night, on one meeting, on one person. Maybe it was too much to ask that everything would get better tonight.

“Alright,” Leon said, returning. He placed his note in the middle of the coffee table, then held out a hand towards Namine. Bewildered, though understanding what he wanted, Namine passed him her hot chocolate. He set it on the corner of the note. “There. So she’ll see it for sure.”

Namine laughed, just slightly. She guessed that worked.

Leon picked up the feather, then held out a hand to Namine. “You ready?” he asked.

“A little nervous,” Namine answered, being honest.

Leon smiled gently. “Rinoa’s a good friend,” he assured her. “I’m sure she can help.”

“Yeah…”

Namine put her hand in Leon’s and let him pull her to her feet.

Leon cleared his throat, held the feather up, and then spoke clearly:

“Angelo.”

The world melted into brightness around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [there's a pretty good art](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/153493524090/you-wont-get-context-for-this-for-literally-10) that goes with this chapter, if you ask me *wink wink*
> 
> and also [a mix for Namine and her plotline](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/158323227560/gotta-let-it-happen-ftpverse-a-namine-mix-for), so check that out too


	74. In which we meet Rinoa

The brightness faded, and Namine blinked into the dim light of the new room she and Leon now stood in. It reminded Namine a little of the Inn on Destiny Islands, though more sparsely furnished. There was only a bed and a dresser, as well as two chairs against the far wall by the door. The bed jutted out from the center of the wall on the right, and the dresser was on the left wall, directly across from the bed. Moonlight peeked through the curtains on the window behind them, but the primary source of light in this room was the lamp on the bedside table.

The first thing Namine noticed was the girl—woman, she was about Leon’s age—on the bed. Or rather, the first thing she noticed was the woman’s _wings,_ large and white, sprouting from her back. The second thing Namine noticed was the movement at the end of the bed, movement which she realized was a dog, as it jumped onto the floor and bounded over to greet Leon.

“Hey, girl!” Leon laughed, kneeling down and scratching behind the dog’s ears. “I know, it’s been a long time since you last saw me, huh?”

The tone of his voice made Namine’s eyebrows raise a little. (But, then again, she thought she remembered Tidus using a similar tone with _his_ dog. Maybe it was a universal thing.)

“Sure, my dog gets more attention than I do,” the woman on the bed laughed. It must have been Rinoa.

Leon shot a playful glare up at her. “Well the _dog_ came to greet me,” he argued.

Rinoa rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I guess there are more important things to do than catching up, anyway,” she said, and she looked cautiously towards Namine.

Namine opened her mouth to introduce herself, but Leon saved her the trouble.

“Rinoa, this is Namine. Namine, this is Rinoa.” He stopped petting the dog only long enough to gesture between the two of them.

Rinoa smiled brightly. “Nice to meet you, Namine!” she said, reaching out a hand for Namine to shake. Clearly she wasn’t going to stand up, so Namine went over to her, and shook hands.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Namine answered.

Rinoa had dark hair that fell a little past her shoulders, and was in her pajamas (a matching set of a tank and shorts). The smile on her lips was kind, but there was an edge to it, and a fierce glint of determination in her eyes.

“I wish we could have met under better circumstances, but whatever,” Rinoa said. She shifted on the bed, one leg bent under her, the other dangling off the side. Then she shifted again, a quick flex of her shoulders, and her wings vanished.

Namine jolted, a soft “ _whoa_ ” of surprising leaving her mouth.

Rinoa grinned mischievously. “ _Magic,_ ” she whispered, and then laughed. She patted the bed in front of her a couple times. “Come on, sit down!”

It would be impolite to refuse, and this was what she was here for, anyway, so Namine sat down. And then, figuring it was okay, she pulled her feet up onto the folded them under her. She sat completely facing Rinoa, and Rinoa sat at an angle, her body mostly turned towards Namine in return.

Leon remained on the floor, petting Rinoa’s dog. They both seemed to enjoy this.

“Okay, just so I’m on the same page…” Rinoa said, and there was a sudden weight in her voice. “You _were_ possessed…?”

Namine shook her head on reflex. Uneasiness pulled in her chest. “Well… no, not possessed exactly…” But she couldn’t say anything more after that. She’d have to explain being a Replica, and even though she knew Rinoa would probably understand, it was just such a daunting task.

“More like magically brainwashed,” Leon answered, for her. It was close enough.

Rinoa’s face scrunched up in sympathy. “Oh, I bet that’s still hell, though,” she said.

“They… they made me into someone else,” Namine whispered, shoulders hunched, staring at her hands. She opened and closed them a few times. It was an effort, to say, but she wanted to make sure she and Rinoa were on the same page, too. Even if someone else just _understood,_ Namine thought that might be enough. “And I- I just want…”

She didn’t get to finish before Rinoa cut her off.

“I know, I know,” Rinoa said, gently. She held out her own hands, turning them over, moving her fingers as she spoke. “Adel was in my body long enough that, even after she was gone, I wasn’t sure some nights if I was myself, or if I was… her…” She stopped there, curling her fingers into fists and pressing them into her thighs. Discomfort was written on her face, and she shook her head, like trying to get a bad memory out of it.

Something heaved in Namine’s chest. Tears burned in her eyes—relief and brokenness both.

Rinoa understood.

Rinoa understood what Riku did not, what Kairi never could.

Namine pressed her hands into her face, trying to hold back her tears. Rinoa shifted where she sat, and then cleared her throat.

“Here, there’s something I found helped me, when I was having rough nights.” Rinoa held out her hands in front of her, palms up. Then she leaned in a little bit, to catch Namine’s eye. Once she had it, she cocked her head to the side, and smiled. “Do it with me, okay?”

Namine took a deep breath and nodded. She mirrored Rinoa’s motion with her hands.

Smiling broadly, Rinoa straightened. She closed her eyes. She took a deep breath. Then she put down her thumbs, towards her palms, and she spoke:

“These are my hands.”

She spoke quietly, with the whisper of someone relishing in the familiarity of something.

Namine repeated the motion with her own thumbs. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to repeat the words, too, but Rinoa hadn’t asked her to. So Namine kept her mouth shut and just soaked this in.

Rinoa lifted her thumbs, then bent down her pointer fingers. “I wouldn’t use them to hurt anyone I love.”

Now she did her middle fingers. “They are mine, not hers.”

Ring fingers. “She has no power over me anymore.”

Pinky fingers. “I’m still me, I’m still me, I’m still me.”

Rinoa hesitated a second there. Then she dropped her hands and opened her eyes.

“I mean, if that doesn’t work for you, that’s alright,” she said. “You can always replace any of the things I said with something else, too. Whatever you need. And if you need more, well…” She paused here, smiled, and shrugged. Her eyes glinted playfully. “You’ve got ten fingers.”

Namine laughed a little despite herself.

“No, that’s.” Namine paused to take a deep breath. Her eyes were wet with tears. “That about hits the mark.”

Rinoa smiled a small, understanding smile.

“I thought it might.”

Namine took another deep breath, trying to contain the feelings inside her chest. She held her hands out in front of her and went through the motions as Rinoa had, repeating the things Rinoa had said. _These are my hands. She has no power over me._ It all fit about right, and it was a nice thing to do with her hands while she was staring at them.

“No no, you have to repeat that last one three times,” Rinoa said, rapidly, as Namine finished.

Namine looked up at her in surprise.

“I mean, I guess you don’t _have_ to,” Rinoa admitted, and she scowled. Pouted, really. “But that’s the most important one! So you repeat it so that you can _really_ cement it in your brain. It’s important. Trust me.”

“R- Right…” Namine wasn’t really sure she understood how it made a difference.

“I mean it!” Rinoa said. Her voice was filled with a genuine passion, the amount she believed in this brimming into her voice. “This whole exercise is one part a-nice-way-to-ground-yourself-when-panicking, and at least two parts trick-your-brain-into-believing-something-because-you-say-it-enough.”

Namine frowned. She clasped her hands together and put them in her lap. She wasn’t sure she, entirely, liked the sound of that.

Rinoa leaned down, though, putting her face very close to Namine’s, holding her gaze. “It _works_. And all of the things I had you say are true.” She reached into Namine’s lap, grabbing Namine’s hands and squeezing them. “These are _your_ hands. And you…” She took one of her hands and prodded Namine in the chest. “ _Are still you_.”

Namine dropped her gaze. Studied the way her hand fit into Rinoa’s.

She just wished she could believe that.

“The magic done on you was _un_ done, right?” Rinoa pressed.

It still wasn’t magic, but:

“Yeah…” Namine answered, truthfully, if hesitantly.

“Then you’re you. You’re Namine, not someone that someone else made you to be.”

“Doesn’t feel like that…” Namine said, mournfully. “I’m not who I used to be at _all_ anymore.”

Rinoa considered this for a moment, still holding Namine’s hands.

“Well… I’m not the person I was seven years ago,” she said. “I’m not the person I was seven _months_ ago.” If Namine had been looking at her, and not at their hands, she would have seen the determined smile on Rinoa’s lips. “We change. We grow.”

Namine laughed, bitterly.

“Doesn’t feel much like growing.”

“It won’t,” Leon said. There was something about the severity in his tone, and the way his voice shook that made Namine wonder just how well he understood this. “Sometimes there are dry patches, in our lives, where we just feel like we’re wilting, and not growing. Sometimes we change, and it’s not for the better. But that doesn’t mean growth isn’t coming, eventually.”

Namine sniffled.

She wondered if it was really true.

“Namine, look at me,” Rinoa said.

Namine didn’t really want to…

“ _Namine_.”

…but Rinoa’s gaze on the top of her hair burned, so Namine lifted her head and did her best to look mostly at Rinoa.

“You might not believe me now, but listen: even if you never feel like the person you used to be, one day you _will_ feel comfortable in your skin again. It may take a long time, but it _will_ happen, some day. I promise.”

Rinoa squeezed Namine’s hands, and pulled away. She wasn’t smiling, but there was a fondness in her eyes, and she _really_ looked like she believed what she was saying. Namine decided that… maybe she did, too.

It was hard to believe, with how she felt now, but she _wanted_ it to be true. And Rinoa had already given her so much, Namine thought, as she moved her hands through the motion Rinoa had shown her again. Maybe it was only fair to trust Rinoa in this, as well.

“Anyway, I know that’s a lot to take in, for one night,” Rinoa said. “But… did that help a little?”

Slowly, Namine nodded.

“Yeah. Thanks for teaching me the, um. The thing.” She did the motion with her hands again, just so Rinoa was absolutely sure of what she meant.

Rinoa nodded back, grinning widely. She looked quite happy that she’d been of help. “Yeah, no problem! Do you want me to take you through it again a few times, so you remember it?”

“…yes please.”

They went through it a few more times, until Namine was pretty sure she wasn’t going to forget it. She thought maybe about changing a few of the points, but… Honestly, she wasn’t sure she could come up with anything better.

It was about then when Namine felt something warm and wet press into her leg. She turned, and with a jolt, realized it was Rinoa’s dog.

Rinoa laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, Angelo’s not gonna bite! Isn’t that right, girl?”

At the sound of her master’s voice, Angelo’s ears perked up. They drooped immediately with contentment as Rinoa reached over to pet her.

“She likes it if you scratch behind the ears, like this!” Rinoa said.

The amount of time Namine’d spent with dogs was rather slim (she’d seen Tidus’s maybe twice), so she was nervous, but… She followed Rinoa’s example, and scratched Angelo behind the ears. Angelo didn’t complain, so she must have been doing it right. And Rinoa nodded enthusiastically, beaming.

“Yeah, there you go!”

Apparently unworried about Namine doing anything to her dog, Rinoa stood up and headed over to join Leon. He was still sitting on the floor, and she squatted down next to him. Namine kept petting Angelo, because, what else was she supposed to do.

Rinoa bent over next to Leon, immediately reaching out and running her fingers through his hair. “Hey, you didn’t cut your hair, did you?” she asked, her tone curious, if a touch accusing.

“I did, actually,” Leon answered, running his own fingers through his hair as Rinoa pulled hers away. “Just a little bit. You should see Aerith’s.”

Rinoa stopped halfway through the action of sitting down next to Leon, eyes wide with shock. “ _What_!” she gasped. “What do you mean!” It was only here that she remembered to finish sitting. “Did she _chop it all off_?” she asked, and she sounded mortified.

There was a partial smile on Leon’s lips as he answered. “It’s… about this short, now,” he said, gesturing with his fingers to his neck to indicate the length. He indicated closer to his chin, actually, since that’s how short Aerith’s hair was.

“That’s so SHORT!” Rinoa shouted, but she was kicking her feet and giggling with glee. “I bet she looks _suuuuper_ cute.”

“Yeah, it looks pretty good on her—” Leon agreed, except Rinoa started speaking over him halfway through.

“Wait! Wait!! That’s too short for the bow!” she was saying, and now she _really_ sounded mortified. “Leon tell me she still wears her bow!”

“She does, she does!” Leon answered, laughing. “She has it tied to a headband that she wears.”

“Ohh! Man, now I wanna see her myself!”

The two of them went on like that for a while, talking with the fondness of two people who knew each other very well. They talked about all sorts of things, catching up on the years they’d spent away from each other, and recounting things that had happened years ago, just for the laughs. Namine sat and listened as she pet Angelo, letting their voices roll over her even if she didn’t really understand their stories. It was nice. She felt…

Well, she certainly felt better than she had an hour ago.

Soon enough, though, it was time to go. Leon said they’d contact Rinoa if they needed anything else. Rinoa talked wishfully about having enough free time to come visit for pleasure. Namine thanked Rinoa again for her help.

“It was my pleasure, really!” Rinoa assured her, with a wide smile. “And, here…” She shook herself, and as her wings materialized, it looked as if she’d just been shaking them out. She bent one wing towards herself and plucked a feather from it.

“Does that hurt?” Namine asked, curious.

“Mm, not that much,” Rinoa said. “And I’ve got so many feathers, anyway, it’s easier to use them for a focus than anything else.”

Enraptured, Namine watched as Rinoa held the feather up to her mouth and whispered into it. There was a slight stirring of a breeze—or maybe it was just Namine’s imagination—and Rinoa’s wings flapped idly behind her. There was definitely a rush of… of _something_ in the air, like pressure building. Then it all stopped, and Rinoa held the feather out to Namine.

“Here, take it,” she said. “Just in case you ever have another night like this one and want to come see me, but don’t want to have to wake Leon for it. Or if there’s another kind of emergency. I don’t mind.”

“Thank you,” Namine said, taking it. It seemed warm, but maybe that was just her imagination, too. “How does it work?”

Rinoa smiled, seeming to brim with excitement as she explained. “You hold it, you wish a little, and then you say _Angelo._ It’s got a trigger word to prevent it from going off randomly. But you _also_ have to do the wishing bit, because otherwise it would go off just because you were talking about my dog, and _that’s_ just as frustrating.”

“Why don’t you make the trigger word something else…?” Namine began, but Rinoa looked so mortified at the suggestion that she quickly followed with: “Uh, never mind.” 

“I’ll send you guys home now!” Rinoa said. “You ready?”

Leon stepped towards Namine, looking down at her for confirmation. She nodded. Smiling, Leon turned to Rinoa and also nodded.

“Yeah, we’re ready.”

Namine grabbed Leon’s hand.

Rinoa didn’t really _say_ anything, but she closed her eyes and concentration passed over her face, the tip of her tongue sticking out from her mouth just a little bit. There was _definitely_ a swell of magic around Namine and Leon, and then everything turned white.

When the whiteness cleared, they were back home.


	75. In which Aqua starts some training of her own

Training Sora earlier had gone well, considering Aqua had spent the entire time distracted with her thoughts. She’d gotten the news about Xehanort a few days ago, the same time everyone else had. The fact he was an active force now left her feeling… cold. Not from fear. She wasn’t scared of him. It was just…

Thinking about Xehanort, about the things he’d done to her, and to Ven, and to Terra—as well as all the things he’d done just now—it sparked an unfortunately familiar feeling within her chest. A feeling like she was just slightly out of sync with reality, with herself. She hadn’t felt this way since she was in the Realm of Darkness. This tightening of her body, her mind not fully in it, as she stared down the Heartless that stood before her…

Rainfell tugged in her mind, energy bristling in her palm, but no, _no,_ it was just a memory. There were no Heartless, here, and a battle with Xehanort was still a while off yet.

It was then that Aqua realized she was still standing, eyes fixed on the spot Sora had just occupied, before he’d used his star shard to leave. She shook herself, a little frustrated. Losing a few minutes of her time wasn’t the worst that had happened to her since returning to the Realm of Light, but she hated that it _kept_ happening.

Aqua sighed deeply, and then sat down in the grass. She could have gone inside, but she still had some thoughts she wanted to turn over, and at least now she wouldn’t look ridiculous if someone happened to see her. She pulled her wayfinder out of her pocket, rubbing her fingers against the cool glass that made it.

It was only after a few seconds of distracted, jostled thoughts about Xehanort that Aqua realized the wayfinder she was holding was not her own, but Terra’s. An easy mistake, since she kept them both in the same pocket.

Terra…

He was on her mind, too, now that the news about Xehanort had come to light.

She’d known where Terra (likely) was for a while now, she’d just been hoping against hope that he had somehow managed to get free from Xehanort. Well, there was no sense hoping that now. She’d asked Leon what Xehanort had looked like, and he’d said _young_. So unless Xehanort had abandoned Terra and moved to someone else (which she doubted, given what she’d heard about Roxas, and Riku), then Terra _must_ still be with Xehanort.

They still had no ideas on how to separate Terra and Xehanort, which ate at her more than anything else. The reality of having to face Xehanort was difficult enough to bear, but the possibility that Terra would die with him? That was more than Aqua could take. Losing him would be comparable to losing a limb.

Aqua clutched his wayfinder tight, trying to push those terrible thoughts out of her mind.

“Terra…” she whispered, a heaviness in her chest. “Please, there _must_ be a way I can save you…”

She had not expected to get an answer of any sort, so it was a surprise when she heard his voice, crystal clear:

“ _You can’t_.”

Aqua went rigid. Cautiously, she checked over both of her shoulders ( _but this wasn’t the Realm of Darkness, so this couldn’t be a trick_ ) before her eyes finally settled on his wayfinder in her hands. Strangely enough, she realized now, it felt warm. She had not been holding it long enough to give it any of her own heat, and wouldn’t have felt it if she had. And yet—

“Terra!” she said urgently. “Is that you?” Hope beat hard in her chest. It was possible. And, if she could contact him, then… he could help her figure out how to save him. Or at the very least, she could tell him it was okay, she was figuring things out, _he just had to hang on…!_

But the voice only spoke the same two words it had before.

“ _You can’t_.”

( _You can’t save me_ —and realizing that was what he meant was terrible, terrible.)

“No, don’t say that!” Aqua argued with him, firmly, desperately. “Terra, please, there _has_ to be a way!”

“ _You can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t_.”

Tears burned in Aqua’s eyes, heart breaking in her chest. If this _was_ Terra, and if he _truly_ thought that… What kind of hell, had Xehanort put him through? What kind of terrors was he facing? (Images of Heartless and flickers of faces she loved turned dark played in Aqua’s head, but no, those were hers, not his.)

“ _Terra,_ ” Aqua begged.

This time she got no reply.

Aqua took a carefully deep breath, trying to keep a hold of the despair burning in her chest. She just wanted Terra to be safe, too. Was that too much to ask?

“Aqua!” came Mickey’s voice, and she sat up straight. “There you are!”

Aqua turned towards him as he approached. “Were you looking for me?” she asked, a little surprised. She felt a stab of guilt. Had he been waiting for her to come back inside? How long had he been waiting? How long had she been out here?

“Yeah!” Mickey answered. He didn’t sound upset, at least. Actually… he sounded pretty happy about something. There was a glitter in his eyes, and behind him his tail twitched with excitement. “Yen Sid says he might have figured out a way to help Terra.”

Aqua spun completely towards him, pressing her hands into the grass to support her weight as she leaned forward. “Really!?”

Mickey nodded. “Yeah!” he repeated, grinning wide. “Hang on, it’ll be better if Yen Sid explains it, but… We have some ideas. Come on.” He headed towards the tower, waving for her to follow. Eagerly, unable to believe her luck, Aqua did.

She’d known Yen Sid would figure out something eventually—or if he didn’t, she or Mickey would—but the fact it was _today_? Aqua could barely contain the joy welling up in her chest. Anticipation bristled under her skin, and there was a jittery feeling inside her, one she hadn’t felt for a very _very_ long time. It was like the nervousness she’d felt, before the Mark of Mastery exam. Or like the thrill of learning a new spell, mastering a new technique (old, barely remembered feelings). There was a sense of worry in it, too, because maybe this _wouldn’t_ be everything she hoped it to be, but it was still good. She relished in the feeling.

Perhaps there was something in the way she walked, or the way she kept rubbing at her wrist, because only halfway up the first flight (of what could be many, depending on how the tower felt), Mickey turned and sent her a reassuring smile. She smiled back, and tried to convey without saying anything that she was just excited.

Mickey looked relieved, but, there was a tiredness in his eyes, too. He probably had a lot of things on his mind, and Aqua supposed they were likely similar to her own thoughts. Now that Xehanort was an acting force, the two of them had to _do_ something. The two of them, because they were the only two active Keyblade Masters, and the two that would stand the best chance against Xehanort. Granted, they didn’t have to face Xehanort _alone,_ but the duty of decision making still fell on them, and that was a heavy duty on its own. Heavy enough that even thinking about it now caused a fracture in Aqua, because the easiest thing to do was to just… _slip_ out from under its weight, and out from herself…

But no. _No._

She shook herself back to her senses, scowling hard. She couldn’t afford to do that anymore. And besides, there was news about Terra to get excited about!

The tower must have been in a good mood, because it only took one flight of stairs to reach Yen Sid. Yen Sid stood with his back to the door, gazing out the large moon-shaped window. Ven wasn’t here at all, which Aqua was a little surprised about. But then again, he hadn’t left his room much in the past few days. He’d been distressed, jittery, as if he expected Xehanort to show up any minute.

“Master Yen Sid,” Mickey said, by way of greeting as they entered.

Yen Sid was already turning around, as if he’d been expecting them. He probably had been.

“Mickey said you had ideas about Terra?” Aqua said, immediately. It would have been more polite, to wait, but Aqua couldn’t help herself. She was too excited.

Yen Sid lowered his head in affirmation. “I do,” he answered. “I believe there is a technique that may be of use, in this situation.”

Exhilaration filled Aqua’s veins.

“What is it?” she asked.

Yen Sid hesitated a moment, returning to his desk to sit before he answered. “The… ability to split and extract hearts,” he said, at length.

Aqua’s eyebrows shot up, and suddenly, she understood Yen Sid’s hesitance. That was heart magic. She was familiar with heart magic—of course she was, the Keyblade itself was an extension of it—but it made her… a little nervous. Heart magic was a slippery sort of magic, difficult to grasp when you wanted to use it for anything more than summoning your Keyblade. And it wasn’t always… the most benign sort of magic, either.

Taking and manipulating a heart, bending it to your will? That was heart magic. Whatever it was Xehanort had done to Terra? Also heart magic. Of course, things like sensing other hearts or calling out to your friends and having them hear you despite the distance were heart magic, too, so it wasn’t all bad. And it had been heart magic that had healed Ven, when his heart was fractured. (Though, it had also been heart magic that had fractured him to begin with…)

Aqua took a deep breath.

“Forgive me, Master,” she said, politely. There were more important things to worry about. “If… If you knew this was a thing we could do, why didn’t you mention it sooner?”

“Because it is not a commonly known technique, even among Keyblade Masters,” Yen Sid answered. And, well, there was no surprise in that. “However, I have deliberated it greatly, and I believe it is our best option. I trust you will not abuse the power, Aqua.”

“Of course not, Master,” Aqua answered, largely on reflex. Eraqus spoke—had spoken—like this a lot, when teaching her something advanced. She sent a glance down at Mickey, who was hovering to her left, a little behind her. “Will Mickey be learning, too?”

“Uh.” Mickey scratched at his head, and took a couple steps forward. “Actually, I already know how? We just thought, for Terra, it’d be better if you did it.”

“Oh,” Aqua said.

She supposed she wasn’t surprised by that. It was known between them, though largely unsaid, that as far as fighting Xehanort went, she stood the better chance. It was a weight, in her chest, but—

Mickey must have seen the way her face darkened, because very rapidly he said:

“It’s just, I’m not that familiar with Terra. And I’m not quite as good at sensing hearts as you are.” He laughed nervously, looking down, looking uncertain. “I’m just… afraid I’d try, and not know where to split ‘em…”

“ _Oh,_ ” Aqua said again, this time with relief, as well as understanding. Knowing this was the real reason made her feel… a lot better, actually.

And it made sense. She knew Terra’s (and Ven’s) heart signature like the back of her own hand. Picking it out from Xehanort’s should be, theoretically, very easy.

She took a deep breath, and she turned her attention back to Yen Sid.

“When do we begin?”


	76. In which Kairi has some fears, and Sora talks to Cloud

Kairi hid her smile behind her hand, and bit her lip to stifle laughter, as she followed a few paces behind Riku and Yuffie. She was sure _one_ of them would deck her in the face if they caught her laughing.

“I almost had it!” Riku complained. “If you’d just let me have five more minutes—”

“Leon needs Heartless control, and he needs it _now_ ,” Yuffie argued, pausing as she walked so she could send him what was a good rival for the poutiest look Kairi had _ever_ seen. She stood with her hands on her hips, cheeks puffed out, and, _okay,_ maybe it was more frustrated than it was pouty. “I’ve had to do it alone for like _two weeks_ now—”

“It was really only one,” Riku interjected.

“—and so HELP me now that you’re better I’m not doing it alone again!”

Riku groaned and shook his head, like he couldn’t believe this, but he didn’t protest any further. Kairi smiled a little wider. It was fun to watch the two of them argue like this—like _siblings_ —but the smile was a little more than that, too. A fondness bubbled in Kairi’s chest, a happiness for her friend, and how far he’d come.

She found herself watching him though, carefully. Checking off every action he made, every word he said, just to make sure it seemed like _Riku._ She didn’t _mean_ to, she just…

She still remembered, very clearly, how Sora had acted, when the darkness had… When Ansem had… (It wasn’t hard to imagine Riku that way, too.)

She was so distracted with her thoughts—with pointedly _not_ imagining Riku possessed by darkness or Xehanort or anything—that she had stopped completely in her tracks. It was only at the sound of her name that she looked up and realized herself.

“If you didn’t want to do it alone, you could have just taken Kairi,” Riku had just finished saying. He and Yuffie had only barely gotten ahead of her, so Kairi only had to jog a few steps before catching up.

“But that would have been _weird,_ ” Yuffie protested, her cheeks puffed out again. Then she seemed to realize what she’d said, and that Kairi was standing right next to her. She hastily turned to Kairi, waving a hand through the air. “I mean. No offense! We just like, barely know each other, so—”

“It’s fine,” Kairi said. She totally got it.

Yuffie seemed relieved, though she sent Kairi a curious look right after. “Why’d you come with us anyway, Kairi?” she asked, as they started walking again. Wherever Leon seemed to be working with the restoration right now, it seemed to be on the other side of town.  “You could’ve stayed with Namine. I’m sure she would have liked that.”

Kairi shrugged. Yuffie wasn’t wrong, but… “Fighting’s more interesting,” she answered. It was a pretty flimsy excuse, but she was a good enough liar that maybe they wouldn’t notice.

Except Riku immediately rolled his eyes. Didn’t look like he’d bought it, unfortunately.

“ _Please_ ,” he said. “She’s just still worried about me. That’s why she came.”

Kairi spluttered. “I mean- That’s…!” It wasn’t _un_ true, but dang. Was she being unsubtle or something? “I’m worried about Namine, too. But she’s not the one that was nearly _possessed_ three days ago.”

It was supposed to come out teasing, but her lip trembled a little, and maybe her voice did, too. She felt herself shake with emotion.

Riku just rolled his eyes harder.

“Come _on_ Kairi, I’m fine!” he said. He _sounded_ like himself. “I slept through the whole thing! Yeah, getting attacked was scary, and not being able to do literally anything about it was frustrating, but Xehanort didn’t _actually_ get me, so I’m fine.”

She wanted to believe him, it was just…

This thing, this fear, bubbled strongly in her chest. He kept saying he was fine, and he was acting like was fine, but what had happened still hung in the air, and she _worried._ It was hard not to.

Xehanort hadn’t gotten him, so she didn’t have to worry about that—though she couldn’t seem to stop herself from checking, and checking, and checking— _But just because he’s not possessed doesn’t mean he’s OKAY,_ Kairi knew. She opened her mouth to try and articulate that. She tried to articulate her worry, because she and Riku were always honest with each other, but—

“‘ _I’m fine,_ ’ says the guy who cried for three hours when we just had to _talk_ about Aerith getting hurt,” Yuffie coughed, easily loud enough for the both of them to hear.

Despite her worries, and the knot in her chest, Kairi laughed a little. Riku looked absolutely mortified, and he rounded on Yuffie, stopping them all in their tracks.

“Hey!” he argued. “ _I_ wasn’t the one who was clingy for the rest of the night!”

Yuffie gasped loudly, instantly going from teasing to furious.

“ _Wha_ -!? I was _not_ clingy!” she protested.

Riku sent her a look like _yeah-you-definitely-were,_ and Yuffie fumed, and Kairi snorted and allowed herself to laugh a little. Just because she was worried didn’t mean she couldn’t laugh.

Yuffie threw her hands up in the air and stormed ahead. “Maybe I _should_ have just done this alone!” she shouted.

Now Riku laughed, and Kairi laughed a little with him. She supposed he _must_ be okay, if he was relaxed like this, and teasing like this, but… Worry still gnawed at her. Her laughter tapered off, and as it did, Riku’s did too. He turned and sent an inquisitive look at her. Kairi sighed.

“I’m just,” she said, getting straight to the point. There was no sense doing anything else. “I’m worried about you. I know you say you’re fine, but… I worry. And I’m-” She turned away for a second, biting her lip and shaking her head, trying to hold onto the boiling frustration in her. “I’m _so_ mad I wasn’t there for you.”

Maybe it was more this, than it was anything else.

Or maybe it was this, on top of everything else.

There was worry in her chest, and a little bit of fear in her stomach, and this _frustration_ boiling under her skin. Frustration at herself, because she could have done _so much better,_ and she should have, because that’s what friends _do._

“It wouldn’t have made a difference—” Riku began, but Kairi cut him off.

“I should have been there,” she argued. “There’s no- there’s no excusing that! I should have been there for you, because that was _important,_ even if you didn’t need me!” She moved her hands through the air as she spoke, as she tried to grasp onto the feeling in her chest and put it into words. She moved her hands through the air as they stood there, on an empty street of Hollow Bastion, the houses around them mostly fixed up.

Riku stood and watched her, hands slack at his sides. (Kairi counted it a blessing he didn’t seem confused about why she was saying this, just confused on how to answer.)

“And I mean, _no,_ it probably wouldn’t have made a difference as far as Xehanort is concerned,” Kairi continued. She knew that. And that wasn’t really the problem here. “But I should have been there!” Because, what kind of friend skipped out on you when you had an important doctor’s appointment—or, you know, the weird Replica equivalent. She should have at least been there to celebrate with him, once it was all fixed, and then also she would have been there for Xehanort. “I should have been there…” she finished, dejectedly.

“Kairi…” Riku reached out a cautious hand, grabbing her by the shoulder.

Kairi ducked her head down, hunching her shoulders.

“And I’m just- I’m scared you’re not actually okay,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut.

Riku sighed, but he squeezed her shoulder.

“Listen,” he said, with a gentle laugh. “I’m not just saying I’m fine to get you off my back. I really _am_ okay. Xehanort didn’t get me, so there’s nothing to worry about there. And hey—my darkness problems are gone!”

She looked up at him, and he smiled widely.

(It was good, to see him this happy.)

“What happened was scary, yeah,” Riku continued. “But I slept through Xehanort, so it’s not like I’m traumatized by that or anything. I mean, I’m still kind of dealing with… y’know. Everything else.” He hesitated, here, and uneasiness passed his face for a moment. But then he smiled again, and even if it wasn’t as wide, it was just as genuine. “But I’m okay. I really am.”

Kairi took a deep breath, and then nodded.

“I believe you,” she said.

She studied him a second, and then:

“That’s what the healing lessons were for, huh?” she asked.

When she’d arrived, Aerith had been in the middle of teaching Riku and Namine both how to use Cure. (Or, use it _better,_ in Namine’s case.) Kairi’d ended up getting roped into them, until eventually Yuffie had interrupted.

Riku hesitated here, too, breathing deeply.

“Yeah.”

Kairi knew well enough the feelings he must be wrestling with. She’d seen him on what appeared to be death’s door not just once, but twice. It was scary, seeing someone you loved hurt so badly.

They stood there in solidarity for a few seconds, and then Yuffie came back into sight.

“Hey, I was joking about doing this alone?” she said, looking pretty annoyed. “Could you guys, _please_ …” She jerked both thumbs down the street and presumably towards Leon rather than finish her sentence with words.

Riku laughed, and Kairi grinned.

“We’re coming!” Riku called, and the two of them tore after her.

 

**xxx**

Sora went to Kairi’s house after his training—she ended up not being there, but that was alright. He hadn’t come to see her, he’d come to use her phone. He just… got distracted, before he ever actually made his call.

That was why he was standing by Kairi’s father’s desk in the little area by the stairs, eyes looking over the flyers on the corkboard without really paying attention to them. He rolled thoughts of Xehanort around in his head.

He hadn’t been there, because he’d had training, but Aerith had gathered everyone after it had happened. _Literally_ everyone. Well, not Cloud or Tifa, but Aqua and Ven had been there, and Mickey had been too. Sora’d probably rank that day among his top ten worst ever. No one had taken the news well, and it was… scary, thinking about what Xehanort had almost done to Riku. What he had done to Roxas.

Riku was okay, though, so at least there was that. Actually, it seemed like Riku was better than he’d ever been before. But there was still an uneasiness within Sora. Even though Riku was okay, it was a lot to think about. A lot to worry about.

Roxas was a vessel for Xehanort, now.

Riku’d almost been made one, too.

Visions of Ansem filled Sora’s mind, and he shuddered. If Xehanort had gotten Roxas, and he’d gone after Riku, then there was no way he’d stop there. Sora had been a vessel for him before, and—

‘ _And can we PLEASE think about something else!?’_ Kano broke in, irritated.

Sora raised his eyebrows.

 _Oh, like this?_ he asked, attempting to move his fingers closer to Kairi’s phone.

The thing was: he hadn’t actually gotten distracted. He’d just been standing here for five minutes with his hand raised to pick up the receiver and call Cloud, but there was one problem. Kano was exerting literally all his energy to keep Sora’s hand from moving any closer to the phone.

Even now, as Sora tried, his stomach wrenched. He held his hand where it was, and didn’t try to move it again. It was only because Kano’s fear was a physical thing inside of him, twisting up his insides, that he hadn’t made the call already.

‘ _Never mind never mind, Xehanort’s DEFINITELY better.’_

Sora laughed here, irritated.

_Holy crap, dude, there’s NO way you’d prefer thinking about Xehanort than calling Cloud._

_‘Xehanort doesn’t affect me!’_ Kano protested.

Sora raised his eyebrows further.

_Um, yeah he does? Seeing as you’re in MY body and everything._

_‘Yeah, but he’s also distant future, so it’s easier to stomach.’_

Sora shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 _I don’t see how telling Cloud you’re here is worse than thinking about how Xehanort could turn me into one of his vessels._ Sora made himself think the words—in part because he had to admit it to himself, but largely just so it’d really sink in with Kano.

Sure enough, another sharp spike of fear went through him. His spine went rigid, and he shivered violently for a second. Sora forced a deep breath through his lungs. It was mostly Kano’s fear, but…

‘ _Talking to Cloud is EMBARRASING,’_ Kano whined. He sounded a little angry, but mostly he just sounded like he was pouting. The tone reminded Sora of Joseph, just a little bit, and Kano squawked inside him, offended. (He still felt like a pouty baby, though, so… Point made?)

“Come on, Kano,” Sora said aloud now, getting them back on track. “Cloud’s one of the three people we haven’t asked yet. You want your own body again, don’t you?”

‘ _YES!_ ’ Kano answered. Then he hesitated. ‘ _No. I don’t know.’_

Sora jolted where he stood, surprised.

“What!? Why _wouldn’t_ you—?”

‘ _I… feel safer in here.’_

Sora scrunched up his face, trying to make sense of that. Safer from _what_? Sora doubted Kano was talking about Xehanort, and that wouldn’t make any sense anyway. He started to dig a little at Kano’s thoughts, but Kano saved him the trouble.

‘ _I mean, like. Less like I’m gonna hurt you. I’m afraid of what I’d do to you if I had my body again.’_

Sora’s stomach bottomed out. _Oh yeah._ He’d forgotten about that, just a little bit. He didn’t think Kano really _would_ do anything to hurt him, but Kano’s fear was thick, and left a foul taste on his tongue. Sora pushed the thought out of his mind, not wanting to think about it.

“Look, I’m calling Cloud now,” he said, reaching for the phone again.

Kano resisted.

“ _Kano_.”

‘ _You already talked to him, Sora,’_ Kano protested. ‘ _He didn’t have any answers, then!’_

“I wasn’t asking the right questions, then,” Sora argued. He was edging into real annoyance, now. This was getting ridiculous, and his arm was starting to hurt from having been held in this position for so long. “I didn’t know you were in here, so I couldn’t ask him about that.”

‘ _But—_ ’

“Kano, let me touch the phone!”

Kano still resisted, but resignation bubbled in him, and Sora knew he was going to give this up pretty soon. That was a relief.

‘ _Just… can we not tell Tifa?’_ Kano asked. ‘ _Please.’_

Sora shrugged. “Sure,” he said. It was an easy request to meet, and he doubted it made a difference whether Tifa was there are not. Given how stubborn she was, maybe it _would_ be better if she wasn’t. (But, wait a minute, how did he know she was stubborn?)

His fingers hit the receiver.

Sora picked it up and dialed Cloud’s number, and waited a little bit. Cloud took a while to answer—long enough that Kano started to feel hopeful—but he _did_ finally answer.

“Hello…?”

“Um, Cloud? This is Sora. There’s something I wanted to ask you…”

He wasn’t going to stand here and talk about it on the _phone_ , so he told Cloud what it was about, and attempted to schedule a time and place to meet.

“Hmmg…” Cloud said, from the other end of the line—a disgruntled hum more than it was words. “I’m going to be busy for the next week or so, Sora… Either this has to wait, or we’ll have to meet now.”

“I- oh.”

Sora wasn’t sure _he_ minded, but a thrill of shock and fear ran through his chest regardless. He scrunched his face up in a glare and internally direct it at Kano.

‘ _No way!_ ’ Kano protested, furiously. Sora felt his hand move as if to hang up the phone. He firmly held it in place.

“Is that a problem?” Cloud asked.

“I…” Sora answered, largely just so Cloud would know he was still there. He thought about it seriously for a moment, tuning Kano out. It was pretty important, and all things considered, there was no sense in waiting. And, maybe he was just impatient. “Nah,” he said, firmly. “No problem—Just a surprise! You wanna meet at Aerith’s?” He made sure to firmly think they’d still talk away from everyone else, for Kano’s sake.

“Yeah, Aerith’s is fine. I’ll head over there now.”

“Me too!”

He hung up the phone.

‘ _Sora…_ ’ Kano began, but Sora wasn’t interested in hearing it.

 _Oh, suck it up!_ he told him. _I’ll do all the talking if you want, and you can take a nap or whatever, so you don’t have to worry about it. But I’M talking to Cloud, whether you like it or not, so deal._

Kano fumed, but Sora ignored him.

There was nothing that _he_ could do about Xehanort—not now, anyway, and probably not any time soon. Mickey had made that very clear.

But figuring out how to get Kano out of his chest and into his own body? That, Sora _could_ do something about.

 

**xxx**

Sora got to Hollow Bastion before Cloud did, which he guessed wasn’t a surprise. No one ended up being in Aerith’s house, though—or at least, no one answered the door—and _that_ was a little weird, but… Oh well. He supposed they all had important restoration work, or something. It wasn’t like he was here to see them, anyway.

Sora waited outside, since it was the polite thing to do. He doubted he and Cloud were going to go inside to talk, anyway. Seeing as he had no idea how long it’d be before Cloud got here, Sora squatted down to admire the flowers in the garden that sprawled out from the house while he waited. They were very pretty…

(He’d talk to Kano, but Kano was nothing more than a sulky presence in the back of his mind. Not open for conversation. Whatever.)

It was maybe two or three minutes later when a portal opened ten or so feet away. Sora heard the rumble of an engine first, then he saw Cloud’s motorcycle burst out of the portal, and…

…head straight towards him.

Sora hastily scrambled out of the way, as Cloud hit the brakes and skidded to a halt within inches of where he’d previously been sitting.

“Gee, nice one Cloud. Almost on the flowers,” Tifa said, a touch condescending. She hopped off the bike from behind Cloud before Cloud even cut the engine.

“Shut up,” Cloud sighed. “How was I supposed to know she’d put flowers in?”

“You almost hit me, too!” Sora added. He wasn’t mad, really, but if they were teasing Cloud…

Cloud sent a half-hearted glare at him. “I didn’t know you were there, either,” he said. He dismounted from the bike, frowning at it for a moment. Whatever he was thinking, he must not have thought it was worth bothering with. He shook his head and turned to Sora. “Well, Sora?”

Sora looked between Cloud and Tifa, kicking his toes against the ground once. “Uh… can we talk alone?” he asked.

Cloud looked to Tifa. After a second, she shrugged.

“Well, one of us needs to say hi to Aerith,” she said.

“She’s probably over at the infirmary?” Sora provided, helpfully. That was usually where Aerith was if she wasn’t at her house.

“Gotcha,” Tifa said. “Which way?” Sora pointed, and Tifa nodded. She raised her hand in a wave. “You two have fun talking.”

Sora waved at her, and so did Cloud, and then… it was just the two of them. Nervousness beat in Sora’s chest, some of it his, some of it Kano’s, even if Kano wasn’t talking. At least, after Cloud, the only other person they still had to tell was Mickey. (Thinking that made Sora’s stomach wrench with Kano’s fear— _definitely fear_ —but Sora was largely relieved. Keeping secrets was tiring.)

“So, what did you want to ask me?” Cloud said.

Sora sent a glance around—but, there was really no reason for them to take the time to move anywhere else, since no one was here. He crossed his arms, though, and fidgeted a little.

 “Something about your Shadow?” Cloud prompted, when Sora didn’t say anything.

“Uh, yeah,” Sora said. There was a tightness in his throat. He sent Kano his annoyance through their link. It sure would be easier to do this if Kano’s fear wasn’t such a tangible thing inside him.

Then again, it wasn’t _Kano’s_ fault their emotions bled together like this. Feeling a little guilty, Sora sent an apology along the link, and then did his best to cut it off. Hopefully Kano’d understand. It wasn’t like _he_ wanted to be having this conversation anyway.

Feeling marginally better, now that he wasn’t feeling Kano’s emotions so strongly, Sora took a deep breath.

“He’s not dead,” Sora said.

Cloud raised his eyebrows in surprise. Sora swallowed.

“Remember how I told you that, um- that we fought, and there was a piece of him left, and he said it was my heart so I took it?” Sora continued, rapidly, as Cloud’s eyebrows inched higher, then narrowed with concern. “Well it- it wasn’t my heart. It was his. Long story short, he’s… here.” He thumped his chest. “He’s here, he’s alive, and he’s had a change of heart and I promise he doesn’t want to kill me.”

He knew that probably wasn’t enough, which was tiring. He was sick of having to defend Kano. It was getting old. The sooner he had everyone convinced, the better.

Cloud scowled, but didn’t say anything. So Sora swallowed again, and pressed on with:

“I… I don’t really remember what you told me, when we talked last time—” all he remembered was that it hadn’t made him feel any better “—but I was wondering what your opinion was now, since he’s alive, and…”

“I told you it was probably better he was dead,” Cloud cut in, voice grim. He wouldn’t look Sora in the eye.

Sora’s stomach plummeted. Oh. Now he remembered. Kano was a tight, angry ball of despair at the back of his mind. Even though Sora tried to keep the link between him and Kano cut off, the words _I told you talking to Cloud wasn’t gonna do us any good_ reverberated within him anyway. He wanted to be sick. Or maybe he wanted to go curl up somewhere and cry for a couple hours. ( _But was that him talking, or Kano?_ )

Sora curled his fingers into fists and let his arms fall to his sides, swallowing hard. He tried to keep his nerves like steel.

“He’s not gonna hurt me,” he said. He tried to sound strong, certain, but all his voice did was tremble. He wished Cloud would look at him. “I know he’s not. He’s _changed_.”

Frustration boiled in his gut, and tears burned his eyes and—he hated this? He hated this. But what had he expected? He should have remembered what Cloud had said, because Cloud was the one who told him before anyone else that Shadows couldn’t change. He kept asking for opinions, but it wasn’t like he wanted them. All he wanted to hear was that he wasn’t being _stupid_ for trusting Kano.

‘ _You are being stupid,’_ Kano told him. Either he reestablished the link, or Sora was too distressed to keep it stifled.

 _Shut up,_ Sora sent back. _I don’t care._

_‘You should.’_

_I don’t want to have this conversation right now, Kano._

Cloud took a deep breath, slowly shaking his head. He looked to Sora, eyes narrowed. He didn’t look angry, he just looked a little lost. “Honestly, Sora?” he said. “I don’t know. All I know about Shadows I know from Sephiroth, and this—” He gestured, one handed, at Sora, before folding his arms across his chest. “This is nothing like Sephiroth. Maybe all Shadows are different. Or maybe one of ours is the exception. But there’s no way of telling.”

Sora stared at him a moment, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed or… what he felt, really. (Having two sets of emotions in his chest really didn’t help, either.) Sora settled for sighing and kicking his toes against the ground.

“Guess not,” he agreed.

“Sorry,” Cloud said. “Wish I could help more.”

Sora shook his head. “Nah it’s- it’s fine, really,” he said. It was better than being told he was an idiot ( _‘You ARE being an idiot’_ ) or being told Kano had to die. “Thanks anyway.”

“Yeah.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, then Cloud jerked a thumb over his shoulder, towards the infirmary.

“I should, uh, probably go say hi to Aerith, too,” he said.

“Yeah,” Sora answered. “I probably should head home.” Kano was bristling inside him, and Sora definitely didn’t think he was going to be able to stick around here for much longer without making his mood—either of their moods—worse. “Uh- hey, what were you busy with though, anyway?”

“Oh.” Cloud scratched at his ear. “Mercenary work, actually. Me and Tifa need to be there tomorrow morning, and there’s no telling how long it’ll take to get the job done.”

“Ohhh, gotcha.”

Sora thought about asking what kind of job it was, but decided he didn’t care that much. It was hard to, when Kano was boiling with anger and a million things to say inside him. He wanted to punch something. Or, Kano did? Probably Kano. It looked like they were going to have that conversation now whether Sora wanted to or not.

“Well, um, I’m gonna go,” Sora said, waving his hand in a wave. “Seeya.”

Cloud waved back.

Sora dug his star shard out of his pocket and activated it before Cloud could say anything. The sooner he talked Kano down, the better.


	77. IN WHICH I GUESS THIS IS HAPPENING NOW???

Sora landed some twenty, thirty feet away from his house. He’d gotten all the way inside before he considered that, maybe, going somewhere else would have been smarter. It was too late now, though. At least his mom wasn’t home, it seemed? That was strange, but he wasn’t going to complain. He marched up to his room, trying to breathe around Kano’s boiling emotions.

 _Ok, Kano,_ Sora said, once he was in his room and the door was shut behind him.

‘ _You’re being a fucking idiot!’_ Kano screamed, and Sora flinched back, as if Kano really was screaming in his face. He pressed his back to the closed door, trying to make himself breathe.

 _Gee, is that all?_ Sora asked, bitterly. He had to try and be patient. He had to. It was just- hard, when he could feel Kano’s fury and frustration ( _and despair and loathing and a bubbling pile of a million other things_ ) burning inside him like they were his own.

‘ _You shouldn’t trust me!_ ’ Kano seethed. He was agitated, like he wanted to pace but couldn’t. ‘ _Cloud was right—It’d be better if I was dead!’_

Sora swallowed the _don’t you dare_ that burned in his throat. He reached up and pulled his fingers down the skin of his face, trying to give himself an extra second to wrestle with the emotions boiling inside him. If he could just separate Kano’s from his own, that’d be enough. _Alright, I admit, talking to Cloud was a mistake,_ he said. _But it’s not my fault I forgot what he told me like two months ago!_

‘ _That’s not the PROBLEM here, Sora!’_

Sora groaned. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t want this, he didn’t want this. But there was no making Kano stop. And there would be no use in avoiding it, either.

 _Kano, we’ve been over this,_ Sora argued. He was prickling with the desire to do—something. To pace. To kick the wall. To throw his desk chair out the window. Instead he slid down onto the ground, curling his knees to his chest and clutching them tight. _You aren’t going to hurt me._

_‘I’m hurting you right now.’_

_Kano, please…_

_‘I’m gonna hurt you, Sora. And I’m gonna keep hurting you. I’m gonna get out of your body and I’m gonna- I’m gonna do something terrible to you. I could do something terrible to you WHILE I’m in here, if I wanted to!’_

Sora dug his nails into his shins and focused on breathing. It was the only thing keeping him frown drowning in the sea of Kano’s hatred for himself.

 _But you DON’T want to,_ he argued, weakly. _You don’t want to hurt me, and that’s what counts—_

 _‘I’m a SHADOW,’_ Kano snapped back. ‘ _It doesn’t matter what I want, it only matters what I am!’_

Sora took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to wrestle down the wave of fury that rode through his body. He pressed his forehead into his knees. Hot tears burned in his eyes. But he couldn’t stop feeling Kano’s feelings, no matter how hard he tried. He just had to feel them. It was agony, but—

 _Says who?_ he thought, with the cadence of someone spitting it out through clenched teeth. If he wasn’t grinding his teeth together to weather the hell roiling in his body he might have tried saying it aloud.

Kano’s fury gave way—just a little bit—to confusion.

‘ _What_?’

 _Says who?_ Sora repeated, firmly. _What, you learn about this at some kind Shadow school before coming after me?_

_‘Wh- don’t be ridiculous!’_

Sora hugged his knees a little tighter. _Who, Kano?_ he demanded. _Who told you that just because you were a Shadow you had to do this one thing, and nothing else? Who told you your sole purpose was to drag me into darkness?_

 _‘I-’_ Kano began, but couldn’t finish. His thoughts roiled in the back of Sora’s head—a distorted mess. At least the wave of his fury had finally broken. Well… except now Sora just felt sick to his stomach. Maybe that wasn’t better.

 _Well?_ Sora pressed.

Distress bubbled off of Kano, but:

‘ _No one,’_ he admitted, dejectedly. Fire burned in Sora’s throat. ‘ _But you forget I’m not human. Heartless are born knowing their only purpose is to consume hearts and destroy worlds. Shadows are just a couple steps above Heartless, all things considered.’_ The distress boiled over into fury again, a bitter pleasure sharp in Sora’s lungs. ‘ _So is it really that surprising I was just born KNOWING that my sole purpose was to destroy you?’_

Sora didn’t answer, but he pressed his head a little harder into his knees. When the despair started hammering against his ribcage, it was his own.

 _Maybe—_ Sora began. It was as hard to say it silently as it was to say it aloud. He did his best to keep breathing as the sobs wracked his body. _Maybe we don’t know everything about Shadows. Maybe you’re the exception._

 _‘That’s some real fucking wishful thinking,’_ Kano spat, contempt hot in his tone. There was nothing about his presence in Sora’s mind that suggested he wasn’t still burning with a furious sense of _you’re being an absolute idiot, and it’s real tiring._ Sora was already hugging himself as tightly as he could, and he was already crying, but this just made him cry harder.

 _Kano, I-_ Sora stopped there, though.

He turned his head, so that his voice wouldn’t be muffled by his knees. And he said it again. He said it aloud, because that made it more solid, more real.

“Kano, I- I don’t want to- to kill you- again,” he hiccupped, between sobs. “Kano, I don’t- I. I _want_ you around. I’ll miss you if you’re gone. You’re- you’re my _friend_.” He hesitated, here, to let the words hang in the air.

Kano stopped, completely for a moment. Then something surprised, uncertain, _scared_ bubbled up from within him.

‘ _That’s- that’s why you’re a fucking idiot,’_ Kano said. There was a hesitance in him, and something quieter, too. A fondness? A hope? ‘ _What reason did I ever give you to trust me?’_

“You- you said you were sorry,” Sora answered, laughing a little, distraught. “You wanna- you wanna change. That’s more than enough.”

Kano laughed back, an empty echo of Sora’s.

“And- and if- if we can’t figure anything out, if- if everything says that ‘cuz you’re a Shadow you’re gonna try and kill me—” It was hard to say, but Sora had to make himself consider the possibility. He couldn’t keep pretending it wasn’t real, no matter how much he didn’t want it to be. “Then- Then you can stay in here. You can stay in my heart. You said you felt safer in here, right? Less like you were gonna hurt me.”

‘ _Y- yeah_.’

“Then you can stay here, if you gotta,” Sora said. “It’ll- it’ll suck but. It’ll be better than you being gone.”

‘ _Sora…’_ Disbelief rang in Kano’s tone, and a fondness, for sure.

“I mean it.” Sora squeezed his eyes shut, and pressed his cheek against his knee. He smiled, though it was a little pained. “I mean it,” he repeated, nodding slowly. “I want you to stay. But- you gotta work with me Kano. I want to try and find something telling us that we’re wrong. That it doesn’t gotta be this way. You can’t keep shooting me down, okay?”

Kano hesitated a long moment. He seemed stunned, and still a little scared, but Sora couldn’t blame him. They were treading on new ground, here. Sora was certain, about his decision—but it was alright if Kano was afraid.

‘ _O… Okay…’_ Kano answered, finally. ‘ _Okay._ ’

Sora’s smile softened, and he took a deep, relieved breath.

“Thank you.”


	78. In which, um, I didn't plan that

“Riku?”

Riku looked up at the sound of Aerith’s voice. She’d poked her head out of the kitchen to look at him. He was sitting at the dining room table, books spread out in front of him, taking notes for Sora. He quickly jotted down a paragraph number next to the page number—it wasn’t like he could write down the whole quote if he was talking to Aerith—prompting her to continue with an inquisitive “hmm?”

“This… is a little out of nowhere, admittedly,” she said slowly. She stepped out of the kitchen and into the dining room, running her hand along the wall. “But… Do you have any idea when your birthday is?”

Riku scrunched up his face. He’d never really thought about it before.

“I mean… I’m not sure if I have a real one?” he told her, speaking as he thought. “Considering I’m a Replica and all.”

“Well, yeah,” Aerith laughed. “I know that. But you have to have some sort of equivalent to a birthday, right?”

Riku thought that over, leaning back in his chair and tapping his pen against the table. “I guess if we want to count the day I was created, then, yeah,” he said. Saying it just made him grimace, though. “Not that I have any idea when that is, though. We’d have to ask Vexen—”

“Never mind,” Aerith said, before he’d really finished saying Vexen’s name.

“Sorry…”

Aerith didn’t acknowledge his apology, deep in thought. She tapped a knuckle against her chin, humming to herself.

“What about the day you came here?” she suggested, after a moment. “The day you came to this universe? We could call that your birthday.” She nodded to herself, confident, then looked up at Riku, a little less so. “I mean, if you want, anyway.”

“I…” Riku found a smile drawing on his lips. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah! I like that idea.” His triumphant grin edged a little into nervous laughter, though. “Not that I, uh, have any idea what that day was, either… Guess we could ask Sora and Kairi, when they get here?” They’d have a better idea than him, that was for sure.

“We’ll be very busy today…” Aerith said, eyes narrowing in concern.

Riku supposed she had a point there. They _were_ meeting with Sora’s parents today…

Then again, that didn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t have time to talk about this? It would take like, two minutes, right?

Aerith looked really worried about it, though, so he cleared his throat and offered:

“I could always call Kairi now…?”

Aerith shook her head. “No, no, it’s alright. We’ll ask when they get here.”

Riku tilted his head a little, considering her. He laughed a little bit. “What’s got you so worried?” he asked.

“I just… don’t want to have missed it.”

Something about how serious she looked—about the genuine way she was fretting over this, face all scrunched up in concern—brought laughter bubbling to Riku’s lips. “Come on, it’s not _that_ big of a deal,” he said.

“It is so,” Aerith argued, her tone bright but firm. “I want it to be special.”

She didn’t really elaborate, but she left Riku speechless nonetheless. She honestly _did_ think it was a big deal, based on the tone of her voice and the glint in her eyes. Riku didn’t entirely understand it, or why she thought that way… But it brought a warm feeling to his chest, to know that she did.

“Anyway, I need to take the cookies out of the oven,” Aerith said. “Please remember to ask Sora and Kairi about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Riku answered.

He returned his attention back to his book as Aerith returned to the kitchen, though he didn’t really read it. Nor did he really see it. He was too busy rolling around the concept of _birthday_ in his mind, getting familiar with it. _Birthday, his birthday, his FIRST birthday…_

(Honestly, he didn’t think he’d ever anticipated getting this far.)

 

**xxx**

“Okay, you guys ready?” Sora asked, looking between his parents, as the three of them stood in his living room. They were all having trouble staying on the same page— _thanks spell_ —but they were getting ready to go Aerith’s. He just… had to get his parents outside first. And a good thirty feet from his house. It was a process.

“Yes, yes,” his mother sighed. “We’re ready. It’d be rude to keep your friends waiting.”

“Great!” Sora said. He was a little nervous, but at least this was going alright, so far. He was kind of excited, actually? No, wait, that was Kano’s excitement. That alone made it weirder.

But… Kano’d been excited about something all morning, bristling with anticipation in the back of Sora’s mind. Sora’d tried to pry some answers out of him, with no luck. Sora just hoped whatever he was excited about wasn’t a _bad_ thing.

“Why was it we didn’t go last week, Sora?” his dad asked, squinting a little. Probably due to the spell. Or rather, his lack of proper memory, which was the spell’s fault.

“I already told you,” Sora said, biting back a sigh. “Remember that Xehanort guy? He—”

Kano’s wolf appeared, suddenly, next to Sora. He jolted. So did his parents. Before any of them could yelp, Kano’s wolf leapt right at his father’s throat. The two of them vanished before they hit the ground.

And worst, worst of all, Kano’s excitement _flared_ inside Sora.

“What was—” Sora’s mother began, but then Kano’s wolf appeared again, and it lunged at her, this time.

“ _KANO,”_ Sora screamed to an empty room. He couldn’t gather his thoughts quickly enough to form them into a question. Kano didn’t respond, anyway, he just grew _incredibly_ smug. If Sora could strangle him, he just might have.

The wolf reappeared then and lunged now at Sora. There was a shifting as they passed through the air, and when they landed, with the wolf on Sora’s chest, Sora’s back definitely was _not_ pressed to the wooden floorboards of his home.

Sora took a second to squeeze his eyes shut and compose himself, sending half-formed angry threats Kano’s way. Then he pushed himself up, shoving the wolf off of him. At least it got off without protest.

“Sorry,” Sora said. “Is everyone here? Is everyone okay?” It only took a second to lay his eyes on both of his parents, and Sora let out a sigh of relief, grateful that they had all ended up in the same spot. His parents were both on the ground, but… They only looked ruffled, and confused, and not in too much pain. Sora quickly moved to help his mother up, since his father was already sitting.

“What is that- that _thing_?” his father coughed.

“That’s, um…” Sora paused, sending a glance over his shoulder to the wolf. It had stuck around, though it’d walked away a bit to give them space— _sauntered,_ really, looking at as smug as its master felt. “He’s. Listen. It’s okay, he’s friendly—”

His father jerked backwards. “Hang on, are you saying you _know_ —”

“What _is_ that creature!?” his mother demanded, shrilly, now that she was sitting up well enough to see it properly.

Sora turned to look at the wolf again, dropping his mother’s hands as he spoke. “It’s… a magical wolf, I think,” he answered. Kano began to correct him with something else, only to break off himself, also feeling unsure. Sora continued: “And I guess he’s my magical familiar? I didn’t really ask for him but—”

The wolf growled, low and sulky, and Sora shot it a look.

“Hey, don’t growl at me! We both know you’re only here because your _mahtas_ —” He broke off, suddenly. He couldn’t speak the truth aloud, and the first lie to come to his head made him feel sick to his stomach. (Saying Kano’d died and passed the wolf onto him? Technically true, but…) “You know,” he finished, leaving it at that.

The wolf stopped growling, though it still looked sulky. It sat down where it was.

Sora got to his feet. “Anyway, I dunno why he showed up right now,” he said. Well, he had a pretty good idea, he just couldn’t explain it to his parents. _Gee thanks Kano._ (‘ _Happy to help!_ ’ he sent back.) Sora sighed and continued explaining to his parents: “I guess he was trying to be helpful? Get us off-world so we wouldn’t run into my star shard breaking again…”

“So… he’s _yours_?” his mother asked, eyeing the wolf again. Sora guessed he couldn’t blame her, given its size and the fact it was 20% made of red fire.

Sora scratched at his cheek. “Uh, yeah, kinda.”

“That’s…” she began, but couldn’t seem to find the words.

Sora looked between her and his father, trying to judge how well they were taking all of this. It… seemed to be well, all things considered? Neither of them appeared to be freaking out, at least. His mother’s eyes were narrowed, but whether that was because of the events of the past five minutes or her current confusion over Kano’s wolf was for debate. His father was looking around, eyes wide, jaw a little slack.

“Where… are we?” his father asked.

Sora looked around now, really _properly_ taking in their surroundings for the first time since they’d arrived. The pleasant, borderline-hopeful feeling that had been gathering inside him burst like a bubble as he took in the dark walls and vaulted ceiling. More than that—the holes in the ceiling, the chipped purple stone, the dark green and _moldy_ rug they were all sitting on. Familiar things. Dreadfully familiar things.

‘ _Oh, holy shit, Sora, I’m so sorry,’_ Kano was saying, as the realization cemented inside Sora, and his stomach bottomed out. ‘ _I just told it to get you to Hollow Bastion, I didn’t specify WHERE_. _Hey, you sack of bricks!’_ he shot at his wolf. ‘ _Why HERE!?’_

‘I had to make sure they all three got to the same spot,’ the wolf replied, simply.

‘ _You could have taken them right outside Aerith’s house though!’_ Kano snapped, hot anger bubbling up inside him. ‘ _Just the fact they got body-slammed into another world by a magical wolf would’ve been enough to—_ ’

 _It’s fine,_ Sora cut him off. He pushed down his rebelling stomach and steeled his resolve. _It’s fine. This works out._

_‘Sora don’t you dare.’_

_It’s fine, Kano,_ Sora repeated. _Might as well give them the tour._

Kano continued protesting, but Sora tuned him out. The wolf whined a little, sensing its master’s hesitance, and perhaps the rest of the situation. But Sora ignored it, too, and turned to his parents.

“Well,” he said, a bitter smile spreading on his lips. “Remember how I mentioned an evil sorceress kidnapped me? Welcome to her home.”


	79. In which I REALLY didn't plan that

Sora stood there, arms stretched out a bit, waiting for his parents’ reactions. They both… squinted at him. Sora thought his mother looked skeptical. But he also saw worry on their faces, as they stared at him. And there was worry, still, on their faces as they exchanged looks. And still when they helped each other up, to stand with their son. They looked worried. Maybe a little scared.

“Remember?” Sora pressed, a little irritated. “I definitely mentioned Maleficent before—though I don’t think you believed me.” He sighed and explained it again. At least since they weren’t on Destiny Islands, the spell couldn’t do anything this time. “It was… I dunno, a couple months ago now, I guess. She kidnapped me. Forget what she wanted with me—don’t think I was told—and well… This is where we stayed.” He gestured around them, at the walls filled with holes, at the damp stench that soaked the air. “Not really the best place, but hey, she didn’t like it either.”

Bitterness and irritation beat in Sora’s chest. Those and—something else. Something that was Kano’s. He tried to tune it out. He had enough trouble to deal with, keeping his own emotions about being here in check. He didn’t need to deal with Kano’s emotions, too. ( _Frustration and worry and worry and worry and—_ )

Sora watched as his parents exchanged looks again. They didn’t say anything. Finally, he got tired of waiting, and he turned and headed for a staircase, waving for them to follow.

“Come on. I’ll show you my room.”

Sora walked for a few steps before he turned to check and see if they were following. They were. Not that he’d given them much choice. The wolf was following, too, slinking along behind his parents at a reasonable distance. It looked distressed.

It was only one flight of stairs to his room from where they’d started, so at least they didn’t have to stay in the stairwell for long. (It was dark and cramped and smelled terrible.) Unfortunately the stairs were nowhere near his room, so they had a long walk through several corridors ahead of them. At least the view from the gaping holes in the walls was generally nice.

“You… lived here?” came his father’s voice from behind him, small and troubled.

Sora turned to look at him. He and Sora’s mother were both not far behind Sora—they were walking close to each other, holding each other. Sora’s father’s face was pinched, and he looked everywhere but at Sora. His face was that of a man who was beginning to regret something very deeply.

“Yeah,” Sora answered, trying not to look at the corridors any more than he had to to navigate. It didn’t do much, since these images were all burned into his mind. “For a month or so.”

His mother took a very deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut a moment—the way she did before she said something she thought might be difficult.

“I… definitely don’t remember you mentioning a sorceress, Sora,” she said.

“’Cuz you forgot,” Sora said, maybe sharper than he’d needed to. Speaking sharper than he meant was easy, in these halls. “There’s a spell on the islands. Makes you forget about other worlds. Makes you not wanna think about ‘em. Makes you forget half the things I tell you.” He stopped walking and spun around to face his parents, a grim smile stretched on his lips. “Ever ask yourself how you managed to go six months without thinking _once_ that it was weird your son had up and vanished?”

Both of them stopped short. His mother opened her mouth. Closed it. His father looked away.

Sora waited a couple seconds, to see if they worked up the nerve to say anything. They didn’t. Both his parents looked too uncomfortable to do so. Finally, Sora turned and kept moving. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

“Here’s my room,” Sora said, presenting it with a sweep of his arms. There was no joy in his smile, and only a forced pleasantry in his tone. Being here made his skin itch, and his stomach twist, and Kano boiled violently inside of him, shouting for him to _get out of there just get out of there_ but Sora continued to tune him out. He watched his parents carefully as they took in the sights.

The room was fairly well furnished, all things considered. There was a desk and a bookcase as well as the bed, even if the bookcase was mostly empty and the desk had a grimy layer of wet dust coating it. The bookcase was on the same wall the bed jutted out of, the desk in the opposite corner.

What had everyone’s attention was the ceiling, though. Or rather, what was left of it. It was full of holes.

The ones by the bookcase just looked up into the room of above, but the closer you got to the far wall from the door, the more the holes just let out into open sky. The largest hole was right over the bed, and included a large chunk of the connecting wall. Sora had enjoyed the pseudo-window, actually. As much as he’d enjoyed anything in this place.

“This… was where you stayed?” his father asked, a hitch of discomfort in his voice.

Sora nodded, sweeping his gaze over the room again. A certain, terrible fondness bubbled up in him at the unmade bed, the book he’d been reading (out of boredom) still open on the desk.

“One of the best rooms left, honestly,” he said. Others had holes worse than this in the ceiling. Or… in the floor. “View was nice—‘cept when it was raining. Slept in the hall those nights.” He turned back to his parents, who both looked deeply uncomfortable.

“You can’t have moved the bed?” his father asked, now with a skeptical frown. He seemed to be eyeing the way that the ceiling was mostly intact right around the door, and that there was _technically_ just enough room—even if not, exactly, comfortably—for the bed to have fit.

Sora shook his head. “Too heavy to do alone, and Pete wouldn’t help.” And when the wind was blowing the right way, it didn’t even matter, nowhere in the room was dry.

“Pete?” his mom asked, tearing her gaze away from the moldy bookshelf. She looked like she might be sick.

“Maleficent’s lackey. He was…” Sora thought better of describing Pete’s cat-like nature, and instead finished with: “…alright. Only half as terrible as Maleficent.” Pete actually had been decent, all things considered. But Maleficent had been as mean to him as she’d been to Sora, so maybe it wasn’t a surprise that they got along…

Sora tore his gaze away from the room, sick of looking at it, and shook the thoughts out of his head. Just because Pete had been decent didn’t mean Sora felt like spending any longer thinking about him.

‘ _Maybe that’s enough?’_ came Kano’s voice, crystal clear for a moment. It was mostly calm, to his credit, but there was a cord of desperation tight within him. Sora supposed he should be nicer, Kano was just trying to help, he was just worried—but Sora still tuned him out. He pushed the wolf away from him, too, when it tried to tug at his hand once he stepped out of the room (it had waited in the hall). It made him sick, to be here, but he had a reason for it. He’d stick it out.

“Come on,” Sora said, to his parents, waving for them to follow again.

He didn’t stop this time, to make sure they were following. Of course they’d follow.

There weren’t a lot of other places to see. The balcony that had a nice view of the stars at night, maybe?—no. It was up at least four or five flights of stairs, and he wasn’t going to make his mother climb that. He supposed he’d show off the entrance hall, then, and maybe the dining hall, since it was on the way. He couldn’t say he held fond memories of either place, but they were impressive enough.

“There’s where Maleficent slept,” Sora said, gesturing to the curtained off corridor as they approached it. They were just passing on the way elsewhere, but Sora paused long enough to stare at the dark curtains for a few moments. “She made me ‘n Pete drag her bed here—place had the most roof, y’know.” He gave the explanation an attempt at an amused chuckle, though there was nothing in his memories of that day that he found even a little funny. Something thick sat in his throat.

“Sora…?”

His mother’s hand on his shoulder made him jolt, something cold running down his spine before he registered who it was. Sora turned around to her, pushing her hand off with the action.

When he looked at her, he saw her hand still outstretched, concern and uneasiness both written on her face. She clung to her husband with her other hand. Sora’s father, too, looked worried, his eyes pinched a little in pain. His parents both looked like they wanted to say something, but neither of them could seem to find the words.

Sora waited only a few seconds before pushing past the both of them, continuing down the hall.

Something was pounding in his head. Was that Kano, trying to get through to him? Or was it the weight of these halls, the memories that made this place seem dark despite the sunlight that streamed through the windows? (Real, proper windows, in this section of the castle, not holes in the walls.) His heart was racing, and he couldn’t place why.

“How long did you say you stayed here, again?” came his mother’s voice, from behind him. She sounded very far away. Far enough that Sora hesitated, to check, but no—she and his father were both only a few steps behind him.

“A month or so,” Sora answered. His own voice sounded distant, too. He blinked through grey light ahead of them. When had he gotten so light-headed?

He started to ask Kano if he’d remembered to eat breakfast this morning, because maybe that was what this was, but then he remembered he wasn’t talking to Kano right now. Well, whatever. He’d push through it.

His father cleared his throat nervously.

“You… said she starved you?” he asked, voice catching. “The- the witch.”

Sora staggered, swaying where he stood. Yeah, just what he wanted to be reminded of right now!—except. He wasn’t feeling that gnawing in his stomach he got when he’d forgotten to eat. He just felt like the air around him was hardening, pressing in on him on all sides.

“Sora!”

One of his parents shouted his name. He wasn’t sure which. The voice blurred like static in his ears.

His father’s hand clasped around his arm, trying to hold him up. Sora blinked rapidly around his fuzzy vision and— _geeze,_ when had it gotten so hard to breathe? He realized now he panting for air, each breath coming in a short frantic gasp.

He sunk to the ground, unable to do anything else. He just wanted to be able to _breathe,_ but—

His parents crowded around him, his father holding him, his mother running her hand in soothing circles on his back, but he could barely feel them. He didn’t really see them, either. Even if his vision wasn’t blurring, he just- he wasn’t taking in any of the information his eyes were giving him. The voices his ears were picking up weren’t quite coming in right, either.

“Sora? Sora just- just breathe, Sora.”

“We’re sorry. We’re sorry, we were going to say something, but we weren’t sure how—”

‘ _SORA!’_ Kano’s voice, loud and resonating within his mind. ‘ _SORA JUST. GET OUT OF THERE, SORA, YOU HAVE YOUR STAR SHARD, JUST—”_

“We can go. You proved your point, we don’t have to stay here any longer—”

“We just don’t know which way, Sora. Please, Sora, we can go you just have to lead the way, you have to—”

‘ _SORA I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA, GET OUT OF THERE, GET OUT OF THERE.’_

“Sora? Sora please, come on.”

But he couldn’t even make himself _breathe,_ so moving was out of the question.

‘ _FUCK JUST- JUST GET HIM OUT OF THERE. GET HIM OUT OF THERE.’_

A weight hit him. Kano’s wolf. His father screamed. Sora felt the world shift, felt his back hit stone. He recognized—dimly, in the back of his mind—that this was a regular old street of Hollow Bastion. The bright blue sky above him solidified into endless white.


	80. IN WHICH THIS IS LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN

Kano slammed into control of Sora’s body, swears on his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut against the brightness around him. Now that he was in control, though, whatever what was happening in Sora’s mind that was making his body act like this was gone, and Sora’s heart started to slow, and Kano was able to get deep breaths into his lungs.

 _Sora!?_ he thought, desperately, pressing against Sora’s half of their shared mindspace. But Sora was nothing more than a white buzz. There was no coherent thought, no indication of what was wrong, only that something was.

 _Sora, come on!_ Kano tried, even though he knew it was no use. He pushed himself against Sora’s mind again, trying to pry in there, but—all he got was static. The feeling of being pressed up against it made him jittery, like he just might succumb to the static himself, so he pulled away.

He lay on his back for a few moments, breathing deeply, cursing under his breath. What was he going to do? He couldn’t give Sora’s body back to him like this, and—

_Shit._

Kano sat up quickly, remembering Sora’s parents, remembering where he’d left them. He could go back to get them himself, but then he’d have to talk to them. And not let them know he wasn’t Sora. That thought was terrifying.

But he couldn’t leave them there.

He turned to his wolf.

“Well?” he said, voice sharp with irritation. “Go get them!”

‘How was I supposed to know you wanted me to?’ the wolf grumbled back, but it left to fetch them anyway.

Kano rubbed at his face, groaning hard. He had a minute or so to figure this out. All he had to do was… say as little as possible. Get them to Aerith’s quickly. That would be a good start. He didn’t know where Aerith’s was from here, of course, but he could make his wolf show him when it got back.

That damn wolf. If it hadn’t…!

No. That was unfair of him. It wasn’t the wolf’s fault, it was Sora’s, for wanting to stay there, for wanting to make a point. (Thinking ill of Sora made him queasy, though, especially when he reached out to touch Sora’s mind again and still found that unending buzz. What was _wrong_?)

He didn’t have much time to think it over, because it was then a group of Heartless materialized around him. He supposed, all things considered, this was a good thing? If not just because it would give him more time to think—he wouldn’t have to talk if he was fighting Heartless!—then also because he _had_ wanted Sora’s parents to see some of the things…

And, shit, now that he was thinking about it, why hadn’t he just told his wolf to take Sora’s parents directly to Aerith’s? That definitely would’ve been the smart thing to do. Sure, he didn’t know how to get to Aerith’s himself, but he could’ve figured that out! Better to have figured out without having to pretend he was Sora while he was at it, too, but—

Whatever. It too late now. He could call to his wolf across worlds, sure, but only to get its attention. There was no way he could tell it to change plans until he saw it again, and then it’d be too late.

The Heartless were too close to keep ignoring them, so Kano jumped to his feet and summoned his Keyblade.

Or, he made to, anyway. The Keyblade didn’t come when called.

“What the… _hell_?” Kano spat. He tried again, but still got nothing but an empty hand. What was the deal?

One of the Heartless lunged at him. “Oh, back off!” Kano shouted at it. Seeing as he couldn’t get the Keyblade to come, he side-stepped and blasted it with Dark Firaga instead—or. _He tried to._ The darkness didn’t respond quite right, and he realized belatedly (and with a string of curses flying from his lips) that he shouldn’t have been trying to pull at Sora’s darkness to do the spell anyway, because what if he hurt Sora, and—

Irritated to the point of wanting to scream, Kano called his chains to him. Those came.

“Well at least SOMETHING’S working right!” he snapped, grateful but still incredibly pissed off at his circumstances in general. He swung his chains at the Heartless, cutting through them easily, grumbling to himself. Why _hadn’t_ the Keyblade come, anyway? He reached for it in his mind, and came up empty there, too. Did it have something to do with being in Sora’s body? Could he only call to Sora’s, in this position? If so, then he had to ask: was it not coming because it didn’t like him, or because _Sora_ was in no state to reach it?

His wolf came back then with Sora’s parents, leading Sora’s father by the hand, Sora’s mother clutching to Sora’s father. Kano squinted a moment. Since when could his wolf do _two_ people at once? It would’ve been nice to know that a while ago!

Kano grit his teeth and turned his back to them under the guise of having to take out Heartless in that direction. “Stay back!” he called over his shoulder. It was probably gruffer than Sora would have done it, but what was he going to do about that? “Keep ‘em safe.” That second bit was to his wolf and, okay, he was starting to get why maybe having a name to call it might be nice. But whatever. He’d have to deal with that later.

“Sora, are you okay?” Sora’s mother asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” Kano lied. He poked at Sora’s presence in his head again, even though he knew what he’d find there. Coming in contact with the static that just _was_ Sora made him stagger, enough that one of the Heartless got a good swipe at his legs. The pain was sharp, and he swore, then realized he _shouldn’t_ have, and then frustratedly snapped: “Just- let me focus!”

He finished the Heartless off quickly—too quickly, in his opinion. Now he had to deal with talking to Sora’s parents. (And not letting them find out he wasn’t Sora. Just great.)

He let his chains vanish. Took a deep breath. There was no sense hoping Sora was okay enough to take over now—he could still feel the sharp buzz in the back of his mind.

“What _were_ those creatures?” Sora’s mother asked.

“Heartless,” Kano answered. “S- I definitely mentioned them before.” He ground his teeth together as he turned to check on Sora’s parents. If he up and said Sora’s name he’d blow this for sure, and he knew that, but apparently his mouth still liked to betray him.

Sora’s parents looked fine. Not hurt, anyway, and that’s all Kano cared about. His wolf finished pacing a circle around them and then sat politely next to them, eyes gleaming as it watched its master. Kano bared his teeth at it a moment. He was _sure_ it just loved watching him suffer.

“What was with those chains?” Sora’s father asked, taking a step towards him. It took Kano a lot of mental energy to keep himself from reflexively stepping back. “Why didn’t you just use that keysword of yours?”

“It was easier,” Kano snapped. “Let’s—”

“Your leg…!” Sora’s mother gasped.

Kano ground his teeth a little more. “It’s fine,” he said, through clenched teeth. A glance at it told him he was bleeding—that was a new sensation, but Sora’s body was proper flesh and bone, so unsurprising. What was he supposed to do about it, though? Sora knew Cure, but that didn’t mean he’d be able to pull one off. It didn’t look too bad, so he could ignore it for now. “Aerith can heal it.” She’d have to, if Sora didn’t…

He pushed that thought out of his mind. It made him feel sick. Kano turned to his wolf. “How do we even get to Aerith’s from here?” he demanded. Maybe that was sharper than Sora would have spoken to it, but how were his parents gonna know?

A smug, lop-sided smile spread on the wolf’s face. ‘Must I do _everything_ for you, _Mahtas_?’ it asked, eyes glinting.

“Considering _YOU_ were the one who brought us here instead of straight to Aerith’s, yeah, you kind of _do_ have to do everything for me! Tell me how to get to Aerith’s!”

The wolf was laughing at him, and that made this whole thing worse, but at least it got up and started leading the way.

‘Follow me.’

“THANK YOU.”

It was a longer walk than Kano would have liked, but at least Sora’s parents didn’t try to say anything to him. Maybe the way he was fuming told them he didn’t want to. He just had to hope they figured Sora was still a wreck from earlier—which, he was, but—and weren’t thinking anything else. _It’s not like they could know!_ he told himself, firmly. Yeah, he’d slipped up in front of them once, but that had been ages ago now. There was no way they remembered!

The long walk did one thing for Kano: it let him think over what he was going to do when he got to Aerith’s, since Sora figuring himself out before then didn’t seem like it was going to happen. He’d have to tell someone what was wrong, without letting Sora’s parents find out.

He guessed if he pulled Kairi to the side and told her…? He could have told any one of them, really, but he felt most comfortable talking to Kairi. They had sort of been friends at one point, after all. Until he’d ruined it.

There was a pang in his chest as he remembered that, so he quickly stopped thinking about it.

“There you are, Sora!” Kairi said, when he opened Aerith’s door to just let himself in. Knocking is what Sora would have done, but, there wasn’t time for that. He tried to wipe the scowl off his face, so no one would suspect him. The feel of so many eyes on him made him jumpy as it was. “What took you so long?”

“Ran into Heartless,” Kano answered. It barely explained anything, but he didn’t want to waste time. He just had to get her alone.

Everyone was in the front room, couches rearranged and dining-room chairs dragged out to comfortably seat so many people. He could smell cookies. Freshly baked. He tried to look at Kairi, though, and not everyone else, because that was easier. He tried to forget about Sora’s parents, standing behind him.

“Listen, Kairi—”

“Your _leg!_ ” Yuffie cut him off, because, that was right, blood was a thing.

“Heartless got me,” he said, gritting his teeth.

“Why didn’t you Cure?”

“Because I kind of can’t right now!” he snapped, sharply. Too sharply. And, dammit, that just raised more questions than it answered. “Out of magic,” he added on. A lie, but whatever. Sora could get queasy about lying all he wanted, Kano wasn’t gonna.

“Here, I’ve got it,” Aerith said, hurrying over to him. There was a Cure already on her fingertips as she knelt down beside him.

“Thanks,” Kano told her, and left her to it. He turned to Kairi. “Listen, Kairi, I need to talk to you. Alone. It’s urgent.”

Her eyebrows climbed into her hair, because, _of course,_ that wasn’t enough information for her. Well, he couldn’t _give_ her any more information, so she’d have to deal! So he scowled at her, and hoped that maybe something about the way he was acting would at least tip her off. She always seemed to notice when it was him, and not Sora.

She scowled back at him for a few moments, then she threw her hands up in the air. “Alright! Fine!” Her tone was sharp, like she wasn’t happy, but whatever. She’d agreed.

Kano waited just long enough to be sure Aerith was done healing him—she was—and then he grabbed Kairi by the wrist and pushed past Sora’s parents for the door. Sora’s mother caught him by the shoulder before he could go anywhere, though.

“Sora, are you okay?” she asked, voice low, concerned. She tried to look him in the eye, but he wouldn’t let her.

“You’ve been acting kind of strange since you collapsed…” Sora’s father continued. “We’re worried—”

“I’m fine,” Kano cut him off. He pushed Sora’s mother’s hand away—maybe rougher than he should have, but it didn’t matter. If he talked with them for too long he’d blow his cover for sure, so the sooner he got out of here the better. If he was lucky, they’d blame this all on Sora’s nerves. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” he kept saying, as he dragged Kairi outside. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” he continued, until he thought they were far enough away that it was safe. He pulled Kairi to a halt, looked her in the eyes. “ _Sora’s not fine,_ ” he said, and his voice cracked.

“What?” Kairi blinked, then yanked her arm away from him. Her eyes narrowed. “ _Kano._ ”

“No duh,” he spat.

“What’s wrong with Sora?” Kairi asked, eyes narrowing further.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Kano said. “He won’t respond to me and he’s just- he’s like, this buzz, in the back of my head.” He reached a hand up, fingers curled into claws, and it trembled in the air by his ear. “I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t—”

Kairi grabbed him by the shoulders. “ _Kano,_ ” she said, firmly. Her eyes were still narrowed, but it was a determination, a fear, that burned in them now, not distrust or anger. “What happened before Sora got like that?”

Kano took a deep breath. Kairi nodded encouragingly.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay. We ended up in the- the castle. Where Maleficent… yanno.” He couldn’t say it, but her eyes said she understood. “It was a little bit my fault? I brought us here with my wolf because I wanted to give Sora’s parents like- a little scare. We ended up in the castle on accident—I swear I didn’t tell my wolf to go there!—and Sora decided to show his parents around the place. I knew he was stressed but I didn’t discourage him as much as I should have because I thought maybe it would help? And they definitely seemed to be- they seemed to be getting it, but. _Fuck._ ”

He broke off there, clutching at his head and raking hands through his hair. That wasn’t enough of a reason. He should have gotten Sora out of there sooner, he should have, he was in Sora’s heart, he had _felt_ how distressed Sora had been and yet he still hadn’t—

“Kano!” Kairi said again.

“Fuck. Sorry,” he said. “Okay.” He swallowed. Pulled his hands away from his head. “We were in the castle and I guess Sora had been there too long or something? He started freaking out and he’s- he’s been like this ever since. He won’t respond to me. He’s just, a buzz, a static, and I don’t know what’s wrong, and I—”

Tears started burning in his eyes, and that was worse, so much worse than the fact he’d basically straight up told Kairi he was terrified something was really wrong with Sora. Feeling the tight knot of terror in his stomach was worse, too. Because he _was_ worried about Sora, worried so much that he felt like he was going to be sick any second now. _Why did he care so much about Sora?_

Well, he knew why, of course. But that didn’t make it any easier to stomach.

He was a Shadow. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love.

Friendship, Sora would call it—as if this was something that innocent. He’d say it was natural, for friends to worry this much about their friends. He’d say it was normal.

But this feeling, this burning in Kano’s chest—it wasn’t innocent. It wasn’t normal. It was a fire and a raging storm, destroying him from the inside out. This fondness for Sora, how much he cared for him. And worst of all, no matter how much he hated these feelings, he couldn’t make them _stop._ They were just there, constantly burning in him, burning worse in moments like these. He wanted to puke.

 “Kano. _Kano!_ ” Kairi was shaking him. He squeezed his eyes shut.

He realized now that he was wheezing, as well as crying, hard and ugly. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Kairi was looking at him with a mix of impatience and—disgust, maybe? Well, he deserved it, if that was what it was.

“Holy shit, Kano?” Kairi said, with a short laugh. It wasn’t disgust, then. It was disbelief. Her jaw was a little slack, and she was staring at him like she’d never seen him before. (Well, he supposed she _had_ never seen him before, but that was besides the point, and irrelevant to the analogy.)

“I’m sorry, I just-” Kano stammered, trying not to choke on his tears. Ugh, crying was _disgusting._ He hated it so much.

“You… _really_ care about him, don’t you?” Kairi said. She spoke with a softness, a surprise.

Kano’s lips drew back in a snarl. Like she didn’t _know_! Maybe she didn’t know just how intense the feelings he had about Sora were, but she knew they _existed._ Why was she looking at him like this, now? Looking at him like she hadn’t _realized—_

“Kairi, please!” he snapped. “There are more important things to—!”

“Right, sorry, sorry,” she said quickly. She looked away from him, shook her head like she was trying to shake the bewilderedness off of her face. She was still holding him by the shoulders. Kano couldn’t say he minded. “Um.”

“What do we do?” Kano asked, tugging at his hair. “You have to have _some_ kind of idea!” This was Kairi. Kairi always had the ideas.

“Okay, well. I doubt something’s seriously wrong with Sora?” She looked back to him now, encouragement on her face. She shrugged a little bit. “I mean, come on, do you _really_ think—”

She was trying to be encouraging, and that was nice, but:

“KAIRI HE’S _LITERALLY STATIC,_ ” Kano screamed. Did she miss that part? How could Sora possibly be _okay_ if he was like this?

Kairi met his eye, her eyes glinting with daring. “What?” she asked, a note of teasing in her voice. “You think Maleficent left like a boobytrap in her castle or something, and he got magically cursed?”

“MAYBE! I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HER!”

The glint left Kairi’s eyes. She opened her mouth, then seemed to think better of it. “Well!” she said finally, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat. If Kano wasn’t so terrified—if Sora wasn’t that distracting, sickening white buzz—he might have felt smug.

“ _What do we do,_ ” he demanded.

Kairi took a step away from him, glaring up a fury now. “I don’t know! Maybe if we give him some time, he’ll figure it out?”

“IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN GO BACK IN THERE AND KEEP PRETENDING TO BE HIM!”

“So I just go tell them that Sora just needs more time to clam down!! They’ll buy it!”

And he was just supposed to sit here and wait for Sora to stop being static? Sit here with nothing but his thoughts and his terror for the next who knew how long? Kano didn’t think so.

“Kairi,” he began, fury making his voice tremble, but Kairi didn’t let him get any further.

“Look, actually,” she sighed. “Maybe we’re approaching this the wrong way? It’s not like either of us can tell if this is a magical curse or something else, so maybe I should go, like, ask Aerith. She’s gotta know, right.”

Kano groaned before he could stop himself.

“Well we have to do _something!_ ” Kairi snapped.

“No, no, you’re right,” Kano agreed quickly. He wasn’t groaning because he didn’t want her to. Well, okay, he didn’t want to talk to Aerith, but. He was too worried about Sora to not. “I know. We have to do something.”

Something in his tone made her pause. He watched her a second, wondering what it was. Why did Kairi always look like she understood more about him than he actually said? Was it her, or was he just an open book? Neither one was exactly a comforting thought.

Kairi hesitated a moment, then she started moving back towards Aerith’s house.

“Be right back.”

“Yeah…”

She left Kano standing there, trying not to think about the emotions roiling in his chest, trying to ignore the churning of static in the back of his mind.

 _Sora,_ he sent desperately, even though the thought hit a wall of static and bounced back. _Come on…_

 

**xxx**

 

It didn’t take much to get Aerith out of the house, at least. Either how Kano was acting earlier tipped her off, too, or she was just used to not asking questions when her help was needed. Kairi would believe either.

Kano was where she’d left him, wiping the blood off of Sora’s leg and grimacing at it like it was a foreign thing. When he noticed them approaching, he hastily straightened and wiped the blood on Sora’s pants. Aerith opened her mouth like she wanted to comment, but she seemed to think better of it.

“Hi Kano,” Aerith said instead, as she approached him. Kairi’d explained it was him and what else she could on the walk over, not that it was a long walk. She figured Aerith started with that to let Kano know she knew it was him before starting on anything else.

“Hey,” he said in return, though it was distracted, sharp. He still seemed jittery.

Kairi hung back so Aerith could do her thing, but she sent a reassuring smile at Kano. He deserved it. He’d been a real trooper, getting Sora this far.

And… she’d forgotten how much he loved Sora. Or maybe she’d never really realized? But having stood here, watching him cry because he was terrified Sora wasn’t okay… It was something of an eye-opener. He really, really _did_ love Sora. And even if things were messy, imperfect between them… He was trying. And he deserved credit for that.

She was still mad at him—of course she was, because the uncertainty of what their friendship had _really_ meant to him (if it had meant anything!) still burned, and so did his betrayal. But he was fighting hard now, for Sora’s sake, and she couldn’t deny that. And… people messed up. That was what people did. Maybe she should take a leaf out of Sora’s book, and try that forgiveness thing. (Well, she should, but that didn’t mean it was easy. Because, it wasn’t easy. It was hard.)

“Kairi filled me in a little bit,” Aerith continued. She stood with her hands folded in front of her, studying Kano carefully. “But do you think you could tell me what’s wrong with Sora? Sounds like you have a better idea.”

Kano shrugged hard, throwing his hands out in front of him. “I dunno! He was freaking out, and then he became this- this _static_. Everything that’s him in my head is just static.” He left out all the details about being in the castle and stuff. Either he thought Kairi had told Aerith more than she did, or he just didn’t want to talk about how this was partially his fault.“Freaking out how?” Aerith pressed, gentle, but serious.

“He just- I dunno.” Kano’s face scrunched up. “He started- started feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden. And he started hyperventilating. And even though me ‘n his parents were all yelling at him, we couldn’t get through to him, and…”

He trailed off, but based on Aerith’s thoughtful expression, that was enough for her.

“Hmm,” she said to herself.

“We… were worried maybe it was a magic thing?” Kairi offered, just in case. “Like, a bad one.”

“Is that so?” Aerith asked. Kairi nodded. Aerith returned her attention to Kano, waving a hand over his head. He flinched. “ _Dispel,_ ” she said, then lowered her hand. She looked at Kano carefully. “Did that make a difference?”

He barely hesitated a second before shaking his head.

“I didn’t think it would,” Aerith admitted. “I didn’t sense any magic on you, but it was worth a try. And, seeing as it’s not magic, well- I suppose it’s not a _good_ thing, but…” She sighed. “It sounds like Sora might just be having a regular old panic attack, and the fact there are two of you in his body just made it a little… weird.”

“Ohhhhh,” Kairi said, starting to feel a little bit grumpy. She should’ve known that…

“Can we fix him?” Kano asked.

Kairi shot him a glare, because _that_ wasn’t a nice thing to say. He wasn’t looking at her to see it, though. He was staring at Aerith, determination fierce in his eyes. He reeked of impatience.

Aerith brought a hand up to her mouth to stifle a small laugh. At least she was taking it in stride.

“Well, I can try and calm him down,” she said. “But you’re going to have to give him his body back so he can hear me.”

Kano laughed sharply. “Uh, haha, _problem._ I’m not sure if he’s in a state to take it back? I mean, I can relinquish control, sure, but there’s no guarantee what’s gonna happen then! What if his body just zombies because neither of us are piloting it?”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there,” Aerith replied.

Kano scowled for a solid ten seconds, then he huffed and rolled his eyes in defeat.

“Alright, fine,” he said. He plopped down on the ground, sitting cross-legged. He didn’t explain why, but after a second, Kairi figure out it was probably so that if Sora’s body _did_ zombie, it wouldn’t fall over completely. She moved over closer, kneeling next to Kano, so she could catch Sora if he did fall. The stone would probably hurt, even from a fall this small. “Like I said, I’ll relinquish control. But no promises he’ll take it.”

He closed his eyes.

There were a few seconds of nothing. Kairi reached out her hands so she’d be better prepared to catch him. Sora’s body was swaying a little bit. Maybe she should reach out and grab him, to steady him?

But then Sora went rigid. And the breath caught in his lungs.

When it came out again, it was in short, sharp gasps. He started bending forward, curling in on himself.

“Sora,” Kairi said, reaching forward.

Aerith held out a hand to keep her back. “No, don’t crowd him,” she said.

Distaste flashed hot through Kairi, and she sent a glare at Aerith. Why should Aerith tell her what to do?— _Because she knows what she’s talking about,_ Kairi reminded herself, cheeks puffing out in annoyance, largely at herself. She was just being petty.

So she sat back on her heels, and watched as Aerith took care of it.

“Sora? Listen, it’s Aerith,” she said, kneeling down. It was firm as much as it was gentle. She spoke with her voice slightly raised, but, maybe there was a reason for that. “Kano got you here alright. You’re safe now. Can you hear me? Just nod.”

It took the wheezing Sora a moment, but he did nod. Kairi chewed at her tongue. It was hard to see him like this.

“Okay. Then I want you to try and breathe with me, okay?” Aerith waited until he nodded again, then nodded herself. “Okay. Ready? Out, two three four five six… In, two three four five six…”

They went on like that for a while, and Kairi did nothing but sit and watch and feel a little useless. She tried not to feel bitter on top of it. Finally, Sora’s frantic breathing started to slow. He buried his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he moaned, softly. “I’m sorry. You were right, Kano, I shouldn’t have stayed I just- I thought maybe…” He broke off there, either because Kano interrupted, or because he realized he didn’t need to be saying it aloud. Kairi kind of wished he would, though. Hearing half a conversation was better than hearing none of it.

Sora didn’t say anything for a few moments—and if he was having a silent conversation, then oh well!—so Kairi went over and nudged him in the shoulder. “Hey, you okay now?”

Sora nodded, slowly, tiredly. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said. “I’m okay.” He ran his hands over his face, then dropped them to his sides. “Dunno what that was, I just- Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.” He rubbed at his arm, grimacing hard. “Kind of scary…”

“Well, it was just a normal panic attack,” Aerith said, smiling gently at him. “Which—they _are_ scary, but… Nothing to worry about. They happen.” Kairi wondered briefly if they happened often to Riku, with the way Aerith was acting. Or… Namine?

“Yeah, guess I’m glad it wasn’t some kind of magic thing,” Sora laughed. It wasn’t as hearty as usual, but it wasn’t too off, either. That made Kairi smile. He really was doing better.

“You think you’re alright to head back inside?” Aerith asked. “Or do you want a few more minutes?”

“Um…” Sora scratched at his neck. “A few more minutes might be nice…”

“Okay! I’ll go let everyone know.” Aerith got to her feet and headed back for her house. “Just come in when you’re ready.”

“Got it,” Sora said. He scooted a little closer to Kairi, and she sat down properly, scooting closer to him too. Sora bumped their shoulders together, and sent a weary smile at her. “Hey, thanks for being nice to Kano,” he said, once Aerith was out of earshot. “I know you kind of hate him.”

Kairi sighed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t _hate_ him,” she protested, though not with much force.

Sora sent her a look saying he knew better. Kairi couldn’t find it in her to argue. (She didn’t _hate_ Kano, no, but… she still couldn’t say she was extremely fond of him right now. Maybe that’d change in the future…)

Kairi sighed again, then did what she was best at. Changing the subject.

“He was really worried about you, by the way,” she said. “And he worked really hard to get you here.” She smiled a little, fond and teasing both. “It was sweet.”

Sora slowly smiled too. “Aww, that is sweet!”

There was just a second of silence, and then Sora burst out laughing.

Kairi eyed him, a grin pulling at her own lips, suspecting what this was.

“Kano mad we called him sweet?” she asked.

“HE SURE IS.”


	81. In which boy someone sure loves dogs

Sora and Kairi went inside after a few minutes, stopping long enough to let Kano affectionately scratch his wolf behind the ears. (The wolf was laying, not _in_ Aerith’s flowerbed, but very near to it.) Sora’s parents asked a lot of questions of him, but mostly they were just worried. It was kinda nice.

The couches in the front room had been rearranged into an L-shape. The one closer to the wall and the bookshelf hadn’t been moved, but the one out in the open had been moved to complete the L, it’s back towards the kitchen. Chairs from the dining room had been dragged out and completed the circle around the coffee table. Aerith and Yuffie and Riku were all on the couch by the kitchen, Yuffie and Riku talking and laughing in hushed voices. Cid sat on the end of the other couch—the end next to Aerith—and Kairi’s dad Ren sat at the other end of it. Sora’s father sat in the chair next to Ren, and Sora’s mother next to him. Then there was an empty chair, and then Leon.

“Uh…” Sora said, thinking maybe he’d like to sit across from his parents rather than next to them. Having to turn in his chair every time he wanted to address them would be obnoxious.

Aerith seemed to notice what he was thinking, somehow. “Here, I’ll move,” she said.

So she moved to the empty chair next to Leon, and Sora took her spot, and Kairi plopped down between her dad and Cid.

There were cookies and tea, which everyone but Sora munched on. The conversation itself went well, actually. His parents were willing to listen, and understand, and seemed to be really taking it all in without protest or much need for convincing. Sora wondered if maybe that had more to do with what had happened at the Castle, and less to do with the conversation going on now.

Ending up in Maleficent’s old castle wasn’t exactly Sora had planned this day to go, but everything seemed to be working out better because of it?

 _Thanks,_ he sent to Kano, when he had a spare moment to.

Kano just scoffed, and didn’t otherwise reply. Sora didn’t have to do much digging to know Kano thought extremely lowly of today’s events. Kano was being clingy, too. Which… was a weird thing to say, but there was really no other way to describe the way Kano had been pressed constantly against his mind. Sora supposed he couldn’t blame Kano for it. It was kind of sweet, really. Kano just couldn’t get mad that Sora was overhearing more of his thoughts than usual, because that was on him, not Sora.

 _It’s really not your fault,_ Sora tried, wanting to say _something_ to Kano. He wished not for the first time that Kano was physical, so he could grab him by the arm or something to better get his attention. _I was the one being stubborn—_ but Kano scoffed that off, too.

Oh well.

Everyone talked for hours, though it dwindled into other things after a while. Yuffie and Riku had left ages ago, and now Kairi sat next to Sora. They didn’t say anything, just leaned against each other, relieved this had gone so well. Ren and Sora’s dad and Cid were all talking about restoration things. Aerith and Sora’s mother were discussing herbs and things; remedies for chronic arthritis (which, apparently, Aerith’s mom had dealt a lot with). Sora wasn’t sure how much long they’d stay here, but… it wasn’t like there was anywhere _else_ they all had to be today.

So Sora rest his head on Kairi’s shoulder and closed his eyes, letting the soothing sound of conversations he wasn’t a part of wash over him. Maybe he and Kairi should go hunt down Riku… Or Namine. He hadn’t seen her all day…

He started to tell Kairi this idea, but then—well, it was hard to describe. There was a sort of bell-like feeling, in the back of his mind. His eyes shot open, and his body yanked upwards. Kano’s doing.

“Um-” Sora stammered, trying to dig an explanation out of Kano that he could give everyone else. But Kano’s thoughts, though sharp and confused, were too jumbled to pull a proper excuse out of.

“Sora?” Kairi asked of him, with a pitch of her eyebrows upward that made him think she knew what was really going on.

Everyone was looking at him now, and Sora fumbled for—anything.

“I just- I hafta check on—” _Come on, Kano,_ he thought fervently. _Give me anything._ Kano listened enough to pass a thought Sora’s way, and Sora relayed it to everyone else. At least it was a decent excuse. “The wolf. I have to—hang on.”

He let Kano carry them out the door, because, what else was he supposed to do?

When they got outside (Sora having to fumble with Kano to at least be polite enough to _shut the door behind them_ ) Sora suddenly understood what was going on. Kano’s wolf was still lounging at the edge of the flowerbed, and there was a woman. _Petting_ the wolf. And the wolf didn’t seem to mind!

“Who the hell are you?” Kano asked through Sora’s mouth. Sora supposed he couldn’t blame him, but—

 _Hey, Kano, can I maybe handle this?_ he asked, not wanting his first impression on anyone being Kano’s fault.

‘ _It’s my wolf!_ ’ Kano shot back.

The woman turned to Sora. He definitely didn’t recognize her—round face and dark, shoulder-length hair. She was wearing a blue duster sweater (a very _pretty_ blue, if Sora was honest). There was a kind of excitement brimming in her eyes, but she definitely looked a little embarrassed, too.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Is this your dog?” She didn’t give Sora a chance to answer, really, before she was plodding ahead with: “I’m really sorry, I don’t normally pet other people’s dogs without permission, but he’s just so beautiful? And he said it was okay.” She turned to the wolf, running fingers through its fur, cooing. “Also I know, I shouldn’t call you a dog, you’re a beautiful and majestic _wolf_ and—”

She went on like that, and the wolf seemed to hold itself straighter, _basking_ in the shower of the woman’s compliments. Sora wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, and judging on the incredulousness bubbling from Kano, neither did he.

“You can _understand it_?” Kano squeaked finally.

The woman beamed up at them. “Perks of being a sorceress!” she said brightly, like it meant something. Maybe it did, but the only thing the term _sorceress_ brought to Sora’s mind was Maleficent, and…

He pushed that thought out of his mind.

“Anyway, I’m Rinoa.” The woman stuck her hand out in Sora’s direction, though she did not stand up or move at all away from Kano’s wolf. Sora’d only known her two minutes, but he couldn’t say he was surprised.

Sora shook her hand. “Uh, Sora,” he said, taking control of his mouth back in Kano’s continued, sharp, confusion.

Rinoa grinned widely, then took her hand back to continue petting the wolf. At least it was enjoying the attention, Sora thought, (though somehow that made Kano boil with anger).

“Anyway, what’s his name?” Rinoa asked. “He told me something earlier when I asked, but I couldn’t make sense of it. I don’t know if he’s just being facetious, or if you have any better idea how it’s supposed to be pronounced by a human mouth…?”

Sora shook his head. He sent Kano a quick question about that, but Kano didn’t know either, so Sora just shook his head harder.

“Well, then do you have something else you call him?” Rinoa pressed.

“Uh, no, actually,” Sora stammered. He remembered discussing this, a long while ago, but it hadn’t come up again. But also, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Kano’s wolf, either.

Rinoa looked downright _offended_ at the notion of the wolf not having a name, so Sora hastily followed with: “I mean, he only became mine recently, really. And his old master never mentioned…”

‘My _mahtas_ really was terrible with names,’ the wolf mused.

‘ _SHUT UP!’_ Kano shouted at it. Sora was immensely grateful that the two of them could communicate telepathically, somehow.

“And I haven’t been able to come up with one the wolf’s also liked,” Sora added, for Rinoa’s sake.

She nodded thoughtfully. After humming to herself for a moment, she looked up and said. “How about Rocco? Or, no… hmm… Maybe Rosso would be better.”

“Rosso?” Sora repeated. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, but then again, this wasn’t really his decision either. Kano bristled with distaste. Apparently he wasn’t fond of the name. But before he could form any sort of coherent protest, the wolf straightened. It nodded to itself, looking satisfied.

‘You know? It’s not a bad name,’ it said.

Kano tried to splutter his objections from the back of Sora’s mind, but the wolf paid him no mind.

‘Yes, I like it,’ the wolf continued. ‘It’s decided. Rosso is what I shall be called, now.’ It sent Sora—or rather, Kano—a look, eyes glinting. Sora had to wonder if it was only picking it because Kano wasn’t fond of it.

“Aw, I’m glad you like it!” Rinoa said, ruffling its fur affectionately one last time. “You don’t mind?” she asked of Sora.

Sora shook his head. “Nah,” he said. He didn’t, personally, and if Kano minded, he could suck it. _It’s your wolf’s decision, dude,_ he sent at Kano around Kano’s protests.

“Anyway…” Rinoa dragged the sound out as she got to her feet and brushed herself off. “Is this the Gainsborough house?”

Sora blinked.

“Huh?”

Rinoa squinted back at him.

“Do… Aerith and Leon live here?” she tried, after a moment.

“Oh! _Oh._ ” Sora felt a little embarrassed, now. “Um, yeah, they do!”

Rinoa considered him, squinting slightly. Confusion and surprise were both written on her face. “How did you not know their last name?” she asked. There was laughter on her lips more than anything else.

“I- never asked?” Sora answered. It had never occurred to him as being important.

Rinoa laughed a little more, but it was a friendly sort of laugh, really. Nice to hear, hard to be offended by. After few seconds she was able to compose herself enough to gesture towards the door and say she’d like to see Aerith and Leon. Sora told her he wasn’t stopping her, and got out of her way.

Aerith was the first one out of her seat when Rinoa came in, and after a quick shout of “Rinoa! It’s so good to see you!!” she embraced Rinoa in a tight hug. From there, their conversation trailed into things Sora didn’t quite follow. (“Your hair is so short!! I love it though. It’s so cute?” “Thanks…!” “I’m glad you kept the bow.” “I couldn’t not keep the bow!!”)—It was clear from how they spoke that they were good friends, and that they’d known each other for a long time. Sora also got the sense that, perhaps, it had been a long time since they’d last seen each other. (“What have you been up to?” “The usual, you know! Edea says I might almost be done, actually, buuuut taking two years off sure is biting me in the butt.” “We said it would.” “But you needed help!”)

All other conversation in the room had stopped, really. Sora’s eyes first found Kairi’s, across the room (Sora was still standing near the doorway, though he wondered maybe if he should sit down again)—Kairi seemed just as confused as he was, and predictably, a little mad about it. Sora’s parents and Ren all looked a little lost. All Sora could do was offer an apologetic shrug.

Leon came out of the kitchen in order to greet Rinoa as well, but he didn’t get the chance. It was then that Rinoa noticed everyone else in the room. A note of confusion, and perhaps something like worry passed across her face. Sora stepped forward to explain, since this was kind of his thing, but Aerith beat him to it. Maybe that was for the best, though. She definitely explained it quicker and more eloquently than Sora could have.

“Ohh, gotcha, gotcha,” Rinoa said, once Aerith had finished. She lowered her voice a couple notches. “Do you… need help? Also is this a bad time. I can come back.”

“No, it’s fine,” Aerith began.

But here Sora’s mother got to her feet. Sora recognized that look on her face, the classic _we’ve-overstayed-our-welcome_ look. She was always really conscious about these sorts of things. Sora didn’t think Aerith (or Rinoa) actually minded, but... There was no sense arguing with his mother.

“Actually, it’s alright,” his mother said, approaching Aerith. “It’s getting late. I think we should get going.” She smiled politely, hands folded in front of her. “Thank you for your hospitality, Aerith,” she said.

 “Thank you for coming!” Aerith assured her, smiling brightly. Sora easily saw the words _and thank you for listening_ written on her face, and it brought a warmth to his chest.

Smiling fondly, and trying not to be too overcome with the emotion, Sora turned to Rinoa.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” he said. A part of him wished he could stay a little longer, but maybe it would be kinder to let Rinoa and Aerith and Leon catch up without him also being here. He doubted this would be the last time he saw her, either.

“It was nice meeting you, too!” Rinoa answered. “And, uh, thanks for letting me name your wolf, I guess?”

Sora held up his hands in a shrug, even as Kano started protesting again. “Hey, he said he liked it, not me. Can’t really argue with him.”

Kairi snorted loudly. “Wait, she _what_?”

Sora turned to her, a grin like hers mirrored on his face. “I’ll tell you about it later. You gonna head home too, Kairi?”

“I dunno?” she answered. “It’s not like we’re heading home in the same trip anyway, so…”

“Fair,” Sora said aloud. He met Kairi’s eyes though, and did his best to silently communicate to her that maybe it’d be better if they didn’t stick around. Based on the way Kairi sighed and scowled, she got the message.

“But I guess Dad _does_ have paperwork to finish…” Kairi said, perhaps more dramatically than necessary.

Ren made a strangled noise. “Uugh, don’t remind me.”

“Oh, wait, before you two go,” Aerith said rapidly. “There’s something we have to ask you. Hang on.” She pulled away from Rinoa, moving to lean over the railing of the stairs, so her voice would carry upwards. “Rikuuuu,” she called, and then a second time. She must have been satisfied he was coming, because she then moved into the kitchen. She emerged only a second later with a wall calendar, which she promptly dropped on the coffee table, while beckoning Sora and Kairi to join her.

‘ _Wonder what all the fuss is about,’_ Kano mused.

 _Yeah, me too,_ Sora agreed.

“What’s up?” Riku asked, as he finished descending the stairs.

“Sora and Kairi are leaving,” Aerith explained quickly. “We have to ask them—”

“OH YEAH!” Riku said, before she’d finished. Riku absolutely _hurried_ over to join them, a light of excitement in his eyes that made Sora’s breath catch. He didn’t often see Riku so excited, or so happy.

Riku knelt down by the coffee table, pulling the calendar towards him. Sora and Kairi exchanged shrugs, then followed suit. Kairi knelt across from Riku, apologizing to her dad as she bumped his legs. Sora knelt to Riku’s left. Aerith hovered nearby.

“Okay, so,” Riku said. “Me and Aerith were wondering about, um, my birthday? Since I don’t exactly have a real one we thought- Well. The day I came here. To this universe.” He was so excited he was fumbling with his words, and a fondness swelled up in Sora’s chest. (So did a spike of what felt like jealousy, but that was gone quickly.) “I thought that you two might have a better idea what the day is, exactly, because I definitely don’t.”

Sora turned to Kairi an excited grin stretching across his face. She looked just as excited. Hastily, she pulled the calendar to her and started flipping through it.

“Yeah, hang on,” she said so quick she almost messed up the words herself. “It was like, July, I think?”

“What! No way,” Sora argued. “It was definitely June.” He couldn’t look at the calendar because Kairi was hogging it, but he was nearly positive it was June. Nearly.

“Definitely July,” Kairi said, not looking up.

“I trust Kairi’s memory a little more, Sora,” Riku laughed. “Sorry.” There was such a gentle smile on his face it was hard to be mad at him. though.

‘ _He has a point, your memory IS shit,_ ’ Kano said.

Scowling, telling Kano to shut up, Sora said aloud: “Ok, well, fine. But it was the end of the month, for sure.”

“Beginniiing~” Kairi sang.

Sora scowled harder. “Are you just saying the opposite of everything I say to bug me?”

“No, I’m saying it because you’re wrong and I’m right.”

Kano burst out with laughter in Sora’s head. Kairi smiled wide at him, incredibly smug.

“Any idea of a specific date, though?” Riku pressed, leaning in. He sounded pretty impatient, as well as a little worried. “I mean, so long as we’re in the ballpark, I guess it doesn’t really matter, but—”

Sora dropped his bitterness, because it wasn’t fair to sour Riku’s mood with it. He met Kairi’s eyes, and they exchanged long _hmmmmmm_ s.

Sora couldn’t remember an exact date, that was for sure. Nor did he know how to figure one out. It’d been summer, so it was hard to track the days. Maybe it had been a weekend, though? He thought he remembered his parents being home—except, it had been night, so of course they’d been home.

“Oh, yeah, huh,” Kairi said after a moment, recognition lighting across her face. “It was the night of Selphie’s Summer Beach Bash, remember? That was the only reason we were even out so late at night!”

Sora slowly nodded. “Ohhhh yeah,” he agreed. “What day was that? Wasn’t it a Saturday?”

“Uh-huh! Here—” Kairi squinted at the calendar for a moment, then confidently tapped a square on it. “It was the 9th!”

“The 9th,” Sora echoed, nodding firmly. That sounded right.

“The 9th?” Aerith asked, from where she was hovering. There was a hint of worry in her tone.

Riku looked up at her. “Is that okay?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Oh, no, it’s no problem!” Aerith answered. “It’s just…”

“That’s like, next week, isn’t it?” Kairi said.

“Two weeks,” Leon provided, helpfully.

“That’s _suuuuuuuper_ close, though,” Sora said, dragging the sounds out. His mind churned. What was he even supposed to _get_ Riku for his birthday?

“I’m just glad we didn’t miss it,” Aerith said. She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

Kairi leaned across the coffee table and nudged Sora and Riku. “Hey, what about Namine’s birthday,” she said. “Shouldn’t we figure hers out while we’re at it?”

Sora thought that was a good idea, but Riku… hesitated. His mouth curled up like he didn’t have anything good to say, and he scratched nervously at his cheek.

“Well, yeah, but, she’s… sleeping, and didn’t want to be bothered—” he began.

“ _Sleeping_!?” came Rinoa’s voice. It came out in something of a squeak, and when Sora turned to look at her, he saw her eyebrows raised. “At _this_ hour?”

Riku shrugged helplessly.

“So?” Kairi said, scoffing. “Figuring out her birthday is an important enough thing to get out of bed for. And it can’t be that far from yours, Riku, depending on the day we pick, so like—”

“I wouldn’t bother her,” Riku said, quickly. He was having trouble meeting anyone’s eyes, and his shoulders had gotten tense, voice firm. “She got- she got really mad, when I tried earlier, so…”

Rinoa let out a hum of thought, but didn’t say anything.

Kairi sighed with disgust. “We didn’t even get to talk to her,” she moaned.

“You can drop by tomorrow if it bugs you so much?” Sora suggested, trying to ease her anger a little bit. “It’s not like _you’ve_ got any hot plans otherwise.”

“Well, no, but.” Kairi didn’t finish the protest, but she really didn’t need to. Sora could easily read that she thought this was ridiculous, hated that they couldn’t talk to Namine now.

“Well, if we aren’t talking to Namine, then maybe we should get going,” Sora said, getting to his feet.

“Yeah, guess so,” Kairi grumbled, as she did the same.

To Sora’s surprise, Riku got to his feet too, and pulled Sora into a hug. Well—it was a one-armed, half hug, but still more than Sora had expected, _especially_ without prompting. He hugged Riku back, making sure not to squeeze too tight.

“Thanks for helping me figure out my birthday,” Riku said.

“Yeah, no problem man!”

Riku let go of Sora, then offered out an arm to Kairi, who he hugged, too.

“Sorry about Namine,” he said to her.

Kairi rolled her eyes. “It’s not _your_ fault she’s being a grump, Riku,” she told him.

“Still…”

“We’ll forget, won’t we?” Sora’s mother said, abruptly.

“Wh- what?” Sora choked out around a lump in his throat, a little surprised by the question. The whole room seemed to have stopped. Or maybe it was just him.

“Once we leave,” his mother continued, distress sharp on her face. “Everything that happened today, we- You said there was a spell on our islands…”

Sora swallowed. No one in the room said anything.

“Y- yeah,” he managed, after a few moments. Tears burned in his eyes, and it was hard to speak with the way his throat had closed up. “G- guess you might.”

“I don’t want to forget.”

That was all his mother said, but it was enough, it was more than enough. Sora took a carefully deep breath, trying to hold back his tears. Relief bubbled inside of him. He didn’t have an answer to the question, he didn’t have a way to fix this problem, but he was grateful for this moment. He was grateful that she was just as terrified of this rut they’d been stuck in as he was.

Kairi stepped close to Sora, bumping his shoulder with hers.

“Well, I don’t know what we’re going to do about the spell,” she said. Her bitterness from earlier tinged her tone. Or maybe it was a new bitterness. “I already talked to Yen Sid about it, and _he_ didn’t have any ideas. And honestly, if he didn’t, then—”

Rinoa coughed not-so-discreetly to draw everyone’s attention to her.

“Um. Actually. I’m pretty knowledgeable about magic? I could check it out for you guys, if you want. I make no promises but…” She dragged the final word out, smiling, looking excited to try anyway.

“ _Rinoa_ …” Aerith said, with a surprisingly stern tone. The expression on her face made Sora wonder if this was anything like the way he got before Kairi did something stupid.

“What?” Rinoa asked, sounding a little offended. Sora wasn’t sure on all the context but, yes, he was certain this was exactly like how he and Kairi acted before Kairi did something stupid. (Or… the other way around, honestly.)

“Rinoa,” Leon sighed, with a tone that matched Aerith’s perfectly. “We all know have a really bad track record for—”

“Oh my gosh!! I was just gonna spend ten minutes looking at it, not drop everything for a week to try and fix it!” Rinoa protested. “If I have an answer, then great. If not, I won’t worry about it. Geeze! I just thought I’d try.”

Aerith and Leon exchanged looks that suggested they didn’t quite believe her.

Sora exchanged a glance with Kairi. Her bitterness was easing into a smile and… Sora found himself laughing a little too, though it was a bit half-hearted. The thought of having his parents forget again was too heavy a weight to put aside so quickly.

“Well, if you want to take a look at it, that’d be great,” Kairi told Rinoa, beaming. There was… _still_ a bit of an edge to it. She turned to Sora. “I guess I’ll take her to the Islands? That way we’ll both be taking an even number of people.”

Sora nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

“I can teleport…” Rinoa began.

“But you don’t know where we’re going!” Kairi argued. Rinoa closed her mouth. “Play Island?” Kairi asked Sora.

“Mmhmm. See you there.”

Kairi gathered Rinoa and her dad, and left right from Aerith’s living room. Sora, however, gestured towards the door. It’d be more polite to star-shard away from outside. And… he should probably tell Kano’s wolf—er, _Rosso_ —that they were leaving? He doubted it would want to come with them, but Sora figured he’d be nice to give it a heads-up anyway.

“Thanks for letting us come over, Aerith,” he said, as he led his parents outside.

The wolf was already on its feet, shaking itself and looking a bit amused. Before Sora could even open his mouth to say anything to it, it cut him off.

‘I know. I _have_ ears.’

“O- oh,” Sora laughed. He held out a hand towards it, and when it came over, scratched its head. “Thanks for everything you did today.”

‘Anything for my _mahtas_ and his _amaste_ ,’ Rosso replied, cheekily. It vanished from there.

‘ _Wish he’d stop calling you that,_ ’ Kano groaned.

Sora laughed weakly, but didn’t know what to say. He turned to his parents now, holding out his hand. They seemed… hesitant, though. Unwilling to take it.

“I- I promise you won’t forget immediately,” he assured them. It was all he could do. “And, even if Rinoa doesn’t know anything about the spell—” But he had to stop there, because he wasn’t sure how to finish, wasn’t sure how to fix this. There wasn’t a way, really.

His father considered it a moment, and then shrugged. “I suppose we could always write down what happened,” he suggested. “Keep a journal. That way we still have some proof.”

Sora nodded, fervently. “Yeah! Yeah.” His mother also nodded, though she looked less certain.

That settled, his parents both took his hand, and he whisked them away to meet up with Kairi.

Rinoa was already pacing around the beach when they arrived. In the time it took them to walk over to join her and Kairi and Ren, she stopped. She was shaking her head, scowling.

“I take it that’s not good news,” Kairi said, before Sora had the chance to ask any questions about what they had missed.

“Sorry,” Rinoa apologized, with a big sigh. She looked more disappointed than angry, actually. “Maybe if I had a couple months to look at it, _maybe,_ but it’s pretty advanced, and I promised I’d only stay here ten minutes.” She turned around to address them all, very sincere. “It’d be different if I knew where to _start_ in dismantling it, but honestly I’m not even sure how it I fully understand how it works.”

“Thanks anyway,” Sora told her.

Rinoa nodded. She still looked pretty upset. “I’ll try and help, as much as I can,” she said, firmly. “I wish I could do more, really. But if Edea doesn’t kill me for neglecting my training again, Aerith _definitely_ will.” She laughed a little at that, shaking her head.

“We really appreciate it,” Ren assured her. The reassurance didn’t seem to improve her mood.

“Maybe I’ll come back and take another look at it when I have more free time,” she said, vaguely, squinting at the air. Or, at the spell? “Who knows—maybe an epiphany will strike me one night.”

She took a deep breath, and then flashed them all a smile. It looked a little forced. “Well, I should head back. Sorry I couldn’t help more.” She took a few steps back, away from them, and then—Sora jolted in surprise, as two, _large,_ white wings spread from her back. Based on the gasps of shock from Sora’s parents and the muttered swear under Kairi’s and Ren’s breath both, everyone else was equally surprised.

Seeing their surprised faces brought a genuine grin to Rinoa’s lips. “ _Magic,_ ” she whispered, and then in a soft burst of light, she was gone.

Silence hung in the air a moment, and then Kairi let out a long sigh.

“Bummer that didn’t work out, huh?” she said, with a sharp edge in her voice. “Guess I really shouldn’t be surprised, though.”

Sora reached over to elbow her. “Aw, come on, Rinoa tried her best.”

Kairi graced him with a dramatic roll of her eyes. She wasn’t mad at Rinoa. And, Sora knew that. He elbowed her playfully a few more times, but gave up when it was clear he wasn’t going to get any more out of her.

“So… if the spell’s still here…” Sora’s father began. He and Sora’s mother appeared to have recovered from Rinoa’s disappearance. “Then—” Except, he couldn’t get any more words out. He looked like he didn’t want to think about the answer.

Sora sighed a little. He took a step away from Kairi and towards his parents, mind churning for something to tell them. _It would be okay,_ he wanted to tell them, desperately, but it seemed like such an empty promise.

“Here’s a crazy idea,” Ren said, before Sora could open his mouth. “Maybe the solution is to visit other worlds more often. Sora and Kairi don’t seem to be affected by the spell, and that’s the only running theory I have as to why. Plus, _my_ memory’s getting better!”

“You forgot Namine’s name again just last week,” Kairi argued, sending a playful glare at him.

He returned it in kind. “Yeah, well, I’ve only been off-world twice now!” he argued back. “And even if I do have some bonus resistance because of your mother, I’m sure it’s gotta take more than, like, ten hours off-world to make a dent.”

As Ren finished, Sora’s mother took a deep breath.

“Every Sunday, then,” she said, firmly. “Every Sunday, we’ll go somewhere.”

Sora blinked a couple of times in surprise. Ren was probably onto something, but…

“I- Are you sure?” Sora asked.

“I don’t want to forget,” his mother answered. Her voice was trembling, and so, too, were her shoulders.

Sora stared a second, rolling over in his head. Every Sunday…? Somehow, it seemed kind of daunting, but… he could do that. He had no idea where to take them, but he could do that.

‘ _Seems like a lot of work,’_ Kano grumbled.

 _But it’s better than the alternative,_ Sora pointed out, and Kano couldn’t argue with that. Sora felt a little sour, though. _Besides, c’mon man. They’re my parents. I want them to trust me._

“Okay,” Sora said aloud, nodding. “Okay.”

This wasn’t how he’d planned this day to go at all, but… Maybe it really was for the better.


	82. In which Aerith makes Namine get up and face the day

Light flooded the room, making Namine groan and screw her eyes shut harder. She shouldn’t be surprised—it was a while past noon, according to her internal clock—but the last thing she wanted to do was get out of bed. The real question is _why_ the light was being so aggressive. She’d had the curtains closed, and Riku wouldn’t have had any reason to open them. Plus, he was out taking care of his usual Heartless duty with Yuffie. So who’d…?

Her answer came in the form of Aerith’s voice, loud and sharp.

“Come on, time to get up!”

Namine groaned again, this time pulling the sheets over her head.

“Namine,” Aerith persisted. “You can’t sleep all day.”

“I wanna,” Namine mumbled, pushing her face into the pillow. Sleeping was better than letting her brain think, even if last night seemed to have been plagued by nightmares worse than most nights. It was really the half-sleep, between proper sleep and waking she’d been clinging to. It was a nice respite, even if only grasped for ten or fifteen minutes at a time—thirty if she was lucky.

She was just starting to edge into it when the covers were ripped off of her. She moaned petulantly, turning her head and squinting through the offending sunlight. Aerith was bundling up the sheets in her arms, holding them well out of Namine’s reach.

“Up!” she sang, firmly. “You have to get up, Namine.”

“What _for_?”

“Because you have to,” Aerith answered. And there was—something, a tremble in her voice. “I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but… I know what it’s like to slow, to want to stop. And— you _can’t._ You have to keep moving.”

It was the sincerity Aerith was projecting that made Namine really consider getting up. Only consider it, because the actual action of sitting up was too much effort right now, right away. But maybe Aerith had a point. And… it sure did seem to mean a lot to her.

“So, come on!” Aerith urged when Namine didn’t move. “It’s time to get up!”

“Okay, okay,” Namine said, yanking herself upright. She rubbed the heels of her palms against the sleep-crust in her eyes. “I’m up.”

Aerith considered her a moment with pursed lips, as if she wasn’t quite confident it would last. But after a second or so she nodded, satisfied, and tossed the bundle of sheets back down on Namine’s bed. “Good,” she said, and she broke into a smile. “Go ahead and get dressed, then meet me downstairs. I want to talk to you about something.”

Namine rolled the possibility of lying back down over in her mind as she watched Aerith go. It was a very tempting option… But also, it’d only last ten minutes. Surely Aerith wouldn’t give up so easily. She’d just keep coming back and bugging Namine to get up, if Namine didn’t.

So Namine slid out of bed.

It took somewhere around ten minutes to actually get dressed, just because the energy required to do so was hard to give. And she’d made the mistake of sitting down once, and probably five minutes had gone just to how nice it felt to stay still, to stop moving. But—Aerith’s “ _you can’t_ ” rang in her ears. Namine kept moving.

 The house seemed to be empty of anyone but her and Aerith, Namine noted, when she made it downstairs. Not that that was strange, really. It was late enough in the day that everyone would have dropped by for lunch and then left again, by now.

Aerith was sitting on the couch facing the stairs, and smiled broadly at Namine once they could see each other. Namine thought about smiling back, but couldn’t make her mouth do it. She took a seat on the other couch, facing Aerith.

“Okay,” Aerith said, saving Namine from having to start the conversation, which was nice of her. She sat up straight, hands on her knees, leaning a little towards Namine. Namine sat hunched over, hugging her arms. “I want to talk about… hobbies,” Aerith said.

“Hobbies?” Namine asked back, not having the energy to also turn her confusions about how this was relevant or why Aerith cared into words.

Aerith nodded. “Yeah. Tell me about the things you like doing.”

Namine considered the question for a long moment, and then shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered, truthfully. There weren’t many things she liked doing. She liked drawing fine, she guessed, but she was liking it less and less as the days went on. It was too much effort to summon the creative energy to produce, well, anything really. She had nothing she _wanted_ to draw, and aimless doodles were only fun for so long.

Aerith raised her eyebrows.

“Nothing at all?” she pressed.

Namine shook her head without thinking much more about it. There was a reason she’d been spending the last few days in bed, after all.

“What about before… you know,” Aerith said. She did not say the words _you were Rewritten_ , but she didn’t need to. Namine understood. “What were things you used to like doing?”

Namine thought about that for a little longer, but eventually all she was able to come up with there was another shrug and shake of her head. “I don’t remember,” she answered this time, and that was true too.

“Are you sure?” Aerith asked, very seriously. “Because—I want you to find something to do with your days, and while I have some ideas, I was hoping _you’d_ have something, since you know you best.”

Namine sighed, and considered it a little harder.

She remembered doing a lot of drawing, but that was a no-go now. She remembered… doing a lot of things with Riku. With Joseph. But just spending time with Riku wasn’t the same anymore, and the thought of trying to spend time with Joseph just exhausted her. Taking the time to spend with people was exhausting in general.

Maybe she should try digging deeper than Castle Oblivion, though. She guessed playing on the beach with Kairi and Sora and Riku had been fun, but that had more to do with her friends than the beach. And none of them could really afford to spend their days like that anymore. Dancing with Kairi had always been a treat—a refuge, in hard times—but… She didn’t see how “dancing with Kairi” could be penciled into a schedule.

But then—she remembered, suddenly, the sensation of a paintbrush in her hand. The bold strokes and many layers it had required to completely cover the white walls of Castle Oblivion in blue. The satisfaction of watching the color solidify. The careful movements it had taken to make the clouds just as detailed as she wanted…

It had been a long time since she painted Riku’s room in Castle Oblivion to look like a sky, but something about the simplicity of the actions and the warmth of the memory finally sparked something in her.

“I guess…” she said, slowly, having trouble with the way the words took shape in her mouth. “I liked- painting. I mean I only really… did it once, but it was fun.” Fun wasn’t really the right word, but it was too much effort to find a better one, and that was what Aerith wanted to hear, anyway.

“Painting?” Aerith asked.

Namine nodded.

“Yeah.”

She waited a second, and then curious, looked up at Aerith.

“What were… some of your ideas, though?” Namine asked.

“Oh! I mean, I have a lot of books I can recommend you try reading,” Aerith answered. “And know of places we can find books, if none of the ones I have here interest you. I’ll probably still have you look at them, later, since I doubt painting alone could possibly fill every hour of every day. But we’ll start with painting.” She got to her feet, muttering about getting painting supplies.

Namine blinked up at her in surprise.

“Uh, now?”

Aerith turned to her, beaming. “I don’t see why not!”

“Are you sure?” Namine pressed.

Aerith nodded.

“Of course! If it’s something you want to do, then I’ll gladly do what I can to make it happen.” She paused on her way out of the room—likely to get her star shard—putting a hand on the wall that separated the kitchen from everything else. “By the way…” she said, slowly. “I think, maybe, we should move you and Riku into separate rooms. I think it’d be easier to find the space to set up an easel and things if you had your own room. Plus, it seems silly to make you and Riku share, if you don’t want to.”

Namine shrugged. She didn’t _mind_ sharing with Riku. But, then again… maybe having total one-hundred percent privacy all the time might be nice.

“Okay,” she said.

 

**xxx**

They returned around an hour later (to a still empty house) with painting supplies galore, as well as a few intricate coloring books and the biggest box of crayons Aerith could find. The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to moving Namine into the empty guest room, just the two of them. (It seemed silly to make Riku move, seeing as he wasn’t here now, and that room had been _his_ long before they’d even moved in).

Moving rooms largely just consisted of Aerith moving out stuff she’d forgotten was stashed in here, and Namine bringing the small amount of things she owned in. It also consisted of moving the furniture around some, which somehow was as much fun as it was frustrating. Aerith eventually just had to use magic to move the bed. Finally though, they had a corner set aside for just painting, and the rest of the furniture was arranged in a way to accommodate that.

Namine looked around her new room, breathing deep as she took it in. It looked… nice, she guessed. Aerith stood next to her, smiling proudly at their work.

Namine ducked her head down, tucking hair behind her ear.

“Um… Thanks, Aerith,” she whispered.

She did not look up to see the patient smile on Aerith’s face, but she could easily hear it in Aerith’s voice.

“It was nothing,” Aerith assured her. Namine looked up just enough to see how Aerith played with her fingers at her waist. “I… don’t like seeing you suffer, Namine. So I thought it was about time I did something to help. And, you’re family, after all.”

That hung in the air a moment, and then abruptly, Aerith said:

“If. You want to be, that is.”

Namine looked up now, surprised by those words.

Aerith’s gaze was fixed to the distance, a faint mix of bewilderment and surprise on her face.

“It… occurs to me we never really give you the choice,” Aerith whispered. “I mean, I know family like this just kind of… _happens,_ a lot of the time, but…” She turned her gaze to Namine, smiling that gentle smile of hers. Determination burned in her eyes. “It’s only fair to let you choose.”

Namine blinked, taken aback.

“I, _oh_.” She was suddenly at a loss for words. She rolled it over in her mind for a few seconds, and then not wanting to leave Aerith hanging, said: “I don’t know.” It was the truth. “It’s not that I don’t, um, love you guys. I just…”

Except she didn’t know what it was _she just_ , so she left the words to float in the air.

Aerith nodded, though, understanding.

“That’s okay. There’s no need to decide right now,” Aerith assured her, with a little laugh. “Just know that it’s yours, if you want it. And the point still stands—You are, at the very least, a very, _very_ close friend of mine who I want to see happy again. And so long as you live under my roof, I will do everything in my power to make that happen.”

Namine started to thank her, but Aerith had thought of something to add.

“Actually, even if you moved out, I would _still_ do everything in my power to make it happen. It’s, you know…” She smiled fondly, gave a small shrug. “What we do.”

Namine took a deep breath, soaking that in.

“Well… thanks again,” she said.

Aerith nodded at her, still smiling.

After a second, Aerith gestured towards the door. “Do you want to look at those books now, or do you want to wait?”

“Um… maybe later,” Namine answered.

“Okay!” Aerith said. “Though, actually… Maybe I should just go get them and bring them up here for you to look at whenever you want. I’ll go do that.”

“Sure…” Namine said, but Aerith was already gone.

Namine sighed and sat down on the edge of her new bed, eyes fixed on the blank canvas before her. She supposed today had been a pretty productive day, all around. She wondered if she could go ahead and try out painting now…

Not that she, really had the desire to. Or the energy, even if she did.

She wished… she wished she didn’t feel like this.

Namine ran her fingers through the trick that Rinoa had taught her, not that it really helped right now. She was glad she’d learned it—because it was _perfect_ for the bad nights, when she remembered much too clearly how it had felt to shove a blade through Riku’s gut and _enjoy_ it. But it didn’t help at all with her lack of energy, or her lack of desire to do anything.

The persisting feeling of being a stranger in her skin, and her inability to care about much of anything most days—were they one in the same problem? She wasn’t sure.

But… maybe this was a way to deal with it, she thought, as she eyed the canvas before her.

Or, maybe it wasn’t.

But even just not allowing herself to think about the demons under her skin every waking moment of her day had to be a step up, right?

So Namine pushed herself to her feet and made her way over to her easel, getting the supplies in order. She wasn’t sure what she’d paint, but there was something soothing in moving the paintbrush across the canvas and watching the color fill in. Maybe she’d just paint it all one color. Start there.

She’d kill for some music to listen to right now, actually. Maybe she’d have to ask Kairi about that…


	83. In which Roxas gets a little fidgety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first ftpverse Aqua chapter I wrote post-0.2, for the record. it also features minor 0.2 spoilers for the first three paragraphs, so if you're still avoiding those...

_Aqua pulled at the fingers that squeezed at her neck. They were wrapped tightly, an ice-cold grip digging into her skin. She was on her back in an inch of water. Her reflection was above her, pinning her to the ground, choking her. Her glowing blue eyes were filled with malice. A sneer spread across her lips._

_“You’ll never see the Realm of Light AGAIN!” she spat._

_Aqua wanted to protest, but didn’t have the air to respond. She kept trying to pull her reflection’s fingers off, gasping. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t—_

Aqua woke with a start.

She lay in bed for a few moments, panting. Her lungs felt like they were on fire. She shoved the blankets off of her, hating the feeling of being pinned. She made herself take deep breaths. She was… fine. She was fine.

Aqua pushed herself upright, running her hands over her face. She savored the feeling of a bed beneath her. Savored the feeling of Ven’s heart like a beacon, just a few feet to her right. Everything was fine now. She wasn’t in the Realm of Darkness anymore.

She sent a hopeful look out the window to her left, which showed nothing but a sky filled with stars. Exactly what she’d been expecting to see, even though a part of her hoped to look out it one of these days and see sunlight on the horizon, or a pale blue. But time didn’t flow properly around Yen Sid’s Tower.

For a second, Aqua pondered going back to sleep. But then her reflection’s face passed through her mind, and she shook all notions of sleep out of her head. Instead she got out of bed and headed for the bathroom attached to hers and Ven’s room to splash water on her face.

There was no mirror in the bathroom, which she was eternally grateful for. The Tower was very good at listening to her needs, without her having to tell it what she wanted. She ended up getting distracted before splashing any water on her face, though. Aqua wasn’t sure how long she stood there with her hands under the faucet, letting the water run over her fingers (a nice, distracting feeling) before Ven grounded her.

“Aqua?” he asked, clearing his throat.

Aqua only jumped a _little_ bit.

She turned off the water and turned to look at him, trying to smile.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Just a nightmare,” she assured him, because that’s all it really was, after all. He got bad nightmares too, just… probably about different, less terrifying things. “I’m okay.”

Despite her reassurance, Ven studied her, like he wasn’t quite certain he believed her. He lingered in the doorway.

“Do… you wanna talk about it?” he ventured.

“I’m _fine,_ ” Aqua insisted. “Go back to sleep.” She thought about ruffling his hair, but she had to dry her hands first, and once she’d done that the moment had passed.

“Are you gonna? Go back to sleep?”

Aqua scowled at him, then looked away.

“We’ll see.”

Ven sighed, and then moved to leave. “I’m heading downstairs to make some hot chocolate,” he called over his shoulder. Just that, and nothing more, though his invitation was clear. She was supposed to join him.

She didn’t _have_ to, of course.

But… the company might be nice. It… certainly would be better than sitting around for the next two or three hours, exhausted but unable to go back to sleep, with nothing but her thoughts and memories to keep her company otherwise.

Aqua sent another hopeful glance out the window as she walked past. Oh, how she longed to see a glimpse of sunrise.

 

**xxx**

Roxas swung his Keyblades in rapid succession, pounding them against this dummy in the training room. He savored the sweat on his skin, the tightness in his lungs, the way his arms were starting to ache. He’d been going for—he wasn’t sure how long. But there was nothing else to do. No other way to deal with the itchiness under his skin, the burning to be doing something, to be _fighting_ something. He enjoyed the rush of battle too much. Pushing his body to its limits was… comparable, but not nearly as fun.

There _was_ a better way to deal with this, actually. But Xehanort only humored him with spars _sometimes_. Roxas’s blows became a little more excited, as he thought about it. Sure, he got his ass handed to him every time he and Xehanort sparred, but he cherished the fights greatly. There was nothing quite as exhilarating as being a little bit terrified for his life.

He would spar with Braig—sub-par sparring partner though Braig was—except Braig was out right now. Looking for a new Vexen Replica, since 37 was dead.

Well.

37 wasn’t _dead,_ exactly. His heart had just been fractured so significantly there wasn’t really enough left of him to be considered… him? Or, that’s what Roxas had gathered from the conversation he’d had with Xehanort about it. Apparently there was still enough of 37 left to make a vessel out of him, if Xehanort wanted to, but he didn’t want to, not if he didn’t have to. Alright. Whatever. It wasn’t Roxas’s place to ask questions.

Roxas cut clean through this training dummy, which was fine. Dusks were already slithering in to cart it off for repairs, replacing it with another (recently patched) dummy.

Roxas rolled his shoulders, and then started hacking into this one as well, his blows frustrated, restless. He just wished there was something to _do._ But the boss’s orders had been “ _be patient_ ” because “ _not everything’s in place, yet._ ” Roxas wanted to burn.

He wished he could go pick a fight with Riku. Or Sora. But they were on The List, which meant he wasn’t allowed to interact with them unless he had orders to. Xehanort didn’t want him screwing anything up.

Riku’s and Sora’s names were the only names on The List, actually. Well… and Namine’s, but it wasn’t like he’d get any kind of fight out of _her_ right now. Oh, yeah, and whoever the hell Kano was. But since Roxas didn’t know who he was, it didn’t matter. (All he knew is that if things went according to plan, Kano’d be a _very_ easy target.)

He’d go pick a fight with Kairi instead—see how far she’d come since they’d last seen each other, that’d be interesting—but she was on a _secondary_ list of people he still Wasn’t Allowed to interact with. Her and Riku’s family. And some members of the old Rebellion which… wouldn’t have given him a good duel anyway.

Though there was…

Aqua.

She wasn’t on any lists. Neither was Ven. Well, maybe the two of them were also on the secondary list? But not as adamantly.

And more importantly:

There was a conversation that Roxas remembered Braig and Xehanort having. About Aqua.

“ _She’d be a powerful asset,”_ Braig had said, almost pleading, to which Xehanort had replied merely “ _Hard to control._ ”

“ _Yeah but if you do what you did to Terra…”_ Braig had tried. The answer he got back was: “ _Her will is stronger, and her light burns brighter. She’d fight too hard._ ”

Braig hadn’t been too deterred, though. “ _But have you SEEN how POWERFUL she is, boss? Tell me you don’t want that on our side!”_

Here, Xehanort had chuckled. “ _I do, I do! But she’s not worth it, Braig._ ”

Roxas paused, one Keyblade vanishing from his hand as he settled into a stance he hadn’t touched in a while. Aqua’s. He’d copied it from her when they crossed paths, in Agrabah, ages ago. (That copying ability 26 had built into him was pretty cool, Roxas had to admit. _Oh, how he wished 26 wasn’t dead_.) He took himself through a few of its forms as he thought.

He’d met Aqua once, only once. She’d been fine, he guessed? She’d been decent help with that one Heartless, but put three people against anything and it’d go down pretty fast. If he remembered anything about her, it was that she’d been kind of stuck-up.

Roxas sighed and let himself fall out of Aqua’s calculated grace, sliding back into his own heavy blows and relentlessness. Aqua’s was a fine style to borrow from, every now and then—its forms were _great_ for magic casting—but Roxas wouldn’t call it his favorite. It lacked the punch that everything else he knew had. But… Aqua’s strength was in magic, wasn’t it?

Just how strong _was_ her magic, anyway? Roxas couldn’t remember.

Braig certainly had played it up. And the boss had seemed to ache for it, even though he didn’t consider her decent vessel material.

Roxas stopped swinging at the dummy, standing there and twirling his Keyblades in his hands. He rolled the situation over in his mind, and came to the conclusion he didn’t really _have_ any strong opinions about Aqua.

And… maybe he’d like some.

After all—she wasn’t on The List. He could go mess with her all he wanted.


	84. In which Sora brings his parents to meet Aqua

They arrived rather unceremoniously at Yen Sid’s, which wasn’t a surprise, for a star shard. Sora looked his parents over, trying to decide how they’d taken it. They looked ruffled but… Not too bad off. And it wasn’t like he had any other ways to get around.

‘ _I mean, we COULD have had my wolf—’_ Kano began.

 _After last time?_ Sora scoffed. _I don’t think so!_

He didn’t _actually_ mind, but it was fun to tease, especially as Kano replied with pleading that border-lined on whining.

‘ _Come on, it worked out, Sora! And I wouldn’t have let him be so rough, this time._ ’

 _Well, we’re already here, so it doesn’t matter,_ Sora said, with a triumphant grin. Kano replied with a groan.

It was Sunday, which mean he and his parents were starting their habit of taking a weekly trip somewhere off-world. This Sunday’s trip was a trip to Yen Sid’s. His parents had expressed interest in his training, now that he’d stopped lying about it, so here they were.

It was only him and his parents here. He’d asked Kairi if she’d wanted to come, too—Why not? Ren probably would’ve enjoyed it—but Kairi had had Very Important work to do, finalizing mixtapes and burning CDs for Namine. And, it _was_ important work, even if it probably could have waited an hour… Sora hadn’t pressed it, though.

He’d cleared this with Aqua a couple days ago. She’d been surprised by the request, but hadn’t turned it down. It wasn’t going to be a formal training session, either, just a casual one that’d give his parents a sense of what he was getting up to every weekday. As well as give them a chance to meet Aqua, which they’d been a bit more interested in.

‘ _Do you think they’ll even remember her tomorrow?’_ Kano asked.

Sora jolted a little, surprised and affronted.

_Rude!_

Kano sent him the mental equivalent of a shrug.

‘ _I’m just saying.’_

Sora frowned. _Well, if Ren was right about the spell—_

_‘And why would he be?’_

Sora only just suppressed a sigh.

_Come on, Kano, you gotta stop being so pessimistic!_

_‘Maybe you gotta stop being so optimistic_ ,’ Kano sent back. ‘ _Pretty sure this blindly-assuming-the-best-of-things business is gonna bite you in the ass one of these days_.’ There was a warm note of teasing in his mental voice, but a thread of sincerity in it too.

 _Yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt if YOU’D stop immediately assuming the worst of things, either,_ Sora replied, equal parts teasing and sincere as well.

Kano bubbled with speechlessness, as well as a frustrated fondness. He fumbled to respond, but didn’t get the chance to. Sora’s mother let out a shout of surprise behind them, and Sora hastily turned around to see what was wrong.

What he saw was his father laughing, hands raised up in surrender. His mother looked upset, but only in the way she did when she was exasperated with her husband. They were both standing only a few feet away from the edge of the world.

“ _Haru_ ,” Sora’s mother scolded. “Don’t _scare_ me like that!”

“I wasn’t going to make you step any _closer_ to the edge…” Sora’s father laughed back, eyes twinkling.

“If it helps, it’s actually impossible to fall off,” Sora offered, moving over to join them. “Or- _well._ The tower just kind of… grabs you and drops you back in the dirt, if you do fall off.” He’d know. Aqua’d knocked him off on accident once, which had thankfully been more embarrassing for the both of them than it had been anything else.

He couldn’t say his parents actually looked reassured by his words, since his father was laughing nervously and eyeing the edge while his mother took deliberate steps away from it.

Sora laughed a little bit, then nodded towards the tower. “Well, come on, let’s—oh!” He stopped short, catching sight of Aqua and Ven waiting on the steps leading toward the door. They hadn’t been there just a few minutes ago. Grinning widely despite Kano’s sudden spark of discomfort, Sora waved. “HEY GUYS!”

“HEY SORA!!” Ven called back, waving his hand well above his head. Aqua waved too, though not quite as enthusiastically. She didn’t call any sort of greeting, either.

 _Is it just me,_ Sora said to Kano, as he and his parents went to meet Aqua and Ven. _Or does she look tired?_

Kano hesitated a second, fumbling with confusion. ‘ _Um. I guess?’_ he answered, like he had honestly no clue. Sora tried not to laugh, because that would be awkward for everyone else. Kano’s confusion quickly turned playful, though. ‘ _I mean, you ARE bugging her on her day off_.’

At that, Sora couldn’t help but scoff and roll his eyes, though he made sure to do it facing away from everyone else (well, it was more of a habit than a conscious effort by now, which was probably a good thing). _That’s not what I was getting at, but alright, I guess you have a point,_ he conceded.

This meeting was only supposed to be a casual thing, though, so he figured it didn’t matter. Aqua would have told him if she’d minded, right? And she didn’t look _uncomfortable,_ just tired. Her smile had the same fondness it always did, and her eyes still had their brightness, as they all worked through introductions.

“You’re younger than I expected,” Sora’s mother remarked.

Aqua blinked. “I…? Should I be flattered?” she laughed.

“Oh. I’m… Sorry. That wasn’t something I meant to say.” She sighed, and Sora laughed a little, knowing the feeling well. “It’s just… I guess when Sora mentioned a Keyblade _Master,_ I’d pictured someone older.”

At this Aqua shrugged, smiling a little. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I _have_ only been a Master for…” She stopped abruptly here, and hesitated for a second or to. “A… few years,” she said, finally. “I just also happen to be the only one with free time.”

“Oh? There are other Masters?” Sora’s mother asked.

“Well—”

“Just Mickey,” Aqua, Sora, and Ven all replied at the same time. Then they looked at each other, and laughed a little.

“Oh.”

Sora wasn’t sure if his mother sounded surprised or… _disappointed_?

“I think we’ll go visit him next week,” Sora offered. “I mean, if I can clear it with him. Or Minnie.” He supposed they could always just go to visit Minnie—if Minnie would have them—should it come down to that. Kano didn’t seem thrilled by either option, but Sora politely told him to suck it up. It wasn’t like he had any _other_ idea of where to take his parents. Well, actually, taking his father to Neverland might be kind of fun. Would… Neverland even let an adult in, actually?

‘ _Sora,_ ’ Kano said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Sora sent him a silent _thanks_ and went back to focusing on the conversation.

Once introductions and small talk were over with, they all moved to the area to the side of the tower where Aqua and Sora normally trained, since there was such an open expanse of grass. A couple of lawn chairs had been dragged out for Sora’s parents. There was one for Ven, too.

“Hope you don’t mind I’m here to watch, Sora!” Ven called. He was grinning, but there was something apologetic in his tone. For Kano?

The thought—and realization that that was probably true—made Kano even grumpier than he normally was around Ven. ‘ _I don’t need him trying to be NICE to me,’_ he grumbled.

“Nah, it’s cool!” Sora told Ven, because he’d be expected to respond with something, even though he couldn’t voice Kano’s thoughts. That was okay. _He_ didn’t mind Ven being here, though he was a little surprised. Ven seemed to avoid them as much as Kano wanted to avoid him.

Regardless, Ven plopped down in the far left chair (well, it was the far left one as long as Sora was facing him) which was also furthest from the tower. Sora’s parents took the two chairs next to Ven, Sora’s father in the middle. Taking Aqua’s lead, per usual, Sora started moving through his forms. He fell into each of them naturally, which… was a good thing, and kind of the point. He was glad the hard work was starting to pay off.

After a bit, he noticed the expressions on his parents’ faces, and laughed a little, though he didn’t stop.

“Yeah, this is what I do every day,” he told them, mouth stretched into a smile.

“It’s very important,” Aqua chimed in, both light-hearted and completely sincere at the same time, smiling a little herself. Despite her tiredness earlier, she seemed at ease now, and flowed through the forms with her usual grace and precision.

“Yup, _very_ important!” Ven agreed, though he sounded a _tiny_ bit sarcastic, to Sora’s ears. He kicked back in his chair, hands behind his head, sending a lazy grin at Aqua and Sora. “Buuuuuut, it’s also very boring. Maybe you two should spar!”

Sora paused, as did Aqua. They exchanged looks.

“You up for it?” Sora asked.

A sly smile spread across Aqua’s lips. “What, trying to get out of it?” she asked, eyes gleaming. “’Fraid you’re gonna lose?”

“Oh, no, I already know I’m gonna lose!” Sora called back, laughing.

Aqua laughed in return, and Sora grinned at her. She settled into her stance, poised and perfect, every inch of her. Sora rolled his shoulders, knotted both hands around the hilt of his blade, and then ran at her—no sense waiting to start this.

He half expected to meet her barrier before he even hit her, but instead she met his blade with her own, deflecting his strike and retaliating. It was a nice change of pace, close-ranged combat like this. It also gave Sora a chance to practice his forms in action, which was probably why Aqua was doing it.

Their blades clashed, slid off each other. It was a dance as much as it was a battle, and it was exhilarating. Sora laughed as he ducked under one of Aqua’s swings, taking a swipe at her. She jumped back, leveled her Keyblade at him. Sora threw up a Reflect to catch whatever she cast.

It was a fire spell much stronger than he’d anticipated. The Reflect protected him from getting burned, but the force of the spell sent him flying backwards. He recovered quickly in the air, feet hitting the ground and knees buckling as he skidded across the grass. His parents gasped behind him. Ven laughed triumphantly. Sora’s heart was pounding, but—it wasn’t the first time Aqua’d forgotten to regulate the strength of her magic. He wiped at his mouth, trying to decide his next move.

Aqua decided it for him.

Another spell came flying off her Keyblade. Sora dove before he could see what it was, just felt electricity against his skin as he rolled. And this was—it was fine, really. Sometimes she slipped up, for a spell or two (she _did_ combo them). It happened. It was fine.

Except as he came out of his roll his feet hit a layer of ice on the ground, which Aqua _had_ to have put there. His feet slid out from under him, and he fell on his butt. Terror bubbled up in him—his terror? Kano’s? Both of theirs? It didn’t matter. Aqua was aiming her Keyblade again, bathed in Spellweaver’s glow.

‘ _Shit shit shit shit shit_ ,’ Kano hissed as Sora threw himself to the ground so the ball of pure magic Aqua shot wouldn’t take off his head.

 _Yeah, tell me about it!_ Sora answered, a shaky, uneasy feeling pounding in his chest. He rolled off the ice and scrambled to his feet. “UHHH AQUA!” he shouted at her, taking off at a run because he was pretty sure standing still wasn’t safe.

“Oh _no_ ,” came Ven’s voice. He didn’t run as much as he _glided_ to get himself between Aqua and Sora. “Aqua! Aqua, hey— _Hey!_ ”

Neither of their shouts mattered. Aqua kept moving with a deadly grace, Keyblade spinning through the air. It cut across Ven’s arms, and he hissed, but didn’t back down. He didn’t even summon his Keyblade to block.

“Aqua PLEASE!” he shouted.

She simply raised her blade to the sky and called down Thundaga—or, something stronger than it. Sora yelped as he narrowly avoided getting struck, and his parents screamed. He darted his eyes over to them—they looked fine, just startled, and no wonder!—and then back to Aqua. Then to Ven, when Aqua’s face, pinched with determination, didn’t tell him anything.

“Why- why is this,” Sora stammered. “Why is she—?”

Ven hesitated a moment, but: “Sometimes she just. She forgets,” he said, voice catching. “She forgets she’s safe.”

“What??”

Aqua moved into Bladecharge, running at them with it. Sora jumped out of the way, and Aqua focused on Ven, who was literally _flying_ away from each blow, his quick darts through the air the only thing keeping him unscathed.

“I’ll try and calm her down!” Ven called. “Sorry!”

Sora watched for a second, mind spinning. What did Ven _mean,_ she forgot she was safe!? But he was suddenly aware of the weight of his Keyblade in his hand, and he dismissed it. It occurred to him that maybe there was a reason Ven hadn’t summoned his.

 _Does- Does she think WE’RE gonna hurt her?_ Sora thought, the idea making him a little queasy. Actually, a lot queasy.

‘ _How should I know?’_ Kano answered.

 _Well- I wasn’t asking you,_ Sora told him, a little bit annoyed, though he understood the confusion.

‘ _Well excuse ME._ ’

Sora eyed the scene a second more, and then pulled away from the battle, thinking the best place for him to be was probably by his parents. He sent them an uneasy smile as he positioned himself between them and Aqua, just in case. Maybe they all should leave? But no, he really wanted to make sure Aqua was okay…

“Has this happened before?” his mother asked.

Sora looked over his shoulder at her, and then shook his head. He’d never, _ever_ seen Aqua like this before. His mother pursed her lips together, worry burning in her eyes. Sora turned back to Aqua and Ven.

“Aqua! Aqua you’re _safe!!_ ” Ven shouted at her, to no avail. She’d finished with Bladecharge, but her barrage of spells hadn’t let up at all. The only good news was her back was to Sora, so there was no risk of her spells hitting his parents. “Aqua, _please,_ ” Ven continued. “This isn’t the Realm of Darkness! The stars in the sky—they’re real! The grass beneath your feet? That’s real! _Please,_ Aqua—”

Aqua showed no sign she heard him. She just raised her Keyblade to the sky, summoning _large_ crystals of ice into the air beside her. They spun towards Ven.

“Aqua, come on!” Ven shouted, blowing the ice crystals away with gusts of wind. “I’m right here. Can’t you feel me?” He dropped to the ground, staggering towards her. “Can’t you feel my heart, my _light_ —something you _never_ would have felt in the Realm of Darkness!”

Sora’s breath caught in his lungs. The Realm of Darkness—of course. He’d forgotten Aqua’d spent so long there.

Ven pounded furiously at his chest. “ _Please,_ Aqua! I’m right here. Can’t you _feel me_!?” There was a desperate, sad catch to his voice. He was right in front of Aqua now, just feet away from her, her blade aimed right at him.

Instead of firing, Aqua thrust her hands out to either side of her, her barrier forming at her fingertips. The world seemed to still for a moment. And then she dropped to her knees, Keyblade vanishing, and started sobbing.

Sora moved forward, now, just a few steps. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but hearing Aqua’s muffled sobs through her barrier, seeing her sit there curled up on herself—it made him ache to do _something._ Tell her it was okay. He wasn’t hurt. He wasn’t mad.

Ven beat him to it.

“Hey, Aqua, hey,” Ven said. He didn’t try and touch the barrier, but he dropped to his knees in front of it, trying to get eye level with Aqua. “It’s alright. No one’s hurt. No one’s hurt?” That second one was a question, directed towards Sora and his parents.

Sora looked over his shoulder. His parents shook their heads, assuring him that no, they weren’t hurt. Sora turned back to Ven. “Yeah it’s- we’re fine.”

‘ _YOU’RE pretty bruised.’_

_I’m fine, Kano. nothing serious._

“No one’s hurt,” Ven told Aqua again, his voice gentle. “It’s alright, Aqua, _really_!”

She didn’t respond or take her barrier down, still on her knees, head low and hands clutching at her hair. Ven sat there before her for a little longer, trying to soothe her, while Sora and his parents stood and watched, too stunned to do anything else.

Finally Ven sighed and got to his feet, making his way over to them. He was shaking his head. “Look, maybe it’d be best if you guys go?” he said, tugging at his ear, face scrunched up with an apology. “Real sorry about this.”

“No, it’s fine,” Sora assured him. “Is- Is she gonna be okay?”

Ven hesitated a moment, sending a glance at Aqua. He wouldn’t meet Sora’s eyes when he answered. “Y- yeah… Yeah, she’ll be—”

Someone started laughing. And then slow-clapping. Sora and Ven looked around, trying to find the source, and then…

 _Roxas_ strode out from behind the tower.

“Ohhh _man_ ,” he said, heading towards Aqua. He didn’t even spare a glance at Sora or Ven. “I came here to see how powerful you were, and what a _show_ that was!”

Aqua didn’t move, though maybe she curled up a little tighter—it was hard to tell, from this distance. Beside Sora, Ven went rigid, taking a step back. Sora swallowed. He took a step forward.

‘ _Sora what the hell are you doing!?’_ Kano snapped, a sharp and terror-filled chord resonating within him. Sora tried to take deep breaths, tried not to feel the terror too.

 _I have to try something,_ he answered.

“Roxas,” he called, not that he knew exactly what he was going to say. He barely knew Roxas. But it still made his stomach churn to see Roxas standing here now—white hair and golden eyes. It made him sick to think about what Xehanort had done. Maybe he could…? “Please, listen to me—”

“Fuck off, Sora,” was Roxas’s response, sharp and angry. “I’m not here for you.” He moved closer to Aqua, stopping just outside of her barrier. “I’m here for _you_ ,” he said, looking down at her. “I mean, I don’t have to fight you—I already got my answers—but… I think it might be fun.”

He summoned both his Keyblades, and brought them crashing down against Aqua’s barrier.

“No!” Sora shouted.

Roxas slammed them against the barrier again.

“L- leave her a- _alone_!” Ven choked out, staggering forward.

The barrier shattered.

Every shard of it seemed suspended in the air for just a moment, before they all flew like daggers in Roxas’s direction. He threw up his arms to protect his face, but a blast of light and magic tossed him back. Aqua was on her feet, blade bared.

Sora launched himself forward, drawing his Keyblade and ignoring the way Kano screamed at him. Aqua looked like she was still recovering, and _someone_ should get Roxas while he was distracted.

Aqua threw out an arm to catch him around the stomach, though, bodily shoving him back. Sora yelped as he landed on his butt, annoyance flaring up inside him. It was mostly at Aqua, but it was also a little bit at Kano, who had the audacity to be _relieved_ by this turn of events.

“Hey!” Sora shouted.

“Go, Sora!” Aqua commanded, voice tight. She sent another blast of magic at Roxas to keep him back. “Get your parents out of here!”

“But—!”

“I’ll _handle_ this!”

Sora stared up at her, fumbling with his decision. Emotions and a million spinning thoughts all roared within his chest. If there was going to be a fight, he wanted to _help._ And maybe if he stayed, he’d figure out how to get through to Roxas—! ‘ _Except you’re gonna get hurt!’_ Plus Aqua was right, about his parents…

“Be careful,” he told Aqua, wanting to say so much more but not really having the words for all he wanted to tell her. He scrambled to his feet and over to his parents, digging out his star shard as he went. Maybe he’d come back, once they were safe. ‘ _Or maybe you should get HELP!’_

He gathered his parents, and they left.


	85. In which Aqua has a bad time (well, so does Roxas,)

“You too, Ven,” Aqua said, a hand still out to catch him if he tried to run at Roxas like Sora had. She didn’t expect him to, though. He was much further back—she could tell without looking, his heart a beacon, like it always was.

“B- but…!” Ven protested, weakly.

“I’ll handle this,” she told him, the same she told Sora. She was the only one who stood a chance against Roxas—against _Xehanort_ —anyway.

Ven hesitated, and… She could feel his light, trembling, _scared_. She was suddenly aware of how weakly it burned, in comparison to Xehanort’s darkness on the other edge of her senses. Had it always burned so weakly? There wasn’t time to consider.

“I won’t go far!” Ven assured her, tripping over his words and feet both as he ran. “I promise, Aqua, I won’t go far—”

Roxas was getting to his feet, now, Keyblades spinning rapidly in his hands. He was laughing, grinning widely, like he couldn’t wait to get started. Aqua took deep, shaky breaths. She was still… unsteady, after everything that happened. Darkness pounded at the edges of her vision. And she felt off, a little bit. Like she wasn’t quite rooted in her own skin.

But she couldn’t worry about it right now.

Roxas ran right at her, leaping into the air and bringing his blades crashing down. She brought up her own blade to catch them. The strength and sudden proximity of his darkness made her gag, made her stagger more than the actual force of Roxas’s blow did. She was already very familiar with Xehanort’s darkness, but there was no choice but to get reacquainted with it—it’s size and shape—as it pressed up against her heart.

Honestly, it was so strong that she wondered why she hadn’t noticed it much, much sooner—Roxas certainly _acted_ like he’d been here a while, after all.

But then…

She hadn’t seemed to register Ven’s light, either, for a few terrible moments. She couldn’t remember with much clarity all that had transpired in those minutes, but… She remembered the way Ven’s heart had suddenly flooded her senses like a sunrise. Which meant she’d lost sight of it, for a few moments. If Roxas had arrived in those same moments, then he would have slipped off her radar just the same.

Roxas leapt away from her, still laughing. Aqua cartwheeled back—she was fine, at close-ranged combat, but she knew her own strengths. And this battle was serious. There was no reason not to play to them.

Thundaga Shot staggered Roxas, leaving him wide open for a Triple Blizzaga which sent him flying. He kept laughing, though, even as he hit the ground. And for a second—

For a second she saw dirt instead of grass, a cliff instead of the tower. Roxas’s shape did not flicker but for a second all her brain processed was _Vanitas,_ the way him filling Ven’s body had turned Ven’s eyes gold, the ways he’d twisted Ven’s mouth into a grin. But the laugh was barely Vanitas’s—giddy instead of cruel, even if the tilt of Roxas’s vocals sounded the same for just a second.

Aqua stood very still a moment, shaking her head to clear her vision. Grass and yellow brick returned, and Roxas was running at her again.

She side-stepped, throwing up her barrier to catch his blades as he followed her movement. She ran her mind over all the spells she knew, then realized she had enough energy for Spellweaver. She pulled herself into that instead, as she leapt back.

He took one look at her and then broke into the biggest grin. “Oh, _now_ we’re talking!”

Their blades clashed, spun off each other. Rapid-fire, Aqua sent off a string of Firagas.

It was silly, to compare this to Vanitas, anyway. This wasn’t actually Ven—and thank god for that—but what was this, really, other than Xehanort using Ven’s face against her? The silver hair, golden eyes… She’d seen the same on Terra, when they’d fought.

And to say this was the first time she’d seen these things on Ven’s face would be a lie.

The ground beneath her was suddenly powdery, white. The air was cold. Her senses went dull. After all, what was there to feel in the emptiness of the Realm of Darkness? There was nothing but its namesake, constantly pressed against her skin.

She looked at Ven—( _Roxas,_ something in her screamed _. Roxas, not Ven!_ )—running at her, and she sighed. Her heart was a riot inside of her chest, burning in agony at the sight. Why, _why_ did these illusions hurt so much? Why did this place seem so keen on breaking her?

Aqua came to a stop, wondering if the best course of action might really be to close her eyes and remember that this wasn’t real. But would it work, this time? It didn’t always. She wished it would stop. She wished the darkness would stop trying to trick her like this. Why did—

“ _HEY!_ What—You just gonna stand there and let me beat you!?” That was Ven. No. _Roxas_. Standing in front of her, gesturing with his blades, face scrunched up in anger and confusion. “You gotta be kidding me! Where’s the fun in that!?”

Aqua blinked a few times.

“Aqua…!”

Ven’s voice.

She turned her head, finding him leaning out a window of the tower, looking worriedly down at her. And then his heart filled her senses again, and so did Roxas’s, and Aqua cursed angrily under her breath.

What was she _doing_?

This was real, this was _very_ real. How had she lost touch with Xehanort’s presence coming from Roxas—so thick it could choke her?

The grass beneath her feet— _grass_ , not ice!—was real. The stars in the sky were real. _Stars_ in the sky, pinpricks of light on a dark blue, instead of an endless sea of inky blackness in every direction. (She wished it was daytime, wished she could see the sun, wished she could stare at it until it blinded her—maybe _then_ she’d stop forgetting.)

She snapped her attention back to Roxas, muscles tensing. Spellweaver still lingered on her skin, which was a wonder, really. She fired off a round of Thundaga. Roxas cursed, but then he was laughing as he dodged.

“There we go!” he called.

Aqua pulled herself into Ghost Drive (her favorite), then launched herself at Roxas. She teleported, slammed her Keyblade into Roxas’s stomach, then teleported again. Ghost Drive made it easy to get in and out of there before he could retaliate. It also made it easy to pummel him with attacks.

Roxas caught on quick. He couldn’t avoid, but he managed to retaliate faster than anyone she ever knew could. His blades scraped her skin, and hasty blasts of Fire caught her clothes, but she didn’t let up. She kept hitting him with devastating blows and the strongest magic she knew, until—

Ghost Drive finished, and Roxas staggered back. His was still laughing, but it was nervous, breathless. There was blood on his mouth, his clothes torn. (Aqua was certain she’d cracked at least one of his ribs.) He looked exhausted, dazed.

It’d take just one more blow to finish him off.

But should she?

He was Xehanort, in a way, and Aqua knew that. But did that mean she should kill him? Somehow, that didn’t seem fair. How did she know Xehanort wasn’t just using Roxas, like he had Terra? Shouldn’t she give Roxas a—

_Oh._

Aqua knew exactly what to do.

She stepped forward and plunged her Keyblade into his chest.

“Whoa- _what the_ —” The smile immediately dropped from Roxas’s face, his eyes going wide, then glassy. His Keyblades fell from his hands, vanishing before they hit the ground.

Aqua took a deep breath, then closed her eyes, focusing.

This is what she’d been training for, after all.

A mess of colors and feelings assaulted her senses—golds and blues contrasted against dark, seething purples—along with shapes and notions that were harder to describe.

To be in such close contact with another’s heart was… dizzying, to say the least. Aqua focused on breathing deeply. Focused on not getting lost in it. You had to get maddeningly close to another’s heart if you wanted to take it in your hands and accurately split it where you desired.

The thing was, though—it was hard to tell where Roxas ended and Xehanort began. Were the golds Roxas’s heart, or Xehanort’s? Did the purples belong to either of them, or just the darkness in general? Aqua tried not to think about the colors, and focused instead on what she could feel. She’d always had a pretty good idea of how to feel things out with her heart’s sixth sense without needing her mind to translate what she felt into something _it_ could better understand.

She just had to decide where to split them. Her pulse seemed to thud in her ears.

The good news was, she was unfortunately familiar with the shape of Xehanort’s heart—steeped in age, immeasurably dark, filled with one of the strongest wills she had ever known. If she could just feel that out, isolate _it._ She wished she was more familiar with Roxas’s heart signature, but this would have to do.

She felt out what she thought was all of Xehanort, isolated it, and made the split.

It didn’t go as planned.

Heart magic was a slippery thing, difficult to grasp, hard to control; _especially_ when using it to so drastically change another’s heart.

The force of the backfire sent her skidding backwards across the grass (she kept her footing, of course she did), and threw Roxas against the tower. Aqua cursed under her breath. So much for _that_. She hadn’t managed a proper split at all!

She knew she did _something,_ though, and supposed at least there was that. She’d felt Roxas’s heart fracture under the weight of her blade. She just wished she knew _exactly_ what she had done. She contemplated casting Sleep on him and calling Yen Sid down here to ask, but Roxas was already pushing himself to his feet, groaning and clutching at his chest.

“What did you—!?” Roxas choked, shaking himself. He swayed where he stood.

 Aqua didn’t answer him, grip tightening on her blade.

She cast Sleep at him anyway—figuring it was probably better to hold onto him and maybe get some answers than to let him leave. Except, the Sleep didn’t take. She probably should have acted sooner, while he’d still been out of it. (It wasn’t like her Sleep magic had ever been _great_ , anyway, since she rarely needed it and never practiced.)

“You…!” Roxas began, but stopped, violently shaking his head once, and then again. He looked about ready to fall over. “Something’s- something’s—”

A dark corridor opened around him. He was gone.

 

**xxx**

“I was wondering when you’d get back,” Xehanort said, as Roxas slammed into the Grey Area and promptly fell on his butt. Xehanort was sitting in his favorite spot—on one of the couches, feet on the coffee table.

Roxas didn’t answer right away, too busy trying to get air back into his burning lungs. It hurt to _breathe._ And then there was something- something- something _wrong,_ boiling under his skin. A fracture in his chest. Thinking about it made his head hurt, made the world seem to wobble around him, but it was too distracting to _not_ think about!

“How’d it go?” Xehanort asked. He didn’t need to ask where Roxas had been. He knew that, already. Roxas hadn’t dared to dream that he could get away with this without Xehanort knowing, he’d just hoped he wouldn’t be in too much trouble now that he was back.

“She- she nearly _killed_ me—!” Roxas gasped, laughing breathlessly. It had been _exhilarating,_ if terrifying there at the end. Tears of pain stung in his eyes. It hurt to laugh. Not that that was any wonder, since Aqua’d hit his ribs hard enough to crack them. “And she- she—”

But he broke off here, because thinking about what she’d done made his head spin dizzily. It was hard to find the words. ( _She’d tried to pull him out of—Him? Which one of them? Wait, that didn’t make any sense! There was only one of him!_ )

“Roxas?” Xehanort pressed. To say he sounded _worried_ would be crazy, but he did get out of his seat and come kneel before Roxas, studying him with narrowed eyes.

“She- she did- _something_ -” That’s all Roxas could manage, the act of trying to wrap his mind around what had happened sending arrows of fire and pain through his skull. His heart seemed to beat out of sync with itself.

Xehanort placed fingers on Roxas’s chest. Or perhaps he pushed his fingers _into_ Roxas’s chest? It was hard to say for certain, because the moment it happened Roxas’s mind turned to static, the same way it had when Aqua’s Keyblade had been in this same spot.

When Xehanort pulled his hand away, it was like Roxas could breathe again. Or, figuratively. Literal breathing still made his ribs burn. But the disjointed, out of sync feeling in his chest had stopped. He was still a little dizzy, though.

“There,” Xehanort said. “Is that better?”

“Yeah. Thank you,” Roxas said, and he meant it. Everything felt _right_ again.

“She tried to split your heart…” Xehanort whispered, hesitating a moment as he studied Roxas.

“And she nearly succeeded, too,” Roxas finished. Now that Xehanort had fixed things, he could wrap his head around it without a problem. An uncomfortable, terrified, feeling thrummed under his skin.

Xehanort seemed to realize himself then, and returned to his seat with a flourish. Though he was projecting a casual air, the resonation between their hearts told Roxas he was tense. Not worried. But he seemed as if he was rolling a particularly difficult problem over in his head a couple hundred times.

“Should we do something about her?” Roxas asked, starting to push himself up so he could sit in the chair opposite Xehanort. He stopped before he got far though, because _ow_ it hurt to move. It occurred to him his dizziness could be due to how much blood he’d lost. He’d have to get Repaired soon, but this was more important— “I mean, she _did_ nearly kill me. Also I’m with Braig, I want her on our side.”

Xehanort laughed, but it was short and empty, followed by a sigh. He shook his head, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “She’s too stubborn.”

Roxas frowned, but then remembered the _other_ thing he’d learned from this meeting with Aqua.

“I might know something that could help with that,” he said, cautiously. When Xehanort raised his eyebrows at him, with interest, Roxas continued rapidly: “There was something off about her. Even while we were fighting, it was like… she wasn’t quite there? And before that—she and Sora were sparring, and she- she like, lost control? She wouldn’t stop attacking, even with Sora yelling at her.” He didn’t think she’d done it maliciously, but he didn’t care enough to find the words to express that. “And then there was something that Ven said—‘she forgets she’s safe’. I dunno what that means, but…” Roxas paused, shrugging and smiling. “Sounds like a weakness.”

Xehanort nodded, distracted. His mind still seemed to spin with a thousand thoughts, but now he seemed more at ease. After a second his attention snapped completely back to Roxas, and he grimaced.

“Go get yourself Repaired,” he said.

“Right,” Roxas answered. There was no way he was going to make it there if he _walked,_ so he just formed a dark corridor around himself. It was a good thing the Repair Program was easy to run, since he had to do it all himself, now that 37 was technically dead.

 _I think that went pretty well, though,_ Roxas thought with a smile. _Hope the boss figures something out—I’d LOVE to have Aqua on our side._


	86. In which Sora checks back in with Aqua, and Ven makes a pillow fort

“Aqua!” Ven called her name, and then hopped through the window. Years ago, she would have scolded him for that, but the control he had now over his wind powers meant he landed gracefully on his feet. He ran over to her, worriedly searching her face as she dismissed her Keyblade. He hesitated a few seconds, his mouth fumbling on words before he finally managed to get out: “Y- you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she answered, even as he returned it with a scowl of disappointment. She looked down to assess her wounds—none of them were too bad. She started pressing Curagas into her skin, tutting over the rips in her shirt. But then, she could fix those, too, provided the tower didn’t first.

When she turned her attention to Ven again, he was still scowling at her—worried, disapproving. And… trembling, just the slightest bit. But, no wonder. He got jittery at just the mention of Xehanort. What had being near a fragment of Xehanort done to his nerves? It certainly hadn’t done anything good for her own.

“Aqua…” Ven began, disapproval now creeping into his tone.

She ruffled his hair, smiling reassuringly. Not that it would fool him—he’d see right through it—but… She didn’t want to talk about this, right now. It wasn’t like there was, really, anything _to_ talk about.

He considered her a moment more, and then sighed and put on a smile of his own. “What was that you tried to do to Roxas? Was that that thing you’re learning?” he asked. His tone was chipper, curious—a good act, which Aqua was grateful for.

“Yeah,” she answered. “It didn’t work.”

“Well, that was only the first time you did it, wasn’t it?” Ven said, nudging her playfully. “Something as advanced as that probably needs more practice before you’ll pull it off.”

“Little hard to practice, when there’s nothing to practice on,” Aqua shot back, with a light laugh.

She cherished this about Ven. The way his smile and teasing made it easy to forget about the heaviness on her shoulders, at least for a few moments. And more than that, the fact he kept doing it for, kept giving her reasons to smile even when he had every right to tell her they didn’t have time to goof off or avoid their problems.

Ven peered up at her for a moment, hands on his hips. And then he said: “You look like you could use a nap, Aqua.” His tone was half teasing, half _don’t-argue-with-me_. Concerned brother, every inch of him.

Aqua rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine, Ven.”

“You barely slept last night, though!”

“Neither did you.”

Ven pouted on reflex. “Well… we could _both_ nap, if you’d like,” he offered, with the unspoken promise that they’d share a bed, because sometimes sleep came easier when you were curled up next to someone else. He broke into a wide smile. “Oh! We could even make a pillow fort!” His eyes gleamed with the knowledge of how many pillows the tower would provide them, and how elaborate a fort they could manage.

“Really, Ven?” Aqua laughed, though she had to admit—she’d like to see how elaborate they could get, too. And besides, maybe it _was_ the perfect way to wind down, after everything that had just happened.

Ven nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah!!”

Aqua laughed again (it was good to laugh), which made Ven beam widely.

“I should talk to Yen Sid first, I think,” she said. She should let him know how things had gone with Roxas, and ask for instruction as for what had gone wrong with splitting him and Xehanort while it was still fresh in her mind. “But after that.”

Ven cheered. “Alright! I’ll run ahead and get started—don’t take too long, or you won’t get a say in how it’s built!” He ran for the tower, wind picking up to match his excitement, at least until the door was closed behind him.

Aqua headed after him, trying to think about pillow forts and not about Roxas. The sound of a star shard made her pause on the stairs to the tower, though. It was Sora, she knew without looking. His heart signature was very distinct. Shadows wrapped in a warm light, and more than that, a stunning, near-perfect balance of light and darkness both, tipped a little bit in darkness’s direction. (Not that that was any surprise, after all he’d been through.) (It unsettled her a little, on reflex—she had to keep reminding herself that Terra’s heart had always tipped further in darkness’s direction as well. Not all dark hearts were bad.)

“Aqua!” Sora called, as he ran over. He looked relieved to see her, but his eyes darted around as if searching for someone else. “Where’s Roxas?” he asked.

“I took care of him,” Aqua answered. She tried not to sigh. It wasn’t that she _didn’t_ want to talk to Sora, exactly, but she longed to join Ven in their pillow-fort-making endeavors sooner rather than later.

“Oh, good,” Sora said. “I figured you could handle it, but I was still worried about you…” He smiled sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck. Then horror abruptly washed over his face. “Wait, you didn’t, uhhhhhhh…”

Aqua squinted at him a moment, then she caught on.

“Oh, no. I didn’t- He got away.”

“Okay _phew,_ ” Sora said. After a split-second of what looked to be mental deliberation, he rapidly continued with: “I mean! Like, it’s not _great_ he got away, but… I’m glad he’s not dead?”

Aqua gave a short hum of affirmation. She wouldn’t have killed him unless she’d had to—accidentally wounding him too seriously in battle aside. But she was also mad that he’d gotten away. _But that’s your own dang fault, Aqua, for not practicing your Sleep magic more,_ a voice in the back of her mind whispered. _Or casting Stop on him! You’re damn good at Stop, Aqua!_ She ground her teeth, and tried to push those thoughts out of her head. Fretting over the past wouldn’t fix anything. She knew _that_ all too well.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts with the ghost of a blush (her heart unable in this moment to provide a more concrete taste of embarrassment), grateful to see Sora still seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. He wasn’t looking at her but at something behind her, eyes unfocused, head tilted slightly as if listening to something. He did this a lot, so she didn’t think much of it. Maybe it was a little strange but… If she was allowed to zone out for minutes while thinking about _nothing,_ then Sora was allowed to think so passionately about things that sometimes it looked like he was arguing with himself.

“ANYWAY!” Sora said abruptly, snapping his attention back to Aqua’s face. She blinked and did her best to meet his eyes. “I got my parents away alright, and explained what I could to them, which… went better than expected, actually.”

He seemed pleased to deliver the news, and Aqua should have been pleased to hear it, but instead she went cold.

Because.

That was right.

His parents had been here to see… _everything_ of that mess.

She couldn’t remember much of what had happened during those minutes—which might have been the most unsettling thing—but she had the gist of the situation from Ven, and the circumstances… She knew she’d raised her blade against Sora and Ven both.

“Oh,” Aqua said, deadpan. If her eyes had not gone unfocused, she would have seen the way Sora looked suddenly uncomfortable. “Do… Do I need to talk to them? Your parents?” She hated to offer, because there probably wasn’t anything she wanted to do less right now, but…

“What? Oh, no! I don’t think you need to talk to them,” Sora assured her, quickly. “Unless… Would that make you feel better…?” He squinted up at her.

“Well I’m sure they would appreciate an explanation for what happened, and, preferably an explanation from me,” Aqua said, with a sigh. She was an adult, and a Master; she had to be responsible for her actions. She just wished she _had_ an explanation for her actions, and more importantly, an explanation that would not horrify any set of parents she told it to.

“I mean, I already explained, though?” Sora argued, his face scrunching up with his confusion. “Like, no, I didn’t get all the details, but… They were significantly more worried about Roxas, and _he_ was super complicated to—”

“I _attacked_ you, Sora,” Aqua argued back. Her voice shook, tiny pinpricks of fear digging into her heart.

Sora only shrugged back, looking unmoved, unbothered. Kindness burned in his eyes. “It was an accident, though,” he said. “We all got the sense that it was a totally unusual occurrence, and that you didn’t mean to or anything. I’m pretty sure they’re chill.” Despite the gentleness he started with, by the end he sounded a little agitated. Was he agitated with her?

It didn’t matter if he was. She had an unfortunately good reason to feel obligated to do this, anyway.

“They’re _parents_ ,” Aqua said. She knew that her own would never have let her train with Eraqus if they thought for even a second that _training_ could turn into accidentally _dying—_

And at that thought, she stopped short, a chill settling on her skin. A horror boiled thick in her gut, the heavy weight of fear and shame crashing down on her chest.

She’d almost killed Sora.

She’d almost killed him, and she had no idea why, other than knowing this was just something her terrible, shitty brain did now. As if reflexively casting more magic than was necessary to take down any Heartless here in the Realm of Light wasn’t enough! As if zoning out for uncomfortably long periods of time wasn’t already disconcerting! Now she had to add _almost murdered my friends_ —because she’d attacked Ven, too—to the list of things that were wrong with her, and—

“Hey, hey,” Sora cut through her thoughts, eyes brimming with concern, hands held up towards her partially to get her attention, partially to soothe. Once he saw he had her attention, he studied her a moment, face pulling with sadness. “Are… are _you_ okay, with what happened?” he asked, voice barely more than a gentle, daring whisper.

Aqua laughed, emptily, desperately.

“No,” she breathed, more shame tugging at her heart. She shouldn’t burden _Sora_ with this, he was her _student,_ it wasn’t like Eraqus had ever come to her with his problems, but— “I could have killed you.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Sora said. He laughed a little nervously. “I dodged everything you threw at me just fine, and then Ven stepped in—”

“But if Ven hadn’t been there,” Aqua countered. “Or if _neither_ of you had been able to get through to me…” She broke off, unable to make herself finish the terrible truth. Instead she hugged herself, shivering, feeling _very_ cold. Instead she whispered: “Maybe… Maybe I’m not fit to teach you…”

Sora reacted as if she’d punched him in the gut. “Whoa, Aqua,” he gasped. “That’s not true!”

“Are you missing the bit where I could have _killed_ you!?” Aqua spat, taking a defensive step back as he reached out towards her. “What if this happens again? I can’t- I can’t take that risk, Sora!”

She hated that she was like this, hated that she was _dangerous_ to be around, but… What kind of Master would she be if she willingly put her student in danger? And if something happened to Sora—or worse, to Ven—by _her_ hand… how would she live with herself?

Sora stared at her for a long moment, face painted with either despair (for being told his training was over), or fierce concern. And then his jaw clenched with determination.

“Okay,” he said. “You have a point. And I won’t _make_ you keep training me or anything, if you don’t want to… But I think you’re wrong when you say you’re _unfit_ to. It was one mistake, and I don’t even think it was your fault.”

Aqua studied Sora a moment, a heaviness in her chest, a pained smile pulling at her lips. “You’re too kind,” she whispered. Because, he was. He really was.

“I’m serious, Aqua,” Sora said, resting a hand on her arm—light enough that she could pull away, gentle enough that it was actually soothing. “Come on. There’s gotta be a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again, right? Do you even know _why_ it happened?”

Aqua sighed, turning her head away from Sora. She ran her eyes over the tower’s yellow bricks, instead. “No,” she answered, which wasn’t a total lie. She had no idea why it had happened _this_ time, in particular. Just vague ideas about why it happened other times.

“Was it… because we were sparring?” Sora asked.

That took Aqua by surprise.

“What?”

She turned to Sora, to see him shrug.

“I just… Based on the circumstances, and some of the things Ven said—” Aqua grimaced, wondering what Ven _had_ said. Sora scratched at his neck. “Well… you wouldn’t be the only person I know who um, who forgets they’re safe? Like, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve touched Riku and he reflexively decked me in the face because he forgot for a moment that I wasn’t touching him to hurt him. I dunno if something while were fighting triggered something in your brain, but…”

Aqua considered him for a few moments, carefully turning over his words in her mind. Finally, she felt confident enough to answer with: “I… I’m not so sure it was that.”

Because, it was nothing at all like when she’d been fighting Roxas, and his image had blurred and for a few moments she’d been certain she was in the Realm of Darkness again. The gap in her memory reminded her more of how she’d lose minutes of her time for no good reason. Or… how her body swapped to auto-pilot sometimes, when she was fighting Heartless.

“Well, it’s a thought,” Sora said, looking a little dejected. “And I think, if we stopped sparring, it might fix it? It’d definitely mostly avoid putting you in a position where you could _seriously_ hurt me, I think. And it’s not like _we_ have to spar. I can spar with Ven instead.”

He had a few good points there.

And, maybe it _had_ been because they were sparring…

“Alright,” Aqua agreed. “Perhaps I _shouldn’t_ put too much weight on one mistake…” Besides, now that she thought about it, there were plenty important Keyblade things she should pass to Sora that had nothing to do with fighting at all.

Sora positively beamed at her. “That’s the spirit!”

“Can we take tomorrow off, though?” After everything that had happened today, it’d be nice to have a day to rest.

“Oh, yeah, sure thing!” Sora said. “If you need any longer, let me know.” His smile faltered after a second, though. “Oh… Do you, um, still want to talk to my parents? I mean, you don’t _look_ like you do, but…”

No, she did not. Especially since that would require canceling her pillow fort plans with Ven.

“Do you think I need to?” she asked Sora.

He shook his head. “Nah, I think they’re good. But, um, I’ll let you know if they _do_ want to talk to you, if that’ll make you feel better?”

“Yeah, it would.” At least then she was still being responsible.

“Okay,” Sora said, with a nod and a soft smile. “And, Aqua…” He fidgeted a little, looking sheepish again. “Listen. I’m a little worried about you? Like, if you can handle it, you can handle it. And if you don’t want me in it, that’s fine too. But… if there _is_ anything I can do to help, gimme a call, okay? I know we’ve kind of got this master/student relationship going on, but I don’t see why we can’t also be friends. And… I’d _like_ to be friends, if you’re cool with that. And yanno, friends can rely on each other and stuff so. Yeah.”

Aqua blinked at him, a little surprised by all that. But she found a smile tugging at her own lips—touched, at least, by his concern for her.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she assured him.

 

**xxx**

 

She went straight to Ven, deciding Yen Sid could wait, too exhausted to push through _that_ conversation after everything else.

Not that they ended up napping, though. Exhausted though Aqua was, her thoughts were roiling so much she feared what dreams sleep would bring her.

Instead she and Ven sat in the midst of their fort, pillows surrounding them and blankets above, Ven using his light magic to illuminate the dimness. Aqua leaned against a mound of pillows, Ven curled into her side. Maybe _he_ was dozing, actually. But Aqua sat and set about patching up her shirt with the magic thread her mother had given her, ages ago. (It would never run out, and could easily be charmed to be any color you wanted.)

(Aqua sat shirtless, also, but it wasn’t like Ven _hadn’t_ seen her in just a bra before.)

She could have let the tower fix her shirt, or provide her with a new one, but the motions were familiar, a little nostalgic, if robotic. Her mind flickered over uncomfortable memories of sitting with her back to a rock and doing this in the Realm of Darkness in order to keep her clothes in wearable state then. When her mind bothered to think at all, anyway. It was easy to lose herself in the stitching and think about nothing else, which is what she relished most about this.

Ven hummed idly, though, in his half-awake state. He hummed idly, and traced his fingers over the scars that patterned Aqua’s shoulders and back—countless trophies from countless battles with Heartless (and other, more terrifying things)—providing a welcome anchor to the present. She’d had to make him stop tracing the scars on her arms, a few minutes ago, since that made it hard to sew.

They didn’t talk, but the comfort of Ven pressed up against her, sharing this moment and reminding her he was safe—that was more than enough, for Aqua.


	87. In which Kairi and Kano talk

Kairi wasn’t sure what woke her up, though she couldn’t exactly say she’d been _entirely_ asleep. It was some obscene hour of the morning, because that’s how late she and Sora had stayed up—talking about various things before crashing with exhaustion, per usual sleepover routine.

With her eyes still mostly adjusted to the darkness, she was able to mostly make out Sora’s shape across the room. He was in Namine’s old bed, lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, picking at the pillow. He seemed… distressed?

“Hey, what’s up?” Kairi called at him.

He sent only a glance at her, his movements slowly stilling. “Just… thinking about things,” he answered. He sounded agitated. That should have been a clue, but Kairi didn’t catch it, being half-asleep and all. “Go back to sleep, Kairi,” he told her.

She didn’t. “This… about Aqua?” she ventured. They’d been talking about that most of the night, and Kairi was jealous she hadn’t been there. Not that it… would have been _fun,_ exactly. It just seemed she kept missing out on the interesting things, and this time it was no one’s fault but her own! _She_ was the one who’d chosen to stay home.

Anyway, Sora had seemed relatively chill about the mess just hours ago but… Kairi couldn’t imagine what _else_ was eating at him, so it seemed like a fair guess.

Except:

“’m not Sora,” came the response.

“Oh.”

Kairi instantly felt her insides turn sour. But… She made herself take a deep breath. The least she could do was _try_ and be nice to him. She’d promised Sora, after all. And it wasn’t like Kano was all bad. (They had been friends once…) (Except, that was the exact beef she had with him. They _had been_ friends, until—)

“Munny for your thoughts?” Kairi offered, sitting up.

“Pass.”

She scowled at him.

“Oh come on,” she pressed.

“Just go back to sleep, Kairi.”

“Are _you_ gonna stay up all night?”

“Well, we’ll see where my bullshit insomnia leaves me.”

Kairi scowled harder at him. Then she suppressed a groan and flopped back into bed. Well, she’d _tried._ That was all Sora’d asked of her. It wasn’t _her_ fault Kano was being insufferable.

But then, something occurred to her…

“Sora’s asleep?” she asked Kano, for clarification.

“Yeah.”

“Can he hear us right now?”

She pushed herself upright, and watched as Kano turned to her, studying her intensely for a moment. There was a note of skepticism in his voice when he answered.

“I mean… if we’re loud enough we’ll probably wake him, but. No.”

“Good.”

Kairi sat up completely, folding her legs under her and angling her body to face him. She crossed her arms and was grateful—if petty—that her bed was so tall, since it meant she looked down on him. Also, since it was dark enough she couldn’t make out his face (and she was too lazy to stand up to turn on the light), she summoned a small ball of light to illuminate the room. It wasn’t _that_ bright, but Kano squinted murderously at it anyway.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about some things,” Kairi explained. “But wasn’t sure how, because I can’t say I exactly want Sora also hearing them.”

Kano laughed, emptily, nervously. A familiar sound. (One of the most frequent sounds she got out of him, during their short-lived friendship.)

“Yeah?” he asked.

Kairi hesitated a second, reconsidering the question she wanted to ask. She desperately wanted to ask him about their friendship—if it had been real, or if he’d just been using her. But there was another question she needed to ask, too. And that other question Sora _definitely_ couldn’t hear, so… maybe she’d better start with that.

She took a deep breath, to prepare herself. Kano still looked nervous. (Good.)

“Listen,” Kairi said. “I know Sora apparently doesn’t care anymore, and you know what, that’s on him. But it still bugs _me_ —and I know it _used to_ bug Sora, even if apparently he’s changed his mind.” She knew, however, that Sora was prone to disregard his own worries, because he preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt. She didn’t voice that. “Just… if you loved him—why’d you do all that shit to him?”

Kano blinked and stared at her, taken aback. Then he shook his head. His face curled up into a foul expression.

“I mean- it’s not- It’s not like I loved him to _begin_ with!” he spluttered.

“I… _Oh,_ ” Kairi whispered. A couple things were clicking together.

“I don’t- I don’t know _what_ happened,” Kano continued, his frustration a sharp note in his voice. “And I didn’t _realize_ I did until. After Maleficent took him from me. When I finally saw him again…” He ran fingers unconsciously across Sora’s cheek, over the scar he put there. “I- I just. I don’t know what changed, in that month. But the thought of hurting him again? I couldn’t.”

There was a quiet, pained sincerity in his words, in his posture. Kairi dropped her arms from her chest.

“Yeah, but…” she argued, hating to do so a bit. “Not wanting to hurt him doesn’t _exactly_ equate to love?”

Kano sent her a dirty look.

“Well, sure. But how else do you explain ‘suddenly cares so much about someone else’s wellbeing and safety and all you can do is think about making them smile, making them happy’—” He cut off with a growl in his throat.

“I…” Kairi hesitated, but: “You have a point,” she agreed.

(Her dad had always told love was also a choice—but Kano’s description still hit the generally-accepted definition of love as a feeling, so she decided not to argue.)

She wasn’t going to let him off _that_ easy, though.

“You still hurt him after that,” she pointed out. “Made him kill Maleficent. Made him kill _you_.”

“The Maleficent thing was a mistake,” Kano groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“And what about- making him kill you?”

“Could have done _that_ one better,” Kano said, and now he sounded better.

Kairi sent him a disapproving look, because Sora’d have her skin if she let Kano get away with talking like that. (And even if Kano wasn’t really her friend, anymore, exactly… it still rubbed her the wrong way to hear.)

“Kano…” she said.

Kano rounded on her. “Hey, it’s not like _you’re_ the one I need to be apologizing to for that!” he snarled. “Why do you even _care_ , anyway? What’s this matter to _you_!?”

“Sora’s my best friend,” Kairi answered, resolute. “Of _course_ I care.”

Kano stared for a moment, and then flopped back down on the bed, rolling so he was facing the wall and his back was to Kairi. He didn’t seem _too_ upset, and more importantly, Kairi still had a question to ask him. So she cleared her throat.

“One more question?” she said.

“I mean, sure! It’s not like I’m doing literally anything else right now.” He tossed one of his hands up in exasperation.

Kairi hesitated a moment, considering her words. There was so much worry packed into this thing she wanted to know. So many smaller questions tied to it. But she supposed it all came down to:

“Were we… _actually_ friends, Kano?” she asked. “Or were you just using me?”

Kano was silent for a long, long moment. Anxiety gnawed in Kairi’s chest. What would he say? What was the truth? Was he just trying to find a nice way to let her down, or a good enough lie to cover it up? She was about ready to say he _better_ give her the truth, but she didn’t get the chance.

“I wasn’t,” Kano said, voice low. “Using you, that is. I mean—”

He stopped. Sat up. He turned to face her, legs swinging off the edge of the bed. His body angled towards her, but his eyes only met hers for a second. Then he cast his gaze down, shame coming off him in waves.

“I- I _did_ use you,” he continued, hands grappling with the air before him. “But I didn’t befriend you with that in mind! Our friendship just kind of… happened. I never intended it to, and I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay away. ‘Cuz I _wanted_ to be with you. Spending time with you? Those were some of my favorite moments, Kairi.”

“So… we _were_ friends, then?” Kairi said. She was starting to feel a little relieved.

Kano nodded, a nervous laughter bubbling on his lips.

“Yeah,” he answered, sincerely. Then he laughed. “I mean, as much as we could be when I was _constantly_ aware of the fact I shouldn’t be talking to you, anyway!” There was a bitter edge in his voice, but it was light-hearted, and he was still laughing.

“It’s not like forbidden friendships _don’t_ happen,” Kairi laughed back at him.

It felt good, in a weird way, to laugh like this with him again. It was familiar, and comforting, the same way falling back into step with Sora was. Even if _this_ was a little more awkward. She felt lighter, though.

He couldn’t really lie to her, with Sora’s face. And it didn’t look like he was lying.

“If we _were_ friends, though…” Kairi began, and then stopped. Because, she didn’t _need_ to ask why he’d betrayed her. She realized, with a laugh: “I guess it’s not like you really betrayed me though, huh? I kind of forced your hand—When you sent me away so I wouldn’t see you fight Sora.”

She’d classified that moment as a betrayal because that’s when the truth had come out, because that moment of horror and anger was sharper than any of the rest, (and she was _really_ mad about getting sent away from the battle), but…

“Yeah,” Kano agreed, with a similar laugh. His was a little more empty, a touch more bitter. “You were gonna find out I was his Shadow one way or another, in that moment. Guess I didn’t have to go so overboard with it. I just wanted you gone.”

“Why’d you lie to me, then?” Kairi said. “I guess that’s the question I really want to ask.”

He sent her a wry smile.

“Be honest. If I’d told you who I was, then we never would’ve been friends.”

He had a point there, and, “Yeah,” she agreed. “If I knew who you were, I would’ve punched you in your dumb mouth.”

“If you could find it first!” he countered, with a large grin.

They laughed about that for a bit, and then Kairi let herself fall back into bed. Her mind ran over a few more idle conversation ideas—because it _would_ be nice of her to sit out Kano’s insomnia with him for a little longer. Sora’s body probably needed the sleep, though. And _she_ was pretty exhausted. Maybe she could talk Kano into attempting to go back to bed?

“Sorry for what I did to you, also…” Kano said, interrupting her thoughts. “Yanno, for making you think you hated Sora.”

She turned her head to face him, otherwise remaining on her back. He was on his side, facing her, propped up on one elbow. He looked tired. Emotionally tired, anyway.

“I don’t have an excuse, though you can probably hazard a guess why I did it,” he continued. “Dunno if it’ll help if I tell you I regretted doing it immediately after I’d finished? I…” He seemed to struggle with his words for a moment, speaking as if something was stuck in his throat. “I don’t think it was… y’know. Wasn’t worth… hurting you. ‘Specially since it didn’t even work.” He absolutely would not meet her eyes. “Sorry.”

Kairi stared at him a long moment, a little surprised. She hadn’t exactly been expecting an apology for that in particular. And the fact that he’d brought it up, even though he’d had every excuse to let the conversation trail off into nonsense…? He seemed pretty sincere, too. If completely embarrassed.

“I appreciate the apology,” Kairi told him, her smile a little pained. She wasn’t sure if she forgave him, quite yet. For this. For everything else. Forgiveness would never be easy for her like it was for Sora. She appreciated that Kano was trying, though. “Thanks.”

Kano studied her a moment, as if confused. Or maybe disappointed. After a second he flopped onto his back, lying still.

There was silence between them for long enough that Kairi—craving sleep—banished the ball of light she’d summoned. It was perhaps ten seconds later when Kano spoke again.

“Also, I uh… Would it help you to know that I probably would have tried that, regardless of whether or not I’d met you before that moment?” He sounded pretty casual about the question, though with that familiar touch of nervousness in his tone.

Kairi squinted through the darkness at the ceiling. She was too exhausted to summon another ball of light. Or turn to look at Kano.

“I mean, I guess?” she answered. She supposed it _did_ help on the _I-was-worried-you-only-befriended-me-to-get-to-Sora_ front. Considering it a little more, though, she realized something a little discomforting. “Though also holy shit… Some of the things you made me think? Hit kind of close to home. How’d you figure that out BESIDES being friends with me?”

“Well hey, _you_ were the one who trusted an invisible stranger with some of your deepest fears,” Kano answered.

“OKAY FAIR.”

“And also I absolutely could have figured most of that out without having spoken to you once before.”

Kairi downright glared at the ceiling now.

“How?” she demanded. “Were you _spying_ on me?”

“A little, yeah. Sorry about that too, I guess.”

“Holy shit.”

“Hey it’s not exactly my fault that all your letters to Sora ended up in my hands. I didn’t go out of my way to _look_ for them or anything!”

Kairi sat straight up, slamming her hands down on either side of her. She rounded on Kano, even though she could barely see him. “Is _that_ where they all went!?” Her voice squeaked as she demanded that of him, which she hated.

“Yeeeeuuup,” Kano answered, dragging the sound out. He didn’t sit up, but she could _hear_ him smirking. “Again, not my fault!”

Kairi fell back into bed, burying her face in her hands. “I can’t believe this.”

“I—”

“Goodnight, Kano!” Kairi interrupted, before she could hear what he had to say.

He laughed a little with surprise, maybe a little genuine, too.

“Goodnight,” he agreed. There was a warmth in his voice.

It took Kairi a long time to fall asleep after that, of course. There was a heat in her cheeks, and it was a while before she even pulled her hands away from her face. She was close to wide-awake after that last exchange with Kano, and there were a lot of things to think about…

She kept smiling, though. It was hard to stop.

They’d been friends once, after all. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to try again.


	88. In which Namine has a good day, and more!

There was a knock on her door. Namine looked up from her painting in surprise, surprise which doubled as Sora poked his head in. Of all people she expected to see, he hadn’t been high on the list. He grinned brightly at her.

“Hey! Sorry I didn’t call ahead or anything,” Sora said, as he shouldered the door open enough to slip inside. “But I’ve got the day off today! Was wondering if we could hang out?”

“Sure,” Namine told him, with a smile. It felt like she didn’t see Sora often enough, these days. She wondered if she should turn off her music—she’d asked, and Kairi’d happily provided—but didn’t really get the chance.

“Great!” Sora closed the door behind him, and as he did so, Namine caught sight of the handful of well-worn, doodled-upon notebooks he was holding. At the sight of them, her smiled widened, fondness bubbling in her chest. Sora noticed where her attention was, and his grin turned a little sheepish. “I was gonna sort through my old story ideas,” Sora explained. “And you’re always super great to bounce story ideas off of.” His voice turned a little fond, a little longing. “Plus, it’s been ages since we last did this—I kinda miss it.”

“I’d like that,” Namine said. Her smile was stretching at her cheeks now, which was a good feeling. Smiles were coming easier over the past few days, but none were this wide.

Sora had a lot of wonderful story ideas, as well as some fully-written stories crammed into those notebooks. And they were _good_ stories. Probably around half of the things Namine had drawn in her (admittedly short) lifetime were Sora’s characters, or scenes from his stories. She wished she had any of those drawings on hand right now, but there were none in her current sketchbook—it had been _months_ since she’d last thought of Sora’s stories—and all her old ones were still at Kairi’s. She remembered now, how much she cherished those moments and long nights chatting about Sora’s stories (her drawing while he read, or wrote, her providing input on his ideas), how much fun it had been.

Before everything had gone wrong, anyway.

(Because it wasn’t fun to think about Sora’s stories when Sora wasn’t there, wasn’t fun to think about them when all they would remind her of was how worried she was about him and what he was doing…)

Regardless.

“Cool!” Sora said, flopping onto her bed and spreading his notebooks out in front of him. “Also, Kano promised he wouldn’t make fun of me, but I don’t entirely trust him to keep that promise, so. Um. Sorry if I stop to yell at him.” Sora broke off in a laugh.

Namine laughed too, sliding off her stool to go turn off her music. It would be too distracting to have it on while listening to Sora. (She’d been listening to a mix Kairi’d made her of entirely of _feel better_ songs, which Namine appreciated the thought behind more than anything else. She had some _really_ good friends.)

“Did you bring some of the _old_ stuff?” Namine asked of Sora, eyeing him. That was the only reason she could imagine Kano making fun.

“I mean, I brought nearly everything,” Sora answered. He absentmindedly scratched at his head. “But it’s not like I’ve _shared_ these with him before.”

“Doesn’t he just… know already? I thought you guys knew all of each other’s thoughts, or something.”

“We do _not_.” Sora wagged a finger in Namine’s direction, sounding a little annoyed. She laughed slightly, sitting back down on her stool. “We can kind of hide stuff from each other, if we try hard enough. And there’s stuff that just, falls between the cracks, I guess? I wasn’t thinking a lot about these before today, and Kano wasn’t digging, so he never found out.”

“Ohhh,” Namine said. It wasn’t like Sora talked a lot about Kano. Or rather… it wasn’t like she and Sora talked much at _all,_ lately. She missed him. (Not that it was really anyone’s fault but hers for not spending time with Sora—but she squashed that thought down, not wanting this afternoon to be ruined by regrets.)

“ _Anyway_ , I was planning on just sorting through these in general, but, hey,” Sora sent a look at Namine. “Was there one you like, really wanted to hear again? I know you had a lot of my stories that you really liked.”

Namine pondered that with a good-natured “hmmmmm”, trying to remember which ones _had_ been her favorite. “Wasn’t there… that one about the dragon?”

Sora laughed a little. “I’ve got a _lot_ of dragon stories, Namine…”

“No, but there was one in particular. What was her name again? Suzy?”

“Oh!” Sora sat up straighter, reaching for one of the notebooks. “That one! Hang on, let me— _Yes_ the dragon’s name is Suzy! Kano you promised not to make fun of me!!”

Namine stifled a laugh.

She considered Sora a moment, unsure if she should add something to the conversation. Sora’s head was down, and he was scowling hard. There was no way of telling if he and Kano had continued talking silently. But…

“Suzy’s a _perfectly_ good name for a dragon,” she argued. “Or, at least, it’s perfect for her.”

“Yeah, geeze Kano,” Sora said, riffing off of her. (That made her feel better about speaking.) “Not all dragons have to have names like—Argrima the Great or whatever. Aha! Here it is.” He pulled himself off his stomach, folding his legs under him and making himself comfortable. He held the notebook up in front of him, cleared his throat…

And then he hesitated.

“Something wrong?” Namine asked. Sora’d never had any qualms about reading aloud to her before.

“Uhhhhhh,” Sora drew the sound out. “Nah. I mean.” He hesitated again.

“Sora?” Namine pressed.

“Guess I’m, uh. A little embarrassed about Kano being here, now that I’m thinking about it,” he said, scowling intently at the notebook.

“Oh…” Namine considered him a moment—the way his face scrunched up like he was wrestling with a particularly difficult thought, or maybe arguing with Kano. Then she offered, quietly: “I could always just read it to myself?” It wasn’t like she’d touched her painting since Sora got here.

“No, it’s fine!” Sora insisted, though with a definite reluctance. “I’ll have to get used to it eventually. It’s not like I can just put it off until he’s out of here—we don’t even know how to get him out of my body, and it could be… Well, a long time before we _do_ figure that out.”

Sora let out a long sigh, sitting there for a long moment. The heaviness coming off of him seemed thick enough to fill the room. But then he shook his head, put on a big smile.

“Anyway!” He cleared his throat dramatically. “’There once was a dragon named Suzy…’”

 

**xxx**

 

Roxas had made some interesting claims about Aqua, so of course, Xehanort had to look into them. He _would_ like her as a vessel, if he could have her. And if she truly was learning to extract hearts… Well, it would only be a problem if he let her get close enough to try a second time, but it would still be safer to make that a non-issue.

That was why Xehanort sat on the edge of the landmass around Yen Sid’s tower, feet dangling over the endless expanse of sky. His heart signature was carefully masked so neither Aqua nor Yen Sid would notice he was here, and he had the hood of his cloak up for good measure. Aqua was somewhere inside the tower, but she was close enough for him to feel out her heart signature, which was really all Xehanort needed.

There was nothing strikingly different about her heart, compared to the last time Xehanort had been in contact with it. It wasn’t like her darkness was stronger, or her light weaker. She was just… weary. That weariness in her heart was so thick that it seemed to seep into Xehanort’s own bones, as long as he was touching her heart.

A restlessness seemed to stir in her heart, too. Different than the one he knew from Roxas’s heart. It wasn’t a burning desire to be doing things. It was an uneasiness at staying still—more like a coiled wire, a paranoia that something would come up behind her at any second. That, and there was a thin thread of fear pervading her heart. Fear of what? It was hard to say, but if he dug deep enough images swam through his mind. Shadows and endless masses of Heartless, a mirror with an echoing voice…

Memories boiled thick under her skin, exhaustion flowed deep in her veins. Could she really be this easy to crack?

Aqua was still stubborn, of course. That hadn’t changed. She appeared to be as stuck in her mindset as she’d always been, a careful control on her heart built exactly the way Eraqus would have instructed. Preying on her darkness would be near impossible.

But still… there was that weariness.

“ _She’d fight back too hard,”_ he’d told Braig—but would she?

Perhaps he could use her, after all. And even if not, he was certain he knew how to break her.

 

**xxx**

“Break time!” Yuffie declared.

Riku chuckled and rolled his eyes, not that he was surprised or upset. This was routine. They’d do a couple rounds of the perimeter where Leon and the other restoration crew were working, taking care of Heartless if there were any (there _weren’t_ a lot, lately), and then pick out a spot on one of the roofs to sit. Why the roofs? Mainly because Yuffie liked to (“It’ll be harder to get away with stuff like this once there are _people_ in these houses! If I don’t do it now I’ll never get to!” she’d argued), but it was also easier to watch for Heartless from up here.

However, before Yuffie could make it to any of the roofs, Riku paused.

“Is that…?” he whispered, but, of course it was. It was hard to miss the head of pink hair in the thin crowd of restoration workers. A Marluxia. And next to him, a smaller, steely-haired figure.

So, if Alpha was here, then that Marluxia was probably Amaryllis. _Ugh_.

“Something wrong?” Yuffie asked, and with that Riku realized he’d groaned aloud. She peered at him only a moment, before turning her attention to the crowd, too.

“Them,” Riku answered, pointing the pair out for her.

“People you know?” Yuffie asked.

“Yeah. People from the Rebellion.”

“More people you don’t wanna see…?” Yuffie pressed, a thread of concern in her voice.He considered her a moment, but found no reason to lie. “Kind of,” he admitted, rubbing at his neck. He couldn’t remember a time he was _ever_ happy to see Alpha.

Still, though.

He started to make his way over to them.

“Whoa, hey!” Yuffie caught him by the arm, pulling him back. “You can always just let Leon deal with them! Looks like he already is.”

She was right, but: “I can’t imagine they’re here to do anything other than talk to me, though,” Riku said.

Yuffie let out a huffy sigh, but let go of his arm. “Fine,” she grumbled. She stuck close as they made their way over, which Riku was grateful for.

“Hey,” Riku said, once he was close enough he didn’t have to yell.

Amazingly, when they turned away from Leon to look at Riku, they both seemed _surprised_ to see him.

“Oh! Hello Riku,” Amaryllis said, with a fairly pleasant smile. Alpha mumbled something that might have been _hello,_ offering a small wave. He seemed more interested in studying the stones of the ground than doing anything else. That was kind of weird, but Riku wasn’t going to complain.

“They were talking about moving in,” Leon said, before anyone could say anything else. “We just have to work out logistics.”

Riku felt himself start to blush. Apparently there _were_ reasons for Alpha and Amaryllis to be here other than wanting to talk to him. Well, this was embarrassing. As well as completely unnecessary to be over here.

To make it worse, Yuffie elbowed him. “See, I said you could let Leon handle it,” she whispered, except, it wasn’t really a whisper.

She was right, and he hated it. To think he could have just left them alone, after all!

Granted, if he excused himself from the conversation, it wouldn’t be any ruder than what Alpha and Amaryllis were used to.

“Come on, Riku!” Yuffie said though, grabbing him by the arm and starting to drag him off. “We gotta get back to work!”

Leon snorted. Riku stammered something of a protest before he realized this was probably just Yuffie’s way of getting him out of here. She was… _really_ good at that, actually. And he’d take the escape route, for sure.

“We really going back to work?” he asked, once the two of them were out of earshot, down the street a ways. He wouldn’t mind if that was the case— _he_ didn’t need the breaks—but he couldn’t imagine Yuffie actually forgoing a break for him.

“No way!” Yuffie answered, predictably. “We just need to move to a different spot of the area, so Leon won’t make fun of us. Come on.” She turned left, and around to the other end of the work area they went.

It didn’t take long for Yuffie to pick out a roof, and soon they were sitting comfortably up on it, legs hanging over the edge. Riku thought about thanking Yuffie for getting him out of there, but couldn’t find any words that didn’t sound weird. Instead they sat in silence, until:

“Only a few more days, huh?” Yuffie said.

She swung her legs, hands gripping the edge of the roof tiles.

Riku turned to her and stared, not exactly following.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. “Until your birthday, dummy!” She reached up to flick him in the head, but he pushed her hand off—gently, but quickly—before she could manage to.

“Oh. R… Right.”

Yuffie let her hand fall. She didn’t look away from him though, eyeing him very… intently. There was something in her expression he couldn’t quite read. Caught up between trying to decipher it as well as get his mind firmly wrapped around the prospect of his birthday (which he was still having trouble grasping completely), he ended up leaving his own hand hanging in the air from pushing her away for a few moments.

Yuffie took a deep breath, and then nodded to herself.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” she asked—less like she wanted to know, more like she understood.

“I mean…” Riku began, fumbling for the words. He at least remembered to put his hand down, moving it to rub his neck after an awkward second. “Yeah, I guess so,” he told her, because she wasn’t wrong. It _was_ kind of weird. “Can’t really believe I’ve been in this universe almost a whole year now…” That was the half of the feelings sitting in his chest, anyway—the half he’d figured out how to put words to. To think that a year ago he’d still been in the other universe, the other Castle Oblivion, trying to avoid pissing Larxene off, wanting the other Namine to notice him…

It was strange, and kind of ridiculous, how far away from that he was now. How much had changed. How much _he’d_ changed.

Yuffie kept watching him. Her expression wasn’t _expectant,_ exactly, but it still made him sigh and mull over the rest of what he was feeling. He didn’t _have_ to give her his half-formed thoughts on the matter, but there was no reason not to, either.

“And, like?” he continued. “The idea of having a birthday at all is strange, honestly? I never considered having one before.” Of course he hadn’t, though. He’d only recently started considering his life in spans of more than one day at a time. And there was more to it than that. “And then there’s the party…? Like, I’m not against it, but—”

“It’s ‘cuz you have a family,” Yuffie said, before he could finish. “That’s why it’s weird.”

Riku stopped abruptly, a silent _oh_ on his lips as he stared at her. Her face was set with a certainty of what she’d said, nodding slightly to herself even as she did not directly look at Riku. Something inside Riku _clicked._ How had Yuffie managed to hit so cleanly on the head what he couldn’t?

“It takes a while to get used to,” Yuffie continued, without any prompting. “Like, yeah, you’re glad to be here and wouldn’t trade it for the worlds but, honestly _…_ Sometimes _I’m_ still blown away by how much Aerith cares about me, and it’s been nearly five years now. And you? It’s been, what, three months?”

Riku nodded. “Yeah, just about.”

“So it’s _gotta_ be like, super overwhelming, right?”

“Y- yeah,” Riku answered, still rubbing at his neck. There was a smile on his lips, but honestly, he felt dazed more than anything else. “I try not to think a lot about it, because like? I mean, I want it to be special, but the fact that everyone else _also_ wants it to be special for me…? It’s… a lot.”

“Right? _Right_?” Yuffie said, turning to him with an earnestness. There was exasperation in her eyes, but a grin on her lips. “And Aerith just _loves_ to go all-out with birthdays, too. When it was my first one, here. With her.” She spoke rapidly, a warm note of _I-still-don’t-quite-believe-this_ in her voice. “I- I didn’t even tell her it was my birthday until it was my birthday, and then she got so upset that she hadn’t had time to prepare anything special for me and I was just- It wasn’t like I’d _wanted_ anything special! I’d just wanted free stuff! But she cared _so much_ about making it special and it wasn’t like there was ever anyone to care about my birthday before and…! _Ohhh!”_

Yuffie broke off here, pressing her hands to her face, inhaling and exhaling sharply. After she’d done that, she pulled her hands away from her face just enough to keep speaking.

“It’s so much? It’s _so much_.” There was a quiet kind of awe in her voice. “Like, I’m constantly grateful for every second, every moment I’m here, but sometimes it’s just… overwhelming, y’know?”

She looked at him, smiling but dazed. He smiled back, knowing the feeling well.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he agreed, even though she knew he understood before she’d asked, even though she’d only asked _because_ she knew he understood.

That was the thing, about him and Yuffie. They and their pasts were vastly different, but they were still alike in a lot of ways. Yuffie hadn’t had a family before Aerith found her either, having lived on the streets for as long as she could remember. She understood what no one else did—the indescribable joy he’d felt when Aerith had offered him a place in her home, the joy that he still felt now, upon considering it all.

They shared a smile for a few more seconds, and then Yuffie leaned into him, studying his face intently.

“Anyway, you… are holding up okay, right?” she asked, with a hint of worry. “I don’t think I could make Aerith tone it back if I tried, but…”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Riku assured her. He thought fondly of the birthday plans he’d heard Aerith going over when she thought he was out of earshot, even if it did make him lightheaded to consider. “It’s definitely overwhelming, but in a good way, y’know?”

Yuffie smiled warmly at him.

“Yeah. I do.”


	89. In which Riku celebrates his first birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on July 9th, 2017! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SON!!!!! [check out some fanart I did for this here!!](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/162798044835/i-posted-the-chapter-literally-five-minutes-ago) *pops confetti*

It was his birthday.

The realization hit Riku as he was getting ready for bed. His internal clock rolled over to midnight, the date changed, and he stopped. And he stood very still, for a very long time.

He’d only technically been waiting for this day for two weeks, but at the same time, it felt as if he’d been waiting the entire year for it.

And here it was.

Here _he_ was.

Standing at the end of the first year of his new life, his second chance.

When he’d said yes, to that second chance, he wasn’t sure what he’d expected. He certainly hadn’t expected this, though—because until recently he’d been in too dark of a place to dream of a future this bright. He wasn’t even sure he’d dared to hope he could be this _happy,_ this content with his life.

But here he was.

Riku shook his head to clear it, and finished changing into his pajamas, so he wasn’t just standing there half-naked (it was a relief, still, to look down at bare skin and see no purple). He stood there a few moments more, smoothing down his shirt with his hands as he looked around the room. _His_ room. In _his_ house. With his _family,_ each in their rooms down the hall.

He took a deep breath.

It was a lot to take in.

He moved to turn off the light, but only got that far before stopping again. He was… pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep. A jittery excitement burned in his veins, making his hands tremble by the light switch. He was too awake. Too excited. A little nervous.

He could have grabbed his book and read to pass the time, but instead he moved out of the room and let his feet carry him down the hall. He knocked on Aerith’s door before he had the chance to talk himself out of it. When it had been a few seconds and Aerith hadn’t answered, Riku went ahead and let himself in.

“Psst, Aerith,” he hissed, stopping at the foot of her bed. And then, louder: “Aerith?”

She woke with a start, which Riku immediately felt guilty about. There was no avoiding it, though.

“Hey, sorry,” he said. “I just… can’t sleep.” That brought him a stab of guilt, too, because it wasn’t even like he’d _tried_ , but… “I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Or, well… technically it’s today, now.” He wrung his hands together at his waist, nervous to find out if Aerith was mad about being woken. (She wouldn’t be, and he knew that, but he still…)

Aerith blinked as she sat up to look at him, probably trying to get her eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Oh, is it midnight already?” she asked, a hint of a smile in her voice.

Riku nodded. And then, realizing she probably couldn’t see that, since she didn’t have the ability to see near-perfectly in the dark like he did, said: “Yeah.”

“Happy Birthday, Riku!” she told him, beaming.

The breath caught in Riku’s lungs, and a warmth burst in his chest—an emotion so intense it brought tears to his eyes. It was hard to say why, exactly. But the fact this was apparently the first thing on Aerith’s mind? That was certainly a lot of it.

Aerith sat up a little more, swinging her feet off the edge of the bed. “So, what’s up?” she asked, smiling up at him with a familiar patience. “Any reason you can’t sleep?”

“Guess I’m just… nervous about tomorrow?” Riku answered, forgetting to correct himself this time. That was alright, because Aerith understood.

She laughed a little, but it was with a fondness. “What do you have to be nervous about?”

“Maybe the word I’m looking for is _excited,_ ” Riku admitted, with a laugh of his own. “Either way, I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”

Aerith laughed a little more, and then put a finger to her chin, humming a single note as she thought. Finally, she nodded, looking satisfied with her conclusion. “You know, I haven’t baked your birthday cake yet,” she said. “Do you want to go do that now?”

Riku blinked in surprise.

“Can we?”

“I see no problem with it!” Aerith assured him, grinning broadly. “And it sounds like you could use a distraction.”

“I’m… not sure how baking my own birthday cake will help me stop thinking about my birthday,” Riku argued, though he couldn’t stop smiling at the thought.

Aerith just laughed some more as she slid out of bed and got to her feet. “Well, the best thing to do when you can’t sleep is do something productive, in my opinion,” she said. She nudged him playfully as she walked past, a twinkle in her eyes. “Besides, it’ll be fun!”

She had a point there, and Riku couldn’t think of a _better_ way to be spending the night. Bouncing a little with excitement, he followed her out of her room and down the stairs. It felt… secret, and special, to be doing this. Maybe that’s why Aerith had suggested it. There was nothing like baking a cake at midnight to kick off his birthday.

His _birthday_. It was still so weird, so wonderful to think.

He and Aerith didn’t really talk about anything important while baking—all their conversation efforts were directed around measuring ingredients (Aerith kept making adjustments to the recipe) and otherwise coordinating the baking process. It was fun, though.

“Oh good,” Aerith said, eyeing the remaining batter in the bowl after filling the pan. “There is enough left over.”

“For what?” Riku asked, as she put the bowl down and started digging around in the cabinet.

Aerith didn’t answer until she’d found what she was looking for. “Cupcakes!” she said brightly, spinning the tin between her hands before setting it on the counter and filling it. There was just enough batter left for two cupcakes. “What’s the point of surprise baking in the middle of the night if you don’t get to _eat_ any of it?”

Riku laughed an agreement, and held the oven door open for Aerith to slide the cakes in.

“Anyway,” Aerith said, as they moved to the table to sit and wait for the cakes to bake. “Did you ever decide if we were inviting that one friend of yours to the party? Joseph?”

“Oh, yeah…” Riku ran a hand over his face, sighing a little.

“You don’t have to invite him if you don’t want to,” Aerith laughed. “It’s your birthday. You can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah, I know,” Riku said. “But I think he’d hate me forever if I _didn’t_ invite him.” That was probably an exaggeration, but only a little—Joseph was 12, and he’d be mad at Riku for long enough that it’d _feel_ like forever. “I still think we should wait to tell him like, 30 minutes beforehand though.” 30 minutes seemed like enough time for Joseph to grab a present—which Riku was only worried about because he knew _Joseph_ would be mad if he didn’t bring a present. “I don’t mind him coming, I just… don’t want him telling someone I _don’t_ want to know about it.”

Aerith laughed, and she was _definitely_ amused with him, though she didn’t argue his decision. “Alright,” she said, and nothing more.

Riku admitted it was _maybe_ a little mean of him to be so cautious—Joseph was _decent_ at keeping secrets, it was just sometimes he got too excited and said things without meaning to. Granted, it would only be a problem if Vexen found out…

Oh well. It wasn’t like they could tell him any sooner than sometime tomorrow—er, later _this_ morning, anyway, so it really didn’t matter that much.

“You excited for tomorrow?” Aerith asked, leaning towards him a little bit.

“I mean, it’s today, technically,” Riku corrected.

Aerith rolled her eyes. “We haven’t gone to bed yet, so it’s tomorrow,” she told him firmly.

“I guess that’s fair,” Riku relented.

“Are you excited?” Aerith pressed, eagerness and exasperation mixed in her tone.

Riku hesitated, but nodded, a smile breaking on his lips. “Yeah, I am,” he said. “Like, still a little nervous, but…”

“I promise, it’s going to be really good,” Aerith said. “And I’m so happy you’re sharing it with us.”

Riku laughed and ran a hand through his hair, that intense emotion sparking in his chest again. It was a fondness, a joy that was hard to describe. A persistent disbelief and wonder that the things that surrounded him were a reality.

“I wouldn’t want to spend it anywhere else,” he told Aerith, his voice catching.

He didn’t cry, but it was a near thing. And as Aerith took a deep breath, it looked like she was struggling with emotions much the same. She smiled so warmly at him, like she really was happy to have him here. It was an _incredibly_ nice feeling, though still kind of strange, even after three months. Riku wondered if he’d ever get used to it, though judging by the way Yuffie spoke, he wasn’t sure he ever would.

They talked about more trivial things until the cakes were ready, things like the book Riku was reading, and plans Aerith had for the garden. And then the timer dinged, and Aerith brought the cupcakes to the table, insisting on eating them now while they were warm. She also insisted on decorating the birthday cake tomorrow, herself, so _that_ at least would be a surprise for Riku. The idea made him laugh a little, but—even if he didn’t care about it being a surprise or not, Aerith seemed to, so he didn’t argue with her.

Yuffie hadn’t been kidding when she’d said Aerith liked to go all out for birthdays.

And… Riku enjoyed it, he really did. It was still strange, but it was also amazing that Aerith was willing to— _wanted_ to—put in so much time for him. He really appreciated that about her. He appreciated… _all_ that Aerith had done for him. And she’d done so much…

A thought occurring to him, and Riku slowly set his cupcake back down, taking the time to swallow. He took a deep breath. He was nervous… but certain.

“Um, thank you, by the way,” he said.

Aerith looked at him, quizzical.

“For what? Keeping you company? I don’t mind,” she assured him, with a smile and small shake of her head. “Oh! Unless it was about the cupcakes.”

“I mean, it was for both of those things, yeah,” Riku admitted, ducking his head down, cheeks hot. “But also for like… everything?”

“Oh,” Aerith said—a quick note of surprise.

Riku was certain if he looked up at her he’d lose all his nerve to keep going, so he kept looking at his lap, because this was important. “I, uh, don’t think I ever said that,” he continued, with an anxious laugh. “So I figured I should? You’ve done… so much for me, and I- I really don’t want to think about where I’d be right now if you hadn’t… um… You’re the reason I’m here, you know? So. Thank you. I’m- I’m really, _really_ grateful.”

“Oh, _Riku_ …” Aerith whispered.

He dared to look up now. Aerith was crying, hands clasped over her mouth. She stared at him a long moment, _love_ burning in her eyes. And then she got to her feet, moving around the table so she could hug him.

It wasn’t the best hug, as far as hugs went. It was kind of awkward, since she was standing and he was sitting. But it was warm. And she held him tight. Riku put a hand on Aerith’s arm, squeezing it a little—the closest he could get to returning the hug from this angle.

“You’re welcome,” Aerith whispered, emotion making her voice thick. She kissed the top of his head. “I love you.”

Riku inhaled shakily. An indescribable warmth filled his chest to bursting. It was still a little foreign, to hear those words. But it was breathtaking, too. She meant it—of course she did, she was Aerith. And Riku cherished it, cherished how wonderful and beautiful it was to know that he was loved. He blinked through tears.

“I- I love you too,” he echoed.

 

**xxx**

Amazingly, Riku slept in. Perhaps it was because he and Aerith went to bed late—not that it was _too_ late, all things considered—but either way, he didn’t open his eyes until 9am that morning. Comparatively to being up well before 5am every day, it was _absolutely_ sleeping in.

Based on the bustle going on when he got downstairs, he wasn’t the only one who’d slept in. Aerith and Leon and Cid were dancing around each other in the kitchen, working on breakfast—which Riku doubted they would’ve started this late or this fervently (regardless of it being a special day) unless Aerith had also slept in.

Leon was the first one to notice Riku, Cid and Aerith too busy elbowing each other and joking lightly as they handled what looked like pancakes and bacon. Leon smiled brightly. “Good morning, Riku! Happy Birthday!” he called, which Aerith chorused, grinning over her shoulder at him before she returned to cooking.

Riku stumbled on the last step, cheeks aflame. It was ridiculous, how floaty a single pair of words could make him feel. And how flustered. Leon extracted himself from the kitchen for a moment, pulling into the dining room so he could talk to Riku. Riku followed.

“We sent Yuffie to get Joseph,” Leon said. “Which will give him more time than you specified, but it seemed easier, especially considering how breakfast is going this morning. Also…” He dug in his pockets for a moment, then handed his phone over to Riku. “You want to call Kairi and coordinate timing?”

“Tell her they can come over now!” Aerith called. “We’ll have enough food!”

“Okay,” Riku said, laughing. Leon returned to the kitchen, and Riku moved to the living room to sit on a couch, dialing as he went—Namine was already out here, and he offered her a smile. It was nice to see her. That was the only thing he minded about moving to separate rooms. He rarely got to see her anymore, since she rarely left hers, and he didn’t have any excuses to be in there. He thought about saying something to her, but then Kairi answered.

“Yeah, I was wondering about the timing thing,” Kairi said, after he’d explained. “We forgot to specify which worlds’ time we were going on. Anyway, we’ll be over after Sora finishes wrapping the gift, so like. Ten minutes?”

“See you then,” Riku said. He held onto Leon’s phone, seeing as that seemed easier than trying to return it to him right now. He turned to Namine, smiling and waving at her. “’Morning,” he said.

Namine laughed a little, looking exasperated. There wasn’t a _lot_ of joy in the laugh, but it was a _laugh,_ not just a smile, and both had been incredibly rare lately. “Good morning,” she said to him, hands gripping her sketchbook tightly. “And uh, Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks,” he said. He wanted to say more, but wasn’t sure what. Of course, there were a lot of things he was beginning to think they probably _should_ talk about, but today wasn’t the day to bring any of them up. Another time, hopefully, he’d get the chance.

The door burst open then, as Yuffie let herself in.

“He wasn’t there,” she said once she saw Riku. She looked a little annoyed, but more in her usual _I-can’t-believe-I-did-work-for-nothing_ way. “But his uh… dad…?” She hesitated there, drawing the sound out, looking incredibly uncertain about it.

Riku laughed. “29?”

“I mean, he might as well be Joseph’s dad,” Namine added, in a quieter voice. She was smiling, too, and it was a nice sight to see.

“Well, whoever he was, he said Joseph went to get ice cream,” Yuffie continued, coming over and flopping on the couch opposite Riku and Namine. “And I didn’t care enough to go hunt him down and didn’t figure you wanted him here _that_ badly, so I just told what’s-his-face it wasn’t important and came back.

“That’s fair,” Riku said. He _definitely_ didn’t care that badly about Joseph being here or not.

“He’s gonna hate you forever now, though,” Namine said.

“Yeah, well, that’s on him,” Riku argued, trying not to think about that. (It wouldn’t be forever, anyway, just a couple of _very_ long months.)

“Mmmm… Sure.” Namine didn’t look convinced.

Riku should’ve been annoyed, or maybe put on a show of arguing more, but all he could do was smile. It’d been a long time since he’d had a conversation this casual with Namine. It was nice to see her so relaxed.

There was a knock on the door. Riku got up to go get it, since Yuffie was pre-emptively groaning. It was probably just Sora and Kairi, anyway—and it was, he saw, when he opened the door.

“Happy Birthday Riku!” they sang in unison, and then hugged him. It was one-armed from Sora, since he was holding a gift. Riku hugged them back.

“Thanks guys,” he said.

“Breakfast is ready!” Cid called.

Sora dropped the present on the coffee table, and they all headed to the dining room. Food was served—Riku first, since he was the birthday boy (he did _not_ blush up a storm when Aerith called him that, he didn’t!)—and everyone took their usual seats. Cid at the head of the table, Leon on his right, and Aerith next to him. Yuffie was on Cid’s left, Riku sitting between her and Namine. Sora and Kairi took seats next to Aerith and Leon.

“Man, I can’t believe you’ve been here for an entire _year_ , Riku!” Sora said, well into breakfast. Aerith and Leon and Cid were having a conversation of their own, so this was mainly directed at Riku and Kairi and Namine. “Though also—It’s hard to believe it’s been _only_ a year?”

“Yeah,” Riku agreed. “It feels like it’s been so much longer.”

“A lot has changed,” Namine pointed out, her voice small.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Sora said, and trailed off, looking thoughtful. Namine looked a little somber. Kairi frowned at her plate. Riku sighed.

A lot _had_ changed. Things were all so incredibly different, now. But—

“Hey, it all changed for the better, right?” Yuffie asked, nudging Riku as she leaned more towards Sora. Aerith and Leon and Cid’s conversation was starting to ebb away, as they started taking notice of this conversation.

Riku shot a glare at her, mainly for show. “Beat me to the punch,” he grumbled. Yuffie grinned triumphantly.

“Oh yeah, definitely!” Sora said, grinning wide. “I definitely prefer where we are now to where we used to be.” His expression suddenly got a little distant and intensely fond. When he spoke, it was soft, as if meant for someone else. “I mean that,” he whispered.

Kairi had her arms crossed over her chest, and looked a little rueful, but: “Yeah, I guess most things worked out for the better, huh?” she said. “Just… not everything.” She hesitated here, eyes flickering towards Namine.

Riku turned towards her too, remembering her somber look from earlier. Now Namine just looked uncomfortable to have so many eyes on her.

“ _Most_ things are better, though,” she said, her voice quiet, but resolute. Her shoulders were hunched, her head down, but she didn’t stop speaking. “Not everything, but… Most things. A lot of things. That’s important.”

Leon nodded, subtly. Aerith smiled. Yuffie sat up straighter, as she finished surveying the table.

“Hey… looks like everyone’s done with breakfast?” she said, with a hopeful pitch upwards in her tone. She started to bounce eagerly. “Can it be present time?”

Aerith and Leon exchanged looks, both of their eyes gleaming with amusement. Leon turned back to Yuffie, and nodded, lips pulled upwards. “Yeah, it can be present time,” he answered.

“Will you help me clear the table, Yuffie?” Aerith asked, sliding out of her seat.

Yuffie _jumped_ to her feet, nodding aggressively.

Cid laughed. “Geeze, I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen you so excited for gifts that aren’t even for you!”

“Riku’s getting good gifts and I want him to open them already!!” Yuffie argued. Cid just laughed some more.

Sora got up to help clear the table, and Kairi got up to get hers and Sora’s gift, as well as Namine’s sketchbook. Leon went to go get the rest of the gifts, and Riku moved to the foot of the table, figuring that was probably a better place for him to sitting. When Kairi returned, she took Riku’s previous seat next to Namine, dropping the gift near the center of the table.

“ _Kairi,_ careful,” came Sora’s disapproving voice, as he too returned to the table. He was cringing.

Kairi rolled her eyes. “It’s not _that_ fragile, Sora.”

Sora didn’t argue, but he didn’t stop grimacing, either. He took the seat on the other side of Kairi.

“Uh, that’s Yuffie’s seat,” Riku started to warn him.

“He can have it,” Yuffie interrupted, plopping down on Riku’s left. “I wanted to sit next to you anyway.” That filled Riku’s chest with fondness.

Leon returned with a stack of presents that he set down in front of Sora and Kairi’s. Riku’s heart beat a little faster at the sight—not because he was excited to open them, or anything. It was something else entirely.

There must have been something in how his breath caught, or the look in his eyes, because Yuffie leaned into him.

“You okay?” she asked, voice low.

He nodded. “It’s just…” Overwhelming. Not in a bad way, but overwhelming nonetheless. “ _You know_.”

At this, her smile softened, and she nodded. “Yeah.”

“Alright!” Aerith said, taking her seat between Yuffie and Leon. “We can get started.”

Everyone looked excited by that prospect, and Riku eyed the stack of presents, trying to decide _where_ to start. Namine saved him the trouble.

“Oh, mine first,” she said rapidly. “Since I couldn’t wrap it—I mean, it could wait, but…” She trailed off, eyeing Riku for permission.

“No no, go ahead!” Riku told her.

Namine smiled, and pulled a loose piece of paper out of her sketchbook, which she passed to him.

“Sorry it’s not much,” she mumbled, as she did so. “And sorry it’s not that good—”

“I love it,” Riku interrupted. He stared at it, drinking in every detail.

She’d drawn the whole group of them, with him in the middle, crouching slightly due to Sora and Kairi’s arms around his neck, dragging him down from either side. Namine stood next to Kairi, smiling shyly. Yuffie stood next to Sora, a little behind him, and Namine’d drawn her doing her darnedest to ruffle Riku’s hair. Aerith and Leon and Cid all stood in the back behind them. The words _Happy Birthday, Riku!!!_ were written at the top of the page, complete with three exclamation points, sparkles, and each letter in a different color. It wasn’t objectively the best thing she’d drawn, but it was absolutely Riku’s favorite.

“You mean it?” Namine asked shyly, barely daring to look up at him.

Riku nodded, smiling widely at her. “Yeah! _Thank you._ ”

Namine beamed slowly, blushing and tucking hair behind her ear. Kairi elbowed her with an _I-told-you-so_ , and she blushed harder.

Riku set the picture carefully down on the table, a little towards Namine—maybe he _should_ have accepted it last, so it couldn’t get accidentally ruined, but too late now. He glanced around for direction, but everyone seemed to be waiting on him. He reached for the pile of presents. There was a small one on top…

“Oh no, wait, that one’s mine,” Aerith said hastily. “Open it last.”

Riku squinted at her.

“Why?” he asked, laughing.

“Well—” Aerith began.

“She completely outdid all of us,” Yuffie said, with a roll of her eyes.

“I did not,” Aerith protested, weakly.

“You did too,” Leon said. He was smiling, but eyeing her like she should know there was no point arguing.

Aerith sighed. “Okay, maybe a little,” she admitted. “But that’s why mine goes last! So all these other really good and thoughtful gifts don’t go underappreciated.”

“What’d you get him?” Sora asked. He and Kairi both eyed the box. “Oh. Not that you’d answer that, haha,” Sora said.

Riku was incredibly curious about what was in it, too, but looked to the other presents anyway. He reached for the other small box on top of the stack—a bigger box than Aerith’s, but only by a little bit. It was undecorated.

“Who’s this from?” he asked, turning the box over in his hands. Something _thunked_ inside it.

“Uh, me,” Cid replied, with an awkward cough. “Isn’t there a note?”

There certainly wasn’t one _on_ the box. There was probably one in the box, though, so Riku opened it. There was a note on top, hiding a tennis ball. Riku raised his eyebrows a little, but read through the note first, considering Cid’s attitude and the way he’d mentioned it specifically.

‘ _Riku_ ,’ it read, in Cid’s scratchy handwriting. ‘ _I knew I’d get embarrassed if I tried to tell you this in front of everyone, so: I’m sorry it’s not so great of a gift. I wasn’t sure what to get you, but Yuffie seems to like having one of these ‘cuz it gives her something to do with her hands, and since you’re always so fidgety… I don’t know. I’ll get you something better next year.’_

Riku laughed, reaching into the box and pulling out the ball. He focused his attention on Cid as he bounced it once against the table, not on the sudden raise of Yuffie’s eyebrows.

“Thanks, Cid,” he said, hoping that alone could convey everything else he wanted to say but couldn’t without embarrassing Cid. It wasn’t like Riku’d had high expectations about gifts, so any gift was good for him. And Cid definitely put thought into this, which was sweet.

Cid smiled gratefully, and Riku carefully placed the ball next to Namine’s picture, balanced so it would not roll off the table.

“Ours next!” Kairi declared, shoving the gift towards him. “Don’t worry about ripping the paper. And it’s not as fragile as Sora keeps making it out to be.”

“It is a little bit,” Sora mumbled, looking dejected.

Riku laughed and nodded. “Okay, okay,” he said. His fingers easily tore through the wrappings, and soon enough, a thick leather-bound scrapbook was sitting on the table in front of him. He tossed the wrapping paper on the ground (with full intention to clean it up later), taking in the immediate sight of the book and Sora and Kairi’s eager faces. There was nothing written on the front.

“What is it?” Leon asked, leaning forward to get a better look.

“Well… we weren’t sure how much he missed the Islands,” Kairi began.

“But we decided to make something to remember them by,” Sora finished, with a wide grin. “Even if he _can_ go back and visit them any time he wants!”

A warmth filled Riku’s chest, as he opened the book and started flipping through the pages. Every page was filled with pictures of the ocean and the beach—sunrises, too, which made him smile—as well as a few pictures of town. In the middle there was a spot where someone (presumably Kairi, based on the handwriting) had holed out a couple of pages so they could hold seashells. And, most surprisingly, there were a few photos of him on the Islands! He’d forgotten any even existed.

“Oh!” Kairi said suddenly, making Riku jump. A light burned in her eyes. “Can I see it real quick?” she asked, holding her hands out. “It, and Namine’s picture.”

“Uh, sure,” Riku said, handing them over.

“There was a spot in the back, that was empty,” Kairi started to explain, pulling it open to the right spot.

Sora shot upright in his sleep. “Oh yeah!! We were gonna drag you to the Islands to get another picture of you, Riku, since there weren’t a lot of those to begin with—”

“There might still be room for another, but…” Kairi trailed off, as she finished positioning Namine’s picture on the last page. “Yes! It fits almost perfectly! I mean, we’ll have to trim the edges a little, but those were already white space...” She looked to Riku, then to Namine. “You guys mind?”

Namine shrugged. “It’s Riku’s gift. He can do what he wants with it.”

“Might be a better spot for the picture than on the wall…” Riku agreed, with a slow nod.

“Great!” Kairi said. She closed the book with Namine’s picture in it, and set it on the table in front of her. “I’ll do that once you’re done with the rest of your presents.”

They were all waiting on him again, so Riku reached for the pile. Next on top was an awkwardly-shaped and haphazardly-wrapped gift which, based on the way she perked up, was from Yuffie. He _thought_ he recognized the shape of it, but had to open it to be sure.

Yup. One Gameboy Advance, though this one was silver, in contrast to the purple one Yuffie had. There was already a game stuck in the back—their copy of _Tetris_.

“Oohh…” Riku whispered, a smile lighting on his face.

Yuffie grinned, wiggling a little in her seat. “Do you like it?” she asked, eagerly. “I thought it’d be cool if you had your own, so we didn’t have to keep sharing. Plus now we could play like, Pokémon together or something.” She leaned so she could better study his face, anticipation making her eyes tight. “Do you like it?” she asked again.

Riku nodded. “Yeah!” he said. “Yeah, thank you!” He couldn’t say he’d been dying to get one of his own, but he definitely appreciated it. Yuffie couldn’t have beamed any wider.

He set the Gameboy aside and reached for the present-that-wasn’t-Aerith’s, which by process of elimination must have been Leon’s. It felt like a book. And, sure enough, it was a book. A book he’d seen before actually, on the shelf. _Time Saga: The Thirty-Second Age._

“It’s… one of my favorite books,” Leon explained, rubbing his hands together awkwardly. “I… I felt kind of silly, buying you a new copy, since now we’ll have two in the house… But it wasn’t like I could give you _my_ copy as a gift, so…”

Riku looked the book over. “It looks… _really_ good,” he told Leon. And there certainly hadn’t been a book Leon recommended that he _hadn’t_ liked, yet. “I can’t wait to start reading it! Thanks.” He appreciated the thought, especially—the thought behind _all_ these gifts.

All that remained was Aerith’s gift, and as everyone realized that, a heavy anticipation filled the room. It wasn’t just Aerith’s whose eyes were burning with excitement, with an eagerness. They must have all known what it was. Well, except Sora and Kairi, anyway. They can’t have known, but they could sense the mood, and looked as eager to find out as Riku felt.

Needless to say, he was a little disappointed when what he pulled out of the box was a _bracelet._ Thick and silver, a single lightning bolt etched into it. He squinted at it, mouth fumbling for words.

“I know it doesn’t look like much,” Aerith said, excitement brimming underneath her words. “But- It’s called a Thunder Armlet. As long as you’re wearing it, it will completely, one-hundred percent, nullify any Thunder based magic thrown at you.”

“I—” Riku broke off, not sure what to say. He stared at the bracelet with newfound awe, suddenly understanding everyone’s excitement, Yuffie’s bitter but eager _‘she outdid all of us_ ’. “I’m? Are you serious?” He asked, laughing with his surprise. It seemed too good to be true.

Aerith just nodded, smiling widely. “It _absolutely_ works,” she told him. “We all tried it, just to be sure.”

“You don’t even feel it, if it hits you,” Namine said, with a quiet excitement. “It’s pretty amazing.” So she’d tested it, too? Somehow, that reassured Riku more than anything else.

“That _rules_?” Kairi said, her voice shaking a little bit with awe.

“I want one,” Sora muttered, sounding a little jealous.

“Unfortunately, they’re pretty hard to come by,” Aerith said. “I was lucky to even get my hands on this one.”

“Thank you,” Riku said, clasping it around his wrist with trembling fingers. He didn’t feel any different, wearing it—of course he didn’t, that would be silly—but happiness was bursting like fireworks in his chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, _thank you_.”

Aerith laughed, and smiled. “You’re welcome,” she said. “Honestly, I wish I could’ve given you one much sooner than this.”

“That’s okay,” he assured her. “Thank you.”

“I said you outdid all of us,” Yuffie sighed, putting her chin in her hand.

“Hey, I liked your gift too,” Riku argued. “I love _all_ of these gifts.”

Yuffie looked a little relieved at that.

From there the conversation trailed into other things—Kairi asked Aerith for glue, Leon and Cid started discussing cake, Sora got up to take care of Riku’s trash, even though Riku absolutely _would_ have gotten it. Left sitting there, Riku messed with his new bracelet, spinning it a little around his wrist. He smiled fondly at it, and the rest of the gifts on the table.

An entire year, and here he was.

Sitting surrounded by his friends, his family, people who loved him.

He’d never been happier.


	90. In which Xehanort has a change of plans, and Sora does a lot of reading

* * *

  **Part 5**

_**Resolve** _

* * *

 

_She was walking through the Dark Realm. A familiar sight, filled with familiar feelings. The crunch of something like snow under her feet, the crispness of the air, the way darkness clung to her skin—things etched into her mind after the years spent here, things she would never forget._

_She had to find Terra._

_She kept seeing him, ghosts of him, in the distance. Glowing and ethereal, like he was not wholly there. She chased him anyway. She could not take any chances._

_She had to find him._

_She had to save him._

_“Terra!” she shouted, reaching a hand out to grab him._

_Her hand passed through him, but he turned around to look at her, eyes wide as if with surprise._

_“Terra, please, I’m here to—”_

(You can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t.)

_She shook the words out of her head, and as she did so the ghost of Terra vanished. The ground beneath her rumbled, the world around her shook—and from the ground rose a Heartless she was familiar with. Massive and towering and; (Darkside, was the name of it, but it was a name she never really got to know.)_

_She did not summon Rainfell to her, it just Was, in her hand as she leapt into the air to fight. She burned with magic, falling into a familiar dance. Dodging blows and landing hits, casting spells. Darksides kept rising around her, trapping her in a circle. She made quick work of them, but more kept coming, more kept coming, more kept—_

_Something was wrong._

_The realization hit Aqua suddenly, and she stumbled midair._

_Ground was suddenly beneath her. The images in the distance of her vision started to blur, turning to grey fog. She was aware of… Something. Something pressing at the edge of her mind._

_She turned, and standing before her was a figure in a black cloak. She could not see his face._

_Aqua tensed, shoulders going tight._

_He raised his hands before him, a placating gesture._

_“_ Shh, it’s alright. I’m only testing the waters. _”_

 _She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be comforting or not, but there was still something incredibly_ wrong _about this man. She realized, distantly, that she couldn’t feel him. Where there should have been a signature, telling her the shape of his heart—there was none._

_Unsettled by this, and his presence in general, Aqua raised Rainfell against him._

_It wasn’t in her hand._

_Which was strange, in a dream. Usually if she wanted it, it just was._

_She had to consciously call it to her this time and it… resisted, for a moment or two, before she was able to will it into her grasp._

_She raised it against the man and gathered her power to attack—_

_Something crashed into her side, pushing her off balance_ and out of bed. The impact with the floor was jarring, sending a terrible feeling up her spine. She struggled against the weight that pinned her, then realized it was Ven.

Then she realized she held Rainfell in her hand.

She dismissed it, heat rising to her cheeks.

“What was _that_?” Ven asked, as he pulled himself off of her. He settled next to her, on his knees. There was something of a laugh in his voice, but his eyes were wide with terror, mixed with concern.

“I- I don’t know,” Aqua admitted, while she pushed herself upright. She shook her head, rubbing at it. “I’m fine.”

Ven peered at her. “You _sure_?” he pressed. “Aqua, you literally summoned your Keyblade in your—”

“I know.” She cut him off. Rainfell seemed to be a weight in her mind, heavier than it normally was. It was hard to forget what she’d nearly done, but… It was strange, too. “I’m fine,” she insisted again, and then she laughed. “Honestly, it wasn’t even that bad of a dream.” Chasing Terra through a horde of Darksides? That was tame. “I don’t know why I…”

There was something foggy about the end of the dream, about the moments just before Ven woke her up. Something she couldn’t quite remember. Still, whatever it was, she was certain it hadn’t been terrifying enough to have frightened her into summoning Rainfell in the waking world. How strange.

Ven looked at her like he didn’t believe her, but enough insisting got him to relent. Aqua sent one wistful look out the window before she crawled back into bed. It was late enough in the “day” that sun should have been peaking over the horizon, but of course…

Oh well. She was fine.

 

**xxx**

“Change of plans, huh?” Braig asked, as Xehanort returned from his errand.

Braig was leaning with his shoulder against the giant window in the Grey Area. Xehanort sent him a casual shrug and a smile before taking his favorite spot on his favorite couch.

“For the moment, anyway,” Xehanort said. There was no point keeping it a secret from Braig, but also no need to elaborate. Braig knew where he’d been.

“What about Sora?”

“We both know who the better prize is, Braig.”

Braig nodded, not arguing on that point.

He rolled his neck, turning to look more directly at Xehanort. “What about the Replica Program?” he asked. “You still want me hunting down some miserable Replica who can run that thing?”

“Please,” Xehanort said.

Braig shrugged. “Just hoping there _is_ a Replica to find. Seems Even was incredibly tight-lipped about this stuff.”

“I know you’ll find one,” Xehanort said. A meager offering of faith, but Braig seemed to appreciate the words.

He pushed off from the wall, raising a hand in a wave. Then he was gone.

 

**xxx**

 

 “Sora? Psst, Sora.”

A voice reverberated at the edge of his consciousness, dragging him out of sleep. He sat up quickly, squinting into the darkness to see who it was. It was no use. He couldn’t see a thing.

“Who’s there?” he asked.

“It’s me. Riku.”

Sora turned to his right, to where Riku should be based on his voice. Not there was really any other place for Riku to be, seeing as Sora’s bed was against two walls. And there was mess at the foot of his bed. He could _kind_ of see Riku’s silhouette, now. He squinted past Riku’s mass and at the clock on his desk, immediately cringing at the time.

“Ugh, it’s like, 4 AM, Riku,” he groaned, rubbing at his face. “What’s up?”

“Oh, oops,” Riku said, with a laugh. “Sorry. I didn’t really think about the time, I just- I found something. I guess it could have waited until morning, but I thought you might want to know immediately.

Sora squinted. “Know what?”

“Here,” Riku began, and then. “Oh.” He paused a moment. “Hang on, I should turn on a light, huh? Keep forgetting no one can see in the dark like me.”

“A light might be helpful,” Sora agreed. “Get the one on my desk, so you don’t blind me with the overhead one…” He groaned a little and kept rubbing at his face, hoping to wake himself up a little faster. The lamp on his desk burst to life after a second, which definitely helped. Sora still regretted being awake though. Kano was a similarly discontent buzz in the back of his mind—but hey, at least that meant Kano _had_ been sleeping.

“Here.”

Riku shoved an open book into Sora’s hands. Sora grunted as he took it, glad he was sitting. It was a _heavy_ book. Riku tapped the left-hand page with his finger.

“Look, it’s an entire chapter about Shadows—pretty detailed, too.” Excitement thrummed in Riku’s tone. “Even just skimming through it, I’m pretty sure this is… everything. Everything you could want to know.”

“I- _really_?” Sora could hardly believe it. But flipping the book shut for a moment proved this to be some kind of magical creature anthology, and there was the word _Sheto,_ printed as a chapter title. “Holy shit…” he whispered.

“I told you you’d want to know now,” Riku said, sounding smug.

“Yeah, thanks,” Sora said, looking up at him. Riku’s eyes gleamed like he was really just happy to help, and Sora sent a smile at him. “Guess I don’t mind being awake at 4 AM so much now, haha.”

Riku laughed a little back, then scratched at his cheek. “I, uh, have some other notes if you want me to run grab them… I don’t think anything else I have is gonna be better than this, though.”

“Um…” Sora tried to think it over quickly, to not leave Riku hanging. “Sure, if you want to get it now,” he said finally. “It couldn’t hurt.”

Riku nodded. “Okay, sure! Just let me go grab everything. Give me a minute. I uh… do have to walk pretty far away from your house before I can go anywhere.”

Sora looked up from the book and laughed. “Oh yeah, huh.” He sent an apologetic look at Riku, though it wasn’t _his_ fault star shards didn’t work in his house or anywhere close to it. He almost asked why Riku didn’t use a dark corridor, but remembered at the last second that Riku’d lost that ability.

“Yeah,” Riku agreed, with a grimace and a shrug. He moved over to Sora’s window and after yanking it open poked his head out—probably to judge the drop, based on his next question. “Y’mind if I just…?”

Sora shook his head. “Nah, go for it dude!” he laughed. “Kairi uses it all the time.” Miraculously, seeing as there wasn’t a tree outside his window like there was outside hers.

“Cool.” Riku waved and hopped out.

Sora moved to peek out of the window after him, just to make sure he made it okay—he did—and then Sora moved to his desk to read.

It was a pretty dense text, which was a good thing, even if Sora felt like he was doing a lot of rereading. Actually, he had to reread the first paragraph a couple times for more than one reason. There was something about it that seemed… off.

The book described Shadows as creatures of darkness that “latched onto a host”. That was fine in and of itself, except one thing. When Kano’d introduced himself, he’d called himself a manifestation of Sora’s darkness—Sora’s darkness, taken physical form. And this book? It didn’t talk about anything even close to that!

Sora squinted at it for a few moments.

Maybe he should ask Kano about it? But, no, Kano was still sleeping. Kano barely ever slept.

So Sora sighed, scowled at the book, and kept reading. He’d only gotten a handful of paragraphs in. Maybe there was more than one kind of Shadow?

He didn’t get any conclusive answers out of the old, yellowing pages before Riku returned—via Sora’s door, this time. No wonder, with the stack of books in his arms. Climbing through the window while carrying all that would have been impossible.

“Here you go,” Riku said, plopping the books on the cleanest corner of Sora’s desk he could find. He tapped the open notebook on top. “I wrote down interesting quotes and things, but you’ll probably want context, so they’re marked with page numbers too.”

“Oh neat!” Sora said, a little surprised. His surprise doubled as he noticed the bookmarks poking out of most of the books. “Wait, dude, did you bookmark everything too?”

Riku eyed the books, scratching at his cheek. “Uh… some of it,” he answered, sounding apologetic. “Not all of it though.”

Despite what Riku said, ‘some’ certainly looked like _a lot._ Sora just stared in awe until he remembered to send Riku a smile.

“Thanks,” he said. “That’s… You put a lot of work into this.”

Riku just shrugged, ducking his head down. “Got a lot of free time.”

Sora moved to punch Riku lightly in the arm, before remembering that was a bad idea. He beamed up at Riku instead, trying to look as sincere as he could manage. “You did more than I could have asked for,” he said. It was _his_ problem, not Riku’s, and the fact that Riku put so much into it despite barely knowing Kano (and his opinion of Kano having to be pretty sour, at that,) made Sora feel incredibly warm inside. “Thanks, Riku. I really appreciate it.”

Riku glanced up at him, eyes gleaming again, like the prospect of being helpful just filled him with warmth. “Uh. Sure thing,” he coughed. If he was trying to play it nonchalant, he was doing a poor job of it. Sora did his best not to laugh. “So uh…” Riku continued. “You want me to stay?”

“Oh, nah! I got it,” Sora told him. Normally he’d appreciate having someone to bounce ideas off of, but he already had Kano, and coordinating Kano and Riku both would have been a nightmare. “I’ll call if I need anything though. Thanks man!”

Riku cracked a smile. “S- sure thing,” he said again, then moved for the window. “See you.”

“Bye!”

Sora watched Riku go through the window, and then trot into the darkness. A star shard went off in the distance. Sora took a deep breath, and then returned to the book, hoping it’d be less confusing this time.

It wasn’t.

Or, at least, he still didn’t see the thing he was looking for. Sora got through the better part of two pages and didn’t see a single mention towards Shadows _ever_ being a manifestation of someone’s darkness. Instead there were a few paragraphs of history—which was intriguing, if not much else—and some speculation about how Shadows chose hosts. The latter Sora found kind of amusing, being a host himself. He guessed he fit some of these criteria? That _threat better dead_ sure was an interesting one, though. Who had written this? How much was true? Barely any of it lined up with Sora thought he knew.

‘ _That’s because this is a load of bullshit,’_ Kano said.

Sora sat up a little straighter, brightening to hear his voice, to feel his presence spark to life in his mind. _Oh, you’re awake!_ he sent, instead of anything else.

‘ _Barely,’_ Kano grumbled.

Sora smiled, and then ran his fingers absentmindedly down the page as he sent his next thought Kano’s way. _Well, what do you think?_

_‘Did you not just hear me call it a load of bullshit.’_

That got a chuckle out of Sora.

‘ _I mean, are we sure the person writing this actually knew what they were talking about?’_ Kano added.

 _Good point,_ Sora conceded. He flipped the book shut for a second, scanning the front for an author. There wasn’t one? Nor was there one on the spine of the book. The first couple pages were missing, too, so no luck finding one there either. Not that it would have… really helped to know who it was, would it have?

Sora thumbed through the pages instead, pausing to scan an entry on Heartless—one of the few things he recognized in here. This information all seemed to make sense. So…

 _I can’t imagine these facts ending up in anthology like this if they were WRONG,_ he argued.

Kano wasn’t convinced. ‘ _Yeah but like._ I _can’t imagine Shadows being a commonly enough known thing to like, GET accurate info on them.’_

Sora supposed Kano had a point there, so he was quiet for a moment as he chewed on his next thought. Part of it was a hope that had been bubbling in him for a while. A lot of it had started when conversations with Cloud didn’t line up with what they knew either. This book just seemed to further cement it.

 _Maybe WE’VE got this wrong,_ he suggested.

Kano bristled rapidly, like he’d been insulted.

‘ _Hey??’_

_I mean, come on. You say you can’t even remember how you knew you WERE a shadow—_

Kano fumed. ‘ _Again. Where do you THINK Shadows learn it, though? There ISN’T some kind of stupid school for it, Sora, that’s ridiculous. We just know. We have to. How can we exist to do literally one thing if we don’t know what that one thing is?’_

Sora hummed to himself, because it felt weird to tell Kano he was wrong when he wasn’t really. Instead, eyeing the bit on the page that claimed most Shadows were born in the Realm of Darkness, like other Heartless and creatures of their kind, Sora asked another question.

_Where DID you come from, anyway?_

_‘First time I remember being conscious was in your heart, before I split from you,’_ Kano answered. The answer Sora’d been largely expecting.

_So you came from me._

_‘Yeah.’_

_Physical manifestation of my darkness, or whatever._

_‘Uh-huh.’_

‘ _All your friends at Hollow Bastion acted like this made sense,’_ Kano butt in. ‘ _Why are you still caught up on it?’_

 _Just weird that it’s not in this book,_ Sora said, staring at the page and the lack of any words like this on it. _Unless it really is covered later?_ But scanning the headings on future pages didn’t turn up anything obvious.

‘ _What about those other books Riku dropped on you?’_ Kano suggested. ‘ _Maybe one of them says something different and this book IS just full of bullshit.’_

_Oh good point, I’ll check._

So he did.

It was difficult work. A lot of the other books Riku delivered only had offhand references, and those that had anything more in-depth really only featured a paragraph or two about _Shetos_ , tops. There was a lot of stuff about darkness and hearts in these books though—which wasn’t completely relevant, but Sora still spent more time reading than he’d like to admit—and there _was_ a lot of reading he had to do for context outside of what Riku marked…

There seemed to be nearly as much conflicting information as there were passages in agreement with each other. Some of it lined up with what Sora already knew about Shadows. Some of it didn’t. Sora mentally marked down every clear difference between this information and what he knew about Kano, though, which Kano bristled about, even if he didn’t comment on.

Amidst all this reading, and knee-deep in these texts, something occurred to Sora.

He lifted his head from the book, staring at one of the pictures hung on his wall in front of him without really seeing it.

_Kano. I haven’t seen anything mentioning that link we have._

_‘Wait. What?’_

_Y’know, how we can hear each other think and stuff._ Which they _could_ do before they started sharing a heartspace, so it couldn’t be just that. _You said that was like a law of our existence? But like… Nothing here is saying that it exists._

 _‘It’s probably a hard thing to keep track of unless you have a Shadow, though,’_ Kano argued. ‘ _Maybe no one wanted to talk about it to some researchers! YOU always get nervous bringing it up.’_

 _Fair,_ Sora agreed, but plowed on anyway. _Cloud said he didn’t have a link like this with Sephiroth, though._ He remembered Cloud saying the link Sora had with Kano was different. Stronger.

Kano just scoffed.

‘ _You’re just digging for differences!’_

_Well, yeah, they’re IMPORTANT._

_‘What for?’_

_Because if they’re wrong about this, maybe they’re wrong about other things._

That made Kano hesitate, made him recoil a little in confusion. He roiled a little as he turned the concept over. Sora held strong in his conviction. This was important. It was _so_ important.

‘ _What other things?’_ Kano asked, finally.

 _The whole you-absolutely-have-to-kill-me-no-exceptions thing, for starters,_ Sora said, because. That couldn’t be true. There was no way that could be a law of someone’s existence. There was no way Kano didn’t have a _choice_.

Kano didn’t respond. He seemed to be stunned speechless—though he was also bristling with discomfort, with annoyance. Sora sighed and decided to ignore him rather than press the issue. (Why couldn’t Kano see that the mere fact he didn’t _want_ to hurt Sora was more telling than anything else? Why couldn’t Kano see his own change of heart?)

Sora lowered his eyes to the book again—the creature anthology—and kept digging through it, scanning the paragraphs he’d already read to see if something new popped out at him. Was there something they’d missed? Was there information elsewhere? Was what he wanted to hear hidden between these words somewhere? He just wanted to know that he and Kano could coexist peacefully. He just wanted something to tell him this didn’t have to end in Kano’s death, again. At least the amount of conflicting information was comforting, in its way.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on his door, followed by his mother’s concerned voice.

“Sora, sweetie…? I hate to bother you, but this is later than you normally sleep in. And don’t you have, um, training to be at?”

Sora blinked in the brightness of the room. When had the sun risen? When had it gotten to be quarter-til 10AM? How had he _not_ noticed?

“UHHHH,” he said, brain stalling too thoroughly to come up with anything else. He did hastily push away from his desk and grab some clothes off the floor, though. It took him maybe twenty seconds to get dressed, and then he launched himself out of his room, nearly barreling his mother over. “Sorry. I- thanks for reminding me. I was reading.” There was no sense lying about that, but also no time to elaborate. He kissed his mother on the cheek and made for the stairs. “Thanks again! See you later!”

“What about breakfast?” his mother called after him. “I don’t think you should be doing that, Keyblade, training, whatever on an empty stomach.”

“No time,” Sora argued. “I’ll be fine—”

But Kano grabbed control of Sora’s legs and made him stagger to a halt in front of the kitchen. Sensing what Kano wanted, he spluttered internally.

_Hey! I’m already late!_

_‘I’m NOT having you pass out during training because you didn’t eat again, Sora.’_

_THAT WAS ONE TIME!!_

His mother had made her way down the stairs after him by now, and Sora was immensely grateful that she didn’t comment on the fact he hadn’t left yet. He also hoped it didn’t look obvious he was low-key struggling for control of his body back, either. This was ridiculous.

“Breakfast is important, Sora,” his mother said, firmly. “I’ll make you something. Go sit at the table.”

Sora wanted to protest, but since Kano was already moving him towards the table, it would look really, _really_ weird. Instead he groaned and said “fiiiiiine,” because, what else was he supposed to do?

 _This is unfair,_ he told Kano.

‘ _Yeah, well, someone’s gotta make you take better care of yourself, and since I’m literally riding backseat in here…’_

Sora scrunched his face up in a scowl, though something of a smile threatened to break through from underneath it. As infuriating and embarrassing as this was—he wasn’t even hungry, and eating was a chore—Kano’s fierce concern made him feel… warm, just a little bit. It was a nice reminder that he cared.

“I just hope Aqua isn’t too mad…” Sora grumbled, more for the show of it than anything else.


	91. In which that was easier and went better than we expected

“Oh, _there_ you are!” came Ven’s voice, seconds after Sora’s feet hit the ground. “I was starting to think you’d already gotten the memo.”

“The memo?” Sora asked, confused as he trotted over to meet Ven at the base of the tower. Weird, that Ven was greeting him, when Ven generally avoided him. (Or, Kano inside him? ‘ _I’m not complaining,’_ Kano said, which Sora ignored.) Where was Aqua?

“Training’s canceled today!” Ven explained as he hopped to his feet. It looked like he’d been lounging in the grass, stargazing.

Sora backpedaled a little, surprised. “What? What’s it canceled for?”

“Aqua’s just having an off day.” Ven shrugged. “She didn’t really sleep last night.”

“Well, me neither,” Sora admitted, scratching and rubbing at his neck. Ven laughed along with him.

“Then you should go back home and get some sleep, too, maybe,” Ven suggested, eyes glistening with what was both playfulness and warm concern.

Sora nodded, though his mind was buzzing and _very_ awake, and if he went home to do anything, it would be more reading. ‘ _We’ve dug through most of the books by this point, though,’_ Kano argued, but _Yeah, well, maybe we still missed something!_ Sora shot back. Kano kept grumbling, but there was no point sticking around here to argue about it, so Sora moved to dig his star shard back out, and opened his mouth to say goodbye to Ven.

Except, then Mickey stepped out of the door of the tower.

Abruptly Sora remembered that Mickey was the one person he still needed to ask about Kano. The realization made Kano recoil with discomfort and, and something that—No, that was _absolutely_ fear. It made Sora’s stomach flip-flop so hard he wished he _hadn’t_ eaten breakfast.

(He’d wonder why Kano was afraid, but no. He knew. Those memories had long since slipped past the borders between them, because those borders were often blurry and ill-defined.)

 _We have to ask him, Kano,_ Sora insisted, trying to be gentle about it. He prodded into Kano’s half of their shared mindspace, reaching to pull Kano out of his ball of terror. At the moment, it wasn’t really working, but maybe if he kept at it…?

‘ _We do not!_ ’ Kano spat back. ‘ _Maybe- Maybe there IS something in those books—’_

 _You don’t believe that,_ Sora argued, hesitantly admitting that he didn’t believe there was anything left to find either. Besides, he had to ask _someone_ for clarification about all the conflicting information those books had. Mickey was the only expert he could think of.

‘ _Can we- Do we HAVE to tell him I’m here?’_ Kano asked.

Or rather, Kano _pleaded_.

The tremor of fear in him reverberated through Sora, causing Sora’s heart to tremble with it. Familiar memories played in Sora’s eyes, for a moment. A Keyblade in his chest. Light, _burning_ through his veins. Mickey’s face; angry—why would it be any different now? After all, Mickey’d judged him so harshly, so immediately, the first time around.

Sora squeezed his eyes shut for a moment took a carefully deep breath, not wanting to alert Mickey and Ven (who were chatting about whatever Mickey’d been here for) that he was wrestling with this boiling terror.

He wasn’t sure if he thought the same Kano did. Mickey didn’t seem like one to hold grudges, to him. But… There was no telling, since Kano was a Shadow, and everyone else seemed to hate him for it. And Sora didn’t want to just ignore Kano’s terror, either, or insist it was invalid.

Mickey… _had_ been rather harsh, at least according to what Kano’s memories told Sora.

So:

 _I’ll try ‘n keep you secret,_ Sora said. _I can’t promise, because I might have to tell him if we want proper answers. But… I’ll try. And I’ll field everything, for sure. You don’t have to talk at all._

He sent this along with what he hoped were soothing mental nudges towards Kano’s half of the mindspace. He burned to do more than that. Burned to do something like hold Kano’s hand, or rub his back, because those seemed like more efficient ways of calming terror. But… This would have to do. It was all they had.

Kano didn’t answer, but he _did_ send what felt like reluctant agreement back across their link. Sora silently thanked him, and then:

 _You can bail completely, if you want,_ he offered. _‘n just let me handle it._

It should have been an offer that Kano wouldn’t refuse, but instead of their link going dead, Kano seemed to cling to it, as if it were a lifeline. He felt slightly more in control of his terror, too. Maybe… this _was_ as efficient as holding hands?

“—and, sorry we didn’t really get to talk, Sora,” Mickey was saying, drawing Sora out of his thoughts. “But it was nice seeing ya! I should get going.”

He started moving a safe distance away from Ven and Sora to activate his star shard. Sora did a double take.

“Wait a second, Mickey,” Sora called hastily. “I wanted to ask you some—”

“—thing…” Ven finished, as Sora broke off.

They turned and locked eyes with each other, having both realized they’d asked the same thing at the exact same time. Sora laughed a little, and Ven echoed the laughter.

“Boy, guess I’m popular,” Mickey said, also laughing. He returned his star shard to his pocket.

“Uh, mine can wait,” Sora told Ven, not entirely sure if he wanted Ven here for this. (Kano certainly didn’t. _But wait, Ven KNOWS about you,_ Sora argued, which was met with silence.)

“Mine can wait, too…” Ven said, looking equally like he wasn’t sure he wanted Sora to be here for whatever his was.

They eyed each other a moment longer, and then did the only logical thing in this situation.

They played rock-paper-scissors.

Ven won.

He looked at his winning hand, then shrugged. “Well, alright.” He lowered his hands, sending an uncertain smile at Sora. “Probably for the best, seeing as this affects you too.”

Sora raised his eyebrows. What could Ven ask Mickey that affected _him_?

Ven turned to Mickey, wiping his hands on his pants, clearly nervous. “Okay, so, Mickey. I was thinking- well, wondering if, um, it’d be alright if me and Aqua started staying at your place again?” he asked.

Mickey seemed a little surprised by the question—as was Sora, actually—but Ven kept explaining before Mickey could say anything.

“It’s just, Aqua’s been having a rough time lately, and…” Ven hesitated here a moment, then shook his head. “Well, I doubt it’s the _cause,_ but, time doesn’t really pass normally here, y’know? And while I don’t think _I_ could get sick of this view of the stars, I think... I think Aqua misses the sunlight. And I think it’d be good for her.”

Mickey nodded. “Yeah, I understand.”

“Is it gonna work, though?” Ven asked, tone urgent, worried. “I don’t wanna mess up Sora’s training—”

“Hey, Aqua’s mental health is way more important than my training,” Sora butt in.

Ven looked grateful, though no less worried. Mickey just smiled and laughed a little.

“It’s alright!” he assured Ven. “There’s definitely room somewhere in the castle for that. We’ll make it work.”

“Really?” Ven asked, and when Mickey laughed and nodded again, Ven’s face lit up like a firework. “Great!” He punched the air. “I’m gonna go tell Aqua!! Hopefully she isn’t too mad that I’m—” The rest of his thought was cut off, because he vanished inside.

Sora stared after him for a moment.

_Well. That was a thing._

_‘Sure was,’_ Kano answered, wilting. He didn’t think too fondly of having to go to Disney Castle every day, from the feel of things. Sora guessed he couldn’t blame him.

 _Hey, lighten up. It won’t be so bad,_ Sora promised. He tried to stifle his thoughts of how it’d be easier once this conversation was over, depending on how the conversation went. Kano didn’t want Mickey to know about him, and Sora’d promised, so… He shouldn’t be hoping this conversation _would_ end with Mickey learning about Kano.

“Anyway, Sora,” Mickey said, turning towards him. “What was it that you wanted to ask?”

“Oh! Well, uh,” Sora scratched at the back of his head, “I wanted to ask a few questions about Shadows?”

Mickey gave him some kind of Look, eyes narrowed slightly. Whether with confusion or concern, Sora couldn’t quite tell.

“Just, uh! Curiosity!” Sora added quickly, trying to make it seem less suspicious. That… probably didn’t help, but better to lay the foundation now, he supposed. Kano bubbled with nervousness. Sora did too. He tried not to let it show.

“Okay,” Mickey said. He folded his arms over his chest as he looked up at Sora, his smile pleasant enough. “What kinds of questions?”

“Um.” Sora hesitated there, not sure where to begin.

He wanted to ask Mickey if Mickey also thought it was ridiculous that Kano had to kill him and didn’t have a choice. But, that would be hard to ask without context, and he _had_ promised Kano. Asking Mickey if he thought Shadows could change was probably also too direct, so…

Oh, there was a question the book had made him worry about. Getting that cleared up might be enough, even though Sora wanted to ask Mickey so much more.

(Kano was a burst of warm thankfulness at the back of his mind—Sora cradled the sensation close, responding with quiet assurances he was happy to do this.)

“What, like, _are_ Shadows, even?” Sora asked.

Mickey blinked, but brightened considerably.

“Oh! That’s easy,” he said. “See, they’re a kind of creature—a little like a Heartless, but… Well, a lot more complicated than one, too. Anyway, they latch onto a host and try and drag that host back into darkness.”

Sora nodded slowly. That’s what the book had said.

And yet Kano and Leon had both said something contrary to that.

“So they _aren’t,_ like… a manifestation of the host’s darkness?” Sora ventured.

Mickey shook his head slowly, but his brow furrowed tightly and he lowered his head a little—clearly thinking about it hard. “Well, no, I don’t think so,” he answered, only to hastily continue: “But, now that you mention it, it _is_ weird that your Shadow looked so much like you. Were you thinking he _was_ —?”

“I mean, that’s what he _told_ me he was. A manifestation of my darkness, or whatever.” Oh, and: “He also said that he, like, _split_ from me, too? Which I think is also kind of weird,” as well as definitely not something that came up in the book. Then Sora realized he should toss Mickey context of _some_ sort. “Oh, I uh! I stumbled on a book with some info about Shadows, and- and it said what you just said, but since that’s different from what K- from what, uh, my Shadow said. Well. I was just kinda confused.”

Mickey nodded along the whole time Sora was talking, and then:

“He said he _split_ from you, huh?” he asked.

Sora nodded back. “Yeah like, he was my darkness, split from me to create my Shadow…” Now that he was saying it, he felt a little less certain about it. Also, saying it made him realize:

_Wait, Kano, if you split from me once, can’t you—_

_‘There’s not enough darkness in here to pull it off a second time,’_ Kano countered, before Sora had quite finished.

 _That’s fair,_ Sora admitted.

“Hmm,” Mickey said in the meantime, drawing the sound out as he thought about it. He didn’t look like he had any kind of concrete answer, which was a little discomforting.

“Do you think he’s lying about that?” Sora pressed.

“Well… I can’t say I know everything about Shadows,” Mickey admitted, after a moment. He let his hands fall from his chest, moving them slightly as he spoke. “I’ve really only interacted with yours, and… those times that I did, he acted _really_ different from what I thought I knew Shadows to be.”

“So, him being a literal physical manifestation of my darkness isn’t weird?” Sora asked, to be clear. He wasn’t sure he’d be happy or sad if that was true.

“I’ve never heard of it happenin’ before, but that doesn’t mean it _can’t_ happen,” Mickey said.

“Okay,” Sora said. “Good to know.”

That was all he could say, seeing as he still wasn’t sure if this was good or bad news. It felt more like bad news, the more he thought about it. It was one less strike towards “Kano’s nothing like other Shadows”, but… Well, there were still plenty more differences, weren’t there?

The seconds stretched on awkwardly in silence, seconds that Sora did not notice because he was thinking, then Mickey cleared his throat.

“Was that all you wanted to ask?” Mickey prompted, looking earnestly up at Sora.

“Well,” Sora began.

He hesitated, though, reaching up to tap at his head. Because, he _did_ want to ask Mickey more things, but he was also bound by his promise to not tell about Kano if he didn’t have to. So not only did he have to think of those questions, but also figure out how to phrase them in a way that wouldn’t give Kano away…

While he was doing this, Mickey sighed.

It was a small sigh, and when Sora started and looked towards him because of it, he saw Mickey’s shoulders slump. Mickey wouldn’t look quite directly at Sora, either.

“If… If you’re worried about telling me your Shadow’s still around, then… Well… I already know?”

An iron grip closed around Sora’s chest.

“Oh.”

That was the only sound he was able to get out, because it was impossible to get enough air into his lungs for anything else. Kano became a tight ball of terror again, making the entirety of their shared mindspace tremble with the weight of his fear. Sora hastily decided to forget about Mickey for a moment and closed his eyes to focus on Kano.

 _Hey, hey, come on, this isn’t so bad,_ he began.

‘ _He knows he knows, oh fuck he knows, he hates me—’_

_Kano, please, you don’t know that._

_‘Yes I do because the moment he saw me he tried to kill me and—’_

_Kano._

Sora pushed reassurance and calm thoughts along their link, those gentle mental nudges that had seemed to work earlier. He wished so desperately that he could grab Kano by the shoulders and shake him, or maybe just hold him close until he got him to _chill_. Especially since the mental nudge thing wasn’t working as well this time around.

‘ _He’s gonna try again,’_ Kano choked. Sora felt like he was gasping around the words, his body reacting to Kano’s fear. _‘He’s gonna he’s gonna he’s gonna—’_

It was hard to breathe around the fear, hard to breathe around the way Kano clung to him, hard to breathe around Kano’s crystalizing realization of all he had to lose if he _did_ die.

“Hey, it’s alright, Sora, it’s okay,” came Mickey’s voice, then Sora was aware of Mickey’s hand tugging on his own. After that he became more crisply aware of how he was hyperventilating, and he clutched a hand to his chest to try and slow it down, deliberately breathing in measured gasps and trying to put a wedge between himself and everything Kano felt.

“Sorry-” Sora gasped. It was all he could do.

“No, it’s alright,” Mickey told him. “Sorry I scared ya. Or… scared _him_?” Mickey studied Sora carefully. Sora looked away. “Listen, it’s alright. I—”

“He’s changed,” Sora gasped, caught between Kano’s fear and some of his own. He did not really think Mickey would kill Kano, but he feared a lot of the potential ways Mickey could react. He had to counteract them, _now_. “He’s changed, I promise, and he’s- he’s not gonna—”

“It’s _alright,_ it’s alright, I believe you,” Mickey said firmly.

I believe you.

The words made Sora’s brain stall. The words surprised Kano enough that his terrified spiral of thoughts stalled too.

Sora stood there and did nothing for a few seconds, one hand in Mickey’s, one hand over his chest, mind spinning, eyes staring unfocused at the tower as he ran the words over and over again in his mind to make sure he’d heard correctly. Still unconvinced he had, he finally made himself look down to Mickey, face stretched in confusion.

“ _Huh??”_

Mickey laughed pleasantly, then became nervous. His grip on Sora’s hand went slack, and his tail started twitching behind him.

“I mean, uh, if you say he’s changed,” Mickey said rapidly. “I, uh. I trust you.”

Despite his nervousness, he sounded genuine. And the words themselves hit Sora hard enough he forgot to worry about the fact Mickey was acting like he was hiding something.“Wow, _really_?” Sora laughed, a grin pulling his mouth wide open. It felt too good to be true. “I can’t- I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is, to have someone say that straight out.”

Mickey laughed lightly, if nervously, and sent a kind look up at Sora. “Well, trust me, I’ve been thinking a lot about… him. And a lot about, well, the last time we saw each other.”

He let his hand fall away from Sora’s, and now Sora realized that the look was not kind—it was pained, the smile tired.

Mickey opened his mouth to keep speaking, but then his face changed completely as a realization came upon him. He went as far to jump a little bit where he stood, brimming for a second with what Sora placed as excitement. The sharpness of it dulled after a moment, and it was with a hesitant—if still earnest—tone that Mickey asked Sora:

“Can… can he hear me? Your Shadow? I want to tell him something.”

“Oh…!” Sora blinked at the request, taken aback by the sincerity and the weight Mickey seemed to regard this with. The earnestness too, was disarming. “Hang on.”

Kano was still a panicked, confused ball at the back of Sora’s mind, but Sora reached for him anyway.

 _Hey, this okay with you?_ he asked.

‘ _I...’_ Kano began, sounding much like he didn’t like any inch of this scenario. ‘ _I mean. I’ll listen. I won’t promise that I’ll answer.’_

 _Gotcha,_ Sora said, because that seemed fair. To Mickey, he said: “Yeah, he’s listening. Go ahead.”

“Well,” Mickey hesitated only a moment, then nodded to himself, plodding ahead. “I wanted to apologize.” A sharp note of surprise flared through Kano. Mickey continued: “I shouldn’t have acted so, uh, hasty, when we last met. I’m sorry.”

Kano reeled, and—Well, it was hard to parse his emotions, exactly. He seemed uncertain of what to make of this turn of events. Sora couldn’t really blame him.

 _Do you want me to answer for you?_ Sora asked, then realized how pointless that was without first asking: _Do you need a minute to sort this out?_

 _‘I…’_ Kano began, and then: ‘ _I’ll answer_.’

_You sure?_

_‘Yeah.’_

Sora was surprised, but didn’t argue. “Here,” he told Mickey. “Kano wants to answer, so—oh! Kano’s his name, by the way. Anyway. Gonna give him control of my mouth for a moment so you can talk.”

Mickey seemed a little surprised by the notion, but gestured for Sora to go ahead. Sora handed control over to Kano.

It was weird, the sensation of being shoved into the backseat, the thick fuzz that slotted between him and his senses. At least the mindspace didn’t feel any different like this. Sora pushed himself up against Kano, hoping to be a reassuring, steady presence to help Kano through this.

Kano wriggled his toes, and took a second to wet his lips. “Uh, hi,” he said. It was a little squeaky. He cleared his throat. “Kano here. Um.”

He stopped, likely to take stock of what he was feeling, and what he wanted to say, based on the roiling of his thoughts. Sora could have made them out if he pried, but he didn’t feel like pushing it. They needed what privacy they could get.

Kano cleared his throat again, eyes dropping to the ground to the right of Mickey. He rubbed at his arm. “I mean- It’s okay, I guess?” he said. “You had every right to…”

That was followed by a string of loud thoughts— _given that I’m a Shadow, given that I was in your castle, given that you thought I was gonna hurt Sora—_ that Sora frowned at, because those weren’t exactly things that justified Mickey’s actions, but. He didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet.

“I didn’t really, though,” Mickey argued, and Sora felt relieved. “It was wrong of me to judge ya so harshly, just ‘cuz you’re a creature of darkness.”

Kano did a double take, taking a half-step back and shaking his head. Sora could feel heat in his cheeks, feel Kano blink rapidly as confusion churned in his brain. Sora burned now with excitement, just not relief.

“But I…” Kano began, trying to formulate an argument against Mickey, pulling on every one of his Bad Thoughts, but Sora squashed them down and launched over them to yank control of his body back again, giving Kano no chance.

Because Mickey had just said that he didn’t want to judge Kano just because of what he was.

“Hang on!!” Sora shouted, then remembered he needed to reintroduce himself. “Sora again. Sorry. Hang on. Did you just- did you—” He wasn’t sure how to phrase it, his mind too busy spinning with excitement to form something coherent. This was the first time someone knew, _really_ knew, what Kano was and then—without any prompting from Sora!—decided they weren’t going to judge him for it. “Sorry, I just.”

Sora paused to take a deep breath, and then, just to be sure:

“You- you don’t think that just ‘cuz he’s a Shadow, he’s gonna. That he’s still, like, secretly evil? Or?” Well, that still wasn’t coherent, because it got mixed up with a million other questions he wanted to ask, but Mickey seemed to get the idea.

He laughed, smiling a patient smile. “I admit it’s kinda strange for _Sheto_ s to have a change of heart, but… Well, I didn’t think they _had_ hearts.” His expression was fond, determined. “And, Kano’s definitely got one. You ‘n I both saw it.”

Kano roiled with something like disbelief and embarrassment wrapped together, but Sora was too busy being excited to pay it any mind. It felt like his chest would burst, it was so full of surprise and joy. He could barely believe this was happening, but _it was._

Sora jumped forward and bent down so he could better look Mickey in the eye. “Do you- do you think, um, like.” He was tripping over his words, and had to remind himself to breathe. “ _Sheto_ s, they like- they exist to drag their host into darkness or to kill them trying but, but- Do you think Kano has to? Do you think there’s any way he’s changed enough that he won’t?”

Mickey considered it for a long moment.

“Well… _Sheto_ s are very purpose driven creatures,” he admitted. “But- Everything about Kano seems kinda unique, if you ask me.”

“ _Really_?” Sora asked, bouncing with excitement. He couldn’t believe someone else was thinking it too.

Mickey nodded. “Sure,” he said. “Maybe I don’t know everything about him, but from what I’ve seen, he’s so different from what I thought Shadows were supposed to be.”

A grin broke across Sora’s face, because _that was exactly the thing_ , except—

Kano yanked control of his body, pulling his body backward away from Mickey and straightening it to its full height. The grin on Sora’s face became something stretched and ugly, as Kano’s anger took over.

“Okay, but that solves _nothing_!?” Kano shouted, face turned more towards the sky than towards Mickey—likely because his anger was directed equally at Sora. “I’m still like! My literal purpose in life is to hurt Sora!” He pounded furiously at his chest. “Sure, I don’t wanna, but like—”

“Then that’s all that matters,” Mickey interrupted, miraculously taking this in stride.

Kano reeled. Now he turned to Mickey, face scrunched in confusion. “ _Excuse_ me?” he demanded.

“If you don’t want to hurt Sora, then you won’t,” Mickey told him, firmly.

“But it doesn’t matter what I _want_!” Kano spat. Recycled words from an argument he and Sora had had, a couple weeks ago. The memory rang throughout their shared mind like a harsh bell. “All that matters is I’m a _Sheto_ , and—”

“You’re wrong,” Mickey said. His voice was soft, his eyes kind.

Kano reeled again.

“What?”

“The fact that you’re a _Sheto_ doesn’t matter at all. It’s what’s in your heart— _that’s_ what really matters,” Mickey said. Conviction was heavy on his brow. “That’s what makes a person. The shape of their heart.”

Kano laughed, bitterly. Sora felt the disbelief bubble up hot within him. Disbelief, and a thread of fear.

“But I’m a _Sheto_ ,” he argued again. Sora tried not to pry at the fear in Kano, but still, he knew. Kano argued, because he was afraid to believe he was safe. He was afraid to believe, because if he believed and he was wrong—it was a price he thought too steep. “My entire existence is just- It’s. The only thing I exist to do is to drag Sora into darkness, or kill him! I can’t- I can’t just _resist_ that!”

“Sure you can,” Mickey said. He was being so incredibly patient, and Sora loved him for it. Sora hoped Mickey could do what he hadn’t been able to do—get through Kano’s thick skull.

“But I—” Kano began again, voice hot with frustration.

“Kano, listen to me.” Still, Mickey was patient, firm. “The heart is a… powerful, strange thing. And the heart can overcome almost anything.”

“Even the _literal nature of my existence_?” Kano asked, tone sharp like he _dared_ Mickey to argue him on this.

Mickey did, though.

He nodded, and with a wide smile:

“Sure!” he said. “I don’t see why not.”

Kano spluttered, angry and still afraid to believe it.

“I mean it,” Mickey continued, gentle. “If it’s not in your heart to hurt Sora, then you won’t.”

Kano laughed, a desperate, choked thing. He raked a hand through his hair. Sora would worry, but… He felt the conviction Kano was holding start to shudder and crack. He felt Kano stop clinging so tightly to the idea he was going to hurt Sora.

“So I’m- I’m? I’m safe?” he asked Mickey, choking on the words as tears burned in his eyes. “I don’t gotta worry about- about just, whether I want to or not, just, like, snapping and attacking Sora ‘cuz I have to? ‘Cuz I’m a Shadow, ‘cuz that’s what I’m _supposed_ to do?”

Mickey shook his head, smiling patiently. “No,” he said. “I don’t think you gotta worry about that at all. Like I said, the heart is strong, and can overcome many things. And if your heart doesn’t want to hurt Sora… You’re not going to.”

And, Kano believed it.

Finally, Kano believed it.

Relief washed over him—the both of them, really, because Sora was immensely grateful for this too—so thickly that he sunk to his knees in the grass, hands pressed to his face as warm tears rolled down his cheeks. Kano believed it, he _truly_ believed it, and Sora knew, it was the sweetest relief Kano had ever tasted.

Sure, Sora didn’t exactly know what was running through Kano’s head. But he could imagine how beautiful it was for Kano to know he wasn’t at risk of hurting Sora. He could imagine how amazing it must have been to know that they didn’t have to be separated forever to protect each other—and that one, Sora could imagine, because he felt it himself. Sora felt other kinds of relief, too. Relief because he definitely wouldn’t have to kill Kano. Relief to know that this was _true,_ even if he had believed it for a while.

 _See, dude, I told you,_ Sora teased.

‘ _Shut up.’_

_I was riiight~_

_‘I said shut up!’_

It was fond, though, for all the force there was in Kano’s voice. Sora found a smile breaking on his lips. And in the still of the moment, there was enough space for Sora to slide back into control of his body. He wiped at his eyes and pushed himself to his feet.

“Thank you,” Sora told Mickey. “Thank you, thank you, _thank you_. I thought Kano’d never get that through his head.”

Mickey smiled up at him. “Aw, you’re welcome! It was the least I could do.”

Silenced passed for a second or two, and then:

“Oh!” Sora remembered; “There’s one more thing I wanted to ask.”

Catching on to what it was, Kano bristled.

‘ _Sora, I’m not- I think that was enough excitement for one day.’_

 _I’m just gonna ask!!_ Sora argued.

“Go for it!” Mickey said. His tone was pleasant enough, but Sora noted the sudden tiredness in his eyes. He realized that he’d kept Mickey here probably… much longer than Mickey wanted to stay, and felt a little guilty.

“Sorry,” Sora said.

“No, it’s alright, I think this was more important than any other plans I had today,” Mickey assured him. “Minnie will understand.”

Somehow that made Sora feel worse, but, eager to ask this question, he pressed on anyway.

“Listen, is there… Do you know of a way to get Kano, um, out of here?” he asked. “It’d be nice to not be sharing a body anymore, if that’s an option.”

He didn’t _mind_ the bodysharing too much. But he was tired of being the only one who could hear Kano. And there were so many things he wanted to do with Kano that he couldn’t when Kano wasn’t physical. (Playing video games together was near the top of the list.) (Holding Kano’s hand wasn’t far under that.)

“Oh! Actually, yeah, I know how to do that,” Mickey said.

Sora blinked with surprise. Well that had been easier than he’d anticipated.

“There’s a thing you can do with the Keyblade,” Mickey explained. “It’s not… the safest kind of magics, but you can split a heart with it. Comes in handy when you’ve got more than one heart in a body.” He laughed to himself, like it was a kind of joke. He looked nervous though, and sobered quickly. “That’s kinda, the _only_ thing it’s good for, though…” he added, scratching at his cheek.

“Well, I’m not complaining,” Sora said, and he laughed, hoping to make Mickey feel better.

“You want me to try now?” Mickey asked. “I’m not super practiced with it, because it’s never really come up before... But I’ll give it my best shot!”

Sora wanted to say _yes, please,_ but, sensing that Kano was hesitating, and that this should be a decision they made together, he said “hang on” instead, and turned his attention to Kano.

‘ _I just…’_ Kano began, but seemed to have trouble finding words to put to his anxieties. Seeing as most of his anxieties before had come from feeling less like he was going to hurt Sora if he was in Sora’s chest, Sora couldn’t blame him for lacking a good reason now.

_Come on, Mickey said you’re safe, so…_

_‘I know, I know,’_ Kano insisted, though he still seemed hesitant about believing that. Sora supposed it would take him time to be fully comfortable with it. ‘ _I just, I don’t think I’m ready. Not yet.’_

 _But imagine it, Kano. Imagine if we got it ALL solved today? Wouldn’t it be amazing?_ Sora argued. Then, feeling Kano’s reluctance, he begged, because he wasn’t above that. _Please, Kano? Pleaaaaase?_

_‘And what will we tell your parents?’_

_Eh, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there! Sure will be easier to explain you when you’re not a voice in my head, also._

Kano grumbled something. Sora continued with his eagerness.

_Please please please please._

_‘Alright, fine,’_ Kano relented. Even better, he didn’t feel angry, just exasperated. And a little nervous. But, Sora was nervous too. Nervous, and incredibly, _incredibly_ ready.

“Okay,” he told Mickey. “We’re ready now.”

Mickey nodded, and summoned his Keyblade. He was extremely solemn, all of a sudden. The only sign of his nervousness was the slight, anxious twitch of his tail. He took a deep breath, and raised his Keyblade.

“This… might hurt a bit,” he told Sora.

And before Sora could say that was okay, he didn’t mind, the blade was in his chest. And then… For a few moments, he was aware of nothing. It was a blankness, in his mind, a kind of mental static.

He wasn’t sure how long it lasted. But then, his senses returned to him. Sora hopefully flicked his eyes around to see Kano, but all he saw as Mickey, looking apologetic.

“Sorry, Sora, Kano,” Mickey said, dismissing his blade. Sora let the hope he was holding go. “I just, couldn’t really tell you two apart. I didn’t want to make the split, afraid I’d get it wrong.”

He looked pretty guilty, and Sora opened his mouth to reassure him—it _was_ okay, really, even if Sora was disappointed—but Sora didn’t get the chance.

“Oh, but!” Mickey brightened a little bit. “Hang on, let me go get Aqua. She’s still kind of new to this, but she’s better at sensing hearts than anyone else I know, so maybe she’ll have better luck. I’ll go get her!”

 


	92. In which Aqua is determined, Kano has some doubts, and… Rinoa is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very important reminder: everyone who has a cellphone in ftpverse currently has a flipphone. it's very important to the aesthetic

Aqua ran the news over in her head as Mickey lead her down the tower’s stairs, Ven trailing at her heels. In hindsight, she supposed the fact Sora was carrying a passenger in his heart should have been somewhat obvious. But she was slightly disturbed, too. If he had two hearts sitting in his chest, shouldn’t she have sensed that? And yet, she hadn’t.

She started to dig up a memory of what his heart signature felt like, only to put the effort out of her mind. She was going to be standing in front of him in a few seconds—already, she could feel his heart on the edge of her senses, and they were reaching the bottom of the stairs.

“Thanks for doing this, Aqua,” Sora said, as she stepped outside. “It means a lot to us.”

“Mmhmm,” she answered distractedly. She should have given him more of an answer than that, and the level of not-polite she was being stung at her, but. She was tired, and eager to get a feel of his heart, eager to see where she had fallen short.

His heart was… the same as she remembered. A near-perfect balance of light and dark, tipped slightly in the darkness’s direction. Now, she wondered, was that because of his passenger? The darkness _was_ deeper than should have been possible, against that much light.

And, now that she was looking for it, she could feel—two separate pulses of a heartbeat, slightly out of sync with each other. Frustratingly, though, that was the only indication there was a second heart within Sora’s chest.

“Aqua?”

Sora’s voice.

Aqua shook her head and looked up at him, letting her gaze snap into focus on his face.

“Sorry,” she said, on reflex.

Sora shrugged, smiling that easy smile of his. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’re ready whenever you are.”

Aqua blinked at him. “Right,” she said. She wanted to ask for a moment more to sense out his heart— _their_ hearts—but summoned her Keyblade instead. A second or so more wouldn’t really matter. She steadied Rainfell before her in two hands, taking a steady stance. She looked Sora in the face.

“I’ve… never successfully done this before,” she warned, in case that would deter him. His face didn’t even change, though.

“Hey, it’ll be great practice for Terra!” Ven said, from her left. Despite his teasing, she knew how serious the words actually were. On her right, Mickey gave her a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile.

“Sure, I’m happy to be a practice dummy!” Sora said, grinning wide and easy. His eyes glinted with the joke.

Aqua laughed despite herself. She tightened her grip on Rainfell, then met Sora’s eyes again.

“You ready?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. We’re ready.”

Aqua nodded back and set her jaw. She plunged Rainfell into his chest.

Immediately her vision blurred, senses overwhelmed in an explosion of colors. Red and gold and turquoise washed over her, swirling together in a dizzying dance. She gingerly felt through the soft shadows and pale light she was wading in, trying to distinguish one heart from the other.

It seemed impossible. With Roxas and Xehanort, at least, there was at least something distinctly _Xehanort_ about one half, and distinctly _not_ about the other, just no clear line where one ended and the other began. But here? There seemed no way to distinguish Sora from the heart he carried with him.

She wasn’t confident enough to even _attempt_ a split, so she pulled her blade out of Sora’s chest without doing anything.

Sora blinked a few times, eyes coming back into focus. “No luck, huh?” he asked.

“Sorry. I can’t even tell there’s a second heart in there,” Aqua said, the words clipped. She was not upset with Sora, just bitter at her own failure.

“It’s alright…” Sora began, but didn’t say anything more. She would have had to have been deaf to miss the disappointment that hung heavy in his tone, blind to not see how his shoulders began to slump.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up!” Ven’s hand clapped against her shoulder, and he pressed up against her. “It’s not like you’ve known Sora that long—maybe once you get more familiar with what his heart feels like, it’ll be easier.”

“Ven’s got a point,” Mickey added, though his reassurance seemed directed at her and Sora both. “Neither of us knew Kano was here before today. You can try again, and maybe once you get to know him…”

Aqua nodded, determined. She took a deep breath to dispel her bitterness, and dismissed Rainfell while she was at it. It was fine. It was just like a spell she couldn’t quite learn, the first time. She hadn’t given up, then. There was no need to be discouraged now. She just had to take the sting of her failure and use it to fuel a desire to get better.

She’d do this, because Sora asked.

She’d do this, because if she could manage to separate Sora and Kano, two hearts that seemed to cling so close it was impossible to distinguish them—if she could do that, then she could save Terra. Terra, whose heart she knew like the back of her hand, whose heart felt nothing like Xehanort’s—after Sora and Kano, it would be a piece of cake.

“We’ll try again,” she told Sora, mustering up what she hoped to be a reassuring smile. “I promise, next time I’ll get it.”

Determination weighing thick on her mind, she bade them all farewell and headed back inside the tower. Maybe Yen Sid had a book about this.

**xxx**

It wasn’t long after Aqua left that Mickey did too, and then Ven, following after Aqua. Sora pulled out his star shard, figuring he’d head back, well, _home,_ he supposed. He probably should get those books back to Riku.

Kano stopped him, though, with a silent hum of thought.

‘ _Actually, now that I think about it… maybe it’s better that didn’t work,’_ Kano said.

Sora’s face scrunched up reflexively. Confusion and anger both flared in him for a moment. Why would Kano _say_ that?? Wouldn’t it be better if the two of them were separate? Did Kano _really_ not want his own body again? Sharing one sucked!

‘ _No, of course I don’t want to stay in here!_ ’ Kano protested to Sora’s string of thoughts—mental communication was like that, for better or worse. ‘ _I just- I don’t actually have a body, remember? We’d pull my heart out of you and then what?’_

_Oh._

_‘Yeah. That would have kind of sucked.’_

 Kano had a pretty good point, so Sora couldn’t find it in him to be mad anymore. But a new worry bubbled up. What were they supposed to do about _this_?

 _Didn’t you like, create a body the first time?_ Sora asked, just trying to make sense of it.

Kano’s response was quick, and a little bitter. ‘ _There’s not enough darkness between the two of us to make one out of, not now,’_ he argued. ‘ _Which is half the reason I can’t split from you of my own power.’_

Sora nodded slowly to himself. It made sense, but he couldn’t stop the disappointment that weighed heavy in his heart.

 _Right,_ he said.

‘ _Yeah, so, guess we gotta figure out where to get me a body now._ ’

Sora folded his arms over his chest, rolling the problem over in his head. He supposed he’d have to ask Mickey, if he had any ideas? Next time he saw Mickey, anyway.

Or, hang on…

Could the Replica Program solve this problem?

It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

 

**xxx**

 

Namine, Riku, and Aerith were sitting in in the infirmary, Riku and Namine sitting next to each other on one cot and Aerith on the cot next to them, facing them. They were practicing Cure—Riku working on the lowest level version of the spell, and Namine on Curaga, having mastered Cura a while ago. Riku lit up with a smile every time he managed the spell, even though it’d been three days since he’d first pulled it off. Still, pride bubbled in Namine’s chest, and she found herself smiling fondly each time he grinned. Aerith laughed brightly and kept encouraging him.

When Riku left, Aerith and Namine would probably begin working on more complicated things; like the way to magically scan a person for injuries, or how to direct your magic specifically to one spot of the body. Aerith had reminded Namine that Namine had expressed interest in becoming a healer, and though Namine was tired, she’d agreed to start _really_ learning. She did _want_ to. It’d be nice to not be totally useless in battles, in the future. It also… gave her a reason to get out of bed every day.

They were interrupted from their magic attempts (and, Namine interrupted from her thoughts) by the sound of a star shard, followed by the appearance of Sora. He landed about five feet away, enough on one of the cots that he stumbled and the start of something foul made it past his lips before he caught it.

Sora looked first confused, then his eyes found Riku, and nodded to himself.

“Hey…!” Riku said, sounding similarly confused, but there was a brightness burning in his voice as well. “You need something, Sora? I definitely gave you all the books, but if there was something you weren’t sure about—”

“What?” Sora cut him off. It took a second for realization to pass over his face. “Oh! Oh, actually, no it’s- we got it figured out!”

“Really?” Aerith asked, getting to her feet to also great Sora. Knowing Sora wouldn’t mind, Namine stayed seated. Anyway, Riku’d told them about the research he’d dropped on Sora last night, so it was unsurprising that Aerith clasped her hands together and smiled widely. “That’s wonderful!”

“Yeah I mean, we ended up talking to Mickey about it, a little,” Sora said, scratching at the back of his neck. He hesitated for a moment, face scrunching up, likely a reaction to Kano. “Okay, okay,” he said, looked embarrassed for a half-second, then continued: “To make a long story super short, Mickey agreed with a lot of the thoughts I’d already been having about Kano—like, he agreed _before_ I’d said a word about it. So we’re pretty sure Kano’s like. Not gonna hurt me. Since he has a heart of his own and all, that makes him super different from other Shadows.”

Aerith considered it, nodding to herself. “Well, I suppose if I trust anyone’s judgement, it’s the King’s,” she said. And then, quickly: “Not that I don’t trust yours, Sora!”

“No, haha, I get it!” Sora told her, with a wide grin.

Riku looked a little lost, but, “That’s great! I’m glad you figured it out,” he told Sora, eyes glinting like he meant it, even if he didn’t fully understand.

Namine wondered if she should say something, but Riku’d already said the words that made the most sense to say, and, well, it was probably too late to say _anything_ now, wasn’t it? Especially since around his laughter, Sora was opening his mouth to speak again.

“We also think we have a way to get Kano out of here, too?” Sora said, with a quick thump of his fingers against chest to fully convey the sentence. As if they didn’t already—Namine hastily pushed the bitter thought down, angry, a little scared. She _wouldn’t_ let herself think like that. (It made her feel too much like… Larxene.) “So, double score! We just, uh, are pretty sure Kano’s gonna be lacking in the _body_ department once we get him out, so… I was wondering if I could talk to someone about the Replica Program? Meant to head straight there, but I guess it’s fine the star shard brought me to you, Riku.”

“Oh,” Riku hesitated a second, then: “Yeah, I can take you to, uh, Even, I guess.”

“He’s at the castle, remember?” Aerith offered helpfully. “Leon took him up there this morning.”

“Right,” Riku said. He pushed past Sora and moved for the odor, nodding for Sora to follow. Sora did, beaming and saying “ _thank you thank you it means so much to us”_ the whole time and then—they were both gone.

Namine realized with a surge of disappointment that Sora hadn’t even… said anything to her? She had every right to be upset about it, but she didn’t like how those thoughts felt in her mind so she bundled them up and buried them. After all, it was kind of her fault, wasn’t it? At least a little bit, for not inserting herself into the conversation at any point. And… Sora got like this, sometimes. She’d recognized the grin on his face, and the determination that had burned in his eyes. She’d recognized the excitement he’d bubbled with, the focus he’d burned with when he cared so desperately about something. It was hard to get him to notice other things, when he was like that.

Namine decided to be happy for him, and leave it at that. It _was_ a really big thing he’d just figured out. So she’d be happy for him. And Kano too, she supposed, even if she barely knew him. But then… getting to know him would be easier once he had his own body, wouldn’t it?

Excitement and hope sparked in her chest at the thought, even though this wasn’t her fight, wasn’t her victory. It was a kind of nice feeling.

Aerith turned and started to make her way back over to Namine, starting to say something about how they could start working on other things—she didn’t get very far, though, because then the door slammed open.

It was Rinoa. Angelo followed a few paces after her. Rinoa grinned widely and proudly as she met Aerith’s eyes. Angelo took a quick sniff around, then trotted towards Aerith, who was making a beeline towards Rinoa. This ended with Aerith almost tripping over the dog.

“Oof, sorry Angelo!” Aerith said, catching herself. Angelo didn’t seem to mind.

Rinoa laughed. “My hug can wait. Tell Angelo hello before she gets offended. She hasn’t seen you in forever!!”

Aerith laughed in return and knelt to do so. Angelo’s tail started wagging, and Namine laughed a little too, covering it with her hand.

“What brings you here?” Aerith asked, looking up at Rinoa. “Edea let you have a day off?”

“I finished, actually,” Rinoa answered. The proud grin on her face somehow managed to grow wider. “With sorceress training.”

Aerith was so surprised she forgot to keep petting Angelo. “That- That’s _great_ news!?” she said, sounding like she hardly believed it. “You’re just- you’re done?”

Rinoa nodded. “Yep! No ceremony or anything.” Her smile pulled a little towards a grimace, but the gleam in her eyes suggested she didn’t mind that much. “Though, in hindsight, I think I always knew it was going to be like this. No fanfare. Just… one day Edea would look at me and say ‘yeah, that’s enough’. Today was the day.”

“That’s still _wonderful_ news, though,” Aerith insisted.

She got to her feet and wrapped Rinoa in a hug. Angelo, wanting more attention, trotted over to Namine for it. Namine laughed at it but, reached down to pet Angelo as she remembered being told to. The look of adoration that Angelo directed at Namine for this was… a lot to take in? Dogs were weird.

“We should celebrate!” Aerith said, and when Namine looked up, she saw Aerith grasping Rinoa’s hands tightly, and Rinoa rolling her eyes a little. “Don’t _give_ me that, Rinoa. This is a serious accomplishment! We have to celebrate it. We can call up Quistis and Zell and, oh, we should probably invite Edea too, shouldn’t we?”

“We doing this at your house?” Rinoa said. She still looked exasperated, but also terribly fond. “Tonight? I know you can work miracles, but even _this_ seems out of your reach.”

Aerith deflated, but only a little. “Well, we do have to find out when Quistis is—oh!” She cut off, interrupted by a buzzing sound, followed by a short jingle. She reached into her pocket to fish out her phone. She studied it for a second—a text message from Leon, based on the notification sound. Namine couldn’t see Aerith’s face, but she could hear the confusion in her voice when: “Oh,” Aerith said again. “It… looks like Leon needs me at the castle?” She hesitated a moment, then closed the lid of her phone and returned it to her pocket. “Would you like to come with, Rinoa?”

Rinoa thought for a moment, shook her head. Namine thought she saw Rinoa’s eyes flicker in her direction. “Hmm, I’ll pass,” she said.

“You sure?” Aerith pressed, with a tone that suggested she didn’t believe it.

Rinoa nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” she insisted, with a laugh.  She moved out of the doorway, and as Aerith moved towards it, she turned enough that Namine could see the expression she was giving Rinoa. Eyes narrowed and brow furrowed like she did not understand this turn of events at all. Rinoa just kept smiling, though, clearly unwilling to budge.

“If you’re sure…” Aerith said, and left, though she regarded Rinoa with confusion until the door was shut between them.

Namine got the feeling there was more to Rinoa’s decision to stay behind than she was letting on to, and thinking about the reason made her a little nervous. Still, Rinoa turned and sent a wide grin at Namine, waving enthusiastically, and Namine found a smile tugging at her lips. She waved back.

“Hi, Namine!” Rinoa said, and she walked over, plopping herself down on the cot across from Namine, where Aerith had previously been sitting. “Sorry I didn’t say anything to you sooner but—Aerith kind of monopolized that. Or, I guess I did, with the good news? Hmm.”

Namine shook her head. “It’s okay,” she said.

“Anyway, it’s good to see you!! How have things been?”

It felt like it should just be a question for light conversation, but then—there was something burning in Rinoa’s eyes. It reminded Namine a little bit of how Kairi looked when trying to pry the truth out of someone. Still.

“I’m okay!” Namine said, trying to sound chipper. She said nothing more.

Rinoa leaned into her, eyes burning harder.

“ _Namine_ ,” she pressed.

Namine flinched a little, but sighed. Alright.

“I _am_ okay, though,” she said. “I’m doing- better.” There was no arguing that. She wasn’t great. But she was _better_. The new room, the painting, the more frequent visits from Kairi and Sora—they were helping. “I guess I’m just… still trying to figure things out?”

Rinoa looked at her appraisingly, then nodded, with a shrug. “Yeah, it’s like that,” she said.

And then:

“Hey, do you want some advice?”

Namine blinked at Rinoa.

That was kind of out of nowhere, and now seemed like a strange time, but… so far what advice Rinoa had already given her was good advice. And Rinoa _was_ the only person who even a little bit understood what she was wrestling with. So…

“Uh, sure?” Namine said.

“Okay,” Rinoa nodded. Then paused.

She shifted how she was sitting, hands pressed against her thighs, shoulders hunched a little. Her legs stretched out in front of her, feet pressed to the cot Namine sat on, ankles crossed. She tapped her bottom heel against the ground a few times, and then:

“Well, there’s this thing, about recovery. That took me a while to realize. It’s not—it’s not going back to how things were. It’s about learning to live with the way things are now.”

Namine looked up, squinting a little; surprised, confused. Rinoa kept going, passion burning in her eyes, making her voice tremble.

“There’s no way to go back, and that sucks, but. So you just… You have to keep moving forward. Shape a new life for yourself.” Rinoa nodded, determined. “You have to fall in love with who you are, not who you used to be.”

Namine blinked a few times, staring at Rinoa. She realized she’d stopped petting Angelo when Angelo whined in protest. She shook her head and started scratching behind Angelo’s ears again. Rinoa started to look a little embarrassed.

“I- Sorry,” she said. “Guess that was kind of random, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” Namine said, because she saw no point in telling Rinoa otherwise. It had been super random.

“Well…” Rinoa sat there for a second, bouncing her heel off the floor again for a few moments. Then she looked at Namine, hopefully. “Was it good advice, at least? I think it’s important to remember.”

Namine opened her mouth, but closed it, wanting to think about it before she gave Rinoa her answer. She ran them over in her head a few more times, feeling the weight and depth of them. _Shape a new life for yourself. Fall in love with who you are, not who you used to be._ She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting the ideas wash over her.

They were nice ideas, both of them, she thought. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with them _now,_ but, yeah. Good advice.

She nodded at Rinoa.

Rinoa beamed. “That’s great!! Anyway, hey—what were you and Aerith working on here, anyway? Oh! Wait, let me guess. Healing practice?”

Namine laughed a little, baffled, but nodded. “Yeah. I think it’d be nice to be a healer.”

Rinoa nodded along. “Oh, yeah, that _would_ be great!” she agreed, brightly. “I bet Aerith’s thrilled, too. I remember her fretting a lot about how she wasn’t training an apprentice, even though she’s probably too young to be worrying about it yet.”

“I- oh?” Namine said, a little surprised by the notion. _Apprentice_ seemed a heavy title to shoulder.

Rinoa didn’t elaborate, though, just nodded some more. Then she paused and looked thoughtful, tapping a finger to her chin.

“Well, I don’t think I can teach you any healing magic that Aerith couldn’t, though if you want to practice, we could if you want.” Then Rinoa started to look a little eager. “ _Ooh_ , or I could teach you some other spells, if you—”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone!” Namine blurted. She winced after doing so. _Honestly,_ what was with her? There’d been no reason for that! Her shout offended Angelo enough to make her stop demanding to be pet and lie on the floor instead (which Namine felt guilty about, though her hands had been getting tired…)

Rinoa jolted a little, but she didn’t seem that surprised or upset. She held her hands up in front of her, and when she spoke it was with a little laugh. “Alright, alright,” she said. “Hmm… have you learned Stop? That might be a good one. Or, hmm, what’re some other good crowd control spells… Oh! Zero gravity’s always fun, and relatively harmless, all things considered.”

Namine stared. She wasn’t sure what to say.

“Healing’s great and all, but sometimes it’s nice to give your friends on the field a boost in other ways too!” Rinoa pressed. “If you want to try.”

Namine rolled the offer over in her head.

She… had always wanted to get better at Stop.

“Um, alright,” she said. She nodded. “But, um. Can I go get my friend Kairi? I think she’d appreciate some magic lessons too.” From the sounds of things, Kairi _was_ getting plenty of those from Ven already, but still. Namine was pretty sure Kairi would kill her if she got left out on this.

Rinoa nodded fervently.

“Yeah!” she agreed. “The more the merrier!”

“Okay.” Namine got to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”


	93. In which Sora finally gets to ask Even that question

The walk to the castle was largely uneventful. Sora was distracted the whole time, moving with a restless energy that Riku hadn’t seen in him for ages now. Honestly, Sora ignored Riku the whole way. It was hard to tell if he was just incredibly focused on their destination, or… talking to Kano? Riku wasn’t sure.

They ran into Joseph at the front doors of the castle.

“Oh, hey Riku! Hey Sora!!” Joseph greeted them with his usual enthusiasm. If he was confused or surprised about their presence here, he didn’t show it.

“Hey, Joseph,” Riku answered, trying to smile and be nice to the kid.

“Hey,” Sora said, and that was that. It was short, and his attention was immediately elsewhere.

“What are you doing here?” Riku asked, before Joseph could ask the question in return. Hopefully he could avoid Joseph pressing too much about why he and Sora were here. Riku wasn’t sure how to answer that question without mentioning something Sora might not want Joseph to know yet.

“Oh! I was talking to Vexen,” Joseph said.

Riku raised his eyebrows. “What for?” he asked. He did his best to suppress his sigh at the news Vexen was here, too. His thoughts still roiled with discomfort at the thought, regardless.

Joseph opened his mouth, then reconsidered. He gave Riku a Look. “C’mon,” he said, dragging the word out. “Like you actually care.” His tone was caught between reproachful and teasing.

Riku couldn’t help but laugh. He held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, got me there,” he admitted. Even if Joseph had answered, he’d probably have just tuned the answer out.

Next to him, Sora was fidgeting, peering past Joseph. He didn’t say that he wanted to get going already, but his body was coiled like it. Riku started picking through his mind for a way to say they were in a hurry while also being vague enough. He didn’t get the chance, exactly. Joseph sent a worried look at Sora, too, and then made an inquisitive sound in his throat.

“What are you two here for, Sora?” he asked. The tone of the question was bright, but he considered Sora with a sharp concern.

Sora startled out of his thoughts and turned to Joseph. “Oh, uh,” he said. “We were just—” But there he stalled, mouth shaping around potential words, expression twitching subtly between two separate emotions. Definitely hashing something out with Kano.

“We needed to ask Even something,” Riku said, rushing to the rescue. He reached out and grabbed Sora’s hand, tugging Sora forward.

Joseph caught Riku by the shirt before he could take more than a step. Riku stopped, heart jumping to his throat for a second, but that was it. He appreciated that Joseph had grabbed his shirt, and not his arm.

“Do you even _know_ where Even is?” Joseph asked, sending another Look up at Riku.

Riku opened his mouth, but the answer was no, and he didn’t want to say that.

“Exactly,” Joseph said. He let go of Riku’s shirt and marched into the castle, waving for Riku to follow. “C’mon, I’ll show you!”

Riku wasn’t entirely sure he liked _this_ turn of events, but he followed anyway, dragging Sora along behind him. Sora didn’t even comment.

“They’re in one of the labs, but it’s gonna be too complicated to explain the route to you, that’s why I’m showing you,” Joseph explained. “Also! Now I can ask you a very important question!”

Riku felt a little cold all of a sudden, knowing and dreading what that important question was going to be.

Joseph stopped walking for a moment so he could turn and glare at Riku with full force, hands on his hips and chest puffed up. “Why didn’t you invite me to your birthday party!!”

Riku sighed and, kept walking.

“ _Riku,_ ” Joseph pressed, falling into step beside him. “Come on, you aren’t gonna get out of telling me! If you just didn’t want me there, you can come out and say it. Geeze, it’s not that hard!”

“Look, I just forgot to tell you until the day of, alright?” Riku said, shooting a glance at Joseph. He dropped Sora’s hand so he could wipe his now-sweaty palms against his pants. His words were a lie, of course, but it wasn’t until he’d wiped his hands twice that it occurred to him Joseph might have been more understanding about the truth—It was too late now, though, and anyway: “But every time we tried to get you, you weren’t home!”

Joseph staggered a step. “ _Huh??”_ he said. When Riku shot another glance at him, his face was scrunched up in intense confusion. “What do you _mean_ I wasn’t home!?”

“29 said you were getting ice cream,” Riku answered. “All day, apparently.”

Somehow, Joseph’s face managed to scrunch up more. His jaw hung a little slack. “When…? What day was this?”

“Last Monday.”

Joseph took a left down a separate corridor, and Riku followed, grabbing Sora long enough to make sure he did too. As they turned the corner, Joseph rubbed at his chin with an unnecessarily dramatic flair, complete with an exaggerated “HMMMM” as he thought the problem over.

“You weren’t getting ice cream?” Riku asked, eyebrows raised.

“Well I don’t _remember_ getting—Oh.” Joseph’s hand fell from his chin, and the confusion on his face melted into some kind of horror. “ _Ohhhhh,”_ he moaned, a kind of terrible whine from his throat.

“What?” Riku demanded, his uncertainty on whether or not he should be concerned making the word come out irritated.

Joseph put his hands to his face, pure _despair_ written in his eyes.

“I was at a wedding,” he said, voice quiet.

Riku was so startled he stopped short.

“A- a what?”

“A wedding??” Joseph repeated, as if not hearing what he said the problem Riku was having. It definitely wasn’t. He stopped walking too. Riku had to shoot out a hand to catch Sora from continuing without them.

“You were at. A _wedding_?” Riku stared, trying to process it. “Why didn’t 29 mention—”

“Oh, I didn’t intend to go to a wedding!” Joseph said, brightly. “I sort of crashed it, just a little bit.”

Riku blinked, though he wasn’t entirely surprised. Then his brain registered that they shouldn’t just be _standing around,_ so he started moving. Joseph and Sora followed suit. “And the people getting married didn’t… mind?” Riku asked of Joseph, wondering how in the worlds anyone could possibly _not mind_ getting their wedding crashed by this ball of boyish energy _._

“Nah, of course not!” Joseph said. Despite his horror two seconds ago, he was grinning now. “I mean, they were- uh, well.” Here the grin faltered, just a little bit. “People I knew. But not people you know.”

“Who do you know that I don’t know…?”

“PEOPLE.”

Riku squinted, trying to decide how much he cared. Joseph didn’t give him the time to answer. He stopped walking and grabbed at Riku to make him stop too. Sora stopped without needing to be grabbed, but he didn’t look happy about it.

“The lab’s right there,” Joseph said, gesturing to a door on their right and ahead of them by ten or so paces. “So uh, anyway. I guess I’m not mad at you anymore, Riku?” He shrugged uncertainly. “Because like, if you told me in advance about your birthday I wouldn’t have gone to the wedding and. Listen. I love you Riku, but you’ll have a lot of birthdays and that wedding was absolutely a once in a lifetime thing.”

Riku couldn’t help himself.

“Who was getting married?” he asked.

“Uhhhh!” Joseph suddenly looked like a cornered animal. “You know what! I just um. Something just occurred to me about, uh. Uh! Well! Things?? Anyway I shouldn’t tell you.”

“Wh—”

“Listen once you’re done here come to my house, okay!” Joseph said. He sent an enthusiastic grin and two thumbs up at Riku. “I got you a _really_ cool birthday present.”

“Why do I have go to your house?” Riku demanded, forgetting his curiosity about the wedding.

Joseph just beamed. “You ain’t getting it otherwise, is why!” He ran off back the way they’d came.

Riku watched him go for longer than he should have. He only realized what he was doing when he noticed Sora walking ahead of him to the room that Joseph had indicated. Which… fair, Sora could do this alone if he wanted to. But it’d be weird and wrong to just _abandon_ him. So Riku shook his head to clear it and hastened after Sora.

He literally bumped into Leon, who was exiting the room right as he was trying to enter.

“Oh, sorry,” and “sorry” they said, within seconds of each other. Leon sent an apologetic smile at Riku, and Riku tried to fix his face so he didn’t look too dazed.

“I’ll get her and be right back!” Leon called into the room. He squeezed Riku affectionately on the shoulder before he headed further down the hall, digging out his phone as he went.

Riku ducked into the room. It looked a little reminiscent of a room in Castle Oblivion, except with all the colors filled in. There was a cluttered desk in one corner, where Vexen was currently standing, idly shuffling through papers. The back half of the room was occupied by a computer connected to a table—a sight Riku recognized being for Replica creation, or editing, though the technology seemed much older and dusty. Even was over there, tutting to himself as he inspected exposed wires.

“What’s Leon doing?” Riku found himself asking before he really thought about it, his mind still on what Leon had said. Riku instantly regretted the words once they were out of his mouth, because he saw Sora’s mouth snap shut and Sora’s eyes fix an annoyed glare on him. Riku’s stomach roiled uneasily. Some friend he was, constantly distracting from the question Sora really wanted to ask…

Riku wanted to say ‘ _never mind, it’s not important, Sora had something he wanted to say—’_ but didn’t get the chance, because Even was already speaking to answer Riku’s question.

“Oh, it just seemed impractical and unwise for me to be the only non-Replica who had authorization for the Emergency Protocols,” Even answered. “I asked your siblings if they wouldn’t mind the responsibility, and Leon’s going to get Aerith now. I’ll need both their fingerprints if I’m adding them to the authorized personnel list.”

“I, oh,” Riku said, startled by both the unexpectedness of the news and the still-foreign warmth that bubbled in his chest when Even called Aerith and Leon his siblings.

“What? Don’t trust them?” Even asked, eyes glinting with amusement. Was he _teasing_?

“Of course I do!” Riku protested, because, he did. He did, more than anything. “I just—” He fumbled with the words for a moment, not quite sure how to convey that his confusion was centered more on the turn of the events. “Why them?” he settled on, finally.

Even rolled his eyes. “Well, I asked Vexen…”

“I don’t trust myself,” Vexen cut in. His shoulders were tense, and he only sent a half-glance up from what he was doing as he spoke. “My track record, as far as ‘standing up to Xehanort’ goes, isn’t exactly— Sora, that’s an awfully foul expression on your face. Is everything okay?”

Embarrassed for having forgot Sora _again,_ Riku turned to him with an apology already burning on his lips. Sora was shaking his head, looking a little embarrassed himself. There was still that edge of impatience under his expression, though.

“Oh, sorry,” Sora apologized. He rubbed at his neck. “It’s just…”

“He had a question he wanted to ask,” Riku said quickly, hoping to make up for the shitty friend he’d been so far. “About the Replica Program.”

“Uh,” Vexen said, and turned to Even, since this was _his_ area of expertise.

“Oh!” Even said, a little surprised. He extricated himself from behind the computer, dusting himself off and approaching Sora so they could better hold a conversation. “And that question would be…?”

“Well,” Sora looked uncomfortable for a moment more, then took a deep breath. He dropped his hand from his neck. “You guys know Kano? Er, my shadow.” They nodded in agreeance, which Riku was a little surprised about. When had they found out? Well… Whatever. “We have a way to get him out of my chest, but we don’t really have like… a body for him?” Sora continued. “I guess I was just wondering if the Replica Program could do that. Make a body for him.”

Even did a double take. Riku raised his eyebrows. Was it _really_ that difficult?

“I- sorry,” Even said. “It’s just—” He shook his head. “I’m not sure if…”

“Oh!” Vexen interrupted. “I know how to do that.”

Even turned to him with surprise.

“Do you!?” Sora asked, jumping forward with his excitement.

Vexen nodded. He laughed a little as he considered Sora. “It was the entire basis no. i, er, Xion was built on,” he explained. “A vessel that would be essentially empty until it collected data. In her case, it was memories, but… I’d imagine that placing a heart in the vessel should function the same way.” He nodded to himself, then looked a little more directly at Sora. “What’s the time frame we’re looking at? It’ll take me at least a day to have it ready.”

“I- oh!” Sora blinked a few times. “Oh, uh.” He laughed nervously. “Actually I don’t, um, know? Aqua tried today—kinda good thing she didn’t succeed, haha—and um. Well I’m sure she’ll get it at some point, but she’s not very familiar with the technique, so I guess it’s a matter of practice?”

Vexen stared at Sora for a long moment. Then he nodded, vaguely. “Oh. Alright. I suppose just let me—”

“Though, it’d probably be better if it was done sooner, now that I think about it,” Sora interrupted. “Just… so that it’s ready, when Aqua wants to try again. And ‘cuz it’d probably be a bad idea for her to try without having it ready.”

Vexen nodded again. “Right,” he said. “I’ll, uh, get working on it. And I’ll let you know.”

Sora broke into a wide grin. “Thank you so so so much!” He looked about ready to hug Vexen, but seemed to second-guess it at the last second. He turned to Riku, eyes gleaming. “You wanna get going, Riku? Oh! Unless you wanna stay here…”

Riku thought it over a second. He was a little interested in seeing what Even and Leon and Aerith would be up to, but… Well, it’d be nice to spend time with Sora, too. So:

“Nah, not really,” he told Sora. They said their goodbyes to Even and Vexen, and started out.

“Oh, I should probably return all those books you brought me last night, huh,” Sora said, before they’d gotten more than two steps down the hallway. He elbowed Riku playfully. “You mind helping me carry ‘em?”

Riku sighed, but smiled. “Yeah, alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the wedding Joseph talks about happened in magik's universe! It wasn't a Can't Escape thing, he just crashed the last ten or so chapters of her final fic in AtPverse, haha. [Here's a more-fun explanation](http://askftpverse.tumblr.com/tagged/the-wedding-plot/chrono)!


	94. In which Kano's desperately gay, and Ven's a little shit (these things aren't related)

Kano was curled up in the back of Sora’s mindspace. He should have been sleeping, but sleep was a long way off when there were a million thoughts still roiling in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about the words Mickey had said to him, earlier today. “ _You’re wrong. The fact that you’re a Shadow doesn’t matter at all. It’s what’s in your heart—that’s what really matters.”_ They were nice words, and Kano found himself treasuring them. But… this whole thing was still weird to accept. The idea that he _wasn’t_ a threat to Sora. The idea that he _wasn’t_ obligated to do anything a Shadow was supposed to. Mickey and Sora were both confident that since he had a heart, that was enough.

Was it really, though?

He was still a Shadow, wasn’t he? … _wasn’t_ he?

And if he wasn’t, then what _was_ he?

Kano didn’t have an answer to that. Uneasiness continued to swirl within him. He rolled this thought and all of his other worries around in his head, toying with them as one might a ball of clay.

He was startled out of his worrying when he felt Sora stir. The constant hum of Sora’s sleeping mind stuttered and flared into uneasy consciousness. Sora’s body shifted, eyelids fluttering against the darkness of the room. Regret nipped at Kano, and he curled in on himself, as if that could actually reduce his contact with Sora. Sora needed the sleep, and here Kano was, keeping him up…

‘ _Hey dude, you’re fine, remember?’_ Sora sent to him. The words were vague, but Kano could feel Sora’s intent well enough. _You’re fine because you won’t hurt me. You’re fine, because Mickey said so._ Sora continued, gently, drowsily: ‘ _You don’t gotta worry about it anymore._ ’ The thought—more than that, the softness of Sora’s concern—made Kano feel warm.

 _Well. I know,_ he sent back, embarrassed. _It’s just… Y’know._

Words failed him, but at least with Sora, he didn’t need words. What he was thinking but couldn’t articulate was passed along their link.

‘ _What, you don’t believe it?’_ Sora asked, his tone falling somewhere between teasing and genuine.

 _No, it’s not that—!_ Kano protested, but checked himself. _I mean, I… I WANT_ _to believe it…_ He hated how vulnerable he felt, saying the words. _I just… I think it’s gonna take a while to get used to._

Everything he’d ever known about himself was being ripped out from under him. Of course it was going to take a while to get used to.

‘ _That’s fair,’_ Sora mumbled. His half of the mindspace flickered a little, sleep pulling at his consciousness.

Kano should have let Sora drift off again, because he needed the sleep, because Keyblade training was hell when they were already exhausted, but—He couldn’t help himself.

 _So like. I have a heart,_ he said. _And since I have one, you’re sure I’m not a danger to anyone—_ (to you, he thought, but didn’t voice, even if Sora heard the intention regardless)— _and that’s… fine. That’s fine. I get that._ He did. He really did. _But… am I still a Shadow? Am I something else?_

He didn’t know why was asking Sora. Sora wouldn’t know either. But talking to Sora about things… put him more at ease than he’d like to admit.

Sora’s mind bristled with something sharp and uncomfortable as he tried to get his tired brain to consider the thought. ‘ _I dunno?’_ he said finally, which, of course. Of course. Kano’d expected that. ‘ _Maybe you’re like… more than a Shadow?’_ Sora offered, and then after that, he offered something that was like a treasure to Kano: ‘ _I don’t think it really matters, though. You’re my friend. That’s what matters.’_

Kano spluttered, exasperated and brimming with fondness and _hating_ that he brimmed with so much fondness just for Sora calling him his friend. He loved it, though. He loved being called that. He hated that he loved it, but he _did_ love it—

(And maybe he didn’t need to hate being called Sora’s friend. But the thought he was allowed to have this was more than he could bear tonight, on top of everything else.)

To hide his embarrassment and everything else that roiled in him, he shot at Sora:

_Man, you ever gonna stop being such a sap?_

‘ _Nah,’_ Sora answered, lazily, easily, like he was proud of the fact.

Frustration bubbled in Kano, along with that terrible fondness. Out of habit, he took the feelings and pushed them where Sora couldn’t reach, because the only thing worse than feeling these things was having Sora _know_ he was feeling them.

Sora started drifting off again, and Kano let him. He tried to fix his own thoughts on sleep, too. He was getting better at cutting himself off from Sora’s body when he needed to, but his consciousness still affected it a lot of the time. It was hard at night, especially, when Sora was asleep and thus not around to override whatever signals Kano sent to their shared body. Sora sleeping wasn’t any good when Sora’s _body_ didn’t actually get any rest... So, Kano should sleep, too…

But something occurred to him. Something that couldn’t wait until morning.

 _Sora,_ he called, pressing against Sora’s half of the mindspace in a nudge he hoped would wake him. It worked, since Sora’d been only partially asleep.

‘ _What’s?’_ Sora sent, the question surrounded with thoughts of worry and feelings of surprise. The worry and surprise both dulled as he grew awake enough to fully process the situation. Kano laughed a little, but felt guilty, and there was an uncomfortably tight feeling inside him, a dread of the question he had to ask.

_I was just wondering…_

‘ _Uh-huh?’_

 _When… when I have my own body again…_ Kano hesitated. He was scared of asking. Scared of the answer, even though he had a pretty good feeling it wasn’t going to be what he dreaded it to be. _Will… Will you still want me around?_

Sora reacted so sharply he shifted in bed, body coming off the mattress a few inches. He rolled more onto his stomach, eyes opening to the darkness of his room. He was suddenly very awake. And he felt amazingly offended.

“What!?” he hissed, and he hissed the words aloud. “Of _course_ I still want you around! Sure, I _have_ to put up with you right now, but. I like having you around. And- and… Y’know. Yeah. Of course I’d still want you around.”

A tension melted away from Kano, though it was replaced by something shaky, scared. He was grateful, even if he’d known Sora would react something like this. But Sora’s reaction was still _so_ much more than he’d expected. He’d never dreamed Sora would be so passionate about it. And the genuine fondness, the truth in the words ‘ _I like having you around_ ’… Kano cherished those things, held them close.

He wasn’t sure what to say—especially because he didn’t want to say something _embarrassing_ —but he ended up not having the chance to.

Because after a few seconds, some sort of realization came across Sora. It sent tremors through their shared mindspace as it crystalized. When Sora spoke again, it was silent, as if the words were too weighty to bear aloud.

‘ _I mean, unless… you don’t want to stick around?’_ he said. ‘ _Because I mean, if you WANT to go somewhere else, that’s, um. That’s fine. It’s fine. We can, uh… We can figure something out for you, if you’d rather not be around me forever.’_

Kano thought he might have just felt his heart break. And if breaking wasn’t what had just happened, then it was certainly something damn close to it.

Because Sora meant it. He meant it, every word. The resolve sat firm in his heart—he would work to do whatever would make Kano the most comfortable. That on its own was a lot to take in.

But then there was the disappointment. Sharp and thick, it resonated from Sora and through their shared mindspace, resonated so strongly that Kano himself trembled under the weight of it. ‘ _I’d love to have Kano around,’_ the disappointment said, ‘ _makes me sad to think he’d wanna go,_ ’ it cried.

Kano’d been idly considering leaving and doing other things with his life once they got separate bodies (options and ideas more than they were concrete plans) but, in that moment he abandoned every one of those idle thoughts. Because Sora’d be sad if he left.

And since Sora would be sad if he left, Kano made the decision to stay.

Of course, saying those words to Sora was an impossible task. Kano’d die of embarrassment trying.

So he blew it off with:

_Well, uh, I dunno._

Except that didn’t seem like enough, and that sadness still resonated in Sora’s chest.

 _I mean, staying wouldn’t be that bad,_ Kano hastily followed up with. He was literally going to die of embarrassment. He was positive he would. It burned and raged in him and he regretted saying the words except he _didn’t_ because the sadness in Sora melted to relief and warmth and fondness and… Kano tried not to think about how much he loved Sora while also holding the sensation of Sora’s relief close to his heart.

(Was he allowed to let himself have this? Did he dare?)

 _You should get some sleep,_ he told Sora, because he knew it was late and they were both going to regret it when morning and Keyblade training rolled around.

‘ _Oh, right,’_ Sora said, like he’d forgotten. Maybe he had. He settled back down on the bed, one hand under the pillow, curling up on himself. ‘ _You should get some sleep, too.’_

Kano knew that, because again, it gave Sora’s body trouble if he didn’t, but… He cherished how Sora said it out of concern for _him,_ and not their shared body. Kano pressed himself up against Sora’s concern, took Sora’s fondness for him and nestled himself beside it.

He lulled himself to sleep thinking about how he was going to get Sora to eat breakfast tomorrow morning.

 

**xxx**

Aqua sat on the floor, her back up against her side of the bed she and Ven shared, now that they’d moved to Disney Castle. They didn’t _have_ to share a room, of course, it was just… easier this way. And even if there was only one bed, it was plenty big enough for the both of them. Most nights it was easier to sleep if they shared, anyway. Most nights. (Aqua tried not to think about how her recent onset of consistent bad dreams was going to affect that. The last thing she wanted was to keep Ven awake with her restlessness.)

There were books spread out all around her, a few in a stack to her right, three open to her left, and one in her lap. They were books she’d borrowed from Yen Sid, and a few Minnie had found her. Books about hearts, about sensing them, about splitting them. She had the technical details of splitting hearts already memorized, of course, and she’d been able to feel the shape of hearts since the moment she was born, but she poured over the texts anyway. Maybe there was something she had missed.

“You really gonna stay up reading that all night, Aqua?” Ven asked, with a laugh. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet dangling down next to her. He kicked them idly. He was already ready for bed, himself.

“Only for a little longer,” she told him. Maybe it was a lie. Honestly, she wasn’t sure herself what she planned to do, just yet. (It wasn’t that she was _scared_ of sleeping, exactly. The idea just made her more uneasy, lately.)

Ven let out a deep sigh, then hopped off the bed and over her pile of books, landing easily in front of the wardrobe that served as the only other piece of furniture in this room. It sat immediately next to the large window. The bedroom was fairly spacious for being so sparsely decorated, and the pale walls stirred warm memories of the Land of Departure in Aqua’s chest, even if the warmth was tainted with a sadness for the home she had lost.

It was nice being here, though, really. Aqua couldn’t complain at all. She would miss Yen Sid’s tower responding magically to her every need, probably, but… The sun shone, in this world. It had long set by now, but it would rise again in the morning. The thought made Aqua more excited than she liked to admit.

“At least put on your pajamas,” Ven said, tossing said pajamas right at her face. Aqua spluttered and tossed them to the side, glaring first at him, and then down at the book, because she’d lost her place in the middle of a pretty dense paragraph about the mechanics of—something. Damn, had she forgotten it already?

“I will later,” she told Ven.

Ven glared at her, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I _will_ ,” she insisted. He didn’t stop giving her that pouty, disapproving look though. Aqua rolled her eyes. “You aren’t the boss of me, Ven!”

Ven rolled his eyes back, and threw his hands up in defeat. “Sometimes I wonder who the responsible sibling _really_ is,” he grumbled, and took exaggerated steps over her books as he made his way back to the bed.

She sent a glare at his back. “Says the boy who falls asleep all the time, _everywhere_ ,” she shot at him, turning to keep glaring at him as he moved.

“At least I sleep!” he shot back.

Aqua shut her open mouth. She didn’t have an excuse for that—at least not for the countless nights she’d stayed up late studying or working on something, as she was doing now. Trying to argue would only inevitably vindicate him, so better to just say nothing. Of course, the silence would probably vindicate him just as much, but whatever. She ducked her head back down and furiously tried to figure out how much of the information on this page she’d _actually_ taken in.

The whole light situation re: Ven going to bed now didn’t occur to her until the room went dark.

“Oh,” she said.

“Here,” came Ven’s voice, and a moment later, a ball of light popped into existence beside Aqua’s shoulder. “It’ll stay there even if I go to sleep, so don’t worry about it.”

Surprised, and a little touched by the gesture, Aqua twisted her body around so she could look at him, _really_ look at him. Not that looking at him did much for her, seeing as he’d flopped down on the bed, his back to her.

“Thank you…” she said.

“Please don’t stay up forever,” was Ven’s only response.

Aqua watched him a second more, and then returned her attention to the book. She didn’t know what she was looking for, or what even she hoped to find. There probably wasn’t even anything in these books that could help her. Practice and a familiarity with Sora’s heart were the only things she actually needed, and she was well aware of that, but she was impatient. If she could separate Sora from the passenger he carried, then separating Terra and Xehanort should be a pinch. And she was eager for that. Desperate for that.

There _must_ have been something she’d missed.

Between the dim light and the boringness of the extensive magical jargon she was trying to wade through, Aqua kept dozing off. By all rights she shouldn’t have been falling into a sleep deep enough to dream each time she dozed, but dream she did—jarring, disorienting dreams that weren’t made any better by the fact she was shifting between them and wakefulness every fifteen minutes or so. She didn’t remember what the dreams were, exactly, but images from the Realm of Darkness pressed against her eyelids. Her nerves buzzed with something tense and paranoid.

She couldn’t fall asleep. But she was so tired. But she couldn’t afford to—No, no, she was _safe._ She could sleep any time she damn well pleased, now, if she wanted. She didn’t have to worry about the darkness consuming her, or Heartless eating her whole.

(But if she slept, then she had to deal with the nightmares.)

Aqua shook her head to clear it of a dream after what was at least the fifth time she’d dozed off. She blinked into the darkness around her, surprised. The light Ven had conjured for her had gone out. For a second she worried, but feeling Ven’s heart behind her put those worries to rest, and then she realized what was _really_ going on.

“Ven…” she groaned. She wasn’t sure _how_ he’d set a timer on that ball of light, but it was just like him to trick her into going to bed like this. She’d be angry, but she was exhausted, and, alright. Alright. He’d earned this one.

She flopped into the bed without even changing into her pajamas, and let sleep take her.

(Her dreams continued to be awful, but apparently that was just par for the course, now. At least she woke to sunlight the next morning.)


	95. In which we really misunderstood a lot about this, huh?

Namine pushed the door to Riku’s room open, since it was midnight and knocking would probably wake the rest of the house. It wasn’t like he was going to mind, anyway, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was… strange, though. To be approaching him at all, really. It’d been so long since the two of them had just talked—especially about anything _deep_ —because he was always busy, and she often found herself avoiding the world, but…

She had some things that had been rolling around in her mind for a while. And since they were largely _about_ Riku, he deserved to hear them. Tonight she’d just finally worked up the nerve to approach him about it.

(And alright, yes, maybe Rinoa’d had a little something to do with that, but that was besides the point.)

“Oh, hey,” Riku said, putting down his book. He sounded a little surprised to see her, but, that was no wonder.

“Hey,” Namine answered. She paused awkwardly in the doorway for a second, wanting to take stock of his room. She hadn’t been in here more than once since she’d moved out, probably. It was still weird to see an empty wall where Riku’s cot had once been. That was the only change, but it made the room feel naked. They should really get something to go there, Namine thought, though it wasn’t her decision to make.

Riku currently sat on the bed, propped up on some pillows. (That bed had used to be Namine’s, but moving the _bed_ between rooms had been more effort than Aerith had wanted to put forth, and the mattresses felt identical anyway.) The room was illuminated only by the small lamp that sat on the edge of the dresser, just within Riku’s reach if he leaned a little for it.

“What’s up?” Riku asked, as he sat up straighter. He moved the book off the bed and set it on the dresser, since the dresser was currently functioning as a bedside table for him.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Namine said. Honesty was the best policy, as Sora always said, even though Namine knew the particular phrase she’d just uttered was more likely to make anyone who heard it uncomfortable than anything else. To his credit, Riku only looked a _little_ uncomfortable, and seemed to get over it quickly.

“Okay.”

He scooted his outstretched legs closer towards the wall, making room for Namine to sit. She did so, after a second of hesitation. It was like stepping onto old, foreign ground, the action of sitting cross-legged and facing him on the bed, their legs almost brushing together. It stirred nostalgic memories of Castle Oblivion in Namine’s chest—funny, and stupid, how those moments could be called ‘simpler times’, but at least for her, they were. There were less things to worry about. Less anxieties in her chest, less scars on her mind. She didn’t have to struggle to cling to happiness, back then.

(Riku had, though, so it was better they left those moments behind… Anyway.)

“I, um, I wanted to talk about—you know that dating thing we, haven’t exactly been doing?” Namine asked. It was hard to look directly at Riku as she did, embarrassment and anxiety boiling hot in her chest.

“Y… yeah,” Riku answered after a second. He seemed to understand, but he also seemed to be a half-step behind her.

Namine supposed she couldn’t blame him for that. They hadn’t really talked about it for months now, but it was killing her to let it whatever it was they had, exactly, taper off into nothing without even _talking_ about it. That seemed wrong and unfair.

So here she was.

Here they were.

“I think we should… stop,” Namine said. “Or like, take a break? I mean… I guess it’s kinda weird to take a break from something we were never, _really_ , doing, but… I… I just…” She broke off there, her thoughts not together enough to articulate the reasons she had.

They’d had _something_ of a relationship though, something that had borderlined on dating, and there was no sense denying that. But there was no sense denying that that relationship had changed, also. Namine wasn’t sure what exactly that change was—other than the obvious: they’d grown more distant, but that was largely on her, and also it was _more_ than that. Something in how she felt about him? About them?

This bit was harder to put into words.

“Okay,” Riku said, derailing her thoughts before she could really get started on them.

She refocused her eyes on him, and blinked. Once. Twice.

“Okay?” she said.

He nodded. “Yeah, I mean, if that’s what you think is best, I’m okay with it.”

Oh. He was talking about her suggesting they stop the dating thing they hadn’t exactly been doing. Still, that didn’t make her much less confused.

“That’s it?” Namine asked.

“Did… you want me to argue?”

“Well, no, but…”

This seemed deceptively easy. Riku didn’t even look the slightest bit upset? Namine’d expected him to be upset, at least a little bit, because that’s how he usually got (no, that was how he _used_ to get, he’d gotten better), and she _was_ technically breaking up with him, even if they’d never _technically_ been dating. Why was he so calm?

She leaned a little towards him, eyes narrowed. “Are you _sure_?” she pressed.

Riku laughed shortly, fondness making the skin around his eyes crinkle. “Yes, I’m sure,” he insisted, pitching his words with much the same cadence Yuffie might when annoyed to be asked that question. His version was warmer, though, less annoyed. When he smiled and kept speaking, he sounded more like himself: “I mean, I think it’s a good idea too,” he said. “We’re both like, really bad at the dating thing, and like… I don’t know. I have some other thoughts I’m not sure how to put into words.”

“Me too,” Namine admitted. Most of them continued to jumble around in her head.

Riku waited a moment, and then—

“Well,” he said, like it was the start of something, but he didn’t continue.

Namine tilted her head to the side, studying him. “Well _what_?” she asked, as she settled back into sitting normally.

He shrugged. “Do we wanna _try_ and put it into words?” He shifted how he was sitting himself, sitting up straighter, folding his legs under him. “Talking about our feelings feels kind of silly, but, I don’t know.” His words cut off like he was still in the middle of a thought, but he didn’t finish it this time either. He just let it trail into silence.

Namine took this as a cue to pick it up. She didn’t have to, but, she had enough of her thoughts in order, she thought. Enough for this.

“Well… I guess a lot has changed, is all?” she said. “A lot about me has changed. A lot about _us_ has changed. And I guess I just… I still love you, but I don’t think I love you like _that,_ anymore.”

She’d been having a harder time lately trying to define her feelings for Riku as _special,_ because she was starting to realize they weren’t really. Maybe they had been, at one point. But, well, a lot had changed. A small part of her was angry, frustrated for it, but… She couldn’t say she _wanted_ a relationship with Riku like that, anymore. So why push it? If she was okay with how things were now, then what reason was there to be sad about the change?

Riku nodded slowly, like he understood.

“Me too,” he said. He was quiet, contemplative. He wrapped a hand around his bare toes, playing with them as he thought. “Honestly… I’m beginning to wonder if I ever did at all?” He let that thought hang in the air for a moment, then seemed to realize what he’d said. “I mean! I _do_ love you, Namine. But. I was all mixed up about all sorts of things until pretty recently?? And, well…”

He fumbled there. It looked like he had a few thoughts, but wasn’t comfortable about sharing them. Namine thought about pressing it, but decided against it. Let him have a few secrets, a few thoughts he’d thought better of. They didn’t have to share _everything._

Riku finally let out a sigh.

“I guess the easiest way to put it is that ‘romantic’ doesn’t really describe my feelings for you. And, maybe it never has?” He shrugged, and laughed a little, casual and confident in this. “You can love someone without wanting to be romantic with them. And… you can love someone without making them your whole world, too.”

The somewhat self-depreciating joke caught Namine by surprise enough to force a startled laugh out of her. But Riku’s smile was easy, relaxed.

“Seems like you got this all figured out,” Namine said.

“Talked to Aerith,” he admitted.

“Y’know, I should really try that once…” Namine said, dragging the words out, looking away thoughtfully for good measure. The ease of the joke was comforting, and so was Riku’s returning laugh.

“Yeah, you should,” he answered, playing along. She thought his tone sounded a little sincere, too, underneath it all. But that was no surprise.

Namine tilted her head to the side, scratching at her ear, sighing a little with wistfulness. “Guess we got a lot about this mixed up, huh?” she asked, laughing a little.

Riku shot her a wry smile. “Well, seeing as we’re a pair of Replicas that have only technically been alive like a year, and never learned any good social cues from anybody…”

Namine laughed a little louder, shoulders hunching with the weight of it.

“ _Right,_ ” she said, mirthful.

They laughed a little longer about that, and Namine relished the light feeling in the air between them, the gleeful glint in Riku’s eyes. Then something occurred to her, and, she’d hate to ruin the joke, but—

“Actually, I lie,” she said. “Ren taught me a few good ones.”

“Well, you were lucky and got a father figure,” Riku shot back. He was grinning, despite the edge in his tone.

“You could have stayed at Kairi’s if you’d wanted to!!” Namine argued, grinning as widely back, rising up on her knees a bit in her excitement.

“Well!!” Riku protested, but that was the extent of his argument, and they both knew it. There was no use pressing this old thing, this past decision they couldn’t change. But it was fun to tease him about it every now and then.

It reminded Namine of something else.

She supposed she didn’t _have_ to have this conversation with Riku right now, but he was right there, and she was going to have to tell him eventually. And, even if they’d grown more distant, and their relationship had changed—did that really mean they couldn’t share idle thoughts anymore? Namine didn’t think so, because that would be silly.

“Hey, Riku…” she said, dragging the sound out, feeding on the leftover playful energy.

“Yeah?” he answered, eyebrows raised in her direction.

“Hypothetically, if I were to move back in with Kairi…” She trailed off for a second there, knowing her next words were unnecessary (because, he wouldn’t be). She couldn’t think of any other way to phrase it, though, and couldn’t help the knot of worry in her gut, so she continued, softer: “Would you be upset?”

He fell back against his pillow-nest, one arm folded behind his head. Presumably only one because his arms were too long for both to be comfortable, based on how he started to move both but caught the elbow of one against the wall.

“Nah,” he said.

He sounded pretty casual about it, but knowing—or perhaps, only suspecting—there was more, Namine pressed:

“ _Riku_.”

He laughed a little.

“I mean, I wouldn’t, though?” he argued. “Definitely not as upset as I might have been like, a month or so ago…” He hesitated, letting that heavy thought hang in the air. Namine was relieved things had changed. Glad things had changed. Riku wriggled a little, shifting his weight. “Anyway, I mean, _yes_ , I would be upset in the sense that I’d miss you, but… That’s really it. And I wouldn’t even be that sad, because it’s not like we’d _never_ see each other again.”

That was nice to hear, Namine supposed. Both that he would miss her, and that that was the extent of how upset he’d be. Boy, looking back on it, their relationship sure _had_ been an absolute mess a few months back, hadn’t it? Good thing it was better now.

Riku was already mostly propped up on that mound of pillows, so he fixed his eyes more directly on Namine.

“You… askin’ for advice, or just my opinion?”

“Oh! Just throwing it out there,” Namine said, because it hadn’t really been either of those things. “I’ve just been thinking about it, though, I haven’t decided yet.”

“If you want to, you should,” Riku told her, genuine.

“I know,” Namine said.

It was just still a lot to make a move on. She _did_ like it here, and it seemed silly to move out so soon after Aerith had gone through all that trouble of getting a room set up for her. Plus it’d be hard to do her training as a healer if she wasn’t living on the same world as Aerith anymore. (Sure, Aerith would be willing to make accommodations, but it’d still be _difficult_.)

But, on the other hand…

“I miss Kairi, y’know?” she said, head down. She focused her attention on picking a piece of fuzz off of Riku’s sheets, letting the words flow out of her mouth. “And… me ‘n Aerith were talking the other day about like, me being part of the family and, I realized. I’m not? And it’s not like, I’m not saying that as if it’s a bad thing, because it’s not. It’s really just… I already have a family, I realized. I have Kairi.”

And Ren, of course. Oh, she missed him too.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then you really should go,” Riku said. His voiced filled with a warm, fervent earnestness, and he sat up, so intent he was on this. Namine giggled a little.

“I know, I know,” she told him, mainly just to placate him. She understood what he was getting at. And she understood the reason for his earnestness. “But it’s not like I can just leave _tonight_.” There were too many logistics to figure out about it, still. And… She was thinking she wanted to stick around at least as long as Rinoa was here, even if she did feel a little bad about the fact she’d technically condemned Rinoa to the couch by taking the second guest bedroom.

“That’s fair,” Riku relented.

They fell into silence, and this silence lasted, both of them out of conversation topics. Namine supposed this was the part where she was supposed to go, but, she didn’t want this moment to end. She got the sense Riku didn’t want it to, either.

“Oh!” Riku said, after a moment. He shot upright. “Hang on, I have something I wanted to…” He didn’t finish the thought, too busy extricating himself from the bed. Or perhaps he just hadn’t had the thought to finish, and the escaping-from-the-bed thing was unrelated. He’d… probably be having an easier time if his legs weren’t so long. It seemed mainly his problem was getting them out from under himself without kicking Namine in the process.

Finally, he managed, though, and moved over to his bookshelf. After a bit of rummaging around, returned to the bed with a book in his hands, a book which he immediately presented to Namine.

“What’s…?” she asked, examining it. It was a book about princesses and dragons she thought she recognized. Had she read bits of it, or did she just remember Riku talking about it? Both?

“Um, maybe it’s kind of silly,” Riku said, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “But I was thinking we could, maybe, start a little book club? It doesn’t have to be just you and me, if that’s like, super awkward but… I thought it might give us an excuse other than healing lessons to actually hang out.”

He explained with a nervous laughter, and Namine felt something fond, pained, pull in her chest. She hated that they needed an excuse now to spend time together, but…

It was a good idea.

Maybe she should tell him that.

“Alright, yeah,” she said, looking up at him to flash him a smile. “It sounds like it might be fun.” She looked down at the book again, flipping through the pages idly. “How, exactly, are we doing this?”

“Haven’t decided if we’ll do it chapter-by-chapter or not, yet,” Riku admitted. “The chapters are kind of short, but also I don’t know how many chapters at once is too many, y’know?” He hesitated a second, and then: “You up to starting tonight? I can go get the other copy, and we can see how the first chapter goes real quick.”

Namine shrugged. “Sure.” But… “There’s two copies?”

“Well, yeah,” Riku said, kind of like he thought it obvious. “Aerith has one, and that one’s mine. I bought it the other day.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!! I thought it’d be nice to have my own copy. Plus I, uh, maybe was kind of planning for this?” He admitted that like he was embarrassed.

“Aw,” Namine said, touched, and… feeling a little embarrassed herself, actually.

“Anyway!” Riku said. “I’ll head downstairs and grab the other one. Be right back.”

“Don’t wake Rinoa,” Namine cautioned, as he headed for the door.

“I won’t, I won’t, geeze!”


	96. In which somehow we're pillow forts, again

Aqua sat with Sora in the room Mickey had set aside for them for training. It was a decently large room, tall windows on either side of a glass door that let out onto a balcony. Sunlight streamed through the glass, making the room glow with its warmth. The room was otherwise empty save for the red that carpeted it and every other room in this castle. Aqua wasn’t exactly sure if it had always been empty, or if Mickey had cleared out the room for her, though she had a feeling it was probably the latter. Unlike the Land of Departure, every room in this castle seemed to be in use. None were empty. None were abandoned. Which was good, except when Aqua was craving even just an imitation of the comforts of home. She really needed to figure out what exactly had happened to it, and why it had been locked off from her the last time she tried to visit.

Anyway.

She and Sora sat in the roughly the center of the room. Ven was here too, because for this lesson Aqua could use a little help from someone who was actually good at this.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” Sora asked. He looked eagerly between the two of them, jittering a little where he sat. He had one knee up, the other leg pulled under him. It was only realizing that that made Aqua realize she and Ven both had taken on more traditional postures, just on reflex.

“Meditation,” Aqua answered, at the same moment Ven said: “Heartspace things.”

Aqua sent him a look, but Ven just shrugged. With a scowl, Aqua admitted he wasn’t exactly _wrong_.

“It’s a little bit of both, for Keyblade wielders,” Aqua elaborated for Sora. “You don’t just meditate, you explore the space of your heart, too. It’s good for getting a sense of its shape, and knowing the state of it, which is important for Keyblade wielders. It’s hard to keep the balance of the worlds when you yourself aren’t in balance.” These words were echoed from what Eraqus had taught her. Keeping the balance of the worlds might not be something Sora would have to worry about outside of the Xehanort mess for a while, but Aqua still believed this was important. It seemed… strange, to be a Keyblade wielder and not know about the heartspace.

“It’s not like it’s _not_ meditation, though,” Ven was saying. “It _is_ meditation. It’s just different for us, because we can actually visit our heartspace.”

“People who don’t wield a Keyblade can’t?” Sora asked, eyebrows rising with surprise.

“It’s harder, I guess?” Ven told him, though he looked at Aqua with a clear signal for help written in his eyes.

“It’s less to do with the Keyblade, and more to do with innate heart magic,” Aqua said, jumping in to rescue Ven as requested. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or roll her eyes at his look of relief, but eventually decided on neither, so that she could keep explaining to Sora. “Anyone can reach their own heartspace through enough practice and diligence, it would just take many years for someone who doesn’t have a Keyblade to get it down, compared to us, who usually manage to get it down within a few months. And that’s the _worst_ case scenario.”

She deliberately didn’t mention she was one of those worst case scenarios. She just hadn’t been able to grasp it the same way Terra had…

“Seems kind of weird that having a Keyblade makes such a big difference, though?” Sora protested, his face scrunched up with his confusion.

Aqua pondered a second, wondering how to phrase the explanation for this. She couldn’t entirely remember what the reason was, which wasn’t helping. She finally decided on: “Keyblades just… make heart magic flow through us a little easier.” The statement wasn’t incorrect, even if it maybe wasn’t the actual answer to Sora’s question.

“Plus like, if you have a Keyblade, you’ve already been to the heartspace once,” Ven added. Aqua let out a small noise, frustrated that she’d forgotten this, because this was the actual answer, and it was completely obvious in hindsight.

Sora turned to Ven, confusion written clearly on his face.

“Remember the night you first got your Keyblade?” Ven prompted.

Sora’s face clouded with an uneasy expression. Aqua wasn’t sure what it was, or how to help, but he didn’t seem to understand what Ven was getting at either. Aqua decided to help with that problem, since she could.

“Before you can summon your Keyblade, you have to have an awakening,” Aqua explained for him. “That awakening happens in the heartspace.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Sora said. The uneasy expression on his face passed into one of realization.

“Once you’ve been there once, it’s significantly easier to go back,” Ven said. “The pathways are already _unlocked_ , you know.” He grinned wide as he finished, and Aqua sent him a disgusted look. The subtle pun seemed to go over Sora’s head.

“The goal for today is to get you there, if we can,” Aqua continued.

Sora nodded. “Okay!” His heart burned strongly against her senses, likely with excitement, based on the look in his eyes. “How do I…?” he asked, letting the question trail off.

“You just kind of… reach inside yourself…” Aqua began, but wasn’t sure where to take it from there. Honestly, who let her be a teacher. She was awful at teaching things. (Okay, not everything, just this one thing, but that was why Ven was here.)

“Do you remember what it looks like?” Ven prompted, as Sora’s excitement wavered. “It should be like, a stained-glass platform. At least right now.”

“Right now?” Sora pressed, interest piqued.

Ven nodded. “Yeah! You can make it look different later if you want—it helps with meditation and stuff—but that’s not really first-lesson stuff. Let’s just focus on getting you there first!”

“Gotcha,” Sora said.

He considered Aqua and Ven, then took on a posture similar to theirs. He slouched a little too much, but Aqua didn’t want to bother correcting him. Ven started taking Sora through breathing exercises to calm his mind and center himself, which would speed the process of entering his heartspace, and Aqua let him.

Abruptly Aqua remembered that she was supposed to be trying to familiarize herself with Sora’s heart right now. So as Ven helped Sora, she sat there and reached out with her senses, probing Sora’s heart. Frustratingly there wasn’t anything new to feel, nothing distinct about the two hearts that sat in his chest. The line between the hearts was still blurry to her, soft light and warm shadows blending together with no distinction.

Aqua sighed. She allowed her attention to drift away, but left her senses open and pressed against his heart—hearts?—drinking it in. There was nothing to do other than let it happen over time, she supposed. She just wished it wasn’t so frustratingly slow.

“Aqua?” Ven said, his voice quiet. Likely he didn’t want to distract Sora, but the fact he was addressing Aqua at all meant he was confident that Sora’d gotten the hang of things. Aqua was a little jealous, if he had.

“Hmm?” Aqua responded, keeping her voice equally low.

“You mentioned a, uh, worst-case-scenario earlier,” Ven said, and immediately Aqua blushed. “Was that you or Terra?”

“Um. Terra,” Aqua said, after a moment’s hesitation.

Ven raised an eyebrow at her. “Terra, huh?” he said, with the exact cadence of someone who knew very well that it had _not_ been Terra who had any trouble with it, and that it was Aqua who’d required months to figure it out. Aqua silently cursed her inability to lie. “I see.”

Aqua shoved him, and he laughed.

It was then that Sora opened his eyes. He shot up straight, eyes going wide. “Oh?” he said, then: “ _Oh_!?!”

Aqua raised her eyebrows at him, not sure what warranted this reaction. “You manage to get there?” she asked, because… What else could it be?

“Oh, yeah,” Sora answered, like it was the last thing on his mind. “And um. Um?” He was jittering where he sat, and if his heart had been burning with excitement earlier, it was positively ablaze now. “You guys didn’t tell me that I could- that I…!”

Aqua and Ven exchanged glances.

“Could what?” Ven asked.

“Could see Kano!” Sora was able to finish, finally.

“Oh,” Aqua said. She understood his excitement now. “We… didn’t know,” she admitted. Sora’s entire situation with Kano was wholly unprecedented, but she supposed that perhaps this had been a little obvious, in hindsight.

“Um, um!” Sora bounced where he sat. “Would it be alright if I took some time to talk to him? I mean if we have other things we need to do it can wait, I just- I--!” He broke off, seeming unsure of what exactly he wanted to say. His heart flared with such excitement that Aqua had to close off her senses from it, lest she be overwhelmed.

“Go ahead,” she told Sora. “The plan for today was mainly to just get you there, so we’ve, technically, covered everything.” She laughed a little. Sora laughed as well, but seemed distracted.

“Great!” he said. “Then I’ll just—” He closed his eyes, heading back to his heartspace.

Ven was silent for a moment, then patted his knees and made to get up. “Guess we should, uh, give him some privacy then.” He laughed nervously.

Aqua looked up at him, studying the discomfort on his face, considering the way the beacon of light that was his heart wavered. He got like this often when the subject of Kano came up.

“You okay?” she asked him.

His face scrunched up, and he gave her a look like she had no idea what she was talking about. “What, yeah, of course I am,” he answered.

She knew him better than that, but didn’t know the right words to pry. Besides, she had her demons she was hiding under the rug. Maybe she should let him have his. So she let it go.

He held out a hand to her. “Come on.”

She took it, and pulled herself up. They left Sora to his conversation.

 

**xxx**

The heartspace seemed to manifest itself quicker this time, but maybe that was his imagination, or his eagerness. Sora opened his eyes to a warm darkness surrounding him, splashes of red and blue beneath his feet. He couldn’t very well make out what the stained glass depicted while he was standing in the middle of it, but his attention wasn’t on it anyway. His eyes were fixed only on Kano, who stood about twenty paces across from him.

Kano had one arm over his chest, clutching at his other forearm, free hand hanging at his side. He wouldn’t look directly at Sora. Sora could feel Kano’s annoyance in the back of his head, hear his quiet thoughts about how this whole scenario was ridiculous and pointless, but the fact Sora could _also_ see the faint disgust painted on Kano’s face was more precious than he could even begin to describe. Sora let out a laugh of delight, a fluttery, floaty feeling welling up in his belly.

Sora didn’t really think about what he did next. He just did it.

He ran over to Kano and tackled him with a hug, knocking him onto the ground. Kano let out a wheeze of air and a strangled “ _holy shit_ —” and Sora laughed and squeezed him tight. He relished in the solidness, the warmth of Kano’s body beneath him. It was good— _so good_ —to be able to see Kano, to _touch_ him. He might have clung to Kano for a long time, but then he became distinctly aware of—Kano’s heartbeat, pressed against his chest, reverberating in the air around them, quick and fast and—

Sora rolled off Kano and flopped onto the ground next to him, since that was only fair. “Sorry, sorry,” he apologized, pressing his hands to his face. The heat of embarrassment burned in his cheeks, but he couldn’t stop grinning. “I just? I got really excited to see you.”

“It’s- fine,” Kano answered, his tone clipped like maybe it wasn’t. Sora pulled his hands away from his face and turned his head to look at Kano, but Kano wasn’t looking at him, Kano still lay flat on his back, eyes fixed on the darkness that spread above them. His breaths were coming to him in a sharp, careful rhythm, like he was trying to calm himself.

Sora ached to reach his hand over and intertwine his fingers with Kano’s, but he held himself back. He was still swimming in the sudden, newfound reality of being able to _touch_ Kano, and he wanted to relish in it a little more, but—he didn’t want to overwhelm Kano, either. Especially considering Kano’s feelings for him, and the uncertainty they both stood on regarding that. Sora, deeply affectionate as he was, wished it wasn’t a problem, but… Sometimes people didn’t like being touched. And any reason they had was valid, whether they were like Riku and touch made them jumpy, or were like Kano, who was probably highly uncomfortable with the things it made him feel. So Sora took a deep breath and reeled himself in.

“What did you even want to talk about?” Kano asked, pushing himself upright.

Sora followed suit. “I dunno,” he admitted. “Just wanted to, you know, hang out.”

“You interrupted your training just to _hang out_?” Kano demanded, confusion hot in his tone as he—he _scowled_ at Sora. And Sora could see it! It was as pouty as Sora’d always imagined it, and that brought a joy welling up in Sora’s chest.

“Aqua said it was fine,” Sora protested.

“She was probably just being nice! Sora! We literally can talk to each other whenever we want! In fact, we probably spend _too much_ time together!” Kano’s eyes were wide with disbelief, and he waved a hand through the air as if he could write his frustration into it. Being able to see the way Kano moved when he spoke was so refreshing that Sora couldn’t help but smile, even though Kano was mad at him—no, not mad. Just exasperated. His expression and gestures may have looked angry, but the ball of his emotions that still sat in the back of Sora’s mind were only painted with exasperation. (Exasperation and a tangled mess of other emotions that Sora politely did not touch. Kano would have to figure those out himself.)

“Yeah, well,” Sora began, remembering he had to justify his reason for dropping everything just to come talk to Kano like this. “You can’t tell me _you_ weren’t aching just to see my face.”

Kano’s face scrunched up even further in confusion. “I see it every day in the mirror!”

“I don’t get to see yours,” Sora shot back.

Kano opened his mouth. Closed it. Turned his head away from Sora. There was a blush on his cheeks, and seeing it made Sora bubble with fondness and a little bit of joy. It also made him reanalyze what he’d said. Too strong, maybe? It was true, though… The fact that he couldn’t until now, and the fact that he’d wanted to.

Which was maybe a little strange, considering the last time they’d seen each other face to face. But so much had changed since then.

“And, come on,” Sora said, hoping to maybe alleviate some of the tension. He nudged Kano in the shoulder, delighting in the fact he _could_. “Sure, we get to talk to each other whenever, but… You gotta admit there’s something _different_ about being physically in the same space with each other.”

“I mean, I guess,” Kano said.

Sora turned and shot a grin at him. Kano returned it with something that might have been a smile, accompanied by a noise somewhat equivalent to a small dying animal. Sora raised his eyebrows, and Kano hastily covered his mouth with his hand, blushing hard. Still, though, Kano edged closer to Sora, so that their knees were touching. Sora answered by leaning into Kano’s side, pressing their shoulders together. Maybe it was a little selfish of him, but Kano’d initiated it, and… he couldn’t help it. Kano was real and warm and here, and Sora wanted to soak up every second of it.

“You mind?” Sora asked, because he should at least do that.

“What? Oh, no,” Kano answered. He was a little rigid, though, and Sora could still feel how fast his heart was beating. _That_ should have been impossible, given their current positions, but something about the heartspace must have amplified it.

Sora licked his lips, wondering if he should ask if Kano was okay, trying to decide if he should just put some space in between them anyway… Kano saved him from having to make up his mind, because he answered the intent of a question that must have passed to him from Sora along their link.

“It’s just? Overwhelming?” Kano said. Nervous laughter bubbled in his throat, reaching up to fiddle with his hair. “To be able to- to _touch_ you. Because like, it feels weird? Considering last time we saw each other face to face, and all the times before that, we were like, fighting, and stuff.” He paused to let out another sharp, startled, laugh. “It’s just a really jarring change?? That we can do, uh—” He gestured helplessly at their proximity “— _this_?”

Sora laughed a little, fondness beating hard in his chest. “Yeah, I get it,” he said. “It’s great, isn’t it?”

“It’s, um,” Kano fumbled with words for a few moments. “Gonna take some getting used to,” he said finally.

Sora turned to look at him, in part trying to parse what Kano was feeling, in part still giddy with the fact he _could_ look at Kano. A sharp anxiety beat across their link, the kind of terror Sora’d associate with the fear of messing something up. Kano even looked like he might be sick—he was fiddling with his hair again, and he wouldn’t directly look at Sora, but Sora could make out the uneasy look on his face well enough, even under the red of his cheeks.

Sora made himself look away, because it was probably rude to stare. He dropped his gaze down to his hands, idly considering them as he rolled larger thoughts around in his head. After a moment he decided to go ahead and say something that was on his mind. Maybe Kano could already feel it, or overhear it, but Sora figured he might as well say it out loud. That way Kano couldn’t deny it.

“It is really nice to be here, with you,” Sora said. “I’m glad that I can see you, and touch you, and stuff. I thought I was gonna have to wait forever to be able to do that.”

They were working towards splitting them, of course. Vexen even had the body ready, and they were just waiting on Aqua. But it was still hard, the waiting, the uncertainty of the timing. He could live with it, but still. There had been many times in these past months where he’d wanted to shove Kano playfully while they were talking, or bump shoulders against him, or hold his hands and properly look him in the eyes to get his attention—not being physically in the same space made conversations _hard,_ because his hands wanted to touch Kano but there was no Kano to touch. The fact that he could touch Kano, now, _without_ them having separate bodies? That was a blessing.

Kano pulled away from him enough that he could turn and give Sora a long, studying look. His face was painted with disbelief, and confusion came strongly across their link.

Sora laughed. The face Kano was making was kind of funny, and he was still so glad that he could even see it at all, and… Okay, maybe he could explain what he meant a little better.

“I _mean_ it!” he insisted. Maybe that was coming on a little too strong again, but if there was anything Sora valued, it was being honest with his feelings. “I know we get to talk all the time, but like—if I’d been away from Kairi for a couple months I’d miss sitting next to her _so bad_ , even if we got to talk on the phone for hours every day.”

“But that’s Kairi,” Kano argued, still scowling.

“I’d do it with Riku and Namine, too!” Sora argued, fervently. Honestly, the only reason he _didn’t_ drape himself over either of them when he finally got to see them after a while—and it always seemed like so much time passed between one visit and another—was because it usually made Riku antsy and Namine… didn’t hate being touched, exactly, but seemed less appreciative of it lately. Which, fair, considering what she was going through. Sora was glad she was starting to do better.

Anyway.

“I just…” Sora began, but then decided that maybe articulating how desperately he’d been wishing to be able to touch Kano lately was probably definitely too far. Kano probably got the idea by now anyway. “Guess I’m just a cuddly guy,” he said.

Kano stared a second more, then slowly settled against Sora’s shoulder again. “Having trouble wrapping my head around the idea _I’m_ on the list of people you want to cuddle,” Kano said finally. There was a laugh in his voice, but not one in his eyes. Those were narrowed, suspicious, as he side-eyed Sora. Sora felt a mirth bubble up in him, at the notion that somehow him clinging to Kano right now wasn’t enough proof.

“Course you are!” he said, pushing himself a little harder against Kano for good measure. “You’re my _friend_.”

“That seems bizarre, too,” Kano said, with another anxious laugh.

“ _Kano_.”

Sora pulled away now so he could look at Kano, eyes narrowed with disapproval, heart weighing heavy with disappointment. He couldn’t believe after all this time Kano still doubted it. Kano took one look at Sora’s expression and scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning his head away.

Sora grabbed him by the arm, clinging tightly. “Come on,” he pleaded. “You want this, don’t you? You want to be friends?”

Kano hesitated. That sharp, almost-terror flared across their link again, along with a pile of restlessly boiling thoughts that hurt Sora’s head to even _try_ and decipher. Finally, Kano swallowed.

“Y- yeah,” he mumbled.

A smile tugged at Sora’s mouth, and he let it, shoving both his joy and his exasperation in Kano’s direction. “Then _enjoy it,_ man,” Sora said. “Accept it! Let it happen! You’re the only one holding yourself back.”

Kano stared, jaw slack and face slowly turning a _very_ brilliant red. After a second he jolted back from Sora, and scrambled across the stained-glass to put some distance between them. He buried his face in his hands and patted at his cheeks, cursing under his breath. Sora politely looked away while he composed himself, and also did his darnedest to think about literally anything other than the very loud thoughts Kano was currently wrestling to beat back into submission. (Even if Kano’s still-something-of-a-crush on him wasn’t a secret, he didn’t need to eavesdrop.)

After a few minutes, Kano let out a long breath and pulled his hands away from his face—after smacking it one more time for good measure. He spun back around to face Sora, knees up to his chest. His flustered look was mostly replaced by annoyance.

“ _Anyway_ ,” he said, voice sharp. He was scowling that pouty scowl again. “Is that it, or do you still wanna stick around? Because, like, you can literally go and come back whenever.”

Sora considered that, nodding slowly. Kano had a point. And the reality of that made Sora buzz with excitement. But still…  “I mean, I’d like to spend more time with you right now,” he said, truthfully. At some point, physically being in the same space as Kano was going to become old news. Sora wanted to enjoy it, now, while it still felt fresh.

Kano flushed red again. He bit his lip and took a long, labored breath, expression suggesting he was beating some errant thoughts down again. “Okay,” he said. It was a little tight.

“If you don’t mind,” Sora quickly interjected, because if Kano wasn’t going to enjoy it then there was no point.

“No, it’s fine!” Kano said. His frustrated tone and the way he pressed a hand to his head suggested otherwise, but what was sent along their link matched up with his words. “It’s just, what are we going to talk about _now_ , huh?” He thrust his hands out in front of him, like he was gesturing at the pointlessness of the situation. He tossed one hand up in the air. “It’s not like we have any interesting conversation topics!”

Sora nodded slowly, conceding that point. He took a moment now to look around his heartspace—though there was nothing here but him and Kano and the stained glass. He clucked his tongue.

“This is really it, huh?”

Kano nodded. “Yeah.”

There was a sharpness in his tone that was probably just his usual roughness, but it made Sora think: if this was where Kano was just kind of chilling now, and this was all there was… That sucked. That _really_ sucked.

“Sorry,” he said.

Kano shook his head in surprise. “What? Don’t be! I barely manifest physically here—makes it hard to pay attention to what’s going on outside your body.”

“Oh.” Sora felt a little better about that, then. Still… “Hey, didn’t Ven say I could shape this place however I wanted?”

Kano shrugged, playing with his hair again. He scowled up at his bangs rather than at Sora. “Yeah, and he also said it wasn’t something you should try immediately.”

“He didn’t say that exactly,” Sora protested. “Besides, I gotta start somewhere, right?”

“If you’re gonna start messing around with it, then please start small,” Kano said. He still wasn’t looking at Sora, but Sora could see a faint blush on his cheeks again, and hear the concern in his voice. Probably worried about Sora hurting himself. Sora laughed a small, fond laugh.

“Okay, okay,” he agreed. Maybe he’d just try and summon something? Some chairs, maybe? That’d at least give them something comfortable to sit on.

As soon as he thought about wanting chairs, two appeared.

“Sweet,” Sora whispered, grinning at them. He could feel Kano’s surprise along their link, though for once he wasn’t looking at Kano to see it. He’d gotten to his feet and was examining the chairs. They were basic chairs meant for sitting at a table, but they were solid—and instantly transformed into armchairs as soon as Sora thought about wanting them to be more comfortable.

“Holy shit.” Kano sounded impressed. Sora turned and shot a look at him just to appreciate the raise of his eyebrows, the gentle awe gracing his face.

“You never done this?” Sora asked.

Kano shook his head. “Your heart, not mine.”

“Fair.”

Sora pressed a hand to his chin, humming a long note as he thought. Then he had an idea, and he smiled. It was a good idea.

He thought about what he wanted, and a large mound of pillows and blankets plopped onto the glass before him. The chairs morphed back into table chairs, for now, because those were better for this.

By this point, Kano had gotten up and moved to stand next to Sora. He eyed the newly summoned pillows with confusion.

“Okay, what the actual hell,” he said.

“You ever build a pillow fort?” Sora asked, sending a sly look at Kano.

Kano looked at him like he was crazy. “Um, no. Obviously.”

Sora grinned.

“Let’s fix that.”

He grabbed Kano by the hand and dragged him towards the pillow pile.


	97. In which Aqua has a nightmare, and Namine gets a little sappy

_The blade cut through Aqua’s body, and she gasped, shuddered. She could feel the blade slide through her stomach, out her back—Blood bubbled in the back of her throat. All she could taste was iron. Her knees started to buckle, but a hand caught her, fingers like ice closing around her forearm to support her weight._

_Aqua met the face of her attacker and soon-to-be killer, dread filling her because she already knew what she’d see._

_It was her face, mirrored back at her. The blade in her gut was her own._

_Her mirror sneered up at her, teeth flashing. Her eyes were cold, burning with hatred. She smiled a little wider, and twisted the blade, seeming to drink in Aqua’s pain._

_Aqua struggled and tried to push away from her, distantly thinking that maybe the wound wasn’t_ too _bad, and maybe if she just pumped enough Curagas into it she’d be fine. She certainly wasn’t just going to let herself die without at least_ trying _to stop it—_

 _“Why resist it?” her mirror asked, voice sickly sweet. “Death is the least you deserve. After all, isn’t everything that happened to Terra and Ven_ your _fault?”_

_Aqua didn’t think that was true, but her mind swam too dizzyingly to come up with a counter-argument._

_“Besides, wouldn’t it be easier?” her mirror continued. Her voice echoed from every direction, wrapping around Aqua like a song. “To just… fade away. No one would miss you.”_

_That, Aqua was certain, was a lie._

_“No,” she gasped. Abruptly she remembered what she was fighting for. She couldn’t die here. Ven_ was _waiting for her, and if she didn’t get out of here he would never wake up, and—“No, you’re wrong,” Aqua hissed. Anger and rage boiled inside of her, and her voice climbed steadily higher as she tried to disentangle herself from her mirror. It didn’t seem to work no matter how hard she tried. “Don’t you dare!” she shouted. “Don’t you EVEN—”_

_She clapped a hand over Aqua’s mouth, smiled._

_“Now, now,” she cooed. “We wouldn’t want to wake Ven, would we?”_

_Aqua’s mind reeled, spinning wildly to comprehend this. Of_ course _she wanted to wake Ven. The need to wake him up was the only thing that kept her going. And, screaming_ here _, an entire realm away from him, couldn’t possibly—_

_This was a dream._

_The thought solidified with surprising clarity, and yet even though Aqua was now lucid, she couldn’t seem to wake up, or do anything to change the dream. It was like something was holding her here._

_Like_ she _was holding her here._

 _Aqua grit her teeth and exerted her will enough that the sensation of_ literally dying _disappeared, even if she couldn’t seem to get the blade going through her to vanish, or wish herself away from here. It was a dream. She could be stabbed clean through and not feel it. It was fine._

_“You won’t keep me here!” she spat, yanking her mirror’s hand away from her mouth._

_Her mirror leaned in, smile widening, eyes gleaming. “Oh. But I will.”_

_Aqua growled and pushed her will against her mirror, pushed with every fiber of her being. She focused on doing—something, to her mirror. Anything. She focused on the image of her mirror vanishing, but she only caused the barest of ripples before she felt her mirror push back. The sharp pain and sensation of_ literally bleeding out _washed over Aqua again, so suffocating that she choked on it. Gasping and grasping for air, she sunk to her knees and her mirror let her this time._

_This shouldn’t be possible, Aqua thought dimly, in the section of her mind that wasn’t focused on trying to get air into her burning lungs. There was no way she could be lucid and her dreams be totally out of her control._

_Her mirror smirked down at her._

_“_ Stubborn, but not enough, _” her mirror said, and the voice seemed to echo so much deeper, so much louder, like it was coming from something bigger than her mirror._

Aqua woke up.

Aqua woke up and immediately pitched herself out of bed, rolling onto her side and the onto the floor. She landed roughly on her elbows and knees, bashing her head against the floor. She cursed under her breath and screwed her eyes shut at the pain, heaving to vomit blood that was _not actually_ caught in her throat. The sensation of death was still so thick in her lungs she coughed and choked on it—

And then remembered Ven, asleep in the bed above her. She couldn’t keep waking him with her night terrors. So she bit her lip and tried to force the sickness back down—

“Aqua?” came Ven’s voice.

Aqua squeezed her eyes shut against the tears burning in her eyes. He barely got enough sleep anymore, and all she did was make it worse…

She pushed herself to her feet, despite the pain in her knees and sickness that rolled around in her stomach. She made her way to the door. A walk. She’d go for a walk. Clear her head. It wasn’t like she was going to be able to go back to sleep, anyway.

“Aqua!” Ven called after her, persistent. She heard him scramble to get out of bed, heard his feet against the floor, and then he fell into step beside her. “Look, I ain’t gonna make you talk about it, but I ain’t letting you wander around alone after whatever that was either!” He looked up at her, face firm, eyes burning.

Aqua didn’t have a voice, nor the energy to respond, so she gave him a sharp nod and let him. Whatever. She’d already woken him up. And… it was selfish, but his presence was comforting, the beacon of his heart, the constant reminder she wasn’t alone. After a dream like that, it was a relief like no other.

That dream…

She rolled thoughts of it around uneasily in her head. It had been so vivid. So real. _Too_ real. It was so strange… The lack of total control over her dreamspace, despite being lucid. And that _sensation,_ like someone else had been manipulating it…

Aqua wasn’t sure if it was just a fluke, or if it had really been someone else. Or maybe, with her own heart magic, she’d just accidentally made her terror manifest into something physical, something that had control over her for a brief spat. She tried to ponder that sensation, that fierce battle of wills… But the specifics of what she’d felt, like any dream, were already beginning to slip through her fingers. It grew more and more distant, the longer she was awake.

Troubled, she put it out of her mind.

**xxx**

Kairi flopped backwards, hanging upside-down from Riku’s bed as she let out a long groan. Namine knew from the smile on Kairi’s face it wasn’t that serious, though, and she was just being dramatic.

“Ugh, okay, you were right,” Kairi said. “This book is pretty up my alley.”

“Told you!” Riku called at her, smiling smugly from his nest of pillows at the other corner of his bed.

From her position in the middle of the floor, Namine covered a giggle with her hand. Kairi shot her a half-hearted glare, and then—still upside-down—rifled through the book. After a moment, she sighed a more genuine sigh.

“Pretty up Sora’s alley, too,” she mused, disappointment heavy in her tone.

“Why couldn’t he join us for book club, again?” Riku asked.

“Too busy with training,” Kairi answered. She let her hands and the book with them fall to the ground. “As well as, uck.” She scrunched up her nose with disgust. “ _Kano_.”

“What’s the problem with Kano?” Namine asked, a little surprised.

Kairi sighed again. “I mean, nothing, but,” she began, then attempted to shake her head. She didn’t have much success, seeing as most of her weight was supported on it. “Ugh. Kano’s fine, really, I’m just tired of not being able to hang out with _just Sora._ Also, hang on, I can’t keep—”

“That’s understandable,” Namine said, scooting out of the way so Kairi could somersault off the bed. “I mean, about Sora,” she clarified. Sora kept dropping by at least once a week to talk about his stories with her, so she was very familiar with the way Sora’s attention was constantly divided between her and Kano. It wasn’t… the worst, but she definitely could understand why it would frustrate Kairi. “Though your aversion to being upside-down is understandable, too.”

“Couldn’t do what that was doing to my neck,” Kairi said rubbing at it. “Anyway. I keep telling them that they should just switch off every now and then instead of trying to constantly coexist, because that’s _gotta_ be easier, right?”

“You’re not the one sharing a body with someone,” Riku argued.

“Well, no!” Kairi admitted. “But taking turns with the body makes _sense,_ if you ask me—”

“No one did,” Riku interrupted.

“Oh shut up!!”

“They’re going to be separate soon though, right?” Namine said. “So like, I guess you only have to put up with it for a little longer.

“They’ll _hopefully_ be separate soon,” Kairi said, with a sigh. She pouted a little, pushing her hair out of her face. It was getting… long. Longer than Namine’d ever seen it on her, falling past her shoulders now. She was a little surprised Kairi hadn’t chopped it all off yet. She’d been pretty diligent about that _before_ their adventures had started.

Namine thought about commenting on it, but Kairi was pushing herself to her feet, tossing the book back onto Riku’s bed.

“ _Anyway_ , that was fun and I’ll definitely keep doing this with you two, but I’m gonna go bug Rinoa to teach me more spells.” She made a show of stretching her arms, and then headed out of Riku’s room and down the stairs. Namine watched her go, feeling a disappointment bubble up in her chest.

“You gonna tell her?” Riku asked.

Namine blinked in surprise and turned around to look at him. “What—?” she began, but then something about his face conveyed the rest to her. She still hadn’t told Kairi how she felt regarding Kairi being her family. She laughed a little, because that wasn’t what she’d been thinking about at all until Riku’d brought it up, but the laugh became nervous, and a heaviness sat in her chest. “Well, I…”

“ _Namine_ ,” Riku said, voice firm, eyes fixed on her. He was doing a pretty good impression of Aerith’s disappointed face, actually. It wasn’t quite as effective, but it still made Namine blush and squirm a little.

“I don’t know, I just… what if she doesn’t…?” Namine wasn’t quite sure how to articulate it into words, because it wasn’t any kind of concrete feeling inside of her, just a vague anxiety about the matter. It felt like a silly thing to have to discuss, also? She understood why she needed to, and that communication was important, but… “I don’t know,” she said again. “What if I read too much into…? What if she says no?”

Riku laughed a little, fond. “She won’t,” he assured her.

He believed it, Namine could tell, from the way his eyes gleamed. And… she knew it was the truth.

“Okay, okay,” Namine said, though she still sighed as she pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going.”

Riku grinned proudly and sent her a thumbs-up. She rolled her eyes.

Downstairs she found Kairi hovering behind the nearest couch, arms crossed over her chest and pouting it a subtle way that Namine was sure only those closest to Kairi would notice. She sent a glance at Namine as Namine fell into place beside her, but then returned her attention to Rinoa, huffing for good measure.

“She won’t stop petting the dog,” Kairi said.

Sure enough, Rinoa was sitting at the opposite couch—the one she was sleeping on as long as she stayed here—petting and fawning over… wait a minute.

“Isn’t that… Kano’s??” Namine asked, squinting at the wolf that sat between Rinoa’s legs, basking in her praise. Namine’d only seen the wolf once or twice now, but there was no mistaking it.

“Yeah,” Kairi answered.

“Why is it…?”

“Something something its _mahtas_ doesn’t give it enough love something something,” Kairi answered, waving her hand through the air.

Namine giggled a little bit. “Bet Kano’d love to hear that.”

Kairi snorted. “Right.”

Namine and Kairi watched a second longer, but it seemed Rinoa didn’t intend to stop any time soon. Angelo lay at the foot of the couch, taking a nap. Namine supposed she was grateful Rinoa’s dog didn’t mind that Rinoa’s attention was being doled out to another canine. But. That wasn’t what she should be worrying about right now. Namine shook her head to clear it, silently scolding herself.

“Actually, um,” she began. Then had to stop because her heart had decided that that moment was the best moment to lodge itself firmly in her throat. She was being silly, being anxious about this, but…

Kairi sent an inquisitive glance at her. “Hmm?”

“I, uh.” Namine swallowed. Took a deep breath. Imagined Riku’s impression of Aerith’s disappointed face to help talk herself into it. “I wanted to, um, talk to you about something.”

“Oh!” Kairi lit up, looking a touch confused but mainly excited.

“Here…” Namine said, peering into the dining room. Nope, Yuffie was there. Outside it was, then. It seemed silly to go all the way back up to her room. She grabbed Kairi’s hand and pulled her out the front door.

They didn’t go too far, because Namine didn’t see the need. She lead Kairi to the other side of the garden, since that seemed like a reasonable distance. Then she let go of Kairi’s hand. And swallowed around the way her heart was beating at the back of her throat again. This wasn’t such a big deal, she told herself. _Really_.

“You look really nervous,” Kairi said, when Namine still hadn’t said anything. “Is it like… a bad thing?”

Namine quickly shook her head. “No! I just… feel a little silly…”

“Well, I’m sure it’s not?” Kairi sent her a winning grin that could almost rival one of Sora’s. “C’mon, don’t leave me hanging!”

Namine took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said. She tried to gather her thoughts. How had she explained it to Riku? Might as well just reiterate that: “I um, was thinking maybe about… moving back in with you?” she said.

Kairi managed to light up even more. “Oh!!” she exclaimed. She started bouncing with her excitement.

“Hang on, hang on, there’s more than that!” Namine said. “It’s like… Ugh.” She paused to groan and rub at her head. “This feels kind of unnecessarily sappy—”

“Lay it on me, can’t be worse than half the things Sora says.”

Namine snorted, then laughed a little. Kairi was… probably right. Feeling encouraged, she continued: “Well, it’s like… less about the house—because, I love Aerith, and I love this house, so it’d be really hard to hate that. I just…” She fiddled with her fingers as she kept speaking. “The longer I’ve been here, the more I got the sense that this was… _Riku’s_ family, not mine.” _Probably because you didn’t really put in a lot of effort—_ but no, no, there was no sense thinking like that. Besides: “And I think that’s because, like… You’re my family, Kairi.” After a second, she added: “And your dad, I guess.”

Kairi smacked her hands against her face, holding her cheeks as she grinned a wide, open-mouthed grin. Her eyes gleamed with joy. Namine was grateful that Kairi seemed to be taking this, _very_ well, and with much excitement. But also, she thought over what she’d said again, and winced.

“Too sappy?”

“Maybe a little,” Kairi admitted, but she tossed her arms around Namine’s neck, pulling her into a crushing hug. “But also that’s? Maybe the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me? Holy shit, I love you too.”

Namine blushed a little, and returned the hug.

“When are you moving back in?” Kairi asked, after a few moments.

Namine shrugged as well as she could with Kairi’s arms draped around her shoulders. “I mean, I kind of wanted to wait until Rinoa left?”

“Oh, mood,” Kairi said instantly. “I wish I could like, spend the night here all the time and hang out with her, but, I think she might find that weird?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Namine agreed. “Oh, also I’m not sure how moving out is gonna affect my healer training with Aerith. I really gotta talk to her about that.”

“That’s also fair.”

“Mainly I just wanted you to know how I was feeling about, um, this,” Namine said.

“Honestly I’m so glad you did,” Kairi said. “It’s like, the best compliment I’ve ever received, I think? Today is now officially the best day of my life.”

Namine laughed. “Seriously?”

“It’s up there!”

Namine blushed a little harder, not sure how to deal with the fact this apparently meant so much to Kairi. She wondered if Riku felt like this a lot. He probably did.

Kairi squeezed her one more time then let her go. “Okay now seriously I’m going to make Rinoa help me practice some more magic or so help me…!”

Namine giggled and followed Kairi back inside.


	98. In which Kano continues to be a gay fucking mess

Sora was… beautiful. Kano’d forgotten just how beautiful, actually?

Not that it was like, the way Sora looked. The two of them looked identical. If physical appearance was all that Kano saw in him, that’d be pretty weird? But it was… the laziness of Sora’s smile, the wideness of it. The softness in his eyes as he looked at Kano.

He was _looking_ at Kano. At _Kano_! And it was with such a gentle, fond expression, Kano was positive he was going to melt.

This was a bad idea, actually. Agreeing to meet Sora in the heartspace again. Kano was certain he couldn’t physically be around Sora ever, because he couldn’t deal with Sora looking at him like this, he couldn’t—

(But he would have to, because soon they were going to have separate bodies. He would have to, because he promised he’d stay and he _wanted_ to stay, he just wasn’t sure how he could possibly live the rest of his life with Sora looking at him like this. He was positive it was going to just straight up kill him, one of these times!)

Anyway.

Somehow, he’d get through this conversation. Hopefully without dying. Or making a fool of himself. Either would be nice.

“So,” Sora said, dragging the sound out.

“So?” Kano repeated, like the kind of idiot who just realized he’d been doing nothing but staring at Sora for the past five minutes. Why was he like this.

“What do you want to do?” Sora asked. Maybe for the second time? Kano couldn’t remember if Sora’d asked that question already.

Kano spluttered and scrunched up his face, at least partly just for show. “You were the one who talked me into this!” he protested. As if he’d required much convincing. “You pick something!” As if those things could actually be combined into a legitimate argument.

“I mean, you should get a say as much as me,” Sora mumbled. “But I guess I could at least suggest something, since this was my idea. Hmm…” He tapped a finger against his chin, tilting his head and looking up into the vastness above them as he rolled ideas around. None of them were concrete enough for Kano to make much sense of through their link. Kano _did_ catch a vague thought about Sora referring to these meetings as dates, which didn’t feel very serious and Sora probably hadn’t actually meant like that, but. It made Kano blush hard anyway, and he jittered where he sat, trying to not spontaneously combust, because apparently he was just a gay fucking disaster, and—

Well, he probably should maybe try and stop thinking about Sora like this? He wasn’t sure if it was possible to train his heart to stop racing out of his chest every time he and Sora were within three inches of each other but… Maybe he didn’t need Sora like that. Maybe he didn’t even _want_ Sora like that. Maybe he should just learn to be content with what he had.

(It was already so much more than he expected to get. And so much more than he deserved.)

And—

And.

Kano’s thought process came to a screeching halt as he looked up at Sora again. As he took in the open curve of Sora’s neck. The pale, jagged line that ran up it, continuing onto his face. Kano’s stomach plummeted to the floor and then well beyond that. The sudden shift in mood reverberated uncomfortably throughout the heartspace like it were a physical thing, and Sora’s lazy smile evaporated. Kano squeezed his eyes shut, because somehow that was a sight much worse.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“What for?” Sora asked, his voice confused, and his presence in the back of Kano’s mind spiking with concern.

Kano swallowed. For ruining the mood. For something that ran much deeper. He licked his lips and spoke softly, as if that would make the words go unheard, even though in the heartspace, near everything was conveyed.

“For. Your face.”

Not as eloquent as it could have been, but again, near everything was conveyed in the heartspace, so Sora got what he meant. And because everything was conveyed, Kano felt the way Sora’s confusion and concern dissolved and become fondness and exasperation. He also felt the laugh on Sora’s lips before the sound hit his ears.

“Dude, don’t worry about it?” Sora told him. “You’ve already apologized, and like, I’ve gotten used to it. ‘Sides, it makes me look cool and edgey.”

Kano could feel Sora’s winning grin, too, without looking up to see it. A sound mixed between a groan—because he couldn’t believe Sora had just said the word _edgey_ —and something more pained—because why wasn’t Sora taking this _seriously_ —escaped his throat. He pressed his hand to his stomach. He grit his teeth.

“You used to _hate_ it,” he spat, picking, prying, trying to make Sora remember why this wasn’t something they could just blow off. He kept his eyes on a spot of Sora’s shirt, just below the crown of Sora’s necklace. He didn’t look at Sora’s face, couldn’t look at Sora’s face, even if the scar was already an image burned into his mind, a weight on his shoulders, a guilt that made his insides curdle. How could Sora forgive this? This- this disgusting, pitiful excuse for a creature that he was.

Kano watched as Sora put his hands behind himself and leaned back, felt the smile draw on Sora’s lips, heard the smugness in his voice as he countered:

“I also used to hate you.”

Kano winced at this as well, mind reeling furiously because he still didn’t understand how Sora could do anything _but_ hate him _._ Except, he did understand. It was because Sora was Sora. And apparently Soras came without even a cell in their body capable of holding a grudge. Kano ground his teeth together. He still thought Sora was absolutely stupid for that—for trusting him, for giving him a second chance at all. But. He was enjoying this friendship they were building. And he wasn’t _supposed_ to hurt Sora anymore, so maybe it was alright. Anyway. Anyway.

“It just seems like something that shouldn’t be forgiven?” Kano said, sticking to the argument they were currently on, because it was easier, because the other one made him sick. “I hurt you! More than that, I _permanently_ ruined your face!”

Sora shifted to hold up one finger, which Kano saw because that wasn’t the part of Sora he was avoiding looking at. “On _accident_ ,” Sora argued. “Doesn’t seem much different to me versus, like, a training accident.”

(The idea that he’d lucked out on not getting gotten similar or worse scars from Aqua during their last spar reverberated through their link, even though Sora didn’t say the words aloud. Kano still resented the idea, though.)

“But I _meant_ to hurt you!” he argued back, anger bubbling in his throat. He curled his fingers around the fabric of his shirt, grateful he could still feel the texture of it despite it and literally everything else about him being a metaphysical projection right now. “I just fucked up where I was aiming and made the consequences ten times worse!”

He saw Sora nod slowly in the edges of his vision, felt Sora relent a little through their link. “Yeah, that’s fair, I guess?” He reached up to rub at where the scar fell on his cheek, and Kano turned his head away so he couldn’t see anything more than Sora’s knees out of the corner of his eyes. “But also,” Sora continued, “This is a result of you kind of, just, lashing out because you were upset, right? Doesn’t make it _great_ , but, it’s definitely better than if you’d, like, held me down and carved it into my skin or something.”

Kano immediately recoiled, and in his disgust and horror he forgot that he had been avoiding looking at Sora’s face. He looked at it now, met Sora’s eyes, incredulous that Sora could even think of such a gruesome thing. “Wow, okay!” he shouted. He fumbled for further words, but couldn’t find them.

Sora seemed to get the point. He laughed and he shrugged. “I’m just saying, it could have been worse!”

Kano scrunched up his face, thought about taking a whack at Sora, then thought against it. Sora’s spike of laughter and ducking under the conveyed intent of the blow made Kano almost wish he had? But the moment was passed.

“Plus, like, you apologized,” Sora continued on, still grinning, eyes crinkled with fondness directed at Kano. Kano was absolutely going to die under that gaze. “And you’re sorry. And you regret hurting me. _And_ you’re actively working to make sure you won’t again. Your bases are covered, dude. And I forgive you.”

And that was another thing, entirely. Sora’s forgiveness, and the way it flowed across their link like honey. It filled Kano up to the brim with warmth, and he wanted to wrap his arms around it and cling to it. He still didn’t think he deserved it. But he didn’t want to let it go.

“Anyway.” Sora’s tone edged towards suspicious, and he leaned towards Kano, squinting. “I thought we already went through this?” _Arguing about my scar and you apologizing and me forgiving you_ was not said, but conveyed. “So like, why d’you bring it up again?”

Kano shrugged. Let his eyes flicker over the mark on Sora’s skin again, guilt bubbling up in his chest through the sea of Sora’s forgiveness. He swallowed. “It’s just… different,” he mumbled. “When it’s right there. When I can just…” He started to reach a hand out to touch it, because its proximity, its _realness_ , was so much of what was bugging him. But then he became distinctly aware of how he wanted to trace Sora’s jawline. Feel the softness of Sora’s skin under his fingertips. He pulled his hand back.

“You can touch it if you want,” Sora prompted him.

“I. I don’t think I should,” Kano said. He folded his hands and stuck them in his lap.

Sora opened his mouth in protest, but then he seemed to realize the real reason for Kano’s hesitation. That, or maybe Sora didn’t get to protest because of the loud, distracting thing that happened around the same time. The sound of someone calling Sora’s name, heard as if through water. And then a startled, half-shriek. And—

 

**xxx**

Sora opened his eyes. His mother stood in the doorway, one hand on the door frame, the other on her chest, her eyes squeezed shut and in general looking very much like she’d just had a heart attack. Sora started to ask what was wrong, but then he became aware of the weight on his legs, and the _numbness_ in his legs. That was right. Kano’s wolf—Rosso—had been here all morning, even deciding to stick around while Sora was visiting Kano in the heartspace. Which was fine, but Sora now found himself wishing that he hadn’t let Rosso lay mostly in his lap because _boy he couldn’t feel his legs at all_.

“Sorry,” his mother said, taking a deep breath. “I’m alright. Your, um, wolf just… startled me.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Sora said back. He ran his fingers absentmindedly through Rosso’s fur, enjoying the tingly sensation of trying and failing to hold onto the magic fire bits of it. “Guess it must be strange to see him hanging around here more. Dunno why he started doing that all of a sudden.” Not that Sora was complaining. It was nice to see Rosso more, and his presence seemed to be doing wonders for his parents.

“Anyway, what were you… doing?” Sora’s mother asked, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes.

Sora squinted back at her, but then realized how weird it must have been to have found him sitting here in the middle of his bed mostly motionless with his eyes closed, wolf in his lap or no. He felt a blush rise to his cheeks and answered: “Um, important Keyblade wielder meditation.” Which like, it was, even though he was mostly just using it as an excuse to talk to Kano. His mother raised her eyebrows, looking unconvinced, and Sora blushed harder.

He half expected Kano to say something, but Kano was distant, kind of fuzzy on the edge of Sora’s senses. Probably because Kano was still fully manifested in the heartspace. That was okay though. It meant Kano hadn’t heard any of the embarrassing thoughts Sora’d just thought about him.

“You can like! Ask Mickey or Aqua about it tomorrow, if you want!” Sora said rapidly. “It’s definitely a real thing.” That probably wasn’t a very convincing way to phrase it, Sora realized in hindsight, but the words had already left his mouth. Even if Kano wasn’t here to make fun of him, he was certain Rosso was laughing at him. It was hard to tell because Rosso was a dog but Sora _knew_.

His mother sent him one more scrutinizing glance, then shook her head a little. She pulled away from the doorframe. “Oh right, that’s what I came up here to ask you,” she said. “You said we were going to visit a… _king_?”

Sora nodded. “Yeah! Mickey’s, um, technically a king.” Well, not technically one, but he didn’t care much about the formalities of the title, and Sora didn’t want his mother to overthink this meeting too much. Oh and, more importantly: “He’s also a talking mouse.” He’d already told her that, but just in case she’d forgotten.

Sora’s mouther scrunched up her face a little bit. “King of mice?” she asked.

“Um, and other animals!” Sora added helpfully. At his mother’s further confused look he added: “Look I don’t really get how it works, either, but he’s really nice and so is his wife and you absolutely don’t have to worry about dressing fancy or anything like that. Kairi and her dad are going too and it’s going to be super casual and fun!”

Sora’s mother nodded slowly. “Alright,” she said, seeming unconvinced. But: “Alright,” she said again. “Are we leaving at the usual time? After breakfast?”

“Yeah!”

Sora was glad she seemed to be taking this so well. But this would be their fifth time going off world, so maybe the spell was starting to weaken on her and his father.

His mother nodded one last time as she turned away and made to leave. “Sorry for interrupting your, um, meditation. I’ll let you get back to that.”

“Oh that’s okay!” Sora told her. He thought about telling her he was done anyway, but she’d already left. And…

Sora pushed Rosso off of his legs—which Rosso sulked a little about—and then flopped backwards onto his bed. There was barely any room for him and Rosso both on here when Rosso wasn’t on top of him, but Sora left that for Rosso to deal with, closing his eyes again.

He didn’t have to. But. Kano buzzed at the edge of his mind, distant in a way that made Sora certain he was still fully manifested in the heartspace. They’d finished most of their conversation, Sora supposed, but… It was still too tempting of an invitation, whether it was meant to be an invitation or not.

He dived back in.


	99. In which Aqua finds some relief, and SoShad keeps getting gayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? do a not-ridiculous chapter title? You Fool
> 
> (as an aside if you want to hear me yell loudly about how much I love Soshad/this chapter in general head on [over here](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/tagged/atr99), because I was louder about this chapter than I've been about chapters in a while)

_Another night, another nightmare. The same old, same old, really. Endless darkness, ground that crunched beneath her feet like ice. Nothing to do but wander, wander, and hope that she would see light at the end of one of these paths._

_The Heartless came off and on, shifting between one distinct shape and another, her memory and the dream both blurring any concrete form that the Heartless actually had. Sometimes she blasted them with magic, sometimes they vanished without her needing too. A weariness seemed to cling to her very bones. She knew that there would be light somewhere, somewhere if she just walked far enough. Why hadn’t she found it yet? She’d been walking forever._

_The worst part was that she was very much aware that this was a dream, and that the light she sought was the sweet light of consciousness._

_But even though she knew this was a dream, she had no control over it. And she couldn’t seem to will herself awake, either._

_Truly, it was as if her mind had trapped her._

_The ground gave out from under the next step she took, a pool of darkness opening its maw to suck her in. Aqua let out a yelp of surprise, but then she was totally submerged in the inky black waters._

_The water was like a weighted thing, pressing down on every inch of her. Darkness clung to her skin, dragging her further and further down. Fear flashed through Aqua’s mind—even though she knew she couldn’t die in a dream—and she kicked and struggled. She reached to tap into the light that filled her chest, but couldn’t seem to grasp it, or any of the rest of her magic reservoirs._

_Cursing, terrified, Aqua reached her hands upward, clawing through the water and the darkness. If she could grab on to something, anything—_

_A hand caught hers._

_The shape of it was achingly familiar, a pattern of callouses that she knew well, the sensation of the tug as the owner of the hand pulled her upright._

_Her feet found solid ground, and the water seemed to vanish. Things were like that, in a dream._

_Aqua looked at her savior._

_It wasn’t Terra._

_It was someone around her age, skin dark like Sora’s, hair white as snow._

_“I… Thank you,” Aqua told him, fumbling over her words in her surprise at this turn of events._

_He smiled at her, a kind smile, if a little rigid._

_“It was nothing.”_

Aqua woke up.

 

**xxx**

Aqua found herself in a significantly better mood that morning. Her shower still took longer than it might have before spending ten years in the hell dimension—it was just so _easy_ to get lost in the sensation of water pounding against her skin—but she didn’t find herself feeling groggy or craving the sweet cradle of sleep at all, unlike days past. For once, she felt well-rested. It was… an incredibly unfamiliar feeling, but Aqua relished in it.

She’d just finished dressing and combing out her hair when Ven knocked on the door and then poked his head in before she could answer.

“Hey Aqua—oh good, you’re dressed—anyway I just wanted to tell you—”

Aqua threw her wet towel at him. It’s the least he deserved, for this casual disregard of her privacy. He laughed, a bright sound that made it hard for Aqua to keep scowling at him. (She loved him, obnoxious as he was.)

“That Sora’s here!” Ven continued, once he’d pulled the towel away from his face and tossed it back on the floor.

“Oh!” Aqua said, a little surprised. It was… Sunday, wasn’t it? The days often blurred together for her, but she was positive today was Sunday. Though, regardless; since Sora was here, and Aqua was in the best mood she’d maybe been in all week, perhaps they could squeeze in some extra training, whether it was Sunday or not. She _had_ canceled on him twice this week, already…

“Yeah, he brought Kairi, too,” Ven continued around Aqua’s musings. “And their parents are here with them—I think they’re gonna do a tour of the castle and stuff? I’m gonna go with, just wanted to know if you wanted to, too.”

“Oh…” Aqua said instead of an actual answer, disappointment hitting her as she realized her plans weren’t going to work out. It wasn’t like she could pry Sora away from his parents for it. That would be rude, and largely unnecessary.

“What’s up?” Ven asked, head tilted in curiosity.

Aqua laughed a little in surprise, not that she should be surprised, because Ven always pried about everything. “Well, I was thinking about getting some extra training with Sora in, but I don’t think it’s going to work out,” she explained.

“You could always ask,” Ven told her, chipper.

Aqua supposed she could. Even if it had to wait until after the tour. Maybe even Sora would be willing to stick around after his parents had returned home. And if she accompanied them on the tour, she _could_ spend the time attuning her senses to Sora’s heart. She did still need to learn where Sora ended and Kano began.

Belatedly Aqua realized she needed to give Ven an answer, so she nodded and told him yes she’d come with and yes she’d ask. Ven grinned wide and told her to _come on, then,_ before leaving in a hurry. Probably just eager to see Kairi. Aqua was amused, but glad they’d become such good friends.

They met up with everyone in the gardens. Everyone being Sora, Kairi, their parents, and Mickey and Minnie both. Pleasantries and introductions were redone upon their arrival, which was good because Aqua’d forgotten names. Ven and Kairi traded a short secret handshake which made Aqua smile and made Sora gape for a few moments. While Sora started bugging them about that, Aqua focused her attention on Sora’s heart signature.

There was still nothing new to sense about it, though it felt a little more… _muted_ than usual. And, today—or at least, right now—there was a restlessness burning in Sora’s heart. A strong restlessness that bizarrely did not show on Sora’s face, and Aqua doubted Sora’s poker face had ever been that good. Was the restlessness Kano’s, then? Aqua tried to feel at it, pry at it to get a better sense of it, up until she realized Ven was looking expectantly at her and—

Oh yes, that was right.

“Sora?” she said, and when she had his attention she continued: “I realize that now’s… probably a bad time, so it can wait, but I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind squeezing in an extra training session today? Especially since we skipped two this week.”

“Oh!” Sora said, lightning up immensely. “Yeah, sure! Also I mean, we could do it right now if you wanted.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want your parents to, um,” Aqua began to protest.

“Oh they’ll be fine!” Sora assured her. “Right Mom, right Dad?”

And, this wasn’t how Aqua had intended this to go at all, but. Sora was too eager and too focused, much like a train that could not be stopped. And his parents were agreeing—if a little reluctantly—so that’s how Aqua found herself waving goodbye to Ven and the rest of them as she and Sora headed back towards the training room. Okay, okay. This was fine.

“Are you _sure_ your parents won’t mind,” she asked, hopefully not before it was too late to turn around if so.

“Positive!!” Sora answered her, with a laugh. “They _said_ it’d be okay.”

“They did...” Aqua admitted, though not entirely convinced. She didn’t press it, though. There was a certain sharpness to Sora’s eagerness that was hard to argue around, and, whatever, it didn’t really matter. It could be Sora’s problem, not hers.

Aqua pried at Sora’s heart signature again, because there was nothing much else to do on the walk, even if Sora was moving at a rather fast pace and they’d be there soon. Aqua noticed now that… the restlessness seemed to be subsiding? And the signature she felt coming off of Sora was becoming less muted with every step they took, the shadows of it filling out and becoming deeper, until they acquired that more-depth-than-should-be-possible feeling that Aqua was used to sensing.

She was pretty sure she’d just witnessed Kano’s heart become more active within Sora, and cursed herself for not paying closer attention to what the heart signature she’d sensed before this had felt like. For now, she tried to gather up the new senses that had been added to Sora’s heart signature, separate them and memorize them. She pried to feel that slightly-out-of-sync set of two separate heartbeats…

“Hey, Aqua!” Sora said, sounding a little exasperated but mostly still too eager to hold any real annoyance. He was sitting in the middle of the training room, and had already assumed a position for meditation. Aqua realized then that she was just standing in the doorway and had been for who knew how long now.

“Right, sorry,” she told him. She could keep prying at his heart signature while he practiced heartspace things. She sat down in front of him, assuming a similar posture. “Let’s begin…”

 

**xxx**

The first thing Sora had to do was remember how to manifest only partway into the heartspace. It was kind of tricky to maintain the balance, one foot in and one foot out, but necessary so he didn’t have to keep diving in and out to communicate with Aqua. Just like last time Sora did this, Kano teased him because his appearance was all fuzzy and ghostlike. And just like last time, Sora lovingly told Kano to shut up.

“I was thinking that since you seem to be getting pretty good in shaping the heartspace in minor ways, we should move on to something bigger,” Aqua said. Her voice still sounded a little distant when Sora was like this, but it wasn’t like he was underwater.

At her suggestion a bouquet of fireworks—joy and excitement and eagerness—burst off in Sora’s chest. She and Ven had both talked about how the stained glass suspended in darkness was like a default, and Sora’d dreamed fondly of the lakes that Aqua described and the mountains Ven described, dreamed fondly of making his heartspace a more comfortable place to relax in. He already knew he would see if he could make his heartspace take a shape like his islands. Why would he do anything else?

“You think I’m good to reshape it entirely?” Sora asked, eagerly. From where he was standing in his heartspace, he found himself angling his head upwards to call at her, even though he knew it was unnecessary. The lips on his physical body moved just fine, when he was straddling the physical and metaphysical world like this. (His physical eyes were closed, because the double-imaging he got otherwise was dizzying.)

“I think so, yes, if you’d like to give it a try,” Aqua said, and there was a comfortable smile in her tone. Sora peeked his eyes open to look at it and instantly regretted it, even if it was nice that Aqua was in such a chill mood today.

“Neat!!” Excitement burned hot in Sora. Kano chuckled a little, and Sora shot a glare at him—but it was a playful glare, really. He wasn’t actually annoyed. “Anything specific I need to do?”

“Not really,” Aqua told him. “Picture what you want it to do, exert your will… It works the same way as calling a couple chairs. Just remember it’s on a bigger scale. Take your time. And you may want to warm up, first.”

“Gotcha gotcha,” Sora said. Just thinking about the chairs summoned them just fine, though. He thought about a pillow dropping on Kano’s head. He had to push his will a little bit for this, but still succeeded. Kano yelped. Sora laughed.

“Asshole,” Kano spat, though not with much venom.

Sora grinned and stuck out his tongue at Kano. He wanted to add a fond-if-teasing “ _love you_ ”, because, he did, and the fondness and love bubbled up so fiercely in his chest he thought he might burst with it at any second. But he didn’t want Kano to read too much into it, and now wasn’t the time to get into an argument about how he wished platonic _I-love-you_ s weren’t weird.

And he was still trying to, well… _analyze_ the feelings, he supposed.

But now wasn’t the time.

He shook his head to clear it and focused on the actual task at hand. He closed his eyes. Pictured a beach. He supposed maybe it’d be easiest if he could just get the stained glass to become sand, get the darkness to become water. It’d be a good place to start, at least. So he pictured that and pushed the image onto his heartspace, willing it to take that shape.

It wasn’t instantaneous. But slowly he could feel a kind of shifting around him, like it was starting to take. He pushed a little harder, maybe harder than he should, but he really wanted this to work. He wanted to be able to make this place more comfortable for Kano. Kano, who sat about twenty feet to Sora’s left. Kano, who was clutching that pillow to his chest and still sending a half-hearted glare in Sora’s direction. Sora couldn’t see it, but he could _feel_ it, and it made him smile fondly. What a _dweeb_.

His concentration snapped, and the magic he’d been gathering fizzled. Sora’s eyes snapped open, and he cursed lightly as he realized what he’d just let happen. He’d gotten distracted by _Kano’s literal presence,_ which wasn’t even like a realistically decent thing to get distracted about at all!

“You good?” Kano asked, his worry buzzing at the edge of Sora’s mind.

“Yeah.”

Sora shook his head again and closed his eyes. He deliberately steered his thoughts away from trying to analyze his feelings about Kano, and focused on the beach he wanted to make. A beach for Kano to come and hang out on whenever, if he wanted. A beach they could explore _together_ , if they wanted. Pillow forts were good and fine but if they could regularly hang out on a beach, instead—

Sora got so distracted thinking about future heartbeach endeavors that the magic fizzled out without him noticing. It wasn’t until Aqua called for him that he realized, and he cursed again.

“How’s it going, Sora?” Aqua asked.

Sora let out a frustrated puff of air between his teeth. “Um. Not great?” There was no point being anything other than honest.

Kano burned a little bit with concern, with a desire to help even though Sora knew he knew he wasn’t going to be much use in this situation. Kano’s concern made Sora fond, regardless, which in turn started up the _thoughts-about-his-feelings-about-Kano_ script. Sora bit his lip to keep himself from groaning, fondness quickly becoming frustration, because _uuuuugh_ could his brain just _please_ calm down, maybe? Now wasn’t the time! Aqua was saying words!

“It might not be something you get right away,” Aqua assured him, blissfully oblivious to Sora’s mess of brain problems. “I don’t even think it was instantaneous for me. Just, after enough weeks of visiting and pushing it slowly into the shape I wanted, it changed.”

“I mean, I think I almost had it!” Sora protested. That was probably a lie, but he didn’t want to give up just yet. He opened his mouth again to blame Kano for being distracting, but caught himself before he actually said it. Which was good. It wasn’t fair to Kano, to blame this on him. Kano was _trying_ to be unobtrusive. And it wasn’t _his_ fault that his mere existence apparently provided enough thought-fuel to render Sora’s brain useless. “I’ll try again!” he told Aqua, instead.

“Okay, I’ll give you another twenty or so minutes,” Aqua said. “We should probably go through your forms today, so you don’t get rusty. But for now, try manifesting wholly in the heartspace, that might help.”

“Oh,” Sora said, and did so, because she had a point.

“Anything I can do to help?” Kano asked, still buzzing with that concern, that desire to make things better. “I mean, I could always, uh…” But he trailed off, because it _wasn’t_ like he could just go somewhere, and they both knew that.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Sora assured him. “Brain’s just… You know.” He didn’t have the words to describe his inability to stay on track, or the jittery feeling his mind had adopted. But it wasn’t the first time this had happened, so he was well familiar with it, and Kano was too, after sharing a brainspace with it for the past month or so.

Kano sent him a sympathetic grimace, shrugging helplessly.

“It’s fine,” Sora moaned. He’d try for the twenty minutes Aqua prescribed, because he _wanted_ to get this, but he wasn’t going to argue about stopping afterwards if it came to that. Trying things another time was really the only way to deal with his brain being like this.

“Hey, um,” Kano called. Then he cleared his throat—a sound Sora was growing familiar with, because he tended to do it when he was about to say something he thought was embarrassing. “I dunno if it’ll help at all, but…” He seemed to fumble with it for a moment, but he made himself meet Sora’s gaze, and when he spoke, it was with a careful steadiness. “I believe in you. You can do this.”

He tossed Sora a thumbs-up for good measure.

Sora found himself unable to do anything but stare for a few seconds, fondness burning in him so desperately it nearly brought him to tears. He felt a heat rise to his cheeks, and hated that, hated how much he appreciated Kano’s words, how much Kano was _trying_. He made himself stop staring—pulling his head away and closing his eyes so it’d at least _look_ like he was trying to do the magic even though his mind was spinning in wildly unhelpful ways. He felt like such a dumb sap, standing here and thinking about these things, but—

He loved Kano, he really did. At least as much as he loved the rest of his friends.

It was hard _not_ to love this ball of a grump that was nestled in the back of his heart, the easiness of his friendship, the concern Kano held for him. He didn’t think he loved Kano like _that_ , though he supposed he wouldn’t rule it out, either. It was too early to tell, in his opinion. He didn’t think they knew each other well enough to consider it. Sure, he was intimately familiar with Kano, who Kano was and what his desires and fears were, thanks to all this heartspace they’d been sharing. But that was _different_ than having a relationship, a friendship, and—Now really wasn’t the time to be worrying about it, anyway! It would be unspeakably weird to have a relationship while sharing a body, so it was off the table until they were separate. And after they were separate, well…

 _Then we have to worry about Xehanort,_ Sora told himself, firmly. _Not really smart to be fussing over dating problems when you got some evil guy breathing down your neck!!_

Positive that thinking about this could wait—it _could,_ even if his brain didn’t want to _let it_ —Sora set his attention back to trying to make that beach.

He didn’t manage before the twenty minutes were up.


	100. In which Kairi and Ven pay absolutely zero attention to this tour

“Surprised Sora agreed to that so quickly,” Ven commented.

Kairi laughed and rolled her eyes. “I’m not,” she said, because it was literally the least surprising thing Sora’d done all week, based on previous behavior. Mickey and Minnie started leading everyone on the tour, and while Kairi started walking to keep up, she was infinitely more interested in holding a conversation with Ven.

Ven raised his eyebrows as he looked at Kairi. The two of them hung at the back of the group. “Really?” he asked.

Kairi nodded. “He probably just wants to spend time with, uh, you know who.”

“Wh—” Ven began, but then Kairi gave him a Look. It only took him a second to realize she was talking about Kano. “ _Oh!_ What, you really think so?” He laughed with the question, but then again, he hadn’t been around Destiny Islands in the past week, so it wasn’t like he had any reason to know.

Kairi just rolled her eyes again. “Trust me, he’s spent the entire past week holed up in his room doing ‘important meditation’, but it’s literally just an excuse to spend time with- You know.”

Ven shrugged. “I mean, I’d probably do the same in his position,” he admitted, looking a little sheepish. “It’s _gotta_ be refreshing for them to be able to actually interact with each other, you know?”

Kairi didn’t. She could probably imagine, but it didn’t make Sora’s actions any less ridiculous. “Well, yeah,” she said, filler words before she lowered her voice and continued: “But they’re being, like, _clingy._ ” She didn’t even realize it was _possible_ to be clingy when you were sharing a body, and yet Sora and Kano had proved her incredibly wrong on that front.

“Still,” Ven began, but Kairi cut him off with a raise of her hand and a shake of her head. They… _really_ shouldn’t be discussing it in the present company. Sora’s parents still were unaware of Kano’s existence, and as far as Kairi knew, they were supposed to keep it that way until Kano had his own body again.

Speaking of Sora’s parents, Kairi took a second to make sure they were doing okay. There was polite—if a little strained—conversation going on between them and her dad and Mickey and Minnie. Kairi supposed she couldn’t be surprised if the conversation was strained, because this was less-than-ideal circumstances they’d been tossed into, but… Her dad sent her a thumbs-up and a smile back at her, and Kairi sent one back.

She tried listening for a few moments to the explanation Minnie was giving about this area of the castle, but it was hard. It certainly didn’t help that she and Ven had been all over this castle already, spending their time together exploring it when they weren’t messing around with magic. The tour _definitely_ wasn’t why she was here. She was just here to be emotional support, though she was pretty sure since her dad and Sora’s parents were friends, they could be emotional support to each other.

Oh, and she _had_ come along to spend some time with Sora, but obviously that wasn’t happening. Oh well. She had Ven to hang out with.

Not that Ven was any kind of replacement for Sora, of course! But it was nice to have Ven to hang out with, too. He was a lot of fun, and she was glad for their friendship.

He sent her a look that communicated he was similarly bored. Kairi smiled and summoned a ball of light, which she tossed at him. Ven laughed a little and caught it, passing it around his back before he tossed it at Kairi again. Playing catch while walking should have been difficult, but since this was magic, it wasn’t at all. Both she and Ven could manipulate the light, make it come right to their hands whenever it off course.

“It was good to see Aqua,” Kairi said after a moment, keeping her voice low so she wouldn’t disrupt the conversation the adults were having.

“It was!” Ven agreed. “Honestly, I didn’t think she’d be up for anything today?” Kairi tossed the ball of light at him a little quickly, so he had to fumble and catch it with two hands. Kairi laughed and apologized before continuing their conversation.

“Hasn’t she had to cancel twice on Sora?”

Ven nodded, holding onto the ball of light for a moment. “Honestly, I think she’s overworking herself,” he said, his tone a little somber. “That or it’s, hmm…” He trailed off there, tossing the ball of light idly up and down, eyes foggy like he was lost in thought.

“Hmm?” Kairi prompted.

“Oh, nothing!” Ven said, and he shook his head. He tossed the light back to Kairi. “Aqua’s just… been through a lot.”

Kairi squinted a little bit, bouncing the light off the back of her hand before sending it back towards Ven. She must have had her definitely-about-to-start-prying face on, because Ven shook his head like she shouldn’t, and then promptly changed the subject.

“How’s life been for you?” he asked.

Kairi scowled a bit over his blatant subject change, but allowed it. “Well,” she said, trying to recall what she’d been up to lately. Then she remembered. “Oh! Namine’s probably going to be moving back in with me. I’m not sure when but I’m excited.”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Ven said.

Kairi nodded and smiled, but as the ball of light passed into her hands again she realized: “Hey wait, it’s not like you know Namine. Have you even _met_ her?”

“Uh, once?” Ven answered. “But hey, even if I don’t know her that well, it doesn’t mean I can’t be excited for you, my friend.”

Kairi blushed a little. “We should fix that,” she declared, tossing the light back to Ven from behind her back. “Get you and Namine in the same room at some point. I think you two’d be good friends!”

“Oh sure, I’m down!”

“ _Sweet!_ ” Kairi quietly punched the air. “I’ll make plans.”

“Plans for what?” Kairi’s dad asked, turning around to look at her.

“Pay attention to your tour, Dad!!” Kairi told him, instead of answering. She could tell him later, not that it really involved him.

He scowled, but only with half-hearted disappointment. “Okay, okay!” he said, hands held up in surrender. He did as told and turned back to the tour.

“He seems to be taking this well,” Ven commented.

“Yeah, my dad’s like that,” Kairi said. She peered past him to get a look at Sora’s parents, absentmindedly catching the ball of light as Ven threw it to her again. Sora’s parent’s conversation with Mickey and Minnie seemed to be a little less strained now. That was good. “Sora’s parents are taking it well too, I think,” she told Ven. “Which is good! It’s them we’re worried about.”

“Yeah?” Ven asked, leaning towards Kairi with an eager curiosity. They’d never talked about this before.

Kairi nodded. “I mean, I think they’re well past accusing Sora of making stuff up about other worlds and stuff,” she admitted, and then admitted silently to herself she wasn’t sure if there _was_ anything else they were aiming for past that. But: “But like, excessive off-world travel seems to be the only thing that mitigates the spell on the islands, so— OH THAT’S RIGHT!” Kairi smashed the ball of light between her hands. “Rinoa said she’d look at the spell, and like, she’s done with training now!! I gotta talk to her!!”

“Uh,” Ven said, and nothing else. He stared at Kairi’s now-empty hands with a small pout.

“Sorry, that doesn’t involve you,” Kairi apologized. Noticing his pout, she went to throw the light at him, then realized she’d obliterated it in her excitement. Oops.

She started to summon a new one, but by now they were in the gardens outside of the castle. Based on what Minnie was saying, they were going to stop here for like, tea and conversation? Kairi _could_ hang around as continued emotional support, but also:

“Psst do you wanna sneak off and go practice magic?” she asked Ven.

“Is it cool to ditch your parents?”

“My dad’s got it handled, I’m sure.”

Ven broke into a grin. “Then yes, absolutely.”

 

**xxx**

Kano sat in the center of the stained glass that made up Sora’s heartspace, staying fully manifested in here because the distance it put between him and the physical world was nice sometimes. Actually. The distance it put between him and Sora was a little uncomfortable. But it was also… necessary. Well. He was the only one who’d decided that, but—

Okay it was just that Sora and Aqua had rejoined with everyone, which meant Sora was interacting with Mickey and even if Kano’s opinions of the mouse had improved quite a bit Kano was still a little uncomfortable being around him, and sitting fully manifested in the heartspace put the maximum distance between himself and Mickey as was possible. It also meant his emotions were more diluted before they reached Sora, which meant Sora mostly only had his own emotions to deal with. Which was probably for the best, since Kano was still a secret from Sora’s parents.

Kano didn’t mind sitting around here, though. He had good reasons for it. And ever since Sora’d started visiting here, Kano found he _could_ manipulate Sora’s heartspace, just a little bit. At least, he could ask it for a chair or a mound of pillows and it would give. It _could_ be that he was more familiar with Sora’s heartspace, now, but more likely it was Sora’s desire to make this place more comfortable for Kano manifesting. Sora wanted Kano to be comfortable, so his heartspace gave Kano what it could give to help.

It made Kano feel warm. Loved.

Kano took a long breath through his tight lungs, trying to cope with the weight of this realization, as it settled on his shoulders. Every time he came here without Sora, it seemed to smack him in the face again.

Especially because when he wished for a couch to sit on (pillow forts were nice, but without Sora they just weren’t the same), the air around him warped to provide and as it did so there was a warmth that accompanied it. It was almost as if he were reach out and touch the warping air in that moment, he would feel Sora’s fondness for him, feel Sora’s desperate desire to make him comfortable.

It was a lot to take in. The act of shaping pieces of Sora’s heart into things of comfort. The way Sora’s heart responded.

He put his weight onto the couch, and fondness so strong it hurt bubbled up in his chest, because the couch was perfectly soft even though he had not asked it to be. He felt he could melt into the couch, as he settled into the corner between the arm and the back of it. It was like Sora’s heart was _cradling_ him, and the sensation was so beautiful Kano’s eyes burned. He could probably ask Sora’s heart to make him a bed and then tuck him in like a baby, and it would. As it was, it had provided a pillow without him asking, because it knew him. Knew he liked the sensation of hugging them.

He took the pillow in his arms, pressing his mouth and nose into it. He took a deep breath. It smelled like Sora.

Kano squeezed his eyes shut, clinging to the pillow tighter. He shuddered as the weight of this all washed over him, the weight of what he was doing, the significance of it. Fuck. _Fuck._ What had he done to deserve this?

(Nothing. And that was the beauty of it.)

It was funny, almost, to think about the things he’d wanted months ago—had it only been months? It felt like an eternity—when he had that stupid, silly crush on Sora. But all those things he’d wanted then paled in comparison to what he _had_ now. Maybe he didn’t even want Sora like that anymore.

Well. Okay. Maybe he still did.

But what he had now with Sora was so good, too? As it was. If at the end of the day all he got was this friendship with Sora, then he supposed that was alright. It was good. It felt nice.

It felt nice to be wanted. It felt nice to feel Sora’s fondness for him burn across their link—and it _did_ burn, almost constantly these days. It felt nice to spend long hours talking to Sora, felt nice to pass thoughts and jokes back and forth. This rhythm they’d fallen into, the easiness of communicating with Sora, the fact that Sora _wanted_ him. Maybe not like _that,_ but honestly? Being wanted because his presence and opinion were appreciated and valued was a thousand times better, Kano thought.

He really liked this definition of love he’d fallen into.

Kano pressed his forehead into the pillow, continuing to draw Sora’s scent deeply into his lungs. He relished in it. In _this_. He wouldn’t trade it for the worlds.


	101. In which Vexen Replica 9 has a kind of shitty day

Roxas pushed the Vexen Replica into a nearby wall, using his magic to keep the damn Vexen there for a second while he slammed his Keyblades into the wall on either side of him—Finally! Vexen Replica 9 wouldn’t be going anywhere _this_ time.

“Got ‘im!” Roxas called triumphantly to Braig. They had chased this Vexen through more worlds than Roxas had counted. Roxas wasn’t even sure what world they were on now, but he didn’t—wait. It was the sandy world. Agrabah? Whatever. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he’d finally _caught_ 9.

“Nice goin’ tiger!” Braig called back. Roxas could hear him start approaching, and 9 was starting to look terrified.

No, wait.

9 was in pain?

Roxas flicked his eyes downward, and sure enough, one of his Keyblades had landed in 9’s gut rather than the wall. Well. 9 _certainly_ wouldn’t be going anywhere like that. Roxas pushed a small thread of Curative magic at 9 to keep him from dying before they could finish interrogating him.

Braig came up beside Roxas, then, and Roxas leaned to the side a bit so Braig could _properly_ tower over 9.

“Alright, I’m going to ask you one question, and honesty is absolutely _key_ here, got it?” Braig said. “In fact, so long as you answer _honestly,_ you get to live.”

Roxas shot Braig a look, surprised. _That_ had never been in their protocol before. Braig didn’t acknowledge him.

“Can you run the Replica Program?” Braig asked.

“No,” 9 replied, his face like stone.

“Bummer,” Roxas said. He cut off the Cure he was casting.

Braig made an annoyed click with his mouth. “You mind telling us where we might find a Vexen who does?” he tried. _Ain’t gonna find out if you don’t ask,_ he’d impressed upon Roxas, in the past.

9 stuck his chin up in the air, looking down on the both of them. “Even if I had that information, I wouldn’t give it to you.”

“Buummmer,” Roxas repeated. He sliced up with his Keyblade, cutting a large gash through 9’s abdomen before he yanked the blade back out. Usually that was enough to kill a Replica—

But 9 sunk through a dark corridor beneath his feet the moment he was no longer suspended by Roxas’s blade.

“H- _Hey!_ ” Roxas shouted, dropping to the ground. The dark corridor closed before he could even get a hand in.

“Let him go,” Braig laughed, entirely unworried. “I _did_ say we’d let him live.”

“But—!”

Braig rolled his eye. “Yeah yeah, I know it’s easier hunting when the useless ones are all dead, but that doesn’t mean we _have_ to kill ‘em. Seems like a waste, anyway.” And there was something… _deeper,_ in Braig’s tone, something vague burning in his eyes, something that Roxas couldn’t quite discern. He squinted, moving a little closer to Braig, as if that would help at all. But unfortunately, he and Braig were only on the same page when they were on the same page as Xehanort.

Before Roxas could either comment or pry, Braig snapped out of it.

“’Sides, you _really_ think he’s gonna last that long?” Braig asked, with a smile that showed all his teeth.

“True…” Roxas sighed.

Braig grinned a little wider. “Come on, let’s pack up for today, I’m tired of dealing with bullshit.” He opened a corridor and started walking through, gesturing with an idle flick of his fingers for Roxas to follow. “If your luck’s as good as it’s been all week, you can probably talk the boss into sparring with you again.”

Roxas lit up at the mention of that. He _did_ love a good spar with Xehanort.

Eagerly, he followed Braig.

 

**xxx**

“Oh, that’s right,” came Aerith’s voice from the kitchen. “Namine?”

Namine looked up at the sound of her voice. She and Riku were sitting at the table, her drawing for the first time in ages, and him reading. “Yeah?” Namine called, to make sure Aerith knew she was listening.

Aerith poked her head out of the kitchen a moment later. “I just remembered; we never _did_ figure out when your birthday is,” she said. “Here.” And she ducked back into the kitchen, likely to grab the calendar from the wall.

“I mean, I’m sure it’d only take a second to ask Even…” Namine began. Not that she wanted to make the trip now. Or… ever? But they _could_ , and—

Riku reached across the table and put his hand over her hand, interrupting her thoughts.

“Or like, we can just use the day I brought you back to the islands,” he suggested, smiling like he had an idea of what was going through her head.

Namine shrugged. Honestly, the whole birthday thing didn’t mean much to her, but: “Sure,” she said, since that was fine, too.

“It was like… a month after I came here?” Riku said, looking first at Namine, then his eyes flickering up towards Aerith as she came over. “I don’t remember the exact date, but…”

“It’s fine,” Namine told him. Getting it exact mattered little to her. She took the calendar from Aerith and flipped forward to August. “About a month, huh?” Riku’s birthday was the beginning of July, so hers should probably be somewhere at the beginning of August, too. She tapped a day of the first week at random. “August 6th?”

“ _Another_ August baby?” Rinoa laughed from the front room.

Namine shared a confused look with Riku. He didn’t seem to get it, either. Aerith rolled her eyes.

“Is that a… _problem_?” Namine asked. She knew it was silly for it to be, but still.

“Oh, no, of course not!” Aerith assured her. She took the calendar back, explaining as she moved to put it away. “It’s just—Leon and Cloud _both_.”

“They’re within a week of each other, aren’t they?” Rinoa asked.

“No, Leon’s is the 23rd, Cloud’s is the 11th,” Aerith answered. Namine vaguely recalled seeing marks on what were probably those days on the calendar. “And now Namine’s is the 6th. It’s a busy month, but it’s not like you can apologize for your birthday being what it is, even if you did choose it.”

“Will Cloud show up for his?” Rinoa asked. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen him.”

“He should,” Aerith said, after only a second of deliberation. She remained in the kitchen. “I mean, Tifa’s traveling with him, so she should drag him here for it. Or at least sometime around it. I suppose I could call—”

“Oh great!! I haven’t seen Tifa in ages either!”

Feeling that the conversation had moved away from needing her attention, Namine returned to her drawing. She thought about telling Aerith that she didn’t need to do anything special for her birthday, but got the feeling Aerith wouldn’t be dissuaded even if she tried.

“AEERRIITTHH!!!!” came Yuffie’s voice, loud and urgent. She burst through the front door a moment later. “BIG EMERGENCY. SOMEONE’S HURT—Leon’s trying to stabilize him but we can’t even, like, move him?? It’s really, _really_ bad.”

“Okay, okay,” Aerith said, already moving to the front door.

Namine slowly got to her feet as well, expecting—

Aerith caught Namine’s eyes and nodded for her to follow. “Come on,” she said. “Field training.” There was a glint in her eyes under the hardness that had settled on her face. Namine appreciated that, about her. How Aerith seemed to take things in stride.

Not that Namine felt at all ready for this, but… she knew Aerith wouldn’t push her too hard, either.

“I’m coming too,” Rinoa said, and a second later Namine heard Riku’s chair scrape across the floor as he got to his feet. Namine hesitated a moment, but then hurried to follow after Aerith, who was already letting Yuffie lead her away.

“I don’t expect you to actually do anything,” Aerith assured her, after a few seconds. “Just get a sense of what it’s like.”

Namine nodded, mentally trying to shift her mind into Learning Mode. She hoped Aerith would forgive her for not saying anything.

“The most important thing, as a healer, is to keep a level head in emergencies. As much as you can,” Aerith continued. “It’s not… easy, but… No one’s going to get healed if you’re freaking out.”

“Got it,” Namine answered, voice a little tight. It was a heavy thing to consider, to learn, to bear.

Aerith must have sensed her anxiety, because she turned and sent Namine a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to worry about it too much right now, okay? But keep it in mind, especially if you plan on being serious about the healing thing.” She turned her attention back to Yuffie. “How much further?”

“Uh, just a little more, I think? He kind of fell out of the sky so I—oh! Here.” Yuffie trotted ahead, waving to be followed. Aerith hurried after her, and so Namine did the same.

It was… definitely a sight. Leon knelt on the ground next to the collapsed Vexen Replica, who looked barely conscious. Blood pooled around them. Leon had his hands pressed to the Replica’s chest, but weirdly enough he wasn’t casting any healing magic.

Aerith inhaled sharply. She hesitated a moment before she knelt on the other side of the Vexen, across from Leon. Namine squatted a pace or so behind, where she could watch over Aerith’s shoulder but not get in the way.

“Sorry, I tried,” Leon said, sounding incredibly dismayed. “But everything I’m doing just isn’t… working?”

“That’s strange,” Aerith said. “Here, I’ll see what I can do.” Her eyes flickered to Namine. “Best practice is to start with a scan,” she explained, casting the spell as she spoke. “That way you can tell what’s wr—” She cut off. So did her magic. She blinked a few times.

“I know,” Leon said, in response to her confusion.

Aerith pressed her hands to the Vexen’s chest and powered up a Curative spell. Namine didn’t have to be casting it to know it wasn’t working like it should. Usually there was a kind of energy that you could sense, when a spell took. But the energy was all slippery, as if it couldn’t connect to what Aerith was telling it to.

“What the…” she whispered.

Namine squinted at the Vexen, _really_ looked at him. She could see it, now. On the edges of his wounds. Little white squares that intermittently flashed blue. Data.

“Oooof,” Riku said, a wince in his voice. Either he’d just caught up, or he’d just noticed what Namine had. “He’s going to need the Repair Program if he’s gonna survive.”

Aerith looked up at him, sharply. “What makes you say that?”

Riku bent over so he could more clearly gesture at the squares. “His data’s failing. Replicas get like that when they’re really close to, uh, dying.” Riku coughed nervously and straightened again. “That’s probably why you can’t heal him. His data isn’t faking being human anymore.”

“Oh,” Aerith said.

“Can we get him to the Repair Program?” Leon asked, urgent.

“Can we move him by star shard?” Riku countered, quick to reply as he always was. “I don’t have dark corridors anymore.”

“I do,” Namine offered.

“You guys act like I’m not here?” Rinoa said, laughing but offended both. “Hello, your local sorceress can teleport—”

“But you don’t know where we’re going, Rinoa,” Aerith argued, fond but nonetheless pressing.

Rinoa rolled her eyes and plucked a feather out of one of her wings. “Give me one second,” she muttered. There was a brief, almost unfinished swell of magic, then she thrust the feather into Riku’s hands. “Think of where we need to go and say ‘Angelo’,” she instructed.

Riku hesitated a moment. “Uh. Okay. Angelo?”

Whiteness eclipsed Namine’s vision.

When it cleared, they were all in 7’s office.

“Uh, thanks for bringing me, Rinoa?” Yuffie said, sounding like she wasn’t so sure about it. Namine looked up to see Rinoa flash Yuffie a thumbs-up. Meanwhile, Riku launched himself over and around the Vexen Replica and Leon, aiming for the intercom on the wall.

“7?” he called. “We need you in your office, like, immediately.” He hesitated a moment, then added: “Or like, anyone who can run the Repair Program? No, Vexen, I’m not the one hurt.” He let go of the button, then turned to everyone else. “We’ll need to get him on one of the cots, I think,” he said. “Should I…?”

But Leon and Aerith were already moving to do so. Either they used magic, or, oh, that was right. Replicas were just incredibly light. They got the Vexen onto a cot with no problem, while Riku started waking up 7’s computer. Namine watched, feeling a little useless. But then, it wasn’t like Aerith was doing much in the healing department, either. So Namine watched. Tried to take in more about how Aerith was regarding this problem, how she was acting, the ways she tried to otherwise help. Namine watched, and did her best to commit these things to memory.

“Hang in there,” Aerith said, voice soft and gentle. The words seemed to be for the Vexen’s ears only. “Help’s on the way.”

She’d only just finished speaking when a dark corridor opened not three inches to Namine’s left. Namine jumped and scrambled out of its way, and Even stepped out, followed a second later by Vexen.

“Where’s 7?” Riku asked.

“Out,” Even answered. “Which I know, sounds ridiculous. But it’s fine, I can run the Repair Program just as well—I _wrote_ it.” He maneuvered across the room to join Riku at the computer, which took a little bit of work because this room definitely had more people in it than it was meant to comfortably hold. If Even was wondering about the amount of people, he didn’t comment. Vexen looked like he wanted to.

Even looked the Replica over as his fingers moved across the keyboard. “Ohhh, 9, they got you good, didn’t they?” he asked, eyes filled with a wry kind of sadness. “It looks like you got him here in time, though,” he said to the rest of the room. He hit a button on his keyboard, and a blue glow surrounded the Vexen Replica’s—9’s—wounds.

Aerith watched with a quiet fascination, which Namine supposed she understood. Watching the Repair Program restore wounds was a little mesmerizing. Leon seemed similarly intrigued, but it was Aerith who commented on it:

“This is… really wonderful technology,” she whispered.

Even nodded. “It is,” he agreed. “It’s a shame it’ll only ever work for Replicas. Not that I’d ever want to put the healers out of their jobs, of course.”

He sent a look at Aerith, and she laughed lightly.

“I think it would be a blessing if healing was this easy for everyone, to be honest,” Aerith said. “But I suppose we already have magic, don’t we?”

Even laughed in return, then turned his attention to the rest of the room, eyes darting around like he wasn’t quite sure who to ask.

“Can… any of you tell me what _happened_ to 9?” 

“Good question,” Leon said. “We found him like this.”

“He fell from the sky,” Yuffie provided. She didn’t look like she thought it was very useful information. Namine tried to send her a reassuring look, because someone should appreciate that Yuffie was trying to be helpful, but couldn’t tell if Yuffie saw it.

“It was Roxas,” 9 said. The glow around him had faded. He still sounded a little groggy, but otherwise alright. No surprise, though—Namine knew how the Repair Program worked. It was near instantaneous and very thorough.

“Don’t sit up yet,” Even cautioned.

“I know,” 9 said, even though he had definitely been trying to do so until told to do otherwise. “Also, since I’m here, I should tell you that I was not able to find… any of them. I couldn’t find any of them.”

“That’s quite alright,” Even said. He moved a little closer to 9, his attention only for the Replica, now. Some kind of weight sat in his voice as he continued speaking. “I knew when I sent you out searching that there might not be anything to find. But I appreciate you looking, nonetheless. I really do.”

Namine wondered what that meant. She also felt like she shouldn’t be here for this conversation, but then, from the looks of it, so did most everyone else in this room. She turned to Riku, prepared to signal him before he opened his mouth to get nosy. He didn’t look like he intended on saying anything, though. Good.

“I did see Braig, though,” 9 said.

Even chuckled. “Well I wasn’t worried about _him_.”

9 must have given Even a look, because Even sighed.

“Okay, do you have anything you feel the need to _tell_ me about Braig?” he said, sounding exasperated.

“Well, he promised to let me live,” 9 said. Then he laughed. “But I suppose there’s no telling if he meant it and he and Roxas just weren’t on the same page, or if he was lying the whole time. So perhaps that isn’t useful at all.”

“What, are you hoping to _save_ Braig?” Vexen asked, spluttering, before Even could respond to 9.

Even sighed and gave Vexen a look with raised eyebrows, then he shrugged. “I admit I’ve been wondering about it, ever since Sora mentioned that Aqua knows how to split him and Kano. Theoretically the methods would work on Braig and Xehanort.”

“She… is intending to use that power to save Terra, I think,” Riku added.

“Exactly,” Even said, nodding in Riku’s direction. “Of course, I don’t—” He stopped, seeming to fumble for the right words. “I’m not… _selfish_ enough to ask Aqua to try for me, especially without any kind of concrete evidence that it wouldn’t be a terrible idea. I know how close Braig is to Xehanort, and nothing in the past five years has ever suggested he’s anything other than a threat. It’s probably safer if he’s dead.”

Even was very matter-of-fact about that, but Namine couldn’t help but notice the weight that sat behind his eyes.

“Can’t fault you for wanting to save him, though,” Aerith said, quiet. She and Even met eyes, and shared a look that Namine didn’t quite understand. Why would Aerith say that? What did she and Even have in common that made the look they shared so deep? Aerith’s eyes drifted towards Leon after a moment, which was weird, too.

“Why would you _want_ to?” Vexen demanded, spluttering as he looked between Aerith and Even.

Even let out a long sigh. When he turned to Vexen, he was… sad. There was no other way to describe the expression on his face. “If I have to explain, Vexen, then it’s clear our universes were very, very different,” he said. “And… if I have to explain, then I don’t think you’d ever be able to understand.”

“I don’t understand as it is,” Vexen countered. “Braig has never been anything other than a nuisance.”

“Mm,” Even said. His face didn’t look like he disagreed.

There was a stiff sort of silence for a moment, and then Aerith cleared her throat.

“Well, if 9 is alright—”

“I am.”

“—Then I suppose perhaps we should be going?” Aerith looked around. Namine didn’t think Aerith was asking for her opinion specifically, but nodded anyway. “There’s no reason for us to stick around.”

No one else had any objections.

While Rinoa gathered them up and started up the teleportation magic, Namine pondered over what she had learned. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she’d learned much in the ways of being a healer. But she had learned other things, about Even, about Xehanort, even if she didn’t quite fully understand them.

That was… good, wasn’t it?

Rinoa’s spell took them home before she could decide.


	102. In which, for once, Aqua finds some peace

_The Heartless came off and on, shifting between one distinct shape and another, her memory and the dream both blurring any concrete form that the Heartless were supposed to have. Her blade and her magic cut through them with ease, though every movement she took was slow, so it was less like cutting through butter with a hot knife and more like slowly sawing through an apple with a blade much too dull for the job._

_She just wanted it to end. This night. This feeling of futility, because she was fighting a mountain, an army that plodded ahead and couldn’t be stopped, ever. It wasn’t fair._

_She was free of this place, wasn’t she?_

_So why did she keep returning to it every night?_

_She cut her blade again through the darkness in front of her, beating the eldritch horrors of twisted memory and nightmares back and away. A frustrated cry left her throat as she fell to her knees, tired of fighting, fed up of this godforsaken hellscape of a nightmare she could not seem to—_

_Someone caught her._

_It was weird and improbable, but then, most things in dreams are._

_Aqua found herself in the arms of the man she’d met just one night before. Her chin rested on his shoulder. His arms hooked around her back, holding her close._

_“It’s alright,” he said, and his voice was gentle, a song. “I’ve got you.”_

_Frustrated tears welled up in Aqua’s eyes, and she hated that she was crying in front of someone she didn’t know, but she was so fucking tired of her dreams being like this that it was hard to care. Relief was a blessing. And he wasn’t real, anyway, so what did it matter?_

_The darkness on every side seemed to fade away, until nothing but swirling grey mist surrounded them. Aqua was too exhausted to cling to her salvation in return, but she twisted her head and rest her cheek against his shoulder instead, letting out a long breath._

_“Who are you?” she asked. He may not have been real, but it seemed important to ask, especially this was the second time he’d appeared to her._

_“It’s not that important,” he told her, with a gentle laugh._

_Maybe he was right, Aqua admitted to herself. He was literally a figment of her imagination. Maybe a name wasn’t important, after all._

_“Why do you keep rescuing me?” she asked, instead._

_“Would you rather I didn’t?”_

_No, she wouldn’t, even though she felt silly about it. They were just nightmares, really. She could handle them. But. The nightmares were almost as bad as being in the Realm of Darkness again, felt as solid as that hell had, and she was… Tired. She was so tired._

_“How, then…?” she began to ask, unable to quite finish the question. How was he doing it. How did he know._

_“I suppose I just have a good sense for when you need it,” he answered._

_Aqua found the response unusual, coming from the lips of someone she had fabricated, but then, her persistence in asking him questions that didn’t really matter was unusual, as well. Weren’t all dreams, at least a little, unusual?_

_She asked nothing else, said nothing more. Instead she stayed right where she was, relishing in this moment. It seemed to stretch out for an eternity._

_“Are you real?” she asked, finally._

_He laughed, the sound soft and bright against her ear._

_“I think it’s time to wake up, Aqua.”_

_“Please—”_

But she opened her eyes to sunlight on her face, in the room she and Ven shared.

 

**xxx**

“What’s the plan, then? Take her or break her?”

Xehanort let out a long breath, before he answered Braig. Of course, Braig wasn’t a fool enough to interrupt him while he was busy, but Xehanort still wanted a moment to collect himself. Projecting his consciousness halfway across the known universe was no easy task, and it wasn’t like meddling in another’s dreamscape was a cakewalk, either.

Xehanort opened his eyes. He still sat on the floor of his room. Braig stood in the doorway, leaning against the door. Xehanort thought about standing, as well, but then thought against it. What did it matter? He let himself slowly fall out of the meditation position, though.

“That remains to be seen,” he told Braig. With Aqua, it could go either way. He was confident in breaking her, but then, that didn’t necessarily preclude taking her. And, oh, would he like to take her. The thought of her power, relentless and terrible, filling his own veins was intoxicating, to say the very least about it. If he had thought Terra the right choice in terms of strength, all those years ago, had he ever been proven wrong.

But then, it was Aqua’s years trapped in the darkness that had tempered her strength. And it was those years in the darkness that had tempered her heart, making it easier to step into.

“Either way,” Xehanort said, “I expect her to serve a very useful tool.”

Braig grinned, like that was exactly the news he wanted to hear. He came into the room and plopped himself on Xehanort’s bed. Xehanort sent a vaguely amused look at him. Not that he really minded. If he’d minded, he’d have put a stop to Braig acting like this a long time ago.

“Terra still giving you trouble?” Braig asked, cocking his head to the side, teeth showing in a smile that was meant to be casual, joking. Xehanort could almost _feel_ the concern radiating behind Braig’s eye, though. How sweet of him.

Xehanort laughed. “As to be expected,” he told Braig, in a confident tone to reassure him. And really, nothing about Terra’s sudden, stronger presence in his heart was anything other than expected. He was targeting one of Terra’s best friends, after all. “He can fight all he wants, though. It won’t get him anywhere.”

Terra’s heart was much too fractured for him to be anything more than a nuisance. Especially since the boy had been fool enough to split even more of himself off in a pitiful attempt to destroy Xehanort. It hadn’t worked then, though, and there was no way it would work now. Not with the little amount of Will that Terra had left to his name.

For a moment, Braig didn’t seem convinced.

He leaned towards Xehanort, eye narrowed with concern. He studied Xehanort for a moment. Opened his mouth.

Then he seemed to think better of it.

“Well,” he said, and he leaned back, shrugging exaggeratedly. “I suppose it’s not _my_ place to comment on how you choose to deal with the Terra problem.”

Xehanort rolled his eyes. “Ha. Ha,” he said, no humor in the laugh at all.

Braig took it in stride, grinning as he put up his hands in surrender. “Just don’t break Roxas, is all I’m saying. We’ll have a hard time replacing him if you do.”

“I won’t break him beyond repair,” Xehanort shot back.

He admitted, though, that despite how effective taking out his aggression on Roxas was—both in keeping Roxas entertained, and because nothing shut Terra up faster than beating _that_ face—There were… probably better ways to deal with the Terra problem. It wasn’t like petty aggression had gotten him this far.

“What about the Vexen problem?” Xehanort asked.

Braig let out a long breath. “Honestly boss? I don’t think there’s a single Vexen left that knows how to run the Program. 'Least not one we’ll have an easy time getting our hands on.” He sent Xehanort a look, raised eyebrows. “Think it’s time we use what resources we _do_ have?”

Remembering 37, Xehanort gagged on reflex.

“As a last resort,” he told Braig. He could afford another week or two in the grand scheme of things, if it meant avoiding turning that sorry excuse for a man into a vessel. “Isn’t there a Replica out there who _isn’t_ a Vexen and still knows how to run the Program? What happened to that one Zexion that was always giving Saix trouble.”

Braig thought a moment about, then recognition lighted on his face. “Oh! That Alpha kid? Dunno where he went, but I guess I could see about hunting him down.” Braig pushed himself to his feet. “Gimme a week, I think. Should at least be able to tell you if he’s worth anything by then.”

Xehanort waved his hand casually as Braig left the room again. He trusted Braig to take care of that, even though at this point it was lower on his list of priorities. Perhaps it was akin to capturing a bishop, in a game of chess. Useful, and yet nothing at all compared to taking the queen.

Of course, he could always Replicate Aqua and make the Replica a vessel. That would be interesting to say the least, but…

The thought of making the real Aqua break under his will was too enticing of a challenge to back down from.

Besides, if things worked out perfectly with Aqua, he’d walk away with not one vessel, but three.

 

**xxx**

Ven hesitated in the middle of changing into his pajamas, eyeing Aqua carefully. Which lead to him standing shirtless for a moment as he watched her stitch some kind of fancy pattern into a spare pair of sleeves that Yen Sid’s tower had provided her ages ago. She was smiling softly, even _humming_ to herself. Was that… the song from Cinderella’s world? Never mind. That wasn’t the important thing.

Ven… wasn’t quite sure what the important thing was, though. He was happy Aqua was enjoying herself, of course, and that she seemed at ease. But also…

His eyes drifted to the stack of books on the dresser under the window. They’d been sitting there for at least three days now. And they looked like they’d been untouched for that long, as well. That, among other things, was really nagging Ven.

He put on his pajama shirt before he said anything, at least.

“Are you like, taking this seriously?” he asked Aqua, eyes on the books still. “I get the feeling you aren’t.

Aqua looked up at him, squinting. “About… what?” she asked. After a second she laughed and gestured with her sewing. “I’m taking this sewing pretty seriously, if that’s what you’re talking about.”

“I meant helping Sora,” Ven clarified, voice a little sharp.

Aqua made a face.

“Of course I am?” she answered, though it was pitched like a question. Probably questioning him questioning her.

“Yeah, because letting him sit around and talk to Kano every time he’s here instead of doing anything else is _definitely_ helping,” Ven snapped, sarcastic. He rolled his eyes, _hard_.

Aqua made an affronted noise. “It’s not like it’s _hurting_ ,” she snapped back. “Really the only thing for me to do for them is to get familiar with Kano’s heart signature. That takes _time_!”

“What about these?” Ven asked, nodding at the books. “You even reading them, like you said you would?”

“Just because I’m not right now doesn’t mean I haven’t been!”

“Uh-huh.” Ven didn’t believe her, not one bit. He knew what she sounded like when she was lying. Honestly, did she think he didn’t _know_ her? “Then why is this book still open to the page it was three nights ago?” he pressed.

“Maybe because that’s the only page in the book about the subject,” Aqua countered, scowling hard.

“Mmhmm.” Ven still didn’t believe her. He flipped to the next page to check, but didn’t really take in any of the information before he heard the bed creak and looked up to see that Aqua had thrown herself more upright, looking like she might lunge at him. There was a deep-set annoyance in her face that he hadn’t seen since—Well, since the Land of Departure, when he’d done something like eat the last of the cookies she’d otherwise claimed for herself, or if he was snooping where she… didn’t want him to be. Hmm.

Suspicious.

“Look, just leave it, okay!?” Aqua snapped. “I’ll get around to it! Weren’t you _just_ telling me that I was overworking myself, like, yesterday?”

Ven opened his mouth to protest. He couldn’t think of a good comeback, though. It hadn’t been yesterday, he was sure, but getting into those fine details was way too petty for his taste. He had told her that he was worried about her overworking herself. Who was he to judge how long she decided to take a break? He supposed it was between her and Sora (and Kano) anyway.

He let the page of the book fall back to where it had been, stepped away from it.

“Yeah, guess so,” he told Aqua, trying to make himself sound a little more patient.

She relaxed back into the bed and returned to the sewing with a gusto.

Still… Ven thought, as he eyed the books for a few moments longer. How strange, for Aqua to let this idle. How strange, for her to not throw herself at a problem until she understood or overcame it. How very… Un-Aqua.


	103. In which Sora talks to his mother, and comes to a realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to edit this chapter a little bit to introduce something sooner. Really only the final five hundred or so words are new. STILL.

It was mid-afternoon by the time Sora got back home after his training with Aqua, which was the time he normally got home. Lately he’d been spending the rest of his afternoons chilling in his heartspace with Kano (he still had yet to make it take the form of a beach, unfortunately), but today Sora had other plans.

 _You mind taking a nap for a little bit?_ he asked Kano, once he’d finished changing into something a little less sweat-drenched. _I need to talk to my mom._

Kano, who felt like he’d been about to protest—even just jokingly—dropped the thought once Sora mentioned his mother. ‘ _Yeah sure,’_ he agreed, quickly. And then likely to save his pride, he added: ‘ _I mean that’s uh, how this new thing we’re doing works, right?_ ’

 _Sure is,_ Sora agreed.

At Kairi’s suggestion they had started taking turns piloting Sora’s body, walling themselves off from the other to relish in privacy for an hour or so. Kairi had suggested swapping control more regularly, and letting Kano front more—without the privacy stipulation—but Kano didn’t _want_ to front more, and the privacy thing _was_ working out. It let Kano and Kairi spend time together. And it let Kano do things like listen to the CD he’d stolen from Kairi and sing to it with a reckless abandon he’d be too embarrassed to work up if Sora’d been within (metaphysical) earshot. (Sora only knew this because Kano’d told him).

As for Sora, well… He intended to use the privacy to spend some time with Riku, since it had been ages, or maybe with Namine because she might enjoy only talking to one of them, and Sora’d be less embarrassed to babble about stories he’d written if Kano wasn’t there. But. In reality Sora found himself spending his privacy hours thinking about Kano. Thoughts he’d rather Kano not hearing.

‘ _I gotta say, I’m spending my hours doing_ much _more interesting shit,_ ’ Kano laughed. ‘ _You just like, sit around, right? I think talking to your mom is the most exciting thing you’ve done yet!’_

 _Guess it’s weird doing things without you,_ Sora said, before he’d thought about it. He resisted the urge to facepalm, but only barely. Why was he _like this_?

Kano didn’t really respond, but the string of feelings Sora got from him immediately made him picture Kano’s blushing face, and that sound he made in his throat when he was flustered and—Stop thinking about it, Sora, stop thinking about it! A blush rose to his cheeks, and, was that his, or was it Kano’s? Ugh, the sooner Kano was out of here, the better!

‘ _Anyway uh,’_ Kano said. Had he heard Sora wishing he was gone? Sora tried not to think about that either. ‘ _I guess I’ll go now. Have fun with your mom.’_

 _Yep!_ Sora answered, his mental voice tight.

Kano stifled their link, and his presence in Sora’s mind took on that fuzzy, distant quality. It felt like he had gone to the heartspace, but that worked just as well. It was easier to nap there, anyway.

Confident enough that Kano wouldn’t hear him unless he started prying, Sora let out a groan and sat down on his bed, burying his face in his hands.

Yes, he _did_ find the hours of silence without Kano a little weird and uncomfortable sometimes, but he hadn’t wanted to _admit_ that to Kano! “ _Guess it’s weird to do things without you?”_ Honestly! Why would he say that! It made him sound, like, clingy or something.

And that just brought him back to his usual thoughts about Kano, a constant attempt to grasp the things that bubbled inside of his chest. Not even a week ago he’d been thinking about couldn’t possibly be in love with Kano, justifying it with some bullshit about how they didn’t know each other well enough. Ha! What’d he been _thinking_! Even if he’d only been friends with Kano for like a month and a half now, that was still plenty of time, wasn’t it?

And regardless of the amount of time he’d known Kano, the feelings bubbling inside of him were burning and persistent in ways that he had _vastly_ underestimated.

But as burning and persistent as his feelings for Kano were, they were still… kind of hard to define. And he didn’t want to be wrong about them. Because this was too important. Because Kano deserved better than something only half thought out.

Which… brought him to the conversation he wanted to have with his mother.

Because sometimes you needed an expert opinion.

About your love life.

Okay there was no way this conversation wasn’t going to be awkward as hell, but Sora’d already thought these thoughts in circles about a hundred times now, and still wasn’t coming upon a conclusion he was certain of, so there was really no avoiding it. Sighing one last time into his hands, Sora pushed himself to his feet and headed down the stairs.

His mother sat in her chair in her corner on the opposite side of the front room, intent on her latest cross-stitch project. Sora took a deep breath. Cleared his throat.

“Uhh, Mom?” he said, to get her attention.

She looked up at him. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“Uh,” Sora fumbled a little bit. “Well, uh, this is… kind of random, but. Well. I have a question I want to ask.”

His mother laughed a little bit, eyes glinting like somehow she already knew? How were moms like that. She set her cross-stitch to the side, and Sora moved to go sit on the couch so he wasn’t all the way across the room. He sat sideways on it, so he could face her, one knee pulled up to his chin, the other folded under him.

“What is it?” his mother asked.

“Uhhh…” Sora let the sound drag out, spurred by his lack of enthusiasm about this conversation. But then he remembered it’d be better if it was just over sooner. He hesitated a second more just to double-check Kano wasn’t listening (he wasn’t, he was a peaceful, sleeping buzz in the back of Sora’s mind), and then dove right in: “I was wondering how you, like, tell if you’re in love with someone?”

His mother laughed a little more, and Sora prayed desperately that she wouldn’t make this conversation more awkward than it already was going to be. Which was largely why he’d gone to his mother, about this, and not his father. He’d gotten the Talk from his father a long time ago, and Sora was almost positive that most of that conversation’s awkwardness had come more from his father and less from the subject matter, so… Hopefully his mother was a safer choice.

“Well,” his mother said in return. “Do you enjoy spending time with them?” she asked, eyes glinting a little. “Do you find yourself thinking about them often—Idly contemplating their cute smile, or, maybe how amazing you think they are?”

Sora scowled, mouth pulled into a tight line. That didn’t help much. It wasn’t like he spent hours thinking about how amazing Kano was—though he _did_ think a lot about Kano’s nervous, startled laugh, and how freaking cute it was when Kano was flustered—

But.

He’d _also_ been thinking a lot about how cute Namine was when the light of excitement burned in her eyes and she was discussing something she enjoyed. How much he loved Kairi for all she was. How Riku was so beautiful it made his breath catch sometimes.

Did he have a crush on all of them? Or was it just puberty breathing down his neck?

“Okay but, like, how do you tell if it’s platonic or romantic?” Sora pressed, bouncing a little with his frustration.

“Normally you spend much less time fantasizing about how cute your friends are,” his mother told him, laughing.

Sora scrunched up his face even further.

“That’s not helping!” he protested. “All my friends are cute!!”

His mother looked him over, and she laughed again. And then she sighed.

“Alright… Perhaps that isn’t the best measure, anyway,” she admitted. She thought about it for a moment, and then asked: “Did you have anyone specific in mind?”

“I.” Sora scowled. “No.”

No, because his mother didn’t know Kano existed. No, because he wasn’t quite ready to admit to himself that it could be Kano. Not yet.

“Guess I’m just trying to figure out if I just have a really bad crush on _all_ my friends,” Sora said.

(It wasn’t, exactly, a lie.)

His mother raised her eyebrows.

“Do you think you do?”

Sora shrugged, helplessly.

“Maybe?”

“Hmm.”

His mother considered him, fond and searching in equal measure. Then her eyes got a little distant, probably as she thought it over a little more seriously. Well, at least this was definitely going better than if he’d talked to his father, Sora thought.

“Maybe the thing about love, most of all, is that it’s a choice,” Sora’s mother said, a little suddenly. Her eyes were fixed somewhere behind Sora’s shoulder.

“Mm?” Sora said.

His mother’s eyes snapped back to him, and her face was determined. “You can feel love for just about anyone, but when it comes to a serious relationship—it’s about more than just feeling love. It’s about _choosing_ love.”

Sora’s heart pounded in his ears. If it was about _choice,_ then—

“You choose to love someone, and support them, again and again, day after day,” his mother continued, though Sora was only half listening now. “You chose to believe them, and to trust them, and…” She stopped. Took a deep breath. “I know it’s not what you came down here for, Sora, but I need to apologize.”

That dragged him out of his thoughts.

Sora looked up at his mother, taking in her sad, tired eyes, and the guilt that weighed in them.

“Huh?” he said, too confused to be any more eloquent.

She shook her head, putting a hand to her face. “I know that there’s this… spell, on the islands, or whatever… But that doesn’t excuse anything,” she said. “When you told me where you’d been, and what you were up against—I should have believed you. I should have trusted you. Because you’re my son, and I love you. Though, I suppose I’ve done a pretty awful job of showing that.” There was a sad, bitter laugh in her voice.

Sora uncurled his leg from his chest, mouth hanging open. “Oh, _mom_ ,” he began, but wasn’t sure where to go from there, what to say.

“And it’s not that I don’t appreciate all the… all the _proof_ you’ve had for me, all the trips we’ve taken, and all the wonderful things I’ve seen,” his mother continued. “But it shouldn’t have taken that much to get me to believe you. It _shouldn’t_ have.”

“The spell,” Sora began, but his mother shook her head.

“Doesn’t excuse anything, Sora,” she said. “I already said that. I should have believed you from the start, for no other reason than because you’re my son. I’m sorry.”

Sora stared for a moment, tears burning in his eyes. Then he got to his feet and went over to his mother, hugging her as best as he could. It was a little difficult, with her sitting, and him being incapable of putting any weight in her chair, but he hugged her, and he hugged her tight.

“It’s okay, mom, it’s okay,” he said. “I forgive you.”

She laughed, sounding surprised. “That easy?”

Sora laughed as well, though for a mostly different reason. “You said you were sorry, and I know you mean it,” he told her, unwavering. The words were familiar on his tongue. (And saying them brought up a pounding, a storm trying to blow him over the precipice into a sea of revelation, but _now wasn’t the time_.) “So of _course_ I forgive you.”

“I’m sure your father feels the same way, but I don’t blame you if you want to go bother him, so you can hear it from him—”

“No, no, he’s working, it’s fine. It’s really, _really_ fine.”

His mother squeezed him briefly, then took a deep breath. Getting the sense that this hug had run its course, Sora started to pull away. His mother caught him by the hands, though, and met his gaze. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes.

“So, to get back on topic,” she said, with a watery chuckle. “Sometimes… You can tell you’re in love with someone, because you find yourself choosing them, again and again. And sometimes you have to keep choosing them, _because_ you love them. The choice to love someone isn’t always easy, but…” She squeezed his hands. “The important thing is making it. I’m sorry I made the wrong choice.”

Sora pulled one of his hands away so he could wipe at his own tears. “It’s fine,” he told her again. “Thanks for making the right one now.”

His mother smiled up at him, fond, looking a little helpless. She squeezed the hand she was still holding, again. “Do you think my advice helped any?” she asked. “With your problem?”

“O- oh.” A heat rose to Sora’s cheeks, because yes, it had, but he was _not_ ready for that yet. And he couldn’t tell his mom, anyway! The storm in him beat a little harder, swirled a little faster. It would be so easy to just take a step and _plunge,_ but much like walking off a real cliff, the prospect was terrifying. “Well I, um,” Sora stammered, searching for an excuse.

His mother smiled, knowingly, at him. “Looks like it did,” she said.

Sora pulled his other hand away from her and smacked both hands to his face, as if that would do something other than make his blush _more_ obvious. “Look I’m gonna, go for a swim, I think,” he said, backing up towards the door.

“You can’t run from it forever, sweetheart!” his mom called after him, laughing.

“I know!” Sora called back, because, _boy_ did he know.

His thoughts spun mostly uselessly on the walk there—(and he walked, because he was sure he needed it as much as he needed the swim)—but by the time he’d stripped to the waist and surrendered himself to the waves, he realized the storm inside him had calmed. He’d stepped right over the ledge and into acceptance without even realizing it.

And that just left him at his conclusion.

He was absolutely, definitely, undeniably in love with Kano.

And—thinking it, _letting_ himself think it? It brought a well of joy bubbling up in his chest. Relief was like waves, crashing over him, cradling him, as he floated belly-up in this ocean of acceptance. He giggled and clutched his hands to his chest, then had to kick his feet to keep himself afloat. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d grinned as wide as he was grinning right now.

It felt so _good,_ to embrace it, to stop shying away from thinking about Kano like this. Sunshine burst within his chest, and he wondered why in the worlds he’d wanted to put it off—

And then he remembered.

His anxieties came back to him like clouds across his vision, and he bobbed down in the ocean for a second. Because, like, it’d be weird, right? he thought into the endless blue-green when he opened his eyes underwater. He and Kano couldn’t _date_ if they were sharing a body. That’d be like, super awkward!

Sora’s head hit the surface of the water again, and he took a deep breath in to restore air to his lungs. Then he let it out in a frustrated huff.

Maybe he could just… wait until they were separate? It shouldn’t take Aqua much longer, right? It’d been nearly three weeks already. And it’d be so much _easier_ , to deal with it then rather than dealing with it now.

Sora shook his head and tried to put the whole mess out of his mind. Anxieties still swirled within him, but at least he didn’t feel like a sky before a storm anymore. He turned and searched the horizon, looking for the next oncoming wave. Once he spotted it, he swam straight towards it.

He could lose himself for hours swimming against the waves like this, if he let himself. He didn’t intend to today, but he hoped it would clear his head some before Kano woke up again.

And then, hey, at least he could tell Kano he’d actually _done_ something with his privacy for once.


	104. In which Namine meets Ven, and Kairi worries about the future

“You’re late?” Namine said, when she answered the door, more confused than it was accusing.

Kairi stole a glance at Aerith’s clock, grimacing a little. She wasn’t… _that_ late. Not a full hour late, at least, even if it was close to one.

“Sorry!!” she apologized, fidgeting a little. “I overslept because I was up late with Kano last night.”

“With. _Kano_?” Namine’s eyebrows were up in her hairline.

Kairi nodded. “Yeah!! I told him and Sora that it might be better for them if they spent more time like, individually—” Namine nodded along, because Kairi’d already told her this “—and so last night I was hanging out with just Kano. Though we really just sat around and talked.” About Sora. Not that that had been Kairi’s _intention,_ it had just kind of happened and… Kano was stupidly fun to tease, so.

Anyway.

“I’m here now!!” she told Namine. “And Ven shouldn’t be too upset. You ready to go?”

Namine nodded, going to get her bag off the coffee table.

“Great!”

Once Namine had her bag, Kairi took her hand, and off they went.

**xxx**

They met Ven where Kairi always did, which was in the outer gardens of Mickey’s castle. This time he was actually already waiting in the gardens, instead of at one of the castle windows or balconies (which he often just _literally jumped from_ to come down and greet her, thanks to his weird wind powers). Maybe it had something to do with Kairi bringing Namine along, this time.

Or maybe it had to do with being a late.

Whatever.

Introductions were done with in short order, and then Ven clasped his hands together, grinning conspiratorially at Namine.

“Okay,” he said. “Either we can just chill in the gardens—which admittedly _are_ very pretty to walk around—or. _Or_.”

He paused for dramatic effect.

Namine raised an eyebrow.

“ _Or?_ ” she pressed.

Ven somehow grinned wider. “ _Or_ I can show you the best hiding spot in this castle.”

Namine didn’t even hesitate before answering, grinning a similar grin: “The best hiding spot, duh.”

Kairi smiled fondly as she watched Namine, took in the gleam in her eyes. This was the most at ease she’d seen her in a while. “Lead the way,” she called to Ven.

Kairi already knew the path up there, of course, and where they were going, but Ven moved with a fun kind of energy that Kairi absolutely adored. Somehow he made the whole thing fresh and exciting again, like they were going on an adventure. Kairi’d expect Namine to be out of her element, but Namine looked like she was having a _really_ good time. She kept laughing at Ven’s jokes, and she was bantering pretty steadily with him, and she looked so _happy_! It was really nice.

Probably twenty minutes of pseudo-adventure later they arrived at Ven’s hiding spot. It was a storage room towards the top of the castle—well-kept, like everything else here was. But it was a little bit a maze of boxes, surely with an organization system that the brooms knew if no one else. Best of all was the spot in the corner, right under a window, stashed away between two walls of boxes. It was here that Ven had carved out something like a nest, with boxes that were safe to sit on, as well as a blanket and a couple pillows he’d squirreled away. The blanket was currently draped over the two box walls, creating some kind of partial fort.

“Ohhh, this is really neat,” Namine whispered.

“Right!!” Ven said, gleefully. He practically _bounded_ into the corner, plopping down on the large box that stuck out from the bottom of the left-hand wall.

Namine settled herself against the righthand wall, digging out her sketchbook from her bag. Kairi flopped onto her back on the floor between them, eyes watching the clouds in the sky through the window. Ven and Namine started chatting over her, but Kairi’s thoughts were… elsewhere.

There was an itch on her skin. A weight in her chest. No one had talked much about it lately, and honestly she’d been avoiding thinking about it too, but…

“Something on your mind, Kairi?” Ven asked. His face came into view above hers, as he leaned obnoxiously forward to peer down at her.

Kairi didn’t move. “Yeah,” she answered. “Worried about the whole Xehanort business, I guess,” she admitted, with the best shrug she could muster while on the floor. “I mean, we haven’t heard anything from him since he attacked Riku, and like… uuuugh.” She dragged the groan out. “It makes me nervous! What’s he up to!”

“Yeah…” Ven agreed, looking a little sour. He usually did when they talked about Xehanort, though, which is why Kairi didn’t bring him up much. Not that she enjoyed thinking about him either. Ven shifted how he was sitting on the box, summoning a ball of light to fiddle with. “I mean, Mickey’s been out trying to collect intel on him, but he still hasn’t even figured out where Xehanort’s hiding, not exactly.”

Kairi turned her head to look at Namine. “You got any ideas about that?”

Namine jolted a little. “Why are you looking at _me_?” she asked.

“I dunno, don’t you have like, weird prophetic powers.”

“Oh.” Namine blushed a bit, but she also scowled. “No.”

“You do?” Ven asked, a little bit behind.

“ _No!_ ” Namine repeated. “At least not anymore!”

Kairi scrunched up her face. “How do you _lose_ a power like that?” she asked, mostly teasing. Mostly.

“Well gee, I don’t know,” Namine shot back. “Would you believe that having your brain completely rewired generally tends to mess with the weird future seeing abilities you once had! Crazy!”

“Oh fuck,” Kairi said, feeling much too guilty for not realizing this _incredibly obvious thing_ to laugh, even if Namine’s sarcasm _had_ been kind of funny, though incredibly biting. “Sorry,” she said instead. Namine deserved at least that much.

“Whatever,” Namine answered. She didn’t seem that upset? Which was strange but good. “I mean, those stupid memory meltdowns stopped too, so I guess it’s a fair tradeoff.”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Kairi agreed. Then she reached over and nudged Namine’s knee, smiling when Namine met her eyes. “Also, like, you’re _joking_ about it,” she whispered, brimming with an excited energy. “So you must be feeling a little better about the whole mess.”

“Oh,” Namine said, like she’d only just realized, or maybe hadn’t even thought of it like that. “Yeah, I guess?” She didn’t sound wholly certain, but she did look like she was warming up to the idea. She was still smiling.

“Okay, what the heck,” Ven said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kairi and Namine told him in perfect unison. Kairi turned to shoot a haunting smile at him, hoped that Namine did the same.

Ven looked between the two of them for a few seconds, then grimaced. “Oh… kay,” he said, but he didn’t ask.

“Anyway,” Kairi said, letting out a long breath. She turned her attention back out the window, letting the heavy weight of the future settle onto her chest again, because, like, _someone_ had to think about this stuff. “I feel like we should be preparing, or something? But I don’t know how to do that. I know you’ve been teaching me a lot of magic,” she looked at Ven, “and that’s like, cool I guess. But I know it’s not that strong.”

“It’s stronger than you think,” Ven assured her.

Kairi blushed faintly, but didn’t comment on the compliment. “Well yeah, but I still don’t think it’s gonna be that useful, all things considered,” she said. “And other than that all I really know how to do is like, some basic hand-to-hand stuff. What am I gonna do? Punch Xehanort in the face?”

Ven laughed.

“I’d like to see that!”

Kairi laughed a little too, despite herself.

“Anyway, I’m not sure if there _is_ much for us to do to prepare,” Ven continued, after a moment. “Like, practicing magic and making sure we aren’t totally rusty in battle and stuff is probably our best course of action, but… Not all of us get useful jobs like Aqua. When we all fight him, we’re really just gonna be her support.”

Ven’s explanation was straight-forward and his tone was mostly chipper, but there was a sad kind of uneasiness that fell across his face as he spoke. This had been happening a lot, lately, whenever he brought up Aqua. Kairi wondered what the deal was, but she’d already tried prying, to no avail.

So Kairi focused on the thing she could worry about.

“I guess you’re right,” she said, though she sighed a little as she did. It was silly to think she could possibly do anything _big,_ but being slotted into generic support with her not-even-that-stellar magic kind of stung. She wished she could do _more_.

“I mean,” Namine chimed in. “If you want I could try and teach you some healing stuff?”

Kairi squinted up at Namine. Had she read her mind?

“Or you could learn from Aerith,” Namine continued. “But, like, I’m here right now and uh.” She cleared her throat. Shifted how she was sitting. “I mean, you don’t have to even learn a _lot._ Even I’m not sure if I really want to—or at least I don’t know if I want to dedicate myself to this as much as Aerith has. But you know. It feels nice? At least for me. Being able to do something _good_ , something _useful_ with my magic.” She fiddled with her fingers a bit, blushing as she seemed to realize how rambly and off-topic that pitch had been. She shrugged dramatically to save herself. “Plus like, more healers can’t be a bad thing?”

“That’s true,” Kairi admitted, slowly sitting up, since she was pretty sure this was going where she thought it was going.

“I’d love to be better at healing spells, actually!” Ven said. Bless him, for not commenting on Namine’s rambles. “Sure, I’m _okay,_ and I know Curaga but, Curaga only does so much, y’know?”

Namine nodded. “Yeah.”

Kairi scooted a little closer. Ven slid off the box and banished his ball of light, like he knew where this was going, too.

“You guys want to uh, try and practice some now?” Namine offered, and Kairi was grateful for that—that Namine offered, and they didn’t have to push her into it. “I don’t mind if you want to, I just can’t promise I’ll be a good teacher!” She laughed nervously, but she looked… _excited._ There was a fire in her eyes Kairi hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Please,” Ven said.

“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Kairi said.

“Okay,” Namine said, and the impromptu lesson began.


	105. In which: Seashells!! And also Braig

Alpha stood at his desk in his and Amaryllis’s house, sorting through various paperwork that was currently littering it. He’d have _less_ paperwork had Amaryllis only grabbed the stacks Alpha had specified, but Amaryllis had grabbed what looked like everything. At least menial paper sorting gave Alpha something to do with his—

There was someone else in the room with him.

Which, seeing as he’d heard neither the door nor a dark corridor open, should be nigh impossible. But that didn’t change the piercing gaze Alpha felt on his neck, the Awareness he had of a second presence.

He turned around, then tried to steady himself on his desk chair as the wind fled his lungs. This just ended with the desk chair on the floor and all his papers getting scattered, not that Alpha was thinking about that at this precise moment.

No, now he was thinking about his “guest”.

It was Braig.

Braig waved casually at him, looking… uncomfortable? It was a strange change of pace from Braig’s normal toothy smile, but it didn’t make Alpha’s heart pound any slower.

“What do you want?” Alpha asked, clipped.

“Gonna ask you a question,” Braig answered, his posture tight. “Your answer’s _real_ important.”

Alpha blinked.

“You know how to create Replicas?” Braig asked.

Alpha opened his mouth. Then he closed it. Yes, he did, but… He looked at Braig’s face, the intensity in Braig’s eye. It was hard to say how, exactly—perhaps residual memories from Ienzo—but somehow, he got the sense Braig wanted a very specific answer. And somehow, he knew that answer was:

“No,” he said.

Braig seemed relieved. After a second, he nodded towards the door.

“You should go,” Braig said. “Spend some time traveling. Don’t stay in one place long.” His eye darted towards the papers on the desk. “Any of those important?”

Alpha shook his head. “Not really.” At least, not worth risking his neck over. It was mainly menial reports, journals, thoughts he’d written up. Thoughts he’d like to peruse again, but nothing he’d miss too terribly. He got the sense Braig intended to rough the place up a little bit… to cover Alpha’s trail? There went leaving a note to Amaryllis, but Alpha supposed he could also just _grab_ Amaryllis to travel with him if this didn’t blow over in a week.

Or… now, if he wanted.

Braig nodded to the door again. Alpha didn’t need further instruction. He opened a dark corridor around himself.

Odd, that Braig would seek him out just to let him go. A foul taste sat in Alpha’s mouth, because the last thing he wanted was to be spared because Braig looked at him and saw Ienzo, but—

Then he considered the alternative, had Braig handed him over to Xehanort, and decided perhaps he better not look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

**xxx**

 

“You sure Kano’s not listening?” Kairi pressed.

“Yeah!” Sora shot back. “Honestly, what are we even doing that like, you don’t want him here for?”

They were on the beach, because that’s where Kairi had told him to meet her. She hadn’t said why, she’d just demanded that Kano skedaddle. Which like, _rude?_ Sora’d thought. He tried not to, because he knew Kairi was just like this—and also knew that Kano and Kairi had been hanging out pretty regularly this past week, so it wasn’t like Kairi could be mad with Kano or anything—but… Geeze, she could have just _told_ them she only wanted to hang out with Sora to begin with.

Whatever.

Kairi walked down to the ocean with proud strides, pausing where the tide came in. The sun hung low in the sky—it’d set in the next few hours.

“We’re looking for seashells!” Kairi declared.

“What.”

How in the worlds was that something Kano couldn’t be around for? Sora glared a second, but then:

 _Well, I guess she’s been hanging out with Kano a lot, it’s only fair she’d want to hang out with just me, too?_ he thought, into the silence of his mind. The silence was still strange and kind of uncomfortable, but it was also freeing, a little bit. At least he could think _I love Kano_ and not have to immediately follow up the thought with like twenty mental blocks so Kano couldn’t touch it.

Kairi let out a huff of a sigh, then turned around to look at Sora again, hair glowing in the sunlight. She made an impressive silhouette against the horizon, hands on her hips like that.

“Listen,” she said. “I guess it won’t be a surprise for you, now, but it’s a small price to pay. I’m making us all wayfinders.”

“Oh!”

“And I haven’t collected seashells for Kano, yet, and have no clue what color he’d even want, anyway,” Kairi continued.

Sora processed that this meant she was making a wayfinder _for Kano,_ and his heart took off right into the stratosphere. He buried his grin in his hands, stomping his feet against the sand. That made him… _so_ _happy._ Happy because the two people he loved the most were friends. Happy that Kairi would want to do something like this for Kano. Happy because he knew how much Kano would appreciate it, and excited to see how Kano’d react, and—

“S. Sora?” Kairi asked.

—and okay, okay, cool your jets Sora. Cool your jets.

“That’s!! So sweet of you!!!” he managed to say through his excitement, dragging his hands down his face.

Kairi shrugged slowly. “I mean, I felt kinda like an ass for _not_ making him one,” she said. Then she squinted, leaning a little forward to get a better look at Sora. “Are you like… Wh… Why are you…?”

She couldn’t quite seem to finish the question, but Sora got the gist.

“Sorry I just,” he answered, trying to speak clearly around the way his heart was trumpeting. “I think it’s really sweet! Okay!!!”

“I… You didn’t react like this when I said I was making one for _you,_ ” Kairi said, somehow managing to narrow her eyes even further.

“Well that’s sweet too!” Sora assured her. He patted at his face then pulled his hands away from it, rubbing them together a moment. “I’m just glad that like, you and Kano are friends! And are getting along! And stuff!”

Kairi blinked.

“Um. Okay.”

She cleared her throat.

Then she turned back to the ocean, squatting down to rummage amongst the sand.

“Anyway what color?” she asked.

“Oh.” Sora cleared his throat too. Moved towards the ocean to help.  “I mean, he really likes red.”

“Thalassas don’t come in red.”

“You could dye ‘em.”

Kairi shot him a glare from across the beach. “Sora I love Kano, but that’s way too much work for just him, I didn’t dye any of the rest of them.”

Sora put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay!”

“Namine called pink, for the record.”

Sora closed his mouth, since that would be his next suggestion. He thought over what colors he knew Thalassa shells to be. “Have you used orange?”

“Nnnno.”

“There you go!”

“Hey, you’ve gotta help too.”

“I know I know.”

Sora plunged his hand into the sand and set to work. It was slow work, since Thalassas were a little bit rare, and on top of being rare, they came in like five different colors, so finding one—let alone the _right_ one—was gonna take a while.

“Also Sora,” Kairi said, her back to him, but much closer to him than she’d been before. “If Kano finds out about this I will kill you.”

Sora laughed. “I can keep a secret, Kairi!”

Kairi shot a look over her shoulder, eyebrows raised. “From him?”

Sora’s smile drooped. He turned away. _Yes,_ he very well could. And keeping quiet about something as small as _wayfinders_ would be easy, at least compared to the torrential wave of silence he was riding, hiding from Kano how deep his love for him ran.

“I mean,” he shot at Kairi, biting. “I’ve been doing _great_ at, uh—” Then he realized what he was about to do, about to say. He swallowed. “Uh. Keeping, like, other things secret.”

He felt Kairi shift in the sand behind him, lean up against his back. Her chin bumped against his shoulder as she tried to peer at his face. “What things?” she asked, in That Tone of hers, nosy and smug at the same time.

“Uh.”

“Sorrraaaaa.”

Sora turned his head away further, heat in his cheeks. The action brought his attention to something poking out of the sand. “Oh hey look I think that’s one of the shells we need!” he said, diving for it. He had no idea if it was even actually a Thalassa, but who cared.

Kairi groaned dramatically.

“Come onnnnnnn Sora, just tell me now!! I don’t wanna wear you down.”

“Then don’t?” Sora said.

(The shell wasn’t a Thalassa.)

“I can’t NOT know!” Kairi protested.

Sora rolled it over, fidgeting where he sat. He _hated_ keeping big secrets. And this one wasn’t even _easy_! Sitting on it was the hardest thing he’d ever done—all this carefully guarding his thoughts and choosing his words so he didn’t say too much or come on too strongly. Maybe it _would_ be nice to tell Kairi? Not that that would help him in the department of keeping it from Kano, but at least then he would have told _someone_.

He made some kind of whine in his throat, tossing the useless shell down and dragging his other hand down his face. He just thought this would be… fixed sooner? Surely a month was plenty of time for Aqua to figure things out, but she hadn’t mentioned anything at all yet. And yeah, maybe he should stop waiting for her to bring it up and just ask her outright, but—

It’d been… kind of weird to get a hold of her, lately. Like he saw her almost every day for training, but _talking_ to her was like… He wasn’t sure how to put it. Just that it was difficult. Like anything past training jargon wasn’t something she could muster up the interest for.

Kairi shuffled so she was sitting next to him, peering anxiously to study his face.

“Sora, are you like- are you _actually_ okay?” she asked.

“I. oh.” He pulled his hands away from his face, blushing. “Well now I’m just thinking about Aqua.”

Kairi squinted. “What about her?”

“Just like… how _odd_ she’s been acting lately,” Sora answered, with a shrug. “You know anything about that?”

“Why would I?”

“I mean you spend like, every day with Ven.”

Kairi nodded slowly, probably thinking that was a fair point. She shook her head after a second though, looking a little aggravated. “Yeah well, he hasn’t said _shit_ about Aqua,” she said. “He refuses to.”

Sora’s eyebrows climbed upwards. “Even with you bugging him?”

“ _Mmmm hmmmm_ ,” Kairi answered, dragging the sound out in her frustration, eyes wide and tight-lipped.

“Dang…” Sora whispered. He didn’t know anyone that had been able to stand against Kairi’s powers of expertly dragging information out of people. Except Ven, apparently! But Ven’s silence just made him more worried about Aqua. “I hope Aqua’s okay…” he mused aloud.

“You think she might not be?”

Sora shrugged again.

“I dunno. She’s just… off.”

“Hmm,” Kairi said.

Here was the point where they should both go back to looking for seashells, but instead Kairi leaned forward and tapped at Sora’s arm to get him to look at her. She studied his face for a moment, eyes searching for something. Anxiety bubbled up into Sora’s throat, knowing very well what she might find, and being wholly unprepared for that.

“Okay, but like… Are you _sure_ you’re okay, though?” she asked.

Sora furrowed up his brow. Hopefully it’d just look like he didn’t understand (though Kairi’d see right through that, because she was Kairi, and had known him his entire life) but honestly, he wasn’t sure how he wanted to answer.

“What do you mean?” he settled on, for right now.

Kairi’s own face scrunched up, but more like she’d eaten something sour, or was trying to place words to something she didn’t even fully understand. “Like, you’re…??” she began, then huffed. “You’ve been acting weird like all week, what’s _up_.”

Sora hesitated.

“Nothing.”

Kairi laughed and rolled her eyes.

“C’mon, Sora, I know that’s a lie.”

“It’s just!” he protested, but didn’t finish.

It was just what? He _could_ tell Kairi. Sitting on this was like trying to keep air in a popped balloon, like trying to bottle a storm. Maybe telling her would release some of the tension. He could trust her, after all, she was _Kairi._ But…

Was it fair to Kano, for him to not be the first to know?

“Just what?” Kairi pressed, a delayed but persistent echo to Sora’s own subconscious.

Sora sighed.

He could sit on it a little longer.

“Look, it’s. It’s nothing, really,” he said.

“ _Sora_.”

He didn’t answer. Instead he got up and headed back down closer to the tides, plunging his hand into wet sand to start sifting through it for shells. Kairi didn’t follow, just glared at his back.

“Sora, come on,” she pressed. “You look like you’re gonna _explode_. I’m worried about you.”

Sora sighed. “It’s just… a lot,” he said. He turned back to her, sending her the most genuine look he could muster. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Kairi scowled at him a moment longer, then tossed up her hands in defeat. “Whatever, we have to find those shells before Kano starts getting nosy, anyway,” she said. “I guess it can wait.”

Sora let out a sigh of relief, though honestly, he wasn’t sure he counted it a victory.


	106. In which Kairi gives Ven some advice

Time with Kano in the heartspace was spent much the same way, lately. They’d take an hour or so to make a pillow fort, then spend another talking idly about whatever. The pillow forts got more and more elaborate each time, as Sora pushed his heartspace to provide more things to build even crazier constructions. Today the ground was cushioned with pillows, and there was a partial wall cushioned similarly, so that it would be nice to sit against. Blankets hung above their heads, supported by poles—which, Sora didn’t think would work this nicely in real life, but physics were really just a suggestion in this place. Today’s pillow fort was… kind of tame, actually, but cozy nonetheless.

Maybe… too cozy? Sora scowled at it, as well as the potential outcomes of the scenario from here. They’d accidentally created the ideal fort for cuddling in, and like. Sora _liked_ cuddling. But boy was it so much harder to bottle the storm in his chest when his head was in Kano’s lap, Kano playing idly, unthinkingly with his hair and—

“We could do better,” Sora said, sending his best disapproving look at the fort.

Kano turned his attention away from the fort and turned to Sora, eyebrows raised and mouth a little open, face pulled like he thought Sora was ridiculous for suggesting such a thing.

“I mean!” Sora gestured wildly at the fort. “We’ve done two-story tall ones before! We _can_ do better!”

Kano stalled a moment, but finally he laughed and rolled his eyes. He still looked bewildered, but then no wonder, when Sora had half his thoughts blocked off lately. It must have been impossible for Kano to get a good read on Sora anymore. (Which Sora felt a _little_ guilty about but, there was no escaping this hole he’d dug for himself, not really.)

“I think it’s fine for today,” Kano said, ducking into it.

Sora scowled. He _could_ dismantle the whole thing with just a single thought, have it crash down on Kano’s head—but no, no, that’d be mean. Sighing, Sora joined Kano in the pillow fort.

Kano’d already flopped against the wall, nice and relaxed, one hand behind his head. He’d left plenty of room for Sora to sit next to him, and the space seemed to pull Sora towards it… But Sora resisted its siren call and sat across from Kano instead.

The ceiling was lower here, brushing obnoxiously against his head, but they’d _designed_ it to be lower over here. Sora wasn’t _supposed_ to sit over here. Kano sent him another absolutely baffled look, which their mental link told Sora was just as much concerned as it was confused. The thread of disappointment he felt from Kano almost made Sora rethink his decision, but he held fast.

“Uh… training’s going well, right?” Kano said, an awkward stab at conversation.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sora answered, barely thinking about the question and his answer. He hunched forward, legs crossed, and wrapped his hands around his ankle. His other leg fidgeted anxiously, the only outlet for the restless energy inside of him.

His attention was fixed on the warmth, the closeness with Kano he was denying himself. Maybe he was being ridiculous? But it would be easier to keep things from spilling out this way.

But maybe he _should_ just let things spill? The bodysharing thing was complicated, yes, but was it really _that_ complicated?

But also he should probably _actually ask Aqua_ if she had an estimate for how much longer it’d be in mind, before making a decision. Ugh, why was it so hard to talk to her!!

Kano leaned forward then, trying to peer at Sora’s face. “Sora…?” he asked, nosy, but his tone gentle. “You okay, dude?” The concern that flowed across their link was sweet like honey, even if it made Sora feel bad for worrying Kano.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Sora said, sending Kano his most convincing grin.

“You sure?” Kano pressed. He leaned a little more forward, hands on his knees to hold his weight. “You feel like you’re wrestling a bear up there, but your thoughts are all closed off. And…” He didn’t say it—he felt embarrassed—but both his eyes and his attention flickered to the empty spot at his side. They both knew this was unusual, off-script for Sora.

Sora swallowed. “It’s nothing, promise!” he lied brightly. Kano didn’t buy it, which Sora knew from the way his eyes narrowed, knew from the way the knot of Kano in the back of his mind wavered. Sora sighed. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” he said more genuinely. It wasn’t nothing, just something Kano didn’t need to worry about right now.

Something he couldn’t tell Kano right now. Even if he wanted to.

(The reality of that twisted up Sora’s insides. This was _torture_.)

Kano hesitated for a while, but finally he shrugged. “Okay,” he said.

He leaned back and shifted how he was sitting, then stretched out his leg so he could press the ball of his bare foot to Sora’s knee. Sora yelped and jerked away a little bit. How were Kano’s feet so _cold_ in a place where temperature was as fake as physics were!? Kano laughed, throaty and pleased, and the weight on Sora’s shoulders lifted a moment.

Sora’s toes weren’t nearly as cold, but he _could_ wriggle and lodge his toes under Kano’s knee—which had to at least feel weird if not _tickle,_ based on the way Kano squirmed. He laughed triumphantly as Kano pulled away with a curse.

“Oh, it’s on now,” Kano said, and he launched himself at Sora.

Kano was getting better at the whole tickle-fight thing, but even with his impossibly cold toes, Sora still had him beat. Of course he did! He’d gone up against Kairi in tickle fights for _years_ now. So soon enough Sora had Kano pinned, tickling him relentlessly, until—

“Ow ow ow, okay okay! You win!” Kano gasped, laughing and breathless. “You win!”

“Don’t know why you bother,” Sora shot back, grinning wide and lopsided. He quit tickling, but didn’t get off Kano right away, using his hands to brace his weight on the pillows instead. (It was kind of amazing they hadn’t knocked the fort down, but then again: _heartspace_.)

“One of these times,” Kano said, his grin just as lopsided.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Sora was well aware he should stop pinning Kano, but there was something about this moment. Something in the breathlessness that had caught them, something about the racing of his heart. Something about the cocky pull of Kano’s grin, the glint in his golden eyes. Something… _something_ thrummed in the air between them, and Sora didn’t want to let it go.

His eyes darted down from Kano’s eyes to Kano’s lips, and his chest _ached_ in a way that was familiar but no less annoying. (His dad had warned him about puberty, but never that it was going to be this bad.) Sora wondered how Kano’s lips might feel, pressed against his. Sora’d never kissed anyone before. Would he be bad at it? Would Kano even know, if he was??

But now… wasn’t the time to entertain those thoughts, let alone act on them. Kano was starting to look a little cornered, besides.

So Sora rolled off of him and flopped onto his back amongst the pillows.

He still _ached_ for it, but. He didn’t think he was ready for that, yet. He didn’t think Kano was, either.

“Anyway, hey,” Sora said, promptly changing the subject. “I’m glad you and Kairi are friends!”

“I- oh.” Kano shifted so he was sitting more upright, leaning against the wall again, with one leg folded under him. His thoughtful and kind of confused expression was cute, even from this angle. “Yeah me too?” Kano said, and then he laughed. “Actually it’s. Funny.” He splayed out his fingers and drummed them against his leg, one by one. “I always thought I shouldn’t even spend time with her, let alone be friends with her, because like… She was a Princess of Heart, I was a creature of darkness…”

“Well, to heck with that,” Sora said before he could stop himself. He just wanted to interrupt another _I’m-a-Shadow-and-don’t-deserve-things-like-this_ spiral before Kano could get started, because Kano _knew_ those thoughts were pointless and wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Kano said. Fondness bubbled across their link from him, and Sora smiled in the face of it, the warmth in Kano’s voice. “I wouldn’t trade my friendship with her for anything. Or my friendship with you! It’s just… Funny.” He drummed his fingers against his leg again. “Never saw myself becoming friends with light dwellers like this.”

“Oh,” Sora said. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Disgrace to the darkness, indeed,” Kano mused, quiet, thoughtful. Sora sat up to look at him, a little exasperated, but—It didn’t _feel_ self-depreciating, not entirely. It felt like half of a joke Sora didn’t know the rest of. It felt almost like some kind of acceptance.

Sora wasn’t sure if he should say anything to counter that, but he rolled over onto his stomach, propped his chin up in his hands so he could smile at Kano better.

“Too good for the darkness, if you ask me,” he said.

Kano blinked at looked at him.

“Hm?”

The noise was a little startled, like he hadn’t realized Sora’d heard anything to provide a rebuttal for.

Sora just smiled anyway, and continued, fond:

“You’re too kind.”

“H- _Hh_?” Kano said, or he made a sound somewhat equivalent to that in his throat. Sora laughed to himself, relishing in the way Kano reeled like he hadn’t expected that at all, relishing in the fact it was so easy to _do this_ to Kano. And the flustered way Kano always reacted to compliments was so _freaking_ cute. Sora adored it.

And, honestly. Even if Sora couldn’t quite say the words yet… Wasn’t this just another way of telling Kano he loved him? Wasn’t it, really?

 

**xxx**

 

The next day, Kairi sat on the beach. She’d invited Ven here this time—as much as she loved the castle, it was hard to beat the beach—and Namine was here too. They’d swam and goofed off for a while, and now they were drying off. Sitting facing towards the ocean, Kairi dug the materials for Kano’s wayfinder out of the bag she’d brought. His was the last wayfinder she had to make—

Well, right now, anyway. She was thinking she maybe wanted to make one for Ven? But his could wait a bit.

Ven plopped himself down next to her in the sand, peering at what Kairi was doing. He seemed to light up when he saw it. “Oh! I thought you said you finished those,” he said.

Kairi nodded, because she _had_ told him that, but: “Decided to make one for Kano,” she explained.

Namine grinned such a _fond_ smile from where she was laying, on her stomach, chin propped up on her hands, elbows buried in the sand. She was mostly facing Kairi, but also parallel to the ocean. “He’s going to _love_ it,” she said, not for the first time. Kairi’d asked her first if she thought it was like, a thing she should do. Even though Namine barely knew Kano, she seemed positive it was.

“I know, I know,” Kairi said, a blush warming her cheeks as she started threading the string through one of the shells.

The thought of giving it to him—and hopefully he wouldn’t be expecting it, if Sora could keep it secret—made her a little excited. When he wasn’t being an ass, he was kind of earnest, caring more deeply than he wanted to show. It was cute? And really really sweet. Plus, watching him get flustered was immensely satisfying.

Besides, they _were_ friends. They had been once. They were becoming friends again.

Ven had soured, which Kairi could _feel_ in the air around him. She shot him a look, annoyed but unsurprised. He got like this every time she mentioned Kano. She didn’t know why, exactly, and that nagged at her. She should really try and pry it out of him sometime.

But… maybe not now. Kairi got the sense that whatever it was, it was intensely personal. Right here, in the present company, probably wasn’t the best place to make Ven spill the beans about personal stuff, as much as Kairi loved Namine. (Namine and Ven just... had only interacted for like barely 5 total hours now, so.)

Despite his sour attitude, Ven still pushed to keep the conversation going. “You want me to get Aqua to do the spell on those, still?” he asked. He was hiding his sour mood well behind a decently fake smile. He leaned back, his hands bracing his weight on the sand behind him.

Kairi shrugged. “You said it’s been super hard to like, get a hold of her though,” Kairi countered, deftly tying two shells together. After four other wayfinders, she’d gotten a lot of practice. “Like, I’d love it, but if she’s too stressed right now to do it, then like. I’m not _waiting_ to give my friends these cool presents until she has herself figured out. We can always go to her later.”

“That’s fair,” Ven said.

The waves crashed against the shore, steady and soothing. The sun beat down on them, pleasantly warm even though it was well after noon. Namine doodled with her finger in the sand, humming a song under her breath. One of Kairi’s favorite’s. Kairi clucked her tongue, frustrated that she’d forgotten to bring her CD player with her down to the beach.

“Hey wait a second,” Ven said, straightening and squinting at Kairi. “I… never told you Aqua was stressed?”

“Sora mentioned,” Kairi answered.

Ven deflated a little, running a hand through his hair. “Oh yeah.” He laughed nervously. “I guess he sees a lot of her too, huh?”

“Is Aqua okay?” Namine asked, picking her head up from the sand to send a concerned and inquisitive look at Kairi and Ven.

Kairi shrugged for an answer, then elaborated: “Sora just said she’s been acting off, lately.” She side-eyed Ven. “It’s _gotta_ be stress, right?” Seemed like the most logical conclusion. Unless Ven knew something that she didn’t. She side-eyed him harder.

He shrugged as well. “I mean… probably,” he said, though it was definitely with the cadence of someone who didn’t want to say the actual answer.

Kairi rounded on him completely, a cat ready to pounce. “You know anything about it?” she demanded. “Is it _not_ stress?”

Ven shrugged harder.

“Ven, come on!” Kairi pressed, placing the start of Kano’s wayfinder in the sand so she could put weight on both her hands and lean into Ven, cornering him. “Don’t you think Sora should know if something’s up with her? He was _just_ complaining about it to me yesterday. He’s worried about her too!”

Ven scrunched up his face and scrambled away from Kairi. “Look, it’s not like I know anything that Sora doesn’t! So!!” He seemed to think that was a valid enough answer, and maybe it was to some, but it didn’t satisfy Kairi.

“Tell me anyway,” she said.

She heard Namine laugh, exasperated behind her. She pressed on anyway.

“Why?” Ven demanded, crossing his arms dramatically. “It’s not like you can fix it!”

Kairi sat back on her heels, eyes keeping track of Kano’s wayfinder so she wouldn’t break it carelessly. It’d been amazingly hard to find five orange shells. “Trust me, Ven,” she said. “Even just getting it off your chest can make you feel loads better? It’s not good to bottle stuff up.”

“She’s right,” Namine added.

Ven sighed, directing his eyes away from Kairi. He uncrossed one arm, tugging at his ear. “It’s just… there’s not really much to say?” he mumbled. “She’s hasn’t really been acting like herself lately, and _maybe_ it’s stress, but…”

Ven made a face, brow furrowed with confusion, and eyes pinched with concern.

“But?” Kairi pressed, because it looked like Ven had a lot more on his mind than that.

“It’s like, she hasn’t been this relaxed in—” Ven cut off here, swallowing whatever his next words were. His hand fell away from his ear. “Like. Weeks, probably? Maybe longer.”

Something in his tone suggested it might be much longer than just a few weeks. Kairi wasn’t interested in pressing _that_ matter, though. She didn’t need to know exactly how long Aqua’d been in trouble. She just needed to know _why_ Ven thought Aqua was in trouble, because clearly he thought it to be more than stress. (Well, she didn’t _need_ to know—except to pass the information on to Sora?—but she was too dang curious to _not_ know, and, like, maybe it’d do Ven some good to talk about it.)

“Have you talked to her?” came Namine’s voice, before Kairi could even prepare herself with her next question for prying. Kairi snuck a glance at Namine. She looked painfully earnest. “Like, maybe she’s really good at hiding the fact that something’s wrong, but still… I think it’s important to at _least_ tell her that how she’s acting is making you worry.”

Ven made a disappointed noise, shoulders slumping. His gaze slid off Namine and to the sand again. “I’ve tried.” The admission was given in a defeated tone, and he shrugged helplessly. “She just blows it off like it’s nothing. And…”

He stopped.

“And?” Kairi pushed.

He shifted how he was sitting, squirming like he was uncomfortable. Kairi tried to distance herself a little from him, thinking maybe was a good time to stop being overbearing. Her curiosity wasn’t worth making Ven completely uncomfortable, and if it wasn’t making _him_ feel better by talking about it, what was the point?

Something tickled in her mind, though. Something familiar.

“Never mind—” she began, but he kept talking.

“She’s like, fine, except when I try and tell her I’m worried, or that I think something might be wrong,” Ven said, voice quiet. “When I _do_ try she gets all… snippy. And— _ugh!_ ” He burred his face in his hands, dragging his knees up to his chest. “Not that that’s any of your business?? It’s probably just stress, maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“Actually,” Kairi interrupted.

She exchanged glances with Namine.

Now she knew why this felt familiar, and from the looks of it, so did Namine.

“It… might be good you mentioned it?” Namine followed, a beat behind Kairi.

Ven looked up at them.

“What… do you mean?” he asked.

Kairi kept her gaze locked with Namine a second longer, trying to gauge if Namine wanted to explain, or…? Namine looked like she wasn’t sure where to start, though, so Kairi went ahead.

“Well,” Kairi said. She took a second to gather up the memories, grasp at what the feeling was like again. “It… could be the darkness. You know, manipulating her.”

“Wh- _What_!?”

Ven looked like he couldn’t possibly believe it.

“Yeah it, I know it seems like a little bit of a jump,” Kairi agreed hastily. She shifted how she was sitting because she could _not_ keep her balance on her heels like this anymore. “But… Listen, I had someone use the darkness to make me think I hated Sora for like, a week. And, hating Sora was _liberating_ , except when it. Wasn’t.”

She stopped there, a heat in her cheeks and a weight in her chest. That was… more about the experience than she’d shared with anyone, actually. She licked her lips, nervous.

“Yeah and like, Kairi was fine except for when I mentioned Sora or like, insinuated that she might be anything other than okay,” Namine followed, picking up where Kairi stopped. “And that… sounds a little bit like what you just described with Aqua?”

Kairi nodded, trying to look certain in the face of astonishment and realization dawning on Ven’s face. Was he just surprised to learn this about her, or was he realizing something about Aqua? It was easier to pretend it was the latter.

“It might um, explain why she’s acting… not like herself, too,” Kairi added.

“Yeah,” Namine echoed.

Ven looked between the two of them slowly. He looked… worried. But also like he understood.

“If it… _is_ the darkness… what do I do about that?” Ven asked.

“Um,” Kairi said.

“Well,” Namine said.

Kairi looked to Namine for help, but she just shrugged slowly. Drat. Namine should remember better than Kairi did. The whole ordeal was kind of a vague blur in her mind now, warped by time and darkness both.

“I mean, Tifa did a lot of um, yelling at me,” Kairi began, because she remembered that.

“That didn’t work, though!” Namine countered. “I had to do the whole thing with the dancing before I made any kind of like, dent.”

“Oh yeah!” Kairi said. Now she remembered.

“I…” Ven dragged the sound out, looking confused. “I don’t see how dancing with Aqua is going to help anything,” he said, adding a little laugh to it.

“Well of course it won’t,” Namine said. “Dancing isn’t your guys’ thing, it’s mine and Kairi’s!”

“Do I need to _find_ a thing that’s, for me and Aqua?” Ven asked. He sounded sincere, but the twinkle in his eyes suggested he wasn’t totally. Kairi grinned at the sight, and even Namine laughed.

“No, I don’t think so!” Namine said.

“Yeah, unless you like, have one already,” Kairi said.

“But, really,” Namine said. “Try talking to her? I know you have already but, _not_ talking to her isn’t going to make anything better. And if you can try and like… get her to realize she’s not acting like herself? That’s mostly what I did for Kairi. And what she did for me.”

Namine sent a fond, grateful look in Kairi’s direction, and Kairi blushed, remembering that their roles _had_ been reversed, once. It wasn’t the darkness affecting Namine, then, but still. Still. She sent her most loving smile back at Namine in return.

“Okay…” Ven said slowly. He only looked partially convinced. “Okay.”

“It’s worth a shot, at least,” Kairi said, trying to reassure him. “And hey, isn’t Aqua like, a Keyblade Master? Surely she knows about this. Maybe once she can see the darkness in her own head she can like… do something about it herself. Just ‘cuz she hasn’t noticed it’s there doesn’t mean she won’t know what to do with it, yanno?”

“Um… I guess.”

“I believe in you!” Namine offered.

Ven laughed, fond and empty both. Then he flopped back in the sand, digging his palms into his eyes. “Where do I even _start_ though?” he moaned.

“Without knowing more, I don’t really… know,” Kairi said, shrugging apologetically, not that Ven could see it. Realizing that, she tacked on a “sorry”.

“I mean if you wanna take some time to think over what you’re gonna say, that’s fine,” Namine assured him. “I definitely can’t blame you if you want to be prepared. Just like… don’t put it off for three years.” There was something self-depreciating in her smile and in the hyperbole. While Kairi was glad Namine had learned from her mistakes, she still sent Namine an exasperated look, because she didn’t have to act like _that_ about it. Namine ignored her, though.

“Right, right,” Ven said.

“Ocean’s a great place to sort your thoughts out,” Kairi offered. “So long as you don’t mind—oh wait you can dry off with your wind powers, so, forget that.” How could he mind having to waste all the time they’d just spent drying when he’d dried himself off immediately after getting out of the water? Kairi wished she had cool wind powers.

“Maybe I’ll take a walk at least,” Ven admitted, after a moment. He pushed himself and headed off to do so.

Kairi watched him go, then turned to Namine.

“Hey, speaking of people acting strange,” she said. “Have you like… noticed anything about Sora this past week?”

Namine slowly shook her head. “No, but I also haven’t seen him at all. He skipped our last, uh, whatever it is we do.”

“Isn’t that the second time he’s skipped?”

“Yeah.”

Kairi put her head in her hands, letting an exasperated and disappointed groan roll out of her throat, because she knew very well why Sora would have skipped. “Sorraaaaaaa,” she moaned. Why were he and Kano _like that_?

Namine laughed a little, probably understanding just as well as Kairi did.

“Anyway, is… something wrong with him?” Namine asked, concerned.

“Well…” Kairi made a face. “Not like, as seriously as what might be up with Aqua,” she clarified, first of all. “He’s just? Ugh I dunno, it feels like he’s _hiding_ something, and I have no idea what it is!”

“Hmm.” Namine tapped at her chin, eyes narrowing further in concern. Then she pulled her finger away from her chin, gestured at Kairi. “You weren’t able to pry it out of him?”

Kairi shook her head. “I mean, I barely tried yesterday,” she admitted. “Granted, he’s allowed to have secrets, I guess, but!! This one seems like it’s literally killing him, and I’m a little worried.”

“Well,” Namine said. “If he comes over tomorrow like he’s supposed to, I can…?” She stopped and hesitated here, looking uncomfortable for a moment. “Well, _I’m_ not going to try and pry anything out of him, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled and let you know if I notice anything.”

“Please,” Kairi said.

Namine gave her a thumbs-up. Then she turned and craned her neck in the direction Ven had gone, which Kairi knew was pointless. He was well out of sight.

“Well… now what?” Namine asked.

Kairi thought about it for a moment, then got to her feet. “Hang on,” she said. “I’ll be right back.” Because gosh _darn_ it all, what was a trip to the beach with Namine where they didn’t get the chance to dance to their favorite songs? She was going to grab her CD player.Oh but, first she gathered up Kano’s wayfinder before it got lost or stepped on, returning it to her bag. She could finish it tonight. For now: dancing.

With a star shard in her pocket, it took literally two seconds to drop Kano’s wayfinder off at home—just to be _extra_ safe—and grab her CD player. Namine lit up at the sight of it when she returned.

“ _Yessss_ ,” she said, jumping to her feet. Kairi laughed and set the thing up.

They danced for… probably an hour, before Ven joined them again.

“Dance with us!!” Kairi said, thrusting her hands out in his direction, wiggling her fingers.

He raised his eyebrows, then pushed her hand away. “Pass.” He laughed, good-natured, but there was a weight on his shoulders. “I think I’m gonna go talk to Aqua now, actually. Pretty sure I figured out how to get her to like, listen, at least.”

“Oh!” Kairi pushed down the quiet but persistent bubbling of disappointment in her gut. It was hard to be offended when that was his reason for turning her down.

“I hope it goes well!” Namine said, smiling warmly at Ven.

“Me too,” Kairi agreed. “I’d uh, offer to go with, but I don’t think Aqua’d appreciate it.” Nor did she even think it’d be useful. It wasn’t like she’d be able to sense if Aqua being manipulated. Well, probably not.

Ven laughed again, a little louder this time. “Yeah, probably not,” he said. He scratched at the back of his head, then smiled. “See you tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes!”

He set off, the whole flashy affair where he opened a portal and summoned a cool set of armor and turned his Keyblade into a glider. Kairi watched, feeling a little jealous like always. She knew you had to be some kind of special brand of Keyblade wielder to do that, but man. It was _so cool_.

Namine tugged at her arm, though, before she could wallow in the jealousy too much. Kairi registered that the song that was playing was one of her favorites. She grinned as she took Namine’s hands again.

It was hours before they went home.


	107. In which Ven just absolutely beefs it

It took Ven longer to get a moment with Aqua than he wanted, seeing as she had a post-training shower (understandable) and actually Ven needed a shower too (how did he have sand in so many places??). And then he doubted there was going to be enough time before dinner to actually have a conversation of any sort, so… It wasn’t until after dinner that Ven finally had his chance.

He plopped onto the bed next to her as she got settled to do sewing again (that had to be at least the third pair of sleeves she’d prettied up), curling up deliberately by her side in hopes to evoke memories of simpler, more vulnerable times. Times when they’d actually been open with each other. (That was just as much his fault as it was hers, admittedly. But… everything about Vanitas was much too much to share, and Ven didn’t think anyone else needed to shoulder the weight of the ache that gnawed at his heart. No one else would understand it. Aqua might even be disgusted by the knowledge.)

Anyway, maybe this was manipulative of him, stepping into the scared-younger-brother role like this, but he’d kind of run out of other options.

“Something up, Ven?” Aqua asked, on cue. Her voice was as gentle as it would have been all those years ago, before the Mark of Mastery exam, before their lives were torn apart.

“Worried about Terra,” Ven mumbled into the bedsheets, making his voice intentionally small.

Aqua was silent for a second, as if hesitating. That was off-script.

“Me too,” she said, finally.

Ven swallowed. Hard to tell anything from two words. But her hesitance made him uneasy.

“Hey, pretty soon we’ll get to punch Xehanort in the face, at least,” Ven continued, turning his face so his voice wasn’t muffled. He tossed a hopeful note into the comment. “Make him pay for all he’s done to us.”

“Yeah.”

Ven squinted up at her, but from this position it was hard to see anything on her face. Just ‘ _yeah_ ’, though? Something was _definitely_ up with her.

“You think you can save Terra?” he asked.

“Well, that’s what I’m working on, isn’t it?” Aqua replied.

Ven sat up. He fixed her with a serious glare—not that he had intended the conversation to go like this, but he was too frustrated at her disinterest (both in this conversation and in the overall matter!) to not comment on it.

“Are you, though?” he pressed.

Aqua scrunched up her face as she turned to actually look at him, surprised and insulted. “H- _hey_ ,” she protested, weakly.

Ven didn’t stop. “Like, I get it! The whole thing with Sora and Kano is kind of intimidating, but last I checked you weren’t practicing _anything_ for this fancy new technique you’re supposed to learn.”

“It’s- It’s a hard technique to practice!” Aqua argued, sounding a little like he’d caught her off guard. Good. Maybe that’d help.

“Yen Sid definitely had _something_ in mind when he said he’d start training you,” Ven argued right back.

Aqua scowled. “Well he taught me the basics, but I’m not sure he had any other plans after—”

“Maybe you should ask him for more help?” Ven suggested.

Aqua turned her head away.

“It’s _important,_ ” Ven pressed. “Don’t you want to save Terra?”

“I _do!_ ” Aqua insisted.

“Then why don’t you _act_ like it!?”

“ _Ven!_ ”

Ven sat back on his heels, running his tongue over his teeth for a second. Maybe that’d been a step too far, but he was finding it hard to care. His heart was pounding in his ears, frustration boiling so thickly in his veins it was hard to breathe.

“Look, I don’t care if you can’t figure out the Kano problem!” Ven continued. “You should be working to save _Terra,_ so why are you putting it off? Do you really not want to confront Xehanort now? Do you think you aren’t ready? I think you are!”

Aqua fixed her gaze on her sewing, even though she wasn’t actively doing it anymore.

“I just don’t want to mess it up,” she whispered.

Ven cocked his head.

“What?”

“I only get one chance, with Xehanort,” Aqua answered, a little louder. Her voice was steady, determined, but there seemed to be a profound weight on her shoulders as she spoke. “I have to split Sora and Kano first, to make sure I even can. Because, what happens if I try it on Xehanort and it backfires? It backfired on Roxas.”

“Well,” Ven began in protest, but fumbled for what to say after that.

(Why hadn’t Aqua told him any of this sooner?)

Aqua took another breath, then she looked up at Ven, smiling a tired smile.

“I’m working on it, okay,” she said. “Can’t you trust me?”

Ven hesitated. It hurt, that she had to ask that. It hurt, that he wasn’t sure he could.

She wasn’t acting like herself. Kairi said it could be the darkness, and _that_ Ven certainly didn’t trust. Aqua had been “working on it” for nearly two weeks now, besides. It was hard to trust, when he could see she wasn’t trying.

Ven closed his eyes.

“I want to,” he whispered. “But… this isn’t like you, Aqua.”

“What isn’t?” she pressed, inquisitive.

Ven opened his eyes again to meet hers, deep and blue and… more rested than they had looked ever in recent memory. He took a breath to collect his thoughts again, to remember what he’d decided to say on the beach. (He was so off script, now!)

“You’re… not passive,” Ven said, shaking his head just at the thought. “You’ve never in your life idled.” If asked to pick a word to describe Aqua, _workaholic_ would be towards the top of his list. “You throw yourself at every problem until you’ve figured out your way through it, never faltering—”

“Yeah, and maybe that’s a stressful way to live!” Aqua interjected.

Ven stopped and bit his lip.

She… had a point there.

And maybe telling her to go back to being stressed would be… a bad thing to do. If it wasn’t infuriating, it’d be funny that just last week he was worried about her _over_ working herself.

But…

“I just feel like you aren’t taking this seriously,” Ven said, deciding to be honest, for once. His voice came out a little raw, a little pained. This was the heart of the problem, the thing that ate at him more than anything else. The idea that Aqua wouldn’t take saving Terra seriously.

“What?” Aqua asked, as if she didn’t know. As if he hadn’t told her this very thing last week.

“The Terra thing! You know, _saving him!_ I think—”

He cut off. Maybe this was too far.

“What?” Aqua demanded, agitated in a way she hadn’t been in years. “You think _what_ , Ven?”

“You… aren’t acting like yourself,” Ven said, quiet, resolute.

Aqua’s eyes flashed with anger.

“You’re not me!” she spat. “So how should you know!”

“Because I’m your brother? Because I’ve known you for ten years now?” Ven shot back. “And I _know_ this isn’t like you.”

Aqua slammed her sewing down on the bedside table. “Well _maybe_ I’ve decided I want to be someone else!” was her rebuttal, her eyes sharp, teeth showing in her sneer. “ _Maybe_ I’m tired of being stressed all the time! _Maybe_ I finally realized how nice it is to just slow down. Isn’t that a _good_ thing?”

“Well, yeah,” Ven stammered, because it was. He sat even further back on his heels, scowling to himself, feeling a little lost. This isn’t how he’d meant for anything to go at all. “It’s just—”

Aqua didn’t give him the time to explain himself. She just got to her feet and stalked towards the door.

Hastily Ven turned and caught her hand. “Aqua, no, hang on,” he said.

“What?” Aqua asked, sharp, biting in a way she normally wasn’t.

But she let him tug her back towards the bed—Ven couldn’t have pulled her over with his own strength if she hadn’t allowed it—so… she couldn’t have been _too_ upset. Right?

“Look,” Ven said. And then he swallowed and took a nervous breath to steel himself for what he was about to do. He pushed himself up on his knees, easily her height now, and reached out towards her. She let him take her head in his hands, even bowing into his touch. Her eyes were screwed shut and her mouth a thin line, but she let him. “Just…” Ven said.

This was probably a bad idea, but Kairi’d said maybe it was the darkness, hadn’t she? And if there was darkness in Aqua’s head, well, Ven’s veins were filled with light. Maybe he could do something…?

He closed his eyes. Took another deep breath. Then he tapped into the light that filled him and poured it into Aqua.

It… didn’t go as well as he’d hoped it might.

The light poured into Aqua, but he had no idea how to channel it or where to channel it to, no idea how to make it do what he wanted. He knew the basics of magic well enough to tie the power to his wish, but—

Aqua recoiled and shoved him away after only a second.

“VEN WHAT THE FUCK!?” she screeched. Her eyes were wild with anger, face contorted in pain. “ _Ow_??”

Ven fell backwards onto the bed, magic still tingling on his fingertips. His heart roared in his ears, terror clutching at his chest. He hadn’t accounted for this backfiring. Hadn’t accounted for hurting Aqua instead of helping her. Hadn’t accounted for how _angry_ Aqua would look in the aftermath, how _betrayed_.

“Sorry I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I was just trying to help—”

“What in the _worlds_ would make you think that was even a _little bit_ a good idea!?” Aqua demanded, voice hot.

“I don’t know Kairi mentioned something about the darkness manipulating you maybe and I thought that I’d, try and get rid of it??”

Aqua slammed her hands onto the end of the bed, leaning her weight forward to tower over Ven. “I think I’d _know_ if I was being manipulated, Ven,” she hissed, her eyes filled with a terrible sharpness. “Seeing as I’m a _Keyblade Master_ and all.”

“Well, yeah,” Ven said. He was too busy thinking about how badly he’d messed this up and how little he’d thought this through to realize that Aqua had never in her life lorded the Master thing over him. “Yeah sorry yeah I- I guess I wasn’t thinking. I’m just worried about you?”

“Ven? I’m _fine_.”

Ven swallowed. “I mean. Yeah I guess.” Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe Kairi’d been wrong. “Yeah, sorry.”

Aqua pulled her weight away from the bed with a slowness that was sharp and calculated. Ven had stopped looking directly at her, his gaze fixed on the dresser in front of him as his thoughts spun wildly with regret. He didn’t see the last, furious look she shot at him. He just saw her leave the room. Heard the door click shut.

This hadn’t even gone close to how he’d wanted it to.

 


	108. In which Terra has a nightmare, and Aqua does not

Xehanort stepped into his heartspace, because Terra had called him here. Normally he didn’t listen to Terra’s pleas, but then, Terra rarely ever actually called out to him. And this time… there was something different, _desperate_ , about Terra. Xehanort had the time to humor him. So here he was.

Their shared heartspace immediately shifted to his will the moment he set foot in it. Whatever comforts Terra had been trying to create for himself here vanished, and a sweeping white filled it, until the two of them stood in what looked to be a grand castle. Xehanort admired his handiwork for a moment, then summoned a throne for himself and settled down it. On the nose? Perhaps.

But Terra needed to remember his place.

And, it looked like the boy did.

He was on his knees before the throne, head low. He’d been like that when Xehanort got here. Good.

“Well?” Xehanort asked.

“Please,” Terra begged. “Please please please, not Aqua, anyone but Aqua.”

“Oh?” Xehanort said, amused. “Since when did you have a say in the matter?”

“ _Please_ ,” Terra repeated. His voice trembled with it, and so did the heartspace, the weight of his desperation making the very foundation of where they stood shake. “Please, please, I’ll do- anything. Anything.”

A generous offer. What a pity to receive it now.

“You have nothing left to give me, Terra,” Xehanort said.

“Please.”

“And you can’t change my mind, either,” Xehanort continued. “Aqua is a threat, and a prize too valuable to ignore.”

Terra’s head snapped up.

The heartspace trembled again, but this time with the ferocity of Terra’s anger. The weight of his rage evoked the sense of hot winds blowing across them, the smell of rust. The castle Xehanort had summoned flickered, and for a moment was replaced with something brown, arid; a barren wasteland—until Xehanort’s will took over again, smothering out the strength of Terra’s desperate wish for a Keyblade he’d left to rot.

Xehanort laughed in the wake of it all, as Terra got to his feet, face red, eyes burning. He moved towards Xehanort with purpose.

“If you don’t leave her alone, I’ll—”

Xehanort didn’t have to move at all. A simple thought was all it took for ropes of darkness to shoot out of the growing shadows in this room, and another thought to command them to hold Terra back.

“Do what?” Xehanort asked, his smile growing slowly wider.

Terra struggled, but to no avail. The darkness snaked tighter around his neck and chest, wound itself around his arms.

“Fight me?” Xehanort continued, satisfaction burning in him. “With the little strength you have left to your name?”

The darkness holding Terra pulled him down, forcing him to his knees before Xehanort. Xehanort grinned from ear-to-ear, leaning back in his throne.

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

**xxx**

 

_Aqua breathed a sigh of relief as her dream unfolded before her. The scenery was unremarkable, a grey mist and something indistinct to stand on. But Aqua’s attention wasn’t on the scenery._

_Her attention was on the man which was the source of her relief. Every time he showed up in her dreams, he seemed to bring a bubble of peace with him. Every horror and nightmare from her memories could not reach her, not if he was here. She was so grateful that he was visiting almost every night, because she wasn’t sure how long she could suffer through the hell her dreams were otherwise._

_Granted, she had survived nightmares worse than this for what was apparently seven straight years, and this time she DID have reprieve from them in the waking world, but…_

_She thought bitterly of the way Ven had been treating her recently, and the stunt he’d pulled earlier this evening._

_It wasn’t exactly like the waking world wasn’t as much of a reprieve as she’d like it to be._

_Anyway._

_“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, as she sat down next to the man. Maybe she’d already told him that. She couldn’t remember. All she really remembered about their meetings was that they left her waking up well rested._

_He turned to her, looking a little surprised. “I’m glad you don’t mind my help.”_

_Aqua squinted at him._

_“Why… would I mind it?”_

_He shrugged._

_“Just got the feeling you preferred to do things on your own.”_

_Aqua looked away, scowling as she turned that over in her mind. It wasn’t… true. Or, she didn’t think it was. Because she DIDN’T prefer to do things alone. She just… didn’t want to be a burden to other people, not when she should be strong enough to handle most of these problems herself._

_Problems which, she supposed, should include these nightmares. But…_

_“It’s not like you’re real, though,” she argued to the man sitting beside her. “You’re just something my subconscious has cooked up to protect me.” At least, that was her best explanation for him, and the familiarity and ease she felt around him. He did not remind her of any single one person, but rather many of them. Like her subconscious was taking bits and pieces of people she loved and using those bits to create something new for her._

_Even now, she realized, as she met his gaze again—_

_His eyes were the same warm brown that Terra’s were._

_He got a curious expression. “What if I… was real,” he said, cautiously. “How would you feel, if I were someone who had merely stepped into your dreams? Would you want me to stop?”_

_Aqua blinked. Hesitated._

_Hated to admit to herself that the answer was ‘no’._

_But she couldn’t really deny that, either. Even if she should have been strong enough to handle it, the last thing she wanted was to dream of herself being trapped in hell again, especially not every time she closed her eyes. Why would anyone want that?_

_She studied her new friend carefully, though, trying to see if she could see anything untrustworthy in his face._

_“Who are you?” she demanded, not for the first time._

_He smiled. “A friend, I promise—”_

_‘No, Aqua! AQUA!!’_

Terra’s voice.

Aqua dragged herself back into consciousness, because that’s where she thought the voice was coming from. She blinked against the light that shouldn’t be in the room, trying to see what the source was.

It was Terra’s wayfinder, glowing softly on the bedside table.

Aqua picked it up, squinting at it, even though the light hurt her eyes.

‘ _Aqua!’_ came Terra’s voice, a second time. There was an urgency in it. ‘ _Listen… …can’t… …he’s…_ ’ His voice cut in and out, whatever he was trying to say indistinguishable. _‘Please, you can’t—’_

His voice cut out completely. The wayfinder went dark.

Aqua squinted at it a moment more, wondering what she should do. She thought about calling his name, but got the feeling it wouldn’t do anything. It hadn’t in the past. So why bother now? Her eyes flickered over to where Ven should be asleep, then remembered he wasn’t sleeping in here tonight. Bitterness filled her again. She all-but slammed Terra’s wayfinder back onto the bedside table.

 _Maybe Ven is right,_ a part of her mind whispered. _Maybe you should—_

 _Sitting here and asking Terra’s wayfinder questions isn’t going to do anything!_ she told it firmly. She flopped back onto her pillows, pulling the blankets up around her with a vengeance and squeezing her eyes shut.

She surrendered to the cradle of sleep gladly.

 

**xxx**

 

Kano had been awake for barely ten seconds before he registered a burst of joy and fondness from Sora’s half of their shared mindspace, joy and fondness that was directed _specifically_ at Kano’s presence. Kano reeled as the weight of it washed over him before Sora seemed to get a hold of it. This had happened… nearly every morning for the past week, actually, but Kano still thought it was kind of really weird. This morning he decided to say something about it.

 _Geeze, that happy to see me?_ he asked, and he asked with a laugh, trying to play it off as more casual than the matter actually was.

Sora became flustered for some reason. ‘ _Well, yeah_ ,’ was his response. He paused a second, before repeating. ‘ _Yeah_.’

He felt like he was going to say something else, but he didn’t. Which was basically how every conversation with Sora this past week had been going: Sora saying less than it felt like he wanted to. Which was also less than he normally did.

A tight, pot-about-to-boil-over feeling filled Kano’s senses, not for the first time. Why was Sora _like this,_ lately?

Honestly, Kano was starting to get concerned, because Sora had been acting all weird and jittery for like a week now. Not to mention that thing in the heartspace, which felt weird to call a problem, but still nagged at Kano. The way Sora was less affectionate than normal. The way he seemed to be holding himself back and that was _weird,_ because Sora was often so casual and careless with his actions but now he seemed to be restraining himself—an effort that seemed to be killing him—

But that was probably a different train of thought entirely, and Kano really shouldn’t reminisce on how he ached for a closeness he and Sora hadn’t shared since last Wednesday, either. At least not where Sora could hear him do it.

Anyway.

He’d talked to Namine yesterday (a nice conversation, all things considered, even if immensely unexpected) and he’d promised her and himself that he’d try to talk to Sora again about this mess. Because maybe if he didn’t half-ass the question Sora’d actually tell him something.

So.

 _Hey Sora?_ he said, and hoped it didn’t sound too confrontational.

‘ _Yeah?’_ Sora answered, having gotten out of bed and begun getting dressed in the time it took Kano to go down all of his winding thought-trails.

_You’ve been blocking off a FUCK ton of thoughts from me lately. What gives?_

Alright, more accusatory than he’d been aiming for, but at least it seemed to catch Sora off-guard. Sora was generally a lot worse at hiding things when caught off-guard, Kano’d noticed. Sora didn’t say anything right away, just put a shirt on with unnecessary gusto as guilt bubbled up within him. The jittery ‘ _want to but can’t want to but can’t want to but can’t_ ’ that kept slipping through the cracks of the blocks he’d put up seeped through again, and making Kano feel a little guilty as well.

So: _I mean I guess you’re allowed your privacy,_ Kano amended, hoping to soften the blow of his words even though it was probably too late for that. _But I’m starting to kind of get worried about you._

(“Starting” was an understatement, but being overtly sappy aloud made Kano uncomfortable. Sora could keep that territory.)

‘ _Um,’_ Sora said, clearly stalling. ‘ _Guess I’m just… uh… anxious about getting split?’_

It wasn’t… a lie, at least as far as Kano could tell. But it definitely didn’t feel like the whole truth. Or even the actual answer to the question Kano’d asked.

(But, hey, Namine’d said Sora was hiding this from everyone, not just Kano. So Kano did his best to squash down the pang he felt in him at being lied to.)

 _Then… maybe you should ACTUALLY ask Aqua?_ he suggested, because at this point he doubted he’d get the truth out of Sora even if he tried. He knew Sora. Knew how single-minded Sora could be. Knew how tightly Sora was keeping whatever this was bottled up. The effort was so great it was making Kano feel sick, too.

‘ _You know she’s been dodge-y lately!’_ Sora countered. He hesitated in his doorway before leaving it, probably wanting to finish the conversation before he had to interact with his mother.

 _Yeah, well, ask her straight out today, instead of trying to wait until after training!_ Kano said.

Sora hesitated, but:

_‘…Yeah. I’ll try that.’_

_Breakfast first, though,_ Kano said. At least Sora wasn’t fighting so much on this point, anymore.

Sora laughed a little bit, fond and something else, something burning that Kano still couldn’t quite define. ‘ _Breakfast first,’_ Sora agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [for the conversation Kano mentioned having with Namine, check out this ASAS chapter!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11164197/chapters/33360336)


	109. In which Sora and Aqua have a, er, discussion

Sora star-sharded right to the room in Mickey’s castle that had been set aside for his training, because it was just easier at this point. (If Mickey _really_ wanted to say hi to him, then he knew where he was!) Aqua was already there, waiting for him, which had also become routine. Similarly routine was the way Kano became distant as soon as they set foot in this world, because being here still made him uncomfortable. Sora didn’t mind, though. Honestly, after all this time, Sora barely noticed.

“Oh! You’re a little early, Sora,” Aqua said by way of greeting. She seemed pleasantly surprised, at least. She placed her current sewing project on the small table beside the chair she was sitting in. This room _had_ been empty of furniture when Mickey’d first handed it over to them, but since training lately had consisted largely of heartspace things, they could afford to dedicate a corner to a place where Aqua could sit in the mornings while she was waiting for Sora to arrive. Even when they were actually drilling forms, they still could afford that corner.

Sora shrugged and kind of laughed instead of answering, because explaining to Aqua that he was early because he’d rushed breakfast to avoid what was definitely going to be a prying conversation with his mother would be much too much work. And the less time he spent thinking about it, the less chance there was of Kano overhearing _why_ he didn’t want his mother to start asking him prying questions. (It was just, after the conversation he’d had with her, and the way he’d been acting lately… but he couldn’t discuss the fact he had a crush when his crush lived inside his head!!)

“You ready to start?” Aqua asked, getting to her feet.

Sora coughed and cleared his throat. “Actually, um, I had a question I wanted to ask first.” He shoved his star shard back in his pocket, tapped his toes against the ground.

Rather than joining Sora in the center of the room, as she’d been heading to do, Aqua stopped halfway there, as if his question had caught her off-guard. Her face clouded with confusion, like she was off-script and didn’t know how to keep going. But after she’d blinked a few times, she answered:

“Um, sure!” Her voice was charming enough, but the positivity seemed a little forced, and her smile contrasted with the furrow of her brow.

Discomfort bobbed up and down in Sora’s throat. Part of the reason he hadn’t asked sooner is because of this exact reason, because asking seemed to make her unbalanced. It was hard to navigate a conversation with her when she got like this.

Sora steeled himself to press on anyway, because he couldn’t sit on the things boiling in his chest much longer before Kano found out, and—

It was selfish of him, really. But he wanted this to be easy.

He wanted the complications of bodysharing out of the way.

“The thing is, like, it’s been a month,” Sora said. “So I was wondering how things were going on the splitting me and Kano front?”

“I- I… well…” Aqua stalled on the words though, her brow furrowing further, and the attempt at a smile on her lips fading out.

Feeling antsy about her stalling, Sora hastily tacked on: “I mean it’s not like you have to have things figured out! I was mainly just wondering if things were gonna be figured out maybe, uh, soon? Not that it _has_ to be soon of course!!”

A snort from Kano passed along their link, because apparently Kano thought all this backpedaling was _funny_. Sora’s face twitched in a partial glare before he could contain himself again. Between Kano’s laughter and the distinct awareness of how embarrassing this probably was, a heat rose to Sora’s cheeks. He just didn’t want to upset Aqua more than he apparently already had—

But she was scowling, wasn’t she?

Sora gulped. He’d already gotten this far, though, so:

“I guess I’m just wondering if you have any timeframe at all,” he finished. That seemed concise.

“No, I don’t.” Aqua’s answer was sharp enough it startled Sora, the sudden edge in her tone, and the way her eyes—narrow and frustrated—fixed completely on him instead of his general direction, as she tended to look.

“I? O- oh,” Sora stammered. He swallowed again, confused, a little nervous. Even if Aqua had seemed off-balance before now, they were still barely two minutes into a conversation. What had he _said_ to make her so upset all of a sudden? Was this a sore spot? Well, she was already upset, so he went ahead and pressed on: “Do you think we should like… maybe try again? Vexen has things all ready to go, and maybe this time you’ll—”

“No.”

There was that heat, that distress in her tone, still.

Sora blinked.

“Why not?” he asked, not understanding.

“It’s not like it’s easy magic!” Aqua countered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

At this, Kano predictably flared up with a bunch of alarm bells and general feelings of discomfort, but Sora was used to navigating those, and didn’t understand why this was a problem enough to back down.

“Can’t you just stop if you think it isn’t gonna work, like last time?” he asked. “Plus I said I’d be a training dummy if you wanted!”

“‘Training dummy’ doesn’t work for magic like this!” Aqua stepped forward, angled towards Sora as she spoke. Her cadence and the fire in her suggested she was used to having arguments like this, used to _winning_ arguments like this. Conviction burned in her eyes, something grim weighing down her words as she said: “If I mess it up I mess _you_ up for good.”

Sora took a step back and held up his hand in surrender, to placate Aqua and Kano both. (Kano was _screaming_ about _okay hey listen maybe there’s another idea we could try then I don’t want either of us getting hurt_ —)

“Okay, okay!” Sora said. He admitted he didn’t like the sound of getting his heart permanently ruined. “Is there anything else I can do to help, though?” he pressed, impatience getting the better of him. “How familiar do you think you are with Kano—”

Aqua laughed, a short and bitter thing, then rolled her eyes.

“Not _nearly_ enough,” she said.

Sora swallowed. “Oh.” That wasn’t comforting at all. He ducked his head down, disappointment bubbling up thick in his throat. “It’s been like… a month, though,” he whispered. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but he already had, and—

“Sora as far as I can tell you two have almost identical signatures,” Aqua spat, her tone suggesting that was somehow _his_ fault. “And when the two of you are both literally inhabiting the _same physical space?_ It gets all muddled, okay?” She ran a hand over her face, eyes wide, frustrated.

Sora nodded, admitting silently that okay maybe he _was_ expecting too much of her powers, especially since he didn’t know the first thing about how they worked.

“We could… try having Kano front more?” he suggested, offering up a shrug. He had no idea if that’d help, but maybe it would and, and—“Kairi was talking about how we should be doing that anyway…”

“I don’t think it’ll make a difference!”

“Okay okay, geeze! You don’t have to yell at me!” Sora sidestepped so Aqua couldn’t back him into the wall if she decided that was where she was going with this. Given the anger on her face, it was hard to say. “I’m just trying to _help_!”

“You could help by just giving me some _time,_ alright?” Aqua spat, her eyes burning as she tracked Sora’s movements. “This isn’t really a kind of magic that’s possible to learn overnight. I’m doing my best! Sorry it’s _taking so long._ ” Her words were sharp, biting, sarcastic in a way she normally wasn’t.

Sora blinked, confused, but also his blood was curdling with frustration and discomfort, tired of having to listen to this. Kano was a firm knot of agreement, itching to do something a little more drastic, but Sora settled for an equally biting:

“Sorry I’d thought it’d be faster!”

There was a moment of silence, as those words hung in the air. Then Aqua straightened, eyes narrowing and lips curling.

“Is that all?” she asked, like how dare he ask so much of her to begin with.

Something angry and ugly reared its head in Sora’s gut. He had to take a second to wade through it—to try and comprehend _this whole thing that was happening right now_ —before he could make his mouth move.

“Yeah,” he said. “And uh, you know what? I think I’m just gonna. Go.”

Why would he want to stay here, when Aqua was being downright ridiculous?

“Fine!” Aqua said.

Sora closed his hand around the star shard in his pocket, and gratefully let himself be yanked away.

 

**xxx**

Sora’d been gone maybe thirty seconds when Aqua realized herself. Shame crystalized in her chest, because she’d sure messed up that conversation for no good reason at all, hadn’t she?

“Fuck,” she said. And then again, louder, for good measure. “ _Fuck!_ ”

She pressed her hands to her eyes and sunk to her knees, taking jagged breaths. She was _distinctly_ aware now that something was wrong, here. Something was off, in her chest, and maybe it had been for a while.

A memory of Ven’s voice played back in her head. _“Kairi said something about the darkness manipulating you—”_

Aqua readjusted how she was sitting. Pulled her legs under her. Cross-legged, back straight, eyes closed. Careful breaths to steady herself. _Clear your mind,_ a ghost of Eraqus’s voice whispered to her. _Push away the clouds of worries and distractions._ She was never very good at this mediation thing—certainly never as good as Ven was—but she had pushed herself to grasp it, because she was a Keyblade wielder, a _Master_ now, and it was important. And she needed to know.

She let herself plunge into her heartspace. It took a little bit of work to reach it, but then, it had been a very long time since she’d last visited. (Of course it had been. She hadn’t until recently had the luxury of knowing her body would be safe while she left it unattended.)

Blues blossomed to life before her; a lake still as glass, a perfect sky above. She was sitting on a pier, bare feet in the water. There was a kind of stutter before hills took shape around the lake, making the image reminiscent of something from her childhood home. Despite the stillness of the lake, it showed no reflection.

Aqua took a deep breath, letting the clear, sharp air fill her nostrils.

Everything _seemed_ fine, but then, maybe she was exerting her will a little too strongly. She pulled it back her intentions, stopped wishing so fiercely for things to be exactly as she wanted.

And so things shifted.

The lake remained, as did the pier, because this was the shape her heartspace had taken for a long while now. But the hills vanished. The perfect blue sky became clouded, a storm brewing but not yet breaking. The lake started showing reflections again. Aqua tried not to look at those—but thankfully they just appeared to be memories and worries playing out on the surface, and not the one thing she dreaded to see most.

(She’d have to be careful. Yes, it would take a lot of willpower to force her heartspace to conjure _that_ specific demon into physical form, but… She knew if terror gripped her too strongly she might exert enough will for it without meaning to. That would be a real mess.)

Aqua closed her eyes so the images on the lake’s surface wouldn’t distract her. She reached out with her senses, searching for darkness, for something foreign.

And… there _was_ darkness. Shadows clinging to the edges of this lake, the edges of her heart. A certain coldness in the air that set her hairs on end.

But it was hard to say whether or not this was… normal?

It wasn’t like her heart had ever been completely clean of darkness—only the Princesses could pull that off, or someone like Ven, who’d had it stripped away from him through unnatural means—and this darkness around her seemed more… abundant, certainly, but not foreign in any sense of the word.

The storm above her seemed kind of unnatural, though. She’d never seen that before.

But then, it was hard to say how much of it had changed to reflect the way her heart had changed, after nearly ten years of being away…

…she was never going to figure out anything like this.

“Alright,” she said, and opened her eyes. She hopped off the pier and landed in the water, which came up to her thighs. “Let’s try something else.”

She forced her will upon her heartspace again, guiding it in a way she hoped would make searching easier. There was nothing but her and the water, now. No pier. No sky. Just the warm void that cradled the heartspace. If something was wrong, it would have to manifest itself within the lake. A rock too sharp, perhaps. Or maybe weed that would catch her by the ankle. As it was, the water had already turned inky black.

Aqua set her jaw and waded in.

 

**xxx**

 

She found nothing.


	110. In which Sora's tired of waiting

Sora landed on Destiny Islands and immediately plopped down in the sand, taking a heaving gasp of air to try and control himself and maybe calm back down. There’d been no good reason for Aqua to act that way, but more than that, _oh_ more than that… Anger bubbled up hot in him, tears burning in his eyes, as the reality of what Aqua’d just told him and what that _meant_ washed over him.

Aqua had no idea how to help.

She hadn’t even been trying.

It could take her ages to fix this.

Sora hugged his knees to his chest and banged his head against them, once, twice. _Damn_ it all, he’d been so stupid to think that talking to her would fix everything! He’d hung all of his hopes on actually managing to talk to Aqua, except apparently she was never going to be able to split him and Kano, and how was he supposed to live with that? How was he supposed to _deal_ with that? What was he going to do about the burning, bubbling things that churned and churned within his chest? Could he really sit on them another week, another month?

(Almost definitely not, but that didn’t mean he was ready to let any of it out right _now_.)

‘ _Sora?’_ Kano called, but Sora didn’t hear him through the white noise of anger and despair that reverberated through his mind.

This was so _stupid_. Now he had to wait who knew how long until he could _actually_ touch Kano—well. Okay sure, he could hold Kano’s hand in the heartspace and all that other stuff, but he couldn’t do those things literally every second of his life, which he kind of wished he could. He wanted to feel the callouses on Kano’s fingers pressed into his skin forever. He wanted Kano to be sitting right here next to him. He wanted to be able to do things like play video games with Kano, go swimming with Kano, show Kano his favorite nooks and crannies of this island. But he couldn’t do any of those things.

Unless…

 _Unless_.

Lighting up with excitement, Sora took a breath and fixed his position, straightening his back and folding his legs under him, letting his hands fall to rest in his lap. A sense of sharp determination settled over him. Even though furious tears still stained his cheeks, he did not feel like crying anymore.

He dove into his heartspace.

It _trembled_ around Sora, as it formed, a leaf in the wind of his frustration and determination.

Kano stumbled in to meet Sora here a second later, eyes wide and the chord of their link tight with panic.

“Sora—” he began.

“Hang on,” Sora told him, closing his eyes to focus. Doing would be easier than explaining. “I want to try something.”

“Try what…” But Kano didn’t even need to finish the question before he understood. “Sora come on, you’ve tried changing this place a million times before, and it hasn’t worked yet! What’s it got to do with anything, anyway?? Do we really need t—”

He cut off, because it was then that Sora’s heartspace _shifted._ Sand exploded from Sora’s position, racing outward until it met the crashing waves that rolled in from the other direction. In snappy, shaking motions, trees and other familiar landmarks burst out of the ground. The sharpness of Sora’s mood made the transformation less like the careful brushstrokes of creation and more like the act of furiously throwing paint at a blank paper, except the paint was still snapping in position to form the picture he wanted. It _worked._ But elegant, it was not.

His heartspace settled with a trembling exhale.

What was left was a near-perfect replica of the play island. There was even a sky above their heads instead of the usual warm cradle of darkness, though the sky was filled with grey clouds. Sora _wished_ for there to be sunlight instead, trying to push the idea into existence, but on this, his heartspace refused to budge.

Oh well. Considering everything else he’d managed to do, Sora guessed a bunch of clouds hanging in the sky weren’t _that_ big of a deal.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Kano breathed, jaw slack as he took it in.

Sora took it in as well, spinning around once to really get a look at all of it. Pride and a thrumming excitement bloomed in his chest. They were standing on the smaller island with the paopu tree, close enough that Sora would bump right into it if he took a step away from Kano. The paopu fruit were dangling from the tree in ways that seemed more tempting than they were in real life, and Sora scowled at them for a moment. Were his thoughts _really_ that obvious?

He did his best to put them out of his mind and turned back around to Kano, who stood about three feet away.

“Why don’t we forget about the Aqua mess and chill for a while,” Sora said, grinning wide. “We’ve got a whole beach to explore now!” All their other problems could wait, at least until he was in a better mood.

“Uh,” Kano said.

For some reason, he didn’t seem as excited.

“What?” Sora asked.

Kano shrugged. “Well I just. I dunno. It’s really cool that you did this and all and I’m, like, really happy for you! But…” He folded his arms across his chest, tapping his fingers nervously against his elbow. He wouldn’t look at Sora directly. “What’s so special about a beach? Pillow forts were fun…”

Sora stood there and stammered for a moment, not sure what to do in the face of Kano’s disappointment. He’d already made the beach, though. And he couldn’t tell Kano what this was really about.

“Well,” he said, then had to swallow to get his throat to work. He tried to swallow his agitation, too. “Well, look, I wanted to spend some time on the beach with you, alright? And you heard Aqua, it’s not like we’re gonna get split any time soon! So…!” Sora cut off there, not certain enough of how he intended to end that to find the words for it.

Kano fumbled for a moment, too. “It just… feels weird to explore a fake beach…?” he protested, weakly. Why was he protesting?

Sora scrunched up his face at him. “Yeah well, I don’t _get_ to explore the real one with you!” he countered. He tried to sound like it was only about the beach. But that was stupid. And Kano probably wasn’t going to let himself get dragged along with that. Sora closed his eyes. Exhaled. Opened them again. “But I guess if you want, I can just. I can change it back.”

“I… I mean…!” Kano stammered, like that wasn’t what he wanted either. He looked lost.

Sora sighed and pressed his hands to his temples. This was. Stupid. He was stupid. He’d just wanted to forget about the weight of the reality he faced now, and spend some time with his- his— _crush? (Yes, but.) Boyfriend? (No, no, come ON Sora, seriously.)_ —with. With Kano. But what he should have done was dunk his head in the ocean for like an hour and clear it with a nice long swim. _Honestly_. This idea had been so stupid, and—

Kano cleared his throat.

When Sora looked up at him, Kano’s face worked like he was trying to swallow something that tasted particularly disgusting. But then his expression settled. He met Sora’s eyes. Kano’s golden eyes glinted in ways they hadn’t since when they’d had separate bodies to begin with. It brought a sense of unease to Sora’s gut.

Kano cocked his head to the side.

“I just don’t see what the problem is with waiting,” he said, and it was light, curious, like this wasn’t a big deal at all.

Sora knew Kano was probably just baiting him, but he couldn’t help it. The anger in him boiled over, and so did everything else.

“I’M TIRED OF WAITING!” he snapped. His heartspace trembled with it. “Look, I get it! Maybe I was expecting too much of Aqua! Maybe I was a fool to think things would be solved quickly!!”

He sliced his hand through the air, which made the sand at his feet split as if he’d struck it. Kano didn’t even flinch. He stood there, unmoving, his face expressionless as he watched Sora. That was almost as infuriating as everything else.

“But don’t you _see_ , Kano,” Sora shouted, “what the problem with waiting is!? We could wait a week! We could end up waiting three months! Or we could wait a _year_ for Aqua to get her shit together!! And I’m _so sick_ of sitting around and _waiting_ to do things until we have separate bodies so- so—!”

He caught himself before any more could spill out. Kano kept watching him, silent. Sora’s vision blurred at the edges, the frustration he was feeling threatening to make him sick, his chest tight with it. There were _so many_ things he was tired of waiting for, so many things he couldn’t tell Kano. Not yet.

The thought made him want to burn. There was an _ache_ in his bones, thinking about the distance he had to keep putting between them, physically and in every other way. There was a boiling feeling in his belly, a tension that wanted to pop. There were so many things he wanted to say. Wanted to do. With Kano. _To_ Kano. He wanted to be able to touch Kano again and have it not be weird. Wanted to trace the edges of Kano’s jawline with his fingers, and— And dammit now he was just thinking about how badly he wanted to take Kano’s face in his hands and kiss him on the lips even though he was probably really bad at kissing, because Kano made this cute little sound when he was startled and Sora wanted to feel that sound against his throat, wanted to startle Kano good and silly with the weight of his love, but.

Now…

Wasn’t the time, was it?

Not when he was so angry he could cry.

Not when he hadn’t figured out _how_ to tell Kano, yet.

Not when he wasn’t even sure how Kano’d respond.

Not when—

“Sora,” Kano said.

Sora dragged his eyes back to Kano, his spine slowly going rigid. He breathed carefully into the stillness around them. Kano’s face had gone from expressionless to suspicious, a _weight_ heavy on him. Sora wondered, terrified, how loud he’d been thinking. His mind already spun for ways to backpedal out of this, but—

“ _Sora_ ,” Kano said again, his voice tight, pained. “Finish that thought.”

Sora blinked a few times, anxiety a knot in his throat.

Kano took a step towards him, eyes burning.

“You know which one. I need you to say it aloud.”

Desperation flowed across their link, desperation and confusion, thick and suffocating like sludge. Sora did his best to shoulder through it, pain striking at his heart as he made himself look Kano in the face. He laughed, empty, frustrated at himself, but. There was no way he could back out of it now, huh? Not without making things unbelievably worse.

Kano deserved better from him, anyway.

Kano deserved a lot of better things.

“Fine,” Sora said, and he laughed in surrender. Honestly, he’d been a fool to think he could even keep it hidden this long. “You’re right. You deserve to hear it. I wanted to wait until it was easy—” It wasn’t a good excuse, it wasn’t an excuse at all, but Kano still deserved the explanation. “—wanted to wait until we had separate bodies. But I guess that was selfish of me, huh?”

Kano didn’t say anything. He just watched.

Sora let out the breath he’d been holding, let his fondness fill his smile, let it out.

“Listen, I like. I love you, Kano. Like I _really really_ love you.”

It wasn’t eloquent, but it felt right. Good.

But.

Kano reeled back, hands flying to cover his face.

“No no no no, fuck. Sora. I can’t- I don’t deserve—”

This frantic refusal, along with the sludge of something much worse than Kano’s earlier anxiety sliding across their link made Sora’s heart ache, but honestly? He’d kind of expected both things. And he wasn’t about to back down, either. Not after coming this far.

He stepped towards Kano, leaning into his space.

“Fuck that,” he said. “Fuck it! Who cares if you don’t deserve it! Love is about choosing, and Kano I choose you, I _have_ chosen you, ever since you showed up in my heart and told me that you were sorry!”

Kano stammered something unintelligible, still shaking his head. Sora took another step towards him, pounding at his own chest. The heartspace absolutely quaked around them with the weight of his passion.

“I _keep_ choosing you, Kano,” Sora said, tears pouring down his cheeks. “I chose to keep you around, I chose to defend you against Kairi and everyone else because I chose to believe you, chose to trust you, chose to become your _friend._ And I’m not- I’m not saying this to like, guilt you or anything. I would never! I just. I want you to _realize_ , because I don’t think you do. Because I know I didn’t, until really recently, understand how much I keep choosing you. But I do. Every day. Every day, Kano, I keep choosing you because _I love you_.”

He let down some of the blocks in his mind so Kano could _feel_ it, really feel the weight of his love. Letting down the blocks was like clouds breaking, like sunlight pouring down on him as the entirety of Kano’s presence filled his awareness. He tried to push some of that sunlight Kano’s direction. Kano shuddered. Sora was certain he was crying, too.

“I, fuck,” Kano said, his hands still covering his face. “Sora… I _can’t_.”

“You can’t as in you actually can’t, or as in you still don’t think you deserve it? Because I could go over that again, if you’d like,” Sora said, voice tilting as he teased just a little bit.

Kano laughed, at least. It sounded a little helpless, uncertain, but the things flowing across their link weren’t like sludge anymore.

“How could I ever deserve you?” Kano asked. Sora could feel him grinning.

Emboldened, and not sure if there even was a better way respond, Sora finished crossing the distance between himself and Kano. Carefully he pulled Kano’s hands away from his face, holding them in his own. He loved how Kano’s callouses felt against his skin.

“Kano,” Sora whispered. “Kano, do you want it?”

Kano hesitated. His eyes were still closed.

But then he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, voice choked. “I do.”

“Then forget about whether or not you deserve it.” Sora’s voice was quiet, gentle. His chest was throbbing with how badly he wanted Kano to take this, for himself, for the both of them. Sora could deal, if Kano didn’t, and he understood, if Kano couldn’t. But he still ached for Kano to say yes. “Choose it,” he whispered, voice shaking. He gripped Kano’s hands tighter. “ _Choose_ it.”

Kano hesitated again.

His breath seemed to be caught in his mouth. Similarly the air caught in Sora’s lungs. He’d be fine, if Kano said no. But he might get sick on anticipation if Kano didn’t answer soon.

Kano exhaled. Swallowed.

He opened his eyes and met Sora’s.

“Okay,” Kano said. “I do.”

A grin broke on Sora’s face, and he jumped with joy. He might have fist-pump into the air if it hadn’t required letting go of Kano’s hands.

“Yes! Yes!” he shouted. He giggled with relief and mashed his forehead against Kano’s, relishing in the closeness he had denied himself for a week now. “Ohhhh thank you, Kano, thank you. That makes me so happy.”

Kano laughed. He seemed bewildered, and exasperated. But also… a thread of thrumming enthusiasm burned along their link.

“Man, are you really that excited about it?” Kano asked. “Did you really, honestly think I’d say _no_?”

“Honestly Kano, I had no idea,” Sora admitted. He closed his eyes and breathed in Kano’s air, grateful for this outcome, grateful for this weight to be off his chest. Joy filled him to bursting.

Kano let out a sharp laugh, amazed. “When have I ever stopped loving you?” he whispered, voice tinted with a quiet kind of reverence, a note of helplessness, like he hadn’t known anything else for a long time.

The sound, the words, the _feel_ of them echoing in Sora’s heart brought a soft, fond smile to his lips. But still: “Well how was I supposed to know you definitely still did?” he countered, gently.

“We share a heart, Sora.”

“Yeah, well!” Sora met Kano’s exasperation with as much earnestness as he could muster. “Maybe you were still conflicted about it! Maybe you still wanted some time to sort things out! I know you haven’t always felt great about the whole loving me business.” He pulled away from Kano then, not too far—the thought of moving too far away from Kano _now_ was laughable—but just enough to properly judge the look on Kano’s face. Sobering worry washed over him. “You are like, okay, right?” he asked. “I don’t wanna rush you. And if you think you still need some time—”

“I thought you were tired of waiting,” Kano argued, fond. Sora found nothing but exasperation still written on his face. That was good. That was _really_ good.

“It’s… different, though,” Sora argued in return. “If it’s you. If it’s waiting for you. I could wait forever for you to figure things out, I think, but I definitely couldn’t have waited much longer to let you know that I love you.” Just saying the words again made a smile break across his lips. Sora absolutely adored the way they tasted in his mouth. “It feels so good to say that??” he said, giggling with his awe.

Kano rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were pink, and he was smiling, too. Ugh, he was so _cute_.

“I’m so glad you said yes,” Sora continued, mashing his forehead against Kano’s again. Warmth blossomed in his chest. He was so glad he could just _do this_. “And I’m like, proud of you, too? That didn’t sound like it was easy.”

“No, honestly, I’m still absolutely terrified.” Kano leaned into Sora despite his declaration of terror, leaned into Sora like he didn’t want to be anywhere else. He squeezed Sora’s hands tight. Sora squeezed back.

“Haha, me too,” he agreed.

Kano hummed slowly, a noise of either delight or uncertainty. Sora wasn’t quite sure. Both things burned across their link, though the delight was like a fire. Sora wanted it to consume him. “Where do we even go from here?” Kano asked, his tone wistful, a little bit scared.

All Sora could do was offer him a shrug. “Dunno,” he said. “But we’ll figure that out together, won’t we?” He grinned, then sent reassurance and excitement across their link because Kano’d probably have trouble seeing it on his face from this position, and like hell he was going to pull away again. “‘Sides, we’d never discover how good this could be if we didn’t take the risk to begin with.”

Sora was certain of that. And now that he’d gotten past the terrifying first step, he found he was really, _really_ excited to discover how beautiful he and Kano could build this thing between them. Like the most amazing pillow fort. No, _better_ than that.

“Guess so,” Kano admitted. He laughed, light, nervous. “I’m glad… I’m glad…” he began, but couldn’t seem to find the words. Half finished thoughts fluttered across their link, most too rapid for Sora to catch hold of. _I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad you’re you. I’m glad for the second chance—_

A broken laugh fell from Sora’s lips, surprised and reeling under the sudden weight of Kano’s gratitude. He opened his mouth to say something, but then Kano found his words.

“I’m glad… that if I had to be anyone’s Shadow, I’m glad I was yours,” Kano said, carefully, as if each syllable had been picked out because it was a precious gem. “And I’m glad… you’re you? Because like, so much of what- of what _we_ are couldn’t be- Wouldn’t have happened if…” He stammered on it, his emotions catching up with him. When he spoke again it was choked. “Sora you’ve done- so- so _much_ for me?? It’s so stupid. You didn’t _have_ to.”

Sora was surprised to find Kano was crying. Sure, tears of joy still streaked Sora’s face, but Kano’s tears now were real and heavy with frustration. “Oh Kano, _Kano_ ,” Sora said, shifting to grab Kano by the shoulders and hold him tight. “I _wanted_ to!”

“That’s what’s so stupid!!” Kano protested. He pressed a hand to his eyes, leaning away from Sora now. “I don’t. I just don’t…” He fumbled with saying it, but the thought was clear. _I still don’t see how you could ever like—let alone_ love _—someone like me._

“Kano…” Sora whispered, his heart breaking, just a little. He wondered if he could ever make Kano see what an actually wonderful person he was. He was determined to try. Even if it took the rest of their lives.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Kano said quickly, maybe sensing some of Sora’s dismay. “I _want_ this, I really do, it’s just…” He pulled away from Sora the rest of the way, then dropped to the ground, sitting like he was exhausted. He held his face in his hands.

Sora watched, worried, but Kano seemed to finish gathering his thoughts before Sora could find the words to ask.

Kano sighed, long and slow. He lowered his hands to look up at Sora. The look was tired, but there were traces of excitement in his eyes. “It’s gonna take a lot of getting used to,” he explained.

It wasn’t the first time Kano’d said that to him. Sora didn’t think it’d be the last, either.

He smiled fondly down at Kano, then joined him on the ground. “Okay,” he said. “I get it.”

Kano smiled gratefully in return. “Thank you, Sora. For everything.”

“Hey, no problem,” Sora told him. He leaned forward, delight thrumming under every inch of his skin. Honestly, why had he waited to tell Kano he loved him? This had gone _wonderfully._ “Thank _you_ , Kano.”

Kano blinked, bewildered. “For what?”

For a lot of reasons, Sora admitted to himself, but mainly…

“For being you.”

Kano smacked his hands to his face again, and he laughed loudly in disbelief. Sora let him for a moment, then pressed:

“I mean it.”

Just in case Kano didn’t think he did.

Kano let his hands fall into his lap, taking a deep breath to ease his laughter. He looked at Sora with warm eyes. His cheeks were the most beautiful shade of pink.

“I know you do,” he said. He nodded, then repeated with feeling: “I _know_ you do.”

Kano’s attention dropped to the ground, and he sat there, looking contemplative. Sora allowed him that, knowing he needed it, and stifled their link a little to also give him some extra privacy to work things out. Oh, but first:

“You want me to change this place back?” Sora asked.

“What? Oh,” Kano said, looking up. He shook his head. “Nah. I mean, later, for sure, because I think the beach is an awful place for pillow forts but. For now I just want to… sit here… enjoy _this_.”

(He was talking about much more than the beach, Sora was sure.)

Sora grinned. “Yeah,” he said, leaning back and bracing himself on his hands behind him. “Me too.”

The waves beat against the shore below them, beautiful and soothing. A weight had been lifted from Sora’s chest, and a sense of joy still seemed to hang in the air between them. Sora loved Kano. And Kano knew he did. And everything was good.

The sun shone down on them from a clear sky above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! [here's a fanmix](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/173712696225/its-about-choice-a-soshad-mix-1-hiding) (with a bunch of art in the booklet) to commemorate this Very Important event!! and if you wanna hear me gushing about this kind-of-a milestone, then pop on over to [the atr110 tag!!](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/tagged/atr110)


	111. In which Aqua visits Castle Oblivion

_“I think something might be wrong,” Aqua said, to the man sitting next to her—her friend._

_They were sitting on a pier, feet dangling above the surface of lake below. Weird, that they had shown up here, this time, in this dreamlike echo of her heartspace. She cast her gaze up to the sky, curious, but could not see whether it was clouded or clear. Grey fog blocked her vision. A deep sense of unrest sat in her bones._

_Her friend laughed, a gentle laugh. “You’re fine, Aqua,” he told her. “You’re doing your best. Anyone asking more of you is a fool.”_

_Aqua turned and considered his warm smile for a moment, and then let her gaze fall to the water below. Her hands rest on her knees, clasped together tightly. A million things turned over and over in her mind._

_“…I think Ven and Sora might be right, though,” she argued, quietly. “At least a little bit. I have… let this fall to the side, haven’t I?”_

_“If you say so,” her friend said. He didn’t sound like he agreed at all, but what did he know? He was almost certainly just a figment of her imagination._

_“Maybe I should do something about it,” she whispered._

_She swung her legs above the water. Let her thoughts settle in her mind. Ven was right, in that she wasn’t putting as much effort into this as she should. Sora was right, in that she could always stop an attempt to split Kano from his heart, should she feel too uncomfortable to go through with it._

_So maybe…_

_Maybe tomorrow, she’d try._

**xxx**

Sora was very excited, to say the least. Honestly, he seemed to be in a much better mood than Aqua had seen him in a while, though Aqua also had to admit she couldn’t remember with much clarity if he actually _had_ been in a worse mood, barring yesterday. She felt like the answer was yes, but then again, all the memories and days blurred together in her mind. Oh well.

There wasn’t time to be thinking about it anyway, because then Sora was dragging her to go get Kairi. (Since it was early in the morning, she was still on Destiny Islands.) Sora swore that Kairi would kill him if he didn’t, so, alright. Whatever. Aqua wondered briefly if she should bring Ven on this endeavor as well, but then, what did it matter? Splitting Kano from Sora wasn’t really _that_ exciting, and what good would it do for Ven to come along? Aqua supposed he could be moral support, but, really. She was fine.

Aqua didn’t hear much of whatever conversation Sora and Kairi had—honestly, she didn’t think they’d tried to include her—and then the next thing she knew Sora was grabbing her hand again and whisking her away with a star shard.

They landed in Castle Oblivion.

Aqua’d been told about this place, of course, and she _knew_ the truth about it, but… Knowing the truth was much, _much_ different than seeing it before her eyes.

She barely recognized the place anymore.

She knew she wasn’t supposed to.

They were standing in the middle of a very, _very_ large white room, in which white tables and matching couches were scattered and groups throughout. Aqua blinked a few times at the sight, trying to wrestle with the feelings churning in her chest, and the fog that had settled on her mind. She did her best to latch on to whatever it was Sora and Kairi were saying. They were arguing about arriving here? Sora wanted to arrive closer to… _what_? Kairi said she wasn’t sure how to get there. Get where?

The room was empty save for them. The castle _groaned_ under Aqua’s feet.

“Yeah and where are we supposed to find someone to—oh!” Sora cut off with a shout of surprise.

Aqua looked first at him, then at where his attention was fixed. She cast her gaze downwards. The floor beneath her feet was slowly blooming with color, a familiar pale yellow. Aqua stared at it for a few seconds before she understood.

She pulled out Master Keeper’s keychain from where it was burning in her pocket.

She’d kept it there ever since finding it in the Land of Departure, nearly ten years ago. She’d only used the Keyblade itself—Eraqus’s Keyblade—once. And that was to turn her home into the castle she stood in now, hoping to protect Ven in the act. Ven was safe. There was nothing left to protect. But…

“No, no,” she whispered to the keychain, clutching it tight, her eyes squeezed shut. “It’s alright.”

Her heart ached to see her home again, but… Sora had told her plenty about what Castle Oblivion was being used for now. Other people had moved in. She couldn’t take their home from them.

She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to.

The yellow faded from the ground. Aqua took a deep breath.

When she opened her eyes, she saw Sora and Kairi both gaping at her.

“What was _that_?” Kairi asked.

Aqua shook her head. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, lowering the keychain to her side. “Where are we going?”

Kairi looked like she was definitely going to keep worrying about it, but Sora at least answered Aqua’s question.

“We don’t, exactly, know,” Sora said. He sounded… kind of annoyed, but in a way that was both friendly and exasperated. “Navigating this place is pretty much impossible, and I’m not sure where Vexen is anyway, or where he’s keeping the body. Err, the vessel? Neither of those words sound great.”

“They sure don’t,” Kairi agreed, laughing and elbowing him. “But anyway, I came here a few times with Namine, and I _think_ I remember where 7’s office is. It should be within walking distance. _Or_ we could just see what the star shard can do, which we should have done in the first place—”

“Asking Riku might be safer, even star shards are weird about this place,” Sora argued.

Kairi opened her mouth to argue back, but Aqua interrupted.

“I have an idea,” she said. She squeezed Eraqus’s keychain between her fingers, and waved her left hand in front of her. An illusory map spread out before her, forming as a bunch of interconnected boxes. This only showed the rooms surrounding them, Aqua knew, though she also knew that if she reached a little further she could pull up a map of the entire castle if she desired. She had no idea if any of these rooms had any significance, but…

She tapped at a box three up and two right from their current position. A soft, pink dot started glowing on it. Just as she thought. It was strange to have her sixth sense augmented so sharply in this castle, but she knew for certain: there was someone in that room. She could feel their heart signature as well as if they’d been standing next to her, though she couldn’t say she recognized it.

“There,” she said. “We can ask for help.”

Again, Sora and Kairi fixed her with those gaping expressions. Kairi moved closer, peering at the map. “How did you…?”

Aqua just smiled and waved her hand again. The map vanished. “Really, don’t worry about it,” she said. It’d be easier not to explain.

“Come on, let’s just go!” Sora said, tugging at Kairi. Then he stopped. Looked at Aqua. “Wait, which way?”

“This way,” Aqua answered, taking the lead. Even without the map, she could feel in her bones the correct path to the room she’d marked out. And she could still feel the heart signature of whoever was in it like a beacon, despite the fact they should have been well out of reach of her senses.

The person turned out not to be Vexen, but one of his Replicas. Or… one of Even’s replicas? She thought Sora had explained it to her once, but she also knew Sora only knew the bare minimum about all this, so maybe he was… Well, anyway, it didn’t matter. The Replica offered to show them where they needed to go, and so they followed him. How _he_ knew where to go, Aqua wasn’t sure.

The fact she had to be lead through the remnants of her own home like she was a stranger in it was a very… unsettling feeling, to say the least. But even though she had a map, she had no idea what any of these rooms were used for now, who lived in them.

So she supposed she was a stranger here, after all.

She was pulled out of her thoughts again by Sora calling her name. She blinked, shook her head. Realized that they’d arrived at their destination while she hadn’t been paying attention. The room was filled only with two cots, a computer positioned next to each. One was against the far wall, the other on the same wall as the door, positioned to the left. Aqua was standing not three feet from it, Sora standing not far from her. Kairi had sat down on the closer cot. The Replica had vanished.

“7 went to go get Vexen,” Sora explained. “They should be back, like, any second I’m sure.” He cocked his head to the side a little bit, studying her with a brow furrowed in concern. “You good?”

Aqua nodded. “Of course.” She’d at least been _thinking_ about something while zoning out, so that wasn’t so bad. She started going through some breathing exercises to clear her head further, though, because this _was_ some powerful magic she was getting ready to perform.

There was a prickle of darkness against her skin, and then one of those dark corridors opened on the other side of the room. Out stepped Vexen, carrying a body in his arms. He placed it on the far cot, which was closer to him, and not occupied by Kairi.

Curious, Aqua took a few steps closer to the body, wanting a better look. It looked a little bit like a doll, human-sized, but with white skin and completely featureless. It wore the same cloak Vexen did.

“What’s with the cloak?” Sora asked. He stood right next to Aqua, peering at the body as well. Even Kairi had gotten to her feet.

“Well unless Kano desired to wake up naked,” was Vexen’s reply, touched with a hint of amusement. Aqua found herself smiling.

“Okay, that’s fair,” Sora said. “I guess I could have brought him clothes, but…” He was silent for a moment, then shrugged and in a quieter voice admitted: “Guess it doesn’t matter.”

“Not really,” Vexen agreed. He stepped away from the cot, then looked to Aqua. “Are we ready to go? There’s nothing else for me to do.”

Aqua blinked. “Oh,” she said. She nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay!!” Sora lit up completely, grinning wide. He pushed Kairi to the side. “Go sit back down, I don’t think it’s good if you’re too close to us.”

Aqua didn’t see the point in mentioning it didn’t matter _that_ much. Kairi was already sitting down again, laughing like she was amused. Vexen watched with fascination. Sora fell into position in front of Aqua, his eyes glowing with excitement.

Aqua took a deep breath and summoned Rainfell to her.

She closed her eyes.

Slid Rainfell into Sora’s heart.

It was still a maddening swirl of turquoise and red and gold, a mess she could not seem to solidify at all into two separate parts. She felt cautiously for the sensation of two heartbeats out of sync, hoping to find it and latch on to that.

It was difficult, though. More so than it had been before.

Today she seemed to be more aware than ever of the position she stood in, with her Keyblade in Sora’s chest, and the power this position granted her. It was dizzying; an urgent throbbing behind her eyelids. This proximity to Sora’s heart. The knowledge that she could do terrible, _terrible_ things to it…

It would be so easy to take Sora’s heart in her hands and break it, to break _him_ and Kano both beyond repair—and that scared her. The thought. The fact she was thinking it. Why would she think it? She would never _actually_ , of course. And yet.

And yet.

A voice in her head whispered.

“ _Do it. Go on. Do it!”_

It would be so easy, just a twist of her wrist, a push of her power. The act itself wasn’t that hard. The hardest bit was knowing the right spot to make the cut, was splitting the right pieces from each other. And…

 _“Who cares if it’s sloppy?”_ the voice asked, like a roar in her ears. Her head was pounding. _“It doesn’t matter. A pair of broken vessels is just as good—”_

She nearly did it before she caught herself.

Terrified, she yanked her blade out of Sora’s chest and let the power go, sweating and trembling.

What…

 _What_.

“Aqua? _Aqua_ ,” came Kairi’s voice, distant but urgent. Aqua blinked her eyes and shook her head to clear it, then turned to Kairi’s peering face. Kairi was almost the same height as her, and her eyes carried a weight no 15-year-old’s should. There was a worry. A familiarity.

“Sorry,” Aqua said. She banished Rainfell. Its imprint felt burned on her palm, in her mind. “No luck.”

“Forget that,” Kairi pressed, stepping closer to Aqua. “Are you _okay_?”

“I’m…” Aqua began, but had to stop. When she tried to gather up the truth in her mouth she came away with only an empty bubble of air. She remembered being terrified of… something. Of what? Nothing came back to her, just the terror. The thought of putting her Keyblade back in Sora’s chest to try again made her want to vomit.

( _But something in her itched to do it anyway. What did it matter? He wanted it done, he never said he wanted it done right—)_

Aqua shook her head again, sharply.

“Aqua?” Sora asked, now. He sounded just as worried as Kairi. Maybe more.

Aqua could not seem to find the words to describe her terror, so instead she answered, carefully picking each word: “I think… we should try again some other time.” There was a warring urgency in her chest, because now was fine, really, except now definitely wasn’t fine and the sooner she was out of this Castle the better. Something was very… _wrong_.

What was wrong?

Aqua swallowed and tried to fix her face so as not to worry anyone, because Kairi looked like she was going to start prying and that was the last thing Aqua wanted.

“You don’t look like you’re alright,” Kairi said. Aqua ignored her.

She redirected her gaze to the body lying on the cot to her right. There was something… worrying—absolutely fine, really, nothing was wrong—except yes something _was_ , something was…!

“Munny for your thoughts?” Vexen asked.

Aqua blinked. Right. She was staring at his creation. Of course he’d ask.

“I just…” she began, though she struggled to find the words. Nothing was wrong except even if nothing was wrong something was definitely a problem about this thing, about this thing being left out. “I’m worried about…” About what? Everything was fine. No, hang on. “You can put _any_ heart in this, right?”

Vexen paled, somehow. “Y… yes,” he answered, eyebrows furrowing together as he considered the vessel with a new expression.

“Isn’t that,” Aqua said, but rest of her thought died in her mouth. “It’s just,” she tried again, but couldn’t voice that one either. She blinked. Shook her head. “Never mind. Never mind, it’s probably not a big deal at all.” Everything was fine. “I’m not sure why I—”

“No you’re right,” Vexen told her. “I don’t know what I was thinking. If Xehanort got his hands on his thing…” He shook his head, looking sick. “Listen, Sora, I’m sorry, but I think I’ll have to destroy it. Until this Xehanort mess is over, I just feel safer…”

“I get it,” Sora interrupted, an understanding smile on his lips.

“No!”

Aqua did not realize it was her own voice that had shouted until everyone was looking at her. She swallowed. Her mind reeled. Why had she…?

“I mean,” she stammered, trying to recover. “You don’t- you don’t have to. I think I can protect it.”

She’d protected Ven, hadn’t she? At least until he’d managed to get up and walking on his own. And protecting it just seemed like the better course of action, for some reason.

Vexen laughed. “Really?” he asked, sounding not at all like he believe her. “And how so do you intend to do that, exactly? I doubt a handful of protection spells are going to do any good against Xehanort.”

“No, trust me,” Aqua said. “When I’m through with it, no one but me is going to be able to find it.”

“That’s all well and good, but honestly I think it’s better to overestimate Xehanort than to not,” Vexen argued, moving towards the computer and tapping a few keys on it as he spoke. “Really, it’s no big deal for me to destroy it. I can make a new one.”

Aqua smiled though, pained. “You… really have no idea what this Castle is, do you?”

Vexen’s attention slid back to Aqua, bewildered. He considered her much more carefully than he had before. “No,” he answered, but his eyes watched, hungry. Wanting to know.

Aqua could feel the eyes of Sora and Kairi on her as well. They wanted to know too.

She sighed. Making a big deal out of this was the last thing she wanted, but destroying the body seemed… silly. At least as long as she could do something to protect it. There was no way Xehanort would get his hands on it without her help, and certainly, that wasn’t going to happen. So.

“I need a room no one uses,” she said. “Surely there’s one of those in this castle, right?” Even if a fully-fledged Replica Program had taken its home inside of it, she knew how big this castle was. There had to be at least one empty room.

Vexen thought about it a moment, and then answered, with a slow nod: “There should be one just down this hall.” He stooped down to take the body in his arms.

“I can—” Sora began, but Vexen was already shouldering past him and out the door.

“Follow me!” Vexen called.

Aqua did, trying not to stare at Sora as she passed. He looked flustered for some reason, and staring would probably make him feel worse. He and Kairi both followed a moment later, anyway.

“ _Sora_ ,” Kairi said, her voice hushed.

“Don’t,” was Sora’s response.

Aqua knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but it was hard not to.

“Sora, honestly, why does it matter who carried—”

“It doesn’t. You’re right! Okay? Now shut up.”

Kairi sounded like she was trying to stifle laughter. “I can’t believe the two of you at any point actually thought I wasn’t going to notice, you’re so—”

“Just. Shut!”

Kairi laughed heartily. Sora grumbled something. Aqua contemplated asking, but by then Vexen was poking his head into one of the rooms. Only a second later he deemed it empty enough, and ducked the rest of the way in.

“If one of the Replicas here actually uses this for anything, then they’ll have to deal,” Vexen said. Aqua thought this a kind of harsh judgement, then she looked in the room. There was absolutely nothing in it, not even furniture. So maybe the judgement was fair, after all.

“Should we maybe… get a bed?” Sora asked, voice painted a little with concern. Kairi stifled some more laughter. “What! Is it _not_ kind of weird to just leave it laying in the middle of the floor? That’s weird, right?” Sora looked to Aqua and Vexen, pleading.

Aqua couldn’t say she had a strong opinion, but Vexen shrugged as well as he could.

“I suppose I understand that, but I think it’s going to be too much effort to drag a bed in here…”

Aqua decided to take pity on Sora. “Would you feel better if there was a bed?”

“A little bit,” Sora agreed, his cheeks tinged with pink.

“Alright,” she said.

She held out her hand and called for Master Keeper. It came without trouble, falling easily into her waiting hand. She’d only held it one other time in recent memory, and just like that time, its weight was all wrong, and it didn’t fit right against her palm. She tried not to think too much about that, instead focusing on the idea of a bed…

The castle shifted. A bed sprouted from the ground like a flower.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Kairi exclaimed.

“That’s so cool??” Sora said.

Vexen watched Aqua with eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How did you do that?” he demanded.

Aqua lowered Master Keeper, searching her mind for the best way to answer. “When one… finds an empty castle… It might be in their best interests to wonder why that castle is empty, and who might have lived there before.”

There was not necessarily a need to be cryptic, but it was… easier. To distance herself from it. To remain impersonal.

Vexen’s eyes widened with new understanding. “Is this…?”

Aqua shook her head, signaling she wasn’t going to be answering that question. Vexen didn’t seem satisfied, but finally he decided against pressing further. Aqua waited until he’d laid the body down on the bed, and then she motioned for everyone to leave the room.

“Quiet please,” she requested, and raised Master Keeper again, pointing it at the room that sat behind the closed door in front of her.

The key knew what to do more than she did. But Aqua channeled her power through it, channeled the key’s power around the room. She gathered it up, and then placed it… elsewhere. It was hard to describe exactly. But when the power tied itself off, the door vanished.

“Oh!” Sora exclaimed. And then: “How do you get in?”

“Um… like this,” Aqua answered, going up to the wall and placing her hand on it. Under her palm, the door existed again. When she pulled away, it vanished.

“That’s… fascinating,” Vexen said. “One more test. Not that I don’t trust you! Call it… curiosity. Hang on.” He opened a dark corridor beside him and went through. It was almost a minute before he returned through another one, looking a little dazed but also giddy. “I have no idea where I ended up. What did you _do_.”

Aqua shrugged. “I sealed it off.”

“Castle living up to its name, I suppose…” Vexen mused. He turned to Aqua, opened his mouth, then seemed to think better about whatever it was he’d intended to say. “I won’t ask,” is what he did say, though he looked like he wanted to. “I assume that uh, the three of you will be off, now?”

Sora nodded. “Yeah! Also unless you wanted to get some training in today, Aqua, I uh… have some plans.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, cheeks flushed again.

Kairi rolled her eyes hard. Sora dropped his hand and sent a nervous glance at her.

“Oh shit sorry are we still- are we still hanging out?” he asked. “Me ‘n Kano can go later.”

Kairi snorted. “No, no, it’s fine really,” she said. She sounded a tiny bit annoyed, but she was grinning widely. “By all means, go have fun on your date.”

Sora opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “It’s not a—” he began, but couldn’t seem to finish. Maybe that was just because he’d realized something. “Oh, wait, Aqua, do you need a ride home?” he asked.

“I’m… I’m fine,” Aqua answered. Taking the Lanes would be slower than a star shard, but she didn’t _need_ a ride, no.

“Actually,” Kairi said, “I’m probably going to go hang out with Ven anyway, since _someone’s_ too busy spending time with his _new boyfriend_ to hang out with his _best friend_.” She sent a pointed look at Sora.

Sora somehow blushed harder. “Listen!!! Look!! We’ll hang out tonight, okay? I’ll call you.”

Kairi pointed her finger threateningly at him. “You better.”

Sora pointed his finger back. “I will!” Then he pulled out his star shard, and was gone.

Aqua blinked a few times. Boy… friend…?

Actually you know what it wasn’t any of her business.

Kairi held out her hand. “Since we’re going to the same place, it seems silly not to, you know?” she said.

“That’s true,” Aqua agreed, and grabbed Kairi’s hand.


	112. In which we talk about Xehanort

After many weeks of thorough recon, Mickey had finally gathered all of the information he’d needed on Xehanort’s whereabouts, and so he called everyone to a meeting. The meeting was held at Aerith’s, because more than half Mickey wanted for the meeting already lived there. There were twelve of them, and they all stood around Aerith’s table (not having the room to sit), where Mickey was finishing notating a map Riku had dug up. Mickey stood on a chair, just so he was tall enough to see. On either side of him stood Leon and Rinoa, Aerith to Leon’s right, and Yuffie to Rinoa’s left. Cid stood at the end of the table by Yuffie and Rinoa, bracing his weight against the table. Ven stood at the opposite end, Aqua next to him. And on her right; Kairi, Namine, Riku and Sora, in that order.

Aqua hung back a little, arms folded over her chest. She’d tried peering past Kairi’s head at the map, but didn’t recognize the world it depicted, and the name wasn’t conveniently on it. Maybe Mickey had already mentioned—likely he had, otherwise Riku wouldn’t have offered to go get a map from wherever he apparently had one—but Aqua couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter. Surely he’d mention it again.

Mickey put down the marker he’d been using and cleared his throat. “Alright,” he said. The chatter in the room died down. Mickey fidgeted a little, his tail anxiously swishing back and forth. “As you guys have, uh, all figured out by now, we’re here to talk about Xehanort. I’m absolutely positive he’s stationed in the World that Never Was, so uh. Well. Now we just gotta figure out what we’re gonna do.”

Ah, _the World that Never Was,_ that’s what it was. Aqua’s eyes skimmed over the map again. It was incredibly impressive. Where had Riku gotten it?

“When do we plan to attack?” Rinoa asked. Aqua didn’t know much about her, but she looked… excited. Eager. Why would anyone be _eager_ about this? “I know it won’t be today, but are we talking tomorrow? Do we need more people? It’ll be twelve of us against one of him, but…”

“There’s three of him,” Leon corrected gently. “Still good numbers, but…”

“At the very least, I’d like to get a hold of Cloud and Tifa,” Aerith said, almost as if picking up where Leon trailed off—like it had been one thought split between the two of them. “It seems silly _not_ to count on them, and more numbers shouldn’t hurt.”

“Riku?” Sora asked, suddenly.

All eyes swiveled his direction. Aqua had to stand on her toes to actually see him, since he was bent over the map.

“Just marking the best places in this castle to have a big fight,” Riku answered, not looking up. “I mean, I know we won’t be able to ask Xehanort nicely to confront us at any of these places, but I figured we might want to keep it in mind. Could take a while, though, don’t mind me.”

“Thank you,” Mickey said, and then met Aqua’s eyes from across the table. “As for, uh, timing…”

“Oh,” Aqua said. Weight settled on her chest, then seemed to double as everyone else swiveled their attention to look at her instead. “Um. If we can afford it, I wouldn’t mind having another week, so I can practice.” The idea of facing Xehanort when she hadn’t yet successfully pulled off splitting _anyone’s_ heart terrified her, a little.

Mickey’s eyes got a little sad. “Sorry I volunteered you for this,” he said, and Aqua wished he wouldn’t mention it _now_ of all times, while ten pairs of eyes watched them. “If you… want me to…”

“No, it’s fine,” Aqua answered, trying to smile. Maybe it looked more like a grimace. “I really am the most qualified. I can figure it out, I just need some more time…” _Do you, though? Really?_ something in the back of her mind wondered, contempt sharp in it. _And if you want practice, you should just try and split Sora and Kano again—_

No, she really shouldn’t.

Yes, she really should—

“Do we _have_ the time?” Kairi asked, distracting her. “I know it’s been months since we last heard anything from Xehanort, but doesn’t that make you guys _more_ nervous?”

“Yes,” Aerith agreed, “but…”

“If he’s not doing anything we have to stop immediately, then a week of preparation shouldn’t hurt,” Leon finished for her.

“It’d be silly to go into the battle and not be able to pull of what we hope to accomplish, anyway,” Rinoa added. She was likely just trying to be logical, but the words made Aqua flinch a little, shame stirring in her chest. Maybe she _could_ do it just fine. She was more familiar with Terra’s and Xehanort’s heart signatures than she was Sora’s and Kano’s.

But terror still gnawed at her. She couldn’t afford to mess it up.

“So… should we be figuring out how to best hold Xehanort down while Aqua does her magic?” Yuffie asked, looking towards Leon for confirmation. “That’s what our job is, right? Supporting her?

“Yeah,” Leon said. “Well, everyone? What have we got?"

They started tossing out ideas, Stop magic and Seal Evil spells, but Aqua stopped listening. She should be comforted, knowing that the plan was to fight Xehanort together. Except… It was a strange, disjointed comfort, if it was a comfort at all.

Yes, she appreciated the support, and she trusted in their abilities as much as she _could_ trust in the abilities of a bunch of strangers. But that was the thing. They were all strangers to her. Strangers except for Ven (who she hadn’t talked to in days, who didn’t even share her room anymore), and Mickey (who had put this weight on her shoulders, and he was _right_ to, really, but), and Sora (who she barely knew outside of training him, who she barely knew even inside that). They were all strangers, gathering to fight a man they hated and feared, none of them but her here to save a man they loved.

None of them but her, with the power to save him.

And even then, she barely had that power.

“Hey!” Sora’s voice, loud, urgent, drew Aqua out of her thoughts. How long had she been distracted? A minute? Five? Sora wasn’t talking to her though, just addressing the table with concern. “Okay do we like, have to worry about Xehanort doing any mind games? What’s the plan for that?”

“Obviously,” Riku answered, “remember that our friends and family love us. It’s not more complicated than that. Is it?” He looked around, daring someone to challenge him. His eyes burned like he knew he was right.

“It’s… really not,” Mickey admitted, with a shrug.

“It is the most important thing to remember,” Aerith said, nodding. “That we aren’t alone in this.”

Aqua had to bite her tongue to hold her bitter laughter in her throat.

She was alone, though.

She was very alone.

 

**xxx**

It felt like it took ages for everyone to finally clear out. Aqua at least left in a hurry, but people kept asking Mickey questions, and Riku and Leon spent like ten minutes debating on whether or not Riku needed to ask anyone from the rebellion for help with Xehanort. Finally, though, it was just Leon and Namine left in the dining room. Namine ran her left thumb over her right hand, the action soothing as she tried to find the words to speak.

“Is there something you need?” Leon asked, pushing the last chair into place at the table again.

“Um,” Namine said. Her heart was firmly lodged in her throat, and it was hard to speak. “I was just thinking…” She shifted her hands, furiously running her thumb over her knuckles instead. “That, um, me going isn’t really going to do any good? I mean I can’t fight, exactly, and my support spells are kind of sub-par, so I think I’ll probably just get in the way more than I’ll be of any help…”

She didn’t _want_ to fight, either. The thought terrified her. But articulating that just felt selfish, so this was her excuse instead. She _would_ be useless, though. If not for lack of even halfway decent fighting skills, then because her terror would make it impossible for her to do anything. That had happened, a month or so ago, when Xehanort had gone after Riku and she’d ran instead of facing him. What was to say it wouldn’t happen again?

She’d expected Leon to be disappointed, but instead he smiled kindly at her.

“Hey, that’s no problem,” he assured her. Then he turned his head towards the kitchen. “Hey, Cid?” he called.

Namine’s eyes darted in that direction as well, anxiety burning hard in her chest. Why was Leon calling for Cid? What was Cid going to do?

Cid put down whatever he was doing in the kitchen—Namine hadn’t looked long enough to see what, darting her eyes down again almost immediately—and came to join Leon and Namine in the dining room. He clapped his hand against Namine’s shoulder.

“Then we won’t go!” he said.

Namine blinked and looked up at him. He was beaming.

“What?”

She can’t have heard him right.

“We won’t go,” Cid repeated. He squeezed her shoulder. “Me ‘n Leon have already talked ‘bout this. Or, ‘bout me stayin’ behind, anyway. But I’d appreciate the company if you stayed too! We can make some soup ‘n some coffee, maybe drag out some cots—I mean, ideally no one gets hurt, but best be prepared, y’know?”

“Y… yeah,” Namine said, not entirely following. She swallowed. “Shouldn’t you. Shouldn’t we go, though?” she asked. “Like I feel bad, about… not…”

Cid took a step back from her, folding his arms over his chest. “Look, Namine,” he said. “Whether or not me ‘n you go isn’t gonna make much a difference in that fight, not with the numbers they already got. But us stayin’ here, ‘n gettin’ things ready for when they come back? That could make a world’s difference! So it’s an obvious choice, if you ask me.”

“I…” Namine whispered, unsure. But… he had a point, didn’t he?

“We can be useful without fighting, Namine,” Cid continued. “Anyone can be.”

Namine found a smile slowly breaking across her face.

“Y- yeah,” she said. She looked up, nodding. “Yeah.”

Cid grinned at her. Leon gave her a thumbs-up.

“That help?” he asked.

“Loads,” she answered. The anxiety sitting on her chest seemed to have vanished entirely. Knowing that she didn’t have to face Xehanort… that no one _expected_ her to? Having something to do other than sit out and feel guilty? These were wonderful things. She felt lighter. A little bit excited.

This way… yes. She was certain she could help. And that felt _good_.


	113. In which Aqua makes a questionable decision

_Her mirror shoved her against the wall, hands wrapping around her throat. “What do you think you’re doing!?”_

_“I—” Aqua tried to protest, but it was hard to think past the jarring pain that resounded through her skull from the impact._

_“That’s right! Nothing!” her mirror spat. The hands at her neck were tight and freezing cold, so cold they burned. “Even though everyone’s depending on you!” Her mirror’s eyes glowed with hatred, fingers tightening their grip. Contempt dripped from her voice. “Come on! Stop letting them down!”_

_“I’m trying,” Aqua wheezed, scared and furious that she was having nightmares AGAIN. She ached for the piece of her subconscious that had protected her from them. Maybe… Maybe she really was too weak to face these things alone, after all._

_And if it really had been some outside force, helping her?_

_Well, maybe she’d pushed him away too._

_“You aren’t trying hard enough,” her mirror snapped back, one hand reaching up and yanking a fistful of Aqua’s hair, pulling Aqua’s head back. “Shouldn’t you have figured it out by now?!”_

_Tears burned in Aqua’s eyes, from pain and fear both. Failure loomed over her like a shadow. If she messed this up—_

_Fuck._

_She couldn’t mess this up._

_Because, what if she couldn’t save Terra? What then? If she failed when it was the real deal, Xehanort would kill her. Or worse, she’d lose Terra forever. Or worse yet, what if she messed HIM up? What if SHE was the one responsible for breaking his heart beyond repair?_

_“They’re all counting on you! Terra’s COUNTING_ _on you!” her mirror shouted, shaking her._

_“I know, I know!” Aqua cried. “I’m sorry!”_

_“Are you not going to save him!?”_

_“I’m trying!!”_

_“DO YOU WANT TO FAIL HIM?”_

_No, she didn’t, but she did not feel even a little bit confident that she wouldn’t, somehow._

_“I’m sorry!” she wailed. “I’m sorry—!!”_

Consciousness came to her sharp and fast. Aqua lay in bed, paralyzed for a moment by fear. Once her mind had realized that her mirror was not there and she wasn’t in danger, despair cracked across her, rage boiling up in her belly. She rolled over to the empty other half of the bed and buried her face in what had once been Ven’s pillow, and she _screamed_.

What was she going to _do_?

 

**xxx**

“A spar?” Sora asked, blinking at her, bewildered.

Aqua nodded, certain. “With Kano,” she repeated, in case they’d missed that part.

“You sure that’s a good idea…?” Sora said, looking a little anxious. “I mean, last time we sparred… you know…” He didn’t want to say it, but then again, he didn’t have to. Aqua remembered the outcome of that well enough.

Honestly, it _should_ worry her. She couldn’t exactly promise that that thing in her mind wouldn’t fracture again, couldn’t promise she wouldn’t get stuck on auto-pilot. But somehow, she couldn’t find it in her to care.

This needed to get done. So she’d get through it, one way or another.

“It’ll be fine,” she told Sora. “I think it’ll help me understand Kano a little better.”

Sora hesitated a few moments. “Hang on,” he said, and then his eyes got that faraway look he got when he was holding a conversation with Kano.

Aqua stood and waited, the light from the window they stood in front of filtering across her skin. The room was completely empty—she’d moved her table and chair out of it in preparation. She stood there and she listened, poking at the hearts in Sora’s chest. She paid close attention to the ebb and flow of darkness and light as Sora and Kano interacted, trying to feel it out, trying to feel out from this distance where one ended and the other began. Then the darkness in Sora’s chest seemed to bloom, eclipse the light. Not completely. But more that it usually did.

“Alright fine,” Sora said, but there was something about the tilt of his voice and the harshness of his tone that was different. “Kano here. Let’s do this.”

Aqua blinked in pleasant surprise. She’d expected more arguing. “Great!” she said, then stepped back to put a reasonable starting distance between them. She called Rainfell to her, assuming her stance. Kano slowly mirrored her actions, slouching as he did so, like an offended cat. His posture was _awful_ , and she had half a mind to scold him about it, but he wasn’t her pupil. It was interesting, besides, how something so simple as taking a battle stance could be so different from Sora’s.

He seemed surprised to see Sora’s Keyblade in his hand when it came, but only for a moment. Had he expected his own Keyblade? Did he have one? He stood differently than Sora did, shoulders lax and Keyblade held at his side in one hand, rather than both hands holding the blade in front of him. His left hand twitched, energy gathering around it like he wanted to summon something but couldn’t make up his mind. Aqua tried to pay attention less to the visuals and the way that energy was linked to his heart. It was… a different kind of energy than that a typical spell would gather.

Aqua’d intended to make the first move, but now she wanted to see Kano finish whatever magic he’d started. The way it resonated with his heart was fascinating, telling. She wanted to feel more of it.

“Your move first,” she told him.

His eyes widened in surprise, and he hesitated. But then the energy in his fingertips coalesced into something solid, energy pulling from his heart and into the physical world—a string of chains which he twirled and then snapped at Aqua like a whip. She brought Rainfell up to block the blow, then laughed in surprise when the chains deftly wrapped themselves around its length. She pulled against them, but they remained fastened, and she could _feel_ the energy that held them there, the energy that called back and forth between Kano’s heart.

This was more telling than she could have hoped for.

Kano tugged on his chains, but if he honestly thought he could yank Rainfell from Aqua’s hands then he really must not have been paying any attention to any of Sora’s lessons. It took little effort to will Rainfell to stay where it was, and stay it did. Kano scowled. Aqua ran at him.

If she couldn’t break free of the chains, she’d have to work with them.

Kano yelped. He hastily moved backwards, his chains falling loose to untether him from Aqua. His footwork was sloppy, and his eyes darted around like he was making sure he had the room to retreat. Was he uncomfortable in close-ranged combat?

Good. Then it’d be easy to overwhelm him.

It took her a moment to test the waters, to get a feel of his patterns. He kept retreating, each block just a shield to back off behind, clearly preferring the options long-distance gave him for magic and his chains. Those sung through the air as he kept snapping them at her, but she dodged carefully. The hum of their energy and the way they moved told her that if she was any slower or Kano fighting any harder, they would catch her. He seemed to be moving them telekinetically. The way they resonated with his heart—with only HALF of what she could feel nestled within Sora’s chest—was something she definitely needed to look into. Later. When this was done.

Time to pick up the pace.

It really was an unfair fight, but then, she wasn’t aiming to be fair. She was aiming to overwhelm him. Heavy blasts of magic to make sure he had nowhere to safe to run. Constantly pushing into his personal space with rapid strikes of her blade. Soon he had no room to attack, forced to defend both from explosions of her magic and making sure she didn’t cut him open. (She wouldn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.)

Maybe she was pushing harder than she should have. But it was a thrill in her bones, and she took sharp, careful note of the way his heart responded, the way it flared up against her senses with panic. His blocks were sloppy, desperate, a little too slow. Good. Very good.

“Hey, uh, you okay??” Kano asked, voice edged with worry as he tried to keep up. No wonder, Aqua supposed, considering the single-minded ferocity she was moving towards him with, Rainfell clashing against Sora’s Keyblade even as he asked after her.

 “Just fine,” she told him, smiling. She cast careful blasts of Blizzaga alternating on either side of Kano, so that he couldn’t slip off to the side, like she could tell he was definitely itching to do.

Kano’s eyes narrowed. “Then what the FUCK?” he snarled, teeth bared in a way that was unnatural on Sora’s face.

Aqua could explain, but that would ruin everything.

“What, can’t take a little heat?” she taunted. Triumph flared to life in her chest, as his back hit the wall. She pushed Rainfell hard against his sloppy block, applying as much pressure as she dared, holding back only barely.

She felt, she _relished_ the way his heart wavered with his terror, eyes darting to find a way out. There was a swell of light in his chest that might have been Sora trying to step in and _that_ was fascinating, too. She drank in the sensation of it, trying to learn as much as she could. The light backed off. Kano growled something to the side.

A weight collided with her body, unexpected and heavy enough to knock her to the side and onto the—

—ground.

This wasn’t the ground of Mickey’s Castle.

The air went cold. All of Aqua’s hairs stood on end. A darkness she hadn’t missed suddenly pressed against her chest—a crushing, _oppressive_ weight against her heart. The ground beneath her was sand, not snow, and there were waves, a _moon_ in the distance, but still Aqua found it impossible to breathe, dread settling over her like a shroud.

She was in hell again.

Everything about the Realm of Darkness was unmistakable. Her heart—filled with fierce, perhaps cruel, satisfaction just moments before—slowly went numb, all emotions unplugging from their source. She was distantly aware of movement, of a shape like a wolf crowding her vision, but she could not find the energy to sit up. She lay immobile, cheek pressed against the sand beneath her.

What had she done to deserve this? What had she done to deserve being brought back here?

Unless…

Maybe she’d never left? Maybe the past few months had been an elaborate dream? That would make more sense than the unorthodox ways she’d managed to get out in the first place. Surely waking up one day free of hell wasn’t normal, wasn’t possible.

So maybe she’d never left.

Rainfell was a heavy weight in her palm, aching to get up and attack the thing that was snarling at them, because it was clearly a creature of darkness, clearly a threat, it was going to attack any second—

But Aqua couldn’t breathe, let alone move.

And honestly? She’d rather give up here than get up and fight. After the fight there would be nothing to do but to go back to wandering. She didn’t want to wander. Didn’t see the point, not anymore. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. She could die here. That would be fine. Preferable, even.

So when the wolf closed its mouth around her wrist she didn’t even fight back. She dismissed Rainfell, though it didn’t want to go. The wolf dragged her, slowly, and Aqua closed her eyes, welcoming whatever it was that would come.

Except then the sand became a carpeted floor, and light filled her senses to bursting.

Aqua opened her eyes, squinting against the glare of the light. White walls. Disney Castle, again? What? _How…_?

“Bitch!” Kano shouted. “Asshole!!”

Aqua blinked under the weight of the insults, mind still spinning, trying to decide if this was real. But, no, it had to be. It had to be. She could feel the heart of this world—light so sweet it hurt—in her bones, feel Sora-and-Kano’s joint presence against her senses, _feel_ them, not just see them, sitting on the ground to her right, feel that wolf sitting next to them. If she searched a little further, she could feel Ven’s heart—anchoring beacon as it always was—not far out.

This was real. She was here.

Kano was still screaming at her.

“What the actual fuck!! ‘ _Spar_ ’? Yeah right, that was more like a beating! Were you trying to kill me!? You got some kind of vendetta against me, huh!? What the hell!! What if you’d hurt Sora?!”

“I… sorry…” Aqua said slowly, as she pushed herself upright. She didn’t turn to look at Kano, couldn’t make her body move that much. Everything was still a little distant, especially any feeling of guilt or justification that should have sparked in her heart by now.

“Is that all you have to say!?” Kano demanded.

It wasn’t, but it took Aqua a moment to find the words for her explanation. Even if her mind wasn’t inching along slower than usual, how was one supposed to explain that the heart burns brighter, stronger, when it’s stressed? How could she justify the imprint his heart left on her senses after the fighting she’d just pushed him through? She couldn’t, probably.

“It was just… easier to get a feel of your heart when we were fighting…” she said. That was some of the explanation. Likely not enough, but all she could make her mouth say.

Kano was silent for a moment, and then: “No, fuck off, Sora! Good intentions or no, she had no fucking right!”

Aqua sighed. Maybe it had been mean of her. Maybe she deserved this, at least.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, then supposed she might as well try and soften the blow. “I did learn more from that than I think I could have learned in a month, though.”

Kano scoffed. “Yeah, and? What’s the rush!” Anger was still heavy in his voice. “Me ‘n Sora aren’t in no hurry. _Certainly_ not enough of one to get our asses kicked!”

Aqua’s voice sounded distant to her ears as she answered, like it wasn’t her answering.

“Xehanort won’t wait, though.”

Kano made an offended noise. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see him toss up his hands in frustration. “I see! It’s not even about us!”

Another accusation. Aqua’s heart felt cold.

“Guess it’s not.”

“This is bullshit,” Kano grumbled.

“I’m just afraid of reaching Xehanort and not being able to save Terra,” Aqua said. Why was she saying that? Why burden _Kano,_ of all people, with her troubles? It was an excuse, but not enough of one to undo the damage she’d already done. Darkness beat at the edges of her vision. He didn’t need to hear this. He didn’t need to know.

It was a long moment before Kano answered. When he did, his voice was softer, a little kinder.

“Terra means a lot to you, huh?”

Aqua stared at the wall before her, stared at it but didn’t really see it. Something faint but persistent stirred in her heart, a splash of emotion returning to her. It ached through every inch of her bones.

“He’s my brother,” she whispered. That was all the explanation she needed to give.

“Ah,” Kano said. And then: “If you want… we can try again now?” His voice was so gentle she wondered if it was Sora asking, except the darkness was still the stronger presence in their joint heart; something she could firmly define as Kano at the forefront.

Aqua wondered if she might even manage, actually. Something foreign in her roared that she should try, she definitely should, but it was… a distant roar. Dull and barely felt, like every other emotion she’d tried to summon in the past five minutes. The roar wasn’t strong enough to sway her mind at all. It was drowned out by some kind of buzz, under her skin, a disjointed sensation that made her feel like she was both sitting in this room and somewhere very far away at the same time.

It took her a few moments to scrounge up the ability to open her mouth again. “Not today,” she said.

There was zero chance she wouldn’t mess it up, if she tried, while her mind was like this. She was certain enough of that. It was safer to wait until tomorrow. Or even later, perhaps.

Maybe Kano said something. Or maybe Sora did. The next thing Aqua was fully aware of was the fact they were gone, them and the wolf both, leaving Aqua alone with the emptiness in her chest. She wished she could even feel mad that Sora left without telling her, but then, he probably did tell her. Maybe she’d even said something in return. She wished she could remember.

She wished she didn’t feel so empty.

She wished she didn’t feel so broken.


	114. In which Aqua makes an objectively bad decision

_After an afternoon spent feeling too numb to do much of anything, and a couple hours of restless nightmares, Aqua was grateful to open her eyes to blue skies above her, the shape of grassy hills from her childhood home beneath her, the gentle sound of water in the distance. Her head was in someone’s lap, she realized after a second, as the rest of the dream started to take shape around her. The face of her ‘friend’ came into view above her, and something like relief blossomed in her chest. It was distant, dull, like every other emotion she’d managed to feel since getting dragged into and back out of the Realm of Darkness._

_Her ‘friend’ ran fingers through her hair, the touch soothing though felt as if through a fog. His smile was so gentle… The blissful thought of release from, at least, her nightmares made it easy for Aqua to surrender to his touch._

_“Shh, it’s alright,” he whispered. “You’re safe now.” His eyes were a soft, warm brown that would have stirred sorrow in her chest had she been able to feel much of anything. She did feel something of an echo of it, as well as a deep nostalgia._

_His touch, like his eyes, was familiar as well. His hands felt like Terra’s, so did the solidness of him under her head. The sensation made it easy to forget the unnatural stillness that came with dreams, the way no breeze stirred and no crickets chirped. It made it easy to forget the emptiness in her chest, along with the fact she couldn’t feel the heart of the man who held her. Longing was an ache that gnawed distantly at her._

_She missed Terra so much._

_She wished she wasn’t so certain she’d mess up saving him, somehow._

_“You did great today,” her ‘friend’ continued, his words wrapping around her like a song. “I know Kano’s mad at you, but… things will work out, I’m sure of it. You did wonderfully.”_

_Aqua wanted to relax into his words, into his touch, but it was difficult when she felt neither wholly soothed nor wholly on edge, difficult when she only barely felt like she was even in this moment. Comfort tried to wash over her, but the sensation was foreign, and it warred with a faraway call in her mind. Something here was wrong. She felt it as if through a film, but uneasiness stirred in her veins nonetheless._

_“Who are you?” she asked, eyes fixed not fully on his face, but on the sky that burned behind his head. Wasn’t it weird, that it was blue, instead of half-formed dream fog?_

_The man stroking her hair hesitated, though his fingers did not. “Why does it matter?”_

_Distrust stirred a little more sharply in Aqua’s chest. It almost felt like an emotion that belonged to her. Something told her to look at the man again, so she did, snapping her eyes to him. She studied his face very carefully. Had it changed?_

_“Who are you?” she repeated._

_His grip on her hair suddenly tightened, close to painful but not quite there. He was rigid, his face darkening._

_“Don’t you dare,” he spat through clenched teeth. Aqua watched, worried, intrigued. His face WAS changing, gaining a couple years, sharpening at the jaw in a way that reminded her of Terra. In fact, he looked much more like Terra now, though his hair stayed white, and his eyes…_

_Horror bubbled up in Aqua’s stomach._

_His eyes were gold._

_Suddenly she could Feel him, Feel his heart pressed against hers. Darkness deeper than she’d ever known, steeped in age and wisdom, seething with cruelty and currently, with anger._

_Xehanort’s heart._

_Aqua jolted upright, bile coming up in the back of her throat. Xehanort. She’d just been laying with her head in Xehanort’s lap. Had her ‘friend’ been him this entire time? It must have been. The memories made her want to vomit, in hindsight. Realizing how thoroughly he’d stepped into her heart flooded her heart with rage—REAL rage, white hot and blinding after spending the whole afternoon feeling nothing at all. She rounded on Xehanort and cracked her fist against his jaw._

_“You FUCKER!” she shouted. “You son of a BITCH, I’ll MURDER you!”_

_He vanished._

_Aqua dragged herself back into the waking world._

As soon as she opened her eyes to the sights of her dim bedroom, Aqua launched herself out of bed. It wasn’t totally dark. Terra’s wayfinder glowed on her bedside table. She picked it up in trembling hands, feeling her rage too sharply to do anything _but_ shake with it. She pressed the wayfinder to her forehead.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Just hold on.”

Terra did not answer, but the wayfinder continued to glow. She set it back down and let it illuminate the room as she got dressed—because she wasn’t going to go face Xehanort in her _pajamas_ —stomach sick and mind spinning as she tried to process both the rage she felt and what her next steps should be. Go after Xehanort? Yes. But first…

Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was too cautious. But Aqua knew she’d feel a lot better if she just had _one_ successful split under her belt.

Which meant first, she was going to pay Sora and Kano a visit.

Shoving both hers and Terra’s wayfinders in her pockets, she opened a path to the Lanes Between right from her bedroom.

 

**xxx**

 

Halfway to Destiny Islands, something slammed into her side. It clung to her, pulled her off her glider and out of the Lanes entirely. Rage spilled out of her in a blast of Firaga to the gut of her assailant, but he—Braig, sharp-toothed and grinning—warped away from the blast. Aqua cursed. Righted herself to take the incoming fall.

She wasn’t that far from the ground, at least. Her armor absorbed most of the impact. She tore off her helmet, hoping that would help with the tunnel-vision she was experiencing. It didn’t. Fine. Whatever. She searched the area, looking for—

There. Braig.

He was standing a “safe” distance away, hands held up in a placating gesture.

“Hey, you okay? Sorry about that!” He didn’t sound sorry at all.

“What do you want!?” Aqua snapped.

Her answer came not from Braig, but from Roxas, who stepped then out of a dark corridor. “Boss just wanted us to keep you away from Sora,” Roxas chimed, dual Keyblade spinning in his hands. “So let’s _go_.”

He rushed her.

Aqua tossed up a Magnega, catching Roxas in its orbit. Braig stayed far away. No matter. Aqua raised Rainfell—when had she summoned it back? That didn’t matter either—to the sky, pulling at her rage to call down Thundaja. Powered by her fury, it exploded from her, a terrifying rain of lightning cascading down from the sky.

Roxas cried out in pain. Braig cursed loudly. Aqua turned and shot one, two, three blasts of Blizzaga at Braig as the Magnega dropped Roxas, then took her gathered energy and turned it into Blizzaja. The spell stole all the heat from the air and replaced it with giant crystals of ice that sped towards their targets and exploded into shards.

Aqua breathed in, out. She hoped to clear her mind. Anger was like lava in her veins, her vision red around the edges. But even a deep breath wouldn’t banish that sensation. Fine then. It was reckless to fight like this, but it had its perks.

She leveled a Thundaga Shot at Braig while he was reeling, turned to block Roxas’s Keyblades as they crashed into her. She wasn’t a fool enough to fight him in close quarters, so she blocked the blow and then jumped out of the way of his second strike. She tossed another Magnega just to be mean. This one he dodged.

A little disappointed, Aqua gathered her anger to toss out a Mega Flare. She didn’t finish before she sensed Braig’s bullets. Abandoning the Mega Flare, she called up a barrier instead. Once all the bullets had struck, she sent shards of the barrier and the bullets both at Roxas. Braig was too slippery to confront directly, and Roxas was the larger threat anyway.

Roxas was also the opponent that’d be easier to take down.

She gathered the half-finished energy for Mega Flare that still burned in her and tossed it at Roxas. It hit him square in the gut and sent him flying back into a nearby river. He screamed, and it sounded a little like Ven, but not enough. Rage flowed through her too strongly, too thickly, for any memories or hallucinations to distract her.

Roxas’s scream became a laugh, anyway, as he got to his feet. He shook water off of himself. Aqua remembered what she needed to do.

She didn’t need to kill Roxas. She just needed an opening.

She cast Stop on Braig to make sure he wouldn’t interfere. Then she concentrated on the water at Roxas’s ankles, commanded it to rise around him.

“Wh— _hey_!” Roxas squirmed within the water that trapped him, but it only rose higher and higher, up to his torso.

It took some effort. Aqua’d never practiced controlling any of the elements like _this_ before. But her rage sharpened her will into a knife, gave her the focus and the power to speak the water and _make_ it react. A solid wall of water surrounded Roxas now. Aqua told it to _freeze._

Roxas watched her, wide-eyed but incapable of protesting. Aqua plunged Rainfell through the hole she’d left in the ice and into Roxas’s chest.

It was somehow different than the past two times she’d attempted this, perhaps because Roxas wasn’t willing while Sora had been. Golds and purples filled her mind, mixed with blues and whites and browns. The seething sensation of horror, anger. A restless, passionate heat. Something like icy fingers wrapped around it. She still wasn’t entirely familiar with Roxas’s heart signature, but she knew what Xehanort’s felt like. So she gathered up everything that was Xehanort, and everything that wasn’t, and cut it straight down the middle.

She yanked Xehanort out of Roxas’s chest.

Her vision blurred, as she directed the heart she’d extracted to the side. Her water spell dropped completely, but so did Roxas, collapsing in a heap.

A ghostly apparition appeared around the heart—Xehanort’s face, angry and eyes darting as if for a place to go, but she called down light and fire and fury to incinerate him. If he had been physical, he would have turned to ash.

Winded, but used to running on fumes and being pushed to the edge of her endurance, Aqua reached inside herself for another Mega Flare. She turned, ready to let the ball of flames and destruction loose…

…and was surprised to find Braig, standing not three feet from her, his hands up in surrender.

“Well I’ll be damned,” he said, smiling crookedly. Something she couldn’t read glinted in his eye. “Go ahead. I’d like to see you try.”

Aqua blinked in surprise, but knew better than to refuse an offer like this. She dismissed the Mega Flare properly, dug Rainfell into Braig’s heart.

Her vision swam with golds and blacks, a deep blue that reminded her of the ocean, or maybe a starry night, as well as a dark brown like aged wood. She sifted through it, trying to gather up what she knew to be Xehanort, except… Much like trying to pick apart Sora and Kano, the line where Braig ended and Xehanort began was unclear. The sensation of icy fingers gripping the rest of the heart was there, like it had been in Roxas’s, so Aqua started with that, trying to pick at them, pry them open. She might as well have tried to bend a sword with her bare hands.

“No luck?” Braig asked, after a moment.

Aqua flinched in surprise, not sure how in the worlds he was coherent enough to hold a conversation when her blade was where it was. She opened her eyes, blinking through the colors that swirled over her vision to study him.

He looked… resigned.

“Figures,” he laughed emptily, taking Aqua’s silence as an answer. “Old man’s been a part of me for so long, I’m not sure there’s any ‘me’ left. Terra’s lucky, resisting as he did. He’s at least got a piece of him preserved out there somewhere.”

“What… do you mean?” Aqua asked, eagerly grappling at any mention of Terra.  

Braig shook his head. “Look, I don’t know why you’re hesitating,” he said, instead of answering her question. “You can’t leave even a piece of Xehanort alive, and you can’t split Xehanort from me. That means there’s only one option.”

Aqua swallowed. He was right. But the sincerity, the defeat with which he spoke was a little bit disarming.

“Just, uh,” Braig said, swallowed. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Ask,” Aqua told him, silently thinking she couldn’t promise she’d do it for him.

“Listen, I don’t know if you’ll ever talk to Even, but… maybe tell him I’m sorry? Dunno if he’ll have it in him to forgive his shitty brother, but I want it on record that I definitely had regrets about, well, all of this.”

Braig still grinned widely. Aqua blinked against the greens and icy blues that were suddenly swirling around his face. She should pull her blade out. Incinerate him. It was just…

“You have a brother?” she asked, voice quiet.

“Yes.”

Aqua hesitated a second more, then made her decision.

“Then no,” she said.

Braig flinched like he’d been struck. “What?”

Aqua set her jaw.

“You can tell him yourself.”

“Hey, hey, we just established you couldn’t—” But he cut off as Aqua pushed a little deeper, a little harder. She had brothers too. Maybe she didn’t understand Braig, but she understood how someone might love him, and he _did_ just say he regretted the Xehanort business, so.

She had to at least try.

The rage she’d felt before doubled with indignation that Xehanort had ruined _more than one set of siblings’ lives_ , sharpened with determination and love because why should she go this far for Terra’s sake and not save someone else’s brother while she was at it? Those things combined gave her the power enough to strike at the icy claws around Braig’s heart and shatter them. Allowed her to sense out every corner Xehanort was hiding him, carve him out, and—

This piece of Xehanort’s heart died too in a rain of holy fury.

“Holy shit,” Braig gasped, as he staggered. Aqua was surprised he didn’t collapse outright like Roxas had, but Braig certainly _looked_ like he was going to any second, his now-brown eye wide and unfocused.

Aqua let all of her gathered energy fade from her, since Braig was no longer a threat. The rage still burned in her heart, but it was distant now. Aqua wasn’t sure if she was grateful or not.

“Better?” she asked Braig, voice tight.

“Yeah,” he answered immediately. He shook his head as if to clear it, swaying where he stood. “And uh, now that the old man’s gone, guess I should tell you he’s going after Sora.”

“What?”

Braig chuckled. “You think we were sent to stall for nothing? He’s…” His gaze got distant for a moment. “He was messing with Sora’s dreams, last I could feel him.” He focused on Aqua again, flashing a grin. “You better go wake Sora up, ‘less you wanna lose him.”

“Why not go directly to Xehanort?” Aqua countered.

Braig laughed heartily. “Yeah, you could do that, too!”

“Any chance you could tell me exactly where he is?” Aqua asked. “It’s the least you owe me.” She could figure it out herself, sure—she knew what world he was likely on, and could follow his heart signature right to him—but time was of the essence, wasn’t it?

Braig considered her a second, then shrugged, laughing some more. “Fuck it! Yeah, here!” He opened a dark corridor for her. “That’ll take you right to him.”

Aqua eyed it with distaste, but. If she could get to Xehanort while he was still dealing with Sora, then this would go very quickly, wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t require a fight. All she’d need to do was slip her blade into his chest while he was distracted. She was feeling much more confident with two successful splits under her belt, anyway, and the desire to wrap her hands around Xehanort’s throat and make him pay for what he did to her burned strong. The sooner this was over, the better.

So she set her jaw and stepped into the darkness.


	115. [ REDACTED ]

Xehanort was waiting for her. Or maybe he’d just sensed her before she’d finished stepping through the dark corridor. Either way, he lunged at her, plunging her through another corridor of darkness before she could even see what their surroundings were. The one she’d taken to get here had been only a little uncomfortable, since she’d been mostly protected by her armor. But this one…

It was like she wasn’t even wearing armor. The buffer it’d created between the darkness and her heart last time was gone. Darkness crawled across her skin. Everything was cold. There was a void, where there should have been feeling, and that made her heart quicken. It wrapped around her lungs and didn’t let go, this darkness, oppressive, bleeding, pressing down on every inch of her—

She hit the ground. She opened her eyes. She couldn’t feel the heart of this world. Had it had a heart? Was this even the same world? It didn’t look it, Aqua noted as she pushed herself to her feet. The sight sent an unwilling chill down her spine. Ground like water, walls that shifted green and blue against a backdrop of darkness. She’d been here before. A scene from her memories. A scene of her nightmares.

She wasn’t asleep, was she? This had to be reality. It was hard to tell.

She couldn’t feel Xehanort’s heart.

Footsteps, behind her. A click of shoes she could not possibly mistake. Aqua turned.

Before her stood her mirror.

A dull blend of fear and horror burned in Aqua’s throat. _Was_ she dreaming? There was no heart to anchor her senses on, no real sense of anything to to keep herself grounded. Just this void of ether, and the demon standing before her. It had no heart she could sense, but it hadn’t when she’d fought it the first time, either. It was hollow, just like she was, a perfect reflection beyond the blue hair and ever-growing pattern of scars on her, its, skin.

A cruel smile drew across its lips. Its eyes blazed, gold.

That was new.

“What a shame.”

The voice echoed from everywhere, from nowhere.

“To have come so far…”

Aqua tensed. Rainfell appeared in her palm. Her feet slid into a fighting stance.

The mirror’s eyes flashed.

“To be strong, and yet to be so, _so_ weak.”

The attack was like nothing Aqua’d ever known.

Darkness like a whip across her back, a punch of ice to her gut. She staggered but she did not fall, though the pain was incredible. She could _feel_ it, under her skin, darkness creeping through her veins like fire and agony.

Her mirror did not move except to tilt its head back, golden eyes burning down on her.

“You came this far not to save anyone, but because you wanted _revenge_ ,” it continued, though the voice seemed to whisper accusations against Aqua’s ear more than it seemed to come from her mirror’s mouth. “You aren’t even here for Terra.”

Another strike of darkness, across her legs. It burned like hell, despite the armor. Aqua did not fall.

“And you kept pushing Ven away!”

That was enough. Aqua yelled and ran to strike her mirror, but the mirror moved too fast. A blade cracked across Aqua’s shoulders. Darkness dug through her armor and bit at her skin.

“Aren’t you _angry_?”

Aqua rounded on her mirror, teeth bared.

It gestured with the blade it held—silver and gnarled, one Aqua was certain she’d seen before but couldn’t remember where—grinning wildly.

“You claim to have a strong heart, and yet you were putty in Xehanort’s hands.”

“SHUT UP!” Aqua roared. “I saw through his illusions!”

Her mirror laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

“Only with _help_ ,” it reminded her, seeming to take great pleasure in correcting her.

Aqua ground her teeth together, knowing that was true and not wanting to think about what that meant. “I am _not_ weak,” she spat instead. “My light burns strong!”

“Light? Ha!” Her mirror rolled its eyes. “Admit it. You have little light left to you, and you have little will as well. The darkness chipped and chipped away at you, all those years you spent trapped in it. It took something from you. Something you can never get back.”

Aqua yelled and tried not to think about it, because it hurt. She attacked, because that was easier. To pour all of her rage and frustration and brokenness into blasts of fire and swings of her blade, to get lost in the rhythm of battle because then she didn’t have to fucking _think,_ all she had to do was move.

Her mirror countered flawlessly, parrying every strike, moving only as much as necessary. It grinned widely, golden eyes alight with glee. Strikes of darkness kept cutting into Aqua from all sides, though she did not see her mirror call them down. The darkness seemed to creep into every crack in her armor, sink into her skin, into her bones, into her _heart_. It hurt so much but she didn’t stop, because stopping meant she had to admit her mirror was _right_.

“ _Selfish,_ ” it whispered, accusations scalding across her mind. She was only here because Xehanort had wronged her personally, not because she wanted to save Terra. She kept putting Terra off. And when she did think about him, she used Sora and Kano selfishly as _practice_ for saving him. Then she went and put Sora in danger, hoping to use him as bait to distract Xehanort while she moved in for the kill—

“ _Weak,_ ” it spat, truth like a blade in her gut. Those ten years in hell may have given her unmatchable strength in battle, but those ten years took something from her, too.

“ _Broken,_ ” it laughed, a vice grip around her chest. The strength of her heart had been whittled away, and the strength of her mind with it. She couldn’t sleep properly at night, couldn’t live properly through the day, couldn’t stand to see her own face in the mirror.

Darkness crashed hard into her stomach, and she fell.

Gasping for air, skin burning, Aqua belatedly remembered to press Curagas into her wounds to mitigate the pain. Except there was too much darkness for the Curagas to take. She could not summon enough light to banish the darkness. Her skin burned so much it was hard to think. What thoughts she could spare were given to doubts and accusations and all the things she hated about herself, spinning around and around in her head, her own voice echoing, disappointed, disgusted. Each word was right. Every single one of them.

“ _You’ll never be free of this hell, anyway_ ,” it whispered, echoing through every corner of her mind. “ _The darkness crept into your head and warped it, and you came back tainted and broken. Nothing can fix you._ ”

The room grew colder. It was dark on every side of her. She was on her knees, hugging herself, crying bitter tears and trying not to scream, because now wasn’t the time to have a mental breakdown, now wasn’t the _time_.

But then again, she was in hell and she was never getting out, so when _was_ the time?

“Don’t you wish it all would end?” a voice asked. Friendly. Familiar.

She looked up.

Hope turned quickly to disgust, to fury, when she saw Xehanort, wearing a gentle smile on Terra’s face as if that would _mean_ anything to her, as if she would really believe the kindness in his eyes was real.

“I know you’re tired of fighting all this,” he said. “I know you want to be free of it. Just…”

He held out his hand to her.

His words pressed against her from every side like some kind of spell.

_Take my hand_

_Take my hand_

_Take my hand_

“Take my hand.”

Aqua glared.

“ _No_.”

Xehanort raised his eyebrows, but he left his hand outstretched.

“Are you sure?”

Aqua wiped blood from her mouth.

“I’ll never fall for that,” she said. She wasn’t a fool enough to miss the fact her mirror was nowhere in sight, to miss the fact its eyes and his eyes burned with the same golden delight.

( _This was real, this was the realm of light even though it didn’t look or feel it. She still couldn’t feel Xehanort’s heart but she wasn’t trapped here, she was fine, she was fine—_ )

Xehanort smirked.

“You did once.”

“Fuck you.”

He sighed.

Lowered his hand.

“What a shame,” he said. “But that’s quite alright. I will take you, one way or another.”

And something

_Struck_

Aqua’s heart.

Darkness filled it to the brim and she choked on it, falling forward, clawing first at her chest and then at her mouth. She felt like she was going to puke, because the darkness wanted to spill out of her, wanted to strangle her. Her vision dimmed, and the colors swirled, and then—

There was blackness.

She opened her eyes in her heartspace.

The water came up to her thighs, cold and inky black. The hills on all sides were covered in dead grass. The sky was filled with restless clouds. The pier behind her was falling apart. Xehanort stood at the middle of the lake, water up to his thighs as well, but he looked unfazed. In fact, he looked delighted.

The water rose around her in ropes of darkness, latching onto her, clinging to her arms and her chest, trying to drag her down, trying to shove her head into the water, trying to hold her there. Aqua resisted, but only just. The effort seemed to take a massive exertion of will.

 _Just give in,_ a voice whispered to her. _Just give in, it’s easier_.

Darkness pressed in on her from all sides, a weight on her skin and on her _heart._ Every point of contact was agony five times worse than it had been in the waking world. No wonder, though, when her body here wasn’t a physical thing, just a presentation of convenience. The darkness wrapped not around her chest but around her _being,_ each strand of it directly crushing her soul.

The darkness pushed her down, the water pulled. Pain made it hard to think.

Aqua wanted to fight, but—

 _Courage? What courage? You never had any to begin with_.

_Strength? What strength? The darkness robbed that from you._

Gurgling out a cry of anger around the darkness that gripped her throat, Aqua struggled to keep her head above the water’s surface. It seemed like there wasn’t ground beneath her feet anymore, just the endless pull of the water.

_You are nothing but a broken echo of a human being._

She poured all of her will into resisting, but suddenly she was intensely aware of how feeble her light burned, in comparison to the darkness that roared around her. Was she really anything more than a candle flickering at the end of its wick? Had she ever been?

_Wouldn’t it be nice to just_

_stop?_

The words were like honey, the darkness like wine. The water was in her mouth, her eyes barely above the surface anymore. Exhaustion rang deep in her bones, a tired buzz pulling at her brain.

She was so tired.

Tired of pretending she was an even remotely okay semblance of a person. Tired of feeling like an open wound. Tired of standing underneath the weight that had been put on her shoulders. Tired of feeling nothing, nothing, endless nothing. Tired of bearing the pain of her failures. Tired of fighting. Tired of moving. Tired of this endless struggle to keep going, to keep her head up, even though by all rights she had earned her rest.

She had earned her rest, hadn’t she?

Hadn’t she?

 _You have,_ a voice whispered, gentle, sweet. _You have._

Aqua closed her eyes and surrendered to the pull of the water and the blanket of darkness. It was nice to just…

To just…

Light flooded her senses.

Sunlight breaking through the clouded sky.

The brightest beacon she’d ever known—

“Aqua!”

—Ven’s voice.

Distant, but clear.

And then—

Light, the shape of a star, burning into her thigh.

‘ _Aqua…’_

Terra!

It was difficult to see through the darkness around her, but the darkness seemed a little brighter, illuminated by the glow of his wayfinder. She could feel it, feel _his heart,_ his and Ven’s both, the first thing to fill her senses since she’d stepped through Braig’s dark corridor.

“Aqua, are you okay?” continued Ven’s voice, frantic, worried.

‘ _Don’t give in, Aqua,’_ Terra urged her, voice heavy with sorrow, but also burning with faith. ‘ _I know it’s easier. But you’re so much stronger than that.’_

Tears burned in Aqua’s eyes.

“I’m really not,” she protested in a whisper. Which brother was she answering? It didn’t matter. The answer to both questions was the same.

‘ _You don’t have to be,’_ Terra pressed, gentle.

“Why did you go without me!? What were you thinking?” Ven continued calling, from somewhere above. “I could have _helped,_ I could have—”

‘ _You don’t have to do this alone.’_

“Aqua, come on, say something! Aqua please, I’m here—”

‘ _You have us.’_

“I’m here!!”

‘ _We’re here.’_

Aqua took a deep breath. She reached out with her heart, and did something that felt a lot like looping her fingers through Ven’s hand on one side, and Terra’s on the other. She gripped their hands tightly, and she _pulled._

Not at her strength.

But theirs.

She let it fill her, fill every inch of her broken heart, fill her to bursting. With strength in her veins, the weight pressing down on her wasn’t quite as heavy. The pull of the water wasn’t quite as strong. The voice whispering to her sounded empty.

With their strength filling her, she found it in her to push _back_ against the darkness. To get to her feet, solid ground forming beneath her the moment she wished to stand.

The ropes holding her snapped.

She stood tall, water dripping from her skin.

And the water? It was blue. The clearest blue she’d ever seen.

“Never,” she told Xehanort, staring him down. “Never will I bend to you.” Not as long as she had her brothers beside her. Maybe she did not have faith in herself, but they did, and that was enough.

That was more than enough.

She raised her hand, and the water rose behind her, roiling and bright, towering high, high above her head. It split around her but continued rolling forward, crashing into Xehanort, pushing him down, crushing him. She took satisfaction in the flash of horror she saw on his face before the waters drowned him.

Aqua raised her other hand up to the sky. The water gathered around her, clung to her, lifted her up.

Into light.

When she slammed back into her physical body, Ven was at her side, and Xehanort… He looked dazed, and seemed to struggle against something.

After a moment, Aqua saw what it was.

It was Terra, ghostly and glowing, hands wrapped around the arms of Xehanort’s—no, _his_ body—from behind. He was holding Xehanort back, eyes fixed in determination, his heart burning stronger than Aqua had felt it in years. She drank up the sensation of it, tears burning in her eyes because some part of her thought she’d never feel it again.

Abruptly Aqua became aware of the link that remained between her and her brothers, power flowing through a connection between the three of them. She did not have much strength, but she pushed some towards Terra anyway, letting him take what he needed.

Terra looked away from Xehanort, met her eyes.

“Aqua. Now.”

He need not say anymore. She understood.

She stepped forward and plunged Rainfell into Xehanort’s heart. Golds and purples filled her senses, but so did brown in each of its earthy tones, so familiar and comforting she could _weep._ She knew Terra’s darkness, wondered over how she had ever called it _harsh_ when compared against Xehanort’s it was as meek and gentle as the man it belonged to. She knew Terra’s heart signature better than she knew her own, had known it all her life.

Closing her hands around Xehanort’s heart and grabbing nothing of Terra’s was the easiest thing she’d ever done.

But she hesitated, as she realized how much she was taking, and how little she was leaving behind. That couldn’t be right, could it?

She looked to Terra, her worry a question on her face, not on her lips.

“Go ahead,” he said, to reassure her. He didn’t look worried or even a little surprised.

“Is that… all?” she asked. Surely this fragment of a heart couldn’t be all Terra had left to him. Surely not.

But Terra nodded, silent.

“Terra, I—”

If she left him with only this much heart, then…

“You’ll kill him if you take me out,” Xehanort said, smile pulled across his lips, eyes gleaming as if he had won. Aqua scowled at him. He was right, and that was the worst thing. “There’s not enough left of your brother to survive without me.”

“What?” Ven asked, looking frantically between the two of them. “Aqua what’s he talking about?”

Aqua wasn’t sure how to answer. Xehanort didn’t give her the chance.

“Terra’s darkness might have been enough to sustain me, but why gamble when I could make sure his heart had no choice to accept me?” he explained calmly, satisfied. “Separating the two of us means his death. Would you really kill him? Just to stop me? _Could_ you? He’s your brother.”

How dare he.

“Don’t,” Aqua said.

“ _Aqua,_ ” Ven’s voice was heavy with distress.

Terra’s hands tightened around Xehanort, to keep holding him where he was. “Don’t worry about me,” he said. His face was calm, but there was urgency spiking in his heart. How long could he hold Xehanort back? How long did they have to debate this?

Aqua hesitated.

“Aqua, isn’t there another way?” Ven demanded.

Xehanort laughed.

“I’ll be fine,” Terra insisted. His eyes were set, at peace. “ _Trust me_.”

She could feel his wayfinder burning against her thigh.

She decided to trust him.

She closed her eyes, wrapping her hands around what was Xehanort’s heart, leaving behind everything that was not. She yanked it out of Terra’s chest.

This remnant of Xehanort was stronger, more furious, than the other two had been. Aqua drowned it in fire and light before he could think to do anything, say anything. A moment later, Ven’s light joined hers, reluctant but twice as strong just based on the nature of his heart.

“It’s over, Xehanort,” Aqua whispered, as the man’s heart disintegrated. She felt lighter. Free. Not from everything, but from a few things, and for right now that was like bliss. “This is where you end.”

The light faded.

Xehanort was gone.

Terra collapsed.


	116. In which it's over

* * *

  **Epilogue**

_**Resolutions** _

* * *

 

Aqua rushed to Terra’s side, pressing an ear to his chest. He was still breathing. His heart was still beating. It was feeble, barely even a fragment of a thing. Its presence against her senses was laughable, really, for how tiny it was. It might as well not have existed. Unease churned in Aqua’s stomach.

But.

Terra was _alive._

He was alive, and his hair was brown.

“What do we do?” Ven asked, kneeling on Terra’s other side. Aqua sat up, leaving Ven room to hover anxiously instead. He was crying, hands running across Terra’s skin like he wanted to make sure Terra was there, _really_ there. He studied Aqua’s face like he was a kid again, desperate for her to have all the answers. “That… that connection between us is still going,” he said. “Could we- could we give him some of our power?”

Aqua hated to tell him no, but she shook her head anyway. That was something too risky for her to pull off, something that would likely take years to fully heal him, and Aqua knew _she_ didn’t have that kind of strength in her. Terra’s wayfinder burned persistently against her thigh, anyway.

She had to remove her armor to reach it, but once she was holding it in her hands, all she could do was laugh.

How had she not realized before?

“Aqua?” Ven asked, confused, worried. “Hey, what are you laughing about? Terra’s—"

Terra’s heart was in two separate places on her map of perception. It beat from within his chest. It burned in her hands. She recalled, distantly, moments where she _thought_ she’d sensed him, but written it off. How could she be so foolish? This was unmistakably Terra’s heart, weak, yes, but compared to what remained in his body, it felt strong enough to move a mountain.

“Aqua come on this isn’t _funny_ ,” Ven said. He sounded really upset.

“Sorry, sorry,” Aqua said, trying to breathe again. “It’s just… we don’t have to do anything. Or at least, not anything nearly as drastic.” She got to her feet, tossed his wayfinder into the air, and pointed Rainfell at it. Calling Terra’s heart out of the wayfinder and guiding it back to his body was simple, done in a moment. She caught the wayfinder again before it hit the ground.

“Oh,” Ven whispered, as Terra’s heart settled.

Terra’s eyes flickered open for a moment, a beautiful, beautiful brown.

“Told you,” he mumbled.

His eyes closed again, but his breathing steadied out. His heart signature against Aqua’s senses was a lot less jarring, now. It was still weaker than it should have been, like he still wasn’t completely whole, but…

She was pretty sure he’d be alright.

Ven tossed himself on Terra, wrapping him in a tight hug and clinging to him. Aqua let him. She wondered if she should apologize to Ven, for the distance she’d put between them, for not relying on at least him to support her in this. She couldn’t seem to find the words, though. It was too much to apologize for, and he was right to be angry at her for it.

But, selfishly, the least she could do was:

“Thank you for coming.” She knew without Ven she might have let Xehanort drown her. It scared her, a little bit, how close he had gotten. Based on the look on Ven’s face when he pulled away from Terra and looked up at her, it scared him as well.

“Of course,” he answered. “Just glad I got here in time. You shoulda told me you were going!”

Aqua flinched. “Things happened really fast…” she said, blurting out an excuse rather than just apologizing. Why was she like this?

“That’s no excuse,” Ven countered. “If I’d been sleeping any deeper and not heard Terra’s voice or seen my wayfinder light up, I might not have come at all!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Ven sighed, but when he looked at her, it was with kindness burning in his eyes. Kindness, and fondness, the love of an exasperated little brother. “It’s alright,” he said. “I’m just happy knowing you’re alright, and that Terra’s alright and that this is… over.” He laughed around the word, saying it like he couldn’t quite believe it. “It’s over.”

Warmth sparked in Aqua’s chest. “It is,” she agreed in a whisper.

Now they just had to figure out how exactly to get home. Or, back to Mickey’s, rather. Looking around showed her she still didn’t recognize this world, but Xehanort’s illusion had faded, replaced with grey machinery that was almost impossible to fathom, easily three times the size of her and Ven. Not that knowing where they were would help them get back. She looked to Terra. Two people on one glider wasn’t impossible—gliders could be pretty accommodating, actually—but her heart sank as she searched Terra’s body. Where had his armor gone? A trip through the Lanes without armor while he was in _this_ state wouldn’t be good for him.

“You… didn’t to come here by star shard, did you?” Aqua asked, looking at Ven hopefully.

He shook his head. “No, but… I told Mickey where I was going, before I left, and he went to gather anyone else.” He laughed, then, a wry smile pulling at his lips. “I hope they don’t mind we finished this without ‘em.”

Aqua laughed a little, too. Exhaustion pulled at her mind. “I want to sleep for three years,” she said before she’d thought about it.

Ven sent her a look, then shrugged. “Hey, if I got seven years of beauty sleep, seems unfair that you don’t get some as well,” he said, grinning widely. “You can get a head start now, if you want. Take a nap while we wait for everyone to show up.”

“There’s no way we’ll be waiting that long,” Aqua countered. She smiled, though, to show she appreciated Ven’s humor.

She linked her fingers through Terra, just because she could, just because he was there. Ven did the same, then reached over Terra for her hand. Amused, but fond, she gripped his hand too.

And they waited.

 

**xxx**

“I’m sorry. There’s not much more my magic can do,” Aerith said, tutting over Aqua’s wounds. Or rather, her scars. That was the thing about darkness. It burned hot and fast, and then it was done, sapping your strength but leaving no open wounds, only scars.

Aqua looked down at her own bare arms and shoulders, weighing the damage again in her mind. The sight wasn’t unfamiliar, because she’d dealt with wounds caused purely by darkness plenty of times herself while wandering the dark realm. The only difference now was the intensity with which Xehanort had attacked her—not one strong blast, but a million of them, resulting in a spiderweb of discolored skin on almost every inch of her. The sight should have made Aqua feel sick, but instead she didn’t really fell anything at all.

“It’s alright,” she told Aerith. Maybe it was just the lack of being grounded in this current moment, but if she didn’t feel anything, then she didn’t care. “Thank you.”

She was sitting on one of the three cots that had been laid down in the dining room (the table was nowhere in sight, and all the chairs were stacked in a corner), wearing nothing but loose shorts and her bra so Aerith could better assess her wounds. Terra lay on the cot behind her, the one in the middle. Ven was somewhere in the kitchen last Aqua’d seen, but there were enough people in the house for him to easily get lost in the bustle. Aerith knelt in front of Aqua, hands folded and withdrawn, now that she’d determined there was nothing she could do for Aqua.

“It’s my job,” Aerith answered, then she sighed. Slowly she met Aqua’s eyes. It took Aqua a few moments to return her gaze completely, to anchor on Aerith’s face. Aerith looked… disappointed. She seemed to struggle with her words for a moment, but then: “And I… don’t want to tell you how to do yours, but… going after Xehanort alone? _Really_?”

Aqua blinked. She felt a little bit offended, underneath the fog that separated her from her emotions. Aerith didn’t need an explanation or an apology, unlike Ven. “Things happened kind of fast,” she answered, in monotone. “What’s it matter, anyway? He’s dead. We won.”

Aerith’s eyes narrowed like she was used to hearing this brand of excuses and didn’t like hearing them out of Aqua’s mouth any more than she enjoyed hearing them otherwise.

“It was just reckless,” Aerith said. She didn’t say anymore, pushing herself to her feet. “I’ll look through my mom’s notes. I think I remember her mentioning a salve that would help with those scars.” She hesitated a second, before going of to do that, presumably. “About Terra…”

Aqua didn’t need her to finish. She’d heard Leon pronounce there was nothing physically wrong with him. But of course there wasn’t. Aqua hadn’t landed even a blow on Xehanort.

“He just needs rest,” Aqua said. That’s what Ven had needed, when they’d first met him, and Ven’s heart had been fractured twice as bad. Her heart worried, distantly, for how long Terra would need to rest. Ven had taken almost a year. Hopefully the same wouldn’t be true of Terra. Not that there was anything really to do other than wait it out… Or ask Yen Sid, she supposed, but they could do that later.

She got to her feet too, with some effort. Nothing in her body hurt, it was just… slow.

“Mind if I use your shower?” she asked.

“Oh!” Aerith said. “Not at all. Here, I’ll show you how it works.”

 

**xxx**

A dark corridor interrupting his work—meticulous counting of how many Replicas were still alive, where they all were, potential places where some could go—wasn’t entirely unusual. Even looked up, expecting Vexen, or one of the Replicas. He did not at all expect to see Braig, and he expected even _less_ to see Roxas, unconscious, in Braig’s arms.

He unconsciously took a defensive stance, reaching for his shield with his mind, hesitating just a moment to gather information. Roxas’s hair was golden instead of silver. Braig grimaced, apologetic, and—

His eye was brown.

“Braig,” Even said, too startled at all the information currently being presented to him to manage to gather something more eloquent. He stopped mentally reaching for his shield, took a cautious step towards Braig.

“Hey,” Braig answered, eye searching the room. Even’s office was simply that—an office, with a desk and a chair and nothing more. Braig decided the floor was good enough and set Roxas down. “Xehanort’s gone.”

Even raised his eyebrows, not quite daring to believe the good news. “Completely?”

“Within the hour, probably,” Braig answered. “He’s definitely not hitchin’ a ride in the back of my heart anymore.”

Relief swelled in Even’s chest. Braig may not have been his favorite brother, but Braig was still his brother. “That’s good to hear,” he said. Then he appraised Roxas, again. “I assume you aren’t here just to tell me the good news, though.”

“Came here ‘cause I figured anywhere else would probably end with my face getting bashed in,” Braig said, with a laugh. “And ‘cause I think the kid needs more than a couple healing spells or the Repair Program. Old coot had 37 do something to him, probably needs to get undone, whatever it was.” His laugh became exhaustion, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Man, probably gotta go clean up the 37 mess, too, huh… When am I ever gonna stop cleaning up that man’s messes?”

Even, who had approached Roxas to check his status as Braig was talking—Roxas was injured like he had been in a fight, but none of the injures too serious—turned now to Braig again.

“37?” he asked. “He’s alive?”

Braig strode over to Even’s desk chair, plopping himself down in it. “Half-alive, really.” He leaned his head against the back, eye closed. “Just alive enough to make a vessel if necessary, not alive enough for much else. Should probably go put him out of his misery, don’t think there’ll be any fixing him.” He sighed a deep sigh.

Even frowned, troubled by the news. A part of him wondered if he should at least _check_ 37, loathe to let any of his Replicas die if there was any chance at all of making sure they didn’t. The rest of him was a little more preoccupied with Braig, whose exhaustion looked like it was more than just from considering the mess Xehanort had left him.

“Are… _you_ alright?” Even asked, getting to his feet and moving so he could study Braig a little more carefully. Braig waved a hand at him, half-hearted but the point clear.

“Just tired. Dunno why, barely did any fighting.” He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to suppress a yawn.

Even considered him a long moment, trying to pick his words. Again, Braig was not exactly his favorite brother, nor the one he found the most ease interacting with. He’d been more prone to do the opposite of advice given to him out of spite even before the whole Xehanort thing had happened.

“Maybe you should get some rest then,” Even settled on, keeping his voice a little terse, since that was what Braig would expect from him. “I imagine you’ve been through a lot.”

Braig laughed, emptily. “Got a place around here I can take a nap without worrying about getting my head chopped off?”

Even rolled his eyes. “Of course I do.” All of Castle Oblivion would be safe, so long as he got out the memo Braig was no longer an active threat.

“Hmm.” That was all Braig said, for a moment. Then he cracked his eye open, turned his head just enough to look at Even. “Hey, you know where Dilan is?”

The question made Even’s heart heavy. He hadn’t been close to any of his brothers in years, but he was worried about all of them. “Unfortunately, no. There’s been no trace of him, or the others.”

“Damn.” Braig sighed, eye closing again. “None of them but you were in the Castle when me and the old coot woke up there. Which like, that’s weird, right? If we were there, shouldn’t they have been, too?”

“I honestly don’t know, Braig. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Braig said. “If they were there, Xehanort probably would’ve thought about taking one of them. Maybe all of ‘em. That’s why I wasn’t looking. Didn’t wanna hand them over to him, y’know?”

Even made a noise of agreement, understanding, feeling a little fond. “Maybe you’ll have better luck finding them than I did,” he said. He chewed on his next words, then picked the ones that would hopefully prod Braig along one of the most desirable outcomes. With a performative huff, he said: “Now if you’re going to take a nap, can you do it somewhere that _isn’t_ my chair? I was using it, you know.”

Braig laughed, grinned. “Too bad, your chair’s comfy! My chair now.”

“Braig, we have beds.”

“I’m already on the train to snooze-ville. Missed your chance. ‘Sides, shouldn’t you do something about Roxas?”

Even sighed, tried not to smile. At least this meant Braig would actually be getting the rest he appeared to need, rather than immediately heading off. Grumbling for show, he went to pick up Roxas. 7 should be able to figure out what was wrong with him.


	117. In which Sora and Kano are split

In the end, it was just easier to stay in Hollow Bastion. Aqua just thought it better to not move Terra—not yet, anyway—and Aerith seemed to want to keep an eye on Aqua, though Aqua was fine, really. Mostly. She was just tired, even though she’d slept more uninterrupted hours than she could count in recent memory.

On the second day of their stay, Terra woke up. His eyes were a little glassy, and he had trouble talking—much like Ven, in those early days—but he was able to feed himself, and manage moving at least as far as the bathroom and back. He still spent a lot of time sleeping, but it _was_ progress.

On the third day of their stay, Sora approached her.

“Hey,” he said, shuffling his weight a little awkwardly, standing in front of the couch Aqua was sitting on. Aqua was grateful he was _okay,_ and that she had interrupted whatever Xehanort had tried on him, even if it hadn’t gone the way she’d intended. “I understand if you aren’t really up for it, but um… Just wondering about, uh, me and Kano?”

“Oh,” Aqua said. She hadn’t forgotten, exactly. It’d just slipped her mind.

Sora interpreted her slowness of answering as something else, and immediately held his hands up. “Really, it’s okay if you don’t feel up for it yet!! I know fighting Xehanort took a lot out of you…”

Aqua got to her feet. “No, I’m fine,” she insisted, doing her best to smile. “Let’s give it a shot. I think I know how to make it work this time.”

Sora lit up with a grin. “Great!! Let me just, uh, grab Kairi, hang on.”

Aqua wondered why he needed Kairi, _again,_ but didn’t get to ask. Better to just roll with it. So roll with it she did, until they were all in Castle Oblivion again, set up in the same room as last time. Vexen stood at one computer, Kano’s body—easily retrieved—lay on the cot next to him. Kairi sat on the other cot, looking somewhere between excited and exasperated. Sora was a bouncing ball of excitement.

“Before we get started, there’s something I want to do,” Aqua said, sitting down on the floor. She gestured for Sora to join her, and, looking bewildered, he did. “Kano?” she asked.

Sora’s face scrunched up. “You need him?”

“Well I need him to summon his chains for me,” Aqua said. “Trust me, you’ll see.”

Sora’s face somehow scrunched up further, but after a moment Kano’s chains appeared in his left hand. Aqua held out her hand for them. Sora hesitated—Aqua could feel Kano’s heart in him roil with discomfort, could feel that Sora was still fronting. But then Sora handed the chains over.

Aqua let them run through her fingers, feeling not them but feeling _through_ them. Their contact with her skin gave her a direct link to Kano’s heart, just Kano’s. She closed her eyes and felt out the shape of it. His darkness was sharper than Sora’s, rougher around the edges, the deepness of it softened by a faint light. The colors red and gold came to mind. Just red and gold. She tried to memorize it, align it with what she’d learned when they’d sparred—had it really only been a few days ago?

“What’s this about?” Sora’s voice asked, but she could feel now, that they were Kano’s words.

Aqua opened her eyes, let the chains fall. They vanished almost instantly. Kano was scowling at her.

“They’re directly tied to Kano’s heart,” Aqua answered, calling Kano by name, because Kairi and Vexen didn’t have the luxury of knowing Kano’d asked her the question. She was explaining to more than just him, anyway. “Makes it a little easier to feel him, without also feeling Sora.”

“Ohh, that’s nifty,” Kairi said. She leaned forward so she could elbow Sora. “Guess getting your ass kicked _was_ worth something, huh.”

Kano shot her a glare like death. Kairi laughed. Vexen didn’t say anything, but he watched, clearly fascinated.

That was probably enough information, but just to be sure…

“Sora, your Keyblade,” she asked, holding out her hand again. “If you don’t mind.” It was second-nature to ask for more explicit permission with a Keyblade, knowing how closely they were tied to their wielder. Honestly, Aqua was surprised she hadn’t thought of this sooner, knowing all she did about Keyblades.

There was a shuffle in Sora-and-Kano’s joint heart, a blossoming of light, a front change. It was interesting to feel it, and understand almost perfectly what was going on as the signature she knew to be Kano’s slipped into the back and Sora slid back into the front. He summoned his Keyblade and handed it over with little fuss.

Holding it in her hands brought turquoise and yellow to her mind’s eye, but for the most part, Sora’s heart felt as it always had. A near-perfect balance of light and darkness, tipped slightly in darkness’s direction. The darkness wasn’t as deep as she was used to, though, which indicated Kano’s lack. It felt like a perfectly reasonable amount of darkness up against that much light, resulting in some kind of reverse-vertigo feeling. She let go of Sora’s Keyblade and it vanished.

“That tell you anything?” Sora asked, a glint in his eye.

Aqua nodded. “Enough, I think,” she answered. She hoped. “Let’s give it a try.”

They got to their feet again, and after a nod from Sora to show he was ready, Aqua called Rainfell to her, and probed it carefully into his heart.

The line where one ended and the other began still wasn’t exactly distinct, and each heart separately swirled with the other’s colors, a little bit. But Aqua gathered up what she was almost certain was Kano, the reds and the golds and the little bit of turquoise that came with them, gathered up that rough darkness that had been softened by light, and held it in one metaphorical hand. In the other she took Sora’s heart, turquoise and yellow, tinted with red and purple and a rainbow of other colors, an almost perfect balance of light and darkness. She weighed them, making sure that each felt like it was one whole heart, and that the split was even.

She Felt it, in her heart, more than she knew it in her mind. She Felt that this was right.

So she let Sora’s heart slip out of her hand, and gathered up Kano’s heart in both hands, gently tugging it out of the nest it had made for itself, guiding it to the empty vessel that was waiting for it.

 

**xxx**

 

When Sora’s senses returned to him, the first thing he noticed was that his chest felt a little empty. It was a strange sensation, but also exhilarating, because that meant—

He swiveled his head away from Aqua and to his left, joy filling him to bursting because there was Kano, _Kano,_ pushing himself upright. It’d _worked_! Grinning wide, Sora leapt over and tackled Kano in a hug, knocking Kano flat back into the cot. Kano _wheezed_.

“ _Really_ —!?” he gasped. Sora did his best to shift his weight so he wasn’t crushing Kano.

“Sorry, sorry!” Sora said, laughing. His eyes searched Kano’s face, drinking in the reality of seeing Kano in the physical world and not just backdropped by his heartspace. “I just- I got really excited. I mean, _look_ at you!” He ran his hands up Kano’s arms, cupped Kano’s face in his palms. “You’re _here,_ ” he whispered, with a breathless delight.

Kano laughed, short and nervous. “Guess I am,” he said. Discomfort flashed in the back of Sora’s mind through their link, and he could feel Kano’s thoughts fixate on who was _watching_.

Sora laughed, guilty, and gave Kano some space. He silently sent Kano an apology, and Kano silently told him it was fine, and with that exchange Sora became aware of something, about their link.

“It’s… quieter,” he said. But maybe that was to be expected, since they weren’t sharing a heartspace, anymore.

“I can still feel you,” Kano countered, quiet, his fingers finding Sora’s and interlocking with them. “That’s all that really matters to me.” Embarrassment came off of him in waves, but there was also a tenderness in his eyes that made Sora _melt_.

Kairi cleared her throat loudly. _Oh yeah,_ Sora thought, as Kano jolted. Sora flashed her a sheepish grin, while Kano raised his hand in a nervous wave.

“Hi Kairi,” he said.

“Hi Kano,” Kairi said back. She there was a glint in her eyes and a smug look on her face, as she leaned towards them, arms crossed. “Nice to finally see you, for once in my life.”

Kano grinned and he laughed, relaxing almost instantly. “Nice to uh, be seen,” he answered.

Sora squinted between the two of them, wondering what that was about.

“Also for some reason, I _didn’t_ expect you to look exactly like Sora?” Kairi said. “It’s _weird_.”

Kano slowly nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I should maybe invest in a haircut or something,” he said. “Not that I don’t love your ugly mug, Sora.”

“ _Hey!_ ” Sora protested.

Kano laughed, relaxed and bright, a wonderful sound. Sora tried not to smile, shifting how he was sitting and disentangling himself from Kano so he could face Aqua properly.

“Thanks for this, by the way, Aqua,” he said. “We really appreciate it.”

Aqua smiled, shrugged. “It was really nothing,” she assured him. “I’m just glad it worked…”

“Me too,” Sora agreed. “Thanks again,” he said, swinging his feet off the cot and getting to his feet. He held a hand out to Kano to help him up. “Come on, let’s go get you a change of clothes. That cloak looks ridiculous on you.”

He’d just pulled Kano to his feet when the exhaustion hit them both, resulting in Kano crashing into Sora and Sora staggering to keep them both upright while his mind was spinning. He realized now that the exhaustion had been creeping up on him for a bit now. He’d just been ignoring it in his excitement—but now it was too persistent, too deep to ignore. He felt like he could sleep for a week.

“What the fuck,” Kano grumbled. Sounded like he was having the same problem.

“You alright?” Kairi asked, worried.

“Really tired all of a sudden,” Sora answered, through a yawn. _Maybe we should sit down again?_ he asked Kano. It was easier than saying it aloud.

‘ _How the hell we gonna stand back up again if we do that?’_

_Good point._

“Well, I _did_ just enact some pretty major changes on your hearts,” Aqua answered, slowly. “That… might have something to do with it.”

Vexen nodded in agreement. “I certainly can’t imagine that process being anything _other_ than completely taxing. You two should get some rest.”

“Guess we can go home and crash…” Sora mumbled, leaning his head against Kano’s. It felt nice to close his eyes…

“Not your house,” Kano countered, words a little slurred.

“Oh that’s right.” Sora scrunched up his face, trying to think of where else would work. Aerith’s was kind of packed. Kairi’s was doable, though he wasn’t sure if Kano was interested in meeting Ren formally yet.

“There are beds here,” Vexen said.

“I could probably get the castle to make you a really comfy one, if you want,” Aqua offered. “If… the two of you think you can make it to another room, that is.”

Sora thought they probably could, but Kano sat back down on the cot, dragging Sora with him.

“Forget it, too tired for that shit,” Kano said. “This is fine.”

Sora would have protested, but he was too tired to really think about how uncomfortable the cot was given that it was barely big enough to hold the both of them. Distantly he considered the fact there was another cot just _three feet behind him,_ but he was too tired to move for it, and Kano was clinging to him as they laid down, so this was fine. This was fine.

“Sorry Kai,” he apologized, since this wasn’t how they’d intended the rest of this day to go at all. They’d had _plans,_ things they wanted to show Kano now that he had a body…

“Whatever, I’ll go tell everyone the good news,” Kairi answered. “You two sleep. We’ve kind of got all the time in the worlds now, anyway.”

 _That’s true,_ Sora admitted, too tired to say it. He barely was able to raise his hand in a thumbs-up before sleep pulled persistently at his brain, grabbed him and wouldn’t let him go. Face pressed against Kano’s collarbone, he dozed off.

 

**xxx**

 

Waking up and feeling that Sora was still a sleeping buzz at the edge of his mind initially made Kano kind of annoyed, because if Sora was asleep still that meant _he_ was piloting Sora’s body, and that always sucked. But then the sensation of arms wrapped around him registered to his brain, followed by a mess of Sora’s hair as he opened his eyes, and the distinctly _open_ feeling of his mindspace, like he was no longer surrounded on all sides.

That was right.

He had his own body.

A giddy laugh bubbled up in Kano’s throat, before he remembered that Sora was still sleeping and also cuddled up very close to him. He swallowed the laugh, not wanting to wake Sora, though a stream of excitement still ran circles in his brain. This felt… unreal? Too good to be true??

But here he was, and Mickey had promised he wasn’t at risk of hurting Sora, and Sora was… Sora was…

Kano took in the reality of how close Sora was to him, again. Not that they hadn’t been this close before—because Sora was inherently a cuddler, and they’d spent hours in the heartspace together previously—but it still left him a little breathless, like it had every time before and would probably for forever. The sensation of Sora’s cheek against his neck, Sora’s fingers clutching at his back, their legs tangled together.

It was still hard to believe this was real.

And also holy shit, his arm was starting to hurt after being pinned under Sora’s weight for who knew fucking how long now. Kano wriggled to free it, which proved difficult while also trying not to wake Sora nor fall out of this tiny cot. Who’s idea was it to crash here, anyway?

( _His,_ Kano knew. He told the part of his brain that reminded him to politely fuck off.)

Finally he had his arm free, though the only place to put it now was awkwardly pinned between him and Sora. Whatever. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, but Kano didn’t want to move any further. Sora’s hair was messy, and he was smiling in his sleep, and the sight stirred something fond and sharp in Kano’s chest, something that grabbed him by the lungs and wouldn’t let him breathe.

It was a feeling he was growing used to calling _love._

It was strange, still, to think of loving Sora and not have his insides immediately attempt to tear themselves apart. It was weird, that loving Sora was starting to become comfortable, something warm and bright instead of the raging storm it used to be. It still made him feel sick, sometimes, but lately it was less in the _disgusting-I-want-to-die_ way, and more in a fluttery butterfly kind of way. He wasn’t used to it at all. He couldn’t get enough of it.

“Nngh…” Sora mumbled, his eyes fluttering open, then closed again. His presence in the back of Kano’s mind was definitely _awake,_ though.

“Did I wake you?” Kano asked, worried.

“Thinkin’ pretty loud,” Sora replied.

Kano winced. “Sorry.”

“Nah don’t be,” Sora told him. He grinned sleepily, eyes bright through the haze of sleep as he looked at Kano. “It’s cute.”

Kano stammered something, but couldn’t find any words for a proper protest. Happiness bubbled up in him, hot and thick, despite the fact he was embarrassed and his face on fire. It was hard to be upset, when faced with the gentle fondness Sora was pressing against the back of his mind.

“Love you,” Sora whispered, and hearing that, _feeling_ how deep that love ran made Kano a little dizzy, vertigo in the best kind of way.

( _Sora?_ Loving _him_? It felt like a joke, except it was real, it was real, _it was real_.)

He pressed his forehead against Sora’s, relishing in the fact he _could_. His chest stirred with something heavy, impossible, as he tried to grasp the reality of Sora’s love, tried to wrap his mind around the fact he was _here,_ with someone who loved him despite all he was. Sora was frankly too good for him.

Sora laughed, likely feeling the intensity of the wave Kano was riding even if he didn’t quite hear Kano’s thoughts. “What’s up?” he asked.

“I just…” Kano squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the words out. “I don’t know how I ended up with someone as good as you.”

If Sora had been anyone other than Sora, Kano wouldn’t be here right now, and he _definitely_ wouldn’t be curled up in Sora’s arms, Sora wouldn’t be clinging to him like he didn’t intend to ever let go.

Sora shrugged as well as he could while they were laying down, delight burning in his eyes. “Well, sometimes life gives you lemons,” he said. “And sometimes life just straight up gives you lemonade.”

It was so stupid that Kano couldn’t do anything other than burst out laughing.

“Ex _cuse_ me??” he asked, through the wheeze of his laughter. That was awful, why was he grinning. “Sora that metaphor _sucks_!!”

“I mean it _works_!” Sora countered.

“You’re such a sap!”

Sora grinned like he was proud of it. Love burned so strongly in Kano he had to do _something_ with it, but it was hard to say ‘ _I love you_ ’, the words still clumsy in his mouth. Instead he just pressed his lips to Sora’s and tried to communicate it without needing to say it. Sora seemed to get the idea.


	118. In which Terra reclaims his missing piece

By the fifth day, Terra was capable of entirely coherent conversations. It was frankly astounding progress. Granted, he still slept a lot, and some conversations felt like he wasn’t wholly there, but… who was Aqua to judge? She was much the same, lately.

For example:

“It’s looking a little better, actually,” Ven said, and it took her a good ten seconds to remember that he was helping her apply Aerith’s salves to the portions of her back she couldn’t quite reach herself. He was probably talking about her fading scars.

“That’s good,” she said, and then: “It really is,” she agreed, considering her arms. With the help of Aerith’s salves, all but the worst of her scars from the battle with Xehanort had begun to fade. The scars left from her years wandering the Realm of Darkness remained untouched by the salves’ healing properties, but that was alright.

Honestly, she’d only bothered with the salves at all because Aerith had insisted.

The sound of movement behind them made them both turn. Terra groaned a little as he pushed himself up, waking from his latest nap.

“How you doing?” Ven asked, chipper and bright. “Doing okay?”

Terra shrugged. “Sure,” said. He did not speak of the emptiness that plagued him, but Aqua could see it in his eyes, in the weariness of the rise and fall of his shoulders. He was still missing a piece of his heart, but if he knew where to find it, he wasn’t saying. Aqua was too afraid of overwhelming him to ask any pressing questions, either. It could wait.

Ven hummed, discontented. Aqua felt him shift behind her, saw him move to put the salves away out of the corner of her eye. Aqua reached for her shirt, which was laying on the cot next to her, then remembered she had to wait twenty minutes. She didn’t mind walking around in her bra that much, but was grateful nonetheless for the bubble of privacy the dining room had somehow become for her and Ven and Terra.

As Ven moved to return the salves to the kitchen counter for the time being, Aqua watched Terra. He was blinking through a haze, stretching his neck absent-mindedly. He looked mostly alert. That was good.

“Sorry,” he said, suddenly.

Aqua blinked.

“What?”

But then she saw where his gaze fell; the spiderweb of scars around her heart, which looked just as nasty as they had five days ago. It seemed the darkness Xehanort had directed there was too strong, had festered too deeply, to be touched by Aerith’s salves.

Aqua shook her head before Terra could explain or apologize again. “Don’t be? It’s not your fault,” she assured him.

“Yeah!” Ven plopped down on Terra’s cot, leaning into his shoulder. “You didn’t do that, Xehanort did.”

“I still feel like… someone should apologize,” Terra said, dropping his eyes to his hands. “For that and for… everything else he put you through. If I’d just been a little stronger. If I’d just been able to resist, or warn you, or—”

Aqua cut him off with another shake of her head. “Don’t. Alright? It’s fine.”

“Really, Terra,” Ven insisted, pressing himself a little more persistently into Terra’s side. “You don’t have to apologize for him. That’s just silly!”

Terra clenched his hands into fists, looking distressed. He opened and closed his hands once, twice. The pain on his face didn’t lessen at all. Aqua was searching for the words to ask when he opened his mouth to answer:

“I just wish… it really felt like he was gone,” he whispered.

Alarm rang in Aqua’s heart.

“What… do you mean?” she asked, leaning towards Terra, eyes narrowing with worry.

“It’s like he’s still there. Under my skin,” Terra explained, trembling. “I can still feel him.”

Aqua studied Terra a moment, studied both with her eyes and her senses. She didn’t _feel_ Xehanort lingering on him, but supposed it wouldn’t hurt to check more thoroughly, if it would make Terra feel better.

“I can check,” she offered, calling Rainfell to her.

Terra straightened, moving to give her clearer access. “Please.”

Ven scuttled to get out of the way, not that it mattered. Aqua gathered her power and dug Rainfell into his heart. She probed as deeply as she knew how to, but… Xehanort was not hiding in any of the shadows of Terra’s heart. All she could feel was Terra, Terra, Terra.

So she pulled Rainfell out and banished it, smiling at Terra. “He’s gone,” she reassured him. “He really is. It’s just you.”

“Just me…” Terra repeated. He sighed. Closed his eyes, laying back down. “Just me…”

 

**xxx**

 

It took some time to gather up the courage to initiate the conversation, but… When Terra was next coherent enough for it, Namine cautiously approached him. He was sitting on his cot, Ven laid halfway across it next to him, fiddling with a ball of light. Aqua sat on her cot, looking like she was meditating, or… had been.

“Um, hey, uh… Terra?” Namine said. “Ven and Aqua can stay if they want, or if you want them to, but there was just, um. Something I wanted to talk to you about…?”

Terra blinked at her. “Yeah?”

Namine gulped. “I… Well I, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, exactly, but. You know how you… feel like Xehanort’s still there? I think I can help you with that.”

Terra was silent for a moment, squinting at her, cautious. Aqua was sending her a curious look as well, one that Namine tried not to break under the weight of. Ven’s expression became a smile, as their eyes met, and he nudged Terra.

“Hey, worth a shot, right?” he said. Namine breathed a little sigh of relief, grateful that she and Ven were friends, kind of.

It took Terra a moment to nod, but nod he did. Slowly he smiled, a gentle thing, though tired. “Yeah, sure,” he agreed. “I’m willing to hear it.”

“O- okay,” Namine said, around the knot in her throat. Aqua was kind of monopolizing her cot, and Namine’d feel weird about sitting next to Terra—there was barely room to, anyway—so she sat down on the floor in the space between the cots, cross-legged.

Now she had to remember where she wanted to start.

“It’s, um, maybe a little silly, but,” Namine took a breath, trying to calm her racing heart. “Well, Rinoa taught me this thing that… Helps ground me sometimes, at least. There’s, uh, a lot of other things she said, but, well, maybe you should talk to her at some point.”

Rinoa was spending most of her time with Aerith and Leon lately, upstairs or outside, likely to give Terra and Aqua and Ven some space. Namine kind of wished she’d maybe just asked Rinoa to talk to Terra instead, but she was already here, so… There was nothing to do but continue on.

“Anyway,” Namine said. “Anyway. It’s just a thing… where… Let me show you.” She held out her hands, closed her eyes as she recalled the mantra. She repeated it with the same careful slowness that Rinoa had first taught it to her with, trying to make it easy for Terra.

She pressed down her thumbs, towards her palm, and spoke the first line:

“These are my hands.”

She tried not to think too much about the fact she could feel three pairs of eyes on her, tried to give the words their proper weight instead.

She lifted her thumbs, then bent down her pointer fingers. “I wouldn’t use them to hurt anyone I love.”

It was familiar, easy, after all these times of doing it and finding comfort in it. Whispering it like a promise, Namine bent down her middle fingers and recited: “They are mine, not hers.”

Middle fingers up, ring fingers down. “She has no power over me anymore.”

Pinky fingers, three times, because it was important. “I’m still me, I’m still me, I’m still me.”

Namine waited, a second, let that hang in the air, tried to steel herself for what might be a chorus of strange looks. She dropped her hands. Exhaled. Opened her eyes.

She searched Terra’s face, because his was the only one that really mattered. He looked a little winded, but in a good way. Like something had resonated.

“I mean, that’s what works for me,” Namine said, just to make sure. “So maybe it won’t work for you? And you’re free to adjust it, if you think like, there’s something different you want to focus on.” She cleared her throat. “But um. Just… doing it a lot. Reminding yourself of those things. It seems silly, but. It helps? It really does. And… you _are_ still you, wholly you, you just… have to make yourself believe that again, you know?”

She smiled at Terra, fond and understanding. Some nights even she still found it hard to believe, but it was only some nights now, instead of most nights. That was progress.

“Y… yeah,” Terra said, still looking a little winded.

Embarrassed, Namine realized how much she’d dumped on him without leaving him much room to react. She started to apologize, but then he was speaking.

“Can you… show me again?” he asked, holding his hands out in front of him. “I want to get a better feel for it.”

“Oh!” Namine lit up, relieved. The fact he thought it might help felt really, really good. “Yeah, sure thing.”

She took him few it a few more times, reminding him that the final one _had_ to be repeated three times, reminding him that he was free to swap out any of the points as he felt needed. His shoulders seemed to relax, more and more as they went through it. Seeing that made Namine feel warm.

It was nice to know she had helped.

 

**xxx**

It was two days after Namine had approached Terra that Terra cleared his throat and said the fateful words:

“I think… I think it’s time I go get my Keyblade back,” he said, setting down his empty breakfast plate on the cot next to him. (Seeing as the table was stashed away, everyone was eating wherever they could find room to sit at the moment.)

Aqua blinked up at him, picking at her half-finished food. Ven had finished ages ago.

“You… don’t have it?” Aqua asked, surprised.

Terra ducked his head down, looking embarrassed. “I left it in that desert,” he answered. “Along with… the rest of me, I think.”

Aqua almost dropped her fork.

“How long have you known?” she demanded, because the certainty in his voice did _not_ belong to someone who was guessing, despite the words he used to soften his apparent confidence.

“A while now,” Terra said, vaguely. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Aqua leaned forward, anger boiling up in her. “Why did you _say_ something!?”

“Aqua…” Ven interjected, hands up to try and mediate. Aqua scowled at him.

“We could have gone and gotten it already, if he’s known where it was this whole time!”

“I’m sure Terra had a reason,” Ven said, firmly. He looked to Terra. “Didn’t you?”

Terra nodded, though he looked no less embarrassed. “I’m afraid… it’s going to be mad at me.”

Aqua squinted. That made _no_ sense.

“Why would it…?” she asked, the notion so absurd she had trouble finishing the question.

“You’ll see,” Terra said. He swallowed. “But I don’t think waiting around is going to make me any more ready to face it, so… Might as well do it now.”

Aqua was still a little frustrated, but that frustration wasn’t going to do her any good, so she ignored it and got to her feet, holding out her hand to help Terra up. “Well then let’s go get it,” she said.

Terra nodded, eyes lingering closed for a second. He staggered a little when he stood, so Aqua helped support him. He may have been more coherent, lately, but he was still missing a piece of himself. It was no surprise, really, that motor control gave him some difficulty sometimes.

It took less convincing than Aqua had expected it to, Aerith willing to let them go as soon as she knew the purpose of their trip. Riku lent them a star shard, and they let Terra handle the transportation. It was rough, dropping them all with a ringing in their ears, but—

There was Terra’s armor, kneeling in the dirt, head bowed over his Keyblade.

The sensation of Terra’s heart twice on her map of perception filled Aqua’s mind again, though the piece in Terra’s armor was like a candle’s gentle flicker compared to the burning fire of the piece right next to her. Terra pushed away from her, choosing to support his own weight.

“Terra—” she began, worried.

Now that she was standing in the presence of Terra’s armor, she understood his earlier hesitance, and felt silly for thinking his fears absurd. That piece of his heart seemed to be attached to a righteous fury, a terrible spirit of destruction that had anchored itself to his armor along with his heart.

“Just let me…” he said, and he stepped forward.

His armor got to its feet, cape flowing, Earthshaker held in its hand. Aqua felt hostility come off of it in waves. She did not move, not yet, but she mentally reached for Rainfell, prepared to call it at any second, a barrier for Terra already half-cast in her mind.

The sound of creaking metal filled the air, words but not quite words, rage filling Aqua’s nostrils as the armor communicated in the only way it knew how.

‘ _Xehanort…!’_ its voice called, hot and furious. It leveled Earthshaker at Terra. Ran forward.

“Terra!” Ven cried, reaching his hand out, but:

“ _Don’t,_ ” Terra commanded.

The weight in his voice made Ven stop in his tracks, made Aqua reconsider the barrier she was about to cast. It made his armor stop, Earthshaker inches from crashing down on Terra’s head.

“He’s gone,” Terra said. “It’s just us. Xehanort’s not here, anymore.”

The armor quivered, like it was reconsidering its decision to stop, still debating on smashing Terra’s face in anyway.

Terra raised his hands in front of him, but otherwise did not move.

“It’s just us,” he repeated. “Xehanort has no power over us anymore. He’s gone.”

The armor groaned, blade still raised. It roiled with confusion, with anger, with disbelief. Aqua marveled at it, heart tight in her chest as she considered its power, and the hostility it still regarded Terra with. It was impressive magic, though, that gave this thing life. She was a little bit in awe.

“Aqua and Ven are safe,” Terra continued, talking down this manifestation of his rage and final will. “It’s over. Xehanort’s defeated. Please, you have to trust me! It’s _just us_.”

The armor hesitated, then took a step back. It slid Earthshaker into the ground in a swift motion, then held its hands out to Terra. Terra hesitated, as well, then grabbed on.

Aqua didn’t have to do anything.

With a rush, Terra’s heart flowed back into him, the magic and rage all dispelling. Terra wheezed, staggered a step, but remained upright.

“Terra…” Ven said, like he was still in shock.

Terra turned partway to face them, cracking a soft smile. His eyes were more alert. His heart felt more alive. Aqua’d almost forgotten the strength of it, when it was full. It nearly took her breath away.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Terra laughed, uneasy but still very clearly attempting a joke. He closed his hand around Earthshaker, hefted it out of the ground and then dismissed it.

“How do you feel?” Ven asked.

“A lot better,” Terra answered.


	119. In which Kairi gives a gift (or four)

Terra and Ven were helping Leon get groceries, which left Aqua to her cot and a book she’d borrowed from Aerith’s bookshelf. It was hard to focus on the book, though, the act of even holding a novel, the idea of reading for _fun,_ so foreign that she found herself skimming more often than actually enjoying the book.

Kairi’s sudden presence—her heart like a beacon, her footsteps loud as she came over—was a welcome distraction. Kairi plopped down on the cot next to Aqua, a small basket in her hands.

“Hey,” she said, smiling. “Can I ask you to do some magic for me?”

Aqua marked her place in her book, not that it mattered much, seeing as she had retained nearly none of it and would probably have to start over. “Hmm?”

“Here.” From the basket Kairi retrieved a star-shaped charm that she placed on the cot between herself and Aqua, and then she retrieved another, and another, until there were five total spread out on the cot. Wayfinders, Aqua realized, as she took in the sprawl of pastel shells. “Ven mentioned you did some magic on yours, so…” Kairi said, by way of explanation, looking to Aqua with pleading eyes instead of asking the favor she wanted outright.

Aqua smiled. “Oh. Yeah, that’s easy,” she assured Kairi. She reached for one of the wayfinders—the blue one, then realized maybe she should ask before she picked it up. “Do you mind?”

Kairi shook her head, eyes bright. “No, go ahead! They’re pretty sturdy.”

Aqua picked it up and examined it, careful, but Kairi was right—the shells were very sturdy, likely in part due to their size. Holes have been carefully drilled into the bottom of each shell, every hole uneven but more beautiful for it, string tying the five shells together in a star-shape. The craftsmanship suggests this had taken significantly more care than the metalwork and glass that held Aqua’s wayfinders together, and Aqua’s heart burst with fondness, delight, awe.

“They’re beautiful,” she whispered, running her fingers over the shape and the roughness. “I can probably… Do you want a spell to make sure they don’t break? I know they’re sturdy, but if your friends intend to carry them on their travels…”

“Do you know a spell like that?” Kairi asked, and at Aqua’s nod, her eyes lit up with excitement and relief. “Then please! Sora’s gonna be carrying it in his pocket like 24/7, I know him.”

Aqua laughed, though she could not blame Sora. What was a wayfinder good for, if you did not carry it with you?

She set the wayfinder down amongst the others and did her magic. It felt a little strange—to do noncombative magic after so long—but the spell that tied the wayfinders to one another came easily to her fingertips and embedded itself in the shells, strengthening an already unbreakable bond. After that spell was the spell to prevent the charms from breaking. This one she knew by heart, having recited it over and over her wayfinder like a prayer while traversing the Dark Realm. The spell only needed to be cast once, but her mind had worried about _what if, what if, what if,_ so she’d casted it repeatedly just in case, because if her wayfinder had broken in that hell dimension she wasn’t sure what she would have done. It was recited and cast with no problem, five times in rapid succession.

The process took about twenty minutes all together, Kairi watching with an awe that rivaled the one Aqua had regarded her wayfinders with.

“Think you can teach me how to do that?” Kairi asked, when Aqua was done.

Aqua sighed, wilting even though she’d half-expected that question. “Maybe some other time,” she answered. Being a teacher was just not Aqua’s call in life, she was starting to realize, but she felt rude telling Kairi no outright.

Kairi let out a huff of breath, like she was annoyed—maybe she read the truth behind Aqua’s answer—but she brightened quickly enough when she picked up the wayfinders and scooped them back into their basket. “Thank you!!” she said. “I really appreciate it!!”

“No problem,” Aqua told her. “I’m glad I could help.”

Kairi grinned, jumping to her feet. “See you!” she called, and she ran out of the house, only pausing to call: “ _Namine! Riku!_ Play island in ten!” up the staircase before she was out the door.

Aqua silently wished Kairi well on her gift-giving quest, then picked up her book. After scowling at it for a minute, she set it back down and got up to do… something else. Anything else.

 

**xxx**

“So what’s this about?” Riku asked, sitting with his legs crossed, holding his feet as he leaned towards Kairi, looking intrigued.

Kairi took comfort in the fact it seemed Riku had no idea, which meant Namine hadn’t spilled the beans to him. She was even more glad that Kano also seemed confused, because she’d definitely expected Sora to leak the secret to him. He and Kano sat to the left of Riku, clinging to one another just a little bit. Kairi tried not to be annoyed. They were allowed, especially considering Sora was just like that, and Kano still getting comfortable being around other people.

Namine sat on the other side of Riku, the four of them in a partial almost-circle in front of Kairi, with Riku directly across from her. Namine looked pleasantly excited. Sora was almost vibrating, sending gleeful glances between Kairi and Kano, like he couldn’t wait for it.

Kairi cleared her throat. “Just… a gift,” she said, reaching into the basket. Pink for Namine, blue for Riku, yellow for Sora, orange for Kano. She handed Namine hers first, and as she handed over Riku’s she asked: “You know what these are, right?”

“Yeah…” Riku answered. He turned the charm over in his hands, looking a little surprised. “You made these? For us?”

Kairi nodded, handing over Sora’s. “Yeah,” she answered. “For all of us. Maybe we don’t need any help, in the staying together department, but… You know.” She smiled to fill in the gap of her words, since she wasn’t quite sure what to say. This had just seemed like the thing to do, something she wanted to do, because even if it was a silly legend (enhanced by Aqua’s magic), it was the thought, the symbolism of the act that really mattered.

The five of them, tied together, just as friends should be.

Kano didn’t move to take his, when Kairi held it out to him. He looked too surprised to be even receiving it to move.

“For… me too?” he asked, face scrunching up.

“Well, duh,” Kairi answered, pushing it a little closer to him. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Well,” Kano said, and sat on his words for another few seconds, mouth still partway open, eyes tight. Sora nudged him. Kairi waved the wayfinder a little bit. He swallowed. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we are, I just. I didn’t think…”

“Take the wayfinder, dumbass,” Kairi insisted, pushing it into his face, now.

He did.

(Maybe he wasn’t friends with all of them, yet, but Kairi had seen him and Namine talk before a few times, and they seemed to get along, and Riku didn’t seem to mind him, and… He was Kairi’s friend. That’s what mattered. That was the only thing that mattered, the only reason she needed, to make him a wayfinder.)

“Thank you, Kairi,” Riku said, voice bright and grateful. When Kairi looked back to him, she saw his face painted with awe, the face of a boy still somehow unused to getting gifts. “I… Thank you.”

Kairi beamed at him. “Of course!”

She reached into the basket and pulled out her own wayfinder; purple. She could almost feel Aqua’s magic thrumming through the shells, could almost feel the pull between the five charms.

An unbreakable connection.


	120. In which Riku and Aqua discuss endings, and new beginnings

Ven sat on Terra’s cot, and Terra and Aqua sat on Aqua’s, Aqua leaned into Terra’s side. She was tired. She hadn’t slept well last night, her nightmares returning.

“What do we do now?” Terra asked. “We can’t stay here.”

Ven shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, maybe we should go back to Mickey’s? He’s at least got the space for us. And we can stay there until we figure out what we want to do, y’know, more permanently.”

Terra’s brow furrowed, and he looked between Ven and Aqua—as well as he could without jostling Aqua. “We can’t go home?”

Aqua shook her head, and then, realizing it may not have conveyed well: “No,” she said aloud. She’d made her decisions about Castle Oblivion. It was silly to uproot some fifty odd people just so the three of them could move back in.

Terra sighed, like he understood, somehow.

“Otherwise, Leon _did_ offer us a house on this world,” Ven said. “We could stick around and help them with restoration, though that… Hmm.” He paused, face scrunching up. “But, like, we’re Keyblade wielders. We still have duties, right? Can we even _do_ them if we’re living here?”

Aqua tried not to groan. She didn’t want to think about the Keyblade duties they were shirking, not yet. Maybe not ever again.

“I mean, I still want to be a Master, someday,” Terra said, voice bright and kind of excited as he talked about it. Aqua tried not to be bitter, because he deserved that, even if she couldn’t claim it anymore. “And I want to do everything that comes with that, too.” 

(Better him than her, Aqua thought privately.)

“Guess I’ll have to talk to Yen Sid, see about retaking the exam,” Terra continued.

“You’ll definitely pass this time!” Ven said, grinning widely, eyes twinkling.

Aqua could feel Terra scowl, though she couldn’t quite see it from this angle. “Thanks for the vote of confidence…” he said. He sounded offended, but Aqua knew it was mostly just for show.

“I’m right! You’ll definitely pass, without Xehanort around to mess it up,” Ven argued. “He’s the only reason you didn’t pass to begin with!”

“That’s… true,” Terra admitted.

Aqua closed her eyes and pressed herself a little more into Terra, not wanting to have this conversation, wanting to go back to sleep, wanting… To be able to consider the future at all, really. It wasn’t that it scared her, exactly. It was just impossible to wrap her head around. She’d rather stop thinking about it.

“Aqua?” Terra asked, concern painting gentleness into his voice.

“You’ll definitely pass,” Aqua said.

She could feel his disapproval, because that definitely hadn’t been what he was asking after, and they both knew that, but she didn’t care.

“Hey what about training Sora?” Ven butt in. “You still gonna do that, Aqua?”

Aqua couldn’t care enough to hide her grimace. “I… can’t say I want to,” she admitted, quiet. “You both know I’m an awful teacher.”

“You are not!” Ven protested, but:

“She’s definitely not cut out for it, though,” Terra said. It wasn’t very nice of him, but honestly Aqua was grateful for the validation. “She’s never been a Keeper, always a Seeker.”

Aqua nodded, because she and Terra had had this conversation before.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” she said. She pushed away from Terra and turned around to the pile of her things on the ground next to the cot, digging under her pajamas until she found what she was looking for. “You should have this, Terra.” She pressed the keychain for Master Eraqus’s Keyblade into his hand.

Terra blinked at her, then at it. “Oh, I… Are you sure?”

Aqua nodded. “It goes to the Master’s successor and that’s. I don’t want that to be me.”

“I’m not even a Master,” Terra argued.

“You will be,” Aqua argued back.

Terra hesitated, but took it and pocketed it. “We’ll… worry about that later, okay? Some of this future talk can wait.” He sent a reassuring smile at Aqua—damn him, how had he known?—then turned back to Ven. “We just need to decide what we’re doing right now, since we really need to get off Aerith’s floor.”

“We go back to Mickey’s,” Ven said, like there was no question about it. And, honestly, there really wasn’t.

“Sounds good to me,” Terra agreed. “Just… maybe tomorrow, since it’s kind of late tonight. That sound good to you, Aqua?”

“Sure.”

 

**xxx**

As far as nightmares went, Aqua had definitely had worse. But Xehanort’s words wrapped in her voice echoed in her mind even after she woke up and stared blearily at Aerith’s ceiling. _The darkness tainted you. Broke you. Nothing can ever fix you._

Aqua sat up, bitter, tired. At least it was easier to ground herself in reality with Terra’s and Ven’s hearts both acting as anchors, but she wished her past, her years spent in hell, were something she could have killed with Xehanort.

_Wouldn’t it be nice to just stop?_

She wished she knew how to.

Too awake to go back to sleep, too raw to keep sitting here in the silence, Aqua got out of bed. She didn’t want to wake Terra or Ven with her restlessness, so she slipped out the back door, taking care to be as silent as possible.

She’d intended to maybe go on a walk, but once outside, she felt the energy drain from her. It was easier to just collapse against the wall, her head put back against it. Something twisted at her insides, something that boiled up through her and came out as burning tears. She pressed a hand to her eyes, breathing deeply to try and contain the emotion in her chest. It resulted in a shaky sob instead.

She was so, so, _so_ tired.

When she heard the door creak open, she expected Ven or Terra, but then she realized she could still feel their hearts—distant, sleeping—and this heart signature was different. She opened her eyes, shame flooding through her as she met stares with Riku.

“Hey,” he said, gently. It should have been hard to make out his awkward smile in the darkness, but Aqua’s eyes had gotten used to lack of light long ago. Riku cleared his throat. “Um, there’s something I want to show you, if you’ve got a minute. Might help you get your mind off things…?”

Aqua stared, trying to swallow down the turmoil in her throat. She wasn’t sure how to feel about this interaction happening, nor about Riku’s offer. But he looked… eager. Genuine. Like Ven persistently offering her hot chocolate on bad nights, like Terra holding her hand to keep her anchored when she felt distant. She barely knew Riku, but she recognized the warmth in his eyes, and…

Alright, fine. Fine. Whatever he wanted had to be better than crying herself dry on Aerith’s back porch.

So she nodded, and took his hand when he offered it to her. One star-shard trip later they were…

On Destiny Islands?

It was impossible to mistake the heart of this world, the gentle light that pounded against the soles of her feet; it was just so surprising it took her a moment to process it. Her bare toes sunk into sand, her ears registered the soft sound of waves lapping against the shore. The sky was still dark, though there was a dim pre-sunrise glow on the horizon. Aqua paused.

Breathed.

Riku sent her a smile, sitting down in the sand. He leaned back, hands braced behind him, toes digging into the sand in front of him. Aqua slowly followed suit, though she pulled her knees to her chest instead, resting her chin on them.

“It’ll be a bit before the sun rises all the way,” Riku said. “But once it does it’s… beautiful.”

He whispered as if beautiful wasn’t quite the word for it, like one word alone couldn’t quite capture it.

“I can imagine,” Aqua whispered.

The waves were the only thing that filled the following silence, matched briefly by a sigh from Aqua, a short hum of thought from Riku. And then:

“Hey, thanks by the way,” Riku said. “For beating Xehanort.”

Aqua pulled her gaze away from the horizon to look at him, warmth bubbling up in her at the grateful smile he sent her way. He’d shifted so only one hand was behind him, the other resting across his knees as he looked at her.

“I didn’t realize how on edge everyone was until… they weren’t, anymore,” Riku continued. “It’s nice to be able to, you know, _breathe_ again. And the fact he’s gone…? You really did the worlds a favor.”

Aqua wasn’t sure how to respond—getting thanked for this was something she’d never anticipated—so she laughed, a short, surprised thing. She hadn’t done this for thanks. She hadn’t done it for any frankly reasonable or respectable reason. (“ _You aren’t even here for Terra, you’re only here because Xehanort pissed you off_ ”—she pushed the voice out of her head.)

“It… it was nothing,” she said, defaulting to modest.

Riku rolled his eyes, laughing sharply. “It was a lot more than nothing!” he countered.

The strength of his insistence, the passion that burned in his voice, elicited another startled laugh from Aqua’s throat. How strange, how nice, to hear this firm acknowledgement of the magnitude of her deeds, to be _thanked_. She wished she could feel half as grateful for Xehanort’s death as Riku seemed to.

Riku was right, too. It had been a lot more than nothing. And yet, despite that, defeating Xehanort had left her with more weight than it had any right to.

“I just wish,” she’d said, before she’d thought about it. She caught herself, before the bitterness could spill out any further. She wished _what_? Too many things to tell Riku, frankly. So instead: “I mean, Xehanort’s dead, but—”

But _what_? All the things that still plagued her were too much, too personal, to unload on a boy who was basically a stranger. She swallowed this bitterness as well.

Riku laughed, though, laughed like he understood. “Oh, yeah, tell me about it,” he said.

Aqua’d forgotten, that he too, had taken down some kind of greater evil, had defeated Organization 13 while she was too busy fruitlessly searching for Terra to confront them herself. (If anyone had asked her to, though, she would have _helped._ ) She wondered how much Riku really did understand.

He didn’t seem interested in saying anything more, content to sit and commiserate in silence as they watched the sun slowly creep higher above the horizon. Aqua tried to sit still and just _feel_ this moment, the ocean breeze that graced against her skin, the waves that played a gentle lullaby. She tilted head up, considering the stars—slowly fading in the wake of the oncoming sun. They were beautiful.

Aqua closed her eyes. Breathed.

“I guess…” she whispered into the silence some minutes later, barely daring to breathe life into these words. “I’ve been moving, fighting, for so long… I don’t really know how to stop.”

“I get that,” Riku said, his voice gentle against her ears. The pause between his inhale and the following exhale of words felt like an eternity. “Finishing something is hard. ‘Specially when it’s something you didn’t really think was going to end, or something you didn’t let yourself think much past the ending of. Knowing what to do with yourself afterwards… it’s almost impossible.”

Aqua didn’t say anything, just dug her toes into the sand, let his words sink into her. He inhaled. Exhaled. Continued:

“When… the Rebellion was over… It took a lot of getting used to. Took a while before I could like, really, actually believe it was done,” he said, his voice a little distant. “And the fact that I had the freedom to do so many things, since it was over—even just. Even just living a semi-normal life. It was kind of overwhelming. But.” His voice also brimmed with hope. With joy. “It _is_ over. And all that there’s left to do for me… for _us…_ Is to live.” He chuckled. “As… intimidating as that may be.”

“Yeah,” Aqua agreed, with an empty laugh of her own. That was, without a doubt, the most intimidating part of the future that lay before her. The freedom to do whatever she wanted to do.

But something warm, something bright, was stirring to life inside of her chest. She tried to hold onto it. Clasped her fingers around her toes.

Riku’s face was fixed the horizon, she found, when she opened her eyes to look at him, a gentle breeze blowing against his hair, the first rays of sunlight illuminating his cheeks.

He inhaled. Spoke again: “I come here every day because…” He paused to laugh, shrug his shoulders, head tilting just the slightest bit. “I guess it’s silly, but I’ve become kind of obsessed with the idea of second chances, of fresh starts. They mean a lot to me. And that’s all the sunrise is, every morning—a reminder of how far I’ve come, a promise of how far I can still choose to go. A fresh start. A new beginning.”

A tint of embarrassment, but also unbridled joy, pulled his mouth into a smile. Now that Aqua was looking, _really_ paying attention, she noted how at peace his heart felt. She envied him of that, a little bit. Craved that peace.

Riku seemed to realize himself, and turned to send an apologetic and even more embarrassed expression at Aqua. “Sorry,” he said. “Is this too, like…” He rubbed at his nose, grimacing. “You didn’t even ask, and here I am just babbling.”

Aqua laughed, and this time, it was bright, fond.

“I appreciate you trying to help,” she assured him.

Riku breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.” And then he fixed his eyes on her, earnest and cautious as he asked: “Did… Did it actually help?”

“Hmm,” Aqua said.

She looked at the sunrise, considered the beauty of the waves dyed pink, the faint yellow glow of the sky. It was breathtaking.

The thing stirring in her chest, she realized now, was hope.

“A new beginning, huh?” she whispered, weighing that, how nice that would be. “Maybe it did.”

 

 

_**The End** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, yeah, I guess since it's over I should file some uh, Ending Thoughts. hmm.
> 
> truth be told I'm still not fully convinced this is really a thing I've done, a thing I've finished? But... we're here. It's done. After 8 long years, here's the closing chapter of FtPverse as a whole. It's been a long ride, and it's... really really strange to close something that has been a part of my life for almost half of it. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Thanks for coming with me on this long ride. I'm really REALLY satisfied with how ATR turned out, and immensely grateful to be... finishing it. to be finishing FtPverse. My pride and joy.
> 
> anyway uh I could keep babbling but I think I'll cut it there, maybe I'll update this in a month or smth when I can think enough to get sentimental in all the right ways or whatever, for now I'll link you to [the atr bloggin tag on my tumblr](http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/tagged/atr-bloggin), where I will inevitably post more sentimental thoughts I have about finishing this should they come to me
> 
> also while this is the end of FtPverse, I do have a lot of oneshot ideas I've been sitting on for a while (they've just been suuuuuuper low on the priority list), including a bunch of post-game shenanigans, so it's not necessarily the last you'll see of this universe and these characters!!!! follow the series, keep an eye out, etc. post-game shenanigans will get their own fic, but pre-ending oneshots will probably get dropped into ASAS with the rest of them.
> 
> anyway!! that's all!!! bye! thanks!!!


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